Sometimes it’s like someone took a knife Baby, edgy and dull And cut a six-inch valley Through the middle of my skull 🖤
(Scroll to the very end if you want to know what happened to me but don’t want to read all this lol)
This post was meant for Wednesday, I wrote it on Wednesday. I was too drained to post it. Then I never got around to it on Thursday.
One moment I’m on top of the world and full of life, and the next moment, I’m suddenly laying there being sliced open by a surgeon’s scalpel.
I’m in worse pain than Wednesday & Thursday. And I’m concerned I may have an infection after unexpected surgery. I’m waiting for them to get back to me.
Here is my Wednesday post:
This is what I looked like this morning, thinking I was all sexy and about to conquer the day ahead of me, looking and feeling like a goddess while I was at it. I felt on top of the world, my body felt perfect and young, I expected to stay that way for the whole day. But the day had other plans and decided to kick my ass down to the ground when I least expected it, and then trample all over me as I laid there helpless and bleeding. I got back up, but I’m struggling to stay standing.
I don’t look or feel like this anymore. Now I’m all battered and bloodied and broken, in pj’s, and in extreme pain. And this is no metaphor! I’m literally battered and bloody and broken. (No, I did not fall in these stilettos, I can walk very well in them 🤣)
This is the kind of experience that inspires me to feel a sense of Oneness with all sentient life and reminds me that I can never ever imagine wishing suffering on even a bad person. There’s not one person or any living being on Earth who I could ever wish this on. Not only that, but I would go to the ends of the Earth to stop it, even if I had to take on some of that pain, myself.
I can’t bear the thought of anyone suffering like this or worse.
This is bitter agony. And I am begging the uni-verse for mercy.
The only worse experience I have had are the migraine-like headaches I get, that I haven’t had in a year, after I found out that stretches can prevent them.
Warning ⚠️ Gross content ahead, read at the risk of losing your appetite, or if you’re a really queasy person, maybe even losing your lunch. 😆
Thankfully, I have a strong stomach and brass ovaries. Because that’s what it took to survive this very unexpected ordeal today.
I walked into my dentist appointment this morning (Wednesday) that was scheduled as a consultation where they were going to just look in my mouth and decide a future treatment plan, and then send me on my way…..but instead I walked out hours later with……
EIGHTEEN less teeth than I walked in with.
That’s right. I had 18 teeth extracted today, one right after the other, no breaks. Totally unexpectedly.
It was brutal.
They asked me if it would be ok for them to just pull out every problem tooth today. I enthusiastically said go for it! It ended up being 18. Actually, some of those teeth were good. But they were in places not compatible with partial dentures. They said the same thing another dental place told me. Better to just have them all gone and get full dentures.
There was one point when I was overcome with real gratitude that I’m a woman because I’m sure no man could handle this. Lol I literally thought that as I was laying in the chair.
The oral surgeon, who has been one for decades, said it was emotionally difficult for him that this was happening to me. I guess he’s especially empathetic. Lol One of the dentists asked me if I was doing ok, and he said he’s the one who should be asked that 😆
The dentists kept asking each other if they needed a break because it was so grueling (it took multiple people at once to do my work). But we all just breezed through it as best as we could.
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If you have a weak stomach, read no further. Here is the gross part:
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I could feel, hear, and smell my bone being sawed out of my head. And they set the bone on my chest lol Imagine smelling the sawing of human bone. Bone fragments or dust was flying all around as the surgeon was drilling away. I warned you it was going to be gross lol (I actually wasn’t grossed out, but I knew others would be)
I don’t know if the anesthesia wore off or what, but it was one of the more worse pains you can imagine. It felt like a neverending nightmare. At some points I wondered how much a human can endure. The bone cracking and then being sawed. I felt every bit of it.
Some of my teeth were hard to get out and were snapping. They had to keep taking small pieces out. It was challenging for them.
I heard and felt it. Unlike with the bone, the breaking itself wasn’t painful, but it was sending severe pain through my head, face, ears, and jaw, and places I couldn’t even identify, somewhere deep inside, places local anesthesia doesn’t touch. Sometimes it felt like electricity sizzling through my face. It would make me impulsively slide down the chair in pain, and they would have to pull me back up.
They had to do unexpected surgery during the extractions to find broken pieces deep in my gums. So they cut me open with a scalpel. Deep into my gums and tissue. I heard the surgeon say “Hand me the scalpel.” 😳 Imagine seeing a surgeon’s scalpel coming at your face. I don’t know which was worse, that, or the saw Lol
My face was covered in blood, and blood was running down my gown. It was all over my face because of their instruments as they moved them around my face. The blood was dripping off them, onto me. They had to clean my face off and stitch my whole mouth up.
My lips are dry and cracked. The corners of my mouth are sliced (it was nothing they did wrong, their instruments just had to keep leaning there very roughly when pulling the teeth out.)
My face was a wreck, they gave me a mask to wear, walking out, so the other patients wouldn’t see.
My mouth was still bleeding as I was walking up a street. I had to stop and spit blood into a trash can in public as people walked by. It was running down my chin and chest. So that was awkward. I was hoping no one would think I was vomiting blood.
My mouth is a bloodied mangled mess. It tastes like blood. There’s bones sticking out of my face. My face is swollen. It’s all tender. It’s hot and feverish, and it feels like a heartbeat throughout my face. It’s throbbing and pulsing. All the teeth in my mouth ache like the worst toothache (I get to keep my lower front teeth, they are perfect)
I had the option of going under general anesthesia or being gassed. I said nah, I wanted to be awake and in my normal state for it. Sooner than halfway through, I wondered if that was a mistake 🤣 Not really, I’m glad I got to experience it. I don’t want to miss a thing.
But I did think “I could have been sound asleep at this moment, completely unaware of the torture.”
Come to think of it, this can legit count as torture, like in a horror movie or book. You know, ripping out the victim’s teeth and sawing off their bones, while they’re alive. No doubt, there’s a fiction book or movie out there just like that.
They said they were amazed at how I just sucked it up with no complaints, no crying, no noises, no cursing (even one of the dentists was cursing. She said my teeth were making her job difficult {she was saying it in a playful way, but it was true} She said “I can’t get this little bitch ass tooth out!!!” 🤣)…
The oral surgeon in charge told me I’m amazing and said he would have never allowed anyone to take that amount of teeth out of his mouth at once, especially while awake, and that he can’t believe I had the guts (Like I said, men just couldn’t deal). Lol I took that as a compliment. He also called me a “good girl” and told me he wished he had a sticker to give me for doing amazing 😆 I felt six years old. Lol I’m 40 years old, and he said it literally the way you would say it to a young child. He seems to be probably 60+ years old, maybe closer to 70 years old.
They told me again as I was leaving how amazing my reaction was. Which was no reaction. I just laid back and took it.
For the most part.
At some points I did shrivel up and wiggle almost off the chair, in pain and discomfort lol One of the dentists put her arms around me and held me during some of the most difficult parts.
They all kept saying positive and encouraging and soothing things, and singing to me and telling jokes, to help me endure it. The dentists squeezed and rubbed my arms during especially painful or uncomfortable parts. They called me pet names and told me I got this. They were extremely attentive to my pain and tried to make it hurt as little as possible and help me cope when they couldn’t reduce the pain or discomfort.
This is one reason I’m thankful I was awake, to experience that kindness. I would have never known that love of complete strangers if I was asleep. It fills me with warmth.
They had such empathy. None of them had this happen to them, yet they understood my pain and discomfort. The older doctor kept reminding them that as terrible as it seemed to them, it’s even worse to the patient.
It was more difficult emotionally and physically than I thought it would be. Just one or two teeth being extracted never fazed me. Eighteen, and with some complications, is a whole other experience.
Some of the pain and discomfort can’t be avoided during the procedures. And some parts are incredibly painful. The kind that makes you want to jump out of your body to escape it. One of those moments is when they stick the largest needle you can ever imagine right into the back of the mouth, towards the throat. Incredible pain just shoots through the face and head. Thankfully I’m not afraid of needles.
They kept telling me to wiggle my toes, and during the especially terrible parts, to wiggle my fingers and my toes and don’t stop and just focus on the wiggling. I found that helpful.
My oral surgeon, the senior dentist in charge, the one I mentioned above, said he knew it was worse for me, but that he was feeling it emotionally, having to do this level of difficult work on a patient. And he’s not even the one who did most of it, two younger dentists did lol
Off and on, I am lightheaded and feel like I may pass out. This is the kind of pain that warrants prescription pain meds. But they don’t give them for it. For some reason, it also gave me a sore throat. My tonsils hurt.
I’m physically hungry, but I have no appetite. And that is unheard of. I live to eat. 🤣 And I can’t eat anything except soft, cold stuff for a week, they said ice cream, pudding, jello, yogurt…. They said heat can do damage to my mouth before it’s healed to a certain point (except warm salt water I have to clean my mouth with each day). But I’m hungry for “real food,” not sweet stuff.
I have to eat nothing but junk for a week?
This morning I had a big appetite but was running late and couldn’t really eat breakfast. I also wasn’t sure if I was supposed to before a dentist appointment. I only had part of an omelette.
Had no idea then that I wouldn’t be eating again til who knows when. Even when my mouth heals enough to eat anything I want, I’ll have no teeth. Lol So this is fun. Guess I’ll be living on soup and ice cream for half a year.
It hurts to walk, it hurts to talk, it hurts to move, it hurts to drink, it hurts to swallow, it hurts to smile, it hurts to breathe. It hurts to live (lol JK, just trying to be extra dramatic with that one. The other ones I meant, though. Everything hurts!)
I have TMJ dysfunction, and dental work triggers it. It’s excruciating and feels like nerve and tooth pain mixed together. The stitches are gross, I can feel them with my tongue. There are some strings hanging out. It’s just so gross. I hope the stitches fall out sooner than later. And I hope I don’t swallow any string. One dentist told me my body would absorb them, another told me they would fall out. So who knows? It’s also gross to feel pieces of bone sticking my tongue once in a while.
The good news is, all my dental work is done!! Two years at that other place, and literally NOTHING got done. They played around for two years. Two MONTHS at this place, and all my work is already done lol (If you read some of my other posts, you’ll know my last dental place sucked, so I left for here) I don’t need any checkups or followup visits or anything, as long as my mouth heals properly in the next week. It’s great to be all done.
Now in a few months, I just have to get fitted for dentures. They said it can be next month already. But I’m going to wait for a while to be extra sure, because if my gums aren’t healed fully, the dentures won’t fit properly, and I will have to pay for new ones. Sometimes it can take 3-6 months for them to fully heal. I’ll probably wait six months. It’s not worth risking having to pay over $1,000 just to have them sooner.
Also, my TMJ dysfunction that I experience symptoms of off and on for decades, may be gone, and no more pain when chewing! I also won’t have shooting pain anymore when I chew because of exposed nerves.
So, overall, it’s a good thing.
Physically, I’m in agony, and emotionally, I’m spent.
The only semblance of relief I get is when I have something cold in my mouth.
Something tells me I can forget about sleeping tonight lol
This picture background is awkwardly blurred out because it’s not my house. I was house-sitting over night. I like blurring the backgrounds of pictures of me out anyway, unless they’re outside, because I like the scenery. But some pictures are better without the blur, and this is one. But I don’t want to expose someone else’s house.
I’m in bed now, watching the original “Carrie” movie with my boys, eating Chocolate ice cream, and guzzling ice water and Gatorade.
I 100% don’t recommend this experience. Whatever you do, try to hold onto your teeth! Lol
This is Hell if ever there was a Hell.
(For any curious people not interested in reading, I had 18 teeth extracted, unexpectedly, all in one sitting. And it’s not pretty.)
Soft teeth run in my family, and I drank too much soda before bed when I was young, so I guess I’m paying for it now.
This is the first one that comes to mind. I made this meme, myself. I remembered a meme with this quote that I encountered in a Buddhist class many, many moons ago. That meme is blurry and not in a good format. I could not find another with this quote, so I made one, myself!
I love this quote. As soon as I encountered it all those years ago, it stirred something in me. It inspired me. I have always held the philosophy that if we have something to give to those in need, it’s best to give it. We don’t have to have a lot to give something. We all have something that someone else needs, even if it’s our time or attention and not something physical.
I’m not always friendly or kind in my interactions with others. But one thing I always know is, underneath, we share the experience of sentience. If I can stop someone’s suffering, I will.
Sometimes, the pain of others can be overwhelming and drag us down, but instead, it can inspire us to act for the benefit of others. It can be in small things we do each day, or the paid work we do, or volunteer work. If ever you feel overwhelmed by empathy, maybe let it motivate you to reach out and love someone.
In February 2015, I took the Bodhisattva vows with a Buddhist Monk. I have broken them again and again. But still, I think of them as my anchor, and I always find my way back to them and see them as a lifelong goal to always reach for.
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❤️And on a funnier note…😆💯 I’m planning to get this on a shirt one day lol
These are just a few of my favorite memes. 😍 I can’t choose just one!
The Carnegie Medal is a prestigious award considered one of the highest civilian honors in the U.S. and Canada.
I love this!!
There’s a medal of honor awarded to “ordinary” people who legit risk or even give their own lives or risk very serious bodily injury, to save another person’s life, often the life of a stranger.
They have to risk their own life to an extraordinary degree, to be considered for the award.
They said there are around 800 nominations a year, and only 11% are accepted to receive the medal of honor. That is amazing, though, that at least 800 people a year go to great lengths to save someone else’s life, even at the risk of their own.
They don’t just potentially risk their lives but actually have a significant risk of dying or experiencing serious bodily trauma.
To receive the award, the victim or survivor has to have been in a situation where their life was in imminent danger, where they would have died right then, if not for the person who saved them.
I’m reading a book about the science and psychology of altruism, and the Carnegie Hero Medal is mentioned. I heard of it before, but I decided to look it up now.
It’s very interesting. The website has many stories of people who were given this medal. Anyone can nominate anyone we want for it. The incident has to have been in the last two years, and the victim and “hero” had to have both been within inches of death. In some cases, the “hero” does die and receives the medal posthumously.
To receive the award, they have to come so close to dying that it’s a wonder they’re still alive. They don’t have to be injured, but many are. There has to be witnesses and/or media reports to confirm the incident really happened and is extraordinary enough to warrant receiving a medal.
They have to be people who risk their own life not as part of their job but out of the goodness of their heart, for no reason other than to save another human. And they have to know their own life is significantly at risk, to receive the medal.
I was skimming through the stories, there are hundreds. It is truly amazing and so heartwarming to read the lengths that people will go to save a stranger’s life. It looks like most of them are men. I was skimming through the list, and saw hundreds, and saw only one woman “hero.” That’s probably because men are more likely to take risks and are more likely to engage in physical things because of social programming.
They are also usually physically stronger. All of these situations are very physical. Many drowning incidents and pulling people out of burning buildings and vehicles and tackling assailants who are assaulting women.
There are probably more women/girls on the list, I haven’t looked at them all. A while ago, I did read a story about a 16 year old girl who received this medal for saving a drowning man. Jumped in and carried him out of an ocean.
There’s one where a stranger saved a man and his dog who were almost electrocuted. The dog bit him when he was saving them lol To receive the award, the victim/survivor has to be human.
One of the “heroes” is as young as 10 years old (he saved another child’s life). One is a 15 year old boy, he ran into a burning building to save a family in the middle of the night when he saw the flames across the street while he was staying in a motel with his dad. His dad was trying to convince him not to go through with it, but the boy wouldn’t listen. And he saved an entire family. He ran in like a super hero and woke them and pulled them out. The story is wild! The boy was injured by smoke inhalation. Everyone involved survived.
There were three teenagers who broke into a burning car and pulled out two women who were trapped. They went into the car after getting the women out, to make sure no one else was in there on the floor or anything. The car was burning down and could have exploded with them inside. One man gave his life for a stranger who was being attacked. She lived.
Just scroll through the list and read a few if you want to be inspired and have your faith in at least some of humanity restored. It’s a reminder that exceptionally good and brave people are among us. Ordinary angels!
It’s amazing and uplifting to see the extent people will go to save complete strangers, even knowing there is a very good chance they themselves will die trying. We see so much negativity in the news and on social media. So much violence inflicted on humans by other humans, wishing death on each other, arguing over politics, just walking by when seeing someone in distress or having an emergency…
Stories and people like the Carnegie medal heroes get overlooked and drowned out in all the negative things.
We need more people caring and more visibility!! 💚
I don’t necessarily recommend risking your own life to save someone else, but I do promote caring more than it seems society currently does and bringing visibility to cases where someone does go to this length, not because they want credit but because it restores our faith in humanity some, and it’s just uplifting and balances out the negative in the world.
Remember what Mr. Rogers said? Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.
I picked up the morning paper the headlines were no surprise a random act of senseless violence was committed again last night it seems the whole world has gone crazy and something needs to be done so starting today, I’m gonna find a way I’m gonna repay someone
With a random act of senseless kindness unexpected hand to help remind us a little bit of love is the cure for hate it’s easy to give up but it’s never too late a single step in the right direction person to person making a connection we can change the world that’s become so violent with a random act of senseless kindness
Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?
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You never know who you may be helping or inspiring, even in difficult situations.
Years ago, I saw a short video clip with an elementary school teacher sharing his true experience with a troubled little boy.
He said the boy was very difficult. He yelled at the teacher and wouldn’t do his work. He was disruptive in class and was always verbally aggressive with the teacher. He could tell the boy hated him. It never stopped all year, the boy acting up and being rude & negative to the teacher.
He showed the boy nothing but love & kindness in return. He was always patient and tried to be as understanding as possible, but he said it was difficult. All throughout the yelling and disrupting the class and rudeness the little boy displayed, the teacher’s love never wavered.
At the end of the year, the kids all gave him a card, thanking him for being their teacher and for being kind & helpful.
He sat at his desk and read all the cards after the last class was over and all the kids walked out that one last time.
All the messages the kids wrote were positive. Then, he got to the card that difficult little boy wrote to him.
The teacher said he was anxious to open it. He hesitated and thought “Oh no, what is this one going to say.” He already knew it would be an insult or something like “I hate you, you were the worst teacher.”
Finally, he opened it and read. The teacher was shocked.
It read: “I wish you were my dad.”
He was deeply moved by just that one line.
That story stayed with me since I heard it many years ago. I’m not sure why. It’s a recurring memory through the years. It’s probably the best story I ever heard.
That must have been the best and most heartbreaking compliment that man ever received.
It just goes to show how our own life can touch someone’s else’s for the better, even in the least expected places. ❤️
Every February 14th, we celebrate & honor organ donors (and donor families), registered donors, & the beautiful, selfless gift they give or intend to give. The gift of life. ❤️
Yes!
I said yes to organ donation in life & in death.
I am a living donor, a registered potential deceased donor, the friend of an organ recipient, and the daughter of a parent with organ failure, in urgent need of a liver transplant. So, organ donation is something I’m touched by, directly, but even before that, I was a passionate advocate for organ donation.
That’s why I chose to become a living donor when I had no ties to it, personally, yet. I just always thought it’s the most beautiful, ultimate act of love to another human, giving a literal piece of ourselves. Since I was a little girl, I wanted to be an organ (and blood) donor.
Over 100,000 people are waiting for a life-saving organ.
Only around 1%-2% of the population becomes a deceased organ donor, and less than 0.1% of the general population are living donors.
Approximately 29% of organ donors are living ones.
Around 60% are registered as potential deceased donors (We need more!!). And over 90% of the population supports organ donation, including all major religions.
I am a volunteer organ donor ambassador with the Gift of Life Program here in Philadelphia. I did the training in 2024, the same year I donated my kidney. I work to bring visibility to organ donation and educate people on the topic.
I LOVE my volunteer job. I love being part of this community, doing work that helps literally save lives, and the whole donor/transplant community. I have the privilege of meeting and working with many recipients/recipient families, donor families, those waiting for a new organ, and other living donors.
Recently, I attended one of their summits where I got this sign.
Here’s a tribute/shoutout to all the organ donors & registered donors and especially all the donor families out there who said YES to saving lives, in their own darkest moment.
I always knew donor families are amazing, but I especially realized just how amazing they are after my dad got sick. My dad won’t live long enough to get a deceased donor liver. But all those donor families out there still said YES to saving my dad and others in need like him.
Anyone can say yes or no to organ donation, but the family gets the ultimate say and are the ones who actively make the decision for the deceased donor. A significant amount of families with the opportunity to donate their family member’s organs but say no, regret it three months later. They wish they would have said yes, but were too distraught in the moment. After the initial stage of grief & shock, they realize they would have said yes. I learned this during the ambassador summit.
The most selfless thing someone can do is register as a potential organ donor. Deceased donors get absolutely nothing in return for their incredible act of love. Unlike living donors, they don’t even get to experience the joy of helping someone. People register as organ donors purely to help another human with no possibility of any benefits to themselves.
To register as a potential deceased donor, click on this link.
You can donate to an anonymous stranger here, or if you know someone in need, you can donate for them through here.
To choose your own recipient (stranger) as a living donor:
MatchingDonors.com
This is like a dating profile but to look for your perfect donor/recipient dna match. Most of them are looking for kidneys and livers, mostly kidneys.
You can make an account as a donor and browse the recipient ones, see their pictures, read their stories. If you’re moved by any of them, you can reach out and offer to be evaluated to give them your organ that they need. (Likely a kidney or portion of your liver)
I tried this many years ago, years before donating my kidney. And just couldn’t. I couldn’t choose who gets to live out of so many. They flooded my inbox like sharks on blood as soon as I opened an account. They were imploring for my kidney and sending me pictures of themselves with their kids and grandkids and telling me why it should be them who gets my kidney.
It was devastating. Some of the pictures are still burned into my memory so vividly, today. Pictures of young parents kissing their kids, pictures of old people hugging their grandkids, a picture of a young ER nurse in need of a new kidney, in her blue hospital scrubs at work, asking me to save her life so she can continue to save others, a picture of a baby in his crib with a big smile on his face, a picture of a young dad and his kids in a park with the biggest smiles…How could I possibly choose?
I wasn’t even sure I was going to choose my own recipient and was just trying it out. I had no idea potential recipients would flood my inbox, telling me how much they don’t want to die, and pleading for me to let them live.
They were all ages, infants up to 80+ years old. Most were searching for themselves, others were searching for a family member or friend in need. All of them tugged on my heartstrings, some more than others. But I couldn’t choose.
I came close to choosing one. A 50 something year old man, the dad of two adult daughters. He was too humble to request a kidney for himself, so his daughters were for him. I wrote a message that I was going to send to his daughters.
But, then, I just couldn’t choose.
That’s when I knew for sure that non-directed kidney donation was for me. It always resonated with me more, anyway. Just tossing my kidney out to whoever catches it.
I closed the account. It still haunts me today.
Years later, my kidney was given to an anonymous 50 something year old man through a non-directed donation.
Anyone interested in donating to a stranger of your choice can sign up through that link.
If you choose someone and you’re not a match, you may be able to do paired exchange or the voucher program where you donate to an anonymous stranger chosen for you, so the person of your choice gets an organ through your donation.
We’ll never have enough deceased donors because almost no one dies under the appropriate circumstances. Even if everyone in the world registered as a potential organ donor, there would be an extreme shortage of organs for those in need. More people registering would help, though. So, living donors are very much needed.
We especially need kidneys. Of the 100,000+ people waiting for a new organ, over 90,000 are waiting for a kidney.
One person can donate two organs while alive! Usually a kidney and portion of the liver. It’s extremely rare. There’s only a few hundred double living donors in the entire world. Not a few hundred a year. A few hundred EVER! Many have donated one organ to a stranger and then another organ later to another stranger. Some donated to a family member or friend and loved the experience so much, they went on to donate a different organ to a stranger.
I recommend registering as a deceased donor!! We don’t need our organs when we’re gone and have no use for them, but someone else does.
I’m an atheist, but one of my favorite quotes has always been “Don’t take your organs to Heaven, Heaven knows we need them here.”
It was a pleasant surprise. I had no idea I would be in a morgue today lol
I was trying to be discreet about taking pictures. Lol I would have taken more, but it was awkward 😆
It was cold in there.
This is one of the freezers and a gurney they lay the organ donors on.
I did not see any bodies. They were going to show us a kidney being pumped, getting ready for donation, but they send all the kidneys to Penn Hospital now.
This is a morgue only for kidney/tissue donors (just tissue now). There are a couple operating rooms in there where they remove them for donation. They also have the consent rooms where they take the families in to consent to donating their family member’s organ. It’s very sweet, whenever a family says “yes,” the staff puts a butterfly sticker up on the windows of the consent rooms, to honor the organ donor and the family’s gift of life.
I saw the elevator where the bodies are brought up. It’s a different elevator than the ones the living people use. It’s interesting because I have been around that building frequently at all different parts of the day, for many years, and have never seen a body being taken in or out. I have, very rarely, seen kidneys/tissue coming out in coolers to be taken to hospitals for transplant. But never a full body.
This morgue was specifically for kidney & tissue donors, but, now, they just do tissue.
This is a thank you letter I wrote to my kidney/organ transplant team and printed it out and took it to the transplant center at the hospital and dropped it off for them recently, with some small thank you gifts & cards. A few of them called me on their own cell phones to tell me how moved & uplifted they were by my story and gifts. They said it made their holiday season and even whole year. I even remember one of them using the term “blown away.” Lol They knew some details of my situation but not our whole story. My kidney transplant surgeon, Dr. Parsons, called me to thank me and ask for my permission to share this letter. I said yes!
We are released as a patient two years after our surgery, so in January 2026, I won’t be a patient here anymore. I was a patient here for almost three years, almost a year for my evaluation before surgery and then the two years after. I wanted to express my appreciation for the excellent care and deep compassion of my healthcare team throughout the last few years. And not only for what they did for me, personally, but the work that healthcare workers do for people in general. Healing people and saving lives is one of the best kinds of life work that someone can do. They can be doing anything, and they choose to literally save & enhance lives.
I would like to share the letter here. Everyone who hears or reads our story is amazed. Some even cry. Lol
The staff are a team of doctors, surgeons, nurses, physician assistants, med techs, and some others who are non-medical professionals but help in other ways. I hope to keep in touch with some of them through some of the organ donor events that take place, like the Donor Dash every April and the living donation celebration, hopefully every year.
Here is my letter to the Penn Transplant Institute staff:
To Mary Cate, Lauren, Nurses Cassandra & Ashley, Dr. Parsons, Colleen, and the whole Penn transplant and surgical teams,
Thank you all so much for your help & care throughout my kidney donation journey!! I’m thankful I chose Penn and would do the whole thing all over again & again if I could! I wish I had enough kidneys to give to every single person in need. It’s the best thing I ever did!
Not only did I get to help someone (possibly two people), but I also now have a great friend, which I wasn’t expecting. My kidney voucher recipient, Greg (you may have met/seen him, I brought him to the living donor celebration), and me were strangers when I heard he was in need of a new kidney. I was just planning on helping him and going on my way, no strings attached. But we have since become very good friends and have this unique & rare connection through our experiences that brought us together.
I was already accepted as a non-directed donor and in the process of donating my kidney to just anyone in need when I heard about a man in Philadelphia who was in urgent need of a new kidney. He was on dialysis for years after an unexpected diagnosis of end stage renal disease when he visited a doctor for suddenly feeling unwell.
He had no luck finding a kidney donor and kept getting sicker. Greg and his family were losing hope after years of waiting and failed attempts. A few of his friends & family members began the living donor evaluation process, but none were qualified. He was told it would take many years for a deceased donor. His only hope was a living one.
Greg had many hospital stays and severe complications of dialysis and kidney failure. There are multiple occasions, his family walked out of the hospital after visiting him, not knowing if they would ever see him again. He was constantly exhausted and in pain and getting infections. He had strict fluid & food restrictions and was constantly thirsty.
He had to quit his job because he became too sick to work. His life was in danger, and the quality of it was greatly suffering, and there seemed to be no end to his suffering. He said he spent hours and hours online, trying to find any bit of hope of eventually receiving a kidney transplant, but no hope was found.
His doctors told him he may not live the amount of years it would take for him to receive a deceased donor kidney because of how advanced his illness was. Greg said it was the darkest point in his life, receiving that devastating diagnosis and then getting sicker and sicker, living in a constant state of uncertainty without any glimmer of hope.
His dad and aunt had to become his caretakers and do mundane tasks for him. His family told me his suffering was becoming too much for him to bear and too much for them to have to witness.
Greg was struggling with the effects of dialysis and was in a deep depression. Just before I learned about him, he was on the verge of giving up and told his family he wasn’t sure he could go on much longer like this.
When I heard about him, I looked his family up on social media and sent them a message, introducing myself, and offered him the kidney voucher. I explained that I was already in the process of donating my kidney to just anyone in need, that my evaluation was already complete, and that I had the opportunity to donate the voucher to someone else, so that, if eligible for transplant, that person would be almost guaranteed to get a new kidney through my donation to an anonymous person, and likely somewhat soon, as long as there were no complications with the system or the person’s own situation. I told them I did not know anyone who needed it and would like to offer it to Greg after hearing how sick he was.
Greg and his family never heard of the voucher program and thought I made it up. They did not believe that I would donate my kidney to just anyone or that a complete stranger could just come out of the blue with a kidney for Greg, already qualified and ready for donation. They said it was too good to be true. It took a while to convince them that it wasn’t a joke or a scam.
They wanted to talk to Nurse Cassandra, but she said, even with my consent to break my patient confidentiality, the living donor team never communicates with a potential recipient or recipient family, when I asked for her permission for me to give them her work phone number so that she could tell them anything they wanted to know about me.
They only believed me after I showed them screenshots of my patient portal content, and even then, they were frequently afraid that I would change my mind about donating my kidney. At his family’s request, we got tested to see if we were a match for a possible direct donation. There was no potential recipient chosen for me yet, so I agreed to it.
Coincidentally, we turned out to live only fifteen minutes apart and be a very good match. His transplant team recommended that I donate my kidney directly to him. So, this was our plan for a while, as Greg was preparing to be evaluated for transplant.
But our situation turned out to be where it was better for him to have the voucher. We are both glad about this because then an extra person was potentially helped. Even when Greg was devastated and wasn’t sure he was going to live long enough to receive a new kidney when he found out he couldn’t have mine, he told me more than once he was so happy for the other person who would get my kidney and still tells me he’s glad it worked this way because that person was helped, too.
He remembered the joy and hope it brought him and his family and friends when he thought he was going to receive my kidney and said he was so happy that someone else and their family and friends now got to experience that. His empathy and compassion for others still ran deep even through his own despair.
That’s how I know I found a good one! I have told him, I don’t think in terms of “deserving” or “not deserving,” I want everyone to live and be healthy and don’t care what person/kind of person got my kidney (as long as he’s not a Cowboys fan! Then, I may have had to call the whole thing off or regret it 😆 jk That’s what I like to say when someone asks me what if a “bad person” got my kidney!), but if ever anyone “deserved” it, it would be him.
During his transplant evaluation, it was discovered that the dialysis & complications did severe damage to his heart, and it was a long journey to having that taken care of and being cleared for transplant. His condition was asymptomatic but life-threatening and putting him in imminent danger, even more than the kidney failure. So, he had two life-threatening health conditions at once. His prognosis, he was told, wasn’t good.
At that point, Greg’s healthcare team was not sure that Greg was going to live to be able to have a kidney transplant, they said the odds weren’t in his favor. The doctors he talked to refused to perform the heart surgery he needed because there was a significant chance he wouldn’t survive it. The news was shocking & shattering to Greg and his family. After just being so elated that he was finally getting a second chance to live and be healthy, they were told he may not survive much longer to ever get that chance.
I could have been waiting indefinitely. So, I decided to continue with non-directed donation, which was always my plan anyway and ultimately my preference as I like the idea of a random person being chosen and maximizing the impact by helping two or more. This was more distressing news for them, but I felt it was for the best for all of us. They understood my decision. Greg was devastated, but he chose to keep going and holding onto the sliver of hope he had, knowing he now had the chance, no matter how slim, for a new kidney, a chance that felt impossible before.
I made sure to only list his name on the voucher so him and his family would be assured that it would always be available for him whenever he was ready.
His family said even before we knew if it would all work out, just that little bit of hope I gave him was enough to pull him out of his depression and inspire him to hold on & keep going. It brought a little bit of light into his darkness, and even his physical health got a little bit better while he was still on dialysis because he now saw the possibility of life off of dialysis. He chose to keep focusing on the potential, the life that could be waiting for him at the end of the dark tunnel.
Greg found a heart surgeon who took the risk that no surgeon wanted to take. Even this surgeon was somewhat reluctant. He said he only risked it because Greg had a kidney donor/voucher already. If he wasn’t already so close to receiving a kidney transplant, the doctor would not have taken the chance. But he did, and he fixed Greg’s heart even better than the minimum he thought he could potentially do. Greg’s heart is now in very good condition. And he was placed back into the system for a kidney transplant.
On February 4th, 2025, just over a year after my non-directed donation, Greg received his new kidney and is doing amazing. He got his whole life back. He is especially thrilled because he is the biggest Philadelphia Eagles fan, and his Kidneyversary date turned out to be the anniversary of the 2018 Eagles Superbowl win!
In 2018, long before I met Greg, I bought a Philadelphia Eagles scarf with the date, “February 4th,” on it. In 2025, I dropped it off at Jefferson Hospital as a surprise gift for him after his kidney transplant on February 4th. I chose not to visit him so as not to potentially expose him to germs, but the nurses gave it to him for me. He said it was the best gift he ever received (the kidney being a close second. 😆)
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So, his transplant date is an especially special date for him! We are so happy about that! (And he got home just in time after his transplant to watch the Superbowl win again with his dad! Two big wins for Greg all in the same week, first a successful kidney transplant and then his team winning the Superbowl!)
Now, every year, we get to have two Kidneyversary days to celebrate, his & mine! The day that Greg received his new kidney was the most amazing day, it was like reliving the day I donated mine, except I got to be outside and not in a hospital bed. It was one of my most joyful, surreal experiences. And everything turned out perfectly for him, just like for me.
His doctors told him he’s so healthy now that he can realistically expect to live with his kidney for twenty or more years. They even said he can potentially live thirty more years with it. His transplanted kidney is working as well as it possibly can, and his general health is great.
He can work again after years of being out of work because of his illness. He got his old job back six months after his transplant! He loves his job and coworkers (many of the same ones, along with the same manager, are still there and warmly welcomed him back) and couldn’t wait to work again. He can go to concerts and games with his friends. We attended the Phillies game on Organ Donation Awareness/Gift of Life Night, hosted by the Gift of Life Program, and volunteered with them there to bring visibility to organ donation.
He said it was amazing and surreal that just less than a year ago, he was on dialysis, hardly even able to leave his house, and now he was there at a game, full of energy, and volunteering to help others get the life saving organ they need, just like he did. And he can travel to visit his family in another state. Before, he couldn’t even walk up a street without becoming exhausted.
He had the honor of meeting new friends (he even made a new kidney recipient friend at the living donor celebration!), and discovering a new cafe he loves that we visit frequently for breakfast together (and he doesn’t have many food restrictions and no fluid restrictions[The fluid restriction was one of his worst struggles, he was always extremely thirsty and found it hard to cope with that]. He still keeps his diet very healthy, though).
I have become an organ donor ambassador with the Gift of Life Program, doing volunteer work to bring awareness to organ donation and encourage people to register as potential organ donors. Greg is also planning on doing the training with the Gift of Life Program to become an organ donor ambassador.
Greg is 45 years old, and it’s like life is just beginning for him. He’s full of energy and life and hopes & dreams he wasn’t able to have before. He doesn’t have to spend hours living on a machine and then spend the rest of his days exhausted. He said he feels even healthier than before he got sick. He said he felt a significant difference in his health and energy as soon as he woke up after his transplant. The kidney began working instantly, and the effects were immediate.
He frequently tells me he’s going to pay it forward and make the world a better place, to give thanks for his second chance to live(He even says he wishes he could be a living organ donor now to show his gratitude and help someone else like he was helped. That makes me laugh!). Not that it’s necessary to me because just existing as a sentient being makes someone worthy of health and life, but he said he’s going to be sure to “earn” his new kidney.
Greg wasn’t registered as a potential organ donor, previously, and his experience receiving the gift of life, himself, inspired him to register as one. I find it heartwarming to see how much it changed him for the better and how one act of kindness can inspire so many more.
He makes friends everywhere he goes and is always doing acts of kindness like giving food workers extra big tips. It’s like he has more love & gratitude than he knows what to do with! It’s just overflowing onto everyone around him.
It always fills me with awe to hear the things he can do after being too sick for so long.
For years, Greg wanted to do the Donor Dash 3k walk, but he was too sick. Finally, in 2025, just two months after his kidney transplant, he was able to do the walk. It was his first goal after transplant. And he succeeded! We walked together. He can’t wait until the next walk and is already making plans to design t-shirts for his team. We also did the 2025 Kidney Walk together for the National Kidney Foundation in October!
He is going to begin working on his dream of becoming a dialysis tech to help people in the position he was once in. He said as a former dialysis patient himself, he will know how to comfort, encourage, and uplift the people needing dialysis. It warms my heart to see him so happy and know that, along with many others, I was able to play a part in him fulfilling his dreams and going on to help others.
I used to think of living kidney donation in a limited way, that it helps someone live, and their friends and family get to still have them around. And that was motivation enough for me to regift one of mine.
But, after this experience, I began to realize it’s so much more expansive than that. Countless things are going to happen when a person’s life is saved or changed that would never happen if they weren’t saved or changed for the better. It has an unfathomable and boundless ripple effect.
That person will go on to do things that will contribute to an infinite amount of other things. They’ll do work, engage in acts of kindness, have many encounters with various people, develop relationships, maybe have kids, and those kids will do an infinite number of things, on & on. When one person is saved, their life will have a limitless impact on the world, there’s no telling how many more will be helped, touched, or saved in various ways because that one person’s life was spared.
Even way into the very distant future, the impact of our choice to donate our kidney could still be existing even if it doesn’t involve the recipient or donor anymore. This isn’t just true for organ donation but any choice we make. Any choice, good or bad, any act of kindness, can have a lasting effect we can’t foresee and may never know.
This is true for every single one of us. We all impact everything around us in ways we may never know. Each impact we have will go on to create more effects. On & on & on.
The decision we make to give life doesn’t only help our organ recipient and voucher recipient, if we have one, but every single life they go on to touch.
We have no idea how powerful our own life is, no matter who we are or what we do. Every little thing we do touches someone or something for better or for worse.
If the thread that is us was missing, the uni-verse would not be the same. Part of it would unravel. We’re all connected in an infinite amount of intricate ways we’ll never fully understand. We’re all a thread in the tapestry of life, holding each other together.
After giving my kidney to save a stranger’s life, I understand this now in a deep way I never did before. It’s so enlightening.
Greg and me love our story, and we love to share it (we even found an excuse to share it with our lyft driver once!). There is nothing that either of us would change or wish was different.
He said he lives an almost completely normal life and generally feels like he’s not even sick anymore, other than occasional fatigue that his doctors said is normal for a transplant recipient, and having to take a lot of medication. He has a few side effects, but he said anything is better than dialysis and that he can’t complain.
There are so many seemingly small things he can do that healthy people may not even realize. When we think of someone getting an organ transplant, we often think of the most obvious things like the fact they can now go on vacations or have kids or get to meet their grandkids, or have a career…which is all great.
But there are so many simple joys that are now a reality for them, that are often overlooked by the healthy, like the fact that they can taste their favorite food again or eat ice cream (Greg was thrilled about this!) or not have fluid intake restrictions or can work in their garden, spend holidays at home with family instead of in a hospital, and just go for a walk outside without becoming exhausted.
Greg can now do all of these things and more.
I hope the same is true for my kidney recipient. I frequently think of him. I like to joke that it’s like having a long, lost twin out there somewhere! I was so happy to find out basic information about my kidney recipient when I asked. I had no preference but was a bit curious about the age & gender of the person, but I wasn’t sure it was ok to ask at first. Finding out that I have a “kidney brother” somewhere, was just as amazing as the day I donated my kidney. It made him seem more human in my mind and less an abstract concept, and added more joy to my already joyful experience.
I like to think that I have two kidney brothers. Maybe someday I’ll get to meet/communicate with my other one. But even if not, I’m so thankful for the opportunity to help someone! The joy never fades.
Sharing my kidney is just as much a gift to me as to my recipient/s.
Donating one of my kidneys to a person in need has been my dream for so many years since I read a heartwarming true story in a newspaper or magazine (It was so long ago, that detail is a bit hazy now), about a man who donated his kidney to a stranger. Being a dad inspired him, and he said we’re all the same beyond any differences, and anyone he looked at could be his own son and is just as worthy. It inspired me.
When I read that story, I instantly knew that would be me one day, sharing one of my kidneys with a person in need. Almost two decades later, it was! It just deeply resonated with me. I found it so beautiful to see the lengths that one human would go to save another, giving up a literal piece of himself.
I wasn’t sure when it would happen, but I knew one day, it would. If I have more than enough of something for myself, I see no reason not to give some to someone who doesn’t have enough. I had two perfect kidneys. And I have always been in perfect health. I wanted to share that so someone else can have even just a little bit of what I have. It made complete sense to me to give one away to anyone who needed it. The fact that I don’t know someone, or may not like the person, doesn’t make that person less worthy or less in need.
At that moment I read the story, it was not an urgent “calling” like it would become years later, but even then, I had this deep conviction that I have everything it takes and would do that for someone one day in the future. Through the years, thoughts about it were recurring, becoming more frequent and intense, often randomly, but not until 2023, did everything become perfectly aligned and right, giving me the motivation & ability to go through with it.
Some years ago, I, randomly, tried to donate my kidney at Jefferson Hospital’s transplant center. There was no particular reason I chose to then. I chose them because the location was very convenient with my work back then. But they stopped communicating with me with no explanation, then the initial covidvirus outbreak occurred, and my financial & work situations changed. I still frequently thought about donating my kidney to anyone in need and knew I eventually would.
That story I read many years ago stayed with me for all those years until my dream finally came true, 15+ years later. In March 2023, I saw a request on the subway one night after work, for a 76 year old Pennsylvania man, asking for someone to become a non-directed kidney donor and donate the voucher to him. I realized that I had the appropriate work, financial, and living situations again.
At that moment I felt the “call.” I knew instantly. It felt like being on the cusp of something incredible, a feeling that was lacking when I attempted to donate at Jefferson Hospital years earlier. The second I saw the request that night, without any hesitation at all, I looked up the National Kidney Registry and filled out the application on the train, to be a non-directed donor with intention to give the voucher to that man. If it did not work out with him, I planned to still donate my kidney to just anyone.
I knew the potential benefits to a kidney recipient significantly outweighed any potential risks to myself and that even if I did experience one or more of the rare potential complications at any point, at least it would be because I tried to help someone. I could never regret it. The only thing I would ever regret would be not taking the chance when I had it.
Someone else did not have the luxury of “maybe” that I had. Maybe I would experience a complication or maybe not, but someone else was already suffering complications of an illness, and all it would take was a small part of my body to help that. Giving up some of my comfort for a while, taking on a little bit of someone else’s pain, to possibly give someone a whole life, was more than worth it.
I knew as soon as I saw that request on the subway that it would lead me to do something amazing and profound, something I have always known I would do. There was this feeling like this is it, the seed that was planted all those years before, finally blossoming into fruition. There was no uncertainty, no hesitation. This remained true throughout my entire evaluation process. There was never a hint of reconsidering my decision or backing out. I had this overwhelming feeling like I was made to help someone, whether this person or someone else, and that in the end, it would all work out for the best for all involved.
Thankfully, it turned out that man on the screen on the subway was already helped by another stranger when my evaluation was through. 200+ people, mostly strangers, in & near Philadelphia, volunteered to give their kidney for him. Nearly all were rejected, but I loved seeing that it’s not as rare as people may think, for a human to reach out to help another struggling human, no matter what lengths they have to go. It inspired me that over 200 people did not hesitate to help a man in need, and I know many more would have reached out to help him if they saw his request.
So, I got to go on and help someone else. Ten months later, I donated my kidney to whoever needed it. That sign on the subway is what set the whole thing in motion. Those ten months brought me nothing but overwhelming joy. I loved the whole process and anticipation. It brought extra joy to my everyday, knowing I was about to help someone in need. I cherish the memories now. Some living organ donors talk about a big depressing “let down” after the whole thing is over, once the surgery takes place and the novelty wears off and there’s no longer this big thing to look forward to. But for me, the joy has only deepened since then.
I considered looking for another stranger in need to donate the voucher to after I learned that man was already helped. It was a coincidence that I happened to hear about Greg just as I was searching for someone in need. The donation process took a bit longer because I waited for Greg for a while until I realized non-directed donation would be best while donating the voucher to him.
Thank you for giving me that chance to help someone.
During the evaluation process, there was some concern about my depression history. I had to do another psych evaluation with the social worker in case the surgery or any aspect of donation triggered my depressive condition. I appreciated their care for not only my physical safety but also my mental health, but my experience had and still has the opposite effect! It elates me and lifts me, even in low moods.
I am just as healthy as when I had two kidneys! Nothing changed at all. I wouldn’t even know I had surgery or only have one kidney except for the scars (which I love, and wish would stop fading! Quite a few people who saw my incisions/scars {I love to show them off 😆} said I clearly had a great surgeon!). I remember just less than two weeks after my surgery, jokingly saying I wonder if they even took the kidney! I was nearly 100% back to my usual self already. I walked to my three week post op appointment! Two hours without stopping. And walked the two hours back home!
Greg and me both have had an extremely easy recovery with little to no pain or fatigue and no complications. We both have said it’s almost like we never even had surgery. I only needed the prescription pain med on my first evening home. Then, after that, never even needed Tylenol. And not one nap during my recovery! I was already back to work a few weeks later, just keeping the pets company who did not need walks (I’m a pet nanny for work), and a few months later, I was back to work completely with no problems at all.
I am as energetic as ever. I often walk 10+ hours a day and love to brag about how amazing that is for someone with only one kidney (even though I know having only one kidney doesn’t put me at a disadvantage for walking or any other physical activity)! I also like to brag about my two superpowers: being in two places at once (I heard that Lefty is somewhere in Minnesota!), & peeing for two 😆
None of this would have been possible for Greg and so many others without all of you on the living donor team and the work you do for living donors and, in turn, our recipients.
I thank all of you for being part of my journey and for all the work you do helping people and literally saving lives.
I found the whole Penn staff to be warm and caring. I remember having anxiety on my way to my first day of medical testing at Penn and even the night before. I was concerned that my blood pressure would not show as accurate because of my anxiety and was trying to think of ways to calm myself and my racing heart. Nothing was working. But as soon as I got inside and met the various team members, my anxiety completely dissipated, and every part of me became calm.
While the work itself is important, I also believe that the way healthcare workers interact with their patients is important and makes all the difference to us. I have received nothing but kindness, positivity, and compassion when interacting with the Penn staff, all throughout my evaluation process, hospital stay, and after.
The atmosphere at Penn is so positive and calming. On the morning of my surgery, I woke up with a palpable sense of inner peace that stayed with me even as I laid on the operating table waiting to go under. All of the healthcare workers in the operating room that morning were uplifting and funny and compassionate. And they played my favorite music for me, Oldies!
I was a half hour late for surgery because I got up later than I meant to and then got lost that morning and ended up in the wrong place with no idea where to go. The only person around was a friendly security guard who also had no idea where I was supposed to be. It held everyone up. I could tell a few of the doctors/nurses were frantic and trying to hurry up and get the whole thing going after having to wait for me.
I also overheard them talking outside the room about the challenges they had because of me showing up late (I’m still sorry!!). But none of them showed any anger or even annoyance, they even said it was no problem when I said I’m sorry. That’s one thing I always remember, the patience and understanding they showed me. They were also kind enough to take a picture of Lefty for me when I requested it before sending it off to its new forever home!
Another thing I have appreciated is the surgical team standing at the bed as I was waking up just after surgery, and gently saying my name over and over and telling me I was awake now. The first thing I saw was their smiling faces as soon as everything came into focus. And they told me I gave a beautiful kidney and thanked me for giving the gift of life. It can be confusing or startling to wake up somewhere that isn’t home, especially in a place like a hospital, before everything registers. They made sure I woke up knowing that everything was good.
That’s something I will always remember.
It may seem like a simple, unimportant thing, but it made my experience better and was a soothing and positive thing to wake up to.
Other than Dr. Parsons, I don’t remember the names of any of the doctors or nurses taking care of me that day or throughout my brief hospital stay, but I do remember that care, compassion, and patience.
I haven’t met one Penn team member who isn’t extremely caring and dedicated and welcoming.
I am in a living kidney donor group online with living donors all around the world, mostly U.S. donors, and one recurring complaint that I see is that some living donor centers do not show support or compassion to their donors after the surgery. They kind of forget about them or brush them off after the kidney is taken. It’s more common than we would like to think. I always tell people I have been lucky to not have this problem with Penn. Not only are we not dismissed or forgotten but are acknowledged with gratitude after our donation.
All of my questions before and after my kidney donation surgery, even the slightly off-topic ones that weren’t necessarily your responsibility to answer, were answered quickly and thoroughly, and the responses were always thoughtful and caring.
My interactions with most of the Penn team have been brief and not very frequent, but still, the impact is very positive and lasting.
I am writing all this in detail to remind you of the full extent of the impact of the work you do and the compassion you display. I know healthcare workers are often overworked, burned out, and sometimes constantly busy. It may not always be positive or easy work and can be stressful, I’m sure, but it touches countless lives for the better.
I am so honored to get to have this experience and to have worked with your team for the last few years. If ever I meet anyone considering living organ donation (I hope to inspire some along the way!), I will be sure to recommend Penn Transplant Institute and share with them my positive experience with you.
I love being part of the whole organ donation family and feel a sense of kinship & belonging with all the other donors, donor families, recipients, and their families.
My body “lost” a kidney, but I received so much more in return.
My kidney donation has given me this whole family, a new friend, an expanded life perspective, and most of all, the gift of seeing someone’s whole life change, dramatically, for the best.
Even though it wasn’t my intention or expectation, my experience with kidney donation truly has given me just as much as it has given those who received the gift of life out of it.
Even if I never got to know my kidney voucher recipient or my actual recipient, I would be so thankful for my opportunity to get to help someone, but getting to see firsthand the incredible impact, it adds to my experience.
I hope Lefty is doing well, and I will continue to take good care of Righty and bring awareness to living organ donation (and organ donation in general)!
My kidney donation journey at Penn is coming to an end after almost three years, so I want to say thank you and share with you my amazing experience before I go.
Thank you, again, to every member of the Penn living donor team, the surgical team, the general Penn transplant team, and all of the healthcare workers who took care of me during my hospital stay after surgery.
With love,
Kim
❤️There were way more than shown here lol I had three shopping bags full of gifts, some personalized for the people I worked with more directly, but most for the staff in general. 💙💚💚💙
So, there’s our story!
If you have a healthcare worker or team of them, I recommend showing them your gratitude & appreciation with a small gift, letter, or card. Unfortunately, this is not allowed at every hospital/health center, so, checking with the hospital’s HR first is a good idea. Healthcare workers are professionals doing their job, but they’re also just people who don’t expect it but love to be acknowledged for the good they do. They definitely don’t get enough of it. I was not expecting any of them to acknowledge my letter or gifts to them. I was almost sure they would appreciate it but wasn’t expecting busy Healthcare workers to really stop and acknowledge it. But they couldn’t express enough gratitude or joy!
You can brighten someone’s whole day or even leave a lasting impact just by sharing how they helped you or someone close to you or even just thanking them for the work they do in general.
This is a screenshot response that someone wrote to me on a meme I shared in my last post here, this meme:
This is my response to that person’s response. I understand the person has good intentions, but I can’t say I agree that gun violence is ever good.
My response:
I do think of myself as the same as them. I am the same as them.
Differences in political & moral views are not significant enough, in my opinion, to make us fundamentally different. We’re essentially the same. Not only are we the same species, we’re all sentient. That makes us the same.
That “we’re not the same” philosophy I see so frequently on “both sides,” hinders our empathy and only serves to create more of a disconnect with each other.
I’m human just like them. I’m a sentient being just like they are. Like them, I can experience pain and suffering, and, like them, I gravitate towards relief and pleasure and life affirming things. I don’t want my head blown off any less than they do.
I’m truly no different than they (people with different political/moral views than me) are. And I’m no more worthy of life than they are. If it’s not ok to blow my head off while I’m walking up a street or talking to people, then it’s not ok to blow theirs off, in my opinion. It’s sentience that makes us worthy of life, not our goodness.
Some may argue that it’s for practical purposes that some people are killed, but I don’t believe it’s helping anything or going to stop their ilk. They’ll still be spewing their nonsense after people like them are killed. Research even shows that in places where capital punishment is practiced, there’s even more violence and nothing to show that killing “bad people” deters other ones.
If they’re so full of violent urges and hatred, it’s unlikely that killing them off in violent ways is going to make the surviving ones more peaceful and loving and accepting. It will just provoke more fury in them, motivating them to act with more violence either physically or verbally or politically. When Liberal/Progressive people kill a Conservative person or they assume the murderer is a Liberal, all it does is “confirm” for them that the Liberals are terrible people and that Liberalism has to be obliterated.
The only justification for blowing someone’s head off, in my opinion, is if that person is an imminent threat to me or to someone else, not just because they spew nonsense, even if the nonsense they spew is ultimately harmful. And it should always be a last resort.
I have progressive political views, pro equality for all minority groups…some people think that makes me a threat to society. That doesn’t mean one of those people can walk up and blow my head off out of the blue.
So, it’s the same with people who have views that I know are dangerous to society. I can’t just blow them to pieces because I don’t like their views. These Conservative people legit believe Liberals and minority groups are a serious threat to society and that they’re doing the greater good a favor when they kill us or strip us of our rights.
They truly feel justified in killing us off and/or trampling on our basic rights. But as we know, that’s not ok for them to do that just because they believe it’s helpful or that we deserve it. If we feel equally justified in killing them off because we know they’re a threat to us all, that doesn’t mean we’re right. It seems hypocritical to me. We get to decide who lives and who dies or who is worthy of the basic right to life and who isn’t. It doesn’t sit right with me.
Our convictions are equally strong, yet it’s ours that is right, just doesn’t make sense. I know the difference here is that they actually are a threat where we aren’t. But, still, I think it gets dangerous when we start subjectively coming up with excuses to kill people for their views. And I think there’s a better way to deal with them.
They experience fear and pain. They have things that make them happy. They have friends and family who love them. They have little kids and pets who need them and are traumatized over the loss…it’s not ok to decide that it’s our place to take their life away just because they have repulsive views.
We have to tackle their views and keep them out of positions of power (I know that’s very difficult to do and a complex issue and easier said than done), not murder them. There’s always going to be despicable people with corrupt views, trying to make life difficult for others. I believe there are better ways to deal with them than killing them. There are people who find me just as repulsive as I find these people (I received death wishes, was told I deserve to suffer the “worst pain imaginable” and be killed after being tortured “beyond recognition” and more because of my political views, told I deserve to be caught in a massacre at a Democratic event), that doesn’t give them consent to kill me. It works both ways.
Also, I don’t necessarily believe that when someone kills someone for political reasons that it’s always for practical purposes. I think it’s often out of anger and “payback,” which is never wise to act on. I see many people rejoicing in a vengeful way when a political figure is shot dead, that shows it’s not just for practical purposes.
Having to kill someone, in my opinion, is never a happy matter. I get having to kill someone sometimes or not mourning for certain people when they die, because of how terrible they were. But there’s people just getting off on their deaths. That’s ok if that’s their inner experience. It’s not really my place to tell people how they should and shouldn’t feel about something. Especially when it’s an oppressed person rejoicing over the fact that one of their oppressors is dead.
Who am I to tell a trans person or a gay person or an African American/black person or a woman not to be happy someone who was working to kill them or take away their basic human rights is dead? But we can’t be acting on it or promoting killing for revenge. I believe for practical purposes, to make the country/world better for all, we should teach and promote more peaceful ways than killing.
Decisions, especially ones that have to do with ending someone’s life, should always be made, intellectually, and while in a rational state of mind.
Society isn’t going to progress by blowing each other’s heads off.
I picked up the morning paper The headlines were no surprise A random act of senseless violence Was committed again last night It seems the whole world has gone crazy And something needs to be done So, starting today, I’m gonna find a way I’m gonna repay someone With a random act of senseless kindness Unexpected hand to help remind us A little bit of love is a cure for hate It’s easy to give up, but it’s never too late A single step in the right direction Person to person making a connection We can change the world that’s become so violent With a random act of senseless kindness
In my opinion, our compassion is best when it embraces all sentient beings.
Reasons:
1.) Our suffering is all the same whether we’re good or bad. 2.) At best, suffering does the world no good, and at the worst, it makes the world worse for everyone 3.) Ultimately, the “bad people” are like victims of their circumstances- this is not to say we have no choice, but our choices are often influenced by various factors, our mental health, our life circumstances, our upbringing, our culture, our privilege or lack of… and sometimes without us fully realizing the consequences or that we have other options. I don’t believe that under the best circumstances, anyone would essentially choose to be a terrible person. 4.) Our own minds are more peaceful when we wish others well.
This post is inspired by all the (understandable) enthusiasm I have been seeing about Donald Trump’s medical condition and all the wishes that more bad things happen to him.
I don’t believe he can be rehabilitated. I believe he’s a bad person and that there’s no hope for him. I am not one of those loving people who believe everyone is truly good and that everyone can be rehabilitated with lots of love and care. I think Donald Trump was born with the predisposition for being a “bad person.”
His condition reminds me of my condition, but mine is not serious. It can be painful but is not life or health threatening. I have jugular vein insufficiency and insufficiency of a few other veins in my neck because of an obstruction in my head. The obstruction is also not life threatening. The blood leaving my brain to go to my heart through these veins, can’t get there because of the veins being impinged on. So, the blood backs up into my head. Many veins are all doing the same job, so it doesn’t matter. It’s harmless. The blood is still getting to my heart.
I have recurring unbearable headaches associated with it, though. The headaches are 10/10 pain, at least within their own context. I guess when compared to some other kinds of pain, they would be less than 10 on a pain level scale. But like within the context of headaches. They bring me to the floor. I have been bedridden for days sometimes. I think it’s the obstruction itself that causes the headaches, not the vein insufficiency or blood backing up. That can cause severe pain, too, though, among many other things. When I have these headaches or think of them, my empathy for others becomes boundless.
Mine doesn’t cause swelling, but you can see the jugular vein bulging out of my neck. I had to have scans a couple of years ago to see why it was suddenly protruding and so prominent. The doctors were concerned it could be a blood clot somewhere causing it. But it turned out to be nothing serious. I convinced myself I was dying and had six months left to live (certain kinds of cancer can cause it to bulge, and when it’s to that point, the average person only lives around six months. I convinced myself I had that), and my heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof in a doctor’s office. They had to tell me to calm down and to stay off Google 😆
I don’t want him as President, he’s absolutely repulsive. He has no redeeming qualities. None. But I don’t wish him or anyone to be sick. I don’t believe anyone deserves to be sick any more than I do. We are all equal in our suffering and in our comfort. The goodness or lack of it in us, is irrelevant in this context. If Donald Trump was afflicted with one of my headaches, he would suffer the same as me. All sentient beings essentially want to live and be healthy. We all suffer the same. The headaches this brings me, I would wish on absolutely no one. I literally cannot bear the mere thought of someone else, even him, enduring what I do when a headache hits.
I believe the world would be a significantly better place if everyone was happy (not at the expense of others, but sincerely happy) & healthy. It’s people who are unhappy and hurt who hurt others. Happy, well rounded, people don’t go around tormenting anyone else. There are absolutely people who get off on hurting others (he’s one of them), it makes them happy. But that’s not genuine happiness, it’s happiness that often relieves whatever unhappiness that afflicts them. If they were genuinely happy, they would not inflict pain upon others.
❤️
Most of us have probably experienced this on a lesser scale, like for example, when we’re in a bad mood so we get snippy with someone when it’s not warranted. It’s displaced anger or annoyance. We may not usually do this, even when unhappy, but most of us have probably more than once been less than kind, when in a bad mood, to someone who did not deserve it. These people, though, live a life of that because they are always unhappy and are the kind of people who want others to suffer, too.
I don’t believe that everyone is basically good. But I think their lack of goodness is the result of their own suffering. Some people are born (and maybe upbringing often plays a part, but I think they have inherent or genetic inclination for it to begin with) never developing basic human abilities/emotions, like the ability for empathy and compassion. This does not result in true happiness. It results in the desire to hurt others, it brings them a superficial happiness. Donald Trump hurts everyone. And he gets off on it. He loves it. But we see he’s not a happy person.
Why do we think bitter, miserable people often insist on hurting others? Because it brings them relief or pleasure. They are seeking what we all seek. It’s just for them, their suffering influences it.
Wishing further suffering on them has no practical benefits. If anything, it only serves to perpetuate their abuse as their own suffering is the source of it anyway, and it doesn’t make our own mind any more positive or loving. It may bring us a moment of satisfaction again & again. But I don’t think it has any real value. At least wishing others well has potential to bring us inner peace, and then we’re more likely to interact positively with others.
Not all seemingly terrible people really are. Unlike Donald Trump, some can change. It’s dependent on the reason they are how they are.
I believe that if we were all given the choice before being born, to be a good and happy person or a bad and suffering person who goes to great lengths to inflict that suffering upon others, all of us would have chosen to be happy and healthy and good and someone who wishes that for every other being as well. Ultimately, no one chooses to be what Donald Trump is. Yes, he chooses to do bad things within the confines of the existence he was given. He’s a despicable person. Nothing changes that. But I don’t believe for a second that he would have chosen this if the uni-verse gave him a choice when he was still a “clean slate” if ever he even was. He was born suffering or was brought up to suffer, and now he wants the rest of us to suffer along with him.
Some people’s suffering inspires deeper empathy for others, but for others, it doesn’t, it has the opposite effect and inhibits empathy instead.
As the cliche goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.”
Suffering begets more suffering.
This doesn’t mean we always have to speak warm & kindly to everyone. Sometimes, people have to be told off & judged harshly and not get what they want. Some people need a firm ass kicking. It just means we don’t have to wish suffering upon them.
I believe it does no good to wish pain & suffering on others.
I wish he was happy & healthy and not born a psychopath. Me wishing that does no practical good either, though. But I think the world would be better and most of us more peaceful if more of us wished good things on people instead of bad.
People have countered my sentiment, saying anger & hatred fuel us to act for good. While that is sometimes true, compassion & love can fuel us just the same. Anger & hatred feel unpleasant and can get out of control and influence us to do things that are destructive to ourselves and others. Love & compassion can never go wrong. As I said, it doesn’t necessarily have to be warm and sappy and “feel good” feelings. It can be firm & harsh but still love. When anger & hatred frequently consume us, it leads to stress, depression, anxiety, physical ailments. When compassion & love consume us, it only leads to good.
I don’t know the source of this quote, the name here may not be accurate. I also see it attributed to Shantideva.
I have wished bad things on people before, and I probably will again. But that’s not the philosophy I hold, it’s when I give into raw emotion that I allow to overtake me and blind me. I always find my way back to me, the authentic me who knows the truth, that wishing suffering on others isn’t the way.
If I could, I would flip a switch and turn all the suffering in the world off, even for “bad people.” I would in a heartbeat.
Think about it, there must be higher love Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above Without it, life is a wasted time Look inside your heart, I’ll look inside mine Things look so bad everywhere In this whole world, what is fair? We walk blind, and we try to see Falling behind in what could be
Bring me a higher love Bring me a higher love Bring me a higher love Where’s that higher love I keep thinking of?
