Tag Archive | people

Priceless Gifts <3

(picture taken somewhere in Center City, Philadelphia, I saw it on a pole and just had to take a pic!)

i have purchased a book a few months ago, and it’s called “Priceless Gifts” (How to Give the Best to Those You Love) and is written by a psychologist, Daniel A. Sugarman, Ph.D. He is a clinical psychologist and the book was published in the 1970’s. 1978 to be exact. I haven’t read the book yet but I will.

I read the list of gifts on the back cover. Even though it was written decades ago, the twelve gifts that the man lists are timeless and still apply today.

They are psychological gifts, not material gifts. This book, even though I haven’t read most of it yet, inspired me to create a list of my own, of priceless psychological /immaterial gifts that I believe are incredible to bless others with and to receive.

While my list is inspired by this doctor’s list, not all of the gifts I list here are ones in his book and the descriptions underneath each gift, even the gifts I took out of the book, are my own. Next to each gift that is also in his book, I will state that I got it out of the book.

1.) The Gift of Time(in the book):
Being with someone who needs/wants you at that moment is an amazing gift. Whether you are having fun doing entertaining activities, talking to one another, or just sitting close to show you care when a person wants company is an amazing gift. It shows the person that you care enough to take part of your day and make that person your top priority at that moment. What better way to make that person feel loved, valuable, and cherished!?

2.) The Gift of Active Listening/ Undivided Attention (in the book) :
We usually hear what people say and respond. But how often are we truly, fully listening? It seems we are frequently only partially or half listening while multitasking, doing other things while a person talks to us, mindlessly/mechanically responding. This is not being fully receptive of or acknowledging that person’s needs and desires at that moment. Even if you accurately hear what that person says and even provide a relevant, pleasant sounding response, that is not always good enough. A person can tell when you are not fully present even if you don’t know the person can tell and maybe even if that person doesn’t consciously know it or realize it at that moment. Make the person feel s/he is the center of your world at that moment. It can be quite offensive spilling your guts to someone only to realize that person is playing with a phone, texting someone else, watching TV, drifting off, or off somewhere daydreaming giving you empty, half mutters while you speak. Whether the person is talking to you about light topics such as her favorite food, book, or movie, or more deep topics such as his problems, pain, future dreams, that person wants your attention! S/he cares enough and believes you are important enough to talk to and trusts you enough to share with you so repay the gift and really, truly listen fully with your whole heart and drown out everything else while that person speaks. (unless you’re driving or something, be careful!)

3.) The Beautiful Gift of Loyalty:
When a person shares secrets with you, s/he expects you to keep them to yourself. It’s not good to blab them to anyone. Many of us have someone we believe we can trust with someone else’s secrets but then the person we trust may also have a person or persons s/he trusts and may tell the person’s secrets to that person thinking it’s Ok to tell and that it will stop there. But then that person tells people and on and on and that’s how “secrets” get around. It’s not that the people who tell other people’s secrets are necessarily bad people and likely they don’t want to sabotage or hurt anyone. They just want to talk and be the big bearer of “news” but it does not always go over too well. So when a trusting person comes to you, it’s best to let that person’s secrets stop when they get to you. (unless it’s potentially life threatening.)

And it’s also best not to gossip about or judge a person, negatively, who trusts you, with other people. Be loyal and true to the person who opens up to you. It’s unkind and a betrayal to trash talk the person or spill their info out to others. Let the person come to you and be a true friend and listener. That is a true gift. And if you are being truly loyal you won’t join in when you hear other people saying unnecessary negative things about your friend.

4.) The Gift of Acceptance (In the book) :
Just about everyone we meet is going to have at least one (probably more) opinion, trait, characteristic, or thing about him/her that we will not agree with or not like. But that does not mean we have to give the person up or not like the person or reject the person or try to change him/her. We can gently state our opinion in a kind way if it’s truly necessary and intended to help or connect with someone and then be done with it. But we can accept the person for all that person is. “Flaws” and all. We can disagree, argue, debate, but still love, cherish, tolerate, and accept. We don’t all have to be identical to get along well and love.

“I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.” ~Bob Dylan

5.) The Gift of Positive Support:
I think just about everyone desires and craves the true support of a great friend or family member or others. Humans are social creatures and like to belong and be accepted and want positive encouragement. We may not always agree with something a family member or friend thinks or does but we should want to see the person happy and healthy no matter what. And we can still support a person, in general, even when that person does something we oppose or thinks something we disagree with.
As stated in the above gift description, we can gently and kindly state how we feel when necessary, and allow the person to think or do as s/he pleases without interference, rejection, and negative judgment. Unless a person is struggling with unsound judgment as a result of illness of any kind or alcohol or other drug intoxication, and wants to do something potentially life threatening to the person or others, we should support the person in her goals and be happy she is happy no matter what.
This also goes when a person accomplishes or attains something we wish we will gain or accomplish. A little bit of jealousy is a normal emotion and is Ok. But don’t let it destroy your friendships or other relationships and happiness for that person. People will always have things we want and can’t or won’t get but we can still be happy for them even though we may feel somewhat jealous or disappointed for ourselves not having it.
6.) The Gift of Sharing/ Self Disclosure (in the book) :
It is a true gift to others to hear of or read of your own problems and struggles, successes and dreams, pain, goals, failings, life lessons, and happiness. It can remind them that they are not alone and it can inspire them to feel happier and act on their dreams and it helps them get to know you and connect with you on a deeper level and trust you more. It may help them open up and share their own stories more comfortably. Sharing is caring! A healthy balance of Sharing with others and actively listening to them speak is amazing! What a true gift!

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ~ Muriel Rukeyser

7.) The Gift of Seeing the best in people (in the book) :
Everyone has things about them that are good and bad. No one is perfect in everyone’s eyes. Even the best people you know will have pain, setbacks, problems, failings, struggles, and negative aspects about their lives but instead of focusing on the worst in them, focus on the best!

Let the person know you cherish her/him and support her/him in her endeavors no matter what and that the good is what stands out. People want to be around those who lift them up and appreciate the great and not just criticize the bad. Think of your own “bad” or “negative” qualities. Would you like to be around people who can’t get over them and always point them out and criticize you over them? Or do you want to be in the company of people who love and nourish and cherish your amazing qualities and overlook and accept the bad? Give that gift to others! 😀

And try this: instead of saying “I love you but…..” try saying “….. but I love you!”.

8.) The Gift of letting them make their own decisions without negative judgment :

Many friends or others may want and seek your input on some things and want to know how you feel and if you are true, close friends, they will likely cherish and appreciate your desire to help and your willingness to open up and contribute to their lives. But this doesn’t mean they will or should always take heed of your suggestions or advice. In the end the decision is theirs. It is their life and they are responsible for their own life. The ultimate decision is theirs. They may not always make decisions that you like or want but you don’t have to negatively judge them or criticize them for it. And you don’t have to feel coldly rejected or seriously crushed if they should choose to not do what you suggest. It doesn’t mean they don’t value your opinions or take you seriously, just that in some cases, they have different needs or views. Provide your input and let them know you are right by their side no matter what they choose and if things do not work out well, you are still right here to help them see it through.
It is good for people to allow others the space and liberty to mess up, make mistakes, experiment, be uncertain, but still support them in their attempts and experiences with true, unconditional love, acceptance, and loyalty. What better gift in this life than a friend like this?!

9.) The Gift of True Empathy:

This isn’t to say we should “feel sorry” for people in an arrogant way as if we are somehow above that person or more fortunate than that person. It is to say that we should acknowledge that other people are just as sentient as we, ourselves are. They can feel like we can and they have needs and desires as well as we do. And we should really try to a certain extent to understand how that person must feel even if we haven’t experienced the exact same thing. Not to say “I know how you feel”. That can seem cold and like you are overstepping your boundaries. The truth is unless you can literally get into someone else ‘s head you don’t know exactly how that person feels whether or not you have similar experiences. But we can have some degree of understanding and much compassion and concern for another person. Whether we know the person or not.
We all have pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, and we can use our imaginations and draw on our own experiences to empathize with someone even if our experiences aren’t exactly the same. Having empathy for animals is also important.

10.) The Gift of Unconditional Love:

True love, to me, is unconditional. If I truly love someone, no matter what that person says or does, I will continue to love. I may feel the need to distance myself in certain ways if that person is doing things, excessively, that are detrimental to myself but my love will not falter or decrease. This even goes for people who want to live without me in their lives. I will be unhappy, crushed, that they feel the need to abandon, reject, or give me up but I want them to be happy with or without me. And I will not stand in the way.

11.) The Gift of True Friendship:

As stated above, even if I must distance myself permanently or temporarily, if someone is my friend, I will always be here as a friend or supporter if that person should need or want me. I may never hang out with or have deep conversations with that person again but I can still wish her the best. I will not reject a friend over disagreements or differences no matter what. I want to know the good and the bad, the happiness and the sadness in the person’s life. I want to write or talk, just to say hello some occasions, I want to see the person and bask in his/her successes and be a true listener and console during moments of stress or pain. I don’t want to be an “occasional” or “seasonal” friend who comes and goes or one who makes pathetic excuses to never hang out. True friends are interested in the good and the bad and will put things on hold now and then to tend to their friends when they need or want them most.

12.) The Gift of Full Forgiveness:

For both you and the other person, forgive. Let go. Even if feelings of resentment or anger reappear every now and then, in general it’s best to accept and move forward, or move on and forget and not let your body frequently fill with fury and negative energy. And not throw a mistake a friend made back into that person’s face again and again or during different arguments. A True, genuine, strong, positive, loving friendship is definitely worth forgiveness. You don’t have to always forgive everything and everyone but in general it’s probably best to try to let your body relax and ease up. This isn’t letting the person off the hook or get over on you. It’s quite the opposite. The person hurt you but no longer has power over you or your life. And if that person is a true friend and is genuinely interested in your welfare that person deserves forgiveness. And you deserve the liberty that your forgiveness will bring you.

13.) The Gift of appreciation and expression : There’s nothing better than knowing a person genuinely appreciates you and all you do. Let your friend, lover, kids, coworker, doctor, secretary, maybe even a stranger and anyone else you appreciate know just how grateful you are for that person’s presence in your life or how that person has touched you for the better. Tell them in person, send them an electronic message, a phone call, a card, or small gift, a hug, anything….just let the ones you appreciate know somehow! It will make them so thrilled!

14.) The Gift of inspiration:
Be a positive, uplifting person. Speak positively of yourself and others and the life you are blessed to know. It’s uplifting and a good example to other people and will make you feel happier and uplifted too. Care for yourself and share your wisdom with others even though some people will not welcome it. Many will! This will inspire people around you to also love and care for themselves and others. If you come up with a great idea about anything or discover an inspirational quote or beautiful poem or photo, share it with people! Bring out the best in people. Smile. Make eye contact. Say hello. Be a blessing. Be a friend.

15.) The Gift of validation/letting others give to us:
Let people think and feel how they do instead of trying to emotionally force them to believe other things. Let them express it. Your input is good but degrading, denying, and ridiculing people’s emotions is not good. If someone is in a bad mood, trying to cheer that person up is sweet but telling the person to “get over it” or that there’s nothing to be feeling low about or criticizing the person ‘s low mood is often detrimental, aggravating, and not helpful.
You don’t have to lower your own mood to match theirs; you can find a good balance to console them.
And when someone pays you a sincere compliment, even if you disagree or are very modest, it’s good to just be happy the person feels that way about you! Saying things like “that’s not true!” or “you’re just saying that. ” or “No I’m not that good looking or intelligent ” will just invalidate the person’s positive feelings about you and deny the person the positive emotions of complimenting you. That person wants you to feel happy and pleased and the person really feels that way about you whether or not you feel it about yourself and it’s not good to tell that person s/he is wrong. A true compliment is a gift to you, why throw it back in the person’s face?! Just a sweet & simple “thank you” is a great response!

16.) The Gift of your life:
If the person is a true, trusted friend to you, share the good and the bad of your life and show genuine interest in the good and bad of that person’s. It’s not good to a person when you only want to vent or gossip and not tell your success and happy stories as well and if you have problems, big or small, a friend wants to know. So if you want to express them, don’t hold back! True friends are genuinely interested in the good and the bad. And it’s good to let your friends complain and vent to you about negative events in their lives and to take pleasure in their happiness. True friendship is about the good, the bad, everything….

“You’ve given me the best of you and now I need the rest of you.” ~ Billy Joel

17) The Gift of communication :

Tell your lover, family member, friend when that person is doing something to really affect you. If people are hurting you, they may not realize it or the extent of it. And it may not be intentional. They don’t always realize how much it impacts you. You can save a relationship or the quality of it by positively and effectively communicating. You can gently tell them that what they are doing is negatively affecting you and tell them you cherish your relationship with them and want to work on it for the better. And don’t just tell the bad things! Celebrate and acknowledge the good as well! Communication is very important in ANY kind of relationship!

These are just some things I find crucial to relationships of any kind and beautiful blessings to people. I believe they are good for people in general. And when you give these lovely gifts, you not only bless the person but you, yourself will be blessed. You may disagree with some of them or many of them. Or all of them?! ;-D
Lol

My intention is NOT to tell people what they should do or have to do or to negatively judge people who do not do these things! I don’t always do all of them myself and I make mistakes but I try my best to frequently live this way and I truly believe these are great and priceless gifts to others. I don’t like to tell people how they should live or what they should do! Who am I to do that! I’m in no position for that! Of course I’m not! But I do love to provide suggestions in case they will help people and share what helps and inspires me. If someone is not inspired and does not want to take my suggestions, that’s ok! Whatever floats your boat! 😉

Xox0 Kim

When Encountering Difficult People

Jul21

Not everyone you meet in your life will be easy going, light hearted, friendly, and warm. Some will be difficult, unpleasant, extremely rude, outright miserable and hard to handle.

For many people, even the usual friendly, kind people, the natural reaction is to respond with the same coldness and angry temperament that the difficult person dishes out.

This doesn’t mean they are bad or unkind people for responding or wanting to respond that way, it’s just that other people’s moods and attitudes often impact or influence our own.

But it doesn’t always have to be that way. We can choose to rise above the negativity of others.

I work at a store and most of my customers are extremely kind and friendly and so grateful for my service and very expressing of that gratitude.

And even the few people who aren’t the friendliest are not usually blatantly rude or difficult.

But on extremely rare occasions I get one who is.

A few weeks ago I was training a new girl and a man, who is an old man, came for ice cream. There was a misunderstanding and he gave me way too much money and walked away without his change. I called him back and gave him his change and he started yelling very bitterly that he should actually get back more change.

He left very angry. And I was so annoyed and felt a surge of anger at him.

Then he recently came back very angry and loud and yelled “Give me two small ice creams you hear me!!!! Two small ice creams!!!”. His attitude was lousy.

But I was in no mood to react angrily or be rude to him. I just saw him as a person with desires and needs and I smiled at him and got what he wanted. I made it easy for him to carry his ice cream by putting them in a small box. I asked him if he needed napkins and my tone was very friendly. Genuinely friendly. I felt compassion for him. He is a person with needs and desires, no less worthy of compassion and kindness than I am.

I was amazed when his face lit up and he smiled at me brightly. He said “Have a great night, hun!”. And was very friendly as he was leaving.

His whole expression and physical movements changed. He became lighter and softer. All because my interaction with him was pleasant.

Imagine if I would have perpetuated the hostility with a bitter tone. It would have made him more bitter, more negative, more hostile. Which in turn, could have made me more angry. And on and on.

I would have never seen his good side and he would have not seen mine. I gave us both the chance to truly see each other.

He came back another night and was friendly as can be. Smiling and happily greeting me. Sometimes people get the wrong impression of another person or mis judge or make inaccurate assumptions based on things that are not true or real or what they seem.

People should not act on first judgments but they often do. We should not assume something and act before knowing but sometimes that is exactly what we do.

Maybe the man got the wrong impression of me for whatever reason and reacted based on his thoughts or feelings about it.

But it’s my job to show him who I really am. So that’s what I did.

Things will not always go this smoothly. Some people will be bitter and negative towards you no matter how kind, gentle, and warm you are with them. That’s just the way some people are. But you do not have to react back that way.

But the choice is yours.

You are not a horrible person for coming back at people or resorting to angry comments or even slinging an insult now and then.

While there are better ways to handle unpleasant situations, we occasionally (or maybe even often) may get caught up in the heat of that moment and react negatively or non effectively.

Sometimes I feel like reacting negatively to people when they are difficult and unkind.

Then I remember this quote :

“Don’t treat people as bad as they are. Treat them as good as you are.” ~ Unknown

And it inspires warmth in me. It’s not only treating that person well but being true to myself. I can be above treating people horribly or negatively. There will always be rude and bitter people and I believe that is ok.

There are various kinds of people in this life. Not all of them good and pleasant. We can’t and should not control anyone but ourselves. We can make attempts to influence and impact one another for the better but that’s all.

Try to influence negative people with your positivity not let their negativity influence you.

It’s good to be affected by others. Both negatively and positively. It makes us fully alive. Who wants to walk around like a zombie or robot and be shielded, completely, against the world? Not letting anyone in?

People are good and bad. The world is good and bad. Life itself is good and bad. And being affected is part of living.

But we can work to not allow ourselves to be too worked up, destroyed, or depressed or anxious over the thoughts, actions, and feelings of others.

There’s an amazing book called, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff) by Richard Carlson

And in this book one of the author’s suggestions to help us feel more compassion for difficult people is to imagine them as a newborn infant or a 100 year old person who has not much longer to live.

At one point all of us were newborn children and if we are blessed enough, at one point we will be very old. The man feels that this may put things in perspective for us.

Babies and very old people need and deserve love, warmth, and compassion
And their age often reminds us of that.And we can work to extend that to others of all ages when they are troubling us.

Remember when you get caught up in other people’s bitterness, negativity, cruelty, and anger, at least you are not them!

I hope you are having an amazingly beautiful day full of love & light & laughter! 😀

Xox0 Kim

” When you are in an upsetting situation, try loving everyone involved and pray for them, hard as they may be. Loving doesn’t mean sentimentality but rather a rational esteem for them as persons.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

How do you live? <3

Jun27

” Not how did she die, but how did she live?

Not what did she gain, but what did she give?

These are the units to measure the worth

Of a man as a man, regardless of birth.

Not, what was her church, nor what was her creed?

But had she befriended those really in need?

Was she ever ready, with word of good cheer,

To bring back a smile, to banish a tear?

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say,

But how many were sorry when she passed away. ”

~Unknown

I saw this quote in a book and I love it! To me, it rings so true. For many of us, the first thing we think when we hear a person has died, even when we never knew that person is, “How did s/he die!?”. That’s our morbid curiosity. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what’s more important than that is how the person lived. I don’t want to think about or dwell on the tragic or sad circumstances of someone’s death. I want to bask in the wonder, love, beauty, and glory of that person’s life and the imprint the life of that person leaves on this Earth with all of us who still live. Even if I never knew that person, I can still be impacted by the life s/he lived.

Have you ever read an online memorial or an obituary in the newspaper for a person who died? While very sad, it can be quite inspiring. Try reading an obituary or online memorial for a stranger and the comments written by those who are grieving and all those caring people who lavish sympathy on the bereaved and the dead. But instead of letting your morbid curiosity take over searching for clues of the causes of death, focus on the details of how that person lived.

Look at the smile on that person’s face in pictures if you can and feel the words written about the person. Look at how that person touched many, many other lives and made people smile, contributed positively to the community in which s/he lived, embraced family & friends, provided kindness to strangers, made people laugh, loved others
…

This is a great honor to the person and a wonderful gift to the family and friends to have the one they love who is now gone, still affecting the world for the better.

There are so many amazing people, alive and dead. They all deserve to be known, loved, remembered, honored, and acknowledged.

I saw a blog topic recently “What would you want your obituary to say? “. I haven’t completed this as a blog entry but I thought about the concept.

I wouldn’t want mine to just state how I died, how much money I got for working, and other basic details. I would love for it to describe how I was able to brighten people’s days, make them smile, how I loved animals and people and cared for everyone whether I knew them or not. And how I would always be aware of the simple joys of living. I hope that’s how people view me. That’s who I want to be.

Think about how you live. Is it really important how financially rich you are, how many expensive material possessions you have, how many work promotions you achieve, how many school degrees you can obtain, how big your house is, how new your car is, if you have the latest fashion accessories or phone….?

Or does it matter more how you help people, how you listen to people, how you love people, what you contribute to the world around you, how happy you are with the you inside, how living creatures are touched by your life, how full your heart is….?

You may or may not have an advanced school degree or a well respected, good paying job, you may or may not be extremely intelligent, maybe you don’t have much money or a great house or car or anything much but is your heart full of love? Do your veins throb with life? Do you provide consolation, love, and friendship to those in need? That’s all that really matters!

It doesn’t matter what your religion is or if you are religious or not. It doesn’t matter what your skin color or sexual orientation or gender or gender identity is. Your nationality and ethnicity do not matter for how much you are worth. I’m not saying those above things do not matter in certain situations or for how you are treated sometimes, I’m saying they do not make you worth more or worth less. Or worthy or deserving of more or of less.

Think about how you live and how you want to live. And I hope you find deep within you the things you know are important and are able to abandon the things you know are not.

I hope you are having a beautiful night or day wherever you are at this moment.

Xoxo Kim

Everlasting Essence

Jun14

It has been said that whatever you do for yourself dies with you but what you do for others lives on forever.

And it’s true that the messages and inspiration and impact that some people have on the world lives and breathes long after the people themselves have died.

I think often of some of the most inspirational people I have never met. I haven’t met them but their lives have impacted me just
the same.

And not only me but many, many people have been positively affected by these people.

A few of the people whose lives are everlasting inspirational messages that touch the lives of many and will live on and on and on are:

Norman Vincent Peale (famous for “The Power of Positive Thinking”)

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. “

“There is a giant in every person, and nothing can get this giant down unless that giant is kept down by himself.”

“Help other people to cope with their own problems and your own will be easier to cope with.”

Stephen R. Covey (famous author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”)

“Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.”

“But until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise.”

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

http://www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com/

Mr. Huie is still alive and I receive his beautiful e-mails every morning. His page is a collection of his own thoughts and the thoughts of others that he appreciates. His messages are so uplifting, warm, firm, and gentle. And so beautiful. Many dark nights I have struggled with depression, loneliness, and despair. I would lay wide awake in bed but feeling half dead and so broken when suddenly my phone would start flashing and I would check and see one of his wonderful e-mails and it would bring me so much comfort and love.

The man inspires me so deeply. He is the most grateful person I ever met. (actually never met).

He expresses gratitude for his entire life good and bad and every aspect and he embraces all that he is and is so grateful for himself. He stated that he is grateful for literally everything that has ever happened to him. Every single thing. Every tragedy. Every heartbreak. Every love. Every tear. Every breath. Every beautiful gift. This IS to live, breathe, and BE loving gratitude.

I am friends with him on Facebook and I have also “liked” his “like” page.

Please see his page and share it. I cherish this man and his life.

Let me bring peace into moments of chaos.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I reach toward the shining mountains,
beyond the fog of daily worries.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I do not need anyone’s permission to be my true self.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I sail the seas of life as the MASTER of my ship.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I give thanks for both my bloom and my thorns.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am one with the Earth,
with the Water, with the Fire,
with the Air that I breathe,
with all Living Things,
and we are all one with Spirit.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I sometimes think what if these great people never came into the world. Or what if they did but they neglected to express their inspiration and thoughts out of fear? Fear of rejection. Fear of ridicule? Fear of criticism. Fear that no one will listen. Fear…..

And these people are/were in fact criticized. Both constructively and destructively. And that’s ok. I have read the criticisms, hear of the criticism.
No matter how great, amazing, and beautiful a person is and no matter how positive the message, the person and message will be criticized by others. Not everyone will always gratefully receive ideas, even great ones. And that’s ok.
If they gave into fear, we would not have their beauty surrounding us today.

Do you have a message you want to put out into the world to touch people for the better?

Go ahead. Don’t you hold back. Write a book. Make a video. Create a blog or website. Share Facebook statuses or other social media content. Get your message out there. Tell anyone you can! You can be sure you will receive some criticism. And not all constructive. Some will be just plain vicious. And unnecessary. But that’s ok. That tells us a little something about those negative critics, and tells us nothing about you.

Your message, your life, your story defines you. The callousness of others does not.

Every person is a different light to the world. And when a person dies, the world is a little colder. A little darker. For that light of that person is gone. Forever. But there are new people coming into the world every day. Every second. With new lights coming into the world. So the world will never be completely dark or cold. That’s the good thing. No light can replace another. No person can replace another. But each light and each person can touch the world in unique ways that other ones cannot. The world is never lost. Never dead. Never alone. There is always someone. There is always light.

I want to be that girl. The one with a message that lives on long after I do. Somehow. Some way. Like Dr. Peale’s and Dr. Covey’s. And Jonathan Lockwood Huie’s. And I want to honor their lives and the lives of many other motivational/inspirational speakers and great thinkers dead and alive by sharing their messages, quotes, writings, stories, and essence with others.

Do I agree with everything all of these people profess and believe and think? No. But I still receive their warm inspiration and their beauty and their positive impact and I want to share their lives with all who will let me and in the process create my own everlasting message.

What I do believe in is their underlying message of gratitude, positivity, compassion, caring for others, and love. I believe in it with my whole heart, every square inch of my being, my very essence. They say different things in different ways but their true message is the same: working for a better world for all of us.

And I want you to know that you have the potential to impact many, many lives just as they do. You already are impacting people. You don’t have to be as famous as they are or even famous at all. You don’t have to be popular or well known. And your message does not have to reach people at the magnitude theirs do for you to make this world a better place. You don’t need an educational degree or any certain profession or job. You don’t have to be professional writers or doctors like them. All you need is YOU. Just to be you and the courage to speak your truth.

Much love to you.

This little light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine.

Xoxo Kim

The Impact one Life Can Have On Others

Apr18

We may not always realize this fact but one life or one word can impact another life, deeply, for better or for worse. There may be someone you don’t even realize exists and your life affects that person in some way, big or small.

Recently I moved into a new house with my family and out in the back is another house and the backyard to that house is against the backyard to my house. A man used to live there who I saw everyday out in the back. He may never have really noticed me but I noticed him.

One thing I noticed was that his house was constantly lit up in the back. His kitchen light was always on.

And during the holiday season his house was decorated and all lit up beautifully with all kinds of sparkling, glittery decor and lights. I loved seeing it everyday until the season ended.

Then over a month ago he got a new pitbull puppy who he let out in the yard all throughout the day and night and my big pitbull loved that little dog. They would look at each other through the fence. But then one day the man did not have the dog anymore.

He was just gone. And my dog would go to look for him all throughout the day, everyday for a while. The puppy wasn’t there very long at all but my dog already got used to him and wanted him back.

Then shortly after the dog was gone, the man was also gone.

His house is completely dark day and night now and I never see him anymore. I’m not generally a nosy or intrusive person.

But I do wonder why the man disappeared like that. Maybe he just moved.

My mom said maybe he got sick or died. But I don’t like to think about that. I want to think he moved or is on vacation. A young couple who is his family who came sometimes, came after he left for a while and then they were gone too.

I woke up during the night recently and I realized how much I miss seeing him, seeing the lights, the decorations, the puppy…

Not in a creepy, stalkerish way. I just miss the simple things.

This man probably has no idea that his life has an effect on mine. I did not know him, never spoke to him, don’t know his name or anything at all about him yet I was touched in some way by his presence in this life.

❤

This Winter that was just here, one day when I was in Center City Philadelphia on a bus going home, I saw a person holding a sign that read “Homeless & Addicted”.

This person was collecting money. Usually, although not always, when I see homeless people, they are middle age or old and they are men and often unclean looking and ragged/scraggly. I definitely don’t judge them negatively by their looks or anything at all. This is just my observation. And I wish I were able to help them in any way I can.

This person I saw on a frigid cold freezing day, is a young woman with long hair and she was very clean looking and her clothes were clean looking.

She was sitting on a street corner where the bus I was on stopped for a few minutes.

Through her physical beauty I was able to detect pain in her eyes. And I could not have imagined sitting on a street corner for who knows how long on one of the coldest Winter days of the year.

And on top of that struggling with an addiction and nowhere to go.

I instantly had the urge to get off the bus and approach her. I had no money and I guess giving her money wouldn’t have been the best idea anyway since she was struggling with an addiction of some sort.

But I felt a strong need to do something for her. Or say something uplifting. The bus began to move and I contemplated getting off the bus and bringing her home with me.

But since I don’t live alone I knew it would not go over too well. My family would have been pissed and turned her away at the door.

So I stayed on the bus. Reluctantly.

I wondered about her life (in a non judgmental way) and what horrible things must have happened to contribute to her sitting on a street corner, alone, in the midst of freezing Winter air.

I felt complete empathy & compassion for her as I thought of my own life.

I am not homeless. I am not addicted. I have never sat alone out in unbearably cold air or any weather collecting money. And I can never pretend to know what any of that is like for someone.

But somehow, somewhere deep inside me, something in me connected with her, resonated with something in her eyes.

I only saw her for a few minutes out the window that one day and never again.

But those few minutes impacted me in some way.

Even stops later I thought about getting off the bus and going back. Maybe I would have if I had more money.

Maybe I could have bought her something hot to drink to get her out of the cold for a while or maybe I could have been a friend to her for a day.

But none of that happened.

I told my mom about her and she told me I better never bring a homeless person home. She also said that the girl may not have been homeless and just pretending, to get money.

But whatever her true circumstance, I know she was desperate to be collecting money in the freezing, painful cold.

❤

One day recently I was in a store and for some reason I had a flash back of when I was in middle school out in the schoolyard on a Windy day. My long waist length hair was blowing in the wind.

One of the girls I was standing with said to me “Do something with that ugly hair.”

And another girl quickly responded with “Her hair is not ugly; she has very pretty hair.”

That was well over a decade ago but even today I can smile at the compliment of the sweet girl who defended me. Over a decade later I can still feel her words today. It’s not just what she said but the fact that she was kind enough to want to help me and compliment me. I can still feel the warmth of her words. There are lots of people like that in this world. Ones who want to help and heal and be friendly and express kindness. And there are also lots like the other girl was that day who want to offend and be vicious and negative.

But it’s much, much better to focus on the kindness of people than the cruelty of others.

❤

One day approximately one year ago I was at work when a lady brought an add for a Beef & Beer for a young woman who was recently diagnosed with Leukemia and her family was struggling with her medical expenses and because of her illness she was out of work.

She was 24 years old then.

I looked at the ad and saw a picture of a beautiful young woman with a bright smile and with no hair. I never knew her or heard of her before that day but I saw that her family lives somewhat close to where I live.

It hurt me to know how sick she was and the physical & emotional pain that comes along with this terrible disease and all the pain her family & friends, and others close to her had to endure.

I looked at her picture and wished so desperately that I could just take away her sickness. But I knew that’s beyond my control.

So I walked away feeling helpless. Then suddenly I remembered there are e-mail addresses on the ad.

So I chose one and e-mailed asking the person to tell me anything at all I can do to help support the young woman and her family/friends in any way at all that I could.

The sister of the girl wrote back to me and said she was very grateful for my desire to help and that her family would appreciate if I would buy some things such as eating utensils and small gifts for the raffles at the beef & beer. I was not able to attend it because of work but I was definitely able to send in some gifts for the family and the girl.

My dad helped me buy some things. And I took it to the girl’s mom’s work. When I went in to take the gifts a sweet and friendly lady asked how she can help me. I explained that I was not there for service but to drop off some things for the young woman and it turned out that the lady I was talking to is that girl’s mom.

I could see in her eyes that she was deeply touched and even surprised.

She told me how incredibly grateful and moved she was that I wanted to help her.

After the beef & beer ended I received a beautiful thank you e-mail by her sister. I was never expecting it and her sister did not have to be so kind. She told me how great and successful the event was and how thrilled her sister was and how much fun her sister had at her event.

I loved knowing that her sister and everyone had a lot of fun and that the event was so successful. ❤

I also “liked” the girl’s facebook page and I was able to tell by her statuses that she is a very, very positive young woman. Even through her sickness she wrote of how happy and thankful she is and how much she loves everything. She wrote about how difficult her illness and the treatments are but that she still was so happy.

Her strength astounded me when I felt everything she wrote.

I’m thankful for the lady who brought that ad to my work to help that girl. Because of her, I also got a chance to help.

So….

My point in this post is that words and actions and intentions can have an impact even years later so we should watch what we do and say. We may not realize the true and full impact our words, actions, or lives have or will have on others. You may think your words won’t matter at all or as much as they really will.

If you say something to hurt it may hurt much more than you intended. And if you say something to heal, your words can be much more healing or comforting than you ever thought imaginable.

And if someone has a problem that you have never struggled with yourself and maybe never will and even if you are not close to anyone with that kind of problem, you can still have empathy and compassion for that person.

You don’t have to know exactly what it’s like to have concern and to care for that person.

Also, we all have or have had some sort of problem or some kind of pain, either a little bit or a lot and we can draw on that to be more empathetic to others even with problems and pain different than our own.

And there is often something we can all do to help another. It may not be something that seems really big or important to us but to that one person at that one moment it can be the world. So reach out your hand to someone in need.

“Today will never come again. Be a blessing. Be a friend. Encourage someone. Take time to care. Let your words heal, and not wound.” ~Unknown

“Always go that extra mile, it’s never crowded.”

“How wonderful that no one need wait a single moment to improve the world.”

—Anne Frank

“I wondered why somebody didn’t do something. Then I realized, I am somebody.”

—Source Unknown

“Not being able to do everything is no excuse for not doing everything you can.”

—Ashleigh Brilliant

“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.”

—Edmond Burke

“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”

Edward Everett Hale

X0xo Kim ❤

My #1 Goal & sweet reminders <3 :-D

Mar2

Recently at the ice cream store I work at, a sweet, happy, and friendly family came, a mom, dad, and their two little girls. They wanted some milk for the baby’s sippie cup. We don’t usually sell milk but we do have milk we use for the milkshakes so I gave them a cup of milk and did not charge them even though they offered to pay. They also got ice cream and were very pleased with it! 😀

They only spent a few dollars all together. I charged them a little bit less for the little girls’ ice cream because they got smaller sizes than we sell because the girls are so little. They gave me a sixteen dollar tip! A sixteen dollar tip?! Whoooaaa!!! That’s the biggest tip I ever received at once! I was so grateful for their kindness and generosity. Not just because I got extra money but for the fact that there’s people out there who are that giving and friendly and genuinely want to do good for others. They are just very happy and good people. I always appreciate people/customers like that whether or not they give me a tip. Their friendly smiles are enough for me. 😀

This incident reminded me of my number one goal.

To be the best me I can be.

I hope everyone is having a beautiful day/night wherever you are!

❤

X0xoKim ❤

“Arthur Christmas” & a beautiful life lesson <3

Dec19

On one of the blogs I read called “Positively Present” an author of one of the entries/articles makes a short list comprised of some of her favorite Christmas movies and the life lessons they convey.

They’re not all just about holiday cheer and decorations and presents galore! They convey important life lessons that we can all benefit by being reminded of.

For example on the list is Rudolph’s story and about how he was bullied for being “different” and how it’s ok to be different and we should accept and cherish diversity.

And the Grinch movie shows how a person can be persuaded by the better and have a softer and warmer heart, by the attitudes and love of others.

I loved reading the list and descriptions of the movies and decided to add one of my own that is not on that list.

“Arthur Christmas”

When I saw this movie in the theatre I found it so sweet and incredibly entertaining but it also has a wonderful and beautiful message. In the movie Santa Clause delivers presents to children around the globe but one little girl is forgotten when there is some sort of glitch and her present falls and never makes it to Santa’s sleigh. Arthur wants to get this gift to the little girl so that she will not be excluded and heartbroken on Christmas day when she wakes up and realizes she was forgotten. People throughout the movie state that she’s only one child and it doesn’t matter to forget one person because the person is only one. But Arthur stands his ground even in the face of obstacles and is determined to stay true to the idea that every person matters. Every person is special and every person is someone and should be made to feel important and happy.

This beautiful message is so true. People are not only important in a collective sense. Every single individual person is important and matters to the world and others. No one is “just a person”. Every person deserves to be acknowledged and loved and never forgotten or regarded as unimportant.

This is not merely about a material Christmas gift.

I believe we should all go out of our way to help someone who is in need even if we don’t know that person. If you think of yourself and your own family and friends, you see that you have a story and you have a life and needs & desires and so do all your family and friends. And so do strangers. People you never met or do not know well are no different in the sense that they too have emotions and feelings and needs and desires and they all deserve equal consideration and attention.

So let’s always remember that, not just during the holiday season but all year long. ❤

If you want to check out the list and the Positively Present blog, please go here:

http://www.positivelypresent.com/2012/12/holiday-movie-lessons.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PositivelyPresent+%28positively+present%29

Sorry the link is not clickable; I’m not sure how to do that yet. But it is a beautiful blog full of inspiration & uplifting content! ❤

“Always go the extra mile. It’s never crowded.” ~Unknown

“I wondered why someone didn’t do something. Then I realized, I am someone.”

I hope you all have a beautiful day/night!! It’s at night here in Philadelphia, Pa where I am!

X0x0ox Kim <33 🙂 😀

It’s raining leaves & love «3 <3 :-) :-D

Nov24

I wrote this a few days ago and tried to post it but my phone or something wouldn’t allow me so here it is today!

Yay!

When I woke up today I was so hot even with my window open and air coming through. It felt more like Summer than Fall. I love warm weather and the warm seasons but after Summer & Spring should be over, I am definitely in the mood for the magic of the lovely Fall & Winter seasons! <3.

I wasn’t complaining about the weather. All weather has it’s blessings and beauty. But I won’t deny the fact that I have experienced a tinge of disappointment. It has been so incredibly warm here in Philadelphia, Pa and I have felt that the beautiful opportunity for Fall as been taken over by excessive warm weather. But anyway. Warm weather is lovely too and there’s no sense complaining.

But when I was sitting in work I noticed that it started to get very cool. Then all of a sudden, something magical and wondrous happened! It started raining leaves!

Lol ok not literally but it sure looked that way out the window!

The street where the store is that I work at is surrounded by beautiful trees. Many of the branches are now bare and some have crisp fall leaves flowing off and gently landing to the ground.

Suddenly there was a whirlwind of leaves that just started blowing off every tree on the street because of the wind and it looked beautiful and lovely like a splendid Autumn leaf storm!

😀

I also got to thinking about how blessed I am to have the positive work environment that I have.

I know the most wonderful people at work.

Since my mom and dad made me move to a new neighborhood when I was young, I haven’t been blessed with many close friendships. For a while, I actually had none and it caused me deep pain to have no connections to other kids.

Then when I came to college I had to leave my school friends and we lost contact a lot and it was not pleasant. There were moments of unbearable loneliness.

I’m shy and in my neighborhood there was never many kids my age so that combination added up to me being kind of friendless for so long. I wasn’t outgoing enough to go out looking for friends and there was no opportunities right around me like when I was little.

Also, I haven’t always been very close to most of my family either other than my mom, dad, and, sister. My sister is over 10 years younger than me. That’s a significant age difference for kids.

My loneliness got so extreme and often I began to feel not only unloved but un-lovable, also because of some verbal/emotional abuse that has happened in my family. And when I finally found a couple close friends I still struggled with loneliness occasionally even when I wasn’t physically alone. And depression sure doesn’t help that.

I still don’t have many friends or always get to see the ones that I do have as often as I would like.

But at work I am blessed to be surrounded by great and beautiful people that show me incredible acts of love so frequently.

I began to notice this more and more.

I read about a technique that people can do to bring more love and a sense of love into their lives. Make a list each day of acts of kindness and love shown to you by anyone who has done something loving towards you. This will make you feel more loved and appreciated.

People do little loving things every single day that may go almost un-noticed by the receiver. But when you open your mind and heart and begin to be more receptive, you’ll notice at a deeper level.

I haven’t written anything down but I now see more and more how much people do for me.

They go out of their way to help me and compliment me often and smile at me and say hello and I appreciate it more than I can say. And I truly hope they can feel and see my gratitude and love. I’m always saying thank you. And I help them as much as I possibly can with whatever they need.

Are there people showing you kindness and love that you haven’t even noticed or noticed as much as you could have? Look at all the “little” and “simple” acts of kindness that you are receiving day by day. They are actually greater than you may have realized.

When you let them, they can touch your life and brighten your days with tremendous impact.

When someone holds a door for you, offers you a sweet and genuine compliment, has a pleasant conversation with you, trusts you enough to tell you something, smiles at you, is sincerely interested in how you are today….all of these things are amazing acts of kindness.

I hope that you can all feel the amazing love all around you. ❤

Random Acts of Kindness <3

Nov17

I love random acts of kindness no matter how big or small. Even a very simple act of kindness such as a friendly and warm hello by a stranger or a sweet compliment can have a significant impact on someone’s life at the moment and brighten someone’s day dramatically.

I have been severely depressed and completely hopeless for most of the last three weeks not for any one specific reason; it’s just my depressive disorder acting up. My emotions have been fluctuating back and forth mostly consisting of severe and deep emotional pain and despair and then feelings of complete and utter numbness that won’t let me feel at all. Sometimes I feel that the numbness is worse than the deep emotional pain.

I have lost interest in everything and have been experiencing memory and concentration difficulties.

The one good thing though is that unlike my typical recurrent episodes of severe depression, during this one I am able to sleep well for the most part even though this episode is quite severe and debilitating. It has taken a physical toll on my body and occasionally leaving me bed-ridden.

I have recently received some sweet compliments and comments by strangers which have lifted my mood dramatically.

One day on a bus recently, a sweet old man told me he likes my hair. He wasn’t trying to hook up with me or receive anything in return; all he wanted was to reach out in kindness and let me know that. And another day recently another sweet man smiled at me and said hello and that he hopes I have a great day while we crossed each other’s paths walking up the street. I have never seen him before that and his smile and tone of his voice was so genuine and caring.

This also uplifted me. No act of kindness is in vain and always has the potential to brighten someone’s day.

I love witnessing acts of kindness also, even ones I, myself, am not involved in. I find this deeply inspirational.

I know that sometimes when people receive an incredible act of kindness, it can be quite shocking to the receiver or the witness. They don’t expect that a stranger would ever be that kind or generous and loving to a person that is unknown to that stranger.

TI hope that many, many more people can be inspired to want to go out of their way and help someone in need, whether the person in need is a stranger, friend, family member, or anyone else. When you see someone on the street who may need help, it would be amazing to stop and ask if that person needs anything even if it may be putting you out for a while.

If someone in line gets up to pay and doesn’t have enough money, it may put you out a couple of dollars to help but it can uplift that person dramatically. And it’s worth it!!

Some people say acts of kindness are not really selfless because the person feels good helping someone. And feeling good is a reward. But just that fact that someone feels good helping someone not expecting any tangible reward in return shows how selfless that person is. ❤

While it’s true that some people may be ungrateful and bitter when someone tries to help, I believe it’s still worth the risk. Many people will be helped and thankful for your kindness and if they aren’t, you can just grant their wishes and back off. But the fact that some people will be ungrateful does not mean that we shouldn’t reach out to people.

I also find that interacting with people helps greatly even though it doesn’t completely lift the depression.

There were days I felt like I couldn’t go to work. But I wasn’t able to take off so I had to force myself to go feeling sickly and heavy all over. But once I started to interact with customers it got so much better.

Depression often makes us want to withdraw and curl up in bed or on the floor and completely give up on everything. But that just feeds into the depression and worsens it. It is much better to get up and get out and do anything other than isolate ourselves.

We don’t have to act happy when we aren’t but we should definitely gently and firmly get ourselves out of bed and do something.

I got to see my good friend recently. And that helped me a lot. We went out for tea one night. He is away for a while doing work in another country so I cannot see him much but I love when he gets to visit back home for a while. ❤

I hope anyone out there who is struggling with any kind of pain or illness whether it’s physical or emotional can find consolation quickly and engage in activities that are healing and uplifting and remember to never give up even when it feels like the pain or sickness or fatigue will not end. My recurrent episodes usually feel permanent but they never are. They always end and the genuine happiness in the middle of episodes is worth waiting and holding on for.

Even when it all feels so hopeless, it really isn’t.

Moods change. They come and go. Even mood disorders such as depression and bipolar disorder and others are not permanent or written in stone. People with them can find relief. Even if we have recurrent episodes, we also can find happiness and relief in the middle.

“I can make it through the rain I can stand up once again on my own And I know that I’m strong enough to mend And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith And I live one more day and I make it through the rain” ~Mariah Carrey ♥

“I’ll be back in the high life again All the doors I closed one time will open up again

I’ll be back in the high life again

All the eyes that watched me once will smile and take me in” Steve Winwood ♥

“And I’ll drink and dance with one hand free

Let the world back into me

And o I’ll be a sight to see

Back in the high life again” ~Steve Winwood ♥

“I’ve been sad And have walked bitter streets alone And come morning There’s a good wind to blow me home” ~Steve Winwood ♥

“Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.”

Scott Adams (1957)

“To be rich in admiration and free from envy, to rejoice greatly in the good of others, to love with such generosity of heart that your love is still a dear possession in absence or unkindness – these are the gifts which money cannot buy.”

Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

“There are realities we all share, regardless of our nationality, language, or individual tastes. As we need food, so do we need emotional nourishment: love, kindness, appreciation, and support from others. We need to understand our environment and our relationship to it. We need to fulfill certain inner hungers: the need for happiness, for peace of mind — for wisdom.”

Swami Kriyananda [J. Donald Walters] (1926)

“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ”

Aesop

“I have this theory that if one person can go out of their way to show compassion, then it will start a chain reaction of the same. People will never know how far a little kindness can go.”

Rachel Joy Scott (1981-1999)

“Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if we do not get anything in return. It is the joy of our life to do them. When we do good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we think, say, want and do.”

Emanuel Swedenborg (1688-1772)

“Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime. “

~ Dale Carnegie

“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.”

~ Mark Twain

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

~ Leo Buscaglia

“When you are kind to others, it not only changes you, it changes the world.”

~ Harold Kushner