Tag Archive | gratitude

Love prevails <3

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” For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
Ivan Panin .” I read this:

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/04/09/grateful-or-indebted-how-women-and-men-respond-to-kind-loving-gestures/

And it reminds me of a topic I have previously thought about: giving without any underlying agenda or expectations.

I receive many, many messages on Facebook. I keep my Facebook page public and add strangers when they seem kind and friendly or we have similar interests….

Many messages I receive are very sweet and friendly, others are creepy & perverted, much of it is spam messages, invitations for things, advertisements….

I don’t always check my inbox messages on Facebook & I NEVER delete any. Ever. And it seems that Facebook inbox messages never go away themselves so I have messages that I had since 2005 in my inbox. With thousands of Facebook friends, I get many notifications, some are just notifying me that people commented on someone ‘s picture or status that I previously commented on.

I don’t always go through every notification that pops up on my phone. Sometimes I check my phone and it says “77 notifications!”. I click the message and it goes away. So I tend to miss some messages that people comment to



me. When I see a sweet message written to me, I am likely to respond.   Sometimes I intend to respond later & forget that I never did, not trying to be rude or arrogant at all.

Anyway, every now & then I receive a rude/angry comment by someone who has written to me previously and I failed to respond.

This happened recently.  



I completely understand how people want someone to respond to them when they write a kind message to that person. I see nothing wrong with hoping for a response and even being disappointed if the person doesn’t write back.

But when someone writes a compliment to someone and doesn’t get a response back for the compliment and therefore gets angry at the person for not responding to the compliment & writes again demanding a response, in my opinion, it shows that the person who wrote the compliment wasn’t being completely selfless & maybe had an underlying expectation or agenda. If you’re being purely selfless & compliment a stranger you come across online, you may hope for a response but you likely won’t get furious and send rude follow up messages if you don’t get one.

When people do that, it’s as if they want appreciation for their appreciation and that’s really why they sent the compliment and not out of pure selflessness to compliment a person they like.  

Someone recently sent me a Facebook message and I opened it and it is by a person I don’t know angrily asking me to take him off my friends list. And saying I don’t care about him and what’s wrong with me and things like that. I was confused until I saw that he previously wrote me a message complimenting my body. It’s not a completely vulgar message like some I receive but it’s not a very sweet message either. But I guess he thought he was being kind. And I missed it.

This isn’t the first angry person who wrote to me thinking I intentionally ignored his compliment. He said he’s sorry he complimented me and regrets it. 

Some messages I saw many months after a person wrote to me and I responded very late and they even wrote rude messages back to me about me taking so long to respond. 

I don’t like offending people and if I ever do, it’s usually not intentional.  

But if he was genuinely complimenting me for me and not to get a sweet response in return, he probably wouldn’t be regretting writing to me. He may be sad, disappointed, maybe even devastated if he’s really sensitive or really likes me but I don’t think he would be sending angry messages to me for not writing back.

I have also seen comments like that on people’s blogs. When someone neglected to respond to a compliment, the person who complimented got angry then started slinging insults at the person for not writing back. 

I write comments to strangers a lot on blogs & Facebook.   Some are long & in depth, some are brief, most of them are compliments expressing appreciation & gratitude for the impact that the person has on people.

The more open someone is and the more receptive someone seems, the more likely I am to write to that person.

Many people respond to me & some never do. Some, I even see responding to others and not me. But I never regret complimenting that person and don’t wish to take back what I wrote. The fact that the person doesn’t respond to me won’t lessen the positive impact the person has on me or lessen my gratitude & appreciation for that person’s life.  I’m still blessed.

Not all people I like/love & appreciate have to appreciate or love me back. Not everyone will appreciate my appreciation. It’s ok. 

First of all, you can’t really know for sure why someone isn’t responding. There may be a chance the person missed your comment or had every intention to write back but never got around to it.  Or maybe the person really doesn’t appreciate your kindness or is actually being rude. I think that’s ok. It’s not pleasant but it happens. Even the kindest, sweetest person can be rude or uncaring sometimes.

I think it would be great for us all to try to be more selfless & do things for people, even strangers, with no expectations for something Tangible In return and no expectations or demands for a response or payback.

If you see a person online you genuinely appreciate, maybe a writer/blogger, or just a very sweet person how about taking the chance and complimenting the person without demanding a response? I’m very shy but not as shy as I used to be. I used to hardly ever even comment on people’s Facebook statuses because I was so shy. Now I’m often still shy to send e-mails & inbox messages to people I don’t know or don’t know well but I do write blog comments much more & public Facebook messages to people. Some days I’m more shy than others & some moments I get more courage. Lol

Someone on Facebook recently told me to “save my heart for someone who cares” but I decided against that. I’m not going to hold back. I’m going to give & love and give & love some more even if people don’t care. I’m going to love people, animals, life itself…. I’m going to love in general. Love is my way of being. My way of living.  Rejection, being ignored, being the target of cruelty or indifference, being ridiculed & abandoned hurts but it won’t stop me.  My love is stronger. 

Of course we want people we really like to like us back. It’s good to want people to like us and to be affected by others & the world around us. If we put up walls to keep people out and repress our desire to fit in with people, our relationships with other people & the world won’t be as deep.   Even unpleasant emotions and painful feelings are ok. We can accept them and move forward.

“Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return.”~Peace Pilgrim

“True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return.”


Xoxo Kim

Gratitude Meditation <3

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“While there is time let’s go out and feel everything” ~ Steve Winwood

I have been meditating more regularly than usual and have been doing more gratitude meditations, usually at night before sleep.

It has a serious, positive effect on me. Not just while I’m meditating but all day when I wake up. Even with less sleep I feel more energized, more alive, more awake, and aware.   And more grateful.  

During my meditations, I have been overwhelmed with powerful emotions coming over me, flooding into my consciousness.   One emotion which has been so strong is grief.   Grief over my dog who died in April this year of old age, grief over broken friendships, grief over people who died, grief over the years I “lost” to depression, grief over people I once knew and let slip away, grief over years gone away, into the light of yesterday…

I’m not exactly sure why this is. I know meditation has the tendency to bring about strong emotions which we have pent up inside, emotions we repress or deny. But I haven’t been denying my grief for the most part.  I have grieved so hard over my losses, not denying them.  But grief over a loss, especially a permanent one, is not easy for me to handle. There sometimes comes a point where my grief reaches a pinnacle so great, it’s too painful to bear so I do try to repress it, not deny it but just push it aside.  Maybe my meditation practices are bringing to the surface of my consciousness, the remnants of initial grief I kept locked away.

It’s possible to repress things or have thoughts or feelings without even realizing at a conscious level.  The experience of my grief flooding back to me during meditation is not bad, it’s good.  It allows me to experience and release.  It is painful though.

Also, I have been gaining some fascinating and deep insights about creativity, beauty, open-mindedness, and seeing various things in different ways, at different angles.   I feel even more empathetic and compassionate than ever.  More creative and enlightened, like the beginning of some awakening that’s difficult to put into words.

Everyday I acknowledge gratitude and being alive.  Sometimes I just think of things I’m thankful to have and the fact that I’m alive.  On other occasions I actually feel gratitude seeping into me at a deep level, flooding the cells of my body, tingling and sinking into the marrow of my bones, just flooding over me. 
And I feel so alive, absolutely fully alive.
Sometimes this feeling comes on out of nowhere, other moments I can tap into it intentionally.  And other occasions I feel ungrateful and not appreciative. Or numb, trudging around in a sense of stagnant drudgery. 

I don’t have to just be happy to feel so alive.   I have felt this in moments of grief and pain, anger, and heartbreak. Life is full of happiness and joy and also pain and heartache. So if we’re alive and fully receptive, we will experience it all.  And it’s beautiful to feel so utterly alive.

I want to pull in and embrace every emotion and feeling that comes to me, snatch it up and hold it close while I can, even the painful ones, as they are an indication of life.  So life-affirming.

I want to feel everything while I can.

I want to take full advantage of the gift of life, my blessing of being alive and conscious.

Since practicing these meditations more regularly I have been feeling the deep gratitude feeling more frequently each day, not just acknowledging things I have to be grateful for, but the feeling of gratitude living and breathing, dwelling in my cells, venturing through my veins and each artery, and each breath of my heart.  The gratitude and life that breathes in me.  The gratitude that floods my existence, caresses my very essence.

It’s so different than the depression & despair that generally consumed me for years.

How often do you truly feel alive? So alive that you can feel every sensation in your body and notice every thing outside of you? All the colors, feelings, textures, lights…of your external environment, the tingling in your toes and fingertips…so alive on a deeper level than what we usually feel everyday..

Even in monotonous moments and routine environments?

“I will live while I can, I will have my ever after” ~ Steve Winwood

“We go so fast, why don’t we make it last
Life is glowing inside you and me
Please take my hand, right here where I stand
Won’t you come out and dance with me
Come see with me, oh, come see” ~ Steve Winwood

One very interesting thing is I have been feeling somewhat distracted during meditation the last few nights. I usually do not have this problem too often but I have been, lately, so I have been doing, let’s say, “half-assed” jobs at meditating and still seeing incredible results. So imagine what I’m capable of when I get over my distraction and give it my all!  

I have been struggling for a few days with not feeling very grateful as much as I possibly can. I have been having annoying technology problems with my phone that won’t allow me to do things that I do every day.   Also, I just found out a man I have known for some years and talked to frequently, recently died, of a possible drug overdose and I am so sad.  He was so friendly and outgoing and kind.  He struggled off and on with alcohol and other drug addiction and attempted to get help on multiple occasions.   But we lost this battle and it’s devastating.  And my heart goes out to everyone impacted by this tragic loss.

And to everyone affected in any way by any kind of addiction. It is a devastating and heartbreaking struggle.

It’s often easy to feel and express gratitude when things are going well.   But what about when it seems that everything is going wrong, all wrong, when we have a heavy heart, a broken heart, when the world seems to be crumbling on top of us?   When we lose and lose again, sinking so low it feels we can’t go lower, then we do?  That may be when we need gratitude the most.  Maybe we won’t feel it purely but we can feel and express it to some degree if we try and practice.
It is possible to feel a slither of gratitude even in the midst of pain and anger.  And that slither can be enough to keep us going.

I wrote this.

(Much of it is inspired by 

Mobile: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0R52DePavMo 
Comp. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R52DePavMo

which is created by Angela Carole Brown and is a brief meditation video for gratitude affirmations.)

I live in gratitude.

I breathe gratitude. 

I am grateful everyday that I live and breathe.

Every day that I have a creative idea, a revelation, learn something new, and am able to let go of old limiting beliefs, I am grateful.
Every day that I face my fears or overcome obstacles, I am grateful.
Every moment that I am given awareness of the simplest of beauties, the opportunity to experience profound joy, and feel genuine happiness, I am grateful.
Every day that  I stumble upon hidden treasures, I am grateful. 
Every moment that I am enlightened and discover insights, I am grateful.
Every day that my heart feels compassion, understanding, patience, and peace, I am grateful. 
Every day that I act upon love and compassion, I am grateful.
Every day that I Encounter and engage with another living being, I am grateful.
Every day that I am
Hugged, kissed, and loved, I am grateful.
Everyday that I 
Laugh or make someone laugh
Inspire and am inspired
Hear of someone’s life being saved
Change someone’s life or someone changes mine, I am grateful
Every day I love, live, and breathe, I am grateful.
Every day my heart pumps, I am grateful.
Every day I witness, hear about, receive, or engage in an act of kindness, I am grateful.
Ever day my heart is overwhelmed in anger, pain, frustration, negativity, bitterness, and grief, I am grateful 
Every moment that I act out in anger, I am grateful
Every moment that my heart is broken, I am grateful. 
Each challenge, painful situation, every loss, setback, and failure provides opportunity to learn, to evolve, to get stronger, to become more aware, more compassionate of myself and others, to develop deeper empathy and I am grateful.
Everyday that that I am
Humbled by a mistake, a thing learned, a person who teaches me…I am grateful.
Everyday I am faced with
Seemingly unbearable pain, and struggles
I am grateful
Every day for Lessons learned, I am grateful
Every day that 
I am Strengthened by pain, I am grateful
Every day for moments of 
Quiet and reflection, I am grateful
Every day for stillness and calm within, without, I am grateful.

Every single day, 
At every single moment
I am grateful.
Forever grateful.
Thank you

This is Angela Carole Brown’s page.

 http://www.angelacarolebrown.com/GLOBALYOGA.htm

Please check out her gratitude meditation youtube video. It’s so beautiful.
This is only seven minutes and forty-three seconds long. 
Mobile:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0R52DePavMo

Non mobile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R52DePavMo

It’s so inspirational and when practiced everyday can be life changing for the better!

She explains how gratitude even for unpleasant experiences is the way to go. A life with some pain and challenges is better than an “effortless ” life, as she says. Because we become stronger, wiser, more empathetic and compassionate, and learn many valuable lessons.

“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

Much love & gratitude to you all!
And thank you for reading! 😀

Xoxo Kim

“We must live while we can and we’ll drink our cup of laughter
The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be

I’ve been sad and have walked bitter streets alone
Come morning, there’s a good wind to blow me home
So time is a river rolling into nowhere
I will live while I can, I will have my ever after

The finer things keep shining through
The way my soul gets lost in you
The finer things I feel in me
The golden dance life could be” ~Steve Winwood

The Versatile Blogger Award – Thank You Dr. Rex!!!! <3 :-D

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I am so incredibly honored to be nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by The incredible Dr. Rex!!!
Please visit her blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

And see her nominations  post here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/19/the-versatile-blogger-award/

I love when I receive awards, not only because it’s an incredible honor but I love the challenge/rules! And choosing a list of deserving people/blogs. That’s often hard because there’s so many!!

Here are the rules: 

Display the Award on your Blog.

Announce your win with a post and thank theBlogger who nominated you.

Present 15 deserving Bloggers with the Award.

Link your nominees in the post and let them know of their nomination with a comment.

Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

1.) I attended Temple University in Philadelphia, Pa, where I live, for Psychology & Philosophy.   I graduated with a B.A. Degree in 2010. I plan on being a mental health counselor or peer specialist of some sort. I took Philosophy just because I love it deeply and have a passion for it, purely out of interest. I took the classes just for fun without realizing I was getting credits that would qualify me to have some sort of job like a paralegal assistant or something.   They told me in school before graduation. Lol good to know but not my intention! 🙂

2.) Oldies music and country music are my love and I rarely find people who love those kinds like I do.

3.) People often speak of childhood dreams and ask kids what they would love to be when they grow up. The truth is, as a young child, I always lived in the present moment, naturally, not as a conscious decision. So I never really had any big dreams for when I would grow up. When people would ask, I would make stuff up. Lol I have said I would be a veterinarian, a chemist, a scientist…but I was always interested in counseling, even as a little girl. My mom and dad always had marital problems and I often felt that I knew what they can do to make it better. 
it wasn’t until I was sixteen years old though, that I knew I want to be a counselor of some sort if I lived to be an adult and could function well enough (I struggle with suicidal depression and have since I was a child and never knew I would live this long.)

4.)  I’m so easily amused, I laugh at everything and nothing.   I have those good belly laughs that hurt, everyday, usually more than once a day. I don’t laugh at the expense of people. I laugh at stupid jokes, risqué jokes, little things that happen throughout the day, at myself…   No matter how sad or low I am I can usually laugh hard til it hurts. I’m genuinely amused, I’m a playful, silly girl with a tender and light heart. It gets me in trouble sometimes but oh well! Lol. ;-D

5.) I’m very good at putting on eye makeup, even liquid eyeliner, and even in two seconds if I have to.

6.) I’m real good at debating. I have natural debating skills. I can argue so good for any side of an argument even a side I strongly oppose. I have been told since I was a young girl by various people in various places, that I should be a lawyer. Lol ;-). In my critical thinking class in college, during an exam, I found an alternative answer to some logic problem, I can’t remember what, that even the professor, a lawyer, himself, did not realize at first. I got extra credit, along with one other student who solved the problem the same way.

7.) I’m terrible with numbers, I failed math classes in college and almost got thrown out.  I’m even horrible at basic math like simple addition, subtraction, and counting.   It was suggested to me by an educational psychologist in college that I may have an actual mathematical disability but I was never tested even though I struggled my whole life with it.  Numbers confuse me so much but I’m good with words, I suppose. 🙂

Here are fifteen blogs other than Dr. Rex’s that I adore, some I have known about for a while, others I have recently come across and I’m so blessed!

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

http://whitneyism.wordpress.com/

http://greenhornphotos.com/

http://theaustrianrose.wordpress.com/

http://wordslikesilk.com/

http://selflovewarrior.com/

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

http://icanbeatit.wordpress.com/

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/

http://abbeygallagher.wordpress.com/

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/

Thank You, Dr. Rex, I’m so happy to receive this award and thank you and all of the other people listed above for blessing us all with the beauty of your light that shines brightly on us all!

😀

Xoxo Kim

Most Influential Blogger Award – Thank You Dr. Rex!! <3

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I am so humbled and so honored that I have been nominated for the Most Influential Blogger Award by the Lovely Dr. Rex!!

Please go visit her wonderful blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

Ty!

I would have posted this sooner but there’s something very weird going on with my phone’s Internet! But I found a way around it!

Here is the Nominations post with the rules & nominees :

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/14/most-influential-blogger-award/

The rules of this award are:

1. Add the award logo to your blog.

2. Answer the following questions.

3. And pass the award on to 10 other blogs and let them know.

Questions:

1) What makes you happiest?

2) Do you love the Oceans or Mountains more?

3) What has been a special moment in 2013?

4) What’s your favorite quote?

5) Do you like yourself?

6) Do you stay up till midnight on New Year?

7) Something you wish could be done ASAP?

8) What was your favorite class when still at school?

9) What musical instrument have you tried to play?

10) Anything you had wished to have learned earlier?

11) Do you like to do Crafts, Drawing

And here are my answers!! 😀

1) What makes you happiest?

I Don’t have just one thing but one thing that makes me happiest is connecting with people. Reading, writing, music, walking…also makes me very happy! 😀

2) Do you love the Oceans or Mountains more?

I like both but I have more experience with the Oceans. I find Oceans to be very healing.

3) What has been a special moment in 2013?

I have various “special moments” often.   I don’t really consider any moment more special than any others but some stand out more, seeming more joyous or profound. One moment which stands out now in my memory is the moment I was able to laugh again, a deep, belly laugh, like I frequently have, after my dog died. I am someone who is very easily amused laughing loudly and often and even when I’m sad I can be amused. But in April 2013 my dog died of old age. We had her for twelve years and she was fourteen years old.   After this sad loss, I felt like I wasn’t completely myself for nearly four months. I felt no very deep emotions other than sadness and grief.   I couldn’t laugh like I usually do. But one night in my room almost four months later, I was listening to Jimmy Buffett songs and was able to laugh like that again. It restored my hope, helping me realize that things can always get better even after severe sadness, pain, and loss. Another poignant moment worth mentioning is in October, this year, when I was able to say I haven’t had a serious/semi-serious suicidal thought in one year, which is the longest I have been able to go without those in nearly fourteen years.   I felt all kinds of emotions, happy, grief, sad, almost despair, awe, pain, confusion, just a strange combination of emotions.

4) What’s your favorite quote?

There’s is a great question! There’s no way I can choose just one but here’s one I love: 

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
Leo Buscaglia
5) Do you like yourself?

Yeah!

6) Do you stay up till midnight on New Year?

Every year.  Always have and always will!

7) Something you wish could be done ASAP?

Educate and persuade people to be more compassionate, tolerant, and accepting of each other and animals. To be able to accept and cherish diversity and not reject each other over differences and mistakes, to see each other as a person with needs, desires, dreams, and interests.

8) What was your favorite class when still at school?

In high school I loved the horticulture classes! In college, Philosophy & Psychology usually. 

9) What musical instrument have you tried to play?

Piano and guitar but it was a no go. Lol!

10) Anything you had wished to have learned earlier?

There probably are some things but I can’t really think of any at the moment. But it’s better to learn late than never! 🙂

11) Do you like to do Crafts, Drawing

Or painting?   I love to do all those things even though I’m not the best at them. I especially love crafts things with cutting and gluing on paper!

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

http://greenhornphotos.com/

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/

http://wordslikesilk.com/

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

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Loud & Proud No Matter What

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I believe we should be proud of all our accomplishments, big and small, alike.   
Accomplishments such as kicking a bad habit, healing or recovering an addiction, quitting old detrimental ways…are still great accomplishments even though some people think they are not because they believe those things shouldn’t have been started in the first place.

I subscribed to this page:

http://www.inspiregreatnessnow.com/Free/day1_okJuK.shtml

And the man who the page belongs to said he is grateful he no longer cheats on women who he is in a relationship with. He wrote that it may seem like a bizarre thing to be thankful for but it was a very destructive part of his life at one point and he finally stopped.  Now his life is better.

I don’t see that as a bizarre thing to be proud of or grateful for. It takes strength and courage to admit to a problem or being wrong then working to change it and also to share with others. 

Everyone makes mistakes.  As I have said, no one is perfect in everyone’s eyes. No matter who you are or how amazing you are, someone out there somewhere,  thinks or would think, if you met the person and the person knows about it, that something you do, say, think, or feel or something you previously did, thought, felt or said is/was wrong. Someone will see flaws in you.

It seems as if we often tend to negatively judge people based on the seriousness of the consequences of their actions instead of the morality of the actual action, I guess you can say.  

For example, people often severely criticize people who take drugs and get addicted. The fact that someone takes recreational drugs and gets addicted may have serious, devastating consequences but it says nothing about the character of the person or the person’s general morals.  Some people never take drugs but are just very unkind people who want to drag others down and go out of their way to hurt people merely for the thrill.   And many people who do take illicit drugs or have previously taken them are great people with beautiful personalities who would never go all out to hurt people just for the thrill.

A couple months ago someone told a lie involving me at work.  I forgive the person and believe it was a mistake and not typical of her. Not a mistake as if she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, she knew, and she had malicious intentions, although I have no idea why because we always had a good relationship with each other.  But I view this as a mistake, something she should not have done but she did.  This could have cost me my job.

But I don’t view this as something that defines her personality or character.   It was a mistake, a wrongdoing, a negative act but I choose to look at her as the whole person she is and not as a horrible person based on one vicious act.

People have advised me to feel bitter towards her, to seek revenge, to see her as a horrible individual.  But I choose to move forward with an open heart, forgive her, and “forget.”

She did not admit she was wrong and she lies to the bitter end but I don’t believe her lying now has to do with being malicious towards me any longer.  I think it now has to do with her not wanting to admit she was wrong, feeling as if that’s a weakness on her part.  She has to lie to back up the main lie so as not to confess that she was initially wrong.  So even if she’s sorry, she won’t say it because that would be admitting she was wrong.

However, she did express guilt in other ways and seemed to be trying to make up for it by being extra kind and helpful.  That, in my opinion, is better than an empty “I’m sorry” anyway.

For months I have been angrier than I have ever been, some moments, to the point of fury and it was seeping into every aspect of my life, not just work. I would forgive then go back to holding a grudge off and on but I finally let go, for myself and for her. I don’t want to be angry. She doesn’t want me to be angry.  And it’s done now.

So, my message here is that mistakes you have made and will make, usually say nothing about who you are as a whole person and even if you aren’t as great as you can be, there’s always the possibility for change. You may have to work hard.  It may be awkward and feel uncomfortable now and then but it’s worth it.

And when you accomplish something great like realizing you were wrong and you change your ways or work on yourself for the better that is something to be proud of yourself for no matter what others say.

I have difficulty deleting apps, songs, pictures, and other files off my phone, even ones I never, ever use or even care about.   I always have this fear like “What if I change my mind and delete it and can’t get it back again?!” or “What if later I would come to really want this stuff on my phone and I forget all about it and never know to put it back on?!”.   Lol things like that. So because of this, I can’t put on new stuff or take new pics.

But two nights ago, yesterday,  and today I overcame my limiting fears and decided to go on a deleting spree, deleting everything I don’t use.  Some things I wrote down just in case I may want it again. 

I let my reasoning prevail over emotion. Now is what matters and now I really need more space on my phone.  And I probably will never want those apps and the truth is I can install most of them again if I want later.

This may seem like a trivial thing to be proud of but I must say, I’m proud! Lol. For me, that’s an accomplishment. 

Also, I’m a slob. It’s true. I leave empty soda bottles and candy wrappers around my house and my mom gets so mad. That’s not something I should do ever. But I do.  So when I actually avoid doing that on my own without being told, I feel a sense of accomplishment.   

I hope you will go easy on yourself.   Forgive. Learn.  Move forward. Be honest & open with yourself.

Lol My message here now is that you should be proud and thankful for all of your accomplishments no matter how trivial or important they seem to you or to others. Every little thing you do that contributes in some way, big or small, to a better you, a better world, a better environment, a better relationship, or a better anything is worth being proud of and grateful for.  Even the simplest things.

And this will get you in the habit of seeing the good in you and acknowledging and celebrating your positive aspects and successes. I believe this can lead to a happier life.

What are you holding onto that you should be letting go of?
What should you forgive yourself for?
What would happen inside you if you admit that you were wrong? Admit to yourself?   To others?
Why are you holding on to self resentment?
How about you make the decision to let go now?

Xoxo Kim

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Life Lately & Creative Project

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So every so often I see those “Life Lately” posts on blogs and I love reading them so much. I love people and knowing what’s going on with them even when I don’t know them personally. I decided to incorporate one of those into this post! Yay! Lol ;-D

Lately…

Listening to: my taste in music never changes. Ever. Same as it ever was. Oldies, country, sappy love songs, inspirational/uplifting . Also I just downloaded many more meditation mp3’s. And some are just creepy and had to be deleted. So yeah. No way. And I recently created a Playlist on my phone of nothing but uplifting songs to inspire and help me. One song constantly on my heart is LeeAnn Womack’s “I Hope You Dance.” I can’t get enough of that song or quite explain how deeply it speaks to me. It’s one of my greatest resources that helps me with my suicidal/low/depressive moods. And there’s another song I have been listening to by Rodney Atkins “If You’re Going Through Hell.” It’s about holding on no matter how much it hurts and keep on going. He sings about being in darkness and just when we feel as if we can’t get any lower, we sink to a new level of despair and desperation and it seems like everyone is out to get us, things are bad and go to worse seeming as if they can’t get worse. Then they do.

But we just keep going, going, and going and there are people who care and want to help. And eventually things start looking up.

And some Alice Cooper lyrics

“We talk about this whole stupid world and still come out laughing ha ha
We never make any sense but hell that never mattered
But we’ll make it through our blackest hour we’re living proof” ~ Alice Cooper (“Department of Youth lyrics)

Watching: again. Something that never changes. I do not watch TV. But I love when my dad watches “King of Queens” at night! I love that show and even have the theme song on my phone.

Reading : Sarah Ban Breathnach ‘s “Something More” and just loving it. She has this great “arts & crafts” idea I’m doing and I have some creative ideas swirling around in my head.

I have a blank page notebook and on the cover it reads, “think positive you are master of your own destiny.”. On the blank pages I’m writing positive quotes and song lyrics and gluing pretty pictures, quotes, and words out of magazines. It will be my creative book of positivity! 😀

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Two nights ago I found a meditation mp3 to increase serotonin in the brain and yesterday I meditated to it. It’s supposed to be sending an unconscious positive message to the brain. I do not know what on god’s green earth it was saying to me but when I came out of the meditation I was sickly and achy. ???!!??

Whaaattt??!! Huh?! Yeah, serious headache and just a weird all around feeling. Never again. Delete. Lol. I don’t know what’s going with this thing but I feel injured by it.

There’s a lawsuit right there! Lol jk! Not really! I’m not money hungry and I know the person who created it has good intentions.

Also, my phone’s auto correct. It’s just getting to me. It’s like a setting got changed and it’s over correcting. It’s spelling things wrong and changing the versions of words to the same word but a different version. And my memory card is full and I can’t take new pictures!! Blahhh!! Now I have to save up for a new memory card! And taking pictures is my life! Well, a big part of it! But it’s all good! My phone really is an excellent phone. I am blessed.

Loving: this Fall weather! I love Fall. And it’s finally beginning to feel like Fall and not Summer. I love Philadelphia.
Also, I’m loving writing here, helping myself and others. It’s so great to have something positive to focus on.
And the positivity creativity book I have been working on. I have been feeling creative tendencies attempting to break through. I don’t know why. But I’m so inspired to write. Poetically. Draw. Arts & crafts. Dream even things I know will never materialize. I have this closed minded thing about me where I tend to not dream of things I think can never occur. That’s a big creative block and just dumb so I’m working on that! Nothing is impossible really (except for things that literally are.) . I have no special creative talents and I occasionally get creative energy bursts and do all “creative” stuff I’m terrible at then I quit. But it’s good and fun to draw, write, paint, play… whether or not we’re good at it. So I’m going to make it part of my everyday routine to get my creative juices flowing.

I even have a creative meditation mp3 designed to help us tap into our creative side and enhance creativity.

It’s at meditationoasis.com

http://www.meditationoasis.com/

Here: http://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast/listen-to-podcast/
#29
They have some for free and some to buy. This one is currently available at no cost.

I would like to encourage anyone interested to get a notebook like I have and make it a fun positive creative notebook. Write things like quotes, song lyrics, and words which inspire you. Draw & glue pictures. All you need is markers, crayons, or colored pencils, magazines, scissors, glue, pens, a notebook, any arts and crafts stuff and your brain! It’s fun to do and you can look at it later to inspire yourself!

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This beautiful quote is out of LeeAnn Womack’s wonderful song “I Hope You Dance.”. This song and this line have always helped me so much and always will. When I feel like giving up as if I’m about to succumb to depression/suicidal thoughts & urges, this often helps pull me back or keep me grounded.

“When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Thanks!

Xoxo Kim

Sunshine Award….Thank You Dr. Rex <3

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The amazing Dr. Rex nominated me for the Sunshine Award! She is beautiful, amazing, and very expressive. She has a sweet way of impacting people for the better and showing people deep gratitude and appreciation. We share similar views on things too.

Please go visit her beautiful blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

And here is the award nominations page:
http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/10/sunshine-award-2/

I am so beyond blessed and grateful that someone reads my writings and finds me worthy of this award!

I read and love many blogs and they are all amazing and bring light into the world. My life is much better because of many of the amazing people and their love, courage, and need or desire to share their beauty with the world using their blogs. I don’t know them in person but they greatly impact me.

Here are the rules:

The rules of this award are the following:

1) Use the logo above in the post.
2) Link to whoever nominated you.
3) Write ten pieces of information about yourself.
4) Nominate ten fellow bloggers “who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere.”
5) Leave a comment on the nominees’ blogs to tell them of the award.

Here are my ten facts:

1.) I love reading. My favorite subjects are Personal Development, Philosophy, and Psychology. I love reading books, ebooks, plays, blogs, websites…and I read more fiction now than I used to and love it! I also love poetry of various kinds.

“I adore the feeling of being completely taken in by a book. When the tears of joy or sadness wet your cheeks. When you snort with laughter in a crowd and when you shout at the pages in anger.” ~ Unknown

2.) Photography is something I’m very interested in but know almost nothing about. I take pictures with my BlackBerry phone constantly and it takes amazing pictures! I would love to be a Nature/wedding /engagement/couples/baby/family photographer. I love natural things like sunlight flowers, moon, birds, insects…and I love everything about weddings and families and babies. To me they symbolize love, new beginnings, and togetherness. I plan on learning more about it and am entertaining the idea of taking photography classes for fun one day when I get money!

“To photograph truthfully and effectively is to see beneath the surfaces and record the qualities of nature and humanity which live or are latent in all things.”
Ansel Adams

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
– Aaron Siskind

No, the camera can’t steal the soul. But it can occasionally hold it hostage.
– author unknown

3.) I strongly value friendship and unity.

“Friendships are different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintanceship, friendship is based on love. Unlike lovers and married couples, it is free of jealousy. Unlike children and parents, it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is marriage. Parents are bound by the law. But friendships are freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised.” ~ Stephen Ambrose

“But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” ~ Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

4.) I have struggled with depression off and on since I was 13 years old.

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts like today.” ~ Og Mandino.

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. -~ Anne Frank

5.) I love people and animals and love and accept unconditionally. If I love/like you I won’t reject you for political/religious/philosophical views or for decisions you make or have made that I disagree with. I see the good and the beauty in people. I see the person, not mistakes or disagreements.

“I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.” ~ Bob Dylan

6.) Two of my favorite things are quotes & songs. They can be so deeply inspirational.

“Life itself is a quotation.” – Jorge Luis Borges

7.) I am a very simple girl with a very simple life for the most part. I am not complicated or hard to understand. I don’t participate much in or cause complicated arguments with people. I do not make things more complex than they have to be. I usually say exactly what I mean and do not expect people to be my mind readers. This is not to say my external environment is always calm and peaceful. I experience stress, chaos, disorder, drama…sometimes but have learned to mostly handle it well and remain still & calm within. Simple isn’t dull. I have a deep, rich inner life. I ponder philosophical ideas, concepts, questions…I love meditation…

Confucius says it best “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

8.) I am extremely loving. I am overflowing with love & gratitude for people, animals, things, life, the world, love & gratitude itself.

“When I start loving I just can’t stop.” ~ Sam & Dave (“Soul Man” lyrics)

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”
~Louise Hay

9.) Oldies music, country music, sappy love songs, uplifting music…is the best!

“Just take those old records off the shelf
I’ll sit and listen to ’em by m’self
Today’s music ain’t got the same soul
I like that old time rock and roll
Don’t try to take me to a Disco
You’ll never even get me out on the floor
In 10 minutes I’ll be late for the door
I like that old time rock and roll ” ~ Bob Seger

10.) While I love seeing some traits in people that I, myself, also possess, I have a deep respect and adoration for people who possess characteristics that I do not. For example: I am not very assertive and do not always speak up for myself when I should and I LOVE assertiveness in others. Even when someone speaks up to me about something the person disagrees with me for and even when I feel that person is wrong/incorrect. I sometimes neglect/abuse myself in ways like denying I have a problem and not taking medication and putting everyone who takes advantage of me first and love when people are devoted to self-care and nourish themselves. I love to see people stand up for and advocate for themselves. Not being overly selfish but a healthy dosage of selfishness. It’s not good to be purely selfless!

I believe Buddha is correct in saying “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Other than Dr. Rex’s blog, Here are the eleven (sorry, I broke the rules! ) blogs that to me are perfection. The authors make the world better and touch lives with beauty, wisdom, and light. Thank You!! 😀

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

Beautiful girl, beautiful blog! I love her writing so much! So uplifting and real. And fascinating.

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/
Very inspiring! So heartwarming and touching!

http://wordslikesilk.com/
Beautiful writing!

http://terry1954.wordpress.com/
She is beautiful and displays much strength and wisdom.

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

So wise & inspiring.

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/
Love this blog and we share a love for feather friends!

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

Very inspiring and lovely.

http://timelessferry.wordpress.com/

Beautiful writing and photos.

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

Very inspiring and amazing.

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/
Very strong, inspiring, and positive.

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

We share the similar goal of being the best we can be and working constantly at personal development.

Thank You again Dr. Rex and to the above bloggers and all the others who touch this world with wild wonder & sunlight & moonlight.

Xoxo Kim

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Until It Is Carved in Stone

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(second photo not mine)

Hello darlings, I’m here to knock your socks off this lovely morning.   It’s just after 12:00am. Yup! ;-D

Have you ever read a play called “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder?  I have and it’s amazing. It’s beyond amazing. It was produced and published in 1938. It won the Pulitzer Prize.
It takes place in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s.

I first read it when I was twenty – six years old. And whoa am I so beyond pleased that I did. Thank You to Sarah Ban Breathnach for mentioning this play in her book “Simple Abundance”!!!! Sarah Ban Breathnach is another one who has one of the biggest impacts on me with her beautiful writing.

The play is about a young woman, Emily, who dies during childbirth. She’s twenty -six years old.  It starts out when she’s a young girl and it’s all about her and her family and friends and all the people in their small village of Grover’s Corners.  It’s so small everyone knows each other.

The girl dies at age twenty – six years and she “wakes up” in the afterlife where she meets again, all those who she has known during their living years.  The girl, Emily, is freaked out, grieving, and just devastated that she lost her life and can never again have it back.   She was always a happy girl with a wonderful life while she was alive, but just like most of us tend to do, she usually took most things for granted. Never stopping to just be and allow gratitude, wonder, and awe to surge through her at all the simple joys like the white fence surrounding her house, coffee, flowers, the way people look at each other, the simple ticking of clocks and folded laundry…

Other than people dying throughout the play, the play is extremely uneventful and has received criticism for that fact but the very essence of being uneventful is the whole point of the play. It is the heart, the gut of it, if you will.

Mr. Wilder intended to show people through his wonderful play, how beautiful, wondrous, amazing, lovely… life IS even when it’s so simple, monotonous, agonizing,  and lacking in big events.
While this may seem like a play depicting an idealized view of American life, it actually is not.   The message is that life is good while being painful, it’s heartbreaking but breathtakingly beautiful.  

One character in the play, Simon Stimson, is a pivot of this message. He struggles with alcoholism and is known as the town drunk but he serves as a message to people . He is a tortured soul who constantly cries out for help but people refuse to help. They are steeped in denial and overlook his desperate pleads for help.  He eventually dies by suicide. The message here is that society, friends, family, people….we ignore, deny, repress, overlook so much of life. Even when one of our own is desperately pleading, screaming out for a helping hand.

   In the version I have, there is a beautiful forward by Donald Margulies.  

Donald Margulies states, “You are holding in your hands a great American play. Possibly the great American play.”
He goes on to say if you have read this play many years ago, perhaps in school as a requirement for some class, you will greatly benefit by reading it again.  But now, read it more mindfully, soak up the incredible message this play conveys.  Draw on your own life, your own experiences to really receive the deep wisdom of this play.

Donald Margulies admits that he is envious of any person about to begin reading this play who has never read it previously. He loves this play passionately but reading it again isn’t the same as reading it for the first occasion, he says.   But he is a teacher/professor and gets to watch others experience again and again which he loves.  

The title of this play “Our Town,” itself, is a pivotal message. The town in the play, “Grover’s Corners” is a representation of human life everywhere.   It can be extended to all of American life and beyond, all around our world.  We are all human and we all share basic human traits no matter our culture, country, society, nationality, religion, skin color, sexual orientation, political views, experiences, gender, gender identity, ethnicity, opinions…

“Our Town”, as Margulies states, is a “microcosm of the human family…”. It is all towns.  Everywhere.  This play captures the universal experience of simply being alive.

Act III of this play is breathtaking. Mr. Margulies states that he was shattered by it and that is how I feel as well.  Shattered then put back together once again but not without a few scars, a few breaks, a deep enthralling sense of enlightenment and compunction.

You know someone is a good teacher when that person can slap you with a truth so profound it brings you to a sense of ruin, leaves you with a sense of pudency, remorse for old ways, living and never knowing.   But it’s good to have someone or something break you down to the bone, pierce you to the core, punch you in the gut , knocking the wind out of you,   shatter you just to build you back up with a new sense of life, a new philosophy, a newfound strength, rebirth. 

Let it rip your heart out, shatter it to pieces, almost beyond recognition then let it glue it back together and move you forward with some scars to remind you to be mindful of the wonders of being alive.   The wonders we ignore, overlook, and slap in the face day by day.

Now I will leave you with some poignant quotes or lines out of this play.

In the play when the stage manager is interviewing one of the main characters, Mr. Webb, about their town, Mr. Webb says this:

“Very ordinary town, if you ask me.  Little better behaved than most. Probably a lot duller. But our young people here seem to like it well enough. Ninety percent of ’em graduating from high school settle down right here to live-even when they’ve been away to college.”

Mr Webb: “…No ma’am, there isn’t much culture; but maybe this is the place to tell you that we’ve got a lot of pleasures of a kind here: We like the sun comin’ up over the mountain in the morning, and we all notice a good deal about the birds. We pay a lot of attention to them.    And we watch the change of the seasons; yes, everybody knows about them. But those other things – you’re right ma’am, – there ain’t much….”

When Emily died and found herself in the afterlife she insisted on looking back at her previous life.  The other dead people strongly advised against it as it would be too agonizing and despairing to see a life we once lived and can never , ever return to , but sweet, innocent Emily just had to see for herself.   They urged her to choose an “unimportant” day as opposed to one she viewed as very important.  One dead woman told her to choose the “least important” day of her life as it would be “important enough.”  And it would still be incredibly painful.

Emily chose her 12th birthday.

Here are some things she said as she looked back, as if watching a movie.

Emily: “Oh, that’s the town I knew as a little girl. And look, there’s the old white fence that used to be around our house. Oh, I’d forgotten that! Oh, I love it so!…”

Emily:(softly, more in wonder than in grief.)  “I can’t bear it. They’re so young and beautiful. Why did they ever have to get old?  Mama, I’m here. I’m grown up. I love you all, everything. – I can’t look at everything hard enough.”

Emily: “Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me.  Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I’m dead. You’re a grandmother, Mama. I married George Gibbs, Mama. Wally’s dead too.  Mama, his appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway.  We felt terrible about it – don’t you remember?  But, just for a moment now we’re all together. Mama, just for one moment we’re happy.  Let’s look at one another. “

When asked if she was happy looking back, Emily responded, “No…I should have listened to you.  That’s all human beings are!   Just blind people!”

Here is what Simon, the suicide victim says after death to Emily:
“Yes, now you know.  Now you know!  That’s what it was to be alive.  To move about in a cloud of ignorance; to go up and down trampling on the feelings of those…of those about you.   To spend and waste time as though you had a million years.   To be always at the mercy of one self – centered passion, or another.  Now you know- that’s the happy existence you wanted to go back to.   Ignorance and blindness. “

Emily:
“Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you.  Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it–every,every minute?
Stage Manager: No. (pause) The saints and poets, maybe they do some.”

Think back to days in your life, maybe a birthday, a holiday, a special event, a graduation, a wedding….what was important to you then?  The perfect napkin patterns?   The perfect gift?  Being a perfect entertainer? Spending a certain amount of money?  Looking good?  Getting gifts?

What was really, truly important?  Napkin patterns and “perfect” gifts?  Or looking into each other’s eyes.  Really looking. Hugs.  Warm embraces.   Really tasting that hot tea or coffee. Looking up at the sky and feeling awe surge through you.  Genuine friendships. Tucking your kids into bed.   Really listening as we speak to each other.  Stopping to see the flowers, to feel the sunlight, to hear the cars on the expressway, the birds chirping, to feel the warm blankets at night.  Cuddling with your fur friends.   To smell the honeysuckle and the roses and the warm cookies baking, to feel the rain on our skin , the soil beneath us.

Think of any “ordinary” day. What about clocks ticking?  What about the refrigerator buzzing?   What about the cars parked on your street? What about the concrete beneath your feet? What about the feel of air on your skin? What about the walls in your house? The ones you look at every single day. Do you ever stop to notice them?   Or are they so mundane you don’t give them a second thought?   What about when you’re making your coffee or tea? The sugar and cream going into it?  Look at that. Really.   Just look.   When you brush your teeth, get a shower, wash your hands, inhabit your body and your life.  What if you died but were allowed, for a few minutes to look back on this life, wouldn’t you miss all this?  Miss it ALL with a passion so potent it can knock the stars and the sun into oblivion?

It’s not just the big things, the holidays, the birthdays, the weddings, babies, and graduations.  It’s not just the pretty things, the sky, flowers, sun, butterflies and birds.   It’s everything.   All of life. The cars screeching in the streets, getting out of bed. Walking, driving to work, standing in lines, paying bills, stress. Wouldn’t you miss all that?  
What if your life changes dramatically?   What if someone dies on you?   What if you are stricken with a long term illness or chronic pain disorder?   What if a close family member or friend, a pet becomes terminally ill?   What if you become paralyzed tomorrow or something else drastic happens and your life doesn’t look like this anymore?  Oh, how you would long for the mundane, your old monotonous ways, your old stress and concerns.

It’s too late for them, but not for us. We are still alive.   Still so blessed with this gift. THIS life.

And now with this awareness.

We can wake up and do all the things alive people can do. You can die at any second whether or not you realize or believe it.  

Isn’t Thornton brilliant?  Isn’t he still touching people long after his own death with this wonderful play? His beautiful, profound message?

You can die right now.

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So what are you waiting for? Stop reading this and go make eye contact.  Go smile at a stranger.   Go embrace someone.  Go look up at the sky.   Hold hands.  Sit in a warm, cozy cafe with a friend and truly listen.  Go listen to people. Listen to what they say. Listen to what they don’t say. Take advantage of your senses, of being alive, Share a banana split with your mom, sister, or best friend, hold a door for someone and really want to, buy someone coffee or tea, And if you plan on getting married, forget about the napkins if they don’t turn out right, if you plan on celebrating the holidays, forget the “perfect ” material gift.  The true gift is your presence and your love and care.
I am a blessed girl. Truly.

Now.

Xoxo Kim.

P.s. And oh, yes, go read “Our Town” please. Ty

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion 

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“There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” ~ Alexander Woollcott

“Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” – Rosalind Russell

“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by
And I rush through another day
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me
But I just look the other way

They roll by just like water
And I guess we never learn
Go through life parched and empty
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers)

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” Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.” ~ Robert Browning

The Paradoxical Commandments

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I have been thinking about this beautiful concept. I wholeheartedly agree with it.   It’s true that we will do so much good, give so much love, put so much goodness out into the world, accomplish greatness, create, and provide and while there will be people to acknowledge it and appreciate it and express /feel gratitude for us and our greatness, there will still be so many who will ignore it, destroy it, reject us, be non caring, loathe us, and just want to drag us down. But I believe with everything I have in me that we should do good anyway, love anyway, provide for people anyway, create, share, care, anyway…

Someone on Facebook recently wrote me a message saying the people who love the most, care The Most, and give the most are the ones who are kicked and hurt the deepest. But I will take that chance again and again. As long as I live. Someone doesn’t have to love me back for me to love that person. Someone doesn’t have to care for me to care.

Give to the world without expecting anything in return. Love unconditionally.

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/

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Xoxo Kim

In My Image <3

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I have been feeling a bit creative or like I want to be creative and was searching for some creative writing prompts and found this: 

http://m.pw.org/writing-prompts-exercises

I was searching for fictional prompts, like short story ones, but these ones are real life ones. 

I’m choosing this one today :

“In Your Own Image”

“In many ways you are everyone who came before you. Your uniqueness is your own spin on the DNA of your ancestors. Spend several minutes sitting quietly in front of a mirror. Reflect. Other than you, whom else do you see? Write 500 words about how you feel towards these people you’ve never met but who are a part of you. Their story is yours, too.”

What a beautiful concept and writing prompt.

As I look at myself, I see my eyes and everything they convey. On the surface, I see the color, the blueness and the deep splashes of green, like flourishing floret splashes across an afternoon sapphire sky, I see my very long, thick full lashes I have had for as long as I can remember, one of my mom’s gifts to me which I used to loathe now I love. I can now see creases around my eyes, which were not present previously in this life of mine, creases which signify age, years of struggles, pain, laughter, wisdom, heartache…lines upon my face – the result of a lifetime of belly laughs & smiles and sunshine.

I see my long, thick tresses, cascading my shoulders like burnt sienna waterfalls and clinging to my waist, with natural golden & orange highlights.

I see my freckles which become very noticeable every Fall and I have never liked but my mom always thinks are so cute. My sister and me both have them.

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I see my mom. I have inherited her youthfulness, her glow, her long lashes, her easily amused temperament, her ability to see the positive in almost every situation , her love for animals, I may have inherited a bit of her aversion to death and anything that has anything to do with it. I see my grand mom, my mom’s mom who must have handed down that youthful glow to my mom which I have inherited.

I see my dad. I have almost his same hair color but mine is a shade darker. I inherited his natural thinness which usually stands unbuffeted by anything I put into my body or anything going on around or within me. I have his legs which we always joke in my family are “chicken legs.”. I see me as a little girl doing a chicken dance with my silly chicken legs having my family laughing uncontrollably. 

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I have inherited my dad’s love of intellectual thinking, debates, writing, reading, his love of personal development topics…and also his nocuous longing to be reassured again and again and again that “everything will be ok.”  I have inherited his heartburn, the need to feel I have gotten my point across or I feel unsettled for the rest of the day, his agonizing mental health condition, his shyness, and his playfulness.

I see my little sister. We connect in uncanny ways. We both look at something that has absolutely nothing at all to do with something else but it somehow automatically reminds us both of that something else. We often *know* without a doubt what each other is about to say before it’s said. We have conversations like this:

Me: hey, remember whe….

Her: (laughing) yeah that day at the mall when…

Me: we had those Spring rolls and..

Her: they tasted the way a pony smells! 

Lol! We just know.

I see that one Christmas Eve when we ripped open my mom’s Christmas gift that my grand mom bought her that was not to be opened until Christmas day by my mom. But my sister and me just had to know what the gift was while my mom was fast asleep with visions of sugar plumbs dancing in her head. It was big warm, fluffy sweaters! We wore them all night long into Christmas morning laughing our heads off, bouncing off the walls, watching holiday music, listening to holiday cheer, drinking hot cocoa… We can be each other’s worst enemy but we can be each other’s best friend. My sister, my friend.

I see my dad’s grand mom who I have never met. She died before I came to be. My dad told me she had a strong powerful loving like no other.   I like to think I inherited that love. She couldn’t shower people in enough love. Sometimes I feel there aren’t enough people in this world for me to love. And I think of her.  She bought candy and toys for all her boys. She gave them shelter and comfort.  My dad says she always dreamed of having a sweet little girl of her own, a daughter or a granddaughter but all she ever got were boys.  He said she would have loved me so much. She never got her girl.  Sometimes my heart aches but I let her strong, potent message of love be my guide. I never even seen a picture of her but sometimes when I look into my eyes, I see her.  She never got the chance to be proud of me. But I can be the kind of girl she would be so proud of.

I see my mom’s dad. My grandfather I never got to meet. She said he was beautiful, caring, full of love & light. He died tragically young. But through the stories, I can feel the love he put into the world which he left too soon but his love still lingers.

I see my dad’s mom who I have met but can’t remember. She also died tragically soon. I heard she was extremely friendly and very sociable.

I see my father’s father who I hear died for love. He was hopelessly in love with a Japanese girl who went back to her own country without him and so he drank himself to death when he was 30 years old. Tragic & heartbreaking but what a passionate kind of love. I vow to love that way but still stand strong enough to handle rejection abandonment,  & heartbreak. 

I see all of the people who run through my blood today and everyday. The people who have been with me since I took my first breath and laid eyes on the world they brought me to and even before. I see their gifts, their struggles, their heartache, their hard lessons learned, their tears & their laughter. I see their joy and their will. I see what I want to be and what I don’t want to be.

I see the people who go way way back, the primitive people who led to me. I see a reflection of hope, perseverance, strength, and love.

I wish I could have met each and every one of them. But whenever I long to look into their eyes, I glare into my own. And I see them. I carry them with me everywhere, everyday.  

They survived many unimaginable things. And I will survive.

They gave me life. And while I can never repay or thank them. I can repay and thank the world.   By being the best me that I can be. Not a perfectionist who never fails. Not someone who is never wrong.   I will be wrong again & again but I will never go wrong with love.

I see the day I said to my mom “that happened long before I was ever even thought of!” & my mom said “You were never not thought of, I thought of you, loved you since I was a little girl myself and I always knew I wanted a little girl of my own.” My mom couldn’t have kids for so many years and was told maybe she never would and now here I am! And 10 years after me, my sister came along! 

And that man in the picture with me. I see him too.   When I look into my eyes. Uncle Al. We’re not related biologically but he loved me. I love him. I don’t  have many early memories.   But I remember him, vividly. I remember his love. I remember how funny he was. I remember how sarcastic and silly he would be. The way he would pretend to be angry then start laughing.  The small gifts he bought me, the smell of his car and the feel riding in it with sunlight streaming in.

It’s incredible how vivid those memories are, so profound, and true when I was so young. They are forever etched upon the premises of my being.  

Uncle Al.

I see us many years ago. Standing in a car parking lot on a bright & sunny day outside of a dollar store in Philadelphia, my city. I see me standing there. I see him walking out of the store with a big, warm, bright smile on his face waving a fan around in his hand with bunny rabbits on it. He looks at me, “Look what I bought for you, my love.”. Thrilled I run to him as he wraps me in his warm loving arms. He holds out the fan. I reach for it. He pulls it back just before I reach it. “Unnnccllee Alllll” I yell while giggling so hard.

I don’t remember when he died. He was just gone one day.

But I know…

His birthday is in May. Just like mine.

I remember he would fill his hands with coins and tell me if I can get his fingers open, I get to keep all the coins. My dad said when he was a little boy he did the same to him. We could never get his fingers open. But he let us keep the coins.

How blessed I am.
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I hope you realize how amazing it is that you are you! What are the chances! It took so much, so many things to occur & coincide for you to just turn out to be you!

Never get so used to yourself that you forget the true “miracle” you are.

Check this: http://zaborski.org/?p=20

Someone shared this with me for my 27th b day on Facebook. 

Xoxo Kim

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