Tag Archive | beauty

Pain & my gratitude list for today

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

I am struggling hard with a somewhat severe flare up of my facial pain disorder. It’s not as bad as it tends to get sometimes but it’s bad. I had difficulty sleeping last night because the Throbbing pain kept me awake. My jaw locked shut and I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to even fit my soda bottle into it. The chronic pain disorder that I have (TMJD) sometimes causes sufferers to experience the locking of their jaw either locked shut or open.

It’s literally physically locked and can’t be forced open/closed until it decides to on its own. There’s no known cure or definite effective treatment. Most of the best treatments seem to be home remedies such as heating pads and cold packs, facial massages, stretches, avoiding certain things like gum chewing and hard food, avoiding stress because that tends to aggravate it…

My pain disorder is the most physically painful experience of my life. I’m not constantly in severe agony like some people but I am in pain more often than not and it flares up every now and again to severe agony that is debilitating and seemingly unbearable.

I struggled with this since I was a little girl but I had no idea what it is or that all the symptoms I experience are connected. I thought it was a sinus/ear condition complication since I used to have recurrent ear and sinus infections and my pain disorder affects those parts of the body. I was always afraid to tell my mom about my weird, confusing symptoms.

My left arm goes dead/weak, I experience sudden and temporary deafness, searing pain like a very severe tooth/ear/sinus ache all over my face, jaw, ears, around my eyes, temples, and now my neck, shoulders, head, and down my left arm. It used to only be on the left side of my body, now it’s on my right side as well.

My condition got worse and worse through the years until a couple years ago it became unbearable to me. I would scream out loud for hours through the night into the early morning until my throat was raw and sore and my mouth tasted like blood. Sometimes I couldn’t even scream or cry, all I could do was squeeze the bars on my bed with one hand and hold my throbbing face in the other and writhe in agony.

Physical pain frightens me when it reaches a certain point. I begin to panic. I have always been this way and I don’t know why. So when it flares up really bad, I am scared out of my mind. Every year I develop another symptom. When a doctor told me what this condition is I struggle with, it was one of the worst moments of my life. It felt like my life was shattered to pieces. That was around when my depressive disorder was really starting to get better in general. I was happy and hopeful.

Then my mysterious physical disorder flared up. It physically paralyzed me. I stayed wide awake for four days straight. With not a second of sleep. I screamed night after night til I lost my voice. I contemplated suicide. Not because of depression, for once. I wasn’t depressed.

I thought I would die because of not sleeping day after day.

I thought about buying or stealing drugs to help me stop the pain. Someone gave me prescription pain pills illegally. I was desperate. I took them. I took one. It wouldn’t work. I took a few more at once. They only took the edge off but I began feeling like myself again and was able to sleep.

When I thought it was a sinus/ear condition I believed that can always clear up but when the doctor told me it’s a chronic and currently incurable pain disorder that really has no professional treatment, I was absolutely devastated. It took everything I had not to crumble right there in her office.

Doctors often don’t like prescribing pain pills for pain disorders because they think people just want drugs and the chronic pain conditions can’t always be seen objectively with tests and sometimes pain pills don’t even work anyway. And I wouldn’t want to live on pain pills in general or take them frequently.

I had no idea what to do or how I would go on living. She gave me suggestions for how to ease the pain and prevent severe flare ups, like facial massages. I never knew I can touch my face because I thought that would make it worse. Just the mere thought of touching my face horrified me. Many nights before the diagnosis, I would lay in bed and imagine a human hand stroking and massaging my face wishing desperately that someone could do that for me but never knowing it can really be done without exacerbating the pain.

I would imagine the hand in different skin colors and sometimes imagine it invisible. When the doctor told me it’s not only ok but necessary for me to massage my face I was doubtful and terrified. That night I kept thinking about it, trying to get the courage up. I would put my hands to my face then lose the courage to touch it. Then one moment I touched my face. Then I pressed on it and massaged it and I couldn’t believe it actually mitigated the pain. It wouldn’t take it away but made it almost bearable.

The more I massaged it each day, the less my pain would become. Now that’s one of my greatest techniques.

The thing that helped me cope with my physical pain disorder is my depressive disorder. Because of years living with a depressive illness and learning ways to cope with it, I was already used to making myself better with personal development techniques and positive/optimistic thinking. So this prepared me for the worsening and diagnosis of this physical ailment. I knew I am strong enough to handle this.

One of the many great things about struggling with a severe depressive illness for years and working hard to get better is, it can strengthen us beyond belief and prepare us for anything, if we allow it to. I always thought of my depression as a “curse” for the most part, for many years, but it’s actually one of my greatest blessings, as horrific and agonizing as it is.

It made me so much of what I am today.

Suffering with severe pain of any kind can be excruciatingly lonely. When I’m suffering with a severe flare up of TMJD pain, I see everyone around me going on like usual not even realizing how incredibly blessed they are. So blessed. To be able to go on like nothing ever happened, having fun or not, laughing, eating, planning, talking, sleeping…

Not in severe anguish or despair. It’s like that with depression too.

But depression and physical pain can also open us to realize the simple but profound blessings all around. When I’m in too much pain, either physical or emotional, to do much of anything, I often see things in a way I overlooked before the pain flared up.

I see the moistness on cold soda bottles, the vibrancy of the colors in Nature, the texture of food…and I would do just about anything to go back. Back to where I was before. When the pain wasn’t so bad.

The good thing is that we can strengthen or develop the habit of seeing the simple greatness surrounding us so even when we aren’t in agony, we can bask in the simple treasures of life. I often do this more now, even when I’m not in pain.

That’s the good thing about pain. It can teach us so much. But not everyone will experience pain to that degree and depth and I hope they never will. I want to teach “ordinary” people without pain disorders to be constantly and consciously grateful for not being in pain, for all the simple things, the beauty of life.

Many people will say they’re thankful for everything when the concept arises but I believe we should think about it more often than just occasionally.

I don’t want tragedy to have to hit to make people awaken to the beauty and gratitude and abundance we are blessed with.

I will admit, sometimes I feel sorry for myself when I’m in too much pain. Especially at night when I’m in my bed or pacing back and forth in my bedroom while all the world around me is asleep and I’m in my own hell suffering beyond belief. And I believe that’s ok. Ok to feel sorry for myself on seldom occasions. But I don’t make a habit of it. Instead I make a habit of being strong and thankful and optimistic and positive whether or not I’m in pain.

My heart goes out to all who are suffering or struggling with pain of any kind, physical or emotional, whether it’s chronic or temporary. When I’m having a severe flare up, I hurt for myself but all I can mostly think about is the ones who have it worse and my heart breaks for them. There are people living in constant agony and not just occasional flare ups. And some people’s situations makes it harder to handle or live with. Since I myself have pain disorders I thoroughly understand what it’s like. Even if I never experienced chronic pain or severe agony I would be compassionate and understanding for people who do have it but the fact that I have it makes me understand more what it must be like for people always suffering.

Whenever I have a severe flare up, I try to make it a point to list a few things I’m thankful for. I have a choice to either sink into despair and focus on the pain all around or focus on beauty and hope. Today I choose Hope & Beauty.

Here’s my list:

1.) I’m thankful for the books and plays I’m blessed to have come across.

2.) I’m grateful for the songs I’m blessed to know.

3.) I’m thankful for personal development/self-help techniques

4.) for posting here

5.) for the people I have met on and off line

6.) for my body that functions very well

7.) for everything I have learned

8.) for the cold weather

9.) the beauty outside my window

10.) for blogs

11.) for animals

12.) for life

Pain is real. So is hope.

Much love, blessings, & strength to you all.

Xoxo Kim

365 Project (photos)

Dec17

(Mom’s slippers)

” A photograph is usually looked at- seldom looked into.”
Ansel Adams

Have you ever heard of the “365 Project?”. 365project.org

It’s a project where we take a photo each day and upload it to our account on that page. Anyone can set up an account for free and begin whenever you want. You don’t have to upload the picture the day you take it, you can post it whenever you get around to it but put the correct date of when it was taken. You can only put one picture on for each date but you can upload as many as you want on any day.

You can take a pic of anything you want, there are really no rules except I think no risqué photos or anything of that sort. And maybe no violent photos.

I set up an account this morning and have one for Dec. 15th & one for Dec. 16th. It’s a very inspiring project and people have said it’s life changing for the better. Some people are waiting until the new year to begin it.

I love love love LOVE taking pictures, looking at pictures & just everything to do with photography so this is amazing to me! ;-D

It’s like a social media thing, I guess, and you can have favorites and followers and stuff. I love the idea of taking a picture every day and posting it.

I think it’s best and most fulfilling if we take the pictures for us and not stress too much about how good or bad or perfect it is or how popular it will be. It really doesn’t matter as long as YOU like your pictures.

😀

I only recently heard about this so I haven’t seen too many of people ‘s pictures yet and I’m so happy I have so much to look forward to with it! So many amazing people and photos to come across!

Here’s my account:

http://365project.org/kimberlyjm52/365

I’m using my phone to take the pictures.

I love how a camera can capture beauty and immortalize it, and photos can speak so much.

Here are some great photography quotes I love!

“To photograph truthfully and effectively is to see beneath the surfaces and record the qualities of nature and humanity which live or are latent in all things.”
Ansel Adams

“Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever… it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything.”
– Aaron Siskind

No, the camera can’t steal the soul. But it can occasionally hold it hostage.
– author unknown

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.

Dorothea Lange

What i like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce.
Karl Lagerfeld

Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.
Marc Riboud

A good snapshot keeps a moment from running away.
Eudora Welty

To photograph is to hold one’s breath, when all faculties converge to capture fleeting reality. It’s at that precise moment that mastering an image becomes a great physical and intellectual joy.
Henri Cartier-Bresson

You don’t take a photograph, you make it.
Ansel Adams

Photography is all about secrets. The secrets we all have and will never tell.KKim Edwards

There are no rules for good photographs, there are only good photographs.
Ansel Adams

Xoxo Kim

P.s. If you’re doing this project, I would love to see your pics, you can post the link if you would like to share it with me!

Love & Humanness {Oneness}

Nov29

” We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” ~
Tim McGraw

I’m currently reading a book by Leo Buscaglia called “Personhood.”. I had this book for quite a while but never got around to reading it until now. I still have much more to read but I love the whole concept of the book. It’s not a philosophy or political book or even really a psychology book. It’s a personal development book about living up to our full potential, loving and connecting with others.

Dr. Buscaglia explains how no matter how different we are than each other or no matter how similar we are to one another we can connect with each other through our basic humanness. We don’t have to have very similar life experiences or relate or identify with each other in very significant ways to deeply connect with each other.

We are similar in very basic ways. We are alive. We all have a story and all experience pleasure and pain and have needs and desires.

I have always loved people and often feel deeply connected with others whether I know them well or not. I have so much gratitude & appreciation for the lives of others.

Recently I was with my mom, dad, and little sister in my dad’s mini van and we were driving in Center City, Philadelphia at night and there were lots of people walking, standing, sitting….around the city.

Some were homeless and dirty, dressed in rags, some were dressed warmly and smiling, talking on cell phones, waiting for busses, giggling with one another, some looked sad and distraught while others appeared to be happy and carefree. Some were alone, some in groups. I noticed short people and tall people, young and old, men and women,Asian, African American, Latino, Caucasian…

Some spoke languages other than English. One pretty young lady with long blonde hair who was with a man was laughing wildly like she had no care in the world. They were smiling and genuinely joyous. I couldn’t help but stare, maybe to the point of rudeness. They looked perfect together standing beneath the city lights at night laughing with wild abandon. I had no choice but to smile myself. They were speaking a language I couldn’t understand.

Then they started walking towards my sister and me as we stood on the street corner waiting for my dad and mom to come for us. We went to a bookstore and there were no parking spaces so my dad had to drive around the block til we came out.

When the girl got close to me she smiled , looked directly at me and said “Bonjour soeur.”. And continued walking.
I can only speak English and I wasn’t completely sure what she said to me but in high school I took an Italian class and some days conversations of other languages came up including conversations about the French language.

I got an idea the girl said “hello sister” in French to me. So I looked it up on Google translate on my phone and discovered that is in fact what she said.

It warmed my heart. I couldn’t understand her language but I certainly understood her smile, her laugh, her beauty, and the spark in her eyes, her need to reach me…

And she saw something in me that inspired her to reach out with a warm & friendly greeting.

So we had the language barrier but that doesn’t prevent human connection.

We all speak different languages, have different cultures, different experiences, different skin colors, and ethnicities, sexual orientations, nationalities, political views, religions, opinions, and many other differences but our smiles, laughs, love, beauty, and basic humanness connect the same.

As I was looking at each person I asked myself “Is it weird to love every person I look at, to feel a strong sense of gratitude for the lives of people I don’t know and will probably never know and never see again?”.

It may be weird to some people but weird or not, it’s what I often feel. I don’t know those people but I know they are someone. They bring a light to this world. They all have a name, a face, a life, a breath, a story, a dream. They have a heart and they experience pleasure and pain, desires, and needs.

We may have sharp differences and experiences, opposing views, disagreements but we are not very different underneath.

Leo Buscaglia, in his book, describes some very brief experiences where he met someone who he could only connect with through their basic humanness. Because of language/culture barriers or because of dramatically different life experiences, these people he encountered were only able to connect with him through being living humans but still the connection is deep, satisfying, and rewarding.

He describes a woman he saw one hot afternoon while he was in southern India. She was in a faded sari and walking. He noticed she seemed strong and erect and determined. She had a large, heavy water pot balanced on her head. There was no sign of where she has been or where she was going.
He writes this: “She paused for a moment and our eyes met. We knew each other.”

Not a word was spoken, yet these two people connected deeply.

He writes of the “beautiful, toothless old farmer in Nepal” who allowed him to stay overnight in his house with all of his family and animals. Leo Buscaglia writes,

“Conversation, beyond sign language, a smile, eye contact, a touch, was impossible.”

This farmer had no idea where the USA is, never spoke to a Western person, and never traveled in a car. He never heard of history, knew nothing of politics, and knew nothing at all beyond his village life. But Dr. Buscaglia writes,

“Still, for an evening we were brought warmly together. When the time for parting came, feeling that we would probably never meet again, we walked arm and arm to the village’s end and wept. We are still together.”

He writes of the young anxious business man who helped him find his way in Tokyo when he was lost, the Brooklyn, NY teenager who told him that he helped him create his purpose, the Kindergarten child who he laughed with in a lunchroom.

Dr. Buscaglia writes this about his experiences,

“For these few brief seconds of our encounters, I was and still am that Indian woman, that Nepalese farmer, that Japanese businessman, that New York student, that Kindergarten child. We were all one in the same thing, humanness. When our minds could not meet, our hearts were the common bond. When our speech was a mystery, it was solved by our eyes and arms.”

“Some moved in technological wonder, others in primitive magic ; some rested in material opulence, others in the greatest simplicity and even desperate poverty; some were equipped with strong formal educations, others simply used their natural mental endowments, enriched by experienced. But, whatever, they all had a strong common tie – their humanness, their deep need to survive, to realize their experience, to love and be loved, to overcome loneliness and isolation, to use their creative endeavors, to make things more comfortable and beautiful for themselves and their loved ones, to attempt to understand their world and their part in it.”

And this:

“Each of these people were the history of all people, but all were also a part of the unique history which only their lives would write….”

Isn’t this beautiful?!? We are all connected. I am you. You are me. In so many ways.

The homeless people you see, the financially struggling, the rich people, the ones you feel are way out of your league, the ones you feel that you are above in some ways, the “losers,” the “saints,” the lucky ones, the unfortunate ones, the people who seem to have it all, the ones who have next to nothing, we are all each other.

Some of the most deepest connections, conversations, experiences I have known, have been with random strangers or people I just met, on the busses, in hospitals, walking the streets..

I am very shy but very open to people.

If ever you feel lonely and isolated, remember there’s a whole world full of people. Ones who will walk with you for a while, embrace you, make eye contact with you, listen to your story….

“Do not feel lonely, the entire universe is inside you.” ~ Rumi

Xoxo Kim

It takes one to know one

Nov4

That phrase “It takes one to know one” is something I have heard since I was a little girl. When I would be out with my friends when we were little and we would get into trivial little arguments and call each other “little brats” or “traitors” or “chicken” kids would always yell back “It takes one to know one!” saying or implying that since we called someone “chicken” or “brat” or any childish insult, then we are one too.

I never understood this phrase. “It takes one to know one.” How is that? If I know a murderer does that make me one? If I know a thief, am I necessarily a thief? Or if I know a doctor, a social worker, or a lawyer, does that entail that I am one of those?

Even as an adult, for many years, I just couldn’t grasp the phrase. But some months ago I began to understand and now today, I understand so much better than ever.

“It takes one to know one.” It’s not always true and doesn’t always have to be taken literally. If I know a dog, that doesn’t make me a dog.

But, now in this phrase I once believed to be idiotic and nonsensical, I see so much wisdom and truth.

I was thinking about people who frequently only see the bad in someone or in humanity or the world at large and people who won’t appreciate the goodness in someone.

Have you ever been so good to someone or just good in general and certain people can’t see it or don’t want to or just don’t care to appreciate all of your beauty and light? Maybe they disregard it or only see what they deem as flaws.

But that’s not because of who you are; it’s how they are being. That’s the lense they are seeing through; it’s not your truth.

If there’s no beauty in the way they see things or the way they are being, they likely won’t see your beauty no matter the vibrancy, degree, or depth of it.

Someone with a general bitter heart will usually only see bitterness, not softness or light. Someone who is generally unkind won’t often appreciate kindness. Someone who is frequently angry and unhappy and insulting will very rarely detect or appreciate beauty in someone and goodness and positive qualities.

Have you ever detected beauty and wisdom in something and think it’s amazing? Or see incredible qualities in someone and think that person is beyond beautiful? That’s because there’s some beauty and wisdom in you, yourself to see that.

You are open to seeing positivity and allowing it to be revealed to you.

You are receptive of it.

It resonates with you because there is some of it in you.

When you meet someone or know someone and think “S/he’s so amazing and beautiful” that shows that you also have a warm, receptive, attentive heart.

I frequently share inspirational messages of hope, light, beauty, strength, perseverance, and more on Facebook and on here. And I get the sweetest, kindest messages by people often complimenting me on my deep wisdom and positivity and uplifting messages.

I greatly appreciate each and every person and each and every sweet message. Some of these people don’t realize that they, themselves are very kind, wise, strong, and positive. If they weren’t, it would be difficult to see it in others.

They see it in me and I see it in them. Their wisdom mirrors my own.

If you love seeing/hearing about people helping others for nothing in return, if that’s something that tugs on your heartstrings, warms you up, that shows that it’s also in you to be kind and generous. Maybe you don’t help people much because you don’t see any opportunities around you or maybe you’re lazy or shy or reserved but it’s in you to be beautiful.

Do you think someone who loathes people in general, someone who likes to watch others suffer, fall, or fail would be happy watching someone help people expecting nothing in return? Probably not.

If you ever encounter someone who doesn’t appreciate the person you are, always remember, it’s not because you aren’t great and amazing and beautiful and lovely, it’s because that person needs some work done on her/himself to better see the goodness & beauty in life and in people.

And the next occasion you compliment someone or think about how incredible someone is, don’t forget to acknowledge and give thanks to your own loving heart.

Xoxo Kim

Born over & over. And over again.

Nov1

“This girl is a woman now
She’s found out what it’s all about
And she’s learning learning learning to live…” ~ Gary Puckett & the Union Gap

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ” ~ Rumi
“Surviving meant being born over and over.” ~ Erica Jong

Adversity can crush our spirit – or strengthen it – it is our choice.

Yeah, this post isn’t about reincarnation in the sense of the rebirth of a soul or spirit after biological death. But it is about death and rebirth in a sense.

This post is more directed at women but men and anyone who identifies as both/none can read and learn too! The message is definitely not exclusive to women. The book I’m reading is mostly geared towards women. But the lesson goes for anyone.

I’m reading Sarah Ban Breathnach ‘s “Something More – Excavating Your Authentic Self.”
I absolutely love her writing style. It’s so warm and gentle but so strong and passionate.

In this book, in a section called, “Near-Life Experiences,” she writes

“Every day we experience death. The death of dreams, misconceptions, illusions. The death of vibrancy and enthusiasm. The death of hope. The death of courage. The death of confidence. The death of faith. The death of trust. More often than any of us ever expect, life stuns us with the sudden wrenching away of a loved one, a devastating diagnosis, a conversation that begins with the chilling words “There’s Something I’ve got to tell you.
We feel as if life is over, and we are right. Life as we knew it is over.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach writes about when her marriage ended and when her health was threatened. She writes

“In each instance, when I regained consciousness months later, I was someone else. I died to myself, and a stronger, wiser, and more passionate woman was resurrected in my place. Although this woman answered to my name, she was profoundly different. “

This woman was in a serious accident, years ago, in a fast -food restaurant with her toddler daughter when a large ceiling panel fell off and crashed into her. She fell unconscious onto the table. No one else was hurt. She suffered a severe concussion, was bedridden, confused, and disoriented for months and disabled for a year and a half. For a few months her senses did not function properly. She had to stay in bed constantly in the dark because her injuries rendered her extremely sensitive to light. She was inarticulate and couldn’t speak coherently. She felt imprisoned in her own body, neither alive nor dead but having a “near -life experience.”

She shares a quote by Eudora Welty, “the fantasies of dying could be no stranger than the fantasies of living. Surviving is perhaps the strangest fantasy of them all.”

And here is, what I see, as the most beautiful part of Sarah Ban Breathnach’s story.

When she was bedridden in the dark she had nothing to do but tell herself stories in her head. She writes this,

“In order to get through this purgatory, I would lie in the dark and tell myself stories – discombobulated sagas, to be sure – as I wove in and out of wakefulness. Clara Pinkola Estes believes that ‘Stories are medicine.’ They certainly became my homeopathic remedies. Although I had been a journalist for ten years, I had never thought of myself as a storyteller. But snatches of stories-fairy tales I’d heard as a child, adventures I’d lived as a young woman- would float to the top of my distress and hang in midair until I retrieved one and recast it as a personal parable. Each starred my own romantic heroine, an extraordinary woman who triumphed over her travails with courage, grace, and grit – a person who bore no resemblance to me at all. This woman was beautiful and radiant, with a strong, healthy, and vibrant aura. Her eyes sparkled and she laughed uproariously . She was mysterious, magnetic, accomplished, powerful, irresistible, confident, smart, sassy, funny, and sexy. She was passionate. She possessed verve, but more important, she reflected, even in the worst situations, the essential characteristic of all romantic heroines – repose of the soul. I couldn’t remember having an imaginary friend as a child, but now I did and I adored her company.
I looked forward to my alter ego ‘s daily dose of diva-gation- her wandering, straying, but always pulling through with pluck to live and love again.”

After this ordeal was over, Sarah Ban Breathnach realized that this beautiful, passionate, strong woman in her waking dreams is in fact herself. Her authentic self.
The self she always knew deep, deep inside she can be. The self she already was then but buried beneath layers of social demands and pressures, the stresses of everyday life, denial, feelings of unworthiness….She had to learn this and practice acknowledging it but eventually she came to know that she is a strong, wise woman of love, passion, and strength. This woman and this wisdom were born of pain and horror but she was there all along waiting for the birth of herself.

It’s true that every single day parts of us die so new parts can be born. Even our skin and cells physically die and give way to new ones.

Death hurts. Not just the biological death of someone we love or the death of a relationship but even the death of minor details in our lives or the death of certain ways of thinking can hurt. Something we once believed and no longer believe. The death of certain opinions, the death of an illusion.
The death of certain ways of living.
Even the death of something unpleasant can hurt at first. A job you always wanted to leave and finally do get to leave it. It can hurt because you’re pushed out of your comfort zone, something you have known for so long. It hurts. Even though it’s what you wanted.

When hope dies, when faith dies, and we fall, when we have setbacks and seem to fail, we can let this all guide us, push us forward to something bigger and better, we make room for new things, better things, more beautiful things to fall into place.

We can allow our pain, struggles, challenges, failures, setbacks, relapses, and unpleasant experiences to strengthen us, make us wiser, better, enlightened, empowered, and more empathetic and compassionate to others and ourselves. We can take our pain and struggles as challenges to come up with creative ways to better ourselves and use them to our advantage.

So, girls think of the woman you long to be, the one you would love to know, be friends with, be in the company of, the woman you KNOW you CAN be and deep inside ARE already her.

Materialize her. Realize her.

Think of the best girl friend you would love to know or one you have already if you’re that blessed or the the kind of mother you want to be if you want to be one and would love to have for yourself, the kind of sister you would adore, the professor you would look up to in college, the counselor you would love to talk to, the neighbor you would love to chat with on the street, the girl of your dreams….

What do you love about her? Why do you adore her? What traits does this beautiful woman possess and display? What virtues does she embody? What surrounds her? What dwells within her? What does she do? What do you see in her? What ways does she have about her? What goals does she have? What does she dream about at night? What daydreams occupy her mind? How does she feel? How does she love?

If you can dream her, you can be her.

You can recreate yourself into the you that you want to be. You can strengthen and play up the things you already love about yourself and develop the things you want but do not yet possess.

“Act like a lady, think like a boss.”
“She believed she could so she did.”
“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards
“She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world. ” ~ Joanne Harris
“Girls compete with each other, women empower one another.”

Don’t deny your needs and desires. Don’t repress yourself. Let your opinions be heard. Don’t feel threatened by an opinion which opposes yours. If you know what someone says is or may be correct and you are wrong, admit it, at least to yourself. Let it shake you up and then change your views. If you know in your heart of hearts that you are correct then let your opinion be as loud as the opposing one. Don’t let anyone make you squirm or back down. Stand tall. Stand proud. Stand.
It’s ok to be wrong and it’s ok to give in and see the other side and admit it.
It’s ok to build yourself up.
To call yourself beautiful.
To love you.
To cherish you.
Do what makes you happy no matter what, don’t let anyone dull your sparkle or get in your way. Be true. Be you.
Take care of yourself, tend to your needs, be selfish occasionally when you have to be for your own mental/emotional/psychological/spiritual & physical health. Say no when you must. Say yes to you.
Buy yourself flowers.
Laugh loudly. Live passionately. Love fiercely.

Reflect and think about who you want to be, write in a journal, meditate, list qualities you wish to posses or strengthen and ones you want to abandon.

And if you’re not a woman, this can still apply to you. It applies to all humans. We can all work to be a better version of ourselves.

Each moment we fall apart, we are made new. Born again. And again. And again. And again…..a new dawn comes to life. The sun rises again. Morning has awakened.

Crumble. So you can stand again but even stronger.

“Oh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything .”~ Helen Reddy

“You can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul” ~ Helen Reddy

“I’m not a one in a million kind of girl, I’m that once in a lifetime kind of woman.”

“Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won’t back down

No I’ll stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down.” ~ Tom Petty

Let your pain make you better, not bitter.

“Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Xoxo Kim

Shaya’s Story – {inspirational} <3

Oct19

I downloaded a book on my Kindle for free and it’s all short inspirational stories. This one touches me deeply so I looked it up online and decided to share it here. It’s about a child with a learning disability and his dad and a moment that impacted them for life. It’s based on a true story but I notice that there are slightly different versions of it but all basically the same with the exact same message and ending. Some versions have more of a religious or spiritual tinge and some are more secular, all are heartwarming. This one is closest to the one in the Kindle book.

“In Brooklyn, New York, Chush is a school that caters to children with learning disabilities. Some children remain in Chush for their entire school career while others can transfer into conventional schools. At a Chush fund-raising dinner the father of a Chush child delivered a speech that will always be remembered by all who attended.

After extolling the school and it’s dedicated staff he cried out, “When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shaya, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?”

The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father’s anguish and stilled by the piercing query. “I believe,” the father answered, “that when a child like Shaya comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.”

He then told the following story about his son Shaya:

One afternoon, Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys whom Shaya knew were playing baseball. Shaya asked, “Do you think they will let me play?”

Shaya’s father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys would not want him on their team. But Shaya’s father also understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a comfortable sense of belonging. Shaya’s father approached one of the boys in the field and asked if Shaya could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his team mates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said “We are losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we’ll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning.”

Shaya’s father was ecstatic as Shaya smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play short centre field. In the bottom of the eighth inning Shaya’s team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning Shaya’s team scored again and now, with two outs and the bases loaded with the potential winning run on base, Shaya was scheduled to be up. Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn’t even know how to hold the bat properly, let alone hit with it.

However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shaya should at least be able to make contact. The first pitch came and Shaya swung clumsily and missed. One of Shaya’s team mates came up to Shaya and together they held the bat and faced the pitcher waiting for the next pitch.

The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shaya. As the pitch came in, Shaya and his team mate swung at the ball and together they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game.

Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, “Shaya, run to first. Run to first.” Never in his life had Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out the still-running Shaya.

But the right fielder understood what the pitcher’s intentions were so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman’s head. Everyone yelled, “Run to second, run to second.” Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shaya reached second base the opposing short stop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, “Run to third.” As Shaya rounded third the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, “Shaya run home.” Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero as he had just hit a “grand slam” and won the game for his team.

“That day,” said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, “the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world
“. “

{from “Echoes of the Maggid (1999) by Rabbi Paysach Krohn, told to him by Shaya’s father}

I absolutely love this beautiful story. Both teams who were opposing each other in the game came together as One to encourage, support, include, and bring love to a little boy and his dad who needed it so much. They chose to be selfless and care more about a person than their game. Beautiful!

I believe we should all show love like this to our fellow sentient beings. We should empower one another, support, encourage, and nourish people’s strengths, point out the beauty and goodness in each other, focus on the positive.

Much love to you all.

Xoxo Kim 🙂

Hungry Eyes {—–{—-@

Oct12

“And Joy is Everywhere; It is in the Earth’s green covering of grass; In the blue serenity of the Sky; In the reckless exuberance of Spring; In the severe abstinence of gray Winter; In the Living flesh that animates our bodily frame; In the perfect poise of the Human figure, noble and upright; In Living; In the exercise of all our powers; In the acquisition of Knowledge; in fighting evils… Joy is there Everywhere.” ~ “Joy,” by Rabindranath Tagore Indian Poet

I live in Philadelphia, Pa which is close to New Jersey and my dad loves to go to NJ for Nature walks so we frequently go there to different places to walk around in the loveliness of The gorgeous greenery, and luscious colorful wonder. I usually work every Saturday day but today I was asked to come in instead, at night so I’m here now on a slow, cool night.

The beauty all around is indescribable. The life in the trees, the sky, the flowers, and everywhere just comes gushing out. It’s so serene and healing, like the Ocean.

Today as I was walking around I was so satisfied, fulfilled, connected, at One with all that is, yet I felt this hunger deep inside for more of Nature’s sweetness. It was enthralling. Almost magical.

Everything was so vibrant and colorful and throbbing with life. Everything I looked became like a pulse, a heartbeat in the wind.

All of the simple treasures that Nature has to offer are stunning, breathtaking and cost nothing! All you have to do is step outside and allow the Beauty to touch you, captivate you.
And it’s not just visual. The scent of pine filled the air, the sweet softness of the Autumn wind caressing my skin, the sounds of insects and birds chirping & humming….

I want to share some photos I took of all the loveliness!

My sister & me sitting on top of a water well.

Me with a large key, which is made out of raw metal and was challenging to make, it stands as an enduring reminder of Cherry Hill’s history.

Sister love.

I’m going to post more pics in another post. When I try to post too many pics in one post, none show up.

I hope you All are having a great one.

Xoxo Kim

Sunshine Award….Thank You Dr. Rex <3

Oct11

The amazing Dr. Rex nominated me for the Sunshine Award! She is beautiful, amazing, and very expressive. She has a sweet way of impacting people for the better and showing people deep gratitude and appreciation. We share similar views on things too.

Please go visit her beautiful blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

And here is the award nominations page:
http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/10/sunshine-award-2/

I am so beyond blessed and grateful that someone reads my writings and finds me worthy of this award!

I read and love many blogs and they are all amazing and bring light into the world. My life is much better because of many of the amazing people and their love, courage, and need or desire to share their beauty with the world using their blogs. I don’t know them in person but they greatly impact me.

Here are the rules:

The rules of this award are the following:

1) Use the logo above in the post.
2) Link to whoever nominated you.
3) Write ten pieces of information about yourself.
4) Nominate ten fellow bloggers “who positively and creatively inspire others in the blogosphere.”
5) Leave a comment on the nominees’ blogs to tell them of the award.

Here are my ten facts:

1.) I love reading. My favorite subjects are Personal Development, Philosophy, and Psychology. I love reading books, ebooks, plays, blogs, websites…and I read more fiction now than I used to and love it! I also love poetry of various kinds.

“I adore the feeling of being completely taken in by a book. When the tears of joy or sadness wet your cheeks. When you snort with laughter in a crowd and when you shout at the pages in anger.” ~ Unknown

2.) Photography is something I’m very interested in but know almost nothing about. I take pictures with my BlackBerry phone constantly and it takes amazing pictures! I would love to be a Nature/wedding /engagement/couples/baby/family photographer. I love natural things like sunlight flowers, moon, birds, insects…and I love everything about weddings and families and babies. To me they symbolize love, new beginnings, and togetherness. I plan on learning more about it and am entertaining the idea of taking photography classes for fun one day when I get money!

“To photograph truthfully and effectively is to see beneath the surfaces and record the qualities of nature and humanity which live or are latent in all things.”
Ansel Adams

No, the camera can’t steal the soul. But it can occasionally hold it hostage.
– author unknown

3.) I strongly value friendship and unity.

“Friendships are different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintanceship, friendship is based on love. Unlike lovers and married couples, it is free of jealousy. Unlike children and parents, it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is marriage. Parents are bound by the law. But friendships are freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised.” ~ Stephen Ambrose

“But oh! the blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” ~ Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

4.) I have struggled with depression off and on since I was 13 years old.

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts like today.” ~ Og Mandino.

“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy. -~ Anne Frank

5.) I love people and animals and love and accept unconditionally. If I love/like you I won’t reject you for political/religious/philosophical views or for decisions you make or have made that I disagree with. I see the good and the beauty in people. I see the person, not mistakes or disagreements.

“I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.” ~ Bob Dylan

6.) Two of my favorite things are quotes & songs. They can be so deeply inspirational.

“Life itself is a quotation.” – Jorge Luis Borges

7.) I am a very simple girl with a very simple life for the most part. I am not complicated or hard to understand. I don’t participate much in or cause complicated arguments with people. I do not make things more complex than they have to be. I usually say exactly what I mean and do not expect people to be my mind readers. This is not to say my external environment is always calm and peaceful. I experience stress, chaos, disorder, drama…sometimes but have learned to mostly handle it well and remain still & calm within. Simple isn’t dull. I have a deep, rich inner life. I ponder philosophical ideas, concepts, questions…I love meditation…

Confucius says it best “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”

8.) I am extremely loving. I am overflowing with love & gratitude for people, animals, things, life, the world, love & gratitude itself.

“When I start loving I just can’t stop.” ~ Sam & Dave (“Soul Man” lyrics)

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”
~Louise Hay

9.) Oldies music, country music, sappy love songs, uplifting music…is the best!

“Just take those old records off the shelf
I’ll sit and listen to ’em by m’self
Today’s music ain’t got the same soul
I like that old time rock and roll
Don’t try to take me to a Disco
You’ll never even get me out on the floor
In 10 minutes I’ll be late for the door
I like that old time rock and roll ” ~ Bob Seger

10.) While I love seeing some traits in people that I, myself, also possess, I have a deep respect and adoration for people who possess characteristics that I do not. For example: I am not very assertive and do not always speak up for myself when I should and I LOVE assertiveness in others. Even when someone speaks up to me about something the person disagrees with me for and even when I feel that person is wrong/incorrect. I sometimes neglect/abuse myself in ways like denying I have a problem and not taking medication and putting everyone who takes advantage of me first and love when people are devoted to self-care and nourish themselves. I love to see people stand up for and advocate for themselves. Not being overly selfish but a healthy dosage of selfishness. It’s not good to be purely selfless!

I believe Buddha is correct in saying “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”

Other than Dr. Rex’s blog, Here are the eleven (sorry, I broke the rules! ) blogs that to me are perfection. The authors make the world better and touch lives with beauty, wisdom, and light. Thank You!! 😀

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

Beautiful girl, beautiful blog! I love her writing so much! So uplifting and real. And fascinating.

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/
Very inspiring! So heartwarming and touching!

http://wordslikesilk.com/
Beautiful writing!

http://terry1954.wordpress.com/
She is beautiful and displays much strength and wisdom.

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

So wise & inspiring.

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/
Love this blog and we share a love for feather friends!

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

Very inspiring and lovely.

http://timelessferry.wordpress.com/

Beautiful writing and photos.

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

Very inspiring and amazing.

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/
Very strong, inspiring, and positive.

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

We share the similar goal of being the best we can be and working constantly at personal development.

Thank You again Dr. Rex and to the above bloggers and all the others who touch this world with wild wonder & sunlight & moonlight.

Xoxo Kim

Hopelessness – a gift?

Oct5

This, here, post is another one about the book I read called “Learning from the Heart” by Dr. Gottlieb, a Temple University graduate of Psychology. He is a psychologist who specializes in family therapy and addiction and was the director of a program in Philadelphia. His book is a book of lessons learned in his life.

Dr. Gottlieb was in a tragic accident when he was 33 years old. His life was going very well, he was married with two little girls and a great therapy practice going when one morning he got into his car and saw a black object flying into his windshield. He later woke up in a hospital to find that he is paralyzed for the rest of his life. He was in that hospital for one year. He struggles with quadriplegia. People with this condition suffer with recurrent and permanent infections as a result of the paralysis. He is permanently paralyzed at the chest and down.

Dr. Gottlieb, at first, had much difficulty accepting his condition and wanted to die by suicide.

This experience taught him how to view Hopelessness in a different way than we usually think of “hopelessness.”. What do you think of when you hear the word “hopeless?”. Desperation? Despair? Giving up?, Misery, …

There is another way to look at a “hopeless” situation. As a gift. Hopelessness itself can be a true gift. It can give us the liberty to move on or move forward with the life we currently have instead of desperately clinging to something we do not currently have and may never have and missing out on right now lusting after or longing for something else.

Shortly after this accident, Dr. Gottlieb made the decision to live for two years and then see if he were able to go on living. He hoped that something would change dramatically.

It may sound good & pleasant that he had hope. But this false hope was actually a hindrance to him. It was imprisoning him,not allowing him to live in the now, in the present moment, it would not allow him to embrace his current life. All he could do was “hope” for things that would never happen, then he would be happy.

He hoped he would walk again. With quadriplegia that’s not possible, ever. He hoped his infections would cease to exist. With quadriplegia, that’s not possible.

Dr. Gottlieb is Jewish but he seems, by what I read, to be somewhat secular or a free-thinker and doesn’t really have a definite concept of any sort of god.

He wrote this “At the end of two years, I took myself into the bedroom and I had a deep, reflective conversation with…well, I don’t know. God? My god? My own truth? Anyway, the conversation went something like this: ‘Okay, I will live with it if you give me hope that one day I’ll walk.’ And what I heard back was, ‘Nope. No hope. Live or die. Make your choice.’. So I said, ‘Give me hope that I won’t be so sick.’. (My health was so fragile – I just wanted some assurance that I would feel stronger and be able to fight off infections.). And I got the same answer. ‘Either live with it or don’t. It’s not going to change.’ For every request, I got the same answer.”

After the two years was up, Dr. Gottlieb had to make a choice. Live or die. He lost hope that he would ever walk again. He lost hope that he would stop getting sick with infections.

And he chose life.

If he kept up the hope that something physical would change, he would have missed out on this life now in hopes of a “better” tomorrow.

But he chose now. Hopelessness gave him the gift of Now.

This is a very different and very beautiful way of looking at hopelessness. When we become hopeless about something we want, we let go. Not let go of life. But let go of lusting after what may or may not come in the future. Embrace now. Cherish now. Love now.

Dr. Gottlieb still struggles, he writes, but he realizes how beautiful life is now and he loves his beautiful life.

There have been so many days I have lost, hoping for something better, wishing for more in the future and I let now slip away. But when I let go, I make room in my heart for this life I live Now.

Is there anything you are holding onto? A hope for something that you’re clinging to that is not letting you live now?

“I’ll be happy when I lose 5 pounds….”
“I’ll be happy when I find the love of my life…”
“I’ll be happy when I have a better job….”
“I’ll be happy when I become rich….”
“I’ll be happy when I have kids, when I get married, when I don’t have to work anymore, when I graduate college, when…”

Why not be happy now?! You can still work for things but it’s best not to let it destroy your serenity and love right now.

“Normal day, let me be aware
of the treasure that you are.
let me learn from you, love you,
bless you before we depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest
of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
let me hold you while I may,
for it may not be always so. One day
I shall dig my nails into the earth,
or bury my face in the pillow,
or stretch myself tart,
or raise my hands
to the sky and want, more
than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion

“You know the future’s lookin’ brighter
Every morning’ when i get up
Don’t be thinkin’ ’bout what’s not enough,now baby
Just be thinkin’ ’bout what we got
think of all my love, now
I’m gonna give you all I got” ~ Eddie Money (Baby Hold On)

“It’s not that I don’t want a lot
Or hope for more, or dream of more
But giving thanks for what I’ve got
Makes me so much happier than keeping score

In a world that can bring pain
I will still take each chance
For I believe that whatever the terrain
Our feet can learn to dance
Whatever stone life may sling
We can moan or we can sing

Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful” ~ John Bucchino. (Grateful)

“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by
And I rush through another day
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me
But I just look the other way

They roll by just like water
And I guess we never learn
Go through life parched and empty
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers)

Xoxo Kim

The Search is Over

Oct1

“I was always reachin’, you were just a girl I knew
I took for granted the friend I have in you
I was living for a dream,
Loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
That was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever,
The search is over
You were with me all the while” ~ Survivor

There’s a book called “Learning from the Heart” by Dr. Daniel Gottlieb, a practicing psychologist and family therapist, among other things. He received a graduate & an undergraduate degree at Temple University and he was the director of a community based treatment program in Philadelphia.
In 1979, Dr. Gottlieb was in a near fatal car accident and became permanently paralyzed starting at the chest down. He was devastated and suicidal after the accident but he eventually learned to live with it and came to love his life as it is. I love his book, it’s very inspirational and Dr. Gottlieb is a very inspirational person. His book is full of beautiful lessons he learned in his life. His writing is beautiful, heartbreaking, breathtaking, and lovely.

I want to share one of his lessons here.
This lesson is “What I’ve Learned About Heaven”. Dr. Gottlieb, in this chapter, is not referring to the religious or spiritual “Heaven” but life itself, here on Earth. He believes that life is wonderful and beautiful even through the pain, struggles, & suffering.

This lesson is that we are already, currently, surrounded by beauty. It’s right before our very eyes. We overlook it, frequently, constantly in search of something more, something better, something somewhere else. The grass is greener over there…what we have is never enough….

But the truth is we don’t have to look too hard to see, feel the beauty in all its various forms right here. Around us, inside us.

It’s good to travel, to explore, to work for more, to expand…but that doesn’t mean we can’t cherish and bask in the beauty we have right here, right now.

Dr. Gottlieb wrote this:
“During a recent vacation, I had the good fortune to visit the Grand Canyon. I’m not a good enough writer to describe the magnificent vistas. Suffice it to say that when most people see it for the first time, they are moved to tears. Not from sadness, but from awe.
At the end of the day, several hundred people gathered to watch the sun dip slowly behind the canyon. Everyone sat in silence as nature did what it does. And in the moment the sun closed the day, everyone applauded. More awe.
And then I thought: But the sun sets every day, everywhere. And it is no less magnificent wherever it sets. The only difference here was in the attitude we all had as we watched.”

There is much wisdom in this. It’s true, the same sun sets everywhere, the same blue sky rests above us all, flowers bloom here, moonlight dances upon our skin wherever we are at night, the stars twinkle for us….

Open your eyes, open your heart and let the world in, in this present moment.

Xoxo Kim

A Dose of Inspiration

One Love <3

Tag Archive | beauty

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