Tag Archive | mindfulness

Inner Strength <3

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

So, I had a cluster-like headache at work last night. It’s the second one I ever had at work.
It was devastating.
The last one I had at work was in October, eight months ago. Luckily back then it was a cool, dark, dreary night and was slow so no one had to witness it. But now it’s Spring/Summer and very busy so when I was struck with it, there were customers at the window. I never want to freak anyone out and I learned to control my reactions to these headaches a little bit better in general, not always though. Sometimes I still scream til I lose my voice.
It’s rare to have a headache during work hours; they usually occur around 2:00 in the morning til 5:00am.
I had to keep hitting my face and clutching my head and trying not to scream.

It takes everything I have in me not to bang my head against the walls. There have been nights I cracked my head for hours over n over against a wall. All night long.
And kept feeling what felt like my brain shaking because of the force.
But I was near insanity.
It’s an incredible sense of loneliness.

When I talk about my headaches, I often explain what they are like because they aren’t “headaches.” They are cruel, vicious attacks.
I have tmjd, not cluster headache (CH) disorder, that I know of, but my condition triggers cluster-like headaches.
It feels like a hot poker being driven through the eye socket and being held there for minutes to hours and can be off and on for hours, days, weeks or months or unfortunately for some, every single day with no remission. There’s no known cure. On top of the severe burning agony like scalding hot water being poured over the side of the face, is the worst throbbing tooth pain and ear pain and pressure.
Like all our nerves exposed and being squeezed
It involves the trigeminal nerve, I heard/read.
They are also called suicide headaches & ice pick headaches(like the head being split with an ice pick). It’s that bad.
There’s no pain that I know of that can be used as a reference point to compare the magnitude of this pain to. Being burned and brain freeze are the closest things.

They can make the eye droop and water and the nose run on whatever side of the face the pain is on. Sometimes my face swells up on the side and turns red or even a purple/bruised color. It feels like and sometimes looks like my face is melting. It’s not pretty. Pain pills do nothing. Not prescription ones, not ones bought in a store. The headaches only occur on one side of the face. It can be either side.
Mine was on the right at work.

I thought I was dying, the pain was so bad.
I don’t know if physical pain can literally drive someone insane but I keep thinking it will.
I wanted to run out of work and run to the bar across the street screaming but I knew my boss likely wouldn’t have anyone to come in work for me and did not want to leave her or the customers hanging.
No matter how much I suffer, I have come to generally be mindful of how my actions may affect others and try to always do what is best for them. I don’t always succeed but generally, I try.

It itself is not a life threatening condition and not like I was in danger of dying or anything.
But some people do attempt and die by suicide because the pain is so immense. It feels unbearable. I don’t really think I will kill myself anymore when I have them. I used to though. During the headaches, I often keep thinking “I can’t take this, I can’t take another second, how much more can I possibly endure….?!?!?”

Take something freezing cold like ice cream or frozen drink and let it against your teeth without swallowing or put mouth wash in your mouth and keep it in over ten minutes no matter how much it burns and when you feel you really can’t take anymore still keep it there, and you can get maybe a fraction of an idea of what these headaches are like. The headaches hurt more.

My cluster-like headaches aren’t
very frequent in general. I can go for months without having one. But just one headache is enough. The first one I was struck with when I was 24 years old, scarred me for life.
Just one of these head attacks, even if you never have another, will scar you emotionally, no matter how strong you are, I can almost guarantee it.
It will break you in a way you can never be put back together. The physical pain is extreme. There are just no words.
If I found out someone was going to have one of these and I were able to experience it instead of that person, I would take on as many as I can so no one else ever has to. My heart sinks and breaks at the mere thought of some poor person having to endure this.

That’s why some people with them kill themselves even when they aren’t depressed, because the physical pain is immense in the moments they occur. It’s like nothing else in this world exists anymore.
Just a world of screaming agony.
It’s like being in another dimension, I often say, a kind of pain that feels unearthly and like it can’t possibly exist. But it does exist.

I have said that I couldn’t dream up this kind of agony in my worst nightmare.

I can crumble just writing this.
They shatter me.

But it’s ok. It’s always ok. It’s all about our attitude, perspective, reaction.

They begin abruptly and often unexpectedly and end just as abruptly. No warning.
One day I was out food shopping with my mom and nothing was wrong with me that day. I wasn’t in pain at all. I reached my hand up to pull the handle on a freezer door and in an instant my face and head was struck hard with the agony. It’s pure, raw horror. Hell on Earth.

When the headache at work struck me, I tried so hard not to scream and wail in agony .

I decided to muster all the strength I have in me, all the courage and love.
I decided to be mindful of every sensation around me and on me. I held a wet rag in my hands and focused on the sensations against my skin. I focused on the lights in the room and the colors surrounding me. I summoned the love I have for life itself, living beings, and various things…until the headache ceased. It lasted less than a half hour. It was excruciating.
I kept thinking how can I take this experience and use it to help someone somehow when it’s over. And it helped me bear it better knowing that later I would use it to our advantage.

I still felt a kind of gentle calm in the center of me. And I embraced it with all I have in me.

It inspires me to write. My headache inspires me instead of destroy me like they often seem to do.
All I kept thinking is how many others are suffering or in some kind of pain and how I can share my experience here, to help in some way even if it’s just a fraction.

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

I can turn my pain into inspiration and motivation and comfort for someone else.
And so can you.

“Displace the pain
Put it in
A camera
A story
A poem
A song
A lover
A canvas”

Whatever you do, displace the pain. Put it into something positive, creative, loving.
And pull others into your light. Use your pain for the better, turn it into beauty and light and love and other people can draw on your strength.

Much love to you. ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim

Sunrise <3

May19

Today is April 18th but when I post this it will very likely and very annoyingly claim it’s April 19th because when I post after 8:00pm, it deceivingly says it’s the next day. I can change it but I won’t. When I change the date, it changes the links to my posts then in the e-mails when people click on my link it goes to an error page. How annoying!

Today I woke up at 5:45 AM because my dogs woke me up and I just decided to look out the window and I couldn’t believe my eyes! I saw a beautiful sunrise!

I rarely, very very rarely see a sunrise! A couple of mornings I even got up early to attempt to see a sunrise, I checked the night before to see when the sun would be rising and got up to see it and it wasn’t there! At least not where I was looking! Today though, I saw it serendipitous-ly! I was thrilled!

Sunrises, to me are symbolic of hope and life and new beginnings and rebirth.

Today I’m inspired to share some fantastic quotes about Sunrise!

Here goes!

“There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.” ~
Bernard Williams

So true! No matter how dark it seems now, there IS a light still glimmering to carry us through! I struggle with depression in episodes and severe physical pain in episodes and sometimes I’m not depressed or in physical pain but I have some problem that feels so hopeless or insurmountable but I always try to remind myself that nothing is hopeless.

“The biggest cliche in photography is sunrise and sunset.”
Catherine Opie

I think this is true. Many, many of us become aware of a dramatic sunset or sunrise and that’s a great thing! Sunrises and sunsets are the simple life treasures we can experience at no cost. I think there are different depths of taking pleasure in or experiencing them. We can take a quick glance, feel the beauty and hurry on our way without really feeling it. Or we can be obsessed with sunrises and sunsets just to get a beautiful photo for our cover photo on Facebook or blogs or instagram to impress people. That’s good too but I think it’s even better to take full advantage of the beauty all around us, soak it up, absorb it, feel it in every cell of the body. Not just to get a picture to share on social media. In my opinion if we can only do one, it’s usually more important to experience life all around than just take pictures. Luckily we can find the perfect balance of doing both!
Also, while sunrises and sunsets are absolutely lovely, there are even simpler, more overlooked, mundane treasures all around us.
Like the edges of buildings and the reflections of sunlight streaking the concrete, spaciousness, streetlights, bricks, just little everyday things that make up our lives but we rarely stop to appreciate.

Example:

I love the way the light reflects on the wall and the pole and I love the traffic sign!

Spaciousness, emptiness, quietude, stillness, beauty, serenity

I was struck by the beauty of the daylight creeping in through the window that evening I was at work and reflecting off the freezer doors.

“Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered for they are gone forever.” ~
Horace Mann

Yes let’s cherish every moment we have been given.

“Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness of the woods before sunrise.” ~
George Washington Carver

I love how this quote conveys appreciation and mindfulness for a simple moment right before a “big” or dramatic thing, the more obvious thing that usually gets more attention. An unidentified moment often overlooked.

It reminds me of this quote:
“‘Well,’ said Pooh, ‘what I like best,’ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”~A.A. Milne

And my previous blog post:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-simple-unidentified-moments-3/

I was hanging out with Buddha reading and drinking tea! What better way to spend my day?! ;-D

“There’s never one sunrise the same or one sunset the same.” ~
Carlos Santana

Sunrises and sunsets are everyday occurances but it’s true none of them can ever be the same. They’re all unique and all beautiful. They never get old!

I love the beauty of the setting sun and the way it reflects on the top of the car and that water tower off in the distance! What beauty that exists in this life! And all we need to experience it is our senses and an appreciative mind!

I hope you’re having a beautiful day or night! I’m at work right now and it’s a cool night so not very busy!

Much love to you and may your heart be open to receive the beauty all around us in whichever form it exists.

😀

Xoxo Kim

May my soul bloom in love <3

Apr16

Ever since Winter melted into Spring I have been looking to the trees to see the life blossoming around but each day the bare branches have remained. I find bare trees to be beautiful as well as blooming trees with green leaves and pretty colored flowers.

But I have been anticipating the pretty pink & white flowers I see every year in Spring! Yesterday, I was so pleased to finally see pastel pink flowers on a few trees and some with dark pink ones! They seem to have just appeared out of nowhere, right before my very eyes! How sweet!

In honor of the life blossoming around me, I am sharing some beautiful quotes about the life blooming all around and within and mindfully acknowledging the beauty of being alive.

“The cherry blossom tree is truly a sight to behold, especially when it is in full riotous bloom. There are several varieties of the cherry blossom tree, and while most of them produce flowering branches full of small pinkish-hued flowers, some of them produce actual cherries.” ~
Homaro Cantu

“Why should I be unhappy? Every parcel of my being is in full bloom.” ~
Rumi

“How does the Meadow flower its bloom unfold? Because the lovely little flower is free down to its root, and in that freedom bold.” ~
William Wordsworth

“Let a hundred flowers bloom, let a hundred schools of thought contend.” ~
Mao Zedong

(me happy at work!)

“I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work them, water them with your blood and tears and you laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” ~
Clarissa Pinkola Estes

(I recently had a black bean burrito at some truck and these are the sauces! I tried the “death” sauce and can see why it’s called that! Just one small drop on my tongue and it made my eyes instantly water! 😀 delicious though! I also tried the sweet & spicy kind! Yum!)

(it’s me again! Lol)

“Works of art often last forever, or nearly so. But exhibitions themselves, especially gallery exhibitions, are like flowers; they bloom and then they die, then exist only as memories, or pressed in magazines and books.” ~
Jerry Saltz

(I must be feeling especially vain today! Lol nahh it’s just that all my pretty pics of things I take photos of everyday are in a different part of my phone and my phone is so full it needs more space to work correctly for me to get them moved to the section for blog photos)

“May my soul bloom in love for all existence.” ~
Rudolf Steiner

“Let a hundred flowers bloom.” ~
Mao Zedong

My baby, Quinny and me! She’s an eight month old puppy! I was angry because she jumped up and ripped my necklace off and it broke but I couldn’t stay mad for long! Lol she loves to snuggle and give me kissies! ❤

Us again!

“In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” This quote is attributed to our (U.S.) president, Abe Lincoln! One of the best!

“Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.” ~ Marilyn Monroe

Yes girl! I completely agree!

I’m wishing you lots of love! ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim ❤

Today <3

Apr9

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~ Howard Thurman

Today is a very cold, very gray, beautiful wet day. It’s not exactly raining but everything seems wet. It’s night now but all day was gray and beautiful. It’s very cold, almost like Winter or the end of Fall. It’s bittersweet. I know it’s probably the last day or one of the last days that is cold. I LOVE all four seasons and they all have their blessings and unique qualities. They are all beautiful. I cherish each one and try to always be mindful of the beauty they are. But it’s always Winter inside my heart. In Winter and Fall I rarely wish for warm days. In Summer, there are more days I long for, even crave Winter or Fall.

I’m soaking up every single bit of wet cold beauty I can today!
Today on my way to Buddhist meditation class I was astounded by the almost palpable beauty. It was almost as if I could touch it, not touch the beautiful things but touch or hold the beauty itself. Touch or hold the concept, the very essence of beauty. I felt very alive and felt the heartbeat of the city become one with my own, as if throbbing in my chest, pulsing through my veins. I felt it deep in my bones, tingling in every cell of my body. Every breath I took, I felt I was breathing in the sounds, the sights, the scents, the intense beauty of the city. This feeling is not new to me but it always feels new. I feel it often, sometimes immensely, sometimes more quietly, sometimes not at all. But I can never get used to it. Sometimes this feeling, this life inside disappears for so long I am convinced it will never be back again. Then out of the blue, it comes and tightly embraces me like a long lost friend who promises to always come back to me.

This feeling has always come naturally to me but with practice and certain experiences, I have come to strengthen it. Sometimes it comes out of the blue, like today. And sometimes I can summon it on my own.

One thing that I find that helps me deepen this sense of beauty and gratitude and awe of everything around me, is taking pictures/photography. For people who are interested in capturing beauty in artistic forms like painting, drawing, or photography, whether as a hobby or professional career, it can be easier to see, feel, taste the beauty all around because our brains get trained to see things and look for things to capture in a photo or painting or drawing. Then even when we’re not out looking, even when we are without our phones or cameras or paints and pencils, these little gems jump out at us. The more interested I have become in taking pictures, the more developed my sense of awe has become. I originally loved taking pictures because I feel so much beauty and want to capture & share it, but then picture taking only enhanced that feeling of awe in me.

Photography, painting, drawing, writing…. can all capture simple beauty in a way that makes it stand out more than it does in “real life.” I think many of us generally overlook very simple, very mundane things such as reflections, shadows, a sliver of light creeping through the slit as a result of a door on a dark room being ajar when the hall or other room outside is lit. We often stand in awe or deep appreciation of something dramatically beautiful such as bright, colorful flowers, a beautiful woman in a wedding dress on her wedding day or in stiletto heels and tight blue jeans walking down a street, a dramatic sunset over the ocean waves while lounging on a beach, a baby who is just born, an expensive mansion, an exotic animal, amazing looking food, an incredible looking car, an elegant dress, a flashing diamond ring,…you get the picture! But how often do we look in wonder at a shadow on a ground, maybe a shadow of a tree or person, the way sunlight reflects on signs or cars, the fuzz on a honeybee, the gentle illumination of street lights on a dark street at night, tattered signs, faded poles at busstops with the bus numbers on them, old pay phones, broken glass glittering in the daylight against concrete, an empty beer bottle resting in vibrant green glass, a lemon floating in iced tea, glistening ice cubes chilling a cup of soda….for many, it’s probably never or extremely rarely. But in photography, paintings, drawings, and writing like poetry or novels or descriptions, these things can be beautifully captured and portrayed in artistic forms that can’t help but force us to see, notice, feel the beauty of them, these things we tend to ignore in real life outside of artistic creations.

And for people who engage in these activities, they can help us further ingrain our habit of seeing and feeling the beauty in real life outside of poetry and novels and photos and paintings or drawings. They help deepen our wonder at the things our eyes and hearts catch. They make it easier for simple treasures to jump out at us as we’re walking up a city street, sitting quietly at a riverside, driving on a busy expressway, meditatively peering out a bus window on a dreary gray day or a green day with life blossoming all around.

But not everyone is interested in photography or painting, writing, or drawing. Whatever you’re interested in though, it’s fantastic to pursue it, engage in it, get lost in it and let it reel you in. This can bring you to life, fill you with passion for all of life, enthuse you in general. When we are so happy and passionate in one aspect of life, it can carry over into other aspects, even ones that aren’t so great at the moment. It’s like falling in love or having a big crush. You know the intoxicated feeling when you meet someone you are very attracted to or seeing someone you are in love with? That feeling carries over to everywhere and suddenly life is amazing in ways you never really noticed or forgot about…it can be like this even if we aren’t in love with someone. It’s falling in love with life itself.

We don’t need “big” things, lots of money, kids, or romantic love to feel this way often. These things are great too but we don’t need them to be in love with life. All we have to do is open our eyes, heart, and look, see, feel, stop ignoring the simple things, the mundane things, the blessings surrounding us always. You don’t have to be a photographer, a painter, or an artist of any kind.

“Such a feelin’s comin’ over me
There is wonder in most every thing I see
Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes
And I won’t be surprised if it’s a dream
Everything I want the world to be
Is now comin’ true especially for me” ~ the Carpenters

Imagine feeling this way everyday or at least very often or even just more often than now.

It’s possible.

Isn’t this beautiful?! It just goes to show how someone can inspire us and we can see life through that person’s eyes every now and then even if we aren’t interested in the same things. We can feed off of the passion, life, enthusiasm of others. This police officer is deeply inspired by his wife who is a painter with a passionate thirst for life, and while at work, he wishes she was there. This is out of a fiction book I’m reading called “First Do No Evil,” Book 1 in a series by Dr. Carey Baldwin who is an author, a medical doctor/family doctor, and has like two ph.d’s as well, she’s a wife and mother of multiple children. Ummm…is she like Wonder Woman?! I read Book 2 in this series already, not realizing it’s a series. They can be read together or separately and in any order and still make sense. The same characters appear in the books and there’s some subtle references to other books but the author makes it still make sense just to read one individually. She’s an amazing writer of mystery books. It seems most of her books are about doctors. Usually her main characters are a very strong,
beautiful, compassionate, loving, and broken woman who is 30 something years old, has a very painful past, a medical degree, and gets into trouble like is being stalked and needs help. I love her characters and how much depth they have. They are so realistic. And she’s a doc herself so she knows her stuff! Her novels involve romance, mystery, adventure, and healing. They also involve humor, sometimes I laugh hysterically, uncontrollably. They contain adult content in certain scenes. Very vulgar language at some points, and hot sexy scenes, definitely only for adults. Amazing plots, characters, and endings!

Let’s remember to allow others to inspire us and remember to be the inspiration to anyone we can!

I hope you are having a wonderful day or night wherever you are! Much love to you!

Xoxo Kim

Planting Seeds <3

Apr2

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” – Martin Luther

I recently discovered an amazing, absolutely AMAZING music group called Empty Hands Music, the main singer is named Nimo Patel and he sings about love in every song. The kind of love he sings about is universal love, love for the world, life itself, and every living being. Universal Love means wishing everyone well no matter what, wanting everyone in the world to be happy (but not at the expense of others) even if those people don’t want the same for us in return, no matter what nationality, skin color, religious views, financial status, living situations, sexual orientation, political views, lifestyle, ethnicity, location in the world, education level…He sings about how it doesn’t matter if we pray to a god or are an atheist, it doesn’t matter what our views are, if we are full of gratitude for life or just trudging through life not thankful for a thing, if we have a family or are on our own, if we act on lust or are celibate, old, young, single…none of it matters, we are all made the same, underneath we are all as One. And it’s good to have compassion and empathy for all living beings.

He sings about how amazing life is, the trees, the bugs, the people, the clouds in the sky, joy, sorrow, pain, the ants on the ground, hope for tomorrow, strength, lessons learned, everything near & far, everything and how thankful he is for it all. He sings about kindness and giving the world all that we can give. Give, give, give even if others do not give to us and even if they are not appreciative. All that matters is that we love. He sings about acceptance. Accepting life as it is. Working to better the world but knowing we won’t always succeed at everything and just try our best and accept the results.

I can’t even decide which song is my favorite but I can now say they are my favorite music group as all of their songs are about loving others. And not just people we know but everyone everywhere. All around the world. It’s the best thing ever. What a dream come true this group and this man is! Nimo Patel was rich and famous, a rap singer who admits that he thought he only cared about money and fame, thinking that is what life is, and he showed video clips of himself running around acting so cool in black shades with like a million fans chasing after him. Lol He had it all and thought he was living the life! Then one day he woke up and realized that’s not love and it’s not for him. So he gave it all up and now works in India helping financially poor and struggling people who have next to nothing financially and materially but have enough love in their hearts to heal the world! And that’s exactly what they’re all doing together! They are children and adults, old and young, and they are all beautiful and he features them in his videos, people of all skin colors. Beautiful inside and out. He still sings but now he uses his talent of singing and song writing to change the world and touch lives for the better.

There’s nothing wrong with being rich and famous or wanting to be. But it’s not good, in my opinion, to believe that’s more important than everything else. But rich and famous people can use their riches and fame for the common good, to bring awareness to and help out with causes that help people/animals. And some of them do! This life just wasn’t for him but the message isn’t that celebrities and rich/famous people should give it all up or can’t be loving. Actors bring characters in tv shows and movies to life to entertain us and inspire us, make us laugh and uplift us. Many of them donate money to organizations to help out in the world and the fact that they’re famous brings even more attention to those organizations. And singers and song writers can use their talent to touch people for the better.

That’s what Nimo Patel does.

I been listening to his songs and watching his videos for days now all day long! Lol

The one I’m sharing here is “Planting Seeds.” This song is about acceptance. Like I said, accepting that the world is how it is. This doesn’t mean not working to change things for the better. It means doing just that, working hard wherever we go to make the world a better place for all of us, doing simple things each day to make each life we encounter a little bit better, then surrendering, disowning the situation and accepting whatever outcome occurs, accepting that we will not always succeed how we hoped. We may “fail” and things will not work out, we may not see results, we may not even be around to see if we succeed in our endeavors but that doesn’t even matter. We don’t even have to see it! Just plant those seeds and let go! Whatever happens will happen.

“…but the roots are always growin’ no matter if I’m there or never around…whatever grows will grow, whatever dies will die, whatever works will work, whatever flies will fly, whatever fails will fail, what’s meant to soar will soar, I am planting seeds, nothing more.”

“It’s like your whole life you’ve been training for this moment
And when the time comes you just disown it,
Meaning you just surrender don’t control it…”

“But now we’re learning when we let it go, it overflows
With no credit to take cuz no credit is owned.”

“…but the real gold is joy, when life starts to flow
And when it does, you just smile, cuz now you know!”

I love these lyrics. This message is all about planting seeds of love and kindness everywhere we go even if we won’t be around to see the results, planting those seeds without expecting credit or anything in return. Pay someone a compliment even if you don’t know if that person will warmly receive it, and if the person doesn’t seem uplifted or touched by your sweet compliment, be happy anyway, write a sweet message to someone on a blog or social media account even if you may not get a message back and still be happy you wrote the message even if you don’t get a response, it’s not about us being appreciated in return, it’s about genuinely wanting to touch others for the better, follow blogs you like and share them even without asking for that favor to be returned, buy a homeless person a coffee, look into a stranger’s eyes and smile and be happy you did even if s/he doesn’t smile back, give tips to people working in coffee shops even when they don’t seem friendly, plant those seeds of lovingkindness even when no one is looking or listening to know you are expressing lovingkindness. Even if it doesn’t work out how you hoped. At least you tried. And that counts for something, it’s a beautiful way to live!

We cannot and do not have to control the outcome or stress about the results. All we can do is try our best. We don’t have to feel low, feel regret, feel like we worked for nothing if we don’t see the results we hoped for or don’t see any results. All that truly matters is that we plant those seeds, leaving a trail of love everywhere we go!

Remember:

“…whatever grows will grow, whatever dies will die, whatever works will work, whatever flies will fly, whatever fails will fail, what’s meant to soar will soar, I am planting seeds, nothing more.”

And be all that you can be.

Here is the video for the song!

Desktop:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=ZhcKIGCE_Pk

Mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZhcKIGCE_Pk

Much love to you! And don’t forget to plant those seeds of love today! ❤

Xoxo Kim ❤

Spring is in the air! <3

Mar20

But not really!

Today is the first day of Spring!

And this is what we get!

(this pic showed up by accident but he’s cute so I’m leaving it – he’s my baby, Woody, almost eight months old!)

What a hilarious joke it seems the uni-verse has played on us! 😀

Lol it looks like Winter is milking it for all it’s worth, going to snow and be All frigid until the last second it possibly can!

I love it! I’m so so happy it will be warm soon! And life will
Blossom
all around! Green & flowers and a floral fragrance in the air!

Google flowers! @—}—-}

But I’m so happy for one last snow blizzard until Winter/the end of Fall comes again! Yay!

It’s a Winter Wonderland today and I walked in it to get my mom a coffee! It was beautiful but eventually my head was throbbing terribly because of the cold, I thought I would pass out. Or die. Lol ok, not really die but it was almost as painful as brain freeze when I eat ice cream too quickly!

The quote in my daily quote book for today, March 20th is:

“If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we’d have a pretty good time.” ~ Edith Wharton

Isn’t this so true?! How often have you heard someone say or have you said or thought yourself something like “when it’s warm/hot outside and I can go on vacation, I will be happier, when I lose 20 pounds I will be happier, this weekend I will be happy, when I have kids I will be happy, when I find true love or get married I will be happy, when I grow up/get older, graduate college, get better grades, I will be happy, when I get a job or another job I will be happy, when I have more money I will be happy, when I have a place of my own I will be happy…?”

I’m definitely not innocent of thoughts like that occasionally, thoughts like “when…..then I will be happier.” While I’m often mindful of and happy right now, there are definitely occasions I begin to think I need more or “should” have more. And then it leads to a very low feeling, negative comparisons to others, or even a full blown depression.

But the truth is, we can be happy now. Let go of the conditional happiness concept and living too much in the future. Let go and allow the beauty and joy of right Now to seep into our essence and soak it all up! Be happy now!

The external things that we think can lead to happiness or can bring us fleeting happiness will not last very long and are not necessarily as purely blissful as we think they are. Warm weather comes then leaves eventually and we’re stuck in the bitter cold, vacations end and we have to come back to reality, people can leave us, we can put weight back on after the hard work losing it, fashion trends eventually end after buying all those expensive clothes, people die of heatstroke and exhaustion in the Summer, freeze to death in Winter, suffer with horrible allergies in Spring & Fall, are used for money and have lots of financial management when they are financially rich, have the pressure of having to keep up their grades when they have a perfect gpa, even great things like kids and relationships and money, a great job,….come with consequences that aren’t always pure bliss, the thing is to practice and learn to be happy NOW or at least in general under any circumstances.

Pay attention to the gifts right before our very eyes. It’s great to have relationships with others, have kids, get a new job, shop for new clothes, experience the seasons, have money, get amazing grades in school…but we don’t need those things to have a sense of happiness or self worth. They can bring us certain joys and a certain kind of happiness and blessings we won’t have without them but we can also have joy and true happiness and blessings without them. They complement our happiness and our self, not complete us.

There are great things and drawbacks to just about every stage and phase and season of life. Let’s cherish them all and appreciate now!

Coincidentally this is what we talked about and meditated upon in class last night. Then today that is the quote for this day!

Also, I read that today brings with it a Super New Moon, a Total Solar Eclipse, and the Spring Equinox! All of which symbolize new beginnings! A perfect reminder that no matter what happened, no matter how stuck or depressed, or broken we are or have been, there is new hope and a blank slate to turn around and begin again! And we can begin right Now! ❤

Much love to you! ❤

Xoxo Kim

The simple, unidentified moments <3

Mar17

“‘Well,’ said Pooh, ‘what I like best,’ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”~A.A. Milne ❤

This is a very thought-provoking quote and concept! I love it! I wonder how many little pleasurable and joyous, unidentified moments we experience

and never even consciously realize it!

Eating Honey and taking pleasure in it is one of the simplest pleasures in life. Just sitting and savoring the delicious sweetness. But there’s even simpler and more overlooked/taken for granted moments that surround the joyous simple moments. Like the sweet anticipation right before something amazing (like eating honey) happens. And the warm afterglow of something

we experience.

The rattling of a vehicle on a cobblestone street before getting to the destination, the yellow brightness and calm just before a storm, the warmth that permeates after receiving a sweet compliment or word of encouragement, the feeling of walking to a beach before running into the ocean, that moment in a restaurant before the mouthwatering food hits the table, the days before Christmas, the moments unwrapping gifts and watching someone else open a gift, walking out of a restaurant laughing with friends/family, the thrill of looking at an ice cream sundae just before eating it, sitting in a movie theatre when the movie just begins and the names and things are flashing across the screen and the thrill for the movie about to begin, the moments before getting a body piercing (I used to love getting them) and the scents of the place, the moment just before eating a lemon or blueberries and my mouth feels sour before even tasting the fruit, the incredible joy of getting a new book, the fullness & emptiness when it ends, the way the mouth waters before eating something delicious,
The feeling of helping someone,
the days just before Fall when the first slightest chill hits the air, the feeling of the first warm days after the Winter comes to an End, the chills an amazing song can provoke…

The simpler moments surrounding the “actual thing” can be just as amazing, even more amazing than the actual thing!

Some moments can’t be reconstructed.
One day in the Winter I was at work on a cold, slow night and my lips were very dried out and hurting. I put lip medicine on and was drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream and eating a bag of chips. The salt hurt my lips more and the taste blended with the taste of my lip medicine. So it was like a medicine-y saltiness. With a little sting in my lips.

I realized that I actually liked the experience. It seemed so simple, so accidental, something I can never “make happen” and would just be weird if I tried. I don’t want my lips to be dried and hurting (it’s super annoying) and I’m not masochistic so I’m not going to bring it on myself. I also don’t want lip medicine mixed with my food but it just happened that way. What a pleasant memory.

Many of my most pleasant memories involve the feelings of the unidentified moments but I never realized it like this.

This quote awakens me to the fact that there are so many, many moments we love, feel joy, or pleasure about, incredibly simple moments that are so fleeting, we may completely overlook. We can come to cherish these moments, not just feel the thrill, savor them, acknowledge them, give thanks for them, honor them. ❤

Thanks Winnie the Pooh! 😀

Xoxo Kim

Wherever you go, go with all your heart <3

Mar16

“She’s got a light around her
And ev’rywhere she goes
A million dreams of love surround her ev’rywhere” ~ Billy Joel

On Saturday I attended a three hour workshop at the Buddhist center I go to and we made Buddhist malas! I’m going to write about those in another post. The workshop inspired me in so many ways.

Mala beads are beads on a string (similar to Catholic rosaries and ones found in other religions). They are used for recitation of positive mantras to calm or quiet the mind and just to get us in the habit of positive thinking/feeling and stillness.

“Let the beauty we love be what we do.” ~ Rumi ❤

😀

One of the things that struck me and is the inspiration for this post is the instructor’s passion, wonder, and love for the topic of her teachings.

I met her before, her name is Eve, she’s a Buddhist. A lay Buddhist teacher/student. She’s very loving and friendly and funny too, and a musician!

Her love for her work or the way she conveys her love, to me, seems very rare. It’s like at every second she’s conscious of it. It reminds me of a professor I had in college, Dr. Ward. All of my professors/instructors, that I remember in college, showed interest, many even passion and love, for the work they were teaching and studying. That’s very likely why they were teaching and studying it. They have some sort of interest in or passion for it. Love and passion for work isn’t rare; there are many people who are absolutely in love with what they do. And unfortunately there are too many people who feel that their work is life draining and like it’s just a dead end job.

But Dr. Ward, a neuroscientist and my professor for some class about the brain, expressed her passion and love in a different way than I have ever seen before. It actually wasn’t even “expression” necessarily, what I remember is her BEING. Light. Her whole state of existence in the class was love for her subject.

It’s difficult to explain in words. And what I remember is a quiet but fierce kind of love for her work and the topic of Neuroscience. I would see her warmly smiling to herself often as she was writing on the chalkboard and just her movements displayed a kind of awe of her work and the topic.
Sometimes she would even shake her head and chuckle in wonder even over the bland-est of details and tasks.
A topic she was teaching over and over, studying year after year after year. It never got old.

I sensed that she loved/loves not just what she was teaching and studying but the very process of teaching and studying it, every word she wrote on the chalkboard, she wrote carefully, as if mindfully loving the process itself, not merely writing to get to the end, out of an obligation to teach us, or to get out of class as soon as possible. Not even like she was so into what she was doing, like some people can get writing quickly and passionately, she would write and teach as if she was mindfully taking in every moment and loving it.
She was cherishing everything involved. It is beyond just passion. It’s like complete adoration.

Almost the way a mother feels for her child. Have you ever seen a mom gently stroke her child’s hair or cheek and warmly smile? It’s a passionate, fierce kind of love but also very gentle. And everyone witnessing can feel that love just oozing into the breath of the world around. Or have you ever seen a photo of people, family, a parent/child, lovers, best friends, people and their pets and the photo captures love so well, it just IS love? The people/animals in the photos just ARE love…

In Dr. Ward’s class, I often felt that the topic of Neuroscience itself was almost something tangible to be gently and lovingly stroked by someone who completely adores and loves it.
It was like she brought it alive. Like her love for it manifested it into tangible existence. She seemed to regard it with reverence.

Neuroscience is definitely interesting in some aspects but it’s not my absolute favorite topic.
It can be kind of dry. I can hardly remember the details of nerves, synapses, brain parts and stuff.
It’s awe-inspiring for sure, the way the body works. I love to think and read about it. Some aspects are fascinating.
But I won’t be reading about it very frequently.
This subject is just not at the very top of my list of favorites, the way Philosophy as a whole topic is. Philosophy is my passion. My love. Not necessarily as a career/job goal but as a hobby to read and write about. And neuroscience involves philosophy.
Everything does. Philosophy is everywhere.
Omnipresent.

Also, the doctor and her colleagues did tests on animals, mostly rats, and sometimes they had to kill them, which they claimed was “humane” in the killing method they chose. And she said they weren’t suffering as a result of the brain experiments they did on them, they made sure they were as “comfortable” as possible.
Experimenting on and killing innocent rats, It’s not my cup of tea.
But I liked the class and her.

One of the only things that stands out to me about that class all these years later is the professor’s love for her work. Not just her love, like I said, most of the professors seemed to love their subjects, it was the way I noticed her love it. The way she would embody love. Just the way she loves. (This isn’t to say other people do not love their work and subject the same way and just as much, it’s just that some people’s existence just emits love & light either in general or for a specific thing, in a more noticeable way to some people. I was more receptive of hers for her work, maybe someone else would be more receptive of someone else’s. And there’s other aspects of life to be loving with than work, I meet many loving people in various aspects! )

That and the fact that she had/has a human brain collection in her basement and brought one in, along with a spinal cord, for us to hold. She’s a brain researcher, studying brains and the nervous system. I wrote about her and her brain collection here before. When they were through with the brains, she would keep them for her own amusement. Lol

The brain I held in my hands was beautiful in every way. In the way it looked, felt, in the way it worked when it was alive, in the way it still had purpose even after the woman’s death who once lived with that brain. And the spinal cord was beautiful as well, the color, the texture, the feel, the purpose it served to the living person and the purpose it served after the death of the person. I am extremely blessed that I got to hold them in my hands. Some students refused to touch them. It wasn’t required as part of the class, it was just for our own pleasure.

Dr. Ward’s love for her work seemed to me to go beyond mere interest, beyond passion, even. Like I said, just utter adoration and awe. It wasn’t the words she spoke but the way she moved, her tones, her gestures, and expressions. Her state of being. Her light.

The teacher we had Saturday displayed that very same kind of love during our workshop and it took me back to those days in Dr. Ward’s class all those years ago. The teacher, Eve’s, love is so uplifting and powerful just to be in the presence of. It reminds me to be love in everything I do.

In Dr. Ward’s class I learned a lot of facts. Some incredibly interesting that I still remember, with wonder and pleasure today, some not so interesting, most which completely escape my mind today.

But the most valuable thing I learned in that class isn’t something academic or intellectual. It’s not about neuroscience. I got like a C or C – in that class and had to do extra credit work just to get basically the lowest passing grade, which is C-. What I was awakened to in that class is wisdom, not intelligence.

The most valuable lesson I learned in the class is to love in everything I do, and not just love and express love but be that love. Be in the state of love. Be mindful of the love coursing through my veins even if there seems to be nothing and no one before me to bestow it upon. Just bask in my own loving presence.

I want to be that kind of love not just for my work but in everything I do in this life.

“Be love. Be so much love that when others are with you they are love too.”

Be mindful of the journey and not in a hurry to get to the destination. And not just be loving in our work but loving in everything we do even if we would prefer to be doing something else. Even if it’s a task that doesn’t hold our interest. Be mindful of the fact that whatever it is, it’s likely leading to something necessary or good. A boring long drive is getting you to where you have to go. A boring class or stressful day at work is getting you paid or credits you need.
A seemingly pointless hassle may be teaching you a lesson you will later come to realize. Maybe patience or strength or love…
Experiencing even unpleasant things is an indication that we are alive. Cherish it.

And be loving and mindful of the love with people we are around, whether we know and like them or not. Be loving with pets, friends, family, strangers, all sentient beings, all living things. Love to love, not merely to be loved. Be loving even through pain, grief, despair, anger. Be loving through happiness and joy.

Be grateful for the purpose that things serve.

“Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.” ~
Markus Zusak

Even if we feel that we can’t or won’t BE love everywhere, then it’s good to BE love in certain aspects of life, if you won’t be loving at work, be at home. If you won’t be loving at home then be at work or with your favorite fun activity or in general. Be love in your relation to your own self. We all have love in us but it’s not always at our surface, readily available. Sometimes other things are more prominent at that moment, like anger, boredom, exhaustion, agitation, grief, depression, anxiety, fear, the desire to be right, tiredness, numbness, wishing for something else, jealousy, ignorance, just a lack of passion, a feeling of monotony…

But we can learn to tap into that love more often, summon those loving feelings when we realize we are currently not consciously experiencing it.

Be love in the most simplest and mundane tasks. Washing our clothes, brushing our teeth, shower….and we will become even deeper love. We will train our brains to be even more loving and happier doing things we would prefer not to have to do. And just doing everyday tasks that are usually no big thrill.

Dr. Ward’s love for her work and Neuroscience inspired me and still inspires me. Not to love Neuroscience. This isn’t one of those amazing stories where a teacher inspires a student to fall in love with a subject she never had one ounce of interest in then she grows up and becomes a teacher herself for that very subject.

I’ll never be a neuroscientist.

This is my story of how a teacher’s (whether the person is a school teacher, college professor or instructor, or a religious teacher…) love can inspire love in general. And not just a teacher but anyone. You, me, a child or a very old person, a homeless person, a rich person, your neighbor, friend, or sister…anyone.

“Wherever you go, go with all your heart.” ~Confucius

I will be love everywhere I go.

Doesn’t this lesson seem even more valuable than any school degree? I think so! It took me a while to learn to apply and practice this life lesson. Sometimes we experience something but do not process it or realize it for many years later. I noticed back then her awe-provoking love for her work and I was inspired but I did not always try to emulate it consciously in most of the things I do. I’m very thankful for the Buddhist teacher’s reminder on Saturday. She reminded me not in what she said but in all that she IS.

“Whatever you are, be a good one.”

Sometimes the best reminders and examples are not verbal ones. We are influencing and inspiring and teaching each other in the ways that we live, move, talk, and just in the way we are.

Much love to you. ❤

Xoxo Kim ❤

p.s. I have/have had other professors/teachers/people who inspire me just as much in similar/various ways and they will be in some of my future posts! 😀 ❤

GRATITUDE

Mar10

“Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.”

This post isn’t really about gratitude. It’s about distraction. How deceiving, right?! Lol

But the word “Gratitude” fits into this post well.

In my recent post I mentioned that I recently experienced a few losses, two of my pets (my parakeet and my cat), and my human friend who lost her life to a heart attack at work… all died unexpectedly.

I have been generally very happy even in the midst of my sense of loss and the sorrow for those lost. I’m usually good at staying positive even in the midst of stress and negativity.

Some moments the grief is more difficult than others. A few nights ago, it was hard to sleep. I kept waking up with terrible anxiety. Sleep problems and anxiety are not something I am accustomed to experiencing and I wasn’t completely sure what to do. I rarely have trouble sleeping no matter what is going on. And I rarely experience true anxiety even when something very unpleasant or painful occurs. Anxiety is a “normal” emotion or feeling most everyone feels at some points, whether mild or severe. It’s not necessarily an indication of a disorder.

But it’s never pleasant. I think it’s one of the most unpleasant feelings in the world, fear, panic, and anxiety. When I do experience anxiety for whatever reason, it’s usually mild and whether or not it’s mild, it usually ends quickly. Most of us don’t have panic attacks or anxiety that is out of control but we can draw on our experiences with “normal” anxiety and fear and deepen our empathy for people who have any sort of anxiety/panic disorder.

Anxiety should not be frequent and interfering too much with life, sleep, health…or it may be or be becoming a disorder that can be treated somehow.

My anxiety wasn’t out of control or a symptom of any condition; it was just a reaction to my recent losses and I have never had a panic attack. It looks so scary to experience and horrible. And I have much compassion for those who experience them. I don’t want to even imagine having to put up with such horror.

But when I kept waking up my body/mind was just so stiff and trem-bly with anxiety and a kind of fear and it was just so unpleasant I was desperate to end it(just the fear/anxiety, I wasn’t suicidal or depressed). I looked around my room all groggy and tired trying to find anything that may help me allay my fear/anxiety. It would have been easier if I wasn’t so tired. My sleep was restless and fitful. I thought about getting my earphones and trying to meditate but I was too tired. I tried some meditative breathing techniques which really did help. But I felt I also needed something more.

I kept drifting off to sleep, having weird dreams, then waking all anxious and fearful.

It wasn’t even really anxious thoughts, it was more physical sensations all over my body.

It sucked.

Then I looked next to me in bed and saw my gratitude journal leaning against the wall. I was so tired and through my blurred vision because I wasn’t fully awake, I saw the word “GRATITUDE” and noticed something I never really noticed before.

The word “gratitude” has the word “tit” in it.

And I burst out laughing.

(Yeah I’m kind of on the immature side.)

I was so amazed for some reason (that state in the middle of wake and sleep tends to put me in strange, often elevated/exaggerated moods and stuff).

I wanted to tell someone. “Hey! Do you know the word ‘gratitude’ has the word ‘tit’ in it?! It does!! That’s so amazing, isn’t it?!”

The first person I thought to tell was my sister. She already thinks I’m a perv(there’s countless occasions throughout the day she says “omg, Kim you’re a pig!” With much emphasis on the word “pig.” lol) . And she wouldn’t have been too happy. Which would have made it all the more fun to tell her! But she was sleeping. And I was more than half sleeping, in and out of waking and sleeping.

I began to wonder what other words may be in the word “gratitude” and thought probably not many! But I was wrong! Lots of words began jumping out at me!

A
I
(I laughed at the fact that one letter words are acceptable to me – but why not?! They’re words aren’t they?! Teachers in school wouldn’t let us use one letter words when we played games like this)
AT
Grade
Trade
Age
Eat
Ate
Aid
Rat
Tar
Grate
Rate
Guard
Art

And so many more….i wanted to write them all down but I was too groggy.

So I laid there in and out of sleep with words flashing across my mind, most appropriate words for the activity at hand, some I had to correct myself, even in my sleep/dream state. For some reason I kept wanting to put a “C” in it.

CAGE
CRATE
.
.
.

And I had to open my eyes wide as I looked at my journal to make sure there really isn’t a “C” in “gratitude.”

There’s not.

For a second I even wondered why “gratitude” can’t be “gcratitude” or “cgratitude” just to make my little game a bit more impressive. It was disappointing.

My sleepy brain is a tad off. But it’s all good! 😀

But for the most part, I did well!

I was quite impressed with my slumbering brain coming up with words as I had my eyes closed sleeping or almost sleeping. I wasn’t actually seeing the word “Gratitude” with my eyes when I would drift off in my state of fitful sleep but I saw it across my mind as I was mostly sleeping.

And then I remembered how I loved playing that game when I was a little girl. When I was in middle school, my dad and me would choose a long word and sit on the sofa having a competition to see who got the most words out of it. It was so much fun. We sat there for hours playing at night, making lists, coming up with interesting and fun words. Sometimes I would cheat. But I thought it was so funny that I was brilliant and sly enough to cheat (I actually saw it as a slick skill) and cheat without getting caught, that I would open up and spill my dirty little secret and be laughing hysterically as I was telling it. It never got old, the awe over my gall to cheat and my ability to cheat well.

I had an electronic navy blue word speller that I was able to put just about any word in and it would scramble it for me and tell me all the other words it can make. I used to set my trapperkeeper (some paper holder thing with metal rings and a design with golden lab dogs) up and hide in back of it. My dad wasn’t as impressed as I was.

Then I came back to current reality and realized how distracting myself helped me significantly with the fear, anxiety, and grief I was having some trouble coping with. The fun little activity itself not only calmed my whole body and eased my mind but provoked me to reminisce and stirred up sweet childhood memories which further distracted and soothed me, I even remembered my favorite red denim flare pants and white spice girl shoes I loved to wear on Thursdays(i thought I was the hottest little thing prancing around in those clothes with my cool electronic word speller (there was no cell phone, no computer, no Internet that I knew of back then) ), and realized that I have lots of happy memories of that age(and every age since then even though I had depression a lot – it would always go away and I would get happy again), and I was able to drift off easy and get a few hours of good sleep. I did wake up achy and still a bit anxious but much better than before.

One thing to keep in mind is that intentionally, consciously, directly trying not to think of something will, without a doubt, make you think about it more. It’s impossible to escape its bondage when you put your mind directly to not thinking about it. It’s like an inherent contradiction. To try not to think about it, you necessarily have to think about it. Even psychological studies suggest it. I learned about it in psychology classes at Temple University many years ago.

Ironic Process Theory

(Here is a great link to read about it:

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/10/unwanted-thoughts.aspx

With some tips on how to cope with unwanted thoughts and feelings.)

And I experienced this phenomenon myself whenever I would try to directly take my suicidal mind off of being suicidal. It’s one hundred percent futile.
But what does work is allowing yourself to feel, think, experience whatever it is while gently distracting yourself by doing something you like/love, something soothing, healing, or something like exercising or other physical activity that is safe for the state you’re in.
Focus on a more pleasant thought and the unpleasant one can melt away. I experienced this then I learned about it in classes.

Eventually your mind may escape the grasp of whatever it is, for a while. You will be so into the fun or healing activity you’re engaged in.

It may be hard to find the strength or motivation to begin an activity of distraction. When we are so depressed or so anxious, it can be hard to even move or believe that it will really work or believe that we are worth it, but it’s worth that initial effort, that first step. And feeling unworthy is just a delusion that depression can put into our heads. And you won’t know until you try if it will work. Rest is good but it’s not good to sit or lay in bed just dwelling on or obsessing over anxious or depressing thoughts or feelings. Acknowledge the depression or anxiety. It’s ok. Even embrace it. Sit with it. Accept it. Then get moving to help yourself cope.

At the mental health clinic I go to for depression, some therapists give us worksheets to help us cope with different problems.

Here is a link to various worksheets to help people cope with different problems such as anxiety, ptsd, depression, low self esteem, negative thinking….:

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/freedownloads2.htm

They are in pdf files and can be saved and printed out. They are meant to be a supplement to professional treatment if someone has a serious disorder. Anyone can benefit by mindfulness activities and these worksheets but for people with a serious problem, it’s important to seek some kind of appropriate professional help as well. The worksheets are very helpful but are not meant to be the sole “treatment.” Self help techniques (like the worksheets) are great but for true disorders or serious distress, they may not be enough.

One helpful technique is the “Emergency Bag or Box.” One of the worksheets in the link above is about this activity.

When we are in serious distress, it can be difficult to think reasonably and see an effective, safe way to help ourselves at that moment and can be tempting to resort to things that can seem helpful then but really aggravate the situation or are detrimental later. One helpful technique is to keep an “Emergency bag” or “Soothe box” somewhere that is easy to access.

I don’t have a whole box or bag put together yet. I have things that help me cope with or prevent a depressive episode/suicidal thoughts/urges and help me to cope better with cluster-like headaches.

Here are some of my emergency or soothe things:

Scented candles, especially tropical scented – they don’t have to be lit
Hot tea
Buddhist Mala beads – they remind me to think of positive quotes and affirmations and are very helpful to me with the headaches
Gratitude journal
My six dogs
Art journal/painting
Scented body lotion
Positive songs
Photography – I like taking my own pictures and editing them or writing quotes onto the pics. And also looking at inspiring pics that aren’t mine.
Quote books
Stress ball – for coping with the headaches
Comedy movies
Positive/self help books
Sharing uplifting pictures or quotes to help others
Philosophy books/texts – sometimes even when I’m severely depressed, when I read complex, abstract texts, it takes my mind off it for a while and even uplifts me. It can be hard to concentrate but it’s ok, just the process of reading challenging material is helpful.
Blogs – uplifting blogs help me when I’m in a low mood or struggling with physical pain.

The idea is when you are experiencing a crisis or just in a low or agitated state of mind, to go to your box or bag or wherever you have your soothing/emergency objects and mindfully study or use them. What do they look like, feel like, smell like(if it’s safe to breathe it in), sound like, taste like (if it’s something you can taste)…?

If you choose to put on body lotion, for example, carefully tune into the experience. Feel the sensation of the lotion on your body. Is it hot, cold, sticky, soft….? What does it feel like on your hands and wherever you’re putting it on?

Tune into the environment around you. Use all of your senses and notice the information received by each one. Hear the sounds around you, feel the clothes against your body, taste the air on your tongue…

This mindfulness activity can help you with depression, anxiety, grief, physical pain, and any problem you may be experiencing.

Another idea is to write yourself an uplifting or comforting note or list. Maybe a list of inspiring quotes or note of encouragement. And put it into your box or bag for when you look into it next. Words by others can be very encouraging and inspiring but it can be especially inspiring to see positive words either that you yourself wrote or ones that someone else wrote that you once shared or felt or agreed with. To know you once felt that way and so have it in you to feel it again.

These things help in a psychological way and can also affect brain chemistry in a positive way. We don’t just have to consume things like medication, alcohol, food…to affect the chemistry in the body/brain. Physical/mental activities interact with our brains as well. They can be a great supplement to medication or talk(or other kinds) therapy or both. Sometimes a combination of multiple things works best.

My heart goes out to anyone struggling with grief, depression, anxiety, physical pain/illness, suicidal urges or thoughts, or anything.

and someone somewhere knows exactly what it’s like to experience whatever you experience. We’re never alone even when it seems that way. ❤

Much love to you,

Xoxo Kim ❤

Retreat

Mar4

“There is no need to run outside
For better seeing,…
…Rather abide
At the center of your being;
For the more you leave it, the less you learn.
Search your heart and see
…
The way to do is to be.” ~ Lao Tzu

I love this thought provoking quote!
(I think that irony inheres in certain quotes such as this one which is thought-provoking but about not thinking, not doing, not explaining, just being.)
Sometimes all we have to do is seek within, to the stillness and quiet at our center, deep inside, to find answers, to experience serenity and calm, to experience joy, wisdom, and peace.

It dwells in your core even when you can’t feel it. It can be discovered.

I noticed that the more I meditate, the less I care about certain (often trivial) problems and the better I handle them. Even when I go days/weeks without meditation, the first day I begin again to meditate, I experience more calmness and if I’m depressed the night that I meditate, I often wake up with a sense of happiness and hope. Meditation really has an amazingly positive effect on the brain chemistry and a beautiful psychological effect.

Meditation doesn’t even have to be a deep guided meditation or a long meditation session. It can be just five minutes of sitting in a quiet place, eyes closed, wordless and gentle music as you focus on your breath. Your mind will wander and thoughts will take over. Wandering and thinking is the nature of the human mind. And that’s ok. Just gently bring it back to your breath and the sensations in your body. That’s a very simple meditative practice. You don’t have to know anything about meditation to engage in it. It doesn’t have to be scheduled or planned. It can be during your lunch break in your office, in your bed at night before sleep, when you wake up in the morning, anywhere….not driving though, obviously! lol Or in any other situation that would render it dangerous.

If we take a few moments each day to just BE, it can help greatly in situations that are distressing, even if we don’t realize right away.

Often, we are so wrapped up in doing, solving, working, worrying, planning, scheduling, explaining, thinking, wondering….that we forget just being.

I hope you will take a few minutes to connect with your inner being and forget the world for a while. I’m wishing you much love and peace and happiness! ❤

Xoxo Kim

P.s. Thank You so much to the people who wrote me comments/messages!! I will get back to you very soon!! ❤ ❤