Tag Archive | empathy

Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, a Buddhist monk and meditation master, in this video above, speaks of Universal Love and the nonsense of war and nuclear weapons.

He explains how the only way to put an end to war & violence around the world is the practice
of Dharma, which is Buddha’s teachings, but he also explains that by Dharma, he just means love, patience, and respect of others. Buddha’s teachings are grounded in love. He mentions that he doesn’t preach this because he’s a Buddhist, although that he is. This message is not exclusive to Buddhism and not something to only be carried out by Buddhists.

Anyone irrespective of religious views can share and live this message.

Here, Geshe-la explains that LOVE is the most powerful nuclear explosive. It can destroy enemies. Now, at first this may seem horrific as if we want to blow up our enemies! But when he says destroy “enemies,” he is not referring to persons or any living sentient being, he is referring to the concept of enemy. Let’s destroy the concept of someone being our enemy. This doesn’t mean destroying someone who is flesh & blood.

Even if other people consider us their enemy, we do not have to return those thoughts and feelings against them.

I can be someone’s enemy without that person being mine.

If we all think this way, there will be no more enemies in the world. Even if just some of us think this way, there will be more love in the world and less violence and hostility. Even if it’s just one small part of the world, that is incredible! We are made of energy and our energy goes out into the world around us, let’s make it loving energy. Let’s summon all the love we can and destroy the whole notion of enemy.

Oh, my! My heart just wells up with love and gratitude for this adorable little man & his beautiful message. ❤

It's ok to love our country and our culture but we are not better than anyone else, we are all equal, all one. Some countries have more advanced governments and more human rights applied and cleaner water and more food available but their citizens are no more deserving than the citizens of any other country.

Borders and boundaries and governments and organization are all “man-made,” even though in some cases they may be necessary. We don't have to use them or the concept of them as a weapon against each other. Even if we don’t do anything practical to help people in other parts of the world, like travel or donate money, just deepening our compassion and empathy is good. It emits positive energy into our world and inspires us to act more lovingly in general.

(this isn’t my picture, I don’t know the source)

Let's not just think of our own community members as our brothers and sisters and not just think of our selves as citizens of our own country but citizens of the whole world. That's what each of us are.

Let's forget the enemy. Not forget our enemies as the people they are but forget their role as enemy to us.

❤ ❤

All of these pictures of Venerable Kelsang are screen captures I took of parts of the video above.

And here is a lovely song about universal love:

What the World Needs Now – Dionne Warwick – mobile

What the World Needs Now – desktop

Love sweet love. ❤

“No not just for some but for everyone.” ❤

An Oldie and goodie! ❤

😀

We may not always live up to this even if we think it's a sweet message. Sometimes we may act selfishly, argue negatively, act in an unkind manner. But we can acknowledge this and try to be better and better. It's ok to fall as long as we keep getting back up. ❤

😀

Much love to you,

xoxo Kim ❤

This entry was posted on September 25, 2015, in universal love and tagged compassion, empathy, inspiration, life, love, togetherness, universal love, violence, war, wisdom. 2 Comments

I Am your Mirror

Sep22

“We are pain and what cures pain, both. We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours. I want to hold you close like a lute, so that we can cry out with loving. Would you rather throw stones at a mirror? I am your mirror and here are the stones.” ~ Attributed to Mevlana Rumi

What a beautiful quote! I think it conveys a message that we have the potential to do, be various things, even opposites. We can be positive or negative, loving or selfish, warm and caring or cold and distant. We are the source of our own problems but we are also the source of the solution to those problems. We have gifts and the ability to share those gifts.

I feel that it’s a quote about interconnectedness and Oneness. Underneath, we all share a basic sentience or experience. We all have very similar qualities and not just humans but animals and insects as well. All sentient beings have needs and desires, interests, are capable of pleasure and pain, joy, and suffering. What we see in our own self, if we look closely, we can see it in others. And what we see in others, we can find in our own self when we look deep within.

The end of the quote about the mirror seems to indicate that we are very similar and maybe how our actions even against our self can affect others or our actions against others can affect our own self. It also seems like someone offering to take on someone else’s pain. That is beautiful selflessness! Don’t hurt yourself, hurt me if you must hurt someone!

I love the quote and what it seems to mean and there are probably so many, many interpretations we can come up with. I think it just flows beautifully even without thinking about the meaning.

It also reminds me of this:

“Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.”

Again, a message that conveys that underneath, deep within, we are very similar, we are one. Never feel alone, whatever you feel, pleasant or unpleasant, joyous or painful, someone somewhere is experiencing something or has experienced something quite like it. This can deepen our empathy & compassion. Let’s remember how it feels to be happy, accomplish something, have something pleasant happen to us and be happy for others just as we would for our own self. And let’s recall how it feels to be in pain, scared, anxious, to be filled with sorrow and want to help heal & uplift others as much or even more than we want our own pain soothed. Let’s remember how it feels and refuse to inflict that upon someone else. But let’s show compassion & deep understanding to those who attempt to inflict pain upon us.

“…Would you rather throw stones at a mirror? I am your mirror and here are the stones.”

xoxo Kim ❤

This entry was posted on September 22, 2015, in mindfulness, universal love and tagged beauty, compassion, empathy, inspiration, joy, life, love, pain, quote, selflessness, universal love, wisdom. 6 Comments

If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going

Sep19

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”~ Khalil Gibran

For the last couple of weeks I have been experiencing “ice pick” headaches, which are beyond excruciating. These aren’t the same as the cluster-like headaches I sometimes write about. My cluster-like headaches, which are a result of my chronic pain disorder, last much, much longer than “ice pick” headaches(sometimes cluster headaches are referred to as “ice pick” headaches, they have similar symptoms), also a result of this dreadful but non life threatening disorder.

Ice pick headaches last, literally, only a few seconds. But the pain is unbearable or would be if the duration were longer. The pain level is almost to the same excruciating level as my cluster-like headaches are. I call them “cluster-like” because I don’t have Cluster Headache (CH) that I know of but I have a different pain disorder that triggers similar headaches. The ice pick ones don’t feel as much like a burning sensation as the cluster ones.

These ice pick headaches I have been experiencing off and on, I think every single day now for like two weeks, make it feel like someone is slicing through the back of my head with something (probably why they are called what they are called). This isn’t metaphorical/poetic speaking/writing or whatever; it literally feels like an assault on my body.

I don’t even like using the word “literally” much because it has become a trend to use it so loosely or unnecessarily, when things aren’t actually/literally “literal” that it seems, to me, to have lost its meaning or seriousness or its literal-ness. Or something like that.

Many people have developed the habit now of saying/writing things like “I literally spilled my coffee on me today!” “I literally missed the bus!” “I literally can’t live without this new drink I discovered!” “I’m literally going to dye my hair today!” “I literally just can’t even!” lol

I’m so thankful for the word “literally.” The saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” applies here. I can’t say that about everything I have/had. Many things I do know what I have/had before it’s gone but I never realized what an incredible purpose the word “literally” serves (or served) until people started overusing it. Sometimes I’m so frustrated because I can’t seem to get my point across about my pain or convey the true agony or depth of it. And the word “literally” has often saved me, helped it feel that I am in fact getting most of my experience to be understood. “My head literally feels like it’s splitting” or “I feel that it can literally kill me.”

But now the poor word has lost its weight, its ability to be taken seriously and with it goes my sense that I’m getting my true experience out there.

So thanks to all those who “literally” cannot live without coffee and “literally” flew to the bus this morning and still missed it and “literally” jumped out of your skin when something scared you silly, and “literally just can’t even.” Now “literally” and me have lost our voice. Lol Jk I’m not really resentful, I’m actually quite amused. But it’s true that when we use a word so much and out of place or so loosely, it tends to seem to lose its original message. Some words change or have additional definitions after a while and that’s ok. But come on! This isn’t even the case here! This word is being tossed around in a completely nonsensical way. oh, well.

But these ice pick assaults feel as if my head is truly splitting. And it’s like bolts of electricity searing through my face, head, eye, temple without warning. They come on out of nowhere.

I don’t have them frequently each day but they are becoming more frequent, hopefully only temporarily . They are not as traumatic as the cluster-like ones but nearly as painful. Every day now I have them usually on two occasions, usually later in the day, like early evening then again later at night. And on each occasion, I experience usually two or three, one right after the other. Like bolts of electricity or invisible bullets piercing my temple and eyeball and like something sharp plunging into my head, on the top and in the back on one side, the right side. After the barbaric attack ends, I feel physically weak. Sometimes hot or dizzy, and sometimes I have an urge to sob.

When they end I feel like I can pass out and often sit to rest a couple minutes and during the seconds they occur, I feel as if the pain itself can physically kill me. If I did not have the pain disorder or wasn’t diagnosed, I would seriously think I’m dying. I would be convinced. Sometimes I still wonder if I’m dying when it’s happening.

It’s amazing how many thoughts and feelings we can have in a mere few seconds. I never really realized that before these ice pick attacks began everyday like this. It reminds me to watch my thoughts and make sure they are mostly positive and loving. Also, it reminds me how much can happen in a second, how each second truly matters. In a second, my world can crumble on top of me and in a second, hope can creep into my head and lift me and in a second my wisdom can deepen and I can discover and learn and share. In a second I can choose to conquer my pain and in one second I can choose love.

We often seem to think of one second as useless or too fleeting to matter. But this life is made up of one seconds, single breaths, fleeting moments, individual heartbeats. Together we realize how important they are but each one in itself, we seem to tend to forget. I am reminded to cherish each one. Hold each one close to me. Make the most of each & every one.

One thing that I find that helps me cope with severe physical pain and the emotional trauma of it is to accept the pain instead of judging it or wishing it away. Taking deep breaths and allowing the pain to come as it will. This can be extremely difficult but with practice it gets easier.

I have sometimes been angry with the physical agony of my chronic/episodic pain disorder and sometimes even at my body or the part of it responsible for this hell.

I love my body, both the aesthetic beauty of it and what it does for me, allows me to live, to love, to experience, to reach out my hand and help someone or reach out my arms and warmly embrace others.

But sometimes when I have been very sick (with kidney stones for example) or in pain, I let my love take the backburner and felt a devastating sense of betrayal. Like my body is betraying me, doing this to me. After all the love I have lavished onto it and express for it. As if my body has consciously chosen to do this to me. Sometimes I have been angry at my jaw, the source of all my pain. This is very rare for me to experience but I have felt it before.

What is more common is for me to become furious with my physical pain itself. I have even felt an urge to seek revenge upon it. It sounds amusing and ridiculous and makes no sense. Pain is not a sentient thing with a choice or consciousness. But I have felt furious and wanted to scream at it and throw and break objects while cursing my pain for destroying me. I have waited for my pain to materialize before me so I can rip it to shreds. Into little pieces, the way I feel that it does to me.

This doesn’t help. Screaming and taking fits while in the midst of a severe flare up of physical pain, fantasizing about seeking revenge on my pain, does nothing to help me. It doesn’t ease my pain or relieve my anger. All it serves to do is worsen it. And it is devastating enough without unnecessarily adding to it.

(It’s interesting to think about this because I don’t hurt or kill humans, animals, insects, any living, sentient beings intentionally ever so I know if my pain really was a sentient thing I can seek revenge on, I wouldn’t.)

Accepting my pain and my body is what helps. And meditating upon all the good my body does for me. I have now learned when I’m in physical agony, even seemingly unbearable physical agony, to ask myself “What is this pain teaching or reminding me?” “How can I use this experience to help inspire or bring a sense of consolation or hope to others?” In the earlier days of my pain disorder, it was rare that I was able do this.
Back then all I was mostly able to do is scream and collapse and writhe on the floor and pace back and forth or crack my head against a wall all night long. Most of my thoughts were frantic and panicked, often despairing. Sometimes they still are and sometimes I still do these things, still get angry but more often now, I am able to consciously allow my pain to strengthen me and teach or remind me, deepen my wisdom and empathy for others in those moments.

As soon as I feel the agony of my disorder flaring up, I am reminded of how I never want anyone to ever feel this way and try to think of ways I can bring even just a fraction of consolation or inspiration to others. I now have the ability to summon loving feelings more often than I used to when I was in severe pain. I am reminded that others are suffering or may be or can later be suffering like me and it deepens my compassion. It reminds me that when I feel like responding to things with unkindness, it’s better to instead respond with compassion. Compassion can ease suffering.

My pain is worth it if I can use it as a catalyst for positive change and if I can allow it to inspire me to reach out and help someone in some way, even if it’s just sharing a positive quote or picture on social media. Or reminding myself to show more compassion even to people acting less than kind, at any moment they can be struck with pain or maybe already are suffering.

One thing I learned that I would have never known if not for my disorder, is the existence of “beyond unbearable pain.” I never knew that physical pain can be beyond severe or beyond unbearable. Now I know. I think life itself is beautiful and while I don’t want to suffer, if I have to its good to let it teach me. Pain to all extents is part of this life. And the more I get to experience of life, the better! Even when it’s not pleasant. I won’t go out looking for pain but if it happens to find me, I will embrace it. I don’t always succeed but that’s ok.

Though it can often feel like it, my pain is not my enemy. It is my teacher, my lessons, my inspiration, my strength. And I am not a victim of my body. My body does all it can to keep me alive even when it’s sick and in pain. It does all it can for me. It doesn’t want to suffer.

When I keep this in mind and focus on this and lavish love onto the places of me that hurt, when I breathe, consciously aware of each breath that goes in and out, and remember I am not my pain, it helps me cope. Pain is separate and I can build an invisible/emotional barrier to distance my body or self and the pain so I won’t identify with the pain.

One of my favorite books is “How to Solve Our Human Problems” by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, meditation master, Buddhist monk, teacher of Buddhism, and one of my favorite authors. In his book he writes:

“The feelings of hurt are inseparably bound up with grasping at I and mine. We strongly feel ‘I am hurt’ or ‘My feelings are hurt.'” (How to Solve Our Human Problems pp. 43)

And

“There is an enormous difference between the thoughts, ‘I am feeling bad,’ and ‘Unpleasant feelings are arising in my mind.’ When we identify with our feelings, we make them bigger and more solid than they are, and it becomes much more difficult to let the unpleasant feelings go. On the other hand, when we learn to view our feelings in a more detached way, seeing them simply as waves in the ocean of our mind, they become less frightening and much easier to deal with constructively.” (pp. 44)

When I first read this, I laughed hysterically.

“Unpleasant feelings are arising in my mind.”

Sometimes I still do. Who goes around saying “There are unpleasant feelings arising in my mind?” Imagine being pissed at someone and yelling “There are angry feelings arising in my mind at you!!” Lmao I couldn’t say that and keep a straight face. I’m laughing as I’m writing this.

But these words he speaks are true.

Venerable Geshe Kelsang’s point is to dissociate or detach, to not allow our self to identify with our pain. Not ever to repress or deny it but to not be one with it, to distance ourself and our unpleasant emotions or feelings. We are not those painful feelings. We acknowledge them and that they severely affect us. But then we detach and realize they are not inherent in our existence. If something is not me or essential to my very existence, I don’t have to identify with it.

I couldn’t see exactly how this can work but I love Geshe-la and while I don’t agree with all his views, I trust his word. His practical tips are extremely helpful and his love and wisdom run deep.

One night, somewhat recently, I woke up in excruciating physical pain which triggered fear. People often say emotional pain is worse than physical. I can’t completely agree. Both can be agonizing and it’s dependent upon the one experiencing the pain and the situation, the degree of pain…

To me, severe physical pain is harder to deal with than severe emotional pain. And I have felt both horrific physical and emotional pain.

So that night I was horrified and in unimaginable physical agony, beyond belief. My head was throbbing, aching, burning…

And I remembered his words.

And I thought to myself “There is physical pain arising in my head” while taking deep deliberate breaths. I meditated upon the fact that pain and me are separate even when it feels I am consumed by it. Even when it feels I am one with it. Even when I don’t know where pain ends and I begin. I am not pain. I am not fear. Pain and fear are not inherent in me. I couldn’t believe the effect it had on me. Even though I did not completely grasp the concept. It calmed my fear and helped me cope. I felt my pain becoming more distant. Not going away, not necessarily even lessening but my self becoming less identified with it. This way I have a less negative emotional reaction to the physical pain.

This detachment can work for both physical & emotional pain. We are not our painful thoughts, our grief, our sadness or depression or anxiety. We are not our anger or our jealousy. These things arise in our body/mind but they are not us.

Instead of thinking I am in pain or my head hurts or I am scared, I detach, distance myself, dissociate. I don’t allow concepts of me or my body or I to be in the same breath as pain or fear. Fear & pain arise in my body but they are not me. They are not my body, not my mind, not my essence. They are separate. And by carefully selecting my choice of words, my thoughts, I can emphasize this and cope better with pain and fear.

My body does hurt.
My head really hurts.
I am scared.
I am in pain.

These are all the truth.

But these sentences do not always serve me well. They bring my body, me, my mind together with pain, allowing pain and fear to collide with me. Our choice of words and our thoughts have an effect either positive or negative and there are choices we can make to help us in painful situations.

Again, it’s not about denying or repressing but detaching. I can have something, admit that I have it but not identify with it. This even goes for positive things like money or a great job. I have those things if I do but they are not me. And I can separate my self and them. Then when I lose them I still will not be lost or diminished.

Also, laughter always helps. And it’s hard not to laugh when I think this way. Lol It sounds ridiculous. Who talks this way?! ;-D

But it really does help me.

(This is the back of the book. It just has a blur effect I put on because it looks prettier that way. The original picture looks kind of plain. This has a dreamy effect.)

I also would love to share some quotes and these songs for anyone in need or anyone who may be inspired or uplifted or just curious or entertained by them.

Songs:

If You’re Goin’ Through Hell – Rodney Atkins – mobile

If You’re Going Through Hell – desktop

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor – mobile

Eye of the Tiger – desktop

Hero – Mariah Carey – mobile

Hero – desktop

Quotes

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

“Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us.” ~ Charles Kingsley

And we don’t have to let it conquer us.

“Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced. Denied or feared, it grows.” ~ Dean Koontz

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Today I will see something positive in all situations.”

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.” ~ Dalai Lama

“When you come close to sellin’ out,
Reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

“Take that first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”

“Some people see a hopeless end, others see an endless hope.” ~ Unknown

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today.” — Og Mandino

“And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you” ~ Mariah Carey

When I was in college, in one of my psychology classes, our professor, a clinical psychologist and very loving woman, would play this song for us and for our homework assignment, we had to print out the lyrics and were told to always keep them and look to them for inspiration. We were also required, for an exam, to fill in the blank part of the lyrics. It really is a beautiful song, isn’t it? Very inspiring and comforting and her voice, so soothing. ❤

“Embrace your challenges with an open heart because through every challenge, strength forms.”

“You are not the victim of your body. ” ~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

“We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.” ~ Aristotle Onassis

Our pain may not end or not end soon but we can still be happy, peaceful, live in love. It's all about conquering the pain and dancing in the rain & storms, sailing in the winds.

“You could go the distance, you could run the mile, you could walk straight through Hell with a smile.” ~ The Script

“To embrace all things means first that one holds no anger or resistance toward any idea or thing, living or dead, formed or formless. Acceptance is the very essence of the Tao.”

“If you're going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

This is for everyone in pain of any sort whether physical or emotional or with any problem. There’s always someone, somewhere who understands. There’s always hope as long as there is life.

❤ ❤ ❤ 😀

Lots of love to you!! 😀

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on September 19, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged acceptance, chronic pain, compassion, coping techniques, empathy, hope, inspiration, life lessons, lists, love, mindfulness, motivation, pain, Positivity, quotes. 5 Comments

30 Days of Photos – Day 22 – {Ordinary Angels} <3

Sep18

“It is extraordinary how extraordinary the ordinary person is.” ~ George Will

The topic for Day 22 of the 30 days photo challenge is to get a photo of random people.

August 22nd was day 22 for me.

It’s kind of rude taking pics of people without permission so it’s best, in my opinion, if this is done while their backs are turned or the picture is blurred or something or just show part of the person in a way that can’t be identified. Unless we ask for permission, which I’m not bold enough to do! Lol

I LOVE people! To most people I probably seem reserved or introverted. I have been mistaken for someone with social anxiety and even called “anti social” or a “loner” more than once. These are not at all true. I am very calm, although very shy in social settings, some more than others, if I don’t know the people well or don’t see them very often. It does take a while sometimes for me to open up but only because I’m shy, not because I am scared, anxious, or not trusting or not open or anything. I’m just the opposite. I’m extremely trusting of people in general, even strangers and people who have betrayed me before. It’s just my nature to be very trusting. And I’m very open to sharing my experiences and opinions when I do get talking, even ones that may be controversial or less than pleasant.

To me, being shy doesn’t feel like anxiety or fear or nervousness. It feels more similar to “awkward” or “embarrassed” though not exactly that. It’s impossible to put into words and people have always asked me why I’m so shy. There’s no specific reason. I just am. I’m the shyest one but also the most extroverted one in my family. I’m nowhere near as shy as when I was a kid. Then I struggled with crippling shyness.

And “anti social” does not mean what many people think it does. It’s actually an inclination towards criminal activity or violence or aggression, not just someone who prefers to be alone or doesn’t like people. I am not anti-social in either sense.

And I’m certainly no loner. I love and often long to be around people. I wish I had lots more friends and a bigger family or knew more people in my family and everywhere. I’m just shy and don’t have many friends, it’s not because I want to be this way. I just am. I am a very shy extrovert! But it’s mostly not a problem. It doesn’t hold me back. If I wasn’t so shy when I was young though, I would probably have more friends.

So I love the topic for Day 22 because people are something I love.

I got one picture of people that day, not with their backs turned but luckily it turned out blurred enough so they can’t be identified or I wouldn’t have put it on or would have tried to blur it myself. I looked up the street and the scene looked pretty and two people were walking up and I took the pic and I’m happy with it. 🙂 It’s not the best but it’s a good attempt!

And here are some more pics I got on different days of random people/ordinary angels:

I think every person has potential and a light to be lavished onto the world and I believe people are basically good with good intentions.

It’s also my belief that no one is better than anyone no matter what religious or political views, gender, race, skin color, nationality, gender identity, weight, ethnicity, size, sexual orientation, living situations, financial status, job, physical appearance…

Beauty comes in various forms. And every life matters!

I think we are all one and all connected and can help each other and deepen our compassion and love for others.

It’s true what the quote above says, the average or “ordinary” person is extraordinary. We all have love to provide to someone and can do something no matter how seemingly simple or small, to help heal, inspire, or uplift someone.

Here is one of my absolute favorite songs! A beautiful country song about how every one of us has some ability to help another in some way. We don’t need money, a job, don’t have to be famous or have lots of power or be popular or look any certain way…all we need is a compassionate heart and a desire to reach out to someone. ❤

Ordinary Angels – mobile

Ordinary Angels – desktop

”
It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school
Or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life, oh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels” ~ Craig Morgan

I love this song and the message that any one of us can do something, even the simplest thing like just smiling at someone, to help turn someone’s day or even life around for the better.

❤

There are an infinite amount of ways we can help, uplift, or brighten someone’s day whether the person is a stranger to us, a coworker, a friend or family member…we can genuinely compliment the person, look for the good in others, choose to understand someone who is being difficult or unpleasant instead of criticizing in a negative way or judging, understand that even the most loving, selfless people make mistakes and can act in a selfish or rude manner, leave one dollar on a park bench or bus seat for a stranger to find, write an uplifting note to a friend or for someone to stumble upon, write loving messages to people on social media, use our accounts for positivity and goodness, let someone in front of us in line at a store, give up our seat for someone else, feed homeless animals, put insects outside instead of killing them, choose to forgive and move forward, smile at a person who rudely bumps into us in a crowded place or gives us an unpleasant glare, practice patience, wish someone the best, show kindness to everyone we encounter, put money in a tip or donations jar, try to make someone laugh, send an anonymous gift to a struggling single mother or father, listen attentively to someone in distress without offering unsolicited suggestions or solutions, hug someone, encourage someone, help a child or old person cross a street, hold our tongue when we feel like saying something unnecessary and unkind, use our own pain to deepen our compassion for others ….so many ways!! We don’t need any certain paid or volunteer job or any job to help someone each & every day. We can all inspire and uplift others in every day, ordinary contexts no matter who or what we are.

Much love to you!

❤

xoxo Kim 😀

This entry was posted on September 18, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged acts of kindness, beauty, blog challenge, caring, compassion, connection, empathy, kindness, life, love, people, photo challenge, photos, quote, song, universal love, wisdom. Leave a comment

Your Brain on Fiction

Jul25

I have known that reading fiction can help deepen our empathy, understanding, and compassion for real people and real life situations. I experienced this myself in some ways and it just makes sense. When we see people in real life acting certain ways that seem unusual or negative, we may be quick to judge that person. We have no idea why this person is acting this way. We don’t know exactly what is going on in that person’s life or head. But in fiction, the author let’s us into the heads and lives of the characters. We have a very good idea why the characters do certain things where in real life, we often have no idea. In fiction, we can judge less because we understand and know better.
For example, I recently read a novel (Killing Me Softly by Bianca Sloane) where a lady is being abused by her husband in every way there is to be abused. Sexually, other physical ways (hit, knocked to the floor, locked in a closet…), emotionally (he treats her as if she is less than him), and verbally(calls her insults and things).
This lady is basically a prisoner in her own house. The neighbors would judge her thinking she’s freaky and a weirdo. She would act strange in public, hardly speaking to anyone, even neighbors, always being in a hurry to get home, acting fearful and urgent, dressed in very bland, unusual clothing because he forced her to, out of fear that other men would be attracted to her.
These neighbors had no idea what was going on with her but we, the readers are aware and instead of judging her as being a “freak,” we can have compassion instead.
But what if this were reality and we were the real neighbors to her. We would have no idea what’s going on with her. We couldn’t get into her head like we can when she’s the character in a novel.
Would we judge her, think of her as the “weirdo” of the street? Would we stop and think maybe the poor girl is suffering or just needs some love & compassion?
My compassion & empathy have always been very developed in general but I notice that fiction opens me up even more.

I have also read many other realistic novels where characters would act in a bizarre or very unpleasant way, provoked by horrific things that happened to them.
Some characters, I judged negatively myself and also would have if they were real people. Some of these characters are violent or bitter or just not appealing.
Then the authors let me into their heads, allowing me to observe and feel every emotion and thought the person has(we can’t always do this with real people because we aren’t in their heads but the characters are realistic and have similar experiences to real people), and I understood better and made it a point to try to show and have more compassion in person to real people.

I think this is a good reminder to develop stronger compassion and understanding for people in general. Unlike in fiction, we have no idea why they do what they do. Maybe they are suffering, being abused, mentally ill….we can’t possibly know completely what someone else’s life is like. Let’s try to better understand and be slower to judge. Compassion is always good even if someone isn’t suffering, compassion as a way of life is beautiful.

I think fiction can help open our minds and help us deepen our empathy & compassion in general.

And I just discovered this essay, while reading various things about psychology, the brain, neuroscience, and studies. This happened to show up and is fascinating!

The Neuroscience of Your Brain on Fiction by Annie Paul – mobile version

I can’t for the life of me find out how to get the non mobile/desktop link.

Maybe this?

or you can just look it up if you want:

Your Brain on Fiction
The Neuroscience of Your Brain on Fiction
By ANNIE MURPHY PAUL
MARCH 17, 2012

It brings two of my favorite things together, brain studies or research and reading fiction! Very interesting!

It shows that while reading fiction, our brains have extremely similar reactions as when we are involved in real life situations.
The brain, in some way, can’t tell the difference even though we know it’s not real. Our brain can’t completely distinguish fantasy and fiction. Some parts of our brain takes fiction for being real.
This is a good reason to be careful what we read. Too much horror and heavy stuff can drag us down and generate negative energy. It’s good to mix it up a bit and read things to immerse our self in positive energy.

Also the studies suggest that reading fiction does help deepen our empathy. And to rule out the possibility that it’s just people who happen to be more empathetic who read more, the researchers accounted for that. They did studies with pre-school children. When they read stories to them, the little kids seemed to develop better understanding for real life. It makes perfect sense to me! And I think it also applies watching movies.

I hope you are having a great day/night!
😀

Xoxo Kim ❤

This entry was posted on July 25, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged brain, compassion, empathy, fiction, inspiration, life, love, neuroscience, novels, open minded, psychology, understanding, wisdom. Leave a comment

Inner Strength <3

Jun21

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

So, I had a cluster-like headache at work last night. It’s the second one I ever had at work.
It was devastating.
The last one I had at work was in October, eight months ago. Luckily back then it was a cool, dark, dreary night and was slow so no one had to witness it. But now it’s Spring/Summer and very busy so when I was struck with it, there were customers at the window. I never want to freak anyone out and I learned to control my reactions to these headaches a little bit better in general, not always though. Sometimes I still scream til I lose my voice.
It’s rare to have a headache during work hours; they usually occur around 2:00 in the morning til 5:00am.
I had to keep hitting my face and clutching my head and trying not to scream.

It takes everything I have in me not to bang my head against the walls. There have been nights I cracked my head for hours over n over against a wall. All night long.
And kept feeling what felt like my brain shaking because of the force.
But I was near insanity.
It’s an incredible sense of loneliness.

When I talk about my headaches, I often explain what they are like because they aren’t “headaches.” They are cruel, vicious attacks.
I have tmjd, not cluster headache (CH) disorder, that I know of, but my condition triggers cluster-like headaches.
It feels like a hot poker being driven through the eye socket and being held there for minutes to hours and can be off and on for hours, days, weeks or months or unfortunately for some, every single day with no remission. There’s no known cure. On top of the severe burning agony like scalding hot water being poured over the side of the face, is the worst throbbing tooth pain and ear pain and pressure.
Like all our nerves exposed and being squeezed
It involves the trigeminal nerve, I heard/read.
They are also called suicide headaches & ice pick headaches(like the head being split with an ice pick). It’s that bad.
There’s no pain that I know of that can be used as a reference point to compare the magnitude of this pain to. Being burned and brain freeze are the closest things.

They can make the eye droop and water and the nose run on whatever side of the face the pain is on. Sometimes my face swells up on the side and turns red or even a purple/bruised color. It feels like and sometimes looks like my face is melting. It’s not pretty. Pain pills do nothing. Not prescription ones, not ones bought in a store. The headaches only occur on one side of the face. It can be either side.
Mine was on the right at work.

I thought I was dying, the pain was so bad.
I don’t know if physical pain can literally drive someone insane but I keep thinking it will.
I wanted to run out of work and run to the bar across the street screaming but I knew my boss likely wouldn’t have anyone to come in work for me and did not want to leave her or the customers hanging.
No matter how much I suffer, I have come to generally be mindful of how my actions may affect others and try to always do what is best for them. I don’t always succeed but generally, I try.

It itself is not a life threatening condition and not like I was in danger of dying or anything.
But some people do attempt and die by suicide because the pain is so immense. It feels unbearable. I don’t really think I will kill myself anymore when I have them. I used to though. During the headaches, I often keep thinking “I can’t take this, I can’t take another second, how much more can I possibly endure….?!?!?”

Take something freezing cold like ice cream or frozen drink and let it against your teeth without swallowing or put mouth wash in your mouth and keep it in over ten minutes no matter how much it burns and when you feel you really can’t take anymore still keep it there, and you can get maybe a fraction of an idea of what these headaches are like. The headaches hurt more.

My cluster-like headaches aren’t
very frequent in general. I can go for months without having one. But just one headache is enough. The first one I was struck with when I was 24 years old, scarred me for life.
Just one of these head attacks, even if you never have another, will scar you emotionally, no matter how strong you are, I can almost guarantee it.
It will break you in a way you can never be put back together. The physical pain is extreme. There are just no words.
If I found out someone was going to have one of these and I were able to experience it instead of that person, I would take on as many as I can so no one else ever has to. My heart sinks and breaks at the mere thought of some poor person having to endure this.

That’s why some people with them kill themselves even when they aren’t depressed, because the physical pain is immense in the moments they occur. It’s like nothing else in this world exists anymore.
Just a world of screaming agony.
It’s like being in another dimension, I often say, a kind of pain that feels unearthly and like it can’t possibly exist. But it does exist.

I have said that I couldn’t dream up this kind of agony in my worst nightmare.

I can crumble just writing this.
They shatter me.

But it’s ok. It’s always ok. It’s all about our attitude, perspective, reaction.

They begin abruptly and often unexpectedly and end just as abruptly. No warning.
One day I was out food shopping with my mom and nothing was wrong with me that day. I wasn’t in pain at all. I reached my hand up to pull the handle on a freezer door and in an instant my face and head was struck hard with the agony. It’s pure, raw horror. Hell on Earth.

When the headache at work struck me, I tried so hard not to scream and wail in agony .

I decided to muster all the strength I have in me, all the courage and love.
I decided to be mindful of every sensation around me and on me. I held a wet rag in my hands and focused on the sensations against my skin. I focused on the lights in the room and the colors surrounding me. I summoned the love I have for life itself, living beings, and various things…until the headache ceased. It lasted less than a half hour. It was excruciating.
I kept thinking how can I take this experience and use it to help someone somehow when it’s over. And it helped me bear it better knowing that later I would use it to our advantage.

I still felt a kind of gentle calm in the center of me. And I embraced it with all I have in me.

It inspires me to write. My headache inspires me instead of destroy me like they often seem to do.
All I kept thinking is how many others are suffering or in some kind of pain and how I can share my experience here, to help in some way even if it’s just a fraction.

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

I can turn my pain into inspiration and motivation and comfort for someone else.
And so can you.

“Displace the pain
Put it in
A camera
A story
A poem
A song
A lover
A canvas”

Whatever you do, displace the pain. Put it into something positive, creative, loving.
And pull others into your light. Use your pain for the better, turn it into beauty and light and love and other people can draw on your strength.

Much love to you. ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on June 21, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged empathy, inspiration, love, mindfulness, motivation, pain, strength, universal love, wisdom. Leave a comment

Love is not blind <3

Jun19

I recently read an absolutely AMAZING fiction book. And I don’t use the word “amazing” loosely. I am not someone who uses “amazing” and “awesome” very casually in place of the word “cool” or something.

To me, the word “awesome” especially, and the word “amazing” are words to generally be reserved for something or someone who inspires literal awe or wonder. But I’m not a “political correctness” control freak either, whatever floats your boat!

Anyway, the book is incredible and has fantastic reviews. I got it at no cost on Amazon Kindle app for BlackBerryz10. It’s called “After the Cure” by Deirdre (I love the name!) Gould and takes place 8-10 years after an outbreak of a vicious and infectious disease that sweeps across the world taking out most people. It’s extremely contagious and there’s no escaping it. A few people in the world are Immune because of their genetic makeup which happens to be able to resist the Plague. And so they don’t contract the Illness. But they still suffer greatly.

This disease turns people into cannibals. They become violent and vicious and eat anyone they can get their hands on. They uncontrollably devour their friends, family, strangers, animals….but it’s not their fault as their brains are ravaged by disease.

But the novel isn’t really about the Infection itself; it’s about the psychological damage almost every person who survives, which isn’t many, is faced with after the disease is cured. Somehow a Cure is found and the “zombie-like” people get better but they remember everything they did. They remember viciously attacking, killing, and eating everyone they came in contact with.
They remember what they felt, what they heard, smelled, and tasted as they uncontrollably attacked innocent people and animals.
And now many of them feel like monsters and are accused by many of the Immune as being monsters.

They are overwhelmed in guilt. They are good people who just got sick. Many of them die by suicide. And many of the Immune people die by suicide because they also are guilt-ridden and lost almost everyone they know to the Infected killing them. They had to kill many of the Infected people who tried eating them. Then after the Cure was found, they felt guilty that they killed innocent, sick people who could have healed, even though it was to save their own lives and the lives of others.

It’s also a story about segregation (segregation based on health status) and how many Immune people are prejudiced against the Cured who were once Infected. They think of them as “zombies” and monsters and repulsive because they once ate humans. They aren’t zombies though. They never died and just like anyone, can be easily killed in any way. And once they are dead, they can’t come back. It’s kind of like a zombie thriller but more realistic. Realistic because, they are just people with an Infection which causes their brains to change, not people who died and came back and can only be killed a certain way.

They even have separate neighborhoods for the Immune and the Cured.

Immune people are supposed to register with the government as Immune and only marry another Immune person and Cured are only supposed to marry other Cured and eventually die out. The government doesn’t want their dna to keep going since it’s not resistant to the Infection.

They aren’t supposed to mix.

The book takes place after most people are Cured, not during the Outbreak. There aren’t many people left in the world, even ten years later and the government is trying to force everyone to have kids.

As I said, it’s not really a thriller in a zombie attack way, it’s more about the psychological effects on the people. But there is a big mystery throughout the book that Mr. Frank Courtlen, a lawyer, and Dr. Nella Rider, a psychiatrist, are determined to solve because many lives depend on it.

There won’t be any really big spoilers here, most of this info you will know by reading the description of the book or find out in the beginning of the book. But if you would prefer to not know without reading, click it off now!

;-D

It’s entertaining and thrilling, a kind of mystery, but it also has a deeper message about compassion, understanding, and true, unconditional love and acceptance as well as hope. I believe the underlying message can apply to our real life situations.

Some people are afraid to confess to others what they did while they were Sick or what they did to survive if they were Immune. They are afraid people will no longer like them and will reject or think less of them.

The two main characters are Mr. Courtlen, the defense attorney for a doctor in trouble for something involving the Disease and Dr. Rider, the psychiatrist who is to evaluate and check the defendants in a Trial over the Infection outbreak. She was also involved in helping Cure and care for the Sick during the initial Outbreak.

They are both very loving and compassionate people who want nothing but the best for anyone and everyone and they risk their lives to do what they believe is right and to save the lives of others. They both have deep empathy and compassion even for those who many people would think do not deserve it.

Dr. Rider is Immune but she’s completely compassionate and accepting of the Infected and Cured. She doesn’t see them as any different than herself. She never viewed them as zombies or monsters or repulsive, even when they tried to attack her. And she doesn’t support the discrimination and segregation. She accepts all people just as they are, no matter what whether it’s in relation to health or anything else. She believes that everyone belongs together. She’s my favorite character.

She and the lawyer become very close and they both have dark, painful secrets or things they are hesitant to reveal to each other out of fear of losing the other’s respect and love.

I wrote about this concept before, here on the blog. My opinion is that it’s best not to cover up parts of our true self just so people will like us or not dislike us. No matter how much we love those people or how afraid we are of losing them.

Maybe some things people just want to keep to themselves and that’s ok. But it’s something else to conceal something just so we are liked or not negatively judged by others.

I don’t want someone to like/love me just because there’s something that person doesn’t know about me where if s/he found out, s/he would no longer care for me. I would prefer people to know and reject me right then if it’s going to happen.

This can be anything: religious or political views, certain choices we have made, opinions on anything, scars, flaws, mistakes, health issues….if someone doesn’t accept you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all that you will be, in my opinion it’s not real love and not worth it then. There’s always someone who will embrace all of the person even if that person doesn’t like or agree with some things. We can accept the good with the bad, the flaws with the perfections, maybe even see the beauty in those flaws.

If we take the chance and open up about various things we can and sometimes probably will be criticized or rejected in some way. I believe that it’s worth it. And for all the people who dislike us, there are so many who will love/like us. They can’t replace the ones who reject us but at least you know that someone out there in the world somewhere desires just what you have to give and all that you are. I’m not just referring to romantic love but also platonic.

In my opinion it’s ok to care what people think of us, to be concerned and even afraid sometimes but without going overboard to the point we obsess over it frequently or change or pretend to be something we’re not. It’s not good to be like a zombie, completely unaffected by those around us but not good to be obsessed and anxious often, either. We can find a good balance of generally caring but not too much.

And I think there are at least two ways to not want to offend people. One is because we feel awkward about confrontation or what they think of us, that they are judging us, the other is because we genuinely care about the person’s wellbeing and do not want to inflict/contribute to unpleasant emotions. I think the second one is better. It’s rooted in selfless compassion where the first is rooted in selfish fear or awkwardness.

I think sometimes for many people, when we get to know someone then find out things we don’t like, we will still want to be friends with that person where if we first saw the things we do not like, before getting to know the rest, we may not be as thrilled to be friends with the person. (Imagine someone rudely spewing obnoxious views the second you meet, you may not care to know more. But imagine meeting a funny, loving, passionate person you instantly love then later hearing those obnoxious views, you may be more likely to accept it even if you don’t like it. I think most of us have love and offense, beauty and ugliness, can be rude and also respectful…and it’s good to give people a chance.)
I know many people refuse to discuss controversial views or refuse to tell details about themselves that may not be accepted by others, because of fear of rejection, fear of no longer being liked by those who once or would have liked them if they did not know this about them.

But if people only like you because they do not know a certain thing about you, is it really a genuine relationship? Is it really authentic love or an authentic sense of liking? Is it really worth it? I really don’t think so. Or at least, in my opinion, it’s not a relationship worth keeping around by pretending to be something else or covering things up. Just because you don’t express your views or certain things about yourself doesn’t mean they aren’t here.
Even if no one ever finds out, those things still exist about us. So why not just embrace it? It’s part of us whether we like it or not. It’s not going anywhere no matter how much we want it to. So who cares what “they” think or say about it or us?!

Someone can be very likable to many people because they aren’t very open and people only see the surface but there’s more than that surface for all of us, and repressing, concealing, or lying doesn’t make it go away. Those people who never ever discuss politics, for example, or reveal much about their life still have those views (unless they are truly politically apathetic but even then, they likely have some sort of views) and still have that life. They still have those “flaws.”

I understand not discussing controversial views or details just to avoid trouble/arguments on some occasions or because it’s embarrassing to have people know certain things about us or because we genuinely do not want to offend a person right then because we care about the person’s happiness and not just because we feel afraid of confrontation or what they will say to us, that’s one thing. Or because something is painful or something we just don’t care to discuss.

But intentionally covering up things about us or trying to change certain things just because people may no longer be our friends either in person or on social media accounts or because people may not like or respect us as much, is, in my opinion, not good. I prefer people to reject me if they are going to because at least it’s genuine. I have lost Facebook friends and the love of some people in person merely because of my views on some things. Not always even because of my attitude about it, I did not always have an unpleasant attitude. I was just firm and assertive in my views. Which I will continue to be.

I have also lost acquaintances online and off because I revealed my struggle with depression and suicidal thinking. I have had people look at me weird, look at me like I’m a freak. And men who were interested in me back off after they found out. This does not happen often. Most people seem understanding and accepting. But it’s not pleasant when it does happen.

But I will continue to be open and honest.

I used to see this as being true to myself but now even more importantly, I see it as being true to others. I genuinely don’t
want people wasting their energy or time on me just because they think I’m something I’m not or don’t know something about me where if they found out, they would move on.
Whether it’s on social media or in person.

I don’t want people to be rude and discriminatory and I think it’s great for us to be accepting but that doesn’t mean we have to surround ourselves with people we would rather not. I want people to mostly be surrounded by those they feel nourish, love, fuel, inspire them, people who are open and honest with them, not people who intentionally go out of their way to cover up stuff just not to lose “friends” which in my opinion isn’t true friendship. We don’t all have to want to be friends with everyone. It’s ok to choose not to be friends with certain people. We can still be loving or positive about it and go our separate ways, wishing everyone the best.

I’m not saying to just spill everything constantly in every situation and every occasion, ignoring boundaries, of course not, I’m talking about when it comes up in appropriate contexts or if we truly feel the urge to reveal something about ourselves. Then I think it’s good to be open and honest and lose whoever I will. I will continue to love those people and wish them the best (if only in my head, I’m not going to keep contacting people who want nothing to do with me but I won’t have animosity for them either.).

Also if we change something about us or pretend to be someone else just so people will like us, there’s still going to be people who don’t like us. You can change or lie about your views, your body, your hair color, your job…then there will be people who don’t like the “new” you. For all of us, there’s many who like and will like us and some who won’t. And that’s ok.

I think this novel is beautiful and challenges our views of beauty and provokes thoughts on unconditional love and acceptance. It conveys the message that every person makes mistakes or does something that someone else will not like, does things we aren’t proud of, and can be judged by someone somewhere and how it’s good to not overly judge people in negative ways. We usually do the best we can the best we know how in each moment and even if we don’t, there’s a chance later to be better. We aren’t the person we previously were. All that matters is who we are now. We don’t have to be imprisoned by our past. We can start now and be as loving as possible to everyone we encounter. We can take all that we were and all that we are and use it for the best, to build our- self into more greatness. The seemingly unpleasant facts about ourselves can be used as a catalyst for positive change.
What matters most is that the heart is in the right place and that we see each other’s true inner beauty, not get lost judging mistakes and flaws.

The book has about 399 pages, I think, and is very much the page turner! I seriously couldn’t sleep night after night because I stayed up reading and thinking about the book. I felt so involved in it and so empty and so full when it ended. I miss the characters and the world in the book. I want it all back! Lol I even plan on reading the book again! I feel that way with lots of books but not usually to this depth. The author is so skilled and a gift to the world. She really brings her characters alive and the two main ones are very well developed. The book is fairly long, nearly 400 pages, but for this one, that’s not long enough!

The story is grounded in so much hope.

It conveys the message that no matter what happens, no matter how dark, ugly, agonizing something can be, the next morning the sun will rise, the stars will shine in the night sky, the Earth will spin and flowers will grow. And that people are basically good. While there are those with cruel intentions who want to hurt(probably because they themselves are suffering in some way), there are many, many more and always will be more, who want to love and help and show compassion.

Yes, I seriously recommend it! I read some of the reviews and even some people who aren’t into zombie thrillers love it. As I said, it’s not really about zombies because first, they aren’t zombies anyway, just sick people. And also it takes place years after the Outbreak and is mostly about the aftermath. There are still some Infected people who have yet to be Cured where the Cure hasn’t yet reached and there is some adventure. There’s two other books about different aspects of this Infection, by the same author but can all be read separately, I think. I haven’t read those yet.

“Love isn’t blind; it sees but it doesn’t mind.”

To love, we don’t have to be “blind” to each other’s flaws. We can open our eyes, open our hearts and see. But love anyway.

I’m wishing you much love & happiness today and always.

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on June 19, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged acceptance, compassion, empathy, inspiration, love, open minded, truth, unconditional love, understanding, wisdom. Leave a comment

Free Hug Day post (finally!!) {universal love} <3

May28

~ Surrender to universal love.~ ❤

Hello sweethearts!!

On May 3rd I participated in free hug day, which I loved!! It was a beautiful sunny, warm Spring day in LOVE park, here in the wonderful Philadelphia!

Unfortunately my phone doesn’t work well and I did not have access and still do not have access to all my pics! I couldn’t even send my pictures to the Positive Focus Org like I planned! But at least I participated and attempted to bring a little bit of sunlight into the lives of others. And I do have some pictures to share!

I’m very shy so it took serious COURAGE to stand there in the middle of a park with a sign! Alone!
I wanted so badly for friends or family members to participate with me but no one would.

And even if you’re not shy, it still probably takes courage to draw attention to yourself like that! Especially if you’re alone, probably.
I think we often tend to find more courage in groups but sometimes we just have to go it alone and be brave anyway.

I feel very outgoing in my head but unlike a lot of people, I’m often too shy to act on it. I’m much better with this than when I was young though. It’s not anxiety or low self esteem. I can never explain it in words when people ask.
I’m just a shy girl. Definitely not introverted though. Nothing wrong with being introverted, I’m just not. I often feel most uplifted and energized around people. And it doesn’t ever drain me to where I need to rest after being around lots of people.

At one point I really thought I couldn’t go through with it but I pushed through the extreme shyness, awkwardness, fluctuating depression, and grief (over the loss of my coworker/friend), and I did what I intended! I stood in the center of a park and I walked around with a sign welcoming free hugs!
Whenever I felt I couldn’t go on, I reminded myself that it has the potential to help someone and it’s displaying a kind message. And I kept going.

Whenever I am afraid or too shy, depressed, or too overwhelmed in grief to do something I want to do, I will remember those first moments in LOVE park and I will go ahead. I will let LOVE prevail over any less pleasant emotions or thoughts. And I hope you will too. I am right by your side cheering for you, no matter who you are or where you are, even if only in “spirit.” That’s why I share my stories and experiences, to help people empower themselves. So speak even when your voice shakes, reach out even when your hands tremble, share your story even when your heart races, and love even when you risk not being loved back. It’s all worth it.

“When it comes to love, you gamble when you need to.” ~ Ringo Starr

The purpose of global Free Hug Days is to spread a message of love & kindness and show that EVERY life matters. Whether we are financially rich or poor, educated well or not, homeless or live in a beautiful house, single, taken, married, young, old, religious, theist, atheist, have a family/friends or are on our own, immigrant, citizen, Liberal, Conservative, apolitical or other, generous or greedy, kind or not so much, friendly or not, selfless or selfish, loving or just an asshole, healthy or sick, disabled or not, society’s/media’s definition of beautiful and perfect or considered less than beautiful …no matter our skin color, sexual orientation, ethnicity, nationality, size, weight, religion, views….our life has value. We don’t have to participate in hug day for this, there are simple but significant things we can do each day to spread this message that every life matters. A warm smile, a friendly hello, a sweet blog or Facebook or instagram or other social media post/share, volunteering to help people or animals, paying for someone in line at a store, just being genuinely friendly to every single life we encounter whether human, animal, insect, plant, environment….

My dad asked me “what if a dirty old homeless person comes over to hug you?” And I said then I will happily & warmly welcome him/her into my loving arms. That is what free hug day is all about, Lovingkindness for everyone. That is what I am all about everyday. It’s how I try to live. And when I don’t succeed in being as kind as I would like, I move forward and try again.

A “dirty old homeless person” is no less valuable than a financially rich person who owns a big company and lives in a mansion.

Giving free hugs to strangers in public places is encouraged everyday even though each year there are specific days designated by certain organizations or groups to give those hugs.

Along with a few of my pics I will share some of my favorite quotes about love. Love in this sense I’m promoting here, is a genuine wish for others, whether or not we know or like them, to be happy and well. Not happy at the expense of others like hurting anyone else, but a genuine sense of happiness and inner peace without doing unnecessary negative things to others. A genuine wish for others to be and feel loved.

“Be one deep breath braver than you feel. Be one considerate act kinder than those who are not. Be one gentle hug more loving to someone who hides their pain behind anger. Be brave, kind, & loving. This is your heart’s purpose.” ~ Anna Pereira

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” ~
Leo Buscaglia

“Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.” ~
Leo Buscaglia

~Hug the hurt
Kiss the broken
Befriend the lost
Comfort the sick
Love the lonely~ ❤

“I am here to serve. I am here to inspire. I am here to love. I am here to live my truth.” – Deepak Chopra

“A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved.” ~ Kurt Vonnegut

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” ~ Mother Teresa

“Love everybody for who they are. We’re not supposed to try to change people. We should allow people to be who they are and love them as they are.” ~ Dolly Parton

“The meaning of life is to love yourself completely, free yourself and others of guilt, and become totally visible no matter the risk.”

“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, ‘Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.’ I don’t try to control a sunset. I watch with awe as it unfolds.”

~Carl R. Rogers

“You may say
I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will live as one”
~John Lennon

~Love has everything to do with it ~

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” ~Malcolm S. Forbes

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” ~Edwin Elliot

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”~Louise Hay

-A single rose can be my garden, a single friend, my world- Leo Buscaglia

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” — Albert Schweitzer

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” ~ Henry David Thoreau

“Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.” ~
Author Unknown

Kindness is a gift everyone can afford to give ♥

“Every person is a new door to a different world.”

This picture warms my heart. ❤

So does this one! 😀 ❤

“Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light.” ~Norman B. Rice

~Will you be the one bringing light to that person standing in the shadows?~

“I’ve seen and met angels wearing the disguise of ordinary people living ordinary lives.” ~Tracy Chapman

“Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.” ~Edwin Hubbel Chapin

“Someone out there somewhere is looking for exactly what you have to offer.”

I got this cheesy idea to write sappy love messages on colorful index cards and leave them in random places. Lol It’s probably illegal and considered to be littering. So I did this without getting caught! Lol I put them in tree branches, on park benches, outside buildings… ;-D

Hopefully at least one person finds it inspiring and not just ridiculously stupid! ;-D

But I know if I would have found a card like that, I would be thrilled! I know I
can’t be the only one! Chances are if we are a certain way, have a certain problem, feel a certain way, think a certain way….someone else out there somewhere does too! Don’t ever forget it!

“Ordinary Angels” by Craig Morgan
Mobile:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X4g4VlAgS4o

Desktop:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=X4g4VlAgS4o

I am wishing you much love, joy, and happiness today and always.

Xoxo Kim

P.s.

One of my wonderful Facebook friends shared this song with me:

“Love Shine a Light”

“Let our love shine a light, in every corner of our hearts.”

Mobile:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?sns=fb&v=0Y6r3JrIOFY

Desktop:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=0Y6r3JrIOFY

It’s a universal love song. ❤

Pps. I don’t think the universe meant for me to post this because I had so much trouble all the way around, every aspect and step along the way something got in my way. First my memory cards not working then the WordPress app not working after I finally got my cards to work. Then just as I hit publish, the wifi I’m using cut off! Then a different wifi connected and just as I hit publish again, that wifi cut off too!
It was
a slow night at work because it was raining hard for a while then when the wifi came back, the rain stopped and then lots of customers came so I still couldn’t post this! Lol So if you’re reading this, I somehow was able to win a battle with the universe, who has it in for this post. ;-D And since I kept hitting “publish” and nothing seemed to be happening now like 50 of the same post will probably show up eventually but that’s better than zer0 showing up!
Today is a new day and I’m trying yet again to post it!

This entry was posted on May 28, 2015, in universal love and tagged compassion, empathy, hugs, inspiration, life, love, quotes, universal love, wisdom. 8 Comments

Supreme Unchanging Friend <3

May1

“Kindness is not an act. It is a lifestyle ”

Kindness can be an individual act but it can also evolve into a way of life if we work on it and practice. Recently, an incident inspired me to ponder this concept more and to write this.

Someone on Facebook who I do not know and is not on my friend’s list and never was but is somehow still able to post on my content (which I don’t mind, I welcome everyone into my world, lol) has been writing uncalled for comments/messages to me somewhat recently. She has done this months ago, disappeared, and then came back. It’s nothing completely vicious, no personal insults, but definitely sarcastic and utterly pointless. She posts these unpleasant comments on/sends these messages about multiple things I post/share, I share lots of inspirational posts which I know do not resonate with everyone but can apply to people in general, stuff like “kindness is best not just when it’s convenient but as a way of life” and quotes by Buddha and other enlightened/wise people, just various positive things by various people, and she posts things like “yeah because that’ll really work!” implying that it won’t and “yeaaah, I think I’ll just leave this advice at the curb…” “uhh good luck with that one!” “hmm, can’t wait to see where this one gets you!” “ugh! You mean people really feel this way?!” “no. I think i’ll just put ME first!” “let’s see where all that kindness gets you in life…”

Lol

I’m just paraphrasing but this is basically what she writes to me. And as you can see, it really has no substance and no purpose or so it seems to me.

And she writes hostile insults about Buddhist people and Buddha and disagrees with the concept of universal love, which is definitely ok.
There’s nothing at all wrong with debating against a religion or philosophy or disagreeing but there’s no need for nonsensical, intentional insults or pointless bitter sarcasm. Some people are a fan of that but I’m sure as hell not!

She doesn’t just comment about Buddhist posts but on various ones. She advocates for always putting ourselves before everyone else. And while I disagree, it’s ok that she feels that way and disagrees with me. And ok that she states her opinions. Her opinions are no less worthy of being heard than my own.
She has no less of a privilege/right to state her opinions than I do. And I’m not preachy or wanting to annoyingly lecture people.

And I won’t always be right. I welcome different views. Even the ones I find less than appealing.

But there’s no need to have a flippant mouth/tone. If we insist on posting on like every thing someone shares or writes just to disagree and sending messages to people just to criticize, we can at least have a more pleasant tone and cut out the sarcasm, which I don’t care for.

Also, I really don’t see the point posting on stuff like this and sending e-mails/messages just to disagree unless we have something valuable to contribute. In my opinion, sarcasm, just to get at someone, is not valuable. By valuable, I mean having an effective or positive outcome or intention, helping someone see different points of views, challenging people to grow…not just being a smartass for the hell of it. I really don’t see the point. It doesn’t mean there isn’t one, I just don’t see it.

I know we may have different ideas of the word “positive” and the word “valuable” and on different occasions, in different contexts, the concept of each word can shift or change. I am aware of that. But this is my concept of the words in this case.

Because her comments/messages are usually just one sentence sarcastic remarks, I usually ignore it because really what else can someone write back that would be constructive? It’s not like she’s debating with me and also being sarcastic and I can just ignore the sarcasm and debate with her in a civil way. It’s all it is is shallow sarcastic remarks. So there’s really not much to say. Maybe she’s stressed out or something and for whatever reason uses my Facebook account to blow off steam. Maybe my sappy love posts and public settings are inviting and she sees it as a safe place to relieve stress or anger by spewing sarcastic remarks?
I’m understanding of that. And if it really is helping her in some deeper way than just trying to tick me off, I welcome it with open arms. It’s ok if she reduces her stress or anger at the expense of my account. That’s why I post things and write, to help people! If anyone at all wants to use my inbox, comments section here, or on fb, or e-mail to vent and relieve stress or anger, or whatever and go off, please go ahead! I’m here to listen/read or just let you vent without judgment! But I really don’t know what her deal is.

“Kindness is the sunshine in which virtue grows.” ~
Robert Green Ingersoll

I definitely wanted to write something rude back to her but that goes against everything I stand for. It was tempting after a while but I resisted. Also, how hypocritical would it be of me to post something unkind to someone on a post about being kind to everyone even when they do not deserve it! Lmao, the irony! But it sure was tempting! It would have actually been super hilarious because of how ironic it would be. I was almost tempted to, just to be funny. Lol (like one day ages ago, when I wrote a blog post bragging about how I learned to put many pictures in one post and no pictures showed up after I hit the publish button! I was about to change it and put the pictures back on but I decided to keep it with no pics just because it was really funny and ironic how I said about all the pics on it, then NONE appeared! )

My main problem wasn’t just that she posted a rude comment but that she posted multiple ones and not once posted anything constructive or positive and the same for a few months ago when she appeared. It was like she just wanted to be an annoyance.

I thought about writing something sarcastic but in a very subtle way. Something not obviously aggressive but gets my displeasure across to her in an implicit unkind way. But then I realized that’s also vicious and not loving.

I began to have compassionate thoughts about her, at first forced. “Fake it ’til you make it!” it’s not really being “fake” but a genuine attempt to evolve into deeper compassion. It doesn’t mean being kind to someone’s face then bashing that person in a gossipy way later to someone else or on an fb status or blog post.

I was a bit annoyed at her one night before falling asleep, but forced myself to have loving thoughts for her. It can be so hard! Not as hard for me as for some because along with being naturally inclined to being loving and overly easy going even when people are being difficult, I am a mindful, intentional universal love practitioner and Lovingkindness meditator. But it can still be difficult sometimes. But I forced it while also admitting in my own head that I am displeased.

This is not repression or being “fake” but practicing Lovingkindness to become genuinely more loving and kind to everyone, all living, sentient beings, everywhere.

Then I woke up and felt nothing but warm compassion and love for her. I realize she’s prone to suffering and death, loss and pain and tragedy just like me. Just like everyone. At any moment she can be struck with an illness, a bullet, a cluster headache, a heart attack…just like I can and then will any of the nonsense matter anymore? Why not love her instead?

She was once an innocent baby and will at one point be a very old person who is even more susceptible to unpleasant circumstances like disease, death, pain… And just like me, she has hopes, happiness, concerns, goals, dreams, interests, joy, love….a life and a breath. A story. A song. A name.

This deepened my compassion even more. Her suffering and pain is no less than mine and her happiness and wellbeing are no less important than mine. I realized I do not want to inflict any kind of anger, unhappiness, pain, annoyance..or whatever, upon her with rude comments back even if she wants to inflict any of that upon me. And if she’s a troll who was merely pursuing negative attention in return for hers then it would just be perpetuating it. That ultimately does no good in my opinion. And if she’s suffering or stressed and is taking it out on my account then she needs love, not rudeness back.

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” ~
Og Mandino

I was able to take advantage of this amazing experience to strengthen my habit/way of life/philosophy to always be kind even in the face of the unkindness and bitterness of others. It was the perfect opportunity to “practice what I preach.”

She challenged me and the way of life that I advocate for and try to live, not just with her opposing views but the way she chose to go about stating her views, by actually acting in an unpleasant way, actually BEING an example, tempting me to give in and give up on my philosophy of life.

It’s usually harder to be kind and loving when someone is actually being rude and bitter than when the person is just opposing my views with views I find to be distasteful. And it’s so much harder to be kind and loving when a person in reality is being rude and bitter than just an imaginary scenario in my head. I can think in my head and write/say that if people act rudely I will still be kind but when I am faced with the situation for real, not just in my head, in theory, in writing, or in imagination, it is usually much harder. She’s not the first person I have encountered who acts rudely in person or online. And she won’t be the last. So each unpleasant seeming encounter I experience can be my teacher and my chance to practice universal Lovingkindness.

This opportunity is so convenient and so “perfect,” it briefly occurred to me that she may have actually intentionally been trying to teach me, challenge me, help me strengthen, test my life philosophy by acting this way. It’s a kind of irony that she may have noticed if she’s exceptionally wise. I don’t think it’s the case though, it just crossed my mind. I know that many years ago, I used to argue against some people’s views, like political, religious, or philosophical, who I completely agreed with just to try to strengthen both of our arguments. They did not know I actually agreed with them and was just acting. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, it’s kind of shady and seems a bit trollish, maybe? But it did help my debating skills and maybe theirs.

But she probably wasn’t doing this.

I am very thankful for the experience and deeper wisdom I have come to experience as a result of this encounter with this person. She is my teacher. And I really do have compassion and love for her. Not in a way to provoke her to be unhappy, to “kill with kindness” in a passive aggressive way just because I know she doesn’t want my kindness and love. She seems to be an advocate for aggression and hostility so she may not appreciate my love. But because that’s what I am and want to continue to be and be even better and better at. I won’t intentionally use my love to annoy her by expressing it to her. I’m ignoring her but in my head I wish the best for her and if she ever comments something that seems worth responding to, even if I disagree or it’s negative or rude, I will be pleasant in my response, not aggressive in an explicit or subtle way. I’m not going to sarcastically, excessively, “kill with kindness” but actually BE kind. She may or may not like it but I can’t help what she likes or not. It’s not my place to control her and I don’t want to anyway. I will not intentionally try to annoy her. It’s all I can do.

Also,

I don’t judge people negatively, who disagree with my Way and think it’s better to lash out at those who are rude or post/say uncalled for things. It’s true I advocate for and try to live with kindness as a way of life but I still am compassionate and usually understanding for those who hold other views and live differently. Not always, I make mistakes too and do/say things that are better not said or done.

Sometimes when people hold certain views or live certain ways, they try to make others who disagree or live differently, feel unsettled or try to act like their morals are above everyone else’s. Have you ever met a “health freak” who only consumes organic food and works out like everyday and tries to make you feel like a lazy slob for not exercising and for eating junk all day? Or a vegetarian who tries to make you feel like you are less compassionate than that person is or like you are cruel for eating meat? Or a pro life advocate who acts like s/he lives with better morals than you or is more loving or trustworthy than you if you’re pro choice or had an abortion? Or acts like you’re a murderer? Lol Or a pro choice advocate who tries to intimidate you into thinking you are cruel or anti-woman or not for equality or women’s rights if you are pro life? Or like you’re a selfish control freak who tries to run people’s lives? Or a prudish person who acts like you live a very immoral life if you’re promiscuous? Or a very educated person with an advanced school degree who arrogantly acts like you or your education or lack of education is/are inferior to that person? Or a religious person who acts like that person is somehow above you with better morals and is more trustworthy than an atheist or a condescending atheist who acts like s/he is more intelligent or reasonable than you if you are a person who believes in g/ods? Or a person with a lot of money who acts like s/he’s better than those with less? Or a working class/jobless person who tries to guilt trip you for having money and having fun with it and having three family cars while “kids in Africa are starving?” or a Republican/Conservative who thinks you’re a barbarian with no morals and no brain if you’re a Liberal. Or a Democrat/Liberal who claims you’re a heartless, sexist, racist, fascist, homophobic monster who only cares about rich people and corporations, or parents who act superior to other parents who bring up their kids differently…

Certainly not all people in the groups I mentioned above do this but some do and it can be awkward to be around them when they act superior like this.
And it can be awkward even being around them when they aren’t like this because we may assume they are judging us for having opposing views or a different way of living.

“Kindness is a gift everyone can afford to give.”

Some people may become defensive and angry around them and some may feel that they have to justify their own lifestyle or views over and over or like they have to conceal it around certain people.

I am a vegetarian (for the animals, not for me) and have been for over a decade but I’m not going to throw ketchup on your fur coat or throw fire into science labs and throw wet dog food all over the cars of scientists who test on animals and I’m not going to assume I am more compassionate or love animals more than meat eaters. And I won’t go all apeshit if you eat a real hotdog in front of me. I have had people tell me sorry over and over for not being a vegetarian or for eating meat while in my presence even when I wasn’t saying a word or even thinking something negative about those people. Who the hell am I that I must be apologized to or have to have things justified to me? Lol And sometimes I have felt a bit guilty even though I wasn’t intentionally trying to make them feel uncomfortable or guilty.

I usually never even tell people anymore that I don’t eat meat unless it comes up somehow. When I was a girl and very young woman, I did used to be in people’s faces with my vegetarian views and other views and I was arrogant about it, and then I grew up, fortunately.
Some occasions I was the arrogant one trying to inflict guilt and anger on others and other occasions I was the one feeling the need to justify my views and say “sorry” just for being a certain way.
But usually, neither one of those is necessary for any of us.

No matter what side of an issue we support or how we live, someone can make us out to be a monster or to be dumb or say horrible things about us. Even if we’re not so bad. Some opinions really do suck. And some opinions probably are better left unstated even though we have the right/privilege to state them, it doesn’t mean we have to.

But really none of us are better no matter what our views are or way of living is like. I’m not better than people who do what I mentioned above. I understand that many of us do often feel that our way of living, our lifestyle, our views…are best, that’s why we live and believe how we do. But we don’t have to act like we are better than anyone else. We can judge opinions or actions without judging the person as a whole. Judging isn’t necessarily wrong. It’s how we go about it that matters, in my opinion. But of course, I’m not telling people how they should live or act or talk or be. I’m just sharing my opinion and giving suggestions. People can give me suggestions as well! It’s good to help each other open to different ideas.

“Be polite to others, not because they are polite but because you are.” ❤

I may be going off on a bit of a tangent but somehow I feel that it ties into my original topic. When I was writing about not judging and about being kind, I felt that it may be coming off as preachy and that isn’t my intention so I got into all that.

I never want anyone to feel awkward around me if we have different views or ways of living. I don’t even want people who tend to act overly judgmental sometimes, like the ones I mention above, to feel awkward around me because I advocate for being not too judgmental. Also, like I said, I myself have done some of the things above. I learn more and more each day and practice more and more to be as loving as I can be. Like the Buddha, as mentioned in the Buddhist Liberating prayer (http://kadampa.org/buddhism/prayer-to-buddha), I want to be a “supreme unchanging friend” and “love all beings without exception” no matter what. And I will practice and learn and love as much as I can.

I love the idea of “supreme unchanging friend.” Imagine having a friend you know without a doubt will be right here waiting to warmly embrace you no matter what you do or have done, a friend who will never judge you as the person you are even when you are wrong, stupid, cruel, even if you do something terrible to that friend. A person who will help guide you in life, in a loving way, not a condescending way, maybe judge your actions if they are seriously detrimental but never you.

You can “steal” her/his husband, stab him/her in the back, betray that person, disappear for years, kill someone, even try to kill that friend! But s/he will be right here waiting with open arms when you want to come home again! She’ll meet you anywhere at any part of the day. She’ll answer your phone call at 4:00 in the morning, drive or take a bus to meet you across the city at 10:00 at night, miss a day of work to sit and soothe you when you are in pain, hug you when you are lonely, take you out for lunch when you’re having a bad day even if you just said cruel insults about her or betrayed her in some way…

There’s only one thing in this life I want more than to have a friend like that. That one thing is to BE that friend to others. And “friend” doesn’t necessarily have to mean a personal friend you hang out with but just someone who is always here when you want someone. This friend can be a teacher, a family member, an acquaintance, a neighbor, a homeless person, a religious person who teaches you, a monk or nun, a rabbi, or priest or minister, a coworker, your mamma,…. anyone.
Mothers in general and pets are inherently like this. We can look up to them.

Many people see this friend as a pushover who is stupid or naive and let’s people get over on her/him. But it runs deeper than that. It’s about true love, not about fear or longing or need or attachment. It’s not about being too stupid to realize or fear of saying no or needing to be accepted by the ones who call on us. It’s about genuine love for others. Selfless love with absolutely zero expectations.

I hope you have that friend but even more, I hope one day you will BE that friend to others or at least just to one person. And even if we can’t or won’t be this way to this extreme, at least maybe we can keep reminding ourselves that it’s better to be kind than to be shown kindness, sweeter to love than to be loved, greater to accept, understand, and help than to be accepted, be understood, and be helped.
It’s better to be betrayed than to betray, better to be bullied than to be the bully. Better to be stabbed in the back than to be the backstabber. Better to trust and then be deceived or broken or betrayed than to never trust or take chances. Better to love and be crushed than never love.

We can’t control what others are and do, say, or think, and it’s not our place to anyway. But we can help what we are and what we do, and I hope we will all be the best we can be in each moment and forgive ourselves and each other when we’re not.

Some occasions it may be better not to be “soft” or “warm” but to be more assertive and to say what people may not want to hear. To stand our ground, say no, and criticize in a constructive way even if people are angry. The Buddhist concept of “offering the victory,” letting others often be “right” even when they aren’t and giving in, letting everyone else go first, it’s a great way to live in general but sometimes, at least in my opinion, we do have to speak up and be more assertive, maybe even a bit aggressive at some points, but that’s not necessarily unkind or rude. Sometimes “a kick in the ass” and clearly saying “NO!” is more compassionate than warmth and giving in. But often, I think gentleness is good. ❤

If we want to see more kindness, love, and light around us and all over the world, let’s BE kindness, love, and light everywhere we are.
It likely won’t change the entire world but it will be a start and at least put a little bit more light around us and can inspire others to do the same. Even if we alone can’t change the whole uni-verse, we can change our own little corner of the world for the better and inspire others along the way. Then who knows?! Maybe together we CAN change the whole world for the better!

I’m wishing you much love today & always and I hope you’re having a lovely day or night wherever you are! ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim ❤

This entry was posted on May 1, 2015, in universal love and tagged beauty, compassion, empathy, experience, inspiration, kindness, life, love, open mindedness, unconditional love, universal love, wisdom. 2 Comments

Free Hugz!!! <3 <3

Apr27

“Keep loving…everything you touch, everyone you see, they’ll soon become your family.” ~ Nimo Patel ❤

Hello loves!

I have big plans for this weekend if everything works out as I hope it does! On Saturday May 2nd and Sunday May 3rd, it’s Global Free Hug Days and I will be participating! Sunday is the one day in all of my days that I hope it doesn’t rain! Can you believe it!? Lol me! Hoping it does not rain! While I would absolutely love to stand and hug in the rain, I know most probably prefer the sun. And many more people will probably be walking through the park in the sun. So I hope there’s some sun that day! And also on May 2nd for the ones participating that day!

I don’t know that anyone else in Philadelphia is doing this because I signed up to find others in this lovely city who are also hugging so we can go together but no response! Maybe they just have their own groups and don’t care to meet up!

I found this event on “Positive Focus” on Facebook months ago and been waiting and waiting! While “Positive Focus” is the organization hosting the event, the participants go on their own those days to wherever in the world they want to go and give hugs!

Here are some of the benefits of hugging!

1.) possibly alleviates existential fears/fear of mortality for people with low self esteem – hugging may help allay our fears of death and dying
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/touch-may-alleviate-existential-fears-for-people-with-low-self-esteem.html

Even hugging stuffed animals can help!

2.) stimulates oxytocin – promoting feelings of contentment, reduces anxiety and stress, helps cope with pain, helps with social bonding, linked to lower blood pressure and heart rate…

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128795325

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301051104001632

http://m.livescience.com/12833-love-hormone-oxytocin-dark-side.html

Just one brief hug releases these chemicals in the body!

3.) Stimulates dopamine – the “feel good” drug responsible for preventing depression and things like Parkinson’s disease. Procrastination, self doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are all linked to low levels of dopamine. Dopamine is a pleasure hormone which is released in the brain and hugs can trigger it! Listening to music that thrills us can also help our brains to release it!

http://today.uconn.edu/blog/2012/11/uconn-researcher-dopamine-not-about-pleasure-anymore/

4.) stimulates serotonin – when a person feels important, serotonin flows more. When serotonin is low, depression and loneliness can occur. Hugging helps this drug flow helping us feel less sadness and loneliness and helping us prolong life and has other positive benefits.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/232248.php

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2612120/

And many more benefits of hugging!

(me! :-D)

I hope you will come and join me for Global Free Hugs Day if you are here in the beautiful Philadelphia!! I will be at Rittenhouse Square on Sunday afternoon, May 3rd with free hugs & love for everyone and anyone!! We’re spreading a message of universal love & kindness for everyone all around the globe! And the message that every life matters.

Whenever we reach out to hug, to help, to heal, to comfort, to inspire, to uplift…we reach out in love. ❤

Check it out!

http://www.positive-focus.com/

We will take pictures those days and send them to Positive Focus for their video. You can register here:
http://www.positive-focus.com/about-gfh/gfh/

Or you can choose not to register and just go hug anyway!

Heres the fb page for positive focus:

https://m.facebook.com/positivefocusnfp?_rdr

I’m using my phone so that’s the mobile website. Hopefully you will find the desktop one if you’re using a computer!

E mail them your pics at: hugs@positive-focus.com

You can go alone and hug, with one or two people, or gather a large group and go together. I think i’ll be going alone except my mom will be joining me to take the pics. And maybe my sister. I won’t be there real long as I have work that day. I have been waiting for months for this day! And I have so many fun ideas for the signs I’m making! I’m going all out! Lol I’ll probably be there around 12:30pm.

No matter who you are, where you are, where you have been, where you’re going, what your views on anything are, skin color, ethnicity, experiences, sexual orientation, homeless or not, if I know you or never talked to or laid eyes on you, if I knew you at one point, if we had a falling out or ended on not good terms, still come and let’s hug! I’m here to provide hugs & love to everyone no matter what and show that every life matters.

No matter what problems or pain or dreams or goals or views or experiences we have, we are all in this together!

If you’re in Philadelphia, Pa that afternoon, come and hug me!! If not then I’ll be sending you virtual hugs! ❤

Much love to you always! And lots of big bear hugs! ❤

And don’t forget on Sunday afternoon I will he providing hugs! So come and get your love!

“You may say
I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will live as one”
~John Lennon ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim

P.s. Don’t forget to remember your life DOES matter no matter what you have done, who you are, what your opinions are, what disability or religion or mental or physical health condition you have, whether you have a family and friends or none, whatever your age or job is, no matter how much money you have, where you live, if you’re homeless and live outside under a bridge or in a park or live in a mansion, even if you feel hopeless or worthless and depressed or anxious often….your life and everything you do has an effect on the world around you. this is true for all of us. And we can get better and better.
Life is hope. ❤

This entry was posted on April 27, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged caring, compassion, diversity, empathy, free hug day, free hugs, global Free Hugs, happiness, hope, hugs, inspiration, joy, kindness, life, love, universal love, wisdom. 18 Comments

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