And I’ll remember
The strength that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember
The way that you saved me
I’ll remember ❤️
Sometimes you get a text message that makes your day…
….And then sometimes you get one (or 100) that makes your whole life 💚
I often wake up to messages like this!
Our society has this unfortunate tendency to undervalue the great joy and love of platonic friendship. Society (at least in the U.S.) obsesses over romantic love and prioritizes romantic relationships. But platonic love is just as valuable and just as real.
In fact, platonic friendships show that someone truly loves us because there’s no lust involved, or even if there is, they aren’t based on it. Having a true friend shows us someone loves us purely for us and not our body. And unlike family, our friends choose us.
I met Greg on Facebook three years ago, and we met in person a year later. It was like we have known each other forever. It wasn’t awkward or weird, it was like hanging out with an old friend. There was a sense of familiarity.
He asked me if he could hug me. That is something that stays with me because while I love hugs (even strangers have permission to hug me!), consent is important. A man asking for consent to touch me, even platonically, says something about his character.
We share the same political and moral views, have the same interests and passions, and we have the same favorite cafe where we meet for breakfast! We are close in age. We both grew up Catholic but turned out not Catholic. We have the same sense of humor. We share a love for walking and social events. We both love the Oldies! We both love animals. We also share the same sense of universal compassion.
When Greg introduced me to his childhood best friend who remains his best friend to this day, it was like I instantly belonged. There was no feeling of being the outsider. In most other situations where I met a new friend who already had a best friend or close group of friends for many years, I felt inherently excluded with them, like I could never truly belong or be “one of them.”
They did nothing at all to make me feel as if I did not belong. I just felt that way. I may have fun when out with them, but I would often go home feeling lonely and depressed that I could never share in on what they shared.
Knowing their shared history and all their stories of all their years together, memories of being young together or growing up together, hearing their years worth of inside jokes that I could never truly get, it’s just not something I ever felt I could measure up to.
Having a longterm friend since childhood or very young adulthood is a gift and connects you in ways that newer friendships don’t, though both are equally valid and can be equally fulfilling. And I never had that and deeply longed for it.
But Greg and Jimi took me in and automatically made me one of them. Even when telling me the countless stories of growing up together like brothers, and all their jokes, I felt part of the group. Not only those two, but Jimi’s whole family welcomed me as one of them. His mom and his wife and kids, they automatically took me in as family.
It also struck me how different it is to have cis heterosexual male friends. Lol Through the years, my closest friends have been lgbtq+, especially gay men. It’s a very different experience. Heterosexual men talk about sports and beer and women and hooking up and bar brawls…😆 Not that other people don’t, but it’s just different than hanging out with women and queer people lol
I found it very hard to be close friends with hetero men because they always end up wanting “more.” And they either ask for it, demand it, or just make the friendship weird to where it’s no longer a viable friendship. I am extremely thankful that Greg only wants my platonic love and hugs. He knows where I stand (not attracted to men) since he met me, and he 100% accepts, respects, and even cherishes it. He has defended me against creepy men online.
Until I met Greg, I haven’t had any true in-person friends for years. We met under the most unlikely circumstances.
Greg is not only my good friend and one of my platonic soulmates, he’s also my kidney recipient! I wasn’t expecting us to become friends or even necessarily like each other. I planned to help him and go our separate ways. But fate had other plans and gave me a new friend for life and a whole new family.
I heard about a man in Philadelphia who was sick and running out of time. He urgently needed a new kidney. He was too sick to wait for a deceased donor. I looked him up on Facebook and offered him mine. I knew nothing at all about him other than that he was a man named Greg and that he was on dialysis for years and was getting sicker and sicker.
I couldn’t see what he looked like and did not know his age. My mom told me in person that she heard about a man in desperate need of a kidney. He had almost 0 kidney function. I had 100%. That was enough for me.
We found out we are a perfect match and live only 15 minutes apart (without having ever seen each other in all the years we lived here)! WHAT a coincidence!
That is just the gist of our remarkable story. Everyone is amazed to hear our story, even Greg’s doctors. They have been taking care of him for years and thought there was no hope of him getting a kidney in time. Then, out of the blue, everything changed because of a Facebook post. I believe a movie should be made, inspired by our true story (people have told us that one day our incredible story will be made into a movie)
Our whole long story can be read here, in this letter I wrote to my transplant team, who took care of me throughout my kidney donation journey.
Another annoying tendency of society is to claim that women and men “can never be friends.” That may be true for some people. That’s their choice.
But when you don’t view the “other sex” as just a piece of meat, and when you value platonic connections, you can be great friends. There are many great people of any gender or anatomy, and to dismiss them if you can’t have them in a romantic or sexual way, is denying yourself a potentially beautiful friendship!
If you’re someone who has a great platonic friend or a group of best friends, you are beyond lucky and have a beautiful gift. And that means that even if you’re single, you’re not alone in life. Society once again has this very annoying tendency to conflate being single with being alone.
Greg’s family, and his childhood best friend’s family consider me part of their family. I’m automatically included at family celebrations on Thanksgiving and Christmas. There is no real basis for the claim that romantic love or relationships are superior.
This post is just a reminder to cherish platonic love and chosen family.
Keep smilin’, keep shinin’
Knowing you can always count on me for sure
That’s what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I’ll be on your side forever more
That’s what friends are for ❤️
That’s What Friends Are For – Dionne Warwick
He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother – Bill Medley
I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
So on we go
His welfare is my concern
No burden is he to bear
We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother
If I’m laden at all
I’m just laden with sadness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with the gladness
Of love for one another 💚
And I’ll remember
The love that you gave me
Now that I’m standing on my own
I’ll remember
The way that you changed me
I’ll remember ❤️
(This is one of our songs! Greg dedicated it to me one day. It was one of his mom’s favorite songs. She died of the same disease he has, many years before I met him. He said his mom and me would have loved each other. I get to hear stories about her a lot.)
Platonic love is real love 💚
And for the random Oldie song that I promised in each post!
Hold On, I’m Coming – Sam & Dave
This song is a song I kept sharing and dedicating to my kidney recipient on social media during the months leading up to my donation surgery. This was before Greg and me met. It just so happens that he loves this song too! I thought the lyrics were fitting.
If you get cold…I will be your cover
Don’t have to worry, ’cause I’m here
Don’t need to suffer, baby, ’cause I’m here
Just hold on, I’m coming
Hold on, I’m coming
#HoldOnImComing
Xoxo Kim 💕
