“Our human compassion binds us the one to the other – not in pity or patronizingly, but as human beings who have learnt how to turn our common suffering into hope for the future.”
This quote is attributed to Nelson Mandela. I don’t know if it really is. But it’s a beautiful concept!
I agree! Compassion and empathy aren’t about feeling sorry for others but understanding and wanting their pain/suffering to end.
Empathy and compassion connect us to one another. We can take our own experiences of both pleasure & pain and use them to help others and see hope in them. ❤
There’s always love & light even in the darkest places. Let’s reach out and bring light to others.
“When I first learned about her, no less than two million buffalo stampeded across my chest. (That is just an estimate at the risk of sounding dramatic.) When the dust finally settled, when chaos clipped its own wing & the Earth relinquished her thunder, I found the remains of a heart not twenty feet from my aching body, trampled into a bloody mess. This heart did not belong to me, but I ripped open my own ribcage just to double-check.” ~ Amanda Torroni
Look at that beautiful smile!! So bright, so genuine. I miss it so so much!! I love her so, so much!!! I miss her! I wish so desperately to see her and laugh with her again. I haven’t seen her beautiful face in person since February 2015. I used to see her so often. Looking at her picture, I am healed in a deeper way and I feel light and joy and gratitude even with my pain. ❤ ❤ I couldn't bring myself to look at it for a while. I am incredibly thankful to see her face. I feel so complete. I still see her face so clearly in my head but to physically see a picture is so amazing.
Today is the one year anniversary of my close friend, Diane's death. It still feels so new and messed up. It has been a very difficult journey of grief and I know in some ways it always will be. It's one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure in this life. Sometimes I feel I'm in a nightmare I can't wake up out of.
The pain throbs throughout my whole existence.
Valentine's Day was Diane's favorite holiday.
Diane is my friend and was my coworker and she died one year ago at work. Just out of nowhere. She wasn't sick or anything. She was loud, funny, giving, compassionate, loving, full of life. And in an instant she was gone and so many are now shattered. She is so loved by so, so many people and always will be.
I worked with her for nearly ten years. I never imagined being without her. Especially like this. She was (still is) so much a part of this life of mine day after day, year after year and it feels strange and unnatural that now she's gone.
Diane used to stay at work late without getting paid just to help people. Like me, she never liked turning customers away even after we closed so she would stay open after hours and serve them if there were a few stragglers. She was hilarious even when she was angry at someone or something. She would tell people off if they did something she did not like but she still showed love to them. She was mouthy and sometimes sarcastic. I remember one of the first days after I met her, years ago, I said something to her and she said "well yeah no shit" in a sarcastic way and I did not appreciate it. Lol I thought she had nerve getting flippant with me. But now I think it's hilarious and I miss every bit of her sarcasm. She wasn't even trying to be funny, she just was.
Her last word to me, last year, a few days before she died, was "unfuckingbelievable!" She was pissed when she yelled it and I was amused and I'm still amused. It makes me giggle that that happens to be the last word I heard her say. It's "so her." If only I knew, I wouldn't have walked away, I would have ran back and embraced her and never let go. I would have clung to her and tried to keep her heart going forever. ❤ </3 ❤ I would have given her my own heart if I could have. I would have cracked open my own chest, ripped my bleeding heart out and handed it to her.
Let's be as loving as possible and try to make it so the hearts of people we encounter have less negative stress. Stress can contribute to a heart attack probably. I don't ever want it to happen to anyone else. </3 ❤
She wanted to learn to speak Spanish. She loved strawberry ice cream and peanut chews and Coca Cola. We have a lot of similar loves. She used to also like bananas with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. She loved to help people. She would always be giving her last dollar to someone else, letting people in need stay with her, inviting me to holidays at her place in case I had no plans.
She used to tell me almost no man is good enough for me, even some of her own family members who had the hots for me! Lol I don't agree that someone isn't "good enough" for me but it always made me giggle when she said it, especially about her own close family members! One of her family members was thinking about asking me out and she told him "don't you dare go near that sweet girl until you get your life together!" lol She used to often tell me "I love you girl!" and make me lunch and always trying to give me money even though she hardly had money herself. She used to borrow money then give it to others who needed it. She was extremely protective & generous.
She was always trying to help me find a job, always writing down names and numbers and places for me. She was even going to take my resume to give to people she knew to try to help me get a job. So many occasions through the years I overheard her bragging to others about how amazing I am in a way that made it sound like I was her own daughter. I always felt her love but now when I think about it I realize just how deep that love for me ran. I did not lose her love; I keep it with me always. ❤
She has three adult sons and grandkids. And lots of other family members. I still see them around sometimes. She has a big loving family.
I see her son Thomas and her granddaughter, Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn's baby boy the most. I'm so happy when I see them.
❤
She would make sure I had anything I wanted and scold me if she thought I was doing something not good for myself. She was always checking, making sure I had enough food.
I can't believe she's gone and still keep thinking how can this be….how can she really be gone for good? Can it really be? I know this experience isn't unique to me even though it can feel like it. Many people who lose someone so close feel this way off and on even years later, possibly forever. Our story isn't unique. People die so frequently of sudden heart complications. People die every single day in all kinds of ways. Every single day people are left grieving and confused over the loss of close friends, family members, pets, others they know and love. It's just the way it goes.
But we can feel so lonely in our grief.
I remember her long gray coat in the Winter and her long blue denim shorts and t-shirts in the summer. I remember her hearing aids and her black hair. I remember her voice. I remember she walked with a cane or leg brace at one point because she was injured. I remember she had asthma and had a bad attack at work one day. I remember it was scary. I remember so much. Sometimes I find it so healing to talk about her.
I feel so light when I talk about her. Not mentioning her death. I'm not in denial about it. I just don't want to think about it.
And I remember her life, not the horrible circumstance of her death. My mom did not know her but when Diane was alive, I frequently talked about her to my mom and texted my mom while at work so many days telling her all the hilarious things Diane did and said. And all the sweet, thoughtful things she did for others and for me.
"Oh the rhythm of my heart is beating like a drum
with the words ‘I love you’ rolling off my tongue
No never will I roam for I know my place is home
where the ocean meets the sky
I'll be sailing"
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She was a big Rod Stewart fan (like me!). That's why I'm dedicating Rhythm of My Heart in her memory.
I was recently looking through old stuff I have, looking for an old philosophy book, and I found this cd case.
I love how I found it right before the first year anniversary and I instantly thought of her.
I love and miss her every single day. I think of her in everything I do and see things every day that remind me of her. I will always think of her and love her everyday until I take my last breath. My heart breaks for her and her friends and family.
I am shattered by our loss but I will honor her in so many things I do. I will keep on loving like she did, like she encouraged me to always do. She was so loving.
She loved my warm, gentle nature that is in some ways in contrast with her loud, assertive one. She told me to never let it change. I never plan to.
I’m filled with immense gratitude that I got to know her for the decade I spent with her. Sometimes my gratitude is drowned out by the grief but usually the grief is healed to a certain point through my gratitude. Usually the happy memories bring me deep joy and happiness and laughter & smiles along with my grief but sometimes they mostly only serve to deepen my pain. Some days it fluctuates overwhelming raw grief to a healing kind of gratitude, back & forth. And some days it’s more pain than gratitude while other days it’s more gratitude and smiles than overwhelming pain. But generally it’s a combination of both. Every fiber of my being is in agony over this loss and it would be like this for any friend/family member I lose and am close to, including pets, whether I knew them for years or even just days, all that matters is the depth of our friendship. Grief just hurts.
I have so much sorrow, not just for us who lost her, but for her for not living anymore and experiencing everything she loved, for missing it. This is what kills me the most usually. I know she’s not suffering but she’s dead and it’s worse because she can’t heal or feel happiness or anything. At least us who are left grieving can find a sense of healing and still be happy. But at least she lived and had love & happiness & life and touched so many others. That’s all that matters now.
It doesn’t get better, it’s just the longer I live with it, the more “used to it” I become so I can cope with it better usually. But I can never truly get used to it. Sometimes it feels like I’m drowning. Like I’m being submerged in water and struggling to keep my head above and breathe. It’s overwhelming.
Sometimes my grief is so raw it hurts almost physically. Then it mellows out and gets softer and quieter and easier to bear until the next raw flare up. But it never goes away. I don’t want it to. Ever.
It doesn’t interfere with my general happiness or my ability to function. It’s not depression. When it flares up to the raw pain though, sometimes it’s hard to concentrate on other things.
When Diane died, almost everyday I felt like some physical part of me was missing. I felt like I was missing a limb that got ripped off and felt like in its place was numbness as well as pain. I kept feeling like it should be here. I felt a tingling. I don’t know where I felt that sensation exactly, just all over my body and other parts that aren’t physical. I especially felt it when I would be at work, shortly after she died and sometimes I still feel it. I walked around in a fog for days and days. The initial shock wore off but in some way I’m just as shocked as when it happened. And now the shock can’t numb most of the pain like it did at first. So now I’m shocked and in pain and sometimes numb like when it happened.
There’s nothing like having to go back to work after losing a coworker to unexpected death. Seeing the empty desk. Standing in the place we used to stand together and the space next to me, empty. Not hearing her laugh.
Not hearing her funny stories. Showing up for my shift which was also her shift and she’s not there. I seriously dreaded going back to work the first days after it happened.
She used to sit at her desk and read a newspaper and eat peanut chews, drinking coca cola soda. We would often visit each other after closing at night to say I love you & goodnight or bring each other stuff. Some nights after work it aches so deeply when I walk by and she’s not there. But I’m so healed by the memories and the love.
Sometimes, especially at first, it wouldn’t feel like it can really be real. I wanted to physically collapse everyday in my deep anguish. Sometimes I still do. It hits me at the most inconvenient moments, on a crowded bus, walking to work, out shopping, trying to sleep, on my way to therapy appointments(i don’t like to talk about it), …. It’s much too painful.
After she died, I would lean out the window at work and stare across the street (that’s where she worked for our boss, in the bar kitchen across the street) and wonder if it’s really real. We used to look out and wave to each other, laughing. I would look out day after day desperate to see her face, her beautiful smile, but she wasn’t looking back. She never looked back. I kept checking over and over to see if maybe it was some kind of mistake, some really big misunderstanding, even though I knew it’s not. Maybe no one really died I kept telling myself. Maybe they were wrong, maybe I was dreaming and now I’m awake and my nightmare is over. But I knew that is not the case. Occasionally I still look over and half expect to see her. But I know I won’t.
I loved being near her. I loved her bubbly presence I felt. She loved me as soon as she met me. She talked to me right away like we already knew each other very well.
She was my coworker but I love her like a close friend. If she was my family or friend outside of work I still wouldn’t love her more. She was always a friend to me. And my pain shatters me completely and is unreal. It’s all encompassing and takes over every aspect of me sometimes. Sometimes I can’t believe this pain. Sometimes I wonder how anyone can survive it. It reminds me of my physical pain disorder when it flares up to unbearable levels. Grief is still easier to handle than my physical head pain even though it’s not less painful. But some aspects are incredibly similar. The magnitude of the pain of both the headache & the grief is unfathomable.
But I go on and on and keep her with me. And she is still a significant part of me. She’s no less a part of me than when she was alive. I never go a single day without thinking of her. She’s always on my mind. I always feel her here within. I don’t see or talk to her anymore and know I never will again and I don’t believe she can see or hear me but I keep my memories of her and my love for her close and the love she had for me still lives in me. I rebuild my self to make room for this grief I now live with. Grief & gratitude and grief & joy and grief & happiness can live together. Side by side. Harmoniously.
I don’t want anyone else to die like this and I don’t want anyone else to suffer like us over a loss like this. It’s bullshit. There are worse ways to die and worse ways to lose someone but it’s still bullshit that this happens to people.
I want people to see her face and read her name and read how loving and beautiful she was. And I want anyone who has lost someone, maybe a friend or coworker or pet or mom or neighbor, anyone, to feel less alone. And anyone who has suffered a traumatic loss or some other trauma to feel some sense of consolation. Sometimes reading someone else’s experience can be comforting or inspiring or empowering.
Sometimes I’m so angry about it. Not as frequently as when her death occurred. But still sometimes I feel like screaming “fuck you” to no one in particular. I’m not angry at a person or her for dying. Or at the uni-verse or some god. I accept the fact that Diane is dead, I have never denied it, but I don’t like it. I don’t feel that it’s unfair. It can happen to anyone and would be just as bad if it were someone else, someone I don’t know, and we’ll all probably go at one point one way or another. Some people are blessed to live to be 80 years old or older and die of old age while others unfortunately die much too young. It’s just the way it goes and always has been. But sometimes I am furious about the situation. I feel like how dare this happen. She was 58 years old and could have lived many more years. Isn’t this bullshit?
“Fuck” is exactly what Diane would have been yelling! Lol Unfuckingbelievable!
It is Unfuckingbelievable. There’s no other word for it.
I can still find laughter in my grief.
In a way, I don’t feel as if I really lost anything because I got to know her in the first place. Our lives could have never crossed but they did so it’s not a complete loss, I still have her love with me and my memories. So instead of mostly dwelling on what I lost, I think of the blessing this life bestowed upon me when it gifted me with our friendship and I focus on that and my gratitude. Why dwell on what has been snatched away when I can instead more frequently give thanks for what has been “given” to me. And her beautiful family is still here to keep her memory alive so a big part of her still lives.
My heart goes out to all those people who have lost someone to a heart condition(or any way at all – grief is the worst pain there probably is, at least for many…). It’s one of the most common ways people die and it sucks! Let’s keep the memory of their beautiful hearts in our own loving hearts, always. ❤ ❤
I hope anyone who is suffering with grief will remember grief is the price we pay for love. It's an indication that we are touched by those no longer here on Earth with us. But even with seemingly unbearable pain over our loss/es, we can still eventually be happy, grateful, full of laughter & joy along with our terrible pain and grief. Grief and missing someone and happiness and gratitude are not mutually exclusive. We can miss them terribly and be sad but still be generally very happy.
In Loving Memory of our beautiful Diane, July 14th, 1956 – February 14th, 2015 </3 ❤
I wish most of the healing energy and thoughts and things to her friends & family who knew and love her outside of work, her three sons and her grandchildren who she was very close with and her siblings…as hard as it is for me I know in some ways it must be even harder for them.
I'm so shocked and thrilled the song "Rhythm of My Heart" started playing as I was writing about dedicating it to Diane! Then again! Lol I was writing a post to dedicate it to her a while ago but never posted it and saved it for now. My playlist was on shuffle as I was writing the previous post, back then! And it came on randomly just as I was dedicating it to her! Then as I'm writing this one, it started playing again! ❤ ❤
These rules are individual to me. They have been developed and revised over a lifetime of experiences. Although they can be applied to anyone, I believe that we each discover our own path to happiness. Make your own rules to happiness, but feel free to use my rules as a starting point or to get ideas.
1. Don’t put off a good thought.
This is a combination of a few of my favorite quotes and philosophies. “Never suppress a generous thought.” “Never postpone a prompting.” And “write down the thoughts God gives you right away.”
2. Don’t watch, read, listen to, or do anything that you wouldn’t be comfortable thinking about in the temple.
Sometimes this one can be hard because a lot of good movies, etc have bad parts to them. But I try my best to stick to wholesome recreation.
“For united we stand
Divided we fall
And if our backs should ever be against the wall
We’ll be together, together, you and I”
One movie I love and have always loved is The Langoliers.
Ever heard of it? A Stephen King movie/mini series.
It’s a fascinating and freaky movie.
It’s considered horror/mystery/sci-fi/thriller.
My favorite thing about it since I was a little girl is how a group of strangers who seem to be the last few people left on Earth, come together and love each other. They knew each other for less than 24 hours but they become close and stand up for one another, sticking together in their weird, twisted horror.
They wake up on an airplane and there are less than 15 of them and they realize the one thing they all have in common is they were sleeping.
When they wake up everyone else is gone.
They at first think the plane must have landed while they were asleep and everyone but them got off.
Like, that’s the only reasonable explanation isn’t it?! But they soon realize that’s not the case.
The plane never landed. People just disappeared but all their belongings like pocketbooks, glasses, wigs, even pacemakers and metal pins used for surgical purposes, are still there.
It’s like some freaky ass twilight zone shit going on! Lol
Here are two descriptions for the movie:
“On a red eye flight to Boston from LA 10 people wake up to a shock. All the passengers and crew have vanished. When they try to contact the ground they make no connections. They land the plane only to discover that things haven’t changed. But its like the world is dead. No one is there, the air is still, sound doesn’t echo, the food is tasteless. And a distant sound is heard coming closer. A race of monstrous beings bent on their destruction is heading for them, eating everything in sight.”~Anonymous
“A blind girl, a teacher, a machine worker, a musician, a stoner, a mystery writer, a businessman, a mysterious Englishman, and a raving psychopath in a business suit on a flight to Boston find themselves utterly alone when the rest of the passengers and all of the crew vanish. Diverting the plane to Bangor, Maine, they discover that they seem to be the only people left on the planet, at that time and the Langoliers are catching up with them all too quickly…” ~ Anonymous
Imagine waking up with a small group of strangers and everyone else in the world seems to be gone! That is so bizarre!
None of them ever experienced anything like this before. Other than this, it’s not the kind of movie where weird stuff happens. Life is just mundane, normal, ordinary…til this.
The group of people are “average,” various ages, professions, struggles….one little girl is blind, one young girl struggles with substance addiction/abuse, one young woman, a teacher has some struggles with romantic interests, there’s a college aged boy, an airplane pilot grieving for his ex wife who just died, he isn’t the pilot for that plane exactly and was just traveling to where his ex wife was shortly after he found out the tragedy, but luckily he happens to have the skills to take over the plane as the pilots disappeared, a mentally ill man who they mostly all see as the biggest asshole(because in a group, we always need that one asshole no one can stand, right?!), a sexy man with a sexy accent, a writer….
So they’re just your average group of people going about their lives when something incredibly perplexing and out-of-this-world strange occurs.
It has some very sad scenes in the movie.
Anyway, I just LOVE how the people stay together and love one another. They find consolation in each other, strength through each other’s strength,defend each other, connect with one another.
They’re all in this together. ❤
We're all in this together. ❤
"And if the world around you falls apart my love
Then I'll still be here
And if the going gets too hard along the way
Just you call, I'll hear" ~ Brotherhood of Man
I was called to college on a Saturday for some extra work today. I didn’t really mind much, but I was tired from a trip yesterday and was grumbling to myself about having to be up and about today when I noticed two small girls in school uniforms.
Yes! Please tell us your good news! Whether it’s something as simple as a fun day you are having or cute new outfit or haircut or a great accomplishment, promotion, graduation, childbirth, wedding, falling in love, new job, acceptance letter, amazing test results, birthday….tell us! Your happiness is my happiness, always. ❤ 😀 We want to rejoice with you and bask in your happiness and success.
The last few days and especially yesterday have been extremely difficult for me. People have been criticizing me in a destructive way saying I have been in a “bad mood” and snippy but they have no idea what is going on in my head. This is more than a bad mood. Each negative, critical thing they say about and to me only serves to cut me deeper.
I am reminded even more how important kindness is. It’s good anyway but we don’t always know when someone is suffering and one kind word can be so healing and one vicious word can be so destructive if we let it be. It can contribute to the suffering.
Valentine’s Day was my close friend’s favorite holiday. I love all the candy hearts and roses and pretty stuff in the stores but it was never a big day to me. I never seriously loved it necessarily as a holiday and never dreaded it like many do. It’s just another day, a holiday for commercialism and consumerism but I really don’t care. I think it’s sweet when people like to celebrate it. It was one of Diane’s most special days. And guess what? She was at work (I took off that day for a meditation retreat) last year on that day and her heart just stopped. Forever.
In almost ten years I never went more than a week without seeing her.
The agony comes in waves. One minute in my head it’s like “I got this, I can handle this” then the very next minute it’s like “Oh wait, no I can’t! I can’t do this” and the wind is knocked out of me then it’s back to “oh yeah I can handle it” on & on. It feels like blades are cutting me up inside.
At some moments I feel that if it were physical pain, it would feel like an emergency, I would think I’m dying and need an emergency room. But it’s not physical, even though it feels almost physical, and I know what it is. I am not dying.
I have nothing inspiring to say about it. And I won’t even pretend to always see the light in it.
I saw her son recently and he’s dreading the day. They were very close.
It’s so good to see him.
My mind is somewhere else these days. In some distant place. I’m very forgetful and can’t concentrate on what is before me.
Last night I was out shopping and I met a couple Earth angels.
I saw this little lady pushing a shopping cart and I felt drawn to her for some reason. She had a big smile on her face and I wanted to say hello. So I walked closer to her and smiled and looked her in the eyes but I quickly looked down because I was overcome in shyness and then felt kind of embarrassed for approaching her because she doesn’t know me but she said very cheerfully “hello, how are you?” like it’s the most natural, expected thing to have a stranger approach just to be friendly, and her smile was brighter still and a spark lit up her eyes. I felt so healed. So comforted. What a beautiful reminder that people are often more receptive than we may think they are. So many are ready to connect with each other, even “strangers” if only we reach out. And even if they aren’t receptive, so what?! I’m so happy I found those few seconds of courage to initiate contact! 😀 ❤
Thank you, lovely little lady. ❤
Another lady, who works in the store, saw me carrying cat food and told me it's on sale tomorrow in case I want to put it back until then but I needed it then because we're all out! But I deeply appreciate her kindness. I did not get a shopping cart and was by myself and later I was having difficulty carrying all the stuff to the register and she saw me and helped me! Again, another act of kindness! So sweet! ❤
I saw a little girl and her dad shopping as well and her dad was carrying a big bag of dog food and telling her, "this is your dinner tonight" and she burst out laughing saying "no daddy, that's dog food!" and he was laughing and said "nope, it's your dinner" and the little girl laughed harder. It seriously brightened my whole night and I couldn't help but smile and giggle myself. Even now as I write this. Sometimes just being our own self can inspire and uplift someone. 😀
Today I also encountered a few Earth angels.
Today, walking to work, I saw a delivery man and he said hello to me and told me to have a great day! How can I not now?! ;-D
I also saw one of my customers on the street and it's so sweet getting to talk to her!
When I got to work my boss' mom was there, she's 80 something years old, and she was talking to a bunch of men and said very loudly "money talks & bullshit walks! No truer words were ever spoken!" lol It's so funny!
So many sweet people all around! I just love them!! ❤
These Earth angels remind me to be the best me I can be for others, we never know who we may be touching or how deeply with just being us and doing simple acts of kindness. ❤
Also I'm reminded that if we truly look and remain open, we will see Earth angels everywhere around us. Everywhere.
I haven't been being my most loving self. I have been very pissed and devastated and that's ok but I'm reminded to not let those overwhelming emotions conquer me into being bitter and unkind and to instead allow my usual compassionate, loving self to prevail. ❤
Look what I found!
Yum! :-p 😀 Just for me!
I’m still happy and still find things to laugh hysterically about everyday! I love being easily amused! 😀
"Money talks
But it don't sing and dance
And it don't walk
And long as I can have you
Here with me, I'd much rather be
Forever in blue jeans"
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"Honey's sweet
But it ain't nothin' next to baby's treat
And if you pardon me
I'd like to say
We'll do okay
Forever in blue jeans"
“But when your love light shines upon my face
I’m in a different world
A world so warm and sweet
I’m in a different world
Now that you’ve been loving me
I’m in a different world” ~ the four tops
Dr. Leo Buscaglia (1924 – 1998 ) professor, author, and extremely loving man is one of my greatest inspirations! He is very compassionate and very humble. Unfortunately he died in 1998 at age 75 years old of a heart attack. But his love and light live on. I lost my good friend/coworker that way, another beautiful, loving person, and now whenever I hear of someone dying that way, someone I know or not, it’s like a punch in the gut.
In the book “Living, Loving, & Learning,” a collection of lectures by Dr. Buscaglia, he writes of an experience he had with a young college student of his.
I am going to share it here.
Caution: This may be a trigger for people who have some experience with depression/suicidal urges or thoughts. I have severe depression and frequent suicidal thoughts and sometimes urges and not always but often, reading/hearing about a suicide attempt or anything about suicide, whether it’s real or fiction, can be a serious trigger for me even when I’m not currently depressed or suicidal.
So this is a warning that what I’m sharing here may be a trigger in case you want to click it off.
Dr. Buscaglia writes:
“In my first year at USC I was teaching a class. It’s an amazing thing- I imagine you feel the same thing I do- but you pick up vibrations from your audience. Things happen between you and your audience if you are talking to them and not at them. It would be marvelous if we could ever have a small group to sit down and really talk and relate instead of always these massive things. But nevertheless, you know that there are certain faces in an audience that come out, certain bodies that vibrate. They reach you and you reach them.
Every once in a while, when you need support, you focus on them and receive a smile that says ‘Go on man, you’re doing fine.’ Then you can do all kinds of things. Well, I had such a person in this class, a beautiful young girl. She was always about the sixth row back and she’d sit there nodding. When I’d say something, she’d say, ‘Oh, yes!’ You could hear her say ‘Wow,’ and then she’d write things down, and I’d think, ‘Oh, I’m really communicating with her – something beautiful is happening between us; it’s going to be good; she’s learning,’ etc. Then one day she stopped coming. I couldn’t imagine what had happened and I kept looking for her but she wasn’t there. Finally, I checked with the Dean of Women and she said, ‘Haven’t you heard?’…this young lady whose papers were absolutely brilliant, whose mind was exciting, who had a creativity like you never dreamed…had gone to Pacific Palisades, an area where sheer cliffs fall into the sea. She parked her car, walked out, jumped off that cliff and splattered herself on the rocks below. It bothers me still and I thought to myself – what are we doing stuffing facts at people and forgetting that they are people, that they are human beings?” (pp. 5-6)
As heartbreaking as this story is, it’s a great reminder that we can be lovingly touching the life of someone we hardly know or do not even realize exists or don’t realize how we positively impact that person. This beautiful young girl was inspiring her professor and had no idea! He looked to her for inspiration, support, beauty….without her ever knowing. He was touched by her life and presence even years later. Even after she stopped coming to class, he remembered her and actually went to look for her. She probably had no clue her smile brightened his day and her positive gestures kept him going strong, feeling as if he was really reaching people. Even though he was a very educated and confident man with an amazing career and great success, once in a while he still appreciated feedback that what he was doing was reaching someone and touching others for the better. And this girl was clearly touched by him as evidenced by her reactions in class. And she confirmed for him that he was touching lives for the better. Even though she killed herself intentionally, it doesn’t mean she wasn’t touched by her professor and others. We can love and appreciate others and what they do for us but still be suicidal.
Both the professor and his student brightened each other’s days and loved each other without communicating directly, verbally, for the most part. They felt a connection to one another, connected through smiles, eye contact, positive reinforcement.
Unfortunately the young girl felt that she just couldn’t go on living. I have so much love and anguish for her and all those affected by that tragic loss. This was decades ago but I am certain there are people still affected by her death. Whether friends and family still alive, others who knew her, or just readers of Dr. Buscaglia and others who just heard of her suicide. How traumatic.
This reminds me of my own experience. When I was in college, I was involuntarily hospitalized for depression when I planned to kill myself. I told a couple doctors I was going to kill myself very soon, I even knew the day and method, when I would be in my house alone with access to the thing I was going to use as a weapon against myself, but I tried to “take it back” after I said it because I had to be hospitalized. I only wanted to relieve my pain some until I got to kill myself. I did not want help. But it turns out after we confess we actually have a thorough plan to attempt to kill our self, we can’t take that back. I wasn’t cooperative and refused to sign myself in so the psychiatrist signed a 302 paper for me and I had to go to the court of mental health where they decided I had to be hospitalized even longer.
And I couldn’t come to class for a few weeks at the end of the semester. My one professor, Dr. M, for one of my psychology classes who I also had class with another semester before that, noticed I wasn’t in class for a while. After I got out of the hospital, I saw an e-mail he sent me asking if everything is ok and said he was concerned because I never missed class and now missed weeks.
I found so much love and consolation in his choice to reach out to me just to check and make sure everything was ok. I told him my situation and he was extremely caring about it and helped me tremendously. He even went out of his way to make it so I wouldn’t have to take our final exam or come back to class since it was about to end anyway and I was a wreck.
Lol I will never forget the love he showed to me. To this day I am still deeply touched.
Through this story I am reminded and want to remind others how one life can touch many, many others for the better even without the person realizing. Your life can be impacting someone in ways you can never even imagine. It may be an employee at a store you visit, the homeless person on the corner, a person you see at a busstop, your coworker you rarely talk to, a neighbor, a receptionist or doctor or nurse at a doctor’s office, your teacher or professor, a person you just say a quick hello to and go about your day…..or maybe you are one of the people above, maybe you’re the person at the busstop inspiring someone, the receptionist, the homeless person, the doctor, the teacher or professor and you have no idea the impact you have on someone you may not even know.
I think it’s worth staying alive even if just to keep on loving everyone around us in various ways even if it’s just a warm smile as we’re walking by.
It’s good for all of us, suicidal/depressed or not, to be mindful of the impact we have on those around us and try to make it as loving as possible. Love isn’t just a warm affection for those we know(though it can be); it’s an action, a verb, an expression, wishing others the best, even if we don’t know them. Reaching out to help, inspire, uplift….is reaching out in love. ❤ ❤
😀
I strongly recommend Dr. Leo Buscaglia's work to everyone. He's one of the most loving people you can ever come across. He's no longer living on Earth with us but his lovelight lives on and on. His essence still lights the world and always will.
As the saying goes, love is how we stay alive even after we are long gone.
“You’re more than a love to me
You’re my way of life
I’ll forever cherish you
More each day and night” ❤
“I know a girl from whose body sunbeams rose to the clouds as if they’d fallen from the sun.
Her laugh was like a bangle of bells.
‘Your hair is wet,’ I told her one day, ‘Did you take a bath?’
‘It is dew!’ she laughed, ‘I’ve been lying in the grass. All morning long, I lay here waiting for the dawn.’ ~
Roman Payne
So in my last award post I listed some blogs I love! Here I am listing a few more I love just as much! I have been nominated for another award shortly after the lovely blog one, even before I prepared the first! I’m so thankful because I can nominate more people. I just took a list of all the blogs I could think of at the moment that I love ( I know there’s more I love just as much!) and took fifteen for the last one and seven for this!
Choosing at least 22 isn’t hard at all because I have 22 and more that I love to read!
Go check out her wonderful blog about all the joys she finds in life. A fun mixture of things like beauty, plants, recipes, her adorable kitties, and more! I love it!
Wow, I’m so honored to receive this award!
This is a very late post! But better late than never, right?! ;-D
I’m assuming this one is just for the ladies? Lol So here are some more blogs I love, like I said before, in no certain order.
Some of the most beautiful poetry/song writing I have ever read! It’s not easy to find poetry this great! I love poetry that is beautifully dark and well written. I frequently try to find it but it’s rare that I do. I love poetry with fantastic imagery like this! To be able to write like this is a rare gift.
My favorite kind of poetry is not usually happy, sappy poetry. Lol But poetry that captures the darker aspects of life in a beautiful way and this lovely lady does just that!
A beautiful blog that is a tribute to a wonderful son by his beautiful mom. It’s heartbreakingly beautiful how she honors her son each day, remembering the happy moments with him while also expressing her unimaginable pain. She does a great job keeping his memory alive and his light shining each day.
Another amazing blog about being a mommy but still staying true to yourself and your other passions by a wonderful lady! It’s a great thing to be able to find that balance of being a mommy and putting the kids first but still honoring your own dreams and passions outside of motherhood. It takes a strong woman to find and honor that balance!
What made you want to start your blog?
What have you wanted to do on your blog but haven’t yet?
What is your biggest fear?
Name one item on your bucket list or more if you like.
What is/was best moments in life?
Have you made any New year resolutions this year? If so ,name one. If not why don’t you like them?
If you could host a challenge on your blog.What kind would it be?
What was the name of your first pet?
Do you ever go to a high school/old school reunion? Was it fun or not?
Do you have a pet peeve?
What made you want to start your blog?
I am deeply inspired almost everyday and always have been by the things and people I encounter, the books I read, the thoughts in my own head, my experiences and life lessons learned, but I struggle with severe depression and that experience in some way, even while often sapping my will to live, even deepened my general sense of wonder and I'm even better than I would be without it. So I decided a few years ago to keep a record of all the things that inspire me each day and share them to try to reach others and always have to look at whenever I want. I would share them a lot on Facebook as statuses and notes and things. I tried to set up blog accounts before this but they weren't compatible with my phone which is how I mostly access the blog. I did not have a computer. And I like using my phone better anyway. I gave up but then a Facebook friend of mine encouraged me to try again to set up a blog or even write an ebook. I am so thankful! It's amazing what the encouragement of one person can do! It also reminds me what the cruelty of one person can do if we let it. Our messages and words and actions have an impact on others and the world around us. I think we mostly can all act in a cruel manner or a loving manner. I have been both, the loving one encouraging others and the cruel, vicious one trying to inflict pain on someone. But I only degrade myself when I do that. I also have been the target of love & compassion and the target of malicious intent, as are probably most of us at some point. And the people who targeted me with malicious intent did not degrade me even when I felt they did. They only degraded themselves. We cannot truly degrade another no matter how hard we try. When we are vicious, we show who we are choosing to be in that moment, not who that person is. I'm mostly loving but I still have it in me to be less than loving sometimes and I think that goes for most of us. Lets put more love out into this world both in person and cyberspace. ❤ ❤ That's my goal with this blog, to put more love out into the world.
What have you wanted to do on your blog but haven’t yet?
This is a fantastic question!
I love to read all kinds of things, including old fiction/literature and I would love to at least one day a week, take an old story and write about the life lessons it teaches or reminds me of. Many old stories and books can be found at no cost online and I have so many wonderful thick literature books. I find the thought so inspiring and overwhelming and maybe one day I will! I definitely often write about the things I read but I never yet made it an organized "thing" or feature on here.
What is your biggest fear?
I don't usually dwell on my fears. I'm generally not someone who is anxious but one of my biggest fears was always closed in places like elevators and vaults and closed in rooms, especially while alone. I could never stand to close doors to small rooms.
I used to be so terrified of them but through my journey of healing my depression, I accidentally helped that fear get much better. It was like my biggest fear for many years, being in a small, enclosed place. I used to scream hysterically sometimes and throw myself on the floor even as a teenager if I ever had to go on an elevator! Embarrassing! Lol It used to embarrass my mom and dad and I laugh at it now. One day we were on one of those big glass elevators with a lady we did not know, when I was little and only for like a minute and I started pounding on the glass screaming hysterically let me out! Let me out! Let me out! Lol The lady just stared and my mom & dad couldn't get out of there fast enough. I laughed about it later that day.
I never imagined it would be able to get better. It was usually only a problem to me when I had to be in or near a closed in place. I used to have dreams about being stuck in somewhere. When I was young I thought it meant that I'm weak and I felt like I was deeply flawed.
Through meditation, Buddhism, positive thinking…I helped it so much and know I can survive anything now. The most fascinating thing about my situation is how I wasn't trying to help this condition. I was trying to heal my depression and learn to cope with my chronic headache that flares up to seemingly unbearable levels off and on. It never occurred to me that I can overcome this horrible fear of being closed in.
Name one item on your bucket list or more if you like.
I don't have an actual bucket list. I'm not much of a planner or big goal setter. I just go with the flow and am very laid back.
I have never been a perfectionist or very motivated in general. I don't have a timetable or something like "I want to be married by age ____" or before I'm a certain age I have to have a certain job or whatever,…. I never have. I'm just a very simple girl.
I like to call myself simple-minded. Lol
My dad said that doesn't sound very good and that it's probably not a good idea to tell people that about myself but I like it that way.
I'm not boring (at least not to me) or dull but I am not complicated at all. I'm also passionate but not really a big dreamer or planner or anything. I'm inspired but often not motivated. It has its good and bad things about it. But I focus on the good more.
But I have a few things I would love to do.
I want a volunteer job helping people in some way.
Also I would like a real job. Lol I love to work!
And learn more about photography! And get a real camera one day. But I also love my situation now, taking pics with no rules with just my phone. I love most of my pictures. It just would be so fun to also learn real rules and things and have more options to edit and take various kinds of photos.
I would love to learn ballroom dancing.
What is/was best moments in life?
Like I sometimes say, I don't have just one but many days I have little moments that can be considered my best like drinking hot tea on a quiet day at work, reading a scary book in my dark room at night with my dogs, having sweet conversations with friends at a cafe or restaurant, watching a fun movie with my mom & sister, connecting with a stranger, blogging here, talking to online friends, a sweet meditation session, meeting people I have never met before….it doesn't just have to be big "memorable" things like vacations and holidays and weddings although those are very good too!
You can read some things I wrote about simple moments here:
If you could host a challenge on your blog. What kind would it be?
Interesting! Maybe a 30 day challenge each day taking a picture of something that inspires us & posting it.
What was the name of your first pet?
I don't remember the very first one because my mom and dad had pets when I was just born and before.
But I recall many I had since I was little like Wendy, Sandy, & Emily, three kitties!
Sandy was a boy but my mom thought he was a girl first so named him that. Lol I love those kitties and will always remember them. ❤
I had pets my whole life. It's interesting to think, ever since I was just an embryo or zygote or whatever until now, I never lived a day without a furry companion!
Do you ever go to a high school/old school reunion? Was it fun or not?
No, I never even hear of any that I know of. I really wouldn't care to probably. Lol I love people and being around lots of them but this really doesn't interest me much for some reason. I always had friends in school and loved school and even miss it sometimes but I don't care much to go back really.
Do you have a pet peeve?
Yeah, one is when people just start doing something they haven't ever before then they act like they're better than people who don't.
Someone acting sanctimonious.
Example: someone just starts going to a gym two days ago now acts like s/he's this big fitness freak and if you're not, you're just a slob.
Or someone becomes a vegetarian this morning and is now the healthiest or most compassionate person and all the meateaters are cruel barbarians or people destined to die of a heart attack because of the unhealthy meat eating. Or someone goes for the first dentist checkup in ages and now is a big oral health freak and people who don't go for checkups are just nasty or don't care about themselves. Lol I have seen all these exact examples before and more!
This really irks me for some reason.
There's nothing wrong with using our life lessons and discovered wisdom to help remind or encourage others but we don't have to be stuck up about it. It's especially annoying when they just took on a new lifestyle yesterday and are now the experts and perfect moralists and in a position to judge the rest of us. Eww Get over yourself already. Lol
Well, this was a fun little survey! 😀
Even if you don't participate in awards, just know, I love you & your blog! ❤ 😀
Please, check out the lovely ladies above!!
Much love,
Xoxo Kim
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