Archive | October 2013

Hungry Eyes {—–{—-@

image

image

“And Joy is Everywhere; It is in the Earth’s green covering of grass; In the blue serenity of the Sky; In the reckless exuberance of Spring; In the severe abstinence of gray Winter; In the Living flesh that animates our bodily frame; In the perfect poise of the Human figure, noble and upright; In Living; In the exercise of all our powers; In the acquisition of Knowledge; in fighting evils… Joy is there Everywhere.” ~ “Joy,” by Rabindranath Tagore Indian Poet

I live in Philadelphia, Pa which is close to New Jersey and my dad loves to go to NJ for Nature walks so we frequently go there to different places to walk around in the loveliness of  The gorgeous greenery, and luscious colorful wonder.  I usually work every Saturday day but today I was asked to come in instead, at night so I’m here now on a slow, cool night.

image

image

The beauty all around is indescribable.   The life in the trees, the sky, the flowers,  and everywhere just comes gushing out. It’s so serene and healing, like the Ocean.

image

Today as I was walking around I was so satisfied, fulfilled, connected, at One with all that is, yet I felt this hunger deep inside for more of Nature’s sweetness. It was enthralling. Almost magical.

Everything was so vibrant and colorful and throbbing with life. Everything I looked became like a pulse, a heartbeat in the wind.

image

All of the simple treasures that Nature has to offer are stunning, breathtaking and cost nothing!   All you have to do is step outside and allow the Beauty to touch you, captivate you.
And it’s not just visual. The scent of pine filled the air, the sweet softness of the Autumn wind caressing my skin, the sounds of insects and birds chirping & humming….

I want to share some photos I took of all the loveliness!

image

My sister & me sitting on top of a water well.

image

Me with a large key, which is made out of raw metal and was challenging to make, it stands as an enduring reminder of Cherry Hill’s history.

image

image

Sister love.

image

image

image

I’m going to post more pics in another post. When I try to post too many pics in one post, none show up.

I hope you All are having a great one.

Xoxo Kim

Life Lately & Creative Project

image

So every so often I see those “Life Lately” posts on blogs and I love reading them so much. I love people and knowing what’s going on with them even when I don’t know them personally. I decided to incorporate one of those into this post! Yay! Lol ;-D

Lately…

Listening to: my taste in music never changes. Ever. Same as it ever was. Oldies, country, sappy love songs, inspirational/uplifting . Also I just downloaded many more meditation mp3’s. And some are just creepy and had to be deleted. So yeah. No way. And I recently created a Playlist on my phone of nothing but uplifting songs to inspire and help me. One song constantly on my heart is LeeAnn Womack’s “I Hope You Dance.” I can’t get enough of that song or quite explain how deeply it speaks to me. It’s one of my greatest resources that helps me with my suicidal/low/depressive moods. And there’s another song I have been listening to by Rodney Atkins “If You’re Going Through Hell.” It’s about holding on no matter how much it hurts and keep on going. He sings about being in darkness and just when we feel as if we can’t get any lower, we sink to a new level of despair and desperation and it seems like everyone is out to get us, things are bad and go to worse seeming as if they can’t get worse. Then they do.

But we just keep going, going, and going and there are people who care and want to help. And eventually things start looking up.

And some Alice Cooper lyrics

“We talk about this whole stupid world and still come out laughing ha ha
We never make any sense but hell that never mattered
But we’ll make it through our blackest hour we’re living proof” ~ Alice Cooper (“Department of Youth lyrics)

Watching: again. Something that never changes. I do not watch TV. But I love when my dad watches “King of Queens” at night! I love that show and even have the theme song on my phone.

Reading : Sarah Ban Breathnach ‘s “Something More” and just loving it. She has this great “arts & crafts” idea I’m doing and I have some creative ideas swirling around in my head.

I have a blank page notebook and on the cover it reads, “think positive you are master of your own destiny.”. On the blank pages I’m writing positive quotes and song lyrics and gluing pretty pictures, quotes, and words out of magazines. It will be my creative book of positivity! 😀

image

Two nights ago I found a meditation mp3 to increase serotonin in the brain and yesterday I meditated to it. It’s supposed to be sending an unconscious positive message to the brain. I do not know what on god’s green earth it was saying to me but when I came out of the meditation I was sickly and achy. ???!!??

Whaaattt??!! Huh?! Yeah, serious headache and just a weird all around feeling. Never again. Delete. Lol. I don’t know what’s going with this thing but I feel injured by it.

There’s a lawsuit right there! Lol jk! Not really! I’m not money hungry and I know the person who created it has good intentions.

Also, my phone’s auto correct. It’s just getting to me. It’s like a setting got changed and it’s over correcting. It’s spelling things wrong and changing the versions of words to the same word but a different version. And my memory card is full and I can’t take new pictures!! Blahhh!! Now I have to save up for a new memory card! And taking pictures is my life! Well, a big part of it! But it’s all good! My phone really is an excellent phone. I am blessed.

Loving: this Fall weather! I love Fall. And it’s finally beginning to feel like Fall and not Summer. I love Philadelphia.
Also, I’m loving writing here, helping myself and others. It’s so great to have something positive to focus on.
And the positivity creativity book I have been working on. I have been feeling creative tendencies attempting to break through. I don’t know why. But I’m so inspired to write. Poetically. Draw. Arts & crafts. Dream even things I know will never materialize. I have this closed minded thing about me where I tend to not dream of things I think can never occur. That’s a big creative block and just dumb so I’m working on that! Nothing is impossible really (except for things that literally are.) . I have no special creative talents and I occasionally get creative energy bursts and do all “creative” stuff I’m terrible at then I quit. But it’s good and fun to draw, write, paint, play… whether or not we’re good at it. So I’m going to make it part of my everyday routine to get my creative juices flowing.

I even have a creative meditation mp3 designed to help us tap into our creative side and enhance creativity.

It’s at meditationoasis.com

http://www.meditationoasis.com/

Here: http://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast/listen-to-podcast/
#29
They have some for free and some to buy. This one is currently available at no cost.

I would like to encourage anyone interested to get a notebook like I have and make it a fun positive creative notebook. Write things like quotes, song lyrics, and words which inspire you. Draw & glue pictures. All you need is markers, crayons, or colored pencils, magazines, scissors, glue, pens, a notebook, any arts and crafts stuff and your brain! It’s fun to do and you can look at it later to inspire yourself!

image

This beautiful quote is out of LeeAnn Womack’s wonderful song “I Hope You Dance.”. This song and this line have always helped me so much and always will. When I feel like giving up as if I’m about to succumb to depression/suicidal thoughts & urges, this often helps pull me back or keep me grounded.

“When you come close to sellin’ out, reconsider.” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Thanks!

Xoxo Kim

Sunshine Award….Thank You Dr. Rex <3

image

The amazing Dr. Rex nominated me for the Sunshine Award! She is beautiful, amazing, and very expressive. She has a sweet way of impacting people for the better and showing people deep gratitude and appreciation. We share similar views on things too.

Please go visit her beautiful blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

And here is the award nominations page:
http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/10/sunshine-award-2/

I am so beyond blessed and grateful that someone reads my writings and finds me worthy of this award!

I read and love many blogs and they are all amazing and bring light into the world. My life is much better because of many of the amazing people and their love, courage, and need or desire to share their beauty with the world using their blogs. I don’t know them in person but they greatly impact me.

Here are the rules:

The rules of this award are the following:

1) Use the logo above in the post.
2) Link to whoever nominated you.
3) Write ten pieces of information about yourself.
4) Nominate ten fellow bloggers “who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere.”
5) Leave a comment on the nominees’ blogs to tell them of the award.

Here are my ten facts:

1.) I love reading. My favorite subjects are Personal Development, Philosophy, and Psychology. I love reading books, ebooks, plays, blogs, websites…and I read more fiction now than I used to and love it! I also love poetry of various kinds.

“I adore the feeling of being completely taken in by a book. When the tears of joy or sadness wet your cheeks. When you snort with laughter in a crowd and when you shout at the pages in anger.” ~ Unknown

2.) Photography is something I’m very interested in but know almost nothing about. I take pictures with my BlackBerry phone constantly and it takes amazing pictures! I would love to be a Nature/wedding /engagement/couples/baby/family photographer. I love natural things like sunlight flowers, moon, birds, insects…and I love everything about weddings and families and babies. To me they symbolize love, new beginnings, and togetherness. I plan on learning more about it and am entertaining the idea of taking photography classes for fun one day when I get money!

“To photograph truthfully and effectively is to see beneath the surfaces and record the qualities of nature and humanity which live or are latent in all things.”
Ansel Adams

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
– Aaron Siskind

No, the camera can’t steal the soul. But it can occasionally hold it hostage.
– author unknown

3.) I strongly value friendship and unity.

“Friendships are different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintanceship, friendship is based on love. Unlike lovers and married couples, it is free of jealousy. Unlike children and parents, it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is marriage. Parents are bound by the law. But friendships are freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised.” ~ Stephen Ambrose

“But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” ~ Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

4.) I have struggled with depression off and on since I was 13 years old.

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts like today.” ~ Og Mandino.

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. -~ Anne Frank

5.) I love people and animals and love and accept unconditionally. If I love/like you I won’t reject you for political/religious/philosophical views or for decisions you make or have made that I disagree with. I see the good and the beauty in people. I see the person, not mistakes or disagreements.

“I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.” ~ Bob Dylan

6.) Two of my favorite things are quotes & songs. They can be so deeply inspirational.

“Life itself is a quotation.” – Jorge Luis Borges

7.) I am a very simple girl with a very simple life for the most part. I am not complicated or hard to understand. I don’t participate much in or cause complicated arguments with people. I do not make things more complex than they have to be. I usually say exactly what I mean and do not expect people to be my mind readers. This is not to say my external environment is always calm and peaceful. I experience stress, chaos, disorder, drama…sometimes but have learned to mostly handle it well and remain still & calm within. Simple isn’t dull. I have a deep, rich inner life. I ponder philosophical ideas, concepts, questions…I love meditation…

Confucius says it best “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

8.) I am extremely loving. I am overflowing with love & gratitude for people, animals, things, life, the world, love & gratitude itself.

“When I start loving I just can’t stop.” ~ Sam & Dave (“Soul Man” lyrics)

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”
~Louise Hay

9.) Oldies music, country music, sappy love songs, uplifting music…is the best!

“Just take those old records off the shelf
I’ll sit and listen to ’em by m’self
Today’s music ain’t got the same soul
I like that old time rock and roll
Don’t try to take me to a Disco
You’ll never even get me out on the floor
In 10 minutes I’ll be late for the door
I like that old time rock and roll ” ~ Bob Seger

10.) While I love seeing some traits in people that I, myself, also possess, I have a deep respect and adoration for people who possess characteristics that I do not. For example: I am not very assertive and do not always speak up for myself when I should and I LOVE assertiveness in others. Even when someone speaks up to me about something the person disagrees with me for and even when I feel that person is wrong/incorrect. I sometimes neglect/abuse myself in ways like denying I have a problem and not taking medication and putting everyone who takes advantage of me first and love when people are devoted to self-care and nourish themselves. I love to see people stand up for and advocate for themselves. Not being overly selfish but a healthy dosage of selfishness. It’s not good to be purely selfless!

I believe Buddha is correct in saying “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Other than Dr. Rex’s blog, Here are the eleven (sorry, I broke the rules! ) blogs that to me are perfection. The authors make the world better and touch lives with beauty, wisdom, and light. Thank You!! 😀

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

Beautiful girl, beautiful blog! I love her writing so much! So uplifting and real. And fascinating.

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/
Very inspiring! So heartwarming and touching!

http://wordslikesilk.com/
Beautiful writing!

http://terry1954.wordpress.com/
She is beautiful and displays much strength and wisdom.

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

So wise & inspiring.

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/
Love this blog and we share a love for feather friends!

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

Very inspiring and lovely.

http://timelessferry.wordpress.com/

Beautiful writing and photos.

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

Very inspiring and amazing.

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/
Very strong, inspiring, and positive.

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

We share the similar goal of being the best we can be and working constantly at personal development.

Thank You again Dr. Rex and to the above bloggers and all the others who touch this world with wild wonder & sunlight & moonlight.

Xoxo Kim

20130704171127

Perfectly Imperfect <3

image

Everyone must know by now, of my love for Alice Cooper.   And here is another post dedicated to him and one of his lovely songs.

It’s called “Perfect.”.  He is singing about how his girl is not perfect but to him, she is.   She doesn’t have many skills, she can’t sing or dance.   He acknowledges this and loves her just the same.

“She’s an overnight sensation
In the mirror on her wall
She gets a standing ovation
At every shower curtain call

And she becomes a pop star
In the safety of her car
And then she falls to pieces
At the karaoke bar”

It’s all good when no one is watching and the lights are low but as soon as she has a large audience, look out! 😉 lol

“And she’s perfect
Until the lights go on
And then it all goes wrong
‘Cause now she’s not so perfect

She can shake it just like J-Lo
When the bedroom lights go down
But when she hits the dance floor
She’s a hip-hop hippo clown.”

Lmao this is hilarious.

“She’s not perfect
She’s all mine
She can’t sing or dance
She ain’t got a chance
But baby, I don’t mind

She’s perfect
Oh, she’s perfect
Ah, she’s so perfect
You know, she’s so perfect
Ah, ah, ah

Sing baby
Dance, dance, dance
You got it
Shake it down
Oh, that’s bad
That’s bad
I love you baby
That’s just awful
You got it
You got it”

Just beautiful! 

Not only is this just a great song with a sweet tune, it conveys a perfect message. Not everyone will be perfect but we can love and accept those people just as they are.  Look how encouraging Alice is.  He’s supporting her every move even though she sucks at it.  Lol

All the people we know and love probably have some “imperfection” but so what?  We can love, cherish, and accept, always.

And if you can’t sing or dance, sing and dance anyway!  Singing and dancing like an idiot, it’s fun!! ;-D

It it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.

Here is the mobile link to the song which may or may not work for you, I’m using my phone.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RAZF4SKDLh0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DRAZF4SKDLh0&sa=X&ei=2IxVUoj-Cbb94AOvoICADw&ved=0CAsQqwQ

Xoxo Kim

Until It Is Carved in Stone

image

image

(second photo not mine)

Hello darlings, I’m here to knock your socks off this lovely morning.   It’s just after 12:00am. Yup! ;-D

Have you ever read a play called “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder?  I have and it’s amazing. It’s beyond amazing. It was produced and published in 1938. It won the Pulitzer Prize.
It takes place in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s.

I first read it when I was twenty – six years old. And whoa am I so beyond pleased that I did. Thank You to Sarah Ban Breathnach for mentioning this play in her book “Simple Abundance”!!!! Sarah Ban Breathnach is another one who has one of the biggest impacts on me with her beautiful writing.

The play is about a young woman, Emily, who dies during childbirth. She’s twenty -six years old.  It starts out when she’s a young girl and it’s all about her and her family and friends and all the people in their small village of Grover’s Corners.  It’s so small everyone knows each other.

The girl dies at age twenty – six years and she “wakes up” in the afterlife where she meets again, all those who she has known during their living years.  The girl, Emily, is freaked out, grieving, and just devastated that she lost her life and can never again have it back.   She was always a happy girl with a wonderful life while she was alive, but just like most of us tend to do, she usually took most things for granted. Never stopping to just be and allow gratitude, wonder, and awe to surge through her at all the simple joys like the white fence surrounding her house, coffee, flowers, the way people look at each other, the simple ticking of clocks and folded laundry…

Other than people dying throughout the play, the play is extremely uneventful and has received criticism for that fact but the very essence of being uneventful is the whole point of the play. It is the heart, the gut of it, if you will.

Mr. Wilder intended to show people through his wonderful play, how beautiful, wondrous, amazing, lovely… life IS even when it’s so simple, monotonous, agonizing,  and lacking in big events.
While this may seem like a play depicting an idealized view of American life, it actually is not.   The message is that life is good while being painful, it’s heartbreaking but breathtakingly beautiful.  

One character in the play, Simon Stimson, is a pivot of this message. He struggles with alcoholism and is known as the town drunk but he serves as a message to people . He is a tortured soul who constantly cries out for help but people refuse to help. They are steeped in denial and overlook his desperate pleads for help.  He eventually dies by suicide. The message here is that society, friends, family, people….we ignore, deny, repress, overlook so much of life. Even when one of our own is desperately pleading, screaming out for a helping hand.

   In the version I have, there is a beautiful forward by Donald Margulies.  

Donald Margulies states, “You are holding in your hands a great American play. Possibly the great American play.”
He goes on to say if you have read this play many years ago, perhaps in school as a requirement for some class, you will greatly benefit by reading it again.  But now, read it more mindfully, soak up the incredible message this play conveys.  Draw on your own life, your own experiences to really receive the deep wisdom of this play.

Donald Margulies admits that he is envious of any person about to begin reading this play who has never read it previously. He loves this play passionately but reading it again isn’t the same as reading it for the first occasion, he says.   But he is a teacher/professor and gets to watch others experience again and again which he loves.  

The title of this play “Our Town,” itself, is a pivotal message. The town in the play, “Grover’s Corners” is a representation of human life everywhere.   It can be extended to all of American life and beyond, all around our world.  We are all human and we all share basic human traits no matter our culture, country, society, nationality, religion, skin color, sexual orientation, political views, experiences, gender, gender identity, ethnicity, opinions…

“Our Town”, as Margulies states, is a “microcosm of the human family…”. It is all towns.  Everywhere.  This play captures the universal experience of simply being alive.

Act III of this play is breathtaking. Mr. Margulies states that he was shattered by it and that is how I feel as well.  Shattered then put back together once again but not without a few scars, a few breaks, a deep enthralling sense of enlightenment and compunction.

You know someone is a good teacher when that person can slap you with a truth so profound it brings you to a sense of ruin, leaves you with a sense of pudency, remorse for old ways, living and never knowing.   But it’s good to have someone or something break you down to the bone, pierce you to the core, punch you in the gut , knocking the wind out of you,   shatter you just to build you back up with a new sense of life, a new philosophy, a newfound strength, rebirth. 

Let it rip your heart out, shatter it to pieces, almost beyond recognition then let it glue it back together and move you forward with some scars to remind you to be mindful of the wonders of being alive.   The wonders we ignore, overlook, and slap in the face day by day.

Now I will leave you with some poignant quotes or lines out of this play.

In the play when the stage manager is interviewing one of the main characters, Mr. Webb, about their town, Mr. Webb says this:

“Very ordinary town, if you ask me.  Little better behaved than most. Probably a lot duller. But our young people here seem to like it well enough. Ninety percent of ’em graduating from high school settle down right here to live-even when they’ve been away to college.”

Mr Webb: “…No ma’am, there isn’t much culture; but maybe this is the place to tell you that we’ve got a lot of pleasures of a kind here: We like the sun comin’ up over the mountain in the morning, and we all notice a good deal about the birds. We pay a lot of attention to them.    And we watch the change of the seasons; yes, everybody knows about them. But those other things – you’re right ma’am, – there ain’t much….”

When Emily died and found herself in the afterlife she insisted on looking back at her previous life.  The other dead people strongly advised against it as it would be too agonizing and despairing to see a life we once lived and can never , ever return to , but sweet, innocent Emily just had to see for herself.   They urged her to choose an “unimportant” day as opposed to one she viewed as very important.  One dead woman told her to choose the “least important” day of her life as it would be “important enough.”  And it would still be incredibly painful.

Emily chose her 12th birthday.

Here are some things she said as she looked back, as if watching a movie.

Emily: “Oh, that’s the town I knew as a little girl. And look, there’s the old white fence that used to be around our house. Oh, I’d forgotten that! Oh, I love it so!…”

Emily:(softly, more in wonder than in grief.)  “I can’t bear it. They’re so young and beautiful. Why did they ever have to get old?  Mama, I’m here. I’m grown up. I love you all, everything. – I can’t look at everything hard enough.”

Emily: “Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me.  Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I’m dead. You’re a grandmother, Mama. I married George Gibbs, Mama. Wally’s dead too.  Mama, his appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway.  We felt terrible about it – don’t you remember?  But, just for a moment now we’re all together. Mama, just for one moment we’re happy.  Let’s look at one another. “

When asked if she was happy looking back, Emily responded, “No…I should have listened to you.  That’s all human beings are!   Just blind people!”

Here is what Simon, the suicide victim says after death to Emily:
“Yes, now you know.  Now you know!  That’s what it was to be alive.  To move about in a cloud of ignorance; to go up and down trampling on the feelings of those…of those about you.   To spend and waste time as though you had a million years.   To be always at the mercy of one self – centered passion, or another.  Now you know- that’s the happy existence you wanted to go back to.   Ignorance and blindness. “

Emily:
“Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you.  Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it–every,every minute?
Stage Manager: No. (pause) The saints and poets, maybe they do some.”

Think back to days in your life, maybe a birthday, a holiday, a special event, a graduation, a wedding….what was important to you then?  The perfect napkin patterns?   The perfect gift?  Being a perfect entertainer? Spending a certain amount of money?  Looking good?  Getting gifts?

What was really, truly important?  Napkin patterns and “perfect” gifts?  Or looking into each other’s eyes.  Really looking. Hugs.  Warm embraces.   Really tasting that hot tea or coffee. Looking up at the sky and feeling awe surge through you.  Genuine friendships. Tucking your kids into bed.   Really listening as we speak to each other.  Stopping to see the flowers, to feel the sunlight, to hear the cars on the expressway, the birds chirping, to feel the warm blankets at night.  Cuddling with your fur friends.   To smell the honeysuckle and the roses and the warm cookies baking, to feel the rain on our skin , the soil beneath us.

Think of any “ordinary” day. What about clocks ticking?  What about the refrigerator buzzing?   What about the cars parked on your street? What about the concrete beneath your feet? What about the feel of air on your skin? What about the walls in your house? The ones you look at every single day. Do you ever stop to notice them?   Or are they so mundane you don’t give them a second thought?   What about when you’re making your coffee or tea? The sugar and cream going into it?  Look at that. Really.   Just look.   When you brush your teeth, get a shower, wash your hands, inhabit your body and your life.  What if you died but were allowed, for a few minutes to look back on this life, wouldn’t you miss all this?  Miss it ALL with a passion so potent it can knock the stars and the sun into oblivion?

It’s not just the big things, the holidays, the birthdays, the weddings, babies, and graduations.  It’s not just the pretty things, the sky, flowers, sun, butterflies and birds.   It’s everything.   All of life. The cars screeching in the streets, getting out of bed. Walking, driving to work, standing in lines, paying bills, stress. Wouldn’t you miss all that?  
What if your life changes dramatically?   What if someone dies on you?   What if you are stricken with a long term illness or chronic pain disorder?   What if a close family member or friend, a pet becomes terminally ill?   What if you become paralyzed tomorrow or something else drastic happens and your life doesn’t look like this anymore?  Oh, how you would long for the mundane, your old monotonous ways, your old stress and concerns.

It’s too late for them, but not for us. We are still alive.   Still so blessed with this gift. THIS life.

And now with this awareness.

We can wake up and do all the things alive people can do. You can die at any second whether or not you realize or believe it.  

Isn’t Thornton brilliant?  Isn’t he still touching people long after his own death with this wonderful play? His beautiful, profound message?

You can die right now.

image

So what are you waiting for? Stop reading this and go make eye contact.  Go smile at a stranger.   Go embrace someone.  Go look up at the sky.   Hold hands.  Sit in a warm, cozy cafe with a friend and truly listen.  Go listen to people. Listen to what they say. Listen to what they don’t say. Take advantage of your senses, of being alive, Share a banana split with your mom, sister, or best friend, hold a door for someone and really want to, buy someone coffee or tea, And if you plan on getting married, forget about the napkins if they don’t turn out right, if you plan on celebrating the holidays, forget the “perfect ” material gift.  The true gift is your presence and your love and care.
I am a blessed girl. Truly.

Now.

Xoxo Kim.

P.s. And oh, yes, go read “Our Town” please. Ty

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion 

image

“There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” ~ Alexander Woollcott

“Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” – Rosalind Russell

“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by
And I rush through another day
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me
But I just look the other way

They roll by just like water
And I guess we never learn
Go through life parched and empty
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers)

image

image

” Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.” ~ Robert Browning

The Paradoxical Commandments

image

I have been thinking about this beautiful concept. I wholeheartedly agree with it.   It’s true that we will do so much good, give so much love, put so much goodness out into the world, accomplish greatness, create, and provide and while there will be people to acknowledge it and appreciate it and express /feel gratitude for us and our greatness, there will still be so many who will ignore it, destroy it, reject us, be non caring, loathe us, and just want to drag us down. But I believe with everything I have in me that we should do good anyway, love anyway, provide for people anyway, create, share, care, anyway…

Someone on Facebook recently wrote me a message saying the people who love the most, care The Most, and give the most are the ones who are kicked and hurt the deepest. But I will take that chance again and again. As long as I live. Someone doesn’t have to love me back for me to love that person. Someone doesn’t have to care for me to care.

Give to the world without expecting anything in return. Love unconditionally.

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

http://www.paradoxicalcommandments.com/

image

Xoxo Kim

In My Image <3

image

image

I have been feeling a bit creative or like I want to be creative and was searching for some creative writing prompts and found this: 

http://m.pw.org/writing-prompts-exercises

I was searching for fictional prompts, like short story ones, but these ones are real life ones. 

I’m choosing this one today :

“In Your Own Image”

“In many ways you are everyone who came before you. Your uniqueness is your own spin on the DNA of your ancestors. Spend several minutes sitting quietly in front of a mirror. Reflect. Other than you, whom else do you see? Write 500 words about how you feel towards these people you’ve never met but who are a part of you. Their story is yours, too.”

What a beautiful concept and writing prompt.

As I look at myself, I see my eyes and everything they convey. On the surface, I see the color, the blueness and the deep splashes of green, like flourishing floret splashes across an afternoon sapphire sky, I see my very long, thick full lashes I have had for as long as I can remember, one of my mom’s gifts to me which I used to loathe now I love. I can now see creases around my eyes, which were not present previously in this life of mine, creases which signify age, years of struggles, pain, laughter, wisdom, heartache…lines upon my face – the result of a lifetime of belly laughs & smiles and sunshine.

I see my long, thick tresses, cascading my shoulders like burnt sienna waterfalls and clinging to my waist, with natural golden & orange highlights.

I see my freckles which become very noticeable every Fall and I have never liked but my mom always thinks are so cute. My sister and me both have them.

image

I see my mom. I have inherited her youthfulness, her glow, her long lashes, her easily amused temperament, her ability to see the positive in almost every situation , her love for animals, I may have inherited a bit of her aversion to death and anything that has anything to do with it. I see my grand mom, my mom’s mom who must have handed down that youthful glow to my mom which I have inherited.

I see my dad. I have almost his same hair color but mine is a shade darker. I inherited his natural thinness which usually stands unbuffeted by anything I put into my body or anything going on around or within me. I have his legs which we always joke in my family are “chicken legs.”. I see me as a little girl doing a chicken dance with my silly chicken legs having my family laughing uncontrollably. 

image

I have inherited my dad’s love of intellectual thinking, debates, writing, reading, his love of personal development topics…and also his nocuous longing to be reassured again and again and again that “everything will be ok.”  I have inherited his heartburn, the need to feel I have gotten my point across or I feel unsettled for the rest of the day, his agonizing mental health condition, his shyness, and his playfulness.

I see my little sister. We connect in uncanny ways. We both look at something that has absolutely nothing at all to do with something else but it somehow automatically reminds us both of that something else. We often *know* without a doubt what each other is about to say before it’s said. We have conversations like this:

Me: hey, remember whe….

Her: (laughing) yeah that day at the mall when…

Me: we had those Spring rolls and..

Her: they tasted the way a pony smells! 

Lol! We just know.

I see that one Christmas Eve when we ripped open my mom’s Christmas gift that my grand mom bought her that was not to be opened until Christmas day by my mom. But my sister and me just had to know what the gift was while my mom was fast asleep with visions of sugar plumbs dancing in her head. It was big warm, fluffy sweaters! We wore them all night long into Christmas morning laughing our heads off, bouncing off the walls, watching holiday music, listening to holiday cheer, drinking hot cocoa… We can be each other’s worst enemy but we can be each other’s best friend. My sister, my friend.

I see my dad’s grand mom who I have never met. She died before I came to be. My dad told me she had a strong powerful loving like no other.   I like to think I inherited that love. She couldn’t shower people in enough love. Sometimes I feel there aren’t enough people in this world for me to love. And I think of her.  She bought candy and toys for all her boys. She gave them shelter and comfort.  My dad says she always dreamed of having a sweet little girl of her own, a daughter or a granddaughter but all she ever got were boys.  He said she would have loved me so much. She never got her girl.  Sometimes my heart aches but I let her strong, potent message of love be my guide. I never even seen a picture of her but sometimes when I look into my eyes, I see her.  She never got the chance to be proud of me. But I can be the kind of girl she would be so proud of.

I see my mom’s dad. My grandfather I never got to meet. She said he was beautiful, caring, full of love & light. He died tragically young. But through the stories, I can feel the love he put into the world which he left too soon but his love still lingers.

I see my dad’s mom who I have met but can’t remember. She also died tragically soon. I heard she was extremely friendly and very sociable.

I see my father’s father who I hear died for love. He was hopelessly in love with a Japanese girl who went back to her own country without him and so he drank himself to death when he was 30 years old. Tragic & heartbreaking but what a passionate kind of love. I vow to love that way but still stand strong enough to handle rejection abandonment,  & heartbreak. 

I see all of the people who run through my blood today and everyday. The people who have been with me since I took my first breath and laid eyes on the world they brought me to and even before. I see their gifts, their struggles, their heartache, their hard lessons learned, their tears & their laughter. I see their joy and their will. I see what I want to be and what I don’t want to be.

I see the people who go way way back, the primitive people who led to me. I see a reflection of hope, perseverance, strength, and love.

I wish I could have met each and every one of them. But whenever I long to look into their eyes, I glare into my own. And I see them. I carry them with me everywhere, everyday.  

They survived many unimaginable things. And I will survive.

They gave me life. And while I can never repay or thank them. I can repay and thank the world.   By being the best me that I can be. Not a perfectionist who never fails. Not someone who is never wrong.   I will be wrong again & again but I will never go wrong with love.

I see the day I said to my mom “that happened long before I was ever even thought of!” & my mom said “You were never not thought of, I thought of you, loved you since I was a little girl myself and I always knew I wanted a little girl of my own.” My mom couldn’t have kids for so many years and was told maybe she never would and now here I am! And 10 years after me, my sister came along! 

And that man in the picture with me. I see him too.   When I look into my eyes. Uncle Al. We’re not related biologically but he loved me. I love him. I don’t  have many early memories.   But I remember him, vividly. I remember his love. I remember how funny he was. I remember how sarcastic and silly he would be. The way he would pretend to be angry then start laughing.  The small gifts he bought me, the smell of his car and the feel riding in it with sunlight streaming in.

It’s incredible how vivid those memories are, so profound, and true when I was so young. They are forever etched upon the premises of my being.  

Uncle Al.

I see us many years ago. Standing in a car parking lot on a bright & sunny day outside of a dollar store in Philadelphia, my city. I see me standing there. I see him walking out of the store with a big, warm, bright smile on his face waving a fan around in his hand with bunny rabbits on it. He looks at me, “Look what I bought for you, my love.”. Thrilled I run to him as he wraps me in his warm loving arms. He holds out the fan. I reach for it. He pulls it back just before I reach it. “Unnnccllee Alllll” I yell while giggling so hard.

I don’t remember when he died. He was just gone one day.

But I know…

His birthday is in May. Just like mine.

I remember he would fill his hands with coins and tell me if I can get his fingers open, I get to keep all the coins. My dad said when he was a little boy he did the same to him. We could never get his fingers open. But he let us keep the coins.

How blessed I am.
539005_334225656635552_1056067720_n
I hope you realize how amazing it is that you are you! What are the chances! It took so much, so many things to occur & coincide for you to just turn out to be you!

Never get so used to yourself that you forget the true “miracle” you are.

Check this: http://zaborski.org/?p=20

Someone shared this with me for my 27th b day on Facebook. 

Xoxo Kim

image

image

Hopelessness – a gift?

image

This, here, post is another one about the book I read called “Learning from the Heart” by Dr. Gottlieb, a Temple University graduate of Psychology. He is a psychologist who specializes in family therapy and addiction and was the director of a program in Philadelphia.   His book is a book of lessons learned in his life. 

Dr. Gottlieb was in a tragic accident when he was 33 years old. His life was going very well, he was married with two little girls and a great therapy practice going when one morning he got into his car and saw a black object flying into his windshield.   He later woke up in a hospital to find that he is paralyzed for the rest of his life. He was in that hospital for one year.   He struggles with quadriplegia. People with this condition suffer with recurrent and permanent infections as a result of the paralysis. He is permanently paralyzed at the chest and down.

Dr. Gottlieb, at first, had much difficulty accepting his condition and wanted to die by suicide. 

This experience taught him how to view Hopelessness in a different way than we usually think of “hopelessness.”. What do you think of when you hear the word “hopeless?”. Desperation? Despair? Giving up?, Misery, …

There is another way to look at a “hopeless” situation. As a gift. Hopelessness itself can be a true gift.  It can give us the liberty to move on or move forward with the life we currently have instead of desperately clinging to something we do not currently have and may never have and missing out on right now lusting after or longing for something else.

Shortly after this accident, Dr. Gottlieb made the decision to live for two years and then see if he were able to go on living. He hoped that something would change dramatically.

It may sound good & pleasant that he had hope. But this false hope was actually a hindrance to him. It was imprisoning him,not allowing him to live in the now, in the present moment, it would not allow him to embrace his current life. All he could do was “hope” for things that would never happen, then he would be happy.

He hoped he would walk again.   With quadriplegia that’s not possible, ever. He hoped his infections would cease to exist. With quadriplegia, that’s not possible.

Dr. Gottlieb is Jewish but he seems, by what I read, to be somewhat secular or a free-thinker and doesn’t really have a definite concept of any sort of god. 

He wrote this “At the end of two years, I took myself into the bedroom and I had a deep, reflective conversation with…well, I don’t know.  God?  My god? My own truth? Anyway, the conversation went something like this: ‘Okay, I will live with it if you give me hope that one day I’ll walk.’   And what I heard back was, ‘Nope. No hope. Live or die. Make your choice.’.   So I said, ‘Give me hope that I won’t be so sick.’. (My health was so fragile – I just wanted some assurance that I would feel stronger and be able to fight off infections.). And I got the same answer. ‘Either live with it or don’t.   It’s not going to change.’ For every request, I got the same answer.”

After the two years was up, Dr. Gottlieb had to make a choice. Live or die. He lost hope that he would ever walk again. He lost hope that he would stop getting sick with infections.

And he chose life.

If he kept up the hope that something physical would change, he would have missed out on this life now in hopes of a “better” tomorrow.

But he chose now. Hopelessness gave him the gift of Now.

This is a very different and very beautiful way of looking at hopelessness. When we become hopeless about something we want, we let go. Not let go of life. But let go of lusting after what may or may not come in the future. Embrace now. Cherish now.   Love now.

Dr. Gottlieb still struggles, he writes, but he realizes how beautiful life is now and he loves his beautiful life.

There have been so many days I have lost, hoping for something better, wishing for more in the future and I let now slip away. But when I let go, I make room in my heart for this life I live Now.

Is there anything you are holding onto? A hope for something that you’re clinging to that is not letting you live now?

“I’ll be happy when I lose 5 pounds….”
“I’ll be happy when I find the love of my life…”
“I’ll be happy when I have a better job….”
“I’ll be happy when I become rich….”
“I’ll be happy when I have kids, when I get married, when I don’t have to work anymore, when I graduate college, when…”

Why not be happy now?! You can still work for things but it’s best not to let it destroy your serenity and love right now.

“Normal day, let me be aware
of the treasure that you are.
let me learn from you, love you,
bless you before we depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest
of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
let me hold you while I may,
for it may not be always so. One day
I shall dig my nails into the earth,
or bury my face in the pillow,
or stretch myself tart,
or raise my hands
to the sky and want, more
than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion 

“You know the future’s lookin’ brighter
Every morning’ when i get up
Don’t be thinkin’ ’bout what’s not enough,now baby
Just be thinkin’ ’bout what we got
think of all my love, now
I’m gonna give you all I got” ~ Eddie Money (Baby Hold On)

“It’s not that I don’t want a lot
Or hope for more, or dream of more
But giving thanks for what I’ve got
Makes me so much happier than keeping score

In a world that can bring pain
I will still take each chance
For I believe that whatever the terrain
Our feet can learn to dance
Whatever stone life may sling
We can moan or we can sing

Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful” ~ John Bucchino. (Grateful)

“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by 
And I rush through another day 
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me 
But I just look the other way 

They roll by just like water 
And I guess we never learn 
Go through life parched and empty 
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers) 

Xoxo Kim

image

But I Keep Holding On

image

IMG_00001460_1

j

We walk around with stories or theories in our heads constantly, everyday. We have stories and theories about why things have happened and what will result if certain things happen. Sometimes our theories and stories are so strong and we are so convinced that they are accurate that it takes over our lives and we see no other way. They can be negative and they can be positive.

And we have a choice.

In Dr. Gottlieb ‘s book, “Learning from the Heart”, which I have previously written a couple posts about, one of his life lessons he writes about is how theories are just that, theories. They may or may not be true. You may have a negative theory in your head such as “If I don’t get a promotion at my job, I’ll never have more than I have now, I’ll be stuck getting paid next to nothing, I’ll never move on…” or “I went out with him and he hasn’t called me in two days that means he doesn’t like me and I ‘ll never see him again!”

First of all, your theory may not even be correct at all. Just because you don’t get a promotion now doesn’t mean you never will or that you’ll be stuck forever. You may accidentally stumble upon a new opportunity or you can work extra hard and find a new job. And you really have no clue why the boy/girl doesn’t call you back. Maybe he’s sick or extra busy or stressed. Maybe he totally lost your number. Maybe he doesn’t want to look desperate. Or….maybe you are correct! Maybe he’s just not that into you.

We should choose theories or stories that benefit us until we find out the truth. Let’s not go walking around with the worst theory ever. Let’s keep an open mind to limitless possibilities. And the second lesson is that it will seriously benefit us to ponder the worst theory, our worst fear. What if he doesn’t like you? What if you’re being rejected? What if he found someone he likes better? What if you don’t get promoted? What if you don’t get the job? What if it doesn’t all go as planned?

Let’s imagine the worst so we can imagine how we will cope when the worst does in fact happen. As long as we live, bad things will happen to us and we must learn to cope, heal, move forward & live with it.

So it will benefit us to keep an open mind, not assume the worst but KNOW that if the worst is true we will live and keep going.

One of Dr. Gottlieb’s examples is when his editor at the “Philadelphia Inquirer” severely criticized one of his columns. Dr. Gottlieb was devastated and experienced strong unpleasant emotions like terrible anxiety and self -reproach. He imagined getting fired or quitting this job he loved so much. For a few days he lived as if he were no longer a columnist. Then his fear decreased quickly.

Dr. Gottlieb also experienced fear before his surgeries which he had to have after his tragic accident. He feared death and imagined what life would be like for his girls if he were to die. He chose to just be with his fear instead of repressing it or running or denying it. Eventually the fear dissipated. Bad things will happen to us every now & then but we will get by. Just sit with your fears and emotions. Let them run through you, acknowledge them.

Think of a current or previous situation you have been faced with where you had a theory, a negative one. Where you jumped to the conclusion that the worst was/is true and that you would not be able to handle it.

What if you changed your theory that you felt so strongly is/was true? What if your conviction is off? As Dr. Gottlieb states: “To let go of something we’ve always believed in requires a leap in faith – trust in something that is unknowable. And I think the task for all of us is to have faith in our own resilience. When that happens, we are exposed to many more possibilities.”

Take that leap of faith. It may be uncomfortable to let go of something you have felt so strongly for so long but move outside that comfort zone to better things.

There are so many less dramatic theories we can be having in our heads.
Maybe the friend who ignored you on the street wasn’t paying attention, maybe you were rejected for a job for lack of experience, not lack of qualification or intelligence, maybe the person who doesn’t like you back is just not compatible with you and there’s nothing wrong with you, maybe if you lose your job something better will come along…..

So why not have faith in a more positive theory or be open to the fact that any theory may be accurate but still know that you CAN survive the worst and you WILL survive!

Keep on going!

Also here’s an update for anyone who knows I have been struggling so, so hard with depression and anyone who cares. My depression is so much worse than it has been in a while but nowhere near as bad as it used to get sometimes. Today I had a few brief suicide “visions”/fantasies but not plans or contemplation. I’m working hard to avoid that.

If you want to take your mind off certain thoughts, it’s best to not directly try to avoid those thoughts or feelings or they will likely become stronger. Instead try to distract yourself and escape the bondage by doing something pleasant to take your “mind” off it. I have been thinking/reading about Philosophical theories on various things. I love Phil. And I attended college for it and took it just for fun. I felt it helping me today

It’s all good.

I hope you are having a great day and find some consolation & strength & hope. I am so happy I learned personal development/self help techniques to help me along with medication. Years ago when I would be depressed I wouldn’t usually know what to do. I try not to dwell on the negativity of this and instead tackle it and see it as a challenge and find creative ways to handle it. Some moments I feel I can go either way, be sucked into a severe Depressive episode or go the other way and hold on til this ends. I’m holding on for now!

And I hope you will too if you’re having some challenges and struggles no matter what they may be. See if you can be creative and find various ways to cope with it instead of giving in to despair.

😀

“I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don’t ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?
Some day somebody’s gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don’t you know?
Don’t you know things can change
Things’ll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day?
Things’ll go your way
Hold on for one more day” ~ Wilson Phillips (“Hold On” lyrics)

Baby, hold on for one more day. Everyday!
Xoxo Kim

Every Storm Runs Out of Rain <3

image

(old picture of me I recently found taken on December 31, 1991, I was 5 years old

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today.” ~Og Mandino

Two days ago in one of my posts I mentioned that I’m struggling with symptoms of depression.   I can feel an impending episode of severe depression about to hit. It’s starting out like all the others.  Sometimes I can prevent it if I really try hard before it pulls me in to the point of no return for weeks or months.

I can feel suicidal feelings and thoughts about to manifest. I don’t want this to get out of hand so I made a conscious decision yesterday afternoon to do all I can to try to keep it right where it is until it goes or to help lift it.  I am so tempted to give in and cave but I keep going. I feel as if I’m about to crumble but I’m staying strong.   It’s not easy. It’s extremely difficult.  

I can see things all around me that I find immense joy in when I’m not depressed. Crunchy & colorful Fall leaves, the beautiful sky and city lights, animals, people, the sounds all around, pumpkin Spice coffee & hot tea….

I see things I want to want, things I want to be interested in.

But I feel disconnected like I’m not taking full pleasure in it all. I am having memory & concentration problems. Forgetting the simplest things.  When an episode is coming on, my senses often become less sharp, things seem bland like There’s no flavor or rhythm in anything, I get furious off and on (I generally don’t have anger issues), I take every little thing too personally when any other day I wouldn’t even care about it, I have an extreme low feeling beyond a normal low mood, everything looks bleak and gray….stuff like this.

One thing that helps me immensely is quotes & positive writings.   I love, love, love quotes that inspire me and bring me a sense of consolation. I love to read them, meditate upon them, and share them with others.   Sharing is caring.

So I decided to compose a list here of comforting quotes of hope & strength to help me and anyone else who may need little reminders to stay strong & keep going. I also have my positive Playlist of songs I have been listening to.

Maybe I can’t pull myself out of this.  And it does feel like it will never end but I can do things to help myself and keep reminding me that it WILL end no matter how permanent it feels.

I want to give in but I know that’s not good.   It’s my responsibility to care for myself and do what I can to see it through. If I had a physical illness flaring up, I would do what I have to to manage, ease, and eliminate the symptoms and that’s exactly what I must do with this.

But with this it’s hard because depression saps energy, motivation, and kills the will to live while physical illness often strengthens the will to survive and motivates people to do whatever it takes to keep living and get strong and healthy. 

Sometimes it’s hard to believe I have depression as an illness and I just believe I’m just worthless and empty and that’s why I’m so depressed. But I often know now that I have a condition and I remind myself that. Last night it was really taking a whole lot of energy not to become suicidal.  It’s so hard.

As hard as it is though, I know I have the choice. The choice to keep going…

I’m very happy & inspired because I have been receiving sweet messages by people on Facebook and here expressing gratitude to me for sharing all the uplifting pics, quotes, words,& messages I share everyday. That’s so sweet and I’m thrilled to know I am able to touch lives for the better.  Social Media, when used positively, is so amazing for reaching people, even ones we don’t even know, all around the world.  Just one simple picture shared or one quote or word of encouragement can brighten someone’s day immensely.

This is another reason for me to hold on, so I can help others, share my stories/experiences, reach out to people in various ways, and inspire as deeply as I can in any way I can. I am very shy at first and don’t always reach out to people first but I am extremely open, even with strangers, when the opportunity comes up. I don’t mind telling my entire life story, good & bad, to someone I met two seconds ago. And I love to hear/read people’s experiences/stories good & bad. I have always been this way. My mom gets frustrated with me sometimes and yells sarcastically, “That’s it, just tell the world all my business!”. Lol and that’s just what I will do.

To me, there’s no such thing as “Too much info.” and people “airing out dirty laundry” is a good thing! ;-). As long as it’s meant to connect with, share with, express, bring awareness to, help & inspire and not merely meant to be a drama queen! Lol. 

I accept people and their mistakes and “flaws”. I may not agree with a view a person holds or with something someone has done but I will love the person just the same without negative judgment. I am in no position to judge like that. I am no better or worse than anyone, my life is no better or worse, my morals are no better or worse. I live & let live and I know that things people do that to me seem wrong or not good, usually say nothing of the character or goodness of that person.  The best, greatest people can slip, fall, make mistakes.   And all I want to do is provide empathy, unconditional love, compassion, acceptance, understanding, hugs, kindness, friendship, support, & encouragement.   Not destructive criticism, insults, negative judgments, guilt trips, grudges, or whatever.  I was never someone who is outright cold, callous, critical, cruel, and judgmental or a troll. I have always been loving & understanding but now I am even more that way than ever. I have judged people previously when I shouldn’t have, I said/wrote things merely  to annoy or anger when someone would make me angry. I have been arrogant.  I have been rude.  Sometimes I was somewhat vicious but not now. Sometimes I would disagree with someone’s political views and while the disagreement itself wouldn’t irk me, the specific argument would and I would respond unkindly.

 Now I only want to put more love out into the world. Believe what you will. Do what you feel is right for you. Stand up for what you believe in. Advocate.  Maybe I will disagree with you, maybe I will oppose your views and what you advocate for but I will never oppose YOU, the person and I will show respect for your decisions and how you feel whether or not I agree. Maybe it’s me who is wrong and not you, anyway. Maybe your “mistakes ” aren’t even mistakes, just things I disagree with.  I will see you as the whole that you are, the medley, the “miracle”, the beauty. I don’t see mistakes you have made, flaws you may have, things you do or have done or believe that I disagree with. I see you.  

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” ~ Ben Franklin 

image

Here are some quotes helping me tonight. And I hope they touch you in some way as well.

1.) Choose love. Choose to release all resentments.
Forgive everyone. Choose to release all regrets.
Forgive yourself for all decisions that you have ever made that didn’t work out as you hoped.
Forgive yourself for any financial decisions
that didn’t meet your expectations.
Release your regrets if you choose
the “wrong” spouse or the “wrong” career.
Today, choose love.
Choose to love yourself.
Choose to love your life.
Choose to love all the friends, family, co-workers,
acquaintances, and others who share your life.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

2.) Choose what lies in the shadows to be a matter
for discovery and adventure, rather than fear.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

(This is a great concept. We can look at the unknown as an adventure and learning experience instead of fearing & dreading it and we can see difficulties as challenges to help us grow & strengthen us as opposed to seeing them as horrible afflictions and seeing ourselves as helpless victims)

3.) Choose to be as a young child –
fully awake, eager for the next experience.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

4.) Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary “rules” about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

(yup, follow your own way)

5.) Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action –
from a peaceful heart.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

6.) Affirmation:
Today I choose the higher road –
the path of charity, acceptance,
love, selflessness, kindness.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

7.) Live life with no regrets and no resentments.
Whatever happened in the past,
forgive yourself and others. Choose love.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

8.) It is nearly a certainty that some
of your expectations will not be met today -choose Joy anyway.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

(beautiful! :-D) 

9.) Much in life can be seen as ugly or beautiful – it’s our choice.
Why would we choose to see any part of life as ugly?
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

(yes, let’s choose to look for beauty everywhere we can)

10.) Choose to Dance Lightly With Life.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

(yeah, don’t be so serious, lighten up.     ;-)) 

11.) “The doors of wisdom are never shut.” ~ Ben Franklin 

(so true, no matter what happened or is happening, there is a glimmer of hope still sparkling and an opportunity to learn & grow)

12.) “Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.” ~ Ben Franklin

(this reminds me that one little negative thought or action can really take a great toll on me but one little positive thought or action can help me immensely.)

13.) “To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.” ~ Ben Franklin

(yes, good things come to those who wait but not to those who wait too late!)

14.) “Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” ~ Ben Franklin

(love with all you have, take chances when you really, really feel the need….and if it doesn’t work out, don’t regret it because at that moment you felt everything you did/said and also how will you ever know what may happen if you don’t try. if you must regret then do and regret what you did, don’t sit it out and regret not taking action, not loving! <3) 

15.) “Were it offered to my choice, I should have no objection to a repetition of the same life from its beginning , only asking the advantages authors have in a second edition to correct some faults in the first.” ~ Ben Franklin 

(this is beautiful!)

16.) “We must indeed all hang together or, most assuredly we shall all hang separately.” ~ Ben Franklin

(let’s stay together <3)

Today I am making the decision to give more when I feel like giving up and to hold on when my heart has had enough.

image

And I hope you, too, will make that decision when you feel broken. <3. Keep making that decision over and over everyday that it hurts.

When I come close to selling out, I will heed LeeAnn Womack’s heartfelt message and reconsider. I will think of that little girl in the picture above. That little girl is me and I came into this world to live and to love and to exist and to be.  To inspire & encourage.

Yesterday I wasn’t so sure but today I feel that I’m doing somewhat of a good job kicking this thing in the ass.

“I came to Win
To Fight
To Conquer
To Thrive,
I came to Win
To Survive
To Prosper
To Rise
To fly”.

 And that I will.

“I saw you standing in the middle of the thunder and lightning
I know you’re feeling like you just can’t win, but you’re trying
It’s hard to keep on keepin’ on, when you’re being pushed around
Don’t even know which way is up, you just keep spinning down, ’round, down…

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

So hold your head up and tell yourself that there’s something more
And walk out that door,
Go find a new rose, don’t be afraid of the thorns
‘Cause we all have thorns
Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind
And when you fall back down, keep on rememberin’

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

It’s gonna run out of pain
It’s gonna run out of sting
It’s gonna leave you alone
It’s gonna set you free
Set you free” ~ Gary Allan

“I’ll look back on this and smile because it’s life and I chose to live it.”

image

(not my photo but I love it!!)

Xoxo Kim

P.s. Keep on keeping on, when the going gets tough, the tough get going.

image

(not my picture, I found it on the net)