I can see the light of a clear blue morning….

Sep17

” Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.”
Kevyn Aucoin

” It’s been a long dark night
And I’ve been a waitin’ for the morning
It’s been a long hard fight
But I see a brand new day a dawning
I’ve been looking for the sunshine
‘Cause I ain’t seen it in so long
But everything’s gonna work out just fine
Everything’s gonna be all right
That’s been all wrong

‘Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning
I can see the light of a brand new day
I can see the light of a clear blue morning
And everything’s gonna be all right
It’s gonna be okay” ~ Dolly Parton

Hello!! I’m up bright & early today and deeply inspired by the Morning & all its loveliness. I’m getting ready for a psychotherapist appointment soon! I’m blessed to be awake & alive at this moment. Last night I struggled hard with my facial pain disorder. I was bordering on feelings of hopelessness but kept reminding my self of part of my own life philosophy to always try as best as I can to keep hope alive. I only got two hours of sleep and will probably be hit hard by that fact later and need a little nap! ;-D.

Today my pain is much less. But my jaw is still locked, not completely but enough so that it’s very hard to eat and drink.

Is it morning where you are? If it is, why don’t you start your day with happy thoughts?! Think of at least three things you are thankful for. They can be big or small things.

How about thinking in terms of what you DO want today as opposed to what you don’t want? Those thoughts are more positive, creating positive energy in and around you. And maybe more likely to contribute to you acting in positive ways, attracting positive things.
Also, smile! 😀

Even if it’s not morning you can do these things!
I am already in love with the promise of today.

I hope you are well wherever you are! Much love, laughter, & blessings to you!
🙂

Xox0 Kim

P.s. The two above pictures are mine (I am aware one of the words is spelled incorrectly, it’s my phones’s fault it autocotrects wrong spellings sometimes & I hit save and do not care to fix it til later, lol) . And here’s one that is NOT mine but it’s hilarious! I don’t know who the pic belongs to:

I almost never put pictures on this blog that are not mine but this is too good not to! Lol!

Life Lessons to my five year old self & every girl <3

Sep16

(me – about three years old)

This One’s For The Girls
Who’ve ever had a broken heart
Who’ve wished upon a shooting star
Your beautiful the way you are
This One’s For The Girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This One’s For The Girls” ~ Martina McBride

“What advice would you give the ‘5 year old you’?“

“I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud” ~ Jim Croce

I saw this question and think it’s fascinating and here are twenty-one little gems my adult self would love to tell my little self all those years ago. I would love to equip my little self and any little baby girl & every woman at any age with these life lessons. (And some of these are good for men too)

1.) always keep your sense of self – flawlessness. Little girls often have no sense of imperfection when they look at themselves. They’re proud & want to show off everything they are and know. They like to jump in pictures, be the center of attention. They KNOW they’re beautiful & not afraid to flaunt it. They don’t deny compliments; they proudly accept. They’re confident & comfortable in their own skin. Sadly, probably for almost every girl, this sense of self imperfection gets buried, tattered, kicked to pieces, shattered to seemingly no repair the older they get. And it appears to happen younger and younger. We have 9 year olds obsessed with their own body weight, 5 year olds afraid of what other kids will think of their scars, their looks, their body weight. Look at some old little kid pictures of you. Weren’t you so cute? So perfect? So gorgeous? So un-tainted, a clean blank slate with endless possibilities & new beginnings. Feel the love & warmth for that innocent, sweet, beautiful child in that picture. Now look at yourself as you are right this moment. That’s still you. And now you have even more experience, knowledge, & wisdom. I want every little girl & every woman to always feel beautiful.

2.) Get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger – As LeeAnn Womack says in her song, “I Hope You Dance”. Be grateful for all you currently have & are but never settle and became stagnant. Always find motivation & inspiration to learn, explore, experience, love, & grow, and keep on going.

3.) Build and maintain an unwavering, strong, solid foundation of unconditional self love to always fall back on. Through the years you will encounter heartache, heartbreak, rejection & abandonment, loss & grief, pain, a sense of failure & falling. You will be criticized by people with good intentions & people with malicious intentions. You’ll lose friends, be gossiped about, experience betrayal by people you never imagined could do this to you but as painful as it will be, you will be strong enough to rise above, to bounce back, to use these painful experiences to your advantage, to learn & to grow. And as long as you keep your sense of love for yourself alive, you will always feel loved. Always be loved.

4.) You don’t need everyone to love & accept you. Whenever you feel lonely remember there will always be someone somewhere who can love you. You may not know these people yet but they exist. The way that you are, there are people who can love someone just like you. Also, love yourself.

5.) build others up, don’t ever drag them down – no one is better than anyone else. We all have good things & bad things. Tearing others down will never bring you up, it only serves to show more about you than the one you’re trying to destroy.

6.) always strive to see the good in people – even the kindest people may not always be kind. the most loving people still get angry sometimes. When people are hurt or numb they may act in ways that aren’t truly who they are. Bless others by acknowledging the goodness in them and not just seeing or magnifying the bad.

7.) Accept/tolerate people for who they are. You may have opposing views, different color skin, religions, opinions, ways of thinking, different appearances, cultures, or customs, sexual orientation, gender…but we are all equal, no one is less valuable.

8.) always know your worth. You are more than a size on your clothing, a number on a scale, the image you see in a mirror…These things say nothing about who you truly are or how beautiful you really are. You can work to make healthy changes for yourself but you are already worth so much.

9.) Know that you are and always will be “good enough”. No matter what mistakes you make, what things you don’t succeed at, no matter what anyone tells you or says about you. You are good enough just the way you are. And if someone cannot see that, that person doesn’t belong in your life.

10.) always be honest, at least with yourself, about who you are. Don’t change for people who won’t accept the real you. Know your deep inner self, your needs, your desires, your loves, your longings, what you don’t like, what you never want to be…

11.) at one point you may feel that your life has not turned out to look exactly like your peers’ lives. It may seem like everyone around you has it good, better than you do. Maybe they’re independent with their own house, job, money, maybe they’re married with kids or in a happy romantic relationship, maybe they have lots of friends and seem to have it all. Don’t compare yourself to them. Everyone lives at their own pace, their own way. Your life doesn’t have to look like theirs to be just as beautiful. And as long as you are alive & still going, you can accomplish things & realize your dreams. You may not do everything you thought you would do by now or at all in this life but you can do other things and still be happy. Just being you is a great accomplishment.

12.) always celebrate life. Don’t wait for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, promotions or any other “reasons “. Life itself is reason enough to celebrate. Wear your favorite earrings, that pretty lipstick, that sexy dress that shows off your lovely curves, buy yourself flowers, take yourself to see a movie, SMILE! :-D. Keep that sense of wonder & awe. Bask in the beauty surrounding you. Be mindful of your senses and body & all they allow you to experience. Whatever you’re putting off doing until that “perfect ” occasion to celebrate, whatever you’re putting your happiness on hold for, let go & do that now, be happy now. Cherish the simple joys of living.

13.) follow your own dreams, plans, and goals and at your own pace. Don’t succumb to the demands or expectations or desires of family, friends, society, or others who try to get in your way. Many may have good intentions for you. Kindly listen to what they have to say, thank them for their input, and then go on your own way, following your own path.

14.) Be happy anyway. 😀

15.) Always keep your hope alive. No matter what pain you are currently experiencing and how difficult it seems, as long as you have hope, you will feel the will to keep going.

16.) Whenever you do not succeed how you wanted or planned, even if you feel like you failed, still be proud that you had the motivation to try, be proud that you ever had a dream. Take Jim Croce’s message: “I’ve got a song
And I carry it with me and I sing it loud
If it gets me nowhere, I’ll go there proud” ~ Jim Croce

17. ) always acknowledge the true gift you are – you are a true & rare gift to this world. You, just like every other person, have something positive to contribute to the world around you. You can fill a space no one else can. Again as LeeAnn Womack says, “When you come close to selling out, reconsider.”. Never give up on yourself. There will always be people better at things than you and worse at things than you, people will have more & people will have less but there will never, ever be another you. Never forget that.

18.) “Always be a little kinder than necessary.” ~ James M. Barrie <3. To yourself & others. Treat yourself how you would treat your best friend or someone else you love. Remember you are just as much of a person as all those people you love. Go easy on yourself, forgive yourself, be gentle with you, set realistic goals for yourself, don't hold yourself to impossible standards and then feel low for not achieving them. Let yourself feel happy and allow yourself to feel sad when you do & express it in healthy ways. Nurture yourself.

19.) Always know that you have choices, the choice to practice controlling your own attitude & that your attitude about something and how you react are important for how happy & peaceful you feel and think of yourself as a strong survivor,not a helpless victim.

20.) Be all that you can be. Always be the best you that you can be. This doesn’t mean trying to achieve perfection in everything you do, it means being as loving, as happy, as kind, as joyous, as forgiving, as caring about yourself and others, as compassionate as you can be.

21.) Love & laugh without holding back. Laugh out loud! Love with everything you are. You may be hurt but it’s a chance worth taking. Bless everyone with your smile. 😀

So here are some of my lessons to myself, and every girl & woman. Of course if I was talking to an actual five year old I would say these things in more age-appropriate ways but I seriously doubt there are any five year olds reading this and older people probably don’t want to read something here written in a language for a five year old! Lol ;-D

These, I believe, are valuable lessons for everyone. Maybe we haven’t all learned all of these lessons growing up. Maybe we learned them the hard way, as adults, maybe we have yet to learn & really truly apply & live some of these but it’s never too late as long as we’re living.

You may know these things intellectually but do you really truly feel them with your emotion, deep in the heart of your heart?

Whether you’re 5 years old, 10 years old, 16 years, 28 years, 35 years, 40..50..60..70..80..90..100 & beyond…

Always remember, you’re good enough as you are. You’re more than a number & an appearance and so much more than the painful words & concepts people, society, & the media throw at you.

You don’t ever have to be anyone else’s definition of beautiful, successful, perfect, or happy.
Be your own kind of beautiful.
Your own kind of successful.
Your own kind of perfect.
Do what makes YOU truly happy.

Don’t let anyone but YOU define you. Not your lover, your friends, your family, your society, your peers, your media. You define you.

Focus on your own strengths, your interests, your dreams/goals your unique beauty, your interesting and difficult challenges, look at the ways in which you have grown so much and acknowledge your potential and all of your opportunities to grow some more. Nourish yourself & cherish every moment you have been given.

This is what I want for you.
For me.
For all of us.

I absolutely loved thinking about & writing this blog post. I put everything I have into it and it felt so weird but amazing writing these things to/about myself. And like I said this is to everyone who can benefit,not just me. I encourage anyone to write a post like this. I find it to be a beautiful experience. I would love to read other people’s life lessons to their young selves. If you write a post like this, I would love to know!

Blessings & love & hope & laughter to you all!

“To be one woman, truly, wholly, is to be all women.” ~ Kate Braverman

Xoxo Kim 😀

“All around the world
This one’s for the girls

Yeah, we’re all the same inside (same inside)
From 1 to 99″ ~ Martina McBridE

(me – four or five years old)

Another day, another victory <3

Sep15

So, I really love Alice Cooper. A real real lot!! I have loved him & his music since I was a little girl. He sings creepy, bizarre, sad, dark, despairing music. Often about depression, psychosis, sometimes about being suicidal, in a mental hospital, personality disorders, mental illness, serial killing, death, being in prison in a wedding dress & wonder bra (lmao) , waking up not knowing who he is or where he is, being criminally insane, alcoholism, and he sings about love. If you read my description here it may make him seem like an “emo” singer like in the typical emo music way. Be he’s not. His songs are more “strange” than “Depressive emo”. Some of them are even funny, often in a twisted way.
His songs aren’t the typical “whiney”, “feel sorry for me/myself” emo music.

His is the first concert I have ever attended. I was 26 years old. It was amazing!!!!
My general favorite kind of music is Oldies & happy love songs – romantic & friendship songs, inspirational, uplifting songs about gratitude, love, self love, strength & hope, perseverance. Very different than many of Alice Cooper’s songs. But I love every single one of his songs. I love his incredible ability to take the dark side of life and turn it into something beautiful. I even wrote a poem about it before, how he takes darkness & pain and transforms it to musical, lyrical beauty. So inspiring. A true gift.
Life is a mixture of good & bad and he acknowledges & addresses the dark side.

Alice Cooper himself has struggled with & tackled the dark side. He was treated for alcoholism. Many of his songs are inspired by true events of his own life & people he has met, some in an institution he was treated in.

This post is about one of his songs which I find to be extremely uplifting, incredibly motivational & inspirational. It’s funny too & just amazing. It’s called “You’re A Movie”.

“I fearlessly walk into battle
With a shine on my boots and my teeth
Never flinch, never blink, never rattle
My blood is like ice underneath

Oh, I’m the reincarnation of patten
And I’ve got Hannibal’s heart in my chest
God told me I would have rivaled
Alexander the great at his best”

He sings about his unstoppable attitude, his courage, his strength.

“Bullets repel off my medals
And my men are in awe when I speak
All chaos my strategies settles
My mere presence gives strength to the weak”

Very, very confident attitude. So confident and full of courage and strong that strength flows through his very presence into those who are not as strong & confident. Can you say ABSOLUTELY AMAZING?!?!

When he says “Bullets repel off my medals” he’s revealing that he has medals for doing great things and when he is the target of bullets, his great medals protect him against being hurt. This can be taken as a metaphor for life. Your attitude, your positive traits, your self assurance & confidence are your medals and when people toss vicious words or toxic criticism at you or when life hands you unpleasant circumstances, let them all bounce off your greatness, your medals. Those things are the bullets Alice speaks of.

“For me it seems really alarming
I’m really just only a man
With five million sheep in this army
I seem to be the only one fit to command”

He’s just an ordinary man but an ordinary man can do extraordinary things with the right attitude, views, & actions.

“I must go now and save the world

Move aside mere drop of water, let the ocean pass”
Lol he has a BIG attitude.

“Another day, another victory.

Another gold stripe, another star

Really quite boring sometimes
I wish they’d send someone equal to my strategies

What a guy
I’m really quite a guy”

He makes being amazing & heroic seem so easy. “Another Day, Another Victory. “

Every single day is an accomplishment to him. “Just another day being my fantastic self!” lol!

What if you possessed this attitude every day? Imagine that! Waking up so confident that you feel you can take on or accomplish or work towards anything you please. This song seems to be about war but it can be applied to life in general.

I feel so energized when I listen to this or read the lyrics.

The next moment you feel low or lacking confidence or courage when you really need it, remember this song. Think of the funny, silly, but very valuable & important lyrics.

He’s full of himself! But in a good way! Lol. An inspiring way! ;-D

So take his message to heart. Go conquer & save the world! 😀

Much love, hope, strength, courage, & self confidence to you!

Xoxo Kim

Self Interview <3

Sep13

Want to know some stuff about me?! You may or may not know or care but here’s some questions & my answers! Yay!! ;-D

1.) What Do You Do For A Living?

I guess this question often means work. What do I do for work? Money? I work at a store. Currently. And I always want to. I love having positive, friendly interactions with strangers/families/people everyday or most days and attending to their needs at the moment. But my dream job is a counseling, peer specialist, or psychiatric technician job, helping people heal & empower themselves. I want to dedicate my life to inspiring & helping others. Helping people overcome depression & other mental health issues and helping mentally healthy people be even more happy & joyful. Also, for a living, I take pleasure in simplicity. Just being. Basking & soaking in the beauty of the world, Nature, & love. I don’t get paid in cash but with something much more valuable!

2.) Who Do You Love?

I love almost everyone I know, in different degrees. I am extremely loving. I’m very shy but I’m good at expressing love, especially after I get to know people better. Love can be a sentimental, affectionate feeling, but it can also be,as Norman Vincent Peale says, “a rational esteem for them as persons”. I try to think of every single person, whether I like that person or not, know that person or not, as a person with needs, longings, desires, aspirations, goals, and dreams. Every person has a breath, a life, a story. That person may not be someone I know & love but that person is someone.

“When you are in an upsetting situation, try loving everyone involved and pray for them, hard as they may be. Loving doesn’t mean sentimentality but rather a rational esteem for them as persons.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

3.) Do You Have Enough Money?

( That’s a very important question. You may have less money than everyone else in your group, but still have enough. Or you may have huge amounts of money and yet not enough to make you feel better. How much money do you need in your life?)

I was never someone with much money. My family has always struggled financially. I usually have enough for essentials but have to struggle with it. I know money does not have to equal happiness. I would love to have more money but I don’t think about it too much! I am in debt and would pay it all. I would help people, give to strangers in need, help animals and yes I would even go on shopping sprees but I don’t need more to be happy in general. I would choose rewarding/satisfying/fun work over money if I can only have one. Also I am the reason I don’t have a lot of money. I know I can work hard to get a good paying job if I were dedicated & motivated enough.

4.) Are You Healthy?
I do think of myself as healthy. I’m not sickly. While I struggle with chronic pain & fatigue somewhat often, I have a good immune system. My body functions well. I don’t abuse my body very much except with eating unhealthy food/drink more than I should. I get good sleep & rest & exercise. So I am healthy, yes.

5.) Do you Think You Are a Good Person?

Just like most people, I am basically good. I make my fair share of mistakes. I’m lazy. I procrastinate. I annoy people now & then. But I don’t kill people/animals/insects intentionally. I don’t hurt people on purpose. I mind my own shit and stay out of people’s way. I go all out to help people. I want to see people win. I want the best for everyone in the world,not just my own country. I am open minded, accepting, tolerant, empathetic, loving…. I don’t discriminat unjustly against anyone for any reason including skin color, ethnicity, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, physical appearance, weight, political views…i guess I’m sort of perfect. in my own way.

6.) How Old Are You?

(You shouldn’t just open your ID and do some math. It’s not the number of years since you’ve been born that matter here. But mostly how old do you feel you are. What’s your perceived age. Because, believe it or not, this is your real age.)

I’m an adult but deep in my heart I’m just a girl. I find wonder & beauty everywhere I look. I get ecstatic over the color pink, rainbow sprinkles, teddy bears & hearts, puppies, glitter, rainbows. I am thrilled just to be. Child -like & full of wonder & awe. But child-like & youthful isn’t the same as immature. I can be immature though occasionally! ;-D

7.) Who’s Your Best Friend?

(Do you have one? Is he or she still alive? Write his name and think at that person for a while. Write a short description of he or she. Where did you met first time? What were the circumstances? What makes that person your best friend, after all?)

I never had many friends since I was a teenager. But I have been blessed through the years with a couple good ones. And I have hope that in years or days to come I will be blessed with new ones as well as the old ones. Other than my fur/ feather friends, two of my good friends are Mike & Christine. I met them in college at an lgbtq support/rights event/group for lgbtq students and their supporters. I get to see Mike quite frequently. I love how they are understanding, accepting, fun, and just great friends. I’m blessed.

8.) How Often Do You Laugh?

(Try to remember exactly how often do you laugh during a day. Is this a difficult thing? Why? Because you laugh so often that you couldn’t remember when was the last time you didn’t had a good laugh? Or because you simply forgot how it is to laugh?)

It is a difficult thing to know exactly how often I laugh because I laugh so much I can’t remember not being so easily amused. As a little girl I would get in trouble in school for laughing at kids being bad. I laugh over everything & nothing. My mom gets angry because I laugh at “inappropriate ” things! Lol ;-D. I have a few good belly laughs a day! I amuse myself & laugh at myself. I’m a light – hearted, simple girl. I don’t laugh at other people’s expense though. I’m not cruel or negatively sarcastic. Or thoughtless.

;-p

9.) Do You Think You’re Strong?

(I would be really curious to know the answer to this one. I love strong people. They have this power to change their life and to create incredible things. What “strong” means to you? It’s a question of force? Or endurance? Of speed? Or intelligence?)

I’m not physically strong. I don’t have much muscle/built muscle. I’m kind of on the thin side. I have become very strong, emotionally though. I struggled with severe depression for most of my life and have turned my life around, strengthened myself, worked on my own personal development and love all that I am. I can handle pain, problems, destructive criticism, betrayal, loneliness, and challenges very well, positively, and often even ready for the challenge to be tackled. I now see opportunities for growth & development & creativity in pain & struggles where I once saw bleak hopelessness. To me, true strength, means being able to realize when we need help in some way, seeking it, staying positive that things will eventually work out well, having hope, and still finding joy & gratitude, even through pain, having a strong will and desire to live no matter what.

10.) What Was The Most Important Thing You’ve Done So Far?

(Have you really done something important? Something that changed your life fundamentally? Or something that changed somebody else’s life fundamentally? Why was that important? Answer with first thing that pops out in your head.)

Some of them are Healing my depression & inspiring people, giving animals a sweet, loving, furever home. Being a friend.

11.) What Was The Most Stupid Thing You’ve Done So Far?

(Do you consider you’ve done stupid things in your life? I think everybody does but not everybody admits that. Most of the people blame the circumstance, the karma, the others, everyone except them. Do you have the power to accept you’ve done a really stupid thing?)

I have done the dumbest things at work & learned my lesson well. I am extremely trusting and trusted the wrong people, giving hundreds of dollars of my bosses money away to someone who lied to me. It could have cost me my job but luckily my boss let me stay. Also I have done other dumb things which could have resulted in serious consequences but did not, thankfully. I don’t believe in karma or that circumstances are usually stronger than me. I believe in choices. I believe in me. That lady shouldn’t have lied and tried to steal. But she did. She wasn’t responsible for my bosses’s money. I was. It was I who allowed her to take it. I take full responsibility for all I am truly responsible for. I am where I am because of choices I, myself, have made. The choice to do nothing is still a choice. I have the choice to react positively or negatively. This thought empowers me. I take responsibility but not in a “feeling guilty” way but in a way where I know that I have power for myself, admit when I make mistakes or can do better.

12.) What Is The Best Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?

(In this exact context, what’s the only thing that could shift your entire existence if it will manifest right now? Many people tend to give a certain amount of money as a number, but in my experience this will only maximize the problems, not making them go away.)

There are actually two things which I would love. To have more friends. I want a group of friends where we all love, support, and cherish one another. And I want a job as a peer specialist. I am very happy in general. This life of mine is quite beautiful but there will always be room for development. Always. And I don’t need a whole lot of friends like I used to think I do but as I have stated, humans are social creatures and crave loving, social relationships and I can really go for having a few more good friends! I don’t need friends to be happy with myself or be worthy. But it would help the social aspect of this life of mine. And an amazing job helping others! :-D. I feel great things coming my way! Yes, please!

13.) Name The Thing That Annoys You The Most

(Is this a mosquito humming? The sounds of a knife on a porcelain plate? Or is it people calling you in a certain way? Friends breaking promises? Being stuck in traffic? Try to remain calm while answering.)

I’m not easily annoyed, I’m very easy -going, easy to get along with. But one thing that does annoy me is when it seems people try too hard to come off as “cool” or “bad” when they aren’t really that way. That attitude comes very naturally to some people which doesn’t annoy me at all but for some it seems so forced. I also can’t stand hiccups. They annoy me to the point of anger sometimes.

You know what I DON’T find annoying? Which many, many people do?! The duck face!! Lol!! The girly duck face! And when girls do that right, it can actually be quite sexy! Go girlies! <3. I think I only ever did this once on purpose in a pic and that was before it became a trend. But I don't quite have it down. Not yet! 😉

So I got these questions here. http://www.dragosroua.com/33-questions-for-an-interview-with-yourself/ It’s a self interview. There are about 33 questions but I only answered the ones I felt like. I definitely don’t mind answering them all but for some, the answers are so simple or obvious/ I write it so much here in this blog I did not feel like answering at this moment. But no question is off limits. And some I felt like just aren’t worth answering at the moment. I’m sick with kidney pain and that’s that. Lol 😉

http://www.dragosroua.com/33-questions-for-an-interview-with-yourself/

I hope you all are having a beautiful day/night! Much love & blessings to you all! And hugs!

Xox0 Kim

Creative Photo Hobby {inspiring}

Sep11

Here is one of my creations. I took this picture of the sky with birds flying in a group & I posted the text to this quote I wrote myself as part of a creative poem I wrote. I hope it inspires you. I love making up quotes, writing poems, taking pics, usually of Nature, and love love love posting words & quotes to pretty pictures I take. It’s very fun & inspiring. It does take some work and is often somewhat challenging. This is a hobby of mine I’m going to become more dedicated to! ❤ :-D.

Xox0 Kim ❤ ;-D

Beauty in Unlikely Places (updated) <3

Sep11

I have been thinking about things that I find to be beautiful which many people do not. Things which many see as ugly, mundane, inappropriate, disturbing, less than lovely.

Here, I have comprised a list of some of those things:

❤ weeds- I can't count the
moments I have stopped to snap a gorgeous photo of some "plant/flower" I have found to be beautiful, only for my mom or sister to inform me I'm taking pictures of ugly. Dead. Weeds. But I continue on because to me, weeds, are just beautiful.

❤ Rain/snow/sleet – just about everyone around me complains about "miserable" weather. Rain. Lightening. Thunder storms. Snow. Blizzards. But I love it.

❤ Muddy puddles – yup. I take countless pictures of puddles. With mud. And dirt. And stuff. Sometimes they have oil rainbows. I guess car oil does that. I find wonder in the unlikeliest of places.

❤ Signs of aging – Wrinkles, Gray hair, Laugh lines.. getting older is a true blessing. It brings more experience. More lessons to learn & to teach. More wisdom. Many people die tragically young. We are blessed to be whatever age we are. If we live to be old, gray, wrinkled, it means we had more days to live & to love. To bless & be blessed. To see things, to know things, we could have never imagined. Embrace your age. Embrace the signs of aging! Scream your age off the rooftops. Be proud you survived and are still going. ❤

❤ Body fat – yes I'm a girl who loves body fat! It's a sign of health. It has a function. It's not ugly. It's beautiful.

❤ The female physique – I am a girl who really loves checking out other girls. I'm not romantically attracted to them but I find them to be very aesthetically pleasing. Not in a sexist way, I know a woman is much more than just looks! And I am interested in personality, thoughts, views more than anything! But I love girls' curves, clothes, Boobs, nails, hair. I even call girls sexy. Hott. Beautiful. Gorgeous. I have been told "girls aren't supposed to check out other girls or call them hott. ". And I say whatever to that! I like tight, revealing clothing for myself and other girls. I don't see it as disrespectful or degrading. It's great to be confident and love our bodies. If you got it, flaunt it! And if you don't, flaunt it anyway! Lol ❤ ;-D

❤ Dark poetry/songs – I like poetry that can beautifully capture the dark side. Sad songs & poems can be inspiring & comforting. I love happy ones as well! I like how pain can be made into beauty. Poetic, lyrical,musical, educational….beauty

❤ Monday Mornings – not that I'm usually awake on Monday mornings. Lol ;-). So maybe that's why I love them so much! But Monday mornings are, to me, symbolic of new beginnings. New hope. Mornings are always beautiful

❤ Public displays of affection – some people find this inappropriate but I love to see lovers holding hands, kissing, embracing. ❤

❤ Babies with food on their faces, snotty noses, messes on the carpet: I love babies/kids and I think it's cute when they make messes. I would never mind having my carpet or furniture splashed in paint by little creative hands exploring & creating. Just beautiful.

❤ cars screeching, people laughing late into the night , the sounds of the city, music through the walls, the sounds of people partying all night- this annoys a lot of people. Someone being loud late at night. But I have always found it so comforting. I like knowing someone somewhere is up & alive while I'm laying in bed.

❤ pineapple pizza – delicious. But people tell me it's just wrong. Lol

❤ the scent of dogs. Lol I think dogs smell good, their fur, it's just a cute Lil scent.

❤ the feel of dogs licking my ears. Lol. It feels funny & it's cute! 😉

❤ Insects/bugs/snakes/rodents – I like creepy crawlers & not just the "pretty" ones. I also like centipedes, millipedes, sewer rats….

What unlikely things do you find beautiful? Is there anything “weird”, “bizarre “, “ugly”, “plain ” , “unusual” that you somehow find incredible wonder in? If not, take a look. Maybe you can develop a positive habit of seeing beauty where it at first seems there is none.
As I have previously mentioned if we look hard enough, we can find beauty even when it’s hard. Even through the tears, glittering amidst the pain & heartache.

Wonder what it would be like to have a journal of Beauty? Maybe like a gratitude journal but slightly different? You can use it every day or especially when you can’t seem to find beauty anywhere. I never tried it but I will! We can list things we find to be beautiful, any kind of beautiful. They can be things commonly thought of as beautiful or things usually viewed as not so pretty. They can be things seen or things felt. Heard or tasted, smelled.
.anything. If it’s beautiful to you,it matters.

May you all find something lovely to experience whether it’s auditory, visual, tactile, or anything….

Xoxo Kim

i stumbled upon this beauty on the counter at work one night. She’s not dead and that thing is not her leg off. It’s a scratch in the counter. My sister thought she was dead and that her leg was off. She may have been slightly injured but still beautiful. Still alive & well. I picked her up with my hands, gently and put her in the tree outside work so no one would freak out and kill her. 😀

And the picture all the way at the top is in fact a puddle of mud that happened to have a heart thing in it.

There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are 7 million.

Gratitude & Pain <3

Sep9

I am struggling today with a severe tmjd flare up. Tmjd is my chronic, currently incurable facial pain disorder. I have pain which is mild to moderate to unbearably severe and beyond.

There’s really no effective treatments other than home remedies. My current flare up is bad but not as bad as it sometimes is. It’s moderate bordering on severe. But not yet to the point when I would scream at the top of my lungs for hours through the night.

I woke up while it was still dark out in excruciating pain. So what better circumstance to write a gratitude list?!

I want to strengthen my habit of associating my pain with gratitude & joy. It hurts. So bad. So I will think of & list & dwell on all of my wonderful blessings.

1.) beautiful uplifting quotes

2.) I have friends & family & people I know.

3.) hope

4.) I have a job

5.) my beautiful senses & body & ability

6.) this blog

7.) this Fall – like evening
8.) Pumpkin Spice coffee
9.) lovely music
10.) adorable animals

11.) my positive attitude

12.) my ability to feel pain

13.) The fact that I am loving & ccompassionate for people whether I know them or not

14.) The fact that I filled out an application recently for job/training for peer specialist /counseling

15.) The stars & moon above me.

So here is my brief list. There’s so much more I couldn’t possibly list it all.

I’m too blessed to be able to list all my blessings. Lol. ;-D

I hope you, too, are feeling blessed. My heart goes out to all of you struggling with chronic pain and/or sickness. My heart breaks to think of it and how so many people have pain worse than and more frequent than mine. I wish I could take it away.

Much love & healing to you. May we find strength, hope, healing, & comfort in our pain & darkness.

Xox0 Kim

P.s. Always remember, “When you’re going through Hell, keep on going….”

“Ordinary” people who inspire me <3

Sep9

There’s a lot of inspirational people in this world who most of us know about: celebrities, authors, politicians, world leaders, other famous or well known people. Ones who people tend to think of as extraordinary.

But then there’s the other people. The ones who aren’t famous. They’re not known in the media or around the world. Maybe they’re your friends. Your family members. Your coworker or neighbor. Someone you met at a bus stop. A teacher you had in school one year, a professor in college. A random stranger on the street or a salesperson at a store, a customer at a place you work.

All the “little” things they do may not reach as many people, maybe the impact of them doesn’t reach people at the same magnitude as the people frequently publicized in the media. But their actions, words, kindness, compassion, & love are no less extraordinary to the lives they touch & warm.

Inspirational people are everywhere.

I decided to create a list of some people who have at one point inspired me somehow. Some of them I know personally. Others I have only encountered once in all my days. But all of their lives have touched mine, somehow, for the better.

1.) The man who stopped his car to ask another man, a random stranger, if he needed help with the ladder he was putting up. “Yo, buddy, you need help with that?” he asked. And it warmed me to see such random kindness extended to a stranger.

2.) The man who noticed I was lost one day and offered me help without me asking. I was lost in Center City Philadelphia a few years ago. I was confused and had no idea where to go or who to ask for help. I walked along the crowded, busy streets and must have appeared to be lost & confused. A man I have never seen before approached me with a warm smile & genuine concern, asking me if I need help. I told him yes, I can’t seem to find what bus I need to get home. He asked me where I was going and showed me where to go. He helped me find my way back home.

3.) The group of little girls who blessed me with kindness which was more than necessary. I was working at the store one night and a group of young girls came for ice cream. They were no older than 13 years old. They all sat on the bench after paying, to eat their ice cream. They were all wearing girls soccer uniforms. After they ate their ice cream they came back to the window and looked at me smiling and whispering to each other. I suspected that they were doing this in the way girls do when they are being malicious. Girls of all ages do this. They can be 8 years, 13 years, 25 years, 40 years, 60 years or older and they will stare, whisper, smirk, gossip, about other girls. Not all girls do this but many do. I wasn’t sure but I thought maybe these girls were doing this. But they were not. They each pulled out money, put it together and handed it to me, “This is a tip for you, thank you” and they smiled at me warmly and walked away. I was and still am so touched by their kindness and generosity.

4.) Diane, the lady who brags about me as if I am her own daughter. I have known her for about 7 years, I met her at work. She has a few sons who are close to the same age as me. She loves to introduce me to new people , loves to tell them how sweet I am, how friendly & loving, and all about my education and interests. If you listened to her,you would think I’m her own daughter the way she’s so proud and so ready to show me off to people.

5.) Brian, my next door neighbor who loves to help stray animals. He is so dedicated to helping homeless cats. He takes them in during storms, feeds them on his steps even though other neighbors get angry saying he attracts them. He goes on doing what he loves, helping animals in need. He places bowls of food near a lot on the street for a mommy kat & her kitties. He comes out at all hours of the night checking on them. He is very friendly & kind.

6.) The stranger who I told everything to in the rain one day under his umbrella at the bus stop. It was after my therapist appointment one day. It was raining hard. It was beautiful. I was waiting for the bus. He stood next to me and put his umbrella over me. He wasn’t coming on to me, wasn’t trying to hook up, wasn’t being a creep or trying to take advantage. He just wanted to help me not get soaked and was genuinely interested in my story. He asked if I live around there I said no. He asked if I work near there. I said no. I told him I go there for therapy. He was interested in why. I told him I have severe depression. He couldn’t relate much but told me his sister can. He asked what it’s like for me. I told him. I expected him to turn away at first, to give me a weird look, a scared look, which some strangers have done when I told them. But he looked at me in no such way. He was kind, compassionate, empathetic, interested, friendly. And he told me about his life & his sister. It was perfect.

7.) The lady who came to my work to buy ice cream and bought a homeless man everything he wanted. He was so grateful, she was genuinely concerned. I bought him a soda. He was so moved. He cried. Said he never experienced such warmth & kindness.

8.) The little girl who came to the store where I work to buy something. She started to walk away then turned back and said “I just want to tell you, you look beautiful tonight.”

9.) The doctors & nurses in the hospital I was in when I was 21 years old and had to get emergency surgery for my kidney. They were so kind, warm, caring, compassionate, & genuinely concerned. I have never been so sick and in so much pain before then. My heroes.

10.) The very patient & helpful Philadelphia detective when I had to try to identify someone who held a gun to my chest and no one in the pictures were that man. Another detective was inpatient, fed up, angry, and bitter with me, for not knowing enough info. Which I understand with all the stressful, heroic work he does day in & day out. But this other man, he was warm & told me how helpful I was and how good I did even though I wasn’t very helpful.

11.) The psychiatric technician I met during one of my hospitalizations for depression. Very caring, compassionate, uplifting, empathetic, unlike many other of the staff members. He cared about us truly. He told us about his own struggle with addiction, how he was hopeless at one point and turned his life around and now helps people who are in a dark place where he once was. He told us we all have an inner sun and to let it shine through, to take good care of ourselves, how deserving we are of love, how capable we are of turning our own lives around. He told us about the “Gambler” song sung by Kenny Rogers and how inspiring it is about life in general, which I already knew but love more now.

This is just a brief list. I have many more inspiring memories/people as well. And not only positive / happy people and things can be inspirational. Tears, heartbreak, struggles, pain, illness, setbacks…can all inspire us and strengthen us.

Who are the “ordinary” people in your everyday who inspire you? I encourage you to frequently make mental notes, and even lists on paper or electronic lists. One seemingly small act of kindness can be so big to the person’s whose life it touches.

You may be touching other people’s lives for the better everyday without even knowing!

You can inspire people in person & through your writing or drawing or singing.

I believe we should appreciate all of the people and the simple things they do and the way they inspire us everyday and I believe we should be the kind of person who inspires others.

Much love, laughter, life, inspiration, & healing to you all.

Thank You, Earthbound angels. Thank You mortal goddesses & gods.

Xox0 Kim

😀

Heart’s Flowers <3 {—–{—–@

Sep6

“Deep within the sanctuary
Of ourselves there is a glade,
Where the grass is always greenest,
And the flowers never fade.
Nowhere is a garden sweeter,
Than the one love’s own hands tend,
Where affection falls like sunlight,
Warming and awakening.

Everlasting are the blossoms,
That are nourished in the heart,
Little lights and little shadows,
Who can tell the two apart?
He who plants the smallest kindness,
Sows indeed a mighty seed,
For through years, like little acres,
…Only love uproots the weed!” ~ Grace E. Easley

I came across this poem today by Grace E. Easley

Isn’t it lovely?!

It may be hard to feel or recognize but with self work and some inner exploration and authentic self excavation we can find/create it. We can meditate, write freely in a journal or wherever you want, answer deep life questions, ponder, and reflect to find our truth and love deep within no matter what the outside world brings to us or around us.

When we nourish and cherish ourselves and tend to our deep inner needs, we can grow and find that we are all we truly need to be joyful. Nurture yourself. Care for yourself. Give to yourself. Love yourself. As well as others. Little lights & little shadows. As the poem states, “who can tell the two apart?”.
Pain & pleasure. Darkness & light. Happiness & sadness. Weakness & strength. They contrast each other and one seems painful while the other seems like a gift. The truth is negative feelings and experiences can also be gifts to teach us and guide us and allow us to truly appreciate the goodness and realize it.

A life of all profound joy & happiness & positivity, if it were possible, may be good to a certain extent but if we just always felt a pure state of pleasure, happiness, and joy with no pain, no negativity, no darkness, no struggles would we ever be able to truly, fully, recognize and appreciate the goodness? What if there were no struggles or adversity? Can we ever truly grow and have depth and substance? I think adversity and challenges help us become. Become all we can. Grow and appreciate. I would never recommend to go out intentionally looking for direct troubles and inflicting pain upon ourselves or others just so we can grow or help others grow and learn but troubles and problems are inevitable as long as we’re living and so we can use them to our advantage and sculpt ourselves into someone who is stronger and wiser. We can choose to view them in a more positive light. We can practice seeing them as blessings in disguise instead of a curse, an affliction, seeing ourselves as victims.

I think it’s good to sometimes take certain risks even if we don’t look for direct trouble. By loving, we risk losing or rejection. Filling out applications, we risk rejection. By trying we risk failing or not succeeding how we want to. By speaking up, we risk ridicule or criticism. But all of this can teach us and strengthen us if we let it.

These are some of my thoughts for the day. I hope everyone is having a beautiful day or night wherever you are and if not I hope you find some consolation & healing when you need it most.

Xoxo Kim

Liebster Award (Thank You Etsuchan!!!) :-D

Sep3

I am so honored and very happy to announce that Etsuchan : http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

Has nominated me for the Liebster blog Award!!!
:-D. I love that someone likes my blog enough to find me deserving of this!

Here are the rules:

Each nominee must link back the person who nominated them.
Answer the 10 questions which are given to you by the nominator.

Nominate 10 other bloggers for this award (

Create 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

Let the nominees know that they have been nominated by going to their blog and notifying them.

Here are the questions that Etsuchan http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/
Has asked her nominees to answer & my answers:

1. Why did you start blogging in the first place?

I started this blog to record /share all of the thoughts and things that inspire & uplift me. I struggle with a severe form of depression & a currently incurable chronic facial pain disorder which tends to flare up and cause severe pain and I have learned positive ways to cope with it and often prevent severe flare ups of both, using positive techniques. I believe inspirational ideas, personal development, self-help, and general positivity can help everyone, not just those who struggle with a disability/illness. And I believe there’s always room for development. I love to help, share with, and inspire people so I created this blog to help others in any way I can and to help myself.

2. What was your favourite childhood toy?
I used to have a small stuffed, tan, bear I loved so much! I wish I still had him! I also used to love baby dolls!

3. “I have a dream!” – what is yours?
My dream for the world is for more tolerance, acceptance, & love, empathy, compassion, healing, and understanding of others, cures for diseases, ending starvation….for all living, sentient beings. And my dream for myself is to have a job helping others, something like a mental health counselor,peer specialist, or something of that sort.

4. Do you have pets? If so, tell us 3 facts about your pet. If not, which pet would (or wouldn’t) you like to have?

I have pets! Quite a few! They are the center of my universe!

Isis Summerjo – a very large pit bull! She is big and cuddly,very gentle and loving, easily afraid of things like balloons, talking toys, cats..she’s a big baby! She gives her paw without being asked, when she wants whatever food we are eating. She steals my blankets every night! She’s 6 years old! 😀

Oscar – a little shih tzu boy. He is very cute and loves to be held and loves to beg for food. While he loves to be held,he doesn’t like the process of being picked up! He growls! Lol. He reminds us of a human boy/man. My mom and me joke a lot that he’s “a real boy” or a man trapped in a dog’s body! Lol He seems to know certain things that dogs don’t really know. He always loved watching my sister or me take our shirts off, he just stares & stares! He likes girls’ boobs. My sister thinks it’s creepy! Lol. And he doesn’t like anyone to see him going potty. He goes to a little hiding place to go! Lol

Boobie – Boobie’s given name is actually Sweetheart but when we got her 11 years ago, almost, I started calling her Boobie just because I thought it seemed like a cute name for her. Boobie is what everyone calls her. Except my mom calls her Pup. Boobie is a chihuahua/dashund mix. She is very friendly but she doesn’t want the outside world to exist! lol. She doesn’t like strangers and any noise outside she barks and growls like crazy! She loves to snuggle up and she brings toys and does little dances when we have food so that we’ll give her some! We did not teach her to do this, she just does it! On September 6th, this month, Boobs will be 11 years old!
And we will celebrate!

Emmy – Emmy is my little 8 month old pomeranian boy . We had him for almost 5 months but it feels like forever now and I love him as much as all the others. He is extremely wild, energetic, loving and playful! My mom calls him “the little terror.”. He has a mischievous look always on his little face. He loves being a bad boy! He actually looks around to see what he can get into. He’s frequently into stuff he shouldn’t be and is always on the go! He chews up shoes and things, bras are his favorite! He loves to be held and he cannot give enough kisses! He chewed my watch and ripped my nose ring out which I had for almost 10 years! He is an extremely intelligent boy and he goes in my bag and takes out slim Jims that he knows are in there for them because I get them at work for treats for them. Sometimes he brings slim Jims to my mom, dad, and me all night to open up for him, while we’re sleeping! Lol

These fur babies are all spoiled! Lol! They get everything they want as long as it’s safe for them. They sleep in bed and on furniture and we celebrate every one of their anniversaries and birthdays and they get toys & treats. I have had dogs my whole life and can never imagine not sharing my life with a dog.

We also have cats, ferrets, and birdies! I love them all!!

5. Your source of inspiration for your posts?
Sometimes I just have thoughts/ideas that I feel the desire to post because I think they are interesting, uplifting, positive, and helpful and inspiring. Also, pain, any kind of pain, inspires me to post or write. I know that writing and sharing can help me cope and help someone else who may be struggling. And I have developed a positive habit of letting pain remind me of beauty and good things and when I think of or see beautiful or good things, I am inspired to write & share! I also like to share what I have learned & what I think about it when I read things in books or online.

6. The worst life experience
I will tell about one recent one I have posted about. My dog, Koko, who was a pomeranian mix died of old age in April this year. We had her for 12 years and she was 14 years old. It is one of the most painful experiences ever. It was so hard to handle. Shortly after Koko died, I saw a sign advertising that pom puppies needed a home. There was one left and my mom thought it would be a sweet honor of Koko since she was a pom mix,if we get this little pom boy. Everyone agreed and we got him! Although I love him just as much, no one can ever replace someone who has died and I don’t want anyone to. I love that we were able to give Emmy a loving furever home and he helps so much with my grief. He brings so much joy.

7. The best life experience
I don’t have just one. I think everyday is beautiful but one life experience that I am blessed with is healing my depression and now being generally and genuinely happy instead of depressed & being able to positively share my experiences & lessons learned with others and letting other people & their experiences teach me. I still have severe flare ups of depression but not as often and they usually are not as bad and don’t last as long as they used to. And I can cope much better when I am hit with one. I have severe recurrent episodes and used to have mild /moderate depression in the middle of severe episodes. Now I don’t have depression in the middle of severe episodes usually, just happiness. I can find beauty & inspiration everywhere I look. I can now see how depression made me better than if I never experienced it. I work on myself constantly to be the best me I can be. I let the pain make me better,not bitter. I still have relapses every now & then but I don’t struggle almost everyday anymore like I used to.

8. Describe the clothes you’re wearing right now
I’m in my pj’s in bed! Lol. Short pink shorts and a yellow flowered design, strapless shirt! 😀

9. If you could save the world from the bad aliens, how would you do that?

Hmmm…good question!! lol! What I would do is create a vacuum – like machine and suck all the aliens in! Then I would put them all into a big room together and then gather up some human volunteers to help me educate the aliens on kindness & acceptance of diversity. Trying to get them to want to be good and not destructive and want to work together with other living beings for the common good. If they had a change of heart, I would love for them to join us or visit us more here on Earth and we can all be one big happy family! If not I would use the vacuum like machine to send them back to their homeland and keep a watch on them to make sure they do not try to destroy the Earth! Lol ;-D

10. Perfect names for your children..?
I like Kimball for a boy! Named after me.
I have always loved Jacqueline for a girl. So pretty.

Thank You so much Etsuchan
http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/
for these lovely questions! Very interesting! I love the mix and had so much fun answering them!

Now here are 10 of my favorite blogs other than

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

That I an nominating!

http://terry1954.wordpress.com/

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

http://talesbycindy.wordpress.com/

http://wordslikesilk.com/

http://pflead73.wordpress.com/

http://lesleycarter.wordpress.com/

http://herbloggings.wordpress.com/

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

These are not in any certain order, just random and I know some have more than the maximum amount of followers required but oh well! ;-D

Please check out these wonderful blogs!! And don’t forget to also check out:

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

I love her blog and her amazing outlook on life and things!! 😀

Here are my 12 questions but the rule is you only have to answer 10 if you want! So you can choose 10 of the 12 if you want or less if that’s what you prefer! Whatever floats your boat! That’s if you want to, of course, you can choose to answer none! 😀

1.). What are a few things that inspire you to be the best you?

2.). Tell about one thing you find to be beautiful that many/most people seem to see as ugly.

3.) To you, what constitutes true friendship?

4.) What is one painful experience you previously endured that you now see as a blessing?

5.) What is your favorite book? Or one of them?

6.) What is one song that can be considered one of your life theme songs? One that describes you, your life in general, or your outlook on something.

7.). What are three quotes that inspire you somehow?

8.) If you had to choose, would you choose to have average intelligence and be ridiculously beautiful physically or have average physical beauty but be a genius?

9.) Do you have a Philosophy of life that you consciously try to live by? If so, briefly explain the basics of it.

10.) Which one of your senses (see, hear, taste, feel/touch, smell) do you think would be the most difficult to live without?

11.). What are three things you like about yourself that are not physical characteristics? (personality traits, virtues..) Now list three things you like about yourself that are physical characteristics. (eye color, hair, legs…)

12.) What accomplishment of yours are you most proud of?

Thank You SO MUCH again Etsuchan!!!

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

This was so much fun!!

I love these blogs and many more and all of these bloggers contribute so much with their writing & thoughts & pictures, heartbreak & joy, happiness& sadness, laughter & tears, input & caring to share with us all!

Xox0 Kim

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