Tag Archive | sharing

Some comforting words about moving forward {and book review} 314

A few months ago I read a book (fiction) called “314” by A.R. Wise. It’s book I of a trilogy. It is the most bizarre book I have ever read in all of my days and probably will be the most bizarre one I ever read. I can’t even begin to explain. Lol. It’s freaky and just weird beyond words. It’s very violent in some parts and I don’t usually like stuff like that but I love this book. I couldn’t put it down. I soothed my conscience by telling myself that it’s ok because the stuff in the book can’t really happen. Lol. It takes place in 1996 and also in 2012. It flashes back & forth and sometimes it’s both 1996 & 2012 at the same second! Lol. It’s like two different dimensions clash.

If you want to read this book and don’t want to know much about it before reading you may not want to continue reading my post, I’m not giving away any serious spoilers but there may be some minor ones. Since I haven’t read book iii I don’t really know what in the world is going on anyway.

A green fog comes in a town called Widowsfield and a lot of people disappear and no one knows why. People come up with all sorts of theories. But some characters keep reliving stuff over and over. Out of the green fog comes young children who are human but have dog-like features like dog snouts and claws and they rip people to shreds killing them but then the same people come back again later and are alive and well then it happens again and again. The people keep feeling as if they know certain things but don’t know how or why. They sort of know they’re about to die but aren’t exactly certain. They’re very confused. They have a sense of what’s happening but then again have no idea.

I just read Book ii of this trilogy and love it!! It’s just freakishly amazing! Lol. Nothing really makes sense but in another way it does.
In the second book things start coming together in a way but getting more strange as well.

This author has to be a brilliant, creative man and in his afterwords he seems so modest and caring.

The second book is fascinating and deeply Philosophical. It also has some underlying messages about life. Just like book I, It’s about a group of friends, some have known each other for a while and some just met. They’re the same characters as in the first but with a few new people. The main character, Alma, is twenty -four years old and her and her friends go to Widowsfield to try to find out what bizarre mysterious thing happened in 1996. In 1996, Alma’s brother vanished when the fog came. She was eight years old & he was ten years old. They were with their dad and his girl who he was cheating on his wife with. They were in his girl’s cabin.

After it all occurred, Alma and her dad could not really remember Alma’s brother. It’s like he vanished out of their reality and their memories. The book gets weirder and weirder all throughout Books I & ii. In the beginning of Book I, a little boy starts saying weird stuff and telling his dad to kill himself saying “You can’t handle what’s coming. No one can.” and the dad is freaked out and calls the emergency people thinking his son is going “crazy ” and then he hears the emergency operator die over the phone. Then his son tells him to let him kill him or he will kill himself. The little boy has all his friends over and they all tell the dad that he must let them boil him to death in the bath tub or that his son will slit his own throat. The dad is so freaked out. The son tells him he has no choice but to kill himself or to kill his own dad…..”again!!”

Yup, it’s just over the moon crazy!! 😉

Book iii isn’t out yet. They’re ebooks. I don’t know if they also can be bought in print or whatever. Book I was free and Book ii was about three dollars I think.

But anyway there are some inspiring scenes in the book I just read.

The girl, Alma, whose brother disappeared in 1996 meets a little girl but the little girl isn’t real. She’s kind of ghost -like or a figment of someone’s imaginings. She was sent to Alma to help protect Alma. She is a very wise little girl. And she has some comforting words for Alma. Alma’s life has been painful. She’s a young teacher. Her dad was abusive to her and her brother and he still comes after her as an adult. He is addicted to the meth drug. Her mom went insane after her son (Alma’s brother) disappeared
And she became sick with severe depression. And she died by suicide because she couldn’t handle her son being missing.

Then Alma watches her friends dying over and over all day everyday and she is so confused and worn out and knows her own life is in danger. All the characters think they’re going crazy. Alma just wants to give up. Just when she collapses outside thinking she can’t go on anymore, a little girl about ten years old comes to Alma. She reminds Alma of herself when she was a little girl.

This little girl takes Alma’s hand and says:

“It’s not a bad thing to remember our worst days but it’s important that we learn to move on. “

Alma responds saying

“I’ve had a lot of bad days.”.

The little girl puts her head against Alma’s arm and says

“I know you have. But you can’t let those bad days ruin the ones you’ve got left to live.”.

This is so true and I think we can all benefit by heeding this little girl’s wisdom. It’s ok to remember our painful experiences but we should never allow them to hold us back or let them make us give up. We can heal and move forward.

Whatever pain you have encountered previously and may even be experiencing now, you can heal even if you never forget.

I find this so helpful & comforting. Sometimes I let pain, either current or previous, make me want to give up on life itself and everything and feel that I can’t go on or don’t want to go on. This reminds me to keep going and it will be Ok. There is still so much life within even when it feels so broken.

Here are some inspiring quotes!

“When you welcome your emotions as teachers, every emotion brings good news, even the ones that are painful.” Gary Zukav

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” Eckhart Tolle

“Be universal in your love. You will see the universe to be the picture of your own being.” Sri Chinmoy

“Where there is love there is life.” Mahatma Gandhi

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” Steve Maraboli

“Love one another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy.”
Sai Baba

Love & Humanness {Oneness}

Nov29

” We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” ~
Tim McGraw

I’m currently reading a book by Leo Buscaglia called “Personhood.”. I had this book for quite a while but never got around to reading it until now. I still have much more to read but I love the whole concept of the book. It’s not a philosophy or political book or even really a psychology book. It’s a personal development book about living up to our full potential, loving and connecting with others.

Dr. Buscaglia explains how no matter how different we are than each other or no matter how similar we are to one another we can connect with each other through our basic humanness. We don’t have to have very similar life experiences or relate or identify with each other in very significant ways to deeply connect with each other.

We are similar in very basic ways. We are alive. We all have a story and all experience pleasure and pain and have needs and desires.

I have always loved people and often feel deeply connected with others whether I know them well or not. I have so much gratitude & appreciation for the lives of others.

Recently I was with my mom, dad, and little sister in my dad’s mini van and we were driving in Center City, Philadelphia at night and there were lots of people walking, standing, sitting….around the city.

Some were homeless and dirty, dressed in rags, some were dressed warmly and smiling, talking on cell phones, waiting for busses, giggling with one another, some looked sad and distraught while others appeared to be happy and carefree. Some were alone, some in groups. I noticed short people and tall people, young and old, men and women,Asian, African American, Latino, Caucasian…

Some spoke languages other than English. One pretty young lady with long blonde hair who was with a man was laughing wildly like she had no care in the world. They were smiling and genuinely joyous. I couldn’t help but stare, maybe to the point of rudeness. They looked perfect together standing beneath the city lights at night laughing with wild abandon. I had no choice but to smile myself. They were speaking a language I couldn’t understand.

Then they started walking towards my sister and me as we stood on the street corner waiting for my dad and mom to come for us. We went to a bookstore and there were no parking spaces so my dad had to drive around the block til we came out.

When the girl got close to me she smiled , looked directly at me and said “Bonjour soeur.”. And continued walking.
I can only speak English and I wasn’t completely sure what she said to me but in high school I took an Italian class and some days conversations of other languages came up including conversations about the French language.

I got an idea the girl said “hello sister” in French to me. So I looked it up on Google translate on my phone and discovered that is in fact what she said.

It warmed my heart. I couldn’t understand her language but I certainly understood her smile, her laugh, her beauty, and the spark in her eyes, her need to reach me…

And she saw something in me that inspired her to reach out with a warm & friendly greeting.

So we had the language barrier but that doesn’t prevent human connection.

We all speak different languages, have different cultures, different experiences, different skin colors, and ethnicities, sexual orientations, nationalities, political views, religions, opinions, and many other differences but our smiles, laughs, love, beauty, and basic humanness connect the same.

As I was looking at each person I asked myself “Is it weird to love every person I look at, to feel a strong sense of gratitude for the lives of people I don’t know and will probably never know and never see again?”.

It may be weird to some people but weird or not, it’s what I often feel. I don’t know those people but I know they are someone. They bring a light to this world. They all have a name, a face, a life, a breath, a story, a dream. They have a heart and they experience pleasure and pain, desires, and needs.

We may have sharp differences and experiences, opposing views, disagreements but we are not very different underneath.

Leo Buscaglia, in his book, describes some very brief experiences where he met someone who he could only connect with through their basic humanness. Because of language/culture barriers or because of dramatically different life experiences, these people he encountered were only able to connect with him through being living humans but still the connection is deep, satisfying, and rewarding.

He describes a woman he saw one hot afternoon while he was in southern India. She was in a faded sari and walking. He noticed she seemed strong and erect and determined. She had a large, heavy water pot balanced on her head. There was no sign of where she has been or where she was going.
He writes this: “She paused for a moment and our eyes met. We knew each other.”

Not a word was spoken, yet these two people connected deeply.

He writes of the “beautiful, toothless old farmer in Nepal” who allowed him to stay overnight in his house with all of his family and animals. Leo Buscaglia writes,

“Conversation, beyond sign language, a smile, eye contact, a touch, was impossible.”

This farmer had no idea where the USA is, never spoke to a Western person, and never traveled in a car. He never heard of history, knew nothing of politics, and knew nothing at all beyond his village life. But Dr. Buscaglia writes,

“Still, for an evening we were brought warmly together. When the time for parting came, feeling that we would probably never meet again, we walked arm and arm to the village’s end and wept. We are still together.”

He writes of the young anxious business man who helped him find his way in Tokyo when he was lost, the Brooklyn, NY teenager who told him that he helped him create his purpose, the Kindergarten child who he laughed with in a lunchroom.

Dr. Buscaglia writes this about his experiences,

“For these few brief seconds of our encounters, I was and still am that Indian woman, that Nepalese farmer, that Japanese businessman, that New York student, that Kindergarten child. We were all one in the same thing, humanness. When our minds could not meet, our hearts were the common bond. When our speech was a mystery, it was solved by our eyes and arms.”

“Some moved in technological wonder, others in primitive magic ; some rested in material opulence, others in the greatest simplicity and even desperate poverty; some were equipped with strong formal educations, others simply used their natural mental endowments, enriched by experienced. But, whatever, they all had a strong common tie – their humanness, their deep need to survive, to realize their experience, to love and be loved, to overcome loneliness and isolation, to use their creative endeavors, to make things more comfortable and beautiful for themselves and their loved ones, to attempt to understand their world and their part in it.”

And this:

“Each of these people were the history of all people, but all were also a part of the unique history which only their lives would write….”

Isn’t this beautiful?!? We are all connected. I am you. You are me. In so many ways.

The homeless people you see, the financially struggling, the rich people, the ones you feel are way out of your league, the ones you feel that you are above in some ways, the “losers,” the “saints,” the lucky ones, the unfortunate ones, the people who seem to have it all, the ones who have next to nothing, we are all each other.

Some of the most deepest connections, conversations, experiences I have known, have been with random strangers or people I just met, on the busses, in hospitals, walking the streets..

I am very shy but very open to people.

If ever you feel lonely and isolated, remember there’s a whole world full of people. Ones who will walk with you for a while, embrace you, make eye contact with you, listen to your story….

“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.” ~ Rumi

Xoxo Kim

Happy Diwalis { Goodness & Love Prevail} <3

Nov2

Someone, somewhere is looking for exactly what you have to offer…

Today I was overcome with a very deep depression, so deep my body was nearly paralyzed. I felt so trapped and stuck. Nothing I could have done would have lifted it. It wasn’t an ordinary low mood or sadness. It was a heavy sickness that took me over.

I was at work and just couldn’t move. So sluggish and hopeless. But I had to move to tend to customers. I love tending to their needs but it’s extremely difficult and excruciating when I’m deeply depressed. I don’t care if they know I’m depressed but it’s not part of my job to spill my guts to every customer about my depression. And my depression puts me at risk for seeming unfriendly. I am not unfriendly.

So it’s hard trying to be cheerful when I’m just not feelin’ it. What I felt earlier is the kind of heavy, deep, despairing depression that almost nothing can touch. No inspirational quote, no happy uplifting song, no positive thought…nothing can break through that sickness when it’s already at that level. It hit me so hard that I couldn’t even lie to myself and say I’m just sad or that I can snap out of it. I couldn’t feel low about myself and believe I’m just worthless and no good and that’s why I feel that way.

It was too obvious that it’s a real sickness that needs treatment. And needs management.
So I let myself feel it. I just let myself be with it. I felt desperate, hopeless, sick…

It’s misery. It’s torture. Beyond Hell. It feels like my guts are being shredded, like I can start bleeding out my eyes, like I want to crawl up and wither away.

My body felt like every square inch of it weighted one thousand pounds. I literally had to struggle to move. Like every little movement was a strenuous workout.

I wanted to run home and succumb to my bed in solitude and writhe in my despair. And eventually dissipate into the dust…

But I remembered all the years I worked on myself to conquer this sickness, all the strength I mustered and put into action, all the scars and pain and wounds I let turn into lessons. All the lessons that taught me so much wisdom.

I thought of the promises I made to myself and to the uni-verse and to the world. The promise to not let myself sink back to that general darkness I once lived and breathed. The promise to always try to feel some glimmer of hope glistening amidst the blackness and KNOW it exists even when it does not feel like it, the promise to always try to remember how one life can impact so many, many others in beautiful ways, the promise to remember that the world is so big and there is so much more to learn and so many people and living creatures to bless and so many people to meet and so many things to do, my vow to not break no matter how much I am pushed and pulled and shoved. My vow to live….

And I looked for inspirational quotes and lyrics and pictures to share with others and uplift myself. Sharing is healing. Healing for all involved. And I shared them on Facebook and got so much positive feedback. The quotes did help me and sharing them helped others. And their kind comments helped me tremendously.

I realize even more how much I have accomplished. I’m not very successful in terms of jobs or career or money or academics, or…..anything, really. lol. But I have accomplished more than I ever thought I could at one point.

My entire life was consumed by suicidal psychotic depression day in and day out every single day almost, for over sixteen years and still going. But it’s not like it used to be. Now I’m happy more often than not. Because I mustered the strength and the courage to seek help. To ask for professional help and to practice personal development self help techniques every single day.

I am committed to personal development.

I am committed to being the best me, to being all that I can be.

When I sink to this level I am currently at and somehow manage to not become dangerously suicidal and just crumble like before and even help uplift myself some, it really hits me hard how much I have succeeded and accomplished and gained. And that uplifts me even more.

If it wasn’t for all the days of working to better myself, I wouldn’t be handling this depression as well as I am today. Or at all. I would be at my lowest depths by now or worse.

But

I felt the heaviness lift enough for me to move with more ease.

And a very kind Facebook friend of mine who lives in India shared some beautiful facts with me which helped me even more.

In India every year on the darkest day/night is the holiday Diwalis. It’s the celebration of all the goodness in life. A celebration of Good over evil. A celebration of love, kindness, humanity, hope, caring and sharing. In India, people of all religions come together to celebrate the Beauty that does exist. It does. Beauty and Goodness exist in this life. And it outweighs the bad.

It’s just what I need today. I thanked my Facebook friend for sharing with me but I don’t know if he knows the true impact he has on me by sharing this.

I wish I were in India celebrating with all the lights, candles, people, sweet treats, and gifts. But I’m not. One day. But not today.

But today I am here. And I am celebrating right where I’m at. The goodness and true beauty and love and light in the world and within me. There is darkness within me. There is a heavy sickness weighing on me but there is beauty, love, and light in me that will transcend that darkness. There is hope. Life is hope.

I know there are people suffering today as I am. There are people who need a hug, a loving embrace, a kind word, a smile, a friend.

I am not there with them in person but in spirit I am and I want to provide whatever it is they need.
So if you’re one of them and you’re reading this, know that I am with you.

And check out the links my friend shared with me!

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/people/Diwalis-a-festival-that-unites-all-communities/articleshow/25120134.cms

http://m.thehindu.com/sci-tech/science/nasa-releases-map-of-india-on-diwali-night/article4171042.ece/?maneref=http%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com%2Fl.php%3Fu%3Dhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.thehindu.com%252Fsci-tech%252Fscience%252Fnasa-releases-map-of-india-on-diwali-night%252Farticle4171042.ece%26h%3DMAQF8Q-Xh%26s%3D1

When I was reading inspirational quotes in the midst of my horrifying despair today, I found this quote and as sick as I was, I burst out laughing uncontrollably. It is hilarious.

“I’d tell you to kiss my ass but I’m pretty sure you’d fall in love and then I’d never get rid of you. “. And I am laughing as I’m writing this. Laughing helps so much. ;-D

Much love…
Xoxo Kim

Here are some Rumi quotes:

Your heart is the size of an ocean. Go find yourself in its hidden depths.

Every day is just perfect for love.

Love risks everything and asks for nothing.

The heart is the secret inside the secret.

Don’t sit and wait. Get out there, feel life. Touch the sun, and immerse in the sea.

Give yourself a kiss. If you want to hold the beautiful one, hold yourself to yourself.

You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.

Every step I take is a blessing.

Beauty surrounds us.

The wound is the place where the light enters you.

Born over & over. And over again.

Nov1

“This girl is a woman now
She’s found out what it’s all about
And she’s learning learning learning to live…” ~ Gary Puckett & the Union Gap

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ” ~ Rumi
“Surviving meant being born over and over.” ~ Erica Jong

Adversity can crush our spirit – or strengthen it – it is our choice.

Yeah, this post isn’t about reincarnation in the sense of the rebirth of a soul or spirit after biological death. But it is about death and rebirth in a sense.

This post is more directed at women but men and anyone who identifies as both/none can read and learn too! The message is definitely not exclusive to women. The book I’m reading is mostly geared towards women. But the lesson goes for anyone.

I’m reading Sarah Ban Breathnach ‘s “Something More – Excavating Your Authentic Self.”
I absolutely love her writing style. It’s so warm and gentle but so strong and passionate.

In this book, in a section called, “Near-Life Experiences,” she writes

“Every day we experience death. The death of dreams, misconceptions, illusions. The death of vibrancy and enthusiasm. The death of hope. The death of courage. The death of confidence. The death of faith. The death of trust. More often than any of us ever expect, life stuns us with the sudden wrenching away of a loved one, a devastating diagnosis, a conversation that begins with the chilling words “There’s Something I’ve got to tell you.
We feel as if life is over, and we are right. Life as we knew it is over.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach writes about when her marriage ended and when her health was threatened. She writes

“In each instance, when I regained consciousness months later, I was someone else. I died to myself, and a stronger, wiser, and more passionate woman was resurrected in my place. Although this woman answered to my name, she was profoundly different. “

This woman was in a serious accident, years ago, in a fast -food restaurant with her toddler daughter when a large ceiling panel fell off and crashed into her. She fell unconscious onto the table. No one else was hurt. She suffered a severe concussion, was bedridden, confused, and disoriented for months and disabled for a year and a half. For a few months her senses did not function properly. She had to stay in bed constantly in the dark because her injuries rendered her extremely sensitive to light. She was inarticulate and couldn’t speak coherently. She felt imprisoned in her own body, neither alive nor dead but having a “near -life experience.”

She shares a quote by Eudora Welty, “the fantasies of dying could be no stranger than the fantasies of living. Surviving is perhaps the strangest fantasy of them all.”

And here is, what I see, as the most beautiful part of Sarah Ban Breathnach’s story.

When she was bedridden in the dark she had nothing to do but tell herself stories in her head. She writes this,

“In order to get through this purgatory, I would lie in the dark and tell myself stories – discombobulated sagas, to be sure – as I wove in and out of wakefulness. Clara Pinkola Estes believes that ‘Stories are medicine.’ They certainly became my homeopathic remedies. Although I had been a journalist for ten years, I had never thought of myself as a storyteller. But snatches of stories-fairy tales I’d heard as a child, adventures I’d lived as a young woman- would float to the top of my distress and hang in midair until I retrieved one and recast it as a personal parable. Each starred my own romantic heroine, an extraordinary woman who triumphed over her travails with courage, grace, and grit – a person who bore no resemblance to me at all. This woman was beautiful and radiant, with a strong, healthy, and vibrant aura. Her eyes sparkled and she laughed uproariously . She was mysterious, magnetic, accomplished, powerful, irresistible, confident, smart, sassy, funny, and sexy. She was passionate. She possessed verve, but more important, she reflected, even in the worst situations, the essential characteristic of all romantic heroines – repose of the soul. I couldn’t remember having an imaginary friend as a child, but now I did and I adored her company.
I looked forward to my alter ego ‘s daily dose of diva-gation- her wandering, straying, but always pulling through with pluck to live and love again.”

After this ordeal was over, Sarah Ban Breathnach realized that this beautiful, passionate, strong woman in her waking dreams is in fact herself. Her authentic self.
The self she always knew deep, deep inside she can be. The self she already was then but buried beneath layers of social demands and pressures, the stresses of everyday life, denial, feelings of unworthiness….She had to learn this and practice acknowledging it but eventually she came to know that she is a strong, wise woman of love, passion, and strength. This woman and this wisdom were born of pain and horror but she was there all along waiting for the birth of herself.

It’s true that every single day parts of us die so new parts can be born. Even our skin and cells physically die and give way to new ones.

Death hurts. Not just the biological death of someone we love or the death of a relationship but even the death of minor details in our lives or the death of certain ways of thinking can hurt. Something we once believed and no longer believe. The death of certain opinions, the death of an illusion.
The death of certain ways of living.
Even the death of something unpleasant can hurt at first. A job you always wanted to leave and finally do get to leave it. It can hurt because you’re pushed out of your comfort zone, something you have known for so long. It hurts. Even though it’s what you wanted.

When hope dies, when faith dies, and we fall, when we have setbacks and seem to fail, we can let this all guide us, push us forward to something bigger and better, we make room for new things, better things, more beautiful things to fall into place.

We can allow our pain, struggles, challenges, failures, setbacks, relapses, and unpleasant experiences to strengthen us, make us wiser, better, enlightened, empowered, and more empathetic and compassionate to others and ourselves. We can take our pain and struggles as challenges to come up with creative ways to better ourselves and use them to our advantage.

So, girls think of the woman you long to be, the one you would love to know, be friends with, be in the company of, the woman you KNOW you CAN be and deep inside ARE already her.

Materialize her. Realize her.

Think of the best girl friend you would love to know or one you have already if you’re that blessed or the the kind of mother you want to be if you want to be one and would love to have for yourself, the kind of sister you would adore, the professor you would look up to in college, the counselor you would love to talk to, the neighbor you would love to chat with on the street, the girl of your dreams….

What do you love about her? Why do you adore her? What traits does this beautiful woman possess and display? What virtues does she embody? What surrounds her? What dwells within her? What does she do? What do you see in her? What ways does she have about her? What goals does she have? What does she dream about at night? What daydreams occupy her mind? How does she feel? How does she love?

If you can dream her, you can be her.

You can recreate yourself into the you that you want to be. You can strengthen and play up the things you already love about yourself and develop the things you want but do not yet possess.

“Act like a lady, think like a boss.”
“She believed she could so she did.”
“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards
“She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world. ” ~ Joanne Harris
“Girls compete with each other, women empower one another.”

Don’t deny your needs and desires. Don’t repress yourself. Let your opinions be heard. Don’t feel threatened by an opinion which opposes yours. If you know what someone says is or may be correct and you are wrong, admit it, at least to yourself. Let it shake you up and then change your views. If you know in your heart of hearts that you are correct then let your opinion be as loud as the opposing one. Don’t let anyone make you squirm or back down. Stand tall. Stand proud. Stand.
It’s ok to be wrong and it’s ok to give in and see the other side and admit it.
It’s ok to build yourself up.
To call yourself beautiful.
To love you.
To cherish you.
Do what makes you happy no matter what, don’t let anyone dull your sparkle or get in your way. Be true. Be you.
Take care of yourself, tend to your needs, be selfish occasionally when you have to be for your own mental/emotional/psychological/spiritual & physical health. Say no when you must. Say yes to you.
Buy yourself flowers.
Laugh loudly. Live passionately. Love fiercely.

Reflect and think about who you want to be, write in a journal, meditate, list qualities you wish to posses or strengthen and ones you want to abandon.

And if you’re not a woman, this can still apply to you. It applies to all humans. We can all work to be a better version of ourselves.

Each moment we fall apart, we are made new. Born again. And again. And again. And again…..a new dawn comes to life. The sun rises again. Morning has awakened.

Crumble. So you can stand again but even stronger.

“Oh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything .”~ Helen Reddy

“You can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul” ~ Helen Reddy

“I’m not a one in a million kind of girl, I’m that once in a lifetime kind of woman.”

“Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won’t back down

No I’ll stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down.” ~ Tom Petty

Let your pain make you better, not bitter.

“Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Xoxo Kim

No stars are out tonight

Nov1

But that’s alright.
You are your own light.

“Create the things you wished existed.”

Is there anything you wish to see more of in this world or around you, more love, or more positivity, specific kinds of blog posts, more encouraging people, more beauty and light….?

We can’t control other people but we can empower ourselves and make positive choices to put more of what we want to see out into the world.

I think sometimes we wait for other people to move first and we search for people to look up to, people who will do what we want to see, write what we want to read, say what we want to hear, and we search for things we can’t seem to find at that moment then get disappointed or frustrated or heartbroken when we don’t find it.

I know sometimes I get a numb feeling or just feeling gloomy or stagnant and wish someone would appear with some beauty and light or message of hope for me or put some feeling into me and I search the Internet or books and can’t seem to find anything on that occasion that fulfills my longing.

But the truth is while it’s great to have someone special come along with a sweet uplifting message of love and hope, that won’t always happen. Sometimes we’ll be lonely and feeling empty or glum.

But the great thing is, we have an abundance of inspiration inside us already and all we have to do is tap into it and share with others.

We don’t have to wait for someone else to put beauty in our lives. It’s up to us to create beauty in the ugliest moments and bring about light in our darkest hours.

If you want to read something positive about a certain topic or want to read a certain opinion and don’t find it when you search, why not write it yourself? Want to read a list of wonders or amazing things? Create your own list!

Do you want to read something raw and honest and deep? Write something raw and honest and deep and share it with the world.

Need someone in your life who is loving, passionate, and strong? While you’re waiting, be that person yourself. Work on yourself and create yourself and strengthen yourself into the you that you would love to know.

Want a loyal, forgiving friend who loves unconditionally? Be that kind of friend. Be that kind of person to the world.

Listen to your heart, listen to the song within. Listen to your own deep inner wisdom. It may be quiet and gentle but it’s there. Deep inside, you know what you need.

Whatever it is, realize it.

You have a plentitude of life, inspiration, and love within you that you can bask in, share, and bless people with.

So whatever you want to see existing, create it.

I have been listening to the beautiful song by Jack Wagner, “All I Need” and these lovely words jump out at me:

“No stars are out tonight but we’re shining our own light.
And it’s never felt so right.”

When there are no stars in your sky, shine your own light.

If you want, check out the song here:
Non mobile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cLYRsHfPkQ&sns=fb

Mobile:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9cLYRsHfPkQ&app=m

“I wondered why someone did not do something. Then I realized I am someone.” ~ Unknown

😀

Xoxo Kim

Raindrops Keep falling on my head

Oct30

(my little man, Emmy. He’s nine months old!

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” ~ John Michael Holmes

Hello lovelies,

I haven’t been doing much lately but laying in bed with my little dog and sharing inspirational quotes and pics on Facebook and reading old plays and books. I can’t put much serious thought into anything.

I recently suffered a head injury and it’s really affecting me. I never got it checked out, professionally. It doesn’t seem like an emergency and I have no way to pay for medical treatment.

I walked into a bar on my bed in the dark one early morning and I drifted unconscious for a few moments, I think. It was a hard blow. I.cant remember much about it. The pain is getting worse and so is my.distorted thinking. And my.senses and memory are a bit hazy. It got hit on one side but the pain is now through my. Whole head.

I’m also dizzy & confused off and on. And light-headed and my speech gets a bit slurred. My body feels sickly now and seems like I keep faltering to the right side which is the side that got hit.

But none of it is constantly unbearable. So that’s good! 😀

I’m so thankful it did not trigger my tmj pain condition. That tends to happen when my face or head gets hit/touched certain ways.

I still have to work.a.couple hours some.nights at the store but it’s sloww so it’s not too hard.

It feels like i.just want to lay in bed and sleep, it’s making me so exhausted and i.get over 12 hours of sleeep a lot now. It doesn’t help.

I have been thinking about loneliness and healing. I noticed sweet, simple memories help me.when I’m lonely. And I. Was thinking about the importance of living in the moment and creating new pleasant memories.

I have been having frequent flash backs just out of the blue, of things that happened previously. It’s sweet and pleasant to remember something happy that happened.

I was also thinking of someee other things that help ease loneliness.

1.) Helping people in any way, even simple ways like smiling at people, making eye contact, sharing inspiring quotes & pictures.
I often feel deeply connected with people and feel at One with all that is. I love this feeling. But I also tend to feel lonely sometimes and it can get severe, a kind of choking loneliness that feels it will never go and it doesn’t matter how many people are near me. It’s like a barrier nothing can break through. But it always goes eventually.

2.) Remember feelings come and go and can be delusional. Just because we feel very lonely doesn’t mean we are really alone or that no one likes us or we really have no one. There’s always hope.

3.) certain songs and quotes

4.) making plans for the future

5.) distractions, books, fun, healing activities, arts and crafts, writing

6.) if you’re physically alone and feeling lonely, use your physical alone-ness to do interesting things you can’t do as well with people around,reflect, ponder certain questions, learn new skills,meditate, read something you always wanted to read,listen to music …instead of dwelling on your loneliness or unhappiness being physically alone. As much as I love being around people, I realize it’s also good to be alone now and then so I can catch up on stuff I can’t do around people because it would be rude or they will disrupt me.

7.) reach out to people, write a message to someone you know or someone you meet online. Send someone a compliment or idea or feedback on a blog, fb status….

8.) pay close attention to your pets if you have them.

9.) Remember occasional loneliness is ok. And humans are social creatures. Parts of us need contact with people, we need friends to fulfill us in certain ways.

10.) learn to love your own company, think positive thoughts about yourself, focus on your good qualities, laugh out loud, don’t deny yourself pleasure

11.) Remember not to put your happiness on hold for “better” things to occur. Live now.

12.) Smile. 😀

My phone has been acting up. Soon I will be doing a master reset and lose all my files to see if that works and if not a new one is in order!

Luckily it’s insured! ;-D

Smile, loves,it gets better!!

“Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

So I just did me some talkin’ to the sun
And I said I didn’t like the way he got things done
Sleepin’ on the job
Those raindrops are fallin’ on my head, they keep fallin’

But there’s one thing I know
The blues they send to meet me won’t defeat me
It won’t be long till happiness steps up to greet me” ~ BJ Thomas

Xoxo Kim 😀

The Versatile Blogger Award – Thank You Dr. Rex!!!! <3 :-D

Oct22

I am so incredibly honored to be nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by The incredible Dr. Rex!!!
Please visit her blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

And see her nominations post here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/19/the-versatile-blogger-award/

I love when I receive awards, not only because it’s an incredible honor but I love the challenge/rules! And choosing a list of deserving people/blogs. That’s often hard because there’s so many!!

Here are the rules:

Display the Award on your Blog.

Announce your win with a post and thank theBlogger who nominated you.

Present 15 deserving Bloggers with the Award.

Link your nominees in the post and let them know of their nomination with a comment.

Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

1.) I attended Temple University in Philadelphia, Pa, where I live, for Psychology & Philosophy. I graduated with a B.A. Degree in 2010. I plan on being a mental health counselor or peer specialist of some sort. I took Philosophy just because I love it deeply and have a passion for it, purely out of interest. I took the classes just for fun without realizing I was getting credits that would qualify me to have some sort of job like a paralegal assistant or something. They told me in school before graduation. Lol good to know but not my intention! 🙂

2.) Oldies music and country music are my love and I rarely find people who love those kinds like I do.

3.) People often speak of childhood dreams and ask kids what they would love to be when they grow up. The truth is, as a young child, I always lived in the present moment, naturally, not as a conscious decision. So I never really had any big dreams for when I would grow up. When people would ask, I would make stuff up. Lol I have said I would be a veterinarian, a chemist, a scientist…but I was always interested in counseling, even as a little girl. My mom and dad always had marital problems and I often felt that I knew what they can do to make it better.
it wasn’t until I was sixteen years old though, that I knew I want to be a counselor of some sort if I lived to be an adult and could function well enough (I struggle with suicidal depression and have since I was a child and never knew I would live this long.)

4.) I’m so easily amused, I laugh at everything and nothing. I have those good belly laughs that hurt, everyday, usually more than once a day. I don’t laugh at the expense of people. I laugh at stupid jokes, risqué jokes, little things that happen throughout the day, at myself… No matter how sad or low I am I can usually laugh hard til it hurts. I’m genuinely amused, I’m a playful, silly girl with a tender and light heart. It gets me in trouble sometimes but oh well! Lol. ;-D

5.) I’m very good at putting on eye makeup, even liquid eyeliner, and even in two seconds if I have to.

6.) I’m real good at debating. I have natural debating skills. I can argue so good for any side of an argument even a side I strongly oppose. I have been told since I was a young girl by various people in various places, that I should be a lawyer. Lol ;-). In my critical thinking class in college, during an exam, I found an alternative answer to some logic problem, I can’t remember what, that even the professor, a lawyer, himself, did not realize at first. I got extra credit, along with one other student who solved the problem the same way.

7.) I’m terrible with numbers, I failed math classes in college and almost got thrown out. I’m even horrible at basic math like simple addition, subtraction, and counting. It was suggested to me by an educational psychologist in college that I may have an actual mathematical disability but I was never tested even though I struggled my whole life with it. Numbers confuse me so much but I’m good with words, I suppose. 🙂

Here are fifteen blogs other than Dr. Rex’s that I adore, some I have known about for a while, others I have recently come across and I’m so blessed!

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

http://whitneyism.wordpress.com/

http://greenhornphotos.com/

http://theaustrianrose.wordpress.com/

http://wordslikesilk.com/

http://selflovewarrior.com/

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

http://icanbeatit.wordpress.com/

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/

http://abbeygallagher.wordpress.com/

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/

Thank You, Dr. Rex, I’m so happy to receive this award and thank you and all of the other people listed above for blessing us all with the beauty of your light that shines brightly on us all!

😀

Xoxo Kim

Shaya’s Story – {inspirational} <3

Oct19

I downloaded a book on my Kindle for free and it’s all short inspirational stories. This one touches me deeply so I looked it up online and decided to share it here. It’s about a child with a learning disability and his dad and a moment that impacted them for life. It’s based on a true story but I notice that there are slightly different versions of it but all basically the same with the exact same message and ending. Some versions have more of a religious or spiritual tinge and some are more secular, all are heartwarming. This one is closest to the one in the Kindle book.

“In Brooklyn, New York, Chush is a school that caters to children with learning disabilities. Some children remain in Chush for their entire school career while others can transfer into conventional schools. At a Chush fund-raising dinner the father of a Chush child delivered a speech that will always be remembered by all who attended.

After extolling the school and it’s dedicated staff he cried out, “When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shaya, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father’s anguish and stilled by the piercing query. “I believe,” the father answered, “that when a child like Shaya comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

He then told the following story about his son Shaya:

One afternoon, Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys whom Shaya knew were playing baseball. Shaya asked, “Do you think they will let me play?”

Shaya’s father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys would not want him on their team. But Shaya’s father also understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a comfortable sense of belonging. Shaya’s father approached one of the boys in the field and asked if Shaya could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his team mates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said “We are losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning.”

Shaya’s father was ecstatic as Shaya smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play short centre field. In the bottom of the eighth inning Shaya’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning Shaya’s team scored again and now, with two outs and the bases loaded with the potential winning run on base, Shaya was scheduled to be up. Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, let alone hit with it.

However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shaya should at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shaya swung clumsily and missed. One of Shaya’s team mates came up to Shaya and together they held the bat and faced the pitcher waiting for the next pitch.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shaya. As the pitch came in, Shaya and his team mate swung at the ball and together they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, “Shaya, run to first. Run to first.” Never in his life had Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out the still-running Shaya.

But the right fielder understood what the pitcher’s intentions were so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman’s head. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second.” Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shaya reached second base the opposing short stop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, “Run to third.” As Shaya rounded third the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, “Shaya run home.” Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero as he had just hit a “grand slam” and won the game for his team.

“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world
“. “

{from “Echoes of the Maggid (1999) by Rabbi Paysach Krohn, told to him by Shaya’s father}

I absolutely love this beautiful story. Both teams who were opposing each other in the game came together as One to encourage, support, include, and bring love to a little boy and his dad who needed it so much. They chose to be selfless and care more about a person than their game. Beautiful!

I believe we should all show love like this to our fellow sentient beings. We should empower one another, support, encourage, and nourish people’s strengths, point out the beauty and goodness in each other, focus on the positive.

Much love to you all.

Xoxo Kim 🙂

Creativity – Don’t Hold Back!!! :-D

Oct16

I have been feeling this creative energy just surging through me like never before and have no idea why! Lol! I have never considered myself to be creative and have always felt a kind of block when attempting to think or act creatively. I’m better at research/academic/analytical stuff.

I have often put off doing things I either knew or assumed I wouldn’t be good at. I would try it and quit right away. I know that’s not a good idea and is a self imposed creative block. First of all, if it’s fun and interesting to you, it doesn’t matter if you’re good at it or not.

Also there’s a chance you will become better with practice. Creativity doesn’t just have to be things like drawing and writing. It can be things like problem solving and thinking about things at different angles and with different perspectives.

I have noticed I am more creative now in writing poetic -like writings and with problem solving. People have sometimes told me I have a poetic way of speaking, which comes naturally to me but I’m not so sure I have ever been great at writing actual poetry or stories. But I feel more creative than ever now! I have been trying to analyze why this is and one thing I think is, it may have to do with increased confidence in other areas. Confidence in one aspect of life can permeate to every other aspect, which is very good!

I have been meditating upon the concept of “When one door closes, another opens.”. That is a creative way of thinking. Instead of dwelling on what is lost, we can use the experience to make way for better things.

If we allow it, it can help us look at things differently. I used to often, and sometimes still do, dwell on previous pain and struggles, allowing them to hold me back and imprison me. But more and more I have been using them as resources to guide me and strengthen me.

So I believe this is contributing to my general creativity enhancement. Also, I have been posting here in this blog much more frequently than ever. I have said before, I have always been so inspired to write but often felt too fatigued to put much thought into things. I consume too much sugar and it tends to make me sluggish. Also depression can make me fatigued, sluggish, like a zombie.

But I have made some minor lifestyle changes such as stretches more frequently which help with fatigue and so I have more energy to put thought into what I write here and that helps me be more creative all around. It’s like strengthening my “creative muscle.”. Also I have come to sometimes allow my depression itself to inspire me by looking at it in various ways other than just cursing it. This is hard but can sometimes be accomplished.

Sometimes now, instead of succumbing to my bed or the floor in a depression, I create a blog post with something positive to focus on!

I let it inspire new ideas, coping mechanisms, and other things in me.

Also, I have been giving in and not holding back. When I feel like writing poetically or creatively I do no matter how much I think it will suck. Lol. This gets my creative juices flowing.

One problem I recently had is somehow my phone service got switched over to Android. I have a Blackberry, never an Android. But someone switched it in the T-Mobile system and it took my phone’s Internet away. This is a permanent switch. It can often be fixed just by the phone service people switching it in their system but sometimes that won’t work. To spare you many boring and confusing details I will just say it did not work and my phone needs a Master reset which will permanently delete all my photos, songs, writings, everything. And even that may not bring my Internet service back to this phone.

I can back it up on a computer but currently have no computer Internet so that’s out of the question. I tried writing stuff on paper but it’s overwhelming. I have so much amazing stuff on here! Lol

But I kept calm. I was disappointed but not angry. I know someone just made a mistake and there are way worse things than losing files on a phone no matter how amazing they are.

But because of all my creative thinking /acting lately, I thought of a “solution ” and although my phone isn’t fixed and I can’t get on the net using the browser icon on my home screen, I thought of another way to get on the net. It’s more complicated but it’s a way! I found two ways actually. So thankful!

I think I’ll keep it this way for now. There’s a chance I may need a new phone and eventually lose everything but for now I will do what I can to keep it. And feel gratitude in the process for everything I have and am.

I decided to compose a list of tips that I find helpful for enhancing creativity since I am a creative genius now. Lol jk. I’m nothing of that sort! ;-). But I’m in the process of learning and would love to share.

To enhance your creativity maybe these will help:

1.) Don’t let lack of or perceived lack of skills or talent hold you back. This is probably the most crucial tip. You will never know how great you can be or what you can accomplish or attain if you never try. Keep trying. Maybe your drawing, writing, painting…..whatever it is you want to do will suck but so what? And if you don’t want to, you don’t have to show it to any one. Don’t hold back! Channel your inner child. Lose your inhibitions, your fears, your feelings of things being only for children or only for professional people.

2.) Explore. Reflect. Look deep within you. This can be done with meditation of some sort or reflective thinking. Think about how you feel right now or how you feel or have felt about certain things. Write a poem about it. Draw a picture representing it. Make a collage. Go to stores, flip through magazines and see what jumps out at you. Last night I was having great difficulty sleeping and felt the urge to write poetry but felt not inspired enough. So I thought deeply about how I felt at that very moment and how I feel about certain situations and people and was suddenly so inspired to write poetically/creatively.

3.) Look at song titles, blog post titles, and other titles like of books and write a poem or short story about that concept without copying the other person’s work. You can just look at them randomly without even reading or listening to the content.

4.) Try hard to understand a view opposing your own on a certain topic or try to see how someone else can feel that way even though you do not. This stretches your “mind” and gets you outside the “box.”

5.) Look to others for inspiration. Pay close attention to other creative work. See what you like, don’t like, what challenges you…and start your own creative journey. I would suggest to consciously try not to rip of their work though. You probably want yours to be original and probably don’t want a lawsuit. Lol

6.) Take pictures and look at pictures! It’s amazing what photographs can elicit. You can make the photos themselves your creative project or write poems about them! Don’t reserve picture taking for only “special occasions.”. All occasions are special.

7.) Inhabit your body, be mindful of your senses and how things feel to you, the experience of experiencing. Write or draw about the experience. Write or draw using your senses for inspiration. What’s does something feel like, sound like, look or taste or smell like? Use imagery in your writing. Try to paint a vivid picture or image in the heads of your readers or viewers or listeners. Use your imagination/fantasy as well as reality.

I wrote the quote in the picture and I took the pic and put the quote onto it.

Here’s an example of something I recently wrote as part of a poetic-like short story:

“She stands alone with just the stars in the palms of her hands and the moonlight streaking her long flowing hair, meadows painted across her sky blue eyes, butterflies & sparkles woven through her lashes.”
& this:

“And I watch
Chromatic
Florets
Bloom
Into the vibrant blue
A fluorescence
Of tranquil tunes
As pastel colored
Butterflies
Parade
Like a
Slow song
Around the
Floral
Array
In the air”
This is part of a poem I wrote a while ago.

The line in the pic above is one I wrote as part of a poem and the picture is mine which I took and out the quote on it.
and here’s another of my creations:

8.) Put some color and design into your world. Surround yourself with bright or soothing colors, various colors and designs…

9.) Try new things to get your brain stimulated. Brush your teeth using your non dominant hand, go for a walk in a place you don’t go to much, drive to work a different route.

10.). Pay attention to kids. They are fearless when it comes to creative projects. Take their lessons to heart. This kind of hinges on Tip #1.

11.) Let other people inspire you, not intimidate you. There are people out there with more developed or stronger skills than you and with more experience. There always will be. Don’t let this discourage you. Just be content with where you are. You don’t have to be the best at anything. Focus on your needs and desires. Some people are more experienced so have better skills. Some are just naturally more creative or skilled. And that’s ok. Be grateful you have come across them and their work as opposed to being so envious you can’t see straight. Jealousy is normal and it’s ok but don’t let it hold you back or make you have animosity for others.

12.) Be willing to create or do things which are or may be viewed as “bizarre ” or “weird” or “unusual” by others. “Thinking outside the box” can get that creativity flowing.

13.) Keep going even when you doubt yourself. And keep going even when your creative work doesn’t turn out how you expected or hoped!

14.) Try looking at things which are usually considered ugly, plain, unattractive, in a more positive light. You can write poems about sadness and pain or take pictures of or draw bare trees, muddy puddles, car oil puddles, snow blizzards, insects…things often seen as miserable. I believe there is beauty almost everywhere if we really look and you can take something typically considered not beautiful and put a beautiful spin on it, poetically, lyrically, artistically…

15.) Try meditation specifically to get creativity energy flowing. You can go to http://www.meditationoasis.com/
And you can go to http://www.youtube.com/
And put in words like “meditation for creativity.”. I would include some links here to videos but I’m using my phone and can only get the mobile link and I never know if that works for anyone else.

Here are two links that are supposed to go to the same video. One is for a computer and one is for mobile phones. I somehow managed to get the desktop link. If it works for others though, I have no clue. Both links work for me when I click on them.

Computer link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=CPrk4_JFA90

Mobile link
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CPrk4_JFA90

Also here is a list of tips I found: http://www.creativitypost.com/create/101_tips_on_how_to_become_more_creative

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night and hope you find some creative inspiration if it’s what you’re searching for. 😀

Xoxo Kim 😀