“When you’re in that dark place and you need that embrace You know love is never too far away.” ❤ 😀
(waterfront at penn’s landing – I took this photo a few weeks ago! What a breathtaking view!)
“May I be like a guard for those who are protectorless, A guide for those who journey on the road. For those who wish to go across the water, May I be a boat, a raft, a bridge.” ~ Shantideva ❤
I love Shantideva & his compassionate life philosophy – to be all that we can for anyone we can, all sentient beings, humans & non humans, alike. Be present to listen when others talk, give whatever we can to those in need, feed stray & wild animals, rescue insects, put them in grass outside instead of killing them or letting them die if we can help it, be a friend to someone in need, include others into our groups, welcome strangers into our world, give directions if we can to those who are lost, do random acts of kindness….
I have chosen to consciously live this way for so long but more now than ever do I realize the importance of choosing life and then dedicating that life to others. Recently I got a new job that is a very big responsibility and there is potential for big problems. It can be a lot of pressure sometimes but I love it! There have been a few occasions I needed help, made mistakes, have been very lost (both in location & just not knowing what to do). I have always had strong faith in the goodness of people and have always believed we are fundamentally good & so ready to do good, and I have been so deeply thankful for how many have come to my rescue and have been so kind and forgiving & understanding, both strangers & people I know. In just the few weeks I had this job I have encountered more rudeness (carried out by strangers) than in the decade I worked at a food serving store but that is nothing next to the love I have encountered.
In May 2010, in the middle of a suicide attempt, I chose life & made the vow to myself to be all that I can be for myself and especially others and in June 2016 I took the Bodhisattva vows at the Buddhist Center, vowing to dedicate my whole life to loving others in any ways I can. To cherish others as well as myself but others first. This is the path I have chosen to walk and I am never going back. Of course I don’t always succeed at this. Sometimes I’m not as kind as I can be and do not do good. I struggle with severe depression off & on and still come close to killing myself some occasions. But I keep learning, keep living, keep getting back up & moving forward.
And I don’t negatively judge those who choose a different path and do not do these things I suggest. It’s up to each of us to choose how to live. And choosing Love even just once in a blue moon is better than never! My love goes out even to those who do not send love to me. ❤
My new job provides me with a multitude of opportunities to encounter ordinary angels & to be one. But it’s not the job that gives me the ultimate opportunity to Love; it’s being alive. We can be homeless & jobless & moneyless and still serve others. Just a smile, a hug, a helping hand, a friendly hello, a warm glance, a listening ear….can do wonders for someone. Maybe even save a life.
Unleash that inner super(wo)man! 😍
“It could be someone walking down the street A stranger on a bus A little kid on his way to school or any one of us We all got a little superman ready to take flight And save a life ohh save a life Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels” ❤😀
Because we are all equal in wanting to experience
happiness and avoid suffering,
I should cherish all beings as I do myself.”~ Shantideva (Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life)
(I wrote this a couple months ago and never posted it yet and just fixed it up and added to it now!)
Meditation doesn’t just have to be about sitting or laying still, eyes closed in a deep state; it can be any kind of mindfulness throughout the day during just about any kind of activity or just thinking about something, contemplation, reflection…
Recently I heard people laughing and joking about something bad that happened to someone else (someone’s poor little dog was killed by a large bird! 😢 )and I felt disbelief and something close to anger. I was thinking they wouldn’t be laughing if it was them or someone close to them who it happened to. I decided to express my distaste and tell them I’m almost certain they wouldn’t be amused if it were them it happened to. And one person said “well it wasn’t us so we can joke and laugh about it.” And I instantly, without much thought, blurted “but it’s just as bad when it’s someone else!!”
And then instantly I felt like I was being or coming off as a snob, someone who is sanctimonious or some moralist who acts superior to others, like my morals are above theirs or my compassion is somehow more complete than theirs.
It’s great to live how we want to live and express our views but it’s not good, in my opinion, to act like we’re above others who don’t share our views or lifestyle.
I wasn’t doing this in the incident I shared above but I can see how someone may think that, especially people who don’t know me well.
I definitely don’t think of myself as someone who lives and thinks better than others. And I believe we all (or most at least) have the capacity to love even though for some, this ability is currently more developed than others and some are naturally more compassionate, we all (most) have the ability to strengthen it.
I don’t feel superior to those who I mention above. But I think it’s good to equalize ourself and others, being aware that underneath we’re the same and it’s not better when something good happens to us than when it does to others and no worse when something bad happens to us than to others.
But in brief encounters with people, it’s hard to express this view without seeming snobby or like I said, sanctimonious, unctuous….at this moment I can’t seem to think of words that seem less showy than these. Prig? lol That word always gets me laughing. It sounds to me like a slur or derogatory word but I dont think it is.
It’s great to find a balance of expressing our views but not being overly judgmental or destructively critical of others who hold different views.
I’m usually very good at this. But sometimes I feel the need to contemplate, find some sense of “demarcation,” and it can get confusing and it’s really subjective.
So I decided to share here.
This is one advantage social media has over the rest of life, we can write and share things that would be inappropriate in specific situations or come off as preachy in person.
On social media, some things can inspire while in life outside, they may be interpreted as negative. And in social media context, we have more of an opportunity to explain than in some “real-life” or in-person situations. Like here, I can write a whole blog post elaborating and anyone who wants can read but in brief encounters in person, I’m likely not going to get into a deep conversation or explanation about certain things. Like, it’s not likely I would stand there and go into an explanation of loving kindness meditation to people who probably couldn’t care less.
An example of something being inappropriate in person but not on social media is, if someone is in a severe depressive episode or experiencing some other terrible pain, it’s not always helpful to tell that person specifically, “it gets better” or “think positively” or “think of all you have to be thankful for…” But if that same person happens to stumble upon a blog post or photo or song shared with a similar sentiment, it can be very helpful.
It’s not good to be preached to but it’s great to come across inspiration on our own or things our friends share online.
Anyway, this incident I shared reminds me of just a few weeks ago when I laughed at someone when something bad happened to her. She frequently acts in a rude manner and frequently says negative things about people, both those she knows and strangers to her and shortly after she was bragging that she has a better lifestyle and morals than everyone else and if everyone was as great as her, we would all be rich and happy and loved and not have problems…. stuff like that, she experienced an unfortunate incident that I felt served her right. Nothing tragic or anything; I would never find that amusing. She believes when bad things happen to people, it’s their own fault(I believe this too, in a way, for the most part but in a compassionate, empowering way, not a callous way. “Bad things” are only bad and distress us because we havent yet trained our brain to remain positive, calm, and peaceful – it’s disempowering to believe we have no or only very little control over things in general- things are the indirect or direct results of our conscious or unconscious choices and even if not, we can still learn to control our reactions to things).
I usually do not laugh at people’s misfortune, even people who often act in an unkind manner but I did here. And at first I did not even feel guilty being amused even though I felt that it’s wrong. Then later I reminded myself that her pain is not a laughing matter and if it were me it happened to (or a friend of mine or my sister, or a person who usually seems more kind…), I wouldn’t be laughing. I felt a healthy sense of guilt that reminds me to not act in unkind ways against others.
So, I’m not innocent of this either, sometimes putting up too much of a barrier, too much separateness, instead of identifying with someone else’s situation. Usually I’m extremely empathetic to the point I feel everyone else’s pain and happiness and extremely compassionate but there are still occasions where this isn’t the case and I have room to evolve.
This woman is no different than me underneath. Just like me, she experiences pleasure and pain, happiness and suffering, desires and an aversion to pain…
I felt a pang of guilt and disgust with myself for laughing at the poor girl but I reminded myself that at least I caught it and actually want to be better.
Equalizing the self and others is a Buddhist technique but it can apply to every person, Buddhist or not.
In the simplest sense, it means keeping in mind that no matter who we are, we all have the desire for happiness and an aversion to suffering. We gravitate towards pleasure and relief and attempt to avoid pain and suffering.
All of our emotions are also emotions of others. We know what it is to suffer or be in pain or can imagine and so we have an idea of someone else’s suffering and the same with happiness and joy. Whether those others are friends, family, strangers, enemies, people who are difficult to interact with, loving people(even non humans)….underneath we share a similar humanness or inner experiences.
There’s a certain meditation that helps us get to the place of always or almost always or even just more frequently identifying with others, deepening our empathy.
It’s called the lovingkindness meditation.
I sometimes have avoided this because it can be difficult.
During this meditation, at one point, we are to think of someone who we do not care for, don’t like, or someone who brought us pain at one point.
And we are encouraged to think loving things about that person.
I can tell you, it’s hard occasionally! Some occasions it’s easier than others but some occasions it feels near impossible.
Also, we are asked to think of someone who is neutral to us which is also very difficult for me because no one is usually neutral to me in the way this meditation suggests. I am already extremely loving and empathetic (not bragging! Lol) and can easily love and identity with strangers and others who aren’t close to me. Very often, I have affection for everyone I look at. I even often feel deep gratitude for the lives of strangers I happen to see just walking outside. When I hear about a person or animal’s life being saved, even those I never met and probably never will, I am overcome in deep gratitude and relief. And when I hear of a person or animal killed or died some other way, even ones i have never laid eyes on or even heard of til after the death; I am completely shattered. Sometimes I even feel as if my world just stopped turning. I can feel numb for days to hear of the death of someone I never knew.
So thinking of a neutral person is hard, but not emotionally difficult like trying to love a person who I see as unpleasant, difficult like in a practical way. I have to wrack my brain trying to come up with someone.
I don’t not like most people, even those who seem unpleasant. It’s very rare that I have a serious problem with or very negative, general opinion of someone. And even when I do, I can usually talk myself into compassion for those people.
Even people who have said/done vicious things to me, I have much compassion for still, even if I don’t talk to them much anymore.
But I can think of a few people in this life, some I haven’t seen in years, who I don’t want really bad things to happen to but I also sometimes really don’t want to think loving thoughts about them either. So it’s sometimes just easier to avoid this meditation.
But the fact that it can be difficult, is even more of a reason to take the chance and engage in it.
It can be hard to want to think loving things about people who we feel do us wrong or do horrible things to others. It can be difficult to want to wish them well. And the ones I sometimes have difficulty thinking of in a loving way, are usually only people who said/did minor unpleasant things to me compared to what happens to some people. So if it’s this hard for me sometimes, to think positively of people who do less serious things, just imagine how much more difficult it probably can be for someone who was sexually assaulted to think of the attacker in a loving way or a person who has a friend or family member murdered or assaulted in some serious way to think of the predator in a loving manner. It probably feels impossible for some.
There’s an old man who used to grab me and feel me up all over and do other things to me when he would see me. He is (physically) stronger than me, as most men are, or at least was years ago. And he abused his power, his strength. Instead of using it for good, to help another, he used it for selfish purposes. He claimed to not be able to speak or understand English(though I heard him speaking it before). No matter how much I pulled away or said stop, he wouldn’t let go. I never liked it but would let it slide. Then one day he really assualted me and I felt a kind of fury surge through me that I never felt for a person before. I remember texting my mom telling her what happend. I was so pissed! I wanted to find another man to kick his ass for me but especially for any other girl or woman he may have assualted, but I never did. So I can imagine the pain & fury of someone who was seriously abused or assualted or is close to someone who was.
Try to find it in you to look up the sexual offenders list online, look at their pictures and read what they did. Imagine all those innocent people, most often women and children, who feel destroyed after a predator took it upon himself (not always but they’re usually men ) to violate an innocent person, not giving an ounce of concern for the person. Actually taking great pleasure in the screams, the tears, the agony of those being tortured.
We automatically, easily have deep compassion for the survivors, victims, and families and friends. But try to have compassion for the predators. Try to love them, wish them well, hope they are happy and at peace. See how difficult it is? It feels near impossible. For many, maybe even most of us, all we feel is repulsed. This is why loving kindness meditation can be so difficult.
And it may even feel like we are betraying the victim or survivor if we love the one who committed the atrocious act. Or it may feel like if we forgive, it means we are condoning or allowing horrific acts of violence. But that is not the case. Forgiveness is a form of healing not only good for the one who did wrong but even more for the one who is wronged or who has compassion for the one wronged. And forgiving a person who hurt a friend of ours doesn’t mean we are betraying that friend or doing wrong to a person who is the survivor or victim of a serious assault.
Compassion and love for all does good for the whole world; it’s not just about people who do the horrible things “deserving” love & forgiveness. It’s not about them but about the world as a whole being better when we don’t perpetuate violence and hostility and negativity, when we put out positive energy.
I have been told on quite a few occasions that if we truly care about an issue, cause, person…we would or should feel fury or hatred for the “other side” or those who oppress people. We should hate child abusers, pedophiles, animal killers, sexual predators, serial killers, baby killers, injustice, inequality, racism, poverty, homophobia…..the list goes on. So many claim that if we dont hate or feel anger towards certain things or people, we won’t act to make things better. I know they have good intentions but i disagree. Compassion, love, kindness can fuel us to act; not just hatred and fury. It’s true fury about things wrong in this world can provoke us to act for the better but it can also influence us to act and feel negatively. And like I said, compassion, love can inspire us to move.
Instead of focusing on the horrible monster who killed a child, why not instead shift our focus to the love\compassion we feel for the innocent and the friends and family of the victim? Instead of allowing our body to be filled to the brim with fury and loathing for injustice, racism, discrimination, bullying….how about instead dwell on the love, the well wishes we have for anyone affected by those things. Anger isn’t wrong but it is potentially destructive and not often as pleasant feeling as love. ❤
During my lovingkindness meditations, I rarely think of murderers who kill in cold blood and sexual predators, animal killers. And when I do, it’s sometimes so difficult to summon direct compassion for them even when it’s not me who is involved in any way(I experience compassion for them sometimes and anger and disgust other occasions). It’s hard to think loving thoughts about people who do horrific things to innocent, sentient beings even if I don’t know those innocent beings.
When I think of people who did something to me that I feel is “extra” terrible or those who do horrible things to others, I remind myself that these are the people I have to focus even more loving energy on. Some I will most likely never see/see again and really don’t care to but the point is to get my own mind in an even deeper state of loving so I can BE more love for everyone everywhere I go, just live in a state of deep love. I often feel this anyway but I can still strengthen it, especially by focusing more conscious love on those I find it most difficult to love. I usually focus my love on people it’s easy to love and those I do not know, like “strangers,” everywhere I go and even some very “difficult people” I encounter or have known. But the people who I often find it incredibly difficult to think positively of, I usually don’t try to consciously love them. Even if I’m not wishing bad things on them either.
It’s like that saying “I don’t love you or hate you. I nothing you.” lol
(But in a diffrent way than the “neutral” people mentioned above – this is more of a conscious kind of thing)
But not wishing bad things on them, holding our tongues and not lashing out or saying unpleasant things is a form of love or act of love. It’s a good start. So in this way, I have love for them too.
There’s people I have had very unpleasant encounters with but still feel positive emotions for them.
But then there’s the ones where it sometimes seems too much to want to lavish love onto them, even if just in my head.
When something is especially painful or difficult, it’s often even more of a reason to tend to it.
Those people, even if acting viciously or recklessly, still, like me, have the ability to be happy and the ability to suffer, the ability to love, and the potential to evolve. They have loved and lost, have fears, goals, plans….just like me, they can be struck with a heart attack, a bullet, a headache, tragedy, loss, death…like I can. They were once innocent babies and will (if they live long enough) be very old and even more susceptible to sickness and injury and closer to death.
We’re really all in this together.
It seems like nonsense to want to seek revenge and think negative things about others. But it can be tempting. We can resist temptation though and surrender to love (in whatever way we choose, positive thoughts, well wishes, affection, just not saying negative things…) even when it’s difficult.
To think like this, we train our brains to live in love. And this generates positive energy/auras.
I still occasionally find it hard to think and feel loving thoughts about those people but I get better with it.
“Fake it til you make it.”
This isn’t really about being fake but practicing compassion or positivity to truly BEcome and feel more positive and loving.
We don’t have to love everyone the same way or equally or want to see, talk to, or be friends with everyone. But we can have loving thoughts about everyone we think of and encounter, not just for them but to have our own body filled with loving energy to touch all those around us, and the whole uni-verse.
When we harbor negative energy it can not only be a detriment to our own self but to others. We may act consciously or unconsciously, in accordance with the state of our energy. This goes for both loving and negative energy.
This isn’t just about experiencing empathy for the pain of others but also the joy and happiness even when they have things we want and do not or cannot have. Let’s make the happiness of others our own! ❤
If you don’t love or want to love everyone or those who do horrible things, that’s ok! This isn’t about judging people or saying everyone should live a certain way. We all have different ways and interests. As long as we’re basically good and not out killing and/or torturing people/animals/sentient beings…, destroying property…, just for the thrill of it, it’s all good! And if we are out doing stuff like that, I hope we wake up soon and stop!
😀
Here is the desktop link to a video for a lovingkindness meditation.
Also, this is a beautiful Buddhist song about compassion, empathy, experiencing the joy and sorrow of others as if it’s our own. It’s a Buddhist song but can apply to all of us.
“I need not be the grass to value the land or the poor slaughtered beast to know its pain” ❤
“I need not know a stranger to understand the joys and sorrows he encounters in this land.” ❤
“I need not be the winner with a trophy to celebrate his joy and to share his glory.” ❤
“If we just try to show a little compassion, not just to man but to all sentient manifestation, then no tears will be shed in isolation; another’s joy will be a cause for celebration.” ❤
“Let us live life with a little compassion…” ❤
“All I need is to look inside my heart – for compassion is there right from the start.” ❤
“In the end we should all come to realize sorrow & joy seen through another being’s eyes.” ❤
I’m wishing you much love & light today and always! ❤ 😀
Thursday was free coffee day at wawa! Any size, any flavor, any amount of cups for free! Hot coffee that is! No iced coffee for free. It was so bizarre to see countless people walking in, making up cups of coffee and just walking out without even getting into a line! And no one was watching to be sure we weren’t walking out with stuff other than coffee without paying. And no one seemed to care that some people were taking out multiple cups of coffee in carriers.
It’s not everyday we see many people walking out of stores with stuff without paying! It was kind of like a madhouse in there! Lol Can you guess what kind of coffee I got?! That’s right! Pumpkin! 😉
It was delectable! Luckily I was also buying soda and had to get in line because it would have felt so awkward making up coffee and just leaving. My mom and sister said it wouldnt but to me, it would feel like stealing even though it’s not!
I also attended Buddhist class, which was lovely. I love the teacher! She’s a lay Buddhist who was filling in for our teacher Gen Tenzin who I also love! He has to travel the world sometimes, to teach Buddhism in other countries and stuff. He is a Buddhist monk. Eve, our teacher, Thursday, is very gentle and loving and one of the people with energy that I feel resonates deeply with my own. Just to be near her is very calming. She’s also funny and very patient. She taught me how to make a mala one year and wasnt annoyed when I couldn’t catch on and messed stuff up. It’s hard to learn to tie the knot and I really just couldn’t and kept needing help. It was awkward having to keep asking for help but she showed no signs at all of being annoyed. Even in school as a child I had teachers who would get so annoyed when kids needed extra help. But Eve is more than happy to show us the way even when we struggle. Patience is a virtue she masters well. ❤ I am very thankful to have met her and know her. 😀
Thursday night she reminded us to give thanks, even if just in our head, for all the kindness others show us and to be aware of all the ways in which we are helped by others. There is an infinite number of ways we count on and are helped by others, people packaging our food, making our clothes that we buy, teaching us skills like writing, reading, driving, preparing coffee beans n stuff…and she reminded us to always be thankful for our mom who took great care of us, gave us life or the life we had growing up, loves us, fed and clothed us… Even if there is someone we have a tumultuous or strained relationship with, we can give thanks for the practical things that person has done for us.
Instead of thinking merely in “selfish” terms like we have a job, money, a place to live, all because we accomplished it, we can shift our focus to how others helped us get to those places, building our house, teaching us the skills for that job, giving us the job…this is very transformative and a great way to live, focusing on gratitude and the kindness of others. We can still take pleasure in our own accomplishments while acknowledging how others help us get here along the way.
Also, we are encouraged to be conscious of our thoughts and speech and how they may affect others.
This is not mine; I took it off the Buddha center’s page.
Also, Thursday was a beautiful cool, very rainy day, morning til night.
Just lovely! 😀 ❤
Doesn’t this look like bokeh effect? It’s a natural one though! I was exploring different ways to get photos of the rainy night, while in my dad’s car and I noticed that when I hold the phone camera up, very closely, to the window with the droplets on it, it looks like that and then I put the flash on to brighten the raindrops. This photo has no effect or anything but I did increase the saturation and fixed the contrast to make the colors more vivid.
These are more of my rainy pics.
Tomorrow morning before work, if it all goes as planned, I’m going to attend the Out of darkness walk, here in Philadelphia, for suicide prevention. I always wanted to do something like that but could never seem to find the courage or inner strength. I used to go on the asthma one occasionally and helped out for the HIV one, which I couldn’t attend because I had work, but I always found the thought of the suicide prevention one overwhelming. But I think I can now. My dad may be going with me. My sister was going to but decided it’s too early in the morning for her. I don’t mind going myself.
If you are here in Philadelphia maybe you want to come? It’s at the art museum and begins at 8:30am but the opening ceremony is at 8:00am. You can register there and donate any amount of money. Ends at 11:00am I think. Then I have to go right to work!
Also, they give us beads to wear. The color given to us is dependent upon our personal association with suicide…loss of a child, parent, sibling, lover, friend or family member, suicide attempt or struggle our own self, love someone who struggles, or just support the cause with no personal relation to it. This is so we can look around and see how many people intimately know and understand our own struggle or passion. ❤
I hope the courage doesn’t elude me tomorrow! Lol
I can do this, I can do this!! Lol (Hopefully…)
I love the beautiful feeling of togetherness of walks for various causes; everyone there or almost everyone cares to help support, prevent, bring awareness to….<3
So, if you are there and see me, come give me a big hug! 😀 I’m very shy but love hugs! ❤
This is me just so you know who to come up and hug! I don’t want you hugging the wrong person and being mistaken for a perv or something. But especially, I just don’t want to miss out on the hug! 😉
(me! 😀 ❤ I really have blue eyes with green splashes but for a few days recently, they were green! 😱)
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Yesterday I received two very unpleasant comments, one in person, by someone I know and have liked a lot since i met her and one online by a stranger. The online comment was vicious and intended to be callous and the in-person comment was meant to be compassionate but I find it thoughtless. I’m extremely open about my struggle with severe depression and the things relating to it, both online and in person. Since I was thirteen years old, I have struggled with severe episodes of depression with frequent lower-grade depression in the middle a lot. My depression would always go completely away for a while, sometimes months, but would always come back to some degree. It has been with me off and on through the years since then.
I never try to conceal it out of embarrassment or what people may think but I also dont go out of my way to bring it up usually, not because I dont want to necessarily; it’s just there’s not always an opportunity or thought to bring it up. I don’t constantly talk or think about my depressive illness. I just get to talking about it when it happens to come up somehow. I keep my social media accounts public and post about it sometimes, so anyone has access to it. But not everyone who knows me knows about my condition. I am very happy in general when I’m not depressed; even when my depression was chronic/frequent, it would always leave and I would be so happy and healthy; and even when I am depressed, I am still naturally very friendly to others and still often easily amused. I don’t “look depressed,” whatever that may look like. I don’t dress all in black with my head down and covered in self inflicted cuts, like some people assume depressed people should look like.
I am frequently laughing and smiling. I can function in the world and effectively interact with people in social settings. This is true for many, probably even most of us who struggle with mental health conditions. We may be someone with a family of our own or we may live at home with the family we grew up with, we can be store cashiers, food servers, doctors, counselors, your next door neighbor, your coworker, your best friend, the giggly, smiling person you see at the bus stop everyday, maybe your hairdresser or attorney, a schoolteacher…..we cannot always see depression. It’s true, people do notice I am depressed sometimes (even if they don’t realize it’s depression). But it cannot always be detected by others.
Yesterday online, I expressed compassion for a suicide victim and his family and friends. The sweet young man is dead and everyone who loves and knew him is shattered and will always be scarred. I am not easily offended and not sensitive so I can easily brush off comments and remarks that are malicious, rude, sarcastic, thoughtless….but some occasions, for whatever reason, they hit hard. A stranger, both to me, and to the man who died by suicide, commented and wrote something in response to all our comments, about compassion for him not being necessary because he was a “selfish, cowardly piece of shit who did this to himself.” (This is not new to me; it’s frequent to encounter this kind of sentiment about suicidal people and suicide victims – I have been told myself on more than one occasion, to quit feeling sorry for myself and go get it over with and kill myself already, luckily i havent heard this in a while)
First of all, this poor person was sick or somethimg. It was’t like he just decided it would be fun to end his own life just for thrills. Also, those poor souls who knew him, his family, his mama, his close friends, his acquaintances, his coworkers, his neighbors, maybe even someone who saw him around but hardly knew him, are all impacted in a horrific way now and they can’t help that he made that terrible choice; it’s not their fault so why write something so callous for them to read? They are the ones being hurt by the cruelty; not him. As if it’s not cruel enough, this pain they now have to live with. Now on top of that, they have that comment to remember.
That was at the beginning of my day that I had the displeasure of encountering that. Then closer to the end of my day, I had the displeasure of receiving another thoughtless (but not as ruthless) comment but in person by someone I know.
I recently met a new (platonic) friend at work! I only met him a couple months ago and instantly felt a deep connection to him. He is one of the kindest and most generous people I ever met and reminds me of another friend I have. I was telling my mom how much the two are alike then i found out they grew up knowing each other! ❤ I had no idea! 😀 Shortly after i met this new friend of mine, I realized i felt a sense of “home” like we may feel when we meet people we have a deep “soul” connection with.
Anyway, my new friend has problems, some of which he shared with me. He has severe recurring headaches, financial difficulties, and is in emotional turmoil because he is in the process of getting a divorce, which is not his choice but his wife’s. I am inspired because as much pain as he is experiencing about his loss, he told me he is so thankful for the thirty years he had with her and all the memories he’ll always have. And for his kids and grandbaby(hes adorable! I get to see him some days)
Yesterday, a girl I know told me to be very careful because my new friend just got out of a “looney bin” and is cracking up in the head and she doesnt want him to go off and do anything to me. She said he’s a very friendly person but looney. I could tell she was genuinely concerned for my safety so I cant even be angry at her and even find it a bit touching that she cares so much. But her comment struck me so hard, like a slap hard across the face. He’s not dangerous to others. Most of us are not (though some definitely are) and it is damaging to perpetuate that. She did not realize who she was talking to. If i was in her position and said that to someone who has experienced both voluntary and involuntary psychiatric hospitalizations(like I have), I would have been mortified. I spared her the embarrassment (and fear) and sob story of mine and just tried to assure her that he is not a threat to others. She was not convinced.
She even admitted that he shows no signs of being a threat to others but that she’s concerned when he’s around. I felt compassion for her even with my annoyance. Imagine feeling fear whenever you see someone, that the person will “snap” and put you in danger. It’s not pleasant for her either. She clearly doesn’t understand mental illness.
The reason I found it difficult to shrug off her comment is, I like her a lot (in a platonic way) and my condition is a part of me and always will be, not that I will always be depressed but always remember that I was. It’s painful to like someone and the person not understand a significant part of me, especially thinking I’m dangerous. Some people who dont like something(certain views, disabilities…), when they find out someone they know experiences that, they will come to be more understanding of it and accepting, while others will reject the person. Either way, I think it’s important to not conceal stuff just so others will not dislike us. Just because we deny it in ourselves does not mean it doesn’t exist and then people will love us under false impressions. It won’t be real.
As the cliche goes “I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.”
For sure! Though i dont think it’s very likely that anyone will “hate” us, they may dislike us or feel uncomfortable around us. It is unfortunate and they have my compassion. Even though it’s unpleasant for me, it’s also unpleasant for them. I wish they would try to understand better and not perpetuate dangerous myths.
People don’t just “snap” and “go off.” They show signs that often go unnoticed by others before they freak out and go on a killing spree. And look at all the people who aren’t mentally ill who kill people and animals. Not every mentally ill person who kills does so as a result of the illness. Even mentally ill people can be assholes and kill for the same reasons non mentally ill people kill for. Not only is it wrong to assume mentally ill people are all dangerous because it hurts us to assume that, it’s wrong because it’s like justifying it when someone kills someone. Mental illness is no justification usually. I do struggle with depression sometimes but it never gets me wanting to kill anyone other than myself and if I killed someone I would just be an asshole who is also mentally ill. And I hope I would get life in prison.
I know not to attack someone and never even have the urge to. Only once in all of my days (except when i was little and thought it was funny to hit older kids and if kids were messing with me, i would sometimes hit them) can i ever remember truly wanting to even just smack someone(in 7th grade my friend was irking me so badly in class i just wanted to smack her and would have if we werent in school!) and never again since then. I would kill myself before I would kill someone else and i would risk my own life to save another (even when im not suicidal!).
The two comments, only because I let them, put a damper on my happiness. I let them dull my sparkle. I usually don’t allow that but yesterday I did. But this quote I shared above, popped into my head.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
It’s a quote that is so cliche i fear it may be often just overlooked or mindlessly tossed around in an attempt to seem positive. I have often overlooked it, finding it positive and a great concept but not truly letting it inspire me. Yesterday though, I really felt it, let it inspire me deeply. Even if we can’t initially help how we feel in response to something that someone else says or does, we can work to strengthen our mind against the actions and words of others.
I thought of how it doesnt matter what that girl thinks of my friend or me. We are not dangerous and so many people understand that. There will always be those who don’t and we can just speak up or share things to counter it. And we can show compassion to those in need.
I accept my condition. There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t change my history of it. It just is and I allow it to be. I will never cover it up no matter what others think about it or me. And one thing I am pleased to realize is while there are many reasons to give up mental illness if we could, like the fact that it hurts us and those around us, it’s expensive for treatment, interferes with things….what other people think is not one of those reasons to give it up even if we were able to! I wouldn’t give up my illness or experiences just because someone else thinks I’m a basketcase.
Also, I receive many, many more loving comments and responses to my condition and things i post online, than unpleasant ones and those are the ones I focus on more. There are many more people who are loving and kind in general than those who are not. And the ones who aren’t can become more kind and loving. We can all evolve.
Another thing I made the choice to do in the face of this unpleasantness is ask myself how this can strengthen me, what is it teaching or reminding me, what wisdom can i realize and deepen and share with others…What virtues can i strengthen? Patience, gratitude, compassion, kindness, forgiveness….there’s always positive things to be learned and reminded of in every difficult situation.
I want to remind us all to not give anyone consent to dull our sparkle, contribute to us feeling inferior, low, anxious….anything unpleasant. The power is within us to let what they say or do, slide right off. Whatever they do or say, does not change anything about us whether it’s true or not. Think of the positive things in the world, our own self, and each other, and let the unpleasant things said and done to us go. It can’t hurt us if we don’t let it. It’s up to each of us how to respond both in our head and outwardly.
(this isn’t my photo! My sister sent me a message as i was completing this post and i opened it and it was this pic she sent me! Perfect, right!?)
I’m wishing you much love and light, always! ❤
I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! I have a busy couple of days but everything is going well. 😍❤
“And we’re all gonna shine a light together All shine a light to light the way Brothers and sisters in every little part Let our love shine a light in every corner of our hearts”
“Poetry is a fresh morning spider-web telling a story of moonlit hours of weaving and waiting during a night.” ❤
Look how lovely! One night recently, in the backyard, I watched a beautiful spider weaving a web on the clothesline. I tried to get pictures but it was too dark and the spider was constantly in motion, spinning and spinning. I saw him\her clearly even though it was dark. The kitchen light in my house and the bright moonlight was enough to allow me to see but the pictures still turned up blurry and dark! I don’t put the flash on for fear of killing the little kritters.
I told my mom I really wanted to get a pic but the circumstances weren’t good for it. I hoped my little arachnid would be there still in the morning. But I was so happy watching him\her spin so beautifully. How magical!
❤
The next day my mom told me s\he was still there so I happily went to see and was pleasantly surprised! This is a different one! A much bigger and more vibrantly colored one but equally beautiful. 😍
If you look closely at my picture, you can see the beautiful web s\he worked so hard to spin. This one was in a recycling can. It was recycling night and I implored my mom to put a different can out that night so as not to disturb the beauty and ruin (her?) Web. A neighbor stole the actual recycling bucket one day (even with our address on it and did not try to remove or cover up our address, my mom checked the cans of those she suspected would do such a thing and sure enough…lol) and my mom “stole” it back and started just using it for the yard and putting a small trashcan out front on recycling \trash night. And the spider was in the trashcan one.
At first my mom refused my plead to leave the spider be but I implored and whined all day til she gave in(a technique that has worked since i was a little girl…beg, whine, stomp around, throw conniptions…til I have my way! Never too old for that, right!?) Lol 😉
So the spider remained undisturbed until late that night when she left on her own. 😍
For these pics, I increased the saturation, structure, and sharpening to bring out the detail of the web. And to bring out the vibrant colors of the spider’s body. On this last picture here, I took the “warmth” option on the slider on Snapseed app and decreased it into the negatives to give it a cool blue look (increasing it would give it a warm yellow\orange color that blends too much with the spider’s natural colors.). The spider’s coloring looks good against this cool blue.
I love how the one part somewhat resembles a human thumbprint! ❤
On the first photo, after bringing out the detail, I just experimented with different things and got the pretty rainbowy background! 😍😀🌈
Do you know what kind of spider this is? Boy? Girl? Poisonous? Deadly? Harmless? Do boy ones and girl ones both spin webs? I can look that one up on Google, I’m sure of it , but I’ll just wait to see if anyone reading knows.
I LOVE spiders!! They are some of most beautiful creatures on Earth.
“(Vincent price speaks) Leaving lepidoptera… Please, don’t touch the display, Little boy, aha cute! Moving to the next aisle we have Arachnida, the spiders, our… Finest collection. This friendly little devil is the heptothilidi, Unfortunately harmless. Next to him, the nasty licosa Raptoria, his tiny fangs cause creeping ulcerations of The skin (laugh). And here, my prize, the Black Widow. Isn’t she lovely?… And so deadly. Her kiss is Fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake. You see her venom is highly neurotoxic, which is to say That it attacks the central nervous system causing Intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in Breathing, loss of consciousness, violent convulsions And, finally… Death. You know what I think I love about her Most about her is her inborn need to dominate, Possess. In fact, immediately after the consummation Of her marriage to the smaller and weaker male of the Species she kills and eats him… (laugh) oh, she is Delicious… And I hope he was! Such power and dignity … Unhampered by sentiment. If I may put forward a Slice of personal philosophy, I feel that man has ruled This world as a stumbling dimented child-king long Enough! And as his empire crumbles, my precious Black Widow…” ❤
I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! A day\night filled with lots of love, laughter, beauty, inner peace, and spiders!! 😉
I’m at work now working a ten hour shift! Already worked five hours and have another five to go! 😀
I wonder if you can No need for greed or hunger A brotherhood of man Imagine all the people sharing all the world You, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one I hope some day you’ll join us And the world will live as one” Beautiful song & sentiment! Living as One. Always.
This is my current phone background! It’s not my photo; it’s one I found on an inspirational wallpaper app. I have a few of those apps installed and they allow us to share the wallpapers with others through a share button and there’s even an option to send some of them right here to WordPress!
I think most of us are kind and loving anyway, in general but there’s always room to evolve right?! I think so!
😀
To me, the most important thing is to be kind & loving with sentient beings including ourself (yup, it’s a word! It’s used to refer to us in general as opposed to a specific group of people) but it’s also important to be patient with inanimate objects like the cash register at work. Lol Just earlier today I got pissed at it and cursed it. Not that it’s wrong to the object itself but it generates negative energy to allow ourself to get angry with something as dumb as an object not operating as it should. And if we allow it to happen too frequently it can become a habit.
It’s not good to repress our unpleasant emotions and they are not wrong to experience or express. But we can practice lovingkindness so we have less angry occasions and more inner peace in general.
One way is when we feel angry, acknowledge it, know it’s ok, take a few breaths, mindfully, then let or attempt to let go of the negativity. We can even visualize all the tension, distress, negativity leaving the body with each exhale. It can become a very positive habit. Again, it’s not about repression of unpleasant emotions.
We can also cultivate a more peaceful attitude by giving thanks for whatever or whoever we are angry at. The cash register for example, it can be a big pain in the balls for sure but imagine what we would do without it! I don’t have to imagine! Years ago the thing broke! And my coworker and me were stuck having to use a calculator, pen & paper, and our own math skills (mine sucks!). It was hellish having a broken cash register on a hot busy day at an ice cream store!
So the cash register really does serve a great purpose. Why focus on the bad?
And if the person or thing or whatever just really seems to have nothing good to focus on, give thanks for this opportunity to practice love & patience.Difficult situations and people are great teachers and reminders.
Also, I got pissed at this phone I’m using while trying to write this very post! Lol (I’m not in a pissy mood today, I promise!) Then I realized the irony and took my own suggestions to heart.
I took a few deep (as deep as I can, it’s hot and hard to breathe) breaths and decided to be thankful for my phone which is a blessing even with the problems it can bring.
Also, we can engage in a guided lovingkindness meditation session. There are so many on YouTube, some as short as fifteen minutes or less (like the one I will share below) and others over a half hour long. Not everyone wants to take the time for a full meditation practice and we don’t have to to practice lovingkindness.
We have so many opportunities to practice throughout each and every day. It can be as simple as wishing the best (even if just in our heads) for each person, insect, animal we look at. Even the ones we do not know or ones we dont have very positive opinions or affection for.
We can practice love and patience in every single encounter or at least some for a start.
We don’t have to express it out loud necessarily if we dont want to and we dont even have to actually feel the lovingkindness always; it’s about intention until eventually we feel it frequently without trying.
“Fake it til you make it!”
I am naturally this way but still have space to evolve and find this practice so very beautiful and peaceful.
Remember just like you, just like me, every living sentient being wants to avoid suffering and wants inner peace even if that being cannot express or even think it consciously.
Animals, insects, our friends and family, our annoying neighbors, our coworkers, troubled people, addicted people, homeless people, stray animals, people with mental illness, financially rich people, insects that seem repulsive or annoying …..all can experience pleasure and pain, suffering, love and loss, fear and peace…if we wont focus on the good in them then still let us remember again and again that we are all alike in the most fundamental or essential ways.
I hope you are having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are!
(Not my photo but I’m going to make one like it with a pic of the adorable Buddha amulet I recently got in the mail! 😀 )
If you need a reminder to let go whether it’s something trivial like being looked at the wrong way, an annoying person you must deal with, … Or something a bit more serious seeming like unrequited love, traumatic past, loss, anything at all, here it is! Envision yourself breathing in the bright white light of the Buddha, all his unconditional love, indestructible compassion, and deep wisdom and exhaling all of your struggles, pain, fear, anxieties,… In the form of dark smoke leaving your body. This is what we do in meditation class. ❤
(my King, Oscar, & me last night! We’re in bed getting ready to go to sleep <3)
“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~Leo Buscaglia
This is King Oscar! He used to be Prince Oscar but he has been promoted to King! 😀
❤
He's an old boy and can't really hear or see but he's very cuddly and loves to snuggle. He sleeps in my bed each night and snuggles on my neck! He also slobbers a lot. eww! lol
He is an extra large shih tzu!
And this is my baby, Boobie. She died yesterday. 😦 </3
She was nearly fourteen years old and her life was just up. I am devestated but so thankful she had a loving furever home with me for so many years.
I had her since she was a pup & I was sixteen years old. I can't imagine this life without my girl. </3
But I focus on the positive, the love, the goodness, the happy memories. She was the sweetest girl, loving and funny, a barker and beggar! lol
She brought us toys and loved to snuggle with my mom!
My mom isn't well after our loss. She loves animals and Boobie was closest to her.
I have loved & lost many pets through the years and know this pain well but it always feels new in a way. Each loss feels unbearable sometimes even though there were many before.
But like I said, I'm focusing on the good and not dwelling too much on the sad loss.
I’m more sad for my baby than for me. I miss her but she’s the one dead. I would have died so she can live if I could have. But that can’t be so I’m just cherishing the love & memories!
