Tag Archive | health

Social Media – Developing Healthy Skills and Balance

I received a lifehack e-mail with a link to a list of reasons why social media can be detrimental to our health.

It’s titled,
You Should Be Aware Of These 10 Effects Of Social Media On You

By Amanda Rife

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/technology/you-should-aware-these-10-effects-social-media-you.html

Amanda Rife writes:

“Technology is a useful tool, but many people don’t know how to use it properly which can easily become damaging. As much as you may love your Twitter page is it really worth the toll it takes on your health? That’s for you to decide after you read the following 10 ways social media negatively effects your life:”

She brings up some interesting and important issues and great points with some basis of truth to them and I am elaborating and adding my own views about each one, here.

After each number is her reason why social media may be damaging to us. Under each reason is her view and under each of her views is my own opinion.

1.) Reduces person to person interaction.

Amanda Rife writes:
“Not only do you spend less quality time with is people who are physically present in your life, but they will quickly get annoyed by you when you’re paying more attention to an electronic device than them. Eventually the people around you will even stop wanting to hang out with you.”

My view: We have complete control over how frequently and in which ways we use our social media accounts and our phones, computers, laptops, ipads…and whatever else we use to connect to a social media resource. Connecting with people online and seeing people in person are both great and both have advantages that the other does not. One doesn’t have to take the place of the other one. Social media allows us to share photos, statuses, posts..and comment, tag each other in ways we can’t do in person and allows us to meet people and reconnect with people we would have never met or encountered again if not for social media. Seeing each other in person is different than seeing each other through a screen, we can hang out, look into each other’s eyes(if we can see), hear each other’s voices(if you’re a hearing person), have coffee, tea, food together, laugh together… They’re both great and we don’t have to give up one for the other. It’s all about balance. You can put your phone away when you’re out with someone in person and just because you “see” that person online everyday doesn’t mean you don’t have/want to see the person in person when you can. Social media doesn’t control you if you don’t allow it to.

2.) Increases your cravings for attention drastically.

Amanda Rife writes:

“Posting vague statuses on Facebook to grab others attention could easily become a nasty habit for people who use social media frequently. The never ending competition for likes and notifications can consume you.”

My view: What can be said about this (and other points brought up here) goes beyond the scope of this post. Many of these are deep psychological issues/aspects that are issues that can have posts of their own. Example: What Amanda Rife states here is true for some people. They need “likes” and comments and shares to feel validated and they want competition, to get more love than others. But that’s not Social media’s fault. That’s an inner issue of the individual self. Social media just provides us with the opportunity to get that kind of attention, to get “likes,” comments, shares…and while it’s great to have that kind of attention, it’s an honor to know that people like us and our content and there’s nothing wrong with desiring it, it’s an indication of a problem to feel that we need it to make us feel worthy or important. It’s a sign of a psychological problem that needs awareness and tending to if we become literally depressed or anxious or feeling excessively low to the point it seriously affects our lives if we don’t get attention on social media. I think the inner problem is what needs to be addressed, not just push it under the rug by criticizing or getting rid of social media for it. It may be helpful to lay off the social media accounts if we are the kind of person to need attention to validate us. It may be very helpful to stay off twitter, Facebook, Instagram, blogs…but that psychological problem of ours will still be there and may manifest in other ways if we get rid of our social media accounts. It’s not social media, it’s us. Social media can be our wake-up call, to help us realize we have a problem, not caused by social media, but being triggered by the opportunities it allows. We can then use this realization to our advantage, working on and exploring problems we would have not known we have if not for social media bringing our attention to it.

3.) Distracts from life goals.

Amanda Rife writes:

“It’s so easy to get wrapped up in what’s going on in social media that people will neglect their real life goals. Instead of aiming for the dream job by obtaining useful skills people, especially younger people, tend to strive for internet stardom.”

My view: Again, this is something we have complete control over. We can use the Internet and social media for just the opposite, to inspire us and motivate us to fulfill our goals and even come up with new ones. We can meet people, discover new ideas, and have our creativity sparked by the people and things we encounter through social media. Anything can distract us so we don’t work on our goals, TV, work, laziness, and more, we can get wrapped up into anything and become a slacker, not just social media. It’s great and very effective to manage our amount of time spent on each thing that takes up part of each day, not let one take over everyday.

4.) It can lead to a higher risk of depression.

Amanda Rife writes:

“According to recent studies the more people used social media the more negative feelings they experience, including depression. This could partiulalrly harmful to people who have been previously diagnosed with depression. If you beginning to notice you’re feeling down on a regular basis it’s probably time to take a break from your many social media.”

My view: This is probably for different reasons for different people. I suspect one of the the main culprits is negative comparison. We know how our lives really are, every aspect, every event, every thought, every problem…but with everyone else, we only see what they choose to reveal. Some people only reveal the positive aspects of their lives and keep the pain and problems hidden. For some, this is because they want everyone to truly believe they have The Perfect Life, for others it’s not that they want, necessarily, to be judged as having a perfect life, but they fear being judged negatively if they complain on social media outlets, for others still, it’s not at all about coming off as being perfect but they want to use their social media accounts just for uplifting quotes and happy thoughts, as opposed to using them to vent or disclose unpleasant situations or thoughts. They just aren’t drawn to sharing their whole lives, pleasant and unpleasant. When we are struggling and we see photos, posts, and all kinds of happy updates by people who seem to have it all, this can contribute to us feeling low about our own lives. And if we are prone to true depression, it can trigger an episode or the onset of a full blown disorder. A couple of other culprits of social media contributing to depression are cyber- bullying and friend rejection, people blocking and unfriending others, not responding to requests or comments and messages. If you’re prone to depression, this can be a serious trigger.

Giving up all of social media may be a solution for some but I think the underlying depression and/or insecurity is what mostly needs to be addressed.

5.) Relationships are more likely to fail.

Amanda Rife writes:

“No good comes out of online displays of jealousy and snooping. It may seem like an easy option when it comes to dealing with relationships, but in reality it does more damage than good. In fact, studies show that the more a person uses Facebook the more likely they will be to monitor their partner, which leads to arguments and crumbling relationships.”

My view: Again, this is not social media’s fault but the fault of the persons involved. It’s how we go about handling our circumstances while also using social media. Relationships and the use of social media are compatible. We have to use our common sense about what is wise to do and not do in terms of social media. Or learn what to do and not to do if it’s not common sense to us. It’s all about our underlying insecurities and issues, not the social media. Social media just provides us with the opportunity to see and reveal all kinds of stuff that can bring out our insanity if we allow it to. We don’t need social media to spy on or stalk people, it just makes it easier to engage in those unhealthy things. If we feel a strong desire or need to obsessively monitor our lover every second of every day , the problem is either us or the lover. Maybe I’m very insecure and my lover is trustworthy. Or maybe I’m not overly insecure but he is being really suspicious and there is some reasonable explanation for my monitoring.

But the true underlying problems would likely be there with or without social media because they lie within us. They are what need to be addressed.

6.) Excessive use of social media stunts creativity.

Amanda Rife writes:

“I can speak from personal experience that social media is the easiest way to stunt, or kill, the creative process. Surfing social media sites, especially Tumblr. in this scenario, has a numbing effect on the mind that’s similar to mindlessly watching television. If you plan on being productive today shut off those apps!”

My view: This definitely has some truth to it and the word “excessive” is the key word here. Nothing is good in excessive amounts, that’s why it’s excessive! It’s also about being mindful and active in all that we do. Mindlessly scrolling through a bunch of mindless drivel thrown about by others is bound to numb anyone’s creativity and decrease our IQ a few points! But when we are mindful of what we’re reading or looking at and fully engaged, our creativity can deepen and we can come up with new ideas. While looking at pics on Tumblr, reading blog posts, Facebook statuses, or anything else, it will benefit you to pay close attention to what you are doing, thinking, feeling, reading. Is it serving you well? Is it inspiring you, motivating you, challenging you? Do you feel peaceful, calm, happy? Or is it just mind numbing stuff you’re surfing through because you feel you have nothing better to do? If so, you definitely have better things you can be doing! Finding something else to read or look at, meditate, tune into your surroundings, the scents, the feelings, the sounds, the colors and textures…your possibilities are endless.

7.) Cyber bullying is alive and well.

Amanda Rife writes:

“People feel too comfortable on the web and say things they wouldn’t normally say in real life. If you’re not the one say horrible things, you’re still inevitably going to be exposed to it. And if you are one of the people talking trash? Cut it out! You’re not as anonymous as you think. With the rampant cyber bullying on the web, people are also becoming more rude off the web as well.”

My view: This is so true. Cyber-bullying is something we have little control over for the most part. For those of us who aren’t cyber-bullies, we still have to witness it or just really negative, uncalled for comments everywhere. Have you seen the YouTube comments on even the most inspiring, positive, beautiful, uplifting videos?! Good grief, they’re horrible. I rarely even read the comments because they’re so dumb and uncalled for. Internet trolls are everywhere and unfortunately here to stay. I suggest you don’t feed them. It’s what they want. So let’s let them starve. They are people who feel so low about themselves and their own lives so they insist on attempting to drag others down with them.

And it can crush our spirit to see even when it’s not happening to us, personally. Being a witness to uncalled for negativity can be so life-draining. But we can develop habits and skills to not let it get to us to the point it’s overwhelming and leads us to depression or anxiety. We can stand un-buffeted against the negative attention seekers who get off on inflicting pain upon others just for thrills. Focus on your own positive qualities and all the love and positivity you receive and remember as much as it sucks being bullied or being the target of cruelty, it has to suck way more being a bully. To sink to that level, there has to be something seriously wrong. Pay the callous comments no mind, I suggest you don’t respond to bullies directly but when you see it happening to someone, you can write positive things to the person to uplift her/him.

8.) Constantly comparing yourself to others online will make you miserable.

Amanda Rife writes:

“The digital persona people display on Facebook is often much different that what actually goes on in their lives. After awhile you may feel like you know your online aquainences better than you do, creating a social gap. Try to remember that everyone is just as human as you are.”

My view: Like I said in response to #4 about depression, negative comparisons aren’t good. It’s not healthy for us. When we’re comparing ourselves negatively to others we’re either making ourselves out to not be as good or making ourselves out to somehow be above the other person/people. It’s uncalled for. We all have good things and bad things and it’s all about our attitude. We can’t control what other people put on social media but we can control our own attitudes and reactions. Like Amanda Rife says, we are all equally human. Focus on the goodness of yourself. Bask in your own beauty while truly, relishing the beauty of others.

Let other people’s happiness, accomplishments, success, and beauty inspire you and motivate you, not depress you or trigger jealousy.

If you really feel utterly miserable because of someone else on social media accounts, analyze yourself, think about why this is. Do you feel like you are lacking in some respects? Missing out? Then do something to fulfill yourself. It doesn’t matter what others think. Do what you have to to bring joy to yourself as long as you are not hurting or directly interfering with others. And if someone is trying to intentionally make others jealous, unhappy, miserable, you can unfriend, block, ignore that person and get on with your own life.

9.) Loss of sleep.

Amanda Rife writes:

“The light emitted from your various electronic screens tricks your mind into thinking it’s not time for you to sleep. Getting enough sleep each night is already difficult enough without extra complications. Perhaps it’s best if your phone doesn’t stay with you though the night.”

My view: This is true but has nothing to do with social media itself, really. If we have our phones by our side in bed, we may see the little flashing lights, hear beeping or other sounds, or just be so tempted to check Facebook and other things. Over and over and over. But this has to do with discipline. Self control. Get into the habit of sleeping at night, not playing with phones. If it’s really too difficult, the phone can be put in a different room while going to sleep to make the temptation less irresistible.

After a while it becomes a habit. Then it will be easier and easier to resist until eventually your brain is trained to not think of that phone and Facebook or Twitter at night.

10.) Lack of privacy.

Amanda Rife writes:

“Between social media websites saving (and selling) your personal data and the whole NSA mess involving unsolicited government access of personal data including email, Skype calls, and so much more it’s very clear that privacy and the internet don’t mix at this point in time. If you post every last thought that pops into your head it could just as easily come back to haunt you in the future.”

My view: This is really very simple. Don’t ever put on social media, anywhere including what you think are personal e-mails or inbox messages, what you don’t want everyone to see. Even if your account is blocked so only people on your list can see, someone, somewhere, can get access to it if those people really want to. Once you put something out there, it’s out there for good, somewhere, even if you delete it and it looks like it’s gone. It can be retrieved. People can get into your e-mail box and any other thing you have on the Internet. Whatever you would never want others to see, keep it to yourself or tell someone in person if you can. Any other way is not safe. But this is a choice. When we put something stupid out there, it’s on us. It’s not Social media’s wrongdoing, it’s ours. Many people don’t realize that when we put something out there into cyber-world, it’s here to stay. They think it can be easily removed because there are “delete” buttons so it’s important to educate people.

Social media itself isn’t the problem. It’s how we use it and perceive it. Social media is limited in its power over us. It mostly only has the power we allow it to have. We can empower ourselves to have a healthy, balanced, positive relationship to social media and those people we connect with online.

We can greatly benefit by developing healthy skills and habits and cultivate a positive attitude about ourselves, each other, and social media. Social media provides us with amazing opportunities and has much potential for great things. We don’t have to give it up to avoid all our problems that arise while using it. It’s ourselves we need to work on.

It’s not the use of social media that is the problem, it’s misuse.

I’m very thankful Amanda Rife brought up these important issues. It is crucial to address them in this age of social media where so many feel that it has a power and mind of its own, where people feel like victims in the face of struggles made possible by social media. Social media is a blessing, certainly not without its negative consequences and distress in some cases, but it’s definitely a positive thing if we allow it to be and use it wisely.
,
Xoxo Kim

30 Days of Lists – Day #2 Personal Medicines

Mar15

Again, I wrote a whole blog post and lost it, last night/Friday. It’s now early Saturday afternoon.
I have off work today which is unusual for a Saturday and I’m going out with my good friend, Mike, tonight!
My phone has been acting up and every app/icon I use randomly and automatically just clicks off without warning. So here I am writing it over! And like always when I lose my writings, it will be better than the original! That’s my policy. When I tragically lose something long that I write, I rewrite it better!

Yup! Let the pain make you BETTER, not bitter!

;-D

Last night/Thursday night I was having difficulty sleeping because of my chronic facial pain disorder. My face wasn’t throbbing too badly but it was exhausted and tired. Lol It sounds funny that just my face can be exhausted! But it’s a very unpleasant feeling! My disorder has more symptoms than just pain. And facial exhaustion and tiredness is one of them. And it doesn’t always let me sleep.

And one occasion when I woke up during the night, I thought of the 30 day list challenge and realized it really is quite a challenge! I can come up with so many lists but I want interesting ones!

I was trying to think of a list and couldn’t think of a really good one other than a list of books. But I want to list my favorite books on a “Page” at the top, not as a blog post.

Then Friday at my psychiatric appointment I was asked to compose a list! A list of “Personal Medicines.” In this context, “medicines” is not drugs or anything we put into our bodies but, coping mechanisms and things that help us heal our mental illnesses and maintain a good mood and wellbeing.

The mental health professionals at this clinic believe strongly that our healing, recovery, and maintaining general wellbeing is much more than just talk & drug therapy. It’s about attitude, lifestyle, and healthy activities along with professional treatment like drug/talk therapy.

So every visit to this clinic now we are asked to list our “Personal Medicines.” It’s the new policy. Some patients view this as a hassle but I like it a lot! I agree that maintaining good mental health when we struggle with a disorder really is more than just professional treatment.

Personal Development/Self Help techniques are important as well.

Here’s my list.

1.) quotes – reading, writing, sharing positive or thought provoking quotes

2.) reading – self-help, novels, and philosophy books/writings

3.) walking

4.) photography – taking pics and being creative

5.) meditation

6.) talking to people/petting animals

7.) helping people

8.) writing

9.) gratitude practices – lists, meditations, photos…

http://365grateful.com/

Check out Amy Gill’s story on this website. The video is on the front page. It’s heartwrenching and beautiful and deeply inspiring.

10.) Art journaling

11.) sharing quotes and my own stories

12.) working on a life handbook – a book of goals, uplifting ideas, values, dreams, quotes, whatever ways you want to live your life.

http://personalexcellence.co/blog/create-your-life-handbook/

13.) posting here on the blog

I wouldn’t expect a seriously depressed person to do one or all of these things and always automatically be uplifted or cured. Depression is not just a low mood; it’s a serious illness, a terrible sickness and nothing can just pull someone out of it usually. But with practice we can learn to cope with and sometimes prevent severe flare ups and with practice we can sometimes be somewhat uplifted even when we’re truly depressed. These things help me immensely because I practice them every day and take them seriously, every day, not just lightly every now and then. And not only when I’m depressed.

Since May 2010 I have been working on maintaining a positive life philosophy and practicing personal development/self-help techniques to help me cope with pain, both physical and emotional. And just to have happiness & joy in general. It has to be learned, practiced, and applied. Depression has biochemical underpinnings but it’s also psychological and self help techniques can help to a certain extent. But throwing an uplifting quote at a very depressed person, expecting it to lift the person out of the illness, can likely just make it worse for the person, seeming like no one understands. But when a person with depression seeks professional help and works on the inner self, reads positive quotes/ideas often, meditates upon them, develops and seriously maintains a life philosophy and positive attitude, making serious attempts to get better and view life in a positive way, it is very helpful and an incredible experience.

Succumbing to depression, giving into negative thinking, unnecessary self criticism, viewing life and the whole world as vicious and cold and cruel, contemplating suicide are all very detrimental and it takes so much to avoid them. It takes energy, strength, courage that often seems impossible to muster, to avoid giving in, but it is possible and worth it. I know. I used to live in a cold, dark place. It felt so cruel. So hopeless and wrong. Life felt wrong and worthless and useless. But I found my way. I still slip back there once and a while but I found ways to cope until I am genuinely happy again.

Just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean I have to act depressed.

My life philosophy that I can handle anything and that I must stay alive, that life IS great even when it hurts, that just being alive is my purpose and just being alive is a grand thing has become so ingrained in me that even when I get just as severely depressed as I used to, I can cope much better, breeze right through it and no longer become dangerously suicidal. Often, positive quotes and songs do help me now because of the practice of self-help techniques and controlling my thinking. They confirm and remind me of what I already know. It still hurts when I am hit hard with depression, I still have suicidal thoughts, I still feel hopeless sometimes and worthless for what, often, seems like no reason at all. But these feelings often, no longer overwhelm me or consume me like they used to.

Something inside has shifted. It’s a strange feeling to become just as severely depressed as I have been for many years but now have hope and still a desire for life.

It feels strange to see a way to die and not want to take advantage of the opportunity like I always, ALWAYS wanted to do for many years. It’s a strange thing to want to live. Strange, nearly fourteen years, nearly every day I wanted to die. And the two years before that I did not care if I lived or died. It feels weird not to have to struggle against overwhelming urges to take myself when I see a “perfect” way out. It’s so bizarre that the thought of killing myself now seems so so wrong when for years and years and years and more years it felt so right. I still have these thoughts but usually now they are just out of habit and not driven by real suicidal feelings. But even when they are still driven by genuine suicidal feelings and true depression, I can endure it.

I now have a desire and a will to live.

I will never get used to this feeling. Not ever. And as I have previously said, I don’t want to. One year and five months of actually wanting to live. Every single day. Living voluntarily and not merely out of fear that it won’t work if I try to end my life.

Sometimes I have to just stop. I’ll be doing some mundane thing. Brushing my teeth maybe, applying my makeup, walking to work, shopping, showering, falling asleep, waking up…and I just stop. And feel the shock. The awe. The strangeness of not wanting to die. I bask in the beauty of wanting to live.

I’m reeling.

It’s incomprehensible, hard to fathom and explain.

I think of all I have learned, read, survived, believe in, and how I have come a long way. And hope fills me. Hope that the episode of depression, when it hits, will end. Love guides me. Inspires me. And so even though the depression does sometimes get as bad as it used to be, I can cope much better.

People get angry when people share uplifting quotes or tips for coping with depression and anxiety. They think it’s cruel and cold and not understanding, thoughtless. And it can be, depending upon the attitudes and intentions of those posting /saying them. But they CAN also be very helpful when shared appropriately, compassionately.

Let’s not assume every depressed and anxious person can engage in some little self-help technique and be magically cured. It’s not like that. And what works for one may not work for another. Let us encourage people to seek help and healing, to seek what is right for them.

Let’s bring hope & warmth to those in the cold, darkness.

I encourage you to make your own list of things to help you with low moods whether they are just normal low moods we may all experience now and then or severe depressive episodes. Practice. Practice. Practice. Sometimes they’ll uplift you. And sometimes they’ll just help you cope. But they are very important to consciously, intentionally maintain.

I believe that no matter how happy you are, taking part of your days to do fun, healing activities just for you will make you even happier and healthier.

Much love to you all.

Xoxo Kim

P.S.

Have you tried the Molten Hot Lava chocolate cake at Arby’s?!?! It’s Heaven on Earth!

I had it before now and loved it but each day I get it it seems to get better and better! Yum! And the jalapeño poppers & onion rings! Goodness! Mmnnmm!

My family got food in the drive through Friday night and it cost over $30.00 and my dad said to the man “that’s expensive!!” and the man said “you’re hungry tonight.” Lol! Then as we were driving away the man said “If you can’t be good, be great.” I love it and will always remember that.

If you can’t be good, be great.