Tag Archive | philosophy

Ramblings of a living kidney donor- frequently asked Q&A 🫘💚

(Words are censored because I sometimes copy/paste posts off of Facebook to here or here to Facebook where certain words can get us a suspension or post removal. They can’t detect context. So I can be posting about donating blood. It will see blood and automatically detect it as violence. Also, I censor common trigger words that people with trauma history may see.)

Content warning ⚠️!!!!! There is a picture of a human kidney in this post!! It will gross you out lol It’s not a scan image, it’s the kidney after it was taken out of my body before it was sent to its new person. I asked the surgeon to take a pic for me 😆😁

Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel

Questions we get asked as altruistic/non directed/living kidney donors and my responses:

1.) What if your child/family member needs a kidney transplant in the future, and now you can’t give them yours? Would you regret it?

Nahh.

This is probably the most frequent question.

I could not regret saving/attempting to save a life. I did what I felt called to do when I did. And if someone in my family needed a kidney transplant after I donated to a stranger, I would remember that someone else’s family needed that kidney too and are no less worthy or less important than my family member. I wouldn’t be kicking myself wishing I held out knowing a whole other life is spared and enhanced. Of course if my family member needed a kidney transplant I would have given mine when I had two. But since that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t regret it if it happens later. How could I regret someone else’s child, mom, grandad, sister, niece, best friend, husband….or just a person being alive??

And I would remember that there are kind people out there who would donate an organ to a stranger like I did and have hope that one of them would help my family member the way I helped someone else’s. I couldn’t imagine not helping someone when I’m passionate about it because maybe someone I know will need me later. That may never happen and then someone would be sick or dying, and I would miss the opportunity to get to experience being a living organ donor. It makes no sense to me to hold out for something that is very unlikely to happen when something is already happening now that needs tending to. Also, who is to say I will be healthy enough later? Health is so fleeting & fragile. I may not be qualified later if my family member needs one. People take good health for granted just assuming we’ll always be healthy. This question shows that in the assumption that I would still be healthy enough later to help a family member. I hope I will. But unfortunately there’s no guarantee. To be a living kidney donor, we also have to be financially fit enough and have appropriate life/work circumstances. At one point years ago my circumstances changed, and I wasn’t financially qualified or able to take off work for recovery and wasn’t sure when/if I would ever be qualified again. I got super lucky when things changed again for the better. There’s also no guarantee my financial/work/life situation won’t change again. I would miss my chance. I am nothing but lucky to have the gift of this very rare experience.

2.) What if your kidney goes/went to a Donald Trump supporter/Republican/some @$$hole?

🤣😂😆😭 As long as it’s not a Cowboys fan, we’re good!

Jk!

Altruistic or non directed kidney donation is certainly not for everyone. It’s not for the faint of heart. There are people who say they would love to donate a kidney to a stranger but are too afraid it will go to someone they feel is undeserving like people with certain political or religious views. I have read stories by people who donated their kidney but absolutely had to be sure it was going to someone who has Liberal political views like them or had to be sure the person has personality traits they like. They can’t be a non directed donor with this frame of mind. It can truly take a toll on someone emotionally to keep wondering if the person who has their kidney is worthy or if they find out who the person is and they don’t measure up to their standards. They have to go looking for a specific person in need and make sure that person measures up. I don’t understand it myself, I could never choose out of a list of people and decide someone is worthy of my kidney but someone else is not or prefer one over another out of multiple strangers, but whatever floats their boat, it’s their body and their journey, and their choice. If they want to save a life but only one they feel is worth it, that is valid. There is a website, MatchingDonors, where potential donors & recipients can browse and read profiles by people offering a kidney and needing a kidney. Like a dating website but instead of finding our perfect romantic match, we find our perfect kidney match. Their pictures show up and any information they share about themselves. I tried it years ago and couldn’t choose. I knew altruistic/non directed donation is for me or if I just happen to see one particular person in need. But I couldn’t choose one of many. I wanted to help them all. Some tugged on my heartstrings more than others. But I could never choose.

It takes a certain kind of person to donate to a random anonymous stranger we know nothing about. It takes more than just compassion. It takes a strong stomach and a certain way of thinking. We have to truly believe every/almost every life matters and detach. We have to accept that our kidney can be keeping someone alive we absolutely would not be able to stand if we met them. Someone with values or personality traits we abhor. We have to feel that we not liking someone doesn’t mean they are less worthy just because we don’t like them. We have to step out of that egoistic, self important way of thinking to be able to be ok with non directed donation. Self important /egoistic in this sense is ok because kidney donation is an act of kindness, not an obligation. It’s completely valid to choose who we would and would not donate to or not donate at all. But it is egoistic to a certain degree, to decide one person is worth it and not another, and it does require us to avoid that sentiment that someone is inferior or unworthy “because *I* don’t like them” because “*my* opinion of them is the one that matters.” If we cannot overcome that sentiment, altruistic kidney donation is not for us. You know how ticked off you are every single day on social media. I see it every single day, my social media friends furiously bashing people of different political or religious views, arguing viciously with people then blocking them and still complaining about them after they’re gone, mocking people they don’t like, even wishing d3ath on certain people, laughing at some people who died. Could you handle it if your kidney was in one of their bodies keeping them alive? My self proclaimed Liberal humanitarian friends relentlessly mock some famous people who die, often because they’re Conservatives, sometimes because they’re greedy billionaires.

What if instead of one of them dying, they were still kicking and with YOUR kidney? If they were healthy and thriving and going on doing whatever they’re doing because your body part is keeping them going? Just imagine. Like I said, it takes a strong stomach lol

The way I see it is that a whole person is just that. A whole person. There’s more to every person than just their views/religion, more than just the aspects we see and cannot stand. They have interests, roles they play to others, goals… whatever I don’t like about them is only one aspect. And someone else loves them just how they are. Why does me not liking them make them less worthy when someone else does like them? My opinion is no more important than the opinion of the person who loves them. Someone isn’t less worthy just because *I* don’t like the person. I may not want to be their friend or not want them in my space, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be their kidney donor.

For example, those Donald Trump supporters. They wake up and drink coffee every morning, they go to work, they laugh at jokes them and their friends tell each other, they walk their dogs, they take their son to a ballgame and take their daughter out to lunch. They go home at night and watch their favorite movie or read their favorite books. They feel the same exact pain you feel when they get injured or sick. They feel the same fear if a g u n is pointing at them or they’re diagnosed with a devastating illness. They have the same longings to love and be loved and to live. If you cut them, they bl33d the same red. They have a whole life other than whatever someone doesn’t like about them. Who is to say they don’t deserve to live it?

I am reminded of Jeremy Bentham asking

Can they suffer?

In terms of whether or not animals are worthy of rights.

“The question is not, Can they reason?, nor Can they talk? but, Can they suffer? Why should the law refuse its protection to any sensitive being?” – Bentham (1789)

To me the question isn’t, Do I like them?, nor Do I agree with them? but, Can they suffer?

Also, are you a potential organ donor? Does your ID say you’re an organ donor? If yes, you may be donating to someone you wouldn’t like some day. You think all your organs that can be donated are going to only people who you would like and agree with on everything there is to agree on? Think again lol (I would not knowingly donate my kidney to a cold blo0ded murder3r, or a known terr0rist or domestic abus3r or serious s*x offenders or someone who has a lot of power and would use it for destructive things,…I would not want to aid in or support their large-scale destructive actions/energy in the world, but if my kidney happened to go to one of them, I would not regret my act of kindness because at least I tried to help, and it doesn’t take away any of the kindness on my part, a loving act is a loving act, there’s two aspects to donating a kidney, the practical help it offers someone and just the fact we did something so amazing. If my kidney went to an a-hole, it’s still an amazing thing I did)

I do not have a preference. I’m a Liberal atheist. If I found out the kidney I gave away is now making pee in someone who is a Christian Conservative and goes around calling people like me “snowflakes” and “sheeple” and “libtards” and “woke” and “commies,” (🤣😂) so be it. I’ll give you my kidney just before blocking you on social media 😆

To me, there is something beautiful about altruistic/non directed kidney donation. Not knowing, not caring who our kidney goes to because every life matters. So universal loving! Of course all kidney donations are equally beautiful. But non directed has this unique aspect to it.

The way I see it, what makes someone worthy of my kidney is the fact that they are suffering/have the ability to suffer, not that they agree with me on something or are a pleasant or kind or compassionate person. We all suffer or have the ability to suffer the same way irrespective of our views or personality traits or likability.

3.) What if you need a kidney transplant in the future?

I’m on the priority transplant list now, so if I ever need one, I can get one fairly quickly. Since I donated a kidney, I won’t have to wait years like the average person in need of a new kidney. I can get a living donor kidney within weeks/months very likely. Even if that wasn’t an option for me, I would have donated. The chances are very slim. And if it were to happen, I would deal with it just like everyone else who needs a kidney transplant deals with it. At least I would be able to say I’m sick because I took a chance and helped someone. So many are sick just because. I have a way better chance of being in a car crash, yet I still get into cars. And no one questions it. I’m much more likely to be a victim of g u n v!olence in the U.S than develop kidney failure, yet I’m out all day & night walking the streets of Philadelphia where g u n v!olence is rampant. And no one (except my mom) questions it or has an issue with it.

I’m rarely to never questioned on why I get into cars or don’t live in a bubble so I don’t get sh0t or ass@ulted or sick. But when it comes to a loving act of kindness to literally save a life, people question why I would or make remarks to say/imply that I shouldn’t have because of a risk to my own safety.

Someone may say getting into cars and going outside are worth the risks because it’s necessary, it’s needed to live life. This kidney transplant was necessary. It was needed for someone to live. That person is no less worthy or important than I am that my needs are worth certain risks but theirs aren’t.

4.) What ever possessed you to give your organ away to a stranger/to lay on an operating table and risk dying for a total stranger? (Or something of this sort, but “possessed” has come up a few times 😆)

The philosophy that every life matters and that if we have more than enough of something (money, health, resources…) it‘s an even greater gift to share that with someone less fortunate in that respect. Remember all deceased organ donors donate to strangers. And blood donors too. What’s the difference if I’m alive and donate to a stranger? I donate blood regularly to random strangers. What’s the difference? If you checked yes to organ donation on your driver’s license and you die in a way where you can be an organ donor, you’ll be doing what I did, donating to a complete stranger. Is that such a wild cr@zy idea? To reach out and help a fellow human?

5.) What if you suffer a complication?

I may or may not suffer a complication, but for someone else there is no maybe. A person on dialysis or about to begin dialysis doesn’t have the luxury of maybe that I have. They are already suffering a complication. I’m lucky & privileged to even have that “maybe.”

Also, I hope I would never not do something that deeply resonates with me because of fear. Avoiding things we’re passionate about because of fear, is no way to live, in my opinion. I prefer to take chances if it’s something I truly want and feel called to do and whatever happens happens than living in a safe bubble not fully living and then dying as an old woman. What if I did not do this and wouldn’t have suffered a complication? I would miss out on the experience and always wishing I chose to go through with it and wondering what if I did. It has been on my mind every single day for over five years and on my mind off & on for many years before that. It was never something I could ever regret no matter what. It’s my dream come true!

6.) “I would never give my kidney to a stranger/anyone, you’re a better person than I am.”

This is a response I have received by a few people.

No one is a better person for doing an act of kindness. “You’re a better person than I am” only applies, in my opinion, if you’re going around intentionally interfering with or hurting others while I’m not.

7.) Are/were you scared?

Yes!! It took brass ovaries, and I got’em. The two weeks before surgery, my body would be gripped in a sense of panic waking up in the mornings. Sometimes it would feel that “fight or flight” response. Occasionally it felt like it thought it was getting ready to die. Lol Dramatic. My worst, pretty much only, fear was that I would experience prolonged fatigue when I live a very active life. Thankfully got no fatigue at all! On the morning of the surgery, I woke up completely calm and peaceful & hopeful, no anxiety or fear at all walking into the hospital with my two kidneys getting ready to send one off to a great new home. 💚

8.) What if you die/would have died on the operating table?

Very very unlikely. But what better way to go than in my sleep and saving someone else’s life? 😁

9.) Have you met/do you want to meet your recipient?

No, I haven’t. And not necessarily. I do not mind either way. I don’t have the burning desire or curiosity that many anonymous donors seem to have. For me it wasn’t a social call but an attempt to enhance & extend someone’s life. If they reach out to me ever, I will be delighted. But if not, I’ll live. Lol Each transplant center has their own rules for when an anonymous donor or recipient is allowed to contact the other, anonymously. Some have to wait up to a year. So my recipient may not be allowed to contact me yet. I was allowed to contact them right away but did not. I may send them a card for our first Kidneyversary next year to brighten their day. My transplant center would send it to theirs. Not knowing who they are or if they’re grateful does not lessen the joy of my experience. Occasionally I’m slightly curious of the age & gender of the person.

10.) Has your life changed since donating a kidney?

Only in my mind. It’s the most amazing experience, I am filled with joy & ecstasy. I understand the meaning of “intimate strangers,” knowing a complete stranger and me are the only two in the world to have had this kidney in our bodies, that we both laid on an operating table on the same morning to become connected to each other forever. I know that everywhere I go, I’m very likely to be the only one there with one kidney. Every room I walk into, I’m the only one there who gave a kidney away and knows this rare unique experience. It’s an isolated feeling but not in a negative way.

After two weeks I was almost 100% my usual self. I jokingly asked if they even took the kidney. After a month I was 100%. I would never know I only have one kidney or had surgery if not for my memories & the beautiful scars.

Here are the lifelong restrictions/lifestyle changes I was told by my team:

1.) No NSAIDS
2.) No natural herb supplements
3.) No supplements made outside the U.S.
4.) Blo0d pressure check every six months
5.) kidney function tests once a year
6.) Extra water

11.) Can you still have kids?

Yes! Having only one kidney does not affect fertility at all. It does make it a “high risk” pregnancy though, so for women/birthing people who donate a kidney and decide to become pregnant later, it’s important to let their healthcare team know so they can be closely monitored to prevent very serious complications to the woman and the unborn. With close monitoring it can be a safe & healthy pregnancy.

12.) Are you religious/was this motivated by religious beliefs? No, I’m an atheist. I don’t need a god or religion to be compassionate or empathetic. My basic humanness is enough. I have felt it as a deep calling, it felt like something larger than me working through me, which is a bizarre experience for an atheist. And I have received what many believers would call “signs.” But I don’t believe in that. It was my desire to help someone that inspired me, and the deep calling feeling was just part of my experience. I don’t believe that any supernatural being would have been disappointed or punished me if I did not go through with it. And I don’t believe it scored me points with anyone or is my ticket into Heaven or some other afterlife. I just wanted to help someone!

💚

Living organ donation isn’t for everyone. These are just my experiences not something that everyone should feel for themselves. For me, living kidney donation truly felt like a calling. It was the easiest decision of this life of mine. I truly experience more stress trying to decide what flavor ice cream I want or if I want tea today or an iced latte 😂 No hesitation, no uncertainty whatsoever. I knew since the day I read a heartwarming story 15+ years before my donation, about a man who donated his kidney to an anonymous stranger, that I would one day do the same. I am 100% happy & thrilled with my decision. 💚🫘

Anyone interested in living kidney donation can check these out:

National Kidney Registry (the National Kidney Registry offers donor benefits like reimbursement for lost wages during recovery and travel/lodging expenses if necessary and a place on the priority list on the off chance the donor ever needs a kidney transplant in the future, also a kidney voucher for a friend/family member {or anyone} of the donor, so if someone they know ever needs a kidney transplant, since the donor donated to an anonymous stranger, they’ll let one person of the donor’s choice get a kidney transplant without waiting long, I donated my kidney voucher to another stranger, so two people are being helped through my one kidney donation)

Matching Donors (this website provides pictures and stories by people in need of a kidney transplant. Potential donors & recipients can browse and communicate with each other. A donor can choose to try to help a specific person, they may not be a match. But if they’re both associated with the National Kidney Registry, the donor can do a non directed donation and donate the voucher to the person they found on Matching Donors – this isn’t just for kidneys but other organs we can donate while alive also. Some people have donated their kidney AND a portion of their liver to different people {not at once lol usually have to wait around a year}! And it’s completely safe!)

Sending love to all!

Xoxo Kim 💋❤️

Humble

Dec20

“I believe that the first test of a great man is his humility. I don’t mean by humility, doubt of his power. But really great men have a curious feeling that the greatness is not of them, but through them. And they see something divine in every other man and are endlessly, foolishly, incredibly merciful.” ~ John Ruskin

This quote is full of so much wisdom! Being humble is a good thing and doesn’t mean we are not confident in our own views, ways, lives, self…

Sometimes it’s tempting to boast or become arrogant when we feel that we know something or come to see things in a more enlightened way than before or more enlightened way than it seems most around us see things. And even if we are correct and others are wrong, it’s still better, in my opinion, to be compassionate and humble. So what if we’re right and they are all wrong? It doesn’t make us better or more valuable than others. It doesn’t make us more worthy of anything. It doesn’t make us great to brag or be proud (at the expense of others) of our own great qualities.

Also, it’s possible to be one hundred percent certain we are right…..then find out we were wrong all along! lol There have been occasions I would be arguing with someone and *know* I was the right one only to find out later that I was in fact very wrong!
I was completely convinced I was right. You never know, you may just be wrong.

It’s good to be open to hearing all sides of things even if we know we are right. This can deepen our empathy and also help strengthen our own views and arguments. Why only want to remain “safe” in our own world of only things that confirm what we believe or know? Isn’t it great to be challenged? Even when it’s uncomfortable? I think so!

I believe it’s best not to view ourself as somehow “special” or different or greater than the rest. We may have greater intelligence or compassion or beauty, more skills or talents or money or friends or be more giving and have better morals or anything than someone else but that doesn’t make us a better person. Also, while there’s so many less wise and intelligent than we are or think we are, there’s so many who are more wise and intelligent. And we can always learn something new no matter how much we already know. Everyone can teach us or remind us something even if it’s simply how not to be. It’s possible to cherish our great qualities without feeling like we are somehow great or above others. I believe in what he says, greatness works through us.

Anyone can be great. There are so many ways to allow greatness to work through us. Let’s welcome every opportunity to allow it.

This quote is a great reminder that it’s possible to be self confident while remaining humble and open.

One of the best quotes ever! 😀

Much love & light to you,

❤
Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on December 20, 2015, in intentional living, mindfulness, universal love and tagged compassion, empathy, Humble, Humility, inspiration, life, love, philosophy, potential, quote, wisdom. 4 Comments

Perspective

Jul30

“Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (’cause)
Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain” ~ Jo Dee Messina

I took this picture a few weeks ago on Thursday (and put a blur effect on it) and for some reason it looks like it’s the dead of Winter. What is up with the bare trees on the side?! Lol! There’s fluffy green ones that appear to be quite fruitful, in the back but what about those ones?! The barren ones. I burst out laughing when I saw them! It’s the dog days of Summer! Then my mom who was also laughing (she can be easily amused like me, just not as much usually), showed me the same kind of dead looking trees across the street! I don’t recall ever seeing bare trees like this in Summer before. Maybe they were always there but I just wasn’t paying attention(how unfortunate!). I know in April there’s a mixture of bare and blooming trees because Winter is still just ending and Spring is beginning. But it’s July!

Anyway, I was recently thinking about how almost nothing (some people would say absolutely nothing) exists inherently. It’s all about our perception or perspective. Two people can look at the very same thing and one sees something completely different. In fact, one person can look at something one moment then later look at that same thing but view it differently even when the thing hasn’t changed.

The weather for example, some people view dreary, rainy days as miserable while someone else is inspired and thrilled. One person can be thrilled about hot, humid days while others find them to be disgusting. Also, just look at the reviews for books, hundreds of people say it’s amazing then hundreds more say the same book sucks. It’s the same exact book! This just goes to show it’s all about how we view things. Is one person really right and one wrong? Or when I view something one way then my perception changes about that same thing later, was I right then or now?

In my daily book of positive quotations, I found this quote:

“A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.” ~ James Lowell

It reminds me to try to change my perspective when I’m struggling with depression. I’m generally very positive, even when I’m depressed, I often find things to see beauty in. But when I’m severely depressed, it is so hard to see life as a whole, in a positive way. I still see specific beautiful things around me but ultimately I’m hopeless or so stuck in a very negative state.

I noticed that some of the things that I view as positive or neutral when I’m not depressed, suddenly become very negative to me when I am depressed.

When depression hits me, every little thing is easy to interpret as negative. If someone looks at me when I’m depressed, I can take it as a bad thing, like that person thinking something negative, even if the person compliments me, I can misinterpret it as being mocked instead of sincere, if someone I know walks by me and doesn’t say hello, I can automatically take it very personally and negatively, where if this happens when I’m not depressed, I don’t really care why the person did this or can think maybe the person did not see me or did not want to talk to anyone. When I’m depressed, I often think of all the negative things people ever did to me or said to me, even years ago. As soon as my depression lifts, I no longer care and even realize that some of those things weren’t even negative.

There are days I am so thankful and think this life is a beautiful one, I have a house to live in, good health, a couple of friends, a family, a job, my senses….and the very next day or even the same day, I become depressed and feel that it is a terrible one, I live in a house but it’s not my own, I live with my mom, dad, and sister and feel that I’m not acting as a responsible adult, I have a job but not a “real” one, my health isn’t as good as it can be, I don’t have many friends, my family isn’t perfect….when my life is no different that day than the day before when it was absolutely beautiful! Nothing changed but my perspective.

It’s all about perspective.

Noticing this about myself, often helps me significantly when I slip into a depressive episode. I remind myself that this negative sensitivity to everything around me is only because of my condition. It’s an illusion. It won’t make my depression go away but it can help me cope and make it so my depression doesn’t get even worse by dwelling on the negative. I keep making it a point to change my views and my thoughts into more positive ones and remind myself how just recently, I viewed these very same things very positively.

This can also help people who aren’t depressed or don’t have depression ever. It doesn’t take just depression for us to sometimes view things negatively and feel completely low.
Sometimes we can think our friend or lover or relationship or job is perfect or amazing then later see all the ways they can be better. Our mood can affect our perspective.

Our situation can be exactly the same today as it was yesterday but we can see it in a very different way. It’s actually quite fascinating!

Even if something was always bad or we always viewed it that way, we can still try to view the situation more positively. Maybe it’s teaching us something or it’s necessary to get to something better. If we can’t change it, let’s change our attitude.

One way I found to help this is to intentionally focus on the positive in the people and things around us and remind our self that maybe it’s only our mood clouding our perception anyway. Make it a point to look for the good in everything and tolerate or accept the bad when we can’t distance our self.

I was browsing songs on YouTube and came across the song “No Scrubz” by TLC.

Remember that song?

No Scrubz – mobile

No Scrubz – desktop

I think it’s kind of rude.

She criticizes him for thinking he’s “fine” or something like that, for trying to get with her while hanging in his best friend’s car, for living with his mom, for looking like trash, while she’s looking classy, for being a broke ass (lol), for talking about all that he wants while having no money…

When I first listened to this song recently, after not hearing it in years, I automatically saw the good in this “scrub.” He doesn’t have money but he does have a best friend and a mom and his mom allows him to live with her. That’s better than money! Best friends and moms are the best to have! Who cares about money! Lol And it’s clear in the song that he does have a phone number, whether his or his mom’s or someone else’s, he has access to phone service!
Also, while it’s not really respectable to be yelling to girls while driving by, he’s complimenting her for being pretty, that’s better than saying someone looks like trash.
I would prefer a scrub to be yelling out at me about how pretty I am than an abusive person telling me I look like trash(not everyone who calls someone trash is abusive, imo).
Some people appear to be respectable, have money, a job, a great house, education…but act in an abusive or cruel way or just not very pleasant.
I will take the scrub any day! Lol
He’s saying something good about her! I would prefer someone being kind of trashy than someone acting incredibly stuck up calling people trash. And at least he has things he wants. He may not act on it but at least he’s not dead, he has desire. That itself counts for something. I am especially aware of this because when I’m very depressed, I often have no desire and am numb and lifeless. So when someone or me has passion or desire or hunger, I am inspired.

Again, I see the difference in perspective. Two people can look at one person or thing and see them in a completely contrasting way.

She sees a complete loser while I think he’s not so bad. And this isn’t to bash her or the song. I can’t deny that the song is funny and has good music and a sweet tune. And she certainly has good things about her too! She can sing well! She can dance! She likely won’t get into a car with a stranger. That’s good! She clearly has a high opinion of herself. That is very good. It’s not good to be stuck up but a woman with confidence is sexy. Maybe she can tone it down a bit in one way but it’s ultimately a good attitude to have. She has all these good things about her. And many other things. She’s pretty also. She’s pleasing to look at.

I chose this song as an example because I have been listening to it recently and it happens to be a good example for this topic. It’s just random or coincidental.

And I, myself have had low opinions of some men yelling at me while driving, not all but some, especially when they follow me and try to block me and don’t take no for an answer.

Annoying! Lol

But I want to encourage us all to attempt to have a positive perspective often. It doesn’t mean we have to like and accept everything and everyone but it doesn’t hurt to notice the good, even in people and things we don’t like. It’s a great habit to develop or strengthen.

If we look closely enough, we can always find a splash of color even in the grayest, darkest, bluriest places.

Much love to you! ❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

This entry was posted on July 30, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged attitude, beauty, depression, happy, inspiration, joy, life, love, perspective, philosophy, photo, Positivity, quote, song, wisdom. 4 Comments

It is the question that drives us

May13

“I’ve got a song
I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud” ~ Jim Croce

Often, many of us think results are most important, getting, receiving, things working out in the end, the end result, succeeding the way we intended….and while those things can be important, I realize more and more that the most important thing is our drive, our intention, will, inspiration, motivation itself, not always just the results.

This is something that I think people who have suffered a serious physical illness/pain or severe depression may be able to understand better than people who have never experienced those things. But I think anyone can come to see my point, whether or not you agree.

When we are severely sick or deeply depressed, we can lose our appetite. Not just for food but for life. It’s like there’s nothing. Just nothingness and emptiness and numbness. For some of us, sometimes we don’t even want to win. Often, we don’t want to live or to die. Even wanting to die takes a kind of passion and energy. If you want to die, there’s a spark in you somewhere. Seize that spark and hang onto it like your life depends on it. It does.

Take that little sliver of life still left in you and use it for the better. Apply it to something other than wanting to die. Even when it’s hard. Use that little spark to help others, help the environment, do volunteer work, create something, post words of wisdom to uplift or inspire someone else, keep pushing through the numbness and lifelessness and pain and do something, anything, for the better…

“Always have the highest bar for yourself. Wake up everyday and, no matter how crappy you feel, want to change something for the better. Do something that makes someone happy. Create something that inspires someone. Be someone’s light when they are hopeless.” – Dave Grohl

Just the fact that we have passion, interest is an amazing thing even if everything crumbles to seemingly irreparable pieces in the end. But often, people don’t think of this. We are too focused on the end, not the journey itself.

I thought about this more last week while reading a text about the movie the “Matrix” and philosophy. The “Matrix” movie is deeply philosophical but many people don’t realize or care about that aspect. It’s just a fun, action packed thriller, probably, for the average person. But for those with philosophical minds and especially us philosophy phreaks, we see and love that it runs deeper than that.

In some ways, the story is extremely similar to the story of Socrates, the ancient philosopher who is said to have been put to death for challenging the common beliefs of society, shaking up the status quo. According to the ancient texts, Socrates was constantly nagging people, but with loving intentions, about the nature of things and beliefs that no one else questioned and just accepted as truth.

This led to him being executed, according to the old writings, mostly by Plato.

Check out some of Plato’s writings for free, here if you want:

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/13726/13726-h/13726-h.htm

Socrates is often considered to be arrogant, as he questions and questions until the poor person contradicts himself or makes a mistake, but he is completely humble. He backs people into corners and intimidates them. But only because he believes it’s important to think and question and own up to flaws in our reasoning and belief systems. He believes examination of how we live is more crucial than anything, for living a good life.

Socrates questions and intimidates and puts people in awkward situations where they contradict themselves, yet he admits that he knows absolutely nothing. That he knows nothing more than anyone else.

“Wisest is she who knows she does not know.”

He does this excessive questioning just for the sake of questioning and exploring. The fact that he believes he knows nothing but still badgers people like this knowing that he can’t possibly judge their answers as correct or incorrect since he doesn’t know himself, reveals that his quest is mostly to shed light on the fact that questioning itself, exploration, examination alone is crucial for a good life. (I wouldn’t recommend his way of going about it though, forcing people to stand there and answer when it’s annoying the piss out of them!)

Here’s an example of Socrates’ exasperating method of questioning:

Socrates: What is holy?

Euthyphro: Holiness is what all the gods love and its opposite is what all the gods hate, unholiness.

Socrates: Is what is holy holy because the gods approve it, or do they approve it because it is holy?

And on and on.

What a gadfly Socrates is! Lol But he does have a point, doesn’t he? And the fact that someone loves something is not essential to the thing’s nature. It’s not its nature. It’s accidental. If someone stops loving something, that something still is what it always was. I love Coca Cola, always have, always will but if I stop loving it, it’s still the same substance. Maybe it would be different if I were a goddess as opposed to the mere mortal that I am, and I love it?

In philosophy we have a specific definition for “accidental.” An accidental quality is simply a trait that is part of someone or something but not crucial to its essence or nature. My eye color for example. It doesn’t make me what I am. If it changes or was never what it is but a different color instead, I would still be the me that I now am. (at least I think so) In fact my eyes were always pure blue then when I was a teenager, they turned bright green mixed with blue! (I was freaked out…) But I’m still me. Hair color, size…are other examples of accidental qualities. And think of coffee with a flavor, say, raspberry, the raspberry flavoring is accidental, not essential. Coffee is coffee with or without raspberry flavor. Anyway here I am doing what I do best, getting carried away while writing and going off on a tangent!
(in Philosophy, we speak/write of philosophers as if they are alive even if they haven’t been alive in centuries, it’s just what we do! Lol)

Coincidentally I was thinking about posting this topic on Sunday before the free hugging event and then I experienced something where I was able to apply it!

Sunday, May 3rd, was Global Free Hug Day! I got out of the house and to the park later than I planned and I couldn’t stay long. I decided to try LOVE park first! The famous Philadelphia park with the big LOVE statue that people all around the country or world come to visit and get weddings pics and other pictures and things in front of it! (I get to see it everyday if I want! Lol sorry, just had to brag! ;-D)

And it’s there that I experienced the most love out of the parks I visited! No one really stops to read signs often! I was with my mom and sister who did not want to participate so it was just me hugging and no one was really looking at me. Some people quickly glanced at my sign (which I think turned out beautifully even with my dreadful handwriting!) and looked away not really reading! It can be awkward looking at a stranger and reading something that stranger is holding.

My mom told me i wasn’t going to get any hugs! 😦 Because no one was walking near me and I couldn’t stay very long! Also, I’m not loud or very bold. So I wasn’t going to yell “free hugs!!!” like some people!! It took enough courage just to stand there with the sign! 😀 But I did!

It was disappointing but I was reminded that all that matters is that I have the inspiration and motivation and courage to participate in free hug day!
All we can really do is attempt!

We can appreciate that we have the will, the desire, the motivation and inspiration, the love, the life in us, to do something.

So at least I had the will, passion, and desire. That’s not to say people who don’t want to participate in free hug day don’t have passion, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but since I do like things like this, it’s great to have the motivation! And this goes for anything we have motivation to do. This is just one example.

As I mentioned in a somewhat recent post, I have been struggling hard with grief. We lost my close friend/coworker, Diane(she was 58 years old), a couple months ago, unexpectedly and I have been grieving since she died and always will but it was really hitting me hard for a while. So hard. The more days that would go by, the more difficult it would get. It’s worse now than when it first happened. For days and days the worst of it wouldn’t let up. It’s not depression, just raw agonizing grief that hurts so much I can hardly stand it. And anxiety and fear, sometimes close to panic. This is the longest I have gone without seeing Diane, in the almost ten years I have known her. It feels extremely confusing. She was very loving, funny, and beautiful.

A couple days before global Free Hug day, I thought I had no strength to do much and while I still wanted to do hug day, I wasn’t sure how I could but I reminded myself it has the potential to help others. And if something can result in even a fraction of good for someone else, it is worth doing no matter how lifeless it feels or in pain I am. I can keep on pushing through it all whether it’s grief and loss, depression, physical pain..even when it seems I have no strength or courage.

But I did have the strength and motivation to do hug day and other things I thought I couldn’t do. And I told myself that’s all that matters!

Anyway, I did get a couple hugs! Yay!! And some beautiful pics of the park! And I will post about Hug Day soon! The pics are on my other memory card and I’m having some problems with my phone and the cards and I want to include the pics! 😀

I am reminded of Nimo Patel’s “Planting Seeds” song about how all

we can do is try then let go and whatever happens, happens and that’s it.

Here are some of his lyrics.

“…but the roots are always growin’ no matter if I’m there or never around…whatever grows will grow, whatever dies will die, whatever works will work, whatever flies will fly, whatever fails will fail, what’s meant to soar will soar, I am planting seeds, nothing more.”

“It’s like your whole life you’ve been training for this moment
And when the time comes you just disown it,
Meaning you just surrender don’t control it…”

“But now we’re learning when we let it go, it overflows
With no credit to take cuz no credit is owned.”

“…but the real gold is joy, when life starts to flow
And when it does, you just smile, cuz now you know!”

Here’s the video:

Mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhcKIGCE_Pk

Desktop:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=ZhcKIGCE_Pk

I wrote about this topic in my super long “Fear & Hunger” post a while ago.

Check it out here if you want:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2014/12/16/fear-hunger/

And I am also reminded of another beautiful song I listened to for as long as I can remember and it often helped me with my depression when I was young, before I learned to cope well, and is still one of my favorite songs! It’s Jim Croce’s “I Got a Name.”

Here is the desktop video version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHVBzLGAIbU&app=desktop

Mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hHVBzLGAIbU&app=m&persist_app=1

If you listen closely to the lyrics, you can hear the message. It’s about living and loving and being inspired in general no matter what happens or doesn’t. It’s about living with a song in our hearts and if it doesn’t work out for us, let’s just be happy we tried. Intention, trying, the will and desire counts for something!

So let’s honor our drive, our motivation, our inspiration and desire. Our will. Let’s cherish it and be mindful of it. It’s good to win and succeed how we planned. But it’s even better to want to win and succeed. Wanting to win is everything, even if we are greatly disappointed in the end. We can still appreciate our desire and will. Let’s find our inner song and embrace it even if it seems to lead us nowhere. Just having a song in us is cause for celebration.

I’m wishing you much love now & always!!

❤

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on May 13, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged anxiety, depression, desire, grief, inspiration, life, love, motivation, philosophy, wisdom. 2 Comments

Serendipitous Strength

Oct8

(that’s fake blood on my face for a haunted house attraction for Halloween)

I love funny and silly surveys for blogs and Facebook, like a list of weird, stupid, funny questions…would you rather be ridiculously rich financially but butt ugly physically or amazingly gorgeous, beautiful beyond belief physically but dirt poor financially? Would you rather eat hair or lick a toilet seat? Would you rather be in a dark, creepy room alone or in a well lit room with Michael Jackson? lol They’re funny questions. I would choose to be poor and beautiful. And I would lick the toilet seat over eating hair any day. Loose hair is disgusting. Aack! And I like Michael Jackson but not creepy dark rooms alone so I would choose the lit up room with him. ;-D

But anyway….i came across this question

Would you rather be buried alive or stabbed to death?

Horrible thought, right?!

But I find it enlightening. It provoked me even more to think about the strength deep within me that I accidentally found and accidentally developed.

I would choose to be buried alive.

Not so long ago, I couldn’t even imagine saying that. I just couldn’t imagine.

First of all, if I am buried alive, maybe I can find a way out or someone can find me before it’s too late. Being stabbed is so violent!
There are rare(at least I hope being buried alive is rare!!!) cases where someone has been buried alive and somehow escaped or was found before it was too late.

I used to have an extreme fear of being closed in with or without others there with me. Closed in anywhere. Even a large room or building. I would avoid closed in places like the plague. Then my fear got somewhat better when I was eighteen years old in college. In this one building I wasn’t aware that we were allowed to use the stairs. It turns out, we actually were but I never knew til a long while later. Everyday I had to go in that building I had to desperately hope there were others waiting to go on the elevator when I was because I couldn’t bring myself to go on alone. I used to go early and just linger around the hall waiting for someone who was going on. (creepy, right?! :-O lol) I never said that I was waiting. Just when I saw someone going on, I would too. If the person got off before the floor I was going to, I would get off too then walk up the steps to the floor I was going.

Then I met a girl. When I was 18 years old. One who had the same class and we got talking to each other and I found that she had the same problem!
One day I got to the elevator and she was waiting too! And she told me she’s seriously afraid of small places and won’t get on without someone else! What are the chances?! I was embarrassed at first and wouldn’t really tell people but I opened up about it when I met her.

We conquered our fear together. 😀

I always thought of this fear as a weakness and never met anyone else that I knew of who has it this bad, my dad is like this but his never seemed as bad. Everyone I knew could get on with no problem, it seemed.

And when I met her, I was sooo happy! Lol Also, we were both very shy until getting to know someone better but we both had no problem with public speaking because it’s just something we had to do for class. We both loved meeting people we never met but were often too shy to initiate socialization first. But somehow we found each other! I haven’t seen or talked to her in many, many years. But the impact is everlasting. ❤

After that, I got more used to going in small places, elevators with people and I was mostly only panicked when I was closed in alone. I often had nightmares of being closed in or trapped somewhere alone.
I couldn’t even stand walking by elevators or being in the same building with one. This was always the only thing that scared me about hospitals. I would shake walking through narrow staircases even with people. I felt like my body was turning to jelly.

One day when I was a teenager I had to get on an elevator alone. I was in the US Constitution Center at some event and the only way to leave the building was to get on an elevator. They said I had no choice. There was no one else around and the security guard said I had to get on the elevator so I did. I went into a serious panic and I pressed my fingernails into the skin over my hip bone and just kept scratching until it bled and the doors opened. I was so scared, that was just what I did, unconsciously.

I never worked on this fear specifically but during my personal development journey, my quest to find healing, working on myself to help heal my depression and cope with tmjd “cluster headaches” without realizing it, I was conquering my fear of being closed in. With my personal development plan I teach myself and train my brain to know I can handle and conquer anything. To know I will always be free no matter what position I’m in in this life. To know life is a gift no matter what. To see positivity and opportunity in any situation no matter how dreadful. I trained my brain with meditation and quotes and music and songs and writing to stay calm and composed for the most part, in any situation no matter what, no matter how painful physically or emotionally. I still struggle with this a bit sometimes, especially with severe physical pain. I’m much better at handling deep emotional pain than very severe physical pain. A certain level of physical pain that I experience occasionally can still seem too much to bear.

It’s at a frightening level and it’s not common that people ever feel it to this extent. Not even prescription pain pills can touch it.
But I work on myself constantly and even when I’m freaking out aggressively over a tmjd cluster headache, I still keep telling myself I will survive.
I was trying to heal my depression and cope with it and cope with those head attacks.

And much to my amazement this was helping me all along with my fear! My phobia(i wasn’t actually diagnosed with a phobia but it may have met the criteria, I don’t know for sure) wasn’t destroying my life because I was just able to mostly avoid small places but there were some occasions I couldn’t and had to be closed in somewhere.

Some people have a phobia where they can’t avoid the thing they fear or even if they can they can’t help but dwell on it constantly and it runs their lives. That was never me but there are occasions I embarrassed myself in public, especially as a kid, when I had to go on elevators or narrow staircases. And occasions I was extremely fearful knowing I had to go in a large building where there’s elevators. Somewhat recently I went on a job interview. I did not get the job but I had to go on an elevator by myself, they wouldn’t let me on the stairs going up, I asked, I was told no. I wanted to run out but I had the interview scheduled and I knew it wouldn’t be good to have them waiting and I never show up, years ago I would have been out the door so fast with the interview the last thing on my mind. So I reluctantly got on the elevator, alone, and while my heart started to speed a bit because of being closed in and for a few seconds I was overwhelmed in immense fear, like panic, I handled it so well. No panic. No breakdown. Just staying calm. It was so surprising. And just as much of an accomplishment as getting a job! Maybe more?
It wasn’t a happenstance. I worked to get to this point. (though unknowingly lol) I am so strong now. In so many ways.

Then leaving the building I had a choice to take the stairs or the elevator. Just a couple years ago I would have taken the stairs without a second thought. Even last year. But on the interview I made the CHIOCE to take the elevator alone to get more practice and was even more calm than the first occasion going up! What a great accomplishment for me!
It may not seem that big to some people but for someone like me, it is a tremendous thing.

Also I don’t like closing doors to small rooms even in my own house but in the bathroom there are parakeets flying around and we have to close the door. I was getting a shower one day and had to close the door. The handle is broke and I got locked in! I went into a bit of a panic. Not a full blown panic, but an intense fear, I guess you can say. Not how people with panic attacks do. Not that bad. But I was pulling the door and banging on it hoping someone would hear. No one did. But I calmed down and reminded myself. Life is beautiful no matter what. I have the sunlight streaming in the window, I have my senses, the parakeets, meditation, Buddhism and Stoicism ….the window is too small for me to fit through so that wasn’t an option. And it’s on the second floor, it wouldn’t be safe to jump. I don’t want broken bones or whatever. But just some years ago I would have jumped if I could, risking injuries. I was there for like 20 minutes before I finally got the door open.

A couple nights ago I went to the Philadelphia Eastern State Penitentiary with my sister and my dad for the Haunted attraction. It’s a real abandoned prison that is in a state of semi-ruin, almost 200 years old. It’s said by ghost investigators to be truly haunted all year. Lol It’s open all year but the rest of the year is just a prison exhibit to learn of its history, which is very interesting.

For the Halloween attraction every October, we get to walk through the dark prison inside and out in the courtyards when it’s at night, in groups. It has lights flashing, people screaming, monsters walking around, “prisoners” trying to attack us through their cells, monsters, all kinds of creepy, scary stuff. There’s lock down, the infirmary, night watch, an abandoned bus in a junkyard and other attractions we walk through. Things randomly and unexpectedly jump out at us, sometimes screaming and with weapons! There’s 3D things and people jumping through walls at us. They come right up to us with weapons holding them over our heads or up to our faces. Lol Isn’t it insane that people actually take pleasure in this? But something about a certain kind of fear is quite thrilling for people. Like amusement park rides and sky diving. And scary movies & books.
Also, I think our brains are not aware of the difference of what is real and what is not. Seeing, hearing horror in movies and things, the human brain cannot distinguish the difference. We know it’s not real but some part of our brain does not know and it has a negative/fearful effect on is, even later. That’s why too much fake horror isn’t good for us. I used to have a psychiatrist who told me that and I noticed it too when I read too many horror books close together. It has an unpleasant effect. He advised me to avoid fake horror all together. It’s not good for anyone and especially those prone to anxiety or depressive conditions.

It’s fun. And scary. I’m not afraid of monsters and ghosts and stuff but it’s kind of startling to have people looking all dead with blood all over them, screaming and with weapons jumping out in the dark at me with just an eerie glow around the prison.

(inside the prison – imagine walking up this long hallway knowing at any moment something or someone can and probably will jump out at you. Lol creepy!)

(it was the perfect night for a haunted house – or prison – because there was a full Moon or almost full Moon and I kept seeing it when we walked in and out of the prison into the courtyards)

They’re not allowed to touch us and we are not allowed to touch them. But this year they had something different where the bravest of the brave can wear a bright pink glow necklace they give us and this gives the monsters (the actors working in the prison) permission to touch us, grab us, snatch us, hold us back, separate us so we lose our groups, toss us into secret passageways, and do other terrible stuff. I haven’t been there in a couple years until a couple nights ago. So this was new to me.

I love haunted houses and stuff but my one fear has always been being separated and ending up in a small, dark place alone. This still scares me. I fear dark places as well but not as much as small or closed in places.

But I decided to be brave that night and wear the necklace. I was abducted, strangled, held back, got my hair pulled, forced by two monster dentists to sit in a dentists chair so they can pull out all my teeth…they put the loud thing all the way to my mouth then I escaped!

I was almost forced into a small cell and into a weird tunnel but I ran screaming. And the monsters laughed at me. Lol

Most people did not take the necklaces and some who did decided to take them off and toss them so the monsters could no longer touch them. Even my dad took his off and hid it.

Chicken shits. Lol ;-D

I was one of the brave few who kept mine on throughout the entire prison, not once taking it off. Yay me! Lol Although at one point the thought occurred to me but I sucked it up and kept going.

(me with my medal of honor lol)

It took nerve. Especially when most people were not wearing them so there was not many choices for the monsters and so the few of us who were wearing them were the ones who kept getting all the attention. At one point I was the only one wearing a necklace where I was and two monsters came up and said since I was the only one wearing one right there, I was the “chosen one.” I was snatched while everyone around me ran away, even my dad and sister (thanks everyone! Lol) and had my hand held under some device that came down and was supposed to pierce my hand but when it touched me it was just rubber. Lol

I knew I could have been dragged and possibly tossed into a secret, small, dark place alone. But I took the chance. I would have NEVER ever been able to make that choice, probably even a year ago.

The thing that really inspired me to take and wear the necklace is in the beginning a monster said “you came here for fear so get all the fear you can get…” encouraging us to take the glow necklace. This also inspires me in general, to take advantage of every opportunity in life to live to the fullest, whatever “the fullest” is to me at that moment. To soak up all I can, all the thrills, the beauty, and feeling there is to feel.

Being alive is an opportunity to take in everything we can, to feel. To live. To experience. To grow. To love. To make mistakes. To learn. To feel pain and beauty, sorrow and joy. Misery and happiness. To take full advantage of our senses.

I been to this prison for the Halloween attraction a couple occasions years ago. The first day I went for the haunted attraction I was hugging, holding hands with, and clinging to people I did not know. Lol It was my first year in college, I was eighteen years old, and I went as a group with other college students, all girls and one boy. The boy wanted us to go first because he said he was the only boy. But we told him no, since he’s the boy he had to be in the front.
Lol we were holding onto each other like our lives depended on it.

It’s one of my favorite memories. And after the event was over and we were walking up the dark street outside the prison, a drunk person jumped out at us and we all screamed. He wasn’t trying to scare us and just looked at us like we were all nuts.

Now, being buried alive would be way, way more terrifying than going on an elevator for less than a minute! And being locked in a room.
And way more horrifying than a fun tour through a haunted prison for Halloween.

But I know now that I would survive emotionally as long as I survived physically. I would go into a deep meditation and have my Buddhist and stoic principles and my life philosophy and inner Truth, my authentic Self to help guide me til I become physically free. I would still be frightened and panicked at some points. And maybe feel as if I can’t go on but I know I can. I have my life philosophy that I work on every single day without fail. I can survive anything as long as I stay alive. As long as I’m free in my mind, I am free. Truly free. You can be free too if you’re not already, with lots of hard work and practice. We don’t have to allow anything or anyone to restrain us.

If you work to heal one aspect of yourself you can be strengthening yourself in deep ways you don’t even realize in other aspects as well.

I want this for everyone. Whatever pain, physical or emotional, whatever fear or problems, I want us all to find a way to conquer it. A way to cope.

I never ever thought my fear of being closed in could be vanquished but it is. It’s also not completely cured. My heart still races in small or narrow places, sometimes I still think there’s no way I can be closed in alone and survive with my sanity intact, I still avoid closed in spaces for the most part, but I conquered it and can handle it now. ME! I can’t even believe it!

If you are ever in a situation you are 100% convinced without a doubt you can’t or won’t survive, remember, it feels that way, it’s not true. I never knew I can ever survive the depression and tmjd cluster-like headaches but somehow I did. I survive each one. My conviction was deep, that I couldn’t survive but I do survive and now my conviction is even deeper that I can and will survive whatever comes my way.

And you can too, whatever it is. It can get better. <333 ❤ Much love, hope, & strength to you.

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on October 8, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged beauty, challenges, choices, chronic pain, courage, depression, Eastern State Penitentiary, empower, endurance, enlighten, expand, experience, fear, gratitude, growth, halloween, happiness, haunted house, headaches, healing, hope, inspiration, joy, learning, lessons, life, life lessons, love, meditation, motivation, opportunity, pain, personal development, Philadelphia, philosophy, phobia, pleasure, Positivity, self, Serendipity, strength, struggles, teaching, wisdom. 3 Comments

On being humble

Jul29

“When we embody love, we are the most powerful being in the universe.” ~ Emmanuel

I wasn’t always as developed as I am now. While I have always been empathetic, compassionate, loving, and understanding of others, not all of those qualities of mine were always as deep or as vast as they are today. I used to be more judgmental than I am now, sometimes criticizing people or things without thinking it completely through if it’s really necessary, sometimes overlooking the fact that I also do things that can, maybe even “should” be, judged critically.

“The praise that comes from love does not make us vain, but more humble.”
~James Matthew Barrie

I think for most of us, we evolve the longer we live, the more we experience even if we don’t realize we’re evolving. And when we do realize we are becoming wiser, more educated, more aware, it’s possible to let it run away with us, let ourselves become a little bit too stuck up or arrogant, too proud, let our heads get too big.

Sometimes I feel so enlightened in some respects. I see things so much more clearly than I did before. I see how wrong I was in some ways about some things. And there have been occasions when I caught myself becoming too full of myself, arrogant, judgmental when I would have an encounter with someone who I perceived as not to be as “enlightened” or aware as I am.
Someone who still holds opinions that are not very evolved or opinions I disagree with or someone who handles those opinions in ways I don’t appreciate or wouldn’t do myself.

Like when I would meet someone who did not realize things or know things that I now know or realize. And I would criticize the person for it, totally neglecting to realize that at one point I did not realize this or something else, either and that right now at this very moment there are things I don’t know or understand, that I am so less developed than I will be in years to come, with age and much more experience. I’m not the most enlightened being on Earth and likely never will be. And that’s ok.

It reminds me of when I would take certain Logic and critical thinking classes in college. In the beginning of one class, our professor told us that in a few weeks we would already know so much more than the average person about reasoning, arguing, debating. He said we would begin to see all the flaws in people’s reasoning in everyday life. People around us, people on TV, commercials, everywhere. He said him, as a Logician with extremely advanced reasoning skills and nearly flawless logic, couldn’t turn off his ability to instantly detect flaws in reasoning even when he would be out with friends having a simple or trivial conversation, watching TV whether it was comedy movies or political or religious debates, reading, everywhere. His knowledge of Logic, fallacies, arguments…is so superior he can’t help but just see how everyone else’s logic is just so flawed. He often had to resist the urge to correct everyone everywhere.

I had a few philosophy professors who told us, although probably mostly in jest, that we may soon regret taking the class because all of a sudden everyone around us becomes so “stupid,” unenlightened, or unreasonable that it’s nauseating. Lol

They said we may become arrogant, inpatient, intolerant of everyone who has never taken a logic or critical thinking class. And it was true. I did start to detect flaws in people’s reasoning everywhere I would go, even in simple, everyday conversations. I noticed how fallacious so many arguments really are. Sometimes it was so frustrating to know so much more than the average person about certain things.

And years later when I began to actively practice and meditate upon universal compassion and general tolerance more than ever before and realized it’s the best way for me to be, I started to sometimes catch myself judging others who weren’t that way.

Sometimes I would give myself a pat on the back for being “just so much more evolved” than most people I know or come in contact with.

When someone would get worked up during an argument, sling an explicit insult at an opponent, argue in flawed ways like I used to do, I would be critical of those people, praising myself for being “beyond that.”

Now I quickly correct myself if ever I catch myself doing that. I’m usually patient in the face of other people’s impatience, gentle with other people’s aggression, non judgmental of someone else’s judgments, tolerant of other people’s intolerance and accepting of someone else’s lack of acceptance. I understand that not everyone will be understanding and I have more compassion than I used to, for those who lack compassion.

Constructive criticism is often a good thing but it can be delivered in a humble way. Assertiveness is necessary in some cases, firmness and unwavering confidence and strength in the face of some injustice.

Love & compassion & acceptance that I write or speak of, in no way means backing down and not speaking up. It doesn’t mean letting people get away with things they should not get away with. It simply means knowing bad things happen, injustice exists in the world, people have differing and horrible opinions and do horrible things but we don’t have to sink to the level of getting even, wishing horrific things on people as punishments, slinging insults and hurting others to seek retribution.

It’s possible to be firm, assertive, grounded, loud, opinionated but loving.

It’s important to stand up for whatever our Truth is, to advocate for what we believe in, speak out against injustice, abuse, cruelty in any form, to defend those who need us, speak up for those who need supporters…but we can do this while promoting love instead of bashing those who disagree. “Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”

It’s not always easy but I believe it’s worth the struggle.

I’m very into Buddhism which teaches universal love and compassion. I’m not a Buddhist but I read about it everyday and practice many of their principles. There are more things I don’t know and understand about Buddhism than things I do know and understand. But I learn more and more each day.

You don’t have to be a Buddhist to incorporate many of their virtues into your own life.
And it’s compatible with religions including Christianity, Judaism, and others. Some people disagree or don’t realize. But Buddhists don’t necessarily believe in any specific god and their principles can go along with the principles of various religions.

You can think of Buddhism as a philosophy or as a religion.

Monastic Buddhists are seriously dedicated, hardcore Buddhists who follow everything in the Lamrim, every principle in excruciating detail and lay Buddhists are looser in their views or lifestyles. They take Buddhism seriously but don’t necessarily follow every principle of Buddhism.

One of the things I love completely about genuine Buddhism and true Buddhists or pro Buddhists is that they teach and promote certain principles and ways of life but they do not enforce them or judge those who do not adopt those views, attitudes, and ways. They teach, guide, advocate for but fully accept that others will not and they embrace those people anyway. This way they remain peaceful within and allow others to be what they will.

I think sometimes when some of us become enlightened on something or think we have and realize we were wrong or utterly ignorant or clueless previously, it can instill embarrassment into us, embarrassment that we did not know or realize this all along, it’s now so obvious, how wasn’t it always this blatant? And the humiliation is so strong we want to avoid it, repress, deny it and run fast away instead of facing it. So what do we do in this case? What makes it easier to avoid confronting ourselves on how wrong or clueless we were before? What’s often easier than admitting I was wrong? Judging, criticizing others who are in the place I used to be in, those who know less about something I now know more about, those with an opinion I once shared but now converted to a “better” one. It’s easier than confessing that I was wrong before and now realize or have become enlightened or changed. It’s easier to verbally attack the me I see in someone else than the real me, my own flesh and blood.

I believe it’s important to stay humble no matter how much more I think I know. Or how right I think I am.

There will always be those who know more than me and those who know less. Those who are more primitive and those more evolved, people who are cruel and seem stupid and those whose intelligence is way out of the average person’s league, people with extreme compassion and deep understanding of others and ones who couldn’t care less to try to understand, open minded and narrow minded, educated and uneducated, enlightened and still in the dark….and to me, they all deserve compassion, empathy, and to be embraced in universal love even if they don’t display that same love or care to be embraced in it. I can still wish them the best and let them go their own way while going my way. That is true, pure, selfless love. At some point I have been and will be again, many of those things I mentioned above.

~Hug the hurt
Kiss the broken
Befriend the lost
Love the lonely~

I believe in Universal Love, higher love, all encompassing love and compassion, being One with all that is.
Not everyone will agree and that’s ok.

This entry was posted on July 29, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged acceptance, age, care, caring, compassion, empathy, empower, enlightenment, experience, higher love, humanness, Humble, Humility, inspiration, kindness, knowing, knowledge, learning, lessons, life, living, love, loving, Metta, motivation, open minded, philosophy, quotes, sharing, teaching, unconditional love, universal love, universe, wisdom. Leave a comment

Follow Your Own Way

Apr30

I recently read a very old and very short fictional story called “Young Goodman Brown” about a young man who initially has faith in the basic, universal goodness of humanity. But things occur in the story to shake his faith. It falters then collapses and he’s convinced there isn’t much goodness in humans.

This story, if I understand correctly, is inspired by the author’s real life situations.

I have been analyzing it and reading an analysis of it. It reminds me of a few quotes that are somewhere along the lines of “Be kind to people in general, even unkind ones, not because they’re kind but because you are.”

This quote implies kindness as a way of life and not a mere occasional act or feeling in response to environmental situations. Even when people are not kind, YOU still are. You can let your kind Way and your kind philosophy waver and lash out in unkindness or you can keep it firm and grounded and stay true to yourself even in the face of other people’s bitterness.

If you are a kind person, it’s easy to be loving, kind, compassionate…when it’s convenient, when you’re currently surrounded by goodness, beauty, sweetness, kindness, love.

But what about when you are currently surrounded by someone else’s bitterness, what about when you encounter a rude person or a very unpleasant situation? It can be so tempting to let our own kind, loving, compassionate, optimistic ways crumble. And that doesn’t make someone a bad person. Most of us probably have relapses and setbacks and it is natural to be defensive in situations where you feel threatened in some way. But even in the midst of stress, chaos, rude people, negativity, pain, you’re still that kind, loving, caring you that you generally are. You’re still the you who believes in goodness, kindness, and love. Don’t forget you. Be true to and honor the you that you are.

You can build yourself so strong nothing will break what you are, nothing will bring your life philosophy, your morals and virtues, your principles, your deep wisdom to destruction. This isn’t to say we should be closed minded and restrained by our views that nothing and no one can enlighten us, educate us, or persuade us to a different view if we find evidence that that view may be true or better for us. It’s to say that we don’t have to lose faith that people are basically good just because of an encounter with a few bad ones, we don’t have to resort to unkindness and bitterness because others are, we don’t have to stop loving because we find someone doesn’t love us in return, we don’t have to wish bad things for people because they wish bad things for us, we don’t have to let pain, horror, negativity, fear, depression, fury…bring our deep wisdom to ruin. We don’t have to let painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions convince us that life is bad.

We can have a firm sense of who we are and honor that someone, always. We can change, grow, expand, evolve in various ways but stay true to who we are.

This story and thoughts and concept helps me so much when I’m depressed or becoming depressed/suicidal.

I haven’t been real depressed for a while but a few nights ago I felt myself kind of slipping. I was in a depressed mood, not yet a full blown depressive episode but a very low, depressed mood and couldn’t sleep right. Through the years of my depressive illness I learned how to often, though not always, prevent a full blown episode when I feel it about to hit. And when I’m not successful in preventing it, I’m often better now, at coping with and “breezing right through it” than I could years ago. So I was trying so hard not to let it get me.

I can often tell when I’m about to become suicidal or when suicidal thinking is about to occur. A few nights ago, I was having suicidal thoughts that felt as if they were just getting stronger and stronger, not urges, not contemplation but if it got out of hand, it could have been headed that way. There was no event that was currently happening to me to trigger this. I was on the verge of faltering. Serious suicidal contemplation hasn’t happened for me in well over a year now. And I did not then and do not now want a relapse after all my hard work to prevent that sort of thinking/urges. But it takes a lot of energy to ward off those thoughts, feelings, emotions when I feel them swirling around in my head. A lot of energy and strength. I was angry, depressed and wanted to let myself sink and slip into that dark place I once lived, so long.

But I thought of my Way. My own Way. My own life philosophy that life is beautiful and hope can be restored. There’s so much to live for. Even through the pain, life is a blessing. Gratitude saves my life sometimes. When I’m so drained and ready to cave, I think of all I have. All that I am. It took a lot of practice to get my life philosophy so ingrained into me that it helps me fend off suicidal/depressive attacks. But I have accomplished so much with it.

It takes practice and work to build yourself so strong that even in the face of misery and seemingly unbearable pain and even being dragged into other people’s negativity,you remain true to yourself. Your deep, authentic self who knows true wisdom and your own Truth.

I hope you will choose to honor you, your true deep self, when you feel yourself slipping in any way, about to cave and give into negative actions. This isn’t only for depressed people who have what I have but even people without depression. Almost everyone has some kind of struggles or pain and can use some loving inspiration now and again.

“Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved;we love to love.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

Xoxo Kim 😀

This entry was posted on April 30, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged beauty, empower, Faith, goodness, happiness, healing, honor, hope, inspiration, joy, kindness, life, love, personal development, philosophy, reminder, self, story, truth, wisdom. 3 Comments

My sweet, looong List of Happy. <3 :-D

Apr5

I recently stumbled across a blog post about “List of Kinds of People I Seriously Hate”

And to my dismay I am on that list! Lol Well not me personally but one of the kinds of people she “seriously hates.” lol How rude!

;-D

She seems like a very outspoken girl though who is very sure of herself and isn’t afraid to state her views and just be herself, not fearing what others will think or say about who she is. And I think that’s generally something to be appreciated and respected so I wasn’t too annoyed and she also loves animals so that’s alright with me! Anyway, she can’t stand girls who wear low cut shirts, especially when they post pics of themselves and that’s totally me! She said it’s totally slutty and any girl like that will be taken right off her newsfeed or any social media list! But it’s just my style is all! Always has been, always will be! ;-D

She said her and her friends tried to write a list of happy things and it was so much harder than writing the list of negative things.

It surprised me that so many agreed with her. I’m the opposite. I find it so much easier thinking of things I love. I only planned on writing like 20 something things and just couldn’t stop! Now it’s way over 100!

But when I try to write a list of things I don’t much care for, I get stuck before even getting to ten usually! Lol! I guess I’m a little too accepting or easy going?! 😀
Mostly the things on my negative list are : unjust discrimination, animal cruelty, prejudicial attitudes, abuse, homicide….things like that.

Also, I think “happy lists” are often more unique than “sad lists” because the unhappy lists are often universal. If you think about it, who really does like unjust discrimination, diseases, sore throats, child or domestic abuse, homicide…? Pretty much no one.

But not everyone loves the color pink or rainbows or babies!

So happy lists are quite unique.

Inaccurate grammar, Girls who do the duck face, post pics of their messy kids and food all day, piss and moan about their drama, are slutty, post 50, million pics of themselves in restrooms, half dressed, political rants…..don’t annoy me. I don’t mind seeing their stuff or whatever. Whatever floats your boats, girls! Lol

I’m not the most judgmental girl in the world which also means I don’t really judge people too hard who judge me negatively. I’m mostly, understanding of your lack of understanding, compassionate even with your lack of compassion, empathetic for your lack of empathy, accepting of your lack of acceptance.

I don’t like it much but it is what it is, right?!

🙂

Anyway, though, Here’s my list of happy!
Inspired by that girl’s list of not so happy! Lol

1.) animals

2.) shopping for makeup, clothes, books

3.) iced coffee especially when it’s really sweetened

4.) meeting people I never met before

5.) finding new quotes, songs, and poems that resonate with me in a deep way

6.) snowstorms and the first snowfall of the season

7.) When the seasons are changing to the next one – it’s something magical

8.) photography

9.) looking into a mirror and loving who/what I see

10.) the feeling of accomplishment, even if it’s something small

11.) making someone smile

12.) random acts of kindness

13.) helping someone

14.) the way it feels to put on comfy pj’s and fall into bed after a long day

15.) hot tea

16.) cake

17.) rain

18.) Hello Kitty

19.) journals and stationary stuff

20.) blogs

21.) my long hair

22.) gentle summer breezes

23.) all the different shades of green that appear throughout Spring & Summer

24.) novels and plays with deep, profound meanings

25.) poetry

26.) getting a new handbag

27.) learning a new life lesson or being reminded of ones I previously learned

28.) salt n vinegar chips

29.) babies!

30.) art journaling

31.) walking in warm or cool weather

32.) seeing people happy and doing well

33.) friends

34.) mindfulness meditation and activities

35.) Buddhist teachings

36.) philosophy

37.) dreams while I’m sleeping and remembering them when I wake up

38.) being aware of beauty all around

39.) my senses

40.) restaurants

41.) gratitude

42.) parks

43.) beautiful buildings

44.) kind strangers

45.) Oldies songs, country songs, love songs

46.) Happy songs and sad poetry

47.) the sky

48.) the moon

49.) getting caught in the rain

50.) taking a picture that turns out more perfect than I expected

51.) love of all kinds, romantic, platonic, universal

52.) walking through a large shopping mall

53.) being surrounded by people

54.) hugs!

55.) making someone else happy

56.) Belly laughs that hurt

57.) the way it feels when laughing almost lifts me when I’m depressed sometimes or in physical pain

58.) Center City Philadelphia and all the beautiful buildings

59.) buying someone a gift or cup of coffee/tea

60.) people who are open-minded, understanding, and empathetic for other people’s situations, problems, lives…

61.) all the colorful leaves of the fall

62.) Blueberry coffee (coffee with blueberry flavor in it) with cream and sugar

63.) fun/deep conversations with a stranger on a bus or at the bus stop

64.) connecting with people

65.) feeling one with all that is

66.) pretty candles with a sweet fragrance

67.) being able to listen to the same song over and over and never get tired of it!

68.) unsuccessfully trying hard not to laugh at something hilarious that I know I shouldn’t be laughing at

69.) serving people at the store where I work

70.) coca cola

71.) romantic comedies

72.) anything sappy and cheesy

73.) the sun and sunrises and sunsets

74.) Morning

75.) nightfall

76.) sunny afternoons

77.) hot cocoa with whipped cream on a bitter cold day

78.) gray days as well as sunny ones

79.) miserable weather

80.) bright, clear blue sky with big fluffy white clouds

81.) different kinds of accents people have

82.) learning phrases in other languages I don’t know

83.) getting a new or old book

84.) bookstores

85.) nail polish that stands out

86.) bright colored socks

86.) anything pink

87.) the color red – especially dresses and handbags, and lipstick on girls who can pull it off

88.) the color green

89.) sweet messages

90.) feeling deeply inspired

91.) feeling motivated and taking action for the better

92.) twilight

93.) finding beauty in unlikely places

94.) sweet memories

95.) When a certain scent takes me back to a place long gone. The bittersweetness of nostalgia

96.) old writings, books, plays

97.) flowers

98.) remembering a song I forgot long ago

99.) When pain isn’t as bad

100.) being filled with deep wisdom and sharing it with others or people sharing it with me

101.) Girls in five inch stilettos

102.) animals playing

103.) my online friends on Facebook, the blog, 365project…

104.) the feeling when a package comes in the mail for me!

105.) Happy surprises

106.) everything related to weddings

107.) animal rescue organizations

108.) movie theatres

109.) the feeling of laying in bed at night reading

110.) trampolines

111.) learning something fascinating

112.) teaching someone something fascinating I learned

113.) making someone’s day better

114.) physical closeness – waiting for a bus with people, standing in lines at a store with people, sitting next to people….

115.) finding something with the letter “K” on it

116.) peanut butter

117.) french vanilla cream horns

118.) university/college campuses

119.) things not going as planned but then working out even better!

120.) posting sweet song lyrics

121.) snuggling under blankets with dogs or cats

122.) skyscrapers

123.) street signs and city lights

124.) the sounds of the city

125.) busses and trolleys

126.) people who build each other up instead of dragging each other down

127.) tomatoes

128.) walking in a light mist

129.) Indian food

130.) fruity or Hawaiian body spray

131.) the way it feels using a new shower gel or hair product

132.) facebook

133.) lemons in soda and iced tea

134.) warm places in the Winter

135.) being deeply inspired to create

136.) birds flying around outside

137.) the love of being greeted by my dogs when I walk into a room.

138.) lovers holding hands

139.) old people – they’re cute.

140.) reading about/hearing about someone’s dream finally coming true.

Wow! Life sure is good, isn’t it?! 😀

So uplifted, warm, and in awe at how many amazing things there are to be so happy about. I did not list these all in one sitting; it took like two days but at the very end I felt so warm and light and like I can jump for joy!

Sometimes I create lists like these in my head at night as I’m laying in bed but it feels even different when I write out a super long list like this. When I think like this at night, the joy often keeps me awake! Lol. So I try to think of more mellow, serene things. You know your life is good when you can’t sleep at night because of too many GOOD thoughts!

I don’t have a “real” job, not much money, I live with family, not on my own, I have a depressive and chronic physical pain disorder but I can still say that life is beautiful. Beautiful with all the simple joys, all the sweet wonders that cost nothing or next to nothing.
😀

May you realize all the treasures you are truly blessed with and feel inspired to list them and not be able to stop!

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on April 5, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged abundance, blessings, books, challenge, cheer, empower, fun, gifts, gratitude, happiness, happy, inspiration, interests, joy, life, list, love, passion, philosophy, photos, pleasure, Positivity, sharing, wisdom. 15 Comments

My Inner Springtime

Mar28

I have been working on this for days! And here it is!! 😀

http://www.positivelypresent.com/2014/03/inner-spring.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PositivelyPresent+(positively+present)

Positively Present(the link above), by Dani Dipirro, is a lovely little place on the net with an abundance of positivity and inspiration to bask in. I subscribed to her e-mail updates a while ago. She came up with a wonderful idea to create an inner Springtime. You know how Spring is the rebirth of your world around you after what may seem like a long, cold, barren Winter? It can also be metaphorical for rebirth and inner growth, as you may already know. I love Winter and every season. They all have their own unique beauty and blessings that the other three do not. And I am blessed to live in a place with four beautiful seasons. But the Winter cold can be painful and it’s hard to stay out long in that. To me, it often seems urgent like I have to hurry out of the cold after a while. It’s hard to walk and take photos in that weather while shaking in the frigid Winter air. I know many people just don’t like the gray. And the Winter lack and the light can have a biochemical effect on the brain chemistry of people, contributing to depression or just a low mood. I wouldn’t give up beautiful Winter for anything though! I like the cold, the gray, the bare branches on trees…

Every year I warmly welcome Winter

But

I also love when Winter melts into Spring and each year I am very ready for Spring as Winter is coming to a close. The sunlight, the warm lingering daylight, the blossoming green and scented flowers…. Dani Dipirro shares her list on her website for how to create our own little Spring no matter what it’s like out there. What a wonderful idea!

I decided to write my own list, trying not to steal any of her exact ideas! Lol She has amazing ideas on her list! Be sure to check them out! Some of her ideas are: create a gratitude list, re-read a book, watch a Spring themed movie, play with a dog, cat, or child….

She inspires me so much, so frequently!

Again, here’s her post with her list!

http://www.positivelypresent.com/2014/03/inner-spring.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PositivelyPresent+(positively+present

So here’s mine!

1.) Try to think back to a song you once loved and listened to often then forgot all about it.
Download the song and listen. Feel the emotions and memories come flooding back. If you need help remembering your song, think of different ages or stages, years, seasons that have come and gone. Think of old music bands you haven’t heard any songs by in a long while. Can you remember any long lost songs?
One of my favorite feelings in the world is rediscovering a beautiful song I haven’t heard in years!

Check this out:
http://www.bobborst.com/popculture/top-100-songs-of-the-year/?year=1964

It has a tab with a long list of years and you can choose a year and then read a list of top songs for that year!

2.) Try to find a quote you haven’t heard of before. A quote about a topic close to your heart. Maybe a quote about hope and healing, love, gratitude, being and staying motivated? You can search for a quote book or just look online for lists of inspirational quotes.

Here, you will find a wellspring of quotes and inspiration:
http:www.joyprogram.com

3.) Maybe a little redecorating! Or Spring cleaning! This will be a good one for me since I tend to get my room cluttered with books and clothes. Set out things that make you happy, maybe Spring themed things like flowers, pastel colors, bunnies….

4.) Light a beautiful candle with a light fragrance if you aren’t allergic or have breathing difficulties. Lavender, citrus, cotton or linen, cherry….MmmmMmm!!
Different fragrances are believed to be great for different things. Lavender is good for depression and sleep disorders, anxiety and fear. Vanilla is good for stress, Lemon is good for sadness and grief, Clary Sage is good for fatigue……certain scents are just uplifting and can inspire a good mood!
Open your window, let your curtains blow in the gentle breeze and invite the promise of Spring into your heart.
And check this out for aromatherapy mood blends:
http://www.aromatherapy.com/mood_blends.html

5.) Do some random act of kindness for someone anonymously. Maybe you know someone in need of some cheering up. Send an anonymous card or flowers, help pay for something…

6.) Pay someone a genuine and sweet compliment either in person or online.

7.) do an arts and craft project. My favorite is to write a quote or song lyrics and decorate it!

8.) Buy or download a book you are interested in and never read yet.

9.) Girls and men and anyone else who love/s to wear makeup and/or new hairstyles, try a new hairstyle/color or makeup look that you have been afraid to try, if that’s the kind of thing you’re interested in. I love makeup and hair and for makeup, I like trying different eyeshadow colors and stuff but my hair is always the same. Either put up in hair ties or long and flowing around my waist. I never care to change the color or length/general style. Some people do want to but need a little push. It can be scary thinking about changing a part of ourselves, even something like just a hair style/color which can be reversed and isn’t really a serious life decision. Anyone contemplating any change, big or small, permanent or not can use some encouragement/support. But it’s ultimately up to you.

10.) Search for a new park or cafe or bookstore. It doesn’t actually have to be new. Maybe new to you or one you haven’t been to in a while.

11.) Step outside your comfort zone. Maybe read a kind of book you don’t usually read. Do an activity you probably won’t be good at. Try a new style of clothing, try food you never tried, try to learn a few phrases in a language you don’t know to speak good in, do something you feel way too shy to do, push yourself, I find that this opens me and I become less shy and more open to even more ideas….

12.) Live in the present moment. Here and now. For an entire day or part of a day, forget about later. Forget about tomorrow and what you “have” to do. Be grateful for THIS moment. Bask in the beauty of your life. Maybe you can mindfully watch a movie, eat something while savoring every taste, texture, sensation…, doing a mindfulness, walking meditation

13.) Reminisce about things long gone. Remember beautiful things, places, people, pets….you once knew. Feel the beauty of love they fill/ed in you, feel the sting of loss, the sweet sadness of nostalgia….it’s bittersweet.

14.) Create a long list of all the reasons your life is amazing right now. No matter what you want and don’t yet or will never have. Focus on the current goodness.

15.) Share a quote you love with someone. Anyone.

16.) Write a positive, uplifting, or thought-provoking message that can apply to people in general. You can sign your first name, nick name or not sign it and have more mystery. Fold up the paper and leave it somewhere for a random person to find. On a seat in a restaurant or bus or train. On a park bench, on a random house step(hopefully you don’t get flagged for littering! Lol you can tell them it’s my fault, I will take the responsibility lmao), on a shelf in a store, in the pages of a book in a used book store. It may seem kind of creepy but it may be just what someone needs to read. It can brighten someone’s day! It can be a quote or any short but sweet, positive, little message!

17.) Do something by yourself that you don’t usually do alone. A movie theatre, restaurant, buy yourself flowers…Love your own company!
I often had trouble with this because I suffer with depression and there were some years where I had no true friends and was frequently, physically alone like in college some years , during the breaks in the middle of the day. While I love my own company and have fun alone and with people, even when I had true friends, being alone outside would make me depressed and sad sometimes and excruciatingly lonely. But it’s amazing to learn to love and cherish your moments you have alone. You don’t always need people around to have fun and not be lonely.

18.) Make a long list of things you like about you, physically or not. You may not consciously know you have things you like about yourself but look at you. Look within and look at your body. Maybe you’ll discover new things you like that you never realized. Think of your opinions, your compassion, your kindness, your eyes, your heart, your uniqueness, Try not to think in terms of better or worse and just focus on what is. Like how someone else has it better or that yours can be worse. Look at you currently and love you! Also try not to think of it as being conceited. Self love is great! It may seem unnatural first but you’ll get the hang of it! 😀

19.) think of a habit you would like to develop and begin it now or tonight. Maybe you want to start going to sleep earlier, putting healthier food into your body instead of junk, take one hour or more a day just for you, learn about a new topic, exercise regularly…

20.) adopt a dog, cat, bunny, or whatever fur/feather/reptile… baby you want!

21.) Step outside and wonder at the incredible beauty and greatness that Nature is. And look at the incredible, beautiful structure of buildings. Look at the veins in the leaves. Go weak at the knees at the astounding gift of life. Look at the sky and marvel at the colors, designs, textures, everything….tap into full awareness of your senses. Don’t just look and know. Feel. Feel at a deeper level. Fall into the depths of mindfulness and beauty. Come alive.

22.) do some stretches that are safe for you. You can find many tips and steps on YouTube.

23.) Remember not to be jealous of or depressed over anyone else’s beauty or success. You, too, have gifts and accomplishments. There will always be those with more and those with less. And that’s ok. Celebrate their fortunes as well as your own.

24.) try a guided imagery meditation. I took a counseling class in college for meditation and used to do stuff like this in therapy some years ago.
Here’s one for pain byMagical Meditations:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rPtsVkfTEWY

This is the mobile link. It’s complicated to get the desktop link on my phone and it messes things up. I hope you can find it on your computer if you’re interested!
I love this. It’s for physical and emotional pain. You can find ones on YouTube for pain, sleep, relaxation, gratitude, and more!

I love when the person guiding the meditation has a different accent than me. Lol

25.) search for an old/classic novel or play if you’re into reading and download it for free! They’re no longer copyrighted so you can find them free and legally online. Usually in text or pdf version!
Over 40,000 free ebooks here!!

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/32707?msg=welcome_stranger

26.) find an obscure poem, drawing, painting, or something of that sort and try different ways of interpreting it! Or think of an opinion you have on something and try to imagine having a different or opposing view on it. What must that be like? You don’t have to change your views but it’s fun imagining and also can teach us to develop deeper compassion and empathy.

27.) create a life philosophy if you don’t already have one! I can’t stress enough how much this has helped me heal and to be a better being than I have ever been. I haven’t written my entire life philosophy out yet, just parts of it. But I will write more. A life philosophy will help guide you on your life journey. It can grow, expand, and change as you do, please don’t let it restrain you. It doesn’t have to be written in stone but write it in your heart. Make it strong and firm enough to hold you, guide you, and ground you when you falter and fall. Don’t let it imprison you but let it guide you. If you ever find that you outgrow your life philosophy, let your life philosophy grow right along with you.
My basic life philosophy is to make certain thoughts, feelings, and concepts my general way of life as opposed to just feeling them occasionally or only when I feel like it or when it’s most easy and convenient for me. It is designed by me to help me be the best me I can be for myself and everyone I impact in any way, not to be a perfectionist but to be better in ways that matter most.
Not to tell people what is best for them ever but to be sure my words and actions are always for the better and never to intentionally or thoughtlessly hurt, destroy, or drag people down.
I choose to make kindness, love, gratitude, hope, and compassion my way of life. Even when it hurts. Even when people do me wrong. Even when people are not kind and compassionate for me and others, even when they don’t appreciate my gratitude for them and return it. I choose to remind myself over and over how beautiful life itself is even when it hurts. I choose to never give up. Not give up on life or myself. All of these thoughts, feelings, and beliefs often come to us and are easy now and then but it’s so easy to crumble and give up on them sometimes. A life philosophy, to be effective to the fullest must be practiced and maintained every single day. Like I said before sometimes I am so tempted to give up on it and it goes out the Window when I’m in serious pain but it’s ingrained in me enough so I always find my way back to it soon enough. Find quotes, songs, writings, blogs, books, people, memories….to confirm and help you nurture your life philosophy. Meditate upon it. Write about it in blogs or journals. Apply it to your real life experiences.
My physical pain disorder and my depressive disorder helped me strengthen and deepen my own life philosophy by testing me.
Just like a muscle when it’s exercised, it gets stronger. My life philosophy deepens with experience, both pleasant and unpleasant.
This can help you so so much to be happier, stronger, comforted, and have your life more organized.
Write down the basic tenets of your life philosophy today.
I came across this idea because I attended college for Philosophy and graduated with the B.A. In it. So many people say Philosophy is useless and no point in taking it in college. But I took it just for fun and it is not useless or just for academic purposes. It can help us think more clearly and develop better reasoning abilities. There are even self-help/personal development Philosophy books designed to help us apply philosophical concepts to our own lives. Anyway you don’t have to know anything at all about the academic field of Philosophy or go to college to develop your life philosophy or even necessarily read a self-help book. They can all be supplements. And you can learn so much about philosophers and their philosophies online. Much of it is old and not copyrighted.
We even have our own ten commandments! The Ten Commandments of Philosophy!
Check it out:

https://sites.google.com/site/degatzia/thetencommandmentsofphilosophy

But really, all you have to do is think of qualities you would love to have or strengthen in yourself. Think of qualities you adore in other people, think of thoughts that help you. What are your values? Virtues? Principles? Strong beliefs? Think them through and put them together to develop the basic foundation of your own life philosophy. As I have said though, it’s ok to change it when/if your core beliefs and values change but it’s good not to let depression, fear, pain, negativity change it in a negative way like make you decide to kick it to the curb for good or for too long. After it becomes your Way and is deeply ingrained in you, it will be much easier to live by.

I hope you will begin to develop your basic life philosophy today. You can add to it everyday. It may always be a work in progress, not a complete destination. Just like you yourself. And that’s for the best. We’re always learning, evolving, becoming and it’s interesting that way!

Here’s an idea for a life handbook:

http://personalexcellence.co/blog/create-your-life-handbook/

Also, here’s a list of Philosophy texts online :
http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/subjectstart?B

And for your amusement :

Unsolvable problems in philosophy/unanswerable questions

http://io9.com/5945801/8-philosophical-questions-that-well-never-solve

http://a-misconception.blogspot.com/2010/09/list-of-unsolved-philosophy-problems.html?m=1

http://pespmc1.vub.ac.be/ETERQUES.html

And here you have free access to an online textbook “Introduction to Philosophy.”

http://www.qcc.cuny.edu/SocialSciences/pPecorino/INTRO_TEXT/default.htm

28.) Do you want to be wildly entertained and put your intellectual skills to use?! And also be pulling out your hair?! You’re in luck! Check out these fascinating legal puzzlers!! They will blow your mind. And seriously, they have no definite conclusions! You may think you have it all figured out but there’s always more thoughts and conclusions out there, it is tantalizing! And I wouldn’t have it any other way! ;-D In college, Temple University, in my philosophy of law class, we were introduced to some of these!

http://people.brandeis.edu/~teuber/puzz1.html

This entry was posted on March 28, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged activities, empower, fascination, hobby, ideas, inspiration, interest, kindness, life, list, love, mindfulness, motivation, music, personal development, philosophy, Positivity, quotes, self-help, sharing, Spring, Springtime, strength, wisdom. Leave a comment

Until It Is Carved in Stone

Oct9

(second photo not mine)

Hello darlings, I’m here to knock your socks off this lovely morning. It’s just after 12:00am. Yup! ;-D

Have you ever read a play called “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder? I have and it’s amazing. It’s beyond amazing. It was produced and published in 1938. It won the Pulitzer Prize.
It takes place in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s.

I first read it when I was twenty – six years old. And whoa am I so beyond pleased that I did. Thank You to Sarah Ban Breathnach for mentioning this play in her book “Simple Abundance”!!!! Sarah Ban Breathnach is another one who has one of the biggest impacts on me with her beautiful writing.

The play is about a young woman, Emily, who dies during childbirth. She’s twenty -six years old. It starts out when she’s a young girl and it’s all about her and her family and friends and all the people in their small village of Grover’s Corners. It’s so small everyone knows each other.

The girl dies at age twenty – six years and she “wakes up” in the afterlife where she meets again, all those who she has known during their living years. The girl, Emily, is freaked out, grieving, and just devastated that she lost her life and can never again have it back. She was always a happy girl with a wonderful life while she was alive, but just like most of us tend to do, she usually took most things for granted. Never stopping to just be and allow gratitude, wonder, and awe to surge through her at all the simple joys like the white fence surrounding her house, coffee, flowers, the way people look at each other, the simple ticking of clocks and folded laundry…

Other than people dying throughout the play, the play is extremely uneventful and has received criticism for that fact but the very essence of being uneventful is the whole point of the play. It is the heart, the gut of it, if you will.

Mr. Wilder intended to show people through his wonderful play, how beautiful, wondrous, amazing, lovely… life IS even when it’s so simple, monotonous, agonizing, and lacking in big events.
While this may seem like a play depicting an idealized view of American life, it actually is not. The message is that life is good while being painful, it’s heartbreaking but breathtakingly beautiful.

One character in the play, Simon Stimson, is a pivot of this message. He struggles with alcoholism and is known as the town drunk but he serves as a message to people . He is a tortured soul who constantly cries out for help but people refuse to help. They are steeped in denial and overlook his desperate pleads for help. He eventually dies by suicide. The message here is that society, friends, family, people….we ignore, deny, repress, overlook so much of life. Even when one of our own is desperately pleading, screaming out for a helping hand.

In the version I have, there is a beautiful forward by Donald Margulies.

Donald Margulies states, “You are holding in your hands a great American play. Possibly the great American play.”
He goes on to say if you have read this play many years ago, perhaps in school as a requirement for some class, you will greatly benefit by reading it again. But now, read it more mindfully, soak up the incredible message this play conveys. Draw on your own life, your own experiences to really receive the deep wisdom of this play.

Donald Margulies admits that he is envious of any person about to begin reading this play who has never read it previously. He loves this play passionately but reading it again isn’t the same as reading it for the first occasion, he says. But he is a teacher/professor and gets to watch others experience again and again which he loves.

The title of this play “Our Town,” itself, is a pivotal message. The town in the play, “Grover’s Corners” is a representation of human life everywhere. It can be extended to all of American life and beyond, all around our world. We are all human and we all share basic human traits no matter our culture, country, society, nationality, religion, skin color, sexual orientation, political views, experiences, gender, gender identity, ethnicity, opinions…

“Our Town”, as Margulies states, is a “microcosm of the human family…”. It is all towns. Everywhere. This play captures the universal experience of simply being alive.

Act III of this play is breathtaking. Mr. Margulies states that he was shattered by it and that is how I feel as well. Shattered then put back together once again but not without a few scars, a few breaks, a deep enthralling sense of enlightenment and compunction.

You know someone is a good teacher when that person can slap you with a truth so profound it brings you to a sense of ruin, leaves you with a sense of pudency, remorse for old ways, living and never knowing. But it’s good to have someone or something break you down to the bone, pierce you to the core, punch you in the gut , knocking the wind out of you, shatter you just to build you back up with a new sense of life, a new philosophy, a newfound strength, rebirth.

Let it rip your heart out, shatter it to pieces, almost beyond recognition then let it glue it back together and move you forward with some scars to remind you to be mindful of the wonders of being alive. The wonders we ignore, overlook, and slap in the face day by day.

Now I will leave you with some poignant quotes or lines out of this play.

In the play when the stage manager is interviewing one of the main characters, Mr. Webb, about their town, Mr. Webb says this:

“Very ordinary town, if you ask me. Little better behaved than most. Probably a lot duller. But our young people here seem to like it well enough. Ninety percent of ’em graduating from high school settle down right here to live-even when they’ve been away to college.”

Mr Webb: “…No ma’am, there isn’t much culture; but maybe this is the place to tell you that we’ve got a lot of pleasures of a kind here: We like the sun comin’ up over the mountain in the morning, and we all notice a good deal about the birds. We pay a lot of attention to them. And we watch the change of the seasons; yes, everybody knows about them. But those other things – you’re right ma’am, – there ain’t much….”

When Emily died and found herself in the afterlife she insisted on looking back at her previous life. The other dead people strongly advised against it as it would be too agonizing and despairing to see a life we once lived and can never , ever return to , but sweet, innocent Emily just had to see for herself. They urged her to choose an “unimportant” day as opposed to one she viewed as very important. One dead woman told her to choose the “least important” day of her life as it would be “important enough.” And it would still be incredibly painful.

Emily chose her 12th birthday.

Here are some things she said as she looked back, as if watching a movie.

Emily: “Oh, that’s the town I knew as a little girl. And look, there’s the old white fence that used to be around our house. Oh, I’d forgotten that! Oh, I love it so!…”

Emily:(softly, more in wonder than in grief.) “I can’t bear it. They’re so young and beautiful. Why did they ever have to get old? Mama, I’m here. I’m grown up. I love you all, everything. – I can’t look at everything hard enough.”

Emily: “Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I’m dead. You’re a grandmother, Mama. I married George Gibbs, Mama. Wally’s dead too. Mama, his appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway. We felt terrible about it – don’t you remember? But, just for a moment now we’re all together. Mama, just for one moment we’re happy. Let’s look at one another. “

When asked if she was happy looking back, Emily responded, “No…I should have listened to you. That’s all human beings are! Just blind people!”

Here is what Simon, the suicide victim says after death to Emily:
“Yes, now you know. Now you know! That’s what it was to be alive. To move about in a cloud of ignorance; to go up and down trampling on the feelings of those…of those about you. To spend and waste time as though you had a million years. To be always at the mercy of one self – centered passion, or another. Now you know- that’s the happy existence you wanted to go back to. Ignorance and blindness. “

Emily:
“Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it–every,every minute?
Stage Manager: No. (pause) The saints and poets, maybe they do some.”

Think back to days in your life, maybe a birthday, a holiday, a special event, a graduation, a wedding….what was important to you then? The perfect napkin patterns? The perfect gift? Being a perfect entertainer? Spending a certain amount of money? Looking good? Getting gifts?

What was really, truly important? Napkin patterns and “perfect” gifts? Or looking into each other’s eyes. Really looking. Hugs. Warm embraces. Really tasting that hot tea or coffee. Looking up at the sky and feeling awe surge through you. Genuine friendships. Tucking your kids into bed. Really listening as we speak to each other. Stopping to see the flowers, to feel the sunlight, to hear the cars on the expressway, the birds chirping, to feel the warm blankets at night. Cuddling with your fur friends. To smell the honeysuckle and the roses and the warm cookies baking, to feel the rain on our skin , the soil beneath us.

Think of any “ordinary” day. What about clocks ticking? What about the refrigerator buzzing? What about the cars parked on your street? What about the concrete beneath your feet? What about the feel of air on your skin? What about the walls in your house? The ones you look at every single day. Do you ever stop to notice them? Or are they so mundane you don’t give them a second thought? What about when you’re making your coffee or tea? The sugar and cream going into it? Look at that. Really. Just look. When you brush your teeth, get a shower, wash your hands, inhabit your body and your life. What if you died but were allowed, for a few minutes to look back on this life, wouldn’t you miss all this? Miss it ALL with a passion so potent it can knock the stars and the sun into oblivion?

It’s not just the big things, the holidays, the birthdays, the weddings, babies, and graduations. It’s not just the pretty things, the sky, flowers, sun, butterflies and birds. It’s everything. All of life. The cars screeching in the streets, getting out of bed. Walking, driving to work, standing in lines, paying bills, stress. Wouldn’t you miss all that?
What if your life changes dramatically? What if someone dies on you? What if you are stricken with a long term illness or chronic pain disorder? What if a close family member or friend, a pet becomes terminally ill? What if you become paralyzed tomorrow or something else drastic happens and your life doesn’t look like this anymore? Oh, how you would long for the mundane, your old monotonous ways, your old stress and concerns.

It’s too late for them, but not for us. We are still alive. Still so blessed with this gift. THIS life.

And now with this awareness.

We can wake up and do all the things alive people can do. You can die at any second whether or not you realize or believe it.

Isn’t Thornton brilliant? Isn’t he still touching people long after his own death with this wonderful play? His beautiful, profound message?

You can die right now.

So what are you waiting for? Stop reading this and go make eye contact. Go smile at a stranger. Go embrace someone. Go look up at the sky. Hold hands. Sit in a warm, cozy cafe with a friend and truly listen. Go listen to people. Listen to what they say. Listen to what they don’t say. Take advantage of your senses, of being alive, Share a banana split with your mom, sister, or best friend, hold a door for someone and really want to, buy someone coffee or tea, And if you plan on getting married, forget about the napkins if they don’t turn out right, if you plan on celebrating the holidays, forget the “perfect ” material gift. The true gift is your presence and your love and care.
I am a blessed girl. Truly.

Now.

Xoxo Kim.

P.s. And oh, yes, go read “Our Town” please. Ty

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion

“There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” ~ Alexander Woollcott

“Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” – Rosalind Russell

“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by
And I rush through another day
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me
But I just look the other way

They roll by just like water
And I guess we never learn
Go through life parched and empty
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers)

” Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.” ~ Robert Browning

This entry was posted on October 9, 2013, in Uncategorized and tagged alive, awake, awareness, awe, barriers, blessing, bliss, book, care, compunction, empower, enlightenment, gem, gift, gratitude, human, humanity, inspire, Joe Cocker, joys, life, living, love, lyrics, mindfulness, moment, motivate, Our Town, philosophy, photos, play, pleasure, present, quotes, rebirth, Sarah Ban Breathnach, sharing, simple living, simplicity, small things, splendor, thank you, Thornton Wilder, wake up, wisdom, wonder, world. 2 Comments

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