It’s called “Savage” and the author is Iain Rob Wright. It’s purely fictional in case you’re wondering. ;-D
I’m not even halfway through the book but I love it!
In the book there are very few survivors who come together and do what they have to to survive, defending themselves and each other.
It’s basically the end of the world. There are zombies around but are easy to fend off for the most part. They aren’t fast and can’t really climb anything. All the sprinters (the really fast and furious ones who can climb and charge at people…scary!) are gone now. All the survivors who came together are living on a pier with a steel gate so the zombies can’t get them. But the book is really about how there’s another group out there somewhere, of living humans just like the survivors, but this other group is a serious threat to them. Maybe even more threatening than the zombies. They don’t know they’re out there yet. I haven’t got to that part yet.
The one character has a quote that he recites in his head, to give him inspiration and motivation when he’s in a dangerous situation.
“Into the darkness I fade. May my light lead me through.”
Isn’t it inspiring?!
So full of hope.
He saw it written on the ground outside of a mosque, maybe about a year or many months ago, after the initial outbreak of the zombie infection and it helps see him through the devastation and terrifying situations.
The quote is a sweet reminder that no matter how dark it gets for us, we have a light inside to guide us and all we have to do is look to that light when we are in that darkness. Whether it’s grief, depression, physical pain or sickness, anxiety, some tragedy, guilt, a zombie apocalypse, or just a “bad day” or low mood, I think that’s a great quote to remember!
No matter how dim it gets every now & then, keep it burning, even if it’s just a flicker, a sparkle, a sliver of a flame, it’s still fierce and can help guide us and help us help others. We can focus on the good in us and around us, do the best we can and keep going. And we can use our own light to rekindle the light of someone else in need. ❤
And if your light seems to be going out, just try to rekindle someone else's and yours is sure to burst into flames itself. ❤
"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." ~Albert Schweitzer
July 20, 2015 – I wrote this at work today but I’m posting after 8:00pm so it will say July 21st.It’s not. It’s Monday, July 20th.
I woke up not in the happiest mood. Last night I was hit with a depressed mood, not the kind almost everyone experiences now and then but my real depressive disorder flaring up. First I was just angry over nothing and everything. Angry and exhausted and kind of numb. Then the pain began to sink in later. I was having dark thoughts and a night of fitful sleep and anxious feelings all over me. I kept being jolted out of my sleep, like jumping up not knowing why. It was nothing external, but in my head. There were no dreams that I know of. I usually remember my dreams.
I kept thinking of all the negative things that ever happened to me, all the people and animals I ever knew who died(this brought me so much anxiety and pain), thinking that anyone I know can die at any second (more wretched anxiety and pain), every wrong thing I ever thought someone did to me, all of the mistakes I ever made, all the flaws I thought of in just about everyone I know, I felt jealous, lonely, and other negative emotions…i just wanted to end it all. I’m only like this when I’m very depressed, it’s not a general thing but when I get like this, it feels like it was always constant.
Then there was this serious physical pain in my head that came out of nowhere(for a few seconds I thought something was rupturing and that I was dying. And I was happy about it. Thinking, good, just end it all now. So yes, my depression was bad.). But I wasn’t going to succumb to this vicious disease (or whatever you want to call depression).
It is a serious sickness that just devours me like being consumed by some vicious entity. It can flare up out of nowhere and linger on for months or end quickly. It has to be managed like with physical diseases.
I decided to get to work, kick this depression in the balls, whatever it takes.
Being able to recognize it like this, that it’s depression, a true condition, and not just me being worthless is a gift. I do not always realize when I’m depressed and believe I’m just hopelessly flawed and worthless and that my life is nothing. Through the years, I learned to often detect this as depression and realize the pain or numbness and emptiness, along with other symptoms, is really the disorder and then I can do whatever I have to do to ward it off or cope as best as I can.
Last night/early this morning, I practiced Buddhist meditation and Mala recitation which helps greatly. The mantra I chose for these specific beads, the Mala, which I made at a workshop at the Center where I attend classes, is,
Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ, the mantra of compassion for all sentient beings.
We can recite various mantras using one set of Mala beads but Buddhists believe that each recitation, positive energy goes into the beads and every recitation session with that mantra, adds more power to them. When we use a different mantra on the same Mala, all the energy for the previous mantra is obliterated and the power of the new mantra goes into them, then we have to start all over again if we want to go back to a different mantra. This is not that good for people who have been using one Mala for very long with the same mantra! You can just get a different Mala for each mantra. I have two, the one I made myself and one I ordered online (not as pretty! Lol)
Here’s the one I made:
I chose the colors and the beads.
Gorgeous, right?!
I get lots of compliments on this beautiful thing!
Here’s the one I ordered online to help me cope with my cluster-like headaches. It only came in black.
Not quite as lovely but I still love it!!
The mantra I chose for this is:
Om ah hum
This is just a quick one to keep focused and used for purification of the body, speech, and mind.
I love the idea of compassion for all living beings of sentience (even though I don’t always live up to it as much as I intend and want to) so I chose the compassion mantra for my main Mala. Also, I attended the Empowerment for the Buddha of compassion, Avalokiteshvara, last month, where the mind of whatever Buddha the Empowerment is for(like Tara, the medicine Buddha,…)in this case, Avalokiteshvara, is believed to enter our own mind,empowering us with that Buddha’s wisdom and light. So during our Empowerment (they occur once a year I think, here at the center in Philadelphia and maybe two a year in NYS at the Temple, I don’t know where else, and until we receive one by an ordained monk or nun, we cannot engage in certain Tantric practices, it’s believed we aren’t strong or wise enough and will make us sick), the mind of Avalokiteshvara is believed to enter our own minds,empowering us to love like he does, flawlessly, deeply, without condition. We still have to practice to get where he is but the Empowerment helps us get there.
His compassion for all living beings is so complete, so flawless that he can handle anything. No problem is really a problem and nothing is insurmountable when your compassion & love for the world is boundless. We look to him for strength and wisdom and love, as his flawless love runs so deep that nothing can break him. I also wear his necklace. He has four arms! Two of them are folded in prayer at his chest. And he holds a crystal Mala in one hand. He is beautiful!
Here is my necklace:
And here is me a couple weeks ago, wearing it but it got turned around in the pic.
When I woke up this morning it was better but not completely and I consciously, forcefully made lists in my head of all the good things I can think of. And tried to actually feel how good they are, not just list them. And I read writings by Orison Swett Marden, and philosophy texts by Plato and others, and am much better! It wasn’t a full blown episode yet so I was able to work on it before it got too bad. With my condition which flares up now and again for hours, days, weeks, or months, I had to develop techniques to fend it off or just cope with it when I can’t. I’m not letting this thing get me for months now! No way! I may have to battle it for a while now until the threat of it becoming a full blown episode ends and I’m doing a good job! It’s just what I have to do and is a blessing that I can do this and learned to. It’s like a real disease with symptoms and like a whole entity inside and all around me. Crushing me in complete darkness. Way more than just a mood or attitude. But I have come a long, long way…and am here to stay! lol j/k that’s not what I was really going to write but it sounds cheesy and funny in my head so I went with it! I was really going to write I have come and long, long way and that itself inspires me to keep going and not allow the vicious darkness to consume me when I can help it! 😀 There was a day when I couldn’t do this because I haven’t yet learned how or even realized it can be possible.
I’m reading a wonderful book by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, “How to Solve Our Human Problems” about how to always maintain a calm, peaceful, and patient mind no matter what pain or problems we have. A problem is only a problem if we allow it to be. No matter who doesn’t like us, rejects us, or even attacks us physically. How to respond with compassion, not anger or any other unpleasant emotion. It’s a Buddhist book but much of it can be helpful to people in general. It’s entertaining and can be read philosophically for intellectual purposes but is also intended to be very practical. I am usually very patient (I have been told I have the patience of a saint! Lol) but even I can work to strengthen my virtue of patience. The book is helpful for all kinds of problems, even handling physical pain.
I drank a cup of hot cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate syrup! Yum!
I’m also reading two fictional horror books! One takes place in a snow blizzard and these people, two brothers who are very close, and their girls, get trapped in it somewhere in the woods, I think, and something evil lurks there. Thrilling! I only read a few pages.
😀
And I realized even more how empathetic I am. I’m not referring to compassion at this moment but a deep ability to feel and understand a person or situation. I’m at work with a broken air conditioner and four freezers blowing HOT air on me while it’s 90 something degrees out but is said to feel like over 100. Drinking hot chocolate. It’s like torture in here! In the book it’s Winter in Virginia and the group of friends are in a car with the heat on, all warm and cozy. Then the traffic got backed up because of an accident and a police officer came over and they had to put the window down and the author describes how a blast of bitter cold Winter air blew into the window and overpowered the heater keeping them warm. I’m serious when I say I literally felt the blast of cold air on me. Right in the face!
For a split second I thought the air conditioner may be working again, and looked up to see if like the air conditioner came on suddenly and was colder than ever. Unfortunately no. It was just this empathy of mine. It is beautiful but it can also be a nuisance. Like when someone takes a blow to the face, even just a character in a book/movie, and I’m keeling over as if it’s me it happened to.
I think this book is called “The Snow and the Darkness” but I don’t feel much like checking at the moment. Lol Just a warning, it has great reviews but someone wrote a review saying it’s overly, unnecessarily, disgusting, dark, and disturbing. I don’t like stuff that I think is that dark & disturbing but this person may have a different view about what is “overly” dark. Horror and thriller is one thing but some stuff goes overboard, imo. I don’t know what the person means by this and I already got the book so I’m reading it. But I have read books that I found so disturbing I regret reading them. I hope this isn’t one. So if you’re planning on reading it, watch it! lol
A customer at the store I work at told me I make life so complicated! Ummm…whhaaat?! lol
He was saying it mostly in jest but he was kind of serious! I was just trying to be helpful! Lol I like to give people exactly what they want and pay for so I ask for more details than I really have to. He wanted two different flavors of water ice together so I asked in which order.
He took so long to answer I thought he did not hear me then realized he really couldn’t decide if he wanted lemon on top or blueberry and it was a distressing dilemma! It just added another problem to his day.
I find the whole situation to be thought-provoking. And funny too. As simple as I am, I am also deep with wonderful analytical skills! But I don’t go overboard with the analyzing either. It’s a positive thing! Yes, I’m bragging! Lol
I realized even more how one person can think something is amazing and thoughtful(my desire to get as many details as possible about how someone wants the person’s food prepared, for example) while someone else can find that same trait to be a hassle! It’s all how you look at it. Which brings me back to the book I mentioned at the top, by Venerable Geshe Kelsang, how nothing exists inherently. It’s all how we look at it. Some people find my cheerfulness to be pleasing, I get compliments on it a lot, while others find it annoying(i have been told I’m so cheerful it’s disgusting! Lol).
I’m eating Moose tracks ice cream! It has peanut butter cups! I don’t care much for food pics. Unless the food is pretty. This isn’t very pretty and it’s all melted but it’s delicious. And part of my day. So, why not?!
I was the stereotypical girl when I woke up. I was getting ready for work after a shower, trying to decide what, out of my like 500 shirts, to wear and thought all frantically, “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!” while flinging my clothes everywhere. :-p
I came out without an ounce of makeup on, my hair all ratty and pinned up wet after the shower, sticking up every which way. And don’t care if I look like hell to everyone. Lol I think I look alright. And even if I don’t, whatever. I’m a confident girl, even with ratty looking wet hair and absolutely no makeup, not even mascara or lip gloss! Confident in two ways, first, I still know I look good or at least ok. And even if I don’t, who cares?! Lol There’s worse things than someone judging my appearance. I really just can’t force myself to give a shit. oh yeah, and my hair often looks kind of wet in my pics because it is. Because I have ass-length hair that has to be put up for work and when it’s very hot or windy I put it up before going out just after a shower then when I let it down later, it is still wet. eww. I promise it’s not oily or anything! lol Ass length hair just tends to get in the way and has to be put up and I don’t wait for it to dry.
Here’s a pic of me today!
I’m in the closet at work! Lol
And…here I am again!
One of the things that cheered me up is reading funny/inspiring blog posts. Just one simple uplifting/funny quote or post can do wonders for someone! If you have something to say/write, pics to share, don’t hold back! Post it now, it can really help someone immensely! Not everyone will appreciate it but even if just one does, that is enough! And if no one does, at least you have the motivation to try. And even if no one sees it now, maybe in thirty years someone will stumble upon it! Who knows?! Once you put something out into cyberspace it’s there to stay! Even if you “delete” it. This can be good or bad. So watch what you put out there!
My coworker came and fixed the air conditioner, something to do with the breaker and switches in the closet! I’m not the one you call if you have a practical problem. While I’m great at remaining positive in problematic situations, I’m not very independent in this sense. My automatic thought when a problem occurs is “who can I call to fix this for me?! I NEED someone!” instead of getting creative and assertive and trying myself, I run to someone else. It’s kind of embarrassing because in many situations, (like today) kids have been the ones I relied on to fix stuff for me. Like my sister and my coworkers. My sister is over ten years younger than me (like my coworker who just fixed it) and she’s a great problem solver. My sister can figure anything out and fix it, phones, exercising equipment, any kind of technology…. And I work at a store so my coworkers have been various ages, some decades older than me and some over a decade younger, through the years. And I had sixteen year old girls, take charge, and know what do do during a problem/emergency before I did! I think it’s not just about practical skills, that too, but a mentality. My mentality is “I need someone to come and help me and fix this problem…i can’t do this myself!” or “this is a man’s job/i need a big strong man to help me out, my job is just to stand here and look pretty!” (I’m sure the rad feminists just love this one! Lol) I often feel relieved knowing someone can come and solve all my practical problems. lol oh well! I’m just not miss independent! Never have been, probably never will be. But it’s ok, we can’t all be good at everything now can we?! ;-D
I discovered some old forgotten songs by Hall & Oates, Michael McDonald, and some oldies but goodies and am now a very happy girl! ❤
I'll share a few!
I hope you will be happy listening to some of these too! I listened to these songs frequently when I was a young girl and some I have listened to more recently and somehow forgot about.
I listened to a song called “The Power of Your Name,” which is a Jesus song about compassion that I discovered last night but my wifi wasn’t strong enough to let me play it. Then when I got to work today I listened to it. You don’t have to be a Christian or Catholic person or even believe in Jesus/God to be inspired by the message. It’s about taking the compassion Jesus has for everyone and putting it out into the world, loving others as Jesus does. I love it! ❤ This message can apply to every single person, religious or not, atheist, christian, or whatever you are.
"And I will live to carry Your compassion, to love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give with the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion to see the world be changed…" ~ Lincoln Brewster
I would classify today as a good day! It did not start out very happy but I was able to take control and turn it happy by focusing on the good. Of course that will likely not always completely solve all the problems and pain we have, merely focusing on the good. But it sure helps!
So you see, even if our day doesn't start out well, it can certainly end well! And it's not even over yet! 😀
I'm sending you lots of love & compassion today and always! ❤ <333
Wednesday was “one of those days.” You know the days where everything just seems to be going wrong?
It wasn’t that kind of day for me but I was involved in the misfortunes of others. When I got to work, my manager was getting ready to leave. She’s on vacation for two weeks! With my boss who is her sister. To Alaska! It’s a graduation gift to my boss’ son who just graduated 8th grade. He’s the kindest, most respectful young boy. I knew him since he was a little boy. I used to help him cross the street! Now he’s going into high school! How bittersweet! He has very good manners and is very kindhearted. He chose to go to Alaska for his celebration. Yep, I’m jealous! Alaska!
So I am basically the manager for these two weeks! Along with doing all of my own work! I have two weeks straight (this is day number 5!) of work days with no days off! Hectic, stress, and busy, busy, busy are probably words to describe my next few days! It tends to get very busy here in the Summer.
Lol! This about sums it up! (it’s a screen capture of an example in Kindle dictionary because I’m like a little kid and think it’s hilarious to see curse words!).
And here’s another one just for shitz & giggles:
Lmao!
And the air conditioner broke in here again and it’s in the middle of a heatwave of 90 degrees and up everyday feeling like 105 degree!
so:
Lol! I may be having a little bit too much fun(if there is such a thing…) with these things!
But I’m not complaining. I love working at the store. Being overworked, though, isn’t fun but it does have its good aspects. More money to pay bills, more interactions with people, which I love, more experience, more moments at work reading and drinking tea during breaks where there’s no customers, more ice cream…so yes! Definitely positive.
Anyway, the order was supposed to come in for the store with all the products we need but the company who delivers the products to us was really backed up and so our order arrived very late. It should have been there in the morning or afternoon but wasn’t there til almost 6:00pm.
When the delivery man got to the store, he was clearly stressed. And he had to block traffic with the big delivery truck. That can be infuriating to people in cars in the back. I have witnessed countless arguments outside the store, through the years, with people stuck in traffic in back of the trucks delivering our products. It’s not pleasant. People can be vicious and uncivilized. Yes it’s so annoying to be stuck in traffic especially when we really have somewhere to be and can’t be late. It can be nervewracking for sure. But yelling, cursing someone out, threatening (seriously one day the argument led to someone threatening to take a baseball bat to someone’s head! And other physical threats other days with people just walking by getting involved…), and getting physically violent over something like this (it’s kind of trivial, imo) gets us absolutely nowhere.
The man was anxious having to hold up traffic. There was nowhere else to park near the store and he had these big heavy crates, containers, and things to carry so it wasn’t like he can park blocks away and carry all that. He wasn’t thrilled about blocking the streets.
He just told us that someone will probably have a problem soon. Then sure as shit there was a lady at the window screaming hysterically that she has to get to work, screaming all kinds of vulgarities, every curse word she could think of. The delivery man is a very friendly man but even he can get stressed, pissed, and be fed up. So he yelled back. And this further provoked the lady which further provoked him.
It was awkward! I was stocking all of the stuff and just tried to act like I wasn’t hearing any of it while my manager was probably doing the same. Lol
After that, he apologized to everyone and mentioned that he was just having “one of those days.” He said everything was going wrong since the morning. Then he accidentally hit the cart with wheels against one of our containers filled with water to soak the utensils for the ice cream and water ice.
The thing tipped over spilling water everywhere across the entire floor. The poor man, I could see, felt absolutely terrible. He was visibly embarrassed and feeling guilty. Just one more unfortunate event in a series of many for him that day. And to top it off, he just got back off his own vacation. Coming back after a vacation isn’t really fun for many people but coming back to a hectic environment makes it all the more distressing.
My manager kept reassuring him it was no problem and can easily be taken care of. My manager and me cleaned it all up. And she laughed, provoking me to laugh, because it really was kind of funny.
And sometimes we just have to laugh to brighten things up a bit. Laughter really can be the best medicine!
When the man was leaving he told us that this day can’t get any worse. Then he thought about it and said “you know, that just means it can only get better, let’s look at it that way.”
He was still clearly in a low mood but was still able to see a spark of hope and keep a positive attitude.
And again I was reminded that it’s really all about our attitude. Instead of viewing our “bad days” in a negative light that they can’t get worse, we can instead view them in a positive light that if they can’t get worse they can only get better! Or stay the same. Lol But even then we can focus on the gems of beauty and hope scattered throughout. And if they really can get worse then we can remind ourselves that our day isn’t so bad after all if there’s still room for it to be worse. It doesn’t mean it will get worse. And if it does, no matter what happens there’s something good to be thankful for. Let’s focus on that.
Also, the fact that he took responsibility and apologized after the little conniption, is inspiring and a reminder that we cannot and should not control others, generally, even when they are wrong. But we can control our own reactions and say sorry if we overreact. Whether or not we were/are wrong, we can still make amends and be the one to take responsibility. Offer them the victory and accept defeat upon our self. Not out of a sense of guilt or low self esteem but out of true compassion and desire to make things better for everyone.
So here’s my little life lessons/reminders for the day! 😀 ❤
I hope your day is going well and if not, remember, the only way is up! ❤ 😀
Here are some sweet Summer quotes and my pictures!
“Tears of joy are like the summer rain drops pierced by sunbeams.” ~
Hosea Ballou
“I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks the heavy perfume of wild roses in early July and the song of crickets on summer humid nights and the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good god gives.” ~
Ann Voskamp
My next door neighbors put out the rainbow flag & the American one to celebrate love, diversity, & equality! ❤ 😀
“Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air, and you.” ~
Langston Hughes
“Summer afternoon, summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language.” ~
Henry James
“In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” ~
Albert Camus
“Summer has filled her veins with light and her heart is washed with noon.” ~
C. Day Lewis
“It was a splendid summer morning and it seemed as if nothing could go wrong.” ~
John Cheever
“People don’t notice whether it’s winter or summer when they’re happy.” ~
Anton Chekhov
“Oh, the summer night, Has a smile of light, And she sits on a sapphire throne.” ~
Bryan Procter
And here’s a video to the song “Saturday in the Park” by Chicago, one of my favorite music groups which I have loved since I was a little girl! Because today is Saturday and yes it IS the 4th of July! Unfortunately I won’t be in a park tonight though but busy at work instead! It’s all good though! ;-D
I remember years ago on Independence Day, Hall & Oates, who I also love for as long as I can remember, were at Penn’s Landing, here in the fabulous Philadelphia, and my coworker, Sarah, and me wanted so badly to go see them but we couldn’t because we were stuck at work! Lol We complained and laughed about it all night. And imagined what we would do if we were there. She wanted to get a custom made shirt that reads “Sarah Smile” because she always loved Hall & Oates and their song “Sara Smile.” When I was a young girl I used to imagine that my name was Sara and that he was singing to me! ;-D What a sweet song I can listen to over & over. I always think of Hall & Oates and that day at work on Independence Day. I’m drinking hot tea and it’s sweet and rainy here now and I love the gentle fragrance of wet leaves and soil drifting through the open windows and the sweet sounds of the cars sloshing through the streets. And the soft sound of the fans spinning and swirling. There’s a gentle and cool breeze flowing and everything is so perfect. It’s incredible what beauty we find when we just stop what we’re doing, retreat to the quiet stillness within and truly listen and feel. It’s like another world! Tonight it’s supposed to be dry & sunny while I’m at work at the store. It will probably be super busy as we sell ice cream & water ice. A lot of people outside of Philadelphia don’t know what this is! Lol water ice. I can’t believe it because I have known about it since forever and never knew people do not know what it is until I was in college and someone asked me! I found out it’s mostly a Philadelphia thing. I love watching people who never tasted it, try it! They always look so amazed!
Well here it is!
It’s like ice cream I guess you can say but no milk or dairy and it’s like a snow cone sort of but creamy and is delicious and comes in all flavors like cherry, rainbow, root beer, mango, blueberry, apple, coconut, vanilla, chocolate, pina coolata, tropical rainbow, pineapple, and more! It can be called Italian ice. And there’s something called shaved ice.
I hope your day is beautiful as well.
And if you are a girl named Sara/Sarah, lucky you! I’m jealous!
Recently my sister, my mom, and me watched The movie, Curly Sue, and at the end of that movie, the song sung by Ringo Starr, “You’ll Never Know,” is featured. What a lovely song!
I like the tune, pace and feel of it and the message is so wise. I find it inspiring and a great reminder to accept life as it is, value it for the unpredictable gift that it is. We never know what will happen. We can be having an amazing day then out of nowhere be struck by a terrible tragedy but we can be having a day that feels so wrong, so devastating, so broken then out of nowhere a wonderful surprise comes along to lift us up, inspire us, to heal us.
“Life goes on
no one gets rehearsal
life goes on
through everyday reversal
with every dawn everyday is full of chances
to find some good before it’s gone…”
Things are fleeting. Life itself is fleeting. When things are going great, they won’t be forever. At any second, things can come crashing down on top of us. While this is unpleasant, we can use this knowledge to our advantage. We can’t always make bad things not happen but we can seize and embrace the good, celebrate it while it’s here. But not get overly attached. Know that it won’t always be this way. Everything ends. Then when we lose something good, we won’t be as unhappy and ungrateful because we meditate upon the fact that everything eventually comes to an end.
When we know what we have while we have it, when we appreciate it to the fullest, we have less regrets and less sadness when it leaves us. So let’s embrace what we have while we have it.
And when things are not going well, know it won’t always be this bad.
None of us get to prepare for all of life, we are all susceptible to surprises, both pleasant and not.
But life keeps going on.
And we have chances to get better and better.
“you’ll never know which way a day is gonna take you
there’s always some surprise that comes along to shake you
you’ll never see exactly where the road will lead you
and when it comes to love you gamble when you need to
you’ll maybe break your heart on one unlucky throw
but then again, you’ll never know”
I love this message about taking chances. It’s worth it to reach out in love even if we may not receive love back. First of all, you never know, maybe the love will be returned. And if not, at least you have love in you and courage to lavish it onto the world or someone. That’s really all that matters! What we give. Not what we get.
It’s worth it to take the risks.
If you make an attempt, you may or may not succeed how you would like to but if you don’t take the chance you will never succeed how you want.
Try it and if it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll have the experience, life lessons, strength…and at least you tried. You won’t have to keep thinking “what if….?”
Instead of viewing the uncertainty and fleeting-ness of life in a negative light and allowing it to provoke anxiety in us, we can see it in a thrilling way, be exhilarated and curious, see the beauty in it. Life is what we make it, so let’s make it beautiful!
This is my universe necklace! I got it on Amazon for one dollar! Lol no tax, no shipping cost! Just one dollar! And the quality is really good! I wasn’t expecting it to be. Even if it turned out to just be a cheap piece of plastic, you can’t really go wrong with one dollar! Lol But it’s thick but not too heavy and not uncomfortable. And it’s very beautiful with vibrant colors!
I love cheap, glitzy looking jewelry and already got a few things off of amazon.com for one dollar or less that turned out way better than I thought. But this isn’t a product review post.
I just want to share a quote attributed to Rumi.
“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.” ~ attributed to Rumi
And a line in LeeAnn Womack’s song, “I hope you dance.”
“I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.”
I never understood this line. Often we think of being or feeling “small” as something not good. While the whole song resonates with me, I have often had difficulty interpreting/analyzing this line. I have always known it means something positive since it’s in this song.
Now I understand it means that it’s a good thing to know, to feel that there is something bigger than us in this life. We aren’t the center or only thing in the world and our problems are all so small next to the vastness of the universe and the unknown. There is so much around us that we don’t even know exists or don’t understand the nature of. It’s a beautiful concept.
When we have a problem, feel lonely, stressed or any kind of pain and it feels overwhelming or unbearable or like it’s the end of the world, we can remember that the uni-verse is so much bigger than us and our problems even when the problems seem insurmountable. There’s something out there, something within, bigger and better than what we feel and know right now.
The sun always shines, the flowers always grow, the moon and the stars always light up the darkness. There are secrets in the wind we don’t know, sweet symphonies caressing our skin, beauty we haven’t yet discovered…
It’s a positive thing to know I’m not the center of the world, to know how small I am next to everything unknown and not understood.
It’s not a concept meant to invalidate the pain or reduce the worth of us, it’s a concept that inspires and empowers. It’s good to have something to look up to.
My universe necklace reminds me of this and Rumi’s quote and LeeAnn Womack’s song.
The whole uni-verse is within us, around us, above us. We are part of it, a small but beautiful part.
I’m wishing you all the love and beauty in our uni-verse! ❤
xoxo Kim
p.s. oh yes and look! It looks like I got this whole blog thing working even without the app! If you have no clue what I'm referring to, check out my last post! I deleted my wordpress app because it was being slow and now cannot retrieve it. Then without it I was having problems posting but looks like I got it down, doesn't it?! So long, wordpress app, seems I don't need you after all! ;-D ❤
Here are some of my pictures and some of my opinions on things! And some quotes on happiness! I shared a lot of these pics and thoughts on Facebook and photobucket already a couple weeks ago. And a lot of these pictures I took yesterday. I tried posting this yesterday and it wouldn’t show up. So when something says “today” in this post, it was yesterday. 😀
This is me under a bridge on the street I live on. Someone painted my name on the wall and dotted it with a heart! I’m almost certain it’s not intended for me but for some other girl who shares my name. Lol It says some name that I can’t comprehend loves Kim. I tried to get a picture of the whole thing but it did not turn out good!
This pic may come off as sensual or sexual and that’s ok but that wasn’t my intention. I so frequently write about how I love to capture the “simple joys of life” especially water droplets, raindrops, moisture, things of that sort. I was walking up a street one day when an air conditioner dripped on me. Lol It landed right on my boob and I found it funny and also very beautiful. I think a woman’s body is beautiful, every part and I’m not referring to a sexual way. Even the parts of the body that are sexual or considered to be, are beautiful in an aesthetic way and just for what the body does for us, let’s us live, love, and experience. I love boobs just as much as the next man. Lol unlike people who are romantically attracted to women, I’m not turned on by them in a sexual way but I do find them beautiful and love artistic pics or representations of them. And any part of a woman’s body. And not in a way that is objectifying. I know a woman is much much more than her body. It’s great to celebrate a woman’s beauty, even the physical. It’s not necessarily shallow or objectifying. Right away it’s often considered objectification if a woman’s body is celebrated for her beauty or if certain clothes are worn or certain body parts played up or displayed. Objectification is not good, imo, but it’s not always objectifying. And it’s not always sexual or shallow. I don’t care how people interpret this picture of me. I think the creator/artist creates then it’s up to the viewer to interpret. I’m just describing my experience and opinions. There’s nothing on the entire planet or anywhere in the world more beautiful than a woman. And I want to celebrate, honor, and cherish all of our beauty.
This is just weird. I don’t even know. I just felt the urge to hold up a glass coca Cola bottle to my eyeball and take a pic through the bottom of the bottle. Can you say, creepy?!
I see/hear a lot of people bragging that their photos on social media have “no filters.” That’s great if people like to just put the original copy on but there’s nothing wrong with editing and photo effects. They are tools to be creative. There’s so many amazing apps and effects to give pictures a certain feel or play up the colors or concepts. I don’t edit all mine but it’s usually more fun to play with the photos than just snapping a pic and sharing. Some people think it’s deceiving to edit photos but it’s not unless we try acting like they aren’t edited and they are and look realistic. I have edited photos of sunsets before, for example, and they look very beautiful and more vibrant than the original but it’s not obvious they’re edited. In that case I state that they are edited, usually. I never try to be deceiving. If someone asks me I will tell the truth. It’s nothing to conceal. It takes skills to edit a photo and make it beautiful. And I want to get better and better. But usually I think we can tell when a photo is edited and don’t have to always say it, especially when it’s overedited or dramatically edited. Often non edited photos are boring looking. Not always but often and it’s just my opinion of course. On my photobucket account I usually share all of the originals and edited versions. I like all my pictures and want to save/share them all. Even professional photographers often edit their own pictures.
This is me waiting for a bus today which never came. It wasn’t coming because of construction work and I had to walk home which took like over an hour and it was 100 degrees out and my head was throbbing and my mouth was completely dry. But I got quite a few lovely photos of today! I got lost walking home and had no idea what to do. I had no phone service or anything but I saw the Dialysis and organ donation, gift of life buildings and then found my way because I always see how my dad drives home when we’re that way. It reminds me of this quote “don’t take your organs to heaven, heaven knows we need them here.” It’s so true. I would love to donate one of my kidneys if I could, While I’m living, to someone who needs one, doesn’t matter if I know the person or not. I know of the risks involved but it’s still worth it. I know kidney implants work better or more likely to not reject when the donor is living. Anyway, it’s a beautiful building and I get pics of it sometimes but did not get one today. A couple of sweet people at the busstop were kind enough to tell the others who kept walking up that it’s not coming. I stayed for a while to tell people so they wouldn’t be stuck waiting in 100 degrees weather forever. There should be a sign up so people kno
And I saw this at the busstop which was not always there:
It shows that someone cares to help people even those they don’t know. I’m not sure who the people are responsible for having the sign here but it’s an act of love to reach out to the suffering and just seeing it is heartwarming and can help change someone’s mind or uplift someone.
There’s always hope and always, always someone who cares or would care if the person met you!
I found this adorable little kritter at work recently! I think he’s a Junebug, maybe. He was on the sink and struggling to get up so I picked him up and set him on the edge and he was cleaning his little red face with his legs! Licking his legs then rubbing them on his face. It was the cutest thing! He’s much more beautiful than he looks in this picture. Lol He wasn’t even afraid of me or anything. They usually aren’t. He loved walking on me and has the cutest little eyes. I put him out in the grass and when I was about to stand up to go back inside I still felt like he was walking on me. Then I looked and he was! Lol He got back on! Poor thing did not want to leave me. But then he was happy when I put him on a little flower thing under a tree. And I love my veins! Little blue lines of life!
~ When you’re under a dark & shady tree, don’t forget to see the sun shining through the branches.~
Don’t put the key to happiness in someone else’s pocket. ~Author Unknown
Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert
Today a man and little lady were walking by as I was and the lady said to the man “hey did you ever see the movie ‘Hocus Pocus?'” lol I was delighted, I love that movie! You can see the man and little lady with their backs turned in This pic! I took this pic because I just recently learned of a flower called “blue dicks!” lol And as I was lost I saw these blue flowers and thought to myself “hey look there’s Blue Dicks!” I don’t know if they’re really blue dicks but they sure are blue. 😀
It’s the little things that make the world go round! Lol ;-D
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain
If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. ~Edith Wharton
This is me with no makeup after days of almost no sleep because I was obsessed with a book I was reading, which I wrote about, called After the Cure, and couldn’t put it down or stop thinking about it. Lol Sometimes I can’t sleep because of happy thoughts and too much gratitude and I just want to get up and dance and blast happy songs all night and read every book I have. Then I pay for it the next day with dark circles around my eyes and achy muscles and things! Oh well…at least it’s because of happy things!!
IN loving memory of my friend/coworker, Diane who died on 2/14/2015 of a heart attack. She was beautiful and caring about everyone. Just like me, she LOVED Coca Cola! It’s all we would drink, we would be guzzling it up all day long at work! Lol Last night I found this at work and I drank it for her. I know she would love it. Seeing it brought me pain but more joy than pain. I love Diane and keep her always in my heart.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ attributed to Winnie the Pooh! 😀
I’m a big fan of acknowledging and deeply appreciating the simple joys of living. Most of which cost no money or very little money, things we all have access to if only we look a certain way. There are different depths of mindfulness, just seeing all the way to deep appreciation and awareness. I’m definitely not against certain kinds of materialism to a certain extent! Nothing wrong with vacations and big shopping sprees and big celebrations and things! But there’s so many “little” things surrounding us right now that we can tap into at any point and be filled with warmth and gratitude. Let’s cherish them. Here’s my list! When sunlight or sunsets reflect off of cars, signs, or buildings or puddles or anything Waking up in the early morning and hearing birds chirping cheerfully Falling asleep to a heavy rainstorm The perfect cup of coffee or teaWhen an illness or pain ends and the feeling of the old self reappears and is stronger than everMeeting someone and experiencing a deep “soul” connectionThe first glistening snowfall of the season The first flowers blossoming in the beginning of Spring Hearing an old forgotten song The beginning of Fall when the crunchy leaves cover the streets and the scents of October fill the airLate Autumn when it’s almost Winter & the holiday season and my inspiration runs deepCrickets singing on a warm Summer night Laying in bed at night reading a mystery book
my bones (hipbones, collarbone, neck bones…) and the way they delicately poke through my skin
my heartbeat ❤
Cobblestone streets HugsHelping someone Waking up with dogs sleeping all around me in bedWalking in a light rainfall on a cool night – it’s a feeling of sweet liberation The first cool nights of the season The way my long hair feels against my lower back Receiving a sweet message by someone I know or someone I never met before then Random acts of kindness Any act of kindness, random or notFeeling a general sense of deep inspiration Hugging someone I just met When a headache finally ends The feeling of early morning Cool gray days
Warm and sunny afternoons surrounded by trees and green and flowers Beautiful parksBeing surrounded by lots of people Feeling beautiful Finding an inspiring quote or song that completely resonates with meBeautiful people When I’m not wearing makeup and think I look even better than when I have my face made up! A bright blue sky with fluffy white cloudsSeeing seagulls flying through the skyA starry starry night
A big, bright full moon Honeybees on bright colored flowersWarm fluffy blankets The warmth of clothes just out of a dryerThe holiday season Christmas songs Feeling that there’s nowhere else I would rather be than right here right now, wherever it may be, including at work! Unexpected rainTalking to someone who completely understands what I’m saying Philadelphia skyscrapers Red dressesAnything pinkWarm pj’s Walking into an air conditioned room after stepping out of 100 degree weather outside The warmth of a hot drink flowing through the whole body on a cool/cold dayPhilosophy text books Kindle appFree Kindle books! (many people think if they are free they must suck or be very short books but it’s not necessarily true! I got free ones before with 400 pages and very good ones! Give them a chance! ;-D ) The feeling of stepping out of an air conditioned room into a hot, sunny, Summer day. I love the scent of the Summer heat and the feel of the blanket of heat enveloping me the first few seconds I step into it.The sound of construction work outside off in the distance. Yes, I love this! I just love the sounds of the city. Shadows on the ground. Warm puppy kissies.The warm smell of doggy fur. Laughing til it hurts.Street lampsCity lights Flowers Seeing people sitting under umbrellas outside of restaurants on Spring & Summer days sipping pretty tropical looking drinks out of delicate looking glasses. Simple, light but fun conversations with friends Girls in stilettos When I’m laying in bed and my long hair touches the floor Abandoned houses Stop signs Street signsSquirrels running up the trees or eating Realizing I like something I never used to like. Black & white photography for example, and flat shoes and cheese fries with ketchup.Waking up to rainVintage looking objects and photos Stories that take place long long agoReminiscing about pleasant things The way candy always tastes better in the cold weather Meeting/knowing someone who is overly compassionate. We can never have too much love! The fragrances of winter & fall – pumpkin, cinnamon, pine, apple, peppermint…Tropical candles lit in Spring & SummerMoneystealersFall in Philadelphia Philadelphia any season (he was on a wall in my house – so soft & fuzzy. I rescued him after my sister found him. )The Eastern State Penitentiary /haunted attraction SEPTA busses, trolleys, and trains Everyday objects Insects The way lights streams through a door to a dark room when the door is slightly open. Sometimes I leave a light off just to see it.My struggle with depression and with severe physical pain inspire me to more deeply acknowledge and appreciate and realize these simple treasures. When I’m in severe pain of any kind, beautiful things seem to jump out at me more, reminding me that I “can’t have” or “don’t deserve” them and this inspires me to notice them more when I’m not in severe pain.And I learned to seize them no matter how much pain I’m in.But we can learn to bask in and deeply appreciate the simple treasures even without the pain. I think most of us have little things we love but may not always be mindful of them or just how much we love the beauty of them.Let’s stop. And mindfully cherish those things all around us each and every day.One way I express my love and perception of the simple joys, is taking pictures and often editing them to exaggerate or magnify the small details to make them stand out. We often overlook reflections, shadows, mundane things….in person but in photos they stand out more. What simple treasures do you cherish even if you never realized just how much you love them? And how can you express your appreciation? Photography? Writing? Painting? Drawing? Let’s get creative! Let’s live with intention. 😀Xoxo Kim
“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
So, I had a cluster-like headache at work last night. It’s the second one I ever had at work. It was devastating. The last one I had at work was in October, eight months ago. Luckily back then it was a cool, dark, dreary night and was slow so no one had to witness it. But now it’s Spring/Summer and very busy so when I was struck with it, there were customers at the window. I never want to freak anyone out and I learned to control my reactions to these headaches a little bit better in general, not always though. Sometimes I still scream til I lose my voice. It’s rare to have a headache during work hours; they usually occur around 2:00 in the morning til 5:00am. I had to keep hitting my face and clutching my head and trying not to scream.
It takes everything I have in me not to bang my head against the walls. There have been nights I cracked my head for hours over n over against a wall. All night long. And kept feeling what felt like my brain shaking because of the force. But I was near insanity. It’s an incredible sense of loneliness.
When I talk about my headaches, I often explain what they are like because they aren’t “headaches.” They are cruel, vicious attacks. I have tmjd, not cluster headache (CH) disorder, that I know of, but my condition triggers cluster-like headaches. It feels like a hot poker being driven through the eye socket and being held there for minutes to hours and can be off and on for hours, days, weeks or months or unfortunately for some, every single day with no remission. There’s no known cure. On top of the severe burning agony like scalding hot water being poured over the side of the face, is the worst throbbing tooth pain and ear pain and pressure. Like all our nerves exposed and being squeezed It involves the trigeminal nerve, I heard/read. They are also called suicide headaches & ice pick headaches(like the head being split with an ice pick). It’s that bad. There’s no pain that I know of that can be used as a reference point to compare the magnitude of this pain to. Being burned and brain freeze are the closest things.
They can make the eye droop and water and the nose run on whatever side of the face the pain is on. Sometimes my face swells up on the side and turns red or even a purple/bruised color. It feels like and sometimes looks like my face is melting. It’s not pretty. Pain pills do nothing. Not prescription ones, not ones bought in a store. The headaches only occur on one side of the face. It can be either side. Mine was on the right at work.
I thought I was dying, the pain was so bad. I don’t know if physical pain can literally drive someone insane but I keep thinking it will. I wanted to run out of work and run to the bar across the street screaming but I knew my boss likely wouldn’t have anyone to come in work for me and did not want to leave her or the customers hanging. No matter how much I suffer, I have come to generally be mindful of how my actions may affect others and try to always do what is best for them. I don’t always succeed but generally, I try.
It itself is not a life threatening condition and not like I was in danger of dying or anything. But some people do attempt and die by suicide because the pain is so immense. It feels unbearable. I don’t really think I will kill myself anymore when I have them. I used to though. During the headaches, I often keep thinking “I can’t take this, I can’t take another second, how much more can I possibly endure….?!?!?”
Take something freezing cold like ice cream or frozen drink and let it against your teeth without swallowing or put mouth wash in your mouth and keep it in over ten minutes no matter how much it burns and when you feel you really can’t take anymore still keep it there, and you can get maybe a fraction of an idea of what these headaches are like. The headaches hurt more.
My cluster-like headaches aren’t very frequent in general. I can go for months without having one. But just one headache is enough. The first one I was struck with when I was 24 years old, scarred me for life. Just one of these head attacks, even if you never have another, will scar you emotionally, no matter how strong you are, I can almost guarantee it. It will break you in a way you can never be put back together. The physical pain is extreme. There are just no words. If I found out someone was going to have one of these and I were able to experience it instead of that person, I would take on as many as I can so no one else ever has to. My heart sinks and breaks at the mere thought of some poor person having to endure this.
That’s why some people with them kill themselves even when they aren’t depressed, because the physical pain is immense in the moments they occur. It’s like nothing else in this world exists anymore. Just a world of screaming agony. It’s like being in another dimension, I often say, a kind of pain that feels unearthly and like it can’t possibly exist. But it does exist.
I have said that I couldn’t dream up this kind of agony in my worst nightmare.
I can crumble just writing this. They shatter me.
But it’s ok. It’s always ok. It’s all about our attitude, perspective, reaction.
They begin abruptly and often unexpectedly and end just as abruptly. No warning. One day I was out food shopping with my mom and nothing was wrong with me that day. I wasn’t in pain at all. I reached my hand up to pull the handle on a freezer door and in an instant my face and head was struck hard with the agony. It’s pure, raw horror. Hell on Earth.
When the headache at work struck me, I tried so hard not to scream and wail in agony .
I decided to muster all the strength I have in me, all the courage and love. I decided to be mindful of every sensation around me and on me. I held a wet rag in my hands and focused on the sensations against my skin. I focused on the lights in the room and the colors surrounding me. I summoned the love I have for life itself, living beings, and various things…until the headache ceased. It lasted less than a half hour. It was excruciating. I kept thinking how can I take this experience and use it to help someone somehow when it’s over. And it helped me bear it better knowing that later I would use it to our advantage.
I still felt a kind of gentle calm in the center of me. And I embraced it with all I have in me.
It inspires me to write. My headache inspires me instead of destroy me like they often seem to do. All I kept thinking is how many others are suffering or in some kind of pain and how I can share my experience here, to help in some way even if it’s just a fraction.
“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)
I can turn my pain into inspiration and motivation and comfort for someone else. And so can you.
“Displace the pain Put it in A camera A story A poem A song A lover A canvas”
Whatever you do, displace the pain. Put it into something positive, creative, loving. And pull others into your light. Use your pain for the better, turn it into beauty and light and love and other people can draw on your strength.
