Tag Archive | wonder

Check Your Pulse <3

It turns out there’s a famous ghost story/incident that was supposed to have happened in the 1800’s, in the U.S, and I never heard of it til three nights ago! Lol. I love ghost stories, movies, and books! Three nights ago I was laying in bed in the dark looking at my BlackBerry Kindle app and Amazon suggested that I check out The Bell Witch by John F.D. Taff. This exact version of this book is a historical novel based on what are said to be true events. But there are books about it that are supposed to be more factual, not fiction, as well.

When I came across the book I was overcome with this childlike joy, just surging through me! I feel joy quite frequently but this kind I haven’t felt in so long; it was seriously like my inner-child was jumping for joy, like “Yay, a ghost story, I have to have it!!!”. Lol!

It has great reviews and a great description. The Bell Family in the 1800’s, a family of seven, I think, four boys, a girl, and a mom and dad, is supposed to have been terrorized for four years by a ghost or demon who says she was sent to kill the father of the family. She physically abuses the family members, assaulting them, and also emotional abuse, threats and all. The children are very young, the oldest, a boy, is about twenty-one years old. Betsy, the teenage girl and the father, it seems, are the main targets of the ghost for some reason. The ghost was supposed to have never said why she came to kill the dad.

There were supposed to have been many witnesses to these horrifying supernatural events, like neighbors, friends, people being held as slaves, anyone who set foot on the Bell property. Seven years after the father’s death, the spirit was supposed to have visited his wife and said she would be back in 135 (I think) years to visit a future family member.

I read that most people who visit or have visited that property agree that something tacky has been going on there. It’s still supposed to be haunted to this day. When people visit, they say strange things occur or strange feelings manifest. I don’t believe in the supernatural but love reading about it anyway!

It’s fun reading ghost stories at night or in the early morning! I fell asleep reading it two nights ago then I woke up at 5:00am to read more! Fun! I still have almost the whole book to read.
I love how it takes place in the bitter cold Winter like now! I like reading books where the season is close to the current season in reality.

But it wasn’t really my intention to write a book review tonight; I just want to share a few lines out of the book.

Beautiful scene.

“Then, he produced an implement from his bag that caused Powell to move around the bed to watch the doctor using it.

It was a strange mechanism, almost looking like a magical device. It was a hollow metal tube, both ends of which terminated in a cup, much like the mouthpiece of a bugle, only larger.

Placing one end tightly against Betsy’s bare upper chest and the other against his left ear, Hopson listened, moved the cup, listened, moved it again. All the while, he exhibited the tendencies of a small child with a new toy. ‘Fabulous!’ he said rising. ‘Wonderful gadget, isn’t it?’

He detached it from his ears and held it to Powell.

‘What is it?’ the schoolmaster asked, turning it over, looking into the ends.
‘It’s a stethoscope, a device for listening to heartbeats. I picked it up just two months ago during a visit to Atlanta. It’s quite new, and all the rage of European doctors. Here, listen for yourself.’

Powell’s face squinched as he concentrated, not knowing what to expect. Then, his eyes flew open as he heard the thump-THUMP-thump-THUMP of Betsy’s heart, strong and loud as the ticking of a great mantel clock.

Something substantial changed within Powell as those rhythms pounded through his eardrums. For the rest of his life, he would never forget that sound, the feeling that swept over him as he stood there, his head inclined toward the chest of this young girl listening to her heart.

At that moment, more strongly than any other, Richard Powell knew he was in love.

‘Amazing,” he whispered, pulling back in a daze and returning the stethoscope to Hopson, who motioned Lucy over.

‘Come, Luce, take this and hear what will keep your daughter alive through this illness and much more, I’m sure, if I’m any doctor at all.’

He bound mother and daughter together with the simple metal tube.

Lucy listened for a moment, silent tears streaming from her eyes.

After a minute or so, Hopson pulled her away tenderly, removed the stethoscope and tucked the covers back around Betsy.

The slow k-thump, k-thump of Betsy’s heart would resound through the ears of both Lucy and Powell for some time afterward.”

Isn’t it lovely?! Just perfect.

When I read the first couple lines, I was so delighted to read how fascinated and awestruck the characters are by this new instrument, the mystery of it, the novelty, the way it looks, its purpose…something that most of us probably know about today and don’t really think much of it.

I love the childlike wonder of the doctor with his new tool.

I read the first few lines over and over before reading the rest. Then the more I read, the more amazed I have become. It’s so beautiful the way the schoolteacher and mother are so inspired and deeply moved by the rhythm of life that pounds through this young girl’s chest, keeping her alive…..

I remember the day I first heard my own heartbeat. The rhythm of life pounding through my own chest. It was in Human Biology class when I was a student at Temple University.

Our professor brought in stethoscopes to listen to each other’s hearts and our own. I fell in love. It’s so amazing to feel and to hear that life force that let’s us live, be, experience….

I read a quote before that is something like “If you ever can’t think of anything to be thankful for, check your pulse.”

Just to be alive is a grand thing.

Put your hand to your own chest and let yourself fall in love.

“It’s not about loving people and things as much as loving life itself.”

I read this quote here:

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2014/03/06/dear-dad/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+positivelypositive%2Fpositive+(Positively+Positive)

It’s about how we can love life itself no matter what heartbreak we experience. The heartache of loss can sap our energy and contribute to our passion dwindling away but as long as we keep choosing love in every moment, we can and will survive.

You can read about The Bell Witch Legend here:

http://www.bellwitch.org/story.htm

And you can read about the novel here :

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00ED5QAZW

Much love to you.

xoxo Kim

Hungry Eyes {—–{—-@

Oct12

“And Joy is Everywhere; It is in the Earth’s green covering of grass; In the blue serenity of the Sky; In the reckless exuberance of Spring; In the severe abstinence of gray Winter; In the Living flesh that animates our bodily frame; In the perfect poise of the Human figure, noble and upright; In Living; In the exercise of all our powers; In the acquisition of Knowledge; in fighting evils… Joy is there Everywhere.” ~ “Joy,” by Rabindranath Tagore Indian Poet

I live in Philadelphia, Pa which is close to New Jersey and my dad loves to go to NJ for Nature walks so we frequently go there to different places to walk around in the loveliness of The gorgeous greenery, and luscious colorful wonder. I usually work every Saturday day but today I was asked to come in instead, at night so I’m here now on a slow, cool night.

The beauty all around is indescribable. The life in the trees, the sky, the flowers, and everywhere just comes gushing out. It’s so serene and healing, like the Ocean.

Today as I was walking around I was so satisfied, fulfilled, connected, at One with all that is, yet I felt this hunger deep inside for more of Nature’s sweetness. It was enthralling. Almost magical.

Everything was so vibrant and colorful and throbbing with life. Everything I looked became like a pulse, a heartbeat in the wind.

All of the simple treasures that Nature has to offer are stunning, breathtaking and cost nothing! All you have to do is step outside and allow the Beauty to touch you, captivate you.
And it’s not just visual. The scent of pine filled the air, the sweet softness of the Autumn wind caressing my skin, the sounds of insects and birds chirping & humming….

I want to share some photos I took of all the loveliness!

My sister & me sitting on top of a water well.

Me with a large key, which is made out of raw metal and was challenging to make, it stands as an enduring reminder of Cherry Hill’s history.

Sister love.

I’m going to post more pics in another post. When I try to post too many pics in one post, none show up.

I hope you All are having a great one.

Xoxo Kim

Until It Is Carved in Stone

Oct9

(second photo not mine)

Hello darlings, I’m here to knock your socks off this lovely morning. It’s just after 12:00am. Yup! ;-D

Have you ever read a play called “Our Town” by Thornton Wilder? I have and it’s amazing. It’s beyond amazing. It was produced and published in 1938. It won the Pulitzer Prize.
It takes place in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s.

I first read it when I was twenty – six years old. And whoa am I so beyond pleased that I did. Thank You to Sarah Ban Breathnach for mentioning this play in her book “Simple Abundance”!!!! Sarah Ban Breathnach is another one who has one of the biggest impacts on me with her beautiful writing.

The play is about a young woman, Emily, who dies during childbirth. She’s twenty -six years old. It starts out when she’s a young girl and it’s all about her and her family and friends and all the people in their small village of Grover’s Corners. It’s so small everyone knows each other.

The girl dies at age twenty – six years and she “wakes up” in the afterlife where she meets again, all those who she has known during their living years. The girl, Emily, is freaked out, grieving, and just devastated that she lost her life and can never again have it back. She was always a happy girl with a wonderful life while she was alive, but just like most of us tend to do, she usually took most things for granted. Never stopping to just be and allow gratitude, wonder, and awe to surge through her at all the simple joys like the white fence surrounding her house, coffee, flowers, the way people look at each other, the simple ticking of clocks and folded laundry…

Other than people dying throughout the play, the play is extremely uneventful and has received criticism for that fact but the very essence of being uneventful is the whole point of the play. It is the heart, the gut of it, if you will.

Mr. Wilder intended to show people through his wonderful play, how beautiful, wondrous, amazing, lovely… life IS even when it’s so simple, monotonous, agonizing, and lacking in big events.
While this may seem like a play depicting an idealized view of American life, it actually is not. The message is that life is good while being painful, it’s heartbreaking but breathtakingly beautiful.

One character in the play, Simon Stimson, is a pivot of this message. He struggles with alcoholism and is known as the town drunk but he serves as a message to people . He is a tortured soul who constantly cries out for help but people refuse to help. They are steeped in denial and overlook his desperate pleads for help. He eventually dies by suicide. The message here is that society, friends, family, people….we ignore, deny, repress, overlook so much of life. Even when one of our own is desperately pleading, screaming out for a helping hand.

In the version I have, there is a beautiful forward by Donald Margulies.

Donald Margulies states, “You are holding in your hands a great American play. Possibly the great American play.”
He goes on to say if you have read this play many years ago, perhaps in school as a requirement for some class, you will greatly benefit by reading it again. But now, read it more mindfully, soak up the incredible message this play conveys. Draw on your own life, your own experiences to really receive the deep wisdom of this play.

Donald Margulies admits that he is envious of any person about to begin reading this play who has never read it previously. He loves this play passionately but reading it again isn’t the same as reading it for the first occasion, he says. But he is a teacher/professor and gets to watch others experience again and again which he loves.

The title of this play “Our Town,” itself, is a pivotal message. The town in the play, “Grover’s Corners” is a representation of human life everywhere. It can be extended to all of American life and beyond, all around our world. We are all human and we all share basic human traits no matter our culture, country, society, nationality, religion, skin color, sexual orientation, political views, experiences, gender, gender identity, ethnicity, opinions…

“Our Town”, as Margulies states, is a “microcosm of the human family…”. It is all towns. Everywhere. This play captures the universal experience of simply being alive.

Act III of this play is breathtaking. Mr. Margulies states that he was shattered by it and that is how I feel as well. Shattered then put back together once again but not without a few scars, a few breaks, a deep enthralling sense of enlightenment and compunction.

You know someone is a good teacher when that person can slap you with a truth so profound it brings you to a sense of ruin, leaves you with a sense of pudency, remorse for old ways, living and never knowing. But it’s good to have someone or something break you down to the bone, pierce you to the core, punch you in the gut , knocking the wind out of you, shatter you just to build you back up with a new sense of life, a new philosophy, a newfound strength, rebirth.

Let it rip your heart out, shatter it to pieces, almost beyond recognition then let it glue it back together and move you forward with some scars to remind you to be mindful of the wonders of being alive. The wonders we ignore, overlook, and slap in the face day by day.

Now I will leave you with some poignant quotes or lines out of this play.

In the play when the stage manager is interviewing one of the main characters, Mr. Webb, about their town, Mr. Webb says this:

“Very ordinary town, if you ask me. Little better behaved than most. Probably a lot duller. But our young people here seem to like it well enough. Ninety percent of ’em graduating from high school settle down right here to live-even when they’ve been away to college.”

Mr Webb: “…No ma’am, there isn’t much culture; but maybe this is the place to tell you that we’ve got a lot of pleasures of a kind here: We like the sun comin’ up over the mountain in the morning, and we all notice a good deal about the birds. We pay a lot of attention to them. And we watch the change of the seasons; yes, everybody knows about them. But those other things – you’re right ma’am, – there ain’t much….”

When Emily died and found herself in the afterlife she insisted on looking back at her previous life. The other dead people strongly advised against it as it would be too agonizing and despairing to see a life we once lived and can never , ever return to , but sweet, innocent Emily just had to see for herself. They urged her to choose an “unimportant” day as opposed to one she viewed as very important. One dead woman told her to choose the “least important” day of her life as it would be “important enough.” And it would still be incredibly painful.

Emily chose her 12th birthday.

Here are some things she said as she looked back, as if watching a movie.

Emily: “Oh, that’s the town I knew as a little girl. And look, there’s the old white fence that used to be around our house. Oh, I’d forgotten that! Oh, I love it so!…”

Emily:(softly, more in wonder than in grief.) “I can’t bear it. They’re so young and beautiful. Why did they ever have to get old? Mama, I’m here. I’m grown up. I love you all, everything. – I can’t look at everything hard enough.”

Emily: “Oh, Mama, just look at me one minute as though you really saw me. Mama, fourteen years have gone by. I’m dead. You’re a grandmother, Mama. I married George Gibbs, Mama. Wally’s dead too. Mama, his appendix burst on a camping trip to North Conway. We felt terrible about it – don’t you remember? But, just for a moment now we’re all together. Mama, just for one moment we’re happy. Let’s look at one another. “

When asked if she was happy looking back, Emily responded, “No…I should have listened to you. That’s all human beings are! Just blind people!”

Here is what Simon, the suicide victim says after death to Emily:
“Yes, now you know. Now you know! That’s what it was to be alive. To move about in a cloud of ignorance; to go up and down trampling on the feelings of those…of those about you. To spend and waste time as though you had a million years. To be always at the mercy of one self – centered passion, or another. Now you know- that’s the happy existence you wanted to go back to. Ignorance and blindness. “

Emily:
“Good-bye , Good-bye world. Good-bye, Grover’s Corners….Mama and Papa. Good-bye to clocks ticking….and Mama’s sunflowers. And food and coffee. And new ironed dresses and hot baths….and sleeping and waking up. Oh, earth,you are too wonderful for anybody to realize you. Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it–every,every minute?
Stage Manager: No. (pause) The saints and poets, maybe they do some.”

Think back to days in your life, maybe a birthday, a holiday, a special event, a graduation, a wedding….what was important to you then? The perfect napkin patterns? The perfect gift? Being a perfect entertainer? Spending a certain amount of money? Looking good? Getting gifts?

What was really, truly important? Napkin patterns and “perfect” gifts? Or looking into each other’s eyes. Really looking. Hugs. Warm embraces. Really tasting that hot tea or coffee. Looking up at the sky and feeling awe surge through you. Genuine friendships. Tucking your kids into bed. Really listening as we speak to each other. Stopping to see the flowers, to feel the sunlight, to hear the cars on the expressway, the birds chirping, to feel the warm blankets at night. Cuddling with your fur friends. To smell the honeysuckle and the roses and the warm cookies baking, to feel the rain on our skin , the soil beneath us.

Think of any “ordinary” day. What about clocks ticking? What about the refrigerator buzzing? What about the cars parked on your street? What about the concrete beneath your feet? What about the feel of air on your skin? What about the walls in your house? The ones you look at every single day. Do you ever stop to notice them? Or are they so mundane you don’t give them a second thought? What about when you’re making your coffee or tea? The sugar and cream going into it? Look at that. Really. Just look. When you brush your teeth, get a shower, wash your hands, inhabit your body and your life. What if you died but were allowed, for a few minutes to look back on this life, wouldn’t you miss all this? Miss it ALL with a passion so potent it can knock the stars and the sun into oblivion?

It’s not just the big things, the holidays, the birthdays, the weddings, babies, and graduations. It’s not just the pretty things, the sky, flowers, sun, butterflies and birds. It’s everything. All of life. The cars screeching in the streets, getting out of bed. Walking, driving to work, standing in lines, paying bills, stress. Wouldn’t you miss all that?
What if your life changes dramatically? What if someone dies on you? What if you are stricken with a long term illness or chronic pain disorder? What if a close family member or friend, a pet becomes terminally ill? What if you become paralyzed tomorrow or something else drastic happens and your life doesn’t look like this anymore? Oh, how you would long for the mundane, your old monotonous ways, your old stress and concerns.

It’s too late for them, but not for us. We are still alive. Still so blessed with this gift. THIS life.

And now with this awareness.

We can wake up and do all the things alive people can do. You can die at any second whether or not you realize or believe it.

Isn’t Thornton brilliant? Isn’t he still touching people long after his own death with this wonderful play? His beautiful, profound message?

You can die right now.

So what are you waiting for? Stop reading this and go make eye contact. Go smile at a stranger. Go embrace someone. Go look up at the sky. Hold hands. Sit in a warm, cozy cafe with a friend and truly listen. Go listen to people. Listen to what they say. Listen to what they don’t say. Take advantage of your senses, of being alive, Share a banana split with your mom, sister, or best friend, hold a door for someone and really want to, buy someone coffee or tea, And if you plan on getting married, forget about the napkins if they don’t turn out right, if you plan on celebrating the holidays, forget the “perfect ” material gift. The true gift is your presence and your love and care.
I am a blessed girl. Truly.

Now.

Xoxo Kim.

P.s. And oh, yes, go read “Our Town” please. Ty

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day, I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion

“There is no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” ~ Alexander Woollcott

“Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death.” – Rosalind Russell

“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by
And I rush through another day
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me
But I just look the other way

They roll by just like water
And I guess we never learn
Go through life parched and empty
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers)

” Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.” ~ Robert Browning

Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’ – One Year <3

Oct1

“What I am well that’s what I am.
I tell you, baby,
That’s just enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper

“I choose to fight back! I choose to rise, not fall! I choose to live, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also within you.” ~ (Mayor John Pappas, City Hall movie quote)

Hello, lovelies,

Here is something I can’t believe I’m writing today. I never thought I would live to see today.
Never in my wildest dreams. I feel a tingling in my wrists.

Almost everyone who knows me knows of my super long battle with severe, suicidal depression. I have suffered with long term mild/moderate depression for much of my life with recurrent severe, despairing, debilitating long episodes of depression on top of that. Day after day, year after year. It was not truly everyday. It would go away now & again & I would be truly happy. But it would always return.

Many days I even had great self esteem, I liked myself, loved myself even, had no problems, everything was beautiful. I had passions & interests. But I wanted to be dead. Then it would go away & I would be happy, sometimes for months then it would be back, maybe for days, maybe for months before happiness would return.

Telling people doesn’t faze me. When I’m currently dangerously suicidal I don’t tell people usually, out if fear of being put away.

But I will tell people about the vicious darkness that has consumed me. And I will tell people about Hope & Healing.

I’m not embarrassed by this disease and it’s not pretty but I won’t conceal it. I spent hours upon hours a day for many years just fantasizing about ending my life, then happiness, then despair again, I have come so close on many occasions when fear would stop me, fear that it wouldn’t work and I would just be sick, injured, or paralyzed…

Some days I would be happy but still have hours of despair in the middle. And sometimes for weeks/months, I had no depression at all.

I am generally very happy. But I still struggle with the severe episodes. Not as frequently or as long usually But they still occur.

But today is October 1st. My last serious/semi serious suicidal thought/urge was one year ago, October 2012. I cannot remember the exact day. But I know it was in October. Since then I have experienced excruciating episodes of despair, depression, sometimes, But I kept hope alive. Knowing it will end and the sun will rise again.

I have been struggling for the last few days, feeling an episode coming on. I learned to usually detect impending episodes and be able to prevent a full blown one by monitoring and consciously changing my thinking and actions.

But it’s so hard. I keep feeling suicidal thoughts trying to emerge, not just brief, fleeting ones, but ones that I will begin to entertain and dwell on. Over a year ago they would have taken over by now. But somehow now I am managing keeping them at bay.

I know some of my triggers but it’s not always triggered by something necessarily, sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.

Last night while I laid it bed, I wanted to let it just have me, have its way with me and succumb to depression and those suicidal thoughts trying to creep into me. It takes energy and motivation that I just don’t always have or feel like working on. Sometimes I don’t even want to.

This is more than just a low mood but it’s not a full blown episode. This is like what I often had before, not depression but almost. I still haven’t had one of those suicidal thoughts. Something keeps me going. I keep feeling so hopeful then hopeless then hopeful then hopeless. Then hopeful again.

I keep telling myself after all this, I won’t let myself succumb. One year is a big accomplishment for me. Those thoughts and urges were so much an integral part of me for well over a decade, off and on, that it’s incredible to think I finally lived a year without them coming & going. And because of work I did for myself. This thing has symptoms that must be managed just like other illnesses. It flares up every now & then. It comes & goes. But less than it used to.

Ever since I was a young girl I kept wishing over and over and over that I could go one year without those suicidal thoughts & urges returning but I never saw it happening. Until now. Yup, mind=blown. Lol

Depression, suicide contemplation are traumatic. All of it. Even recovery or remission is traumatic. It’s weird. It’s beautiful. It’s freaky. It’s unfathomable. Not having those thoughts day in and day out for months.

And I never get used to it. Every second of every day, almost, I realize how amazing it is to not only be alive but to actually want to be alive. To be happy in general. To have a strong will and desire to live.

I am overwhelmed. When I’m in immense physical pain or sickness and it goes away, I have this amazing feeling, a conscious awareness of not being sick or in pain. But after a while I usually go back to no longer being aware of it, consciously. I get used to it again.

But not this.

This, this never gets old. Not being in an almost constant state of depression, not having thoughts and urges to kill myself everyday all throughout the day, it never gets old. Even after a year, I am almost always conscious of it.

So much zest. So much life. So much passion. This is how it would always be when my depression would lift before coming back but now happiness is more frequent.

I still get depressed. But in general, I am the happiest girl in the whole USA! Lol ;-D

So much hope.

Pain is real. But so is hope.

I want anyone who is feeling hopeless about anything at all whether it’s something seemingly serious or something which seems trivial to know that thoughts and feelings and perspectives change. It may take work and it may not change right this second but you won’t be sad forever. Hold on, you got this.

Look where I was & look where I am. Look at me now! 😀

“Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth takin’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

Go on, take chances. Live. Love. Maybe loving will be a mistake and you will be crushed, abandoned, rejected, ignored, devastated, not loved back…but love anyway. Live anyway.

Love doesn’t ask for changes, it doesn’t ask for favors or to be loved back, love doesn’t demand someone to think or feel or act a certain way. Love simply loves.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. ” ~ Norman Vincent Peale.

“I am 99.9% sure it will never get better. But it’s the 0.1% that keeps me going. ” ~ Unknown

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill

“If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane” ~ Jimmy Buffett

“Come Monday, it’ll be alright.” ~ Jimmy Buffett. (Jimmy Buffett mentioned that he wrote this song in a C.A. Hotel room when he was suicidal and it saved his life.& I am so thankful. ❤ .)

“For all those who don’t feel as old as they are and never will

I rounded first never thought of the worst
As I studied the shortstops position
Crack went my leg like the shell of an egg
Someone call a decent physician
Im no pete rose, I can’t pretend
Though my mind is quite flexible, these brittle bones don’t bend

Im growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead” ~Jimmy Buffett

“Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

I could pay off my tab
Pour myself in a cab and be back to work before 2
At a moment like this, I can’t help but wonder
What would Jimmy Buffett do?

Jimmy Buffett spoken:
Funny you should ask, Alan
I’d say
Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care

Pour me somethin’ tall and strong
Make it a hurricane before I go insane
It’s only half past twelve, but I don’t care
He don’t care
And I don’t care
It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: What time zone am I on?
What country am I in?

Alan: It doesn’t matter

It’s five o’clock somewhere

Jimmy: It’s always on five in Margaritaville, come to think of it

Alan: I heard that

Jimmy: You’ve been there haven’t you?

Alan: Yes, Sir

Jimmy: I’ve seen your boat there

Alan: I’ve been to Margaritaville a few times

Jimmy: All right.
That’s good

Alan: Stumbled my way back

Jimmy: OK Just want to make sure you can keep it between the
navigational beacons

Alan: Between the buoys.
I got it

Jimmy: All right.

It’s five o’clock.
Let’s go somewhere

Alan: I’m ready.
Crank it up

Jimmy: Let’s get out of here

Alan: I’m gone” ~ Alan Jackson/Jimmy Buffett

This song never fails to uplift me.
And this one:

“Well you know those times when you feel like
There’s a sign there on your back
That says I don’t mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can’t get worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow
And you don’t know where you are
Used the needle of your compass, to sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie in a bottle of jim beam
And she lies to you
That’s when you learn the truth

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going
Don’t slow down if you’re scared don’t show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you’re there

I’ve been deep down in that darkness
I’ve been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different deamons breathin’ fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled I’d fall right into the trap
That they were layin’

But the good news is there’s angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin’ out a hand to pull you back up on your feet
The one’s that you’ve been draggin’ for so long
You’re on your knees might as well be prayin’
Guess what I’m sayin’

If you’re goin’ through hell keep on going” Rodney Atkins

“I may be lonely but I’m never alone.” ~ Alice Cooper

” I fearlssly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath

Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best.” ~ Alice Cooper

”
But you and me ain’t no movie stars.
What we are is what we are.
We share a bed,
Some lovin’,
And TV, yeah.
And that’s enough for a workin’ man.
What I am is what I am.
And I tell you, babe,
Well that’s enough for me.” ~ Alice Cooper

Good day to you all.
P.s. This auto correct on my phone is more insane than I am, constantly changing words to weird things, even changing words to completely different words & bizarre symbols out of nowhere and spelling correct words incorrectly. Luckily I usually catch it before hitting send but occasionally I don’t and am embarrassed if I am writing to someone I don’t know well. The worst is when it changes a word to a different version. It changes “their” to “they’re” so embarrassing! Lol. It recently changed “unfazed” to “phased”! Seriously?! Shit’s off the walls! Thanks auto correct! Thanks a lot, I just love being mortified! It wrote this one day “jesus_20267475.html”. I saved it to show people. Lol I wrote some ordinary word and auto correct deleted it and wrote that thing! Whhhaatt?! Yup, my phone has lost its marbles! I guess we’re made for each other.

;-D. Remember, when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

Blue skies ahead.

Hope lives here.

The Search is Over

Oct1

“I was always reachin’, you were just a girl I knew
I took for granted the friend I have in you
I was living for a dream,
Loving for a moment
Taking on the world,
That was just my style
Now I look into your eyes
I can see forever,
The search is over
You were with me all the while” ~ Survivor

There’s a book called “Learning from the Heart” by Dr. Daniel Gottlieb, a practicing psychologist and family therapist, among other things. He received a graduate & an undergraduate degree at Temple University and he was the director of a community based treatment program in Philadelphia.
In 1979, Dr. Gottlieb was in a near fatal car accident and became permanently paralyzed starting at the chest down. He was devastated and suicidal after the accident but he eventually learned to live with it and came to love his life as it is. I love his book, it’s very inspirational and Dr. Gottlieb is a very inspirational person. His book is full of beautiful lessons he learned in his life. His writing is beautiful, heartbreaking, breathtaking, and lovely.

I want to share one of his lessons here.
This lesson is “What I’ve Learned About Heaven”. Dr. Gottlieb, in this chapter, is not referring to the religious or spiritual “Heaven” but life itself, here on Earth. He believes that life is wonderful and beautiful even through the pain, struggles, & suffering.

This lesson is that we are already, currently, surrounded by beauty. It’s right before our very eyes. We overlook it, frequently, constantly in search of something more, something better, something somewhere else. The grass is greener over there…what we have is never enough….

But the truth is we don’t have to look too hard to see, feel the beauty in all its various forms right here. Around us, inside us.

It’s good to travel, to explore, to work for more, to expand…but that doesn’t mean we can’t cherish and bask in the beauty we have right here, right now.

Dr. Gottlieb wrote this:
“During a recent vacation, I had the good fortune to visit the Grand Canyon. I’m not a good enough writer to describe the magnificent vistas. Suffice it to say that when most people see it for the first time, they are moved to tears. Not from sadness, but from awe.
At the end of the day, several hundred people gathered to watch the sun dip slowly behind the canyon. Everyone sat in silence as nature did what it does. And in the moment the sun closed the day, everyone applauded. More awe.
And then I thought: But the sun sets every day, everywhere. And it is no less magnificent wherever it sets. The only difference here was in the attitude we all had as we watched.”

There is much wisdom in this. It’s true, the same sun sets everywhere, the same blue sky rests above us all, flowers bloom here, moonlight dances upon our skin wherever we are at night, the stars twinkle for us….

Open your eyes, open your heart and let the world in, in this present moment.

Xoxo Kim

Life Lessons to my five year old self & every girl <3

Sep16

(me – about three years old)

This One’s For The Girls
Who’ve ever had a broken heart
Who’ve wished upon a shooting star
Your beautiful the way you are
This One’s For The Girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This One’s For The Girls” ~ Martina McBride

“What advice would you give the ‘5 year old you’?“

“I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud” ~ Jim Croce

I saw this question and think it’s fascinating and here are twenty-one little gems my adult self would love to tell my little self all those years ago. I would love to equip my little self and any little baby girl & every woman at any age with these life lessons. (And some of these are good for men too)

1.) always keep your sense of self – flawlessness. Little girls often have no sense of imperfection when they look at themselves. They’re proud & want to show off everything they are and know. They like to jump in pictures, be the center of attention. They KNOW they’re beautiful & not afraid to flaunt it. They don’t deny compliments; they proudly accept. They’re confident & comfortable in their own skin. Sadly, probably for almost every girl, this sense of self imperfection gets buried, tattered, kicked to pieces, shattered to seemingly no repair the older they get. And it appears to happen younger and younger. We have 9 year olds obsessed with their own body weight, 5 year olds afraid of what other kids will think of their scars, their looks, their body weight. Look at some old little kid pictures of you. Weren’t you so cute? So perfect? So gorgeous? So un-tainted, a clean blank slate with endless possibilities & new beginnings. Feel the love & warmth for that innocent, sweet, beautiful child in that picture. Now look at yourself as you are right this moment. That’s still you. And now you have even more experience, knowledge, & wisdom. I want every little girl & every woman to always feel beautiful.

2.) Get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger – As LeeAnn Womack says in her song, “I Hope You Dance”. Be grateful for all you currently have & are but never settle and became stagnant. Always find motivation & inspiration to learn, explore, experience, love, & grow, and keep on going.

3.) Build and maintain an unwavering, strong, solid foundation of unconditional self love to always fall back on. Through the years you will encounter heartache, heartbreak, rejection & abandonment, loss & grief, pain, a sense of failure & falling. You will be criticized by people with good intentions & people with malicious intentions. You’ll lose friends, be gossiped about, experience betrayal by people you never imagined could do this to you but as painful as it will be, you will be strong enough to rise above, to bounce back, to use these painful experiences to your advantage, to learn & to grow. And as long as you keep your sense of love for yourself alive, you will always feel loved. Always be loved.

4.) You don’t need everyone to love & accept you. Whenever you feel lonely remember there will always be someone somewhere who can love you. You may not know these people yet but they exist. The way that you are, there are people who can love someone just like you. Also, love yourself.

5.) build others up, don’t ever drag them down – no one is better than anyone else. We all have good things & bad things. Tearing others down will never bring you up, it only serves to show more about you than the one you’re trying to destroy.

6.) always strive to see the good in people – even the kindest people may not always be kind. the most loving people still get angry sometimes. When people are hurt or numb they may act in ways that aren’t truly who they are. Bless others by acknowledging the goodness in them and not just seeing or magnifying the bad.

7.) Accept/tolerate people for who they are. You may have opposing views, different color skin, religions, opinions, ways of thinking, different appearances, cultures, or customs, sexual orientation, gender…but we are all equal, no one is less valuable.

8.) always know your worth. You are more than a size on your clothing, a number on a scale, the image you see in a mirror…These things say nothing about who you truly are or how beautiful you really are. You can work to make healthy changes for yourself but you are already worth so much.

9.) Know that you are and always will be “good enough”. No matter what mistakes you make, what things you don’t succeed at, no matter what anyone tells you or says about you. You are good enough just the way you are. And if someone cannot see that, that person doesn’t belong in your life.

10.) always be honest, at least with yourself, about who you are. Don’t change for people who won’t accept the real you. Know your deep inner self, your needs, your desires, your loves, your longings, what you don’t like, what you never want to be…

11.) at one point you may feel that your life has not turned out to look exactly like your peers’ lives. It may seem like everyone around you has it good, better than you do. Maybe they’re independent with their own house, job, money, maybe they’re married with kids or in a happy romantic relationship, maybe they have lots of friends and seem to have it all. Don’t compare yourself to them. Everyone lives at their own pace, their own way. Your life doesn’t have to look like theirs to be just as beautiful. And as long as you are alive & still going, you can accomplish things & realize your dreams. You may not do everything you thought you would do by now or at all in this life but you can do other things and still be happy. Just being you is a great accomplishment.

12.) always celebrate life. Don’t wait for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, promotions or any other “reasons “. Life itself is reason enough to celebrate. Wear your favorite earrings, that pretty lipstick, that sexy dress that shows off your lovely curves, buy yourself flowers, take yourself to see a movie, SMILE! :-D. Keep that sense of wonder & awe. Bask in the beauty surrounding you. Be mindful of your senses and body & all they allow you to experience. Whatever you’re putting off doing until that “perfect ” occasion to celebrate, whatever you’re putting your happiness on hold for, let go & do that now, be happy now. Cherish the simple joys of living.

13.) follow your own dreams, plans, and goals and at your own pace. Don’t succumb to the demands or expectations or desires of family, friends, society, or others who try to get in your way. Many may have good intentions for you. Kindly listen to what they have to say, thank them for their input, and then go on your own way, following your own path.

14.) Be happy anyway. 😀

15.) Always keep your hope alive. No matter what pain you are currently experiencing and how difficult it seems, as long as you have hope, you will feel the will to keep going.

16.) Whenever you do not succeed how you wanted or planned, even if you feel like you failed, still be proud that you had the motivation to try, be proud that you ever had a dream. Take Jim Croce’s message: “I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud” ~ Jim Croce

17. ) always acknowledge the true gift you are – you are a true & rare gift to this world. You, just like every other person, have something positive to contribute to the world around you. You can fill a space no one else can. Again as LeeAnn Womack says, “When you come close to selling out, reconsider.”. Never give up on yourself. There will always be people better at things than you and worse at things than you, people will have more & people will have less but there will never, ever be another you. Never forget that.

18.) “Always be a little kinder than necessary.” ~ James M. Barrie <3. To yourself & others. Treat yourself how you would treat your best friend or someone else you love. Remember you are just as much of a person as all those people you love. Go easy on yourself, forgive yourself, be gentle with you, set realistic goals for yourself, don't hold yourself to impossible standards and then feel low for not achieving them. Let yourself feel happy and allow yourself to feel sad when you do & express it in healthy ways. Nurture yourself.

19.) Always know that you have choices, the choice to practice controlling your own attitude & that your attitude about something and how you react are important for how happy & peaceful you feel and think of yourself as a strong survivor,not a helpless victim.

20.) Be all that you can be. Always be the best you that you can be. This doesn’t mean trying to achieve perfection in everything you do, it means being as loving, as happy, as kind, as joyous, as forgiving, as caring about yourself and others, as compassionate as you can be.

21.) Love & laugh without holding back. Laugh out loud! Love with everything you are. You may be hurt but it’s a chance worth taking. Bless everyone with your smile. 😀

So here are some of my lessons to myself, and every girl & woman. Of course if I was talking to an actual five year old I would say these things in more age-appropriate ways but I seriously doubt there are any five year olds reading this and older people probably don’t want to read something here written in a language for a five year old! Lol ;-D

These, I believe, are valuable lessons for everyone. Maybe we haven’t all learned all of these lessons growing up. Maybe we learned them the hard way, as adults, maybe we have yet to learn & really truly apply & live some of these but it’s never too late as long as we’re living.

You may know these things intellectually but do you really truly feel them with your emotion, deep in the heart of your heart?

Whether you’re 5 years old, 10 years old, 16 years, 28 years, 35 years, 40..50..60..70..80..90..100 & beyond…

Always remember, you’re good enough as you are. You’re more than a number & an appearance and so much more than the painful words & concepts people, society, & the media throw at you.

You don’t ever have to be anyone else’s definition of beautiful, successful, perfect, or happy.
Be your own kind of beautiful.
Your own kind of successful.
Your own kind of perfect.
Do what makes YOU truly happy.

Don’t let anyone but YOU define you. Not your lover, your friends, your family, your society, your peers, your media. You define you.

Focus on your own strengths, your interests, your dreams/goals your unique beauty, your interesting and difficult challenges, look at the ways in which you have grown so much and acknowledge your potential and all of your opportunities to grow some more. Nourish yourself & cherish every moment you have been given.

This is what I want for you.
For me.
For all of us.

I absolutely loved thinking about & writing this blog post. I put everything I have into it and it felt so weird but amazing writing these things to/about myself. And like I said this is to everyone who can benefit,not just me. I encourage anyone to write a post like this. I find it to be a beautiful experience. I would love to read other people’s life lessons to their young selves. If you write a post like this, I would love to know!

Blessings & love & hope & laughter to you all!

“To be one woman, truly, wholly, is to be all women.” ~ Kate Braverman

Xoxo Kim 😀

“All around the world
This one’s for the girls

Yeah, we’re all the same inside (same inside)
From 1 to 99″ ~ Martina McBridE

(me – four or five years old)

Creative Photo Hobby {inspiring}

Sep11

Here is one of my creations. I took this picture of the sky with birds flying in a group & I posted the text to this quote I wrote myself as part of a creative poem I wrote. I hope it inspires you. I love making up quotes, writing poems, taking pics, usually of Nature, and love love love posting words & quotes to pretty pictures I take. It’s very fun & inspiring. It does take some work and is often somewhat challenging. This is a hobby of mine I’m going to become more dedicated to! ❤ :-D.

Xox0 Kim ❤ ;-D

Happy New Year to all of you!! <3 :-D

Jan1

“…time is the New Year’s bountiful blessing: three hundred sixty-five bright mornings and starlit evenings; fifty-two promising weeks; twelve transformative months full of beautiful possibilities; and four splendid seasons. A simply abundant year to be savored.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach (an excerpt out of her book, “Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy)

❤

Happy New Year, everyone!!! I hope this is the start of a beautiful, fantastic year for you all, full of hope, wonder, love, happiness, joy, gratitude, warmth, peace, and friendship, and lots & lots more good stuff!! ❤

My year, 2012, started off very badly with me being in a severe depressed state for months but it ended beautifully and happily with joy and gratitude for everything.

The start of a new year, the beginning of January, symbolizes new hope, possibilities, and tender beginnings. Many, many people make lists of plans and goals and new year resolutions. Many state that they cannot wait until December of the one year ends so a bright new year can begin. But please keep in mind that while time itself may be a natural process or phenomena, the organization of it is not. Organization of time is not natural, it’s a “man”-made concept or created by humans. You never have to wait for a new year to begin or start with a blank slate. You can start new planning and goals whenever you want to; you don’t have to wait until January 1. You can start at the beginning, middle, or end of a year. Start NOW!! (No matter when “now” is) No matter how bad your whole entire year is/was, the last day of that year can still be amazing. Just because we label January 1 a new year doesn’t mean your problems and pain will magically disappear! You have to work to have them disappear but the work is well worth it. So, while the beginning of a year is a beautiful symbol, you don’t need it to start anew!

❤

Much love & blessings to you all! 😀

Each moment is full of wonder & surprise.

Here are some of my goal planning tips that can be very helpful.

I hope they help you!!

❤

1.) Think about goals you truly want to achieve to make/keep yourself happy & healthy. Make sure you are being true to yourself and not doing things just to please everyone else or other people. If you want to take certain classes, dress a certain way, do certain hobbies, make certain relationship decisions or any decisions, do what is best for you no matter what people say or think. This is your life, not theirs. You are responsible for your life and they are responsible for theirs.

2.) When you list your goals, write them out and be specific as possible. List details and use your vivid imagination. If your goal is to be healthier, list how you want to be healthier and ways you can do that. “I plan to wake up a half hour earlier each morning to go for a run.”. “I wan to do specific ab exercises to tone my muscles.”

3.) Make your goals positive things to enhance the quality of your life and/or the lives of others. And write them out and think about them in a positive way, for example: “I want to work out more to make my body healthy and feel great and I am ready!” as opposed to “I can’t stand my body and being unfit and I don’t want to have to exercise but I have to”. Think of your goals as positive challenges and opportunities and not as negative hassles and obligations. Savor and cherish the feel and the process. Think about how this tedious hard work is getting you closer to all that you want to be. This will make you more motivated and ready to work at your goals and achieve them!

4.) Remember, just like negative habits, you can form and develop positive habits that will become routine and natural for you. You can intentionally form and strengthen them.

5.) Try to find positive inspiration. There are many people in the world who will be willing and ready to nourish your positive attitude and goal planning and help you cultivate positivity. They will help and support you anyway they can. They want to see you win even if they do not always win. Try to surround yourself with those. If you must be around negative people and do not currently have a positive support system, never let their negativity take a toll on you. Distance yourself emotionally and just keep thinking positively. Let their negativity bounce right off you and stay strong. You can also find positive people online to connect with in groups or social media, blogs, online articles…Try to find people who are passionate and motivated and ones who have accomplished what you seek to accomplish. Read books by amazing people. Let their successes, fortunes, happiness, and lives inspire and motivate you.

6.). Make a list of your positive attributes. Focus on your strengths and accomplishments. Look at what you can do right. Are you intelligent, good at problem solving, open minded, accepting, passionate, determined, hard-working….? Even if you aren’t yet, you can work on and develop these things.

7.) Take seriously your own goals. Work hard for what your really want. Practice.

You are important and what you want for your life is important and does matter! So act like it and believe it! You are a person just like anyone and deserve a great and happy life. If you really believe you are worth it, you are more likely to work for it.

8.) Forgive yourself if you do not achieve a specific goal when you planned to. Remember falling isn’t failing if you keep getting up and trying again! You won’t always succeed right away; some things take practice and time so be patient! We all make mistakes and we cannot always do everything. Go easy on yourself; you aren’t alone or a bad person for making mistakes or not accomplishing what you think you should or could have.

So cheer up; it gets better! 😉

You most likely would not negatively judge or severely criticize a close friend or family member for not accomplishing a goal; you would be loving and supportive; treat yourself that same way!

“Fall seven times get up eight” Japanese proverb

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” ~ Confucius

X0xo Kim 😀 🙂

It’s raining leaves & love «3 <3 :-) :-D

Nov24

I wrote this a few days ago and tried to post it but my phone or something wouldn’t allow me so here it is today!

Yay!

When I woke up today I was so hot even with my window open and air coming through. It felt more like Summer than Fall. I love warm weather and the warm seasons but after Summer & Spring should be over, I am definitely in the mood for the magic of the lovely Fall & Winter seasons! <3.

I wasn’t complaining about the weather. All weather has it’s blessings and beauty. But I won’t deny the fact that I have experienced a tinge of disappointment. It has been so incredibly warm here in Philadelphia, Pa and I have felt that the beautiful opportunity for Fall as been taken over by excessive warm weather. But anyway. Warm weather is lovely too and there’s no sense complaining.

But when I was sitting in work I noticed that it started to get very cool. Then all of a sudden, something magical and wondrous happened! It started raining leaves!

Lol ok not literally but it sure looked that way out the window!

The street where the store is that I work at is surrounded by beautiful trees. Many of the branches are now bare and some have crisp fall leaves flowing off and gently landing to the ground.

Suddenly there was a whirlwind of leaves that just started blowing off every tree on the street because of the wind and it looked beautiful and lovely like a splendid Autumn leaf storm!

😀

I also got to thinking about how blessed I am to have the positive work environment that I have.

I know the most wonderful people at work.

Since my mom and dad made me move to a new neighborhood when I was young, I haven’t been blessed with many close friendships. For a while, I actually had none and it caused me deep pain to have no connections to other kids.

Then when I came to college I had to leave my school friends and we lost contact a lot and it was not pleasant. There were moments of unbearable loneliness.

I’m shy and in my neighborhood there was never many kids my age so that combination added up to me being kind of friendless for so long. I wasn’t outgoing enough to go out looking for friends and there was no opportunities right around me like when I was little.

Also, I haven’t always been very close to most of my family either other than my mom, dad, and, sister. My sister is over 10 years younger than me. That’s a significant age difference for kids.

My loneliness got so extreme and often I began to feel not only unloved but un-lovable, also because of some verbal/emotional abuse that has happened in my family. And when I finally found a couple close friends I still struggled with loneliness occasionally even when I wasn’t physically alone. And depression sure doesn’t help that.

I still don’t have many friends or always get to see the ones that I do have as often as I would like.

But at work I am blessed to be surrounded by great and beautiful people that show me incredible acts of love so frequently.

I began to notice this more and more.

I read about a technique that people can do to bring more love and a sense of love into their lives. Make a list each day of acts of kindness and love shown to you by anyone who has done something loving towards you. This will make you feel more loved and appreciated.

People do little loving things every single day that may go almost un-noticed by the receiver. But when you open your mind and heart and begin to be more receptive, you’ll notice at a deeper level.

I haven’t written anything down but I now see more and more how much people do for me.

They go out of their way to help me and compliment me often and smile at me and say hello and I appreciate it more than I can say. And I truly hope they can feel and see my gratitude and love. I’m always saying thank you. And I help them as much as I possibly can with whatever they need.

Are there people showing you kindness and love that you haven’t even noticed or noticed as much as you could have? Look at all the “little” and “simple” acts of kindness that you are receiving day by day. They are actually greater than you may have realized.

When you let them, they can touch your life and brighten your days with tremendous impact.

When someone holds a door for you, offers you a sweet and genuine compliment, has a pleasant conversation with you, trusts you enough to tell you something, smiles at you, is sincerely interested in how you are today….all of these things are amazing acts of kindness.

I hope that you can all feel the amazing love all around you. ❤