I read a novel called Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah about two best friends who were friends for over thirty years since they were teenagers, then they had a vicious falling out over an act of betrayal on the part of one of the girls. 
Their friendship seems destroyed beyond repair. 

(as I always mention about books/movies with rape scenes, this book has one on page 32 and 33 {of the copy I have, I don’t know if it’s the same for every copy} if you want to skip it. Scenes like this can trigger serious distress for someone who has previously experienced trauma whether it was earlier today or decades ago so I always try to remember to caution people I tell about things I read/see that have those scenes)

Interestingly after reading it and preparing this post, I found another book, a personal development book by Dr. Keeney, I felt drawn to and began to read and in the book, he writes that line I quoted above, on page 45, which is very relevant to this topic I’m writing about here! 

Some of my favorite novels & movies are ones about friendship, especially friendship with two girls/women like Beaches, For a Good Time, Call, Brokedown Palace, Snowflower & the Secret Fan, The Last of Her Kind, The Red Scarf…

I never had many friends, especially female friends, and most of the ones I have been blessed with, dissolved, either through a falling out or just drifting apart when one of us moved or went to a different school, things like that. I always wished I had more. 

This is a beautiful story and the ending is breathtaking. I love it! ❤

There won't be any really big spoilers here but I'm going to share two lines out of the novel because they are full of so much wisdom.

The one woman, Tully, is a journalist who travels the world and she doesn't have time for a serious romantic relationship or children but she loves her job.

Our society though (US society) places so much pressure on people to have families, get married, have children…and often sees those who, for whatever reason, stay single or do not get married or have kids, as not being fulfilled or not fulfilling life's "ultimate purpose" or not being complete or as "worthy" as those with families of their own.

So the woman in this book at some points feels low about choosing a very demanding career that contributes to making it very difficult to have other commitments. She meets another woman with a similar job who says this:

"'There's a price, that's for sure. For my generation, at least, you couldn't do this job and be married. You could get married-I did; three times-but you couldn't stay married. And forget about kids. When a story broke, I needed to be there, period. It could have been my kid's wedding day and I'd have left. So I've lived by myself.' She looked at Tully. 'And I've loved it. Every damn second. If I end up dying in a nursing home alone, who gives a shit? I was where I wanted to be every second of my life, and I did something that mattered.'
Tully felt as if she were being baptized into the religion she'd always believed in. 'Amen to that.'" (p. 239)

There is so much truth to this!

It's different if someone chooses this kind of career and also wants a family and feels unfulfilled for not having one, then that may be a problem but if we choose this kind of life and love it and are so passionate about it, we shouldn't have to feel incomplete and not satisfied because of what society or others say or imply.

Like this lady says, who cares if we die alone if we lived the life we truly wanted? Some people can't even imagine living this life with no family and so much work but to others it's a dream come true. 

It's different if we already have a family; it's not a great idea to abandon or neglect them to throw ourselves into our work and then die alone. But for people who choose to live a single life of almost constant work because they love it, good for them! 

Then there's this:

“That’s the funny thing about writing your life story. You start out trying to remember dates and times and names. You think it’s about facts, your life; that what you’ll look back on and remember are the successes and failures, the time line of your youth and middle age, but that isn’t it at all. Love. Family. Laughter. That’s what I remember when it’s all said and done. For so much of my life I thought I didn’t do enough or want enough. I guess I can be forgiven my stupidity. I was young. I want my children to know how proud I am of them, and how proud I am of me. We were everything we needed-you and Daddy and I. I had everything I ever wanted.
Love. 
That’s what we remember.” (pp. 467)

Beautiful!

The other woman, Katie(who I just quoted), the best friend of, Tully, all her life just really wanted to be a wife and at home mom. It was her passion since she was a little girl, to fall in love, get married, and have children and stay home and care for them and the household. And that’s what she did and loves it. But just like single women with very demanding careers and very little time for true romantic love and children are criticized for their lifestyle, so too are stay at home wives and mothers for not doing or being “enough.”

See, we can’t win either way! We do one thing and we’re criticized and we do the opposite or something else and we’re criticized for that too.

So this woman, while loving her life, her husband, and her kids, frequently feels as if she should be “more,” do more, live more, want more.

These girls live kind of opposite lives, are both successful in different ways, both made choices they love, yet they envy each other and feel like they should be more or different than they are, just because of what society expects and demands. They both have regrets on and off and wonder if they should have made different choices. 

There’s nothing wrong with either of their lives. Like I said, it’s different if we truly want more or different but we don’t have to feel like we’re not enough and especially not feel like we need more because of what others say or do.

“And even when your world was shakin’
Even when your breath was taken
Even when your blue eyes turned to gray
Small town debutantes and queens
Every woman has a name
Cocktail waitresses with dreams
Every woman has a name
And every girl whose love survives
A broken heart to stay alive
You signed your picture in the frame
Every woman has a name” ~ Alice Cooper

If you’re a single career girl with no family of your own, you are enough even if you hope to one day change something and even if you don’t.

If you are an at home wife or mommy, you are enough. 

If you have a big important career and also have children, you are enough, even if your kids had/have babysitters and daycare. It doesn’t mean you aren’t a great mom or were/are selfish. You gave your child life or this life if you adopted your children, and take care of his/her needs and love him/her. 

If you choose not to have kids or can’t have kids, you are enough. 

If you work at a low paying job that isn’t that important, you are enough. 

If you have an impressive career and lots of money and material things or inherited lots of money and don’t work a day, you are enough.

“Housewives cryin’ on the phone
Every woman has a name
Sacred sisters all alone
Every woman has a name
And even on the coldest day
When the kids are gone, moved away
It’s lonely now
There’s no one there to hold your hand
And play
See it written on the grave
Every woman has a name” ~ Alice Cooper 

Some people try to make us feel guilty or low no matter how we live, either we have too much or do too much or not enough, we’re greedy and selfish or pampered for having a lot of money and spending it on ourselves and we are lazy, unmotivated, or inferior if we don’t have much money or material possessions. Mothers who go out to work are called selfish and criticized for leaving their kids but stay at home moms are also criticized for doing “nothing.”
People who want nothing more than to be a family person are criticized but so are those who don’t want children.

Whether we want more or to change or truly want to be right where we are, we are enough just as we are. We’re not less than anyone else or less than we would be if we had more or lived differently than we currently do. And there’s no certain way we “should” feel or live as long as we’re not interfering directly with others. 

How about no matter what our situation is, we vow to continuously look for and celebrate the positive in it while also encouraging others to do the same for themselves…

I absolutely LOVE how this author conveys the message that any life we choose is a good life as long as we’re happy with it and every woman has worth. She portrays the beauty of being a stay at home mom and wife and how they do so, so much work, just as much as those who work paid jobs and even more work than some people with jobs outside the home. But she also captures the beauty of being a busy career woman and how ultimately LOVE is what’s important, all love, friendship love, family love, the love for our work and life itself. And family doesn’t have to be just about being biologically or legally related. These two girls are like sisters even though they aren’t related, because they love one another and show concern and encouragement to each other. They cheer each other on even through moments of jealousy and insecurity and betrayal. We can have love no matter our job or lifestyle. 

❤ ❤ ❤

Every Woman Has a Name – Alice Cooper – mobile

Every Woman Has a Name – desktop

Much love & light to you, always 

Xoxo Kim