This is something I posted on Facebook & Instagram today and here it is here on WordPress as well!
“What’s broken can be mended. What hurts can be healed. And no matter how dark it gets the sun is going to rise again.” ❤
~Big bear hugs to everyone who wants any!~ ❤
This is me in May 2015 but I give hugs any day of the year! 😀 ❤
Also, thank you for the recent comments! I will respond soon! 😀
xoxo Kim ❤
(suicide survivors)
“Risin’ up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I’m not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive”
Eye of the Tiger – Survivor – mobile
I met these beautiful souls Sunday morning! They were laughing because their big beautiful dog came running over to my dad and me. lol 😍❤ They lost someone close to them to suicide and they survived it! And they survive it each & every day and take their agony and use it for the good of others. 💔❤ How heartbreaking but inspiring! ❤
(this isn’t him & this isn’t my photo – i got it on the Afsp page! Isn’t s\he adorable!? There were so many adorable furkins there!! 😍❤😀 )
On Sunday morning I attended the Out of the Darkness walk for suicide prevention. The money that is donated goes to education and community programs to help save lives.
I have been told by a couple of people that paying money for these kinds of things is pointless, stupid, and a waste. I completely disagree because days, weeks, months, years of ongoing research and exploration can all add up to eventual breakthroughs, discoveries and enough skills, knowledge, and ideas to come up with a cure for something or to discover a way to make things better.
I loved doing the walk. I always feared that a suicide prevention walk may be a trigger for me, especially now because I am just coming out of a severe depressive episode, a bad one, one of the worst ones I experienced and this thing has lasted longer than they have in a while.
But I gathered up my inner strength and my courage and attended! And I found the walk inspiring and healing. To be surrounded by people who understand the pain of mental health conditions is a great thing. There’s a kind of irony about it. It’s amazing to see so many people supporting suicide awareness & prevention and understanding the pain that overwhelms those with mental illness and those who care for them. It’s so great that so many care and act on their love for those who are sick and have died. But it’s also extremely devastating because most people there on those walks have lost someone to suicide and know that pain all too well. And many others there struggle themselves. So while it’s a great thing that so many care to come out and walk, it’s so unfortunate that so many have experienced something so tragic and that so many struggle with mental health problems.
But at the walks, we focus on the bright side. The awareness brought to suicide and the research and programs supported by donations have so much potential to save lives. And we see that none of us are alone in our struggle. While we dont ever want anyone to be afflicted with our pain, we know they are. So it’s great to come together and find each other and see the incredible love everyone has for those grieving for their lost ones and those of us struggling. We take our pain and turn it into something good, bringing light into so much darkness.
We were all given beads of various colors. Whatever our personal relation to suicide\mental illness is, we are given beads to indicate that, so others can see and know that someone understands our pain intimately.
At first it felt so awkward wearing the beads, like I was advertising my condition. Everyone who looked at me knew so much just by the color of my beads. And most people there were not wearing the ones that are for a personal struggle; very tragically most seemed to have lost someone. Some individual people even wore just about all the colors to show they lost multiple people to suicide, parent, sibling, lover, friend, child….how tragic to lose even just one and some have lost many! 💔
So, anyway, for a while I walked around with my arms trying to cover my beads. It felt as if I was flaunting a thing that shouldn’t be flaunted. I felt in a way like I did when i experienced my first psychiatric hospitalization years ago, after years of suffering in secrecy then telling all of my deepest, darkest pain to a doctor (who was extremely compassionate & understanding), a person I did not know. I felt stripped to the bone, like people can see right through me, right through my flesh and guts and whatever else, and see the darkness of me. But then I realized there was no need to conceal my beads! Everyone there understands. Even if they don’t struggle with suicidal inclination like I do, they love someone who does or someone who did and lost the battle or they were just there to support something they are passionate about even if they have no personal relation to it. No one was going to look at me and think “Psycho!” and even if they would have, so what? I know me and that’s really all that matters!😀 It’s my light that is stronger than the darkness. My light always shines through. ❤
But as open about my condition both in person and online, as I am, see how still difficult it can be to let people in and know? Imagine what it’s like for people who aren’t open about it, to have to struggle and feel alone or try to conceal something so significant to them.
The great thing about wearing the beads is, others with the same struggle can feel a deep connection.
(I love this bracelet especially because it glows in the dark! How inspiring! I did not even know until I walked into a dark room and a green light came on. ❤)
One of the other things I loved about the walk is the general atmosphere; it was cheerful and positive. Even though it had to do with suicide, it wasn’t gloomy or dark. There were lots of smiles, singing, lots of laughing and chatting. One person even said “It’s a beautiful day!” And the scenery is beautiful, water, trees, flowers, stones, weeds, buildings, statues, grass, concrete, plants, people, dogs…So much positivity and beauty through all the pain that brought us together. I also love the universal love that is expressed. Most of us don’t know each other or all the other sufferers like us, but everyone there has a strong desire, a great passion to help and save others, even those we don’t know. A few people talking through speakers who lost a person close to them said the deaths of those they love inspires them to work to save someone else. As sad as it is it’s also beautiful. There’s nothing they can do now to bring back the victims but they can honor them, helping others like them live as survivors instead of becoming more victims. ❤💔❤
I have met people or read stories written by people who have lost someone to suicide and said if their story or donation to research can save even just one life, just one, they will feel like the death of the one they love and lost isn’t so senseless and will feel as if their person is being honored and still living on in a way. I am so inspired and so shattered when i hear or read a sentiment like that. I am inspired to live for them. Even when it is difficult and seems impossible or completely pointless, I want to live so their deaths don’t have to be so senseless, so their people can have their wish of even just one life spared, fulfilled, even if they won’t know it. I want to live for all the suicide survivors who do all they can to save a life I want to carry on for all those we lost and all those struggling, to try to bring hope and inspiration to anyone I can in any way I can. Though I’m not a saint and not always kind and loving. Sometimes I argue with people, laugh at stuff I probably shouldn’t be laughing at, sometimes I reject favors someone asks of me….and that’s ok and probably true for most of us! We don’t have to be absolutely perfect to be perfect in our own way and to be loving, kind, compassionate, and generous in general. ❤
The thing about depression is that it does not necessarily get us to only see the negative or unpleasant side of life, as some may think. That is possible but not always so. Often with depression, we can and do see the bright side, the goodness, the beauty, the love. We often can see the positive things. But it doesn’t matter. The pain or the numbness make it so nothing has purpose, nothing matters, the good things aren’t enough to cheer us or if we’re suicidal, not enough to get us to want to live. I’m not speaking for everyone with depression but this is my experience and the experience of many of us. Sometimes even when something brings me deep joy, like my dogs for example, or the holiday season or beauty of nature….it just is vanquished by the pain, the deep despair of depression. It’s not always that there’s no joy with depression; but when there is, often, it just feels like it doesn’t matter.
But it is possible to seize all the good things, all the beauty, all the good things we can do for others, and hold on for them even in the throes of suicidal depression. It may take practice for it to become easier to list and live for the good but I can tell you it is possible. Recently I found myself in a very dark place that I almost forgot exists. It frightened me because it got to the point where my pain and despair felt so profoundly and so frequently like I was in another world, another place, one that is dark and pointless and never ending. My pain was connected to nothing on Earth and I knew it. It was nothing at all to do with anything. It’s not that I had no problems(though I had nothing serious going on), just that they were not what was depressing me. Some people do have environmental depression that is beyond the grief or distress almost anyone would have in that situation. But this isn’t what I have usually. What I have more than environmental depression is a deep, inherent sense of purposelessness and despair that has nothing to do with what I have or do or dont have or do. I do not have low self esteem so this depression i have is not a secondary thing as a result of that. When it flares up though, it’s often a general sense of despair about nothing in particular. And it starts on the top of my head like something physical and invisible and so heavy just crushing my whole body beneath the terrible weight of it. It surrounds me and is within me. It makes it hard for me to stand.
I knew I was in a bad way when i got out of a shower one day recently and saw my sweet boy sitting on my bed, my lil pomchi. He looked so adorable and was wagging his tail at me and i felt so much love for him and so much joy well up in me. But my despair was just so deep and my joy was just drowned in the depression, even though I was able to still feel it. I wanted to die even though my dog brings me so much love and joy and happiness.
So, you see, it’s not that we feel we have nothing necessarily, just that it’s like nothing matters, like nothing can conquer that despair and purposelessness. Nothing. But it’s not true. Love & beauty can conquer this illness. This sickness I know so well. It is a sickness. I know this because I can feel it. When it reaches a certain depth, I can’t think that it’s anything but a dark sickness come to take me, suffocate me, consume me. A sickness that grips me so tightly in its bondage I can hardly breathe. My whole body feels it. But Love can conquer it. Love for anyone or anything we can love. Even if we still want to die, still are in deep pain or so numb we can’t feel a thing; even when joy is drowned in despair, there is a reason to push through. It’s so hard but so possible.
I live to bring hope to suicidal people. Hope that pain can end and until then, we can still live, still love, grasp any sliver of light we can. Even if the pain keeps coming back, it’s worth the struggle to live. And I live to bring hope to suicide survivors. Hope that the deaths of those they love and lost are not in vain. Their stories touch me; their love lifts me. I wish they never died but since they did and that cannot be changed, their pain can be used for goodness. I will keep giving, keep sharing, keep loving, keep living. I will always live to love even if I don’t always love to live. ❤ And I hope everyone else will too, no matter how hard it can get.
❤;;;;;❤
~L;ve~
~surv;vor~
(A boy was carrying this sign Sunday, holding it up for anyone & everyone to see and I wanted to get a picture but did not have the chance then later i saw it on this rail thing here! This kind young man brought me so much love & hope with this act of love for all of us. Wishing us love and positivity even though he doesn’t know us is a perfect example of someone surrendering to universal love. ❤😍)
Much love & light to you, always!! 😍😀❤ And lots of hugs! Keep letting your light shine on us all. The world needs all of us. ❤
xoxo Kim
“It takes all different kinds of people to run the world. We need everyone.” ❤
I saw this quote (don’t remember where; it was on a photo) and find it so inspiring.
“‘Cause there’s a place in the sun
Where there’s hope for ev’ryone
Where my poor restless heart’s gotta run
There’s a place in the sun
And before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun”
Place in the sun – Winjama (reggae version) – mobile
Place in the Sun – Winjama – desktop
There are so many kinds of people in this world and we need us all.
My dad used to watch the tv show The Sopranos every night a few months ago until all the seasons ended.
There’s a few episodes where a woman who is an FBI agent in the show pretends to be just a girl shopping at a mall I think, to deceive the girlfriend of a member of the Mafia so she can get information the police need.
They have been watching this man and his girlfriend for a while and an FBI agent tricks the girlfriend and they become close “friends.”
The girlfriend tells the agent things about herself and life she never told anyone, not even her boyfriend, because she feels so close to her.
The FBI agent is sweet and warm and very personable. She pretends to be a great friend to this other girl. Then the FBI people decide to tell the girl the truth, that this new friend of hers is no friend at all but actually an agent of the FBI who has been watching her and her man.
The FBI agent after confessing that’s what she is, all of a sudden is now assertive, no longer warm and sweet. She has a no nonsense way about her now. She’s all stiff and firm.
These are only fictional scenes in a tv show but real detectives and FBI agents for their job sometimes really have to pretend to be someone they aren’t and trick people, maybe even innocent people who get caught up in unpleasant stuff.
I was imagining myself in the FBI character’s place and think I don’t have the heart to ever deceive an innocent person or even not so innocent person who trusts me into thinking we’re close friends and we’re really not. I wouldn’t have a job where I may have to do that.
This girl is the lover of a member of the New Jersey Mafia but she’s just an innocent girl. She knows he’s a murderer and all and chooses to stay with him but she herself is just a regular person. She thought she had this new friend she was able to tell things to she felt she couldn’t tell anyone else, like the fact that she had an abortion years ago.
Imagine finding out your closest friend is a fake? Maybe you don’t have to imagine. It’s a heartbreaking situation.
When the FBI people approached her, not only was she terrified about the trouble they were in but she was heartbroken over the loss of “friendship” or what she thought was genuine friendship. I think this hurt her even more than the prospect of going to prison.
I felt a range of emotions when I realized I can never be like that. I felt thankful that I don’t have it in me to be deceptive and trick an innocent person. I also felt a tinge of envy that I don’t have that kind of aggression or backbone, I guess you can say, like some do, to have a job like that, even though I don’t want that kind of job. And I also felt gratitude that there are people like that in this world, those who do have it in them to trick and deceive for work or other necessary situations. I am inspired.
I don’t want to have it in me to do that but I’m so thankful there are people who do. We need them. We need people who have the ability to be aggressive and deceive people because it’s sometimes necessary, like for certain jobs including police jobs.
Police, attorneys, doctors, and other people of certain professions are sometimes criticized for being cold, aggressive, detached, deceptive, immoral….but it’s actually a good thing that we have people who have a place in them where they can summon feelings of aggression, detachment, and other things that may seem unpleasant.
We need people who can detach and not get worn out having to encounter so much suffering each day at work, like some doctors who have to work with dying people and dead individuals, detectives who have to investigate cases of homicide and other violence and horror….Imagine if they did not have the ability to detach or distance themselves to a certain degree. Many would probably experience burnout or breakdowns of some sort. This isn’t to say they aren’t compassionate or empathetic people ever, just that they have the ability to “turn it off” to a point when necessary. And it’s great to have people in the world who can temporarily put aside their general morals and conscience to do work that may call for it. Not everyone can do that. And for those who cannot, that’s good too.
It’s good if we have compassion and empathy and morals so strong and so constant that we can’t or won’t stop it. This world needs both, extreme empathy and strong sense of morality but also those with the ability to tune out of it in certain situations.
We need people with extreme empathy for criminals, like forensic psychiatrists/psychologists. By empathy, I’m not referring to compassion here. I’m talking about the sharp ability to be able to “get into their heads” and truly understand them, why, how they do certain things, how/why they feel certain ways, the ways they reason. It doesn’t mean the professional person is justifying any of it or taking pleasure in it. It may seem creepy that someone can understand a murderous criminal mind so well and want to do that kind of work. But it’s so great we have people with that strength and desire. We need them.
And for those who can’t even begin to understand the mind of a murderer and don’t want to ever understand, that’s great too! It’s great to be sane and good and “normal.”
In courtrooms we need people who have within them a place of aggression, maybe even callousness, people who can tear others to shreds for their jobs. Some jobs call for aggression, cold, clinical, ways. Warmth, softness, sap, sweet words and gestures are beautiful and needed in this world but not in every situation, not for every job, not with every person.
I always thought if I were in a position to need a lawyer, like a defense attorney, I would prefer a woman because girls can be so vicious! Girls/women of all ages, even generally sweet, warm ones, just can have a kind of aggression or potential for aggression that men don’t have and a job as an attorney requires aggression. How wonderful it is to take that and use it for good or to be productive, helping out our system and helping people instead of using it to drag each other down.
Some jobs call for extreme compassion and not much aggression, like schoolteacher jobs and nurses or doctors or other caretakers, nursing home staff…. and it’s great to have people who are generally very nurturing and mild mannered.
There are people who are very simple or generally lazy, not very motivated, or just don’t want to work much or not work at challenging jobs so have easy jobs (not everyone with an easy or no job is lazy or lacks motivation) and we need those people. We need professional people with big demanding careers and we need those with cashier jobs and janitorial jobs and desk (jobs which some see as “low” or frivolous)…..
I work at a store as a server and cashier and the job itself is unimportant. But it’s important to my boss to have employees helping with her business. And it’s important to the customers who come.
Imagine if no one chose to take jobs as a janitor in buildings or a cashier or food server because the jobs are too “low” or boring and imagine if no one chose to be a doctor because it’s too sad or gruesome or demanding. Imagine if there were no lawyers because it’s an “immoral” job.
Imagine if there was no one with the strength and courage to be aggressive, detached, deceptive, bold….
We wouldn’t have anyone to be lawyers, doctors, detectives….all of which we need.
In a fiction book I read recently (I don’t remember which one but it may be ASBO or Housemates both by Iain Wright {horror novelist}) there are these thug people, physically strong and aggressive and can overpower just about anyone they want. They are some kind of gang members or organized murderers and one of them tells one of their “victims” that he could never be strong or tough enough to do what they do.
And at first I kind of thought of that as a bad thing. Being wimpy and physically weak isn’t good. Just because we’re not gang members and don’t abuse our power over others doesn’t mean we’re weak or wimps but it’s good to be able to have the power and strength to defend ourselves against attacks by others. There’s nothing wrong with being strong and powerful as long as we don’t abuse it.
But then the character in the book says he is happy he doesn’t have what it takes to be a murderer or gang member, that he would never want to be.
There may be some people who don’t ever want to be in a gang or have a certain job but still wish they had the strength or courage to do that kind of work.
But this character is thankful he doesn’t even have what it takes.
It’s great to be “tough” and “streetsmart” and physically strong and bold but it’s also good to be innocent and not even have it in us to be like that. We need us all.
And we don’t just need everyone for the jobs we can do, but just for the beings that we are.
It’s great and ok to have outgoing people, shy people, those who are soft and those who are badass…
Short people and tall people, those with much energy and motivation and those who just want to keep it simple, loud and quiet, and those with a combination of characteristics, religious and non religious, light skin, dark skin, blonde, brunette, orange hair, purple hair, tattooed, pierced, hetero., homo., bi/pan, lgbtqa, healthy, sick, disabled, young, old, introverted and extroverted, financially rich, poor, homeless, jobless, career people and stay at home parents…logical, creative, spiritual, artistic, skeptical, grounded, idealistic, realistic, wild & adventurous, safe & cautious, romantic, dreamers, simple, complex, human, animal, insect……there’s a place for us all.
We can all teach and learn, all have hopes, fears, needs, desires….all ultimately want to avoid suffering.
People with less power or resources than us can teach us or remind us of compassion and those with more can inspire us.
Each situation we experience can teach or remind us something , awaken our wisdom deep within, each person can open a new door for us if we allow it.
We can see the positive in everyone and the worth of every being no matter the species, size, religion, color, status, nationality, profession…..if we pay attention.
We all have different weaknesses and strengths.
We all complement each other and bring balance to the world. There’s always going to be beings and situations that need and call for just what we can provide. Maybe it’s our compassion, our aggression, our softness, our bold personality, our determination, our calmness, our passion, our acceptance, our sarcasm, our soothing energy, our knowledge of seemingly trivial things, our ability to be deep and serious, our ability to be lighthearted and carefree, our simplicity or our complexity, our “tough-love” or our smothering, warm, sappy love ….that the situation calls for or that someone needs at the moment.
Not all of us can be or provide all of these things and that’s ok. We can all be and provide something when it’s appropriate. We all have gifts and skills that others do not.
If we or our beautiful qualities are not needed in a certain situation or not desired by a certain someone, it’s not because someone else or some other way is better. It’s just that different people and different situations need different people and things. 😀
There’s always going to be someone who is better for someone or something than someone else. And that’s ok.
The world needs us all. 👪
We can bask in the beauty of our Oneness but also appreciate diversity and see the beauty in it. 💙
Remember, it takes various kinds of people to run our world.
We need everyone.
❤ ❤
<33
Much love & light to you always & forever,
Xoxo Kim
Since this is a post to me by me here is a pic of me! 😀
I have been nominated by the lovely Sonali at
Howling With the Wolf:
https://howlingwiththewolf.wordpress.com/about/
To write a letter to me one year into the future!
https://howlingwiththewolf.wordpress.com/2016/04/08/dear-future-me/
Please check out her blog! She is a very sweet girl and an amazing writer with a passionate spirit.
I love when I’m nominated for things like this! (even though it sometimes takes me forever to get around to posting it! :-))
It kind of doesn’t really make sense to me to provide wisdom to my future self because my future self will (hopefully) be just as wise, and hopefully even wiser than my current self. Lol I realize that’s one of the blessings of getting older, we have all the wisdom we previously have and even more realized.
So I will just remind myself in the future to cherish the memories of all the beauty I have encountered previously, to intentionally recall and often record simple but profound moments I have experienced. Many moments are easy to forget even if they are beautiful, inspiring, amazing. The simple moments that aren’t part of a holiday or vacation or other socially important event. Just everyday, simple occasions.
I want to remind my future self to savor each cool breeze upon my skin in the Summers, cherish the warmth of cozy pj’s in Winter and the heat that surges through me while holding a steaming hot cup of cocoa or tea, I want to encourage me in the future to keep on taking photos of all the colorful beauty in Fall & Spring but remember to also live in the moment and truly feel the beauty, not just try to capture it in photos. It’s more important to experience.
I encourage me to write down simple but profound occasions on ordinary days to always look back on and remember.
Like the things I mention here:
https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2015/10/05/best-days-3/
https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-simple-unidentified-moments-3/
reading a thrilling novel, drinking hot tea, basking in the beauty of the rain…
I want to inspire myself to keep letting go of old pain and creating more and more space for new beauty.
I think the most important thing is to “remind” my future self to “live to the fullest” as the old cliche goes, making the most of each moment while holding onto all the pleasant memories and letting the not so pleasant ones inspire me to evolve and learn. In two, three, four, and more decades(i guess I’m planning to live a long while! Lol), I want to be able to think back to now and still remember some of the simple, beautiful moments I now experience.
I also want to remind myself that Life Is Beautiful!
I often feel that way but when I get into severe depressed moods, I sometimes tend to forget it. And one thing that helps me keep hope alive is to remember that I once felt that way, that life is simply beautiful, and so have it in me to feel that way again.
Sometimes the person who can inspire us the most is our own self! It’s great to be inspired by others, to be lifted and carried by their wisdom but sometimes it’s even greater to allow our own wisdom to inspire us. Always remember that if you once felt happy, alive, beautiful, peaceful, calm, even if only for a brief occasion, you CAN feel that way again. And even if you have never felt happy, you are alive and it’s never too late, there’s always hope as long as we are living and conscious or have the ability to be conscious if we aren’t currently.
My cover photo on Facebook says “Life is beautiful.” It’s the only cover photo I ever had and I intend to keep it that way. It’s true, life is beautiful. And when I seem to forget that, I look at my own cover photo (it’s not actually mine but one I found online) and remember that I felt that way when I set that photo as my cover photo and I am inspired to keep on living and loving. ❤
So, future self (and everyone else), always remember life is hope. If you felt it once, you can feel it again!
And one last thing, Future Self, always remember to surrender to universal love, all encompassing love, love for everyone and everything, all sentient beings, life itself, the whole uni-verse…keep going, keep loving, always & forever!!
❤
I'm thankful to be nominated for this and one reason is that it reminds me to better keep up with my one word journal. I have been doing great with my one word challenge, seeking and finding beauty and inspiration everywhere, sharing it with others, posting on the blog things that have to do with beauty…but I haven't been keeping up as much as I planned with the journal I have. But it's never too late to begin again! And this post is a great reminder!
Here is my post on the one word challenge:
https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2016/01/20/one-word/
“This is the time to remember
Cause it will not last forever
These are the days
To hold on to
Cause we won’t
Although we’ll want to
This is the time
But the time is gonna change”
These Are the Times to Remember – Billy Joel – mobile
❤
Thank you, Sonali!
I'm supposed to nominate a few people but instead I would like to just invite anyone reading this to give it a try! 😀
Much love & light to you always,
❤
Xoxo Kim
“Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn ’til you learn to love yourself
Breathe it out and breathe it in
Trust the light that shines within
Let it burn ’til you learn to love yourself
Love will lead you home…
Love will lead you home…
Love will lead you home…” ~ Olivia Newton John ❤
A few years ago I came across a blog, I don’t remember the blog now but wish I had the link still or remember the name. It’s an art journaling blog on blogger.com, I think, and the lady suggested an activity to help heal any emotional pain we may have about certain incidents or situations in life.
I may have shared it before on here but I don’t remember.
If so, it’s ok, it won’t hurt to share it again!
The activity is to take an index card and a pencil and very lightly, in almost imperceptible strokes of the pencil, write on the index card every painful emotion we have surrounding whatever incident or struggle we choose. Make sure the words are incredibly light, almost unseen. Or write the words regularly then lightly erase them but still leave a vestige of what was. This, I suspect, is to symbolically lessen their power over us. So we are no longer gripped in their bondage.
The event or situation can be anything at all that hurts us, for example a painful breakup, the loss of a friend or family member, pet to death or any other way, a family member or friend diagnosed with a serious illness, being rejected in some way, losing a job, the loss of an important material object (house, car, jewelry, money…), chronic pain or illness, sexual assault, abuse, addiction, feeling abandoned or excluded….. anything that hurts.
After filling the entire index card up with words to describe our pain, words like: pain, rejection, lost, lonely, empty, grief, despair, torture, fear, embarrassed, devastated, angry, furious, broken, confused, numb, guilt, betrayed, envy,jealous, sorry, regret, doubt, heartbreak…..
We then take a marker of any color, especially a bold color, and write over the light penciled words in bold words, positive words like: love, healing, compassion, self-love, inspiration, wisdom, life, joy, happiness, laughter, light, optimistic, positive, balance, full, pleasure, fulfilled, Metta, gratitude, oneness, empathy, understanding, caring, beauty, perseverance, overcoming, stillness, serenity, peace, calm, tranquil, recovery, vitality, spark, acceptance, hope,longevity….
I’m guessing this activity is symbolic of positive energy and emotions overpowering the unpleasant ones. The light penciled words have no power over us if we do not allow them. And if we choose and work on it, we can let the bold, happy words take over. The light words are still there. Here. They still exist, the scars still exist. But they are now dormant or powerless or just not the main thing we experience any longer, not the noxious energy they once were.
Here is a fake one I made just for this post:
Unpleasant emotions/thoughts:
(I made the words dark enough to see on here)
Empowering words/emotions/thoughts:
“The answer is sleeping
Inside your heart
True love that you long for
That’s where it starts” ~ Olivia Newton John ❤
The situation I chose for this activity a few years ago is a form of rejection I once experienced. I allowed this experience to get to me much, much longer than is necessary. Well over a year after this experience, I was still shattered, devastated beyond words with no sign of it getting better. Some moments were worse than others. Some moments/days I finally felt like it would be ok but then I would crash back into the seemingly unbearable pain of it, feeling like I couldn't possibly go on.
It wasn't depression but every now and then it would trigger a months/weeks long episode of depression and deep despair and even severe headaches, which became more frequent after this experience and lessened after I felt healed to a certain degree. Then when the depression would lift or the headache would ease, the severe pain of this situation would still linger, breaking me, bringing me to ruin.
Rejection, loss, unrequited love, broken friendships/relationships,….are part of living and it's ok to experience them and for them to really affect us in deep and painful ways but they should never take over so much of life to where that's the main thing we dwell on each day and allow it to ruin our days or whole life. I let it ruin me. It's best if the pain of these situations begins to heal to a certain extent after a while. The pain does not have to be the thing that generally or frequently dominates.
I was so pleasantly surprised at how much this activity really did heal me. I usually don't say things like something healed me or made me do something or caused something, because really, things usually help, provoke, and contribute to things, not actually cause it or make it happen. Things help me to heal. They don't usually heal me just themselves.
But I feel this activity really healed me. Not completely. This is a scar I will always have and that's a good thing! It's good to be affected by all of life in both painful and joyous ways.
It's great to be touched in both pleasant and painful ways, by people and situations.
It's better than being dead or numb or indifferent.
"There's nothing more whole than my broken heart." ~ Hasidic saying
But this activity really helped me heal the worst of the pain. It helped me release painful emotions themselves and the pain of how I viewed certain things. It helped me let go and liberate myself so I am no longer ruled by the situation.
I was expecting it to maybe help a little bit, even if only during the moments I was engaging in it. But even after it was over, I immediately sensed a change deep within. I felt something release and shift and while I still carry that pain, that scar, that sliver of an ache, it's usually not the red, flaming hot agony it once was that felt like it was scorching the very soul of me.
"I know I'll find the strength to fight
If I can trust I'm gonna be alright
So walk me through my darkest fears tonight
Help me to heal
Help me to feel
All I know is what I see
So won't you help me to believe
Help me to heal" ~ Olivia Newton John
I only ever did this activity once and I lost the card but I have it somewhere. I read a book recently about how to cleanse our energy or aura and in the book is an amazing list of healing activities I’m going to try. This one is not in the book but the book reminds me of this one. It’s a fantastic cleansing experience.
This activity can be performed for any problem whether it’s seemingly trivial or feels like it’s the end of the world.
I’m going to try it again for other struggles.
I strongly recommend this activity. It’s not a cure and there’s no doubt in my mind that not everyone will be as helped by it as I am.
It’s likely not for everyone. Even if it doesn’t have long lasting effects like it does for me, just the act of engaging in it can be very healing.
We can also color it with soothing colors, draw on it, anything creative to add to it. We can put our own spin on it.
It’s a very simple, very brief, but very profound method of healing.
❤
I hope you find it healing like I do if you want to try it!
Learn to Love Yourself – mobile – Olivia Newton John
Learn to Love Yourself – mobile
Much love & light to you, always!
😀
Xoxo Kim ❤
“Just before Sunrise there is a dark night.”
Today I decided to get up early and watch the sun come up.
It was a cold, lightly windy morning. My dogs and me went into the backyard bright & early and watched the amazing sun rising into the perfect blue.
It’s awe inspiring to witness! First, it was a darkened blue sky with hazy white/gray colored clouds, then a hint of orange appeared!
Breathtaking! The most amazing thing to see is the first hint of the sun rising.
The Sunrise always reminds me of hope and new beginnings, like almost anything is possible and everything is ok and will always be.
Just before the sun came up. Isn’t it beautiful?!
Like always, I took pictures at some points but also just watched some moments and basked in the pure beauty. In my opinion, just seeing/feeling beauty is often more important than capturing it!
😀
Even now, hours later, I still feel that awe surge through me that I felt while watching it. ❤
I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!
❤
Much love & light,
xoxo Kim
“‘It’s going to happen in three minutes.’ Mark Tapper sat on the edge of his son’s bed and tried to comfort the eight-year-old. He considered calling an ambulance, but he didn’t know if what Jeremy was suffering from qualified as an emergency. He decided to wait for his wife to get home, since she’d be there in just a few minutes anyhow. She’d left work early when the school called, but Mark was able to get to Widowsfield Elementary to pick Jeremy up first.
‘What’s going to happen in three minutes?’ Mark glanced at the clock on the nightstand that displayed 3:11 on the stomach of a Batman figurine. ‘I told you,’ said Jeremy. The desperation in his voice terrified Mark.
‘The Skeleton Man’s coming.’
‘I don’t know what that means, kiddo. Help me out here.’ Mark tried to wipe sweat from his boy’s brow, but Jeremy jerked away as if frightened by contact. ‘Who’s this Skeleton Man you keep talking about?’
‘He’s coming, and then everyone’s going to go crazy. Dad, I don’t want to kill you again.’
The statement was more than a little disconcerting. Mark stood up and put his hands on his head in exasperation as he stared down at his quivering child. He’d tried to stay calm through all of his son’s outbursts, but he couldn’t take it anymore.
‘That does it. Mom can meet us at the hospital. Do you think you can walk, or do you want me to call an ambulance?’ This manic episode confounded the school nurse, and it was getting worse the longer it went on. When Mark picked his son up from school, Jeremy had simply been crying, but now his mania had gone from concerning to disturbing.
‘There’s no time. I can already hear his teeth.’ Jeremy looked at his father and chattered his teeth, as if he was freezing cold. Then he looked at the clock and they both saw the time change. 3:12
Jeremy put his hands under his pillow and bunched it up so the sides covered his ears. He clenched his eyes shut and continued to weep.
‘You should just kill yourself. Make it easy. Just shoot yourself in the head and get it over with. You can’t handle what’s coming. No one can.'”
(The beginning of book 1 in the trilogy.)
Wth?! Lol This scene is what got me hooked (a little bit obsessed!) with this trilogy a few years ago.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to read it if it doesn’t have an ending until reading all three but that scene pulled me in and I decided to read it anyway even if I had to wait for the other two books to come out.
Today is a special, special day! (so is every other day but today is especially special! Lol ;-))
It’s 314!
There’s a fiction book trilogy, called 314 (see the scene above!) , It’s one of the best things I ever encountered in this life.
Lol
It’s an incredibly bizarre story, involving what seems like other dimensions. We cannot read books 2 or 3 without first reading book 1 or we won’t make an ounce of sense of it. Book 1
Itself is very difficult to comprehend in some ways. And books 2 and 3 only get weirder.
I wrote about it here
https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2013/12/06/some-comforting-words-about-moving-forward-and-book-review-314/
a couple years ago.
If I remember correctly, there’s a lot of errors in my post that I don’t think are corrected, like spelling and grammar errors and stuff. I don’t know why. Usually, I don’t mess up like that. I remember reading my post a while after publishing it and thinking “like wth?!”
Lol
I was going to correct the errors but never got around to it. Who cares, right?! You get the message. I’m no grammar phanatic (i’m a philadelphia girl, it’s how we spell fanatic lol) so yeah.
Anyway, today is 314! So in honor of this lovely, lovely (and wonderfully rainy!) day, I’m going to promote this wonderful author and his trilogy! And again share some deep wisdom in this story!
I must warn you. These books are nassstaaayy!
Lol Full of gore and stuff, which I usually don’t care for! But at least the violence can’t occur for real because it’s like dead human-canine kids who kill people. They come out of some green fog and just tear everyone to shreds.
I can’t even begin to explain.
Book 1 doesn’t have a complete ending, it doesn’t even touch on the conclusion of the story but I was satisfied at the end before reading books 2 and 3.
I felt as if I had some somewhat sensible, if vague, answers.
One thing I love about the books is, the story involves friends, both new and old, unconditional love, wisdom, and is just wildly entertaining and freaky.
You won’t read anything more bizarre as long as you live. I can almost guarantee it!
Each year on March 14th, at 3:14pm, incredibly bizarre and terrifying things begin to happen to a town called Widowsfield.
And the people kind of know something is about to happen but they don’t really know, at least not consciously. Some remember some of the events better than others. They know they are going to die….again….then again…in the most horrific, agonizing ways.
It’s just freaky!
Here are some interesting scenes:
“Jaime looked down at her scrawling. 3.141592653”
‘Is that pi?’
‘Yeah. We were supposed to memorize ten digits of it for Mr. Trager for pi day.’
Anna settled back in her chair and snickered. ‘Sure, for the test this morning. Why are you still writing it?’
Jaime paused for just a moment. ‘I don’t know. There’s something calming about it. Is that crazy?’
‘A little bit, yeah.’
Anna watched Jaime write the sequence over and over, oddly transfixed.
Then Jaime wrote the final digit as a 4 instead of a 3 in one line.
‘You got that one wrong.’ Jaime didn’t stop writing and didn’t look up.
‘There’s no such thing as a perfect circle. There’s chaos in all of it.’
Jaime looked up at the ceiling and then at the window before she asked, ‘Do you hear that?’
“Anna watched the shapes in the fog advance. The silhouettes of children ran across the field from their school, and the barking of dogs grew louder. Soon, the soccer players were attacked and chaos erupted in the library. Teachers and students rushed to the window and time returned to normal as everyone panicked. Jaime moved closer to Anna and ignored the massacre outside. “Why are we doing it again? Why do I know what’s going to happen? I’ve never felt this way before.”
“Jaime and Anna ignored the bloody scene; they’d seen it countless times before. Jaime pulled Anna between two book shelves, away from the screaming mass, to speak in private.”
“…’I don’t know, I can’t explain how I know. I’m not sure what’s going on. I just, for a minute, I could hear him in my head. I knew his thoughts. He’s looking for a girl he lost. She was an innocent, and he needs her to help him stop this from happening again.’ ‘I don’t understand any of that,’ said Jaime.
‘I don’t either, but I know he’s going to keep doing this over and over until he finds her.”Then what?’ asked Jaime. ‘I don’t know.'”
“Jaime and Anna embraced as they waited for their inevitable death. Then it would begin anew, slightly different from the times before, and they would forget the prying mind of The Skeleton Man as he continued to try to complete the circle.”
And here is a scene out of one of the trilogy books that I shared in the post above. This scene is full of wisdom & hope.
This is what I wrote in the other post:
The girl, Alma, whose brother disappeared in 1996 meets a little girl but the little girl isn’t real. She’s kind of ghost -like or a figment of someone’s imaginings. She was sent to Alma to help protect Alma. She is a very wise little girl. And she has some comforting words for Alma. Alma’s life has been painful. She’s a young teacher. Her dad was abusive to her and her brother and he still comes after her as an adult. He is addicted to the meth drug. Her mom went insane after her son (Alma’s brother) disappeared and she became sick with severe depression. And she died by suicide because she couldn’t handle her son being missing.
Then Alma watches her friends dying over and over all day everyday and she is so confused and worn out and knows her own life is in danger. All the characters think they’re going crazy. Alma just wants to give up. Just when she collapses outside thinking she can’t go on anymore, a little girl about ten years old comes to Alma. She reminds Alma of herself when she was a little girl.
This little girl takes Alma’s hand and says:
“It’s not a bad thing to remember our worst days but it’s important that we learn to move on. “
Alma responds saying
“I’ve had a lot of bad days.”.
The little girl puts her head against Alma’s arm and says
“I know you have. But you can’t let those bad days ruin the ones you’ve got left to live.”.
Isn’t this beautiful?! So much wisdom and light. We don’t have to allow painful memories and things that happened before to hold us back and ruin our present days.
I hope you’re having a lovely 314 full of love & laughter and not full of gore, green fog, canine kids, and the Skeleton Man! 😉
❤ 😀
Much love to you,
Xoxo Kim
(this isn’t the best picture but I love it. Today the sun was reflecting so passionately off those broken windows on that abandoned factory. I never really saw anything like that. So orange, so fierce, so bright…)
“I’ll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can’t seem to find it.”
This is a song I have loved for just about as long as I can remember.
I listened to it often as a young girl and always felt I can deeply relate to it.
Like she says “no one ever cared if I should leave or die” I have felt that way for much of my life, like I have no one. Even when I was surrounded by people, friends, family….I thought they couldn’t possibly really love me.
Not only have I often felt unloved but completely unlovable.
Even when I would meet a potential new friend or out with friends I already had, I would think “no way can this person really like me…”
She, in this song, struggles with finding a reason to live, a sense of purpose. A struggle I know all too well.
I always loved how listening to this song, her sweet, soothing voice, made it seem to me like someone understands me. Not that I want her to ever suffer but since she is, it’s good we find each other.
I remember when I was young and I told my mom I can relate to this song sung by Karen Carpenter and she said “You two are just feeling sorry for yourselves.” lol It made me laugh.
And it kind of does sound like that, whining that no one loves us or would care if we die.
Anyway, I have always loved Karen Carpenter and I sense that she was a very broken but very beautiful person. I never knew her for real but I heard that she struggled with an eating disorder and self destructive behavior and I struggle with depression myself and can often sense it in others and I sense it in her.
But she was so strong. Very tragically, her self destructive behavior ultimately contributed to her early death.
I know she was and is still very loved by her family, friends, and many, many fans.
“There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine”
Oh, girl, I hear you! lol 😉
This song, while heartbreaking and so very sad, is also riddled with so much hope and strength.
Even through her terrible pain, her feelings of worthlessness, her suffocating loneliness, she has a spark of hope that things can get better and she goes on. And on and on.
Carrying on through all the darkness knowing that the future is uncertain for all of us, it can and probably will bring with it good and bad, blessings and tragedies, love, hope, pain, people who will love us and those who will not, breakups, losses, and new beginnings and friendships.
“Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I’ll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I’ll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I’ve been wrong
But for now this is my song.”
“I’ll go on as best I can.”
Preach it, sister! 😀
Every word speaks to me in a deep way, the pain, the hope, the love…
This song in some way also reminds me of Billy Joel’s musical suicide note, Tomorrow is Today, which is his real life experience.
I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that in both Karen Carpenter’s song she sings here and Billy Joel’s song, they are referring to romantic love. They seem to both have “bad luck” with it and feel like life is over. But we don’t need romantic love to be truly happy. It’s beautiful to have but it’s not the end of the world because we have been jilted (even if over & over) or can’t find a lover.
We don’t have to say goodbye to LOVE because we aren’t blessed with it in the romantic sense. Even if we don’t have good luck with platonic friendships or family love, we can still live in a world of love. Universal Love. Love as a state of BEing.
Loving life itself. And everyone we encounter, all living, sentient beings.
There are so many ways to love whether it’s a warm affection, well wishes for others, helping those in need, helping uplift and inspire others, a hug or smile, volunteer work, just BEING love…the ways to love are endless. ❤
(this isn’t my photo)
❤
Let's NOT say goodbye to love. Even if we aren't or don't feel loved in return. This world needs our love. It desperately needs it!
It needs our love, Billy Joel's love, Karen Carpenter's love, and everyone else's. Love is how we stay alive long after we are gone.
Very sadly, Karen Carpenter is gone but her love still exists here and our love for her. Luckily Billy Joel's suicide attempt did not go as planned and he's still with us putting more and more love out into the world.
We can never love too much. ❤
I would have loved to know her and be her friend. I'm so sorry she lost the battle. I think she was recovering or mostly recovered but the physical damage was too extensive.
I hope you feel loved and feel love for others and if not, please carry on, like the song suggests, we never know what the future will bring us. It can bring with it hope, healing, love…<3
😀
Much love & light to you. ❤
Xoxo Kim
“…Getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know
And offers comin’ over the phone
Well, I really don’t mind the rain
And a smile can hide all the pain
But you’re down when you’re ridin’ the train
That’s takin’ the long way
And I dream of the things I’ll do
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
There’ll be a load of compromisin’
On the road to my horizon
But I’m gonna be where the lights are shinin’ on me”
One of the best songs ever! So sweet &
inspiring. We can always find our way to the place where the lights are shining on us, whether it’s an outside place like a job or lifestyle we’re longing for or an inside place of joy, simplicity, & inner peace.
Even if we have next to nothing now, whether materially/financially or are feeling emotionally bankrupt, depressed, hopeless, despairing….with fierce determination, we can eventually see those glittering lights…. And just like in this song, there’s people we don’t even know personally who are or will/would be sending us love & well wishes if they knew of us, our goals, dreams, struggles.
Just look at all the love on social media, the acts of kindness all around us, and all the Earth angels we meet each day. ❤
Rhinestone Cowboy – Glen Campbell – mobile
😀
Much love & light to you now & for always,
Xoxo Kim
“It’s been a long dark night
And I’ve been a waitin’ for the morning
It’s been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I’ve been looking for the sunshine
‘Cause I ain’t seen it in so long
But everything’s gonna work out just fine
Everything’s gonna be all right
That’s been all wrong”
Last night I remembered my goal to get at least one picture of the sun rising each month this year! I was startled because today is the last day in February and I was thinking if I blow it now, it will be too late!
But I was determined! So I looked it up to see when the sun would be rising today. It’s 6:35AM so I got myself up at 6:12AM to wait! I went out into the backyard and listened to the birds chirping and watched them as they flew by. It is so magical just to sit outside and truly listen and watch the beauty of nature all around.
I took pictures but some moments I put my phone down and allowed my whole self to be engulfed in the beauty. Then I watched as the sun began to rise. It wasn’t a dramatic sunrise. Sometimes it’s really pink or orange and very noticeable. Today it was just a hint of orange that I was able to see but still beautiful and at least I accomplished my goal this month!
And I got to see so much morning beauty! I’m usually not up this early. I also am delighted to see that the moon was still out! I saw it through the almost bare tree branches.
(this one has an effect on it)
When you see it you will shit bricks. lol 😉
The tree reminds me of an impending Spring! It has little things growing on it!
This morning it feels like it’s about to be Spring!
I was and still am in awe of the stunning beauty everywhere I look. I am plunged into the depths of it and feel it in my whole being. So much love! ❤
So much wonder!
“‘Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything’s gonna be all right
It’s gonna be okay”
Light of a Clear Blue Morning – Dolly Parton – mobile
Light of a Clear Blue Morning – desktop
It’s just a mountain; I can move it. ❤
(This one is not mine!)
😀
~Hugs~ ❤
Much love & light to you, now & forever!
Xoxo Kim
