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Life Ain’t Always Beautiful

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“Life ain’t always beautiful
Sometimes it’s just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart
Life ain’t always beautiful
You think you’re on your way
And it’s just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin its sweet time”

I love this beautiful Country song, written by Cyndi Goodman and Tommy Lee James and sung by Gary Allan. 

 It’s so inspiring and touching. And especially knowing one of his real life experiences of deep pain that may have influenced his choice to sing this song and with so much passion. 
The song is about how life can be hard and sad and not all good but it’s still a beautiful journey overall. 

“happiness has its own way of takin’ its sweet time”

Just because we aren’t happy right now or sometimes doesn’t mean we are destined to be unhappy forever. We can always become happy at any point as long as we are alive. 

Gary Allan is a man who experienced true tragedy. He lost his beautiful wife to suicide in 2004. What an unimaginable loss for him and their kids and other family and friends. My heart goes out to them. Imagine the pain and horror they must live with each day. 

His wife, Angela, suffered with severe headaches and depression for years and took her own life one night while she was at home with the children. Poor baby. It’s so devastating that she suffered how she did and couldn’t see the light through her darkness. I wish I could give her a hug. 

We can want to die one second but just a second later change our mind. Imagine how many suicide victims probably would have changed their minds if only they held on just a second longer. Imagine how many pulled the trigger just a second too soon. The depression, the headaches, the suicidal inclination, for many of us aren’t temporary. They are chronic or episodic and they come and go. Come and go. Appear then disappear. But even though they always come back, and even if they stay a while, they always go again or can if we hold on. It does not always feel as if it will or can end or that we can live with it. But the pain can end and/or we can learn to cope better. And we can still find beauty in pain, both physical & emotional. 

“No, life ain’t always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life ain’t always beautiful
But it’s a beautiful ride”

This song is full of so much strength and determination. So much hope. Instead of giving up and becoming bitter, he takes his pain and puts it into his singing to share beautiful messages with the world.

We can all take our pain, no matter how serious or minor, and turn it into good whether it’s through singing, writing, sharing our experiences or positive message any way we can. Even if it doesn’t reach as many as a famous person’s does, it can still reach at least one. And that is good enough. ❤

This song here can apply to any pain or problems we may have. 

Even through his agony and loss he can see beauty in this life. It's ok that life isn't always beautiful. We can seize all the beautiful moments and acknowledge them, honor them, cherish them instead of getting sucked into the bad and overlooking all the goodness.

Just because pain and tragedy and nonsense exist in life doesn't mean beauty and goodness is outweighed or has to take the back burner. Why let the bad side have all or most of the attention and energy? We have a choice where to place our attention. For some people, it may take a lot of practice to generally see the good. But it's always possible. 

I feel a pull in my chest and deep beauty well up in it when I listen to this song or read the lyrics.

I just love his gentle, kind of sad, but hopeful voice. It’s so beautiful.
❤


"No, life ain't always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride"

Life Ain't Always Beautiful – Gary Allan 🙂

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Much love & light to you. ❤

Xoxo Kim ❤

If you want to be happy…

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“A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her 
Then she starts to do
The things that will break his heart.
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You’ll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She’ll always give you peace of mind.”

An ugly woman?! I don’t think there is such a thing! Lol 

Since I’m sharing this song I decided to share a couple of the “ugliest” (there’s actually waayyy uglier ones my sister has of me that she takes of me during moments I least expect it but I won’t be sharing those here – she has them on Facebook though!) pics of me. lol It’s not that I’m ugly but these are pictures I took of myself recently during my horrible sore throat and stuff. I’m totally not in my underwear, just pj shorts. lol And I have chicken legs (natural ones, not because I’m sick) which my mom thinks are hilarious. They aren’t as noticeable in pants.

I took these pictures shortly after I felt my sickness slowly beginning to heal. I was celebrating my desire to “live again” after walking around like a zombie for a few days. lol So for this reason, I think they are beautiful pics!

This is me recovering just after a terrible sore throat and possibly a (mild) kidney infection.
I haven’t been this sick in quite a while. And if I look a wreck, in my defense, like I said, I’m sick but recovering very well!  

Don’t you just LOVE the feeling of getting over a sickness?! It’s a wonderful feeling for sure. When I’m listing things to be grateful for, even when I’m not sick and haven’t been in a while, I frequently think of the incredible feeling when a sickness begins to end. In general, most of us feel this feeling of not being sick but we tend to overlook it I think, take it for granted, because we’re so used to it….until we get sick. Then we realize how absolutely wonderful it is to not be sick. ❤

I was letting my dog out in the backyard to go potty and as I stood there at the door waiting (she doesn't like us to leave and close the door on her lol), I felt flooded with gratitude that I felt so much less sick! 

I'm sharing this funny song & pictures as part of my one word challenge! My word is beauty. It’s just a funny song, but definitely not true! There are lots of pretty girls who can make some delicious food and love to cook for others and are great loyal, wives, girlfriends, lovers…. 

This song, while kind of rude, is uplifting!  

“Say man. 
Hey baby. 
Saw your wife the other day. 
Yeah?
Yeah, she’s uglyyy. 
Yeah, she’s ugly but she sure can cook. 
Yeah?. Okay.”

Lol Whaaattt?!?

I can’t cook (but then again, I never even try…)and don’t want to and I don’t keep stuff neat and organized so I must be totally gorgeous!! ;-D

My view is if you truly want to be happy, look for the beauty in everyone. Not just physical beauty but inner beauty. “Look for the light in others and treat them as if that’s all you see.” Also not to assume things especially based on outter appearances. You may think a woman is ugly and it turns out she can’t cook at all and a woman you find stunning may be a great chef! 

And not just about cooking but anything. Lol Physical appearance can’t generally tell us much about someone!

This may seem like common sense but some people really do judge based on appearances. I’m not completely innocent of this myself. I don’t ever judge based on level of attractiveness but there have been occasions I just looked at someone and thought this person doesn’t seem like the most pleasant person and the person turned out to be the sweetest thing! Even if we get a first impression that isn’t good, we don’t have to act on it! Let’s give everyone a chance! ❤

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(This isn’t my photo but isn’t it sweet?!)

It’s hard though to listen to this song and not want to giggle or sing along! 😀 The tune is quite catchy, wouldn’t you say? 😀

❤

Jimmy Soul – “If You Want to Be Happy”

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~Hugs!~ ❤ 😀

xoxo Kim

When the sun comes out again….<3

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“It felt like spring time on this February morning
In a courtyard birds were singing your praise
I’m still recalling things you said to make me feel alright
I carried them with me today”

I found this fortune on the floor near the door when I walked into work today. It brightened my day and made me smile. And it reminds me to smile at the very next person I look at (which I did! And he smiled back! 😀 ). 

Last night I had difficulty sleeping. My grief kept me awake. It tends to do that some nights.
But my adorable dogs know when I’m in serious pain whether it’s physical or emotional and they show me extra love. Lol It’s so cute!! ❤

One of the strange things about grief is how one moment it can be quiet, soft, mellow, calm, easy to bear then the very next moment it can be raw, agonizing, violent, nearly unbearable. It appears and reappears for many of us as long as we live, no matter how long ago the loss occurred. I still feel this for my dog who died of old age in 2013 and others I knew and love.

Last night I was thinking about how in just a few weeks, it will be the first anniversary of my close friend/coworker's unexpected death. It has been a long exhausting journey of grief this last year. Full of beauty & pain. Light & darkness. Love & hope.  
One year is just a social construct and it seems strange and interesting to think about it. Our society places so much importance on anniversaries each year.  This can be good or be very painful. Or both? 

My grief exacerbates to nearly unbearable levels off and on throughout my days. And while it's so hard sometimes, I know that's ok. It will be like that. I no longer try to battle it usually. It's not something to be battled. 

It's just a natural reaction to our losses. So I let it appear, do what it will, and then mellow out to the more bearable levels until the next raw flare up whenever it may be. 

Sometimes I still have trouble doing this though. Sometimes I want to resist that grief that hurts so much. 

Last night as I laid down to sleep, it just hit me. So unexpectedly. My beautiful friend never leaves my mind and my grief never leaves me either. But like I said, my grief now is usually bearable. 

But last night as I thought of the first anniversary approaching, the pain came at me like daggers piercing every square inch of my being. I thought of all the beautiful days we shared together in the last decade. All the love she has shown me and the love I still have for her and always will. But last night the happy memories weren't enough to soothe the pain. In some way, they even worsened it. Somehow though, I finally drifted off to sleep with her beautiful face across my mind. 

“Oh darlin’ as I lay me down to sleep
This I pray, that you will hold me dear
Though I’m far away
I’ll whisper your name into the sky
And I will wake up happy”
❤

Today I woke up still in that terrible raw state of grief. It's worse than when she died because at least back then the shock of her unexpected death protected me against the agony that was soon coming. But when I think of her, when I speak her name, it's so healing. 

As I sat at work today, a memory came to me. It was the Summer before she died. It was July, just after her 58th birthday. I was 28 years old. Diane always treated me like her own daughter. We stood together by the soda boxes in the store I work at. Her job was in the bar kitchen across the street. But she came over to the store to help me when it was busy. She absolutely loved to help people. She was a very giving person.

She often came over just to talk to me or bring me food and tell me something funny. She was hilarious, so full of life. Diane bragged about me to others constantly and always told me how wonderful I am and how she loved me. She was so proud of her sons and always sharing stories about her grandkids. She was so full of love. 
I always loved how she referred to her boys as "My Thomas" and "My Matthew" and "My Daniel" 
She would scold me when she thought I was doing something not good for myself like if she thought I was not eating enough food. She was always making me food and bringing it to me. 

My sweet, sweet friend. I miss her like crazy. The pain is almost physical. 

I always felt so close to her. 

I remember her black hair blowing in the swirl of the air the fan was blowing that day. I remember her white t-shirt and long denim shorts. And her beautiful voice.

There is nothing significant about this memory. It just came to me in one of my worst moments of grief and stood out. I love how it's just a simple memory of a mundane part of an ordinary day, yet it's so vivid in my mind. 

And it's a memory only I have of us together that day. There was no one else here. It feels so unique. But now it's written in stone, for the world to see at any moment of any day. And for that I am thankful.

Today I walked over to the soda box where we stood that day. I longed for her. I longed to feel her near me. My arms ached to hug her. 

 And as my grief reached its pinnacle and I felt it would destroy me and I was so tempted to repress and deny it, instead I let it ripple through me in agonizing waves. I let my body writhe in agony, I let myself keel over as I clutched my chest which felt like it held something inside physically breaking, as I thought of how I'll never see her again, how she'll never live again, never work again, never see her sons and family and friends again. Never again feel the wind blowing through her dark black hair. I thought of her hearing aids and how she'll never again reach up to adjust them. She'll never again eat her favorite strawberry ice cream or drink her favorite soda, which is also my favorite. Coca Cola. We both have always loved it and we both wouldn't drink Pepsi if Coca Cola was sold out. Lol Instead we drank Mt. Dew. 

So I let the pain break me. As much as I wanted to resist it. I let it break me. Then I allowed myself to steal away into the stillness around me and within, the quietude, the spaciousness, the emptiness, that awaits beyond the worst of the pain. The still of this cold, desolate  afternoon enveloped me in a soothing, exhilarating kind of way, giving me life & hope. 

And I felt beauty. I felt calm. Love. Whole. I felt her in my loving memories and I felt healed to a certain point. Grief, for many of us never completely heals but that's ok. 

It will appear and reappear and rise and fall. It will scream some moments, loud and vicious and terrible. And other moments it will softly arise in our self, floating gently and sadly but beautifully across our essence. Sometimes the happy memories will shatter us to pieces and other moments they will put us back together and help heal the darkest pain. And it's all ok. But it won't always feel ok. And that's ok too.

I was so tempted to only see the ugly in my grief today but I remembered my vow to this year refine my ability to see beauty in every moment, even the seemingly ugly ones. To deepen my sense of beauty and strengthen my philosophy of life that life is beautiful even in its darkest moments. 

So I let myself stand in quiet and calm and felt the beauty rise and surge within and consume me in its glow. 

And it was all ok again. 
And all will be ok again.

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Acceptance is a beautiful thing. It beautifies the world. We can accept our things that can't be changed and just go with the flow. And even things that can be changed, we can accept that things happen that aren't good while trying our best to help it. Acceptance doesn't mean we don't try to help it. It just means we allow whatever will be, to be and move forward doing the best we can, the best we know how. 

I accept my grief and my loss. And I move forward and try to help others in any way I can, often through my writing here & sharing inspiring posts. If it just touches one person, even in some small way, it's truly amazing. ❤ ❤

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“It’s not too near for me
Like a flower I need the rain
Though its not clear to me
Every season has its change
And I will see you
When the sun comes out again”
~
 Sophie B. Hawkins – As I Lay Me Down 

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I’m wishing you much love & light today and always,

~Hugs~

Xoxo Kim 

Church

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1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

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(this one isn’t mine)

I’m not religious but I love churches! And I just love the little golden cross at the top and the Wintery feel of my photo here. Churches are one of my favorite things to take pictures of! They are just beautiful. And while I don’t believe in any gods, I still find deep beauty & inspiration in some of the messages and love of people who believe in them or one of them. 
I am someone who finds beauty & inspiration everywhere, even in things I don’t agree with and even in dark situations.
But this year, as part of my one word challenge, I’m being even more mindful of beauty everywhere. Beauty is my word. 

😀

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So I decided to share my pictures here with a Biblical (at least in some versions) quote I find beauty in. And also I want to share a sweet Jesus song I find so much inspiration in.
I want my one word challenge to be about not only finding beauty in my own views and things I completely agree with but appreciating the beauty in other views and opinions I don’t share. 

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“Surely nations were not made for war

Or the broken meant to be ignored

Surely this just can’t be what You saw
Let Your Kingdom come here in my heart
And I will live to carry Your compassion, to love a world that’s broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give with the life that I’ve been given
And go beyond religion to see the world be changed
By the power of Your name
The power of Your name”

Isn’t this incredibly beautiful?! It’s not just a message that can only apply to those who believe in Jesus. It’s meant for each one of us. Jesus, whether he was/is a real man or only a character in a fairytale, is symbolic of love, compassion, and hope. Those are messages that can apply to all of us. We can look within us to find that power to help transform the world around us.

I invite you to look for and find beauty in places you don’t think you are likely to find it. Maybe in certain political views for example or in the people who hold views you yourself do not. There are views I don’t agree with but appreciate people’s courage to share them or the determination they have to work for their cause. If we really try, we will find glimpses of beauty even in the most unlikely places.

It’s worth the challenge!

❤

Much love & light,

xoxo Kim

One word.

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“…maybe if we are surrounded in beauty
Someday we will become what we see.”
~Jewel

I’m Sensitive – Jewel – mobile

I’m Sensitive – desktop

This post is longer than I want it to be but I’m much better, in general, with keeping my posts, messages, comments to people….shorter. Who wants to read like 20 pages of a blog post or e-mail or comment?! Lol But I still tend to get carried away now & again!

;-D   

For the last few years I heard about the one word challenge where we choose one word for the new year and decide to live up to and honor it any way we can the whole year.

I never felt compelled to participate in this because I felt there’s too many words I want to live each day, not just one. It seemed uninteresting to choose one word to live & breathe each day for just one year. And many words or concepts are interconnected. So how do we choose which aspect to focus on? And I used to think, when the year ends, what happens to our word? It gets chucked out the window, kicked to the curb, forgotten, abandoned? 

I remember at the end of 2013, I was having a horrible cluster of severe headaches and it was terrible. The word I clung to is “hope.” Hope that my headaches would soon end or that I would learn to live with the blinding, burning, aching agony, somehow learn to live with it. I bought a few things including a candle holder and notebook with the word “hope” on it.  I was so hurt and the end of 2013 is one of the most desperate, agonizing, traumatic, but beautiful seasons of this life of mine. Even though I still feel the trauma of it while remembering, it really showed me my strength and how desperate but hopeful I can be. It showed me what I’m made of and how a single word can do so much, be so much, be so inspiring, so empowering. The memory, while painful, is also beautiful in my mind. It really tested my life philosophy that life is so beautiful and is worth holding onto, worth each battle, even with very severe pain, both emotional & physical.  

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My experience with headaches piqued my interest in the one word challenge but not too much. But I wrote here that if I were to choose a word for 2014, it would be “hope.” I wanted to go into 2014 with more hope and a conscious, intentional determination to find & feel hope. I still did not engage in the one word challenge very consciously but I did better keep hope alive. 

You can read my December 2013 post here:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/and-then-a-hero-comes-along-with-the-strength-to-carry-on/

This year though, I received an e-mail, a subscription e-mail, suggesting I try the one word thing as an alternative to new year resolutions and for some reason I felt so inspired and compelled to participate the moment I began reading the e-mail and the word “beauty” was already in my head. I did not even have to search for or contemplate my word; it was just here in my head. I think it’s because my wisdom is deeper now than it was every other year that this challenge now inspires me enough to participate. Not that those who aren’t interested in this challenge are not as wise or even more wise than I am! 

It’s just that I now see the wisdom of focusing on just one word. Or just one thing. It doesn’t mean we can’t also honor other words or incorporate them into our days. Or that once the year ends so does our focus on the concept of our chosen word. I won’t stop seeing beauty when it turns 2017.  It’s just that the simplicity of focusing more on just one word for this challenge is very effective and organized. And we can take the skills it equips us with into the new year while choosing a new word to put more focus on.

Sometimes if we have multiple things to give much attention to, it can be distracting or not as clear. 

For example, when I have multiple books out or multiple books on my Kindle’s home screen, I often don’t know where to start or start with one book then keep switching. I love reading two books or even three on the same days but having too many isn’t always good because I don’t focus on the couple I try to. It’s good to give attention to one or two then when they’re through, move on to the next. I have had good books I tossed aside and never read yet because I had too many out at once and kept getting distracted so gave up on them all for a while.

It can be the same with college classes or utility bills that we are in debt with, if there’s too many, we may not know where to begin or how to get organized. 

One word for this activity brings clarity and organization. 

My word is “beauty.” I vow to see and look for beauty in each day, every situation, every person, no matter what goes on. I see/feel beauty naturally and when it doesn’t come naturally some occasions, I make it a point to look & find. 

But this year, I will focus even more on the beauty of life each day. When I say “see” I’m not just referring to visual beauty but all forms of physical and non physical beauty. We can use all the senses we are blessed with, however many we have. It’s often said we have five senses. Some say we have more. And some people have less than five. But no matter how many we have, we can use them to bask in all the beauty they receive. Beauty of all forms can engage our senses.

But beauty isn’t just physical. Haven’t you ever just felt the beauty of something or someone or your own beauty or beautiful feelings? I can often feel beauty, not just with my senses but feel it deep within. It can’t even be explained in words. 

“Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.” ~ Markus Zusak

There are many practical steps we can take to participate in this activity. We can use journals, calendars, arts & crafts, social media, lists, various outlets….

I focus on and see and feel so much beauty but this year I want to make it more intentional and even more conscious. 

One of my first steps to living in beauty will be better organizing my room. I am horribly disorganized in a physical way. My room is always a mess. I live with my mom, dad, and sister and my sister said my room is like a teenage boy’s room. Lol

I have food and candy wrappers around, clothes and books scattered around, soda cans, stuff just out of place. I disagree with a lot of people who say the condition of our room or house says who we are or a lot about who we are. Sorry but no my messy room will not tell you too much of who I really am within. All my room says about me is that I’m disorganized. Someone may interpret it as me being careless or apathetic or emotionally imbalanced but I’m not, I’m just a slob is all. Lol 

In elementary school, I loved school and my schoolbooks and class but my desk was one of the worst! I crumpled up paper and folders and just shoved them in my desk. I had broken crayons and pencils scattered about. ( I miss those desks now that I think about it!)

In high school, which I also loved, in eleventh grade English class, my teacher held up my folder and notebook which were overstuffed, falling apart, crumpled up, to the class as an example of what not to do. Lol Awkward! 

I have a beautiful mind and am passionate about the beauty of life and I love my books and things even though they are thrown around.

But it’s definitely more pleasant to walk into a beautiful room. Especially if we are someone who struggles with depression. 

My disorganization doesn’t depress me but organization and a beautiful room can be uplifting to someone who is in an episode already. And when we’re already deeply depressed, I’m sure clutter and things out of place, can drag us down a bit more. 

So I plan on organizing and beautifying my room completely! Not just clearing the junk but setting out more pretty things that stimulate the senses and emotions in a positive way, candles, knick knacks, decorations, flowers, pretty colors….  There’s also things I want to get rid of because they contribute to not just taking up space they aren’t worth but they contribute to negative energy or are somewhat draining to me.  

One thing I have laying around my room are celebrity gossip magazines. Eww. I do not read those. EVER! But my sister and me sometimes cut stuff out of magazines to glue into notebooks and stuff and we have a bunch of various kinds or magazines laying around the house. The one magazine I cannot stand to have near me is the celebrity gossip magazine. No thank you. I don’t think it’s ok to trash talk celebrities or stalk them or harass them at every street corner or air out their dirty laundry without them wanting us to, or make up and perpetuate lies about them just because they chose a job that comes with fame and fortune. They are not different than I am. I would never want gossip magazines or blogs or things about me and people constantly on my ass watching my every move then reporting it to the media or others. That would suck! Also, I do not judge people who read them. When I was young I used to read them myself. I used to try to sneak around in stores reading them without getting caught because we’re not supposed to read without buying. Sometimes they still catch my eye, rarely but still happens. I wasn’t horrible for getting into celebrity gossip. My sister loves celebrity gossip and my grandmom does. It’s just not my cup of tea anymore. I like stuff that others think is terrible to love. (like fiction horror stuff! And some people can’t stand horror books and movies/dvds just being near them like me with the magazines. It doesn’t mean they think less of me for loving it.)  

But that’s beside the point here anyway. My point is those magazines do not aid in my Beauty/one word challenge. They actually go against it. They don’t take up much space but they contribute to unpleasant feelings when I glance at them. I usually throw something on top of them so I don’t have to see them. But soon I will get rid of them completely! Things have an effect on our energy whether or not we fully or consciously realize it. Something that affects my energy or vibration a certain way may not have the same effect on others. It’s important to tune in and see how things affect us. Something that I find exhilarating(like being around lots of people, for example) may be life draining to someone else. It’s important to go deep within the self, pay attention, and see how things affect our energy. 

http://oneword365.com/

On the website (above) for the one word challenge they give seven ideas to effectively integrate our word into our everyday using a calendar. I probably won’t be using a calendar but I will be using a journal and put the date on each page, hopefully at least once a day. My handwriting is terrible though and it so frequently contributes to me giving up on journaling. I write like a 1st grader but worse. But as part of my beauty challenge I know I will find beauty even through my horrific handwriting. 

On the website they suggest a paper calendar or planner but also mention that most tips will work with a digital one. They also suggest maybe dedicating a specific planner or journal to our word, which I will be doing. 

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Here are their seven tips and my thoughts about them.

“1. Make a list of actions you can do daily, weekly or monthly that focus on your word and help you integrate it into your life. Then schedule them into your calendar.”

This is really good for staying motivated. I’m horrible with keeping up with things. I get so wrapped up into doing other things and then my goals get kicked to the curb. By scheduling them into each day, incorporating our word into our life each day, not only are we more likely to not give up on it but it will be more threaded throughout life each day, maybe having a deeper effect. 

“2. Collect quotes and sayings about your word and write them down in the daily or weekly section of your planner.”

This is one of my favorite ones because I love quotes & sayings & clichés! They are so powerful, quick, and uplifting! They are brief but say so much in just a few breaths. I think I will try to find a quote or song each day or week about beauty of some sort and write it in my beauty/one word journal as well as share here sometimes. 

The song I shared above, I’m Sensitive by Jewel is a great song about inner beauty and surrounding our own selves and each other in beauty. It’s about being kind to each other. It’s a beautiful song.

“3. Create a simple bookmark with your word. Take a piece of cardstock or scrapbook paper and write your word onto it with a sharpie. Punch a hole at the top and attach a ribbon. Use the bookmark in your planner to mark the current day.”

This sounds really fun! I think I will!

Maybe I’ll use these!

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(the little nose is my dog, Woody’s. Lol He was interested in my circles.)

I got them at Target a couple years ago but never really used them much.

“4. Write, doodle, draw or paint your word on your daily or weekly pages, or assign a fixed spot to write it down in your monthly overview.”

This is really good for maintaining our focus on our chosen word. Allow it to seep into even our daydreams and lazy thoughts. 

“5. Keep a record of things that happened relating to your word. Did it teach you something? Did it surprise you? Write it down!”

Yes, our experiences each day can strengthen our focus on our word and our determination to honor that word can help us stay positive in situations that may tempt us to succumb to unhappiness or other unpleasant feelings. I have an example already. I had a psychiatric appointment recently that  I did not feel much like going to just because. Sometimes I have to wait hours in the waiting room when my appointment should have been over in fifteen minutes. The people there are not always pleasant to interact with. The workers often treat us like we’re nothing just because we are financially struggling and mentally ill(at least I suspect that’s why – they don’t treat each other or the doctors in this manner, that I know of). They act in a very condescending, rude, abrupt manner, sometimes. Not all of them but enough of them. Not the nurse I talk to, she’s sweet, or the peer specialists who are also mental patients but very advanced in recovery. They are very friendly.  It’s a free mental health clinic and I am very blessed and thankful I have access to it. It’s not always a walk in the park having to deal with it but there are so many opportunities to find beauty like on my walk there, the air on my skin, things I can take pictures of, even glimpses of beauty seen in the people who act in rude ways(they still have good things about them!)…., the other patients I sometimes talk to, the people I meet on the way sometimes. Broken people attract other broken people. We often just sense each other. So I’m always finding someone new to talk to whether another patient or someone hanging around the clinic or neighborhood or at the busstop. There’s a couple busstops near the clinic. I usually walk the half hour instead since I love walking. It’s good to keep a list or book of our inner experiences of how this activity goes for us. It helps organize our thoughts, see what’s working well, what isn’t, and we’ll always have it to look back on. 

“6. Take a look at your to-do list: can you use your word as a guide to tackle your tasks? If you for example chose “Simplify” and you have 35 items on today’s list, you know what to do… :)”

Yeah this is similar to the above answer. Just incorporating it into our everyday tasks. This will have more of an impact. Our everyday chores, tasks, encounters are great opportunities to get in the habit of living up to our chosen word. And it can make these tasks more interesting if we incorporate our word’s concept into them.  In my case, it will be more mindfully finding beauty in each mundane encounter or situation, even the more unpleasant ones. Finding beauty or creating beauty in ugliness or dullness. Using our word to tackle tasks can stimulate our creativity. We can find new ways to integrate our word in each day, thread it throughout our everyday. Maybe your word is even creativity or creative and this activity itself honors that word. If your word is “calm” or “peace,” you can make it a point to do mindful exercises while doing each mundane task you have to do. If you are often late for work or somewhere else important, you probably aren’t very calm on your way there almost being late! That’s so distressing! So you can either start leaving earlier to be more calm or still be late but focus on breathing (and driving! If you drive to work or wherever it is) to calm your nerves.  Those are just some examples. 

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“7. Cross off or circle the dates in the calendar to indicate that your word has been present that day. A year-at-a-glance calendar can serve as a tracker for the whole year.”

Yeah this is really good for getting us in the habit of actively “using” our word each day. If you are a calendar user already (I’m not) then it’s probably even more effective than a journal keeping you on track because you already use it. With the journal, it’s a new activity I have to remember and find motivation to keep up with, challenging but fun! Also, marking the days that our word is present, we can keep track of and look back on our progress and better maintain our one word goal. 

While this activity can be practical like with journals and physical actions taken, it can also be an experience in our heads, just to honor our chosen word in our inner world, summoning feelings and images that relate to it.

I want to find beauty everywhere and share it with others through photos, quotes, blog posts, Facebook posts, conversations on and offline….I do this anyway but this year, I will be even more mindful. 

I will also live in love, compassion, kindness, inspiration….and other lovely words…but beauty is my word for this challenge. And beauty includes love and inspiration and other concepts. Compassion, kindness, & love are beautiful and when I engage in or feel them, I will also be honoring my chosen word, “Beauty.”

If you are also doing this challenge, I would love to know your word and/or how you plan to honor it each day! So let me know! You can write it in the comments here, write me an e-mail @ kimberlyjm52@gmail.com or write your own post on it and send me the link! I hope to think of some more creative ways to live in Beauty! ❤ 😀

Got any ideas? If you have anything to add, like creative ways we can incorporate the concept of our word into our everyday, let me know! I love knowing people's ideas! 

Even if you haven't chosen your word yet, you can now! Or whenever you want! I just decided to engage in this fun & inspiring activity a couple days ago!  And my mind is already even more in the habit of seeing beauty in mundane and unpleasant situations. It's never too late as long as we're alive!

😀

Here are some ideas I thought of: serenity, inspiration, love, patience, gratitude, peace, kindness, creativity, light, motivation, astute, organization, beauty, alive, truth, acceptance, wonder, awe, confidence, clarity, discernment, tranquility, play, playful, , humor, laughter, lighthearted, health, enthusiasm, positivity, optimism, forbearance, magnanimity, humbleness, humility, independence, joy, openness, receptive, passion, tolerance, bold, assertiveness, fierce, gentleness, nurture, strength, wisdom, tact, spirit, attitude, persistence, compassion, hope, Earth, oneness, heart, sky, fun, mindfulness, music, song, minimalism, simplicity, growth, happiness, zen, balance…

Maybe you want to choose a word that already resonates with you in a deep way or maybe you want it to be a bit more challenging and choose a word or concept you struggle with. Either way is fantastic!  

When we choose a word, we can still live all these other words too but our focus for the challenge will most directly be on the one we chose for it. There are so many, many creative ways we can come up with to live the word we choose. 

Check this out for more fun & inspiring ideas for this new year! They are alternatives to the new year resolutions. 

10 Alternatives to New Year’s Resolutions

Thank you!! 

Xoxo Kim 

We are here.

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“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the earth revolves-slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I shared this quote here before, not too long ago and thought of it again when I was drinking hot tea at work. My tea bags turn red in the hot water and look so pretty. I am inspired by the coloring and the tea itself. Hot tea is my favorite. Not just because it’s delicious but just the very concept or what it symbolizes, at least for me. To me, tea symbolizes serenity & simplicity, warmth, and mindfulness. 

Tea always reminds me to live in this moment and savor every second. 

I took this picture of my tea at work one day recently and put a darkening effect on it to make the red stand out. (and I put this quote on I read in a mindfulness book for treating addiction) I love how in photos, we can creatively play up certain aspects or details to make them stand out more than they do in actual life. Certain things like shadows & reflections & colors or drops on things are often overlooked in person but in photos we have no choice but to notice. Certain kinds of photography inspire mindfulness when they provoke us to be attentive to details we would otherwise overlook. 

The more I look at people’s photos and take my own, the more I notice the wonderful, simple treasures of life in person like mist on leaves and tree branches, the motion of a butterfly’s soft wings flapping in the gentle wind, the reflection of a setting sun on car windows and the window of buildings, the chipped paint on bricks of buildings, decaying window panes on old houses, the shadow in front of me as I walk the streets on a sunny day, smooth stones resting in wet soil after a rainstorm, the edges and lines and repetition of wooden fences, the crisp yellowing pages of old books, the swirl of colorful city lights at night, the small ripples of river water and the large glistening rocks that adorn it, the large arches of bridges, freckles and moles and wrinkles on someone’s skin, and not just things seen but felt or experienced with the other senses, like a soft breeze upon my smooth skin, the feel of hot or cold liquid on my tongue, going down my throat, the fragrance of cold air, the softness of flower petals against my finger tips, the light playful touch of the wind blowing through my long hair, the sound of traffic on a wet day, the taste of chocolate in frigid air (it always tastes better to me in the cold.), and so, so much more. 

I love this quote. It is a beautiful reminder that we are HERE. Right here. Right now. 

Now.

It’s truly all we know we have. We may have tomorrow all that we have today, maybe even more. But it’s also possible in an instant, it can all be taken away. Buildings we see everyday can suddenly be demolished, beautiful trees cut down, delicate flowers crushed beneath the soles of hasty footsteps, beautiful friends leave or die, one of our body’s beautiful systems stops functioning, we lose our job or place of living. We just never know.

Even if we knew we have forever, it would still be great to be mindful and appreciate the beauty but the point of this quote is that we don’t have forever. All we have is right Now. So it makes sense to focus more on this than tomorrow or yesterday or even later today. 

Let’s cherish every moment we have been given.

Here is a beautiful song sung by Ringo Starr about this fact of life! 

“You’ll Never Know”

“…with every dawn every day is full of chances
to find some good before it’s gone
You’ll never know which way
a day is gonna take you
theres always some surprise
that comes along to shake you
a simple rule of thumb
thats often been neglected is
take life as it comes
expect the unexpected
you’ll never see exactly where
the road will lead you…”

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Love & light to you, 
❤

Xoxo Kim 

Touch me I’m sick

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“The cure for pain is in the pain” ~Rumi

Lol That’s right, I’m sick as a dog today!

So today I woke up with a terrible sore throat and sinus headache. And sooo dizzy! And physically weak! Yuck! And pain in my kidney. I get kidney stones and what I think are mild kidney infections. It’s nothing new. 

This totally sucks!

I have been working a lot more than usual and not going to sleep early enough and when that happens I tend to get sick. It’s interesting because before I realized I was getting sick, I began craving root beer soda. I never liked root beer but when I’m sick I have an intense craving for it. I have no idea why!

I stayed in bed until the afternoon feeling as if there’s no way I can get up. But when I finally drug myself up, it’s much better.

When we’re sick, it’s important to get rest but also to move around because too much rest can worsen it.

My mom is insisting I drink apple cider vinegar because it helps with infections. It’s good but gives me madd heartburn! It’s so sour! 

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 Yesterday I could tell I was getting a scratchy throat so I bought Halls cough drops.  

I love when I get throat drops with little pep talks on the wrappers! A pep talk in every drop! It’s so uplifting! Just what we need when we’re sick. I love it!

I wasn’t aware that these ones have the little sayings on them til I went to throw one in the trash and saw it! I was so delighted!

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Here are some of the little pep talks:

Conquer today.
Inspire envy.
Dust off and get up.
It’s yours for the taking.
Be resilient.
Go for it.
Get back in there champ!
Put your game face on.
Let’s hear your battle cry.
Bet on yourself.
Get through it. 
Be unstoppable. 
Power through!
Push on!
Buckle down and push forth!
Impress yourself today.
Go get it!
Fire up those engines!
Seize the day.
Nothing you can’t handle.
Take charge and mean it.
Don’t try harder. Do harder!
Don’t give up on yourself.
You’ve survived together.

And a few more I can’t read because they get cut off at the edge of the wrappers. Hopefully some of the wrappers I encounter later will have the full sayings! 

update: I got a wrapper with the full ones!
You got it in you.
Tough is your middle name.
Flex your “can do” muscle.
Don’t wait to get started.

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These cough drops aren’t the tastiest but they have menthol which soothes the sore throat. They also have cough suppressant & oral anesthetic, which the menthol is good for! I don’t have a cough.

They have medicinal cherry syrup in the middle.

I would stay in my pj’s all day but I’m going to get ice cream to soothe my poor throat , cranberry juice for my sweet kidneys, and get pizza fries! Yummy! :-p

I hope your day is going great and that you’re not sick like me! But if you are, I hope those little peps do wonders for you! And even if you’re not sick they may still give you a lil pep! I’m happy I found beauty in the sickness!

“Touch Me I’m Sick”

“I’m diseased, I don’t mind
I’ll make you love me ’till the day you die”
~ Mudhoney lol

Read more: Mudhoney – Touch Me I’m Sick Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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😀 ❤

Much love, 

Xoxo Kim 

5 Things that inspire me this week

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1.) My coworker brought her son to work. He’s four years old and the most adorable little boy! He came over to me and said “Kim, you’re the best!” then he walked over to his mom and said “Mommy, you’re the best! You’re the best mommy someone can have!” My heart just melted! That’s the cutest thing! And how beautiful it is to appreciate those who surround us and feel as if we are surrounded by the best! He’s only four years old and already taps into this wisdom of gratitude & appreciation! 

2.) This:

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3.) Years ago I saw a horror fiction movie called “The Eye” which I recently watched again, and a very sick little girl in a hospital says to the young woman about to receive an eye transplant to see again after being blinded in an accident as a young child:

“I know you’re scared. Don’t be. ‘Cause the world really is beautiful.”

I also feel an even deeper appreciation for my sense to see and the other incredible ways in which my body functions in perfect synchronization, watching the movie again. It’s something we often overlook and take for granted. If you are a seeing person just open your beautiful eyes and look! Look at all the beautiful colors, textures, views around you! Imagine having that taken away in an instant. Of course it’s not the worst thing. Blind people can be very happy and just as functioning for the most part, as a seeing person. And often their other senses are even stronger than ours or they are more in tune with them. I don’t feel sorry for them and there are probably blind people who would never want to see because they love how they are. I know there are deaf people who say they love their culture and would never want to hear. It’s probably different for people who have been deaf or blind since infancy than for a person who it happens to later. It has to be traumatic to go blind or deaf as an adult or older child. Because of my facial dysfunction I go deaf occasionally, sometimes partially and on extremely rare occasions profoundly/completely. When I was a young woman and girl it scared me silly. I would go into a serious panic. One day in college, I went completely deaf, got lost, and couldn’t ask for help because I couldn’t hear. It was so scary. Now it’s still not pleasant but it’s not frightening either. I also have problems with my vision because of the same dysfunction. I don’t go blind but my vision gets so blurry sometimes I cannot see anything but a haze of white or swirl of colors. It’s not a progressive thing, it comes and goes.

But there are definitely people with disabilities who wouldn’t have it any other way and that’s beautiful. 

But our senses are a gift. There’s no denying it. A true blessing. And it’s so great to stop all the clatter in the mind and give thanks to our senses for all they do for us. 

Also I love the ultimate message of the movie that we don’t need eyes or a sense of vision to see true beauty and see what is truly important in this life. It’s like that saying something like the best things in life can’t be seen or heard but must be felt or felt with the heart or something like that! How true!

4.) the cold barrenness of Winter.

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This sky is really more of a dull blue and I also find that inspiring. Bright blue skies are my favorite to look at usually. But I put an effect on this to make it look more dreary to better portray the feel of Winter. I also love gray, dreay skies.

5.) Watching this seagull flying through the sky. It’s awe inspiring. 

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I watched him/her soaring through the sky along with a few other ones. Then when this one came very close, I took the pic! I put a bold effect on this picture to make the blue of the sky pop. The sky was very blue that day but in my picture it turned out not as bright so I put the effect on. It looks so pretty!

The world is full of so much beauty in various forms! So full of wonder. I look around each day in awe of the splendor surrounding us.

What inspires you in the last week? I would love to know! 😀

❤ Much love,

xoxo Kim

Ugly-Beautiful 2

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I keep posting here about the one word challenge for the new year. My word is Beauty. I have a post about the challenge and my views about it saved in my drafts and will post it soon. My word for 2016, beauty,reminds me of a post I wrote a while ago about a beautiful novel I read called My Grandfather’s Eyes.

 I wrote about it here before I read the ending when I still wasn’t sure what the novel is actually about. When I warned people that there may be violent sexual/abuse scenes in it and unnecessary violence. I read a book review that says that and couldn’t remember if the review is for “My Grandfather’s Eyes” or some other book. It is for another. “My Grandfather’s Eyes” has no such scene. No sexual or any kind of “unnecessary” violence. Just pure beauty.

And I recommend it. 

There’s another fiction book I read called, Alex, about a little boy who was kidnapped and murdered. It’s a good book with some slight supernatural overtones, I guess you can say. This one does have horrific sexual and other violence in it. The dad has visions after his son is found dead and sees the violence that was done to him. I don’t judge authors or artists who portray violence in their work. It doesn’t necessarily mean they support it. Many creators like to create things that provoke strong emotion whether pleasant or unpleasant. It brings their work to life and helps deepen our empathy and stir things within us. For the most part, even if it seems so, I don’t think anything in a work of art is “unnecessary.” Even if it seems the work can do without, for some reason the author wants it there so it does have purpose to that person. And it will resonate with some and not others. There is beauty in that.

 But most of that book is not violent scenes, just the dad not knowing if he’s mentally ill or actually being haunted by his dead son. It is very interesting.  The main character in My Grandfather’s Eyes, the woman telling her story, is named Alex as is the little boy in the fiction book, Alex. So I got the two confused. 

Anyway about “My Grandfather’s Eyes.”

My heroine, Alex, who is the narrator, is a woman who is about 32 years old and she’s kind of a sociopath, like really. She sort of has no conscience and attempts to kill her sincerely loving husband(i won’t give any spoilers and tell you if she succeeds or not, that’s for you to find out. Lol –  {he does die though}  But just know, she attempts to kill an innocent man just to be rid of him and yes, I called her my heroine!) just to get rid of him and get his stuff and live with her best girl, Liz. but she is very beautiful to me anyway. She was always in love with her best friend Lizzy but Lizzy is a straight girl and she’s married with children.  Alex has no kids and doesn’t want any. 

At first when I was confused about the other fiction book and thought this may be the one with the sexual violence, I wasn’t going to read this but the description of the beautiful love Alex has for Liz, is what inspired me to take the chance and read and I’m so happy I took that chance. Later I read the book, Alex, not realizing that’s the one with the horrific violence but I’m happy I read that too.   

Alex is arrogant, doesn’t give two shits what anyone (except Lizzy) thinks of her. Other than herself, the only two people Alex ever really loved are Lizzy and Alex’s grandfather. She is arrogant but also truly loves herself for how she genuinely is, both physically and her intriguing mind. She has big, dark moles on her face which she loves because they are part of who she is, and since she was little, refused to get removed when she had the chance. They grow bigger and darker. People stare. She doesn’t like it much but loves herself too much to care too much. As a child it hurt her deeply to be the target of cold stares and cruel words. But she still loves herself. She thinks she’s a beautiful woman. 

Here is what she says: 

“My moles continue to grow and darken. I take less care to hide the bump on my head, and I wonder whether my deformities will eventually take me over. I am impatient with them, wishing they would stabilize. I think I notice people staring more, and imagine they are whispering to each other but I decide that I will not try to hide myself away. It will be easier if the people who are alienated by such things have the chance to avoid me, and I reason that those who are indifferent to them will not care.” ~ Alex

And here is what I wrote one day in June (not the most recent one but the one before, if I remember correctly) about this excerpt:

I love this and completely agree. I would never want friends or people who like me only because they don’t know something about me that if they found out later they would reject me for it, whatever it may be. We don’t have to like everything about a person we like but we can accept, tolerate, or overlook it and love the person as a whole. I don’t necessarily want someone to like every single thing about me, like all of my opinions or anything, and I won’t conceal something just to have them like me or not reject me. It’s like an asshole repellent,if you show your ugliness or controversial views or something right off, you weed out the assholes and the true ones are still standing by your side. Or if you’re the asshole and people are going to reject you for it then they can back off and the ones who don’t mind asshole-ness will still be there. 
I don’t always like people’s opinions but I often appreciate the courage it takes them to stand up for whatever it is and the passion that drives them.

I am what I am whether I conceal it or not and whether someone likes it or not. So why deny or repress it? Instead I will give people the chance to know me and embrace me or know me and reject me.

I still agree with what I wrote. There are some things we may want to wait before revealing until someone gets to know us better. But for the most part, I believe it’s best to let our true selves loose and shine. If they love us, that’s amazing! If they reject us, oh well, we can love them and move forward. ❤

I love Alex's sense of beauty. It's kind of dark and unusual. 

“…the Gothic Hall complete with turrets and gargoyles – where I will study English Literature. It is ugly-beautiful and will suit me very well. A fitting place in which to study the works of great authors. I feel the hairs bristle on the back of my neck with the excitement it generates in me.” ~ Alex 

Here's the link to my original post about this:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/06/25/ugly-beautiful/

"My Grandfather's Eyes"

😀

This is one of my favorite books ever! It is beautiful, unusual, fascinating, thought-provoking, and deeply inspiring!

After reading the whole book I love her more now than ever. I found beauty in her at first but also felt repulsed by her for her complete lack of empathy and compassion for others, not just that but her coldness, almost cruelty, towards people to the point of almost being a psycho. But I gave her a chance and fell in love with her. I wasn't going to read the book at first but then I did and am so thankful! ❤ This can apply to real life, we may have certain traits we adore in others and then meet people who lack those traits or have traits we strongly dislike in others and meet someone who possesses them, and think we don't like the person but it turns out that person is STILL somehow beautiful to us and catches our heart. We may just fall head over heels in love (either platonic or romantically) with someone we never would expect. I decided to buy the Kindle book merely because I love the powerful love she has for her best friend, which turns to unrequited romantic love. But doesn't destroy their friendship and the platonic love Liz has for Alex. Then I read it and love the entire book! She also has powerful love for herself. 

“In the mirror, I see a woman sitting bolt upright in her chair, with her handbag on her lap. She has long mousy hair, parted in the middle, her scalp white in the harsh fluorescent light. There is a large, dark mass spreading across the side of her face. I think her elegantly middle-aged, sensuously beautiful. I cannot identify with her. I see her smile, first with her eyes, which remain young, and then with the whole of her face. We fuse together, and I feel an energy building inside me, so that my reflection seems to disturb the air in the room, like a breeze across the surface of a lake.  It is a lake I have visited many times in my dreams. We are luminous and powerful.”

This scene is breathtaking. A woman who looks into a mirror and sees a woman who is incredibly beautiful in every way, scars, "flaws," and all.  And that woman is herself. I love how she dissociates and sees her own self without negative judgment, sees herself in perfect beauty, as if she's looking at another woman, then fuses with the woman in the mirror as they become whole, one. 

This is one of the most beautiful scenes I ever read in a book.

We often look at others without judgment in a negative way and see their beauty but hold ourselves to greater standards and criticize our own self in a destructive way. Imagine seeing yourself with loving eyes and a self compassionate  mind.  

How beautiful it is to be in love with our own self.  

I love how she refuses to cover up what many see as ugly. Not only does she not think her deformity is ugly, she thinks it's quite beautiful. She loves it because it is part of herself. 

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(meeee <3)

One reason I felt drawn to her right away, along with the fact that she has her grandfather’s eyes, is I have a facial dysfunction, though it cannot be seen. I mentioned here before that people with visible facial deformities or disfigurements, birthmarks, or scars probably would not agree with me since mine cannot be seen by others, only felt by me, but I often feel an especially  strong relation or connection to people with facial/head conditions whether visible or not, because I have one so bad. 

Alex speaks of "a large, dark mass spreading across the side of her face"  and wondering  "whether my deformities will eventually take me over." I feel this same way on different occasions. I cannot see that large, dark mass spreading across the side of my face. But I sure feel it. And so many moments, especially late into night, I wondered in fear and incredible loneliness whether it will eventually take me over. Hers isn't physically painful like mine but she has to endure the pain of society's cold, sometimes cruel reactions. 

Her self love inspires me to remember to love the parts of me that hurt. They are a part of me.
She inspires me to see beauty even in my agony.

My pain flares up to unbearable levels and feels so ugly. But I see beauty in my whole situation.

Sometimes I wonder what Alex would think of me if she were a real person or if I was a character in her book.  

I imagine we would get along well. And we both love to read! She attended college for English Literature. 

I love Alex and love how she loves herself. 

Give her a chance! Maybe you'll love her too! ❤

Love & light,

xoxo

Kim