Tag Archive | photos

Thursday (and some random memories) <3

Aug3

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It’s August 2nd(but probably says August 3rd)! Yay! I love the beginning of each month! But I wrote this on July 31st. So yeah…i couldn’t post it because I had so much work and wifi wasn’t working well at work.

Thursday, I was at Buddhist class in Center City, Philadelphia and it ended early so I sat in the park across the street. My dad drives me home so I waited there. I love the park so much! It feels so beautiful just sitting on a bench surrounded by trees, flowers, green, insects, birds, animals.., people when there’s others in there, experiencing the floral fragrances and soft air upon my skin.

That night,  it rained and when the rain stopped all the park benches were wet but I sat on one anyway after taking a brief walk under the dusky sky as the setting sun washed over the city in a disarray of grays and pinks and oranges. It was lovely. I love the way the sunlight reflects off of cars and buildings and windows.

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Two young men, like college aged boys, came to the bench next to the one I was sitting on.

One sat down and the other stood and asked why he would sit on a wet bench and he replied “Dude, my ass is always wet anyway…”

Lmao! I couldn’t help but wonder why his ass would always be wet! But maybe I don’t want to know…

So this story probably has no point but it’s just really, really funny!

Also Thursday was my babies’ birthday! Their first birthday! Last year on July 30th my dog had twins! A boy & a girl. She only had two puppies and my family kept them. And we make sure she doesn’t have anymore! Lol She’s very old. And the daddy is very young.

They light up my world. I have six dogs and we celebrate all of their birthdays and anniversaries that they came to live with us.

We bought them bones and little cakes that they love.

When it’s one of their special days, they all get a gift because we don’t want any to feel left out.

My mom & sister & me are big animal lovers. We treat them as if they are family members because they are. And we feed stray animals when we can and do what we can to save pigeons when they are eating in the street. It’s best to feed them on a pavement so they don’t get killed in traffic.

Here are my babies shortly after they were born last year.

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Woody is the big boy (named after the doll on Toy Story, my favorite movie! His name is Dagwood because I loved that name when I was little and thought the reactions of those I told, were funny, no one else liked it! and I love Toy Story and decided to name him that and call him Woody) Quinny is the girl. My little sister named her.

They are chihuahua/daschund/pomeranian mixes and are the most adorable, sweetest things ever! Their mommy is a mutt and their daddy is a purebred pomeranian.

When they were born we quickly realized their mommy’s nipples weren’t producing any milk except for one nipple, which Woody found the second he was born, my mom said. Lol little piggy! Woody was born first.

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So we had to buy them special milk to drink in a dropper. Now they are very healthy. Woody has a big belly, it’s so cute! He’s now smaller than Quinny but heavier to pick up and has a bigger belly.

This is Quinny shortly after she was born, with milk all over her little face! My heart just melts! ❤

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They are so bad! The older they get, the more energetic they become. They chew everything they get their little paws on and they rip our pants off while we’re walking! Lol But they are just too cute!

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They sleep in bed with me every night. Woody follows me everywhere day & night when I’m home.

They have only been in the world for one year but it feels like forever. I can’t even remember life before them.

I just can’t get over the cuteness. Quinny looks just like what she is, a mutt! Lol And Woody looks like a purebred chihuahua even though he’s more pom. But they both look like their mommy, Boobie(I named her when I was 16 years old. Lol my sister named her Sweetheart but I called her Boobie and it stuck). She’s a great mommy and still takes care of them, cleans them and snuggles with them.

Emmy is the little daddy.

This is him! He’s so adorable and loving.

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He took good care of his babies when they were born, he would go in the pac n play we got for them and take them slim jims and other treats! Lol He had no idea they were too little to eat them but he really did not want them to eat them because he wanted them! It’s so cute, he would drop a slim jim in front of them for a few seconds then take it back and eat it! He wanted it but he wanted to be generous!

Now they annoy him but he still loves them! He growls at them when they annoy him but then he kisses them real fast to show he doesn’t want to be angry. Lol The babies and daddy are always flying around the house playing and having fun, he’s only a year older! Lol

When Woody is being bad and I’m yelling at him to stop, he kisses me real fast too, to let me know not to be mad then he goes back to being bad! Lol And he kisses us as he’s walking by, it’s the cutest thing, he just stops, kisses us, and keeps going. I also get woken up to kissies in the morning.

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best friends 4ever. ❤

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I just love my babies. They are too adorable for words!

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They love having their bellies rubbed and being held and snuggled.

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and here is the little mommy.

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Isn’t she so adorable?! She got a treat for Mother’s Day! ❤
She will 13 years old next month.

And Thursday I had blueberry iced coffee!  Yum! Blueberry is my favorite. I'm also drinking it now(and now. Lol I wrote this on Friday, July 31st, now it's August 2nd and here I am again with blueberry coffee!). I don't care much for regular hot coffee, only if it has a flavor or is iced coffee. I love iced coffee and hot tea but it's not something I drink everyday and I drink it for the taste and pleasure of drinking it. I don't need it to function like some people claim that they do.

It doesn't keep me awake.

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I don’t understand how people can drink coffee every single day and it still helps them stay awake. Doesn’t your body get used to it after a while and it no longer works? Like when people take drugs and have to keep getting them stronger to work like they used to.

In college I never drank coffee, not even iced coffee, it just never occurred to me to drink it. But one day I got yelled at by a philosophy professor for sleeping in his class. I was right in the front row and it wasn’t the first class of his I fell asleep in.

Then he yelled “if people are going to be sleeping in my class or struggling to stay awake then drink a Red Bull before coming here or don’t bother showing up! There will be NO MORE sleeping or struggling to stay awake in here!!” omg! Awkward! Lol

That was the morning after I was at my good friend, Mike’s, house all night! Then after we left his house, we stayed out all night, went to the movies and all over and I did not get home until like 3:00 in the morning! It was a fun night! But I paid for it the next morning! But I would have probably fell asleep anyway!

So I started getting to campus earlier to buy iced coffee and see if it helped me stay awake. I always heard coffee can keep someone awake and wasn’t sure if it is true. I was amazed that it did in fact help me stay awake but did not keep me awake if I wanted to sleep. It helped me have a choice. This was an early morning class and I was struggling with very severe depression (I was involuntarily hospitalized that semester for it) on top of just not being a morning person, and staying up late often just reading or going out with my friends, or contemplating all night if I should live or die(lol dramatic but true). I love morning but I just can’t stay awake that early even if I get to sleep early.

But after a while, my body must have gotten used to the coffee and it no longer helped me stay awake. And still doesn’t. But I came to love it now and still drink iced coffee for the thrill! And I realized how great it was to get to school early and drink iced coffee, read, walk around, and take pleasure in my own company.

I missed classes because of depression and fatigue. Sometimes I couldn’t even get out of bed to go to class and sometimes I managed to get myself up but couldn’t get to class and I would just collapse somewhere outside or in a building and sleep or lay in a near catatonic state. It’s not unusual to see college students lounging around campus so luckily no one was freaked out thinking I was having some emergency.

Fortunately, my depression is not generally this bad anymore and even when it is, I learned to usually cope and function much better! I can’t imagine going back to that dark place. It still gets so dark here but it’s not as frequent and not as threaded throughout my entire existence (it’s hard to put into words) and I’m so much better now in so many ways. It still gets as bad but with the help I asked for and my self help techniques I am generally much better. There’s always hope as long as we stay alive.

If you struggle with any issue, depression, physical pain/illness, please stay alive! There’s always hope for us. And always, someone, somewhere cares or would care if those people knew your struggles.

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This is at the busstop where I wait for the 5 bus some days. ❤

This reminds me of another day I got yelled at in class by a different philosophy professor. For walking in late every day. Not because of depression. Just carelessness and laziness. I deserved to be yelled at. Lol

I walked in late and he was pissed but said nothing. I was relieved because another student walked in a couple minutes later so I felt the attention was no longer on me. The professor still said nothing but looked as if he was about to, then another student walked in and that's when he had enough. He threw his pen on the desk and yelled "alright! This is it!!! It's the same three people walking in late everyday and it won't be tolerated anymore…!!!!" and a big long rant about the three of us disrupting his class that I can't remember much of now. lol again, awkward!

I couldn't get out of that class fast enough that day!

And I remember another day in college, my first year, a boy's phone rang during a math lecture and the professor ran over, picked it up and answered it and he said "who the hell am I?! No, who the hell are YOU?! He's in MY class, he can't be on the phone right now!l then he hung up, tossed the phone on the boy's desk and went back to teaching, like nothing even happened! Everyone burst out laughing while the boy just stared speechless. The professor wasn't really angry, just really funny!

Lol I have so many fun/funny memories of those days in college!  And even the painful ones remind me now how much better I am.

How sweet it is to reminisce!

I can go on and on but I'll save the rest of the memories for other days!

Also, check out this little baby!

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I found him on the counter at work! How cute!

We have lights outside work and it attracts some insects once in a while, in the Summer. Those gnats and mosquitos love the lights!

At first I was embarrassed because I thought he was a roach and there was a long line of people  and I don’t want anyone thinking we have roaches in the store (I promise we don’t!) where we serve food! I did not want anyone to crush him, people are quick to kill insects, especially roaches, it seems! So I ran over to get him in my hands and bring him inside the store. It’s window service so this counter is on the outside. There was a long line of customers and I did not want them seeing me bringing a bug in the store. Lol But I couldn’t let anyone kill him if I could stop it. Luckily the lady in the front of the line knows the lady who was in back of her and turned around as I reached for the bug and no one seemed to see. Except her little girl! She was thrilled like I am and was yelling, “hey, what’s that?! A bug! A bug!” but she, like me, wasn’t afraid, she was fascinated! I love other insect lovers! I don’t seem to find too many of those around!  And I love how little kids are so full of wonder in ways adults can never be. We can be full of child-like wonder but it’s not usually the same as when we were little. Little kids are so amazing!

And it turns out he is not a roach but a kind of beetle! I threw him in the trash. But only because I knew (or thought) it was safe, it is usually just napkins and stuff and a small trash can. If I put him on the floor, he could have gotten stepped on or crawled back out for someone to see. Then an hour later I remembered I threw him in there and went to check but I knew he probably already got out. I found a water ice cup with melted liquid in it that my coworker must have put in there earlier, and hoped he wasn’t drowning in there. I felt my heart about to sink as I checked to make sure he wasn’t in there dead. Sure enough, that’s where he was, of all the places, the one I was desperately hoping he would not be in, there he was! But not dead! Thank goodness! He was just loving the sweet liquid he was slurping off the side.

Aww so cute! ❤

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I took him out, got a few pics, held him for a while, then reluctantly put him in the tree outside. Reluctantly, because I wanted to keep him! Lol

The little thing is so cute and pretty and I felt a connection to him, as I often feel with others, and the world itself. But he belongs outside so I put him out in the tree and there were other insects so he won't be alone and I watched him go into the soil. I am thankful and I think he is too.

I hope you are having a beautiful night or day or afternoon or whatever!

Much love & compassion to you,<3

Xoxo Kim ❤ 😀

Today – <3

Jul21

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July 20, 2015 – I wrote this at work today but I’m posting after 8:00pm so it will say July 21st.It’s not. It’s Monday, July 20th. 

I woke up not in the happiest mood. Last night I was hit with a depressed mood, not the kind almost everyone experiences now and then but my real depressive disorder flaring up. First I was just angry over nothing and everything. Angry and exhausted and kind of numb. Then the pain began to sink in later. I was having dark thoughts and a night of fitful sleep and anxious feelings all over me. I kept being jolted out of my sleep, like jumping up not knowing why. It was nothing external, but in my head. There were no dreams that I know of. I usually remember my dreams. 
I kept thinking of all the negative things that ever happened to me, all the people and animals I ever knew who died(this brought me so much anxiety and pain), thinking that anyone I know can die at any second (more wretched anxiety and pain), every wrong thing I ever thought someone did to me, all of the mistakes I ever made, all the flaws I thought of in just about everyone I know, I felt jealous, lonely, and other negative emotions…i just wanted to end it all. I’m only like this when I’m very depressed, it’s not a general thing but when I get like this, it feels like it was always constant. 

Then there was this serious physical pain in my head that came out of nowhere(for a few seconds I thought something was rupturing and that I was dying. And I was happy about it. Thinking, good, just end it all now. So yes, my depression was bad.). But I wasn’t going to succumb to this vicious disease (or whatever you want to call depression).
It is a serious sickness that just devours me like being consumed by some vicious entity. It can flare up out of nowhere and linger on for months or end quickly. It has to be managed like with physical diseases. 

I decided to get to work, kick this depression in the balls, whatever it takes.
Being able to recognize it like this, that it’s depression, a true condition, and not just me being worthless is a gift. I do not always realize when I’m depressed and believe I’m just hopelessly flawed and worthless and that my life is nothing. Through the years, I learned to often detect this as depression and realize the pain or numbness and emptiness, along with other symptoms, is really the disorder and then I can do whatever I have to do to ward it off or cope as best as I can.  

 Last night/early this morning, I practiced Buddhist meditation and Mala recitation which helps greatly. The mantra I chose for these specific beads, the Mala, which I made at a workshop at the Center where I attend classes, is, 
Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ, the mantra of compassion for all sentient beings. 

Oṃ maṇi padme hūṃ – dharma-haven.org

We can recite various mantras using one set of Mala beads but Buddhists believe that each recitation, positive energy goes into the beads and every recitation session with that mantra, adds more power to them. When we use a different mantra on the same Mala, all the energy for the previous mantra is obliterated and the power of the new mantra goes into them, then we have to start all over again if we want to go back to a different mantra. This is not that good for people who have been using one Mala for very long with the same mantra! You can just get a different Mala for each mantra. I have two, the one I made myself and one I ordered online (not as pretty! Lol)

Here’s the one I made:
I chose the colors and the beads. 

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Gorgeous, right?!

I get lots of compliments on this beautiful thing! 

Here’s the one I ordered online to help me cope with my cluster-like headaches. It only came in black. 

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Not quite as lovely but I still love it!!

The mantra I chose for this is: 

Om ah hum

This is just a quick one to keep focused and used for purification of the body, speech, and mind.

I love the idea of compassion for all living beings of sentience (even though I don’t always live up to it as much as I intend and want to) so I chose the compassion mantra for my main Mala. Also, I attended the Empowerment for the Buddha of compassion, Avalokiteshvara, last month, where the mind of whatever Buddha the Empowerment is for(like Tara, the medicine Buddha,…)in this case, Avalokiteshvara, is believed to enter our own mind,empowering us with that Buddha’s wisdom and light. So during our Empowerment (they occur once a year I think, here at the center in Philadelphia and maybe two a year in NYS at the Temple, I don’t know where else, and until we receive one by an ordained monk or nun, we cannot engage in certain Tantric practices, it’s believed we aren’t strong or wise enough and will make us sick), the mind of Avalokiteshvara is believed to enter our own minds,empowering us to love like he does, flawlessly, deeply, without condition. We still have to practice to get where he is but the Empowerment helps us get there.
His compassion for all living beings is so complete, so flawless that he can handle anything. No problem is really a problem and nothing is insurmountable when your compassion & love for the world is boundless. We look to him for strength and wisdom and love, as his flawless love runs so deep that nothing can break him. I also wear his necklace. He has four arms! Two of them are folded in prayer at his chest. And he holds a crystal Mala in one hand. He is beautiful! 

Here is my necklace:

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And here is me a couple weeks ago, wearing it but it got turned around in the pic. 

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And here is a song about love & compassion:

Compassion – mobile

Compassion – desktop

When I woke up this morning  it was better but not completely and I consciously, forcefully made lists in my head of all the good things I can think of. And tried to actually feel how good they are, not just list them.  And I read writings by Orison Swett Marden, and philosophy texts by Plato and others, and am much better! It wasn’t a full blown episode yet so I was able to work on it before it got too bad. With my condition which flares up now and again for hours, days, weeks, or months, I had to develop techniques to fend it off or just cope with it when I can’t. I’m not letting this thing get me for months now! No way! I may have to battle it for a while now until the threat of it becoming a full blown episode ends and I’m doing a good job! It’s just what I have to do and is a blessing that I can do this and learned to. It’s like a real disease with symptoms and like a whole entity inside and all around me. Crushing me in complete darkness. Way more than just a mood or attitude. But I have come a long, long way…and am here to stay! lol j/k that’s not what I was really going to write but it sounds cheesy and funny in my head so I went with it! I was really going to write I have come and long, long way and that itself inspires me to keep going and not allow the vicious darkness to consume me when I can help it! 😀 There was a day when I couldn’t do this because I haven’t yet learned how or even realized it can be possible. 

I’m reading a wonderful book by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, “How to Solve Our Human Problems” about how to always maintain a calm, peaceful, and patient mind no matter what pain or problems we have. A problem is only a problem if we allow it to be. No matter who doesn’t like us, rejects us, or even attacks us physically. How to respond with compassion, not anger or any other unpleasant emotion. It’s a Buddhist book but much of it can be helpful to people in general. It’s entertaining and can be read philosophically for intellectual purposes but is also intended to be very practical. I am usually very patient (I have been told I have the patience of a saint! Lol) but even I can work to strengthen my virtue of patience. The book is helpful for all kinds of problems, even handling physical pain. 

I drank a cup of hot cocoa with whipped cream and chocolate syrup! Yum! 

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I’m also reading two fictional horror books! One takes place in a snow blizzard and these people, two brothers who are very close, and their girls, get trapped in it somewhere in the woods, I think, and something evil lurks there. Thrilling! I only read a few pages.  
😀
And I realized even more how empathetic I am. I’m not referring to compassion at this moment but a deep ability to feel and understand a person or situation. I’m at work with a broken air conditioner and four freezers blowing HOT air on me while it’s 90 something degrees out but is said to feel like over 100. Drinking hot chocolate. It’s like torture in here! In the book it’s Winter in Virginia and the group of friends are in a car with the heat on, all warm and cozy. Then the traffic got backed up because of an accident and a police officer came over and they had to put the window down and the author describes how a blast of bitter cold Winter air blew into the window and overpowered the heater keeping them warm. I’m serious when I say I literally felt the blast of cold air on me. Right in the face! 
For a split second I thought the air conditioner may be working again, and looked up to see if like the air conditioner came on suddenly and was colder than ever. Unfortunately no. It was just this empathy of mine. It is beautiful but it can also be a nuisance. Like when someone takes a blow to the face, even just a character in a book/movie, and I’m keeling over as if it’s me it happened to. :-/
I think this book is called “The Snow and the Darkness” but I don’t feel much like checking at the moment. Lol Just a warning, it has great reviews but someone wrote a review saying it’s overly, unnecessarily, disgusting, dark, and disturbing. I don’t like stuff that I think is that dark & disturbing but this person may have a different view about what is “overly” dark. Horror and thriller is one thing but some stuff goes overboard, imo. I don’t know what the person means by this and I already got the book so I’m reading it. But I have read books that I found so disturbing I regret reading them. I hope this isn’t one. So if you’re planning on reading it, watch it! lol

A customer at the store I work at told me I make life so complicated! Ummm…whhaaat?! lol 
He was saying it mostly in jest but he was kind of serious! I was just trying to be helpful! Lol I like to give people exactly what they want and pay for so I ask for more details than I really have to. He wanted two different flavors of water ice together so I asked in which order. 
He took so long to answer I thought he did not hear me then realized he really couldn’t decide if he wanted lemon on top or blueberry and it was a distressing dilemma! It just added another problem to his day.
I find the whole situation to be thought-provoking. And funny too. As simple as I am, I am also deep with wonderful analytical skills! But I don’t go overboard with the analyzing either. It’s a positive thing! Yes, I’m bragging! Lol 

I realized even more how one person can think something is amazing and thoughtful(my desire to get as many details as possible about how someone wants the person’s food prepared, for example) while someone else can find that same trait to be a hassle! It’s all how you look at it. Which brings me back to the book I mentioned at the top, by Venerable Geshe Kelsang, how nothing exists inherently. It’s all how we look at it. Some people find my cheerfulness to be pleasing, I get compliments on it a lot, while others find it annoying(i have been told I’m so cheerful it’s disgusting! Lol).

I’m eating Moose tracks ice cream! It has peanut butter cups! I don’t care much for food pics. Unless the food is pretty. This isn’t very pretty and it’s all melted but it’s delicious. And part of my day. So, why not?! 

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I was the stereotypical girl when I woke up. I was getting ready for work after a shower, trying to decide what, out of my like 500 shirts, to wear and thought all frantically, “I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!” while flinging my clothes everywhere. :-p

I came out without an ounce of makeup on, my hair all ratty and pinned up wet after the shower, sticking up every which way. And don’t care if I look like hell to everyone. Lol I think I look alright. And even if I don’t, whatever. I’m a confident girl, even with ratty looking wet hair and absolutely no makeup, not even mascara or lip gloss! Confident in two ways, first, I still know I look good or at least ok. And even if I don’t, who cares?! Lol There’s worse things than someone judging my appearance. I really just can’t force myself to give a shit. oh yeah, and my hair often looks kind of wet in my pics because it is. Because I have ass-length hair that has to be put up for work and when it’s very hot or windy I put it up before going out just after a shower then when I let it down later, it is still wet. eww. I promise it’s not oily or anything! lol Ass length hair just tends to get in the way and has to be put up and I don’t wait for it to dry.

Here’s a pic of me today!

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I’m in the closet at work! Lol

And…here I am again! 

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One of the things that cheered me up is reading funny/inspiring blog posts. Just one simple uplifting/funny quote or post can do wonders for someone! If you have something to say/write, pics to share, don’t hold back! Post it now, it can really help someone immensely! Not everyone will appreciate it but even if just one does, that is enough!  And if no one does, at least you have the motivation to try. And even if no one sees it now, maybe in thirty years someone will stumble upon it! Who knows?! Once you put something out into cyberspace it’s there to stay! Even if you “delete” it. This can be good or bad. So watch what you put out there! 

My coworker came and fixed the air conditioner, something to do with the breaker and switches in the closet! I’m not the one you call if you have a practical problem. While I’m great at remaining positive in problematic situations, I’m not very independent in this sense. My automatic thought when a problem occurs is “who can I call to fix this for me?! I NEED someone!” instead of getting creative and assertive and trying myself, I run to someone else. It’s kind of embarrassing because in many situations, (like today) kids have been the ones I relied on to fix stuff for me. Like my sister and my coworkers. My sister is over ten years younger than me (like my coworker who just fixed it) and she’s a great problem solver. My sister can figure anything out and fix it, phones, exercising equipment, any kind of technology…. And I work at a store so my coworkers have been various ages, some decades older than me and some over a decade younger, through the years. And I had sixteen year old girls, take charge, and know what do do during a problem/emergency before I did! I think it’s not just about practical skills, that too, but a mentality. My mentality is “I need someone to come and help me and fix this problem…i can’t do this myself!” or “this is a man’s job/i need a big strong man to help me out, my job is just to stand here and look pretty!”  (I’m sure the rad feminists just love this one! Lol) I often feel relieved knowing someone can come and solve all my practical problems. lol oh well! I’m just not miss independent! Never have been, probably never will be. But it’s ok, we can’t all be good at everything now can we?! ;-D

I discovered some old forgotten songs by Hall & Oates, Michael McDonald, and some oldies but goodies and am now a very happy girl! ❤
I'll share a few! 

What a Fool Believes – mobile

What a Fool Believes – desktop

You Lost That Loving Feeling – mobile

You Lost That Loving Feeling – desktop

Love & Compassion – Parachute Club (mobile)

Love & Compassion – Parachute Club (desktop)

She’s Gone – Hall & Oates (mobile)

She’s Gone – desktop

Takin’ it to the streets – mobile

Takin’ it to the streets – desktop

I hope you will be happy listening to some of these too! I listened to these songs frequently when I was a young girl and some I have listened to more recently and somehow forgot about. 

I listened to a song called “The Power of Your Name,” which is a Jesus song about compassion that I discovered last night but my wifi wasn’t strong enough to let me play it. Then when I got to work today I listened to it.  You don’t have to be a Christian or Catholic person or even believe in Jesus/God to be inspired by the message. It’s about taking the compassion Jesus has for everyone and putting it out into the world, loving others as Jesus does. I love it! ❤ This message can apply to every single person, religious or not, atheist, christian, or whatever you are. 

"And I will live to carry Your compassion, to love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
And I will give with the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion to see the world be changed…" ~ Lincoln Brewster 

Awww ❤ so beautiful!!

mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AwKpbbnWPgs 

desktop:

I would classify today as a good day! It did not start out very happy but I was able to take control and turn it happy by focusing on the good. Of course that will likely not always completely solve all the problems and pain we have, merely focusing on the good. But it sure helps! 

So you see, even if our day doesn't start out well, it can certainly end well! And it's not even over yet! 😀

I'm sending you lots of love & compassion today and always! ❤ <333

😀

xoxo Kim 😀

Random Inspiration {photos, thoughts, & quotes!!}

Jun24

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Here are some of my pictures and some of my opinions on things! And some quotes on happiness!  I shared a lot of these pics and thoughts on Facebook and photobucket already a couple weeks ago.
And a lot of these pictures I took yesterday. I tried posting this yesterday and it wouldn’t show up. So when something says “today” in this post, it was yesterday. 😀  

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This is me under a bridge on the street I live on. Someone painted my name on the wall and dotted it with a heart! I’m almost certain it’s not intended for me but for some other girl who shares my name. Lol It says some name that I can’t comprehend loves Kim. I tried to get a picture of the whole thing but it
did not turn out good!

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This pic may come off as sensual or sexual and that’s ok but that wasn’t my intention. I so frequently write about how I love to capture the “simple joys of life” especially water droplets, raindrops, moisture, things of that sort. I was walking up a street one day when an air conditioner dripped on me. Lol It landed right on my boob and I found it funny and also very beautiful. I think a woman’s body is beautiful, every part and I’m not referring to a sexual way. Even the parts of the body that are sexual or considered to be, are beautiful in an aesthetic way and just for what the body does for us, let’s us live, love, and experience. I love boobs just as much as the next man. Lol unlike people who are romantically attracted to women, I’m not turned on by them in a sexual way but I do find them beautiful and love artistic pics or representations of them. And any part of a woman’s body. And not in a way that is objectifying. I know a woman is much much more than her body. It’s great to celebrate a woman’s beauty, even the physical. It’s not necessarily shallow or objectifying. Right away it’s often considered objectification if a woman’s body is celebrated for her beauty or if certain clothes are worn or certain body parts played up or displayed. Objectification is not good, imo, but it’s not always objectifying. And it’s not always sexual or shallow. I don’t care how people interpret this picture of me. I think the creator/artist creates then it’s up to the viewer to interpret. I’m just describing my experience and opinions. There’s nothing on the entire planet or anywhere in the world more beautiful than a woman. And I want to celebrate, honor, and cherish all of our beauty. 

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This is just weird. I don’t even know. I just felt the urge to hold up a glass coca Cola bottle to my eyeball and take a pic through the bottom of the bottle. Can you say, creepy?!

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I see/hear a lot of people bragging that their photos on social media have “no filters.” That’s great if people like to just put the original copy on but there’s nothing wrong with editing and photo effects. They are tools to be creative. There’s so many amazing apps and effects to give pictures a certain feel or play up the colors or concepts. I don’t edit all mine but it’s usually more fun to play with the photos than just snapping a pic and sharing. Some people think it’s deceiving to edit photos but it’s not unless we try acting like they aren’t edited and they are and look realistic. I have edited photos of sunsets before, for example, and they look very beautiful and more vibrant than the original but it’s not obvious they’re edited. In that case I state that they are edited, usually. I never try to be deceiving. If someone asks me I will tell the truth. It’s nothing to conceal. It takes skills to edit a photo and make it beautiful. And I want to get better and better. But usually I think we can tell when a photo is edited and don’t have to always say it, especially when it’s overedited or dramatically edited. Often non edited photos are boring looking. Not always but often and it’s just my opinion of course. On my photobucket account I usually share all of the originals and edited versions. I like all my pictures and want to save/share them all. Even professional photographers often edit their own pictures. 

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This is me waiting for a bus today which never came. It wasn’t coming because of construction work and I had to walk home which took like over an hour and it was 100 degrees out and my head was throbbing and my mouth was completely dry. But I got quite a few lovely photos of today! I got lost walking home and had no idea what to do. I had no phone service or anything but I saw the Dialysis and
organ donation, gift of life buildings
and then found my way because I always see how my dad drives home when we’re that way. It reminds me of this quote “don’t take your organs to heaven, heaven knows we need them here.” It’s so true. I would love to donate one of my kidneys if I could, While I’m living, to someone who needs one, doesn’t matter if I know the person or not. I know of the risks involved but it’s still worth it. I know kidney implants work better or more likely to not reject when the donor is living. Anyway, it’s a beautiful building and I get pics of it sometimes but did not get one today. A couple of sweet people at the busstop were kind enough to tell the others who kept walking up that it’s not coming. I stayed for a while to tell people so they wouldn’t be stuck waiting in 100 degrees weather forever. There should be a sign up so people kno

And I saw this at the busstop which was not always there:

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It shows that someone cares to help people even those they don’t know. I’m not sure who the people are responsible for having the sign here but it’s an act of love to reach out to the suffering and just seeing it is heartwarming and can help change someone’s mind or uplift someone.

There’s always hope and always, always someone who cares or would care if the person met you!

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I found this adorable little kritter at work recently! I think he’s a Junebug, maybe. He was on the sink and struggling to get up so I picked him up and set him on the edge and he was cleaning his little red face with his legs! Licking his legs then rubbing them on his face. It was the cutest thing! He’s much more beautiful than he looks in this picture. Lol He wasn’t even afraid of me or anything. They usually aren’t. He loved walking on me and has the cutest little eyes. I put him out in the grass and when I was about to stand up to go back inside I still felt like he was walking on me. Then I looked and he was! Lol He got back on! Poor thing did not want to leave me. But then he was happy when I put him on a little flower thing under a tree. And I love my veins! Little blue lines of life!

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~ When you’re under a dark & shady tree, don’t forget to see the sun shining through the branches.~

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Don’t put the key to happiness in someone else’s pocket. ~Author Unknown

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

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Today a man and little lady were walking by as I was and the lady said to the man “hey did you ever see the movie ‘Hocus Pocus?'” lol I was delighted, I love that movie! You can see the man and little lady with their backs turned in This pic! I took this pic because I just recently learned of a flower called “blue dicks!” lol And as I was lost I saw these blue flowers and thought to myself “hey look there’s Blue Dicks!” I don’t know if they’re really blue dicks but they sure are blue. 😀

It’s the little things that make the world go round! Lol ;-D 

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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain

If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. ~Edith Wharton 

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This is me with no makeup after days of almost no sleep because I was obsessed with a book I was reading, which I wrote about, called After the Cure, and couldn’t put it down or stop thinking about it. Lol Sometimes I can’t sleep because of happy thoughts and too much gratitude and I just want to get up and dance and blast happy songs all night and read every book I have. Then I pay for it the next day with dark circles around my eyes and achy muscles and things! Oh well…at least it’s because of happy things!!

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IN  loving memory of my friend/coworker, Diane who died on 2/14/2015 of a heart attack. She was beautiful and caring about everyone. Just like me, she LOVED Coca Cola! It’s all we would drink, we would be guzzling it up all day long at work! Lol Last night I found this at work and I drank it for her. I know she would love it. Seeing it brought me pain but more joy than pain. I love Diane and keep her always in my heart. 

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ attributed to Winnie the Pooh! 😀

Much love to you tonight & always. 

Xoxo Kim

Sunrise <3

May19

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Today is April 18th but when I post this it will very likely and very annoyingly claim it’s April 19th because when I post after 8:00pm, it deceivingly says it’s the next day. I can change it but I won’t. When I change the date, it changes the links to my posts then in the e-mails when people click on my link it goes to an error page. How annoying!

Today I woke up at 5:45 AM because my dogs woke me up and I just decided to look out the window and I couldn’t believe my eyes! I saw a beautiful sunrise!

I rarely, very very rarely see a sunrise! A couple of mornings I even got up early to attempt to see a sunrise, I checked the night before to see when the sun would be rising and got up to see it and it wasn’t there! At least not where I was looking! Today though, I saw it serendipitous-ly! I was thrilled!  

Sunrises, to me are symbolic of hope and life and new beginnings and rebirth.

Today I’m inspired to share some fantastic quotes about Sunrise!

Here goes!

“There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.” ~
Bernard Williams

So true! No matter how dark it seems now, there IS a light still glimmering to carry us through! I struggle with depression in episodes and severe physical pain in episodes and sometimes I’m not depressed or in physical pain but I have some problem that feels so hopeless or insurmountable but I always try to remind myself that nothing is hopeless. 

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“The biggest cliche in photography is sunrise and sunset.”
Catherine Opie

I think this is true. Many, many of us become aware of a dramatic sunset or sunrise and that’s a great thing! Sunrises and sunsets are the simple life treasures we can experience at no cost. I think there are different depths of taking pleasure in or experiencing them. We can take a quick glance, feel the beauty and hurry on our way without really feeling it. Or we can be obsessed with sunrises and sunsets just to get a beautiful photo for our cover photo on Facebook or blogs or instagram to impress people. That’s good too but I think it’s even better to take full advantage of the beauty all around us, soak it up, absorb it, feel it in every cell of the body. Not just to get a picture to share on social media. In my opinion if we can only do one, it’s usually more important to experience life all around than just take pictures. Luckily we can find the perfect balance of doing both! 
Also, while sunrises and sunsets are absolutely lovely, there are even simpler, more overlooked, mundane treasures all around us. 
Like the edges of buildings and the reflections of sunlight streaking the concrete, spaciousness, streetlights, bricks, just little everyday things that make up our lives but we rarely stop to appreciate.

Example:

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I love the way the light reflects on the wall and the pole and I love the traffic sign!

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Spaciousness, emptiness, quietude, stillness, beauty, serenity

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I was struck by the beauty of the daylight creeping in through the window that evening I was at work and reflecting off the freezer doors.

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“Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered for they are gone forever.” ~ 
Horace Mann

Yes let’s cherish every moment we have been given.

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“Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness of the woods before sunrise.” ~ 
George Washington Carver

I love how this quote conveys appreciation and mindfulness for a simple moment right before a “big” or dramatic thing, the more obvious thing that usually gets more attention. An unidentified moment often overlooked.

It reminds me of this quote:
“‘Well,’ said Pooh, ‘what I like best,’ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”~A.A. Milne

And my previous blog post:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-simple-unidentified-moments-3/

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I was hanging out with Buddha reading and drinking tea! What better way to spend my day?! ;-D

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“There’s never one sunrise the same or one sunset the same.” ~ 
Carlos Santana

Sunrises and sunsets are everyday occurances but it’s true none of them can ever be the same. They’re all unique and all beautiful. They never get old! 

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I love the beauty of the setting sun and the way it reflects on the top of the car and that water tower off in the distance! What beauty that exists in this life! And all we need to experience it is our senses and an appreciative mind!

I hope you’re having a beautiful day or night! I’m at work right now and it’s a cool night so not very busy!

Much love to you and may your heart be open to receive the beauty all around us in whichever form it exists.

😀

Xoxo Kim

Random Inspiration #2

Nov10

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“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.  ” – Henri J. M. Nouwen

😀

Joy can just come out of the blue and be a pleasant surprise but it can also be a habit that we choose, to look for joy when it doesn’t just appear easily.

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” Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.” ~
Kevyn Aucoin

It’s possible to choose our general attitude and to pro-act when things aren’t that good.

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Scars are beautiful too.

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All is merry. All is bright.

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What is your instant happiness?! An uplifting song? A delicious drink? Crunchy, colorful leaves on the ground? Warm, sloppy puppy kissies? A cup of coffee at a sweet cafe? A chat with a friend? A funny tv show? A beautiful stranger? A midnight sky full of silvery stars? Early morning meditation? An amazing book?
Eye contact with a beautiful person? A random message?

So much to be Happy about! 😀

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” When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” ~
Khalil Gibran

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MmmmMmm grape jiggly jello

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My friend gave me this for Halloween! His niece made it and it was delicious like cookie dough! :-p

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“Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it’s your responsibility to love it, or change it.” ~
Chuck Palahniuk

Xoxo Kim

Random Inspiration #1

Nov6

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“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” ~
Frances Hodgson Burnett

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It’s a rainy day today here in Philadelphia and I stopped to capture some raindrops on a flower! Even though it’s Fall there’s still some living (but drooping) and vibrant flowers.

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Every day one should at least hear one little song, read one good poem, see one fine painting and — if at all possible — speak a few sensible words.” ~
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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“If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold evermore wonders.” ~ Andrew Harvey

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“You must understand the whole of life, not just one little part of it. That is why you must read. That is why you must look at the skies. That is why you must sing, and dance, and write poetry. And suffer. And understand. For all that is life.” ~
Jiddu Krishnamurti

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“You must learn day by day, year by year to broaden your horizon. The more
things you love, the more you are interested in, the more you enjoy, the more
you are indignant about, the more you have left when anything happens.”
~Ethel Barrymore

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“To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees.” ~ attributed to
Paul Valéry

😀

Xoxo Kim

Philadelphia <3

Nov3

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In my e-mail box everyday I receive a suggestion for some thing to do that day that can contribute to health or just be a fun little thing to do like certain exercises, looking up a certain health topic to learn about, making a gratitude list….. Many of these things are great to make a habit of in general. It’s a “challenge of the day” that I subscribed to a few years ago.
Here:

https://challenge.meyouhealth.com/signup

 Recently one of the challenges was to list three places to visit in the place where you live. I live in Philadelphia in Pennsylvania in the US which is the best city on Earth! Lol Almost every single day I’m walking around Philadelphia streets taking photos of everything. I often take pictures of the same things on different days at various angles or with different effects.  
I know when people see me they have to be thinking I’m just a visitor here because who else is in awe like this over the place they see and live everyday?! Lol

One of my favorite things to take pictures of is our SEPTA busses and trolleys and other busses. I have been asked on Facebook how many more busses am I going to post and told I must really like “that bus!” 

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And it’s not even the same bus!
And yes I do love those septa busses and trolleys! 

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And also the buildings in Center City which are breathtaking.

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I have been to a few other cities including nyc and others in NY and ones in NJ and I love those too but nothing can be as beautiful as Philadelphia is to me!



I lived here forever and always will.


I would love to visit other cities especially in Texas and Colorado. I would love to see Aspen. 



But Philadelphia will always be mine. 






I decided to list quite a few places here in Philadelphia that are popular attractions or just amazing and are all places I have been to at one point.  

The Eastern State Penitentiary – this is the old abandoned prison which is in a state of semi ruin and on display for people to learn of its fascinating history. And they also have the Halloween exhibit every year which is still going until Nov. 8th! It’s said to be a real haunted prison! Lol :-O
http://www.easternstate.org/?device=desktop

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Us Constitution Center – Here you can learn All about our wonderful constitution! It includes interactive exhibitions and conversations about the US Constitution. It’s not associated with any political affiliation. It’s fascinating. I haven’t been there in a while and want to go back soon!
http://constitutioncenter.org/

Ben Franklin museum –

This is a very interesting place to learn about Benjamin Franklin and his life. They have interactive displays to teach and entertain people. 
http://www.phlvisitorcenter.com/attraction/benjamin-franklin-museum

Rittenhouse park – the most beautiful park in the whole world! 
http://www.pps.org/great_public_spaces/one?public_place_id=393

http://rittenhouserow.org/index.php/rittenhouse-row/history

Philadelphia Museum of Art –

Check out all the amazingness!

http://www.philamuseum.org/

New harmony restaurant – This is a vegetarian Chinese restaurant! It has some of the best food I ever tasted!  MmmMmmM :-p

135 N 9th St, Philadelphia, PA 19107

JFK Plaza or Love Park as it’s also known as –

It’s in Center City!! 

16TH AND JFK BOULEVARD
PHILADELPHIA, PA 19102 

Garden of letters bookstore – I love it! It’s a bookstore and it like specializes in spiritual things. They have totem stones, tarot cards, notebooks, all kinds of lovely things!

527 South St, Philadelphia, PA 19147

Book trader – my favoritest bookstore in all the land! My love! It’s an old used bookstore and maybe kind of on the expensive side but I just love it! Books books everywhere! All different categories! My favorite is the philosophy and self-help sections. The people are very friendly too!

7 N 2nd St, Philadelphia, PA 19106

Liberty Bell – it’s a large bell and it’s broken. 

6th St & Market St, Philadelphia, PA 19106

Reading terminal market – this is where I go when I have jury service! 

They have lots and lots of food of various kinds and all kinds of other stuff including books! 
I love all the veggie food they have and the scents in the building are mouth-watering!
They also have meat products for all of you omnivores and carnivores(?)!

http://www.readingterminalmarket.org/

The Franklin institute – they have all kinds of entertaining exhibits, movies, shows, attractions….very fun!

https://www.fi.edu/

The rocky statue and the rocky steps – 

The steps to the art museum. Two of the most popular attractions in Philadelphia, the statue and steps.

http://www.visitphilly.com/museums-attractions/philadelphia/the-rocky-statue-and-the-rocky-steps/

The Betsy Ross House – I used to go here on school trips!

http://historicphiladelphia.org/betsy-ross-house/visitors/

The please touch museum – when I was little I used to go here too. It is intended for children seven years and younger. I remember playing with a toy chicken here many years ago! Lol and a little boy was playing with it with me! It was amazing being able to touch everything!

http://www.pleasetouchmuseum.org/?no_redirect=true

Amitayus Kadampa Buddhist Center –

This is where I take Buddhist/meditation classes every week. The classes are different prices, some eight dollars, some ten, some thirty. They have various social events. You don’t have to be a Buddhist or a member of the center or plan on becoming one to attend. They welcome everyone.

http://www.meditationinphiladelphia.org/

So there are some of the main attractions or ones that I love! And there are many more! Come to Philadelphia if you aren’t here already and see for yourself. 

http://www.visitphilly.com/itineraries/philadelphia/top-10-most-visited-attractions-in-philadelphia/

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To people who grew up in other places or have lived there for a while, in Philadelphia we are known as being loud, rude, and have insane traffic(but not as bad as in NYC and Boston, I hear). Lol  I did not always realize this since I always lived here and haven’t been to many other places. But when I’m talking to people who lived in other places, that’s what I hear. They are shocked, especially if they lived in Southern states because everyone is so friendly and kind in those states I’m told. I looovvveee that Southern accent and I’m envious because I don’t have it!
Yes the traffic is kind of messed up when I think about it. They scream at each other out the windows a lot. And I do see people pushing each other and jumping in front of each other on busses very often and that is uncalled for and rude. Lol I don’t do that though. They may not be rude though in general, it’s just a fast paced city where people are too busy and in a hurry.
I’m not loud at all, I am very quiet. But yes, people here are loud! It doesn’t faze me though, I’m used to it. 
And I hear that we pronounce “water” in a weird way. Like “wooder?”
Lol I don’t think I say it like that.
And we drop the “ing” off of words?! “I’m not doin’ nuttin’ today!”  ;-D
All of these things never even occurred to me until I met people who pointed it out! How fascinating!
And….we have WATER ICE!!! Also known as Italian Ice. Many people outside of Philadelphia don’t even know what it is! My favorite is cherry! But I love most flavors. I don’t even know how to say what water ice is. 
It’s all soft and smooth. Like ice cream but not milky. 
One day someone asked me. I was at a loss for words. 
I love when I see someone eating water ice who never experienced it before! I work at a water ice/ice cream store! And when we have visitors who don’t live here or ones who just moved here they look at it in wonder! 

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:-p 

I encourage you to acknowledge the beauty in your own city even if it’s not where you want to be. There still has to be something that catches your eyes or your heart!  Pay close attention and be mindful of all the gifts that surround you, take pictures, breathe deeply, soak up everything you can around you. I think we can all tune into the blessings around us.

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Here are some of my favorite quotes about beauty and gratitude/happiness/joy:

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.” ~ Anne Frank

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace & gratitude.” ~ Denis Waitley

“Three things you cannot recover in life: the WORD after it’s said, the MOMENT after it’s missed and the TIME after it’s gone. Be Careful!” ~Unknown
 

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~Carl Bard

“Just remember there is someone out there that is more than happy with less than what you have.” ~Unknown

Xoxo Kim 😀

Another Fall in Philadelphia <3

Sep23

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“I prefer Winter and Fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape. Something waits beneath it; the whole story doesn’t show.” ~Andrew Wyeth

I’m so thrilled and filled with immense gratitude that Fall is finally here! It feels like being embraced by a long lost friend! I am just bursting with joy! The day is cool and the nights have been so cool. There are crunchy leaves all around and Pumpkin goodness in every store! I just love it.

I love living in a place where we have four seasons, each very different than the one before and the one after. The thrill of a new season is enthralling! 

I love Hall & Oates, two Philadelphia boys and one of my favorite groups since I was a little girl, for as long as I can remember. I have been listening to their song “Fall in Philadelphia” and my heart wells up with even more gratitude and thrills! Fall in Philadelphia is just the best, nothing can be better! The cobblestone streets, Center City, the Eastern State Penitentiary, the brilliant colors, old buildings, people everywhere, septa busses, trolleys, tour busses, the beauty and love that throbs through the city…
I am beyond blessed.





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Also,

I’m reading a novel called “The Bird Eater” which is said in the reviews to be one of the scariest books ever written! Even people who said they never get scared over books or movies confessed to being scared out of their wits. Lol  I only read like forty pages and I think there over 200. I have been waiting till Fall to read it so I can read it on cool nights all wrapped up in blankets with my little pomeranian boy!

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It’s very good! It’s like we’re unsure if the main character is mentally ill/psychotic or if there’s ghosts haunting him!

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Also, here are some of my favorite Autumn quotes!!

1.) Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like
they’re falling in love with the ground.
Andrea Gibson

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2.)  I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.
L.M. Montgomery

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3) Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
Albert Camus

4.) I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red.
Jarod Kintz

5.) Love the trees until their leaves fall off, then encourage them to try again next year.
Chad Sugg

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I’m falling for this season already. It’s magic!! 😀

I hope everyone is having a wonderful first day of Fall!! 😀

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=Lxpjj3Bp5zg

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 Xoxo Kim

Living for the simple moments {beauty all around}

Sep17

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“Underneath your blackest emotions,
far above your brightest wishes,
stands a world for you to hold” ~Samael

I was watching videos about children who suffer with severe mental illnesses like schizophrenia. It’s currently incurable and is a lifelong struggle for them. They suffer immensely and so do their families and those close to them who do the best they can to cope and help them cope.
They suffer hallucinations and delusions, some pleasant and some not pleasant.
They talk to things no one else can see.
Unlike some children, these aren’t imaginary friends playfully made up for fun, they are hallucinations the brain makes up as a result of an imbalance in its chemistry. It doesn’t function the way most people’s brains function. They literally see, hear, feel things that aren’t there for everyone else and often, they believe they’re real. And to them they are very real.

You can tell a hallucinating person that what that person is seeing, hearing, or feeling isn’t really there and it’s possible the person will know it’s not really there but that knowledge will not make the hallucinations any less real.

That can be an additional stress on someone. Knowing what the person is seeing, hearing, feeling isn’t really there but not being able to make it go away, even feeling the need to respond to certain hallucinations knowing they’re not really there. It can be so frustrating.

Sometimes their mental illnesses provoke some of them to act violently against other people not because they’re bad people but because their brains don’t function properly. Not everyone with a mental illness is violent as a result but some can be. Most aren’t.
In other ways they can be just like other little kids. They like to play, go outside, run around, swing, laugh….

People with mental illnesses, children and adults alike, are a whole person underneath, a person separate than the illness. But sometimes the sickness seems to take over.

It’s a heartbreaking struggle.

One of the most inspiring parts of one of the videos I watched is when a little girl’s dad said he has only two hopes for his little girl. One that she stays alive and two that moments of happiness will always find her throughout her days even when most parts of her days are an agonizing battle, he hopes she will always find something to be happy about in the midst of her pain and struggle.

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This can be viewed in a more negative light like that it’s too bad that all someone has is little moments throughout the day because everything else is just so bad.
Or it can be viewed in a positive light that there are always moments we can embrace to be inspired and joyful, single moments scattered throughout each day that we have, to seize and hold on for. No matter how much pain we’re in.

It’s a beautiful coping mechanism. Mental illness and physical illness is heartbreaking and devastating but as long as we stay alive and hold onto any little bit of happiness or joy or anything that can make us smile or giggle about, we can make it.

We can’t always hope to be cured or to be generally recovered or to go in remission right now. We can’t always hope that pain will end right now. Some things just won’t be cured and some people will have to struggle most days or everyday just to survive and do basic things. Some people will have severe flare ups every now and again, of an illness physical or emotional that will feel near impossible to cope with.
And even temporary pain or struggles that we know will end eventually, can just seem so overwhelming, so absolutely unbearable.

But as long as we live and can find those glimpses of magic hidden in the midst of the pain and darkness, we can have something to hold, something to hope for, something that encourages us to keep going, to get out of bed, to move.

The reflection of the sun on windows and signs and water, the blueness of the sky, white fluffy clouds, a steaming cup of hot tea, a funny movie, the depth of inspiration a beautiful song can bring us, a poem, friends, family, animals, photography, books, the vibrant colors all around, random acts of kindness, strangers, hot fudge sundaes, peanut butter, the gentle flapping of butterfly wings, helping someone, funny jokes….whatever touches you in a deep place.

These things, the simple beauty all around, are always beautiful no matter what our situation is but for some people with certain illnesses or disabilities or in certain situations, they are all we have at the moment. Just moments of simple beauty and joys. Sometimes it’s really all we can hope for, to have solitary moments of joy or happiness or some small sense of pleasure in the midst of our darkness.

And it can be enough.

I know this because when my depression would be flaring up for hours, days, weeks, months, whether it’s a full blown episode or just some symptoms, here and there, sometimes all I could do to stay alive, to find the motivation, the inspiration, the courage, and strength to carry on, was grasp onto all the single happy or joyous moments throughout every day of my darkness & despair. Focus on the goodness that still does exist until it would end and I would be happy again. I had this since 13 years old.

Having depression or any mental illness or pain can feel like a different world than where everyone else is. It’s like another place, another time, another world. To know we have this dark place we can slip into.
To have random suicidal thoughts and urges and depression that can appear suddenly for seemingly no reason.

People say there’s no such thing as “normal.”
And that it’s good to be different and “crazy” and unique.
But in some cases there really is such a thing as “normal.” People who always want to live, those who don’t have to battle random or frequent suicidal urges, ones who don’t have unpleasant images and thoughts flashing across their brains, people who don’t have their whole body crushed in an invisible heaviness where they can’t even stand up straight, ones without panic attacks and flashbacks and frequent anxiety, food obsessions, seriously disordered eating habits ….(i don’t have anxiety or panic attacks or body image issues/eating disorders and never have but many, many people do and it’s a serious problem that is very painful for them)
This is normal to not have all this.
And for people who have any of it, it can be a difficult struggle to try to be regular.
I know people without health conditions like this may not be “normal” in other ways but in this context they are.
And it’s not good to try to force ourselves to be society’s or someone else’s idea of normal while not being true to ourselves.
But that’s not what I’m talking about here.
Yes it’s good to be “unique” but not when unique means battling violent urges to take myself out for days/weeks/months.
And “crazy” is good when it’s all fun and games and playing, acting funny and silly but it’s not good when “crazy” is a true illness.
It’s not always easy to handle and it provokes pain in me, even when I’m not depressed sometimes. Just thinking about it.
Not always. For the most part I feel and am normal. But it can be a struggle sometimes when depression flares up.

The psychological consequences of having these condition, and for some, even when they are not currently acting up, are profound and may have to find ways to cope with the pain and struggles and the very fact of having them when they are someone with a mental disorder. I don’t mind and can handle it.

I know I’m not a victim. That’s why I’m posting this, because I have found a way to be empowered and I hope it helps someone else. This life is still a sweet blessing. Just because we have bad things and painful things happen to us, doesn’t mean we are victims.

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” ~Jawaharlal Nehru

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I’m alive. And as long as that remains true, there is hope. Even when I can’t feel it.

Sometimes the simple things are lifesavers, crucial parts of my coping mechanisms.
They are all there is.

I honor all the brave families and other people for sharing their stories, for sharing their pain and struggles with the world. Mental illness, medication, mental illness in children, specific ways of coping, treatment…are all very controversial. People disagree on the nature of some illnesses, whether or not they really exist, if certain treatments are ethical, the way people handle these illnesses and so much more. Anyone who shares a story like this that reaches a large audience, on blogs, YouTube, tv…, is bound to receive criticism of all kinds, some intended to be constructive, other critics intending to be malicious and inflict pain or anger upon those sharing their story.
There will always be loving supporters and those who just want to hurt.
Anyone who shares their story is brave and strong and deserves love and compassion whether or not we agree with everything they do or say or believe.
The people who share their pain with the world do the best they can the best they know how.
No one chooses to be mentally ill. We have to take the life we were gifted with, healthy or not, and do the best we can with it, bloom where we’re planted, create a firm, strong foundation with everything we know, everything we experience, everything that is thrown at us.

“Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it.” ~Anne De Lenclos

Mental illness, pain, being suicidal…none of these are choices but acting on them is often a choice. Acting negatively or acting positively. Giving in and giving up or finding it in us to keep going with everything we have. We have the choice to do something to better ourselves, to hold on, to inspire, bring hope, consolation, encouragement, and understanding to others.

When I am depressed, I choose to hold on, to keep going, to inspire myself and anyone else I can along the way.

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And I hope you will always do the same whatever your situation is. And if you need reminders every now and again, look for them. Take photos of happy things, write positive quotes and affirmations in a book so you can always look at them when you need inspiration, always remember words, books, things that have helped you and let them continue to help you. Remember an occasion when you were happy and filled with joy and hope and full of life and know you have it in you to feel that way again. If you can’t remember when you last felt that way, then know there’s always hope as long as you’re alive. The world is full of pain but it’s also full of hope, healing, happiness, love, and possibility. Endless possibilities.

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“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

Xoxo Kim

Cool Nights {it’s like a heatwave}

Sep3

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“If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy,
if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you,
if the simple things in nature have a message you understand,
Rejoice, for your soul is alive.” ~Eleanora Duse

This is exactly how it feels to me to acknowledge the beauty of Nature. I have always been aware of the profound beauty all around me even while in severe emotional or physical pain. Mindfulness of natural beauty and the thrill it brings have come easily to me for as long as I can remember. Even as a little girl I would be in awe of the simple joys of living. The blueness of the sky, the sparkle of the rain, the dramatic colors of sunsets, the scent of cold air, the fragrance of grass and soil, the seasons changing…but I never realized this as a “thing” or concept or way of life until years later when I decided to create a personal development plan to heal my depression and I learned about mindfulness and gratitude at deeper, more conscious levels.

I decided to take my natural ability and habit of being aware of and thankful for the beauty all around me and make it even deeper, a conscious, intentional habit.

This to me is truly living. And it’s beautiful and also helps me cope with pain of any kind. But even when I’m not in pain it’s a thrilling way to live. Living generally mindfully with a conscious frequent attitude of gratitude, not just as a fleeting mood or feeling, has a dramatic impact and healing effect. Being mindful of my mindfulness itself also uplifts me often, knowing I have this ability, that I accomplished this lovely way of living.

Mindfulness or awareness or acknowledgment of beauty and blessings, an attitude of gratitude as a conscious, intentional way of life are incredible life changing habits but they are not cures for anything. When we accomplish this and develop these habits we will still feel pain, unhappiness sometimes. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be when you think about it, right?! That’s what it is to be alive. To feel both happiness and unhappiness, pleasure and pain, joy and sadness, thrill and blah feelings. But those habits can help us cope when something unpleasant is occurring.

Summer is my least favorite season but I love all four lovely seasons. They all have their own blessings. One of the things I will miss most about Summer is the beautiful insects/flying creatures/kreepy krawlers….lol

The bumble bees and the butterflies, the fireflies and other beauties.

Many days this summer there was a bumble bee drinking nectar out of a bright orange flower on the street where I live. So many days I would walk by the beautiful vibrant flowers and see the bee there sucking through the center of one of them. Truly amazing to see such beauty! 

I got a few photos one day. 
I will also miss the flowers. But I usually don’t dwell on what I miss. Instead I focus on Now. Whatever is currently here is really all I have. All any of us has. It’s great to look forward to, hope for, and plan on things in the future but generally I believe it’s best to honor Now. Now is still Summer and right now it’s a heatwave.

95 degrees in September!! For real! It wasn’t even this hot all Summer! 

But I see signs of the impending Fall. Pumpkin lattes and coffee and donuts are already out!
I get in holiday and season spirit very early. In July I’m already ready for Fall and in October I’m ready for Christmas and snow! Lol

I think pumpkin coffee is more thrilling in cooler weather though and if I get it now in the midst of a heat wave then on the first crisp, Fall-like day it won’t be quite as thrilling. Still totally thrilling but not as much of a new feeling.

So I guess I will wait on that. Right now I’m drinking toasted almond coffee!

Here is a list of my favorite things about Autumn!

1.) Pumpkin Everything 

2.) Cool nights

3.) Fall fashion (although I dress like it’s Summer all year except I wear hoodies in Fall) I love seeing photos of Fall fashion and other girls wearing it. It’s just usually not the style for me to wear myself.

4.) The colorful leaves on the ground

5.) Halloween themes and Thanksgiving things. I believe in gratitude all year round but it seems everyone else gets in the mood for gratitude around the holiday season

6.) Hoodies

7.) the feel in the air, the mental feeling of Fall

8.) apples 

9.) Fall colors – brown, yellow, orange, red…

10.) candy corn!

11.) the fragrances of Fall -cinnamon, apple, cool air, pumpkin

12.) hot coffee, cocoa, tea…it’s just more magical in the Fall

13.)  my dog loves the Fall & Winter! She gets quiet all summer and on really hot days and isn’t as playful but as soon as Autumn is in the air, she gets all wild and playful and happy! She’s a big pitbull and loves blankies and pillows! She loves snow too!

14.) The Eastern Stare Penitentiary – the old prison has exhibits all year I think. To learn about the history and all but in the Fall they have the haunted attraction! We get to walk through and monsters jump out at us and there’s all kinds of gory stuff and creepy sounds. I don’t always get to go but I always see the advertisements and stuff and it’s fun! The first day I went was years ago in college with a group of other students and we were clinging to each other, holding onto each other, hugging each other like our lives depended on it! Lol it was fun! One funny memory I have is the group of us consisted of all girls and one boy and the boy was the most scared and tried to make us stand in the front and we told him since he’s the boy, he should be leading the way! Lol  I was so afraid we were going to be separated and I would be alone in small, dark places! When it was over we got outside and there were candy and caramel apples and monsters dancing and flashing lights! 

15.)  longer, darker nights

16.) Halloween decorations 

17.) Halloween lights

18.) pumpkin pie, apple pie, coconut custard pie

19.) cranberries!

20.) candy doesn’t melt in cool weather 

21.) Everything 

22.) hay rides

23.) apple spice 

24.) apple cider 

25.) sweaters 

26.) jack – o – lanterns 

27.) cool, windy days

28.) it gets dark early

29.) crunchy leaves

30.) sweet potatoes 

Fall just thrills me so much!

And since it’s still summer I will honor it with some lovely summery photos I took! 

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This little beauty was drinking nectar through this bright orange flower all August long! I used to stand there and watch with wonder.

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This fly was basking in a light rainy afternoon one day out in my backyard. I captured him and the glistening drops on the vibrant green leaf.

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A different fly on the same day on a flower or leaf stem. Aren’t they beautiful?! Flies really can be quite lovely and I have great photographer skills, don’t you think?!

I think so too! 😀

Xoxo Kim

p.s. check out “Cool Night” by Paul Davis!! one of my favorite songs since I was a little girl! ❤