Tag Archive | wisdom

A glimmer of hope <3

Mar9

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(this isn’t the best picture but I love it. Today the sun was reflecting so passionately off those broken windows on that abandoned factory. I never really saw anything like that. So orange, so fierce, so bright…)

“I’ll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can’t seem to find it.” 

This is a song I have loved for just about as long as I can remember. 

I listened to it often as a young girl and always felt I can deeply relate to it.

Like she says “no one ever cared if I should leave or die” I have felt that way for much of my life, like I have no one. Even when I was surrounded by people, friends, family….I thought they couldn’t possibly really love me.

Not only have I often felt unloved but completely unlovable. 

Even when I would meet a potential new friend or out with friends I already had, I would think “no way can this person really like me…”

She, in this song, struggles with finding a reason to live, a sense of purpose. A struggle I know all too well.

I always loved how listening to this song, her sweet, soothing voice, made it seem to me like someone understands me. Not that I want her to ever suffer but since she is, it’s good we find each other.

I remember when I was young and I told my mom I can relate to this song sung by Karen Carpenter and she said “You two are just feeling sorry for yourselves.” lol It made me laugh. 

And it kind of does sound like that, whining that no one loves us or would care if we die.

Anyway, I have always loved Karen Carpenter and I sense that she was a very broken but very beautiful person. I never knew her for real but I heard that she struggled with an eating disorder and self destructive behavior and I struggle with depression myself and can often sense it in others and I sense it in her.

But she was so strong. Very tragically, her self destructive behavior ultimately contributed to her early death.

I know she was and is still very loved by her family, friends, and many, many fans.

“There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine”

Oh, girl, I hear you! lol 😉

This song, while heartbreaking and so very sad, is also riddled with so much hope and strength.

Even through her terrible pain, her feelings of worthlessness, her suffocating loneliness, she has a spark of hope that things can get better and she goes on. And on and on.

Carrying on through all the darkness knowing that the future is uncertain for all of us, it can and probably will bring with it good and bad, blessings and tragedies, love, hope, pain, people who will love us and those who will not, breakups, losses, and new beginnings and friendships.

“Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I’ll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I’ll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I’ve been wrong
But for now this is my song.”

“I’ll go on as best I can.”

Preach it, sister! 😀

Every word speaks to me in a deep way, the pain, the hope, the love…

This song in some way also reminds me of Billy Joel’s musical suicide note, Tomorrow is Today, which is his real life experience. 

I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that in both Karen Carpenter’s song she sings here and Billy Joel’s song, they are referring to romantic love. They seem to both have “bad luck” with it and feel like life is over. But we don’t need romantic love to be truly happy. It’s beautiful to have but it’s not the end of the world because we have been jilted (even if over & over) or can’t find a lover.
We don’t have to say goodbye to LOVE because we aren’t blessed with it in the romantic sense. Even if we don’t have good luck with platonic friendships or family love, we can still live in a world of love. Universal Love. Love as a state of BEing.
Loving life itself. And everyone we encounter, all living, sentient beings.
There are so many ways to love whether it’s a warm affection, well wishes for others, helping those in need, helping uplift and inspire others, a hug or smile, volunteer work, just BEING love…the ways to love are endless. ❤

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(this isn’t my photo)

❤

Let's NOT say goodbye to love. Even if we aren't or don't feel loved in return. This world needs our love. It desperately needs it! 

It needs our love, Billy Joel's love, Karen Carpenter's love, and everyone else's. Love is how we stay alive long after we are gone. 

Very sadly, Karen Carpenter is gone but her love still exists here and our love for her. Luckily Billy Joel's suicide attempt did not go as planned and he's still with us putting more and more love out into the world. 
We can never love too much. ❤

I would have loved to know her and be her friend. I'm so sorry she lost the battle. I think she was recovering or mostly recovered but the physical damage was too extensive.

I hope you feel loved and feel love for others and if not, please carry on, like the song suggests, we never know what the future will bring us. It can bring with it hope, healing, love…<3

😀

Goodbye to Love – mobile

Goodbye to Love – desktop

Much love & light to you. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Strawberry <3

Mar8

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Strawberry is one of my favorite flavors. Not even for the taste itself, though it is delicious! 

😀

Cherry is my favorite and grape and I also love blueberry poptarts more than I love strawberry. For ice cream, mint chip is my favorite. 
Strawberry laffey taffeys are good, though, not nearly as good as cherry!  

But there’s something about strawberry I don’t understand. 

It brings life back into me. Life & hope.

Strawberry was Diane’s favorite ice cream.
Diane is my friend & coworker who we lost unexpectedly to a heart attack last year, which is one of the most difficult experiences of this life of mine. I feel my heart now, like it’s physically breaking. Sometimes I’m overcome in grief like it’s almost paralyzing. 

She would eat strawberry ice cream a lot at work.
She absolutely loved it. 
I always loved the pink color more than the flavor and I love the frozen strawberry pieces, how they feel against my tongue.

When she would eat her strawberry ice cream, the pink color always made me want to eat some too. Even when I was depressed and couldn’t really taste anything else, the strawberry almost always tasted like a sliver of Heaven on Earth, to me. Even flavors I like better do not usually do that for me.

Even when nothing else tempted me to eat it, strawberry would (still does!) and I would always forget what strawberry ice cream would do for me until Diane would come over and eat it.

I always felt so thankful. ❤ ❤

I remember often thinking "Thank You, Diane!!" when I would be depressed and she would be eating strawberry ice cream back in her room at work. And I would be eating it now too feeling a spark of hope instilled in me because something actually tasted like something in the midst of my deep, dark despair. That little glimpse of what still is, what can be, often kept me going. 

As I mentioned, I was recently depressed and nothing had any flavor. Even my soda does not feel as fizzy when I'm like this. It's like flat even though it's not. 

Depression can do some weird shit. Lol

It's like being in a separate world than everyone else.

Like I mentioned here before about the movie, The Langoliers, when they slip into something like another dimension but not quite, more like a time rip or lapse or something, and everything is bland, not just the taste of food, but the feel of everything. Nothing has rhythm, color, flavor, feeling. Everything is like a cheap imitation of the real thing. The air is dead. It’s disgusting.

But I recently bought strawberry sugar wafers because PINK! (lol can’t go wrong with pink!) and wasn’t expecting to really taste them but I was restless and wanted something to do. I had no desire for food or drink but I ate the wafers anyway and the strawberry struck me and just was/is amazing. Still not the same as if I wasn’t depressed but still, nothing else can touch me like that usually, in a state like this. But strawberry does! 

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I thought instantly of Diane (she’s always on my mind but this brought my conscious awareness to her at that moment) and I came to love strawberry even more, remembering how she loved it and always brought so much love to me even with my depression, I always felt so happy to see and talk to her.

She was so understanding of people with depression and substance addiction and other problems that not everyone understands or cares to understand. 

Oh, sweet Diane! ❤ </3 ❤

I don't know just how I came to find myself propelled into a world without her here with me but I'm so thankful I got to know her in this life.
And so thankful for the memories of strawberry ice cream and her love.

We were friends and worked together for almost ten years but I would have loved her just as much and grieve just as hard if I just met her. Time isn't what matters, the depth of love and connection is what does. But it's a blessing to have known her for nearly a decade. 

She loved Rod Stewart and whenever I hear the song "Rhythm of My Heart," I think of her and it plays so frequently on random shuffle 
when I write about her and it just start playing now! Lol ❤ ❤

Anyway, I just want to write about my experience with Strawberry. 

It's one of the beautiful things and my word this year is Beauty!! 

I hope you, whoever you are, are full of happiness & love & light & joy & inner peace.

If you have what I have (depression) or any problem or condition whether it's just as bad as mine, worse, or not as bad, I hope you have or soon find something that can almost always bring you a sense of joy or comfort or hope, when nothing else seems to. Maybe a song, or a memory, a book, or movie, or quote, or activity, or maybe a certain color or flavor….

I don't just write "much love & light…" often just to end my posts. I truly wish with everything I have that everyone can be happy and feel love for others and feel loved themselves. When I write that, I actually feel it. I don't know who is reading but I know everyone is someone, like me, with hopes and joy and happiness and pain and fears, losses, and the potential for suffering and the potential to evolve and the capacity to love…

And I love you because I know you are someone.

❤

So, much love & light to you, always. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Grateful <3

Mar7

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“I’m thankful for a pair of shoes that feel really good on my feet; I like my shoes.
I’m thankful for the birds; I feel like they’re singing just for me when I get up in the morning… Saying, ‘Good morning, John. You made it, John.’
I’m thankful for the sea breeze that feels so good right now, and the scent of jasmine when the sun starts going down.
I’m thankful…” ~Johnny Cash

Today I woke up in a state of deep gratitude. I often live in gratitude but I’m not always as conscious of the depth of it as I was this morning. I woke up early to the sound of cars outside and construction work off in the distance, which I love to hear!

It was so beautiful to hear. And my little pomchi was all curled up sleeping on me. My adorable baby! I was flooded with gratitude for the personalities of my sweet furbabies!
I love cuddly dogs who love to snuggle with me under the blankies!

And I was (still am) very thankful that I was exhausted all day yesterday, with my exhaustion increasing then decreasing off and on. It was hard to work at some points. And today I’m also incredibly exhausted and fatigued. 

I am depressed and have been very depressed for a week now. Last week my depression was severe emotional pain and suicidal inclination. This week I’m not suicidal and it’s not so much emotional pain but lack of energy, food and everything tasting bland, music doesn’t sound as good, my whole body feels heavy…

The reason I am so thankful for this struggle is I used to live like this almost constantly for years, this horrible exhaustion and fatigue and depression. Day after day, year after year.
It would lift occasionally, sometimes even lift for a few months then go back to severe depression.

The fatigue was horrible. I had trouble staying awake at work and in school. I had to take naps all day.

I stuffed myself with junk food, which I’m sure made my fatigue worse and even brought it on sometimes. 

Fatigue and depression was just how I lived. 

But in May 2010, I began to truly get myself better and through the years better and better and now I still have depressive episodes and symptoms sometimes, sometimes even frequently, but they are not as often and they are usually easier for me to handle.  

Like I mention sometimes, depression that I speak of is not a mere mood, attitude, or grim outlook on like. It’s like a Sickness. I can even often, now, separate my attitude and the depression. Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I can’t be positive about it or even have a sense of happiness with it. Not always, but sometimes. 

And depression isn’t always a low mood even if it usually is. Like now, it’s more physical and other symptoms but I’m not miserable.

Right now, I’m not the happiest girl on Earth like I usually am! Lol But I’m not on the brink of killing myself either like last week!

😀

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Anyway, my couple of days of exhaustion and fatigue, really stood out and because of this I am reminded that  I no longer live this way. It’s so rare now that when it hits, it’s startling.

This is a good thing! I love thinking about how much better I am now.

Even when I’m severely depressed, I’m usually not that fatigued anymore. I appreciate this reminder and it also reminds me to be thankful for unusual things we may often overlook. 

Even though I’m depressed, I’m still overflowing with gratitude, some points it’s so deep. It IS possible to be both depressed and grateful. It’s not always going to happen and the gratitude likely won’t be as deep as when we aren’t depressed but we can still be thankful. 

Here is a truly beautiful song about being grateful for everything, looking on the bright side of life no matter what. ❤

"I've got a heart that can hold love
I've got a mind that can think
There may be times when I lose the light
And let my spirits sink
But I can't stay depressed
When I remember how I'm blessed" ~John Bucchino

Grateful – desktop

Grateful – Sung by John Bucchino -mobile

“Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful”

😀

Much love & light to you, now & for always. ❤

xoxo Kim  

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

Mar6

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“…Getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know
And offers comin’ over the phone
Well, I really don’t mind the rain
And a smile can hide all the pain
But you’re down when you’re ridin’ the train
That’s takin’ the long way
And I dream of the things I’ll do
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
There’ll be a load of compromisin’
On the road to my horizon
But I’m gonna be where the lights are shinin’ on me”

One of the best songs ever! So sweet & 
inspiring. We can always find our way to the place where the lights are shining on us, whether it’s an outside place like a job or lifestyle we’re longing for or an inside place of joy, simplicity, & inner peace.  

Even if we have next to nothing now, whether materially/financially or are feeling emotionally bankrupt, depressed, hopeless, despairing….with fierce determination, we can eventually see those glittering lights…. And just like in this song, there’s people we don’t even know personally who are or will/would be sending us love & well wishes if they knew of us, our goals, dreams, struggles.

Just look at all the love on social media, the acts of kindness all around us, and all the Earth angels we meet each day. ❤ 

Rhinestone Cowboy – Glen Campbell – mobile

Rhinestone Cowboy – desktop

😀

Much love & light to you now & for always,

Xoxo Kim 

Mala

Mar4

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Recently, I got a new Mala!
Isn’t it lovely! 
I really love this one! 

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I don’t really care for the fact that it doesn’t have divider beads though! 😦

Oh well, I still love it!

The kind of red coloring is so pretty!

Malas are Buddhist prayer beads.

They are used for Mantra recitation, to generate positive energy and discipline the mind.

There are various mantras associated with different Buddhas.

It’s believed that when we touch the beads and say/think the mantra, the energy goes onto the Mala. 

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The way I practice Mala recitation is in a secular way, I don’t pray to a Buddha to actually answer me. It’s just a peaceful meditative activity that gets our mind in the habit or more in the habit of positive thinking or a positive, peaceful state.  Even if we are already positive and peaceful, it can help us to be calm even more frequently, even in very stressful, depressing, situations later, even when we are not engaging in recitation.

We don’t have to be Buddhists or religious or any specific kind of spiritual to practice Mala recitation and benefit.

The mantra can be recited once a day or all throughout the day, even walking up a street, at a restaurant, in line at a store…whenever we want, wherever we want(as long as it’s safe/appropriate to be concentrating on it, I don’t know about while driving or performing surgery, in a talk therapy session with a patient…). The point is to truly experience it though, not to absent-mindedly engage in it.

The mantra I chose for this Mala is the

Manjushri Mantra,
Om A Ra Pa Ca Na Dhih

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“This mantra is believed to enhance wisdom and improve one’s skills in debating, memory, writing, and other literary abilities. “Dhīḥ” is the seed syllable of the mantra and is chanted with greater emphasis and also repeated a number of times as a Decrescendo.”

“A leads to the insight that the essence of all things is unproduced.
RA leads to the insight that all things are pure and free of defilements.
PA leads to the insight that all dharmas have been “expounded in the ultimate sense.”
CA leads to the insight that the arising and ceasing of things cannot be apprehended because in reality there is no arising or ceasing.
NA leads to the insight that although the names for things change the nature of things behind their names cannot be gained or lost.”

Source: http://www.wildmind.org/mantras/figures/manjushri

Manjushri is a bodhisattva, depicted as a beautiful young prince of transcendent wisdom.

You can hear the mantra said over and over here (mobile) or here (desktop)... It’s so soothing.

Malas typically are strung with 108 beads and divider beads. A mantra session can be performed for all 108 beads at once or less. It’s believed by Buddhists that the energy for the mantra goes on the beads and each recitation session adds more energy. If a different mantra is used for the same Mala, the energy for the previous mantra clears and the new energy goes on. 

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I have five Malas.
I’m not yet in the habit of practicing everyday though like some who are very dedicated.
It can be overwhelming until we truly ingrain the habit.

People who have practiced for many years with the same Mala, often take great care not to have their Mala lost or damaged because there goes all that positive energy, years worth, down the drain! 

But Buddhism/Mala recitation  is all about inner  peace, and all those years of Mala recitation, hopefully, provides them with the strength to handle such misfortune. 

If you want to see about various mantras, check this out!
http://www.thebuddhacenter.org/buddhism/mantras/ 

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If you aren’t into Mala recitation and mantras, this is probably a boring post for you. 

And I love to mostly share things that can be appealing to people in general. 

Unlike what many people say about themselves and their blogs, I don’t mostly post for myself. I do post things for me but my main intention is to help uplift & inspire  others who may come across my content now or later. It will always be here (hopefully!)!
Of course everything I post is something I want to share so in that way it is for me. 

Even if I wanted to post something I thought no one else would care for, I still would post it. I already have but most of it got “likes” anyway! I’m so honored when people like my content.

But I always want to include something that may be more interesting to others.  

So if you opened this post and couldn’t care less, you’re in luck! Lol

Because I will share some fantastic quotes here as well! 

“My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I’m happy. I can’t figure it out. What am I doing right?” ~
Charles M. Schulz

Lol I feel this way often, like I have no specific purpose, but not in a bad way, no need for a purpose, my purpose is just to be. It’s beautiful to feel that way. When I’m depressed sometimes I feel the opposite about it, like I have no purpose and it sucks! Lol It’s all about the attitude! 

“The universe was a vast machine yesterday, it is a hologram today. Who knows that intellectual rattle we’ll be shaking tomorrow. ” ~ R.D. Laing

“A rose is a rose is a rose.” ~ Gertrude Stein

Whaaattt??? Lol 😉

“The present moment is a powerful goddess.” ~ Goethe

“Life is a child playing around your feet, a tool you hold firmly in your grip, a bench you sit down upon in the evening, in your garden.” ~ Jean Anouilh

“The man bent over his guitar,
A shearsman  of sorts. The day was green.
They said, ‘You have a blue guitar,
You do not play things as they are.’
The man replied, ‘Things as they are 
Are changed upon a blue guitar…'” ~ Wallace Stevens 

Such deep wisdom here. 

“Wind moving through grass so that the grass quivers. This moves me with an emotion I don’t even understand.” ~ Katherine Mansfield

This is one of the most beautiful experiences in the world! To witness something so mundane and so simple and be so inspired, filled with immense emotion that can’t even be described, like gratitude, love, beauty, happiness, joy, awe…I feel this often! ❤

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"No snowflake falls in an inappropriate place." ~ Zen saying 

"There is nothing useless in nature; not even uselessness itself." ~ Montaigne

"To the dull mind nature is leaden. To the illuminated mind the whole world burns and sparkles with light." ~ Emerson

Oh yes, it burns and sparkles with passion, light, love….

"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought." ~ Basho

Allow their wisdom to guide us but follow our own way.

"If we achieve satori and the satori shows, like a bit of dogshit stuck on the tip of our nose, that is not so good." ~ Taisen Deshimaru

Lol Don't flaunt that shit! Be humble. Just be.
;-D

So reading this post wasn't a total waste, right?…right?! 

😉

Much love & light to you! 

Xoxo Kim 

My gratitude List!! <3

Mar3

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I have been slacking with my gratitude lists! Not in my head, I’m always thinking of how thankful I am, but it’s great to write out lists, which I do for a while then stop. Then begin again. On & on..

So here are a few things I’m thankful for today!

1.) The little girl who was outside my house when I was coming home, with her mamma, she’s only like a year old or a little bit older and she was so happy because five of my dogs were in the window looking out! Lol The sweet baby girl can’t really talk much but she was smiling and pointing to show her mom. It was the cutest!  

2.) my coworker – I saw her today when I was out shopping. I did not see her at first but she saw me and said hello. It always brightens my day to see her! ❤

3.) the weather! It's like Winter again! It was just like Spring yesterday! I told you yesterday about March and its mood swings! Lol 😉

4.) the ghost stories I have on my Kindle! And so many more I can't wait to buy! 😀

5.) today 

6.) my dogs! I have a dog, Prince Oscar, who cannot or will not walk up or down steps. We have to carry him. We don't know why. He was like that when we got him. He mostly stays downstairs. But sometimes he wants to come up to my room and get in bed. One night a while ago he wanted water so I took him in the bathroom and let him drink out of a plastic cup I got at the shore in the summer. My other dog, Emmy, saw him getting water that night then Emmy started begging for water upstairs when he can walk downstairs to get it! Spoiled boy! He wakes me in the middle of the night to give him a cup of water when there's a large bowl downstairs. Now my other dog, Woody, started doing the same, begging for water upstairs all night instead of just going down to get it. Lol It's annoyingly cute! 
Or adorably annoying! Lol 

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This is them drinking out of their lemonade cup!
😀

And here is sweet Prince Oscar. 

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He’s a shih tzu. ❤

7.) the color red and my ability to see it. ❤

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8.) Buddhist Malas

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9.) all of my readers/followers here & on facebook. ❤

10.) meeee ❤

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And so much more! What are you thankful for right now? You can let me know or just think about it or maybe create your own list and post it? Don’t forget to include your own beautiful self! 😀

Much love & light to you now & forever. ❤

xoxo Kim

Hello, March

Mar2

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(this picture is not mine)

Yes, hello there, March! I love you & thank you for existing! ❤ 😀

I LOVE the Month of March! I'm so inspired every year in March. I'm inspired every month (though I'm least inspired in August and other Summer months) but in March, my inspiration usually runs deeper than other months.

Here is why. March. It's a sweet medley of
 all four seasons. It like has madd mood swings. One day it's all Summery and hot then the very next day there's a snow blizzard and it's below freezing, other days it's sunny & warm or cool and Spring is in the air. Some days, it doesn't know what season it is and all throughout the day the weather changes hot then cold, cool and warm. 

There's something so beautiful about this last Winter month and knowing Spring is about to bloom.

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The trees are still bare but there are some signs of the coming Spring, some green growth blossoming.

The days are often warmer then the nights are still cold. March brings with it rain, snow, sun, wind, moonlight…just lovely!  

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(cute or creepy? To me it’s cute! :-D)

I can strongly relate to this wonderful, beautiful month and all its chaotic beauty. 

I’m like this myself sometimes. 
I recently have been depressed and dangerously suicidal off and on with joy and happiness in the middle. This happens now & again. Sometimes triggered by something specific (like recently), sometimes not triggered by anything. 

(I will share my recent struggle in a later post)

It’s beautiful to be so full of life.

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March inspires me to create even more than other months. It inspires me to take out my arts & crafts journal and to take lots of pictures and to tap into my most creative parts!

Every March, this deeper inspiration just comes flooding into me and it’s just beautiful.

Last night and early morning was perfect! I was laying in bed reading a ghost story and the night couldn’t have been more perfect for a ghost story! It was dark and cold and raining hard and extremely windy! The windows were rattling and the bare tree branches were shaking! 
Just perfect!  

I’m reading a novel called “The Haunting of Blackwood House.” My first impression of the main character, Mara, wasn’t a real good one.

She seems kind of rude at first. And she kind of mocks her realtor who has a breathing condition and talks in a breathless way and calls people “honey” very frequently. I don’t mind being called “honey!” lol 😀

Something about this young woman just rubbed me the wrong way. She acts out of anger and lashes out somewhat frequently it seems. Not like real frequently but she gets all worked up and claims she can’t help it. But she’s sorry later, which is good, because she tries to make up for it. She doesn’t really want to hurt anyone. I prefer reading books where the main character is lovable/likable. It’s not her anger that I have the biggest problem with. I don’t not like people because they have anger problems. 

It’s hard to suck it up and read a book where the main character is super annoying. But it’s a great book and I’m only on page 73 out of 344. It’s a Kindle book.

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I learned later that the young woman was abused as a child. Her family wasn’t trying to be abusive probably, but they are extremely religious and brought her up in a way that damaged her psychologically. She lived on her own for four years now and still has terrible nightmares. Not all extremely religious people are abusive, in fact, I think most aren’t. But it is possible to unintentionally use religion in a very detrimental way against others. These people made her go to people claiming to be psychics and they made her attend frequent séances and told her horrifying ghost stories they claimed were real. They used ouija boards and killed her pet rabbit claiming someone on the other side told them too. 

After learning this, my compassion for her deepened. 

But even when I viewed her in a somewhat negative light, I also have found things in her that are very respectable and inspiring. 
She’s only 22 years old and has been on her own since 18 years old. She doesn’t have much money but she has a job and her own apartment, a loving boyfriend, and she gets by on her own. She’s extremely independent minded and wary of accepting the help of her boyfriend. She’s kind of on the poor side (financially) and he’s upper middle class and lives with his mom. 

He offers to let her have or borrow money which she refuses because she is proud to be independent. I think that is very respectable. There’s nothing wrong with letting her man help her out but it’s great to choose to be an independent woman. And if she wanted, she can take advantage of his money but she never does. She just loves him for him and doesn’t need him. It’s great to be wanted, not needed. She’s with him because she wants to be. 

But she does allow him to help her in some ways. It’s great to find the balance of being independent but also accepting help when needed. 

Him and his mom offer to let her live with them but they are Christians and very into their religion and she is so repelled by religion because of the way she grew up. Just the thought of it sickens her. This is another thing I love about her, she’s not just an atheist, she’s totally put off by religion, outright loathes it, it seems, but she still accepts the views of others and will even have a serious romantic relationship with a very religious man. This shows open-mindedness. Some people in her situation would reject him. But she loves him just the way he is. She just won’t live with him and his mom and their religious ways. His mom is more religious and he lives with her to take care of her but the girl wouldn’t mind living with just him if he doesn’t go overboard with the religion.

They have been together for six months and deeply in love! I love it! ❤ They have an extremely loving relationship. I love watching it unfold. They are so cute together! I'm a sap! Lol ;-D He is big and strong but very gentle and loving and loves to help people. 

Anyway, she has some money she has been saving for a house but it can't be too expensive.
The apartment she currently lives in is trashy. Lol

Recently a house was brought to Mara’s attention. It's like a mansion in the middle of nowhere. She falls in love with it even though it needs serious repairs. The structure is good though and it's safe to live in.

It's way less money than it would have been because in the early 1900's (I think), a serial killer lived there and like seven people died in the house. He took his victims back to his house and murdered them and then he hanged himself in there. (eww)

No one wants to live there now and the house has been on the market for 20 years. It has a reputation for being haunted. But the girl isn't even fazed. To her, there's no such thing as ghosts and so what if people died there, it's just a house.

So she buys the house and still has money left.

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Another thing I love about Mara is she is very intelligent, educated, and informed. I don’t know if she has a college education, probably not, it only mentions her work, but she is clearly just as educated as anyone who does.

She stands up for herself and is assertive and bold and makes decisions based on facts and logic and what she wants. She doesn’t just accept nonsense because most do.

I agree with her atheistic views but I do practice Buddhist techniques but in a secular way. She probably wouldn’t like that. Lol

I don’t think I would want to buy a house seven people died in though, or even one person, especially if they were murdered. Nothing to do with hauntings and superstitions. It’s just the thought of the whole thing! Like eww! :-O

But it’s a great book up until now! And I am reminded of a life lesson to look for the good in others even if we don’t like other things about them and that it’s not always wise to go by first impressions.

I love the feeling I get reading about this young woman starting her life how she always dreamed after struggling so much, buying a new house and getting a new job and becoming who she always dreamed of being. It inspires and thrills me. 

I’m nearly 30 years old and still don’t have a place of my own, work only at a store, the same job I had as a 20 year old college girl, which I love but sometimes I think I should be more accomplished by now. It can seem kind of pathetic, sometimes, how I turned out. Oh well though, it is what it is, and it inspires me to hear about/read about others who are successful whether they are real or characters in a fiction book.

Right now the only ghost-like thing that happens is the old rocking chair started rocking on its own! But Mara brushes it off as a draft of an unknown source. 

The whole kitchen table was set with 20 year old, rancid food, all the old furniture is still in there and it seems as if the last family who lived there (20 years ago, years after the serial killer incident…) all left in a hurry, in the middle of eating their food! The table is all set and all like they were prepared to eat then had to bolt and fast. 

Interesting! I can’t wait to read more! I love reading it in the dark at night! 😀

Something must have been seriously wrong for an entire family to run out, just leaving everything in the middle of eating, and never coming back. I heard something for real like that in the news. A whole family just left in the middle of eating and disappeared and were later found dead, murdered I think. This one is just sad, not thrilling because it really happened. 

❤

I hope you are having a beautiful day/night wherever in the world you are!  😀

Hugs & love to you now & always,

Xoxo Kim 

Your Power

Mar1

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This isn’t my picture; I’m just sharing it here. It’s a great message! There are people who have more than us and less, better skills and less developed skills, more beautiful and less beautiful, more experience and less, very different and very similar to us…but no one else is you or me! We are all a unique combination of things that no one else can be. We each have a space no one else can fill. Let’s remember to cherish our own self & each other.

Isn’t it amazing to think of all the people who ever existed and will ever exist and no two are the same?!
There’s infinite potential that just never runs out. ❤

😀

An inspiring thought for the day!

Hugs to you!

xoxo Kim

February Sunrise

Feb29

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“It’s been a long dark night
And I’ve been a waitin’ for the morning
It’s been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I’ve been looking for the sunshine
‘Cause I ain’t seen it in so long
But everything’s gonna work out just fine
Everything’s gonna be all right
That’s been all wrong”

Last night I remembered my goal to get at least one picture of the sun rising each month this year! I was startled because today is the last day in February and I was thinking if I blow it now, it will be too late!  

But I was determined! So I looked it up to see when the sun would be rising today. It’s 6:35AM so I got myself up at 6:12AM to wait! I went out into the backyard and listened to the birds chirping and watched them as they flew by. It is so magical just to sit outside and truly listen and watch the beauty of nature all around. 

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I took pictures but some moments I put my phone down and allowed my whole self to be engulfed in the beauty. Then I watched as the sun began to rise. It wasn’t a dramatic sunrise. Sometimes it’s really pink or orange and very noticeable. Today it was just a hint of orange that I was able to see but still beautiful and at least I accomplished my goal this month!

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And I got to see so much morning beauty! I’m usually not up this early. I also am delighted to see that the moon was still out! I saw it through the almost bare tree branches. 

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(this one has an effect on it)

When you see it you will shit bricks. lol 😉

The tree reminds me of an impending Spring! It has little things growing on it!

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This morning it feels like it’s about to be Spring!  

I was and still am in awe of the stunning beauty everywhere I look. I am plunged into the depths of it and feel it in my whole being. So much love! ❤

So much wonder!

“‘Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything’s gonna be all right
It’s gonna be okay”

Light of a Clear Blue Morning – Dolly Parton – mobile

Light of a Clear Blue Morning – desktop

It’s just a mountain; I can move it. ❤

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(This one is not mine!)

😀

~Hugs~ ❤

Much love & light to you, now & forever!

Xoxo Kim 

Monday Inspiration <3

Feb29

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Today I am blessed to have been able to get a picture of the tree & sky at all stages of the day! Sunrise til sundown then later!

yay!!

The tree above I shared earlier today in the early morn.

Now here it is this afternoon:

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This one is my favorite! The blue, blue sky with fluffy white clouds and look at that stream of blue sunlight shining through!

Now here it is in the early evening:

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And here is the late night pic of the tree:

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This is the worst picture I got but I love it anyway because it’s mine and it does capture nightfall. Also, the sky is full of stars!! So many!! Unfortunately my phone camera cannot always capture the stars but they are here and I see them and that’s all that truly matters. So yeah!

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When I saw the stars I yelled really loudly, the sky!!! It’s full of stars!!! Then I instantly felt embarrassed. Lol I tend to embarrass myself over the weather, nature…things like that, somewhat frequently. 

I just yell wherever I am, not realizing at first, and get all giddy over the stuff everyone else seems to be overlooking or not caring about. 

I think this is one idea of living a full life. Basking in and acknowledging all the simple, free gifts around us. Acknowledging the simple beauty in every breath and honoring it any way we can or want to. 

I am reminded of this quote:

“When you’re under a shady tree, don’t forget to see the sunlight streaming through the branches.”

All trees, including shady ones, are lovely but I love the message to not let the darkness, the pain, the negativity…overpower the goodness.

It’s up to us to see the beauty in the midst of the ugliest situations.

Much love & light to you, now & always!! ❤

😀

xoxo Kim