Tag Archive | forgiveness

Death of A Cheerleader {true crime}

Mar4
Convicted murderer, Bernadette Protti- then & now

Words are censored because I may copy & paste to Facebook where certain words can get a post flagged.

This is old news, but I just watched the dramatized movie of it again. Very old movie. It’s a true story. “D3ath of A Cheerleader” I’m not into true criminal stuff, I think it’s gross & disturbing (I don’t mind fictionalized movies inspired by true events, I just don’t like seeing documentaries with real footage & pictures and graphic detail and all). But, I always liked this movie before I even knew it’s real. And, it got me curious to look up the true events. This is the real woman here. That’s her as a young girl and her as an adult.

This woman, Bernadette Protti, when she was around 15 years old, st@bbed another young girl to d3ath. The victim was a pretty and popular stuck up cheerleader who was known for being a bully & a b!tch. If she’s portrayed correctly, she was a low-key bully, like not one of the ones who relentlessly terrorize but just always had something unkind/mocking to say to girls she felt were inferior to her. She was shallow and all into herself and boys and her popular friends. I read things online also, by people who claimed to know her back then, and old reports.



This girl here was girl crushing hard. It was purely platonic. She wanted her as a friend and was also kind of jealous and felt she wasn’t as good. When she told the popular girl how much she liked her and how pretty she is, the girl interpreted it as her being a lesbian and coming onto her. She was weirded out by it. If it’s portrayed accurately and the reports are accurate. Obviously, I can’t really know. But, this is how it’s said to have happened. The girl was afraid she would spread around school that she’s gay. So, she st@bbed the ish out of her one night. The girl died.

The k!ller here got off with a slap on the wrist. Seven years out of ten max in juvenile detention. Out at 22 years old, so, practically still a kid with an entire life still ahead of her. She grew up and went on to be a successful business/career woman or something. I read it before but don’t remember all the details.

She was very very sorry for what she did. She confessed on her own, after a while, because she felt so guilty. She said she wanted to die because of it but did not want her own family to suffer, losing her. She said if she could bring the d.ead girl back, she would. If she’s portrayed accurately, I believe she’s telling the truth. She wasn’t a sociopath. In fact, she had “too much” emotion, cared what everyone thought of her, wanted everyone to love her. She genuinely liked the girl she k!lled. She wanted to be BFF’s and thought that would make her popular too.

Also, if you look at her eyes in both pictures here (and all other pictures of her), she doesn’t look like a sociopath at all. So many murder3rs have an empty or “psych0” look in their eyes, like cold or devoid of emotion. They don’t even look human. This girl looks completely normal.

I don’t know. Some part of me understands to an extent, and I also don’t want to be judgmental. She was a child. She was known for being a “good girl” and a “nice girl.” She was a great student and friend to all who knew her. But, something snapped in her, and she went off on the girl. It wasn’t literal “snapping,” it was building up all along until she finally approached the girl.

But, another part of me is hung up on the fact that she took someone’s life away. Another child’s. That girl never got to grow up. Even if she was a b!tch, she did not deserve to die. And, she was only fifteen years old, who knows the person she could have become. She may not have been like that as an adult.

She may have been a b!tch & a bully, but she wasn’t a cold blo0ded murd3rer. And, think of her mom & dad. I don’t know if this part in the movie is accurate, but they got home one night as their daughter was there all bl0ody and being taken away in an ambulance with police all around. They were shocked & confused and had no clue what was going on and watched her die. That’s just not ok no matter what the girl was like.

I kind of think the k!ller should have gotten life in prison. Who was she to take someone’s entire life away and then get to live a normal successful life herself? It wasn’t even like the girl was terrorizing her if the movie and reports are accurate. She just did not want to be her friend. This girl kept throwing herself at her and getting rejected.

She was a very pretty girl, herself, and she had a great family and friends. Everyone liked her. But, she had low self esteem. She wasn’t considered popular and did not make the cheerleading team. She just kind of went unnoticed by everyone in general. She wasn’t of the same social status as the cheerleader, and felt inferior.

Teenagers don’t think like adults do. And, I don’t believe she would have or did go on to k!ll again, so I don’t think she was/is a threat to the general public. She just had it in for that one girl. She acted impulsively. But, in a way, that’s kind of more disturbing than if it was coldly calculated. It’s like she had no control. What’s to stop that again? Somehow, though, I don’t think she would k!ll again.

She did know better. Even a child knows not to k!ll. But, their decision making skills aren’t developed yet and their ability to reason. And it was kind of like self defense in an indirect way. It was not planned, it happened on the spur of the moment. She was hoping to become good friends with the girl that night when it came off the wrong way. (At least that’s what she claimed, the murd3red girl’s family believes it was all planned. There’s no way to really know.) If that girl was going to spread around school that this girl was gay, this girl would have been tormented by everyone at school. Even today, kids and adults are bullied for being gay. And, back then, it was way worse.

When I was her age, I did not fully grasp the finality of d3ath. I knew for a fact when anyone dies, they don’t come back, but I still did not truly grasp it until I was older. I remember when my pets would die and when a boy at my elementary school died in a tragic accident playing with friends and another boy who was sh0t to d3ath, and even at 14 years old when my uncle died, unexpectedly, I knew they weren’t coming back. But, somewhere inside I kind of felt like they could but just never would or something. I knew they couldn’t. But, it just couldn’t fully register.

When I was ten years old, I found a homi.cide victim. A young girl. She was st@bbed to d.eath by her boyfriend, I found out later. She was twenty years old and a victim of domestic vi0lence. That day, he finally k!lled her. I vividly remember all the blo0d. There was so much of it. Her shirt was ripped off and completely soaked in it. And, I remember her thick curly blonde hair hanging out as her body was covered with a white sheet. I remember back then not being able to fully grasp the gravity or seriousness of it because of my age. Even at 15 years old, it was like that. I was nowhere as fr3aked out then as I would be now finding someone like that. I’m not saying this is true for all children. But, it was for me.

Some part of her child brain and especially in the panicked state it was in, may not have fully truly grasped the seriousness of what she was doing.

I’m not infuriated like in some cases when someone gets let off easy. And, if I met her in person and we became good friends and then I found this out about her, I wouldn’t not be her friend anymore. But, another part of me thinks there wasn’t enough justice for the girl who died and her family & friends.

Imagine your daughter being murd3red and the k!ller gets to live happily ever after, no problem. It just doesn’t seem right. The fact that she was only a little girl herself, though, and not a psycho.path, makes it easier to accept.

Murderer & victim. The movie is free on YouTube &, I think, Amazon Prime.

Death of A Cheerleader – Full movie

Death of A Cheerleader – full movie – modern version

I did not watch the one I have listed, second here, but I plan to. I think it’s the same movie but an updated version.

I welcome opinions & thoughts on this case.

Xoxo Kim

Loving from a distance 💙

Sep2

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(Not my photo)

Pure love is letting go. The truest love isn’t clingy, possessive, smothering, controlling, demanding, or stalkerish. Whether it’s platonic or romantic, we can love from a distance if the love is not returned to us. Loving doesn’t mean phone calls and letters and gifts and compliments and physical contact. Those things are great when the love is mutual but if we aren’t together or not friends and someone doesn’t love us back, we can still wish the person the best, just in our minds. True love is wanting someone to be happy with or without us even when it’s painful. ❤💜💛💚💙

Much love & light,

Kim

Xoxo Kim

Forgiveness

Nov11

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“There is no greater forgiveness than the forgiveness for oneself.”

I saw this quote today and it’s a great reminder. Sometimes other people won’t forgive us for something but it’s ok as long as we forgive our own self for whatever we did whether it’s to our own self or to someone else we did wrong.

We will probably make mistakes as long as we live, whether they are intentional, careless, or just an honest mistake. But we can acknowledge we were wrong, admit it, then move forward and try to do better and learn things. 

It’s a quote I found in a Kindle book, “365 Wisdom Pills.”

This book is full of great ideas, put very briefly & simply! 

😀

Good day or night to you! It’s night here, I just got out of work!  

Xoxo Kim ❤

Loud & Proud No Matter What

Oct13

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I believe we should be proud of all our accomplishments, big and small, alike.   
Accomplishments such as kicking a bad habit, healing or recovering an addiction, quitting old detrimental ways…are still great accomplishments even though some people think they are not because they believe those things shouldn’t have been started in the first place.

I subscribed to this page:

http://www.inspiregreatnessnow.com/Free/day1_okJuK.shtml

And the man who the page belongs to said he is grateful he no longer cheats on women who he is in a relationship with. He wrote that it may seem like a bizarre thing to be thankful for but it was a very destructive part of his life at one point and he finally stopped.  Now his life is better.

I don’t see that as a bizarre thing to be proud of or grateful for. It takes strength and courage to admit to a problem or being wrong then working to change it and also to share with others. 

Everyone makes mistakes.  As I have said, no one is perfect in everyone’s eyes. No matter who you are or how amazing you are, someone out there somewhere,  thinks or would think, if you met the person and the person knows about it, that something you do, say, think, or feel or something you previously did, thought, felt or said is/was wrong. Someone will see flaws in you.

It seems as if we often tend to negatively judge people based on the seriousness of the consequences of their actions instead of the morality of the actual action, I guess you can say.  

For example, people often severely criticize people who take drugs and get addicted. The fact that someone takes recreational drugs and gets addicted may have serious, devastating consequences but it says nothing about the character of the person or the person’s general morals.  Some people never take drugs but are just very unkind people who want to drag others down and go out of their way to hurt people merely for the thrill.   And many people who do take illicit drugs or have previously taken them are great people with beautiful personalities who would never go all out to hurt people just for the thrill.

A couple months ago someone told a lie involving me at work.  I forgive the person and believe it was a mistake and not typical of her. Not a mistake as if she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, she knew, and she had malicious intentions, although I have no idea why because we always had a good relationship with each other.  But I view this as a mistake, something she should not have done but she did.  This could have cost me my job.

But I don’t view this as something that defines her personality or character.   It was a mistake, a wrongdoing, a negative act but I choose to look at her as the whole person she is and not as a horrible person based on one vicious act.

People have advised me to feel bitter towards her, to seek revenge, to see her as a horrible individual.  But I choose to move forward with an open heart, forgive her, and “forget.”

She did not admit she was wrong and she lies to the bitter end but I don’t believe her lying now has to do with being malicious towards me any longer.  I think it now has to do with her not wanting to admit she was wrong, feeling as if that’s a weakness on her part.  She has to lie to back up the main lie so as not to confess that she was initially wrong.  So even if she’s sorry, she won’t say it because that would be admitting she was wrong.

However, she did express guilt in other ways and seemed to be trying to make up for it by being extra kind and helpful.  That, in my opinion, is better than an empty “I’m sorry” anyway.

For months I have been angrier than I have ever been, some moments, to the point of fury and it was seeping into every aspect of my life, not just work. I would forgive then go back to holding a grudge off and on but I finally let go, for myself and for her. I don’t want to be angry. She doesn’t want me to be angry.  And it’s done now.

So, my message here is that mistakes you have made and will make, usually say nothing about who you are as a whole person and even if you aren’t as great as you can be, there’s always the possibility for change. You may have to work hard.  It may be awkward and feel uncomfortable now and then but it’s worth it.

And when you accomplish something great like realizing you were wrong and you change your ways or work on yourself for the better that is something to be proud of yourself for no matter what others say.

I have difficulty deleting apps, songs, pictures, and other files off my phone, even ones I never, ever use or even care about.   I always have this fear like “What if I change my mind and delete it and can’t get it back again?!” or “What if later I would come to really want this stuff on my phone and I forget all about it and never know to put it back on?!”.   Lol things like that. So because of this, I can’t put on new stuff or take new pics.

But two nights ago, yesterday,  and today I overcame my limiting fears and decided to go on a deleting spree, deleting everything I don’t use.  Some things I wrote down just in case I may want it again. 

I let my reasoning prevail over emotion. Now is what matters and now I really need more space on my phone.  And I probably will never want those apps and the truth is I can install most of them again if I want later.

This may seem like a trivial thing to be proud of but I must say, I’m proud! Lol. For me, that’s an accomplishment. 

Also, I’m a slob. It’s true. I leave empty soda bottles and candy wrappers around my house and my mom gets so mad. That’s not something I should do ever. But I do.  So when I actually avoid doing that on my own without being told, I feel a sense of accomplishment.   

I hope you will go easy on yourself.   Forgive. Learn.  Move forward. Be honest & open with yourself.

Lol My message here now is that you should be proud and thankful for all of your accomplishments no matter how trivial or important they seem to you or to others. Every little thing you do that contributes in some way, big or small, to a better you, a better world, a better environment, a better relationship, or a better anything is worth being proud of and grateful for.  Even the simplest things.

And this will get you in the habit of seeing the good in you and acknowledging and celebrating your positive aspects and successes. I believe this can lead to a happier life.

What are you holding onto that you should be letting go of?
What should you forgive yourself for?
What would happen inside you if you admit that you were wrong? Admit to yourself?   To others?
Why are you holding on to self resentment?
How about you make the decision to let go now?

Xoxo Kim

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