Tag Archive | dreams

Random parts of me <3

A while ago I did a blog “challenge” called “If you really knew me…” (https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2013/01/12/if-you-really-knew-me-3/ )
which is a list of things about the person that people may or may not know. I decided to do another one with more random facts about me! 😀

If you really knew me, you would know….

I love the sounds of the city especially at night. The cars and voices and laughing, the music…It all stands out to me in a profound, beautiful way. I love laying in bed late at night and hearing people out in the back or out in the streets, talking and laughing and living. There’s something amazing about knowing that people are awake and alive while I’m in bed at night.

Rain is one of the greatest loves of my life. Sometimes I can’t quite find the words to describe the depth of joy it brings me and the thrill that surges through me when it rains. Or even looks or feels like it may rain. I am exhilarated by the mere thought of rain. I feel so alive in the rain. So secure. So liberated. Whenever I walk in rain or mist I am completely free. No matter what may be going on, no matter what fears or concerns are troubling me then, they disappear into the rain. Every insecurity I have that comes and goes, temporarily, goes out the window when I walk alone with raindrops pelting upon my soft skin, streaking my long hair, kissing every inch of me.
And I become the rain.
Something about it is so protective like nothing bad can ever happen to me when it’s raining. The sounds, the scents, the tastes, the feel, the look…it’s all so perfect.

Dreams – I often remember my dreams, always have. I rarely have nightmares, almost never. Sometimes my dreams know things before I do in life, and they send their wisdom to me during my slumbering hours. Sometimes I don’t consciously realize something or I’m convinced of something that isn’t true and I go to sleep and it’s there that the answers manifest. Sometimes I get depressed and suicidal and believe I want so desperately to die and I sleep and I dream. This recurring dream that comes often when I’m depressed. A Dream that someone is trying to kill me and in my dream I desperately want to live. In my dream I do everything to survive, whatever it takes. I run, hide, do things that are impossible in my reality, I find solutions when I think there are none. The emotion, the desperation, the Will is so strong, so overwhelming. So real. When I wake up I know what this dream is telling me. To live.
Once, I had a dream about myself. I was torn about a decision I made. I wasn’t sure what to do. Deep inside me I felt that I knew the truth but still wasn’t sure. I felt a voice deep inside me, I heard it say to listen to my intuition, to surrender to that pull, that tugging deep within, it always knows what I need, want, desire, crave. It knows best. My deep wisdom inside me, in places I’m not all conscious of, knows what’s best for me. It whispers quietly, gently, waiting for me to receive. Waiting for me to welcome it with a completely open heart and let it sink deeper into me.
When the uncertainty and pain and negativity and fears and defeat and demands of society, life, and others are screaming loudly, blood-curdling screams, that quiet, gentle whispering wisdom is more powerful, still.
I’ll never forget that dream and I carry it with me, every day.
My sleepy dreams are why I have a B.A. Degree in philosophy.

Cold – I get cold so easily. In 100 degree weather a light wind can blow and I can become freezing wishing I had a hoodie. I also can’t tolerate cold like most people can. Although cold weather is some of my favorite weather. I’m always wanting to turn the air conditioning off, open windows to let the warmth of the sun stream in. One morning, recently, I woke up in my bed in 80 something degree weather wrapped in three quilts with my air conditioner turned as low as possible and my bedroom door wide open with just a ceiling fan swirling.

I’m a city girl and no place will ever have my heart more than my own city but for my whole life I have felt drawn to the countryside, to the warm South. I have always loved Texas though I never laid eyes on it. I will visit one day and make it a point to visit again and again.
I always dreamed of Texas and I feel a deep pull in me to be there. I yearn for the quietude, the green, the southern accents, the nature all around…my dream is to live there part of every year, probably in the Summer. One day a novel found its way into my arms completely randomly and unlikely, like magic, and I read it and it takes place in Texas and is one of my favorite books and made me want even more to go there.
I also feel drawn to Aspen, Colorado and my dream is to visit some Winter again and again. I long for the cold, the glistening snow, the pine.
I find it so beautiful how I can be so deeply drawn, mysteriously called to people, places, and things and not know why at a conscious level but something deep inside me must know.

I have a strong stomach and like to seriously gross people out just for shits and giggles. My mom and sister don’t have such strong stomachs and when I see or think of something that I know would make them disgusted or queasy I burst out laughing and run to tell them. One day my dog threw up and as I was cleaning it, I described to them, in great detail, the contents of it and said “MmmmMmm this is making me hungry…!” they were so disgusted and appalled.

I think everything is hilarious. I laugh everyday and play annoying, immature jokes on people. Taking my mom’s phone when she isn’t looking, talking in silly voices to my sister that annoys her, sending dumb or perverted jokes in text messages….lol

I love poetry, especially obscure poetry with a kind of darkness to it. I love when the meaning of the poem isn’t very obvious but seems to make some kind of sense. When the author doesn’t explain it and allows the readers to interpret however they will and guess and wonder at the author’s intention or just make up their own meaning to it.. I like to write poetic things which have a certain meaning to me but if I allowed someone to read them I would like the person to apply his/her own meaning.

I love to read and am deeply inspired by just about everything I read. My brain hungrily devours the words and concepts on the pages. When I read novels I fall in love with the characters and the places in the books. I miss them when the book is over. And days, weeks, years later I still cherish the memories of reading certain books that have spoken volumes to my heart and living in the book’s world when I did. I find reading to be very comforting. To be wrapped up in another world, another place, another time. I am sad when the book ends. I feel a kind of emptiness.
But I like it. I love being touched so deeply.
Before I usually wouldn’t even read novels. I saw no point. I only wanted educational stuff but I’m happy I changed. I was really, really missing out. I love books with profound messages, valuable life lessons, beautiful writing, characters with true substance, page turners that I’m happy to fall asleep with and thrilled to wake up to.

If the only way I were able to live is to be supported with feeding tubes and plugged into machines, I would still choose life not because I’m afraid to die or let go but because I have a will to survive and my life can still be beautiful and valuable even if I need extra help.
Brain dead, which is often as good as dead, is not the same as brain damaged or disabled. So if I’m not brain dead in significant ways I would choose life.

Sometimes I have difficulty sleeping at night because of happy thoughts. Thoughts that are so overwhelmingly positive I want to get up and dance, jump for joy, blast sappy love songs into the night, because I’m bursting with love and gratitude for all of life. Because I just read a good book or am in the middle of reading one, because I can’t stop thinking about wonderful inspirational, uplifting quotes I have come across, because I think of sunsets and sunrises and life itself, because I think of beautiful people I know, have known, and want to know, because my music won’t stop playing to let me rest….sometimes I actually do get up at 1:00 or 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and dance around my room in the dark with my earphones in or dance in the bathroom and it annoys my sister when she comes through my room to get into the bathroom and I’m in there bouncing off the walls. I’m not manic, just happy. 😀 i find it not in my best interest to do gratitude meditations, even sleep ones, at night because they keep me up with all the goodness that comes flooding into me. I’m just bursting at the seams some nights, like a child who can’t sleep because she wants to get up and play.

I can fall asleep anywhere and sleep through anything, on a public transportation bus with screaming kids, on the floor of a crowded public place, outside, in class when I was in college(I got in trouble more than once for sleeping in class), with music blasting, at someone else’s house, with dogs barking….lol
And if I get woken up I can easily go right back to sleep.

I love when people are raw and open and honest about themselves and share their life story, proudly displaying their names and faces, not holding back. It’s deeply inspiring to see/hear/read people spilling their lives and hearts to all who will
listen. I want people to know my name, to know me, the good, the bad,the ugly,the beautiful

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life?
The world would split open.” ~ Muriel Rukeyser

Xoxo Kim

30 Days of Lists – Day #3 Art Journaling Tips & Ideas

Mar16

I have always loved journals, drawing, writing…but I would always start a journal then eventually stop until a while later, lose it, and start a new one. I never knew why exactly until recently. I have never been a perfectionist at all but I have felt low occasionally for not being some definition of perfect. I never usually tried to be perfect at most things but I wanted to be without even trying and felt low for not being that way. The reason I always give up journaling/drawing and stuff, I realized is, I have terrible handwriting and drawing skills. I always knew that but never quite realized, consciously, that my view of it was interfering with me. If you look at my handwriting you will seriously think a first grader wrote it! It’s not my choice either! I can’t write neat or small. It’s very large and sloppy. It’s funny though and I laugh about it.

A stranger once saw my handwriting and said I have serial killer handwriting. His teacher told him that when he was young, he said. Lol!

And when I write in cursive I can’t even understand it myself. So yeah.

And when I draw, it looks like a little kid’s artwork. But I have finally come to accept that it doesn’t matter. It’s still healing and still fun and still great to draw and write in journals. It’s different than writing in an online blog or in a memos section in some electronic device. Both are great! But journaling in a notebook is more of a “hands on” experience.

So I won’t let my serial killing handwriting get in the way any longer!

I love looking at people’s art journals online. It inspires me and is aesthetically pleasing. But I have found myself occasionally comparing myself to those people with me coming up short. “Why can’t I draw that good?” “why couldn’t I think of that?!” “why doesn’t mine look that artistic?” “how can she do that and not me?!?!”

But I decided to silence that monster and just focus on what I’m doing right. It’s art journaling, it can’t ever be wrong! I let those other journals inspire and please me more than make me distressed or envious that my skills aren’t that great. It’s a hobby, not a job that must be perfect.

I am so thankful that I now realize why I never stick with artistic stuff. Because I get fed up with my handwriting and lack of skills. And I’m thankful I now realize that it doesn’t have to be an issue. Comparing ourselves to others in negative ways is an ugly thing. Now let’s stop.

I recently began a new art journal. And I will stick with it. I will fill it up with kiddy drawings and serial killer handwriting until it’s overflowing and be very proud! ;-D

So today I am listing some ideas for journal entries and some tips. This is somewhat new for me and I’m just learning and exploring and haven’t tried a lot of this. So if you’re also new to it, we can learn and explore together!

And if your an expert already give me some tips! Lol

Some of these I thought of completely on my own, others are inspired by other places I seen.
And I will add the links where I got some ideas at the end of this post.

1.) song lyrics – try to capture some lyrics to a song that has some sort of meaning to you. Maybe write the lyrics and draw around them or not write them in words but draw them out. Maybe scenes of a song or just the emotions they inspire in you.

2.) quotes – do the same as above but with a quote

3.) draw yourself as your favorite character in a book you read. Pretend that’s you. How do you feel? Put yourself in that character’s place.

4.) least favorite character – step outside your comfort zone and try the above suggestions but instead draw yourself as the villain or your least favorite character!

5.) random scene – choose a random scene out of a book. Maybe randomly flip to a page and draw what you see/read on that page. Or search your memory for just some scene and bring it alive in your journal.

6.) favorite scene – do the above suggestion but choose one of your favorite scenes instead of a random one. Or even draw your least favorite or uncomfortable scene!

7.) Be inspired by something you always wanted to do – Is there something you want to do so badly but just never have? I have for so long wanted to dress up in a beautiful dress and go to some fancy expensive restaurant for no reason other than just because! Lol I wear just pants and shirts everyday. I dont have much money and whenever I got dressed up before and hair done it was for some big occasion like a graduation, a wedding, prom or whatever. Imagine going all out, getting all dolled up for no reason other than sheer pleasure?! Some people may think it’s a waste but to me it’s just a thrill! :-D. I don’t plan on making a habit of it. I’m not materialistic generally but once in a blue moon is ok! Everyday of your life is a special occasion!

8.) worst pain you have ever felt – art journaling is healing for both physical and emotional pain. It can help ease the pain sometimes but even if it doesn’t it can help us cope with the pain. I have a depressive disorder that doesn’t get cured but comes and goes in symptoms and full blown episodes. Many days now it’s like I don’t even have it. But I do and it always comes back. Art journaling is amazing for coping. Also, I have a physical pain disorder. A chronic facial/head pain disorder. It’s so bad and interferes with my life when it flares up badly like right now. Like my depression, it comes and goes. But with the physical disorder I am usually always in some degree of pain, often mild. The mild usually doesn’t interfere with my happiness or my life in general. It’s just there. But the moderate to severe pain is pure raw agony and I feel so broken. So very broken. There’s no safe, effective medical treatments, just home remedies that help. Sometimes severe flare ups come frequently over and over lasting for days to weeks. Sometimes they don’t show up for months and months. They come on without warning. Sometimes waking me in the middle of sleep. Since there’s very little I can do to ease them after they appear, I have to find ways to handle them and cope with the pain. Healthy ways. Physical movement and expression of the pain often help. Like I said, not help alleviate the pain usually but just cope with it.
Sharing comforting quotes with others when I’m in pain, knowing I may be helping someone else, helps me too. I can’t bear the thought of knowing there’s others in the depth of pain I’m in. And even worse! I can’t fathom it. But capturing my pain in writing and drawing helps so much. Physical pain brings with it, emotional pain, panic, and fear, distress…and it’s important to handle it effectively.

9.) a moment you felt shocked – draw/paint how it feels to be shocked.

10.) let your unconscious mind and hand lead the way – don’t think, just draw or paint or write or cut out and glue….see what you create.

11.) What does love feel like to you ? Capture it

12.) your idea of beauty – what does beauty feel like?

13.) capture a poem you like in an image

14.) draw a fantasy you have

15.) capture a dream you once had while you slept or the feelings it provoked or still provokes in you

16.) capture yourself exactly as you are but with one difference – maybe something you have been wanting to change about yourself or something you would never want to change about you. Maybe this can make you more grateful for all that you currently are or motivate you to change that one thing for the better.

17.) draw a feeling you used to love when you were little – I have always loved being in school with all the other kids. Especially when we would do unusual activities like turn the lights off and watch a movie or have a holiday celebration. I still remember how it felt. How it felt to be a child. A child in school with all other kids doing fun activities. I can never feel that again in a moment because I will never be a kid again. And I will never literally be in that place again. But I cherish the memories and would love to capture them in an artistic way.

17.) meditative experience – try to meditate while creating. Literally try to feel what you are capturing, doing, feeling. Feel it. Don’t just draw mechanically or make it obligatory. Try to live in the moment

18.) don’t just focus on the end result. Savor the process of creating. Sometimes I have trouble with this. I can’t wait to see my masterpiece and I neglect to cherish the very process of creating.

19.). Try not to force your journal to only be a certain way. Let it flow. It doesn’t all have to be positive or profound. It can be sometimes negative and sometimes “trivial.”. Every entry doesn’t have to be pretty or have some great meaning or underlying message.

20.) what’s it like to be very scared? What’s your biggest fear whether it can really happen or not.

21.) What is it to be lonely?

22.) to actually be alone?

23.) Express, draw, paint…how it felt when you were rejected? maybe for a job or a university. By a potential lover or friend or family member.

24.) keep in mind that your content doesn’t have to make sense to anyone, not even yourself. It can be abstract, confusing, mysterious, and nonsensical. Even if you decide to share it, you don’t have to feel the need to explain it. I love a little mystery. My favorite kind of poetry and artwork is obscure kind. Especially when it kind of seems to make sense but doesn’t. I often like to write, poetically, without explanation . And when I read poems and view artistic stuff by others, I love when they don’t explain it. I love drawing my own implications or interpretations. But you certainly can explain if you want! You just shouldn’t have to feel like it’s your obligation.

25.) Express your gratitude list artistically

These are just suggestions; I’m in no way saying they are the only right way and anything else is wrong. Some of these are great for some people and not others. Do what’s best for you, of course, even if above I stated something else.

Your journal doesn’t just have to be about drawing or painting or coloring. You can cut things out and glue it onto your pages. Someone suggested old pieces of mail, glue it on and color or paint over it. Cut out magazine pieces or cloth and glue it on. Anything you can think of!

My journal doesn’t look anywhere nearly as artistic as some I have seen! But instead of viewing that in a negative light, I see it as a fun challenge! I have all these blank pages to make more and more creative and soon mine will be looking great!

I have drawing pencils, watercolor paints & pencils, colored pencils, markers, magazines, and glue and scissors for now.

Just by starting this new journal very recently and listing these here today, I learned even more about myself. I found a deeper part of me. A part I forgot about. I was able to summon some old experiences, feelings, memories that I forgot about but are still very important. I learned some new or forgotten fears, how really capable I am of healing and coping, how deeply certain things both old and new have affected me in both good and bad ways.

I have been able to somewhat distract myself and push the physical pain and my fear of it to the back burner of my mind as I focus on this.

Remember you don’t have to show your art journal entries to anyone! It’s up to you. Even though I’m very shy, I’m also very open about my experiences, emotions, opinions…and I don’t mind sharing with people. I love to. But many people say they love knowing their journal is just for them, never for anyone else to lay eyes on. No one else has to judge it, critique it, or know of its content.

As open as I am, I like to share most of my ideas and things with people on and offline. But sometimes it does feel very good to have a secret of my own. Not because the secret is too embarrassing or awkward to let people know but just because it’s a little thrilling having some things only I know. I don’t make that a habit but there are a few things I like selfishly keeping to myself! Lol. One example is my dreams at night. I dream often and frequently remember them. And for some reason I like keeping lots of my dreams to myself. Again, not because they’re embarrassing or fear of judgment but it’s sweet just having something for me! Lol
I love remembering dreams I had and knowing there’s no one else in the entire world who knows this but me.

It’s especially thrilling since I’m not usually like that and I usually share so much about myself.

So it’s up to you to share or not to share your journal entries! What I would really recommend though is that you decide only after your entry is done If you will share or not. Go into it deciding that this is just for you and that you won’t share with anyone. Then when it’s done you can decide to share if you want. I recommend this because if you decide that you will show people your entries before you complete them, you may unconsciously hold back something or feel too pressured that it has to be perfect or at least presentable, something that others will appreciate. You may unconsciously start to create more for other people than for yourself. This defeats the purpose of art journaling. Your art journal is not a public blog for yourself and everyone who comes across it. It’s for you and only you.

It’s meant to be healing, expressive, creative and if you feel pressured to make it a certain way then you may not get the most out of it. So be all that you can be, do what is best for you and only you then decide if it’s meant for anyone else’s eyes.

If you have any tips or ideas or any links to pages about art journals please let me know! Whether you are also somewhat new to art journaling, already have been engaging in this for a while, or never tried it! I would love any ideas! All are valuable to me! Thank You!!

Thank You so so much to everyone who reads, shares, likes, “likes,” and comments on my content! I appreciate you so much!!! And I hope you find something helpful here.

Xoxo Kim

P.s. I totally forgot the links!!

Here you are:

http://www.blacksburgbelle.com/2010/10/50-art-journal-prompts/

Twenty Inspiring Questions

Feb1

I subscribe to many personal development, self-help, inspirational e-mails provided by bloggers and people with amazing websites intended to help people help themselves have better lives. My e-mail inboxes are filled with almost nothing but positive messages each and every day. I’m blessed!

Today I woke up to a wonderful e-mail with this link:
http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-inspiring-questions-help-you-find-your-dream-and-change-your-life.html?utm_source=Lifehack&utm_campaign=f276feb792-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_983e966a3e-f276feb792-414760829

It’s a list of twenty thought-provoking questions designed to help readers look deeper into their lives and selves and really come to understand themselves better. I am so motivated just reading them! I decided to answer them and share my answers with everyone interested! I encourage everyone interested to answer them even if you don’t want to share your answers publicly. They really got me thinking! 😀

The commentary in the parentheses below each question is provided by SCOTT CHRIST, the person who listed the questions.

1.) What beliefs do you carry that may be holding you back?

(It takes guts to call yourself out and question beliefs that just don’t seem right. We’re all ingrained with a set of learned behaviors that may be holding us back. It’s okay to question them and seek a better way. That’s a true sign of growth.)

One belief that I allow to often hold me back is the belief that “It’s not going to happen now” or “not likely to happen.” For example, about applying for jobs, I know that there are many, many people who are more qualified than me for jobs. There are people with much more work experience and more advanced degrees who are much more likely to get certain jobs than I am. I know that there are many jobs I would be so great at if I worked there but when considering applying for them, I often think about the many others who will also be applying who have advantages over me.

Just because they have more experience and more advanced degrees doesn’t necessarily mean they will be better at the job than me. But an interviewer may assume that. So while I have every intention of applying some day, I just keeping putting it off saying “later.”.
I have to write a cover letter and fill out an application for each job. Sometimes this can be challenging and time consuming and I think what’s the point of doing this right at this moment when I can be doing something else and probably won’t get the job anyway.
I also often think “What if I apply for a job right now and forget to add something valuable that I may remember later so I should just wait…”
These are very limiting beliefs and while there’s some truth to some parts, it’s also unreasonable and very destructive to think this way.
We all have unique abilities, strengths, qualities, experiences, and our own gifts that add value to the workplace, relationships, and the world. There’s always going to be someone more qualified than me and someone less qualified than me for certain jobs and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just a fact. An interviewer or person reviewing my job application may just see something in me that s/he feels is worth giving a chance even if someone else seems more qualified. This goes for everyone. You may be less qualified in experience and academics but just as qualified or more in other ways, like your interpersonal skills or certain thoughts you have. This is even true for college applications. I have known kids with excellent grades and attendance who were rejected by prestigious universities and others with less impressive grades who were accepted. It’s a combination of things that help get people where they want to be. Instead of focusing on how others are “better” in some ways, I should just focus on being the best me I can be in every way.
And there’s really no reason for me to procrastinate out of fear of forgetting certain valuable info. Because if that can happen now, it can happen later. As long as I’m thinking clearly and have the time, it’s best to fill out that app NOW and just pay careful attention to it. If I blow my chance, oh well! It’s not the end of the world! There will be many more opportunities for me!

2.) What’s your hobby?

(The things you love to do in your downtime can tell you a lot about how to find happiness in your life. Do the stuff you enjoy doing, and you’ll get closer to finding your true calling.)

I have quite a few that I absolutely love! One of those hobbies I have just become more and more interested in and feel myself becoming more creative with is photography! I have loved taking pictures all my life but now I’m very into it. I use my bb10 phone and have great photo apps and I love finding quotes to go along with my photos. I plan to get a camera one day when I get money. I also love writing poetic things and writing blog posts.
I love reading too. I love personal development and philosophy readings and also novels. Especially ones with profound messages.
I listen to music a lot and love collecting inspirational lyrics and quotes and applying them to real life situations and sharing them.

3.) What’s your talent?

( One thing that’s even more important than recognizing your hobbies is understanding your talents. What are you good at? If you asked five friends, what would they identify as your biggest assets? The answers can help you find your dream and change your life.)

I always felt that I have no talents because I never possessed any beautiful artistic skills or anything. I don’t draw good even when I try. I don’t sing well at all and have no natural “callings” that way. But there is one thing. It’s not an artistic skill but it’s very valuable. I am extremely empathetic and understanding. I always have been but when I grew up, it developed so much deeper. I truly have an uncanny ability to understand people and situations even when I haven’t, myself, experienced the same things those people have and have never been in those specific situations. I don’t believe or claim to know exactly how someone else feels but I do have a very deep understanding which allows me to connect deeper with others and provide consolation and great support to people. I don’t negatively judge and try to get people to “snap out of it” or wonder how they can feel that way. I just know. I know how people can think and feel ways that I wouldn’t think or feel because of my strong empathy. And I can draw on my own experiences to be even more understanding.
Even when people have strongly opposing views to mine, I don’t agree but can still see how they can feel that way, even if I’m irked or angry! Lol
Empathy isn’t just about caring and being compassionate either. It’s even deeper. It’s a deep understanding of someone else’s situation and experiences. It’s somewhat difficult to explain the depth of my empathy. And I fear that people may think I’m overstepping my boundaries and claiming to know how they feel. But that’s not it at all.
I don’t know. But I understand a certain way.
And empathy isn’t just about understanding and feeling people’s pain but also happiness and pleasure. I feel almost as if it’s happening to me. I literally feel their pain & pleasure but I know it’s not exactly how they feel it since I’m not them. If you win the multi-million dollar lotto, I will feel like I just did too. If you’re in a manic episode, it will rub off on me. If you’re in an accident even if I don’t know you, I will be shakin’ up almost as if I do know you. I have thin psychological boundaries and unlike most people who just feel sorry or sad for someone or just curious and then go about their day, I feel as if I’m somehow involved, personally, to some degree, in your situation. Even later.

One day at 2:00 in the morning there was an ambulance outside my house for a neighbor and I had no idea what was going on or who it was for. My mom was mostly just curious, looking out the Window but I felt distress, sorrow, and a desperate hope that it wasn’t something too horrific going on. I could just imagine how it would feel if I was in a situation like that. I am a calm girl and don’t freak out or panic even when stuff is happening to me but I was expressing my deep concern. My mom said it’s weird how I act over things that don’t involve me one bit. It’s a true gift but it can be draining and painful and I had to learn to cope with this gift.

4.) Who do you like to work with?
(Think about the people who you work well with. Use your intuition to guide you toward similar people in your work environment.)

I love to work with fun people who are easy to get a long with and also like to do teamwork. Ones who handle difficulties well without wanting to engage in complicated arguments. I like people who want to build up and uplift others and not have negative competitions. And even if there’s like a competition for a promotion we both want, I would like us to still get along and not hold grudges and just wish each other well.

5.) Where do you enjoy working?

(What is the work setting where you’re most productive? Perhaps in group meetings? Or alone in your office? Try spending most of your time there. If you’re stuck in a job that puts you in a setting you don’t enjoy, speak up and tell your boss.)

I want a job working closely with others. I don’t mind an office job as long as parts of the day involve interacting with people.

6.) What are your passions?

( What makes you genuinely happy in life? Identify your passions, and then do everything in your power to spend timedoing the things you love. Then answer this:)

I love inspiring, helping, nurturing and uplifting people. That’s one reason I decided to have a blog. I also love sharing uplifting messages and I want to have a peer specialist or counseling job. I’m also passionate about Nature and love taking pictures of everything outside. It’s so beautiful. I’m passionate about certain songs as well.

7.) How can you turn your passions into work?
(It’s one thing to pursue your passion as a hobby. It’s a whole different ballgame to do what you love and get paid for it. If you’re stuck in a job you hate, find a way to turn your passion into your career. If you want something badly enough, and are willing to take action and do the things that others aren’t willing to do, you’ll achieve whatever you want in your career and in your life.)

Applying for jobs working with people and applying my people skills to my work!

8.) What inspires you?
(Where do you find inspiration to drive you forward? Maybe it’s books, websites, friends, or family members. The point is, harness your preferred sources of inspiration every day.)

Books, blogs, websites, life itself, people, heartwarming stories, random acts of kindness, songs, quotes, photography, sunrises and sunsets, rain, snow, the sky, other aspects of Nature. Heartache, pain, tears, and healing. Laughter and daylight. Nightfall. Cracks on the pavements, chipped paint, the darkness of night, breathing, my heartbeat….I find inspiration everywhere.

9.) How do you motivate yourself to take action?
(Being inspired is great. But if you don’t have a method and plan to motivate yourself to make positive change in your life, you’ll remain in the same place you’re in today.)

Inspiration is beautiful and I’m often inspired and it drives me to do many things. But I view inspiration itself as more of a feeling inside while motivation is more action associated. Inspiration can lead to motivation and help maintain it. I have random bursts of motivation that I can’t explain. They come out of nowhere then I start applying for jobs without holding back. But the motivation then wears off and I’m back to the problem I discussed in response to question #1. It’s great to be randomly and inexplicably motivated but since it’s not a conscious decision or habit, it likely won’t hold up. So it’s great to come up with a conscious plan to maintain general motivation. One thing that does motivate me is vividly imagining what I truly want and what it would be like to have that. I still have to make this a habit though because it’s not yet. Also sometimes I read things that get me pumped and motivated. Talk therapy sessions also help me get motivated.

10.) What do you dream about?
(Dreams expose truths about our lives we often have trouble seeing. Keep a dream journal to record your subconscious thoughts. Whenever you wake up in the middle of a dream, write down exactly what occurred. Then analyze the dream the next day and look for signs and signals from your subconscious mind.)

My dreams are frequently about interacting with people, new friendships, and wisdom/life lessons. I have a lot of strange dreams, some ordinary ones that are just like an extension of my days, and I hardly ever have scary ones. But yeah, one common theme is people and connecting with them.

11.) What have you overcome?
(Most of us have struggled mightily and overcome great obstacles. Don’t take this for granted. Thinking about the massive obstacles you’ve overcome already should convince you that you can accomplish anything you want in life.)

One thing I have overcome is succumbing to my crippling shyness. I have always been shy to the point of it being like a disability but not anymore. I’m still shy, just not as much and I open up much quicker. Feeling shy isn’t my choice but I often now can choose to speak up even when I’m feeling very shy. As a child, I couldn’t do that. Even as a young college student it was hard. The more I interact with people, the less shy I become around those people and even in general. After I got a job at a store, I became much less shy. It will never go completely away and some days I’m more shy than others but being around people, opening up, and interacting pushes me to be less shy.

12.) How do you respond to what others say about you?

(You can choose to react negatively to what others say about you, or you can choose to ignore it. Even our friends and close family members can say and do things that are extremely hurtful. Words others say don’t define you though. Your actions and thoughts define you. Don’t ever forget that.)

When people compliment me, I accept those compliments very gratefully. When I am criticized constructively, I am also thankful for the helpful feedback and will use it effectively if it will be helpful. About uncalled for negative comments, I have learned to mostly just let them slide. They’re not worth the time they demand. I used to often seek revenge on people who said bad things about/to me. I would say something back I knew would offend them, sometimes even trying to “get them” worse than they “got me.”. Lol! I used to try to spread gossip about girls who did that to me. My general love & compassion would take the back burner and my desire for revenge or to be right would become dominant. But that accomplishes nothing worthwhile. It’s ridiculous and I can’t believe I once engaged in that. To know me now, you would never know it. I have come a long way. Love should always prevail. Now when someone unnecessarily criticizes me or expresses uncalled for negative views about me, I suck it up, wish the person the best, and move on. I won’t deny though that there are seldom occasions when I struggle to hold my tongue. But after practicing conscious lovingkindness for so long, I usually don’t even feel like coming back with retorts and little petty remarks to offend or anger. We can all rise above that.

13.)Why are you here?

(Want to know how to find your dream and change your life in one simple step? Then answer this question: What do you think your purpose is? It’s a deep question. But it’s an important one. You may not know the answer right now, and that’s okay. You’ll find it when you’re ready.)

I’m here because my mom gave birth to me and I never died.
That’s all there is to it. I don’t believe in a “life purpose” or “ultimate purpose” or anything of that sort. I am here just because. Randomly. Some people say and I have even said that “we create our own purpose” for living but I don’t even believe it. We create our happiness and things that make our own lives interesting, fun, and feeling like we have “reason” or “purpose” but I don’t believe that anything other than life itself gives me purpose. If I say my “Life purpose” is to do something I’m passionate about then all of a sudden that thing is no longer something I’m passionate about OR I can no longer do that for some reason, maybe because I become permanently disabled or something, I would STILL have a purpose. Nothing outside of me gives me reason. I am the reason. I, myself am purpose.

14.) Who do you admire?

(Seek inspiration in others whom you admire. Despite all the bad things going on in the world, there are still millions of heroes, dreamers, and leaders that can inspire all of us to live better.)

The people who always have my heart are ones who go out of their way to love & help others. I believe people in general are basically good and help people sometimes and most people care to a certain degree. But there are those more rare people who go above and beyond to help even strangers. Ones who are beyond compassionate and loving and just embrace everyone. I love people with hearts that are open books and they warmly welcome anyone who wants to come into their world. They melt my heart. I love animal lovers too who value their lives and believe they are worthy of love and compassion just like humans.

15.) What are your weaknesses?
(Nobody’s perfect. And acknowledging thethings you need to get better at is a crucial step to find your dream and change your life.)

I’m horrible at math. Even simple basic math. I sometimes still struggle with feelings of worthlessness. I don’t have those thoughts and feelings as frequently and usually not as deeply as I used to but still have them occasionally. They used to be my life but not now.

16.) What are your goals?
(Think about what you aspire to accomplish in your life. These goals should drive your actions. Speaking of action…)

My number one goal is to be the best me I can be. For myself and everyone. Not to be a perfectionist but to be as loving, compassionate, accepting, tolerant, understanding, kind, and open-minded as possible. To be the light in someone’s darkness, to inspire, uplift, encourage, and help empower.

17.) How do you plan on accomplishing your goals?
(Goals without a plan are meaningless. Once you figure out your goals, write down action steps that will help you achieve them. Most people don’t do this, and it can mean the difference between getting what you want and failing.)

Yeah well I won’t say that I agree that they’re necessarily “meaningless” but I do agree that a goal paired with an active plan is much more likely to be a success than a mere goal or empty plan alone. The goal is the first step and a great start! ;-D

I’m already doing a good job. And the more I am this way, the more it reinforces it. Sometimes I catch myself not being as kind as I can be and I remind myself that no matter what someone does that I don’t like, I can still be loving and kind to that person. If someone isn’t loving and kind towards me, I don’t have to sink to that level. Instead of focusing on someone else’s lack of kindness, I can just focus on my goal to be the best me I can be. Also, I share uplifting and inspirational things on social media outlets for anyone who may see and need a splash of sunlight.

18.) What are you grateful for?

(Be thankful every single day. And show your gratitude to others too. Say, “Thank you.” Return acts of kindness. Be grateful for what you have.)

This life of mine which is the thing that allows me to experience all the other great blessings. And I’m thankful for everyone else’s life. Wow! How amazing it is to be alive! To have a pulse, a heartbeat, a body that functions so well! :-O

19.) How can you make yourself better?
(We all have problems. But you can either give up and accept your circumstances or you can choose to find ways to improve. Are you unhappy with your body? Then learn how to eat better and form consistent exercise habits. Hate your job? Then start taking action to develop a new skill.)

Learn. Practice. Apply. Keep an open mind. Pay attention. Formulate positive habits. Admit to myself, my weaknesses and when I’m wrong.

20.) How can you make the world better?

(Last, but certainly not least, is figuring out your ultimate goal. How can you change the world? If you don’t know the answer just yet, combine all the answers above and you’ll have a much better idea. You have the power to do amazing things. Don’t take that for granted.)

This is a fantastic question because it provides the opportunity for deep thought. Contrary to what many people think “Making the world a better place” IS possible for even just one person to do. The world is a very large thing composed of many, many smaller things and aspects. “Making the world a better place” can refer to any magnitude, whether at a local level or global level. You don’t have to be the president of some country or working in some international affairs organization to have a great impact. Working for the environment is amazing but you don’t have to necessarily do that to help either. Just touching one individual life for the better, whether animal or person makes one aspect of the world better. And not only is that, alone, an incredible thing but it’s possible for it to have a ripple effect and that one life consciously or unconsciously will go on to positively impact another…..
Right now, I don’t have the resources available to me, that I know of, to make the world a better place at a global, international, or national level. Maybe not even at a local level. But I can touch as many people as I can in small ways which can have a great impact on each life I impact for the better.

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/20-inspiring-questions-help-you-find-your-dream-and-change-your-life.html?utm_source=Lifehack&utm_campaign=f276feb792-RSS_EMAIL_CAMPAIGN&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_983e966a3e-f276feb792-414760829

Twenty Inspiring Questions

Jan31

The commentary in the parentheses below each question is provided by SCOTT CHRIST, the person who listed the questions.

1.) What beliefs do you carry that may be holding you back?

2.) What’s your hobby?

(The things you love to do in your downtime can tell you a lot about how to find happiness in your life. Do the stuff you enjoy doing, and you’ll get closer to finding your true calling.)

3.) What’s your talent?

4.) Who do you like to work with?
(Think about the people who you work well with. Use your intuition to guide you toward similar people in your work environment.)

5.) Where do you enjoy working?

I want a job working closely with others. I don’t mind an office job as long as parts of the day involve interacting with people.

6.) What are your passions?

( What makes you genuinely happy in life? Identify your passions, and then do everything in your power to spend timedoing the things you love. Then answer this:)

Applying for jobs working with people and applying my people skills to my work!

12.) How do you respond to what others say about you?

13.)Why are you here?

14.) Who do you admire?

15.) What are your weaknesses?
(Nobody’s perfect. And acknowledging thethings you need to get better at is a crucial step to find your dream and change your life.)

16.) What are your goals?
(Think about what you aspire to accomplish in your life. These goals should drive your actions. Speaking of action…)

18.) What are you grateful for?

(Be thankful every single day. And show your gratitude to others too. Say, “Thank you.” Return acts of kindness. Be grateful for what you have.)

Learn. Practice. Apply. Keep an open mind. Pay attention. Formulate positive habits. Admit to myself, my weaknesses and when I’m wrong.

20.) How can you make the world better?

Another day, another victory <3

Sep15

So, I really love Alice Cooper. A real real lot!! I have loved him & his music since I was a little girl. He sings creepy, bizarre, sad, dark, despairing music. Often about depression, psychosis, sometimes about being suicidal, in a mental hospital, personality disorders, mental illness, serial killing, death, being in prison in a wedding dress & wonder bra (lmao) , waking up not knowing who he is or where he is, being criminally insane, alcoholism, and he sings about love. If you read my description here it may make him seem like an “emo” singer like in the typical emo music way. Be he’s not. His songs are more “strange” than “Depressive emo”. Some of them are even funny, often in a twisted way.
His songs aren’t the typical “whiney”, “feel sorry for me/myself” emo music.

His is the first concert I have ever attended. I was 26 years old. It was amazing!!!!
My general favorite kind of music is Oldies & happy love songs – romantic & friendship songs, inspirational, uplifting songs about gratitude, love, self love, strength & hope, perseverance. Very different than many of Alice Cooper’s songs. But I love every single one of his songs. I love his incredible ability to take the dark side of life and turn it into something beautiful. I even wrote a poem about it before, how he takes darkness & pain and transforms it to musical, lyrical beauty. So inspiring. A true gift.
Life is a mixture of good & bad and he acknowledges & addresses the dark side.

Alice Cooper himself has struggled with & tackled the dark side. He was treated for alcoholism. Many of his songs are inspired by true events of his own life & people he has met, some in an institution he was treated in.

This post is about one of his songs which I find to be extremely uplifting, incredibly motivational & inspirational. It’s funny too & just amazing. It’s called “You’re A Movie”.

“I fearlessly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath

Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best”

He sings about his unstoppable attitude, his courage, his strength.

“Bullets repel off my medals
And my men are in awe when I speak
All chaos my strategies settles
My mere presence gives strength to the weak”

Very, very confident attitude. So confident and full of courage and strong that strength flows through his very presence into those who are not as strong & confident. Can you say ABSOLUTELY AMAZING?!?!

When he says “Bullets repel off my medals” he’s revealing that he has medals for doing great things and when he is the target of bullets, his great medals protect him against being hurt. This can be taken as a metaphor for life. Your attitude, your positive traits, your self assurance & confidence are your medals and when people toss vicious words or toxic criticism at you or when life hands you unpleasant circumstances, let them all bounce off your greatness, your medals. Those things are the bullets Alice speaks of.

“For me it seems really alarming
I’m really just only a man
With five million sheep in this army
I seem to be the only one fit to command”

He’s just an ordinary man but an ordinary man can do extraordinary things with the right attitude, views, & actions.

“I must go now and save the world

Move aside mere drop of water, let the ocean pass”
Lol he has a BIG attitude.

“Another day, another victory.

Another gold stripe, another star

Really quite boring sometimes
I wish they’d send someone equal to my strategies

What a guy
I’m really quite a guy”

He makes being amazing & heroic seem so easy. “Another Day, Another Victory. “

Every single day is an accomplishment to him. “Just another day being my fantastic self!” lol!

What if you possessed this attitude every day? Imagine that! Waking up so confident that you feel you can take on or accomplish or work towards anything you please. This song seems to be about war but it can be applied to life in general.

I feel so energized when I listen to this or read the lyrics.

The next moment you feel low or lacking confidence or courage when you really need it, remember this song. Think of the funny, silly, but very valuable & important lyrics.

He’s full of himself! But in a good way! Lol. An inspiring way! ;-D

So take his message to heart. Go conquer & save the world! 😀

Much love, hope, strength, courage, & self confidence to you!

Xoxo Kim

I’ve Been Searching

Apr30

Last night/early this morning I had an incredibly beautiful dream while I slept. I don’t know what inspired this dream but I am so thankful for whatever or whoever did inspire this loveliness for me. I love dreams and the mystery of them. I believe they are often things we have been thinking of or symbols representing our ideas & thoughts either conscious or unconscious. In my dream last night I met three girls who were becoming my close friends. All three girls were pregnant. The one I was becoming especially close with was named Elizabeth. I don’t remember the other two girls ‘ names. When I heard that Elizabeth was about to give birth I wanted to run to the hospital to visit her and her new baby. It was a hospital not close to where I was and my dad was driving me there to visit her. We got lost along the way. This is not unrealistic. I don’t drive and am horrible with directions and my dad does drive but is also not the best with directions. My dad and me got into a quarrel over this. Also not unrealistic. My dad does not handle stress well and often takes it out on others. We eventually found the hospital which was close to a shopping mall. The hospital was really big, beautiful, and like an expensive looking hotel. Really complex and hard to find where I was trying to get to, the maternity ward. My dad was in a hurry to go somewhere and did not want to be late and was annoyed with me for dragging him there. My dad angrily got onto an elevator without me and in reality I am deathly afraid of elevators/ small places. And I can only go on with other people. The one he was on closed. And I felt panic stricken and saw another almost full elevator closing and I hurried onto it and had no clue where I was going. So when the doors opened I got off onto the floor that was there and the atmosphere quickly hit me with a force so potent. It was beautiful and so life affirming. Without knowing, deep inside I just knew this had to be the floor I was looking for, the maternity ward. I looked up and saw a large glass Window and through the glass I saw the most amazing thing! Babies!! Babies everywhere!! I felt so much life just surge through me. Then I walked over to the counter and saw all the staff members smiling. I asked one of the ladies working there if this is the maternity ward just to be sure. She warmly said “Yes.”. I told her I was there to see my friend Elizabeth. She said Elizabeths’s last name but I can’t remember what she said. She told me I was free to walk through the ward and go find her. Her name would be outside the room on a decoration that people made with glitter and construction paper and other arts & crafts supplies. I walked through the place and I was in awe. The environment was so, so lovely. So happy. So perfect. There were new mothers and newborn babies everywhere. Visitors bringing gifts. People smiling & loving. Caring & helpful doctors & nurses. The place was packed with people but not annoyingly crowded. Just a happy joyful place. I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness and joy and gratitude that I felt I would just burst into tears of joy right there. And I could see the staff people could feel my joy and gratitude. I was so so happy for Elizabeth and all the other mothers and the new lives created. I was so thrilled to see all the new lives who just recently entered this world with so much hope and inspiration and possibilities ahead of them. New beginnings everywhere. Everywhere. ❤ The emotion in this dream was so strong, so real. Words cannot express. It couldn’t have been more real if this was a waking experience. The place was so big and as I was walking to find my friend I decided I would go over to the mall that was close by and buy her a gift and then come back to visit her. So as I was walking out I saw a young mother laying in her bed. She was clearly in pain. I was overcome in an overwhelming sense of agony thinking of the pain so many of these mothers must have felt giving birth. As a tinge of hopelessness began to manifest another thought crept into my mind. It’s true many have experienced pain but in the end they have an incredible gift. This new being that they have given the gift of life to. And it makes all the pain worth it in the end. This young woman in pain would soon be feeling joy & gratitude for her new bundle of joy and the pain would soothe and then dissipate. As I was walking out my beautiful emotions again came flowing back to me, the joy, the gratitude, the life, the inspiration, the hope, and the warmth. ❤ I couldn’t wait to buy Elizabeth her gift and come back to see her and her new little bundle of love, hope, & joy. Then I must have woken up. This dream amazes me in the most beautiful way. I see so many themes and symbols in this experience. The theme of friendship & love, life, and hope, new beginnings, and happiness & empathy. And so much more. Babies symbolize beginnings and life. They have just come into the world and have an entire life before them. Anything is possible. But this can apply to any of us at any age, young or old. As long as we are alive there is hope and possibility. And the part about my dad and me being lost. We were lost but eventually I found my place. The place I was looking for. It was there all along just waiting for me with open arms so welcoming and it was better, so much better than I ever could have expected. I had no idea what I was in for. And I found it by accident. I just stepped off and there it was when I least expected it. This can definitely apply to life in general. If you ever feel that you lost yourself or your place, you can always, ALWAYS find yourself again. And you can be better than you ever knew. Beautiful things can happen when you do not expect it. ❤ And the young mother in pain? She is the symbol of world pain. There is much pain in this world. So much. But look around at all the joy glimmering through it all. All the beauty & hope & consolation. All the life. The life that comes with pain but also healing, hope, and happiness. Living can sometimes be painful just like childbirth. But life, just like the birth of a child, is a beautiful gift. What a beautiful dream. And to think that my own head is what created this little and wondrous, inspiring movie. And all the helpful and caring people. There are so many in this world. What interests me too is that this dream was and still is so vivid. So real. I saw each face so clearly. So beautifully. And I still can. Have you ever had a dream? One of those ones you can’t shake even after you wake up? All throughout the day the feeling of the dream lingers even after you forget the content or details of that dream. They are often nightmares. But this is just the opposite. I got a little taste of Heaven on Earth. Right here on Earth. And I can’t shake the feeling. I don’t want to. When I woke up I felt so replenished, so energized, so ready to start this beautiful day. I haven’t been getting to sleep well because of my new puppy and other dog waking me and I have been waking up feeling sluggish and exhausted. But not this beautiful morning. I got up for work so ready! :-D. Even after a night of being woken up unexpectedly. Isn’t it beautiful what a sweet little dream can do? The magic your own head can create? There is hope everywhere. I have heard that all faces we see in our dreams are faces we had to see first in reality even if it was decades ago and even if only for a split second and never realized we saw them. One page on the Internet says the person pumping the gas into your dad’s card 20 years ago can be the serial murderer in your dream now! :-O And I saw all these people in my dream so clearly but I don’t know who they were to me at one point in my reality. But I’m glad our lives crossed and touched because they have helped to inspire my incredible dream. ❤ “Somehow something’s changed Something deep inside Ooh a part of me There’s a strange new light in my eyes Things I’ve never known Changin’ my life Changin’ me I’ve been searchin’ So long To find an answer Now I know my life has meaning Ow oh Now I see myself as I am Feeling very free Life is everything Ooh it’s meant to be” ~Chicago “I’ve Been Searching” Always remember there is hope, life, and a way. Stay strong. ❤ Xox0 Kim 😀

“What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what Then?” -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Lucky One. <3

Feb20

I love country music. It’s beautiful and amazing and I love that beautiful Southern accent, so gorgeous!

One of my absolute favorite songs, which is a country song, is “Lucky Man” by Montgomery Gentry.

It’s a beautiful song that inspires me everyday. The message in the song is how it’s possible even in the midst of bad things to see what great things we have. It’s about seeing the goodness of our lives no matter what. It’s a very realistic song. The singer admits that sometimes his life really just seems to suck and he compares it to what others have or what could/should have been. But then he looks around at the beauty of his own life and then he realizes all he has. I think this is something we can all relate to. I think just about everyone has those moments or days where we think our life is terrible or we feel ungrateful and uninspired and just want to curse it. But we can just take a breath and see all the greatness we are blessed with.

“I have days where I hate my job, this little town and the whole world too

Last Sunday when my Bengals lost, Lord, it put me in a bad mood

I have moments when I curse the rain

Then complain when the sun’s too hot

I look around at what everyone has

And I forget about all I’ve got

But I know I’m a lucky man”

Montgomery Gentry

For the last few days I haven’t been in the most grateful mood. I wanted to feel sorry for myself and felt myself being pulled into a whirlwind of negative and anxious thoughts.

But I forced myself to see the beauty all around me, to feel the beauty that can be tapped into at any given moment.

Last night I laid in my bed peering out the window feeling pissed and depressed not knowing of one specific reason. I wished I would see a star out the window like I sometimes do. I craved to be inspired by nature’s beauty. But the sky was complete blackness and that just disappointed me. Then sometime later, not sure if I drifted off to sleep or what or if I was just in a sleepy state but all of a sudden I was awake and peered out my window again and through the bare tree branches I saw not one, but TWO beautiful little sparkling stars peering back at me! I felt so amazed and so grateful. It was truly a beautiful experience! 😀

<3.

I truly am blessed to have a bedroom with a window that has a beautiful view of a tree which in warm weather has gorgeous green leaves some resembling hearts and sometimes I can even see stars through the spaces in the middle of the leaves and in the cold weather the branches are bare and I can see stars clearly. So lovely. ❤

I could have had a window seeing a brick wall or whatever but I get to see the beautiful nature’s wonder!

On Valentine’s Day I had it planned to post a self-love post to help people more easily bestow love upon themselves instead of just always lusting after romantic or other forms of external love. But I was somewhat depressed that day and extremely fatigued and I pretty much slept the day away! I wasn’t depressed for any one reason. I guess it was just my chronic disorder acting up. So I slacked on that post but will still definitely post it!

I am a lucky girl. So blessed, it’s true.

I have five beautiful senses. A body that functions perfectly for the most part. I have the stars in the sky above me. What more can I possibly ask for?! 😀

Here is a list of happy and inspirations for me right now!:

1.) I’m so happy the it’s going to be Spring soon! I cannot wait now! Spring to me is symbolic of new hope and new beginnings, new growth and beautiful fruition.

2.) Salted caramel, mocha iced lattes with whipped cream! Yum! 😀

3.) Morning Glory body spray that smells lovely in my hair and is NOT tested on animals! I think the company is Calgon (??). Or something! Lol. I buy this stuff every year and forget! :-p

4.) Philosophy books and readings I have recently come across! I love Philosophy!! ❤

5.) An attitude of gratitude itself is a reason to be thankful!

6.) My pain disorder has been inactive lately!

7.) Today I got to see my coworker’s smiling face unexpectedly and her baby nephew! So cute!! ❤

8.) Cute knick knacks!!

9.). Some inspirational websites I have recently come across!

10.) This quote: “We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.” ~ Tim McGraw

“And even my bad days ain’t that bad

Yeah, I’m a lucky man

I’m a lucky lucky man”

Montgomery Gentry

Look at the sun in my pic!! That’s what it really looked like that day! So big. So beautiful! So much inspiration!

❤

I hope everyone can take a moment to see the beauty all around us and stay strong even when you don’t feel much like it! Give more when you feel like giving up!! ❤

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Lucky-Man-lyrics-Montgomery-Gentry/E02E4AACE15633B048257218000D672A

X0xo Kim 🙂 😀 ❤

P.S. I want to thank all of my followers on here!! I am so honored that you like my blog enough to follow it! Every single one is a true blessing to me!! I couldn’t be happier if I had thousands upon thousands like some people do! 10, 30, 100, 1000, or just 1 makes me happy! I want to reach as many as I can but just touching one life positively is beautiful. <3. And thank you to all the people who like/”like” my content even if you don’t hit the “follow” button!! 🙂

She believed she could so she did

Jan26

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before”~ Edwin Elliot.

“Don’t cheat the world of your contribution. Give it what you’ve got.” –Steven Pressfield

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

Here is a disorganized, beautiful wreck of my thoughts on how pain can be our motivation and inspiration.

And how we can bring more joy and happiness into our world.

I have a wildly, passionate, pulsating desire, longing, need to help others help themselves heal whatever pain they are experiencing. I want people to empower themselves and overcome whatever restraints may be holding them back and making them not live fully and passionately and happily. And.

I hope that you who are reading this can find something that is useful to you and use it to help yourself and even share with others to help them.

I believe any negative experience that rips us apart, breaks us, steals a part of us that we feel we can never reclaim, swindles our days, months, and/or years, saps our strength, even threatens our sense of personal identity, no matter how painful, no matter how agonizing can turn out to be the catalyst for change for the better. It can give us the opportunity to better ourself, rebuild ourself to stand even stronger than before that pain and destruction.

And for me, the way to allow this painful experience to give way to positive change and the opportunity to rebuild and strengthen myself is to cultivate and maintain a general confident, grateful, positive, “unstoppable” attitude. Stop at nothing. Be your own advocate. Know that you are worth it. Empower yourself. Whatever you experienced. Whatever you did. Wherever you were. You can change now for the better. You can move on and never look back except to see how much progress you have accomplished and bring the lessons you learned with you wherever you are now and wherever you will go. You are in control.

Deep inside you know what you need. What you want. Your heart’s truest longings and desires. Look deep within. Look around you. What draws you? What pulls you in? What captivates and awes you? What has you spellbound and fills you with wonder & inspiration? Is it a certain place? A certain career or job? A hobby or activity? Certain scenery or decorations? Certain colors or objects? A kind of person you want to be? A certain way of life? What do you see before you and feel in the quietude of your brain when you close your eyes and drown out all the clatter of everyday? What is swirling around and sparkling with chromatic winds in the otherwise dusty, gray, and stagnant recesses of your brain? Whatever it is, go for it, chase it until it’s your reality. You may not get it right away, maybe not even in the immediate future. But if it draws you and has you spellbound, it’s worth the sweat and the tears and the work and the dreaming. And don’t settle for anything less. Don’t settle for mediocre. Work for your best! Don’t be a zombie or a robot and just exist in an almost constant state of gray, monotony, BE ALIVE. Remember how you felt when you accomplished something amazing, maybe something you thought you maybe never could?

Remember that incredible thrill that you tapped into at some points in your life? A genuine thrill. Maybe when you finally graduated, or maybe when you gave birth to or adopted your child or adopted a new pet, or got your very first job or promotion or a new car or even just a new, amazing outfit or pair of shoes, maybe when you got accepted into a program or moved out on your own or got an A on a difficult exam…then the novelty wore off and you still loved those things/people but they’re no longer new, the thrill sort of dimmed a little.

And you may think you need big things to happen to feel that way again.

But the good news is you can learn to tap into that novel feeling, that thrill almost whenever you want over various things, big and simple things. You can get thrilled and inspired over small simple things by developing positive habits that will assist you in your quest to overcome your routine, monotonous ways. That’s not to say you will or should live everyday in complete ecstasy or mania but you can be thrilled and ecstatic more often and love the things you do! :-D. Stop to notice and appreciate the simple things. The morning dew drops on the tips of leaves, the veins of life running through the leaves and the ones running through you, your wrists, the vibrancy of the colors of the sky and flowers. The sounds that stroke your core, music, cars screeching in the streets, taste your food, mindfully, salty, sour, sweet, bitter. Deliciousness. Feel the textures of everything you touch. The softness of skin, the comfort of your blankets, your animal’s fur. And take in all the fragrances of life. Perfume, rain, mist, cookies or cupcakes baking, citrus or lavender. Appreciate and love and cherish your senses. Feel blessed and grateful for them. They are five of your greatest gifts. Five beautiful gifts that you probably overlook every single second of every single day, yet they are your greatest mechanisms for experiencing this world, this life. Make a habit of doing this more often and it will open you up to what feels like a brand new world, one of joy, awe, wonder, and inspiration.

Now back to your dreams…

You don’t even have to have it be one hundred percent clear to you right now exactly what you want and need; you can just have a basic idea and do some exploring in and around yourself.

You can read books, flip through magazine pages, visit places, browse clothing or knick knack aisles in stores, antiques or flea markets, read on the internet, engage in various activities to see what captures your heart, what you want to be yours, what you want to be you. Meditate. Focus on your source of life, your breath, don’t force any certain kind of breathing, just focus on the natural process. It may feel weird and unpleasant at first but you’ll get used to it. Try different things out to see if it’s for you.

And believe you have what it takes to eventually accomplish and realize this.

Maybe you want to graduate college and have a big, impressive career. Maybe you want to travel across the world, or maybe you want to take certain non-credited classes to learn to draw, sing, cook, sew, or take photographs. Overcome a health condition of any kind or exercise more. Or maybe you just want to learn how to decorate your house or be a better you all around. Whatever it is you will not grasp it, become it, live it if you don’t take the first steps and then the next and the next until you embrace it and it’s you.

We can’t all have everything we want. We have limitations. But just because we cannot have or accomplish a specific something does not mean we cannot accomplish something else we want or love. I love the idea of singing and wish I could but the truth is my voice is not a singing voice. Lol. And I would love to be able to draw beautifully but I usually cannot; it’s just my fantasy. But that doesn’t stop me so I cannot find something else that I love that can be my reality.

I have come to realize this through my quest to better myself and escape the grasp and bondage of Depression which I have grappled with since I was a young girl. I was 13 years old when it began. It would be severe flareups on top of lowergrade depression in the middle and every now and again, it would lift and I would be happy for a while then it would come back for weeks or months then happy again.

I was at the lowest depths of my despair when I finally realized my ONLY way is up. There was no other option for me that I would settle for. I refused to stay that way, refused to lose my life to the disease that has ravaged my brain for years,off and on. I wanted it to stop coming back. I knew true happiness. I was happy at every age along with having depression.

So I became my advocate and my hero, my nurturer, my own caregiver and I went to war over myself, for myself, and chose to stop. At nothing. Stop at nothing. Until I am where I want to be and I still choose not to stop. I am still going. Still going strong. I make this a life-long commitment. This was/is not always easy. But it is not all unpleasant. And is well worth it.

I get to watch myself grow, feel myself evolve. I see progression and light where I once saw darkness through myself imposed prison bars. And I help others along the way.

Depression has the tendency to extinguish the will to live and survive and it hinders motivation and inspiration and makes us believe we are not worth anything, like we’re not worth the struggle. But I let the pain inspire me and motivate me as difficult as it can be. I let the struggle itself be my motivation and inspiration. My pain is my motivation.

Through the eyes of depression, there is no motivation. There is no inspiration in anything. There’s no will. Through the lenses of depression at its most severe form, there’s often nothing that can motivate or inspire. No people, no activities, no jobs, no thoughts, no books. So what to do? Take the very pain itself, the LACK of motivation and inspiration and let that be THE motivation itself.

Depression took away everything I ever was when it would keep returning, but I took it back. I took myself back. I reclaimed my goddess within, my inner hero. I sparked my inner song, the one in my bones.

Take a look at your negative, self-limiting thoughts. Did you create them or did someone else program them into your head? Or did an experience instill them into you? Why are those thoughts bad for you? Are they good for anything other than bringing you down and causing you to hurt or suffer? If someone else programmed those useless, negative, life draining thoughts into your head, get them out now! They don’t belong there. No one but you belongs in that head of YOURS! Did someone tell you long ago, maybe as a child, or young adult, or maybe even recently, that you aren’t good enough or you aren’t beautiful and you have internalized it and carry it around with you til this day?

Reprogram those thoughts that do not serve you for the best. Practice. Practice. Practice. Un-install them and then install new, self affirming thoughts and beliefs. If you created these thoughts in your own head, why? (This is not a judgmental “why?”. I want you to think about how those thoughts may have served you somehow at one point but not anymore or maybe they never did.) What did they once mean for you? If they no longer or never have served a positive purpose for you, abandon them. And replace them with positive, tender, self-loving thoughts and beliefs that serve you well. Write them down. List them. Dwell on them. When you have a negative thought about yourself, counter it with three positive thoughts or more. Of course you have flaws or perceived flaws, who doesn’t? That’s no reason to verbally/mentally bash yourself no matter what is true or not. What do you WANT to think and believe about yourself as opposed to what you currently think and believe? Your opinion of yourself matters. Your negative thoughts about you are NOT irreplaceable. You CAN vanquish them and replace them. You are a sentient being. You can feel, think, and experience. You deserve your love and compassion. So bestow it upon yourself. It may not happen now or overnight but you can do this.

Whatever negative, painful experience(s) took a toll on you and coerced you into believing negative things about yourself and saying and thinking unpleasant and unnecessary criticism about you, take that experience and go the other way. Instead of looking at how it broke you or destroyed you, take a look at how it has the potential to gift you, to guide you, to energize you. To allow you to strengthen and rebuild yourself.

You may never completely get over the scars of a painful experience but you CAN get yourself better. Scars are ok even though they can be painful; they’re part of living. And they can remind you. of the battle you survived and won!

My depression was environmental & turned more like chronic later, lifting a while then coming back, having to do with certain situations and thoughts.

I have made a conscious decision to intentionally maintain a positive attitude/life even when it’s not easy, even when it nearly seems impossible. This doesn’t mean never having a negative thought; it doesn’t mean literally only having cheery thoughts and happy ideas. It means also handling negative thoughts, situations, and emotions in a healthy, positive, effective way. Like writing, reading, listening to music, therapy, arts & crafts, friends, talking, anything healthy, eliminating negativity when I can, knowing it’s only temporary. Knowing that happiness is often found within but factors outside the self like books, people, activities…can help bring it out and build on it. It would be absurd and dishonest to myself and others to claim I only have or even try to only have pure cheerful, happy thoughts and feelings. Lol. Not happening!

But I do more frequently than not try to keep my glass 99.9 % full! Lol. And I try not to complain unnecessarily. But venting is ok, even necessary every now and then. Negative thoughts and emotions are inevitable and it is important to express them in a healthy manner. I have a gratitude journal, a positive journal, and a positive outlook in general.

And I see how negative events and situations can be manipulated into positive energy whether that’s learning something through the experience, letting it strengthen and enlighten me, or using it to teach others. Or just letting it be a reminder and indication that I am in fact alive and life comes with difficult struggles & situations even through the immense beauty.

Since I am prone to bouts of severe depression I must work hard to keep up a positive outlook more than average so a normal low mood does not increment into full blown illness. But I want to help everyone, even those who have never personally known major depressive disorder. I believe everyone can benefit through the power of positive thinking and action.

When you do not know the impending outcome of something, try not to assume the worst. Why assume the worst when you can assume the best? You may be disappointed if you expect the best and the worst does happen but occasional disappointment to me is better than a gloomy life of expecting bad things frequently. Disappointment can be dealt with and handled. And think in your head that even if the worst does in fact happen, you can and WILL see it through and maybe even learn a few lessons. You can even let your negative and painful experiences be your motivation to get better, heal, and then help others who are now in the painful situation you were once in. You have a special qualification now that not everyone has. We do not have to go out purposefully looking for pain and wanting it just so we can learn; that is not my point. But it will occur at some points whether we want it or not and when it does we can & will grasp it, mold it, structure it, and use it to our advantage, NOT let it get the best of us. Make your pain and your negativity your bitch and use it! Lmao! Own it! ;-D

Don’t let it own you! It can bend you but don’t let it ever break you any longer. Look at it as a tool that you can use to structure and create something better. Be creative!

Be an active participant in and engage in your life. Let it be something that responds to you, not something that merely happens to you. Come alive, live, do not just exist. When you think positively, you are more likely to act positively and then attract positivity around you. There is great wisdom in positive thinking and the power of positive thinking will help you manifest the positive potential in your life.

And you can be amazed at the workings of the sparkling positivity and color in your world.

Positive thinking alone can help uplift you but it’s when it is in combination with positive actions that your brain will be infused with wisdom and light.

And for your endeavors to flourish, it’s best to have confidence in yourself and your actions. Know that you have choices and that you are capable. Know that negative moods and thoughts are not permanent; they are mutable. They fluctuate. So when you have negative thoughts and feelings, reprogram them by meditating on positive thoughts. Transform “I can’t” to “I Can!”. And with true practice you will get into the habit of confident positive thinking and have it develop in your way of life, entrenched throughout your being. You will live it. You will breathe it. You will be it.

Allow your motivation and your burning passion and desire to transcend your feelings of lack of confidence and your laziness or insecurity.

With this habit, positivity will come easier, naturally, and help dispel negativity. Observe your thoughts as they arise in your head. Look at each one and determine whether or not they can benefit you and if you can use them to your advantage. Will this thought lead to or help aid in your happiness & serenity or to sadness, fear, suffering? Be attentive to your thoughts. Be realistic. Don’t be delusional and set up unattainable, unrealistic goals for yourself; that can lead to unnecessary disappointment and working toward unattainable or unrealistic goals can feel like hopeless drudgery as opposed to feeling enthusiastic and happy and hopeful . (Example: don’t think you can become a billionaire over night; it’s extremely unlikely for almost ANYONE and don’t think you can lose 80 pounds in 24 hours, it’s probably not happening) Start out with smaller goals and steps. Know that things take a while and that you do have limitations. But be optimistic and know that that’s ok.

Let your brain be steeped in positive thoughts. Let go of negative ones; they are not you, you are not them. Be positive even if you cannot fulfill all of your desires. Don’t allow your happiness and positivity to be conditional. Things come and things go and if your happiness is based upon them and you lose them, you will be unhappy; your happiness will constantly falter.

We have a light, a way about us that no one else does. You may not realize this or always feel it or be able to identify it but it’s there. Just like your fingerprints, your unique DNA that you may take for granted and never even think about or realize the individuality of. You have a light that can burst into wild flares and luminous flecks that can sparkle on all those you touch. You are not a copy. You are the original. You are unlike anyone else. We are all similar in some ways and different in various ways. Your thoughts, ideas, creativity, your way of consoling and your friendship all have different angles, different pathways, different aspects and doorways than anyone else’s.

Take your light and let it shine on me. It will light me up like nothing else. <3. Your light can shine brighter than the sun and the moon. You never know, it may just be the stars in someone’s midnight sky.

❤

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” –Wayne Dyer

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” –Buddha

“For true success, ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?” –James Allen

“At least three times every day take a moment and ask yourself: What is really important? Have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around your answer.” –Lee Jampolsky

“You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” –Deepak Chopra

“What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now.” –Buddha

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” –Napoleon Hill

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” –Jim Rohn –Mark Twain

“The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.” –

Theodore Roosevelt

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” –Theodore Roosevelt

“Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting.” –Napoleon Hill –Mike Ditka

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” ~Edwin Elliot

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”

~Louise Hay

“You are as amazing as you let yourself be. Let me repeat that. You are as amazing as you let yourself be.” ~Elizabeth Alraune

“If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.” ~Louise Hay

“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” ~Vincent Van Gogh

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” ~Dale E. Turner

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” ~George Eliot

Will you be the one bringing light to someone cowering in the shadows?

X0xo Kim ❤ 😀 🙂

Don’t Stop Believing {at any age}

Nov20

”Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” ~Dale E. Turner I was at work one night and noticed that the newspaper for the neighborhood I live in has a section called “Focus on the Seniors”. It is dedicated to acknowledging the top three goals or dreams the senior aged people have or want to achieve. Ruth: wants to go to Australia, live long enough to watch her grandchildren grow up, and make sure everything is right with her family. Josephine: wants to become a millionaire, win the lottery, and go to Alaska Johanna: wants to keep playing bingo and keep going for walks which she loves, she is also happy with her grandchildren Kathy: wants to visit Australia and has already been to Hawaii and Alaska, she wants to go to Disney Land, and skydive! Miss Jackie: stay healthy, be productive, stay a volunteer as long as she can at the Rec Center Raydella: she has already accomplished two of her greatest dreams having a job she is happy with and having children and now she would love to go on vacation for an entire month! Children were also interviewed for their goals: Margaret(Maggie) age 5 years: wants to go back to Build a Bear workshop, go to the Poconos because she has never been to the mountains, be a ghost for Halloween Jay age 11 years: go to Scotland, go to college, be a pro baseball player Amiera age 8 years: play basketball, be a model, and be a fashion designer Ben age 9 years: be a baker, be a lawyer, be a baseball player Cassidy age 9 years: be an Olympic swimmer, be a cheerleader, be a singer Christian age 7 years: be a veterinarian, play baseball, join Boy Scouts This inspires me deeply because it shows that at any age, young or old, we can have goals, hopes, and dreams. We are never too old or too young. And we can have simple goals such as going to disney land or watching children grow or dressing up for Halloween or big ones like becoming a lawyer, veterinarian, or an Olympic swimmer! It doesn’t matter as long as we keep on dreaming! So many people mistakenly believe that once we are a certain age we are too old to have big dreams or too old to accomplish things or have new beginnings. Or they believe that when people are a certain age, they no longer have a strong desire or zest for life or to accomplish goals and have big dreams because of their age. But the truth is any age, young or old, is the perfect age to plan things and have goals and desires. Old age doesn’t have to dull us or prohibit us or restrain us. Age is never a bad thing or a reason to feel depressed or criticize ourselves or others; old age is a blessing because we are fortunate enough to have lived that long and have chances and opportunities; this is something frequently denied to so many. In this world currently, many people die decades before they could have. Every age has its blessings. And embracing old age/aging even along with all of its perceived social flaws and challenges and difficulties is very helpful and effective to make us happier and feel more blessed, satisfied, and fulfilled. Sure, you may have extra wrinkles and laughlines, and maybe some aches and pains and gray hair and maybe your body can’t do exactly what it used to but you can still be youthful and happy and just think of all the people who have missed out or will miss out on that because of premature/tragic death. So no matter how old you are or feel, go chase your dreams and feel blessed and grateful that you are alive and therefore have a chance. This can rejuvenate you and make you feel and seem more youthful naturally. You may not be able to accomplish certain things or everything but you can do something and choose your attitude about the things you can’t do. “No matter how long you have been traveling down the wrong road, it’s never too late to turn around and start over, as long as you’re alive.” ~Unknown ❤ I also know that people compare themselves to others their age and often feel low about not accomplishing “as much” or accomplishing the same things as their peers. But everyone is different and lives at their own pace. If you are a certain age and haven’t accomplished what other things people your age have or what you thought you would or should by now, it’s ok because you have other blessings so focusing on them is helpful and you can still attempt to obtain others things you want as long as you’re living. Your life doesn’t have to look like other people’s to be just as great. We are all different and diversity should be cherished. And even if you don’t succeed in realizing all of your dreams or achieving all goals, at least you tried and have things to look forward to! <3. “Failing” or “falling” is not pleasant but it’s not the end of the world either and it can help you grow and learn and evolve. “I’ve got a song And I carry it with me and I sing it loud If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud” ~ Jim Croce I love how uplifting it is to see all kinds of people of any age talking about future plans and goals and dreams, big or small. There are so many endless possibilities and new beginnings and so much hope around us. ❤ XoKim :O) “It’s better to be over the hill than under it.” This One’s for the Girls ~Martina McBride ❤ “This one’s for all you girls about thirteen High school can be so rough, can be so mean Hold onto, on to your innocence Stand your ground when everyone’s giving in This one’s for the girls This is for all you girls about twenty-five In a little apartment, just trying to get by Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-o’s Wondering where you life is gonna go This one’s for the girls Who’ve ever had a broken heart Who’ve wished upon a shooting star You’re beautiful the way you are This one’s for the girls Who love without holding back Who dream with everything they have All around the world This one’s for the girls This is for all you girls about forty-two Tossing pennies into the Fountain of Youth Every laugh, laugh line on your face Made you who you are today This one’s for the girls Who’ve ever had a broken heart Who’ve wished upon a shooting star You’re beautiful the way you are This one’s for the girls Who love without holding back Who dream with everything they have All around the world This one’s for the girls Yeah, we’re all the same inside (same inside) From 1 to 99 This one’s for the girls Who’ve ever had a broken heart Who’ve wished upon a shooting star You’re beautiful the way you are This one’s for the girls Who love without holding back Who dream with everything they have All around the world This one’s for the girls Yeah, this one’s for the girls” :O) 😀 🙂 “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” George Bernard Shaw “Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90. Time is a concept that humans created.” Yoko Ono “I’ve got a dream I know I could share it if you want me to If your going my way I’ll go with you” ~Jim Croce