Tag Archive | care

Here comes the sun…..

Jul5

Image

 

 

And I say It’s all right, little darling. ❤

 

This may be the most perfect picture I have ever taken. The sun was astoundingly beautiful today. A gorgeous golden celestial gem hanging up there in the vibrant blue sky as a symbol of hope to us all.

 

“That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.” ~ Thoreau, Henry David

 

I saw the movie, “The Heat” today. Very funny & cute movie.   I laughed all the way through. Very sweet theme and I would watch it again and again. I don’t watch TV shows at all and usually only movies in the theatre and even if I really like the movie, it’s rare I plan to see it again. But every once in a while, that special movie comes along and pulls my heartstrings and I know I will watch it over and over

 And this is one of those!   I love comedies, romantic comedies and ones with platonic friendship themes.   Uplifting, inspiring, hopeful movies…<3

 

I hope you all are having a sweet day or night and remember, as Rodney Atkins sings, “If you’re going through hell, keep on going.”.

 

Xox0 Kim <3. ~hugs~. 😀 

Serendipity <3

Jan25

Image

         I often hear people speak of technology dependence and write about it and how technology actually controls us instead of us controlling it. Some people have a true and serious problem either bordering on addiction or actually being a full-blown technology addiction of some sort that may require professional treatment.

      But even many of us who do not have actual addiction still have some degree of emotional dependence on or attachment to it.  

      I never wanted to admit that about myself. I wanted to believe and claim that I just love it and use it because it’s there and it’s so helpful, fun, and just amazing. I wanted to tell myself and everyone else that I would be perfectly ok without it for a while, I would miss it and mourn it to some degree but that’s all. 

    Then one day recently I had a rude awakening. My dad drove me to work and I got out to open and I left all of my most cherished possessions in his car. My phone, my books, my bag, my iced coffee… I told him I would be right back for them, he said ok, and that quickly he forgot and drove off taking all of my stuff with him.

      All my stuff- gone. My initial emotional reaction was anger. “How could he have been SO STUPID?!!?”. “How can he do this to me??!!”. “WTF?!”. Then came the fear, then the shock, then panic, then grief and mourning. Trembling hands and even chills. Then a kind of sickness dwelling in my chest. I always knew my books and my phone are a significant part of my life. But at this moment I realized just how much a part of me they are. How intertwined I am with them. My phone goes everywhere I go and so do my books. Sometimes I hold them even when I’m not currently using them. Even when I cannot pay my phone bill and my phone service is temporarily discontinued I still have my memos, my music, my pictures, everything else and I know it will eventually be back on. I never even really got my phone for the phone part or text part anyway. I wanted it for the handheld internet and other aspects of it. I don’t literally use my phone every waking second but I know it’s at my fingertips whenever I want it.

      But that day at work my phone was gone. All of my writings, my passwords, my quotes, my songs, and pictures, my books, and I had no way of contacting my dad because I don’t know his number, it’s in my phone contacts, and he lost his phone recently.

      I was sorry all of that stuff was gone but it wasn’t just about that. It’s something that runs deeper than that. I couldn’t pick up my phone or my books when I wanted and the thought of that frightened me. It was unusual, outside my comfort zone. For a few hours at least I was going to have to live outside my comfort zone, the life I knew before and move into a new zone I am not used to. I don’t always have a problem adjusting to change, especially when it’s positive change but this revelation was shocking at first! I was going out of my head, headed for an emotional meltdown. 

   Thoughts raced through my head. “What if I literally go insane?”. “What if I get bored out of my mind if it’s slow today even though I don’t usually get bored?”. “What if I have an amazing idea and cannot write it into my phone?”. “What if I cannot handle just not having the stuff that is constantly with me?”

      Anyone would be disappointed, to say the least, about their stuff being missing and not having all of their info. Anymore. But these thoughts and reactions I was experiencing, to me, seem like signs of a somewhat unhealthy habit or emotional dependence, maybe a kind of insecurity. As soon as the thought of emotional dependence and insecurity crept into my head, I lied to myself right away. I told myself I was just afraid someone would break my dad’s window and steal my stuff. And I would be disappointed, that’s all. 

   I told myself I was disappointed, just a little bit unhappy about the whole thing, that’s all. I did not want to admit it but there was no getting around the truth. It was beyond disappointment. It was beyond mere unhappiness. It was a nightmare. I have been unconsciously viewing certain inanimate objects of mine, such as my phone, as an extension of myself. “Not just my phone, part of ME!!”. Partially because all my writings and helpful quotes are on there. I admitted it. Hard as it was. But they are not me. I am me. I am whole without my phone, even without my writings. To lose that is painful but I will survive.  

      This experience introduced me more intimately to a deeper part of myself. I realized I had unhealthy habits that were scary and I was able to admit that after a while and be strong and am able to overcome. To prevail.

      I don’t have a severe, full-blown addiction like some people so for me it was easier to handle and overcome it. Not everyone can do this without some sort of help.

      I realized I have to examine myself more to see what I am too attached to, what I am viewing as extensions of me that are in fact, not me but external objects of mine.

      I realized so much of me revolves around objects that can easily be lost. I use my phone to write my ideas and share them with people. To store pass words and info that connects me with people. I use my books to read and to better myself. But I can and will be ok, even amazing without my stuff. That’s all it is. Stuff.  

      I can come up with more great ideas even though the ones I may lose are irreplaceable. My brain can generate more greatness. Phones and books can be replaced, they can help but they are not required. And I don’t need them to live. To breathe. To be.

      There are moments I will want to and be so tempted to lie to myself about scary and unpleasant aspects of myself. But I must resist that urge and be truthful and admit so I can work on those potentially detrimental parts of me.

      I must accept, change, and heal. This I can do. This I will do. I will continue to use my stuff and love it but I will control it and my thoughts. It will not control me. This experience taught me to look even deeper within me and observe, analyze, and admit parts of myself that I may deny or neglect. I am grateful for this awakening. It brought me closer to me. Quickly made me stronger when I came to realize I am all I need.

      The only one, the only thing I can count on to make me whole and always be with me is myself and I am enough.

 

   Also this experience pushed me outside of my routine ways. At work when I’m not busy, I usually read my own books and use my phone. But because that stuff wasn’t there then, I decided to explore the books and magazines my manager has there. I found really great stuff! In one magazine I found:

Love Letters Cares

http://loveletterscares.org/#2822

 

An organization that gives people the opportunity to make positive, uplifting, and inspirational cards for kids with life-threatening illnesses. I’m so happy I found this and I will make cards. Every kid deserves an uplifting card to make him/her happy and show someone cares!

      This taught me to go out of my way more to try new things. I love trying new things and learning new things but I don’t always go out of my way as much to actually look for opportunities to find something new. I often just take the chance when I see it but I will be searching more now to see what I can find! I love it when a seemingly negative experience turns out to be a beautiful thing!

❤

Xox0 Kim ❤ 🙂 😀

 

 

P.S. I got all my stuff back at the end of my work shift! It was still a great day without it!

Don’t care what people say, just follow your own way.

Jan14

I have been realizing that I am coming to care less and less about what people think of me and the things I do. And I like it. There are some things I wouldn’t do before that would have benefited me because I felt silly about it like people would think it’s weird or whisper about me or something. But I’m not so much like that anymore and it’s really doing me good.

 

Example 1: Yesterday I wore pants that are too tight for me. I have no idea what possessed me to think I would be able to squeeze my ass into size 3/4 pants but I did! And they felt so tight that I was uncomfortable but I wore them anyway because I felt that they look good on me and I never wore them before and it felt like having new pants! Lol. So I wore them to work and they hurt so bad even more! I wore a kind of long shirt with them. So I decided to un-button and un-zip them and whoa did it feel like Heaven!!! No one would see that they weren’t zipped or buttoned exactly because my shirt covered the zipper but the corners of the pants were poking through my shirt and people could see that! It looked kind of weird! I was so tempted to zip and button them back up to prevent people thinking something negative about it but I thought about what that would do to me. And what would people seeing them poking through my pants do? Nothing! It just wouldn’t look right. So what if people laughed or smirked or just thought something negative?! That would not have hurt me. But zipping and buttoning those pants sure hurt! So I decided to do what’s truly best for me, not do something out of concern for what people think of me. And no one seemed to think anything! 🙂

 

Example 2: I was very sick for three weeks recently with another head and chest cold and kept getting cold & hot. Very hot. To the point I could get cold showers and go out in freezing weather with a short sleeve shirt and no coat or hoodie or anything. I had to go to work and was so hot that I felt I would black out but I knew if I took my hoodie off and just wore my short sleeve shirt, people would think it’s weird or like I’m showing off. But again I did what’s best for me. I wore just my short sleeves. People did say stuff about it but mostly just funny, joking comments like “What do you think you’re in the Bahamas?!” Lol! 🙂

 

Example 3: When my family gets angry at me sometimes they sling personal insults at me and it used to depress me or put me in a low mood but now I don’t care as much! I still don’t like it, who would, right?! But it doesn’t get to me so much anymore! That is something to be proud of! 😉

 

Example 5: I used to obsess when I would say something to someone, especially someone that I did not know well or at all, that came out wrong or not how I intended. Sometimes, even, throughout the day I would be thinking “Wonder what s/he’s thinking about me for saying that or wonder if s/he misunderstood or thinks I’m weird or something?”. Now I don’t obsess. I let it go. Chances are anyway, after an unpleasant or unplanned or unfortunate encounter when you embarrass yourself, people aren’t even thinking of it anymore anyway. You are because you’re the one who embarrassed yourself but the other person likely has other stuff to think of than to dwell on your little mishap! Lol. So let go! Anyway it’s ok, there are worse things than doing or saying something stupid in public. I know the thought sounds scary but it really is just trivial. 🙂

 

This isn’t out of apathy to the world or people, it’s about doing what’s best for me and not letting fear of what negative things people think or say control me or drag me down. I believe it’s because of strengthening my positive thinking habit and working on my self-esteem in general. When we have good, healthy self-esteem we will still care to some degree what people think about certain things and that is ok but we will generally not let it control us or make us change or feel low about ourselves or our choices. We will not hurt ourselves just to please others or prevent negative gossip about us.

It’s unrealistic to expect ourselves or others to never, ever care in any way, in any case what others think about certain things but we should value our own health, comfort, and opinions of ourselves over the negative thinking of others. There are much more important things and thoughts to entertain than the idea that people are gossiping about you or thinking bad about you. If they are, oh well you can be above that and just be you and accept yourself for who you truly are. ❤

😀

 

“If you want, then start to laugh

If you must, then start to cry

Be yourself don’t hide” ~Enigma 

(Check out this fabulous and sweet song by Enigma, “Return to Innocence”!!!)

 

Xox0 KimImage

Be True to Yourself (old post) <3

Jan1

I wrote this and posted this on Facebook in my notes section three years ago. But it still applies today and always will. So I’m copying it and pasting it here in hopes that it will help someone in need. ❤

Always, always be true to yourself!! 

 

We always hear that we should treat other people as we would want to be treated or for the most part as we treat ourselves. That’s good. But I was thinking for the most part if you are a generally good person and treat other people good, you should treat yourself good too. Treat yourself like you treat them. You are no less of a person than anyone else. If you don’t judge people too much then don’t judge yourself so much. If you don’t negatively judge other people by the way they look it doesn’t make sense to do that to yourself.

If you lose your job or don’t get the job you want, if you are rejected by someone or don’t get accepted to the school or program you want or if you’re not as thin or pretty as you would like to be you may feel like calling yourself negative things or maybe even like killing yourself or like you deserve to feel pain. 

But imagine if someone you know lost a job or was rejected or isn’t thin or pretty. Would you say that person deserves to be called negative things; would you vilify or want to kill that person? Most likely not. Now you see how ridiculous that sounds.

Too often many of us treat ourselves less than or worse than we treat other people and it don’t make any sense. Think about it. You’re a person just like everyone else so you should treat yourself like it by thinking about positive things about yourself and not saying nothing but negative things about yourself especially if they’re not really true.

It’s ok to think about and acknowledge negative things about yourself if they’re really true but not obsess over them and dwell on them.

Whenever you think negative things about yourself, tell yourself a couple good things about you. If you can’t think of any, make something up that you would like to become and keep telling yourself it OR message me and if I know you personally I’ll tell you something good about you. And if I don’t know you personally hopefully you have a detailed profile that I can detect some things out of. There is something good about you, you just think there isn’t. Keep telling yourself positive things about yourself and you may come to believe it.

If ever you want to vent or have self-esteem problems just come to me. Message me and I’ll try to help you. If you want to vent or complain about anything and have no where to just use my wall or inbox even if you don’t really know me. I really won’t mind.

And I was also thinking about selfishness and where to draw the line. It’s not good to constantly be a person who ALWAYS puts yourself before everyone else but occasionally it is healthy to put yourself first, to do you and forget everyone else. 

Like I said you are a person like every other person and on some occasions you have to put yourself first and do what you want or have to to be happy or healthy.

And you may feel guilty which is not justified. You should not always put yourself first that’s true but you should not always put everyone else first either. No matter how much you like or love them or no matter how guilty they make you feel.

If people are constantly asking you to do stuff for them and you always do it’s ok to say no occasionally and not feel guilty even if they try to make you feel that way. Just remember you’re a person like them and have to occasionally come first or say no.

I was hospitalized before for Clinical Depression and in the hospital they told us to find our inner sun and let it shine through. And to take care of ourselves and occasionally put ourselves first even if it makes other people angry or hurt emotionally. And I believe that’s true. Some days you just have to do you. Thinking like this helps me and I hope it helps anyone who may read this and needs help.