Archives

If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane

Jul2

image

(my dog Koko after she got done eating a vanilla cream horn treat.   she has cream on her little face. Lol silly girl!)

” And I’ll never be the same without you here
I’ll live alone and hide myself behind my tears
And I’ll never be the same without your love
I’ll live alone and try so hard to rise above” ~ Christopher Cross

I’m ready. 

Ready to start laughing again. Those good belly laughs I used to laugh almost constantly every night and day for as long as I can remember. Until my dog died. Three months ago.  

I stopped laughing then. I wouldn’t let myself. When I found something amusing as I usually do I would quickly remind myself, “Wait! You can’t laugh, Koko is dead!”. And I would become somber. Or apathetic. Or grief stricken. Or just stop. And go about my day. Not laughing. 

I wouldn’t really say or think those words but the concept of my sweet dog being dead would creep into my brain destroying any desire I had to laugh, any ounce of amusement I began to experience .

Ever since I was little, in elementary school, probably even before, I have been very easily amused over everything and nothing. I laugh more than anyone I have ever known.

I got in trouble in class often for laughing out loud uncontrollably at kids being bad.

My mom yells at me sometimes for laughing during inappropriate situations like when my dog eats out of the cat’s litter box. Lol

Once, my therapist asked me if it is some sort of coping mechanism or cover up for Anxiety. And my answer is NO. I am genuinely amused.   Just a silly, giggly girl. I usually always find something to laugh about even when I am unhappy or depressed or angry!

There are occasions when I have been super furious at someone but still amused and laughing uncontrollably and I would be so pissed at myself for laughing because who is going to take my anger seriously when I’m laughing my ass off?! Lol 😀

But when Koko died in April I stopped laughing. After a few days I started to smile and laugh a little bit and be slightly amused but those serious belly laughs have been extremely rare.

Grief never goes away. Grief over a human friend or family member or grief over a fur or feather or reptile…… friend dying is forever etched in our hearts.

But for many people it eventually heals to a point where it’s not always raw or always the main feeling everyday. It appears and reappears and on some occasions even decades later, maybe it resurfaces at full force and then subsides again. 

It doesn’t have to hinder or taint happiness.

My grief has for the most part taken the back burner and I can still be happy and I even eventually began feeling mostly like myself again. But still there has been some kind of damper put on this life of mine.

There will always be a part of me missing. Always. My dog wasn’t just my “pet”. She was my friend, my family.

And this death hurts me so much it’s unbelievable.   

But this death is somewhat easier than what many people have to endure with a loss. Koko was old and lived a whole dog life and 12 years with me. And she was not sick, in pain, or suffering when she died. My mom and dad were there with her and watched her take her last breath.

She began to slow down days before her death and her breathing changed and we hoped so desperately that she wouldn’t begin to suffer and that if she must die soon that it would be easy and quick. I couldn’t bear to think of her suffering or being euthanized by an animal doctor as my mom mentioned may have to happen.

 
Some dogs die alone, in pain, lost, young, and abandoned, never knowing true love. Some are so bad off they are euthanized.  

But not Koko. She was loved by us for 12 years. We celebrated her every birthday, bought her gifts every holiday, let her sleep in bed, on the sofa, she had other fur friends. I bought her treats home every night after work. The girl was spoiled!! 😉

And she died old, quickly, and naturally.

And for all of that I am so blessed. Seriously what more can I ask for?!

It does not take away my grief.   But grief should never go away anyway. Grief is part of living and loving and when one life is so impacted by another grief is the result of loss.

A few days ago I began laughing again a lot
 Throughout the day like before. And it has been continuing everyday now.

And I realized I haven’t been my giggly self for so long. I felt different but could not put my finger on it. Then one night I laughed hysterically over song lyrics and realized I haven’t laughed quite like that in ages!

I think after three months my grief is finally beginning to heal more.

It’s important to remember that it’s ok to laugh even when someone else has died or is dying or experiencing tragedy or pain or illness.

I have a tendency to feel guilt laughing when I hear about, see on the news, or know someone who died or is experiencing tragedy.

But me/you/someone  not laughing and intentionally not having fun does not help the tragedy in the world. It just results in another unhappy person or one who is not fully living.

I can laugh. It won’t hurt Koko. If I choose not to laugh, it won’t bring her back. It HURTS to let go. Hurts desperately. But it’s ok.

Just because you laugh doesn’t mean you are cold or don’t care or are forgetting or ignoring the death or pain of others.

You are still living. It’s your life. It’s ok. It’s necessary to move forward.

I never wanted to admit this but a few days after Koko died my pain was so severe I thought I wanted to die too.

I felt nothing but anger every day and pain.
I wasn’t angry at anyone specifically.   There was no one to be angry at.

But now I don’t feel angry. I feel blessed. I am blessed. 

Two nights ago I was looking through older pictures trying to find one of my dog, Isis Summerjo, and I accidentally saw like 100 of Koko in my phone and I felt as if I was suffocating and drowning all over again. 

I have only been able to look at pictures of her and talk about her on certain occasions when I felt enabled to do so. And then I accidentally saw them and I clicked each and every one I saw and looked.  It hurt but I smiled and realized how much stronger I am now.

A brief fleeting thought of me wanting to die ran across my brain. But I told myself.   What good will dying do? Will it bring Koko back? No. Will it end my pain? Yes but it will also end everything else. And I don’t need that.

There is always hope.

My life is more good than pain.

And even when it doesn’t feel that way.

There’s always hope.

I am so skilled now more than ever at being able to see the good amidst the bad. The positive in the negative. The hope in the darkness. The healing in the hurt.

I can even feel happy while depressed.

Also, 

 It’s now July! You know what that means right!? Nine months. I haven’t been suicidal or even thought about it seriously in nine months. That’s the longest I have ever been able to go without those compulsions and thoughts in……FOURTEEN years!!!!!! Fourteen years!!!!!!! In case you don’t know, I wrote about this in previous blog entries here.   I suffer with clinical depression. I have suffered with mental illness since I was eleven years old and at 21 years old I was hospitalized and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features. I was hospitalized again and participate in psychotherapy and drug therapy.  I struggled for years 
and in 2010 I truly started to get better. Four months is the longest I have ever been able to go without being suicidal since I was 13 years old. And usually not even that long.   Until now.  But now I’m back and better than ever! 😀

I changed my ways. My thinking, my attitude, my life.   And I am going strong. I celebrate living everyday.

I hope everyone will find hope and love even in pain and darkness.

I am ready to start laughing again. To start living again.

Xoxo Kim

P.s. Wondering what lyrics and songs are so hilarious?! Lol!   Check these out!!

“My head hurts , my feet stink” by Jimmy Buffett. Just the song title has me rofl

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/my+head+hurts+my+feet+stink+and+i+dont+love+jesus_20267475.html

“Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes”
Jimmy Buffett
“With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of my running, and all of my cunning
If I couldn’t laugh I just would go insane
If we couldn’t laugh we just would go insane
If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane”
“

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/changes+in+latitudes+changes+in+attitudes_20071889.html

“Growing older not up”

“I’m growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead”
~ Jimmy Buffett 

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/growing+older+but+not+up_20071897.html

“The Asshole song”

“Were you born an asshole 
Or did you work at it your whole life? 
Either way, it worked out fine 
‘Cause you’re an asshole tonight “
~
Jimmy Buffett 

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/the+asshole+song_20214732.html

And I hope you find a bit of inspiration in some of these lyrics as well.

Here’s a pic I made using an app, it’s one of those “when you see it” pics. Lol

image

,

Simple Wisdom

Jun28

1.). Smile.   😀

2.) Notice and cherish the simple things.

3.) When something doesn’t go right, how you planned or wanted, or when you have a complaint, still remember how you are blessed.

“………And I’m still so blessed!!!”

4.) Be grateful even when everything seems wrong.   And if you can’t feel grateful that moment, still think of the blessings you know.

5.) Remember it’s ok to express your true self even when other people will disagree.

6.) It’s better to do what you know is right even if it means you have to stand alone.

7.) The next day you get caught in the rain, actually Experience the raindrops on your skin, don’t just get wet.

8.) Try something you never tried before.   Something big or small.

9.) Look at a flower, the sky, a tree, a bird, a butterfly or lightening bug, a grasshopper…..
And forget the name of this entity you see.

“To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees.” (very wise quote attributed to Paul Valéry)

10.)  Laugh out loud.

11.) Let go.

12.) Give a dog a belly rub.

13.) Dance. Even when there’s no music or the music is bad.

14.) Be mindful of your senses. Let your body be overwhelmed in awe and wonder. Let your fingertips tremble. Let your insides quiver at the incredible astounding beauty around you. The beauty within you. The beauty that is you.

15.). Remind yourself that it’s always possible to be kind.

16.) don’t let other people control how you feel or think. YOU control your own thoughts and feelings no matter what others do to you.

17.) Eat that extra cupcake! 😉

18.) celebrate your half birthday and splurge on yourself 

19.) see extraordinary in the ordinary.

20.)  compliment someone, genuinely.

21.) go the extra mile.

22.) love. Then love some more.

23.). Give more when you feel like giving up. Hold on when your heart has had enough. (thank you Martina McBride for the inspiration)

24.) Be happy for people even when you are not happy with yourself.

25.) wear your best clothes, those expensive earrings, red lipstick, and be elated just because. You don’t need a holiday or “special occasion “. Just being alive is a special occasion!  

26.) Look for beauty in ugliness and blessings in pain, suffering, tragedy, and chaos.

27.) when in darkness, remember the Moon and the stars. They are light in the dark.

28.) Feel the sun on your face.
29.) It’s ok to buy yourself something expensive every now and then just because you want it.
30.) It’s ok to vent sometimes. 🙂
31.) Accept what is and cannot be changed. You don’t have to like it but it is what it is. Acceptance is liberation.
32.) happiness is puppies and babies, ice cream and cupcakes, uplifting songs and colorful flowers and trees.

33.) Be grateful

34.) Be happy anyway

image

image

Xo Kim

Focus on yourself. <3

Jun27

<img src="https://adoseofinspiration.blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/image_20130627_143144.jpg&quot; class="size-full" alt="Focus on yourself.

Forget about being “better” or “worse” than someone else. Put all that energy and all those thoughts and work into evolving yourself and being the best YOU that you can be. You have your own life and they have theirs. Embrace & celebrate you! ❤ 😀

How do you live? <3

Jun27

image

” Not how did she die, but how did she live? 

Not what did she gain, but what did she give? 

These are the units to measure the worth 

Of a man as a man, regardless of birth. 

Not, what was her church, nor what was her creed? 

But had she befriended those really in need? 

Was she ever ready, with word of good cheer, 

To bring back a smile, to banish a tear? 

Not what did the sketch in the newspaper say, 

But how many were sorry when she passed away. ”   

~Unknown

I saw this quote in a book and I love it! To me, it rings so true. For many of us, the first thing we think when we hear a person has died, even when we never knew that person is, “How did s/he die!?”. That’s our morbid curiosity. There’s nothing wrong with that. But what’s more important than that is how the person lived. I don’t want to think about or dwell on the tragic or sad circumstances of someone’s death. I want to bask in the wonder, love, beauty, and glory of that person’s life and the imprint the life of that person leaves on this Earth with all of us who still live. Even if I never knew that person, I can still be impacted by the life s/he lived.

Have you ever read an online memorial or an obituary in the newspaper for a person who died? While very sad, it can be quite inspiring. Try reading an obituary or online memorial for a stranger and the comments written by those who are grieving and all those caring people who lavish sympathy on the bereaved and the dead. But instead of letting your morbid curiosity take over searching for clues of the causes of death, focus on the details of how that person lived.

Look at the smile on that person’s face in pictures if you can and feel the words written about the person. Look at how that person touched many, many other lives and made people smile, contributed positively to the community in which s/he lived, embraced family & friends, provided kindness to strangers, made people laugh, loved others
…

This is a great honor to the person and a wonderful gift to the family and friends to have the one they love who is now gone, still affecting the world for the better.

There are so many amazing people, alive and dead. They all deserve to be known, loved, remembered, honored, and acknowledged.  

I saw a blog topic recently “What would you want your obituary to say? “. I haven’t completed this as a blog entry but I thought about the concept.

I wouldn’t want mine to just state how I died, how much money I got for working, and other basic details. I would love for it to describe how I was able to brighten people’s days, make them smile, how I loved animals and people and cared for everyone whether I knew them or not.   And how I would always be aware of the simple joys of living.  I hope that’s how people view me. That’s who I want to be.

Think about how you live. Is it really important how financially rich you are, how many expensive material possessions you have, how many work promotions you achieve, how many school degrees you can obtain, how big your house is, how new your car is, if you have the latest fashion accessories or phone….?

Or does it matter more how you help people, how you listen to people, how you love people, what you contribute to the world around you, how happy you are with the you inside, how living creatures are touched by your life, how full your heart is….?

You may or may not have an advanced school degree or a well respected, good paying job, you may or may not be extremely intelligent, maybe you don’t have much money or a great house or car or anything much but is your heart full of love?   Do your veins throb with life? Do you provide consolation, love, and friendship to those in need?   That’s all that really matters!

It doesn’t matter what your religion is or if you are religious or not. It doesn’t matter what your skin color or sexual  orientation or gender or gender identity is. Your nationality and ethnicity do not matter for how much you are worth. I’m not saying those above things do not matter in certain situations or for how you are treated sometimes, I’m saying they do not make you worth more or worth less. Or worthy or deserving of more or of less.

Think about how you live and how you want to live. And I hope you find deep within you the things you know are important and are able to abandon the things you know are not.

I hope you are having a beautiful night or day wherever you are at this moment.

Xoxo Kim

The Sweetest Things <3

Jun26

image

Yesterday I saw a father playing with his young child.

There were anxious, depressing thoughts swirling around in my head for much of the day.   I may have mentioned on here previously that in my house, there is some domestic abuse/violence sometimes.   My dad has the tendency to be abusive, usually emotional abuse with threats of physical violence.

Throwing things. Breaking things.   Threats.

Then he calms down. But not before there’s already tempestuous storms raging inside, the aft

ermath of trauma, drama, and complete chaos.

And it impacts us negatively but until we come up with an effective solution, we have to deal with it. But it causes us pain. And fear. And so many other unpleasant emotions.  

So yesterday I was somewhat anxious and disturbed.

But then I saw a daddy happily playing with his little boy. The smiles on their faces,  the joy in their voices as they wrapped their arms around one another and warmly embraced each other. That is priceless.  

That is true, simple joy.

In that moment, that one moment of sweet, loving simplicity, I was reminded of all that I do not need. Of how much I love everyday. How much I love the mundane details of living.   Of loving. Of breathing. Of being. 

How much I already have.

I don’t need graduations, promotions, birthdays, holidays, big special events, or any accomplishments, money, expensive material objects, I don’t need to win the big lottery,  I don’t need fantastic credit, complete financial independence, a brilliant education, any kind of specific job….to be happy. To be grateful. To be full of love & life. Zest & joy. Serenity & ecstasy.  

I don’t need a mansion or one million friends or a big happy, loving perfect family. One friend can bring much joy, a small family can be love.

I can depend on me and the kindness of others, those I know well and those I do not.
 
I don’t even need a peaceful environment surrounding me on the outside to have peace and calm within.  

All I need is the simple joys of everyday. A daddy playing with his bouncy baby boy, a little girl hugging a puppy, the bright, vibrant colors of Nature. Spring flowers, the bright Summer sun, the first glistening snowfall of Winter, the crisp, sweet air and variegated colored crunchy leaves of Fall. Songbirds singing, the loving hug of a friend. A cup of hot, sweetend tea, warm blankets at night, falling into bed after a long hectic day, animals playing and jumping into my arms, squirrels running up trees with acorns, the friendly smiles of strangers, random acts of kindness, beautiful girls in five inch stiletto heels and pretty hair, painting my nails, rain, a bright blue sky with white fluffy clouds , raindrops on bright green and red leaves….. myself.  

Everyday.

Even the ordinary can be quite extraordinary. When you really think about it.

‘Don’t hurry. Don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.’~Walter Hagen

May you all have peace, joy, happiness, love, hugs, and bright smiles. :-D. And appreciate the simple pleasures and sweet beauty even through the ugliness & traumatic chaos.  

Xoxo Kim

“I’ve got a heart that can hold love
I’ve got a mind that can think
There may be times when I lose the light
And let my spirits sink
But I can’t stay depressed
When I remember how I’m blessed

Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful”

~John B

“It’s not that I don’t want a lot
Or hope for more, or dream of more
But giving thanks for what I’ve got
Makes me so much happier than keeping score

In a world that can bring pain
I will still take each chance
For I believe that whatever the terrain
Our feet can learn to dance
Whatever stone life may sling
We can moan or we can sing”

~John Bucchi

image

Everlasting Essence

Jun14

It has been said that whatever you do for yourself dies with you but what you do for others lives on forever. 

And it’s true that the messages and inspiration and impact that some people have on the world lives and breathes long after the people themselves have died.

I think often of some of the most inspirational people I have never met. I haven’t met them but their lives have impacted me just 
the same.  

And not only me but many, many people have been positively affected by these people.

A few of the people whose lives are everlasting inspirational messages that touch the lives of many and will live on and on and on are:

Norman Vincent Peale (famous for “The Power of Positive Thinking”)

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you. “

“There is a giant in every person, and nothing can get this giant down unless that giant is kept down by himself.”

“Help other people to cope with their own problems and your own will be easier to cope with.”

Stephen R. Covey (famous author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”)

“Love is a verb. Love – the feeling – is the fruit of love the verb or our loving actions. So love her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.”

“But until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise.” 

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

http://www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com/

Mr. Huie is still alive and I receive his beautiful e-mails every morning. His page is a collection of his own thoughts and the thoughts of others that he appreciates. His messages are so uplifting, warm, firm, and gentle.   And so beautiful. Many dark nights I have struggled with depression, loneliness, and despair. I would lay wide awake in bed but feeling half dead and so broken when suddenly my phone would start flashing and I would check and see one of his wonderful e-mails and it would bring me so much comfort and love.  

The man inspires me so deeply. He is the most grateful person I ever met. (actually never met). 

He expresses gratitude for his entire life good and bad and every aspect and he embraces all that he is and is so grateful for himself.   He stated that he is grateful for literally everything that has ever happened to him. Every single thing.   Every tragedy. Every heartbreak. Every love. Every tear. Every breath. Every beautiful gift. This IS to live, breathe, and BE loving gratitude.  

I am friends with him on Facebook and I have also “liked” his “like” page.

Please see his page and share it. I cherish this man and his life.

Let me bring peace into moments of chaos.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I reach toward the shining mountains,
beyond the fog of daily worries.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I do not need anyone’s permission to be my true self.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I sail the seas of life as the MASTER of my ship.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I give thanks for both my bloom and my thorns.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I am one with the Earth,
with the Water, with the Fire,
with the Air that I breathe,
with all Living Things,
and we are all one with Spirit.
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie 

I sometimes think what if these great people never came into the world. Or what if they did but they neglected to express their inspiration and thoughts out of fear? Fear of rejection. Fear of ridicule?   Fear of criticism. Fear that no one will listen. Fear…..

And these people are/were in fact criticized.   Both constructively and destructively. And that’s ok.  I have read the criticisms, hear of the criticism.  
No matter how great, amazing, and beautiful a person is and no matter how positive the message, the person and message will be criticized by others. Not everyone will always gratefully receive ideas, even great ones. And that’s ok.
If they gave into fear, we would not have their beauty surrounding us today.

Do you have a message you want to put out into the world to touch people for the better?

Go ahead. Don’t you hold back. Write a book. Make a video.   Create a blog or website. Share Facebook statuses or other social media content. Get your message out there.   Tell anyone you can!  You can be sure you will receive some criticism. And not all constructive.   Some will be just plain vicious. And unnecessary.   But that’s ok. That tells us a little something about those negative critics, and tells us nothing about you.

Your message, your life, your story defines you. The callousness of others does not.

Every person is a different light to the world. And when a person dies, the world is a little colder. A little darker. For that light of that person is gone. Forever. But there are new people coming into the world every day. Every second. With new lights coming into the world.   So the world will never be completely dark or cold. That’s the good thing. No light can replace another. No person can replace another.   But each light and each person can touch the world in unique ways that other ones cannot.   The world is never lost. Never dead. Never alone. There is always someone. There is always light.

I want to be that girl. The one with a message that lives on long after I do. Somehow. Some way.   Like Dr. Peale’s and Dr. Covey’s. And Jonathan Lockwood Huie’s. And I want to honor their lives and the lives of many other motivational/inspirational speakers and great thinkers dead and alive by sharing their messages, quotes, writings, stories, and essence with others.

Do I agree with everything all of these people profess and believe and think? No. But I still receive their warm inspiration and their beauty and their positive impact and I want to share their lives with all who will let me and in the process create my own everlasting message.

What I do believe in is their underlying message of gratitude, positivity, compassion, caring for others, and love. I believe in it with my whole heart, every square inch of my being, my very essence. They say different things in different ways but their true message is the same: working for a better world for all of us.

And I want you to know that you have the potential to impact many, many lives just as they do. You already are impacting people.  You don’t have to be as famous as they are or even famous at all. You don’t have to be popular or well known.   And your message does not have to reach people at the magnitude theirs do for you to make this world a better place.  You don’t need an educational degree or any certain profession or job. You don’t have to be professional writers or doctors like them. All you need is YOU. Just to be you and the courage to speak your truth.

Much love to you.

This little light of mine. I’m gonna let it shine.

Xoxo Kim

image

Just Checking In & Gratitude <3

Jun5

I haven’t forgotten about this blog or given up on blogging!  It’s just that something dreadful happened to my poor poor phone recently!  As people who read my blog may know I mostly use my phone for blogging.  It is (or was :-/) a lovely, perfect phone.  I love mobile phones with Internet a lot.  And I prefer them over computers of any kind for everything that I can get away with using them for.  As you may or may not know, I recently got a new Blackberry Z10 phone!  About two months ago.  Not very long but it already contained “my whole life” on it.  Thousands of pictures, thousands of songs/playlists, contacts, memos, apps….

One night a few days ago after work I was getting out of my dad’s mini van and I dropped my beautiful phone!  And the beautiful, perfect touch screen CRACKED!  I can live with a crack on my phone but that’s not all!  The crack starts at the bottom and goes right on up to the top at a curve and the small portion of the screen below the crack works perfectly while the large portion of the screen above the crack is done for.  Yup!  It’s a lost cause.

And the worst part is that all my memos are GONE.  All of my inspirational thoughts and ideas and writings.  Many drafts of posts I planned on publishing here are just gone. </3

Luckily my phone is insured and in a few days I will pay over 100 dollars and then shortly after that I will have a new Blackberry Z10.  But it won’t bring all my sweet ideas back. 

😦  But you know what, it’s my fault.  I take full responsibility.  And not in a guilty way but in a constructive way. If I did what I planned and backed my ideas up on paper they would still be here.  If I was more careful with my phone and put it in my bag instead of carrying it in my hand with a million other things, my phone would not have fallen to the ground.  If I kept the cover on like my mom insisted over and over again, it probably would have protected my screen.  But none of that occurred.  What did occur is that I dropped my phone while it was in the nude and did not copy any of my ideas onto paper.  That is my reality.  Not pleasant but true.  And I accept it and will know better.

 

http://mashable.com/2013/03/20/blackberry-z10-teardown-whats-up-with-that/

At the above link the author who breaks smartphones intentionally by dropping them to watch them shatter and test how they work afterwards explains how blackberry phones are much less likely to survive a fall than other touchscreen phones like the iPhone. Blackberry company likes their phones to be thinner, lighter, and less expensive so they make their touchscreens suckier than others and more likely to not work after a fall. But if the phone is in its case there’s a good chance it will survive the fall. Looks like my mom was right! I should have listened. But my phone case is rubber and my new baby boy doggy loves to chew it so I gave it to him!

I generally, naturally have an open and grateful “mind”. And even when I’m not in the most grateful mood, I usually make it a point to look for things to be grateful for and it isn’t difficult to find things that I KNOW are blessings even when I don’t really FEEL the gratitude I know I should feel for them at that moment. After losing my phone like this it really woke me up even more to all I have. The night it happened I tried so hard to fix it, calling the T-Mobile place, trying to back up all my info on a computer…and nothing seemed to help. All throughout the night I woke up feeling sad over it. Then I would think of something amazing I still do have. I would look over at my sweet little Emmy (my baby boy, puppy) sleeping beside me and feel how completely blessed I am. I have so much more than a phone.

Losing my phone is very unfortunate but it would have been so much worse to lose a friend or a pet or a family member or my life. This thought inspires me right now and has been inspiring me since I lost the quality of my phone. I don’t think it to myself aggressively as a lecture to myself to scold me for being ungrateful. Instead I firmly but gently remind myself that it’s ok to be sad over this and disappointed but to look at all I still do have.

I have things to look forward to as well.

There are a couple of movies I desperately want to see so soo desperately!!!

One is “The Heat” and one is “The Purge”.

The Heat looks sooo entertaining and so hilarious while the Purge seems so very fascinating. It’s about how every year or something one night of the year ALL criminal acts of every kind become legal. The people who are for this are hoping it will reduce criminal acts the rest of the year in general because they’ll get it all out that one night. I know it’s only a movie and I’m not easily offended but I actually am quite offended by the whole very concept that homicide and sexual assault are legal for one night. Like I said, I know it’s not real but still. lol It’s ridiculous but it’s interesting and I LOVE Philosophy. It was actually my major in College.

I, myself, do not believe that most people would commit a very serious criminal act even if it were to become legal. I sure as hell would not. It is deeply Philosophical and so incredibly fascinating to ponder. It brings up a lot of issues like “where do we get our morals?” “Are morals and the idea of right and wrong innate or learned?” “Is there really an objective RIGHT and an objective WRONG or is it all just subjective opinions?” There is no scientific or direct one answer. But I believe the basic idea of right and wrong is so ingrained into our “minds” and we are so used to certain horrific acts such as homicide and sexual assault being NOT ok and being so very wrong that most of us would not commit those acts even if we could and get away with it. Think about it. Would you commit homicide even if you could and not be in trouble at all? Can you really bring yourself to do that? Would you sexually assault someone? I don’t think so. The law can change but it won’t change our sanity and conscience.

We will still be civil and moral and not want to seriously hurt someone. Now, there’s no doubt in my mind that SOME people would take full advantage of criminal acts being legal and all hell would break loose where they are. No doubt about it. But I believe people are basically good and for the most part we don’t need laws of any sort telling us what to do and not to do when it comes to serious criminal acts. This is not to say we don’t need law or police or government though. I think even if people would turn bad if the legal laws become obsolete (which is very unlikely, I believe) it would take many years for “criminal” acts to get out of hand. Like I said most of us either know what is right and wrong innately or we are so used to being told something is wrong that we would not take advantage of criminal acts becoming legal. At least I hope I’m right about this!! lol My mom and sister seriously disagree with me on this!

If homicide becomes legal I still will NEVER kill. I don’t care if I won’t get in trouble at all. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want to be the kind of woman who does bad things just because I can. I want to be true and honest and loving and nurturing and healing.

Thank You SO SO much to all police officers, detectives, and other law enforcement people who work so hard and even put themselves in danger often, to keep us safe and to keep society in order. We often take them and their work for granted and they deserve a big THANK YOU!! ❤

And another thing I am looking very forward to is writing a guest post for TinyBuddha.com

http://www.tinybuddha.com/

is an inspirational website about living a great life and things like that and they love for "ordinary" people, ones who are not necessarily professionals or experts or writers or life coaches…, to write positive and inspiring posts on personal experiences of how to live an amazing and rewarding life. There are certain guidelines the writers must follow and if the author of the website likes the guest post and sees it fit for her website she will accept it and publish it for millions of people to see! Mine may not get accepted but maybe it will! It has to be original and can never have been published anywhere previously not even on the person's own blog or website.

Mine will be on mindfulness and celebrating life itself. 😀

I am so happy about this because I love to inspire people and touch lives for the better. ❤

And something I am thankful for:

❤ My beautiful body. It functions near perfectly. It carries me day and night. It lets me feel and love and heal and live. It allows me to experience pleasure and pain and all of life. Thank You eyes for seeing the beauty all around, for seeing colors and long hair and leaves blowing in the wind, thank you ears for the wonderful experience of cars screeching in the streets and the birds chirping in the trees and the music of life. Thank you nose and tongue for the scents and tastes of rain and citrus and chocolate and cookies and mist and laundry detergent, thank you skin and fingers for the smooth touch and feel of blankets throughout the morning and night. The hug of a friend and the touch of an animal's feathers or fur. The feel of hot and cold, and snow glistening. Thank You Heart that dances in my chest for the pulsating rhythm of life that pounds through me. Thank You bones for being strong and firm. Thank You kidneys for all the hard work to keep my body going strong. Thank You stomach for digesting so so perfectly and thank you muscles and veins and all of me. Thank You brain for allowing me to live and be conscious. Thank You spinal cord and nerves for allowing me to feel and walk and sit up straight. Thank You appendix for whatever it is you do. (Keeping the good germs alive and well?!) Thank You beautiful , wondrous body of mine. For everything.

I wrote this because I LOVE my beautiful body. I am beautiful.

My sister asked me if it's easy being so cheesy. lol Yes, for me, yes it is. 😀

I hope you all are having a beautiful day or night.

wpid-IMG_00000221_edit.jpg

x0x0 Kim ❤

Beauty All Around

May28

buddhakim

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I woke up somewhat early. Early for me. 10:00am The night before, I slept very well. I have been struggling with lower back pain, bordering on severe. Along with my facial pain disorder flaring up. Right now it’s because of my sleeping schedule being kind of messed up with my dog’s waking me up throughout the night and morning and the central air thing in my house broke so it has been excruciatingly hot some nights. I’m telling you, not getting the right amount of sleep for me really messes me up like nothing else! I get sick, coming down with sore throats, my hair falls out in clumps!, my whole body aches like hell, and on and on

But anyway,

When I woke up yesterday morning, my family was already awake and decided we would all go out together before I had to be in work at 5:00pm. We had no specific plans so we ventured on out just to see. And we drove by a Buddhist church in South Philadelphia! I never seen anything like it! Ever! I have never even known Buddhist churches exist! I don’t even know if it’s called a “church”. I’m uneducated on this topic. My dad saw it before though but he doesn’t know anything about it.

It’s AMAZING looking! The whole outside is very colorful with large statues all around it! So beautiful.

I wanted to go in SO badly!! But we are not sure if it’s open to the public or if only Buddhists/members are allowed in. I am not a Buddhist. I am an Atheist. But I love to learn about Buddhism and read the quotes and wonder at the concepts and things. So we just took lots of pictures outside with the statues!

bk8

bk9

I LOVED walking around in the wonderful weather. It was warm & sunny but with a slight chill.
In Center City Philadelphia, outside some stores, there are free books and things and my dad wanted to check some out! And I found a few treasures! This one book I found and was going to give to my sister. It’s a book of poems amd quotes mostly about things pertaining to a God. The Biblical God it seems. My sister, just like my dad & mom, is into God, Biblical things, and the supernatural things. I, however, am the oddball of the family who turned out a skeptic. lol 😀

But when I checked the book out better I soon realized it’s more my cup of tea than her’s! It’s a book of poems and quotes about appreciating the gifts all around that are considered by many to be “God’s blessings.” While I am quite the skeptic I am anything but closed minded. I find inspiration everywhere. Even in things with a religious or theistic tinge. I close my mind to nothing. I am very blessed and more and I LOVE all things about appreciating the beauty around us and helping those in need, people & animals alike.

I am so grateful that this littlen gem has fallen into my hands!

And I want to share an amazing short poem in this book.

Love Should Blossom

“So many loving words to give
To those with whom we work and live;
So many words heal and bless
Another’s hurt or loneliness.

A friendly smile, a glad hello
Can cheer someone who’s feeling low;
Or just a little thoughtful deed
Will help fulfill another’s need.

So many things that we can do
To help another’s day ring true;
So many ways to show we care –
Love should blossom everywhere.

Written by Kay Hoffman

Seriously, how true is this amazing message?! It’s a beautiful poem that rings so true! Any kind word, warm smile, friendly hello, loving gesture can brighten someone’s day and turn someone’s life around. So when you see a mother (or father) struggling with a screaming kid, offer them a helping hand instead of disgusted glares, adopt a furever friend at a shelter, hold doors for people, smile at strangers, make a true attempt to understand another person’s point of view or emotions, volunteer, help carry someone’s bags, buy someone a drink, genuinely compliment someone! There are an infinate amount of ways to make someone’s world a little or a lot brighter!

Why not be the one bringing light to that person struggling in the darkness? ❤

I also found a novel which I have just begun to read. As of right now, it's thoroughly entertaining. It's about a girl who is looking for a man and is unhappy that she is single and 32 years old. People keep nagging her about when she's going to get married and they won't just let her be. I think I know how it will end!

It's ok to be single at any age though. It's ok to want to be romantically tied but it should not interfere with general happiness and love of life itself. You don't need anyone to complete you. Fall in love with yourself and then romantic love may come your way soon! Or one day in the future. ❤

The book is called "Romantically Challenged" by Beth Orsoff.

I hope you all have a great day and appreciate the simple pleasures of life and being YOU! ❤

x0x0 Kim

Hello – Lionel Richie

May26

There’s a song I really love, actually there are lots. But the one on my heart today is “Hello” by Lionel Richie. He has an amazing & beautiful voice and I’m a softie for sappy love songs, especially old/ sort of old ones!

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=b_ILDFp5DGA&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Db_ILDFp5DGA

(I’m using my mobile phone and can only get the mobile link which may not work for anyone using a computer or another kind of phone)

I sure love my sap!

“I’ve been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I’ve kissed your lips a thousand times
I sometimes see you pass outside my door
Hello, is it me you’re looking for?
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile
You’re all I’ve ever wanted, (and) my arms are open wide
‘Cause you know just what to say
And you know just what to do
And I want to tell you so much
I love You.”

It’s the sweetest thing ever. I have a beautiful image in my head when I think of or listen to this beauty. I imagine a beautiful woman (I know he may not be singing to a woman but that is what comes into my head and in the video he is singing to a young woman) walking by in the gorgeous sunlight as it dances upon her hair and lights up her beauty and smile and a lonely and loving man longing for a companion peers out at her longingly without her knowing and dreams often of what it would be like to talk to her, touch her, be near her, embrace her, be loved by her in return. …He wants to know her and her life.   I see images of tables and chairs outside small cafes with umbrellas above and people walking the streets but this lovely lady is the one who catches his eyes and his heart.

Breathtaking.   Stunning.

Many years ago I heard on the radio, a disc jockey say that this song is NOT a romantic love song but a platonic love song about a long lost family member. And she briefly explained how some of the lyrics indicate that. My memory of exactly what she said is faltering and so I don’t really know much else. All I know is it definitely sounds like a romantic love song to me and when I search the net for the lyrics and meaning, everyone else seems to believe it’s about romantic love. Either way, it’s stunningly beautiful. So warm and wistfull.

The video?   Well, it’s controversial but I like it. Lol. In the video he is a teacher or professor and the girl he loves is legally blind. She cannot see a thing. She is very, very young which is one of the things that make it controversial and she’s also a student where he teaches, also controversial. But maybe the most controversial thing of all….he stalks her! that’s right, stalks her! Lol

It may be creepy but he’s not a serial murderer or sexual predator, he just loves this beautiful girl. I get the idea that she’s a young woman in college, maybe about 20 or 21 years old. But some think she’s younger.

Anyway, she’s in an art class and all of a sudden there is some commotion and people run to get him to come and see what this girl has sculpted in her class.
He runs into the room where she is sculpting and it’s quite a shock!

You may just want to cry! Lol

Now, if you want to watch the YouTube video which is a few minutes long, to see what happens instead of reading it here then do not read any more because I’m writing a spoiler!!!

SPOILER alert!!!
.
.
.
.

The thing the girl sculpted is the professor’s face!!! As accurate as can be!! And remember, she’s blind! Completely and never touched his face before then. She’s in love with him too! So much she already knows his face!

😀

I would LOVE any comments/messages about the meaning or anyone else’s interpretations of this lovely song! But I’ll always love it even if it’s a mystery!

Lionel Richie is one of my favorite singers, always has been, and forever will be.

http://www.lyrics007.com/Lionel Richie Lyrics/Hello Lyrics.html
;-D

Xox0 Kim 😀

image

It’s OK to Say NO!

May26

I love to help people whether or not I know them. I even help people I don’t like much. I don’t mind going out of my way for people even when I get nothing tangible or anything in return.   I help so much that I often put my own plans and desires on hold so other people come first. This happens more often than not.

Just the feeling of helping and knowing they are happy is enough for me. 

But there comes a point when people go overboard with their demands and requests. That point is when they take advantage because they see how much someone helps and never or almost never says “No”.

It’s great to sometimes put others before yourself and to say “YES!” to helping often but it’s NOT great to do this so frequently that you constantly put yourself out and are wearing yourself out to the point of physical and/or emotional exhaustion and it’s taking a toll on your body and self- esteem.

Lately I have been burdened by other people’s excessive requests for favors and demands to the extreme. People I never imagined would do this to me. Since I like these people and since I love to help people in general, I kept saying yes to their every request no matter how extreme and how frequent and how much it wore on me  and put me out.

My mom was angry and said this is completely wrong of them to keep asking and me to keep saying yes. I was constantly canceling and rearranging my own plans and putting my desires and needs on hold or completely abandoning them for other people’s wishes.

To do this sometimes is good! But to do this to the point of exhaustion and especially when the person or people asking non stop are clearly taking advantage and milking you for all you got just because in their heads they “Know” you’ll say yes is just going overboard and it’s uncalled for and detrimental. 

I believe it’s detrimental not only to the one doing all the excessive favors but even to those asking excessively. They need to be grounded, set-straight, “Put in their Place” if you will. They need to wake up and finally see that the world does not in fact, revolve around them and what they’re doing is wrong.

It’s just wrong to take advantage of somone’s caring and generous nature.

And on top of that I asked one of these people for one small favor which I rarely do and was told NO. So they know how to say no when they feel like.

And someone asking me constantly to put myself last has turned into a backstabber and needs to be told no once in a while.

Recently, I finally said “NO!” to someone. And my initial reaction was guilt and then regret. “I shouldn’t have said No.”. “Should I have said No?” “Why am I being Selfish?”. “This is so unlike Me.”. “I should have said Yes!”. “Maybe I should just go say Yes!” and on and on.

But my mom reminded me of all I have been doing for them. So much, my pain disorder began acting up and I still did more.

Then underneath the guilt and regret, I felt a sense of liberation and relief.   It’s my obligation to take care of myself and if saying no every now and then is caring for myself then that is what I have to do.

I will continue to help people often and sometimes put my plans off or cancel them for others. But I made a vow to myself to care for me as well, not just everyone else.

I don’t like when people are disappointed or angry and I definitely do not ever want to be the source of their pain but it’s not my job to wear myself out just to please people who purposely milk me for all I’m worth and turn into backstabbers.

No one is more important than anyone. No matter what.

If you want to say NO to someone who has been taking full advantage of your generosity and caring tendencies, say it! Scream it off the rooftops! Say NO! And if you want, don’t even explain.   Don’t even say sorry if you don’t feel like it.   Just a big NO will do. NO!

Say YES to yourself for once. And then make a habit of it.

As the saying goes, “People will treat you how you let Them.”. Not everyone takes advantage but those who do , pick up on how you are and how you react. They see how you usually are and then they base their treatment of you on that. So stand up for yourself. You’re worth it.

“That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.”
– William J. H. Boetcker

“Perhaps the surest test of an individual’s integrity
is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect.”
– Thomas S. Monson

“Self-respect is often mistaken for arrogance
when in reality it is the opposite.
When we can recognize all our good qualities
as well as or faults with neutrality,
we can start to appreciate ourselves
as we would a dear friend
and experience the comfortable inner glow of respect.”
– Osho

“Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”
~Paolo Coehlo

Here’s to saying YES to yourself!!!

Xox0 Kim 😀

image