Not sure but this may need a content warning ⚠️: non sexual touching by a stranger without consent

A random stranger man came up today and hugged me without my consent. It was on a crowded city street in daylight. He looked to be early 30 something years old. A bit younger than me. I had earphones in and was looking at my phone when a man walked towards me asking me something. I wasn’t interested in whatever it was, I was on my way to work (turns out he was asking me what food I like). I sensed he was not a threat. But he wouldn’t let me walk by because he wanted my attention. Then he grabbed me by the left shoulder and swung around in back of me and pulled me close to him. My back was against him with his arms around my upper body, holding me close. It was completely non sexual/non threatening. He wasn’t trying to feel me up at all. It was just a heartfelt hug. It was more playful & silly than anything. He had a big silly grin on his face when I saw his face. I can tell he just wasn’t taught proper boundaries.

It’s hard to convey the nuances in writing or speaking. So it may sound scarier than it was. Part of me was super annoyed that he was touching me without my consent, but my body loved the sensation of being hugged & held, especially the way he hugged me so closely and tightly. It truly felt like love. It felt safe. It was the kind of hug that is usually reserved for close people, not strangers on the street. It’s not the way I hug strangers when I have a choice. I prefer that level of hugging to be for close people. Again, it was not romantic/sexual in any way. He wasn’t asking me out or trying to get my phone number or anything and no touching me other than his arms around me. But it was still wrong. I tried to pull away because it was not consensual and was just weird, and he pulled me back and held me even closer. It wasn’t in a dominant way like to show me he was in charge, and there was nothing intimidating about it. (I have experience with men like this and can tell the difference) It was more like he wanted to hug and wasn’t ready to let go.

He’s lucky I’m not a woman who would instantly pull out mase or a g u n or punch him. Especially with what has been going on these days. (Men holding up signs saying “Your body, my choice” & “Women are property” and blasting that sentiment all over social media ever since the misogynistic predator was elected as President again)

After trying to pull away and him pulling me back, my body reacted instinctively, leaning against him and letting him hold me close as if we were best friends. I put my arms around his that were around my body as he held me for a few seconds, his head leaning against mine. My mind felt guilty for enabling him to grab & hug stranger women on the streets, but physically it was satisfying & fulfilling. And I let that part override the guilt telling me I should put him in his place. It was my guilty pleasure. If he was trying to do anything other than hug me I would have done more to stop it. Or if his hugging was sexual in some way. But it wasn’t. It probably was because I’m a woman. He probably doesn’t run up and hug other men like that, but still it wasn’t pervy or anything like that. In no way does this make it ok. I’m just saying I wouldn’t have tolerated it if it was sexual.

Now layers of my touch starvation have been peeled away. Even a while later my body feels light and like it got something it needed. But this is not the way that should happen.

I really need friends lol

My touch starvation isn’t just because of lack of physical touch, it’s the lack of emotional closeness with someone. I haven’t had close in person friends in a while. If I had a close emotional connection with someone even if we never ever physically touch, my touch starvation would be less. Even a day of socializing with strangers reduces my physical touch starvation a little bit. There have even been occasions I had staff meetings at work and my whole body felt lighter after just because of being around people. I’m seriously so super extroverted, but everyone says I can’t be or can’t accurately use that label because of how shy & quiet I am lol

I don’t have a trauma history or sensory issues with touching people, so I don’t mind being touched in & of itself or being approached by men in a non threatening way. But it’s not ok to touch someone without consent. It’s not ok anyway, but imagine if a woman with trauma history is grabbed & held by a random man on the street. She would probably have a breakdown.

These boys need to be taught better growing up.

I’m literally concerned for his safety because some other woman is going to take no 💩 and either pull out mase or worse. And it will be 💯 his own fault even though he’s harmless or at least not a true threat. I can be intuitive & receptive so can usually tell if I have to be concerned about a man, but not every woman is and may mistake him for a threat or she may just see a strange man approaching & touching her and take action, or she may have a trauma history and fr3ak out and react. And all of this would be his fault, not hers in any way. And the fault of whoever brought him up lacking boundaries.

I love hugs and will hug anyone who requests it. I have participated in “National Free Hug Day” years ago and also had a “Free Hugs” t-shirt before, that I would wear out & about. Strangers on the streets would come over and request a hug (they always asked first). I lost the shirt and always want to get another one and never get around to it.

Anyway I feel guilty for physically liking it knowing it’s wrong and feel like a scuzzy gender traitor sort of for letting a strange man touch me and not speaking up for all of us even though it wasn’t sexual in any way. (I promise I’m not though lol I have definitely approached men before when I saw them harassing other women and have spoken up for myself before. I have invited women to walk with me when they were being harassed on the streets) It was good for my mental health also. Humans in general need connection & physical touch with other humans (even if just platonic like this), but it seems twisted of me liking it with how it happened. I in no way condone it or appreciate it at all. But on a physiological & some emotional level beyond my choice/control it benefits me. It’s a strange contradiction, I know. It feels perverse.

I feel like a total sleeze today lol Can’t say I’m a credit to my gender.

If he wanted a hug he should have just asked. I would have gladly said yes.

Anyway, sending a consensual hug to anyone out there who needs or wants it lol 😘

Physical – Olivia Newton- John

Xoxo Kim ❤️