…. ..so you got to please yourself. ~ Rick Nelson
“May you soar on eagle wings, high above the madness of the world.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just be you. Which means, live how you see fit for you, not how you think you “should ” live. As long as
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Recently, I experienced betrayal.
Instead of sinking into despair I chose to handle this situation positively and come up with ways to help me cope with this adversity.
I chose NOT to seek revenge on this person in anyway. But I am and will remain cautious of this person.
Here are a few things I found helpful and hope they will help others who may need some healing and consolation.
1.) Let yourself grieve, feel shattered, express your emotions in a healthy, effective manner. Admit your pain. Don’t deny you are hurt. You may find an outlet in music, writing, drawing, meditating, sleeping, talking to a therapist, family member, or good friend, snuggling with a pet. Even if you tell no other person, admit your pain to yourself. Repression is not good.
2.) Remember this betrayal says nothing about your character or morals or worth. Another person betrayed you, it’s not your fault. People hurt other people, even undeserving ones and those closest to them. The ones they should be loyal to. You probably feel very low. You may have thoughts that if you were somehow “better” in some way, this wouldn’t have happened. But you cannot control others. You can only work on and learn to control yourself. Someone else’s actions in no way define you.
3.) don’t dwell on the fact. It’s not good to obsess over this incident to the point it wears you out. Think about it in healthy ways and come up with ways to cope and move forward.
4.) know that it’s justified to feel angry or whatever you feel. Express your anger healthily. It’s probably best not to yell at, insult, or threaten the person. Handle this safely in your own way.
5.). Figure out if it’s worth it to you to keep this person in your life and do what you have to without guilt. Forgiving and forgetting and continuing this relationship is not a sign of weakness. This person may be important to you and maybe just made an individual mistake. It’s ok to accept an apology and move on. But it’s also ok if you feel the need to let go. Take care of yourself. If this person is taking too much of a toll on you may be you may want to consider cutting the person out if your life completely, partially, or temporarily distancing yourself emotionally or physically. Whatever you feel is best for you.
6.). Just because this person has supporters who may be against you doesn’t mean she/he is right or that you are wrong. There is always going to be someone against you for whatever reason whether it’s justified or not. Don’t let the negativity or destructive criticism of others drag or keep you down. take care of yourself.
7.) focus on yourself. Make a plan for yourself. Focus on your goals and your own personal development. Find strength in this chaotic situation. Better yourself.
8.) don’t stop trusting! There are still good people out there. Friends and potential friends who will never betray or intentionally or carelessly hurt you. Don’t let this person’s/people negative behavior taint or destroy your general trust.
9.) Let the pain make you better not bitter!
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May you find hope, comfort, joy, laughter, happiness, and healing. You can be strong. This heartbreak CAN heal!
Xo Kim
“Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll get your second wind
It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright, though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)” Billy Joel
This is a pic my sister took of me yesterday. I can’t remember why I was doing what I’m doing in this picture but it makes me laugh a lot! My sister said it looks like I’m saying “Come at me, come at me!” as if to tempt someone to tread on me so I can pounce on that person! Lol. And I think that’s a perfect attitude to have about negative situations(not people though!!) ! Throw it all on me and i’ll come back even stronger! So yeah! Lol
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Love & blessings to you!
I love to help people whether or not I know them. I even help people I don’t like much. I don’t mind going out of my way for people even when I get nothing tangible or anything in return. I help so much that I often put my own plans and desires on hold so other people come first. This happens more often than not.
Just the feeling of helping and knowing they are happy is enough for me.
But there comes a point when people go overboard with their demands and requests. That point is when they take advantage because they see how much someone helps and never or almost never says “No”.
It’s great to sometimes put others before yourself and to say “YES!” to helping often but it’s NOT great to do this so frequently that you constantly put yourself out and are wearing yourself out to the point of physical and/or emotional exhaustion and it’s taking a toll on your body and self- esteem.
Lately I have been burdened by other people’s excessive requests for favors and demands to the extreme. People I never imagined would do this to me. Since I like these people and since I love to help people in general, I kept saying yes to their every request no matter how extreme and how frequent and how much it wore on me and put me out.
My mom was angry and said this is completely wrong of them to keep asking and me to keep saying yes. I was constantly canceling and rearranging my own plans and putting my desires and needs on hold or completely abandoning them for other people’s wishes.
To do this sometimes is good! But to do this to the point of exhaustion and especially when the person or people asking non stop are clearly taking advantage and milking you for all you got just because in their heads they “Know” you’ll say yes is just going overboard and it’s uncalled for and detrimental.
I believe it’s detrimental not only to the one doing all the excessive favors but even to those asking excessively. They need to be grounded, set-straight, “Put in their Place” if you will. They need to wake up and finally see that the world does not in fact, revolve around them and what they’re doing is wrong.
It’s just wrong to take advantage of somone’s caring and generous nature.
And on top of that I asked one of these people for one small favor which I rarely do and was told NO. So they know how to say no when they feel like.
And someone asking me constantly to put myself last has turned into a backstabber and needs to be told no once in a while.
Recently, I finally said “NO!” to someone. And my initial reaction was guilt and then regret. “I shouldn’t have said No.”. “Should I have said No?” “Why am I being Selfish?”. “This is so unlike Me.”. “I should have said Yes!”. “Maybe I should just go say Yes!” and on and on.
But my mom reminded me of all I have been doing for them. So much, my pain disorder began acting up and I still did more.
Then underneath the guilt and regret, I felt a sense of liberation and relief. It’s my obligation to take care of myself and if saying no every now and then is caring for myself then that is what I have to do.
I will continue to help people often and sometimes put my plans off or cancel them for others. But I made a vow to myself to care for me as well, not just everyone else.
I don’t like when people are disappointed or angry and I definitely do not ever want to be the source of their pain but it’s not my job to wear myself out just to please people who purposely milk me for all I’m worth and turn into backstabbers.
No one is more important than anyone. No matter what.
If you want to say NO to someone who has been taking full advantage of your generosity and caring tendencies, say it! Scream it off the rooftops! Say NO! And if you want, don’t even explain. Don’t even say sorry if you don’t feel like it. Just a big NO will do. NO!
Say YES to yourself for once. And then make a habit of it.
As the saying goes, “People will treat you how you let Them.”. Not everyone takes advantage but those who do , pick up on how you are and how you react. They see how you usually are and then they base their treatment of you on that. So stand up for yourself. You’re worth it.
“That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.”
– William J. H. Boetcker
“Perhaps the surest test of an individual’s integrity
is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect.”
– Thomas S. Monson
“Self-respect is often mistaken for arrogance
when in reality it is the opposite.
When we can recognize all our good qualities
as well as or faults with neutrality,
we can start to appreciate ourselves
as we would a dear friend
and experience the comfortable inner glow of respect.”
– Osho
“Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”
~Paolo Coehlo
Here’s to saying YES to yourself!!!
Xox0 Kim 😀
