Follow Your Own Way
I recently read a very old and very short fictional story called “Young Goodman Brown” about a young man who initially has faith in the basic, universal goodness of humanity. But things occur in the story to shake his faith. It falters then collapses and he’s convinced there isn’t much goodness in humans.
This story, if I understand correctly, is inspired by the author’s real life situations.
I have been analyzing it and reading an analysis of it. It reminds me of a few quotes that are somewhere along the lines of “Be kind to people in general, even unkind ones, not because they’re kind but because you are.”
This quote implies kindness as a way of life and not a mere occasional act or feeling in response to environmental situations. Even when people are not kind, YOU still are. You can let your kind Way and your kind philosophy waver and lash out in unkindness or you can keep it firm and grounded and stay true to yourself even in the face of other people’s bitterness.
If you are a kind person, it’s easy to be loving, kind, compassionate…when it’s convenient, when you’re currently surrounded by goodness, beauty, sweetness, kindness, love.
But what about when you are currently surrounded by someone else’s bitterness, what about when you encounter a rude person or a very unpleasant situation? It can be so tempting to let our own kind, loving, compassionate, optimistic ways crumble. And that doesn’t make someone a bad person. Most of us probably have relapses and setbacks and it is natural to be defensive in situations where you feel threatened in some way. But even in the midst of stress, chaos, rude people, negativity, pain, you’re still that kind, loving, caring you that you generally are. You’re still the you who believes in goodness, kindness, and love. Don’t forget you. Be true to and honor the you that you are.
You can build yourself so strong nothing will break what you are, nothing will bring your life philosophy, your morals and virtues, your principles, your deep wisdom to destruction. This isn’t to say we should be closed minded and restrained by our views that nothing and no one can enlighten us, educate us, or persuade us to a different view if we find evidence that that view may be true or better for us. It’s to say that we don’t have to lose faith that people are basically good just because of an encounter with a few bad ones, we don’t have to resort to unkindness and bitterness because others are, we don’t have to stop loving because we find someone doesn’t love us in return, we don’t have to wish bad things for people because they wish bad things for us, we don’t have to let pain, horror, negativity, fear, depression, fury…bring our deep wisdom to ruin. We don’t have to let painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions convince us that life is bad.
We can have a firm sense of who we are and honor that someone, always. We can change, grow, expand, evolve in various ways but stay true to who we are.
This story and thoughts and concept helps me so much when I’m depressed or becoming depressed/suicidal.
I haven’t been real depressed for a while but a few nights ago I felt myself kind of slipping. I was in a depressed mood, not yet a full blown depressive episode but a very low, depressed mood and couldn’t sleep right. Through the years of my depressive illness I learned how to often, though not always, prevent a full blown episode when I feel it about to hit. And when I’m not successful in preventing it, I’m often better now, at coping with and “breezing right through it” than I could years ago. So I was trying so hard not to let it get me.
I can often tell when I’m about to become suicidal or when suicidal thinking is about to occur. A few nights ago, I was having suicidal thoughts that felt as if they were just getting stronger and stronger, not urges, not contemplation but if it got out of hand, it could have been headed that way. There was no event that was currently happening to me to trigger this. I was on the verge of faltering. Serious suicidal contemplation hasn’t happened for me in well over a year now. And I did not then and do not now want a relapse after all my hard work to prevent that sort of thinking/urges. But it takes a lot of energy to ward off those thoughts, feelings, emotions when I feel them swirling around in my head. A lot of energy and strength. I was angry, depressed and wanted to let myself sink and slip into that dark place I once lived, so long.
But I thought of my Way. My own Way. My own life philosophy that life is beautiful and hope can be restored. There’s so much to live for. Even through the pain, life is a blessing. Gratitude saves my life sometimes. When I’m so drained and ready to cave, I think of all I have. All that I am. It took a lot of practice to get my life philosophy so ingrained into me that it helps me fend off suicidal/depressive attacks. But I have accomplished so much with it.
It takes practice and work to build yourself so strong that even in the face of misery and seemingly unbearable pain and even being dragged into other people’s negativity,you remain true to yourself. Your deep, authentic self who knows true wisdom and your own Truth.
I hope you will choose to honor you, your true deep self, when you feel yourself slipping in any way, about to cave and give into negative actions. This isn’t only for depressed people who have what I have but even people without depression. Almost everyone has some kind of struggles or pain and can use some loving inspiration now and again.
“Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved;we love to love.” ~ Leo Buscaglia
Xoxo Kim 😀
The Power of a Woman
“The Power of a Woman comes not from the strength of her body or the shrewdness of her resolve, but in the beauty of her heart, her mind, and her soul. A simple look can brighten the darkest hour. Her touch can warm the coldest of days. Her smile can intoxicate you. Her words can give wealth that the richest man would covet.” ~ Troy White
You’re Gonna Miss This
“First I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. And then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work. And then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying…
And suddenly I realize I forgot to live.” ~ Unknown
Yesterday morning I woke up to a lovely, Positively Positive, post:
The author states that every age and stage of life has its blessings and its challenges. No age or stage is “THE perfect one.”
And it’s great to appreciate each stage for what it is.
I frequently say that getting older is a blessing and so is every age, young or old. The longer we live the more chances we have to love and be loved, bless and be blessed, learn, teach, give and receive, meet more wonderful people, animals, have more opportunities to do, see, encounter all kinds of amazing things. Getting older is a gift denied to many. If you’re here, you’re blessed, irrespective of your age or stage of life.
Maybe you’re young and jobless, in college and struggling financially, maybe you’re single or experiencing the stresses of life as a married person, caring for a family, house, working a lot, maybe you’re waiting to retire and be done with your job, waiting for your kids to grow up so you can be done with most of the stress factors of taking care of children….
Maybe you’re single and long to be married or married and are longing for those days you were more carefree. Maybe you have no kids and think you won’t be happy until you have one. Maybe you do have kids and it’s hectic and you’re stressed and pulling out your hair.
Maybe your kids just moved away or you are done work for good and you’re feeling kind of empty.
There are unique gifts that you have when you’re single that you won’t when you’re married or in a committed romantic relationship and the other way around. There are blessings you have being someone without children that you won’t have if you have children but there are blessings you have when you have them that you did not have when you weren’t yet someone with a child.
Whatever stage of life you are currently in, chances are there is something about it you don’t like much and another stage or age is looking really good. But whatever stage that is, it also has challenges as well as gifts.
Wanting to be younger doesn’t make much sense when you think about it because you are so much wiser now, know so much more, have much more experience than back then. And if you wish you could go back but still know and be all that you are now, it’s basically the same thing then but with a different numerical label.
People often want to be younger because of the physical aspects or sexual (and other) appeal of youth but you can be appealing, in any way, at any age. And an appealing personality is better than a bangin’ body anyway. I actually believe that a woman’s beauty often deepens with age, in different ways. And I find this to be true for men too. Anyone can be wise, beautiful, and intelligent at any age, but age definitely brings blessings with each one.
And if you feel currently trapped within your youth, just remember, you won’t always be this way. You will grow, lose people and things, gain other things, meet more people, current moments will turn to memories to be cherished and you will develop more and more memories.
But one thing is very likely, wherever you currently are right now, no matter how stressful or chaotic, there’s something you’re going to miss about this.
I can think of previous stages I once lived, and couldn’t wait for parts of it to end, that I now miss! Even things I once found stressful or boring. Thinking back, reminiscing, I experience a sense of sadness or longing sometimes. Even for things I never thought I could miss. It’s bittersweet.
But this isn’t about being sad or wishing to go back or about regrets. It’s about becoming aware of right now and embracing the present knowing that one day it’s possible that we’ll look back on this and realize how great it really is/was but we never realized.
It’s about taking full advantage of the NOW even if we’re struggling. Then we can look back, miss it, but still know at least we made the most of it while we had the chance.
I write here frequently about how I love country music! Especially when it’s songs about love and ones that are inspirational and uplifting and full of wisdom. I have a long playlist of them. Yesterday I was introduced to one I haven’t heard of before then! Trace Adkins’, “You’re Gonna Miss This.”
In the article above, the author mentions this song!
The dad is singing about how his little girl couldn’t wait to grow up and throughout different stages of her life, all she wanted was the next stage. Her dad tells her to slow down and just cherish now. Now is good.
Even with screaming kids, barking dogs, a small apartment with stuff breaking down. Now is good.
“Before she knows it she’s a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It’s a nice place
She says It’ll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you’re gonna miss this
Five years later there’s a plumber workin’ on the water heater
Dog’s barkin’, phone’s ringin’
One kid’s cryin’, one kid’s screamin’
She keeps apologizin’
He says They don’t bother me.
I’ve got 2 babies of my own.
One’s 36, one’s 23.
Huh, it’s hard to believe, but …”
Awww
I love it.
Whether you’re a 20 year old girl and broke as a joke, struggling to find your place in this life or a 40 year old person wishing you were younger and more youthful again, or a 60 year old person waiting to retire to be done work or 80, 100 years or older, cherish right now.
This song reminds me of another song with a similar concept:
“Then they do” – Also sung by Trace Adkins about how parents often can’t wait til their kids grow up, have lives of their own, find true happiness and dreams coming true. Then they do. And then that’s when they start to miss all the days their kids were young and annoying and stressing over trivial things. It teaches us to appreciate what we have now.
So if you catch yourself saying “I can’t wait till….I have more money, it’s Friday, my vacation, I’m a certain age or I wish…I could be younger, more accomplished, more important…
” just remember, you are enough just as you are and one day, you just may find that you miss this.
” No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” ~ Dale E. Turner
“No matter how long you have been traveling down the wrong road it’s never too late to turn around and begin again. ” ~ Unknown
Xoxo Kim
My sweet, looong List of Happy. <3 :-D
I recently stumbled across a blog post about “List of Kinds of People I Seriously Hate”
And to my dismay I am on that list! Lol Well not me personally but one of the kinds of people she “seriously hates.” lol How rude!
;-D
She seems like a very outspoken girl though who is very sure of herself and isn’t afraid to state her views and just be herself, not fearing what others will think or say about who she is. And I think that’s generally something to be appreciated and respected so I wasn’t too annoyed and she also loves animals so that’s alright with me! Anyway, she can’t stand girls who wear low cut shirts, especially when they post pics of themselves and that’s totally me! She said it’s totally slutty and any girl like that will be taken right off her newsfeed or any social media list! But it’s just my style is all! Always has been, always will be! ;-D
She said her and her friends tried to write a list of happy things and it was so much harder than writing the list of negative things.
It surprised me that so many agreed with her. I’m the opposite. I find it so much easier thinking of things I love. I only planned on writing like 20 something things and just couldn’t stop! Now it’s way over 100!
But when I try to write a list of things I don’t much care for, I get stuck before even getting to ten usually! Lol! I guess I’m a little too accepting or easy going?! 😀
Mostly the things on my negative list are : unjust discrimination, animal cruelty, prejudicial attitudes, abuse, homicide….things like that.
Also, I think “happy lists” are often more unique than “sad lists” because the unhappy lists are often universal. If you think about it, who really does like unjust discrimination, diseases, sore throats, child or domestic abuse, homicide…? Pretty much no one.
But not everyone loves the color pink or rainbows or babies!
So happy lists are quite unique.
Inaccurate grammar, Girls who do the duck face, post pics of their messy kids and food all day, piss and moan about their drama, are slutty, post 50, million pics of themselves in restrooms, half dressed, political rants…..don’t annoy me. I don’t mind seeing their stuff or whatever. Whatever floats your boats, girls! Lol
I’m not the most judgmental girl in the world which also means I don’t really judge people too hard who judge me negatively. I’m mostly, understanding of your lack of understanding, compassionate even with your lack of compassion, empathetic for your lack of empathy, accepting of your lack of acceptance.
I don’t like it much but it is what it is, right?!
🙂
Anyway, though, Here’s my list of happy!
Inspired by that girl’s list of not so happy! Lol
1.) animals
2.) shopping for makeup, clothes, books
3.) iced coffee especially when it’s really sweetened
4.) meeting people I never met before
5.) finding new quotes, songs, and poems that resonate with me in a deep way
6.) snowstorms and the first snowfall of the season
7.) When the seasons are changing to the next one – it’s something magical
8.) photography
9.) looking into a mirror and loving who/what I see
10.) the feeling of accomplishment, even if it’s something small
11.) making someone smile
12.) random acts of kindness
13.) helping someone
14.) the way it feels to put on comfy pj’s and fall into bed after a long day
15.) hot tea
16.) cake
17.) rain
18.) Hello Kitty
19.) journals and stationary stuff
20.) blogs
21.) my long hair
22.) gentle summer breezes
23.) all the different shades of green that appear throughout Spring & Summer
24.) novels and plays with deep, profound meanings
25.) poetry
26.) getting a new handbag
27.) learning a new life lesson or being reminded of ones I previously learned
28.) salt n vinegar chips
29.) babies!
30.) art journaling
31.) walking in warm or cool weather
32.) seeing people happy and doing well
33.) friends
34.) mindfulness meditation and activities
35.) Buddhist teachings
36.) philosophy
37.) dreams while I’m sleeping and remembering them when I wake up
38.) being aware of beauty all around
39.) my senses
40.) restaurants
41.) gratitude
42.) parks
43.) beautiful buildings
44.) kind strangers
45.) Oldies songs, country songs, love songs
46.) Happy songs and sad poetry
47.) the sky
48.) the moon
49.) getting caught in the rain
50.) taking a picture that turns out more perfect than I expected
51.) love of all kinds, romantic, platonic, universal
52.) walking through a large shopping mall
53.) being surrounded by people
54.) hugs!
55.) making someone else happy
56.) Belly laughs that hurt
57.) the way it feels when laughing almost lifts me when I’m depressed sometimes or in physical pain
58.) Center City Philadelphia and all the beautiful buildings
59.) buying someone a gift or cup of coffee/tea
60.) people who are open-minded, understanding, and empathetic for other people’s situations, problems, lives…
61.) all the colorful leaves of the fall
62.) Blueberry coffee (coffee with blueberry flavor in it) with cream and sugar
63.) fun/deep conversations with a stranger on a bus or at the bus stop
64.) connecting with people
65.) feeling one with all that is
66.) pretty candles with a sweet fragrance
67.) being able to listen to the same song over and over and never get tired of it!
68.) unsuccessfully trying hard not to laugh at something hilarious that I know I shouldn’t be laughing at
69.) serving people at the store where I work
70.) coca cola
71.) romantic comedies
72.) anything sappy and cheesy
73.) the sun and sunrises and sunsets
74.) Morning
75.) nightfall
76.) sunny afternoons
77.) hot cocoa with whipped cream on a bitter cold day
78.) gray days as well as sunny ones
79.) miserable weather
80.) bright, clear blue sky with big fluffy white clouds
81.) different kinds of accents people have
82.) learning phrases in other languages I don’t know
83.) getting a new or old book
84.) bookstores
85.) nail polish that stands out
86.) bright colored socks
86.) anything pink
87.) the color red – especially dresses and handbags, and lipstick on girls who can pull it off
88.) the color green
89.) sweet messages
90.) feeling deeply inspired
91.) feeling motivated and taking action for the better
92.) twilight
93.) finding beauty in unlikely places
94.) sweet memories
95.) When a certain scent takes me back to a place long gone. The bittersweetness of nostalgia
96.) old writings, books, plays
97.) flowers
98.) remembering a song I forgot long ago
99.) When pain isn’t as bad
100.) being filled with deep wisdom and sharing it with others or people sharing it with me
101.) Girls in five inch stilettos
102.) animals playing
103.) my online friends on Facebook, the blog, 365project…
104.) the feeling when a package comes in the mail for me!
105.) Happy surprises
106.) everything related to weddings
107.) animal rescue organizations
108.) movie theatres
109.) the feeling of laying in bed at night reading
110.) trampolines
111.) learning something fascinating
112.) teaching someone something fascinating I learned
113.) making someone’s day better
114.) physical closeness – waiting for a bus with people, standing in lines at a store with people, sitting next to people….
115.) finding something with the letter “K” on it
116.) peanut butter
117.) french vanilla cream horns
118.) university/college campuses
119.) things not going as planned but then working out even better!
120.) posting sweet song lyrics
121.) snuggling under blankets with dogs or cats
122.) skyscrapers
123.) street signs and city lights
124.) the sounds of the city
125.) busses and trolleys
126.) people who build each other up instead of dragging each other down
127.) tomatoes
128.) walking in a light mist
129.) Indian food
130.) fruity or Hawaiian body spray
131.) the way it feels using a new shower gel or hair product
132.) facebook
133.) lemons in soda and iced tea
134.) warm places in the Winter
135.) being deeply inspired to create
136.) birds flying around outside
137.) the love of being greeted by my dogs when I walk into a room.
138.) lovers holding hands
139.) old people – they’re cute.
140.) reading about/hearing about someone’s dream finally coming true.
Wow! Life sure is good, isn’t it?! 😀
So uplifted, warm, and in awe at how many amazing things there are to be so happy about. I did not list these all in one sitting; it took like two days but at the very end I felt so warm and light and like I can jump for joy!
Sometimes I create lists like these in my head at night as I’m laying in bed but it feels even different when I write out a super long list like this. When I think like this at night, the joy often keeps me awake! Lol. So I try to think of more mellow, serene things. You know your life is good when you can’t sleep at night because of too many GOOD thoughts!
I don’t have a “real” job, not much money, I live with family, not on my own, I have a depressive and chronic physical pain disorder but I can still say that life is beautiful. Beautiful with all the simple joys, all the sweet wonders that cost nothing or next to nothing.
😀
May you realize all the treasures you are truly blessed with and feel inspired to list them and not be able to stop!
Xoxo Kim
What if today we were just grateful for everything?/Zero-Based Gratitude
http://ezinearticles.com/?Zero-Based-Gratitude&id=2753810Johnathan
Jonathan Huie is one of my heroes I never met in person. Like Norman Vincent Peale, Stephen Covey, Richard Carlson, Sarah Ban Breathnach, and many more. And Daniel Gottlieb who I finally got to meet, last night! All of these people work or have worked to help better the lives of others.
I am deeply inspired by all of them and their brilliant work and lives.
Jonathan Lockwood Huie explains in an Ezine article here:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Zero-Based-Gratitude&id=2753810
What Zero-based Gratitude is.
He explains this by first contrasting zero-based budgeting and incremental budgeting, which are techniques often used by businesses, governments, and sometimes individual people. In incremental budgeting, which is traditionally employed, the entity starts with the budget for the last year or previous instance and prepares the subsequent budget based on the previous one. Incorporating whatever increases or more seldom, decreases, is considered to be appropriate.
In contrast, zero-based budgeting begins with a baseline of no expenditures as opposed to the baseline of last year’s expenditures. Instead of looking at some previous year, they just look at now. Right now. As Mr. Huie explains, every single proposed expense must be justified on its own merit as opposed to resorting to the argument that it was in last year’s budget and that everyone is expecting and demanding it.
For most people, their gratitude is incremental gratitude instead of zero based.
When they have a baby, get a new car, get a promotion, more money, a new house, a new love…they’re all thankful. If they lose their job, are forced to get a smaller house or less of something, experience a breakup, get into an argument with someone, become ill or have a sick family member or friend, they get disappointed and angry, lose touch with the gratitude they felt when great things were happening. They haven’t been as blessed today with all they had yesterday.
But still blessed. They just don’t know it. Or feel it. It’s ok to feel sad but we can still be grateful.
There are people who say if the quality of life they have now was greatly reduced by illness or injury, they would choose not to live. Not to be resuscitated. Not to be kept alive with a feeding tube if that means they cannot walk or take care of themselves, if it means they cannot talk like they can now or express themselves in most ways they now can, if it means being a “burden” to others. If basically all they can do is sit up with support and look around a room, being fed with a tube.
But you know what? Many people like this can feel. They feel the touch of others, they feel the care of those who show it to them. They’re alive and conscious. No longer like they used to be. They can’t hold ordinary conversations. They may not be able to speak words, maybe not even completely understand language always.
But they understand touch. They understand smiles. Their hearts understand love.
They see and feel. They see flowers, balloons, smiles, faces. They’re not always suffering even when they re all shriveled up looking, in a chair with a feeding tube. They may look like they’re in an “unfortunate” state to some people but they can be very happy in their own context, just as happy as a walking, mostly independent person who can feed herself.
Some are even born this way and are some of the happiest people! They’re not “vegetables” or “retards” or “burdens” or “brain dead,” they’re people!!
If I all of a sudden tomorrow found myself very unlike the way I am today, my abilities dramatically reduced, my body damaged, with a feeding tube in me but I could still feel, both physically and emotionally, I would choose life even if I couldn’t consciously say or even think it in words.
My life would be just as valuable as the life I live now. Nothing can reduce my value.
I would see balloons and flowers and smiling faces. I would feel the sweet, loving touch of a friend on my arm or the healing, compassionate touch of a doctor, a hand on mine, eyes looking into my own eyes. Feel the warmth of caring people, the beauty of daylight, the beams of golden sun, the sweetness of a gentle breeze, the vibrancy of the colors around me, the life that would still breathe in me. And that would be enough for me.
Even if I couldn’t see or hear, I would still FEEL, most important of all!
Yes I would choose to be a “burden” and I know I wouldn’t really be a burden. Someone somewhere would be happy to have me. BLESSED to have me. Blessed with my smile, my love, my will to carry on. Maybe a family member or a friend, another kind person or kind and loving health professionals who choose to care for people with extra needs who aren’t suffering but are not as independent as people who can walk and talk and feed and change themselves. Someone would have me. And I would gladly have that someone.
And someone would gladly have you and anyone else.
In a state like that I would have so much less than now but I would still choose gratitude. Still choose life.
What I have now are luxuries, beautiful luxuries. If I lose them, this life will still be beautiful. I will still be beautiful.
Today I have a house to live in, a bed to sleep in, blankets, heat, air, material objects like furniture, books, my phone….but if tomorrow my house burns to the ground taking everything I know with it, as long as I’m alive, I will give thanks. Even if I have to live out on the streets for a while. It would be devastating, shocking, depressing, but I would STILL have things to give thanks for, my life, the sky above me, kindness and love….LOVE.
On many occasions I would probably have to force myself to see the goodness, the greatness. But it’s there and I’m capable.
I have a chronic physical pain disorder and it gets so horrifying that sometimes I wish I were dead when it flares up to that degree but I learned more and more to remember GRATITUDE for all that IS right even when it’s flaring up badly. And lots of things are right. Even when it seems my world is crumbling on top of me.
This also goes for my depressive disorder. When I have a severe flare up, I think about dying but not nearly as often and usually not as deeply as I used to. I learned to often appreciate this life and give thanks even when it hurts. No matter how lifeless I feel or how agonizing my emotional pain is. I learned to live in the present and not compare it to what I previously had or to what someone else may have.
Depression and physical pain have been my teachers, teaching me how one moment, everything can crumble and it seems like I have so much less than what I had just very recently. When a disorder flares up out of nowhere or is triggered by an environmental issue or a thought, it can be traumatic and it makes me see all the little things I had to be grateful for before the flare up. I become painfully aware of all I was ignoring. My emotional or physical anguish makes the simple joys of life jump out at me and it’s painful to now notice them and know I was taking them for granted so frequently. Painfully beautiful. Beautifully painful.
But these disorders show me how not to do that so much. I developed an ingrained habit to notice and look for the joys of living whether I’m in any kind of pain or not. When I’m in extreme physical or emotional pain, I usually can’t take as much pleasure in things as I can without the pain but I can experience some joy and pleasure. And with practice I can even learn to increase my joy even when it hurts.
These are some examples of zero based gratitude. It’s true that we can wake up one morning with significantly less than we just had the night before but instead of using last night as a reference, we can focus on the NOW and what we currently have. Let us give thanks for this present moment.
In some cultures, like the U.S. Culture for example, this is our way, to be very ungrateful for the most part. Not always though. We often give thanks for friends and family when the topic comes up, and like some other countries, we even have a whole holiday dedicated to gratitude. But as a culture, we don’t seem to make gratitude and expressing it, our general way of life. We compare what we have to what others have and to what we previously had if it was more. We can think of a long list, when asked or when it’s a holiday, what we’re thankful for but then we soon forget.
The more we have and get, the more we demand and if we lose some things we previously had, our lives “suck” or “FML!.”
I’m guilty of this myself. And probably will be guilty again. But I have learned to mostly be conscious of when I’m doing this, to be conscious of what I’m grateful for, and for it to become an unconscious way or “second nature” to automatically give thanks.
There are blessings all around and within. A whole abundance of gifts and goodness.
Even when our blessings are reduced and we lose what we have, there is still an abundance of greatness.
Let’s give zero-based gratitude a try.
Xoxo Kim
When I Becomes We <3
“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
I wrote a couple of posts here previously about Dr. Daniel Gottlieb, a Philadelphia psychologist. He is one of my greatest inspirations. He suffered devastating tragedies in his life and was able to rise above and help others. He experienced divorce, grief and loss, and suffered a tragic, near fatal accident when he was thirty years old that rendered him permanently paralyzed, with a broken neck, afflicted with quadriplegia, which is paralysis, at the torso and all the limbs.
He suffered with suicidal depression after that but found deep healing. He is able to use his life lessons to help people with various struggles, severe struggles and just every day life, “ordinary” struggles most of us face now and again. He has a young grandson with Autism who teaches Dr. Gottlieb so much about life.. He even wrote a couple books about the wisdom his young grandson teaches him.
I read his writings quite frequently and have a couple of his books. And tomorrow Dr. Gottlieb is having a book signing event at Barnes & Nobles in Center City, Philadelphia for his newest book!!! I’m so happy and thrilled!!! I’m going!!!
It will be so amazing to finally meet him in person after reading so much by him, sharing his inspiration frequently, and being deeply inspired by his life.
One thing Dr. Gottlieb teaches us is how we can connect with each other through our basic humanness, disability, illness or not, we are all human, all with basic needs and desires, a deep longing to connect. His lesson is not unlike Dr. Leo Buscaglia’s message about how deep inside we are the same, human and we can connect in many ways even when barriers prevent more advanced communication.
Dr. Dan doesn’t even care much to be referred to as “Doctor.” On his business cards he writes “human.”
Another of his lessons is that no matter what happens to us and how much we grieve over what we lost, we can still find happiness in the midst of pain and grief. Sometimes he wishes desperately that he can walk again and dance and he grieves deeply over his lost abilities but he can still be happy just as he is.
It’s ok to grieve and feel a deep sense of loss and longing and those experiences do not have to taint our general happiness and wellbeing. They dont have to be mutually exclusive.
He is so very humble. He doesn’t make his life or pain out to be better or worse than anyone else’s. He knows we all have struggles, some worse than others but no one’s pain should be invalidated.
Another lesson he teaches us is positivity. He cannot move much and therefore his urinary bladder does not work as it did before his paralysis. He needs a catheter since he cannot empty his bladder as people without physical disability can. The urine goes to the catheter and that gets emptied. He doesn’t have to use a toilet. He likes to remind “non disabled” people and anyone who can use a toilet that while they’re getting in and out of bed all night to empty their bladders the “normal” way, he is sleeping peacefully in bed. Lol He says this in a funny and playful way! Humor is also a great lesson he teaches us.
I love his sense of humor!
He teaches us that there’s little bits of Heaven here on Earth, all around us. We don’t have to die or go on vacation to experience Heaven. We often long for a vacation and look in awe and gratitude upon the sunset and land when we are not at home. But wherever we are, we look upon that same sunset, the same sky, the same Earth. Beauty is all around us. Right here. Right now.
He teaches us that everyone’s needs are “special.” We all have some kind of needs. We all are dependent in some ways upon other people and things.
He teaches us about the good hope and the bad hope. Hopefulness is good. But putting off current happiness and peace of mind hoping for “better” isn’t good. For a couple of years Dr. Gottlieb desperately hoped he would walk again even though it’s impossible. He put his life and happiness on hold hoping for “better” but he eventually found healing and hopelessness. The good kind of hopelessness that is acceptance, letting go, and liberation.
You can read about some of this here:
http://www.temple.edu/medicine/dan_gottlieb_visit.htm
He teaches us to just sit with and be with our emotions. Not to repress or deny them. Just be. And so much more he teaches us.
His new book is “The Wisdom We’re Born With (Restoring Our Faith in Ourselves).”. It’s about the importance of living in the present moment, connecting with our own emotions, calming the unquiet mind, breaking bad habits, and the importance of love.
http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/event/82835
Here is a beautiful poem by Dr. Daniel Gottlieb about how we are all connected, we are all One with each other. It’s called “When I Becomes We.”
Click the link to read:
http://www.drdangottlieb.com/2014/02/14/poetry-when-i-becomes-we/#
Here are a few lines:
“…when “those” people become “my” people
when the person in the street with a Styrofoam cup becomes my brother or sister
when every hungry child becomes my child
then I will cry more and laugh more and love more…”
Beautiful, isn’t it?!
I’m so inspired. And I hope you have found some inspiration here too.
&
And keep smiling. There’s beauty all around you, everywhere, everyday.
Xoxo Kim 😀
Thank You <3
I want to thank Cindy Baker for re blogging one of my posts!!! And to thank everyone for liking it and all those who followed this blog!!! I have never received so many likes and follows here! A couple nights ago I was on my way to Applebee’s with my family and I received sooo many e-mails in an hour notifying me of all the likes and I really thought at first that someone was playing a joke on me! Lol! I soon realized that many of Cindy’s kind followers read and liked my post!! I was/am thrilled! It’s so encouraging and uplifting!
And thank you so much to all of the ones who liked/followed/shared/read within the last couple days however you came across this blog!
I love coming across and meeting new people! And I am so thankful for every person who likes/follows/shares/reads my content! I remember how thrilled I was when I first set up this blogging account and realized I had four followers! Now I have quite a few! I created the blog for myself to collect/remember all the little things and life lessons that inspire me but I created it just as much to share with, inspire and uplift others in any ways I can.
So thank you all soooo much!!!!
And please check out Cindy Baker’s wonderful blog if you haven’t already! It’s absolutely beautiful with beautiful poetry, quotes, photos, and thought provoking posts!
http://lesplaisirssimplesdelavie.wordpress.com/author/cynthiabaker00-2/
Xoxo Kim 😀
Light of the World Award
http://shethp.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/light-of-the-world-award/
I’m so very honored to have been nominated by Sheth (http://shethp.wordpress.com/) for the Light of the World award!!!
How amazing!!! Thank You so much, Sheth for your kindness and nominating me and for reading my content! And also for shining your light on the world!
So, the rules are:
1. Thank the person who nominates you.
2. Honor the bloggers who spread life, love, hope , and peace in the name of all people.
3. Let your nominees know of their nomination.
4. Never give-up encouraging people and speaking truth.
I have many favorite blogs and ones I read frequently!! So I won’t be listing them all here since it’s like an endless amount! But I have chosen a number of them to list!
Here they are!
Eliza Waters
http://elizawaters.wordpress.com/about/
K Clips
http://383g.wordpress.com/about/
Finding My Inner Courage
http://findingmyinnercourage.wordpress.com/2013/03/21/leap-from-chronic-pain-darkness-2/
Give Yourself Away Today
http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/
Simple Pleasures – Visual Poetry
http://lesplaisirssimplesdelavie.wordpress.com/
Etsuchan
http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/
Everything in about 200 words
http://about200words.wordpress.com/
A window of wisdom
http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/
5 kids with disabilities
http://5kidswdisabilities.com/
Students with birds
http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/
Eye For Life
Words Like Silk
Illicit By Nature
http://illicitbynature.com/my-story/
Bucket List Publications
http://bucketlistpublications.org/
That Indian Minimalist
http://thatindianminimalist.wordpress.com/
All of these people make the world a much better place with their blogs and writing/photos! They have so much depth, wisdom, and beauty that shines through the screen. They are extremely inspirational and full of light & life. I hope you check out every single one of them as well as Sheth’s blog:
I’m so thankful to be nominated for the award and to have come across all of these blogs and the many more I love, as well as all the ones I will stumble upon in the future! Thank You!!
Xoxo Kim
My Inner Springtime
I have been working on this for days! And here it is!! 😀
Positively Present(the link above), by Dani Dipirro, is a lovely little place on the net with an abundance of positivity and inspiration to bask in. I subscribed to her e-mail updates a while ago. She came up with a wonderful idea to create an inner Springtime. You know how Spring is the rebirth of your world around you after what may seem like a long, cold, barren Winter? It can also be metaphorical for rebirth and inner growth, as you may already know. I love Winter and every season. They all have their own unique beauty and blessings that the other three do not. And I am blessed to live in a place with four beautiful seasons. But the Winter cold can be painful and it’s hard to stay out long in that. To me, it often seems urgent like I have to hurry out of the cold after a while. It’s hard to walk and take photos in that weather while shaking in the frigid Winter air. I know many people just don’t like the gray. And the Winter lack and the light can have a biochemical effect on the brain chemistry of people, contributing to depression or just a low mood. I wouldn’t give up beautiful Winter for anything though! I like the cold, the gray, the bare branches on trees…
Every year I warmly welcome Winter
But
I also love when Winter melts into Spring and each year I am very ready for Spring as Winter is coming to a close. The sunlight, the warm lingering daylight, the blossoming green and scented flowers…. Dani Dipirro shares her list on her website for how to create our own little Spring no matter what it’s like out there. What a wonderful idea!
I decided to write my own list, trying not to steal any of her exact ideas! Lol She has amazing ideas on her list! Be sure to check them out! Some of her ideas are: create a gratitude list, re-read a book, watch a Spring themed movie, play with a dog, cat, or child….
She inspires me so much, so frequently!
Again, here’s her post with her list!
So here’s mine!
1.) Try to think back to a song you once loved and listened to often then forgot all about it.
Download the song and listen. Feel the emotions and memories come flooding back. If you need help remembering your song, think of different ages or stages, years, seasons that have come and gone. Think of old music bands you haven’t heard any songs by in a long while. Can you remember any long lost songs?
One of my favorite feelings in the world is rediscovering a beautiful song I haven’t heard in years!
Check this out:
http://www.bobborst.com/popculture/top-100-songs-of-the-year/?year=1964
It has a tab with a long list of years and you can choose a year and then read a list of top songs for that year!
2.) Try to find a quote you haven’t heard of before. A quote about a topic close to your heart. Maybe a quote about hope and healing, love, gratitude, being and staying motivated? You can search for a quote book or just look online for lists of inspirational quotes.
Here, you will find a wellspring of quotes and inspiration:
http:www.joyprogram.com
3.) Maybe a little redecorating! Or Spring cleaning! This will be a good one for me since I tend to get my room cluttered with books and clothes. Set out things that make you happy, maybe Spring themed things like flowers, pastel colors, bunnies….
4.) Light a beautiful candle with a light fragrance if you aren’t allergic or have breathing difficulties. Lavender, citrus, cotton or linen, cherry….MmmmMmm!!
Different fragrances are believed to be great for different things. Lavender is good for depression and sleep disorders, anxiety and fear. Vanilla is good for stress, Lemon is good for sadness and grief, Clary Sage is good for fatigue……certain scents are just uplifting and can inspire a good mood!
Open your window, let your curtains blow in the gentle breeze and invite the promise of Spring into your heart.
And check this out for aromatherapy mood blends:
http://www.aromatherapy.com/mood_blends.html
5.) Do some random act of kindness for someone anonymously. Maybe you know someone in need of some cheering up. Send an anonymous card or flowers, help pay for something…
6.) Pay someone a genuine and sweet compliment either in person or online.
7.) do an arts and craft project. My favorite is to write a quote or song lyrics and decorate it!
8.) Buy or download a book you are interested in and never read yet.
9.) Girls and men and anyone else who love/s to wear makeup and/or new hairstyles, try a new hairstyle/color or makeup look that you have been afraid to try, if that’s the kind of thing you’re interested in. I love makeup and hair and for makeup, I like trying different eyeshadow colors and stuff but my hair is always the same. Either put up in hair ties or long and flowing around my waist. I never care to change the color or length/general style. Some people do want to but need a little push. It can be scary thinking about changing a part of ourselves, even something like just a hair style/color which can be reversed and isn’t really a serious life decision. Anyone contemplating any change, big or small, permanent or not can use some encouragement/support. But it’s ultimately up to you.
10.) Search for a new park or cafe or bookstore. It doesn’t actually have to be new. Maybe new to you or one you haven’t been to in a while.
11.) Step outside your comfort zone. Maybe read a kind of book you don’t usually read. Do an activity you probably won’t be good at. Try a new style of clothing, try food you never tried, try to learn a few phrases in a language you don’t know to speak good in, do something you feel way too shy to do, push yourself, I find that this opens me and I become less shy and more open to even more ideas….
12.) Live in the present moment. Here and now. For an entire day or part of a day, forget about later. Forget about tomorrow and what you “have” to do. Be grateful for THIS moment. Bask in the beauty of your life. Maybe you can mindfully watch a movie, eat something while savoring every taste, texture, sensation…, doing a mindfulness, walking meditation
13.) Reminisce about things long gone. Remember beautiful things, places, people, pets….you once knew. Feel the beauty of love they fill/ed in you, feel the sting of loss, the sweet sadness of nostalgia….it’s bittersweet.
14.) Create a long list of all the reasons your life is amazing right now. No matter what you want and don’t yet or will never have. Focus on the current goodness.
15.) Share a quote you love with someone. Anyone.
16.) Write a positive, uplifting, or thought-provoking message that can apply to people in general. You can sign your first name, nick name or not sign it and have more mystery. Fold up the paper and leave it somewhere for a random person to find. On a seat in a restaurant or bus or train. On a park bench, on a random house step(hopefully you don’t get flagged for littering! Lol you can tell them it’s my fault, I will take the responsibility lmao), on a shelf in a store, in the pages of a book in a used book store. It may seem kind of creepy but it may be just what someone needs to read. It can brighten someone’s day! It can be a quote or any short but sweet, positive, little message!
17.) Do something by yourself that you don’t usually do alone. A movie theatre, restaurant, buy yourself flowers…Love your own company!
I often had trouble with this because I suffer with depression and there were some years where I had no true friends and was frequently, physically alone like in college some years , during the breaks in the middle of the day. While I love my own company and have fun alone and with people, even when I had true friends, being alone outside would make me depressed and sad sometimes and excruciatingly lonely. But it’s amazing to learn to love and cherish your moments you have alone. You don’t always need people around to have fun and not be lonely.
18.) Make a long list of things you like about you, physically or not. You may not consciously know you have things you like about yourself but look at you. Look within and look at your body. Maybe you’ll discover new things you like that you never realized. Think of your opinions, your compassion, your kindness, your eyes, your heart, your uniqueness, Try not to think in terms of better or worse and just focus on what is. Like how someone else has it better or that yours can be worse. Look at you currently and love you! Also try not to think of it as being conceited. Self love is great! It may seem unnatural first but you’ll get the hang of it! 😀
19.) think of a habit you would like to develop and begin it now or tonight. Maybe you want to start going to sleep earlier, putting healthier food into your body instead of junk, take one hour or more a day just for you, learn about a new topic, exercise regularly…
20.) adopt a dog, cat, bunny, or whatever fur/feather/reptile… baby you want!
21.) Step outside and wonder at the incredible beauty and greatness that Nature is. And look at the incredible, beautiful structure of buildings. Look at the veins in the leaves. Go weak at the knees at the astounding gift of life. Look at the sky and marvel at the colors, designs, textures, everything….tap into full awareness of your senses. Don’t just look and know. Feel. Feel at a deeper level. Fall into the depths of mindfulness and beauty. Come alive.
22.) do some stretches that are safe for you. You can find many tips and steps on YouTube.
23.) Remember not to be jealous of or depressed over anyone else’s beauty or success. You, too, have gifts and accomplishments. There will always be those with more and those with less. And that’s ok. Celebrate their fortunes as well as your own.
24.) try a guided imagery meditation. I took a counseling class in college for meditation and used to do stuff like this in therapy some years ago.
Here’s one for pain byMagical Meditations:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rPtsVkfTEWY
This is the mobile link. It’s complicated to get the desktop link on my phone and it messes things up. I hope you can find it on your computer if you’re interested!
I love this. It’s for physical and emotional pain. You can find ones on YouTube for pain, sleep, relaxation, gratitude, and more!
I love when the person guiding the meditation has a different accent than me. Lol
25.) search for an old/classic novel or play if you’re into reading and download it for free! They’re no longer copyrighted so you can find them free and legally online. Usually in text or pdf version!
Over 40,000 free ebooks here!!
http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/32707?msg=welcome_stranger
26.) find an obscure poem, drawing, painting, or something of that sort and try different ways of interpreting it! Or think of an opinion you have on something and try to imagine having a different or opposing view on it. What must that be like? You don’t have to change your views but it’s fun imagining and also can teach us to develop deeper compassion and empathy.
27.) create a life philosophy if you don’t already have one! I can’t stress enough how much this has helped me heal and to be a better being than I have ever been. I haven’t written my entire life philosophy out yet, just parts of it. But I will write more. A life philosophy will help guide you on your life journey. It can grow, expand, and change as you do, please don’t let it restrain you. It doesn’t have to be written in stone but write it in your heart. Make it strong and firm enough to hold you, guide you, and ground you when you falter and fall. Don’t let it imprison you but let it guide you. If you ever find that you outgrow your life philosophy, let your life philosophy grow right along with you.
My basic life philosophy is to make certain thoughts, feelings, and concepts my general way of life as opposed to just feeling them occasionally or only when I feel like it or when it’s most easy and convenient for me. It is designed by me to help me be the best me I can be for myself and everyone I impact in any way, not to be a perfectionist but to be better in ways that matter most.
Not to tell people what is best for them ever but to be sure my words and actions are always for the better and never to intentionally or thoughtlessly hurt, destroy, or drag people down.
I choose to make kindness, love, gratitude, hope, and compassion my way of life. Even when it hurts. Even when people do me wrong. Even when people are not kind and compassionate for me and others, even when they don’t appreciate my gratitude for them and return it. I choose to remind myself over and over how beautiful life itself is even when it hurts. I choose to never give up. Not give up on life or myself. All of these thoughts, feelings, and beliefs often come to us and are easy now and then but it’s so easy to crumble and give up on them sometimes. A life philosophy, to be effective to the fullest must be practiced and maintained every single day. Like I said before sometimes I am so tempted to give up on it and it goes out the Window when I’m in serious pain but it’s ingrained in me enough so I always find my way back to it soon enough. Find quotes, songs, writings, blogs, books, people, memories….to confirm and help you nurture your life philosophy. Meditate upon it. Write about it in blogs or journals. Apply it to your real life experiences.
My physical pain disorder and my depressive disorder helped me strengthen and deepen my own life philosophy by testing me.
Just like a muscle when it’s exercised, it gets stronger. My life philosophy deepens with experience, both pleasant and unpleasant.
This can help you so so much to be happier, stronger, comforted, and have your life more organized.
Write down the basic tenets of your life philosophy today.
I came across this idea because I attended college for Philosophy and graduated with the B.A. In it. So many people say Philosophy is useless and no point in taking it in college. But I took it just for fun and it is not useless or just for academic purposes. It can help us think more clearly and develop better reasoning abilities. There are even self-help/personal development Philosophy books designed to help us apply philosophical concepts to our own lives. Anyway you don’t have to know anything at all about the academic field of Philosophy or go to college to develop your life philosophy or even necessarily read a self-help book. They can all be supplements. And you can learn so much about philosophers and their philosophies online. Much of it is old and not copyrighted.
We even have our own ten commandments! The Ten Commandments of Philosophy!
Check it out:
https://sites.google.com/site/degatzia/thetencommandmentsofphilosophy
But really, all you have to do is think of qualities you would love to have or strengthen in yourself. Think of qualities you adore in other people, think of thoughts that help you. What are your values? Virtues? Principles? Strong beliefs? Think them through and put them together to develop the basic foundation of your own life philosophy. As I have said though, it’s ok to change it when/if your core beliefs and values change but it’s good not to let depression, fear, pain, negativity change it in a negative way like make you decide to kick it to the curb for good or for too long. After it becomes your Way and is deeply ingrained in you, it will be much easier to live by.
I hope you will begin to develop your basic life philosophy today. You can add to it everyday. It may always be a work in progress, not a complete destination. Just like you yourself. And that’s for the best. We’re always learning, evolving, becoming and it’s interesting that way!
Here’s an idea for a life handbook:
http://personalexcellence.co/blog/create-your-life-handbook/
Also, here’s a list of Philosophy texts online :
http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/book/subjectstart?B
And for your amusement :
Unsolvable problems in philosophy/unanswerable questions
http://io9.com/5945801/8-philosophical-questions-that-well-never-solve
http://a-misconception.blogspot.com/2010/09/list-of-unsolved-philosophy-problems.html?m=1
http://pespmc1.vub.ac.be/ETERQUES.html
And here you have free access to an online textbook “Introduction to Philosophy.”
http://www.qcc.cuny.edu/SocialSciences/pPecorino/INTRO_TEXT/default.htm
28.) Do you want to be wildly entertained and put your intellectual skills to use?! And also be pulling out your hair?! You’re in luck! Check out these fascinating legal puzzlers!! They will blow your mind. And seriously, they have no definite conclusions! You may think you have it all figured out but there’s always more thoughts and conclusions out there, it is tantalizing! And I wouldn’t have it any other way! ;-D In college, Temple University, in my philosophy of law class, we were introduced to some of these!
http://people.brandeis.edu/~teuber/puzz1.html
