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Every woman has a name <3

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“I grew up realizing that the most precious jewels to behold were people who didn’t care about fitting the average social mold but dared to dance to the calling of their own music.” ~ Bradford Keeney, Ph.D. (Everyday Soul, pp. 45)

I read a novel called Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah about two best friends who were friends for over thirty years since they were teenagers, then they had a vicious falling out over an act of betrayal on the part of one of the girls. 
Their friendship seems destroyed beyond repair. 

(as I always mention about books/movies with rape scenes, this book has one on page 32 and 33 {of the copy I have, I don’t know if it’s the same for every copy} if you want to skip it. Scenes like this can trigger serious distress for someone who has previously experienced trauma whether it was earlier today or decades ago so I always try to remember to caution people I tell about things I read/see that have those scenes)

Interestingly after reading it and preparing this post, I found another book, a personal development book by Dr. Keeney, I felt drawn to and began to read and in the book, he writes that line I quoted above, on page 45, which is very relevant to this topic I’m writing about here! 

Some of my favorite novels & movies are ones about friendship, especially friendship with two girls/women like Beaches, For a Good Time, Call, Brokedown Palace, Snowflower & the Secret Fan, The Last of Her Kind, The Red Scarf…

I never had many friends, especially female friends, and most of the ones I have been blessed with, dissolved, either through a falling out or just drifting apart when one of us moved or went to a different school, things like that. I always wished I had more. 

This is a beautiful story and the ending is breathtaking. I love it! ❤

There won't be any really big spoilers here but I'm going to share two lines out of the novel because they are full of so much wisdom.

The one woman, Tully, is a journalist who travels the world and she doesn't have time for a serious romantic relationship or children but she loves her job.

Our society though (US society) places so much pressure on people to have families, get married, have children…and often sees those who, for whatever reason, stay single or do not get married or have kids, as not being fulfilled or not fulfilling life's "ultimate purpose" or not being complete or as "worthy" as those with families of their own.

So the woman in this book at some points feels low about choosing a very demanding career that contributes to making it very difficult to have other commitments. She meets another woman with a similar job who says this:

"'There's a price, that's for sure. For my generation, at least, you couldn't do this job and be married. You could get married-I did; three times-but you couldn't stay married. And forget about kids. When a story broke, I needed to be there, period. It could have been my kid's wedding day and I'd have left. So I've lived by myself.' She looked at Tully. 'And I've loved it. Every damn second. If I end up dying in a nursing home alone, who gives a shit? I was where I wanted to be every second of my life, and I did something that mattered.'
Tully felt as if she were being baptized into the religion she'd always believed in. 'Amen to that.'"
(p. 239)

There is so much truth to this!

It's different if someone chooses this kind of career and also wants a family and feels unfulfilled for not having one, then that may be a problem but if we choose this kind of life and love it and are so passionate about it, we shouldn't have to feel incomplete and not satisfied because of what society or others say or imply.

Like this lady says, who cares if we die alone if we lived the life we truly wanted? Some people can't even imagine living this life with no family and so much work but to others it's a dream come true. 

It's different if we already have a family; it's not a great idea to abandon or neglect them to throw ourselves into our work and then die alone. But for people who choose to live a single life of almost constant work because they love it, good for them! 

Then there's this:

“That’s the funny thing about writing your life story. You start out trying to remember dates and times and names. You think it’s about facts, your life; that what you’ll look back on and remember are the successes and failures, the time line of your youth and middle age, but that isn’t it at all. Love. Family. Laughter. That’s what I remember when it’s all said and done. For so much of my life I thought I didn’t do enough or want enough. I guess I can be forgiven my stupidity. I was young. I want my children to know how proud I am of them, and how proud I am of me. We were everything we needed-you and Daddy and I. I had everything I ever wanted.
Love. 
That’s what we remember.”
(pp. 467)

Beautiful!

The other woman, Katie(who I just quoted), the best friend of, Tully, all her life just really wanted to be a wife and at home mom. It was her passion since she was a little girl, to fall in love, get married, and have children and stay home and care for them and the household. And that’s what she did and loves it. But just like single women with very demanding careers and very little time for true romantic love and children are criticized for their lifestyle, so too are stay at home wives and mothers for not doing or being “enough.”

See, we can’t win either way! We do one thing and we’re criticized and we do the opposite or something else and we’re criticized for that too.

So this woman, while loving her life, her husband, and her kids, frequently feels as if she should be “more,” do more, live more, want more.

These girls live kind of opposite lives, are both successful in different ways, both made choices they love, yet they envy each other and feel like they should be more or different than they are, just because of what society expects and demands. They both have regrets on and off and wonder if they should have made different choices. 

There’s nothing wrong with either of their lives. Like I said, it’s different if we truly want more or different but we don’t have to feel like we’re not enough and especially not feel like we need more because of what others say or do.

“And even when your world was shakin’
Even when your breath was taken
Even when your blue eyes turned to gray
Small town debutantes and queens
Every woman has a name
Cocktail waitresses with dreams
Every woman has a name
And every girl whose love survives
A broken heart to stay alive
You signed your picture in the frame
Every woman has a name”
~ Alice Cooper

If you’re a single career girl with no family of your own, you are enough even if you hope to one day change something and even if you don’t.

If you are an at home wife or mommy, you are enough. 

If you have a big important career and also have children, you are enough, even if your kids had/have babysitters and daycare. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a great mom or were/are selfish. You gave your child life or this life if you adopted your children, and take care of his/her needs and love him/her. 

If you choose not to have kids or can’t have kids, you are enough. 

If you work at a low paying job that isn’t that important, you are enough. 

If you have an impressive career and lots of money and material things or inherited lots of money and don’t work a day, you are enough.

“Housewives cryin’ on the phone
Every woman has a name
Sacred sisters all alone
Every woman has a name
And even on the coldest day
When the kids are gone, moved away
It’s lonely now
There’s no one there to hold your hand
And play
See it written on the grave
Every woman has a name”
~ Alice Cooper 

Some people try to make us feel guilty or low no matter how we live, either we have too much or do too much or not enough, we’re greedy and selfish or pampered for having a lot of money and spending it on ourselves and we are lazy, unmotivated, or inferior if we don’t have much money or material possessions. Mothers who go out to work are called selfish and criticized for leaving their kids but stay at home moms are also criticized for doing “nothing.”
People who want nothing more than to be a family person are criticized but so are those who don’t want children.

Whether we want more or to change or truly want to be right where we are, we are enough just as we are. We’re not less than anyone else or less than we would be if we had more or lived differently than we currently do. And there’s no certain way we “should” feel or live as long as we’re not interfering directly with others. 

How about no matter what our situation is, we vow to continuously look for and celebrate the positive in it while also encouraging others to do the same for themselves…

I absolutely LOVE how this author conveys the message that any life we choose is a good life as long as we’re happy with it and every woman has worth. She portrays the beauty of being a stay at home mom and wife and how they do so, so much work, just as much as those who work paid jobs and even more work than some people with jobs outside the home. But she also captures the beauty of being a busy career woman and how ultimately LOVE is what’s important, all love, friendship love, family love, the love for our work and life itself. And family doesn’t have to be just about being biologically or legally related. These two girls are like sisters even though they aren’t related, because they love one another and show concern and encouragement to each other. They cheer each other on even through moments of jealousy and insecurity and betrayal. We can have love no matter our job or lifestyle. 

❤ ❤ ❤

Every Woman Has a Name – Alice Cooper – mobile

Every Woman Has a Name – desktop

Much love & light to you, always 

Xoxo Kim 

Sunshine Award

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Thank you so, so much, Sonali, at Howling With the Wolf:

https://howlingwiththewolf.wordpress.com/

for nominating me for this lovely award! I’m so honored and happy to receive it! Please go check out her wonderful blog! She’s an amazing person and writer! I’m so happy our paths crossed here on WordPress!! ❤ ❤

Here are the questions and my answers. 

1. If you could pick one line from your About Me page(or whatever you renamed it to) to describe you, which line would you pick?

"I believe in Metta or Universal Love, ONE love. Loving and wishing the very best for every living, sentient being everywhere. This includes those who are not so easily lovable.

I’m extremely easily amused! I laugh at the dumbest and most inappropriate things. It’s fun but gets me into trouble now and again! I even laugh when I’m alone and at things that happened years ago. It’s very easy to entertain me. Lol I love being around lots of people but I also take pleasure in my own company."


This is two lines/paragraphs isn't it? Oh, well! They describe me well! ❤

2. Which is your favourite post from your own blog and why? (It could be because of the memories attached or the frame of mind you wrote it in, a comment you received)

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2013/11/29/love-humanness-oneness/

This for sure is one of my favorites! It's beautiful and awe-inspiring. Lol No, I'm not giving myself a big pat on the back or bragging! It's awe-inspiring because of the excerpts I share out of Dr. Buscaglia's book Personhood! The man is amazing!  

3. Is there anyone who knows enough about you to give you advice that you would actually take?

I would take the advice of someone if it seems wise to me even if the person doesn't know me well. I'm very open so I think people know me well usually. Even some of my online friends give me suggestions sometimes for what to read or youtube videos…they think I would love. I always appreciate it when people pay attention to my personality enough to know what I would probably love or not like. Some of my friends both online and in person friends have let me known when people tagged me in violent, racist, homophobic…stuff on facebook because they know I don’t like it. I don’t always see my notifications and my profile is public and i have thousands of friends and I occasionally get tagged in and added to groups with content that I disagree with. It’s great to have people know me well! ❤

4. Has your blog changed your life? In what way?

Yes! I love the connections I have with people here and I think even more positively after posting so much positive stuff. And even more than I used to, I question what each experience is teaching me and how I can potentially share it to help others. 

5. Do you have any siblings?

I have one sister. She's over ten years younger than me.

6. Are you more comfortable with friends on your blog or in real life? (Yes, I borrowed this question)

Both! I love having both online and in person friends. 

7. What is your favourite TV show or movie?

I don't watch TV, except sometimes if someone else is already watching it. I love movies even though I don't watch them a whole lot. One movie I love is "What Happens in Vegas" because it's hilarious and the memory of first seeing it. I laughed so much watching it in the theatre, for a few minutes I thought I was literally going insane, I could not stop laughing so hysterically. The fact that I just got out of a psychiatric hospital back then did not help my concern that I was going insane! Lol a good belly laugh is just what we need when we are just released out of a nuthouse. It's a fun memory! ;-D ❤

8. If you were stranded on an island, what three things would you like to have with you?

A camera for sure! There would be so many things to take pictures of! My hairbrush! Lol My hair gets so tangled easily! Books or a Kindle(with books already on it since I'm nearly certain there would be no wifi)! 

9. If you had an unlimited amount of money to spend, what would you do with it?

I would definitely help as many people as I can, both organizations that help others and individual people who need help.

I always thought it would be amazing to be a multi- billionaire simply to have the opportunity to run up to random people on the streets and say "Here have a billion dollars!" while handing them like a briefcase full of cash then running off. Lol Amazing!

Imagine the confusion and looks on their faces.   

Also, I would give money to help animals. I would also pay off all the debt I'm in! Lol And of course, I would go on a few shopping sprees! 😀

Which two clothes would you choose from your closet to define your personality?

One would be the socks I have. They are all colored or have patterns that are fun, silly, playful…I'm very playful and love colors and designs that stand out or are just not plain. I almost never wear black or white sox. They have to be vibrant, colorful, pretty…

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Also, a white hoodie I have that says "love" because I'm very loving and try to live each day full of love. 

11. If you could go back to the past and meet one person, who would you meet?

I would love to meet the Buddha!

“RULES:

Thank the person who nominated you in the blog post (basically say something nice about him/her..we all like to hear good things about us right?
Answer the 11 questions set by the person who nominated you.
Nominate 11 blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions to answer.”

Here are my questions for you to answer:

1.)What is one song you know of that you find has a great message? 

2.)What is one of the most inspiring quotes that you know?

3.)
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(not my photo)

Would you? Lol

4.) What is one cliche or quote you do not agree with or think is plain stupid? For example: “Blood is thicker than water” & “You can’t love
anyone until you love yourself…” To me, both are baloney.

5.) What is one thing you love about yourself? 

6.) What is one personality trait you love to see in others?

7.) If you were able to have any healing power what would you choose? 

8.) If you had to choose a vacation in a warm, tropical place or a cold, Wintery place, which would you choose? 

9.) What do you think is a more important virtue, justice or mercy? 

10.) Do you feel more drawn to live in a big city full of traffic and buildings and noise and lots of people or a quiet countryside with mostly just the chiring of crickets in the night and the surrounding stillness?

11.) If a tree falls in the middle of a forrest and hits the ground but there’s no one to hear the loud crash, does it still make a sound? (philosophy was my major in college, I have to ask!) Lol 

I’m nominating some beautiful blogs which haven’t already been nominated in this case for this award.

http://elizawaters.com/

https://pathsofthespirit.wordpress.com/

https://herladypinkrose.wordpress.com/

http://laliterati.com/

https://justaladywithablog.wordpress.com/

https://worldstrata.wordpress.com/

http://lifebeyondmommy.com/

https://bhharned.wordpress.com/

https://autismthoughts.wordpress.com/

https://alienblob.com/

https://fargaregardsanna.wordpress.com/

https://lipstickdreamsblog.wordpress.com/

https://meloheartsite.wordpress.com/

Please go check out these lovelies including Howling with the Wolf!! You’ll love them as much as I do! 

There’s many more blogs I love just as much but the list has to end somewhere! Lol 

Even if you don’t participate in awards I still love you and your blog!
And if you want, you can still answer the questions or some or one, even if you don’t want to participate in the award. You can answer here in the comment section if you want! I would still love to see your answers! 

Also, I still have a few sweet comments to catch up on here! Thank you so much! I will respond soon! If I ever don’t respond to a comment, it’s either because I did not see it or will respond soon but haven’t got around to it yet(unless it’s a rude comment or sarcastic or something then I may not respond at all even if I see it! Lol). I never ignore well intentioned comments, I will always acknowledge them most likely with a comment in response or if not then a “like.”

Much love & light to you today & always!

😀

xoxo Kim ❤

March Sunrise

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“Just before Sunrise there is a dark night.”

Today I decided to get up early and watch the sun come up.

It was a cold, lightly windy morning. My dogs and me went into the backyard bright & early and watched the amazing sun rising into the perfect blue.

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It’s awe inspiring to witness! First, it was a darkened blue sky with hazy white/gray colored clouds, then a hint of orange appeared!

Breathtaking! The most amazing thing to see is the first hint of the sun rising.

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The Sunrise always reminds me of hope and new beginnings, like almost anything is possible and everything is ok and will always be.

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Just before the sun came up. Isn’t it beautiful?!

Like always, I took pictures at some points but also just watched some moments and basked in the pure beauty. In my opinion, just seeing/feeling beauty is often more important than capturing it!

😀

Even now, hours later, I still feel that awe surge through me that I felt while watching it. ❤

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

❤
Much love & light,

xoxo Kim

314

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“‘It’s going to happen in three minutes.’ Mark Tapper sat on the edge of his son’s bed and tried to comfort the eight-year-old. He considered calling an ambulance, but he didn’t know if what Jeremy was suffering from qualified as an emergency. He decided to wait for his wife to get home, since she’d be there in just a few minutes anyhow. She’d left work early when the school called, but Mark was able to get to Widowsfield Elementary to pick Jeremy up first. 

‘What’s going to happen in three minutes?’ Mark glanced at the clock on the nightstand that displayed 3:11 on the stomach of a Batman figurine. ‘I told you,’ said Jeremy. The desperation in his voice terrified Mark.

 ‘The Skeleton Man’s coming.’ 

‘I don’t know what that means, kiddo. Help me out here.’ Mark tried to wipe sweat from his boy’s brow, but Jeremy jerked away as if frightened by contact. ‘Who’s this Skeleton Man you keep talking about?’ 

‘He’s coming, and then everyone’s going to go crazy. Dad, I don’t want to kill you again.’

 The statement was more than a little disconcerting. Mark stood up and put his hands on his head in exasperation as he stared down at his quivering child. He’d tried to stay calm through all of his son’s outbursts, but he couldn’t take it anymore.

 ‘That does it. Mom can meet us at the hospital. Do you think you can walk, or do you want me to call an ambulance?’ This manic episode confounded the school nurse, and it was getting worse the longer it went on. When Mark picked his son up from school, Jeremy had simply been crying, but now his mania had gone from concerning to disturbing. 

‘There’s no time. I can already hear his teeth.’ Jeremy looked at his father and chattered his teeth, as if he was freezing cold. Then he looked at the clock and they both saw the time change. 3:12 
Jeremy put his hands under his pillow and bunched it up so the sides covered his ears. He clenched his eyes shut and continued to weep. 

‘You should just kill yourself. Make it easy. Just shoot yourself in the head and get it over with. You can’t handle what’s coming. No one can.'”

(The beginning of book 1 in the trilogy.) 

Wth?! Lol This scene is what got me hooked (a little bit obsessed!) with this trilogy a few years ago. 

I wasn’t sure if I was going to read it if it doesn’t have an ending until reading all three but that scene pulled me in and I decided to read it anyway even if I had to wait for the other two books to come out. 

Today is a special, special day! (so is every other day but today is especially special! Lol ;-)) 

It’s 314!

There’s a fiction book trilogy, called 314 (see the scene above!) , It’s one of the best things I ever encountered in this life. 

Lol

It’s an incredibly bizarre story, involving what seems like other dimensions. We cannot read books 2 or 3 without first reading book 1 or we won’t make an ounce of sense of it. Book 1
Itself is very difficult to comprehend in some ways. And books 2 and 3 only get weirder.

I wrote about it here 

 https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/some-comforting-words-about-moving-forward-and-book-review-314/

a couple years ago.

If I remember correctly, there’s a lot of errors in my post that I don’t think are corrected, like spelling and grammar errors and stuff. I don’t know why. Usually, I don’t mess up like that. I remember reading my post a while after  publishing it and thinking “like wth?!”
Lol

I was going to correct the errors but never got around to it. Who cares, right?! You get the message. I’m no grammar phanatic (i’m a philadelphia girl, it’s how we spell fanatic lol) so yeah.

Anyway, today is 314! So in honor of this lovely, lovely (and wonderfully rainy!) day, I’m going to promote this wonderful author and his trilogy! And again share some deep wisdom in this story!  

I must warn you. These books are nassstaaayy!

Lol Full of gore and stuff, which I usually don’t care for! But at least the violence can’t occur for real because it’s like dead human-canine kids who kill people. They come out of some green fog and just tear everyone to shreds.

I can’t even begin to explain. 

Book 1 doesn’t have a complete ending, it doesn’t even touch on the conclusion of the story but I was satisfied at the end before reading books 2 and 3.
I felt as if I had some somewhat sensible, if vague, answers.

One thing I love about the books is, the story involves friends, both new and old, unconditional love, wisdom, and is just wildly entertaining and freaky.

You won’t read anything more bizarre as long as you live. I can almost guarantee it! 

Each year on March 14th, at 3:14pm, incredibly bizarre and terrifying things begin to happen to a town called Widowsfield.

And the people kind of know something is about to happen but they don’t really know, at least not consciously. Some remember some of the events better than others. They know they are going to die….again….then again…in the most horrific, agonizing ways.

It’s just freaky! 

Here are some interesting scenes:

“Jaime looked down at her scrawling. 3.141592653”
‘Is that pi?’
 ‘Yeah. We were supposed to memorize ten digits of it for Mr. Trager for pi day.’

 Anna settled back in her chair and snickered. ‘Sure, for the test this morning. Why are you still writing it?’
 Jaime paused for just a moment. ‘I don’t know. There’s something calming about it. Is that crazy?’
 ‘A little bit, yeah.’
 Anna watched Jaime write the sequence over and over, oddly transfixed.
Then Jaime wrote the final digit as a 4 instead of a 3 in one line. 
‘You got that one wrong.’ Jaime didn’t stop writing and didn’t look up. 
‘There’s no such thing as a perfect circle. There’s chaos in all of it.’
Jaime looked up at the ceiling and then at the window before she asked, ‘Do you hear that?’

“Anna watched the shapes in the fog advance. The silhouettes of children ran across the field from their school, and the barking of dogs grew louder. Soon, the soccer players were attacked and chaos erupted in the library. Teachers and students rushed to the window and time returned to normal as everyone panicked. Jaime moved closer to Anna and ignored the massacre outside. “Why are we doing it again? Why do I know what’s going to happen? I’ve never felt this way before.”

“Jaime and Anna ignored the bloody scene; they’d seen it countless times before. Jaime pulled Anna between two book shelves, away from the screaming mass, to speak in private.”

“…’I don’t know, I can’t explain how I know. I’m not sure what’s going on. I just, for a minute, I could hear him in my head. I knew his thoughts. He’s looking for a girl he lost. She was an innocent, and he needs her to help him stop this from happening again.’ ‘I don’t understand any of that,’ said Jaime.
‘I don’t either, but I know he’s going to keep doing this over and over until he finds her.”Then what?’ asked Jaime. ‘I don’t know.'”

“Jaime and Anna embraced as they waited for their inevitable death. Then it would begin anew, slightly different from the times before, and they would forget the prying mind of The Skeleton Man as he continued to try to complete the circle.”

And here is a scene out of one of the trilogy books that I shared in the post above. This scene is full of wisdom & hope. 

This is what I wrote in the other post:
The girl, Alma, whose brother disappeared in 1996 meets a little girl but the little girl isn’t real. She’s kind of ghost -like or a figment of someone’s imaginings. She was sent to Alma to help protect Alma.  She is a very wise little girl. And she has some comforting words for Alma. Alma’s life has been painful. She’s a young teacher. Her dad was abusive to her and her brother and he still comes after her as an adult. He is addicted to the meth drug. Her mom went insane after her son (Alma’s brother) disappeared and she became sick with severe depression.  And she died by suicide because she couldn’t handle her son being missing.

Then Alma watches her friends dying over and over all day everyday and she is so confused and worn out and knows her own life is in danger.  All the characters think they’re going crazy.  Alma just wants to give up. Just when she collapses outside thinking she can’t go on anymore, a little girl about ten years old comes to Alma. She reminds Alma of herself when she was a little girl.

This little girl takes Alma’s hand and says:

“It’s not a bad thing to remember our worst days but it’s important that we learn to move on. “

Alma responds saying

“I’ve had a lot of bad days.”. 

The little girl puts her head against Alma’s arm and says

“I know you have. But you can’t let those bad days ruin the ones you’ve got left to live.”. 

Isn’t this beautiful?! So much wisdom and light. We don’t have to allow painful memories and things that happened before to hold us back and ruin our present days.

I hope you’re having a lovely 314 full of love & laughter and not full of gore, green fog, canine kids, and the Skeleton Man! 😉

❤ 😀

Much love to you,

Xoxo Kim 

Beautiful.

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(the sunset today – the moon is out too, a thin sliver, how beautiful!)

“It was early morning. Smoke hung in the air. There was sunlight passing through the smoke. It was beautiful.

‘It is beautiful!’ the Tao said.

And so it was.”

This is out of a Kindle book I have called “Tao Sutra: Opening the Door to the Senses,” a book full of short stories like this laced with wisdom, love, life lessons, and beauty.
It’s written by Amit Basu.

This perfect lil story reminds us to acknowledge the beauty all around us at any given moment and also that attitude is just about everything. If we believe it’s beautiful then it is.
There is always something to see beauty in. ❤

Thank You for the recent comments to me! I always appreciate each & every one of them and all of my readers!
I will respond soon! ❤ 😀

xoxo Kim

Bloom. <3

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“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it….it just blooms.”

We all have a unique combination of things, gifts, experiences, abilities, goals, ways of doing things, loves, likes, dislikes, physical attributes, personality traits, mistakes, flaws, perfections, accomplishments, beauty, ugliness, wonder, brain/body chemistry, dna, memories….

It doesn’t make sense to try to have competitions with others and compare ourselves in negative ways. 

We all have our own histories, our own pace, our own ways…

Let’s bloom where we’re planted, work with and appreciate what we have and where we are, focus on our own life and context.

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Forget what others are doing and wanting and what everyone else has and focus on our own aspirations and desires. There’s always going to be someone with more and with less, with more developed abilities, more accomplishments, more money, and those with less.

There’s always going to be someone who seems to have it all or seems to have accomplished things more quickly. 

But we each have our own pace and situations.

“If one is a greyhound, why try to look like a Pekingese?”

This is a beautiful reminder to blossom as our own self, just the way we are. The one next to us may have much more but it doesn’t make us inferior. We all are very similar in some ways and different in other ways. 

But no one can take the place of another. ❤

So let's just be us and bloom where we are while loving each other and encouraging others to do the same.

Much love & light, always! ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim 

A glimmer of hope <3

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(this isn’t the best picture but I love it. Today the sun was reflecting so passionately off those broken windows on that abandoned factory. I never really saw anything like that. So orange, so fierce, so bright…)

“I’ll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can’t seem to find it.” 

This is a song I have loved for just about as long as I can remember. 

I listened to it often as a young girl and always felt I can deeply relate to it.

Like she says “no one ever cared if I should leave or die” I have felt that way for much of my life, like I have no one. Even when I was surrounded by people, friends, family….I thought they couldn’t possibly really love me.

Not only have I often felt unloved but completely unlovable. 

Even when I would meet a potential new friend or out with friends I already had, I would think “no way can this person really like me…”

She, in this song, struggles with finding a reason to live, a sense of purpose. A struggle I know all too well.

I always loved how listening to this song, her sweet, soothing voice, made it seem to me like someone understands me. Not that I want her to ever suffer but since she is, it’s good we find each other.

I remember when I was young and I told my mom I can relate to this song sung by Karen Carpenter and she said “You two are just feeling sorry for yourselves.” lol It made me laugh. 

And it kind of does sound like that, whining that no one loves us or would care if we die.

Anyway, I have always loved Karen Carpenter and I sense that she was a very broken but very beautiful person. I never knew her for real but I heard that she struggled with an eating disorder and self destructive behavior and I struggle with depression myself and can often sense it in others and I sense it in her.

But she was so strong. Very tragically, her self destructive behavior ultimately contributed to her early death.

I know she was and is still very loved by her family, friends, and many, many fans.

“There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine”

Oh, girl, I hear you! lol 😉

This song, while heartbreaking and so very sad, is also riddled with so much hope and strength.

Even through her terrible pain, her feelings of worthlessness, her suffocating loneliness, she has a spark of hope that things can get better and she goes on. And on and on.

Carrying on through all the darkness knowing that the future is uncertain for all of us, it can and probably will bring with it good and bad, blessings and tragedies, love, hope, pain, people who will love us and those who will not, breakups, losses, and new beginnings and friendships.

“Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I’ll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I’ll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I’ve been wrong
But for now this is my song.”

“I’ll go on as best I can.”

Preach it, sister! 😀

Every word speaks to me in a deep way, the pain, the hope, the love…

This song in some way also reminds me of Billy Joel’s musical suicide note, Tomorrow is Today, which is his real life experience. 

I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that in both Karen Carpenter’s song she sings here and Billy Joel’s song, they are referring to romantic love. They seem to both have “bad luck” with it and feel like life is over. But we don’t need romantic love to be truly happy. It’s beautiful to have but it’s not the end of the world because we have been jilted (even if over & over) or can’t find a lover.
We don’t have to say goodbye to LOVE because we aren’t blessed with it in the romantic sense. Even if we don’t have good luck with platonic friendships or family love, we can still live in a world of love. Universal Love. Love as a state of BEing.
Loving life itself. And everyone we encounter, all living, sentient beings.
There are so many ways to love whether it’s a warm affection, well wishes for others, helping those in need, helping uplift and inspire others, a hug or smile, volunteer work, just BEING love…the ways to love are endless. ❤

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(this isn’t my photo)

❤

Let's NOT say goodbye to love. Even if we aren't or don't feel loved in return. This world needs our love. It desperately needs it! 

It needs our love, Billy Joel's love, Karen Carpenter's love, and everyone else's. Love is how we stay alive long after we are gone. 

Very sadly, Karen Carpenter is gone but her love still exists here and our love for her. Luckily Billy Joel's suicide attempt did not go as planned and he's still with us putting more and more love out into the world. 
We can never love too much. ❤

I would have loved to know her and be her friend. I'm so sorry she lost the battle. I think she was recovering or mostly recovered but the physical damage was too extensive.

I hope you feel loved and feel love for others and if not, please carry on, like the song suggests, we never know what the future will bring us. It can bring with it hope, healing, love…<3

😀

Goodbye to Love – mobile

Goodbye to Love – desktop

Much love & light to you. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Strawberry <3

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Strawberry is one of my favorite flavors. Not even for the taste itself, though it is delicious! 

😀

Cherry is my favorite and grape and I also love blueberry poptarts more than I love strawberry. For ice cream, mint chip is my favorite. 
Strawberry laffey taffeys are good, though, not nearly as good as cherry!  

But there’s something about strawberry I don’t understand. 

It brings life back into me. Life & hope.

Strawberry was Diane’s favorite ice cream.
Diane is my friend & coworker who we lost unexpectedly to a heart attack last year, which is one of the most difficult experiences of this life of mine. I feel my heart now, like it’s physically breaking. Sometimes I’m overcome in grief like it’s almost paralyzing. 

She would eat strawberry ice cream a lot at work.
She absolutely loved it. 
I always loved the pink color more than the flavor and I love the frozen strawberry pieces, how they feel against my tongue.

When she would eat her strawberry ice cream, the pink color always made me want to eat some too. Even when I was depressed and couldn’t really taste anything else, the strawberry almost always tasted like a sliver of Heaven on Earth, to me. Even flavors I like better do not usually do that for me.

Even when nothing else tempted me to eat it, strawberry would (still does!) and I would always forget what strawberry ice cream would do for me until Diane would come over and eat it.

I always felt so thankful. ❤ ❤

I remember often thinking "Thank You, Diane!!" when I would be depressed and she would be eating strawberry ice cream back in her room at work. And I would be eating it now too feeling a spark of hope instilled in me because something actually tasted like something in the midst of my deep, dark despair. That little glimpse of what still is, what can be, often kept me going. 

As I mentioned, I was recently depressed and nothing had any flavor. Even my soda does not feel as fizzy when I'm like this. It's like flat even though it's not. 

Depression can do some weird shit. Lol

It's like being in a separate world than everyone else.

Like I mentioned here before about the movie, The Langoliers, when they slip into something like another dimension but not quite, more like a time rip or lapse or something, and everything is bland, not just the taste of food, but the feel of everything. Nothing has rhythm, color, flavor, feeling. Everything is like a cheap imitation of the real thing. The air is dead. It’s disgusting.

But I recently bought strawberry sugar wafers because PINK! (lol can’t go wrong with pink!) and wasn’t expecting to really taste them but I was restless and wanted something to do. I had no desire for food or drink but I ate the wafers anyway and the strawberry struck me and just was/is amazing. Still not the same as if I wasn’t depressed but still, nothing else can touch me like that usually, in a state like this. But strawberry does! 

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I thought instantly of Diane (she’s always on my mind but this brought my conscious awareness to her at that moment) and I came to love strawberry even more, remembering how she loved it and always brought so much love to me even with my depression, I always felt so happy to see and talk to her.

She was so understanding of people with depression and substance addiction and other problems that not everyone understands or cares to understand. 

Oh, sweet Diane! ❤ </3 ❤

I don't know just how I came to find myself propelled into a world without her here with me but I'm so thankful I got to know her in this life.
And so thankful for the memories of strawberry ice cream and her love.

We were friends and worked together for almost ten years but I would have loved her just as much and grieve just as hard if I just met her. Time isn't what matters, the depth of love and connection is what does. But it's a blessing to have known her for nearly a decade. 

She loved Rod Stewart and whenever I hear the song "Rhythm of My Heart," I think of her and it plays so frequently on random shuffle 
when I write about her and it just start playing now! Lol ❤ ❤

Anyway, I just want to write about my experience with Strawberry. 

It's one of the beautiful things and my word this year is Beauty!! 

I hope you, whoever you are, are full of happiness & love & light & joy & inner peace.

If you have what I have (depression) or any problem or condition whether it's just as bad as mine, worse, or not as bad, I hope you have or soon find something that can almost always bring you a sense of joy or comfort or hope, when nothing else seems to. Maybe a song, or a memory, a book, or movie, or quote, or activity, or maybe a certain color or flavor….

I don't just write "much love & light…" often just to end my posts. I truly wish with everything I have that everyone can be happy and feel love for others and feel loved themselves. When I write that, I actually feel it. I don't know who is reading but I know everyone is someone, like me, with hopes and joy and happiness and pain and fears, losses, and the potential for suffering and the potential to evolve and the capacity to love…

And I love you because I know you are someone.

❤

So, much love & light to you, always. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Grateful <3

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“I’m thankful for a pair of shoes that feel really good on my feet; I like my shoes.
I’m thankful for the birds; I feel like they’re singing just for me when I get up in the morning… Saying, ‘Good morning, John. You made it, John.’
I’m thankful for the sea breeze that feels so good right now, and the scent of jasmine when the sun starts going down.
I’m thankful…”
~Johnny Cash

Today I woke up in a state of deep gratitude. I often live in gratitude but I’m not always as conscious of the depth of it as I was this morning. I woke up early to the sound of cars outside and construction work off in the distance, which I love to hear!

It was so beautiful to hear. And my little pomchi was all curled up sleeping on me. My adorable baby! I was flooded with gratitude for the personalities of my sweet furbabies!
I love cuddly dogs who love to snuggle with me under the blankies!

And I was (still am) very thankful that I was exhausted all day yesterday, with my exhaustion increasing then decreasing off and on. It was hard to work at some points. And today I’m also incredibly exhausted and fatigued. 

I am depressed and have been very depressed for a week now. Last week my depression was severe emotional pain and suicidal inclination. This week I’m not suicidal and it’s not so much emotional pain but lack of energy, food and everything tasting bland, music doesn’t sound as good, my whole body feels heavy…

The reason I am so thankful for this struggle is I used to live like this almost constantly for years, this horrible exhaustion and fatigue and depression. Day after day, year after year.
It would lift occasionally, sometimes even lift for a few months then go back to severe depression.

The fatigue was horrible. I had trouble staying awake at work and in school. I had to take naps all day.

I stuffed myself with junk food, which I’m sure made my fatigue worse and even brought it on sometimes. 

Fatigue and depression was just how I lived. 

But in May 2010, I began to truly get myself better and through the years better and better and now I still have depressive episodes and symptoms sometimes, sometimes even frequently, but they are not as often and they are usually easier for me to handle.  

Like I mention sometimes, depression that I speak of is not a mere mood, attitude, or grim outlook on like. It’s like a Sickness. I can even often, now, separate my attitude and the depression. Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I can’t be positive about it or even have a sense of happiness with it. Not always, but sometimes. 

And depression isn’t always a low mood even if it usually is. Like now, it’s more physical and other symptoms but I’m not miserable.

Right now, I’m not the happiest girl on Earth like I usually am! Lol But I’m not on the brink of killing myself either like last week!

😀

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Anyway, my couple of days of exhaustion and fatigue, really stood out and because of this I am reminded that  I no longer live this way. It’s so rare now that when it hits, it’s startling.

This is a good thing! I love thinking about how much better I am now.

Even when I’m severely depressed, I’m usually not that fatigued anymore. I appreciate this reminder and it also reminds me to be thankful for unusual things we may often overlook. 

Even though I’m depressed, I’m still overflowing with gratitude, some points it’s so deep. It IS possible to be both depressed and grateful. It’s not always going to happen and the gratitude likely won’t be as deep as when we aren’t depressed but we can still be thankful. 

Here is a truly beautiful song about being grateful for everything, looking on the bright side of life no matter what. ❤

"I've got a heart that can hold love
I've got a mind that can think
There may be times when I lose the light
And let my spirits sink
But I can't stay depressed
When I remember how I'm blessed" ~John Bucchino

Grateful – desktop

Grateful – Sung by John Bucchino -mobile

“Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful”

😀

Much love & light to you, now & for always. ❤

xoxo Kim  

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

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“…Getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know
And offers comin’ over the phone
Well, I really don’t mind the rain
And a smile can hide all the pain
But you’re down when you’re ridin’ the train
That’s takin’ the long way
And I dream of the things I’ll do
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
There’ll be a load of compromisin’
On the road to my horizon
But I’m gonna be where the lights are shinin’ on me”

One of the best songs ever! So sweet & 
inspiring. We can always find our way to the place where the lights are shining on us, whether it’s an outside place like a job or lifestyle we’re longing for or an inside place of joy, simplicity, & inner peace.  

Even if we have next to nothing now, whether materially/financially or are feeling emotionally bankrupt, depressed, hopeless, despairing….with fierce determination, we can eventually see those glittering lights…. And just like in this song, there’s people we don’t even know personally who are or will/would be sending us love & well wishes if they knew of us, our goals, dreams, struggles.

Just look at all the love on social media, the acts of kindness all around us, and all the Earth angels we meet each day. ❤ 

Rhinestone Cowboy – Glen Campbell – mobile

Rhinestone Cowboy – desktop

😀

Much love & light to you now & for always,

Xoxo Kim