Archive | August 2015

30 Days of Photos Day 5 {I Saw the Sign}

Aug7

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“Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
No one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong?”

Day 5 for the photo challenge, which for me, was yesterday, August 5th, is to take a picture of a sign! I love taking pictures of signs! I take them whenever I can. There’s just something about signs, like especially traffic signs, that I love and they look great in pictures. 

They are part of ordinary, everyday life, which I love to express the beauty of, but they can also be a part of trips and vacations! Some people love to get pictures of signs when they travel to document all the places they visit. To them, signs are symbolic of wonder and the various thrills they experience everywhere they travel to. So signs aren’t just signs and for specific and practical purposes; they represent different things to different people. 

And this reminds me of the song sung by Ace of Base, which I used to listen to when I was little, over and over! I would take my CD and CD player outside and my friends and me would blast it and dance up and down the street singing! It was a popular song back then and kids would be knocking for me to come out with my CD! Lol 

I haven’t heard it in a while. 

Here it is! 

I Saw the Sign – Mobile

I Saw the Sign – Desktop

I like the message conveyed in the song that it’s up to us to better our own life and we are responsible for our own happiness. Other people and things can help and contribute but it’s ultimately up to us to work on our own self and our own life to make things great! Bring in people and things that lift us, avoid/eliminate things that contribute to unhappiness. 

The picture above is one I got today as I was walking up a street, of the back of a stop sign. I think it’s an interesting perspective since usually it seems we automatically think to get pictures of the front or main parts of things. I also love how blue the sky is today with all those fluffy white clouds! So gorgeous! I caught a glimpse out the window when I woke up today and was instantly delighted. The photo has an effect on it to make it darker in some places and with a yellow/red tint. I love that effect on a lot of photos. It’s called “Rose effect.” It doesn’t look good on all photos. It’s dark so if the photo is already dark, it may not look good.

One of my life goals is to often take pictures to express the beauty of ordinary, simple, overlooked or forgotten things. Things we see so much, we think nothing of. Stop signs, for example. People who are driving (hopefully!) notice them for the practical purposes they serve. But if we stop and really look, we can appreciate the beauty of them, the colors and lines against the sky or whatever surroundings are there. We can use drawing, painting, photography, and other artistic/creative outlets to convey the true beauty of overlooked or forgotten things. 

The pictures below weren’t taken today but in the last few weeks. But they are all of signs, which is the topic for the day!

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The door to the bar on the street corner on the street I live. I don’t drink alcohol, never have other than like a few sips. But I love alcohol related things for some reason. I love beer cans and whiskey bottles and take pics whenever I see them. I like wine glasses and hearing loud people outside a bar at night. I love when I’m walking by and hear the drunken karaoke and laughter and music blasting through the door. Especially when it’s oldies! I even like the tipsy arguments that occur and the funny slurred insults slung by people who have had a little too much to drink. There’s just something about it that captures me. It’s not uncommon for me to hear them vomiting on the corner or see it the next morning as I’m walking by. (The joys of living close to two bars!) That, I don’t like. I always feel so sorry for them. That part can’t be fun! My mom says they do that to themselves they don’t deserve sympathy. But self inflicted pain is still pain! 

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This picture is a couple years old. It did not turn out how I wanted it to but I absolutely love the distorted reflection of the stop sign on the car window!

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It’s not uncommon for me to see traffic signs laying on the ground.
This photo also has the rose effect on it.

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Rainbow street sign! ❤ 😀

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Don’t block the box! lol ;-p

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So, is this enough pictures for you? I love showing off my “work.” lol J/K I often call it my “work” to my sister as a joke because she thinks my pictures are all shitty and pointless so I try to make it sound all serious and professional to her. ;-D

You can sign up for the free e-course and begin the photo challenge any day you want:

30 Day Photo Challenge E-Course

I hope you are having a beautiful day/night!! ❤ 😀

xoxo Kim

30 Days of Photos Day 4 {extraordinary in the ordinary}

Aug5

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Day 4- August 4th

Day 4 for the photo challenge is to get a picture of an ordinary object. Any object we desire to capture. The point is to see beauty in the ordinary.

I chose a remote control in my house.
I don’t watch TV. Sometimes I watch movies on tv.
I haven’t made it a point to watch TV in years, occasionally if someone else has it on, I watch parts and laugh like “King of Queens” & “Full House.” If I watched tv, those would be two shows I can get hooked on. I watched Full House when I was a little girl and always loved it. ❤ But now tv isn't my cup of tea. I'm always reading. I don't want to commit to watching a tv show each week. I would get restless and always have something better to do. When I say "better," I mean better for me. I don't think everyone watching TV should be or could be doing something better. It's all about our own interests. I just can't get into it. 

But I realize that TV shows are not just entertaining and educational, they can provide us with a sense of comfort or escape for a while. 
They can be a way to cope with grief, depression, or any problem someone may have.
Through the days, weeks, months, years, we can come to feel that we know the characters and places almost as our own family/friends and places we know.
The actors (and all those involved in creating the tv show) bring them alive on screen to touch us in deep ways.  They bring tears, laughter, togetherness, joy, thrills…
Even though I don't watch TV, I often love the warm, cozy feel of a tv being on in the background with a fun show or movie. 
I love the idea of people cuddling up with friends & family together, drinking tea, eating popcorn, laughing while watching something wonderful! 

This is only one remote control but I put a mirror effect on it. 

The 30 day photo challenge is here:

30 Day Photo Challenge Course

You can sign up for free whenever you want, it’s at your own pace and there really aren’t any rules. Just each day you take a pic of whatever the topic is that day and share it on your blog, twitter, instagram…wherever! You can get creative with the perspective, angles, editing, effects…

I’m wishing you much love & happiness today & always!

❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

30 Days of Photos – Day 3 {Rule of Thirds}

Aug5

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I wrote this on August 3rd but couldn’t post til now(August 4th). 

Rule of thirds 

I’m not sure if my picture today (Aug. 3) follows the rule of thirds accurately but I like it!

I haven’t quite grasped the rule yet.
But at least my subject isn’t directly in the center of the picture, which is the point for Day 3. And my attempt is all that matters anyway!  
(I think this picture may also submit to the rule of negative space?)

This is my Buddha green aventurine bracelet.

It’s supposed to attract positive energy, optimism, amazing opportunities, increase confidence, help us connect more deeply with nature, help with depression, anxiety, be calming, good luck…and all kinds of other stuff.
Aventurine is considered by some to be the luckiest stone! 

My sister and me both have one. She loves stones and what they represent. 

Unlike my sister, I don’t believe that stones, real or fake, can really bring good luck and things but they can be symbolic and a great reminder! Also, this has a little Buddha head on it! Isn’t he cute?!

His expression is so calm like he hasn’t a care in the world and I feel so calm and peaceful just looking at his face on my bracelet. True calmness is within and not about our environment. We can be in the most hectic, distressing, painful environment but still stay peaceful and joyful. We may or may not naturally be calm & peaceful but whether or not we are, with practice we can develop and deepen and maintain a generally calm mind. 

All Buddha figures represent calmness & love but not all of them are crafted as well and look this good. Some Buddha statues and charms just creep me out. It’s a kind of heavy bracelet too, of great quality. I love it! 

Along with sharing my picture, I will share some of his sentiments. Buddha’s teachings can benefit everyone in some way, even just a few of his ideas put into practice can be life changing. 

Last night I had a Buddhist dream.

Did you ever have one of those experiences where you are dreaming and something happens in real life while you’re dreaming and the thing that happens gets incorporated into your dream? Like a dog barking for real then in your dream a dog appears and is barking in your dream but it’s the real one you hear and you awaken to the real dog barking.

I had an experience like this in the morning.
Only it wasn’t barking that was incorporated into my slumbering dream.
I was in class during a Buddhist ceremony and we were doing some ritual. The monk who teaches our class was, in my dream, performing a ritual and all of a sudden something wet and messy dropped on my head during class. I was drenched in liquid and chunks and slop and heard a retching noise and woke up! Unfortunately it wasn’t just a dream! My big pitbull was in my bed hanging over me throwing up! All over me! My head, my arm, my side… Lol She’s not sick; she just has a weak stomach, she always did.
What a way to wake up! 

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This is my pitbull, my fuzzy sausage girl, my furry soulmate, Isis Summerjo. How can anyone resist the cuteness?!

I had no idea what I was going to get a picture of today. I went out and forgot my phone then I had to go to work and at work I was thinking of what to get a pic of then I thought oh of course, my Buddha bracelet!” 

Then I remembered my Buddhist dream and that unfortunate experience! Lol 

So here are some of Buddha’s views.

Do not wish for gratitude. 

Help other living beings just to help, not to receive gratitude in return. Someone may be greatly helped or uplifted or inspired by what we do and that’s enough even if the person isn’t thankful to us. We don’t need people to gush over us for helping them or complimenting them and we don’t need credit or something tangible in return. Love to love, not just to be loved in return.

Do not be boastful – sometimes we will be really good at something that others suck at, we will do something great, we will have what someone else doesn’t, we will accomplish something good, we will learn and come to know things that are important that other people won’t seem to grasp, we will be wiser than some people. But let’s remain humble anyway and use our gifts and fortunes to benefit others. It’s ok to be confident in our abilities and gifts and be thankful but not good to act arrogantly with others or be proud at their expense. 

Rejoice in the fortunes and success of others –
 
Let’s not be jealous. Let’s be happy for others when something good happens to them. Remember how it feels to have something good happen to us then know that’s how they feel and take pleasure in it. It gets us nowhere to feel jealous and unhappy because someone else succeeds, it just feels unpleasant and can lead us to act in unpleasant ways to those around us. It generates negative energy. And remember there’s enough goodness for all of us. When one person wins, we all win. We can even let their happiness and success motivate us and inspire us to take action to better our selves. 

Do not retaliate – when someone does something to hurt us, whether physically or emotionally, or to hurt someone we know, we may feel like seeking revenge, lashing out, holding a grudge…this isn’t good for anyone. It’s detrimental to harbor anger and loathing for someone and it doesn’t usually make the situation better and it often worsens it. 
Act on compassion instead of anger, reach out to help and console the one hurt, not act on fury against the one who hurt the person/other sentient being. And if we are the one hurt, we can reach out to others in a similar situation or just be sure to never do to others what someone did to us. We know how it feels to be hurt, let’s try to avoid doing that to others when we can.

Use every occasion with a person who angers us, as an opportunity to practice patience and cultivating an attitude of compassion, instead of acting on anger. We don’t have to repress the anger, just take a few breaths, consciously, and imagine how acting angry just worsens things, often. It’s good for us and everyone around us to stay calm and loving no matter what. It doesn’t mean not speaking up, just not acting negatively. 

Don’t be consumed in guilt – guilt, when it’s excessive or delusional, does no good. Even if we really are guilty, we can be sorry, vow to try to never hurt someone or do something like it again, then move forward. Nearly everyone makes mistakes, acts unkindly, messes up, is wrong sometimes and there’s always hope, just keep going and help others along the way. 

Cherish others above the self.

Pay close attention to your mind and thoughts, attempt to have positive, loving thoughts.
When you catch unpleasant thoughts, redirect your mind.

Offer the victory to others and accept defeat upon our self. Let others be right even if they aren’t. It’s ok to speak up. But it’s more important to be loving & kind than to be right.

    Advice from Atisha’s Heart

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“Profit and respect are nooses of the maras, so brush them aside like stones on the path.” ~ Atisha

Let’s not be concerned with gaining material/monetary wealth or the respect of others. Do what you know is right deep inside.

“Avoid places that disturb your mind, and always remain where your virtues increase.” 

When we can, let’s avoid places that drain the life out of us, tempt us to do negative things, and are just not good for us. And visit places that nourish our goodness. But remember it’s mostly not about our physical environment but our attitude and perspective that lead to happiness or pain. 

“Avoid friends who cause you to increase delusions, and rely upon those who increase your virtue. This you should take to heart.”

Same with people. We can love them, wish them the best, and go our separate ways.

“Do not be jealous of others’ good qualities, but out of admiration adopt them yourself.”

“Do not look for faults in others, but look for faults in yourself, and purge them like bad blood.”

“Do not contemplate your own good qualities, but contemplate the good qualities of others, and respect everyone as a servant would.”

“Always keep a smiling face and a loving mind, and speak truthfully without malice.”

“Generate compassion for lowly beings, and especially avoid despising or humiliating them.”

“Have no hatred for enemies and no attachment for friends.” 

Loving our friends is good, being attached is not. Let them go if they leave and not depend on them for our general happiness. Love them unconditionally. But keep in mind that the relationship as it now is will one day come to an end either through death or a breakup or drifting apart. Most things do not and cannot last forever. Acknowledging this and accepting it while cherishing those we currently have will help it be easier to cope with loss. 

See, these things can apply to everyone, not just Buddhist people. 

We may not always live up to these things but it’s good to try and each moment we display these qualities is amazing! Whenever we fall, we can just get back up and keep going, lifting others every step of the way. 

❤

Much love to you!

❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

30 Days of Photos (challenge) Days 1&2

Aug3

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I signed up for a free e-course by Iphone photographer, Kristen Radden!

Everyday for 30 days we are challenged to take a picture of whatever it says that day.
It’s mostly about using smartphones but we can use any camera. Smartphones and ipads are encouraged though.
Some are easy, some a bit more challenging. 
Some easy ones are, animals, friends/family, a mannequin, our own face…one more difficult one is random people. lol Sorry but running up to a random person and taking a pic isn’t my kind of thing! Even if I ask, it seems intrusive or creepy.
Unless I take it of a group of people on the street while I’m in back. So their faces can’t be seen. But I guess being a bit challenging is the whole point!  
One day it’s the rule of thirds which isn’t an object but about position. Whatever we take a picture of should be in a certain position, like the third section of the phone camera, it can be hard if we aren’t accustomed to taking pics that way. But much easier if the phone has a grid, which mine doesn’t. 😦 This is like the one occasion ever that I wish I had an iPhone! 
It seems like every phone cam has a grid but mine! 
The point of the rule of thirds is to not always have the subject in the center, which we often automatically think to do. It’s good to mix it up a bit.

If our phone doesn’t have a grid, we can imagine one and take the pic that way, ummm what?! My imagination isn’t this good!  
So I tried to draw one on my phone with a permanent marker! Bad mistake!
I had no idea what I was doing. 
And did not realize it’s a permanent marker I was using. The word “permanent” is very faded. 

So then I quickly scrubbed/licked it off(you’re welcome to use my phone if you want…lol), luckily it all came off! The licking did not work so I had to scrub it with a paper towel. 
Then I looked it up to see how I can get a grid on my phone and found a forum where someone asked how to get one on blackberry and I couldn’t believe most of the people on there managed to get into a big argument over this! Insults going and all! Over a simple question about a phone camera grid! In the end they decided there’s absolutely no way to get a grid on blackberry camera. If a phone doesn’t come with one, you’re shit outta luck. So much for that one!  And the argument is years old, like almost a decade. It started over people saying insults about the person for being “so stupid” and caring to get a grid on a little phone and not just getting a real camera. 

The main rule for the 30 day challenge is just to take a picture of whatever it says that day. Then if we have a blog we are encouraged to put it on and also on Twitter (which I don’t have except an account my sister set up for me years ago because she wanted to test stuff without using her own, and I never used, not my cup of tea), instagram (which I also don’t have) and to upload the pictures we take to the website for the photo challenge, which I’m not doing. Because it doesn’t work good on my phone. I have a laptop computer now but usually prefer my phone. 

I think it would be good to have another 30 day challenge that is even more challenging where we get pictures of not necessarily an object but of an abstract idea. Like maybe one day can be to get a picture representing “loneliness” or “pain” or “joy” or “cheerfulness” or “in love” or “individuality”…..something like that. It would be so interesting and much more challenging in a good way. 

Here is a picture I took last year to try to convey a message of standing out or individuality. We used to sell these bouncy balls at work and most were blue so I took one pink one and put it with the blue and then slightly blurred out the blue ones. Nothing against blue balls or anything(although the pink ones are prettier!)! Lol I was just trying to portray an abstract concept.  

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Another great challenge would be 30 days of rules, like each day a different rule of photography to use. Like leading lines, negative space, rule of thirds, composition or perspective…this would be really challenging for people not completely familiar with photography and the various rules relating to it. It would be so fun! Are there even 30 rules though? Who knows?! But we can put our own twists and ideas onto the rules and it would be great! 

I would love to create my own e- course similar to this one and see all the various photos and creativity people tap into. I would make some days easy and some very challenging and there would really be no rules and it would be free for everyone! I probably need some money first, some more education on photography, just by reading and practicing more, and more followers interested, so I have a good amount of people and much diversity! Maybe one day! 😀

❤

For Day #1, which for me was August 1st, so yesterday, the challenge is to get a picture of feet. Lol I got a few.

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This is me at work. Floor needs a good mopping! It’s my fault. I practically been living here the last few days (weeks actually) with all my extra hours and been slacking on the mopping. 

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This! This isn’t a “feet picture.” lol But my feet are in it! I spilled soda on my shirt, trying to mix stuff together to make a cold s’mores drink with Sprite soda and marshmallow fluff (the non alcoholic s’mores drink – I wasn’t getting my drink on at work or anything, and I don’t drink alcohol anyway) and I managed to spill soda on my shirt, just a drop and then I rubbed it with a wet rag, dreading the big wet spot on my boob. Lol Then I looked and saw it blended into a heart! Whoaa! Amazing! 😀 ❤ I find love everywhere I am.  (btw, I failed at making the drink…lol it just turned into slop)

And this wasn't taken on August first but it's still a "feet pic" and my doggy's cute paws are in it! Aww ❤

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This was taken over a week ago, it's my new pink slippers! I had black ones but my twin pups chewed them! Lol 

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of course my feet photo collection isn’t complete without a couple pics of me in stilettos!!

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August 2nd – today the rule is to get a pic of a tree!

Here goes:

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This is the gum tree outside of work! People just got into the habit of sticking their gum onto it through the years. People have even bought gum at the store here, just to chew and stick to the tree. Fun and interesting? or just disgusting? Poor tree! 

Through the years I have witnessed many parents yelling in horror as their kids were touching it. Lol It probably attracts like every virus in the book, sore throat germs, common colds, influenza, small pox (ok maybe not that one..), zombie infection?, probably not that one either (hopefully!)…. One day years ago, a little boy touched it and his dad screamed "you're going to get Hep. C. & HIV!!!!!!!" I couldn't help but laugh, I don't think those things are likely to be contracted through a gum tree. But I'm no expert on infectious diseases so I wouldn't listen to me! 

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This is the tree in my neighbors' backyard! 
I'm always taking pictures of it in every season, standing in my own yard. It has heart-shaped leaves in Spring & Summer, pretty purple/pink, fragrant flowers in May(my dog, Emmy got one that fell in our yard one year and brought it to my mom on Mother’s Day! lol He just went out and got it and brought it in to her!), and in Fall & Winter I can often see stars through the bare branches through my bedroom window.

And this was taken Thursday.

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Tomorrow I will be posting the pic for Day #3, if technology isn't screwing around with me like it has been.  Tomorrow is the rule of thirds. I don't know about this! But I'll try it!

I love how this project encourages us to tap into our creativity, it has very little rules so we can be creative with angles, effects, concepts…

And it's something fun and new each day! 

If you're into picture taking, maybe you want to join too?! It's at your own pace and you can begin whenever you want. If you decide to or are already in the process, let me know! I want to see your pictures! 😀

30 Day Photo Challenge e-course

I hope you’re having a fantastic day! 

❤

xoxo Kim 😀

Thursday (and some random memories) <3

Aug3

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It’s August 2nd(but probably says August 3rd)! Yay! I love the beginning of each month! But I wrote this on July 31st. So yeah…i couldn’t post it because I had so much work and wifi wasn’t working well at work.

Thursday, I was at Buddhist class in Center City, Philadelphia and it ended early so I sat in the park across the street. My dad drives me home so I waited there. I love the park so much! It feels so beautiful just sitting on a bench surrounded by trees, flowers, green, insects, birds, animals.., people when there’s others in there, experiencing the floral fragrances and soft air upon my skin.

That night,  it rained and when the rain stopped all the park benches were wet but I sat on one anyway after taking a brief walk under the dusky sky as the setting sun washed over the city in a disarray of grays and pinks and oranges. It was lovely. I love the way the sunlight reflects off of cars and buildings and windows.

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Two young men, like college aged boys, came to the bench next to the one I was sitting on.

One sat down and the other stood and asked why he would sit on a wet bench and he replied “Dude, my ass is always wet anyway…”

Lmao! I couldn’t help but wonder why his ass would always be wet! But maybe I don’t want to know…

So this story probably has no point but it’s just really, really funny!

Also Thursday was my babies’ birthday! Their first birthday! Last year on July 30th my dog had twins! A boy & a girl. She only had two puppies and my family kept them. And we make sure she doesn’t have anymore! Lol She’s very old. And the daddy is very young.

They light up my world. I have six dogs and we celebrate all of their birthdays and anniversaries that they came to live with us.

We bought them bones and little cakes that they love.

When it’s one of their special days, they all get a gift because we don’t want any to feel left out.

My mom & sister & me are big animal lovers. We treat them as if they are family members because they are. And we feed stray animals when we can and do what we can to save pigeons when they are eating in the street. It’s best to feed them on a pavement so they don’t get killed in traffic.

Here are my babies shortly after they were born last year.

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Woody is the big boy (named after the doll on Toy Story, my favorite movie! His name is Dagwood because I loved that name when I was little and thought the reactions of those I told, were funny, no one else liked it! and I love Toy Story and decided to name him that and call him Woody) Quinny is the girl. My little sister named her.

They are chihuahua/daschund/pomeranian mixes and are the most adorable, sweetest things ever! Their mommy is a mutt and their daddy is a purebred pomeranian.

When they were born we quickly realized their mommy’s nipples weren’t producing any milk except for one nipple, which Woody found the second he was born, my mom said. Lol little piggy! Woody was born first.

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So we had to buy them special milk to drink in a dropper. Now they are very healthy. Woody has a big belly, it’s so cute! He’s now smaller than Quinny but heavier to pick up and has a bigger belly.

This is Quinny shortly after she was born, with milk all over her little face! My heart just melts! ❤

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They are so bad! The older they get, the more energetic they become. They chew everything they get their little paws on and they rip our pants off while we’re walking! Lol But they are just too cute!

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They sleep in bed with me every night. Woody follows me everywhere day & night when I’m home.

They have only been in the world for one year but it feels like forever. I can’t even remember life before them.

I just can’t get over the cuteness. Quinny looks just like what she is, a mutt! Lol And Woody looks like a purebred chihuahua even though he’s more pom. But they both look like their mommy, Boobie(I named her when I was 16 years old. Lol my sister named her Sweetheart but I called her Boobie and it stuck). She’s a great mommy and still takes care of them, cleans them and snuggles with them.

Emmy is the little daddy.

This is him! He’s so adorable and loving.

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He took good care of his babies when they were born, he would go in the pac n play we got for them and take them slim jims and other treats! Lol He had no idea they were too little to eat them but he really did not want them to eat them because he wanted them! It’s so cute, he would drop a slim jim in front of them for a few seconds then take it back and eat it! He wanted it but he wanted to be generous!

Now they annoy him but he still loves them! He growls at them when they annoy him but then he kisses them real fast to show he doesn’t want to be angry. Lol The babies and daddy are always flying around the house playing and having fun, he’s only a year older! Lol

When Woody is being bad and I’m yelling at him to stop, he kisses me real fast too, to let me know not to be mad then he goes back to being bad! Lol And he kisses us as he’s walking by, it’s the cutest thing, he just stops, kisses us, and keeps going. I also get woken up to kissies in the morning.

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best friends 4ever. ❤

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I just love my babies. They are too adorable for words!

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They love having their bellies rubbed and being held and snuggled.

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and here is the little mommy.

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Isn’t she so adorable?! She got a treat for Mother’s Day! ❤
She will 13 years old next month.

And Thursday I had blueberry iced coffee!  Yum! Blueberry is my favorite. I'm also drinking it now(and now. Lol I wrote this on Friday, July 31st, now it's August 2nd and here I am again with blueberry coffee!). I don't care much for regular hot coffee, only if it has a flavor or is iced coffee. I love iced coffee and hot tea but it's not something I drink everyday and I drink it for the taste and pleasure of drinking it. I don't need it to function like some people claim that they do.

It doesn't keep me awake.

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I don’t understand how people can drink coffee every single day and it still helps them stay awake. Doesn’t your body get used to it after a while and it no longer works? Like when people take drugs and have to keep getting them stronger to work like they used to.

In college I never drank coffee, not even iced coffee, it just never occurred to me to drink it. But one day I got yelled at by a philosophy professor for sleeping in his class. I was right in the front row and it wasn’t the first class of his I fell asleep in.

Then he yelled “if people are going to be sleeping in my class or struggling to stay awake then drink a Red Bull before coming here or don’t bother showing up! There will be NO MORE sleeping or struggling to stay awake in here!!” omg! Awkward! Lol

That was the morning after I was at my good friend, Mike’s, house all night! Then after we left his house, we stayed out all night, went to the movies and all over and I did not get home until like 3:00 in the morning! It was a fun night! But I paid for it the next morning! But I would have probably fell asleep anyway!

So I started getting to campus earlier to buy iced coffee and see if it helped me stay awake. I always heard coffee can keep someone awake and wasn’t sure if it is true. I was amazed that it did in fact help me stay awake but did not keep me awake if I wanted to sleep. It helped me have a choice. This was an early morning class and I was struggling with very severe depression (I was involuntarily hospitalized that semester for it) on top of just not being a morning person, and staying up late often just reading or going out with my friends, or contemplating all night if I should live or die(lol dramatic but true). I love morning but I just can’t stay awake that early even if I get to sleep early.

But after a while, my body must have gotten used to the coffee and it no longer helped me stay awake. And still doesn’t. But I came to love it now and still drink iced coffee for the thrill! And I realized how great it was to get to school early and drink iced coffee, read, walk around, and take pleasure in my own company.

I missed classes because of depression and fatigue. Sometimes I couldn’t even get out of bed to go to class and sometimes I managed to get myself up but couldn’t get to class and I would just collapse somewhere outside or in a building and sleep or lay in a near catatonic state. It’s not unusual to see college students lounging around campus so luckily no one was freaked out thinking I was having some emergency.

Fortunately, my depression is not generally this bad anymore and even when it is, I learned to usually cope and function much better! I can’t imagine going back to that dark place. It still gets so dark here but it’s not as frequent and not as threaded throughout my entire existence (it’s hard to put into words) and I’m so much better now in so many ways. It still gets as bad but with the help I asked for and my self help techniques I am generally much better. There’s always hope as long as we stay alive.

If you struggle with any issue, depression, physical pain/illness, please stay alive! There’s always hope for us. And always, someone, somewhere cares or would care if those people knew your struggles.

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This is at the busstop where I wait for the 5 bus some days. ❤

This reminds me of another day I got yelled at in class by a different philosophy professor. For walking in late every day. Not because of depression. Just carelessness and laziness. I deserved to be yelled at. Lol

I walked in late and he was pissed but said nothing. I was relieved because another student walked in a couple minutes later so I felt the attention was no longer on me. The professor still said nothing but looked as if he was about to, then another student walked in and that's when he had enough. He threw his pen on the desk and yelled "alright! This is it!!! It's the same three people walking in late everyday and it won't be tolerated anymore…!!!!" and a big long rant about the three of us disrupting his class that I can't remember much of now. lol again, awkward!

I couldn't get out of that class fast enough that day!

And I remember another day in college, my first year, a boy's phone rang during a math lecture and the professor ran over, picked it up and answered it and he said "who the hell am I?! No, who the hell are YOU?! He's in MY class, he can't be on the phone right now!l then he hung up, tossed the phone on the boy's desk and went back to teaching, like nothing even happened! Everyone burst out laughing while the boy just stared speechless. The professor wasn't really angry, just really funny!

Lol I have so many fun/funny memories of those days in college!  And even the painful ones remind me now how much better I am.

How sweet it is to reminisce!

I can go on and on but I'll save the rest of the memories for other days!

Also, check out this little baby!

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I found him on the counter at work! How cute!

We have lights outside work and it attracts some insects once in a while, in the Summer. Those gnats and mosquitos love the lights!

At first I was embarrassed because I thought he was a roach and there was a long line of people  and I don’t want anyone thinking we have roaches in the store (I promise we don’t!) where we serve food! I did not want anyone to crush him, people are quick to kill insects, especially roaches, it seems! So I ran over to get him in my hands and bring him inside the store. It’s window service so this counter is on the outside. There was a long line of customers and I did not want them seeing me bringing a bug in the store. Lol But I couldn’t let anyone kill him if I could stop it. Luckily the lady in the front of the line knows the lady who was in back of her and turned around as I reached for the bug and no one seemed to see. Except her little girl! She was thrilled like I am and was yelling, “hey, what’s that?! A bug! A bug!” but she, like me, wasn’t afraid, she was fascinated! I love other insect lovers! I don’t seem to find too many of those around!  And I love how little kids are so full of wonder in ways adults can never be. We can be full of child-like wonder but it’s not usually the same as when we were little. Little kids are so amazing!

And it turns out he is not a roach but a kind of beetle! I threw him in the trash. But only because I knew (or thought) it was safe, it is usually just napkins and stuff and a small trash can. If I put him on the floor, he could have gotten stepped on or crawled back out for someone to see. Then an hour later I remembered I threw him in there and went to check but I knew he probably already got out. I found a water ice cup with melted liquid in it that my coworker must have put in there earlier, and hoped he wasn’t drowning in there. I felt my heart about to sink as I checked to make sure he wasn’t in there dead. Sure enough, that’s where he was, of all the places, the one I was desperately hoping he would not be in, there he was! But not dead! Thank goodness! He was just loving the sweet liquid he was slurping off the side.

Aww so cute! ❤

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I took him out, got a few pics, held him for a while, then reluctantly put him in the tree outside. Reluctantly, because I wanted to keep him! Lol

The little thing is so cute and pretty and I felt a connection to him, as I often feel with others, and the world itself. But he belongs outside so I put him out in the tree and there were other insects so he won't be alone and I watched him go into the soil. I am thankful and I think he is too.

I hope you are having a beautiful night or day or afternoon or whatever!

Much love & compassion to you,<3

Xoxo Kim ❤ 😀