Tag Archive | hope

When I Becomes We <3

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

I wrote a couple of posts here previously about Dr. Daniel Gottlieb, a Philadelphia psychologist. He is one of my greatest inspirations. He suffered devastating tragedies in his life and was able to rise above and help others. He experienced divorce, grief and loss, and suffered a tragic, near fatal accident when he was thirty years old that rendered him permanently paralyzed, with a broken neck, afflicted with quadriplegia, which is paralysis, at the torso and all the limbs.

He suffered with suicidal depression after that but found deep healing. He is able to use his life lessons to help people with various struggles, severe struggles and just every day life, “ordinary” struggles most of us face now and again. He has a young grandson with Autism who teaches Dr. Gottlieb so much about life.. He even wrote a couple books about the wisdom his young grandson teaches him.

I read his writings quite frequently and have a couple of his books. And tomorrow Dr. Gottlieb is having a book signing event at Barnes & Nobles in Center City, Philadelphia for his newest book!!! I’m so happy and thrilled!!! I’m going!!!

It will be so amazing to finally meet him in person after reading so much by him, sharing his inspiration frequently, and being deeply inspired by his life.

One thing Dr. Gottlieb teaches us is how we can connect with each other through our basic humanness, disability, illness or not, we are all human, all with basic needs and desires, a deep longing to connect. His lesson is not unlike Dr. Leo Buscaglia’s message about how deep inside we are the same, human and we can connect in many ways even when barriers prevent more advanced communication.

Dr. Dan doesn’t even care much to be referred to as “Doctor.” On his business cards he writes “human.”

Another of his lessons is that no matter what happens to us and how much we grieve over what we lost, we can still find happiness in the midst of pain and grief. Sometimes he wishes desperately that he can walk again and dance and he grieves deeply over his lost abilities but he can still be happy just as he is.

It’s ok to grieve and feel a deep sense of loss and longing and those experiences do not have to taint our general happiness and wellbeing. They dont have to be mutually exclusive.

He is so very humble. He doesn’t make his life or pain out to be better or worse than anyone else’s. He knows we all have struggles, some worse than others but no one’s pain should be invalidated.

Another lesson he teaches us is positivity. He cannot move much and therefore his urinary bladder does not work as it did before his paralysis. He needs a catheter since he cannot empty his bladder as people without physical disability can. The urine goes to the catheter and that gets emptied. He doesn’t have to use a toilet. He likes to remind “non disabled” people and anyone who can use a toilet that while they’re getting in and out of bed all night to empty their bladders the “normal” way, he is sleeping peacefully in bed. Lol He says this in a funny and playful way! Humor is also a great lesson he teaches us.

I love his sense of humor!

He teaches us that there’s little bits of Heaven here on Earth, all around us. We don’t have to die or go on vacation to experience Heaven. We often long for a vacation and look in awe and gratitude upon the sunset and land when we are not at home. But wherever we are, we look upon that same sunset, the same sky, the same Earth. Beauty is all around us. Right here. Right now.

He teaches us that everyone’s needs are “special.” We all have some kind of needs. We all are dependent in some ways upon other people and things.

He teaches us about the good hope and the bad hope. Hopefulness is good. But putting off current happiness and peace of mind hoping for “better” isn’t good. For a couple of years Dr. Gottlieb desperately hoped he would walk again even though it’s impossible. He put his life and happiness on hold hoping for “better” but he eventually found healing and hopelessness. The good kind of hopelessness that is acceptance, letting go, and liberation.

You can read about some of this here:

http://www.temple.edu/medicine/dan_gottlieb_visit.htm

He teaches us to just sit with and be with our emotions. Not to repress or deny them. Just be. And so much more he teaches us.

His new book is “The Wisdom We’re Born With (Restoring Our Faith in Ourselves).”. It’s about the importance of living in the present moment, connecting with our own emotions, calming the unquiet mind, breaking bad habits, and the importance of love.

http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/event/82835

Here is a beautiful poem by Dr. Daniel Gottlieb about how we are all connected, we are all One with each other. It’s called “When I Becomes We.”
Click the link to read:

http://www.drdangottlieb.com/2014/02/14/poetry-when-i-becomes-we/#

Here are a few lines:

“…when “those” people become “my” people

when the person in the street with a Styrofoam cup becomes my brother or sister

when every hungry child becomes my child

then I will cry more and laugh more and love more…”

Beautiful, isn’t it?!

I’m so inspired. And I hope you have found some inspiration here too.

And keep smiling. There’s beauty all around you, everywhere, everyday.

Xoxo Kim 😀

To Thine Own Self Be True <3

Mar8

Have you ever given your all, everything you are or just a lot of emotional energy to someone, maybe a friend, family member, or lover or someone you wanted to be your friend or lover only for that person to either ignore you, reject you, mistreat you, not appreciate you or your love or just not like/love you back?

It’s very painful. And the more you like/love the people, the more agonizing it is when you are rejected, mistreated, not loved back, or abandoned.

It’s often easy to let someone else’s lack of love, acknowledgment, and appreciation for us, consume us and drag and keep us down. It’s easy to abandon ourselves and invest all of our energy into that person/people, thinking about them, obsessing, wondering why they don’t like us back, wondering if you were better, would that person like you more, maybe even trying to change for that person, things that shouldn’t have to be changed, dedicating so much of your days, hours of your nights, to thinking about why these people or that person doesn’t like you. Feeling sad, depressed, angry, rejected, lonely, despair if only…..

It’s difficult in so many ways. It’s emotionally taxing. Heartbreaking and confusing.

It’s ok to feel all of these things. It makes complete sense to feel so low when someone we love rejects us, mistreats us, ignores us, just isn’t interested in returning the love.

But one thing is very important. Always be true to yourself. Never lose yourself in grieving over, chasing after, or being abandoned by someone else. No matter how much you love the person, who the person is to you, or who you want that person to be to you, never neglect yourself, loathe yourself, or let the other people’s rejection or mistreatment lead you to believe it’s a reflection of who you are.

Never let it steal your joy and general happiness. Never let it sap the sun out of your sky.

It’s actually healthy to feel rejected and grieve when someone we like doesn’t like us back or leaves us in some way. It’s a normal response. But it shouldn’t keep us down for too long and to the point where we abandon ourselves and deny ourselves the simple pleasures of being alive.

You can live and even be happy without that person. You may always miss the people who reject or abandon you, you may always carry a sadness for them that manifests now and then, you may always feel a tinge of grief come and go in various degrees but you can heal and move forward and appreciate everything and everyone you do have. Bask in the beauty of yourself and your own heart. Instead of focusing too much on finding the right person or people or being the right person for someone else, focus on being the right person for yourself. Take comfort in your own true beauty. Just because someone won’t see or admit how amazing you are doesn’t mean you aren’t.

Let’s focus on being genuinely happy being ourselves and not trying to show those people who hurt us that we can be happy and beautiful without them. I know it can be so tempting to want to go all out and show those who hurt us that we are doing great, amazing, even better without them. Maybe you want your ex lover to see how beautiful you are, how happy you are or your ex best friend to see how great you are and how accomplished you are now..maybe you want to make her jealous….

But that’s still focusing on the ones who hurt you. It’s putting energy and time into the very people who either don’t deserve or never cared about the time and love you invested in them in the first place.

Time and energy you can be using to better yourself for you and those who do appreciate you.

It’s more important to show YOU that you are doing great now than to try to show those people.

It’s ok to still love those people and wish them the best. It’s even ok, in my opinion, to feel a bit of resentment or grudge now and then as long as it’s not overwhelming and doesn’t contribute to negative actions or frequent unpleasant emotions.

Focus on your inner self and healing and you will heal so much better than if you still obsess over the people who don’t show concern for you.

“Did you think I’d crumble
Did you think I’d lay down and die
Oh no, not I
I will survive
Oh as long as I know how to love
I know I will stay alive
I’ve got all my life to live
I’ve got all my love to give
and I’ll survive
I will survive” ~ Gloria Gaynor

“It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart
kept trying hard to mend
the pieces of my broken heart
and I spent oh so many nights
just feeling sorry for myself
I used to cry
But now I hold my head up high
and you see me
somebody new
I’m not that chained up little person
still in love with you” ~ Gloria Gaynor

Xoxo Kim

Sunshine :-D

Jan7

“My dear,
In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love.
In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile.
In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm.
I realized, through it all, that…
In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.
And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.
Truly yours,
Albert Camus “

Hello Sweethearts!!!

Today is an extremely cold day, here in Philadelphia, PA, USA and many other places. I heard that in some places it’s the coldest day in 102 years! :-O
I love cold weather. I love all the four Seasons and when they’re in the process of changing. But I keep thinking of all the people who don’t love cold weather, ones who are at a disadvantage when the temps drop dramatically. There are people who are devastated and in mortal danger when the weather is severely cold and bitter.
People and animals who live outside, people who struggle with certain mood disorders that exacerbate or appear throughout cold weather, ones with pain disorders which flare up in the cold…and just people who outright loathe cold weather like this.
I hope all of the homeless people are off the streets now and that everyone stays safely warm during this extreme coldness. I hope that everyone will find the strength & comfort needed to endure any pain that may be going on.

And if you need a little extra sunshine today, I would love to send you some! :-D. And if you can, I hope you will send it along to someone else who may need it!
Here are some lovely quotes for you! 🙂

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.

John Ruskin

“Love, whether newly born, or aroused from a deathlike slumber, must always create sunshine, filling the heart so full of radiance, thAt it overflows upon the outward world.”
Nathaniel Hawthorne

“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says “Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.”
Lewis Carroll

Spring passes and one remembers one’s innocence.
Summer passes and one remembers one’s exuberance.
Autumn passes and one remembers one’s reverence.
Winter passes and one remembers one’s perseverance.
Yoko Ono

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome.”

[Meditations Divine and Moral]
Anne Bradstreet

Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

And

Remember, if there’s no stars or sun, shine your own light on the world!

Here’s a tip I read for staying warm:

Whenever coming inside from the freezing outdoors, remember to shiver and say “brrr.”

Lol I read it on “The Onion” silly newspaper. ;-p

The Wound Is the Place where the light enters you

Jan3

“There stood Beethoven, gravely ill and totally deaf. Eyes closed, he kept conducting the orchestra even after they had ceased their performance and the audience had risen to its feet in thunderous applause. As a singer stepped from the choir to turn him around to see those whose shouts of bravo resonated throughout the convert hall, tears of elation filled his eyes.
Perhaps the worst loss a composer could experience had been the catalyst for a remarkable adaptive creativity that allowed him to transcend his tortures to become immersed in the thrill of conducting the premiere of his Ninth Symphony, the ‘Ode to Joy’ “
(Pearsall, Paul (2003). The Beethoven Factor: The New Positive Psychology of Hardiness Happiness, Healing, and Hope. Charlottesville, VA: Hampton Roads Publishing, p.xi.)

Have you ever read this before now? It’s beautiful,isn’t it? I was introduced to this true, short and sweet story when I picked up the book, “The Joy of Appreciative Living” by Jacqueline Kelm. I seriously recommend this book! It is great! The author helps us develop and strengthen the habit of seeing the good in life. She provides steps to exercises that we can engage in to really ingrain the habit into our heads. It has great reviews and testimonies. But her steps should not be taken loosely if you want true effectiveness. We must work at in seriously and be dedicated. I believe it helps to not view this as a hassle or boring task just to get the results. It benefits to view it as a joyful journey that will eventually lead to greatness and evolution of the self.

The book, “The Joy of Appreciative Living,” has a forward by David Cooperrider and Mr. Cooperrider provides the above story about Beethoven. He explains that Beethoven became extremely successful “not only in spite of but because[emphasis added] of the way he related to his adversity.” He was able to rejoice in this moment and inspire all who experienced this with him and discovers his story.
This is a great lesson to all of us. Any painful or difficult experience we endure can be used as the catalyst for positive change. Because of our pain, we can become even better, wiser, stronger, and more enlightened than we would be without that painful experience. Disabilities of any sort, health issues, losses, any difficult or painful situation can be used to our advantage if we allow it and work with it.
When we’re currently experiencing pain, we may not be able to see how this can possibly benefit us. But if we think back to previous painful situations that contribute in some ways to better us, we can keep hope and strength alive that this, too, will somehow be advantageous to us.
You can be creative with your situation and think of ways that this difficulty can actually be your strength and inspiration. Then work to make that happen.

Going out to intentionally look for pain is not the best idea someone can have.
But as long as we live, some kind of pain is probably inevitable for almost everyone. So let us take that pain and use it to evolve in any ways we can. We can build on ourselves and develop a greater sense of wholeness. Pain can help people be more empathetic and compassionate to others. It can help us acknowledge and appreciate the simple treasures of life. It can provoke us to change our whole lives around for the better.
So if you are experiencing pain or any difficult struggles, keep in mind that even though it may not feel this way now, you can take that pain and run with it, own it, and be better for it.

Whenever I am hit with a severe episode of clinical depression I let that be my reminder of how much better I am than I used to be. I no longer contemplate killing myself when I’m severely depressed because I worked on myself intensively to better myself. And now when an episode hits, no matter how severe, throughout the episode, I generally have hope that it will end and I keep in mind how strong I have become.

It’s extremely painful but I am able to use it and view it in a positive way.

Own every step you take.
Let your pain make you better, not bitter.

Happy, Happy New Year 2014 Everyone <3

Jan2

“…time is the New Year’s bountiful blessing: three hundred sixty-five bright mornings and starlit evenings; fifty-two promising weeks; twelve transformative months full of beautiful possibilities; and four splendid seasons. A simply abundant year to be savored.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach (excerpt out of “Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy)

Hello loves!!!!

I hope 2014 will be a beautiful year for all of you! 2013 was good for me and I will make 2014 a great year too!

I believe I have the power within me to choose if I will have good days or bad days. I cannot always choose what happens to me but I can generally choose my reactions, my thoughts, emotions, and my attitude and not let negativity and pain drag me down.

I can make healthy, positive choices that will have great results!

This is something that can be learned, practiced, and applied. Eventually it can become an ingrained, general habit.

Even when our physical environment is chaotic and full of craziness, we can maintain an inner calmness.

I realize this more than ever that bad things happening in a day, even bad things all day long do not have to result in a “bad day” or a very bad mood if I don’t want them to. And even lots of “bad days” do not have to mean this is a “bad life.” It’s all how I choose to look at it and no matter how many bad things occur, I can choose a Good day and A mood of Gratitude.

Negative things will definitely affect me but I won’t let them keep me down for too long. I want to be impacted by things, good and bad, because I want to live in feeling and not numb. I want to take full advantage of being alive.

I don’t want to put up barriers or walls and not let the world in. I open myself up & welcome the universe into me. Life will always be good and bad, beautiful and ugly, pleasant, joyous, and sad. We can work to change things but the fact is that good & bad will always occur.

2013 was great even though there was some sadness & pain.

One of the greatest things that happened this year is I was able to go the entire year without one serious suicidal thought or urge.

I have struggled with depression off and on, sometimes more often than not, through the years. I would be happy for a while then it would return.

I can’t get over it! I never get used to it. Like when someone is sick, like a sore throat or some other common physical illness and finally the sickness wears off and the person feels amazing and is conscious of not being ill but eventually that consciousness wears off and the person goes back to old ways not even thinking of not being sick because we’re always so used to not being sick. We take it for granted.

But I can never get used to wanting to live and not being depressed. It’s astounding everyday. Through the years, since 13 years old, when depression would lift, this is the feeling.

I’m always so conscious of not being depressed and not being suicidal. I feel it in everything I do.

And I will be the best me I can be for everyone and for myself and for the Universe.

I am blessed. (not in a religious way. lol)

I maintain a life philosophy that I have to turn to whenever things are difficult or painful. It’s a philosophy that says life is always a true gift no matter how painful or hard it is and that I can conquer whatever comes my way, and be happy again. And it’s all about love and compassion for everyone, life itself, and myself. Even when I fall and forget or ignore my life philosophy, it’s ingrained in me enough so I always come back to it. I may falter or fall but I will always get back up and stand firm.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

The last week of 2013 was just beautiful. I got to spend Christmas Eve with my mom & sister then at night with my friends and some new people I have been blessed to meet that night.

I also met a group of men on Christmas Eve who were listening to Oldies music, my favorite! It was a warm & sunny day and a crisp, cold night. How perfect! The men were funny, sitting outside a house with “The Temptations ” blasting and I told them I love it and they told me. To “get out of here” and playfully told me I’m too young to know about Oldies music! Lol! Oldies music is my world! ;-D

I love meeting new people!

Then last night, New Year’s Eve, I spent the night with a few friends and my sister. We went to a Vegan restaurant. It’s the first year ever in my whole entire life that I fell asleep before 12:00am and did not watch the ball drop or throw confetti to welcome the near year! I was exhausted!! Lol

Here are some happy thoughts for you this year:

“Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever.” — Walt Disney

(be silly, cheerful, youthful….)

“Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.” ~
Jack Kerouac

(even when your life can be better, it’s still a blessing, you still have so much good and there’s always hope for better things if you need them!)

“Enjoy the simple things.”

(don’t forget to bask in the beauty all around, the sunrise & Sunset, the beauty of the snow & rain, the flowers blooming, the crisp leaves, the feel of hot tea streaming down your throat, warm fluffy blankets, a place to live….the simple treasures are true blessings.)

“Stop focusing on how stressed you are and remember how blessed you are.”

(it’s ok to vent, complain, and acknowledge the negativity you have going on but it’s best not to dwell too much on that and instead focus on the good you also have. At any given moment we can think of a long list of reasons why our lives suck but at that same moment we can think of a long list of reasons why our lives are amazing.)

“Have no fear of Perfection, you’ll never reach it.” ~ Salvador Dall

(you can try to be your own kind of perfect but you’ll never be perfect in everyone’s eyes; no one will be. Some people fear success; maybe they fear being successful then losing it all so they never even try hard to begin with. So do the best you can for you! Forget about achieving some illusion of ultimate perfection. Have fun, be joyous, let go!!!)

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” ~ Nelson Mandela

(it’s great to take chances even if you fear failure or rejection. It’s better to live, love, and lose than never open your heart up! The choice to do nothing out of fear is a a choice that holds you back.)

“If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. The world needs more of that.”

(it’s good to do little things to brighten someone’s day! A kind word, a friendly compliment, a warm smile, a pleasant surprise, an unexpected gift, express gratitude….)

“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must but take the step.”

(take that first step! Even if it takes a while, keep going…..you’ll never ever get there without that first step.)

“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” ~Bil Keane

(we can use our past to learn and help guide us, and we can be hopeful for our bright future but let us not forget the true gift of NOW! Remembering the past and planning ahead is great but it’s not good to get too wrapped up into it. Now is important.)

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.” ~T.S. Eliot

(don’t let your concept of the past or the future restrain you or hold you back! Whatever happened before now and whatever may happen later, doesn’t matter for how you can be now. You don’t have to bring old detrimental ways into the new year or a new day. And you don’t have to let fear of what is to come or what may come hinder you.)

“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” ~Tom Peter

(yes!!! No matter how little of something there is, celebrate it! Gratitude & appreciation seems to bring more things to be grateful for and more things to appreciate!)

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

(Today, whether it’s the first day of the new year or not, is a day you can start over if you want, hold the pen to your own story, you are in charge of your life!)

Much, much love, happiness, joy, & blessings to you all!

Xoxo Kim 😀

And then a hero comes along with the strength to carry on….

Dec31

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I struggle with a severe chronic facial pain disorder. It’s bad. And currently incurable with no known definite effective medical treatments.

“Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us.” ~ Charles Kingsley

There are some treatments and home remedies that help sometimes. I’m not always in agony but I do have flare ups now & again that are just pure, raw agony. Agony beyond belief.

“Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced. Denied or feared, it grows.” ~ Dean Koontz

A kind of anguish that brings me to the point of despair. I can’t believe my body is capable of experiencing so much physical anguish. I can’t believe anyone can endure this. It’s incomprehensible. It’s the most physically painful experience of my life.

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

And when this happens, sometimes I feel that I’m wishing I were dead. But as I have also mentioned, I also struggle with a severe depressive disorder that strengthened me and enlightened me. It awakened me.

“Today I will see something positive in all situations.”

I have developed a life philosophy that helps me see that life is a true gift no matter what. No matter the wretched agony I am currently enduring.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

So last week in the middle of the night, lonely & grieving over the loss of my previous state when I wasn’t in as much pain, I thought I wanted to be dead. It was a very brief thought. But I soon realized that it wasn’t true. It felt that way for a few seconds. And I remembered my own life philosophy that I have invested so much in, building and nurturing and maintaining. All of the things I learned. All of my strength & inspiration.

“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops at all.” ~ Emily Dickinson

And I kept going, kept telling myself life is good and I kept my hope alive that my severe pain would end or somehow I would learn to cope even though I couldn’t even begin to imagine how anyone can cope with this. It’s just so agonizing.

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~ Albert Einstein

It’s like the worst throbbing toothache anyone can ever have along with an earache & sinus ache all rolled into one all over my face and head. Just throbbing for hours or days almost nonstop, around my temples, eyes, jaw, sinuses, ears, shoulders, neck…. I was going out of my head, not knowing how anyone can live that way. It takes an emotional toll on me.

“Hope is the little voice you hear whisper ‘maybe’ when it seems the entire world is shouting ‘no’.”

I was pacing the floors. Running in and out of rooms, wanting to scream and scream into the night until my throat was raw but my mouth wouldn’t open because my jaw locked. I was devastated, furious, nearly to the point of insanity.

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.”
Dalai Lama

I am not an angry person, never have been. I rarely get furious and when I do, it subsides very quickly and I don’t deny or repress it but I almost never act on it physically other than civilized verbal/writing outlets, just telling people about my anger. I don’t yell or curse people out or cry and hit things. I don’t ever feel like doing that. Not because I think it’s wrong or because I’m too shy, timid, or meek. It’s just not in me to be like that, to express anger that way.

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
Epicurus

But when this flared up last week, I was furious. I wanted to yell, scream, break things. I wanted to throw whatever inanimate objects I could get my hands on and watch it break into a million Little pieces. The way my body felt.

“Hope is the dream of a waking man.” ~ Aristotle

I did not want to hurt any living creatures. But I sure wanted to destroy objects. But I couldn’t because it was too hard to move. I could hardly open my mouth.

“Courage is like love; it must have hope for nourishment.”
Napoleon Bonaparte

It took a lot to not crack my head against walls.
Not out of anger but out of near insanity because of the pain and just having absolutely no idea what to do. It was driving me mad. I stood at the wall struggling not to crack my head against it.

I kept telling myself that when the horror ends if it ever does, I won’t even feel relief or gratitude until later, the first thing I will do is throw things and break things (alone so no one else has to witness or suffer) to release the fury I couldn’t express while it was happening. I felt like I wanted revenge. Revenge on the pain itself. It makes no sense because the pain is not a sentient thing with consciousness. But it’s what I felt.

I kept reading stories and facts and poetry about chronic facial and head pain disorders. And I just couldn’t fathom the pain we feel. The agony we’re forced to endure. It brings me comfort to read about these disorders, to know they are acknowledged at least by some people and knowing someone somewhere understands. I love how we can take the tragedy of pain and turn it to beauty with poetry, drawings, songs….And if I could, I would take on all the facial and head pain in the world so no one has to ever feel what I feel. I can’t even begin to imagine someone else having to endure this. It’s unimaginable. Devastating.

TMJD headaches, Migraine headaches, cluster headaches (also know as “suicide headaches” because they bring people to contemplate or attempt suicide), Trigeminal neuralgia (also known as “The Suicide Disease” because it drives many people to contemplate and even attempt suicide to stop the pain)….

“When you come close to sellin’ out,
Reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

It was so extremely difficult to focus on anything other than my pain. It is torture. It’s hell. But I kept telling myself, life is still a gift. I will still go on. Hope kept me going.

HOPE.

I realized then even more, how important it is to develop a life philosophy. A specific, firm outlook on life. So when things get difficult and devastating, we have our own life philosophy to fall back on. My life philosophy is all about love & compassion for others and myself and that life itself is a blessing no matter what and if I really try, I can find hope & strength deep inside to keep on going. I believe that no matter what terror and pain I encounter and endure, no matter how much pain I must experience, either physical or emotional, I will eventually conquer it and keep going and still be happy in general. And pain will strengthen me & teach me. Even when it currently does not seem that way.

“Take that first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”

There’s always, always, ALWAYS something to be thankful for, something to smile about, something to look forward to….things can be handled positively. Life itself is pure blessing.

Life.

I don’t just tell myself this occasionally. I live it. Every single day. I write about it, meditate upon it, find quotes, books, writings, people, blogs, videos…that support it, nurture it, confirm it.

“Some people see a hopeless end, others see an endless hope.” ~ Unknown

I keep up on it constantly. In good and bad, beautiful, ugly, painful, everything, it is my life.

It’s a conscious, intentional decision, habit I have formulated. It often comes naturally to me but sometimes I have to force it, remind myself to maintain it even when it’s so difficult.

If I really try, I can summon those hopeful feelings.

I have little lapses now and then where I falter or fall and forget or ignore my life philosophy that I have established. It goes right out the Window. But it’s ingrained enough in me that I always come back to it. Find it once again.

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today.” — Og Mandino

I heard of this goal or project people do every year. They choose a word for the new year and make it a point to constantly live up to that word everyday for the whole year. I never felt compelled to partake in this activity because there are various words, not just one, that I intend to live up to. Hope, gratitude, compassion, love, ALWAYS LOVE, kindness, honesty, inspiration, strength, positivity, HAPPY, optimistic, HELPFUL, the list goes on && on….Many of these individual words contain multiple other words… and I don’t want to only plan on living this word for one year but for always. Forever & for always.

“And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you” ~ Mariah Carey

But if I were to choose a word for 2014, it would be HOPE. This is something I need. It’s something I have been feeling so much of lately. And when I feel that my hope is gone, I remind myself that it’s just temporarily misplaced, not forever lost.

Hope keeps us going. Even a small slither, a tattered string, a frayed thread can be enough…..

“When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit –
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.”

I find it usually more difficult to live in hope when I’m deeply depressed than when I’m in a lot of physical pain. Physical pain & illness often feels hopeless but it can also instill in someone, a strong, fierce will to survive, to do whatever it takes to live. Depression, true depression that isn’t just a low mood is often the opposite. It often saps the will to survive, the desire to do whatever it takes. So it’s extremely important to remember and keep reminding ourselves over and over that depression feels hopeless but it’s not. It creates lies and delusions that things are forever hopeless and can never get better and that life isn’t worth struggling for.

“The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die.”

But even with the severe agony of depression, it’s possible to have some sort of glimmer of hope, enough to keep going. We may have to work harder to tap into it, to believe it. But it’s possible!

“Embrace your challenges with an open heart because through every challenge, strength forms.”

I even bought a notebook recently, on one of the days my pain disorder was at its worst. On the front cover it says “Live in hope.” and I bought a candle holder that says “HOPE.”

I found both of these accidentally but at the perfect moments. A perfect coincidence.

“I hope to stand firm enough to not go backward, and yet not go forward fast enough to wreck the country’s cause.”
Abraham Lincoln

Sometimes I can’t be happy and I can’t be completely positive or cheerful or pain-free but I can have hope. Hope for something specific or just a general state of feeling hopeful.

“You are not the victim of your body. ” ~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

And even if the thing I hope for can’t or will not happen, I can have hope for something just as good or something even better. I am surrounded in hope. Filled with hope.

“In reality, hope is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs man’s torments.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Even though it benefits us to have hope though, it’s detrimental, I believe, to put off current happiness & peace of mind hoping for something better or hoping for something impossible. Hopelessness isn’t always despair; sometimes hopelessness about something we know can’t happen or won’t happen, is just acceptance and liberation, then we can move forward hoping for better things.

Hope should be exhilarating and motivational and inspiring, not something to hinder us, keeping us in invisible shackles. So when we find what we have been hoping for just won’t happen, we can move forward to new hope. Live in hope.

“We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.”
Aristotle Onassis

“A Picture of Pain”
by Bear Peterson

“I tried to paint a picture,
Of how I really feel.
But I could not find the colors,
To make it all seem real.
Not one color was hot enough,
To show the burning pain.
Not one color bright enough,
To make me wince again.
Not one was dark enough,
To show the isolation.
In the end saw one thin line,
Worn, frayed and almost broke,
To my mind that one thin line,
Is a single thread of hope.”

(poem about migraine headaches)
– See more at: http://www.ahmablog.com/2013/05/ellen-draft-3.html#.UrsePZpOnHw

Much happiness, love, & comfort to you all. I hope you find healing if you need it. And if you are struggling with any kind of pain, temporary or chronic, physical or emotional, please know I am very understanding. I can’t know, literally, how you feel, even if we have the same thing because we are two different beings, but I have some sort of deep understanding and much compassion.

“You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear” ~ Mariah Carey
Xoxo Kim

P.s. When the worst of it finally ended, I felt relief & gratitude and did not throw things, scream, and break stuff. ;-D

“Be happy not because everything is perfect nor because everything goes your way. Be happy because everything sucks but you are doing just great. “

“You could go the distance, you could run the mile, you could walk straight through Hell with a smile.” ~ The Script

I Can Stand Up Once Again <3

Dec27

Years ago, in a therapy session, I made this inspirational project with my therapist, Hannah. This was back when my depression wasn’t as healed yet and I was struggling many days. Hannah was a student, doing work at a mental health clinic, and when she graduated she had to leave and isn’t my therapist anymore.

But I am still inspired and touched by all that I have learned when I did therapy work with her.

She helped me a lot and sessions with her were healing & fun. She was really good at listening to me and also she provided me with great, helpful techniques, such as the above activity, cutting out inspirational pictures, words, and stuff out of magazines for an uplifting image and reminder to look at so we can be inspired whenever we see it.

Hannah would often ask me about my favorite songs, why I love them, how they help me, and what they teach me. She explained how it’s a great technique to focus on the messages & Beauty of positive songs and let them inspire & help heal me.

We used to listen to my favorite songs and meditate during sessions. And she asked me to chose a song I love, one that inspires me so we can do a fun, healing activity together during our session. I chose Mariah Carey’s “Through the Rain” which is the song that helped give me the courage and motivation I needed in 2008 to first seek professional treatment for Depression.

“When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you’re distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can’t find your way home
You can get there alone
It’s okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain” ~ Mariah Carey

Hannah and me chose the line “I can stand up once again” in the song and we made this together and she let me keep it to always remind myself that no matter what happens to me, how low I sink into despair, how often I am knocked down, I can stand up once again.

“And if you keep falling down don’t you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you’ll find what you need to prevail
What you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don’t be afraid
There’s nothing you can’t face
And should they tell you you’ll never pull through
Don’t hesitate, stand tall and say
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I’m strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain”

I haven’t seen this craft we made in a while and last year my family and me moved to a new house and a lot of stuff somehow disappeared. We don’t know what happened to it. Through the years I would think of this and wish I still had it but I thought it was long gone. Then today I was looking for an old Philosophy book in some old stuff I have packed away and the memory of this popped into my head out of nowhere and I wished more than ever that I had it. I have so much stuffe packed in my closet and a mirror broke and little pieces are all throughout my stuff. I was in pj shorts and a shirt and just reached my hand into some random junk and pulled something out and it happened to be this!!!

I couldn’t believe it! I never even knew it made it to the new house! I don’t remember packing it. But it’s here!! It’s strange that I pulled it out exactly when I remembered it wishing I had it!

Talk about sweet & strange coincidences!

It’s kind of tattered and worn out but it’s still amazing! It just needed some extra glue. It’s tattered, Worn, and broken but still standing!

I love the message of this song. It shows that no matter what happens, even if there’s no one with us currently to help us, we can still manage to stand strong.

“I can make it through the rain and stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Oh, yes, you can)
You’re gonna make it through the rain”

Here’s the desktop link for the song video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9QHrHaPQtM

Mobile link:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RRNdmkH8zrI

Xoxo Kim

My grown Up Christmas list

Dec24

“Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I’m all grown-up now
And still need help somehow
I’m not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here’s my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need”

Macy’s collects letters to Santa written by people of all ages. For every letter they receive, it helps a sick child’s wish be granted. Isn’t that beautiful?! My sister and me wrote letters and put them in the Santa MailBox! We also watched the beautiful light show at Macy’s with my mom, dad, and all the others who showed up to watch.

It was so cute to see all the little kids writing their letters for Santa Claus and putting them in the mailbox. They were so happy and joyful. I wish all kids can have the opportunity to be so happy and carefree.

My Christmas list this year is for a world in need. I wish for

1.) hope & healing for all those who are suffering. Humans & animals alike
2.) a warm and happy place to live for all homeless people and animals.
3.) love, acceptance, and tolerance instead of wars and unjust discrimination
4.) More empathy & understanding for each other in this world
5.) a friend for everyone
6.) hope, strength, & happiness for everyone
7.) for everyone to have the ability to see the good that exists in the world
8.) Unconditional love

I am deeply inspired by the Christmas song “My Grown Up Christmas List.”. It is a stunningly beautiful song with an incredible message. I love Amy Grant’s version.

“No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list”

Desktop video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmF2rsDHOZc
Mobile video:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RmF2rsDHOZc&app=m

This is my lifelong wish, my grown up Christmas list, not for myself but for a world in need.

Much love & blessings to everyone. 😀

Xoxo Kim

Pain & my gratitude list for today

Dec19

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

I am struggling hard with a somewhat severe flare up of my facial pain disorder. It’s not as bad as it tends to get sometimes but it’s bad. I had difficulty sleeping last night because the Throbbing pain kept me awake. My jaw locked shut and I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to even fit my soda bottle into it. The chronic pain disorder that I have (TMJD) sometimes causes sufferers to experience the locking of their jaw either locked shut or open.

It’s literally physically locked and can’t be forced open/closed until it decides to on its own. There’s no known cure or definite effective treatment. Most of the best treatments seem to be home remedies such as heating pads and cold packs, facial massages, stretches, avoiding certain things like gum chewing and hard food, avoiding stress because that tends to aggravate it…

My pain disorder is the most physically painful experience of my life. I’m not constantly in severe agony like some people but I am in pain more often than not and it flares up every now and again to severe agony that is debilitating and seemingly unbearable.

I struggled with this since I was a little girl but I had no idea what it is or that all the symptoms I experience are connected. I thought it was a sinus/ear condition complication since I used to have recurrent ear and sinus infections and my pain disorder affects those parts of the body. I was always afraid to tell my mom about my weird, confusing symptoms.

My left arm goes dead/weak, I experience sudden and temporary deafness, searing pain like a very severe tooth/ear/sinus ache all over my face, jaw, ears, around my eyes, temples, and now my neck, shoulders, head, and down my left arm. It used to only be on the left side of my body, now it’s on my right side as well.

My condition got worse and worse through the years until a couple years ago it became unbearable to me. I would scream out loud for hours through the night into the early morning until my throat was raw and sore and my mouth tasted like blood. Sometimes I couldn’t even scream or cry, all I could do was squeeze the bars on my bed with one hand and hold my throbbing face in the other and writhe in agony.

Physical pain frightens me when it reaches a certain point. I begin to panic. I have always been this way and I don’t know why. So when it flares up really bad, I am scared out of my mind. Every year I develop another symptom. When a doctor told me what this condition is I struggle with, it was one of the worst moments of my life. It felt like my life was shattered to pieces. That was around when my depressive disorder was really starting to get better in general. I was happy and hopeful.

Then my mysterious physical disorder flared up. It physically paralyzed me. I stayed wide awake for four days straight. With not a second of sleep. I screamed night after night til I lost my voice. I contemplated suicide. Not because of depression, for once. I wasn’t depressed.

I thought I would die because of not sleeping day after day.

I thought about buying or stealing drugs to help me stop the pain. Someone gave me prescription pain pills illegally. I was desperate. I took them. I took one. It wouldn’t work. I took a few more at once. They only took the edge off but I began feeling like myself again and was able to sleep.

When I thought it was a sinus/ear condition I believed that can always clear up but when the doctor told me it’s a chronic and currently incurable pain disorder that really has no professional treatment, I was absolutely devastated. It took everything I had not to crumble right there in her office.

Doctors often don’t like prescribing pain pills for pain disorders because they think people just want drugs and the chronic pain conditions can’t always be seen objectively with tests and sometimes pain pills don’t even work anyway. And I wouldn’t want to live on pain pills in general or take them frequently.

I had no idea what to do or how I would go on living. She gave me suggestions for how to ease the pain and prevent severe flare ups, like facial massages. I never knew I can touch my face because I thought that would make it worse. Just the mere thought of touching my face horrified me. Many nights before the diagnosis, I would lay in bed and imagine a human hand stroking and massaging my face wishing desperately that someone could do that for me but never knowing it can really be done without exacerbating the pain.

I would imagine the hand in different skin colors and sometimes imagine it invisible. When the doctor told me it’s not only ok but necessary for me to massage my face I was doubtful and terrified. That night I kept thinking about it, trying to get the courage up. I would put my hands to my face then lose the courage to touch it. Then one moment I touched my face. Then I pressed on it and massaged it and I couldn’t believe it actually mitigated the pain. It wouldn’t take it away but made it almost bearable.

The more I massaged it each day, the less my pain would become. Now that’s one of my greatest techniques.

The thing that helped me cope with my physical pain disorder is my depressive disorder. Because of years living with a depressive illness and learning ways to cope with it, I was already used to making myself better with personal development techniques and positive/optimistic thinking. So this prepared me for the worsening and diagnosis of this physical ailment. I knew I am strong enough to handle this.

One of the many great things about struggling with a severe depressive illness for years and working hard to get better is, it can strengthen us beyond belief and prepare us for anything, if we allow it to. I always thought of my depression as a “curse” for the most part, for many years, but it’s actually one of my greatest blessings, as horrific and agonizing as it is.

It made me so much of what I am today.

Suffering with severe pain of any kind can be excruciatingly lonely. When I’m suffering with a severe flare up of TMJD pain, I see everyone around me going on like usual not even realizing how incredibly blessed they are. So blessed. To be able to go on like nothing ever happened, having fun or not, laughing, eating, planning, talking, sleeping…

Not in severe anguish or despair. It’s like that with depression too.

But depression and physical pain can also open us to realize the simple but profound blessings all around. When I’m in too much pain, either physical or emotional, to do much of anything, I often see things in a way I overlooked before the pain flared up.

I see the moistness on cold soda bottles, the vibrancy of the colors in Nature, the texture of food…and I would do just about anything to go back. Back to where I was before. When the pain wasn’t so bad.

The good thing is that we can strengthen or develop the habit of seeing the simple greatness surrounding us so even when we aren’t in agony, we can bask in the simple treasures of life. I often do this more now, even when I’m not in pain.

That’s the good thing about pain. It can teach us so much. But not everyone will experience pain to that degree and depth and I hope they never will. I want to teach “ordinary” people without pain disorders to be constantly and consciously grateful for not being in pain, for all the simple things, the beauty of life.

Many people will say they’re thankful for everything when the concept arises but I believe we should think about it more often than just occasionally.

I don’t want tragedy to have to hit to make people awaken to the beauty and gratitude and abundance we are blessed with.

I will admit, sometimes I feel sorry for myself when I’m in too much pain. Especially at night when I’m in my bed or pacing back and forth in my bedroom while all the world around me is asleep and I’m in my own hell suffering beyond belief. And I believe that’s ok. Ok to feel sorry for myself on seldom occasions. But I don’t make a habit of it. Instead I make a habit of being strong and thankful and optimistic and positive whether or not I’m in pain.

My heart goes out to all who are suffering or struggling with pain of any kind, physical or emotional, whether it’s chronic or temporary. When I’m having a severe flare up, I hurt for myself but all I can mostly think about is the ones who have it worse and my heart breaks for them. There are people living in constant agony and not just occasional flare ups. And some people’s situations makes it harder to handle or live with. Since I myself have pain disorders I thoroughly understand what it’s like. Even if I never experienced chronic pain or severe agony I would be compassionate and understanding for people who do have it but the fact that I have it makes me understand more what it must be like for people always suffering.

Whenever I have a severe flare up, I try to make it a point to list a few things I’m thankful for. I have a choice to either sink into despair and focus on the pain all around or focus on beauty and hope. Today I choose Hope & Beauty.

Here’s my list:

1.) I’m thankful for the books and plays I’m blessed to have come across.

2.) I’m grateful for the songs I’m blessed to know.

3.) I’m thankful for personal development/self-help techniques

4.) for posting here

5.) for the people I have met on and off line

6.) for my body that functions very well

7.) for everything I have learned

8.) for the cold weather

9.) the beauty outside my window

10.) for blogs

11.) for animals

12.) for life

Pain is real. So is hope.

Much love, blessings, & strength to you all.

Xoxo Kim

Born over & over. And over again.

Nov1

“This girl is a woman now
She’s found out what it’s all about
And she’s learning learning learning to live…” ~ Gary Puckett & the Union Gap

“The wound is the place where the light enters you. ” ~ Rumi
“Surviving meant being born over and over.” ~ Erica Jong

Adversity can crush our spirit – or strengthen it – it is our choice.

Yeah, this post isn’t about reincarnation in the sense of the rebirth of a soul or spirit after biological death. But it is about death and rebirth in a sense.

This post is more directed at women but men and anyone who identifies as both/none can read and learn too! The message is definitely not exclusive to women. The book I’m reading is mostly geared towards women. But the lesson goes for anyone.

I’m reading Sarah Ban Breathnach ‘s “Something More – Excavating Your Authentic Self.”
I absolutely love her writing style. It’s so warm and gentle but so strong and passionate.

In this book, in a section called, “Near-Life Experiences,” she writes

“Every day we experience death. The death of dreams, misconceptions, illusions. The death of vibrancy and enthusiasm. The death of hope. The death of courage. The death of confidence. The death of faith. The death of trust. More often than any of us ever expect, life stuns us with the sudden wrenching away of a loved one, a devastating diagnosis, a conversation that begins with the chilling words “There’s Something I’ve got to tell you.
We feel as if life is over, and we are right. Life as we knew it is over.”

Sarah Ban Breathnach writes about when her marriage ended and when her health was threatened. She writes

“In each instance, when I regained consciousness months later, I was someone else. I died to myself, and a stronger, wiser, and more passionate woman was resurrected in my place. Although this woman answered to my name, she was profoundly different. “

This woman was in a serious accident, years ago, in a fast -food restaurant with her toddler daughter when a large ceiling panel fell off and crashed into her. She fell unconscious onto the table. No one else was hurt. She suffered a severe concussion, was bedridden, confused, and disoriented for months and disabled for a year and a half. For a few months her senses did not function properly. She had to stay in bed constantly in the dark because her injuries rendered her extremely sensitive to light. She was inarticulate and couldn’t speak coherently. She felt imprisoned in her own body, neither alive nor dead but having a “near -life experience.”

She shares a quote by Eudora Welty, “the fantasies of dying could be no stranger than the fantasies of living. Surviving is perhaps the strangest fantasy of them all.”

And here is, what I see, as the most beautiful part of Sarah Ban Breathnach’s story.

When she was bedridden in the dark she had nothing to do but tell herself stories in her head. She writes this,

“In order to get through this purgatory, I would lie in the dark and tell myself stories – discombobulated sagas, to be sure – as I wove in and out of wakefulness. Clara Pinkola Estes believes that ‘Stories are medicine.’ They certainly became my homeopathic remedies. Although I had been a journalist for ten years, I had never thought of myself as a storyteller. But snatches of stories-fairy tales I’d heard as a child, adventures I’d lived as a young woman- would float to the top of my distress and hang in midair until I retrieved one and recast it as a personal parable. Each starred my own romantic heroine, an extraordinary woman who triumphed over her travails with courage, grace, and grit – a person who bore no resemblance to me at all. This woman was beautiful and radiant, with a strong, healthy, and vibrant aura. Her eyes sparkled and she laughed uproariously . She was mysterious, magnetic, accomplished, powerful, irresistible, confident, smart, sassy, funny, and sexy. She was passionate. She possessed verve, but more important, she reflected, even in the worst situations, the essential characteristic of all romantic heroines – repose of the soul. I couldn’t remember having an imaginary friend as a child, but now I did and I adored her company.
I looked forward to my alter ego ‘s daily dose of diva-gation- her wandering, straying, but always pulling through with pluck to live and love again.”

After this ordeal was over, Sarah Ban Breathnach realized that this beautiful, passionate, strong woman in her waking dreams is in fact herself. Her authentic self.
The self she always knew deep, deep inside she can be. The self she already was then but buried beneath layers of social demands and pressures, the stresses of everyday life, denial, feelings of unworthiness….She had to learn this and practice acknowledging it but eventually she came to know that she is a strong, wise woman of love, passion, and strength. This woman and this wisdom were born of pain and horror but she was there all along waiting for the birth of herself.

It’s true that every single day parts of us die so new parts can be born. Even our skin and cells physically die and give way to new ones.

Death hurts. Not just the biological death of someone we love or the death of a relationship but even the death of minor details in our lives or the death of certain ways of thinking can hurt. Something we once believed and no longer believe. The death of certain opinions, the death of an illusion.
The death of certain ways of living.
Even the death of something unpleasant can hurt at first. A job you always wanted to leave and finally do get to leave it. It can hurt because you’re pushed out of your comfort zone, something you have known for so long. It hurts. Even though it’s what you wanted.

When hope dies, when faith dies, and we fall, when we have setbacks and seem to fail, we can let this all guide us, push us forward to something bigger and better, we make room for new things, better things, more beautiful things to fall into place.

We can allow our pain, struggles, challenges, failures, setbacks, relapses, and unpleasant experiences to strengthen us, make us wiser, better, enlightened, empowered, and more empathetic and compassionate to others and ourselves. We can take our pain and struggles as challenges to come up with creative ways to better ourselves and use them to our advantage.

So, girls think of the woman you long to be, the one you would love to know, be friends with, be in the company of, the woman you KNOW you CAN be and deep inside ARE already her.

Materialize her. Realize her.

Think of the best girl friend you would love to know or one you have already if you’re that blessed or the the kind of mother you want to be if you want to be one and would love to have for yourself, the kind of sister you would adore, the professor you would look up to in college, the counselor you would love to talk to, the neighbor you would love to chat with on the street, the girl of your dreams….

What do you love about her? Why do you adore her? What traits does this beautiful woman possess and display? What virtues does she embody? What surrounds her? What dwells within her? What does she do? What do you see in her? What ways does she have about her? What goals does she have? What does she dream about at night? What daydreams occupy her mind? How does she feel? How does she love?

If you can dream her, you can be her.

You can recreate yourself into the you that you want to be. You can strengthen and play up the things you already love about yourself and develop the things you want but do not yet possess.

“Act like a lady, think like a boss.”
“She believed she could so she did.”
“She stood in the storm and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards
“She always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world. ” ~ Joanne Harris
“Girls compete with each other, women empower one another.”

Don’t deny your needs and desires. Don’t repress yourself. Let your opinions be heard. Don’t feel threatened by an opinion which opposes yours. If you know what someone says is or may be correct and you are wrong, admit it, at least to yourself. Let it shake you up and then change your views. If you know in your heart of hearts that you are correct then let your opinion be as loud as the opposing one. Don’t let anyone make you squirm or back down. Stand tall. Stand proud. Stand.
It’s ok to be wrong and it’s ok to give in and see the other side and admit it.
It’s ok to build yourself up.
To call yourself beautiful.
To love you.
To cherish you.
Do what makes you happy no matter what, don’t let anyone dull your sparkle or get in your way. Be true. Be you.
Take care of yourself, tend to your needs, be selfish occasionally when you have to be for your own mental/emotional/psychological/spiritual & physical health. Say no when you must. Say yes to you.
Buy yourself flowers.
Laugh loudly. Live passionately. Love fiercely.

Reflect and think about who you want to be, write in a journal, meditate, list qualities you wish to posses or strengthen and ones you want to abandon.

And if you’re not a woman, this can still apply to you. It applies to all humans. We can all work to be a better version of ourselves.

Each moment we fall apart, we are made new. Born again. And again. And again. And again…..a new dawn comes to life. The sun rises again. Morning has awakened.

Crumble. So you can stand again but even stronger.

“Oh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything .”~ Helen Reddy

“You can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul” ~ Helen Reddy

“I’m not a one in a million kind of girl, I’m that once in a lifetime kind of woman.”

“Well I won’t back down, no I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won’t back down

No I’ll stand my ground, won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground and I won’t back down.” ~ Tom Petty

Let your pain make you better, not bitter.

“Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Xoxo Kim