Tag Archive | hope

If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”~ Khalil Gibran

For the last couple of weeks I have been experiencing “ice pick” headaches, which are beyond excruciating. These aren’t the same as the cluster-like headaches I sometimes write about. My cluster-like headaches, which are a result of my chronic pain disorder, last much, much longer than “ice pick” headaches(sometimes cluster headaches are referred to as “ice pick” headaches, they have similar symptoms), also a result of this dreadful but non life threatening disorder.

Ice pick headaches last, literally, only a few seconds. But the pain is unbearable or would be if the duration were longer. The pain level is almost to the same excruciating level as my cluster-like headaches are. I call them “cluster-like” because I don’t have Cluster Headache (CH) that I know of but I have a different pain disorder that triggers similar headaches. The ice pick ones don’t feel as much like a burning sensation as the cluster ones.

These ice pick headaches I have been experiencing off and on, I think every single day now for like two weeks, make it feel like someone is slicing through the back of my head with something (probably why they are called what they are called). This isn’t metaphorical/poetic speaking/writing or whatever; it literally feels like an assault on my body.

I don’t even like using the word “literally” much because it has become a trend to use it so loosely or unnecessarily, when things aren’t actually/literally “literal” that it seems, to me, to have lost its meaning or seriousness or its literal-ness. Or something like that.

Many people have developed the habit now of saying/writing things like “I literally spilled my coffee on me today!” “I literally missed the bus!” “I literally can’t live without this new drink I discovered!” “I’m literally going to dye my hair today!” “I literally just can’t even!” lol

I’m so thankful for the word “literally.” The saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” applies here. I can’t say that about everything I have/had. Many things I do know what I have/had before it’s gone but I never realized what an incredible purpose the word “literally” serves (or served) until people started overusing it. Sometimes I’m so frustrated because I can’t seem to get my point across about my pain or convey the true agony or depth of it. And the word “literally” has often saved me, helped it feel that I am in fact getting most of my experience to be understood. “My head literally feels like it’s splitting” or “I feel that it can literally kill me.”

But now the poor word has lost its weight, its ability to be taken seriously and with it goes my sense that I’m getting my true experience out there.

So thanks to all those who “literally” cannot live without coffee and “literally” flew to the bus this morning and still missed it and “literally” jumped out of your skin when something scared you silly, and “literally just can’t even.” Now “literally” and me have lost our voice. Lol Jk I’m not really resentful, I’m actually quite amused. But it’s true that when we use a word so much and out of place or so loosely, it tends to seem to lose its original message. Some words change or have additional definitions after a while and that’s ok. But come on! This isn’t even the case here! This word is being tossed around in a completely nonsensical way. oh, well.

But these ice pick assaults feel as if my head is truly splitting. And it’s like bolts of electricity searing through my face, head, eye, temple without warning. They come on out of nowhere.

I don’t have them frequently each day but they are becoming more frequent, hopefully only temporarily . They are not as traumatic as the cluster-like ones but nearly as painful. Every day now I have them usually on two occasions, usually later in the day, like early evening then again later at night. And on each occasion, I experience usually two or three, one right after the other. Like bolts of electricity or invisible bullets piercing my temple and eyeball and like something sharp plunging into my head, on the top and in the back on one side, the right side. After the barbaric attack ends, I feel physically weak. Sometimes hot or dizzy, and sometimes I have an urge to sob.

When they end I feel like I can pass out and often sit to rest a couple minutes and during the seconds they occur, I feel as if the pain itself can physically kill me. If I did not have the pain disorder or wasn’t diagnosed, I would seriously think I’m dying. I would be convinced. Sometimes I still wonder if I’m dying when it’s happening.

It’s amazing how many thoughts and feelings we can have in a mere few seconds. I never really realized that before these ice pick attacks began everyday like this. It reminds me to watch my thoughts and make sure they are mostly positive and loving. Also, it reminds me how much can happen in a second, how each second truly matters. In a second, my world can crumble on top of me and in a second, hope can creep into my head and lift me and in a second my wisdom can deepen and I can discover and learn and share. In a second I can choose to conquer my pain and in one second I can choose love.

We often seem to think of one second as useless or too fleeting to matter. But this life is made up of one seconds, single breaths, fleeting moments, individual heartbeats. Together we realize how important they are but each one in itself, we seem to tend to forget. I am reminded to cherish each one. Hold each one close to me. Make the most of each & every one.

One thing that I find that helps me cope with severe physical pain and the emotional trauma of it is to accept the pain instead of judging it or wishing it away. Taking deep breaths and allowing the pain to come as it will. This can be extremely difficult but with practice it gets easier.

I have sometimes been angry with the physical agony of my chronic/episodic pain disorder and sometimes even at my body or the part of it responsible for this hell.

I love my body, both the aesthetic beauty of it and what it does for me, allows me to live, to love, to experience, to reach out my hand and help someone or reach out my arms and warmly embrace others.

But sometimes when I have been very sick (with kidney stones for example) or in pain, I let my love take the backburner and felt a devastating sense of betrayal. Like my body is betraying me, doing this to me. After all the love I have lavished onto it and express for it. As if my body has consciously chosen to do this to me. Sometimes I have been angry at my jaw, the source of all my pain. This is very rare for me to experience but I have felt it before.

What is more common is for me to become furious with my physical pain itself. I have even felt an urge to seek revenge upon it. It sounds amusing and ridiculous and makes no sense. Pain is not a sentient thing with a choice or consciousness. But I have felt furious and wanted to scream at it and throw and break objects while cursing my pain for destroying me. I have waited for my pain to materialize before me so I can rip it to shreds. Into little pieces, the way I feel that it does to me.

This doesn’t help. Screaming and taking fits while in the midst of a severe flare up of physical pain, fantasizing about seeking revenge on my pain, does nothing to help me. It doesn’t ease my pain or relieve my anger. All it serves to do is worsen it. And it is devastating enough without unnecessarily adding to it.

(It’s interesting to think about this because I don’t hurt or kill humans, animals, insects, any living, sentient beings intentionally ever so I know if my pain really was a sentient thing I can seek revenge on, I wouldn’t.)

Accepting my pain and my body is what helps. And meditating upon all the good my body does for me. I have now learned when I’m in physical agony, even seemingly unbearable physical agony, to ask myself “What is this pain teaching or reminding me?” “How can I use this experience to help inspire or bring a sense of consolation or hope to others?” In the earlier days of my pain disorder, it was rare that I was able do this.
Back then all I was mostly able to do is scream and collapse and writhe on the floor and pace back and forth or crack my head against a wall all night long. Most of my thoughts were frantic and panicked, often despairing. Sometimes they still are and sometimes I still do these things, still get angry but more often now, I am able to consciously allow my pain to strengthen me and teach or remind me, deepen my wisdom and empathy for others in those moments.

As soon as I feel the agony of my disorder flaring up, I am reminded of how I never want anyone to ever feel this way and try to think of ways I can bring even just a fraction of consolation or inspiration to others. I now have the ability to summon loving feelings more often than I used to when I was in severe pain. I am reminded that others are suffering or may be or can later be suffering like me and it deepens my compassion. It reminds me that when I feel like responding to things with unkindness, it’s better to instead respond with compassion. Compassion can ease suffering.

My pain is worth it if I can use it as a catalyst for positive change and if I can allow it to inspire me to reach out and help someone in some way, even if it’s just sharing a positive quote or picture on social media. Or reminding myself to show more compassion even to people acting less than kind, at any moment they can be struck with pain or maybe already are suffering.

One thing I learned that I would have never known if not for my disorder, is the existence of “beyond unbearable pain.” I never knew that physical pain can be beyond severe or beyond unbearable. Now I know. I think life itself is beautiful and while I don’t want to suffer, if I have to its good to let it teach me. Pain to all extents is part of this life. And the more I get to experience of life, the better! Even when it’s not pleasant. I won’t go out looking for pain but if it happens to find me, I will embrace it. I don’t always succeed but that’s ok.

Though it can often feel like it, my pain is not my enemy. It is my teacher, my lessons, my inspiration, my strength. And I am not a victim of my body. My body does all it can to keep me alive even when it’s sick and in pain. It does all it can for me. It doesn’t want to suffer.

When I keep this in mind and focus on this and lavish love onto the places of me that hurt, when I breathe, consciously aware of each breath that goes in and out, and remember I am not my pain, it helps me cope. Pain is separate and I can build an invisible/emotional barrier to distance my body or self and the pain so I won’t identify with the pain.

One of my favorite books is “How to Solve Our Human Problems” by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, meditation master, Buddhist monk, teacher of Buddhism, and one of my favorite authors. In his book he writes:

“The feelings of hurt are inseparably bound up with grasping at I and mine. We strongly feel ‘I am hurt’ or ‘My feelings are hurt.'” (How to Solve Our Human Problems pp. 43)

And

“There is an enormous difference between the thoughts, ‘I am feeling bad,’ and ‘Unpleasant feelings are arising in my mind.’ When we identify with our feelings, we make them bigger and more solid than they are, and it becomes much more difficult to let the unpleasant feelings go. On the other hand, when we learn to view our feelings in a more detached way, seeing them simply as waves in the ocean of our mind, they become less frightening and much easier to deal with constructively.” (pp. 44)

When I first read this, I laughed hysterically.

“Unpleasant feelings are arising in my mind.”

Sometimes I still do. Who goes around saying “There are unpleasant feelings arising in my mind?” Imagine being pissed at someone and yelling “There are angry feelings arising in my mind at you!!” Lmao I couldn’t say that and keep a straight face. I’m laughing as I’m writing this.

But these words he speaks are true.

Venerable Geshe Kelsang’s point is to dissociate or detach, to not allow our self to identify with our pain. Not ever to repress or deny it but to not be one with it, to distance ourself and our unpleasant emotions or feelings. We are not those painful feelings. We acknowledge them and that they severely affect us. But then we detach and realize they are not inherent in our existence. If something is not me or essential to my very existence, I don’t have to identify with it.

I couldn’t see exactly how this can work but I love Geshe-la and while I don’t agree with all his views, I trust his word. His practical tips are extremely helpful and his love and wisdom run deep.

One night, somewhat recently, I woke up in excruciating physical pain which triggered fear. People often say emotional pain is worse than physical. I can’t completely agree. Both can be agonizing and it’s dependent upon the one experiencing the pain and the situation, the degree of pain…

To me, severe physical pain is harder to deal with than severe emotional pain. And I have felt both horrific physical and emotional pain.

So that night I was horrified and in unimaginable physical agony, beyond belief. My head was throbbing, aching, burning…

And I remembered his words.

And I thought to myself “There is physical pain arising in my head” while taking deep deliberate breaths. I meditated upon the fact that pain and me are separate even when it feels I am consumed by it. Even when it feels I am one with it. Even when I don’t know where pain ends and I begin. I am not pain. I am not fear. Pain and fear are not inherent in me. I couldn’t believe the effect it had on me. Even though I did not completely grasp the concept. It calmed my fear and helped me cope. I felt my pain becoming more distant. Not going away, not necessarily even lessening but my self becoming less identified with it. This way I have a less negative emotional reaction to the physical pain.

This detachment can work for both physical & emotional pain. We are not our painful thoughts, our grief, our sadness or depression or anxiety. We are not our anger or our jealousy. These things arise in our body/mind but they are not us.

Instead of thinking I am in pain or my head hurts or I am scared, I detach, distance myself, dissociate. I don’t allow concepts of me or my body or I to be in the same breath as pain or fear. Fear & pain arise in my body but they are not me. They are not my body, not my mind, not my essence. They are separate. And by carefully selecting my choice of words, my thoughts, I can emphasize this and cope better with pain and fear.

My body does hurt.
My head really hurts.
I am scared.
I am in pain.

These are all the truth.

But these sentences do not always serve me well. They bring my body, me, my mind together with pain, allowing pain and fear to collide with me. Our choice of words and our thoughts have an effect either positive or negative and there are choices we can make to help us in painful situations.

Again, it’s not about denying or repressing but detaching. I can have something, admit that I have it but not identify with it. This even goes for positive things like money or a great job. I have those things if I do but they are not me. And I can separate my self and them. Then when I lose them I still will not be lost or diminished.

Also, laughter always helps. And it’s hard not to laugh when I think this way. Lol It sounds ridiculous. Who talks this way?! ;-D

But it really does help me.

(This is the back of the book. It just has a blur effect I put on because it looks prettier that way. The original picture looks kind of plain. This has a dreamy effect.)

I also would love to share some quotes and these songs for anyone in need or anyone who may be inspired or uplifted or just curious or entertained by them.

Songs:

If You’re Goin’ Through Hell – Rodney Atkins – mobile

If You’re Going Through Hell – desktop

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor – mobile

Eye of the Tiger – desktop

Hero – Mariah Carey – mobile

Hero – desktop

Quotes

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

“Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us.” ~ Charles Kingsley

And we don’t have to let it conquer us.

“Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced. Denied or feared, it grows.” ~ Dean Koontz

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Today I will see something positive in all situations.”

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.” ~ Dalai Lama

“When you come close to sellin’ out,
Reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

“Take that first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”

“Some people see a hopeless end, others see an endless hope.” ~ Unknown

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today.” — Og Mandino

“And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you” ~ Mariah Carey

When I was in college, in one of my psychology classes, our professor, a clinical psychologist and very loving woman, would play this song for us and for our homework assignment, we had to print out the lyrics and were told to always keep them and look to them for inspiration. We were also required, for an exam, to fill in the blank part of the lyrics. It really is a beautiful song, isn’t it? Very inspiring and comforting and her voice, so soothing. ❤

“Embrace your challenges with an open heart because through every challenge, strength forms.”

“You are not the victim of your body. ” ~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

“We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.” ~ Aristotle Onassis

Our pain may not end or not end soon but we can still be happy, peaceful, live in love. It's all about conquering the pain and dancing in the rain & storms, sailing in the winds.

“You could go the distance, you could run the mile, you could walk straight through Hell with a smile.” ~ The Script

“To embrace all things means first that one holds no anger or resistance toward any idea or thing, living or dead, formed or formless. Acceptance is the very essence of the Tao.”

“If you're going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

This is for everyone in pain of any sort whether physical or emotional or with any problem. There’s always someone, somewhere who understands. There’s always hope as long as there is life.

❤ ❤ ❤ 😀

Lots of love to you!! 😀

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on September 19, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged acceptance, chronic pain, compassion, coping techniques, empathy, hope, inspiration, life lessons, lists, love, mindfulness, motivation, pain, Positivity, quotes. 5 Comments

May My Light Lead Me Through

Jul21

I’m reading a zombie thriller! Lol

It’s called “Savage” and the author is Iain Rob Wright. It’s purely fictional in case you’re wondering. ;-D

I’m not even halfway through the book but I love it!

In the book there are very few survivors who come together and do what they have to to survive, defending themselves and each other.
It’s basically the end of the world. There are zombies around but are easy to fend off for the most part. They aren’t fast and can’t really climb anything. All the sprinters (the really fast and furious ones who can climb and charge at people…scary!) are gone now. All the survivors who came together are living on a pier with a steel gate so the zombies can’t get them. But the book is really about how there’s another group out there somewhere, of living humans just like the survivors, but this other group is a serious threat to them. Maybe even more threatening than the zombies. They don’t know they’re out there yet. I haven’t got to that part yet.

The one character has a quote that he recites in his head, to give him inspiration and motivation when he’s in a dangerous situation.

“Into the darkness I fade. May my light lead me through.”

Isn’t it inspiring?!

So full of hope.

He saw it written on the ground outside of a mosque, maybe about a year or many months ago, after the initial outbreak of the zombie infection and it helps see him through the devastation and terrifying situations.

The quote is a sweet reminder that no matter how dark it gets for us, we have a light inside to guide us and all we have to do is look to that light when we are in that darkness. Whether it’s grief, depression, physical pain or sickness, anxiety, some tragedy, guilt, a zombie apocalypse, or just a “bad day” or low mood, I think that’s a great quote to remember!

No matter how dim it gets every now & then, keep it burning, even if it’s just a flicker, a sparkle, a sliver of a flame, it’s still fierce and can help guide us and help us help others. We can focus on the good in us and around us, do the best we can and keep going. And we can use our own light to rekindle the light of someone else in need. ❤

And if your light seems to be going out, just try to rekindle someone else's and yours is sure to burst into flames itself. ❤

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." ~Albert Schweitzer

Much love to you! ❤ 😀

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on July 21, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged attitude, book, hope, inspiration, life, light, love, Positivity, quote, thriller, wisdom. 3 Comments

Random Inspiration {photos, thoughts, & quotes!!}

Jun24

Here are some of my pictures and some of my opinions on things! And some quotes on happiness! I shared a lot of these pics and thoughts on Facebook and photobucket already a couple weeks ago.
And a lot of these pictures I took yesterday. I tried posting this yesterday and it wouldn’t show up. So when something says “today” in this post, it was yesterday. 😀

This is me under a bridge on the street I live on. Someone painted my name on the wall and dotted it with a heart! I’m almost certain it’s not intended for me but for some other girl who shares my name. Lol It says some name that I can’t comprehend loves Kim. I tried to get a picture of the whole thing but it
did not turn out good!

This pic may come off as sensual or sexual and that’s ok but that wasn’t my intention. I so frequently write about how I love to capture the “simple joys of life” especially water droplets, raindrops, moisture, things of that sort. I was walking up a street one day when an air conditioner dripped on me. Lol It landed right on my boob and I found it funny and also very beautiful. I think a woman’s body is beautiful, every part and I’m not referring to a sexual way. Even the parts of the body that are sexual or considered to be, are beautiful in an aesthetic way and just for what the body does for us, let’s us live, love, and experience. I love boobs just as much as the next man. Lol unlike people who are romantically attracted to women, I’m not turned on by them in a sexual way but I do find them beautiful and love artistic pics or representations of them. And any part of a woman’s body. And not in a way that is objectifying. I know a woman is much much more than her body. It’s great to celebrate a woman’s beauty, even the physical. It’s not necessarily shallow or objectifying. Right away it’s often considered objectification if a woman’s body is celebrated for her beauty or if certain clothes are worn or certain body parts played up or displayed. Objectification is not good, imo, but it’s not always objectifying. And it’s not always sexual or shallow. I don’t care how people interpret this picture of me. I think the creator/artist creates then it’s up to the viewer to interpret. I’m just describing my experience and opinions. There’s nothing on the entire planet or anywhere in the world more beautiful than a woman. And I want to celebrate, honor, and cherish all of our beauty.

This is just weird. I don’t even know. I just felt the urge to hold up a glass coca Cola bottle to my eyeball and take a pic through the bottom of the bottle. Can you say, creepy?!

I see/hear a lot of people bragging that their photos on social media have “no filters.” That’s great if people like to just put the original copy on but there’s nothing wrong with editing and photo effects. They are tools to be creative. There’s so many amazing apps and effects to give pictures a certain feel or play up the colors or concepts. I don’t edit all mine but it’s usually more fun to play with the photos than just snapping a pic and sharing. Some people think it’s deceiving to edit photos but it’s not unless we try acting like they aren’t edited and they are and look realistic. I have edited photos of sunsets before, for example, and they look very beautiful and more vibrant than the original but it’s not obvious they’re edited. In that case I state that they are edited, usually. I never try to be deceiving. If someone asks me I will tell the truth. It’s nothing to conceal. It takes skills to edit a photo and make it beautiful. And I want to get better and better. But usually I think we can tell when a photo is edited and don’t have to always say it, especially when it’s overedited or dramatically edited. Often non edited photos are boring looking. Not always but often and it’s just my opinion of course. On my photobucket account I usually share all of the originals and edited versions. I like all my pictures and want to save/share them all. Even professional photographers often edit their own pictures.

This is me waiting for a bus today which never came. It wasn’t coming because of construction work and I had to walk home which took like over an hour and it was 100 degrees out and my head was throbbing and my mouth was completely dry. But I got quite a few lovely photos of today! I got lost walking home and had no idea what to do. I had no phone service or anything but I saw the Dialysis and
organ donation, gift of life buildings
and then found my way because I always see how my dad drives home when we’re that way. It reminds me of this quote “don’t take your organs to heaven, heaven knows we need them here.” It’s so true. I would love to donate one of my kidneys if I could, While I’m living, to someone who needs one, doesn’t matter if I know the person or not. I know of the risks involved but it’s still worth it. I know kidney implants work better or more likely to not reject when the donor is living. Anyway, it’s a beautiful building and I get pics of it sometimes but did not get one today. A couple of sweet people at the busstop were kind enough to tell the others who kept walking up that it’s not coming. I stayed for a while to tell people so they wouldn’t be stuck waiting in 100 degrees weather forever. There should be a sign up so people kno

And I saw this at the busstop which was not always there:

It shows that someone cares to help people even those they don’t know. I’m not sure who the people are responsible for having the sign here but it’s an act of love to reach out to the suffering and just seeing it is heartwarming and can help change someone’s mind or uplift someone.

There’s always hope and always, always someone who cares or would care if the person met you!

I found this adorable little kritter at work recently! I think he’s a Junebug, maybe. He was on the sink and struggling to get up so I picked him up and set him on the edge and he was cleaning his little red face with his legs! Licking his legs then rubbing them on his face. It was the cutest thing! He’s much more beautiful than he looks in this picture. Lol He wasn’t even afraid of me or anything. They usually aren’t. He loved walking on me and has the cutest little eyes. I put him out in the grass and when I was about to stand up to go back inside I still felt like he was walking on me. Then I looked and he was! Lol He got back on! Poor thing did not want to leave me. But then he was happy when I put him on a little flower thing under a tree. And I love my veins! Little blue lines of life!

~ When you’re under a dark & shady tree, don’t forget to see the sun shining through the branches.~

Don’t put the key to happiness in someone else’s pocket. ~Author Unknown

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it. ~Jacques Prévert

Today a man and little lady were walking by as I was and the lady said to the man “hey did you ever see the movie ‘Hocus Pocus?'” lol I was delighted, I love that movie! You can see the man and little lady with their backs turned in This pic! I took this pic because I just recently learned of a flower called “blue dicks!” lol And as I was lost I saw these blue flowers and thought to myself “hey look there’s Blue Dicks!” I don’t know if they’re really blue dicks but they sure are blue. 😀

It’s the little things that make the world go round! Lol ;-D

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. ~Mark Twain

If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. ~Edith Wharton

This is me with no makeup after days of almost no sleep because I was obsessed with a book I was reading, which I wrote about, called After the Cure, and couldn’t put it down or stop thinking about it. Lol Sometimes I can’t sleep because of happy thoughts and too much gratitude and I just want to get up and dance and blast happy songs all night and read every book I have. Then I pay for it the next day with dark circles around my eyes and achy muscles and things! Oh well…at least it’s because of happy things!!

IN loving memory of my friend/coworker, Diane who died on 2/14/2015 of a heart attack. She was beautiful and caring about everyone. Just like me, she LOVED Coca Cola! It’s all we would drink, we would be guzzling it up all day long at work! Lol Last night I found this at work and I drank it for her. I know she would love it. Seeing it brought me pain but more joy than pain. I love Diane and keep her always in my heart.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” ~ attributed to Winnie the Pooh! 😀

Much love to you tonight & always.

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on June 24, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged beauty, happiness, hope, inspiration, joy, life, list, love, mindfulness, photos, quotes, thoughts, wisdom. 2 Comments

Insidious Chapter 3 {Love & Hope} <3

Jun8

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

Last night I saw the movie Insidious chapter 3. I love the Insidious movies! They are seriously the creepiest movies I ever saw! And I’m not a believer in ghosts but hell if they don’t creep me out!

I absolutely love Insidious Chapter 3. It’s creepy, it’s dark, it’s distressing and thrilling. But that’s not why I love it so.

There are a few lessons to be learned, for some people. I don’t know if the writer/s intended to convey these subtle messages or I’m just really reading into the movie and seeing messages that are accidental.

Please don’t read here any further if you intend to watch the movie and haven’t seen it yet, because there will definitely be spoilers here!

Click it off and come back later to read this, please! I’m not trying to ruin any surprises!

Spoiler alert
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.
.
.
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So here goes :

First a brief overview of the movie, just the gist of it.

There is more than just our world of the living. There are spiritual worlds full of dead people who once lived, and spirits who aren’t all good. Some are good but some are vicious and want to kill the living people. Certain living people can enter the spirit worlds and it’s possible that they can get trapped there or that spirits can follow them back into our world and haunt them.

Some spirits are good and want to hurt no one.

Some of the spirits want life so they try to abduct the living people and inhabit their bodies. So they can live again on Earth.

Some spirits do not want light and life, they want to remain in their dark hell but take innocent people back with them.

These are the worst of the worst.

The young girl in the movie is a victim of something like this. Her mom recently died of cancer and the girl tries to contact her mom but she summons some other spirit accidentally. An evil one. A dead man wants her soul and manages to steal half of it and tries to steal the other half and trap her in his world of hell.
He doesn’t want life like some dead people do. He wants to remain in his hellish world but trap the girl with him. A psychic lady tries to help her.

This psychic lady’s husband died by suicide a year earlier and she’s real messed up over it and doesn’t want anyone else to suffer or die or lose anyone.

The lady has the gift of contacting dead people but one day she entered the dark spirit world and a woman followed her back threatening to kill her if she ever tries contacting the dead again and this scares the psychic lady and she gives up using her gift to help others.

Then she talks to an old friend who inspires her and encourages her to keep doing what she does even with the fear and threats hanging over her. He reminds her that what she does helps other people and she is strong enough to keep going even with the pain and fear. There’s always someone to help, someone who needs her. And it’s worth the risks and the fear and pain.

He reminds her of her strength and that she has a big advantage over the spirits.

She has life.

And she is strong enough to stay alive and give all she has to the world.

She can choose to rise and not fall, to live and not die.

She can choose to conquer the darkness and demons.

So the lady is inspired.

She keeps going.

Also, the man reminds her that she is much more than just one thing, more than just her gift. If she stops using her gift, she is still her, still someone.

The psychic lady leaves her own body to enter the dark spirit world and find the other half of the young girl’s soul and bring it back to her body. The dead man is desperately trying to steal the other half. The young girl’s body will die if he gets the other half and her soul will suffer indefinitely if he gets it.

The girl appears to be unconscious while her dad, the psychic lady, and two men are surrounding her desperately attempting to keep her alive. They are pleading with her to pull back, to not give in to the dark, to stay alive.

The psychic lady’s body is there but her astral body or soul is in the dark spirit world to retrieve the other half of the soul. It’s dangerous for the psychic lady because she can be killed doing this.

They tell the young girl that she doesn’t belong there in that dark spirit world, she belongs on Earth. She belongs in her body. She’s not ready to die. They want her to be strong and choose life. To not give into the dark force pulling on her. To give into the life force pulling her back.

While the psychic lady is in that dark world, she sees her husband there and she is overjoyed. But he tells her he needs her there with him and wants her to die and join him so they can be together again.

This is how she realizes it’s not really her husband because her husband isn’t selfish enough to want her to end her own life just to join him. She’s broken and devastated over her husband’s death but she knows she doesn’t want to die and belongs here on Earth. She chooses life and attacks the evil spirit pretending to be her husband.

I find these scenes to be so comforting and inspiring because they are so life affirming. They show us that we are supposed to live, to not give up even when it’s hard. Life here on Earth is a gift and we belong right here even if we feel a pull to give up and die. Even when it seems we lose all hope, that it’s easier to give in and give up, we must keep going. I felt this movie so deeply, I felt that it speaks to me as I was in that dark theatre watching with my family. It is an entertaining movie but I feel so much more.

I struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts and urges. Not as much as I used to but I still struggle hard. Even when I’m not having a full blown episode, I can still experience symptoms. Some days I’m very happy and filled with genuine joy then out of nowhere I can be struck with depression and suicidal urges that end as quickly as they begin. I can be depressed and suicidal for just a few minutes or hours and those minutes and hours can feel like eternity when they are occurring.
I can be happy and not depressed for months then five minutes of depression can make it feel like my whole life is nothing, worthless, despair and I can come close to ending it all. Then that fast the depression can end.

The week and month long episodes aren’t as frequent anymore and the general depression in the middle of each severe episode isn’t with me anymore.
But I still have the depressive condition.
I don’t know why I have this.
I think it’s just fucked up brain chemistry. It can be triggered by environmental factors or certain thoughts but not always.
Sometimes the more I try to understand why, it just seems the more suicidal I become.

Sometimes I really think I’m going to give in and end my life when it all feels so hopeless.
I can feel the darkness pulling at me and if I pay close attention, I can also often feel the light and life pulling back. The choice is mine.

Sometimes my suicidal contemplation is so frequent, so routine, it’s just as much a part of my everyday as deciding what to wear, what to drink, where to go, what to read, brushing my teeth, getting a shower….But it always ends again. I’m constantly finding little gems of hope and inspiration to keep me going and share with others. I know there’s people just like me and I don’t want them to give into the horrible suicidal urges.

There’s always something to live for, someone to help, to inspire, to love whether the person is a stranger or family or friend, an animal, an insect…let’s summon all our love and keep going, lavish all that love onto the whole world. Even when it’s scary. Even when it hurts. Even when we have to take risks.

We have life. Life is hope.

Let’s love whoever is around to be loved and let our light permeate the world around us.

Let’s not give into the darkness. Always reach for the light. We belong here, in the light and life of the Earth. Let’s put as much loving energy we can out into the uni-verse.

Sometimes when I’m watching ghost movies, such as this one and the movie “Pulse,” I wonder if they are really about depression and not just all about ghosts and stuff.

I am all that I am because of my struggle with depression and my quest for healing and my endless journey each day. It inspires me. I am much better than I used to be. It may never be cured but I’m not depressed constantly anymore. I’m often very happy now.

I can see the blessing that my experience with depression is. If we look closely, feel closely, listen closely, we can see little gifts throughout the darkness. Little glimmers of light.

I want to be the best me I can be not for myself but for every living thing I encounter.

Whether or not you have depression, I think you can benefit by this message to keep going when you feel like giving up. Whatever you want to give up on because of fear or pain, just keep going. It may be your life, your job, a certain activity, anything….if it’s your true passion don’t give up on it just because of fear or pain. Keep going and help and inspire anyone you can along the way.

“Keep loving….gotta keep the light on through dark & despair..” ~ Nimo Patel

❤

I hope you are having a beautiful day or night!

Much love to you always.

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on June 8, 2015, in universal love and tagged choices, depression, despair, happiness, hope, insight, inspiration, life, love, message, movie, strength, universal love, wisdom. 6 Comments

Sunrise <3

May19

Today is April 18th but when I post this it will very likely and very annoyingly claim it’s April 19th because when I post after 8:00pm, it deceivingly says it’s the next day. I can change it but I won’t. When I change the date, it changes the links to my posts then in the e-mails when people click on my link it goes to an error page. How annoying!

Today I woke up at 5:45 AM because my dogs woke me up and I just decided to look out the window and I couldn’t believe my eyes! I saw a beautiful sunrise!

I rarely, very very rarely see a sunrise! A couple of mornings I even got up early to attempt to see a sunrise, I checked the night before to see when the sun would be rising and got up to see it and it wasn’t there! At least not where I was looking! Today though, I saw it serendipitous-ly! I was thrilled!

Sunrises, to me are symbolic of hope and life and new beginnings and rebirth.

Today I’m inspired to share some fantastic quotes about Sunrise!

Here goes!

“There was never a night or a problem that could defeat sunrise or hope.” ~
Bernard Williams

So true! No matter how dark it seems now, there IS a light still glimmering to carry us through! I struggle with depression in episodes and severe physical pain in episodes and sometimes I’m not depressed or in physical pain but I have some problem that feels so hopeless or insurmountable but I always try to remind myself that nothing is hopeless.

“The biggest cliche in photography is sunrise and sunset.”
Catherine Opie

I think this is true. Many, many of us become aware of a dramatic sunset or sunrise and that’s a great thing! Sunrises and sunsets are the simple life treasures we can experience at no cost. I think there are different depths of taking pleasure in or experiencing them. We can take a quick glance, feel the beauty and hurry on our way without really feeling it. Or we can be obsessed with sunrises and sunsets just to get a beautiful photo for our cover photo on Facebook or blogs or instagram to impress people. That’s good too but I think it’s even better to take full advantage of the beauty all around us, soak it up, absorb it, feel it in every cell of the body. Not just to get a picture to share on social media. In my opinion if we can only do one, it’s usually more important to experience life all around than just take pictures. Luckily we can find the perfect balance of doing both!
Also, while sunrises and sunsets are absolutely lovely, there are even simpler, more overlooked, mundane treasures all around us.
Like the edges of buildings and the reflections of sunlight streaking the concrete, spaciousness, streetlights, bricks, just little everyday things that make up our lives but we rarely stop to appreciate.

Example:

I love the way the light reflects on the wall and the pole and I love the traffic sign!

Spaciousness, emptiness, quietude, stillness, beauty, serenity

I was struck by the beauty of the daylight creeping in through the window that evening I was at work and reflecting off the freezer doors.

“Lost, yesterday, somewhere between sunrise and sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered for they are gone forever.” ~
Horace Mann

Yes let’s cherish every moment we have been given.

“Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness of the woods before sunrise.” ~
George Washington Carver

I love how this quote conveys appreciation and mindfulness for a simple moment right before a “big” or dramatic thing, the more obvious thing that usually gets more attention. An unidentified moment often overlooked.

It reminds me of this quote:
“‘Well,’ said Pooh, ‘what I like best,’ and then he had to stop and think. Because although Eating Honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn’t know what it was called.”~A.A. Milne

And my previous blog post:

https://inspirationalgem.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-simple-unidentified-moments-3/

I was hanging out with Buddha reading and drinking tea! What better way to spend my day?! ;-D

“There’s never one sunrise the same or one sunset the same.” ~
Carlos Santana

Sunrises and sunsets are everyday occurances but it’s true none of them can ever be the same. They’re all unique and all beautiful. They never get old!

I love the beauty of the setting sun and the way it reflects on the top of the car and that water tower off in the distance! What beauty that exists in this life! And all we need to experience it is our senses and an appreciative mind!

I hope you’re having a beautiful day or night! I’m at work right now and it’s a cool night so not very busy!

Much love to you and may your heart be open to receive the beauty all around us in whichever form it exists.

😀

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on May 19, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged appreciation, appreciative living, beauty, beginnings, gratitude, hope, inspiration, life, love, mindfulness, mundane beauty, photos, quotes, simplicity, sunrise, sunset, wisdom. 6 Comments

Free Hugz!!! <3 <3

Apr27

“Keep loving…everything you touch, everyone you see, they’ll soon become your family.” ~ Nimo Patel ❤

Hello loves!

I have big plans for this weekend if everything works out as I hope it does! On Saturday May 2nd and Sunday May 3rd, it’s Global Free Hug Days and I will be participating! Sunday is the one day in all of my days that I hope it doesn’t rain! Can you believe it!? Lol me! Hoping it does not rain! While I would absolutely love to stand and hug in the rain, I know most probably prefer the sun. And many more people will probably be walking through the park in the sun. So I hope there’s some sun that day! And also on May 2nd for the ones participating that day!

I don’t know that anyone else in Philadelphia is doing this because I signed up to find others in this lovely city who are also hugging so we can go together but no response! Maybe they just have their own groups and don’t care to meet up!

I found this event on “Positive Focus” on Facebook months ago and been waiting and waiting! While “Positive Focus” is the organization hosting the event, the participants go on their own those days to wherever in the world they want to go and give hugs!

Here are some of the benefits of hugging!

1.) possibly alleviates existential fears/fear of mortality for people with low self esteem – hugging may help allay our fears of death and dying
https://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/touch-may-alleviate-existential-fears-for-people-with-low-self-esteem.html

Even hugging stuffed animals can help!

2.) stimulates oxytocin – promoting feelings of contentment, reduces anxiety and stress, helps cope with pain, helps with social bonding, linked to lower blood pressure and heart rate…

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128795325

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0301051104001632

http://m.livescience.com/12833-love-hormone-oxytocin-dark-side.html

Just one brief hug releases these chemicals in the body!

3.) Stimulates dopamine – the “feel good” drug responsible for preventing depression and things like Parkinson’s disease. Procrastination, self doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are all linked to low levels of dopamine. Dopamine is a pleasure hormone which is released in the brain and hugs can trigger it! Listening to music that thrills us can also help our brains to release it!

http://today.uconn.edu/blog/2012/11/uconn-researcher-dopamine-not-about-pleasure-anymore/

4.) stimulates serotonin – when a person feels important, serotonin flows more. When serotonin is low, depression and loneliness can occur. Hugging helps this drug flow helping us feel less sadness and loneliness and helping us prolong life and has other positive benefits.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/232248.php

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2612120/

And many more benefits of hugging!

(me! :-D)

I hope you will come and join me for Global Free Hugs Day if you are here in the beautiful Philadelphia!! I will be at Rittenhouse Square on Sunday afternoon, May 3rd with free hugs & love for everyone and anyone!! We’re spreading a message of universal love & kindness for everyone all around the globe! And the message that every life matters.

Whenever we reach out to hug, to help, to heal, to comfort, to inspire, to uplift…we reach out in love. ❤

Check it out!

http://www.positive-focus.com/

We will take pictures those days and send them to Positive Focus for their video. You can register here:
http://www.positive-focus.com/about-gfh/gfh/

Or you can choose not to register and just go hug anyway!

Heres the fb page for positive focus:

https://m.facebook.com/positivefocusnfp?_rdr

I’m using my phone so that’s the mobile website. Hopefully you will find the desktop one if you’re using a computer!

E mail them your pics at: hugs@positive-focus.com

You can go alone and hug, with one or two people, or gather a large group and go together. I think i’ll be going alone except my mom will be joining me to take the pics. And maybe my sister. I won’t be there real long as I have work that day. I have been waiting for months for this day! And I have so many fun ideas for the signs I’m making! I’m going all out! Lol I’ll probably be there around 12:30pm.

No matter who you are, where you are, where you have been, where you’re going, what your views on anything are, skin color, ethnicity, experiences, sexual orientation, homeless or not, if I know you or never talked to or laid eyes on you, if I knew you at one point, if we had a falling out or ended on not good terms, still come and let’s hug! I’m here to provide hugs & love to everyone no matter what and show that every life matters.

No matter what problems or pain or dreams or goals or views or experiences we have, we are all in this together!

If you’re in Philadelphia, Pa that afternoon, come and hug me!! If not then I’ll be sending you virtual hugs! ❤

Much love to you always! And lots of big bear hugs! ❤

And don’t forget on Sunday afternoon I will he providing hugs! So come and get your love!

“You may say
I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will live as one”
~John Lennon ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim

P.s. Don’t forget to remember your life DOES matter no matter what you have done, who you are, what your opinions are, what disability or religion or mental or physical health condition you have, whether you have a family and friends or none, whatever your age or job is, no matter how much money you have, where you live, if you’re homeless and live outside under a bridge or in a park or live in a mansion, even if you feel hopeless or worthless and depressed or anxious often….your life and everything you do has an effect on the world around you. this is true for all of us. And we can get better and better.
Life is hope. ❤

This entry was posted on April 27, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged caring, compassion, diversity, empathy, free hug day, free hugs, global Free Hugs, happiness, hope, hugs, inspiration, joy, kindness, life, love, universal love, wisdom. 18 Comments

Spring is in the air! <3

Mar20

But not really!

Today is the first day of Spring!

And this is what we get!

(this pic showed up by accident but he’s cute so I’m leaving it – he’s my baby, Woody, almost eight months old!)

What a hilarious joke it seems the uni-verse has played on us! 😀

Lol it looks like Winter is milking it for all it’s worth, going to snow and be All frigid until the last second it possibly can!

I love it! I’m so so happy it will be warm soon! And life will
Blossom
all around! Green & flowers and a floral fragrance in the air!

Google flowers! @—}—-}

But I’m so happy for one last snow blizzard until Winter/the end of Fall comes again! Yay!

It’s a Winter Wonderland today and I walked in it to get my mom a coffee! It was beautiful but eventually my head was throbbing terribly because of the cold, I thought I would pass out. Or die. Lol ok, not really die but it was almost as painful as brain freeze when I eat ice cream too quickly!

The quote in my daily quote book for today, March 20th is:

“If only we’d stop trying to be happy, we’d have a pretty good time.” ~ Edith Wharton

Isn’t this so true?! How often have you heard someone say or have you said or thought yourself something like “when it’s warm/hot outside and I can go on vacation, I will be happier, when I lose 20 pounds I will be happier, this weekend I will be happy, when I have kids I will be happy, when I find true love or get married I will be happy, when I grow up/get older, graduate college, get better grades, I will be happy, when I get a job or another job I will be happy, when I have more money I will be happy, when I have a place of my own I will be happy…?”

I’m definitely not innocent of thoughts like that occasionally, thoughts like “when…..then I will be happier.” While I’m often mindful of and happy right now, there are definitely occasions I begin to think I need more or “should” have more. And then it leads to a very low feeling, negative comparisons to others, or even a full blown depression.

But the truth is, we can be happy now. Let go of the conditional happiness concept and living too much in the future. Let go and allow the beauty and joy of right Now to seep into our essence and soak it all up! Be happy now!

The external things that we think can lead to happiness or can bring us fleeting happiness will not last very long and are not necessarily as purely blissful as we think they are. Warm weather comes then leaves eventually and we’re stuck in the bitter cold, vacations end and we have to come back to reality, people can leave us, we can put weight back on after the hard work losing it, fashion trends eventually end after buying all those expensive clothes, people die of heatstroke and exhaustion in the Summer, freeze to death in Winter, suffer with horrible allergies in Spring & Fall, are used for money and have lots of financial management when they are financially rich, have the pressure of having to keep up their grades when they have a perfect gpa, even great things like kids and relationships and money, a great job,….come with consequences that aren’t always pure bliss, the thing is to practice and learn to be happy NOW or at least in general under any circumstances.

Pay attention to the gifts right before our very eyes. It’s great to have relationships with others, have kids, get a new job, shop for new clothes, experience the seasons, have money, get amazing grades in school…but we don’t need those things to have a sense of happiness or self worth. They can bring us certain joys and a certain kind of happiness and blessings we won’t have without them but we can also have joy and true happiness and blessings without them. They complement our happiness and our self, not complete us.

There are great things and drawbacks to just about every stage and phase and season of life. Let’s cherish them all and appreciate now!

Coincidentally this is what we talked about and meditated upon in class last night. Then today that is the quote for this day!

Also, I read that today brings with it a Super New Moon, a Total Solar Eclipse, and the Spring Equinox! All of which symbolize new beginnings! A perfect reminder that no matter what happened, no matter how stuck or depressed, or broken we are or have been, there is new hope and a blank slate to turn around and begin again! And we can begin right Now! ❤

Much love to you! ❤

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on March 20, 2015, in appreciative living, intentional living, mindfulness, Uncategorized and tagged appreciation, appreciative living, beauty, beginnings, blessings, gratitude, happiness, hope, inspiration, joy, life, love, mindfulness, quote, seasons, Spring, wisdom. 2 Comments

Friday the 13th & Alice Cooper <3

Mar13

” Did you hear that voice
Did you see that face
Or was it just a dream
This can’t be real
That only happens, babe
On the movie screen
Oh, but he’s back
He’s the man behind the mask
And he’s out of control
He’s back” ~ Alice Cooper (He’s Back)

It’s Friday the 13th again! If I recall correctly last month the 13th was also Friday! In honor of Friday the 13th I’m posting some of my favorite Alice Cooper song lyrics! His song “Man Behind the Mask” can be heard at the end of Friday the 13th part 6″ and Alice sings amazing other songs as well, most of which are very dark, about mental illness, insanity, stalking, homicide and being suicidal. Many of his songs are inspired by his real life, his own experiences, people he met. He struggled with alcoholism and mental health conditions. I loved him since I was a little girl and his is the only concert I ever been to! I saw him a few years ago when he came to NJ! ❤

I don’t think there’s one song by him I don’t love! I usually don’t like songs about violence but his, I can’t accept because he’s Alice! Lol

He doesn’t actually promote violence, he even has a couple songs bringing awareness to violence against women. He just likes to sing about creepy and horror stuff.

Lol

Here are some of the song lyrics I love so much!

“Now maybe someday
The sun’s gonna shine
Flowers will bloom
And all will be fine” ~ Alice Cooper (Pick Up the Bones)

This is a very dark and sad song but it has this small sliver if hope in it.

“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~ Alice Cooper (I Never Cry)

No matter how lonely we can sometimes be, we aren’t really alone.

“Small town debutantes and queens
Every woman has a name
Cocktail waitresses with dreams
Every woman has a name
And every girl who’s loves survives
A broken heart to stay alive
You signed your picture in the frame
Every woman has a name” ~ Alice Cooper (Every Woman Has a NAME)

I love this song! It’s about how every woman is someone. Someone important, no matter what her life is like or what her job (or no job) is, rich or poor, waitress, housewife, or debutante, no matter how broken she is. Every woman has a name. ❤

“While you’re in work I’m alone
In your room, on your bed and you’ll never know
I like to go through your things
The touch, the smell, the joy it brings
I know where you live
I know where you hide
I know what keeps you alive
I know where you go
I know who you know
I know where your spending your nights” ~ Alice Cooper (Prologue / I Know Where You Live)

This is just a creepy song about a stalking serial killer.

“She’s not perfect
She’s all mine
She can’t sing or dance
She ain’t got a chance
But baby, I don’t mind” ~ Perfect

I love it! He sings about how his girl can’t sing or dance or do much of anything well, she’s not perfect but she’s perfect to him!

“But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
Some lovin’,
And TV, yeah.
That’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, sweetheart
That’s just enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper (You and Me)

Beautiful song! Him and his love aren’t any big movie stars and their life is very simple, he just goes to work and comes home and watches tv and eats popcorn with his sweetheart, but it’s good enough for him. So sweet!

(me at a haunted attraction for Halloween)

“This quiet place
It ain’t so new to me
It’s haunted atmosphere
Has heard so many scream
My home from home
My twilight zone
My strangest dream
My confidant
I have confessed my life
The Quiet Room
Knows more about me than my wife”~ Alice Cooper (The Quiet Room)

This song is so heartbreaking but it’s one of my favorites! He’s in a mental hospital, locked in the quiet room (a solitary room in a mental hospital for people who are freaking out or are a threat to themselves or others) and he’s suicidal and is singing to his wife. He doesn’t know how long he has been gone and he’s remembering his life at home, his lawn, his house, and the life he had with his wife. It’s so sad it gives me chills and I can relate so much.

“The city streets are wet with rain tonight
Taxi drivers swerve from lane to lane
A lonely guitar man playin’ down the hall
Midnight blues comin’ through the walls
I tried to call you on the telephone
I left it off the hook
Just to hear it ring
You told me you were better off alone
I never knew that tears could sting” ~ Alice Cooper (Might As Well Be on Mars)

Another wistful song full of heartache and longing. The person he is in love with doesn’t want to see/talk to him right now and this person is so physically close to him,yet he can’t get close enough. I love the beautiful imagery.

“Baby, I could have been someone
I could have been something
It would have been nothing to die for you
Baby, you’re going to need me
You’d better believe me
It would have been easy to die for you” ~ Alice Cooper (Die for You)

His unconditional love is so obvious in this song! Dying for this person would be so easy to him.

“Bullets repel off my medals
And my men are in awe when I speak
All chaos my strategy settles
My mere presence gives strength to the weak
For me it seems really alarming
I’m really just only a man
With five million sheep in this army
I seem to be the only one fit to command” ~ Alice Cooper (You’re a Movie)

This is a song about extreme self confidence. Very uplifting and inspiring!

“Now I’ve seen class, I’ve seen tact
I’ve seen ’em walking down the street with smoke in their stacks
And pouring into limos, they wake up in millionaires’ bedrooms
I’ve seen their hair cut short, black and sleek
Tied in 20 thousand knots so ultra neat
Swearing by the Harper’s Bazaar, like it equalled the Bible
But you look good in rags
With dirt in your hair
Yeah you look good in rags babe
Aw, I don’t care
Yeah Yeah, you look good
Oh you look good in rags
With dirt in your hair
Ah yeah, you look good in anything
Forget about Vogue or them hundred dollar jeans,
You make a 2 dollar T-shirt obscene.” ~ Alice Cooper (You Look Good in Rags)

Girl is so sexy she looks great in rags and dirty hair! Lol

Here is the desktop link to “He’s Back”
Video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEPwzzjkp-o&app=desktop

Mobile link:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GEPwzzjkp-o&persist_app=1&app=m

Here’s another video for one of his songs/

Mobile:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LERBv5DSuEc

Desktop:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=LERBv5DSuEc

In this video he’s in a mental hospital writing to his wife about how he misses her and wants their life back and about how he messed up and he gets out and runs home to her to find an ambulance taking her away, she overdosed on alcohol.

So, here are some of my favorite songs! A mixture of hope, inspiration, despair, depression, amusement, darkness, and all!

I hope you’re having a great day! I’m watching “Friday the 13th part 8” with my mom and sister. Jason takes Manhattan!

Xoxo Kim 😀

This entry was posted on March 13, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged Alice Cooper, Friday, fun, hope, inspiration, list, love, lyrics, music, songs, wisdom. 5 Comments

Happy New Year <3

Jan1

“And now let us welcome the New Year
Full of things that have never been.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

In Sarah Ban Breathnach’s “Simple Abundance – A Daybook of Comfort and Joy,” she writes:

“January, the month of new beginnings and cherished memories, beckons. Come, let winter weave her wondrous spell: cold, crisp, woolen-muffler days, long dark evenings of savory suppers, lively conversations, or solitary joys. Outside the temperature drops as the snow falls softly. All of nature is at peace. We should be, too. Draw hearthside. This is the month to dream, to look forward to the year ahead and the journey within.”

Isn’t this a beautiful description?! We don’t need a new year to have new beginnings, new hope, and new goals. We can begin anywhere, any place, any time. But January is symbolic of new hope and beginnings. A new, clean, blank slate to be and do whatever you want!

She also writes, “…time is the New Year’s bountiful blessing: three hundred sixty-five bright mornings and starlit evenings; fifty-two promising weeks; twelve transformative months full of beautiful possibilities; and four splendid seasons. a simply abundant year to be savored.”

I shared this last year here, and maybe the year before too! It’s beautiful and full of so much hope! Like I said, you don’t need the beginning of a new year to be hopeful and create a new life or a new you, all that’s changing is the date, it’s what has to change within and our actions that count, but it’s a beautiful symbol!

And the magic of a new year is lovely!

I wish you a happy New Year full of love (of all kinds including self love), success with your goals, happiness, joy, beauty & light! Remember we don’t need lots of money, material possessions, romantic love, a big happy family…to be happy and full of love. Those are great things to have but not necessary to be happy in general. All we need is the right attitude and we can be homeless, financially poor, living in a shack and still be happy. True happiness and joy is within. External things can add to it but we don’t need them.
❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

This entry was posted on January 1, 2015, in Uncategorized and tagged dreams, goals, happiness, happy new year, hope, inspiration, joy, life, love, magic, new beginnings, new year, peace, quote, wisdom, year. 2 Comments

My (somewhat recent) Dream {you can be greater than anything that can happen to you}

Nov19

As I posted here previously, I have vivid dreams that I frequently remember. Sometimes they’re inspirational.
My dreams aren’t usually bad, negative, or scary. They’re often strange. Bizarre beyond comprehension. And when not bizarre beyond belief, usually just quite ordinary like an extension of a normal day. But I can often gather little parts of them, bizzare or not, that can be analyzed or interpreted. I like my dreams. They seem so real. And I love that I remember them so easily, I even remember dreams I had years ago.
My dreams are so profound and so intense, like I can experience my emotions in my dreams just as strongly as during my waking hours.

I believe that dreams are usually just stuff we have been thinking about consciously or unconsciously whether it’s important or not so much. I think it’s often just our brains releasing everyday stuff in symbols or images as we sleep. Like a kind of replenishment. I think sometimes we have certain dreams for a certain reason that we aren’t consciously aware of. Some deep, seemingly unreachable, part of the Self is attempting to reveal something. I love the mystery of dreams and I think they often try to take unconscious thoughts and put them into the conscious mind.

Sometimes I know things unconsciously that I don’t realize in my waking hours. These messages come to me during my slumber and I’m often blessed enough to carry the message out of the dream and into my wakening.

In another post I mentioned that I have a recurring dream while I sleep sometimes, when I’m depressed and suicidal or having suicidal thoughts. The dream is someone chasing me and trying to kill me and in my dream I want so desperately to live and will do almost anything to survive. I’m passionate about living. My desire to live in this dream is overwhelming and I would do almost anything to save myself. This is a dream I usually only have when I’m depressed and having some degree of suicidal thoughts.

I believe it’s my unconscious mind letting me know I really do want to live, deep inside I want to live, not to listen to and give into the deadly thoughts and urges, that the depression is deceiving me into thinking I should die. The depression is clouding my Truth. My Truth is pure like sparkling white snow glistening on a cold Winter day. But depression comes along like a speeding truck headed straight for me, leaving tracks of mud upon my pure Truth. But no matter how much mud and soil and sludge it leaves upon my Truth, my inner self, my Truth and my authentic Self is still pure and sparkling, still fierce, still strong. No pain can take that. My Truth is that life is always a blessing even when it doesn’t feel so, that there’s always beauty and hope and something to carry on for, something to smile about and be thankful for even when pain or circumstances are overwhelming. No matter how much it hurts. Even when it feels like it will never get better, like all hope is lost. My truth is that I have a purpose and always will. My truth is that I want to live to inspire anyone I can, to share my own story, my happiness and sadness, my joy and pain, my beauty and my uglines, my strength and my weakness,and bring hope and healing to anyone in need.

A few months ago, I have been depressed again and had another dream. I dreamed that someone died. A woman named Angie. She’s not someone I know for real, I don’t know where my mind got her. I don’t think she’s based on a real person that I know of. But I read a fact about dreams that says when we see faces in our dreams they are people we once saw in our reality whether we remember seeing them or not, even if those people were never significant in our lives, even if we saw the face only once, and even if we haven’t seen them in decades. Our brain can’t make up faces.

The faces/people we dream may not, in the dream, be based on who they really are in reality. It’s just the same physical face/appearance, nothing more necessarily. The example I read is that as a child we may have watched a man pumping gas into our dad’s car then years later dream of a serial killer and it’s the man pumping the gas! His face! Lol So while the face is real he wasn’t necessarily really a serial killer, he was just a man pumping gas whose face made it into a dream years later and the brain made him a serial killer. In the dream the serial killer isn’t that man we remember pumping gas at one point. It’s that our brain just took his face to incorporate into a dream.
Now, I have absolutely no clue how true this is. And if it’s true I have no idea how someone found this out. How does someone know our brains can’t make up faces that never existed? Maybe it’s common sense how someone knows but I’m lacking that common sense or maybe some research reveals it somehow. Some kind of neuroscience? It’s fascinating but I don’t know much about it. I did go to college for psychology and took many brain classes, even held an actual human brain in my hands, along with a spinal cord. My professor had/has a human brain collection in her basement. They float around in jars of fluid. Lol please don’t ask because I don’t know!

She’s some kind of brain researcher in a lab and keeps the brains for her own entertainment. I would too! Lmao
This sounds like something out of some kind of science fiction or horror movie but it’s reality. So yeah.
I don’t remember over half the shit I learned back then. But it’s ok at least I’m humble enough to admit it! ;-D
It’s funny because sometimes I dream about this fact about dreams and faces that I’m not sure is really a fact. Lol
As a matter of fact, it’s only in a dream that I remember first learning it!
I don’t remember learning this “fact”/fact while awake. I dreamed about learning this then one day I woke up and thought it was just some weird thing I dreamed out of nowhere. Then I looked it up and saw it’s actually said to be a fact! So I must have learned it and forgot but my unconscious self remembered and had it tucked away until I fell asleep one night.
I haven’t found any reliable sources to support it.
So anyway, if this is true, Angie in my dream who died, must be real since I saw her clearly in my dream. Maybe her name isn’t really Angie.
Maybe in reality she’s not who she was in my dream. And hopefully she never really died.

Maybe I saw her on a bus one day years ago or in a class in college or in a picture on Facebook….who knows?
But in my dream she died. In my dream I did not know her well at all but the news of her death devastated me. This isn’t quite a stretch or unrealistic as in my reality I find the death of someone to be devastating, even the death of people/animals I hardly know or don’t know at all. Of course, it’s not as deep as for people who actually knew the person/animal but I am just filled with sorrow over the losses I hear of. I can see on the news that someone died or I read a Facebook status and am somewhat somber the rest of the day off and on or even the next few days. It’s not always equal for every one that I see. Some things hit harder for whatever reason.
But in my dream I was in a room full of people who all knew the woman who died. I don’t know where I was in the dream but in the dream it made sense. I think it may have been inspired by the building of the mental health clinic I go to for depression. There were big wooden tables and chairs, like lunchroom tables, and a lady in charge….in charge of what I don’t know…., she was going around to different people with a clipboard and paper and pen and when she got to me we sat on the chairs, facing each other. I was grieving and felt a kind of fear and I sensed this woman before me was trying to push the problem under the rug, not wanting to talk about the issue directly or in depth because it was painful and uncomfortable.
She asked me questions I can’t remember. She wrote down my answers. I even remember the paper in the dream, clearly. It was white with black text and black boxes to write the answers in.

Then the last question she asked me I do remember. She said something like: “What is the one quote you want to live by, choose a quote you truly believe in, one that is important, a quote you want to be the foundation for your life?” I thought about it for a few seconds and almost instantly a quote popped into my head. For real I was depressed and in my dream I was depressed and grieving. When I’m depressed I often have certain insecurities thinking I’m not good enough for anything or anyone and in my dream that’s how I felt.
I was afraid to answer. Feeling as if my answer wouldn’t be good enough. Just because it’s my answer, because nothing about me is ever good enough, it seems. I don’t always feel this way, only sometimes, especially when I’m depressed. And in the dream I felt this.
In reality I was feeling a bit hopeless.
It carried over into my dream.
And the quote that came to me in my dream:

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ attributed to Norman Vincent Peale

I told the dream lady(who I must have also seen in my waking hours if that fun fact is in fact true, but I don’t remember her either, in my reality) and she happily wrote it down. She seemed impressed and she said to me “Now, you always remember that, don’t you ever forget it.”
And then I woke up.
I was and still am in awe of the beauty my brain creates when I sleep.
Of course my brain did not make up this quote. If only…lol if only my slumbering brain were THAT brilliant!
This is one of my favorite quotes that helps remind me whenever something bad happens, whenever I’m in pain of any kind, depressed, struggling with insecurities or painful memories of any past event or day, grief, struggling with tmjd “cluster headaches”….that no matter what it is, I can be greater if I let myself. I can be greater than anything that can happen to me. No matter how painful or devastating or tragic or sad. I have the power within to rise above it. And that goes for you as well. We can all be greater than anything that can happen to us. We don’t have to give our power to other people, situations, events, pain, things, or anything. Generally and ultimately, no circumstance, no person, no thing has power over you unless you allow it.
We have the power over ourselves.

In some special cases, people do have the power to control us, situations get the best of us but in the long run, overall, we have the power over ourselves. We can choose to take it back when it seems to be taken away and pro-act.

Sometimes I let my pain, both physical and emotional, repress my Truth. I let it conquer me and my life’s philosophy. I let everything else, everything I know to be true to me, take the back burner and my pain prevail. But then it comes to me in my sleep because it never really left me. It’s still my Truth. It was there all along. And my dreams remind me…

I encourage you to listen to your dreams and your truth. Not everyone can remember their dreams at all or enough to interpret them or glean any inspirational or useful insights but if you do remember them, it’s possible a part of you deep inside is trying to tell you something. Listen. Listen to your inner Self. Not just your dreams while you sleep but your waking Truth.
You may have values, opinions, philosophies, virtues that you generally firmly believe in or live by or want to honor and live up to eventually if you don’t already. But pain, either physical or emotional, situations, unpleasant experiences can cloud those truths and they become muddled and repressed and the pain becomes your truth instead.
Maybe the pain tells you you can’t go on or that there’s no reason to. Maybe it tells you you’re worthless or that there’s no hope, no point, no purpose, no beauty, nothing but pain. Maybe it tells you that you aren’t good enough, beautiful enough, not equal to everyone else. Maybe it’s just so painful it feels like you have to die to end the pain, whether physical or emotional, or just curl up in solitude and give up on everything.

You can find and develop your Truth and authentic Self through reflecting, thinking, tuning in, meditating, writing, looking for evidence throughout your every day and your whole life to see what you really believe deep within, think about how you handle or have handled various situations and how you felt about the situations and how you handled them(were you sorry you reacted a certain way? Proud of your actions? Was there some sense of dissonance with how you reacted and how you felt? Did the two match up?), think about how you really feel deep inside around certain people, in certain circumstances, reaching out to others, photography if it’s your interest, searching through books, magazines, images and words and seeing what jumps out at you. What captures your heart and resonates with you? It doesn’t matter if you know why something captures you or not or if you never knew something appeals to you til now. Your deeper self knows. I got this idea off of author, Sarah Ban Breathnach, searching through magazines, stores, catalogs without the intention to buy anything, just listen closely and see what calls to you, what clothes, objects, jewelry, vacations, people… call to you? Which ones tug at your deepest parts? Which ones make your pulse speed a bit faster? Which ones make you tingle all over?….glue pictures to paper or a journal and it’s your self discovery journal/journey….keep up with it often to keep in touch with your deep inner Self who may be buried beneath layers of expectations of others or society as a whole or yourself that you think you should be, buried beneath fear, anxiety, pain, and anything else.

Your pain is very real. But pain clouds our judgment making it not sound so we forget our authentic Self and our deeper Truth. Don’t listen to that pain when it deceives you. Definitely listen to your pain, tend to it, embrace it if you can, accept it, let it teach you and strengthen you and deepen your wisdom, but not conquer you and delude you. That’s not you. It’s part of you for sure, maybe even a significant loud part that screams in your eardrums, screams in your face. But screaming and throbbing and being loud doesn’t make it true. The true you is what deserves to be honored even when your Truth isn’t screaming and loud. It’s quiet and gentle and calm and warm and deep, whispering inside but it’s evermore worthy of being honored than that loud, screaming pain that demands you to give up and lose all hope and joy. It’s more powerful than pain and delusions, quiet and gentle as it is.

Sarah Ban Breathnach is amazing! I love her, and she’s one of my greatest heroes, though I never met her in person. I would love to though! The book I referred to above with the self-discovery activity is “Something More – Excavating Your Authentic Self.” She also mentions self exploration and authentic Self activities in her book “Simple Abundance.”

Her books are mostly directed at women but they really can help anyone.

I wish you much love, hope, healing, happiness, and joy. And I hope you will always make the choice to honor your deeper self, your authentic Self, your Truth. Even when other people don’t like the true you, even when it’s hard to honor yourself. Always choose life, always choose you.

Xoxo Kim

This entry was posted on November 19, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged authentic self, authenticity, book, brain, courage, depression, dreams, empower, gratitude, healing, hope, inspiration, motivation, neuroscience, personal development, psychology, quote, self, self empowerment, self esteem, self excavation, self love, self-help, sleep, strength, truth, wisdom. Leave a comment

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