Archive | December 2015

Hope <3

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“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” ~ Desmond Tutu

This is a picture I took one recent afternoon. I love how some of the sunbeams are rainbow. It’s the only one I took that showed up with a rainbow in it. It reminds me of hope and how there’s always little gems of goodness scattered throughout each day even if the day is full of darkness.

Here is the original picture:

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And here is one with an effect to make the rainbow stand out.

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And here is one without the rainbow:

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But look at that little speck of gold that showed up on the branch! šŸ˜€ ā¤

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(this one isn’t mine)

Last night a deep kind of darkness washed over me for no specific reason. A violent, vicious darkness that got worse and worse. I became hopeless to the point of despair and filled with deep pain. I saw no hope for anything, no future, no reason for me to go on living. I very strongly considered ending it all. This happens now and again. I can be very happy all day then this. It can last minutes to months. The worst of this one is over now.

Last night I was looking through my pictures and saw these ones and remembered the rainbow and the speck of gold and the pink circles, the sunlight streaming through the bare tree branches and am reminded that there is hope as long as we live. Always little blessings & beauty even in the dark. And I decided to hold on at least a little bit longer.

This is me today:

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Also! Look at this!

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A powered vanilla cream donut and they put little Christmas colored sprinkles on the cream that dripped out through the donut! lol My sister said it’s stupid but I just had to have it when I saw it!

It’s the little simple things that often bring much joy! ā¤

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If you are like me and struggle with depression and suicidal inclination or have any pain or problem, please keep holding on, I’m sending you my love. ā¤ <33

"Don't lose hope. When the sun goes down, the stars come out."

Much love & light to you!

xoxo Kim ā¤

P.s.

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I clicked on the Santa link under the Google search box and this appeared! I love it! ;-D ā¤

Beauty Abound <3

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“Blessed areĀ they whoĀ see beautifulĀ things inĀ humble placesĀ where other peopleĀ seeĀ nothing.” ~ Camille Pissarro

There is beauty to be found, felt in all kinds of places even places we would never expect it, even in mundane, places, everyday situations. We often overlook things in our own city or place we live everyday. If we make it a point to look for beautiful things, we are likely to find them.

For as long as I can remember I have been aware of the beauty surrounding me, experienced with all my senses. Cool Summer breezes, frosty windows in Winter, the taste of candy in cold air, the seasons changing, the sound of traffic outside, the feel of soft fleece and blankets, the city buildings….I wasn’t making it a point to appreciate these things. It just has always come naturally to me but as I grew up I have come to know it as mindfulness & gratitude and realized that those are habits we can develop if we don’t have them already and strengthen to greater extents if we already do experience them.

It’s a beautiful way to live and I think that’s what it is to truly live to the fullest. Living fully just means making the most of each breath we take, each moment we live, even the monotonous.

I often feel like I’m in another world when I see everything with wonder and I point out something amazing to someone and the person isn’t even fazed by the incredible beauty I see. I often look around me and see people just going on and on with walking and working and living, not even stopping to take in the wonders around us. Sometimes it amuses me and I probably seem like the biggest idiot sometimes.

One night it was a full moon somewhat recently and I couldn’t take my eyes off it and I felt immense joy running rampant inside me and I looked to see evidence of others experiencing the same thing. I was hoping to jump for joy together. lol But no one even seemed to care. People were walking lost in conversation, packing trucks, getting into cars…no one was stopping to bask in the great beauty of the brilliant moonlit night. I was perplexed.

Recently I was in Center City, Philadelphia one morning and I just love the buildings there and the air. My eyes just drink in the incredible views and my skin dances with glee in the warm December air. And still, everyone was just going on their way not giving an ounce of attention to the beauty around us.

On vacation we often stop to appreciate the scenes and take pictures but there’s just as much beauty and novelty in our own city or wherever we live! It never gets old to me. ā¤

This picture above is one I took a few days ago while waiting for a bus. The view is incredible.

I love that building in the sunlight with the reflections & bare trees.

Pure love. ā¤ šŸ˜€

My former coworker was recently telling me she loves this Philadelphia December weather this year. It's extremely hot. At some points it seriously feels like a heatwave! In Philadelphia! In December! For real!

I'm not exaggerating! It's nearly 80 degrees everyday.

She said she loves it so much and people here pay to go on vacation to tropical places for this warmth and now we have it right here everyday!

I'm not as thrilled as my coworker (or former coworker, but I still think of her as my coworker) about this freaky weather in December but I love how she put it. We all have somethimng amazing that someone else would give just about anything to have. Let's appreciate our blessings now.

Sometimes we don't realize how amazing something is until we no longer have it.

You have something that someone else would kill (hopefully not really!) for. Whatever it may be. I'm not thankful at someone else's expense. I'm not thankful it's me alive and not someone else or that I get to live in a house instead of others. But we so often are so used to what we have we don't realize how valuable it is until we lose it or hear/know of someone who would love to have it.

If you are reading this you have a life, you can probably see or hear or at least comprehend. How often do we stop to give thanks for our cognitive abilities?! Probably very rarely, if even ever!

Let's all stop once in a while and appreciate what we have right here, right now.

Much love & ligt to you!

xoxo Kim ā¤

It’s ok not to be perfect <3

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(the pictures in this post are not mine, they are of a beautiful little girl named Sa’fyre Terry –
http://abcnews.go.com/US/girl-lost-family-fire-christmas-cards-presents/story?id=35675085 )

“In the eyes of a child there is joy, there is laughter
There is hope, there is trust, a chance to shape the future
For the lessons of life there is no better teacher
Than the look in the eyes of a child”
~ Air Supply

Yes, it is ok not to be perfect!Ā 

But this little baby IS beautiful just the way she is.Ā 

What a wise little girl. ā¤

My sister told me about this sweet little Earth angel who she is going to send a card to and then I saw someone share her story on Facebook.Ā 

Isn't she just the cutest?!Ā 

She wants people to send her cards for Christmas.Ā 

She was burned in a tragic house fire where her family was killed.Ā 

I stare at her picture over and over and have nothing but love and compassion for her, not sorrow or pity. She doesn't need that. All she wants is LOVE and true love is seeing someone's beauty just the way it is.Ā 

One of my biggest dreams has been to do volunteer work in a burn unit for children. In the movie "Shallow Hal," the girl volunteers to work with little kids who have suffered burns. I always found that to be the sweetest thing and ever since I saw that movie, years ago, I Ā decided I want to do that too!

I haven't been able to find any volunteer opportunities like that. Some volunteer jobs I found in similar settings require previous experience, which I don't have.

Hopefully one day though I will realize this dream! ā¤ ā¤

Some people have trouble looking at people who are seriously disfigured or deformed but I just cannot have that trouble because I feel too connected to others to see them as anything but beautiful, to see them as anything unlike myself. That body, that face, scarred or disfigured or deformed or flawless is a part of who they are. It's hard to explain in words but the closest I can come to explaining is their face or body is a big part of them like mine is a big part of me and I would never want someone to have difficulty looking at me and I'm sure no one else wants that either. What is the difference if my face is flawless or scarred or deformed? It's mine and inside I am still me. Just like all of us.Ā 

We are much more than what we look like but how we look is a part of us and it's good to embrace it and each other.

I am no different than this little girl. She has emotions, dreams, goals, interests, love, joy, pain, sorrow, happiness, scars, perfections, needs, desires, life, beauty…just like me. Ā Ā 

When I look at her, I see a reflection of my own self.

My struggle with depression and severe facial pain & headaches has always inspired me to feel deeper connections to people with both seen and invisible disabilities. Ā 

A person with a physical scar or deformity may not feel the same or agree with me and I understand but my severe facial pain disorder, though it can't be seen, has always allowed me to feel a strong identification with others with facial disorders and even physical scars, deformities, birthmarks.Ā 

Mine cannot be seen but it's just as real. Mine is physical but also brings with it deep emotional scars and pain. It even hurts me to write or think about it.Ā 

But we all have basic empathy and can tune into it and strengthen it whether we have a disability or not. We don't need depression or any other disorder to empathize with others. But those things can help. We can all draw on our own experiences, both pleasant and painful, to identify with each other.

Also, at any second, any one of us can be slashed, scarred, disfigured, burned. And we would still be us. Would you want someone to cringe when those people look at you? Whether or not your face is disfigured, imagine a person having difficulty, emotionally, looking at you. It's not pleasant. Ā 

Not everyone who can't bring themselves to look at someone with a deformity or disfigurement is cold or cruel. Some are but most probably aren't. We aren't used to seeing things like that and often when a person is scarred or disfigured, it's the result of a serious injury and that's what often comes to mind when we see the scars. It doesn't make us callous or horrible if we have the urge to look away or cringe or stare but that can be overcome through tuning into our empathy and strongly identifying with the person. That person is not unlike someone with a perfect face. We are the same, we are One.

For this little girl, we can do more than just send her cards. We can live a life of compassion and empathy and learn to see the beauty of every single person we lay eyes on or encounter in any way. Even if we do nothing to help in a practical way, having a loving, compassionate attitude, essence, is very helpful and can contribute to us acting in loving ways consciously and unconsciously. Loving energy is very good. People sense our energy/vibration. Let's make it one of Love. All encompassing Love.Ā 

“You’ve found the place to walk the path you’ve chosen
You’ll never miss the world you’ve left behind
When life gives life, it’s happiness unbroken
When you give love, it’s love you’ll find”
~ Air Supply

Two of the most beautiful things are self confidence and compassion for others.Ā 
It's beautiful when a woman with a big scar on her chest can still wear revealing clothing, when a person with a facial scar still shows her/his face knowing people will stare and whisper, when a person not considered society's definition of beautiful will still have the courage to dress how she wants, when a person with gray hair embraces it instead of covering it just for what others may think, when a woman with no hair as a result of a medical/health condition doesn't feel the need to wear a wig or scarf just because other people will think something unpleasant, it's beautiful when we overlook all the trivialities and see beauty in places it's not considered to be, when we embrace each other in our love.

It's ok to conceal our imperfections for us if it's truly what we desire. A person who is confident may still just wish to cover or get rid of something undesirable to that person and that's ok. But it's not something we should feel the need to do because of what others may think.Ā 

Cosmetic surgery, hair dye, wigs, makeup, anti-aging creams, weight loss techniques…there's nothing wrong with it and it's not necessarily an indication that someone is insecure or lacks self love.
Some people just desire some changes. But I don't think it's something we should do out of fear or embarrassment for what society or others think. I think those things are best when done for our own selves because it's what we want based on our own desire, not the desire or demands or rules of someone else. Ā 

Even if we do not know a person or any living sentient being we come across, we know enough to love that being. We know that living, sentient being, just like us, is someone, someone with pleasure, joy, and pain, fear, hunger, someone with the need to avoid suffering and the desire for happiness or absence of suffering.Ā 

We can not tell jokes about people's physical appearance, we can choose not to be shallow and judge based on physical appearance, we can choose to see how we are all connected. We can choose to genuinely compliment someone when someone else slings insults. We can choose to seek what is good in each other and forgive the less than good.Ā 

I have much sympathy for the little girl who lost her family in a fire and I have so much sorrow for all the lives lost. Her daddy covered her with his body to save her life. He did not survive. The little girl does have a family, even if not the whole one she was born into, but she has people who love and care for her and now all the people around the world who encountered her story and love her. Family isn't just biological or legal.Ā 

Sa’fyre’s aunt says this about her:

ā€œShe’s a living message to people that there’s hope, and no matter what you can get through anything,ā€ Dolder said. ā€œThat’s why we share Sa’fyre with everyone.ā€

What a gem this little girl is! ā¤

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This little darling girl inspires me so deeply! She is so happy and positive and adorable! She looks so cute in her little Christmas clothes! I’m so happy she chose to put her story out into the world and to show her beautiful face, to touch so many lives with her young life.Ā 

I am so thankful she survived.Ā 

I’m also so thankful she still has her sense of vision, that it wasn’t completely destroyed. And thankful for her beautiful smile. šŸ˜€

I’m so thankful to her family for bringing her into the world and for sharing her with us. ā¤

I hope we will cherish the lives of all sentient beings and wish the best for everyone. By best I am referring to happiness and inner peace no matter the circumstances.

“When you look to the past for life’s long hidden meaning
For the dreams and the plans made in your youth
Does the thrill to achieve match the warm hidden feeling
That lies so still and lives in you”

The Eyes of a Child – Air Supply – mobile

Eyes of a Child – desktop

Beautiful song that brings chills!

Much love & light to you, always. ā¤ ā¤

xoxo Kim ā¤

Santa, Baby <3

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I love Christmas & Christmas music!

Today is a beautiful December day.

Unusually hot. I am cherishing every second of warmth especially Ā knowing that it’s not always going to be like this. Most Decembers are freezing cold here and it’s quite beautiful to be able to walk around in short sleeves without freezing my balls off, in December! I do love the cold but this is sweet too! I was so disappointed, even beyond disappointed, for a while that it’s this hot but now I’m just soaking up all the warm beauty. It feels like the beginning of Spring! Not just physically but that emotional/psychological feeling.Ā 
Now I’m longing for Spring! LolĀ 

Here is one of my favorite Christmas songs!Ā 

Santa Baby – Eartha Kitt – mobile

Santa Baby – desktop

“Come and trim my Christmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany’s,
I really do believe in you,
Let’s see if you believe in me,
Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing,
A ring.
I don’t mean on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight”

Very materialistic isn’t it? Lol But that’s ok! Nothing wrong with wanting a few unnecessary objects! Ā 

Here is my materialistic Christmas list:

1.) A ring (like the girl in the song! Lol) I love rings, especially sterling silver emerald birthstone rings! The emeralds don’t have to be real. That would be sweet though! I can look at rings online all day. It’s eye candy but torture since I can’t have them. I like silver more than gold.Ā 

2.) some more Buddhist Malas! Any pretty stones are good!

3.) lots & lots of books! Mystery, thrillers, philosophy, fiction, supernatural, legal thrillers, medical thrillers….

4.) stationary supplies…notebooks, pens…

5.) tea!Ā 

6.) a pleasant surprise! šŸ˜€

7.) candles! I especially love tropical scents and there’s this one I saw that I hope to get called “Stormy Nights” and it smells amazing! There’s one called “Midnight Rain” that looks pretty but doesn’t smell really good. Not bad but not especially good. I love the names of both candles. I’m also hoping for a Strawberry one! šŸ˜€

8.) A five inch pair of stilettos, preferably black! Never too old for those!

Lol This was kind of difficult, I had to think a lot about what objects I want, I guess I’m not that materialistic! Oh, well….;-D But I really would love all these things! ā¤

Soon, I will be sharing my grown up Christmas list, a way less materialistic one!Ā 

I love that song sung by Amy Grant! Just beautiful!Ā 

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But I also love this funny, cheerful, uplifting one!Ā 

Eartha Kitt is a pretty, pretty girl isn't she?! Goddess for sure! And what a pretty name, Eartha. I love the old sound of this great song!Ā 

Much love to you!Ā 

ā¤ šŸ˜€

Xoxo Kim ā¤

Mindfulness <3

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“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment and nonjudgmentally.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

Yeaaahh! There’s so many beautiful things to be mindful of and tune into using all the senses we have!

Especially this season! I love the holiday season! All the lovely fragrances and decor! This year it’s hot as hell in Philadelphia! It’s often freezing cold & snowing by now and this year people are still walking around in shorts! Walking to work today, it felt like Summer!

I love cold weather but at least with it so warm, work is opened more days. We often close for “bad” weather. And another great thing about warm temps is some flowers are still in bloom and Summer bugs haven’t all died off. I love those things!

One visited me tonight at work.

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What a beauty! They are green with clear green wings. If you can identify this beautiful creature, let me know, please! ā¤

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It kind of sucks because we already had Spring & Summer this year! We don’t need another. But it’s still beautiful and I’m looking at the bright side!

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Much love to you!

xoxo Kim ā¤

Happy Green/White Tara Day!!! <3

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(Green Tara – not my photo)
“There is a true feminist movement in Buddhism that relates to the goddess Tārā. Following her cultivation of bodhicitta, the bodhisattva’s motivation, she looked upon the situation of those striving towards full awakening and she felt that there were too few people who attained Buddhahood as women. So she vowed,Ā ‘IĀ have developed bodhicitta as a woman. For all my lifetimes along the path I vow to be born as a woman, and in my final lifetime when I attain Buddhahood, then, too, I will be a woman.'”
~DalaiĀ Lama, 1989

Today is Tara Day!!

Tara is the female Buddha of love and compassion. She represents Perfected Wisdom.

OM TARE TUTTARE TURE

This is the mantra for Tara. It appeals to longevity, merit, and wisdom.

Listen here:

OM TARE TUTTARE TURE – mobile

OM TARE TUTTARE TURE – desktop

It may be easier to understand at first if you read the mantra while listening.

Om
ah- essence of awakened body
o- essence of awakened speech
m- essence of awakened mind
Tare –
quickly with boldness
Tuttare –
clearing away all fear, distress and suffering of all beings
Ture –
complete victory of truth over all negativity
Soha/svahaĀ –
all accomplishments

Tara’s Vow

“There are many who wish to gain enlightenment
in a man’s form,
And there are few who wish to work
for the welfare of living beings
in a female form.
Therefore may I, in a female body,
work for the welfare of all beings,
until such time as all humanity has found its fullness.”

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(White Tara – not my photo)

Tara is often mentioned as Green Tara or White Tara.
Green Tara represents youth and vitality. Green Tara is depicted as being youthful and girlish. White Tara is more womanly and mature and more “motherly” or maternal. White Tara is full – breasted and represents day while Green Tara represents night.

Green Tara is said to help people with immediate and worldly concerns such as wealth while White Tara responds to problems relating to emotional and physical health. She is associated with health and beauty. Her love is said to be so powerful, it can cure diseases.

Isn’t that beautiful?!

Also, check out these beautiful Ā legends.

“Origin of White Tara

According to legend, White Tara originated from the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara.Ā  When Avalokiteshvara witnessed all of the suffering in the world, he was so moved that he began to cry.Ā  It is said that White Tara emerged from the tears flowing from his left eye.Ā  Her essence is the compassion within Avalokiteshvara’s tears.”

“From the Tears ofĀ Avalokitesvara
Tara is a female form of Avalokitesvara, the bhodhisattva of compassion.Ā  There are many legends of how Tara came into existence. One legend, similar to the legend of Kuan Yin says that as Avalokitesvara wept for those sentient beings trapped in the lower realms Tara was born from a lotus flower that grew from his tears.Ā  Another version of this story tells of how the Green and White forms of Tara were born from 2 tears of Avalokitesvara.Ā  Yet another version of the legend says that Tara was created from a blue beam of light emanating from Avalokitesvara’s eye.”

How inspiring these myths are! We can look to this beauty, Tara, in both her White & Green forms, for inspiration. We can channel our inner Tara to be more compassionate to others and be more loving in everything that we do.
When we chant her mantra, we can summon all the love and goodwill and strength we have within, bringing it to the surface of our mind to be more conscious of it.

Here is me channeling my inner White & Green Tara!

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Celebrating our femininity. ā¤

There are 21 praises of Tara. Here are some of my favorite ones.

1
Homage to Tara swift and fearless
With eyes like a flash of lightning
Lotus-born in an ocean of tears
Of Chenresig, three worlds’ protector.

2
Homage to you whose face is like
One hundred autumn moons gathered
And blazes with the dazzling light
Of a thousand constellations.

3
Homage to you born from a gold-blue lotus
Hands adorned with lotus flowers
Essence of giving, effort and ethics,
Patience, concentration and wisdom.

9
Homage to you beautifully adorned
By the Three Jewels’ gesture at your heart.
Your wheel shines in all directions
With a whirling mass of light.

10
Homage to you, radiant and joyful
Whose crown emits a garland of light.
You, by the laughter of TUTTARA
Conquer demons and lords of the world.

12
Homage to you with crescent moon crown
All your adornments dazzling bright.
From your hair-knot, Amitabha
Shines eternal with great beams of light.

15
Homage to the blissful, virtuous, peaceful one
Object of practice, nirvana’s peace
Perfectly endowed with SOHA and OM
Overcoming all the great evils.

16
Homage to you with joyous retinue
You subdue fully all enemies’ forms
The ten-letter mantra adorns your heart
And your knowledge-HUM brings liberation.

18
Homage to you who holds in your hand
A moon like a celestial lake
Saying TARA twice and the letter PEY
You dispel all poisons without exception.

19
Homage to you on whom the kings of gods,
The gods themselves and all spirits rely.
Your armor radiates joy to all
You soothe conflicts and nightmares as well.

21
Homage to you, adorned with three natures
Perfectly endowed with peaceful strength
You destroy demons, zombies and yakshas
O TURE, most exalted and sublime!

They are all beautiful but here are just some.

You can find all 21 and other information about our Tara here!

http://cubuddhism.pbworks.com/w/page/24906657/TARA

I hope to one day receive a Tara Empowerment at the Buddhist center. I received the one forĀ Avalokitesvara, the masculine version of Tara.

So, in honor of Tara and Tara Day, which is the 8th day of each month, here’s this post! Sometimes I attend the chanting ceremonies at the center. They are beautiful and inspiring. We chant together to Tara to generate positive energy and receive her love & wisdom into our own minds. Even if you aren’t a Buddhist, it’s an inspiring way to open your mind to greater love for all and just as a state of being. It’s a great ritual to develop inner strength and deepen our wisdom. Tara symbolizes great love & beauty and equality which is good for anyone. Tara is to remind us that a woman can do many things as well as a man can and we can do this while cherishing our feminine nature.

“For all my lifetimes along the path I vow to be born as a woman, and in my final lifetime when I attain Buddhahood, then, too, I will be a woman.”

Happy Tara Day!! šŸ˜€

Much love to you,

Xoxo Kim ā¤

Making Meditation Simple

Great post about meditation! Meditative techniques can be incorporated into everyday routines like walking, showering, brushing teeth…and meditation doesn’t have to be associated with any particular religion or philosophy. It can be as simple as just focusing on the breath or can be deeply meditating upon certain virtues or ideas. Meditation has great benefits for everyone irrespective of any views. šŸ˜€

Mazigrace's avatarMy Awakening Life

meditation_osho

Osho explains ā€œMake meditation simple, make it associated with things which normal human beings aspire for. Don’t unnecessarily make it complicated, religious, theological, philosophical – let it be purely a scientific technique.ā€

ā€œMeditation is nothing but the simple art of slipping out of the mind. Ā It looks difficult in the beginning because we have forgotten it. For centuries we have not been in contact with the art, but once you learn the knack of it, it is very simple.ā€

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Tree of Life Pendants

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