Tag Archive | empathy

Touch <3

Feb11

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“But when your love light shines upon my face
I’m in a different world
A world so warm and sweet
I’m in a different world
Now that you’ve been loving me
I’m in a different world” ~ the four tops

Dr. Leo Buscaglia (1924 – 1998 ) professor, author, and extremely loving man is one of my greatest inspirations! He is very compassionate and very humble. Unfortunately he died in 1998 at age 75 years old of a heart attack. But his love and light live on. I lost my good friend/coworker that way, another beautiful, loving person, and now whenever I hear of someone dying that way, someone I know or not, it’s like a punch in the gut. 

In the book “Living, Loving, & Learning,” a collection of lectures by Dr. Buscaglia, he writes of an experience he had with a young college student of his.

I am going to share it here. 

Caution: This may be a trigger for people who have some experience with depression/suicidal urges or thoughts. I have severe depression and frequent suicidal thoughts and sometimes urges and not always but often, reading/hearing about a suicide attempt or anything about suicide, whether it’s real or fiction, can be a serious trigger for me even when I’m not currently depressed or suicidal. 

So this is a warning that what I’m sharing here may be a trigger in case you want to click it off.  

Dr. Buscaglia writes:

“In my first year at USC I was teaching a class. It’s an amazing thing- I imagine you feel the same thing I do- but you pick up vibrations from your audience. Things happen between you and your audience if you are talking to them and not at them. It would be marvelous if we could ever have a small group to sit down and really talk and relate instead of always these massive things. But nevertheless, you know that there are certain faces in an audience that come out, certain bodies that vibrate. They reach you and you reach them.
Every once in a while, when you need support, you focus on them and receive a smile that says ‘Go on man, you’re doing fine.’ Then you can do all kinds of things. Well, I had such a person in this class, a beautiful young girl. She was always about the sixth row back and she’d sit there nodding. When I’d say something, she’d say, ‘Oh, yes!’ You could hear her say ‘Wow,’ and then she’d write things down, and I’d think, ‘Oh, I’m really communicating with her – something beautiful is happening between us; it’s going to be good; she’s learning,’ etc. Then one day she stopped coming. I couldn’t imagine what had happened and I kept looking for her but she wasn’t there. Finally, I checked with the Dean of Women and she said, ‘Haven’t you heard?’…this young lady whose papers were absolutely brilliant, whose mind was exciting, who had a creativity like you never dreamed…had gone to Pacific Palisades, an area where sheer cliffs fall into the sea. She parked her car, walked out, jumped off that cliff and splattered herself on the rocks below. It bothers me still and I thought to myself – what are we doing stuffing facts at people and forgetting that they are people, that they are human beings?” (pp. 5-6) 

As heartbreaking as this story is, it’s a great reminder that we can be lovingly touching the life of someone we hardly know or do not even realize exists or don’t realize how we positively impact that person. This beautiful young girl was inspiring her professor and had no idea! He looked to her for inspiration, support, beauty….without her ever knowing. He was touched by her life and presence even years later. Even after she stopped coming to class, he remembered her and actually went to look for her. She probably had no clue her smile brightened his day and her positive gestures  kept him going strong, feeling as if he was really reaching people. Even though he was a very educated and confident man with an amazing career and great success, once in a while he still appreciated feedback that what he was doing was reaching someone and touching others for the better. And this girl was clearly touched by him as evidenced by her reactions in class. And she confirmed for him that he was touching lives for the better. Even though she killed herself intentionally, it doesn’t mean she wasn’t touched by her professor and others. We can love and appreciate others and what they do for us but still be suicidal. 

Both the professor and his student brightened each other’s days and loved each other without communicating directly, verbally, for the most part. They felt a connection to one another, connected through smiles, eye contact, positive reinforcement. 

Unfortunately the young girl felt that she just couldn’t go on living. I have so much love and anguish for her and all those affected by that tragic loss. This was decades ago but I am certain there are people still affected by her death. Whether friends and family still alive, others who knew her, or just readers of Dr. Buscaglia and others who just heard of her suicide. How traumatic.

This reminds me of my own experience. When I was in college, I was involuntarily hospitalized for depression when I planned to kill myself. I told a couple doctors I was going to kill myself very soon, I even knew the day and method, when I would be in my house alone with access to the thing I was going to use as a weapon against myself, but I tried to “take it back” after I said it because I had to be hospitalized. I only wanted to relieve my pain some until I got to kill myself. I did not want help. But it turns out after we confess we actually have a thorough plan to attempt to kill our self, we can’t take that back. I wasn’t cooperative and refused to sign myself in so the psychiatrist signed a 302 paper for me and I had to go to the court of mental health where they decided I had to be hospitalized even longer. 
And I couldn’t come to class for a few weeks at the end of the semester. My one professor, Dr. M, for one of my psychology classes who I also had class with another semester before that, noticed I wasn’t in class for a while. After I got out of the hospital, I saw an e-mail he sent me asking if everything is ok and said he was concerned because I never missed class and now missed weeks. 
I found so much love and consolation in his choice to reach out to me just to check and make sure everything was ok. I told him my situation and he was extremely caring about it and helped me tremendously. He even went out of his way to make it so I wouldn’t have to take our final exam or come back to class since it was about to end anyway and I was a wreck.
Lol I will never forget the love he showed to me. To this day I am still deeply touched. 

Through this story I am reminded and want to remind others how one life can touch many, many others for the better even without the person realizing. Your life can be impacting someone in ways you can never even imagine. It may be an employee at a store you visit, the homeless person on the corner, a person you see at a busstop, your coworker you rarely talk to, a neighbor, a receptionist or doctor or nurse at a doctor’s office, your teacher or professor, a person you just say a quick hello to and go about your day…..or maybe you are one of the people above, maybe you’re the person at the busstop inspiring someone, the receptionist, the homeless person, the doctor, the teacher or professor and you have no idea the impact you have on someone you may not even know. 

I think it’s worth staying alive even if just to keep on loving everyone around us in various ways even if it’s just a warm smile as we’re walking by. 

It’s good for all of us, suicidal/depressed or not, to be mindful of the impact we have on those around us and try to make it as loving as possible. Love isn’t just a warm affection for those we know(though it can be); it’s an action, a verb, an expression, wishing others the best, even if we don’t know them. Reaching out to help, inspire, uplift….is reaching out in love. ❤ ❤

😀

I strongly recommend Dr. Leo Buscaglia's work to everyone. He's one of the most loving people you can ever come across. He's no longer living on Earth with us but his lovelight lives on and on. His essence still lights the world and always will.

As the saying goes, love is how we stay alive even after we are long gone.

“You’re more than a love to me
You’re my way of life
I’ll forever cherish you
More each day and night” ❤

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http://www.buscaglia.com/biography

Love & light to you,

Xoxo Kim 

For a friend <3

Jan28

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“And now I’m left without, but you’re here within
As I watch the sun go down, watching the world fade away
All the memories of you come rushing back to me
As I watch the sun go down, watching the world fade away
All I want to do is kiss you once goodbye” ~ Jimmy Somerville 

This is a song I love and sometimes I listen to it when my grief (about different losses) is at its worst. I discovered this song a few years ago after my dog, Koko, died of old age.

I felt destroyed and like my loss is unbearable. My agony over the loss of my dog felt like it was killing me. Sometimes I still feel that. Shortly after my dog died in 2013, I was so griefstricken and was searching for anything to help me and I stumbled upon this song riddled with love & loss.

It’s a beautiful song about the devastating loss of a friend. It’s very sad but hopeful too.

Grief & loss can feel so lonely but it’s something almost everyone experiences at least once at some point. We almost all will lose a friend, a parent, a pet, a grandparent…and we won’t all experience it the same exact way or handle it the same. But underneath it all, is that sense of loss & grief that most of us will relate to in some way. 

“I never cried the way I cried over you
As I put down the telephone and the world it carried on
Somewhere else, someone else is crying too
Another man has lost a friend, I bet he feels the way I do”

I love this line here because it displays empathy. Whatever we are experiencing, pleasant or unpleasant, no matter how unique our inner experience is or feels, it’s very likely someone else, somewhere out there, is feeling or has felt the same way or very similarly. 

It’s great to remember that, not just because we can feel less lonely but it deepens our empathy for others and can deepen our sense of connection and oneness with others we know or not know personally. 

It’s not good that others are suffering but since there are people suffering like us, it’s good to reach out to each other or share our stories so others can feel a sense of being understood. 

Empathy isn’t just about understanding or feeling the pain of others but also sharing in their joy, success, and happiness.

I have been listening to this song and thinking about my friend/coworker, Diane, who I was close to and worked with for almost ten years. She died unexpectedly of a heart attack at work almost a year ago. I experience all kinds of emotions about it, anger, confusion, fear, despair, pain…, sometimes I feel as if I’m drowning or suffocating. But I also experience love & gratitude which I know are strong enough to conquer all those horrific emotions. Love & gratitude won’t burn them out completely but they make them easier to bear. 

Grief doesn’t go away usually, but we learn to handle it as the days go on and it heals to a certain degree.

“I’ll never let you down, a battle I have found
And all the dreams we had, I will carry on
As I watch the sun go down, watching the world fade away
All the memories of you come rushing back to me
As I watch the sun go down, watching the world fade away
All I want to do is kiss you once goodbye, goodbye
Goodbye, goodbye”

Beautiful lyrics! ❤

I feel his pain. </3 ❤

Let's remember the positive qualities of the ones we lost and honor them each day. Bask in the happy memories and the fact we got to know them as long as we did even if it wasn't very long. We could have never encountered them in this life but we did and that's a blessing even with the severe pain. 

❤

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Much love & light & inner peace to you, always.

❤ 😀

Xoxo Kim 

Everything & Everyone <3

Jan27

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“If we could see everything and everyone as beautiful we would not develop anger or jealousy but would feel affectionate love for all living beings.” ~ Geshe Kelsang Gyatso

Let’s focus on the good in each other & our own self & everything around us and get our minds in the habit of loving.

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“You’re my life,
You’re my breath,
You’re a smile
You’re my guest
You’re the earth
You’re the sun
You’re the grass
You are love
You’re my hands
You’re a bug
You’re my eyes
You’re a hug
You’re the light
In the dark
You’re the spark
You are fun
You’re my mom
You are water
You’re the stars
You’re my daughter
Your my friend
Till the end 
You’re my dreams
You’re my father
You’re the ants on the ground
The miracles that surround
I’m feelin’ it all around
The hemisphere and the clouds
You’re my pain you’re my sorrow
You’re my hope for tomorrow
You’re the strength when I’m hollow
You’re the path that I follow
You’re the blessings that exist
The small things that are bliss
The gift to realize that
Everything is a gift.”~ Nimo Patel – Empty Hands

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This is a most beautiful song. It’s called Grateful and is a musical love song to the world. The whole world, everyone & everything. Friends, family, strangers, insects, clouds, the beauty all around….all encompassing love. ❤

"All that I am
All that I see
All that I've been and all that I'll ever be
Is a blessing
Its so amazing
And I’m grateful for it all, for it all" ~ Nimo

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It’s true, everything is a gift. I love the feeling of Oneness. To feel like everyone I encounter is family or can be. To feel connected to the sky, the trees and flowers, the buildings and the air, myself dissolves into the Oneness and it’s a true gift.

❤

I'm wishing you much love & light today & always!!

😀 ❤

xoxo Kim

Ordinary Angels <3

Jan16

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(a “stranger” & me hugging outside Love park in Philadelphia last may – What a wonderful world! My mom took the picture. <3)

“It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take a fly
And save a life ohh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels”

Today I encountered a couple ordinary angels walking to work. And I told a complete "stranger" "I love you!" 

A man walked up to me and asked me to buy him a banana split. He seems like he may be homeless and definitely struggling financially. At first I suspected it was a joke. I work at a store where we make banana splits. And occasionally my customers who see me on the streets or in other stores come over and playfully say give me a banana split or milkshake or sundae, just as a joke. I can't even count how many occasions I hear someone yelling across a store or up the street "Hey, it's the ice cream/banana split girl!" lol That's one of the many, many pleasures of working at a store where we serve something as joyous as ice cream! People automatically associate me with joy! ;-D

I did not recognize this man but it was possible he was at one point my customer and was joking. But I quickly realized he was serious. He wanted a banana split at the store Cold Stone. Unfortunately I did not have enough money to buy him one.

I did have enough to buy him coffee though. But he said no he already had coffee and donuts and he pointed to the trash can where he set his coffee and donuts. Some sweet souls already bought him it! It warmed me to see how sweet many people are to buy a person they don't know personally, coffee and donuts.

So I asked him if he would like something else in dunkin donuts, not Cold Stone because I physically did not have the money. I wish I did and would have gladly bought him a banana split and whatever else he wanted. But he said "no just give me whatever you got and I'll save up for my banana split!" lol Now that may seem kind of rude when I write it out like that but he wasn't rude. He was very friendly and told me he loves me! I know he was serious and I told him I love you back.

Now, people may be confused and think how can two perfect "strangers" love each other. Through the years on various occasions I heard my mom & dad ask “How can someone love a stranger?” when they would hear someone express love to a person not personally known to that person. My dad has a sweet & very loving old lady friend who tells everyone “I love you” and she has that as her voicemail at the end. My dad always said how can she love people she does not know. One day on tv my mom & me watched Ellen Degeneres (sp?) say “I love you” to a fan who said it to her first. My mom said the fan can love Ellen but how can Ellen love a person she does not know. But it's easy! There are different kinds of love and different ways to love. Most people probably aren't going to love a person they met two seconds ago the same way they love family & friends and others they know. But they can still love.

Love can be a warm affection, a verb or action, or just a genuine wish for someone else to be happy. When we reach out to help, heal, lift, inspire another, we reach out in love. ❤

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“The world can make you feel so small
Steal your dreams and make you crawl
And break you till you got you got nothing at all
When your in that dark place and you need that embrace
You know love is never too far away”

I put "strangers" in quotations because the longer I live and the deeper I meditate and the more I practice universal love, I realize there are no strangers. We all know each other and we are all One. We all have a basic wish to be happy and free of suffering. We all have desires, needs, longings, fears, dreams or goals, an aversion to suffering, we all lose things and all experience joy, suffering, happiness, heartache…we are all susceptible to tragedy and death and all have the boundless capacity to love & to give.

Think of your pain, your love, your joy, your sorrow, your hope, your tears & laughter & loneliness, your gratitude, your embarrassment, your anger, your patience and impatience, your restlessness and sense of victory, your sense of belonging and togetherness and family, your fears & grief & dreams, your will to live, and know each one you look at and each one you touch, and not just humans, has those experiences too. I already know so much about you, who are reading this, without knowing who you are. 

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One of my favorite books. I carry it everywhere with me.

~Our capacity to love is a currency that just never runs out~

Isn’t it truly amazing how love really cannot run out? There’s enough for everyone! Always! Unlike money and other material things, love cannot be used up. We can give & give & give and not only does it not run out, it increases! The more we love, the more we feel love! ❤

While this encounter with the needy man was going on, I noticed another man through the window of dunkin donuts carefully watching me, even leaning over his table to watch out the window.

Then he later approached me and told me to be careful. He said there are people out there who ask us for money or try to talk to us 
and when we least expect it, put their hands in our bag and carry off with our stuff! It never even occurred to me!

I walk around with my shoulder bag wide open with all my stuff just scattered in it. This man, another, "stranger" was very concerned. 

The man asked him for a banana split too but he said no he hardly has money for himself. But he expressed compassion for the man and said he's sorry he is struggling with destitution. 

I greatly appreciate his concern. The man who wanted a banana split did not seem at all suspicious and I think he truly just wanted a banana split. And he did not try to go anywhere near my bag. I'm extremely trusting often to the point I have done very stupid things and been called stupid by others.

It's a great reminder to be careful. The people who may put their hands in our bags are not necessarily horrible people, just desperate. They may be genuinely friendly but it doesn't mean they won't take our stuff necessarily.

Not all desperate people would do that but many do.

So it's great to be cautious along with compassionate.

When I was leaving the store, a friendly (at least to me) man was holding the door for me and said hello sweetheart when the man who wanted the banana split approached him and the man holding the door yelled "I ain't got two fucking cents!" I couldn't help but laugh.

And I understand his frustration. I never get angry at people asking me for money or stuff but I know just what it's like to not even have "two fucking cents" for myself!

As I was leaving the man who wanted the banana split said "goodbye love, have a great day!" and again, I could tell he truly meant it. 

Even though he is destitute in a financial & material way, I see he is rich in love. He was nothing but friendly, even to the people who weren't friendly to him. I hope he gets his banana split soon! 

I love sharing stories of acts of kindness & love whether they are ones I'm involved in, witness, or even just read or hear. Reading/hearing someone else's story of kindness can brighten our own day and inspire us to act in compassionate ways.

Every now and again I make a list of my ordinary angels and share them here with this beautiful song. I don't think there has ever been a song truer than this. Any one of us can be someone's ordinary angel today. 

“It could be a waitress at coffee shop you never saw before
A soldier thats just coming home from fighting in the war
We all got a little superman ready to take a fly
And save a life ohh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels”

“Ordinary Angels” sung by Craig Morgan 
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It's a country song which I know many people don't like but even if you don't like the tune or style, you will probably love the message! Country music is my favorite! Especially inspirational country music!  😀

“Everyone can be great because everyone can serve.”

Much love & light, ❤ 

Hugs to you and always remember, I love you!!! ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Everything is beautiful <3

Jan13

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“Everything is beautiful
In its own way
Like a starry summer night
Or a snow covered winter’s day
Everybody’s beautiful
In their own way
Under God’s heaven
The world’s gonna find a way”

I love the message of this song. I don’t believe in any gods but the message is beautiful! It’s true there’s beauty in everything & everyone; we just have to open our minds and see, feel. And it’s true, if we open our minds to see beauty in everyone and everything, the world will find a way. ❤

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“There is none so blind
Than is he who will not see
We must not close our minds
We must let our thoughts be free
For every hour that passes by
You know the world
Gets a little bit older
It’s time to realize
That beauty lies
In the eyes of the beholder”

“We shouldn’t care
About the length of his hair
Or the color of his skin
Don’t worry about
what shows from without
but the love that lives within
We’re gonna get it all together now
Everything gonna work out fine
Just take a little time
to look on the good side my friend
And straighten it out in your mind”

Get that mind focused on Metta.

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/12/19/on-empathy/

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2015/02/25/offering-the-victory-universal-love-3/

Late last night, we actually got Snow here in Philadelphia! But it only snowed for a few minutes, not enough to collect on the ground but enough to collect on the windchimes and things on the ground, trash can lids…

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My phone doesn’t often take good pictures in the dark. It was nearly 12:00AM and when I woke up in the morning, the sun was out and the snow was gone! It’s still freezing cold today though! And I’m seeing & feeling beauty everywhere!  

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Thank you for the sweet messages on some of my posts! I will respond soon! I was without wifi most of the day at work and just got home. I always appreciate comments/messages & likes & shares!!! ❤ It was so cold at work so I had hot cocoa & tea!! yummy! :-p 😀

❤

Everything is Beauty – Ray Stevens – mobile

Everything is Beautiful – desktop

Much love,

xoxo Kim

Loving those who are still sleeping

Jan5

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“Once you awaken you will have no interest in judging those who sleep.” 

Yes! Sometimes it may be tempting to speak of love and compassion then negatively judge those who do not act as lovingly as we ourselves do or think we do. We may learn something new, become financially better off, obtain an advanced school degree, become enlightened in some way, get an amazing job promotion, lose weight, live a healthier lifestyle….then come back to judge those who are still less educated, less well off, less wise in certain ways. 

But I believe true wisdom is letting others be. Let them be how they are, embrace them in the state they are currently in while wishing the best for them. We do not have to be arrogant or condescending in our ways. It’s great when we accomplish something amazing and deepen our wisdom and compassion but it doesn’t mean we have to become smug about it. Even if we try to help them wake up, we can do this in non condescending ways remembering that we were not always so wise or educated and that there will always be those more wise, educated, skilled, or intelligent than we are. 

The longer I live, the more I realize the importance and deep wisdom of humility. 

This is a lovely quote that sums it up so perfectly. 

Much love & light to you!

❤ 😀

Xoxo Kim 

Humble

Dec20

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“I believe that the first test of a great man is his humility. I don’t mean by humility, doubt of his power. But really great men have a curious feeling that the greatness is not of them, but through them. And they see something divine in every other man and are endlessly, foolishly, incredibly merciful.” ~ John Ruskin

This quote is full of so much wisdom! Being humble is a good thing and doesn’t mean we are not confident in our own views, ways, lives, self…

Sometimes it’s tempting to boast or become arrogant when we feel that we know something or come to see things in a more enlightened way than before or more enlightened way than it seems most around us see things. And even if we are correct and others are wrong, it’s still better, in my opinion, to be compassionate and humble. So what if we’re right and they are all wrong? It doesn’t make us better or more valuable than others. It doesn’t make us more worthy of anything. It doesn’t make us great to brag or be proud (at the expense of others) of our own great qualities. 

Also, it’s possible to be one hundred percent certain we are right…..then find out we were wrong all along! lol There have been occasions I would be arguing with someone and *know* I was the right one only to find out later that I was in fact very wrong!
I was completely convinced I was right. You never know, you may just be wrong. 

It’s good to be open to hearing all sides of things even if we know we are right. This can deepen our empathy and also help strengthen our own views and arguments. Why only want to remain “safe” in our own world of only things that confirm what we believe or know? Isn’t it great to be challenged? Even when it’s uncomfortable? I think so! 

I believe it’s best not to view ourself as somehow “special” or different or greater than the rest. We may have greater intelligence or compassion or beauty, more skills or talents or money or friends or be more giving and have better morals or anything than someone else but that doesn’t make us a better person. Also, while there’s so many less wise and intelligent than we are or think we are, there’s so many who are more wise and intelligent. And we can always learn something new no matter how much we already know. Everyone can teach us or remind us something even if it’s simply how not to be.  It’s possible to cherish our great qualities without feeling like we are somehow great or above others. I believe in what he says, greatness works through us. 

Anyone can be great. There are so many ways to allow greatness to work through us. Let’s welcome every opportunity to allow it. 

This quote is a great reminder that it’s possible to be self confident while remaining humble and open.

One of the best quotes ever! 😀

Much love & light to you,

❤
Xoxo Kim 

We Just Disagree <3

Dec18

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“So let’s leave it alone ’cause we can’t see eye to eye.
There ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy,
There’s only you and me and we just disagree.”

We Just Disagree – Dave Mason – mobile

We Just Disagree – desktop

What a great message and a great song! One of my favorites! Instead of seeing the other person or side as bad or wrong, we can view the situation as just a disagreement and see that most of us usually have good intentions. 

😀

I hope you are having a lovely day/night!

❤

Xoxo Kim