Spring. 🌸🐞🐿

Mar20

“There are signs of spring appearing all around, assuring me that the natural world is re-awakening, despite the fact that it does not yet feel like spring.

There are still piles of snow on the ground and icicles hanging from the roof tops, and the overnight temp last night was a cool 15 degrees!

But in spite of what feels like winter’s final, desperate cling, there are buds sprouting on the trees, hundreds of birds returning to the garden, newborn ducklings, squirrels aplenty, and, perhaps, the most awe-inspiring sign has been the visits of two bald eagles, who have been flying overhead, right over my backyard at dusk each night, perhaps nesting in a special spot nearby!”

This is something I received in an e-mail through a soulfulliving.com subscription, written by Valerie. I was going to share my photo above, on Instagram, and caption it, “Spring is in the air!” Then I realized today actually is the first day of Spring here. I totally did not realize til someone told me lol

It sure doesn’t feel like Spring; it’s freezing cold and we’re having a snow blizzard. I love it! But also love Spring weather & am so happy for the impending Springy weather and everything that comes along with it.

This beautiful piece, I shared above, by Valerie, inspires me and is a beautiful reminder of how inspiring nature is.

I have been struggling a bit with lower back pain. It’s not chronic pain; it’s only temporary (at least I hope so!) but it does tend to get quite severe every now & again. Sometimes I can’t reach for things and it throbs whether I’m sitting, standing, or laying and occasionally I get just very little to no relief. It is difficult because I work with dogs! So it’s kind of hard managing back pain & physical limitations with a bunch of furballs jumping all over me and pulling me. Lol

At some points, I found it difficult to have an interest in anything because the pain consumes me. It’s definitely not the worst pain I ever felt and generally, it’s not unbearable. Pain of any sort or any level isnt fun though! I’m also sick and exhausted. Im laying in bed now half sleeping but still managing to think & write. Lol

For about two months, I have worked seven days a week(I generally work seven days a week and love it but have been working many, many more hours than usual), some days, 24 hours(overnight), morning til night. Some days I was out for work at 6 something in the morning til around 10:00pm. I LOVE the job. This much physical work really takes a toll on the body though. My poor body needs a break. It has been under a tremendous amount of stress. (At least it’s work that I love though)

As Valerie states in her message, it doesn’t feel like Spring. It’s cold, snowy, icy…but there are signs of Spring everywhere, still blooming through the harsh Wintery weather. Spring blooms and life blossoms are around. Snow, ice, cold, Winter, doesn’t hinder it.

I am reminded that we can do the same. We can blossom, keep going, and let our beauty bloom all around straight through the pain, stress, exhaustion, depression, anxiety, grief…or whatever other struggles we may currently be experiencing.

We can channel that inner-spring and unleash it, sending it out into the uni-verse to lift everyone around us. Look for all the little gems of beauty we can find, all the flowers, acts of kindness, butterflies, animals, smiles, hugs, laughs, pretty colors, inspirational quotes, uplifting social media/blog posts, the love of a pet, a favorite song or food, the feel of soft blankets, the fragrance of flowers, food, coffee, cookies baking….any little bit of beauty…these are the things to focus on, to dwell on, to embrace.

I’m happy to share this soulfulliving message here along with my experience and hope others can be inspired also, to keep going & appreciate all the simple joys of living.

We all have an inner-spring just waiting to be embraced & unleashed!

Much love & light, & hugs!!

Xoxo Kim💐💚

F.E.A.R

Feb18

My therapist recently told me that we have a choice for how to handle fear. We can Fuck Everything and Run (lol!) or Face Everything and Recover. He said that both are ok but of course facing & recovering is more healthy and in the end will likely bring us the more desired results.

Recently, I encountered a scary situation. And I remembered my F.E.A.R choices. And I chose to……fuck everything and run. Lol!

The scary situation? Having to go into a building with an elevator.

In case you don’t know, I’m deathly afraid of being closed in small places alone, especially elevators – always have been and don’t know why – sometimes I actually feel like I’m going to die when I just think about it; I actually feel like death is around me, squeezing me, suffocating me. You can read more about my struggles & victories in these posts if you want!

It actually freaking happened

Serendipitous Strength

welcome to rock bottom – the only way is up

My choices? To suck it up and get on the elevator & know I have the courage & strength to handle it (going up I have to get on because the door to stairs is locked but coming back down, I can take the stairs), to take advantage of this opportunity for growth or to take the stairs and avoid that fear and the possibility of getting trapped on one by myself. And yes, I chose the second.

Generally, I’m really good with facing my fear and even staying calm and getting inside the elevators alone. But this is the building where I recently got stuck in one, very briefly but still not pleasant(and I handled it so well, I must say!) and I just felt that I was in no mood for any nonsense that morning. Lol

It’s good for me to get onto elevators alone as much as I can so I can stregthen my courage & inner peace with them. I haven’t suffered any terrible relapse recently. But it’s possible that I can as I have before. Sometimes my heart still races a bit and my hands almost tremble when I get onto elevators alone but sometimes I’m very calm when I do. For a while, my phobic fear was pretty much gone, healed, recoverd. But I suffered a relapse a while ago and began to struggle again. Nowhere near as badly as before but still a bit of a struggle.

The morning I was in that building, I was struggling with the phobic fear and wasn’t up to facing it.

So when the elevator doors opened, I bolted and ran for the stairs.

I won’t make a habit of it. I will still choose to get into elevators alone and know I can handle whatever comes my way. I will remember my strength and progress and accomplishments. But there will also be moments I’ll give into weakness, forget my strength and courage and take the easy way, the way that doesn’t allow as much growth and an opportunity to strengthen my courage & virtue of patience. And that’s ok too!

We don’t always, always have to be strong and brave and inspiring and positive and perfect.

I’m generally very positive and mostly use social media for sharing inspirational and/or happy/positive things. But I also think it’s good to be genuine and share my not so inspiring experiences/choices. Like running away and not facing my fear.

I was disappointed that I couldn’t write a post about how I was brave and strong in the face of my phobic fear and how I handled it like a pro! Lol I was sorry I couldn’t use my own experience to try to inspire others or encourage someone to be brave, feel the fear and do it anyway. I could have written that post but it would be dishonest.

But then I remembered that sharing our weaknesses and less than pleasant aspects and experiences can be just as inspiring and just as encouraging and uplifting to others as sharing our strengths. There are others who run, make mistakes, have setbacks, do things that aren’t the best. And sharing this can help each other see that someone else understands and that it’s actually ok. We have permission to not always be positive and strong and brave. We have permission to falter. To stumble. To fall. We have permission to run once in a while. Just so long as it doesn’t become a habit or way of life, it’s all good! And if it does become an unhealthy habit, that’s ok, we can fix it. Habits can be reversed. Fall and get back up.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

Or not.

Whatever you choose, I’m here cheering you on!

Virtual Hugs to you! ❤ (virtual hugs are good for all because even if you don’t like actual hugs, you’re not actually being touched. lol)

Xoxo Kim

My Endless Love❤

Feb15

“…and your eyes
Your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Ooh yes, you will always be
My endless love.”❤

Last year I got to spend Valentine’s Day with this lil baby. His name is Quincy. He got sick and died a few months ago but he’ll always be my endless love. I did not get to see him frequently and I cherished (and still cherish) every moment we shared together. He lived in a nursing home with his daddy and I used to walk him sometimes. He was so sweet & adorable and a lil porker. Sometimes he was mischievous and would run out into the hallway when he wasn’t supposed to. He knew how to get back to his room after we got back inside the building and stepped off the elevator. He knew his way around better than I did. He was never snappy and always sweet. He let me pick him up. I would take him to the park and he had so many friends there. Everyone, everywhere loved him. He got endless compliments.

Last year, on Valentine’s Day, they were having a big Valentine’s Day party for the nursing home residents. All the old people were dressed up and dancing to this song.

Endless Love – Lionel Richie/Diana Ross

How cute!

I miss & love Quincy and am so thankful our lives crossed. His death still knocks the wind out of me. It was so unexpected. He just got sick overnight. My heart completely broke when my boss told us.

But my love is more powerful than the pain of the loss. Quincy was around eleven years old I think. And he lived a very happy life and was surrounded by so much love.

In loving memory of sweet Quincy baby…💘❤

Xoxo Kim

Love is never lost❤

Feb11

“All this time, I had hoped and prayed for a miracle. Maybe I’d missed it. Maybe the real miracle was all around me. Perhaps the greatest miracle of all was that I could let her go and never lose her. Why? I don’t know. I don’t think God explains why. Not because he isn’t listening or because he doesn’t care. But perhaps because the reasons don’t make sense. Not now, anyway. When Lazarus died, Christ didn’t tell his sisters everything would be all right. It wasn’t. Lazarus was dead and they were in pain. Christ knew Lazarus would live but he didn’t belittle his friends’ grief. He didn’t try to explain it away. He didn’t try to dry their tears. He wept with them. He loved them. It’s in that love that I trust now.” ❤

Warning – Spoiler alert about a movie I watched, called Charley! This is a quote in the movie that I shared above. It’s about a Morman man who falls in love with a girl who is very unlike the kind of girl he always thought of as his dream girl. He always thought he wanted a simple, predictable woman. A woman who is reserved and grew up religious, one who is “safe” and cautious like himself.

Then he meets Charley and she’s anything but predictable. She’s loud and funny and spontaneous. She’s outgoing and skeptical. He never knows what shes going to say or do next.

Here is the spoiler.

I was in the mood for a lighthearted, funny romantic comedy, which is what this movie is at first. Then it turns dark out of nowhere. It was completely unexpected. In the description it says nothing about a tragedy which occurs towards the end. I won’t completely give it away but the man suffers a great loss. At first he will not accept it. He outright refuses. He denies. He screams, cries, sobs, yells in anger, throws things. He has a breakdown and cannot understand why his god would allow him to experience such a tragedy. He prays & prays for what he thinks is the biggest miracle.

And it never happens. His prayer is not answered how he desperately hoped it would be. At first, he cannot bear his devastating loss. Then he realizes that when we love someone, even when that someone dies, we don’t lose that love. Love is forever.

I love the message about non-attachment. Even though I’m not a Mormon or woman of any kind of religious faith where they believe in a god, I find that this message resonates with me on a deep level.

Perhaps the greatest miracle of all was that I could let her go and never lose her.

We can let go of those we love when we have to and still not lose that love we share with them. We will love & lose as long as we live, humans & nonhumans, friends, family, pets…and it will be extremely painful but we will go on and carry that love with us, always.

Also, I love the message about Jesus letting his friends grieve, weep, and cope with their terrible loss, without trying to make everything ok, without invalidating their pain, without any kind of platitudes. He just lets them be and shares their pain. I understand someone can argue that Jesus could have prevented this death or just healed their grief with his special powers….but that isn’t my point here.

Im not looking at this with a religious point of view as I am not a believer in this sort of thing. I’m just looking at it as a story with an inspiring aspect to it. This is a great way to be to others. To let them live their experiences without trying to change them or make things ok that can never be ok. No matter how positive we are and how happy we will be later, some things just aren’t ok to some people at this moment no matter what someone says or does. Suffering a devastating loss of someone close to us, human or nonhuman, may just never seem ok. And it may be better in some cases to let someone grieve, weep, suffer…how that person has to before moving forward into healing.

In this story, Jesus cried along with them. Sometimes maybe all someone needs is for us to sit close and share that pain.

What an inspiring movie. It is a religious movie but I also see a deeper message that even a “non-believer,” like myself, can be inspired by if we allow our mind to be open. The deeper message can resonate with us whether we are religious or not. It’s about how life can still be beautiful even after loss or other unpleasant experiences and how Love never truly is lost.

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!

Much love & light & hugs!❤

Xoxo Kim

It actually freaking happened!!!!

Feb10

(Not my photo)

I wrote this a few days ago and lost the courage to post it lol

Ahhh, fuck me, it finally happened!

Is someone kidding me or what?!

If you read my post here, you’re not going to believe this but it happened!

I GOT STUCK ON AN ELEVATOR BY MYSELF!!!! lol I promise I’m not joking.

(I would probably be too terrified to joke about that! 😲😨😱😭😢)

I’m really amused. I’m just laughing at the irony. It reminds me of the Alanis Morrissette song ‘cept my ironic predicament isn’t nearly as grave.

“Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
‘Well isn’t this nice…‘
And isn’t it ironic… Don’t you think“

Alanis Morissette – Ironic

Somehow, somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt safe. As terrified as I was about getting trapped on an elevator by myself, some part of me believed with everything I have in me, that since I’m so scared of being trapped in one, it’s not going to happen. (This probably isn’t a statistically correct way of reasoning) What are the chances, right?!

Wrong!! It’s like the uni-verse got a consciousness and decided to play some cruel joke on me. Some twisted, sicko, psycho joke.

Tuesday, for work, I had to go to Center City, Philadelphia to visit this cutie:

When I got onto an elevator and the doors closed, I did what I really shouldn’t do and watched the digital floor numbers. When I watch, it feels like an eternity before they change. Just like waiting for food in an oven to be complete. Keep checking and it’s not getting done. Lol It just feels that way.

So anyway, I got on an elevator on the 4th floor, the doors closed, I watched the 4 and it was taking way too long to change and I told myself it’s just the usual thing where because I’m watching and waiting, it seems like forever. But no. Five seconds later, 10, 20, a minute (!!!!!) later and elevator is not moving and the red 4 is just there. Wwhhhaaattt?!?! And I’m waiting for panic to settle in.

But it doesn’t. I feel calm as can be. Wwhhhaaattt?!?! Me, stuck inside an elevator by myself and just a little tinge of anxiety?!?!

My heart began beating a little bit faster and my hands were a bit trembly but no panic or intense fear.

I pushed the “call” button and “alarm” button and they wouldn’t do 💩. The call button made a brief ringing noise but no one answered. I kept pushing them alternately, call, alarm, call, alarm. The alarm did nothing at all and call kept ringing with no answer. One thing I found comforting was the fact that I heard the janitor through the elevator doors. So I started knocking loudly on the doors and yelling “excuse me!” But no one answered me.

Then the elevator started calling out floor numbers and its voice started becoming jumbled and it was quickly calling out numbers that weren’t showing on the screen and the voice was speeding up. Then the elevator started going up instead of down, which was what I was trying to do, go down to the lobby.

Then a new fear crept in. The elevator seemed to be going berserk and I wondered if it was going to drop & crash and crush me to death or something. So this is my death day, for a second I was really wondering.

When it got to the 10th floor, it finally opened!!! And there was a kind young man holding an adorable golden puppy in his arms. I got off the elevator and explained what happened and told him he may not want to get on that one since it was just malfunctioning.

He thanked me and expressed empathy and told me it must have been scary. He had no idea! Probably a bit scary for anyone but a girl with the phobic fear I struggle with!? Since he seemed so warm & understanding, I told him about my immense fear and how I worked on myself, including professional therapy, to heal the fear, and he was so understanding! So here I was spilling my guts to a complete stranger in a hallway. And he listened so well. Im so touched!❤

I thought I was going to have a complete breakdown. Not because I felt like I was going to. I actually did not feel that way. But because I’m me and that’s what I do at the mere thought of being trapped in an elevator alone, break down. Lol

But I’m still standing!

It hit me harder when I got home at night. Still no panic or breakdowns but fear & anger. Im not sure what Im angry at but it’s just so bizarre and twisted that my worst nightmare actually came true. Law of attraction much? Lol

I’m so freaked out and don’t know what to make of it.

And I’m not completely sure why I did not panic while in the elevator or after it was all over. Looks like all my personal development work really paid off! I wasn’t sure if I was just shocked and too numb to feel fullblown fear but even later after it was all over and the shock wore off, I still wasn’t a wreck.

But right now thinking about being stuck in an elevator, I can’t imagine not panicking. It seems scarier in my head than it is in reality.

I used to hurt myself impulsively if I thought I was going to be stuck in an elevator. I would be so overcome in terror, I would go into a panic and scratch myself with my fingernails until my skin would bleed or I would just squeeze part of my body really hard, like not on purpose but just automatically. I even did this recently on an elevator but Tuesday I did not hurt myself at all or even think about it or have an urge to.

For as long as I can remember, I have recurring nightmares, off and on, about being trapped on an elevator by myself or just having to go on one and being terrified. When I was recently stuck in one, when I first realized it was happening, it felt like I was reliving one of my nightmares that happen when I sleep. That feeling only occurred at first then wore off.

So nightmares really do come true! 😉

Isn’t it ironic?

A little too ironic. 😃

And reading this, it may seem that I was in there a long while but it was really less than five minutes. I felt more like it was an inconvenience than a terrifying experience.

Hugs to everyone who wants any!

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim ❤

Opportunity💜

Feb5

Let’s plants seeds of love everywhere we go through acts of kindness, kind intentions, speech, thoughts….and the world will be a much more beautiful place! And if kindness isn’t currently our lifestyle, we can practice til it is! And if it already is, we can strengthen it through even more loving intentions & actions!❤ Let’s start with smiling at everyone we look at today & wishing everyone well! 😊

Much love & light,

Kim

Joy❤

Jan14

“I saw Sorrow
holding a cup of pain.
I said, hey sorrow,
sorry to see you this way.
What’s troubling you?
What’s with the cup?
Sorrow said,
what else can I do?
All this Joy that you have brought to the world has killed my business completely.”

Some ways to bring joy to the world:

1.) Acts of kindness

2.) Smile

3.) Give thanks for all the good no matter how small/trivial it seems

4.) Breathe deeply

5.) Let things go

6.) Listen to happy songs

7.) Be surrounded in cheerful or calming colors whenever possible

8.) Share uplifting quotes to inspire others

9.) Read inspiring books/blogs/writings

10.) Engage in activities that inspire happiness or calming effects

11.) Hug dogs/cats

12.) Forgive self & others ❤

13.) Be a safe space for others, active listening, without negative judgment, ridicule, selfish expectations, unsolicited suggestions

14.) Watch the sun setting and/or rising

15.) Do something random & fun!😆

16.) Buy a gift for self!💙

17.) Be mindful of right now and go with the flow without judging even if our current experience seems unpleasant

18.) Watch a fun comedy movie/tv show

19.) Go above & beyond to help someone, friend, family, stranger, coworker, neighbor, boss, enemy…

20.) Get fixed up, bring out expensive kitchen utensils and things reserved for special occasions….just because, even when alone. Every moment we’re alive is a special occasion!

I hope you’re having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!❤💖💗💙💚💛💜💝💞❣

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Roll with it, Baby!❤

Jan7

“When life is too much, roll with it, baby

Don’t stop and lose your touch, oh no, baby

Hard times knocking on your door

I’ll tell them you ain’t there no more

Get on through it, roll with it, baby

Luck’ll come and then slip away

You’ve gotta move, bring it back to stay

You just roll with it, baby”

Roll with it – Steve Winwood

“A monk asked ‘What does it mean to go where there’s no cold or heat?’
Tung-shan said, ‘In the cold, cold freezes you; in the heat, heat burns you up.'” 💛
💙
💚
💜
💗
Roll with it, Baby! ❤🕉️ #acceptance #justbe #koan #buddha #love #wisdom #inspiration #breathe #oneness #zen #loverofreality #justbreathe #gowiththeflow #rollwithit #keephurdling #itsallgood #itiswhatitis #shithappens #suckitup #detachment #renunciation #wwbd #whatwouldbuddhado #letitgo #keepgoing #yougotthis #livewithitandloveit #deepwisdom

This is a post of mine on Instagram I shared somewhat recently. I copied the tags and pasted them here because they add to the wisdom of the koan I shared with the picture.

I shared this on Instagram because the wisdom is so inspiring but never realized that not long later, my own post would sooth & inspire me more than ever.

Last night, I was listening to music on my super old phone. It’s a blackberry phone that is broken mostly but some parts, including music & memos, still work. I use it frequently and have years of poetic/philosophical/creative/deep….writings & things on it. Most of these writings are my own and some are the writings of others that I find fascinating & inspiring. I don’t remember who all the writers are or where to find the writings again. I just have it all saved onto my old phone.

While listening to the music, I accidentally hit my phone against a bar on my bed and the phone shut down and won’t come back on. So years of brilliance gone! Lol I have experienced things like this before, losing stuff I have written and can never get back but this is the worst one yet. I even have a few philosophical essays/writings I wrote in college that I saved off the university account (which I know longer have) onto that phone and have been so thankful to still have. Hundreds upon hundreds, probably thousands of files gone. Some I kept just for me to read but most I eventually planned to share, things I poured my “heart & soul” into and now wish I would have just shared it all already.

I was laying in bed thinking how this kills me & looking at my own Instagram account when I came across this post I recently shared. For a few seconds, especially while reading the tags I put on it, I felt soothed and inspired.

My “grief” comes in waves just like any other form of grief. This grief though is nowhere near the magnitude of grief experienced after the loss of a human or animal/nonhuman friend or family member/…… It’s beyond disappointing but I wouldn’t say I’m shattered or even devastated. Though I feel as if some sort of devastation may hit later.

I keep remembering specific things I lost like certain writings, e-books, and website links I don’t remember but looked at a lot. I just remember the content, not the names or links. More & more keep coming to me and automatically, I try to repress it so as not to remember more of what I lost. I feel that it’s like losing a big part of myself. It was like an electronic journal of sorts. So many of my experiences & reflections…gone.

When this happened before but not as much or good stuff lost, I fell into a depression for a while. Usually, things that happen in my environment don’t trigger a depressive episode/symptoms but sometimes they can. This morning I very briefly wondered if this would provoke some sort of depression in me.

This experience reminds me how much more evolved I am than some years ago. Years ago, I would have found this incident almost unbearable. I was way more attached. But now, though it’s way more than just a minor annoyance or disappointment, it’s not a catastrophe! And this experience also shows me how much more I still have to evolve. It’s not the end of the world but it’s still bad enough to me that I woke up with anxiety and still have anxiety off & on. I’m very disturbed and keep wishing it would come back on and bring all my stuff back to me.

So it’s a good thing to have this experience to inspire me to work even more to get better & better. Also, it’s a reminder of my lighthearted, easily amused nature! I have always been very easily amused and playful and even when severely depressed or grieving, I am able to sense my cheerful nature underneath it all.

Last night I searched Google in a desperate attempt to find any little bit of hope that my phone would somehow come back on. I couldn’t find any hope on the net but saw someone wrote “My blackberry z10 croaked today” and I burst out laughing. It gave me a belly laugh and when I was telling my mom, I could hardly talk!

Unpleasant things can bring out much pleasantness if we are open to it!❤

So this koan here that I shared on Insta. Shows us how if we just roll with it and go with the flow, just let the self dissolve into the situation, no matter how unpleasant or painful, we will become one with it til it’s no more. Just let it be. Tolerate it. Then accept it. Then welcome it. Then embrace it. It is what it is and it cannot be different. The tags that helped me the most when I saw my post are #shithappens & #suckitup. Just reading those, I found it so uplifting. It’s just so true. A little bit of “tough love” to lift the spirit!😆😊

If you are experiencing anything unpleasant (and also pleasant things!), no matter how serious or trivial, just remember to roll with it, baby! You got this!!

(Lol photo not mine!)

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim

Jealous bitches be like…☹😾👎

Jan1

Lol! Jk Please don’t mind the offensive title. This is a post on jealousy I had planned since like October, originally titled On Jealousy til one morning when I was about to get a shower and this new title popped into my head & I burst out laughing. Hopefully no one reads the title and thinks it’s a dramatic rant about jealous people doing me wrong and just disregards it because Geshe-la has some serious wisdom to open us up to or remind us and I wouldn’t want my jestful title to turn people away! lol 😉 You won’t find any rants in this here post! 😀

Here are some wise words on jealousy, by Geshe-la.

“Anger is often related to jealousy and so we need to try to overcome both these delusions. When a rival is successful or praised, it is very easy to feel jealous, but why should someone else’s happiness make us unhappy? If we step out of our egocentric view for a moment and put ourself in the other person’s place, instead of feeling the pain of jealousy we can rejoice and share in his or her happiness.

When a jealous person sees signs of other people’s success and good fortune, his heart is pierced with envy. But someone who has learned to rejoice in the good fortune of others experiences only happiness. Seeing another person’s beautiful house or attractive partner immediately makes him happy-the fact that they are not his own is irrelevant. When he sees a colleague praised or promoted, or when he meets someone who is more intelligent, good-looking, or successful than he is, instead of immediately being reminded of his own inadequacies he simply shares in the other person’s happiness.

Rejoicing in other people’s happiness or good qualities is one of the purest of all virtuous minds, because it is unstained by self-cherishing. When we practice giving, for example, it is possible that we might hope for something in return-for gratitude, to be liked, or to be thought of as a generous person-but when we rejoice in another’s good fortune we expect nothing in return.”

“Jealousy is one of the most senseless and purposeless of all delusions. Nothing can be gained from being jealous of another’s good fortune, good job, reputation, or success. Suppose someone gives a rival some money. The jealousy and unhappiness we feel about this will do nothing to change the situation. Whether our rival is given money or not, there is no way we are going to receive that money ourself. So why should we be jealous? Furthermore, developing jealousy on the one hand, while wishing to obtain wealth and possessions on the other, are contradictory states of mind. Why? The root cause of receiving wealth, possessions, and any other pleasurable things is our own accumulation of virtue, which is created by giving, rejoicing, appreciating and respecting others, and so forth. However, when due to our self-centered view of the world strong jealousy arises in our mind, the potentialities of these virtuous actions are damaged and so our chances of experiencing good fortune in the future are diminished or destroyed. Therefore, if we really wish to obtain good fortune, wealth, and so forth in the future, we should guard our mind well, and instead of allowing jealousy to arise in response to others’ happiness, we should rejoice.

There is also no reason to be happy when our enemy meets with suffering, because how do such negative thoughts either hurt our enemy or benefit us? Even if we thought ‘It would be great if my rival were to suffer,’ this would never harm him or her. And even if he were harmed, how would that ever bring us happiness?

‘But if my enemy suffers, I will be satisfied’ Thoughts like this never bring us any happiness. On the contrary, nothing harms us more than indulging in such petty and vengeful thoughts, which do nothing but drag us down into the lower realms.”

I think comparing ourselves to others and making our own self out to be lower or somehow less, is a form of jealousy or something of that sort even if it doesn’t manifest as feeling like jealousy. Have you ever compared yourself to another? And then felt low about your own self? I think most of us probably have and so can relate to this. The person or people we compare ourselves to may be an enemy, a stranger, a supermodel on a magazine cover, imaginary people(like just the way we think people in general are), even close family members or friends. We may or may not feel resentment for those people and may or may not feel consciously jealous. But we are unhappy for our own self when we make comparisons and feel that someone else is somehow better or has something better.

This message conveyed by Geshe-la can apply to anyone who has thoughts that someone else is better, looks better, is more successful, more intelligent, happier, does more fun things, goes on more vacations or better vacations, or more productive things….and feels unhappy about it.

One way to counter this is to try to identify with those people we feel jealous of or lower than. Instead of envying them, resenting them, or feeling low about our own self, remember how it feels to be happy or successful, tap into that empathy, & be happy for those people. Almost all of us have probably been happy at one point or another even if briefly, all of us have accomplished something, even something seemingly small or not important, we know what it’s like to have good and bad things happen to us so let’s connect with those we envy, reach out in our basic humanness and be happy for them when they are in a good place in this life.

Practicing this more and more will help heal a jealous mind. Even if we aren’t generally prone to jealousy, most of us have probably experienced it at least once or at least experienced comparing ourselves to someone else and coming up short. And actually, I think many if not most, have this unpleasant experience more than once, probably off and on.

“S/he’s prettier than me, thinner than I am, more toned/muscular, more experience with something, has a better job, a more advanced education, an amazing relationship I don’t have, a bigger, more beautiful and expensive house or car, more friends, a family….”

I love how G.K Gyatso, states:

“…the fact that they are not his own is irrelevant.”

Imagine feeling so connected to others, even complete strangers, that we are just as happy for them as we would be for our own self if we had the good fortune they have. The fact that it is not our own is completely irrelevant; we are just as happy as if it were. How beautiful!

Another way to counter jealousy or heal a jealous mind, whether it’s a frequent jealous mind or just once in a while or even just once, is to focus on the goodness we, ourself, have right now. Any little thing that is good in our world, health, a place to live, a delicious cup of coffee, our senses, ability to walk, to move, friends, family, life itself…dwell on that without repressing any unpleasant emotions. Nothing wrong with admitting, even if just to our own self, that we wish something was different but we can still focus on what is good in this moment.

And one more thing, remember jealousy is absolutely pointless. Where does it get any of us? All it does is put unpleasant energy out into the uni-verse, interfere with our happiness, & possibly friendships & other relationships. Jealousy is a lousy attitude to be stuck in and even has the word “lousy” in it. For good reason! And a positive, loving mindset is more constructive and likely to contribute to our own good fortune than a jealous and/or vengeful mindset anyway. So anyone who doesn’t care about others will still benefit by being kind and rejoicing in the goodness of others.

This isn’t to negatively judge those who are jealous or those who wish bad things on others out of jealousy or do things just to look good and not out of true kindness; it’s merely to suggest that it’s better for our own self & those we encounter if we avoid jealousy and act with pure, genuine intentions, rejoicing in the good fortune of others.

And….in case you’re in the mood for a chuckle….

Not sure what this has to do with jealousy but here it is! (Unless you’re jealous of this face! I sure am! 🙃)

💖

Much love & light to you, always

Xoxo Kim

My current gratitude list❤

Jan1

(Scout! Just after midnight this morning😻)

1.) Im thankful for my job & that i got to spend the whole night last night, into the morning with a sweet, adorable, funny, beautiful girl named Scout!
2.) Im thankful i stayed in a place last night where the walls are paper thin n i got to hear a big, loud party going on next door with lots of joyous laughter, yelling, singing, stuff being banged around….& a bunch of drunk people singing “Sweet Home Alabama” and yelling other drunken things. So funny! I kept falling asleep and waking up to it all night long into the morning. I dont mind people being loud all night and actually like it. It brought me joy all night/morning to hear the joy of others! I couldn’t see it but have a very vivid imagination & all the noise I heard conjured up all these funny images in my head making me laugh out loud! Scout wasn’t as thrilled and was barking at them through the walls! Lol
3.) Thankful my pain disorder hasn’t been acting up. It’s generally not bad at all but tends to flare up now & again to seemingly unbearably levels. Last year in February, I suffered four of the most devastating, difficult days I ever experienced and the worst cluster of this life of mine. Almost a year later and i haven’t felt it that bad since then!
4.) Thankful Scout slept all cuddled with me last night
5.) Thankful for hot caramel lattes!
6.) For life itself
7.) My ability to turn my neck, walk move, my senses…
8.) Winter – My favorite season!
9.) Buddha’s teachings
10.) All of the people & animals I get to know & meet for my work

Im going to post this on Instagram later too with a pic of me! I have to wait til my hair dries and try to get a good picture lol I haven’t taken a picture of myself in so long it seems!

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are and thinking of all the things you have to give thanks for!❤

Much love & light,

Xoxo Kim