Tag Archive | empathy

I’m on fire…🖤 {not so pleasant life update}

Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife Baby, edgy and dull
And cut a six-inch valley
Through the middle of my skull 🖤

(Scroll to the very end if you want to know what happened to me but don’t want to read all this lol)

This post was meant for Wednesday, I wrote it on Wednesday. I was too drained to post it. Then I never got around to it on Thursday.

One moment I’m on top of the world and full of life, and the next moment, I’m suddenly laying there being sliced open by a surgeon’s scalpel.

I’m in worse pain than Wednesday & Thursday. And I’m concerned I may have an infection after unexpected surgery. I’m waiting for them to get back to me.

Here is my Wednesday post:

This is what I looked like this morning, thinking I was all sexy and about to conquer the day ahead of me, looking and feeling like a goddess while I was at it. I felt on top of the world, my body felt perfect and young, I expected to stay that way for the whole day. But the day had other plans and decided to kick my ass down to the ground when I least expected it, and then trample all over me as I laid there helpless and bleeding. I got back up, but I’m struggling to stay standing.

I don’t look or feel like this anymore. Now I’m all battered and bloodied and broken, in pj’s, and in extreme pain. And this is no metaphor! I’m literally battered and bloody and broken. (No, I did not fall in these stilettos, I can walk very well in them 🤣)

This is the kind of experience that inspires me to feel a sense of Oneness with all sentient life and reminds me that I can never ever imagine wishing suffering on even a bad person. There’s not one person or any living being on Earth who I could ever wish this on. Not only that, but I would go to the ends of the Earth to stop it, even if I had to take on some of that pain, myself.

I can’t bear the thought of anyone suffering like this or worse.

This is bitter agony. And I am begging the uni-verse for mercy.

The only worse experience I have had are the migraine-like headaches I get, that I haven’t had in a year, after I found out that stretches can prevent them.

Warning ⚠️ Gross content ahead, read at the risk of losing your appetite, or if you’re a really queasy person, maybe even losing your lunch. 😆

Thankfully, I have a strong stomach and brass ovaries. Because that’s what it took to survive this very unexpected ordeal today.

I walked into my dentist appointment this morning (Wednesday) that was scheduled as a consultation where they were going to just look in my mouth and decide a future treatment plan, and then send me on my way…..but instead I walked out hours later with……

EIGHTEEN less teeth than I walked in with.

That’s right. I had 18 teeth extracted today, one right after the other, no breaks. Totally unexpectedly.

It was brutal.

They asked me if it would be ok for them to just pull out every problem tooth today. I enthusiastically said go for it! It ended up being 18. Actually, some of those teeth were good. But they were in places not compatible with partial dentures. They said the same thing another dental place told me. Better to just have them all gone and get full dentures.

There was one point when I was overcome with real gratitude that I’m a woman because I’m sure no man could handle this. Lol I literally thought that as I was laying in the chair.

The oral surgeon, who has been one for decades, said it was emotionally difficult for him that this was happening to me. I guess he’s especially empathetic. Lol One of the dentists asked me if I was doing ok, and he said he’s the one who should be asked that 😆

The dentists kept asking each other if they needed a break because it was so grueling (it took multiple people at once to do my work). But we all just breezed through it as best as we could.

⚠️⚠️⚠️

If you have a weak stomach, read no further. Here is the gross part:

⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️

I could feel, hear, and smell my bone being sawed out of my head. And they set the bone on my chest lol Imagine smelling the sawing of human bone. Bone fragments or dust was flying all around as the surgeon was drilling away. I warned you it was going to be gross lol (I actually wasn’t grossed out, but I knew others would be)

I don’t know if the anesthesia wore off or what, but it was one of the more worse pains you can imagine. It felt like a neverending nightmare. At some points I wondered how much a human can endure. The bone cracking and then being sawed. I felt every bit of it.

Some of my teeth were hard to get out and were snapping. They had to keep taking small pieces out. It was challenging for them.

I heard and felt it. Unlike with the bone, the breaking itself wasn’t painful, but it was sending severe pain through my head, face, ears, and jaw, and places I couldn’t even identify, somewhere deep inside, places local anesthesia doesn’t touch. Sometimes it felt like electricity sizzling through my face. It would make me impulsively slide down the chair in pain, and they would have to pull me back up.

They had to do unexpected surgery during the extractions to find broken pieces deep in my gums. So they cut me open with a scalpel. Deep into my gums and tissue. I heard the surgeon say “Hand me the scalpel.” 😳 Imagine seeing a surgeon’s scalpel coming at your face. I don’t know which was worse, that, or the saw Lol

My face was covered in blood, and blood was running down my gown. It was all over my face because of their instruments as they moved them around my face. The blood was dripping off them, onto me. They had to clean my face off and stitch my whole mouth up.

My lips are dry and cracked. The corners of my mouth are sliced (it was nothing they did wrong, their instruments just had to keep leaning there very roughly when pulling the teeth out.)

My face was a wreck, they gave me a mask to wear, walking out, so the other patients wouldn’t see.

My mouth was still bleeding as I was walking up a street. I had to stop and spit blood into a trash can in public as people walked by. It was running down my chin and chest. So that was awkward. I was hoping no one would think I was vomiting blood.

My mouth is a bloodied mangled mess. It tastes like blood. There’s bones sticking out of my face. My face is swollen. It’s all tender. It’s hot and feverish, and it feels like a heartbeat throughout my face. It’s throbbing and pulsing. All the teeth in my mouth ache like the worst toothache (I get to keep my lower front teeth, they are perfect)

I had the option of going under general anesthesia or being gassed. I said nah, I wanted to be awake and in my normal state for it. Sooner than halfway through, I wondered if that was a mistake 🤣 Not really, I’m glad I got to experience it. I don’t want to miss a thing.

But I did think “I could have been sound asleep at this moment, completely unaware of the torture.”

Come to think of it, this can legit count as torture, like in a horror movie or book. You know, ripping out the victim’s teeth and sawing off their bones, while they’re alive. No doubt, there’s a fiction book or movie out there just like that.

They said they were amazed at how I just sucked it up with no complaints, no crying, no noises, no cursing (even one of the dentists was cursing. She said my teeth were making her job difficult {she was saying it in a playful way, but it was true} She said “I can’t get this little bitch ass tooth out!!!” 🤣)…

The oral surgeon in charge told me I’m amazing and said he would have never allowed anyone to take that amount of teeth out of his mouth at once, especially while awake, and that he can’t believe I had the guts (Like I said, men just couldn’t deal). Lol I took that as a compliment. He also called me a “good girl” and told me he wished he had a sticker to give me for doing amazing 😆 I felt six years old. Lol I’m 40 years old, and he said it literally the way you would say it to a young child. He seems to be probably 60+ years old, maybe closer to 70 years old.

They told me again as I was leaving how amazing my reaction was. Which was no reaction. I just laid back and took it.

For the most part.

At some points I did shrivel up and wiggle almost off the chair, in pain and discomfort lol One of the dentists put her arms around me and held me during some of the most difficult parts.

They all kept saying positive and encouraging and soothing things, and singing to me and telling jokes, to help me endure it. The dentists squeezed and rubbed my arms during especially painful or uncomfortable parts. They called me pet names and told me I got this. They were extremely attentive to my pain and tried to make it hurt as little as possible and help me cope when they couldn’t reduce the pain or discomfort.

This is one reason I’m thankful I was awake, to experience that kindness. I would have never known that love of complete strangers if I was asleep. It fills me with warmth.

They had such empathy. None of them had this happen to them, yet they understood my pain and discomfort. The older doctor kept reminding them that as terrible as it seemed to them, it’s even worse to the patient.

It was more difficult emotionally and physically than I thought it would be. Just one or two teeth being extracted never fazed me. Eighteen, and with some complications, is a whole other experience.

Some of the pain and discomfort can’t be avoided during the procedures. And some parts are incredibly painful. The kind that makes you want to jump out of your body to escape it. One of those moments is when they stick the largest needle you can ever imagine right into the back of the mouth, towards the throat. Incredible pain just shoots through the face and head. Thankfully I’m not afraid of needles.

They kept telling me to wiggle my toes, and during the especially terrible parts, to wiggle my fingers and my toes and don’t stop and just focus on the wiggling. I found that helpful.

My oral surgeon, the senior dentist in charge, the one I mentioned above, said he knew it was worse for me, but that he was feeling it emotionally, having to do this level of difficult work on a patient. And he’s not even the one who did most of it, two younger dentists did lol

Off and on, I am lightheaded and feel like I may pass out. This is the kind of pain that warrants prescription pain meds. But they don’t give them for it. For some reason, it also gave me a sore throat. My tonsils hurt.

I’m physically hungry, but I have no appetite. And that is unheard of. I live to eat. 🤣 And I can’t eat anything except soft, cold stuff for a week, they said ice cream, pudding, jello, yogurt…. They said heat can do damage to my mouth before it’s healed to a certain point (except warm salt water I have to clean my mouth with each day). But I’m hungry for “real food,” not sweet stuff.

I have to eat nothing but junk for a week?

This morning I had a big appetite but was running late and couldn’t really eat breakfast. I also wasn’t sure if I was supposed to before a dentist appointment. I only had part of an omelette.

Had no idea then that I wouldn’t be eating again til who knows when. Even when my mouth heals enough to eat anything I want, I’ll have no teeth. Lol So this is fun. Guess I’ll be living on soup and ice cream for half a year.

It hurts to walk, it hurts to talk, it hurts to move, it hurts to drink, it hurts to swallow, it hurts to smile, it hurts to breathe. It hurts to live (lol JK, just trying to be extra dramatic with that one. The other ones I meant, though. Everything hurts!)

I have TMJ dysfunction, and dental work triggers it. It’s excruciating and feels like nerve and tooth pain mixed together. The stitches are gross, I can feel them with my tongue. There are some strings hanging out. It’s just so gross. I hope the stitches fall out sooner than later. And I hope I don’t swallow any string. One dentist told me my body would absorb them, another told me they would fall out. So who knows? It’s also gross to feel pieces of bone sticking my tongue once in a while.

The good news is, all my dental work is done!! Two years at that other place, and literally NOTHING got done. They played around for two years. Two MONTHS at this place, and all my work is already done lol (If you read some of my other posts, you’ll know my last dental place sucked, so I left for here) I don’t need any checkups or followup visits or anything, as long as my mouth heals properly in the next week. It’s great to be all done.

Now in a few months, I just have to get fitted for dentures. They said it can be next month already. But I’m going to wait for a while to be extra sure, because if my gums aren’t healed fully, the dentures won’t fit properly, and I will have to pay for new ones. Sometimes it can take 3-6 months for them to fully heal. I’ll probably wait six months. It’s not worth risking having to pay over $1,000 just to have them sooner.

Also, my TMJ dysfunction that I experience symptoms of off and on for decades, may be gone, and no more pain when chewing! I also won’t have shooting pain anymore when I chew because of exposed nerves.

So, overall, it’s a good thing.

Physically, I’m in agony, and emotionally, I’m spent.

The only semblance of relief I get is when I have something cold in my mouth.

Something tells me I can forget about sleeping tonight lol

This picture background is awkwardly blurred out because it’s not my house. I was house-sitting over night. I like blurring the backgrounds of pictures of me out anyway, unless they’re outside, because I like the scenery. But some pictures are better without the blur, and this is one. But I don’t want to expose someone else’s house.

I’m in bed now, watching the original “Carrie” movie with my boys, eating Chocolate ice cream, and guzzling ice water and Gatorade.

I 100% don’t recommend this experience. Whatever you do, try to hold onto your teeth! Lol

This is Hell if ever there was a Hell.

(For any curious people not interested in reading, I had 18 teeth extracted, unexpectedly, all in one sitting. And it’s not pretty.)

Soft teeth run in my family, and I drank too much soda before bed when I was young, so I guess I’m paying for it now.

I’m on Fire – Bruce Springsteen

Xoxo Kim ❤️

Life update ❤️

Sep1

Recently, a platelet donation gone wrong landed me in a hospital emergency. There was a complication that usually isn’t dangerous, but I had a worse reaction than usual. So to be safe, I was sent to an ER.

Believe it or not, as bad as this looks, this is not the worst of it. It looks way worse now. It was agony when it first happened. Now it still hurts a lot but not like when it first happened. The pain was astounding.

The needle slipped out of my arm and pierced my vein, and my arm filled with fluids that is irritating my nerves, and building up around my body tissue. It’s called vein infiltration. They were concerned about a possible blod clot or nerve damage. But thankfully, it’s just irritated.

Me in a hospital radiology getting my scans after being admitted lol

🤣😂

Yes, these are my real boobs. Lol They’re big (disproportionately large, compared to the rest of my body lol A fitness instructor told me that years ago), but I don’t usually take pictures at this angle to show off how big. It looks like I stuffed my bra. But these D cups don’t need stuffing lol

This is a picture of me just after putting my shirt back on after some scans.

Another platelet donor almost passed out, and the nurses had to lay him down on the floor next to me at our platelet donation appointment.

The things we do for (universal) love. Lol

The Things We Do For Love – 10cc

The doctors and nurses were all very kind and kept thanking me for being a platelet donor. The one doctor also happens to be a platelet donor! We are rare, only less than 1%! So it was a coincidence. He was going out of his way to donate platelets at a place that isn’t close. He had no idea about the place right up the street where I donate. It’s easier for him to go there, so now he’s switching! I’m glad we met.

In the U.S, there is an extreme blood shortage. There always is, but sometimes it reaches crisis level, like now.

We need more donors! Yes, I still recommend it, even after this. Lol

The doctors and nurses all took my pain seriously. It’s common for healthcare workers to be dismissive of a patient’s pain, especially if the patient is a woman. So I appreciated their care.

I will go back and donate platelets again when I’m all healed.

I got to attend an amazing event on Friday night! And they gave us free movie theatre popcorn and a drink! I wanted popcorn & soda, but we know how expensive movie theatre food is! Lol So I wasn’t buying anything, then someone told me we all get a free popcorn and fountain drink! I was thrilled like a little girl lol

I watched a documentary on what is considered by researchers to be “extreme altruism.”

The movie was a special viewing only for people who were invited. It was a movie theatre full of people, and we all had assigned seats.

The movie is called Abundant, about “altruistic” kidney and liver donors. People who donate kidneys/livers to strangers are 1 in 1, million. Extremely rare. We hope to change that and inspire more to donate.

It’s really not that “extreme” to help a fellow sentient being in need. Living organ donation is extremely safe. Yeah, there is potential for rare complications, even death of the donor (my dad’s friend died donating his kidney, but that was 30+ years ago. It’s safer than ever now).

But for someone else, there is no maybe. Someone else is dying now, of organ failure. And there are enough living people to stop that for many. Even if all healthy people register as potential deceased organ donors, many still won’t get the life-saving organ they need because most people don’t die under appropriate circumstances for organ harvesting.

The documentary shows the amazing impact of organ donation and what inspires people to donate to strangers, while still alive.

After the movie ended, we got to meet one of the donors in the movie, in person. She was there in the theatre. They surprised us with her in the flesh at the end lol

She donated her kidney to an anonymous stranger and then donated her liver to another anonymous stranger. There are only a few hundred people in the entire world like that. The first person became a double living organ donor in the 1980’s, I think. But they are becoming more common!

This woman has an incredible story to tell that nothing tops. I heard people crying in the audience around me. Lol

The documentary is for the average person to understand why a person would donate a kidney to a total stranger and to try to normalize it and show that it’s not as “heroic” as the average person thinks.

The target audience of this event (not the documentary itself, but this event it was shown at) was the Hispanic and Black/African American communities because they are the people most in need of organ transplants and unfortunately less likely to get the organ they need. Black people are also less likely to donate their organs even after death, because of what is known as earned mistrust of the medical community.

They have been victimized in ways white people haven’t, because of racism. They have a valid reason to be hesitant to donate their organs, even though the fear isn’t warranted. So the movie attempts to dispel myths surrounding organ donation that may especially provoke fear in non-white people.

The movie was shown for National Multicultural Heritage Month.

They had a few free tickets left, and I was offered one, by the Gift of Life Program where I volunteer! 💙💚

This is the website to the movie, which can be purchased. It’s amazing and inspiring. I can’t wait to buy it and watch it again.

https://abundantmovie.com/

One life touches another life that touches another life…

Everything that’s possible when we just choose to love a stranger.

“Abundant” – Documentary trailer

If you’re a universal lover or just interested in what it’s like to be one, this documentary may be for you. Many who have seen it said it’s transformative and even life-altering to watch.

Everyone is worth it. ❤️

I’m so happy it’s officially Pumpkin Season in Philadelphia now! (It begins in August!) Pumpkin spice coffee and pastries have been released around the city! 🎃☕️ It’s still like 100° every day and doesn’t quite feel like Fall just yet. It’s all gross and hot and humid and sticky and suffocating.

But we’re getting there slowly but surely! I LOVE sweater weather! Some streets are covered with crunchy leaves already, and when shady & breezy, it does give Fall vibes. And I did notice some brief parts of the day are cooler, and my bedroom is cooler with the air conditioning on now. The other day I was in a park for a meeting that evening, about organ donation, and I was slightly cold! I loved it.

Here’s to pumpkin season! (And “extreme altruism!” Lol)

🎃🍁🍂💛🧡🖤☕️🦷

Xoxo Kim

Got memes? 🩷

Jun30

What’s your favorite meme?

This is the first one that comes to mind. I made this meme, myself. I remembered a meme with this quote that I encountered in a Buddhist class many, many moons ago. That meme is blurry and not in a good format. I could not find another with this quote, so I made one, myself!

I love this quote. As soon as I encountered it all those years ago, it stirred something in me. It inspired me. I have always held the philosophy that if we have something to give to those in need, it’s best to give it. We don’t have to have a lot to give something. We all have something that someone else needs, even if it’s our time or attention and not something physical.

I’m not always friendly or kind in my interactions with others. But one thing I always know is, underneath, we share the experience of sentience. If I can stop someone’s suffering, I will.

Sometimes, the pain of others can be overwhelming and drag us down, but instead, it can inspire us to act for the benefit of others. It can be in small things we do each day, or the paid work we do, or volunteer work. If ever you feel overwhelmed by empathy, maybe let it motivate you to reach out and love someone.

In February 2015, I took the Bodhisattva vows with a Buddhist Monk. I have broken them again and again. But still, I think of them as my anchor, and I always find my way back to them and see them as a lifelong goal to always reach for.

🩷💛

**And on a funnier note…😆💯 I’m planning to get this on a shirt one day lol**

These are just a few of my favorite memes. 😍 I can’t choose just one!

Xoxo Kim 💕

Greater love hath no man than this…♥️

Jun28

Who are you most inspired by?

The helpers.

The Carnegie Medal is a prestigious award considered one of the highest civilian honors in the U.S. and Canada.

I love this!!

There’s a medal of honor awarded to “ordinary” people who legit risk or even give their own lives or risk very serious bodily injury, to save another person’s life, often the life of a stranger.

They have to risk their own life to an extraordinary degree, to be considered for the award.

They said there are around 800 nominations a year, and only 11% are accepted to receive the medal of honor. That is amazing, though, that at least 800 people a year go to great lengths to save someone else’s life, even at the risk of their own.

They don’t just potentially risk their lives but actually have a significant risk of dying or experiencing serious bodily trauma.

To receive the award, the victim or survivor has to have been in a situation where their life was in imminent danger, where they would have died right then, if not for the person who saved them.

I’m reading a book about the science and psychology of altruism, and the Carnegie Hero Medal is mentioned. I heard of it before, but I decided to look it up now.

It’s very interesting. The website has many stories of people who were given this medal. Anyone can nominate anyone we want for it. The incident has to have been in the last two years, and the victim and “hero” had to have both been within inches of death. In some cases, the “hero” does die and receives the medal posthumously.

To receive the award, they have to come so close to dying that it’s a wonder they’re still alive. They don’t have to be injured, but many are. There has to be witnesses and/or media reports to confirm the incident really happened and is extraordinary enough to warrant receiving a medal.

They have to be people who risk their own life not as part of their job but out of the goodness of their heart, for no reason other than to save another human. And they have to know their own life is significantly at risk, to receive the medal.

I was skimming through the stories, there are hundreds. It is truly amazing and so heartwarming to read the lengths that people will go to save a stranger’s life. It looks like most of them are men. I was skimming through the list, and saw hundreds, and saw only one woman “hero.” That’s probably because men are more likely to take risks and are more likely to engage in physical things because of social programming.

They are also usually physically stronger. All of these situations are very physical. Many drowning incidents and pulling people out of burning buildings and vehicles and tackling assailants who are assaulting women.

There are probably more women/girls on the list, I haven’t looked at them all. A while ago, I did read a story about a 16 year old girl who received this medal for saving a drowning man. Jumped in and carried him out of an ocean.

There’s one where a stranger saved a man and his dog who were almost electrocuted. The dog bit him when he was saving them lol To receive the award, the victim/survivor has to be human.

One of the “heroes” is as young as 10 years old (he saved another child’s life). One is a 15 year old boy, he ran into a burning building to save a family in the middle of the night when he saw the flames across the street while he was staying in a motel with his dad. His dad was trying to convince him not to go through with it, but the boy wouldn’t listen. And he saved an entire family. He ran in like a super hero and woke them and pulled them out. The story is wild! The boy was injured by smoke inhalation. Everyone involved survived.

There were three teenagers who broke into a burning car and pulled out two women who were trapped. They went into the car after getting the women out, to make sure no one else was in there on the floor or anything. The car was burning down and could have exploded with them inside. One man gave his life for a stranger who was being attacked. She lived.

Just scroll through the list and read a few if you want to be inspired and have your faith in at least some of humanity restored. It’s a reminder that exceptionally good and brave people are among us. Ordinary angels!

It’s amazing and uplifting to see the extent people will go to save complete strangers, even knowing there is a very good chance they themselves will die trying. We see so much negativity in the news and on social media. So much violence inflicted on humans by other humans, wishing death on each other, arguing over politics, just walking by when seeing someone in distress or having an emergency…

Stories and people like the Carnegie medal heroes get overlooked and drowned out in all the negative things.

We need more people caring and more visibility!! 💚

I don’t necessarily recommend risking your own life to save someone else, but I do promote caring more than it seems society currently does and bringing visibility to cases where someone does go to this length, not because they want credit but because it restores our faith in humanity some, and it’s just uplifting and balances out the negative in the world.

Remember what Mr. Rogers said? Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.

https://www.carnegiehero.org/heroes/search-heroes/

I picked up the morning paper
the headlines were no surprise
a random act of senseless violence
was committed again last night
it seems the whole world has gone crazy
and something needs to be done
so starting today, I’m gonna find a way
I’m gonna repay someone

With a random act of senseless kindness
unexpected hand to help remind us
a little bit of love
is the cure for hate
it’s easy to give up
but it’s never too late
a single step in the right direction
person to person making a connection
we can change the world
that’s become so violent
with a random act of senseless kindness

Random Act of Senseless Kindness – South Sixty-Five

Xoxo Kim ❤️

Quote to live by ❤️

May1

Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

You never know who you may be helping or inspiring, even in difficult situations.

Years ago, I saw a short video clip with an elementary school teacher sharing his true experience with a troubled little boy.

He said the boy was very difficult. He yelled at the teacher and wouldn’t do his work. He was disruptive in class and was always verbally aggressive with the teacher. He could tell the boy hated him. It never stopped all year, the boy acting up and being rude & negative to the teacher.

He showed the boy nothing but love & kindness in return. He was always patient and tried to be as understanding as possible, but he said it was difficult. All throughout the yelling and disrupting the class and rudeness the little boy displayed, the teacher’s love never wavered.

At the end of the year, the kids all gave him a card, thanking him for being their teacher and for being kind & helpful.

He sat at his desk and read all the cards after the last class was over and all the kids walked out that one last time.

All the messages the kids wrote were positive. Then, he got to the card that difficult little boy wrote to him.

The teacher said he was anxious to open it. He hesitated and thought “Oh no, what is this one going to say.” He already knew it would be an insult or something like “I hate you, you were the worst teacher.”

Finally, he opened it and read.
The teacher was shocked.

It read: “I wish you were my dad.”

He was deeply moved by just that one line.

That story stayed with me since I heard it many years ago. I’m not sure why. It’s a recurring memory through the years. It’s probably the best story I ever heard.

That must have been the best and most heartbreaking compliment that man ever received.

It just goes to show how our own life can touch someone’s else’s for the better, even in the least expected places. ❤️

Xoxo Kim

Happy Donor Day!! 💙💚

Feb14

Happy Donor Day!! 💙💚

Every February 14th, we celebrate & honor organ donors (and donor families), registered donors, & the beautiful, selfless gift they give or intend to give. The gift of life. ❤️

Yes!

I said yes to organ donation in life & in death.

I am a living donor, a registered potential deceased donor, the friend of an organ recipient, and the daughter of a parent with organ failure, in urgent need of a liver transplant. So, organ donation is something I’m touched by, directly, but even before that, I was a passionate advocate for organ donation.

That’s why I chose to become a living donor when I had no ties to it, personally, yet. I just always thought it’s the most beautiful, ultimate act of love to another human, giving a literal piece of ourselves.
Since I was a little girl, I wanted to be an organ (and blood) donor.

Over 100,000 people are waiting for a life-saving organ.

Only around 1%-2% of the population becomes a deceased organ donor, and less than 0.1% of the general population are living donors.

Approximately 29% of organ donors are living ones.

Around 60% are registered as potential deceased donors (We need more!!). And over 90% of the population supports organ donation, including all major religions.

I am a volunteer organ donor ambassador with the Gift of Life Program here in Philadelphia. I did the training in 2024, the same year I donated my kidney. I work to bring visibility to organ donation and educate people on the topic.

I LOVE my volunteer job. I love being part of this community, doing work that helps literally save lives, and the whole donor/transplant community. I have the privilege of meeting and working with many recipients/recipient families, donor families, those waiting for a new organ, and other living donors.

Recently, I attended one of their summits where I got this sign.

Here’s a tribute/shoutout to all the organ donors & registered donors and especially all the donor families out there who said YES to saving lives, in their own darkest moment.

I always knew donor families are amazing, but I especially realized just how amazing they are after my dad got sick. My dad won’t live long enough to get a deceased donor liver. But all those donor families out there still said YES to saving my dad and others in need like him.

Anyone can say yes or no to organ donation, but the family gets the ultimate say and are the ones who actively make the decision for the deceased donor. A significant amount of families with the opportunity to donate their family member’s organs but say no, regret it three months later. They wish they would have said yes, but were too distraught in the moment. After the initial stage of grief & shock, they realize they would have said yes. I learned this during the ambassador summit.

The most selfless thing someone can do is register as a potential organ donor. Deceased donors get absolutely nothing in return for their incredible act of love. Unlike living donors, they don’t even get to experience the joy of helping someone. People register as organ donors purely to help another human with no possibility of any benefits to themselves.

To register as a potential deceased donor, click on this link.

https://www.organdonor.gov/sign-up

And to register as a living kidney donor:

https://www.kidneyregistry.com/

You can donate to an anonymous stranger here, or if you know someone in need, you can donate for them through here.

To choose your own recipient (stranger) as a living donor:

MatchingDonors.com

This is like a dating profile but to look for your perfect donor/recipient dna match. Most of them are looking for kidneys and livers, mostly kidneys.

You can make an account as a donor and browse the recipient ones, see their pictures, read their stories. If you’re moved by any of them, you can reach out and offer to be evaluated to give them your organ that they need. (Likely a kidney or portion of your liver)

I tried this many years ago, years before donating my kidney. And just couldn’t. I couldn’t choose who gets to live out of so many. They flooded my inbox like sharks on blood as soon as I opened an account. They were imploring for my kidney and sending me pictures of themselves with their kids and grandkids and telling me why it should be them who gets my kidney.

It was devastating. Some of the pictures are still burned into my memory so vividly, today. Pictures of young parents kissing their kids, pictures of old people hugging their grandkids, a picture of a young ER nurse in need of a new kidney, in her blue hospital scrubs at work, asking me to save her life so she can continue to save others, a picture of a baby in his crib with a big smile on his face, a picture of a young dad and his kids in a park with the biggest smiles…How could I possibly choose?

I wasn’t even sure I was going to choose my own recipient and was just trying it out. I had no idea potential recipients would flood my inbox, telling me how much they don’t want to die, and pleading for me to let them live.

They were all ages, infants up to 80+ years old. Most were searching for themselves, others were searching for a family member or friend in need. All of them tugged on my heartstrings, some more than others. But I couldn’t choose.

I came close to choosing one. A 50 something year old man, the dad of two adult daughters. He was too humble to request a kidney for himself, so his daughters were for him. I wrote a message that I was going to send to his daughters.

But, then, I just couldn’t choose.

That’s when I knew for sure that non-directed kidney donation was for me. It always resonated with me more, anyway. Just tossing my kidney out to whoever catches it.

I closed the account. It still haunts me today.

Years later, my kidney was given to an anonymous 50 something year old man through a non-directed donation.

Anyone interested in donating to a stranger of your choice can sign up through that link.

If you choose someone and you’re not a match, you may be able to do paired exchange or the voucher program where you donate to an anonymous stranger chosen for you, so the person of your choice gets an organ through your donation.

We’ll never have enough deceased donors because almost no one dies under the appropriate circumstances. Even if everyone in the world registered as a potential organ donor, there would be an extreme shortage of organs for those in need. More people registering would help, though. So, living donors are very much needed.

We especially need kidneys. Of the 100,000+ people waiting for a new organ, over 90,000 are waiting for a kidney.

One person can donate two organs while alive! Usually a kidney and portion of the liver. It’s extremely rare. There’s only a few hundred double living donors in the entire world. Not a few hundred a year. A few hundred EVER! Many have donated one organ to a stranger and then another organ later to another stranger. Some donated to a family member or friend and loved the experience so much, they went on to donate a different organ to a stranger.

I recommend registering as a deceased donor!! We don’t need our organs when we’re gone and have no use for them, but someone else does.

I’m an atheist, but one of my favorite quotes has always been “Don’t take your organs to Heaven, Heaven knows we need them here.”

💙💚

#organdonorssavelives

Xoxo Kim

The morgue 🖤

Feb7

I just walked through a morgue!!

It was a pleasant surprise. I had no idea I would be in a morgue today lol

I was trying to be discreet about taking pictures. Lol I would have taken more, but it was awkward 😆

It was cold in there.

This is one of the freezers and a gurney they lay the organ donors on.

I did not see any bodies. They were going to show us a kidney being pumped, getting ready for donation, but they send all the kidneys to Penn Hospital now.

This is a morgue only for kidney/tissue donors (just tissue now). There are a couple operating rooms in there where they remove them for donation. They also have the consent rooms where they take the families in to consent to donating their family member’s organ. It’s very sweet, whenever a family says “yes,” the staff puts a butterfly sticker up on the windows of the consent rooms, to honor the organ donor and the family’s gift of life.

I saw the elevator where the bodies are brought up. It’s a different elevator than the ones the living people use. It’s interesting because I have been around that building frequently at all different parts of the day, for many years, and have never seen a body being taken in or out. I have, very rarely, seen kidneys/tissue coming out in coolers to be taken to hospitals for transplant. But never a full body.

This morgue was specifically for kidney & tissue donors, but, now, they just do tissue.

Love it!

#organdonorssavelives 💚💙🦋

Xoxo Kim

No more violence 💔 Part two

Sep16

This is a screenshot response that someone wrote to me on a meme I shared in my last post here, this meme:

This is my response to that person’s response. I understand the person has good intentions, but I can’t say I agree that gun violence is ever good.

My response:

I do think of myself as the same as them. I am the same as them.

Differences in political & moral views are not significant enough, in my opinion, to make us fundamentally different. We’re essentially the same. Not only are we the same species, we’re all sentient. That makes us the same.

That “we’re not the same” philosophy I see so frequently on “both sides,” hinders our empathy and only serves to create more of a disconnect with each other.

I’m human just like them. I’m a sentient being just like they are. Like them, I can experience pain and suffering, and, like them, I gravitate towards relief and pleasure and life affirming things. I don’t want my head blown off any less than they do.

I’m truly no different than they (people with different political/moral views than me) are. And I’m no more worthy of life than they are. If it’s not ok to blow my head off while I’m walking up a street or talking to people, then it’s not ok to blow theirs off, in my opinion. It’s sentience that makes us worthy of life, not our goodness.

Some may argue that it’s for practical purposes that some people are killed, but I don’t believe it’s helping anything or going to stop their ilk. They’ll still be spewing their nonsense after people like them are killed. Research even shows that in places where capital punishment is practiced, there’s even more violence and nothing to show that killing “bad people” deters other ones.

https://scholarlycommons.law.emory.edu/faculty-articles/143/

https://deathpenaltyinfo.org/policy-issues/policy/deterrence

If they’re so full of violent urges and hatred, it’s unlikely that killing them off in violent ways is going to make the surviving ones more peaceful and loving and accepting. It will just provoke more fury in them, motivating them to act with more violence either physically or verbally or politically. When Liberal/Progressive people kill a Conservative person or they assume the murderer is a Liberal, all it does is “confirm” for them that the Liberals are terrible people and that Liberalism has to be obliterated.

The only justification for blowing someone’s head off, in my opinion, is if that person is an imminent threat to me or to someone else, not just because they spew nonsense, even if the nonsense they spew is ultimately harmful. And it should always be a last resort.

I have progressive political views, pro equality for all minority groups…some people think that makes me a threat to society. That doesn’t mean one of those people can walk up and blow my head off out of the blue.

So, it’s the same with people who have views that I know are dangerous to society. I can’t just blow them to pieces because I don’t like their views. These Conservative people legit believe Liberals and minority groups are a serious threat to society and that they’re doing the greater good a favor when they kill us or strip us of our rights.

They truly feel justified in killing us off and/or trampling on our basic rights. But as we know, that’s not ok for them to do that just because they believe it’s helpful or that we deserve it. If we feel equally justified in killing them off because we know they’re a threat to us all, that doesn’t mean we’re right. It seems hypocritical to me. We get to decide who lives and who dies or who is worthy of the basic right to life and who isn’t. It doesn’t sit right with me.

Our convictions are equally strong, yet it’s ours that is right, just doesn’t make sense. I know the difference here is that they actually are a threat where we aren’t. But, still, I think it gets dangerous when we start subjectively coming up with excuses to kill people for their views. And I think there’s a better way to deal with them.

They experience fear and pain. They have things that make them happy. They have friends and family who love them. They have little kids and pets who need them and are traumatized over the loss…it’s not ok to decide that it’s our place to take their life away just because they have repulsive views.

We have to tackle their views and keep them out of positions of power (I know that’s very difficult to do and a complex issue and easier said than done), not murder them. There’s always going to be despicable people with corrupt views, trying to make life difficult for others. I believe there are better ways to deal with them than killing them.

There are people who find me just as repulsive as I find these people (I received death wishes, was told I deserve to suffer the “worst pain imaginable” and be killed after being tortured “beyond recognition” and more because of my political views, told I deserve to be caught in a massacre at a Democratic event), that doesn’t give them consent to kill me. It works both ways.

Also, I don’t necessarily believe that when someone kills someone for political reasons that it’s always for practical purposes. I think it’s often out of anger and “payback,” which is never wise to act on. I see many people rejoicing in a vengeful way when a political figure is shot dead, that shows it’s not just for practical purposes.

Having to kill someone, in my opinion, is never a happy matter. I get having to kill someone sometimes or not mourning for certain people when they die, because of how terrible they were. But there’s people just getting off on their deaths. That’s ok if that’s their inner experience. It’s not really my place to tell people how they should and shouldn’t feel about something. Especially when it’s an oppressed person rejoicing over the fact that one of their oppressors is dead.

Who am I to tell a trans person or a gay person or an African American/black person or a woman not to be happy someone who was working to kill them or take away their basic human rights is dead? But we can’t be acting on it or promoting killing for revenge. I believe for practical purposes, to make the country/world better for all, we should teach and promote more peaceful ways than killing.

Decisions, especially ones that have to do with ending someone’s life, should always be made, intellectually, and while in a rational state of mind.

Society isn’t going to progress by blowing each other’s heads off.

Xoxo Kim

No more violence 💔

Sep16

No matter how repulsive those views are.

Simple reminder 💚

Violence isn’t the answer.

I picked up the morning paper
The headlines were no surprise
A random act of senseless violence
Was committed again last night
It seems the whole world has gone crazy
And something needs to be done
So, starting today, I’m gonna find a way
I’m gonna repay someone
With a random act of senseless kindness
Unexpected hand to help remind us
A little bit of love is a cure for hate
It’s easy to give up, but it’s never too late
A single step in the right direction
Person to person making a connection
We can change the world that’s become so violent
With a random act of senseless kindness

Random Act of Senseless Kindness – South Sixty Five

Xoxo Kim

Universal Compassion ❤️

Aug2

In my opinion, our compassion is best when it embraces all sentient beings.

Reasons:

1.) Our suffering is all the same whether we’re good or bad.
2.) At best, suffering does the world no good, and at the worst, it makes the world worse for everyone
3.) Ultimately, the “bad people” are like victims of their circumstances- this is not to say we have no choice, but our choices are often influenced by various factors, our mental health, our life circumstances, our upbringing, our culture, our privilege or lack of… and sometimes without us fully realizing the consequences or that we have other options. I don’t believe that under the best circumstances, anyone would essentially choose to be a terrible person.
4.) Our own minds are more peaceful when we wish others well.

This post is inspired by all the (understandable) enthusiasm I have been seeing about Donald Trump’s medical condition and all the wishes that more bad things happen to him.

I don’t believe he can be rehabilitated. I believe he’s a bad person and that there’s no hope for him. I am not one of those loving people who believe everyone is truly good and that everyone can be rehabilitated with lots of love and care. I think Donald Trump was born with the predisposition for being a “bad person.”

His condition reminds me of my condition, but mine is not serious. It can be painful but is not life or health threatening. I have jugular vein insufficiency and insufficiency of a few other veins in my neck because of an obstruction in my head. The obstruction is also not life threatening. The blood leaving my brain to go to my heart through these veins, can’t get there because of the veins being impinged on. So, the blood backs up into my head. Many veins are all doing the same job, so it doesn’t matter. It’s harmless. The blood is still getting to my heart.

I have recurring unbearable headaches associated with it, though. The headaches are 10/10 pain, at least within their own context. I guess when compared to some other kinds of pain, they would be less than 10 on a pain level scale. But like within the context of headaches. They bring me to the floor. I have been bedridden for days sometimes. I think it’s the obstruction itself that causes the headaches, not the vein insufficiency or blood backing up. That can cause severe pain, too, though, among many other things. When I have these headaches or think of them, my empathy for others becomes boundless.

Mine doesn’t cause swelling, but you can see the jugular vein bulging out of my neck. I had to have scans a couple of years ago to see why it was suddenly protruding and so prominent. The doctors were concerned it could be a blood clot somewhere causing it. But it turned out to be nothing serious. I convinced myself I was dying and had six months left to live (certain kinds of cancer can cause it to bulge, and when it’s to that point, the average person only lives around six months. I convinced myself I had that), and my heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof in a doctor’s office. They had to tell me to calm down and to stay off Google 😆

I don’t want him as President, he’s absolutely repulsive. He has no redeeming qualities. None.
But I don’t wish him or anyone to be sick. I don’t believe anyone deserves to be sick any more than I do. We are all equal in our suffering and in our comfort. The goodness or lack of it in us, is irrelevant in this context. If Donald Trump was afflicted with one of my headaches, he would suffer the same as me. All sentient beings essentially want to live and be healthy. We all suffer the same. The headaches this brings me, I would wish on absolutely no one. I literally cannot bear the mere thought of someone else, even him, enduring what I do when a headache hits.

I believe the world would be a significantly better place if everyone was happy (not at the expense of others, but sincerely happy) & healthy. It’s people who are unhappy and hurt who hurt others. Happy, well rounded, people don’t go around tormenting anyone else. There are absolutely people who get off on hurting others (he’s one of them), it makes them happy. But that’s not genuine happiness, it’s happiness that often relieves whatever unhappiness that afflicts them. If they were genuinely happy, they would not inflict pain upon others.

Most of us have probably experienced this on a lesser scale, like for example, when we’re in a bad mood so we get snippy with someone when it’s not warranted. It’s displaced anger or annoyance. We may not usually do this, even when unhappy, but most of us have probably more than once been less than kind, when in a bad mood, to someone who did not deserve it. These people, though, live a life of that because they are always unhappy and are the kind of people who want others to suffer, too.

I don’t believe that everyone is basically good. But I think their lack of goodness is the result of their own suffering. Some people are born (and maybe upbringing often plays a part, but I think they have inherent or genetic inclination for it to begin with) never developing basic human abilities/emotions, like the ability for empathy and compassion. This does not result in true happiness. It results in the desire to hurt others, it brings them a superficial happiness. Donald Trump hurts everyone. And he gets off on it. He loves it. But we see he’s not a happy person.

Why do we think bitter, miserable people often insist on hurting others? Because it brings them relief or pleasure. They are seeking what we all seek. It’s just for them, their suffering influences it.

Wishing further suffering on them has no practical benefits. If anything, it only serves to perpetuate their abuse as their own suffering is the source of it anyway, and it doesn’t make our own mind any more positive or loving. It may bring us a moment of satisfaction again & again. But I don’t think it has any real value. At least wishing others well has potential to bring us inner peace, and then we’re more likely to interact positively with others.

Not all seemingly terrible people really are. Unlike Donald Trump, some can change. It’s dependent on the reason they are how they are.

I believe that if we were all given the choice before being born, to be a good and happy person or a bad and suffering person who goes to great lengths to inflict that suffering upon others, all of us would have chosen to be happy and healthy and good and someone who wishes that for every other being as well. Ultimately, no one chooses to be what Donald Trump is. Yes, he chooses to do bad things within the confines of the existence he was given. He’s a despicable person. Nothing changes that. But I don’t believe for a second that he would have chosen this if the uni-verse gave him a choice when he was still a “clean slate” if ever he even was. He was born suffering or was brought up to suffer, and now he wants the rest of us to suffer along with him.

Some people’s suffering inspires deeper empathy for others, but for others, it doesn’t, it has the opposite effect and inhibits empathy instead.

As the cliche goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.”

Suffering begets more suffering.

This doesn’t mean we always have to speak warm & kindly to everyone. Sometimes, people have to be told off & judged harshly and not get what they want. Some people need a firm ass kicking. It just means we don’t have to wish suffering upon them.

I believe it does no good to wish pain & suffering on others.

I wish he was happy & healthy and not born a psychopath. Me wishing that does no practical good either, though. But I think the world would be better and most of us more peaceful if more of us wished good things on people instead of bad.

People have countered my sentiment, saying anger & hatred fuel us to act for good. While that is sometimes true, compassion & love can fuel us just the same. Anger & hatred feel unpleasant and can get out of control and influence us to do things that are destructive to ourselves and others. Love & compassion can never go wrong. As I said, it doesn’t necessarily have to be warm and sappy and “feel good” feelings. It can be firm & harsh but still love. When anger & hatred frequently consume us, it leads to stress, depression, anxiety, physical ailments. When compassion & love consume us, it only leads to good.

**I don’t know the source of this quote, the name here may not be accurate. I also see it attributed to Shantideva.**

I have wished bad things on people before, and I probably will again. But that’s not the philosophy I hold, it’s when I give into raw emotion that I allow to overtake me and blind me. I always find my way back to me, the authentic me who knows the truth, that wishing suffering on others isn’t the way.

If I could, I would flip a switch and turn all the suffering in the world off, even for “bad people.” I would in a heartbeat.

Think about it, there must be higher love
Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above
Without it, life is a wasted time
Look inside your heart, I’ll look inside mine
Things look so bad everywhere
In this whole world, what is fair?
We walk blind, and we try to see
Falling behind in what could be

Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Bring me a higher love
Where’s that higher love I keep thinking of?

Higher Love – Steve Winwood

Xoxo Kim ❤️