Tag Archive | Positivity

A glimmer of hope <3

Mar9

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(this isn’t the best picture but I love it. Today the sun was reflecting so passionately off those broken windows on that abandoned factory. I never really saw anything like that. So orange, so fierce, so bright…)

“I’ll say goodbye to love
No one ever cared if I should live or die
Time and time again the chance for love
has passed me by
And all I know of love
is how to live without it
I just can’t seem to find it.” 

This is a song I have loved for just about as long as I can remember. 

I listened to it often as a young girl and always felt I can deeply relate to it.

Like she says “no one ever cared if I should leave or die” I have felt that way for much of my life, like I have no one. Even when I was surrounded by people, friends, family….I thought they couldn’t possibly really love me.

Not only have I often felt unloved but completely unlovable. 

Even when I would meet a potential new friend or out with friends I already had, I would think “no way can this person really like me…”

She, in this song, struggles with finding a reason to live, a sense of purpose. A struggle I know all too well.

I always loved how listening to this song, her sweet, soothing voice, made it seem to me like someone understands me. Not that I want her to ever suffer but since she is, it’s good we find each other.

I remember when I was young and I told my mom I can relate to this song sung by Karen Carpenter and she said “You two are just feeling sorry for yourselves.” lol It made me laugh. 

And it kind of does sound like that, whining that no one loves us or would care if we die.

Anyway, I have always loved Karen Carpenter and I sense that she was a very broken but very beautiful person. I never knew her for real but I heard that she struggled with an eating disorder and self destructive behavior and I struggle with depression myself and can often sense it in others and I sense it in her.

But she was so strong. Very tragically, her self destructive behavior ultimately contributed to her early death.

I know she was and is still very loved by her family, friends, and many, many fans.

“There are no tomorrows for this heart of mine”

Oh, girl, I hear you! lol 😉

This song, while heartbreaking and so very sad, is also riddled with so much hope and strength.

Even through her terrible pain, her feelings of worthlessness, her suffocating loneliness, she has a spark of hope that things can get better and she goes on. And on and on.

Carrying on through all the darkness knowing that the future is uncertain for all of us, it can and probably will bring with it good and bad, blessings and tragedies, love, hope, pain, people who will love us and those who will not, breakups, losses, and new beginnings and friendships.

“Surely time will lose these bitter memories
And I’ll find that there is someone to believe in
And to live for something I could live for.
All the years of useless search
Have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my
only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I’ll go on as best I can.
What lies in the future
is a mystery to us all
No one can predict the wheel of fortune
as it falls
There may come a time when I will see that
I’ve been wrong
But for now this is my song.”

“I’ll go on as best I can.”

Preach it, sister! 😀

Every word speaks to me in a deep way, the pain, the hope, the love…

This song in some way also reminds me of Billy Joel’s musical suicide note, Tomorrow is Today, which is his real life experience. 

I don’t know for sure, but I suspect that in both Karen Carpenter’s song she sings here and Billy Joel’s song, they are referring to romantic love. They seem to both have “bad luck” with it and feel like life is over. But we don’t need romantic love to be truly happy. It’s beautiful to have but it’s not the end of the world because we have been jilted (even if over & over) or can’t find a lover.
We don’t have to say goodbye to LOVE because we aren’t blessed with it in the romantic sense. Even if we don’t have good luck with platonic friendships or family love, we can still live in a world of love. Universal Love. Love as a state of BEing.
Loving life itself. And everyone we encounter, all living, sentient beings.
There are so many ways to love whether it’s a warm affection, well wishes for others, helping those in need, helping uplift and inspire others, a hug or smile, volunteer work, just BEING love…the ways to love are endless. ❤

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(this isn’t my photo)

❤

Let's NOT say goodbye to love. Even if we aren't or don't feel loved in return. This world needs our love. It desperately needs it! 

It needs our love, Billy Joel's love, Karen Carpenter's love, and everyone else's. Love is how we stay alive long after we are gone. 

Very sadly, Karen Carpenter is gone but her love still exists here and our love for her. Luckily Billy Joel's suicide attempt did not go as planned and he's still with us putting more and more love out into the world. 
We can never love too much. ❤

I would have loved to know her and be her friend. I'm so sorry she lost the battle. I think she was recovering or mostly recovered but the physical damage was too extensive.

I hope you feel loved and feel love for others and if not, please carry on, like the song suggests, we never know what the future will bring us. It can bring with it hope, healing, love…<3

😀

Goodbye to Love – mobile

Goodbye to Love – desktop

Much love & light to you. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

Grateful <3

Mar7

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“I’m thankful for a pair of shoes that feel really good on my feet; I like my shoes.
I’m thankful for the birds; I feel like they’re singing just for me when I get up in the morning… Saying, ‘Good morning, John. You made it, John.’
I’m thankful for the sea breeze that feels so good right now, and the scent of jasmine when the sun starts going down.
I’m thankful…” ~Johnny Cash

Today I woke up in a state of deep gratitude. I often live in gratitude but I’m not always as conscious of the depth of it as I was this morning. I woke up early to the sound of cars outside and construction work off in the distance, which I love to hear!

It was so beautiful to hear. And my little pomchi was all curled up sleeping on me. My adorable baby! I was flooded with gratitude for the personalities of my sweet furbabies!
I love cuddly dogs who love to snuggle with me under the blankies!

And I was (still am) very thankful that I was exhausted all day yesterday, with my exhaustion increasing then decreasing off and on. It was hard to work at some points. And today I’m also incredibly exhausted and fatigued. 

I am depressed and have been very depressed for a week now. Last week my depression was severe emotional pain and suicidal inclination. This week I’m not suicidal and it’s not so much emotional pain but lack of energy, food and everything tasting bland, music doesn’t sound as good, my whole body feels heavy…

The reason I am so thankful for this struggle is I used to live like this almost constantly for years, this horrible exhaustion and fatigue and depression. Day after day, year after year.
It would lift occasionally, sometimes even lift for a few months then go back to severe depression.

The fatigue was horrible. I had trouble staying awake at work and in school. I had to take naps all day.

I stuffed myself with junk food, which I’m sure made my fatigue worse and even brought it on sometimes. 

Fatigue and depression was just how I lived. 

But in May 2010, I began to truly get myself better and through the years better and better and now I still have depressive episodes and symptoms sometimes, sometimes even frequently, but they are not as often and they are usually easier for me to handle.  

Like I mention sometimes, depression that I speak of is not a mere mood, attitude, or grim outlook on like. It’s like a Sickness. I can even often, now, separate my attitude and the depression. Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I can’t be positive about it or even have a sense of happiness with it. Not always, but sometimes. 

And depression isn’t always a low mood even if it usually is. Like now, it’s more physical and other symptoms but I’m not miserable.

Right now, I’m not the happiest girl on Earth like I usually am! Lol But I’m not on the brink of killing myself either like last week!

😀

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Anyway, my couple of days of exhaustion and fatigue, really stood out and because of this I am reminded that  I no longer live this way. It’s so rare now that when it hits, it’s startling.

This is a good thing! I love thinking about how much better I am now.

Even when I’m severely depressed, I’m usually not that fatigued anymore. I appreciate this reminder and it also reminds me to be thankful for unusual things we may often overlook. 

Even though I’m depressed, I’m still overflowing with gratitude, some points it’s so deep. It IS possible to be both depressed and grateful. It’s not always going to happen and the gratitude likely won’t be as deep as when we aren’t depressed but we can still be thankful. 

Here is a truly beautiful song about being grateful for everything, looking on the bright side of life no matter what. ❤

"I've got a heart that can hold love
I've got a mind that can think
There may be times when I lose the light
And let my spirits sink
But I can't stay depressed
When I remember how I'm blessed" ~John Bucchino

Grateful – desktop

Grateful – Sung by John Bucchino -mobile

“Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful”

😀

Much love & light to you, now & for always. ❤

xoxo Kim  

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy

Mar6

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“…Getting cards and letters from people I don’t even know
And offers comin’ over the phone
Well, I really don’t mind the rain
And a smile can hide all the pain
But you’re down when you’re ridin’ the train
That’s takin’ the long way
And I dream of the things I’ll do
With a subway token and a dollar tucked inside my shoe
There’ll be a load of compromisin’
On the road to my horizon
But I’m gonna be where the lights are shinin’ on me”

One of the best songs ever! So sweet & 
inspiring. We can always find our way to the place where the lights are shining on us, whether it’s an outside place like a job or lifestyle we’re longing for or an inside place of joy, simplicity, & inner peace.  

Even if we have next to nothing now, whether materially/financially or are feeling emotionally bankrupt, depressed, hopeless, despairing….with fierce determination, we can eventually see those glittering lights…. And just like in this song, there’s people we don’t even know personally who are or will/would be sending us love & well wishes if they knew of us, our goals, dreams, struggles.

Just look at all the love on social media, the acts of kindness all around us, and all the Earth angels we meet each day. ❤ 

Rhinestone Cowboy – Glen Campbell – mobile

Rhinestone Cowboy – desktop

😀

Much love & light to you now & for always,

Xoxo Kim 

Monday Inspiration <3

Feb29

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Today I am blessed to have been able to get a picture of the tree & sky at all stages of the day! Sunrise til sundown then later!

yay!!

The tree above I shared earlier today in the early morn.

Now here it is this afternoon:

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This one is my favorite! The blue, blue sky with fluffy white clouds and look at that stream of blue sunlight shining through!

Now here it is in the early evening:

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And here is the late night pic of the tree:

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This is the worst picture I got but I love it anyway because it’s mine and it does capture nightfall. Also, the sky is full of stars!! So many!! Unfortunately my phone camera cannot always capture the stars but they are here and I see them and that’s all that truly matters. So yeah!

😀

When I saw the stars I yelled really loudly, the sky!!! It’s full of stars!!! Then I instantly felt embarrassed. Lol I tend to embarrass myself over the weather, nature…things like that, somewhat frequently. 

I just yell wherever I am, not realizing at first, and get all giddy over the stuff everyone else seems to be overlooking or not caring about. 

I think this is one idea of living a full life. Basking in and acknowledging all the simple, free gifts around us. Acknowledging the simple beauty in every breath and honoring it any way we can or want to. 

I am reminded of this quote:

“When you’re under a shady tree, don’t forget to see the sunlight streaming through the branches.”

All trees, including shady ones, are lovely but I love the message to not let the darkness, the pain, the negativity…overpower the goodness.

It’s up to us to see the beauty in the midst of the ugliest situations.

Much love & light to you, now & always!! ❤

😀

xoxo Kim

Is it worth it?

Feb5

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“Everytime you get upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth your time being angry?”

This is a great reminder to stop and think about it when we are angry. It’s likely unnecessary and not worth it. It’s so true. When we really contemplate some things we do and say, we may see they aren’t worth the energy & space they take up. How about replacing them with more positive, loving enery, words, thoughts, & actions?

Everything will be so much better!

I hope your day/night is a great one!

❤ 😀

Much love,

xoxo Kim

Kindness <3

Feb4

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“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

Tonight in Buddhist class we were reminded to each day, do as many kind acts as possible or at least just one kind act no matter how small or simple it seems.

Even the simplest, most brief act of kindness is never in vain, even if it seems to go unnoticed or not be appreciated. It generates positive energy, inprints our minds in a positive way, and can touch someone tremendously. Performing just one act of kindness is like planting positive seeds. And one negative act is like planting negative seeds. Our actions, speech, and thoughts will blossom later whether they are positive or negative.

The Buddhist people call it karma but it can apply even to non-spiritual people in this sense. We know our actions, thoughts, and speech have consequences even if not immediately.

We are encouraged to act in love, not just to gain something for ourself. To genuinely be selfless.

A couple suggestions in class tonight they gave us are:

Feed the birds & squirrels, and other outside animals. We may not have a lot to give but maybe we can find a few strips of bread or seeds to feed them.

Encourage those around us with positive messages. Compliment people genuinely.

Smile at people.

Show love & compassion to our pets.

Not sending rude messages to or about people even if we feel they deserve it and not talking trash to or about people in person. Sometimes love is holding our tongues when we want to spew negativity. Sometimes love is saying nothing. I definitely can use this reminder! lol I’m generally kind & compassionate but sometimes I tend to talk shit if I don’t like something someone does. But all that does is perpetuate and generate toxic energy.

No act of kindness is ever wasted or too small or in vain.

These are some great reminders!
What a very practical class!

❤ 😀

Much love to you,

xoxo Kim

Life Ain’t Always Beautiful

Jan25

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“Life ain’t always beautiful
Sometimes it’s just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart
Life ain’t always beautiful
You think you’re on your way
And it’s just a dead end road at the end of the day
But the struggles make you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin its sweet time”

I love this beautiful Country song, written by Cyndi Goodman and Tommy Lee James and sung by Gary Allan. 

 It’s so inspiring and touching. And especially knowing one of his real life experiences of deep pain that may have influenced his choice to sing this song and with so much passion. 
The song is about how life can be hard and sad and not all good but it’s still a beautiful journey overall. 

“happiness has its own way of takin’ its sweet time”

Just because we aren’t happy right now or sometimes doesn’t mean we are destined to be unhappy forever. We can always become happy at any point as long as we are alive. 

Gary Allan is a man who experienced true tragedy. He lost his beautiful wife to suicide in 2004. What an unimaginable loss for him and their kids and other family and friends. My heart goes out to them. Imagine the pain and horror they must live with each day. 

His wife, Angela, suffered with severe headaches and depression for years and took her own life one night while she was at home with the children. Poor baby. It’s so devastating that she suffered how she did and couldn’t see the light through her darkness. I wish I could give her a hug. 

We can want to die one second but just a second later change our mind. Imagine how many suicide victims probably would have changed their minds if only they held on just a second longer. Imagine how many pulled the trigger just a second too soon. The depression, the headaches, the suicidal inclination, for many of us aren’t temporary. They are chronic or episodic and they come and go. Come and go. Appear then disappear. But even though they always come back, and even if they stay a while, they always go again or can if we hold on. It does not always feel as if it will or can end or that we can live with it. But the pain can end and/or we can learn to cope better. And we can still find beauty in pain, both physical & emotional. 

“No, life ain’t always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life ain’t always beautiful
But it’s a beautiful ride”

This song is full of so much strength and determination. So much hope. Instead of giving up and becoming bitter, he takes his pain and puts it into his singing to share beautiful messages with the world.

We can all take our pain, no matter how serious or minor, and turn it into good whether it’s through singing, writing, sharing our experiences or positive message any way we can. Even if it doesn’t reach as many as a famous person’s does, it can still reach at least one. And that is good enough. ❤

This song here can apply to any pain or problems we may have. 

Even through his agony and loss he can see beauty in this life. It's ok that life isn't always beautiful. We can seize all the beautiful moments and acknowledge them, honor them, cherish them instead of getting sucked into the bad and overlooking all the goodness.

Just because pain and tragedy and nonsense exist in life doesn't mean beauty and goodness is outweighed or has to take the back burner. Why let the bad side have all or most of the attention and energy? We have a choice where to place our attention. For some people, it may take a lot of practice to generally see the good. But it's always possible. 

I feel a pull in my chest and deep beauty well up in it when I listen to this song or read the lyrics.

I just love his gentle, kind of sad, but hopeful voice. It’s so beautiful.
❤


"No, life ain't always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine
Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride"

Life Ain't Always Beautiful – Gary Allan 🙂

mobile:

desktop:

Much love & light to you. ❤

Xoxo Kim ❤

Touch me I’m sick

Jan18

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“The cure for pain is in the pain” ~Rumi

Lol That’s right, I’m sick as a dog today!

So today I woke up with a terrible sore throat and sinus headache. And sooo dizzy! And physically weak! Yuck! And pain in my kidney. I get kidney stones and what I think are mild kidney infections. It’s nothing new. 

This totally sucks!

I have been working a lot more than usual and not going to sleep early enough and when that happens I tend to get sick. It’s interesting because before I realized I was getting sick, I began craving root beer soda. I never liked root beer but when I’m sick I have an intense craving for it. I have no idea why!

I stayed in bed until the afternoon feeling as if there’s no way I can get up. But when I finally drug myself up, it’s much better.

When we’re sick, it’s important to get rest but also to move around because too much rest can worsen it.

My mom is insisting I drink apple cider vinegar because it helps with infections. It’s good but gives me madd heartburn! It’s so sour! 

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 Yesterday I could tell I was getting a scratchy throat so I bought Halls cough drops.  

I love when I get throat drops with little pep talks on the wrappers! A pep talk in every drop! It’s so uplifting! Just what we need when we’re sick. I love it!

I wasn’t aware that these ones have the little sayings on them til I went to throw one in the trash and saw it! I was so delighted!

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Here are some of the little pep talks:

Conquer today.
Inspire envy.
Dust off and get up.
It’s yours for the taking.
Be resilient.
Go for it.
Get back in there champ!
Put your game face on.
Let’s hear your battle cry.
Bet on yourself.
Get through it. 
Be unstoppable. 
Power through!
Push on!
Buckle down and push forth!
Impress yourself today.
Go get it!
Fire up those engines!
Seize the day.
Nothing you can’t handle.
Take charge and mean it.
Don’t try harder. Do harder!
Don’t give up on yourself.
You’ve survived together.

And a few more I can’t read because they get cut off at the edge of the wrappers. Hopefully some of the wrappers I encounter later will have the full sayings! 

update: I got a wrapper with the full ones!
You got it in you.
Tough is your middle name.
Flex your “can do” muscle.
Don’t wait to get started.

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These cough drops aren’t the tastiest but they have menthol which soothes the sore throat. They also have cough suppressant & oral anesthetic, which the menthol is good for! I don’t have a cough.

They have medicinal cherry syrup in the middle.

I would stay in my pj’s all day but I’m going to get ice cream to soothe my poor throat , cranberry juice for my sweet kidneys, and get pizza fries! Yummy! :-p

I hope your day is going great and that you’re not sick like me! But if you are, I hope those little peps do wonders for you! And even if you’re not sick they may still give you a lil pep! I’m happy I found beauty in the sickness!

“Touch Me I’m Sick”

“I’m diseased, I don’t mind
I’ll make you love me ’till the day you die” ~ Mudhoney lol

Read more: Mudhoney – Touch Me I’m Sick Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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desktop:

😀 ❤

Much love, 

Xoxo Kim 

Space

Jan15

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“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. “ ~ Viktor E. Frankl

This is a quote I found in a book about addiction & mindfulness. But it’s a great concept that can apply to any situation. We have the power to choose how to respond to whatever provokes us. It may feel like we have no choice and no control over a situation but the reaction is always in our control even if we cannot yet choose our thoughts, feelings, and emotions. In this space, we can refine our ability to proact,. This space is empowering and it’s true our response can either contribute to evolving or to destruction. The more we choose to respond with positivity, love, grace, gratitude, and optimism, the more we evolve. 

We are truly liberated when we learn to always or frequently respond in a productive or positive way to people and situations that potentially tempt us to lash out or respond negatively in some way. When we have or cultivate a pro-active attitude and strengthen/maintain it, no matter what happens, no one and nothing gets over on us. 

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This is me today at work.

I hope your day/night is going beautifully! I was at work all day trying to work on blog posts and things but had no Internet connection. It wasn’t a really busy day but busier than it has been. But when I was not tending to customers and doing work related things and bloggy things, I read books on my Kindle app. It was frustrating at some points because the wifi would come on and I would begin writing things then trying to send them and it would go off before going through and sometimes I would lose what I wrote.
So I decided to see what quotes I have saved in my phone and found this! Great quote for the situation! 😀

Much love, ❤

Xoxo Kim