Everlasting Essence

Jun14

It has been said that whatever you do for yourself dies with you but what you do for others lives on forever. 

And it’s true that the messages and inspiration and impact that some people have on the world lives and breathes long after the people themselves have died.

I think often of some of the most inspirational people I have never met. I haven’t met them but their lives have impacted me just 
the same.  

And not only me but many, many people have been positively affected by these people.

A few of the people whose lives are everlasting inspirational messages that touch the lives of many and will live on and on and on are:

Norman Vincent Peale (famous for “The Power of Positive Thinking”)

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. “

“There is a giant in every person, and nothing can get this giant down unless that giant is kept down by himself.”

“Help other people to cope with their own problems and your own will be easier to cope with.”

Stephen R. Covey (famous author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”)

“Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.”

“But until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise.” 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

http://www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com/

Mr. Huie is still alive and I receive his beautiful e-mails every morning. His page is a collection of his own thoughts and the thoughts of others that he appreciates. His messages are so uplifting, warm, firm, and gentle.   And so beautiful. Many dark nights I have struggled with depression, loneliness, and despair. I would lay wide awake in bed but feeling half dead and so broken when suddenly my phone would start flashing and I would check and see one of his wonderful e-mails and it would bring me so much comfort and love.  

The man inspires me so deeply. He is the most grateful person I ever met. (actually never met). 

He expresses gratitude for his entire life good and bad and every aspect and he embraces all that he is and is so grateful for himself.   He stated that he is grateful for literally everything that has ever happened to him. Every single thing.   Every tragedy. Every heartbreak. Every love. Every tear. Every breath. Every beautiful gift. This IS to live, breathe, and BE loving gratitude.  

I am friends with him on Facebook and I have also “liked” his “like” page.

Please see his page and share it. I cherish this man and his life.

Let me bring peace into moments of chaos.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I reach toward the shining mountains,
beyond the fog of daily worries.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I do not need anyone’s permission to be my true self.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I sail the seas of life as the MASTER of my ship.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I give thanks for both my bloom and my thorns.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I am one with the Earth,
with the Water, with the Fire,
with the Air that I breathe,
with all Living Things,
and we are all one with Spirit.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I sometimes think what if these great people never came into the world. Or what if they did but they neglected to express their inspiration and thoughts out of fear? Fear of rejection. Fear of ridicule?   Fear of criticism. Fear that no one will listen. Fear…..

And these people are/were in fact criticized.   Both constructively and destructively. And that’s ok.  I have read the criticisms, hear of the criticism.  
No matter how great, amazing, and beautiful a person is and no matter how positive the message, the person and message will be criticized by others. Not everyone will always gratefully receive ideas, even great ones. And that’s ok.
If they gave into fear, we would not have their beauty surrounding us today.

Do you have a message you want to put out into the world to touch people for the better?

Go ahead. Don’t you hold back. Write a book. Make a video.   Create a blog or website. Share Facebook statuses or other social media content. Get your message out there.   Tell anyone you can!  You can be sure you will receive some criticism. And not all constructive.   Some will be just plain vicious. And unnecessary.   But that’s ok. That tells us a little something about those negative critics, and tells us nothing about you.

Your message, your life, your story defines you. The callousness of others does not.

Every person is a different light to the world. And when a person dies, the world is a little colder. A little darker. For that light of that person is gone. Forever. But there are new people coming into the world every day. Every second. With new lights coming into the world.   So the world will never be completely dark or cold. That’s the good thing. No light can replace another. No person can replace another.   But each light and each person can touch the world in unique ways that other ones cannot.   The world is never lost. Never dead. Never alone. There is always someone. There is always light.

I want to be that girl. The one with a message that lives on long after I do. Somehow. Some way.   Like Dr. Peale’s and Dr. Covey’s. And Jonathan Lockwood Huie’s. And I want to honor their lives and the lives of many other motivational/inspirational speakers and great thinkers dead and alive by sharing their messages, quotes, writings, stories, and essence with others.

Do I agree with everything all of these people profess and believe and think? No. But I still receive their warm inspiration and their beauty and their positive impact and I want to share their lives with all who will let me and in the process create my own everlasting message.

What I do believe in is their underlying message of gratitude, positivity, compassion, caring for others, and love. I believe in it with my whole heart, every square inch of my being, my very essence. They say different things in different ways but their true message is the same: working for a better world for all of us.

And I want you to know that you have the potential to impact many, many lives just as they do. You already are impacting people.  You don’t have to be as famous as they are or even famous at all. You don’t have to be popular or well known.   And your message does not have to reach people at the magnitude theirs do for you to make this world a better place.  You don’t need an educational degree or any certain profession or job. You don’t have to be professional writers or doctors like them. All you need is YOU. Just to be you and the courage to speak your truth.

Much love to you.

This little light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine.

Xoxo Kim

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Just Checking In & Gratitude <3

Jun5

I haven’t forgotten about this blog or given up on blogging!  It’s just that something dreadful happened to my poor poor phone recently!  As people who read my blog may know I mostly use my phone for blogging.  It is (or was :-/) a lovely, perfect phone.  I love mobile phones with Internet a lot.  And I prefer them over computers of any kind for everything that I can get away with using them for.  As you may or may not know, I recently got a new Blackberry Z10 phone!  About two months ago.  Not very long but it already contained “my whole life” on it.  Thousands of pictures, thousands of songs/playlists, contacts, memos, apps….

One night a few days ago after work I was getting out of my dad’s mini van and I dropped my beautiful phone!  And the beautiful, perfect touch screen CRACKED!  I can live with a crack on my phone but that’s not all!  The crack starts at the bottom and goes right on up to the top at a curve and the small portion of the screen below the crack works perfectly while the large portion of the screen above the crack is done for.  Yup!  It’s a lost cause.

And the worst part is that all my memos are GONE.  All of my inspirational thoughts and ideas and writings.  Many drafts of posts I planned on publishing here are just gone. </3

Luckily my phone is insured and in a few days I will pay over 100 dollars and then shortly after that I will have a new Blackberry Z10.  But it won’t bring all my sweet ideas back. 

😦  But you know what, it’s my fault.  I take full responsibility.  And not in a guilty way but in a constructive way. If I did what I planned and backed my ideas up on paper they would still be here.  If I was more careful with my phone and put it in my bag instead of carrying it in my hand with a million other things, my phone would not have fallen to the ground.  If I kept the cover on like my mom insisted over and over again, it probably would have protected my screen.  But none of that occurred.  What did occur is that I dropped my phone while it was in the nude and did not copy any of my ideas onto paper.  That is my reality.  Not pleasant but true.  And I accept it and will know better.

 

http://mashable.com/2013/03/20/blackberry-z10-teardown-whats-up-with-that/

At the above link the author who breaks smartphones intentionally by dropping them to watch them shatter and test how they work afterwards explains how blackberry phones are much less likely to survive a fall than other touchscreen phones like the iPhone. Blackberry company likes their phones to be thinner, lighter, and less expensive so they make their touchscreens suckier than others and more likely to not work after a fall. But if the phone is in its case there’s a good chance it will survive the fall. Looks like my mom was right! I should have listened. But my phone case is rubber and my new baby boy doggy loves to chew it so I gave it to him!

I generally, naturally have an open and grateful “mind”. And even when I’m not in the most grateful mood, I usually make it a point to look for things to be grateful for and it isn’t difficult to find things that I KNOW are blessings even when I don’t really FEEL the gratitude I know I should feel for them at that moment. After losing my phone like this it really woke me up even more to all I have. The night it happened I tried so hard to fix it, calling the T-Mobile place, trying to back up all my info on a computer…and nothing seemed to help. All throughout the night I woke up feeling sad over it. Then I would think of something amazing I still do have. I would look over at my sweet little Emmy (my baby boy, puppy) sleeping beside me and feel how completely blessed I am. I have so much more than a phone.

Losing my phone is very unfortunate but it would have been so much worse to lose a friend or a pet or a family member or my life. This thought inspires me right now and has been inspiring me since I lost the quality of my phone. I don’t think it to myself aggressively as a lecture to myself to scold me for being ungrateful. Instead I firmly but gently remind myself that it’s ok to be sad over this and disappointed but to look at all I still do have.

I have things to look forward to as well.

There are a couple of movies I desperately want to see so soo desperately!!!

One is “The Heat” and one is “The Purge”.

The Heat looks sooo entertaining and so hilarious while the Purge seems so very fascinating. It’s about how every year or something one night of the year ALL criminal acts of every kind become legal. The people who are for this are hoping it will reduce criminal acts the rest of the year in general because they’ll get it all out that one night. I know it’s only a movie and I’m not easily offended but I actually am quite offended by the whole very concept that homicide and sexual assault are legal for one night. Like I said, I know it’s not real but still. lol It’s ridiculous but it’s interesting and I LOVE Philosophy. It was actually my major in College.

I, myself, do not believe that most people would commit a very serious criminal act even if it were to become legal. I sure as hell would not. It is deeply Philosophical and so incredibly fascinating to ponder. It brings up a lot of issues like “where do we get our morals?” “Are morals and the idea of right and wrong innate or learned?” “Is there really an objective RIGHT and an objective WRONG or is it all just subjective opinions?” There is no scientific or direct one answer. But I believe the basic idea of right and wrong is so ingrained into our “minds” and we are so used to certain horrific acts such as homicide and sexual assault being NOT ok and being so very wrong that most of us would not commit those acts even if we could and get away with it. Think about it. Would you commit homicide even if you could and not be in trouble at all? Can you really bring yourself to do that? Would you sexually assault someone? I don’t think so. The law can change but it won’t change our sanity and conscience.

We will still be civil and moral and not want to seriously hurt someone. Now, there’s no doubt in my mind that SOME people would take full advantage of criminal acts being legal and all hell would break loose where they are. No doubt about it. But I believe people are basically good and for the most part we don’t need laws of any sort telling us what to do and not to do when it comes to serious criminal acts. This is not to say we don’t need law or police or government though. I think even if people would turn bad if the legal laws become obsolete (which is very unlikely, I believe) it would take many years for “criminal” acts to get out of hand. Like I said most of us either know what is right and wrong innately or we are so used to being told something is wrong that we would not take advantage of criminal acts becoming legal. At least I hope I’m right about this!! lol My mom and sister seriously disagree with me on this!

If homicide becomes legal I still will NEVER kill. I don’t care if I won’t get in trouble at all. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want to be the kind of woman who does bad things just because I can. I want to be true and honest and loving and nurturing and healing.

Thank You SO SO much to all police officers, detectives, and other law enforcement people who work so hard and even put themselves in danger often, to keep us safe and to keep society in order. We often take them and their work for granted and they deserve a big THANK YOU!! ❤

And another thing I am looking very forward to is writing a guest post for TinyBuddha.com

http://www.tinybuddha.com/

is an inspirational website about living a great life and things like that and they love for "ordinary" people, ones who are not necessarily professionals or experts or writers or life coaches…, to write positive and inspiring posts on personal experiences of how to live an amazing and rewarding life. There are certain guidelines the writers must follow and if the author of the website likes the guest post and sees it fit for her website she will accept it and publish it for millions of people to see! Mine may not get accepted but maybe it will! It has to be original and can never have been published anywhere previously not even on the person's own blog or website.

Mine will be on mindfulness and celebrating life itself. 😀

I am so happy about this because I love to inspire people and touch lives for the better. ❤

And something I am thankful for:

❤ My beautiful body. It functions near perfectly. It carries me day and night. It lets me feel and love and heal and live. It allows me to experience pleasure and pain and all of life. Thank You eyes for seeing the beauty all around, for seeing colors and long hair and leaves blowing in the wind, thank you ears for the wonderful experience of cars screeching in the streets and the birds chirping in the trees and the music of life. Thank you nose and tongue for the scents and tastes of rain and citrus and chocolate and cookies and mist and laundry detergent, thank you skin and fingers for the smooth touch and feel of blankets throughout the morning and night. The hug of a friend and the touch of an animal's feathers or fur. The feel of hot and cold, and snow glistening. Thank You Heart that dances in my chest for the pulsating rhythm of life that pounds through me. Thank You bones for being strong and firm. Thank You kidneys for all the hard work to keep my body going strong. Thank You stomach for digesting so so perfectly and thank you muscles and veins and all of me. Thank You brain for allowing me to live and be conscious. Thank You spinal cord and nerves for allowing me to feel and walk and sit up straight. Thank You appendix for whatever it is you do. (Keeping the good germs alive and well?!) Thank You beautiful , wondrous body of mine. For everything.

I wrote this because I LOVE my beautiful body. I am beautiful.

My sister asked me if it's easy being so cheesy. lol Yes, for me, yes it is. 😀

I hope you all are having a beautiful day or night.

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x0x0 Kim ❤

Beauty All Around

May28

buddhakim

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I woke up somewhat early. Early for me. 10:00am The night before, I slept very well. I have been struggling with lower back pain, bordering on severe. Along with my facial pain disorder flaring up. Right now it’s because of my sleeping schedule being kind of messed up with my dog’s waking me up throughout the night and morning and the central air thing in my house broke so it has been excruciatingly hot some nights. I’m telling you, not getting the right amount of sleep for me really messes me up like nothing else! I get sick, coming down with sore throats, my hair falls out in clumps!, my whole body aches like hell, and on and on

But anyway,

When I woke up yesterday morning, my family was already awake and decided we would all go out together before I had to be in work at 5:00pm. We had no specific plans so we ventured on out just to see. And we drove by a Buddhist church in South Philadelphia! I never seen anything like it! Ever! I have never even known Buddhist churches exist! I don’t even know if it’s called a “church”. I’m uneducated on this topic. My dad saw it before though but he doesn’t know anything about it.

It’s AMAZING looking! The whole outside is very colorful with large statues all around it! So beautiful.

I wanted to go in SO badly!! But we are not sure if it’s open to the public or if only Buddhists/members are allowed in. I am not a Buddhist. I am an Atheist. But I love to learn about Buddhism and read the quotes and wonder at the concepts and things. So we just took lots of pictures outside with the statues!

bk8

bk9

I LOVED walking around in the wonderful weather. It was warm & sunny but with a slight chill.
In Center City Philadelphia, outside some stores, there are free books and things and my dad wanted to check some out! And I found a few treasures! This one book I found and was going to give to my sister. It’s a book of poems amd quotes mostly about things pertaining to a God. The Biblical God it seems. My sister, just like my dad & mom, is into God, Biblical things, and the supernatural things. I, however, am the oddball of the family who turned out a skeptic. lol 😀

But when I checked the book out better I soon realized it’s more my cup of tea than her’s! It’s a book of poems and quotes about appreciating the gifts all around that are considered by many to be “God’s blessings.” While I am quite the skeptic I am anything but closed minded. I find inspiration everywhere. Even in things with a religious or theistic tinge. I close my mind to nothing. I am very blessed and more and I LOVE all things about appreciating the beauty around us and helping those in need, people & animals alike.

I am so grateful that this littlen gem has fallen into my hands!

And I want to share an amazing short poem in this book.

Love Should Blossom

“So many loving words to give
To those with whom we work and live;
So many words heal and bless
Another’s hurt or loneliness.

A friendly smile, a glad hello
Can cheer someone who’s feeling low;
Or just a little thoughtful deed
Will help fulfill another’s need.

So many things that we can do
To help another’s day ring true;
So many ways to show we care –
Love should blossom everywhere.

Written by Kay Hoffman

Seriously, how true is this amazing message?! It’s a beautiful poem that rings so true! Any kind word, warm smile, friendly hello, loving gesture can brighten someone’s day and turn someone’s life around. So when you see a mother (or father) struggling with a screaming kid, offer them a helping hand instead of disgusted glares, adopt a furever friend at a shelter, hold doors for people, smile at strangers, make a true attempt to understand another person’s point of view or emotions, volunteer, help carry someone’s bags, buy someone a drink, genuinely compliment someone! There are an infinate amount of ways to make someone’s world a little or a lot brighter!

Why not be the one bringing light to that person struggling in the darkness? ❤

I also found a novel which I have just begun to read. As of right now, it's thoroughly entertaining. It's about a girl who is looking for a man and is unhappy that she is single and 32 years old. People keep nagging her about when she's going to get married and they won't just let her be. I think I know how it will end!

It's ok to be single at any age though. It's ok to want to be romantically tied but it should not interfere with general happiness and love of life itself. You don't need anyone to complete you. Fall in love with yourself and then romantic love may come your way soon! Or one day in the future. ❤

The book is called "Romantically Challenged" by Beth Orsoff.

I hope you all have a great day and appreciate the simple pleasures of life and being YOU! ❤

x0x0 Kim

Hello – Lionel Richie

May26

There’s a song I really love, actually there are lots. But the one on my heart today is “Hello” by Lionel Richie. He has an amazing & beautiful voice and I’m a softie for sappy love songs, especially old/ sort of old ones!

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=b_ILDFp5DGA&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Db_ILDFp5DGA

(I’m using my mobile phone and can only get the mobile link which may not work for anyone using a computer or another kind of phone)

I sure love my sap!

“I’ve been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you’re looking for?
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You’re all I’ve ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
‘Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love You.”

It’s the sweetest thing ever. I have a beautiful image in my head when I think of or listen to this beauty. I imagine a beautiful woman (I know he may not be singing to a woman but that is what comes into my head and in the video he is singing to a young woman) walking by in the gorgeous sunlight as it dances upon her hair and lights up her beauty and smile and a lonely and loving man longing for a companion peers out at her longingly without her knowing and dreams often of what it would be like to talk to her, touch her, be near her, embrace her, be loved by her in return. …He wants to know her and her life.   I see images of tables and chairs outside small cafes with umbrellas above and people walking the streets but this lovely lady is the one who catches his eyes and his heart.

Breathtaking.   Stunning.

Many years ago I heard on the radio, a disc jockey say that this song is NOT a romantic love song but a platonic love song about a long lost family member. And she briefly explained how some of the lyrics indicate that. My memory of exactly what she said is faltering and so I don’t really know much else. All I know is it definitely sounds like a romantic love song to me and when I search the net for the lyrics and meaning, everyone else seems to believe it’s about romantic love. Either way, it’s stunningly beautiful. So warm and wistfull.

The video?   Well, it’s controversial but I like it. Lol. In the video he is a teacher or professor and the girl he loves is legally blind. She cannot see a thing. She is very, very young which is one of the things that make it controversial and she’s also a student where he teaches, also controversial. But maybe the most controversial thing of all….he stalks her! that’s right, stalks her! Lol

It may be creepy but he’s not a serial murderer or sexual predator, he just loves this beautiful girl. I get the idea that she’s a young woman in college, maybe about 20 or 21 years old. But some think she’s younger.

Anyway, she’s in an art class and all of a sudden there is some commotion and people run to get him to come and see what this girl has sculpted in her class.
He runs into the room where she is sculpting and it’s quite a shock!

You may just want to cry! Lol

Now, if you want to watch the YouTube video which is a few minutes long, to see what happens instead of reading it here then do not read any more because I’m writing a spoiler!!!

SPOILER alert!!!
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The thing the girl sculpted is the professor’s face!!! As accurate as can be!! And remember, she’s blind! Completely and never touched his face before then. She’s in love with him too! So much she already knows his face!

😀

I would LOVE any comments/messages about the meaning or anyone else’s interpretations of this lovely song! But I’ll always love it even if it’s a mystery!

Lionel Richie is one of my favorite singers, always has been, and forever will be.

http://www.lyrics007.com/Lionel Richie Lyrics/Hello Lyrics.html
;-D

Xox0 Kim 😀

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It’s OK to Say NO!

May26

I love to help people whether or not I know them. I even help people I don’t like much. I don’t mind going out of my way for people even when I get nothing tangible or anything in return.   I help so much that I often put my own plans and desires on hold so other people come first. This happens more often than not.

Just the feeling of helping and knowing they are happy is enough for me. 

But there comes a point when people go overboard with their demands and requests. That point is when they take advantage because they see how much someone helps and never or almost never says “No”.

It’s great to sometimes put others before yourself and to say “YES!” to helping often but it’s NOT great to do this so frequently that you constantly put yourself out and are wearing yourself out to the point of physical and/or emotional exhaustion and it’s taking a toll on your body and self- esteem.

Lately I have been burdened by other people’s excessive requests for favors and demands to the extreme. People I never imagined would do this to me. Since I like these people and since I love to help people in general, I kept saying yes to their every request no matter how extreme and how frequent and how much it wore on me  and put me out.

My mom was angry and said this is completely wrong of them to keep asking and me to keep saying yes. I was constantly canceling and rearranging my own plans and putting my desires and needs on hold or completely abandoning them for other people’s wishes.

To do this sometimes is good! But to do this to the point of exhaustion and especially when the person or people asking non stop are clearly taking advantage and milking you for all you got just because in their heads they “Know” you’ll say yes is just going overboard and it’s uncalled for and detrimental. 

I believe it’s detrimental not only to the one doing all the excessive favors but even to those asking excessively. They need to be grounded, set-straight, “Put in their Place” if you will. They need to wake up and finally see that the world does not in fact, revolve around them and what they’re doing is wrong.

It’s just wrong to take advantage of somone’s caring and generous nature.

And on top of that I asked one of these people for one small favor which I rarely do and was told NO. So they know how to say no when they feel like.

And someone asking me constantly to put myself last has turned into a backstabber and needs to be told no once in a while.

Recently, I finally said “NO!” to someone. And my initial reaction was guilt and then regret. “I shouldn’t have said No.”. “Should I have said No?” “Why am I being Selfish?”. “This is so unlike Me.”. “I should have said Yes!”. “Maybe I should just go say Yes!” and on and on.

But my mom reminded me of all I have been doing for them. So much, my pain disorder began acting up and I still did more.

Then underneath the guilt and regret, I felt a sense of liberation and relief.   It’s my obligation to take care of myself and if saying no every now and then is caring for myself then that is what I have to do.

I will continue to help people often and sometimes put my plans off or cancel them for others. But I made a vow to myself to care for me as well, not just everyone else.

I don’t like when people are disappointed or angry and I definitely do not ever want to be the source of their pain but it’s not my job to wear myself out just to please people who purposely milk me for all I’m worth and turn into backstabbers.

No one is more important than anyone. No matter what.

If you want to say NO to someone who has been taking full advantage of your generosity and caring tendencies, say it! Scream it off the rooftops! Say NO! And if you want, don’t even explain.   Don’t even say sorry if you don’t feel like it.   Just a big NO will do. NO!

Say YES to yourself for once. And then make a habit of it.

As the saying goes, “People will treat you how you let Them.”. Not everyone takes advantage but those who do , pick up on how you are and how you react. They see how you usually are and then they base their treatment of you on that. So stand up for yourself. You’re worth it.

“That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.”
– William J. H. Boetcker

“Perhaps the surest test of an individual’s integrity
is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect.”
– Thomas S. Monson

“Self-respect is often mistaken for arrogance
when in reality it is the opposite.
When we can recognize all our good qualities
as well as or faults with neutrality,
we can start to appreciate ourselves
as we would a dear friend
and experience the comfortable inner glow of respect.”
– Osho

“Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”
~Paolo Coehlo

Here’s to saying YES to yourself!!!

Xox0 Kim 😀

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My Mental Illness & Strength

May24

Today I am depressed but not suicidal and want to send love to anyone else struggling. xoxo

” All the world is full of suffering.
It is also full of overcoming.”
– Helen Keller

Let today be the day that you choose to become your own greatest hero.

Xox0 Kim

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😀

It’s ok <3

May22

It’s ok to be powerful but gentle.
It’s ok to be shy but bold.
It’s ok to be loving but firm.
It’s ok to be giving but receptive.
It’s ok to be assertive and passive.
It’s ok to be strong but soft.
It’s ok to be expressive but reserved.
It’s ok to be outspoken.
It’s ok to be wild.
It’s ok to be joyful.
It’s ok to be sad.
It’s ok to be scared.
It’s ok to be wise but confused.
It’s ok to have setbacks.
It’s ok to fall.
It’s ok to get back up.
It’s ok to rest.
It’s ok to be loved.
It’s ok to do nothing for a while.
It’s ok to be adventurous but cautious.
It’s ok to be different.
It’s ok to stand out.
It’s ok to disagree.
It’s ok to grieve.
It’s ok to not know.
It’s ok to not completely understand.
It’s ok to be thin.
It’s ok to not be thin.
It’s ok to be hurt.
It’s ok to heal.
It’s ok to move on.
It’s ok to be imperfect.
It’s ok to fail.
It’s ok to succeed.
It’s ok to be tacky.
It’s ok to be youthful.
It’s ok to splurge on yourself every now and then.
It’s ok to skip a day of work just because you feel like it.
It’s ok to get bored.
It’s ok to be ungrateful sometimes.
It’s ok to want more.
It’s ok to want better.
It’s ok to love yourself.
It’s ok to forgive.
It’s ok to be angry.
It’s ok to be selfish sometimes.
It’s ok to curse.
It’s ok to be soft – spoken.
It’s ok to speak up.
It’s ok to know you deserve better.
It’s ok to ask for help.
It’s ok to not explain yourself.
It’s ok to accept yourself, flaws and all.
It’s ok to love even when it hurts.
It’s ok to cry.
It’s ok not to cry.
It’s ok to laugh.
It’s ok to be silly.
It’s ok to celebrate for no reason.
It’s ok to get dressed up just because.
It’s ok to buy yourself an expensive gift merely because you want it.
It’s ok to buy yourself flowers.
It’s ok to wear mismatching clothes.
It’s ok to be misunderstood.
It’s ok to be complicated.
It’s ok to be simple.
It’s ok to come alive.
It’s ok to get tired.
It’s ok to feel weak sometimes.
It’s ok to be happy.
It’s ok to be wonderful.
It’s ok to be beautiful.
It’s ok to be you.

It’s all ok.

Xox0 Kim 😀

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Beautiful quote

May20

“Love is more than what we feel for another person.  It is the scent of lilacs, roses, the ocean breeze or fresh summer rain.  That thing that makes your heart smile when you breathe it in.  Love is a summer breeze, the first snow flake, a big hug or a warm blanket on a chilly day.  It is that thing you feel when you are wrapped up in or touched by something wonderful.  Love is grass on your bare feet or sand between your toes, it is the splash of the ocean or the warmth of the sun. It is that sense of touching something bigger then you that makes you realize how special we are to experience this moment, now, here.  Love is million tiny moments that happen to the beat of our heart.  That stirs our senses and awaken our spirits.  That reminds us that when we fall we are not defeated, just seeing a different view feeling a different feeling.  Love is what we feel with, touch with, see with.  It is the one constant that makes our lives better.  The added bonus isn’t love it is sharing all your love with the ones you love.  “~ Cheryl Nordyke

Just sharing this beautiful quote I have seen today! Love it!

I think it’s a sweet reminder to appreciate all the simple pleasures and beauty all around us.




Xoxo0 Kim

Grief, Loss, & Healing

May19

I mentioned in previous posts that last month, my beautiful sweet fur baby, Koko died of old age. She was fourteen years old and my family had her for twelve years. It is one of the worst pains I have ever experienced. The fact that she was old and lived a full dog life with us brings me a sense of consolation but my grief was / is still so very strong.   It hurts. So deeply. She was a significant part of me. 

She slept with me and on my chest so many nights. I carried her around and loved and hugged and kissed her. I had her since I was a fourteen year old girl until I became a 26 year old woman.   It’s unbelievable that she’s gone.
I got her in high school and she was there at every stage of this life of mine.   When I struggled with depression, hospitalizations, graduations, loneliness, new people, college, just everything.

I can’t believe I’ll never hold her again.

Some moments that fact hits me so hard so deep. It cuts me. And it hurts. How can my sweet, sweet beautiful Koko be gone? Forever!? It’s incomprehensible.   It’s astounding.   I can’t believe it.

I can’t. It’s too sad. She was my baby. For about three weeks after Koko died, my grief was the number one thing I felt over anything.   I have a generally happy life so underneath my grief I felt happiness but it was drowned out by the grief. I could hardly laugh or joke and be my lighthearted self for weeks. Finally, my zest for life returned and my grief took the back burner and my happiness returned to the top again with some occasions my grief becoming strong again.

But generally, my happiness was at the front. I know grief heals but never ever goes away. The edge usually goes away in general and that raw pain like in the beginning doesn’t take over in general anymore. For many people, the raw pain may make an appearance through the years every now and then.   Maybe triggered by something or maybe just coming out of nowhere. But it’s no longer a constant after healing begins.

The raw pain of the loss of my sweet girl came back about a week ago.   I expected it would at some point. And I expected it would go again. For the last week I have been struggling hard with it. I miss my Koko and I want so badly to hold her close and kiss that sweet head again. She kissed Soooo much! She loved to kiss.

I have so many, many pictures of her and I am incredibly thankful for that even though it hurts to see them. I can see her so clearly in my memories.

I want my grief to continue healing but I don’t want it to ever go, as painful as it is. It is an indication of true love & blessing. 

It’s hard because not everyone understands the severe agony of pet loss so I cannot express my pain to everyone. Many, many people believe it’s just sad when a pet dies but not a “Real” or serious loss. People can think, feel what they will. But this is a big, and horrible loss for me.

I am angry. And I have been feeling as if I’m acting like a spoiled little ungrateful brat focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do.

But I know that’s not true.   Grieving is ok.

Today I woke up with my heart pounding at the thought that I will never see my girl again. Not ever.

So I have to accept it. I have to. For me.

It’s not easy. But it just is. 

Shortly after Koko died, I saw a sign hanging up that said pomeranian puppies for sale. A family had a litter of puppies that their dogs unexpectedly had and they had to find homes.

We had three other dogs already and were not looking for another. My mom had to go to a check cashing place. I complained. I usually go everywhere with my mom and did not want to go but she had to so we went. I walked in the door with a heavy heart. So broken and heavy.

I stood there trying to keep my grief at bay. I looked up across the room for no reason and there was that sign!

I couldn’t believe it! Koko was part pomeranian!! And no dog can ever replace her and make it ok that she’s gone even if I love that dog just as much but I wanted to give one of those babies a home.

My mom told me to copy the info. But she said my dad probably would not allow us to get one of those pom poms because my dad doesn’t like to have more than a few pets and we already had some.

But I copied it and when he came home after work i told him about the sign. He wasn’t as thrilled as we were but surprisingly to us it wasn’t completely out of the question either. I’m very, very shy even on the phone and I rarely make phone calls to people I don’t know or know well.   Even as an adult I used to have my mom make my phone calls for me for things like therapists and stuff.

My dad told me to call the family selling those pups. Like I said before, these are not puppy mill or pet shop pups and I don’t support puppy mills and the atrocities and horror those places are full of. This is just a family with a litter of pups their dogs had.

Some how I mustered up the courage to call! And the lady told me there was one boy left! One boy waiting for his loving forever home!

I have never lived a day of my life without a pet and never will.   In my family we never ever give pets away. No matter what. No matter how bad they are. Lol! 🙂

And I  love them like people.   So I knew that boy would have a loving furever home with us.

He was the last pup just waiting. They had him in a playpen and he was standing up wagging his little  tail and was so so happy to see us. He smothered me with kisses when I held him. Just like Koko used to.  And he has Koko’s face! But certainly not her personality!   She was calm and gentle and reserved.

This little boy is a terror! He’s wild and energetic and gets into everything he can get his little paws on!

He wasn’t afraid or anxious coming with us. I am so thankful that it was him there who we got to bring home. We had him for a little bit over a month and I can’t imagine not having him.

He is absolutely perfect.   I love how it’s like honoring Koko. He’s the same breed but full breaded and he’s like her life’s gift to us. I would never ever have wanted Koko to go away just to get another new dog. I wanted to hold on to her forever.   But I couldn’t and with this horrible situation we have him. This perfect five month old little pup.

Even my dad, who was reluctant at first and likes to be in control of everything is happy we got him and he calls him his son! Lol

His name is Emmy.  And everyone loves him. Even the other dogs.   Boobie who was Koko ‘s best friend in the world and was heart broken to lose Koko did not like Emmy at first. She avoided him like the plague. Now she loves him and plays with him the most! Koko did not usually play, she just snuggled.   Boobie is ten years old and all she does is play with five month old Emmy! He brought out her playful side.

Sometimes at night when I’m grieving so hard over my loss, I look next to me and see sweet little Emmy sleeping and I am overcome with gratitude and joy. It doesn’t take away my severe pain but it does ease it somewhat to know something good has come of this agonizing circumstance. 

Yesterday Emmy ripped my nose ring out! It has been pierced for about nine years and was never out! But yesterday morning when I was half sleeping it looked like a great plaything and he leapt up and ripped it out! It was bleeding! It needs special equipment to get it on and off but somehow he got the ball off and it flared up my pain disorder so bad. So my pain has been quite excruciating!   Tomorrow I have to go to the piercing place and get it put back in.

I love that sweet boy.

My mom, dad, and sister believe in signs and that things were /are “Meant to Be.”. I do not believe that.  They believe Emmy is “God’s ” gift or that Koko sent him to us. I don’t believe in anything of that sort but I love the way it all worked out.

I wanted to write something for myself to express my pain inside but also to let people know or remind people of the blessings all around, even in horrific situations. There’s always something good. It’s ok to grieve how you must as long as it takes.

I have lost animals my whole life because I have always had them and it’s always sad. But as a teenager and younger I did not feel negative or painful emotions as strongly as when I grew up.

Another sad loss I have experienced two years ago this month is the loss of a human friend, John. I never hung out with him but I saw him frequently and I love/d him as a friend. He died of an illness of the liver. It was shocking and devastating and still is sometimes. It is also one of the worst kinds of pain I ever had to endure.  But I let myself grieve and heal.

I am blessed with happy, loving, & funny memories of him.

He was a friendly, funny, and very loving man. And I am blessed to have known him.

One song that helped me cope with his death is: “Return to Innocence” by Enigma.

“Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide”

Shortly after he died I felt guilty for still feeling pleasure in things but I know I can’t stop living just because others have died. I am still here and I must go on.

My heart goes out to anyone who is grieving for any reason whether your loss is recent or many, years ago.   I hope you soon find the strength, hope, and consolation you need.

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Sweet Koko. April 1999 – April 2013

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Sweet little Emmy.

Xox0 Kim

Some blackberry camera photos I took

May10

So I totally just posted an entry full of lovely pictures and NONE showed up! And I was totally bragging too about the amazing wordpress app for BlackBerry Z10 and how it will allow me to post a shitload of pics. Lol well it’s still amazing but I think the problem is it cannot handle a heavy amount of photos. Maybe 2 or 3? Still better than what I can do with my phone without the app! 😀

So let’s see here are some pics I took with this crazy amazing phone of mine!

;-D

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