…. ..so you got to please yourself. ~ Rick Nelson
“May you soar on eagle wings, high above the madness of the world.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just be you. Which means, live how you see fit for you, not how you think you “should ” live. As long as
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(I took this lovely pic with my phone!!!)
“When you look at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds or a hundred wishes” ~ Unknown
I love taking walks and taking pictures of all the incredible wonders I see around me. My mom often scolds me and my little sister gets annoyed because when we’re outside walking to a store or walking the doggy. I stop every other second to snap a picture of some beauty I see before me. I see beauty & inspiration everywhere I look. I’m not a photographer ; I merely take pictures with my cell phone. It takes amazing pictures. I’m constantly taking pictures of the sky, usually sunsets and the bright azure sky dappled in white fluffy clouds.I love pictures of birds and insects.
Words cannot truly express the way it feels when I look up at the sky During a sunset or a bright sunny Afternoon or when I look out a window at the sunrise when the new dawn is awakening or looking out the window seeing, listening to the rain or seeing snow falling before my eyes, and the scents the rain brings forth, I love the feel of cool breezes in the summer and the warmth of heat in the crisp Wintery magic. I love the seasons changing and the taste of sweet fruit and chocolate sundaes. And beautiful , vibrant colorful flowers.
When I look at all of the incredible, wild joys of Nature, life surges through my veins, my heart races at the breathtaking beauty. My veins throb with life, electricity pulses through me like a thousand heartbeats.
It comes naturally to me. I’m very aware of the beauty that all of my senses allow me to experience each moment of each day.
But, although this generally comes naturally to me, I have made a conscious decision to strengthen my natural ability and habit of being mindful of the simple pleasures of life and making it a general habit even when it’s hard to see beauty. Some days it seems there’s nothing but ugliness all around. But even on those days,I have the choice to look for wonder. It may not naturally pop out at me like usual but I can look and I can find, hard as it may be.
In this life there is an incredible abundance of wonder and joy and beauty. By being blessed with life, we have the chance to take advantage of this. Take advantage of being alive. Instead of trudging through life in a sense of hopeless drudgery, we can choose to learn and practice being truly and fully alive.
Here are some ways I have strengthened my natural ability to see simple joys everywhere and ways I think can be helpful to people. Not everyone has that natural ability but even ones who don’t can learn & practice .
1.) Breathe and inhabit your body. Your body, which is you is here now. Not in the past, not in the future. Here, now. You’ll never, ever go back to the previous moments you once lived and you can’t change them. And the future is always just out of your reach. When the future arrives, it is now your present, all you will ever have is now. Make this your conscious reality.
Take notice of the way your body feels right NOW. All the sensations, the pleasures, the pain, relaxed parts, stressed parts, stiff parts, numb parts, healthy parts…
2.) Try not to force yourself to not think about other things or about your past or future. When you try to intentionally not think about something, it tends to pop into your head more frequently. Instead focus on what is here.
3.) Practice mindfulness meditation. Meditating regularly will help you develop better control over your thinking and even when you’re not meditating you will be better able to live in the present.
https://livingmindfully.org/
http://www.meditationoasis.com/
4.) slow down. When you’re constantly in a hurry you can’t take pleasure in much of anything.
5.) Try to create a schedule everyday or almost everyday where you can take a few minutes, hour, or hours to do nothing but something that brings you immense joy and serenity. Walks in nature, observing natural settings, drawing, running, taking pictures, things like that and soak up all the beauty.
6.) really, truly look. Look and see what is around you. Don’t just give it a quick, passing glance. Let the feelings it provokes in you, surge through you and cherish those feelings.
7.) I think about all of the people who have died and who have never been born or created/conceived to begin with. What they wouldn’t give (if they could know) to have a chance to live or to live again and feel, experience what I can because I am Alive.
8.) I think about if everything I have ever known, ever loved, ever owned or possessed just disappeared temporarily, unexpectedly and then all came back. How would I feel then? Would it awaken me? Make me realize how wonderful, how miraculous, how joyous it all truly is?
9.) stop waiting. “People wait all week for Friday, all year for Summer, all life for happiness.”. You may not have all you want right now but you can still be generally happy and joy-filled. You don’t need that perfect weather, that perfect day of the week, that perfect lover, that perfect body. All you need is life. All you need is now. Right now. You got it!
“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.”
― Mary Jean Irion
“Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.”
Robert Browning quotes
“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” ~
Albert Einstein
Paul Valéry – “To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees.”
Me.
Xo Kim
Recently I have been thinking about how “unfair” and “unjust” things are and seem. People and things in this world can really drag us down and if we let them, even keep us down. There ‘s no doubt about it, people and things outside of ourselves affect us in negative (as well as positive) ways. In ways that may seem out of our control. But my truth is that people can have control over the extent in which they allow people and things, circumstances to “get to them.”
I don’t always have control over what anyone other than myself says or does or feels. I can’t help if people lash out at me, sling insults at me, physically assault me, verbally abuse me, or try hard to bring me down. I also do not and will not always have control over my circumstances or situations. I can’t always help getting stuck in traffic, things breaking, things not going my way. And the truth is since I am a living mortal with human emotions and not a robot, a brick wall, dead, brain dead, or whatever else these negative people and situations and things WILL negatively affect me in ways. They will. And that is part of being a living human. A feeling human. I may not have complete control over how things affect me but I DO have control over the degree in which they affect me.
Maybe not right away. But I can practice and learn to not be buffeted by things outside of myself.
I can do this by acknowledging and accepting the fact that life is good and bad and to remind myself that when people do things wrong to intentionally impact me negatively it says something about them, not me.
I can look at all the greatness I am surrounded with and filled with and learn not to dwell constantly on the pain and negative things.
I can honor myself. Do and Be what brings me joy. And know that if people do not like me or appreciate me, it’s their loss, their problem.
One day recently I read a story, a true and devastating story, written by a grieving mother who lost her 22 year old son to homicide many years ago. He was a college boy, shot dead by a much older “friend ” over a trivial argument. The mother’s strength and passion and determination amazed me then when I first read that story and amazes me now.
She chose to live. To keep going. A criminal, a murderer changed her life. And the lives of everyone who knew and loves him. It changed this mother ‘s life for the worse. He took away her only son and left her with just memories, grief, seemingly unbearable pain, and so much confusion and shock . He shattered her life. But she made the choice to put her life back together, though it will never be the same. A vicious, malicious criminal ended her loving, caring son ‘s life but she sure as hell wasn’t going to let that same malicious man end hers in anyway. She is now an advocate for homicide victims and their families and friends. She works with criminals and murderers in positive ways to try to get them to understand to some degree the devastation that their horrific actions have on everyone around them.
She is a survivor.
Some years ago, a man held a gun to my chest at the store where I work. It’s window service. I was working alone late at night with no one else around. He came up to the window and told me he had a gun and that I better give him all the store money or he would kill me. He actually said those words to me. “I’ll kill you.” I refused to give him the money and he pulled the gun out and held it to my chest and said “I’m serious, I will kill you.”.
I still refused. (yeah people told me later how very stupid I was)
Then he told me I better give it or he’ll kill me and take the money then kill the people in the bar across the street which my boss also owns. He said if I give him the money we all live. I never want anyone else’s lives in danger so I let him have it.
The man was never caught. There was no camera to catch his image. I couldn’t identify him in any pictures. None were of him.
I wasn’t hurt. And I wasn’t touched physically.
My dad says every now and then how one of his biggest fears is someone coming to the window again while I’m working and actually carrying through with a vicious plan or threat of some sort and either ending or “ruining” my life. He’s afraid I’ll live but be seriously attacked or injured in some way.
But I made a choice. No one will ever ruin my life unless that person ends it. But as long as I’m living No one other than me can destroy me or ruin me because I said so and I will never give anyone that power. I may not always be able to prevent or avoid an attack, physical or verbal. But I won’t let it destroy me. No one deserves that kind of power over me.
Something or someone can hurt me. Scare me. Paralyze me or whatever but NO ONE will destroy or ruin me. I will be negatively affected by negative people and things.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want to be fully alive. It is normal. Natural. Healthy. To be negatively affected by the world around us. To be sad. Disappointed. Grief stricken. Angry. Scared…..jealous….suspicious, all in healthy dosages.
But then we get back up and move forward. And keep going. And keep living. And still create happiness & joy.
Like Helen Reddy sings, “You can Bend but Never Break me”
What I’m saying right now must be said gently or I risk sounding cruel. It is in no way intended to tell “victims” or survivors of anything to “get over it” or that they’re overreacting or not handling things right. Everyone reacts in different ways and handles things differently. I want survivors of anything, big and small things, alike to take back the power and never let someone or something else have that power.
I don’t want a criminal or a bully or a situation or illness or anything to have power over a person. I want the person to empower herself (himself). It’s not always easy. It takes learning and practice and maybe some extra help.
But we can learn not to be destroyed by someone or something else outside of ourselves. We don’t have to feel numb or deny the impact or the scars. We can admit the horror we have endured and how it affected us and then muster up all the strength we have and move forward with an open heart.
It’s not your fault that people do bad things to you. There’s no justification for abuse or assault or mistreatment of any kind. And it’s not your fault if you have a sickness of any kind or a disability. And it’s not your fault if you react negatively to the negativity or mistreatment. It’s just your natural reaction. You can take back your power and own yourself.
I will rise above the victim mentality. Instead I will acknowledge and honor my ability to make choices, my ability to choose happiness and joy even through the trauma and sorrow and grief and negativity.
I refuse to be a victim.
Xoxo Kim
“You can bend but never break me
‘Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
‘Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul”. ~ Helen Reddy (I Am Woman)
The lovely Moon, a light in the darkness.
Beautiful & reflective post by a beautiful girl about living in this moment, the present, which is a true gift.
It’s time to realize this simple fact: we are all here. In the Present.
Recently I’ve bumped into a very interesting person, and as soon as we started talking about life (as it usually happens), I’ve noticed that his views on life are really different from what people usually have. This man possesses a very unusual quality – he lives in the present.
Let me explain what it means. Like everyone, I have my own Past. I have memories of good and bad things. Some of them can make me smile, some of them can make me cry. Unfortunately, I’m not good enough at controlling my memories, especially if I have a hard time and I remember when everything was going well. Many questions appear in my head, e.g. “How could my life come to this?” and “What did I do wrong?”. In other words, I start blaming myself…
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Not everyone you meet in your life will be easy going, light hearted, friendly, and warm. Some will be difficult, unpleasant, extremely rude, outright miserable and hard to handle.
For many people, even the usual friendly, kind people, the natural reaction is to respond with the same coldness and angry temperament that the difficult person dishes out.
This doesn’t mean they are bad or unkind people for responding or wanting to respond that way, it’s just that other people’s moods and attitudes often impact or influence our own.
But it doesn’t always have to be that way. We can choose to rise above the negativity of others.
I work at a store and most of my customers are extremely kind and friendly and so grateful for my service and very expressing of that gratitude.
And even the few people who aren’t the friendliest are not usually blatantly rude or difficult.
But on extremely rare occasions I get one who is.
A few weeks ago I was training a new girl and a man, who is an old man, came for ice cream. There was a misunderstanding and he gave me way too much money and walked away without his change. I called him back and gave him his change and he started yelling very bitterly that he should actually get back more change.
He left very angry. And I was so annoyed and felt a surge of anger at him.
Then he recently came back very angry and loud and yelled “Give me two small ice creams you hear me!!!! Two small ice creams!!!”. His attitude was lousy.
But I was in no mood to react angrily or be rude to him. I just saw him as a person with desires and needs and I smiled at him and got what he wanted. I made it easy for him to carry his ice cream by putting them in a small box. I asked him if he needed napkins and my tone was very friendly. Genuinely friendly. I felt compassion for him. He is a person with needs and desires, no less worthy of compassion and kindness than I am.
I was amazed when his face lit up and he smiled at me brightly. He said “Have a great night, hun!”. And was very friendly as he was leaving.
His whole expression and physical movements changed. He became lighter and softer. All because my interaction with him was pleasant.
Imagine if I would have perpetuated the hostility with a bitter tone. It would have made him more bitter, more negative, more hostile. Which in turn, could have made me more angry. And on and on.
I would have never seen his good side and he would have not seen mine. I gave us both the chance to truly see each other.
He came back another night and was friendly as can be. Smiling and happily greeting me. Sometimes people get the wrong impression of another person or mis judge or make inaccurate assumptions based on things that are not true or real or what they seem.
People should not act on first judgments but they often do. We should not assume something and act before knowing but sometimes that is exactly what we do.
Maybe the man got the wrong impression of me for whatever reason and reacted based on his thoughts or feelings about it.
But it’s my job to show him who I really am. So that’s what I did.
Things will not always go this smoothly. Some people will be bitter and negative towards you no matter how kind, gentle, and warm you are with them. That’s just the way some people are. But you do not have to react back that way.
But the choice is yours.
You are not a horrible person for coming back at people or resorting to angry comments or even slinging an insult now and then.
While there are better ways to handle unpleasant situations, we occasionally (or maybe even often) may get caught up in the heat of that moment and react negatively or non effectively.
Sometimes I feel like reacting negatively to people when they are difficult and unkind.
Then I remember this quote :
“Don’t treat people as bad as they are. Treat them as good as you are.” ~ Unknown
And it inspires warmth in me. It’s not only treating that person well but being true to myself. I can be above treating people horribly or negatively. There will always be rude and bitter people and I believe that is ok.
There are various kinds of people in this life. Not all of them good and pleasant. We can’t and should not control anyone but ourselves. We can make attempts to influence and impact one another for the better but that’s all.
Try to influence negative people with your positivity not let their negativity influence you.
It’s good to be affected by others. Both negatively and positively. It makes us fully alive. Who wants to walk around like a zombie or robot and be shielded, completely, against the world? Not letting anyone in?
People are good and bad. The world is good and bad. Life itself is good and bad. And being affected is part of living.
But we can work to not allow ourselves to be too worked up, destroyed, or depressed or anxious over the thoughts, actions, and feelings of others.
There’s an amazing book called, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (and it’s all small stuff) by Richard Carlson
And in this book one of the author’s suggestions to help us feel more compassion for difficult people is to imagine them as a newborn infant or a 100 year old person who has not much longer to live.
At one point all of us were newborn children and if we are blessed enough, at one point we will be very old. The man feels that this may put things in perspective for us.
Babies and very old people need and deserve love, warmth, and compassion
And their age often reminds us of that.And we can work to extend that to others of all ages when they are troubling us.
Remember when you get caught up in other people’s bitterness, negativity, cruelty, and anger, at least you are not them!
I hope you are having an amazingly beautiful day full of love & light & laughter! 😀
Xox0 Kim
” When you are in an upsetting situation, try loving everyone involved and pray for them, hard as they may be. Loving doesn’t mean sentimentality but rather a rational esteem for them as persons.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
Recently, I experienced betrayal.
Instead of sinking into despair I chose to handle this situation positively and come up with ways to help me cope with this adversity.
I chose NOT to seek revenge on this person in anyway. But I am and will remain cautious of this person.
Here are a few things I found helpful and hope they will help others who may need some healing and consolation.
1.) Let yourself grieve, feel shattered, express your emotions in a healthy, effective manner. Admit your pain. Don’t deny you are hurt. You may find an outlet in music, writing, drawing, meditating, sleeping, talking to a therapist, family member, or good friend, snuggling with a pet. Even if you tell no other person, admit your pain to yourself. Repression is not good.
2.) Remember this betrayal says nothing about your character or morals or worth. Another person betrayed you, it’s not your fault. People hurt other people, even undeserving ones and those closest to them. The ones they should be loyal to. You probably feel very low. You may have thoughts that if you were somehow “better” in some way, this wouldn’t have happened. But you cannot control others. You can only work on and learn to control yourself. Someone else’s actions in no way define you.
3.) don’t dwell on the fact. It’s not good to obsess over this incident to the point it wears you out. Think about it in healthy ways and come up with ways to cope and move forward.
4.) know that it’s justified to feel angry or whatever you feel. Express your anger healthily. It’s probably best not to yell at, insult, or threaten the person. Handle this safely in your own way.
5.). Figure out if it’s worth it to you to keep this person in your life and do what you have to without guilt. Forgiving and forgetting and continuing this relationship is not a sign of weakness. This person may be important to you and maybe just made an individual mistake. It’s ok to accept an apology and move on. But it’s also ok if you feel the need to let go. Take care of yourself. If this person is taking too much of a toll on you may be you may want to consider cutting the person out if your life completely, partially, or temporarily distancing yourself emotionally or physically. Whatever you feel is best for you.
6.). Just because this person has supporters who may be against you doesn’t mean she/he is right or that you are wrong. There is always going to be someone against you for whatever reason whether it’s justified or not. Don’t let the negativity or destructive criticism of others drag or keep you down. take care of yourself.
7.) focus on yourself. Make a plan for yourself. Focus on your goals and your own personal development. Find strength in this chaotic situation. Better yourself.
8.) don’t stop trusting! There are still good people out there. Friends and potential friends who will never betray or intentionally or carelessly hurt you. Don’t let this person’s/people negative behavior taint or destroy your general trust.
9.) Let the pain make you better not bitter!
🙂
😀
May you find hope, comfort, joy, laughter, happiness, and healing. You can be strong. This heartbreak CAN heal!
Xo Kim
“Don’t forget your second wind
Sooner or later you’ll get your second wind
It’s not always easy to be living in this world of pain
You’re gonna be crashing into stone walls again and again
It’s alright, it’s alright, though you feel your heart break
You’re only human, you’re gonna have to deal with heartache
(You’re only human, ooo-ooo)” Billy Joel
This is a pic my sister took of me yesterday. I can’t remember why I was doing what I’m doing in this picture but it makes me laugh a lot! My sister said it looks like I’m saying “Come at me, come at me!” as if to tempt someone to tread on me so I can pounce on that person! Lol. And I think that’s a perfect attitude to have about negative situations(not people though!!) ! Throw it all on me and i’ll come back even stronger! So yeah! Lol
😀
Love & blessings to you!
You know those questions, the ones you ask yourself when you mess up or feel low about yourself? The ones which make you feel even more low?? They sound something like this:
1.) How can I be so stupid?!
2.) How could have I done such a thing?!
3.) Am I the biggest asshole Or what?
4.) Can I be anymore of a fuck up?
5.) What is WRONG with me?!
6.) Can I ever do anything right?!
7.) How could I have let this happen.
And then there’s the self-abusive/hopeless statements:
1.) what an asshole I am.
2.) I am the biggest loser.
3.) how stupid I am!
4.) I can’t do anything right.
5.) I’m so fat.
6.) i’ll never amount to anything.
7.) nothing will ever get better.
Those negative questions and statements serve no purpose but to perpetuate your negative energy and your low moods.
Instead of giving into that kind of self talk you may want to try this instead: take those questions and statements and put a positive spin on them.
For example. Take question #1 which is “How can I be so stupid?!” and transform it to:
“What can I do in the future to try to prevent this mistake I made now?”. Everyone makes mistakes, misunderstands things, is unaware of certain things, and does something wrong every now and then. Try to recognize what you may have missed or done wrong. You won’t always be able to prevent it again though. You will always occasionally make mistakes, some even more than once, maybe even again and again. And that’s ok. You are a human after all.
Go easy on yourself. Messing up doesn’t indicate that you are unintelligent.
Let’s take #2 “How could I have done such a thing?!”. Let’s transform that to:
“I made a mistake or have done something I’m not proud of. It says nothing of my worth or my overall intelligence or ability to make decisions.”.
Just because you occasionally do something “stupid ” doesn’t mean you, the person, is stupid. Just because you “fail” once in a while doesn’t make you a failure as a person.
And instead of seeing it as “failing”, you can even take this message:
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. ” ~Thomas A. Edison
You are experimenting and learning.
Instead of “I can’t do anything right” try something like “this did not turn out how I wanted but I can learn what to do/what not to do in the future. “
Ask yourself why you did what you did, how you can act differently in the future. Replace words like “loser “, “asshole”, “fail” or “failure ” with more positive loving words. You are a person who has made a mistake, tried and things did not go as expected or planned. You are alive and so have the opportunity to try and try again and WIN.
Also, when things are going your way and you are happy and inspired and joyous, it can help you to take note of it, examine it and see why you are feeling amazing. If you can pinpoint the things and thoughts and actions that are contributing to those wonderfully positive feelings, you can make a habit of doing and thinking those things regularly so you generally feel more positive.
If you are generally a happy, relaxed, joyful person then keep on doing what you’re doing! Think good things about yourself and others. Continue to care for yourself.
Rest. Sleep. Meditate. Splurge once in a while. Cut negative people out of your life.
If you catch yourself having too many negative moods or feelings lately, stop and see if you can determine why. Everyone, no matter how healthy and happy is going to experience low moods and feelings once in a while. That’s ok. But when they start becoming frequent and crashing in on you, take note of it.
Has something changed recently?
Are you getting less sleep for some reason?
Having difficulty in some relationship of yours?
Is the way you view an unpleasant experience contributing to your low feelings.
If you are generally not very happy, are very stressed, anxious, or depressed, there are things you can do to elevate and maintain a general sense of well-being.
Even if you’re generally unhappy or sluggish there may still be more seldom moments in your life where you have felt much better, happier, energized, and joy filled.
Sometimes you won’t know why you’re feeling low or why you’re feeling happy. Moods fluctuate often without a known reason.
But see if you can become aware of why you feel the way you do.
If meditating, resting, countering negative thoughts, caring for yourself, eating healthier…makes you feel happier and uplifts you, make those things routine. Do them everyday. Incorporate them into your schedule.
You’re worth it! 😀
Xox0 Kim
And I say It’s all right, little darling. ❤
This may be the most perfect picture I have ever taken. The sun was astoundingly beautiful today. A gorgeous golden celestial gem hanging up there in the vibrant blue sky as a symbol of hope to us all.
“That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.” ~ Thoreau, Henry David
I saw the movie, “The Heat” today. Very funny & cute movie. I laughed all the way through. Very sweet theme and I would watch it again and again. I don’t watch TV shows at all and usually only movies in the theatre and even if I really like the movie, it’s rare I plan to see it again. But every once in a while, that special movie comes along and pulls my heartstrings and I know I will watch it over and over
And this is one of those! I love comedies, romantic comedies and ones with platonic friendship themes. Uplifting, inspiring, hopeful movies…<3
I hope you all are having a sweet day or night and remember, as Rodney Atkins sings, “If you’re going through hell, keep on going.”.
Xox0 Kim <3. ~hugs~. 😀
