Tag Archive | blessings

When I Becomes We <3

Mar30

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“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

I wrote a couple of posts here previously about Dr. Daniel Gottlieb, a Philadelphia psychologist. He is one of my greatest inspirations. He suffered devastating tragedies in his life and was able to rise above and help others. He experienced divorce, grief and loss, and suffered a tragic, near fatal  accident when he was thirty years old that rendered him permanently paralyzed, with a broken neck, afflicted with quadriplegia, which is paralysis, at the torso and all the limbs.   

He suffered with suicidal depression after that but found deep healing. He is able to use his life lessons to help people with various struggles, severe struggles and just every day life, “ordinary” struggles most of us face now and again. He has a young grandson with Autism who teaches Dr. Gottlieb so much about life.. He even wrote a couple books about the wisdom his young grandson teaches him.

I read his writings quite frequently and have a couple of his books. And tomorrow Dr. Gottlieb is having a book signing event at Barnes & Nobles in Center City, Philadelphia for his newest book!!! I’m so happy and thrilled!!! I’m going!!!

It will be so amazing to finally meet him in person after reading so much by him, sharing his inspiration frequently, and being deeply inspired by his life.

One thing Dr. Gottlieb teaches us is how we can connect with each other through our basic humanness, disability, illness or not, we are all human, all with basic needs and desires, a deep longing to connect. His lesson is not unlike Dr. Leo Buscaglia’s message about how deep inside we are the same, human and we can connect in many ways even when barriers prevent more advanced communication. 

Dr. Dan doesn’t even care much to be referred to as “Doctor.” On his business cards he writes “human.”

Another of his lessons is that no matter what happens to us and how much we grieve over what we lost, we can still find happiness in the midst of pain and grief. Sometimes he wishes desperately that he can walk again and dance and he grieves deeply over his lost abilities but he can still be happy just as he is.

It’s ok to grieve and feel a deep sense of loss and longing and those experiences do not have to taint our general happiness and wellbeing. They dont have to be mutually exclusive.

He is so very humble.   He doesn’t make his life or pain out to be better or worse than anyone else’s. He knows we all have struggles, some worse than others but no one’s pain should be invalidated.

Another lesson he teaches us is positivity. He cannot move much and therefore his urinary bladder does not work as it did before his paralysis.   He needs a catheter since he cannot empty his bladder as people without physical disability can. The urine goes to the catheter and that gets emptied. He doesn’t have to use a toilet. He likes to remind “non disabled” people and anyone who can use a toilet that while they’re getting in and out of bed all night to empty their bladders the “normal” way, he is sleeping peacefully in bed. Lol He says this in a funny and playful way! Humor is also a great lesson he teaches us.

I love his sense of humor!

He teaches us that there’s little bits of Heaven here on Earth, all around us. We don’t have to die or go on vacation to experience Heaven. We often long for a vacation and look in awe and gratitude upon the sunset and land when we are not at home. But wherever we are, we look upon that same sunset, the same sky, the same Earth. Beauty is all around us. Right here. Right now.  

He teaches us that everyone’s needs are “special.” We all have some kind of needs. We all are dependent in some ways upon other people and things.

He teaches us about the good hope and the bad hope. Hopefulness is good. But putting off current happiness and peace of mind hoping for “better” isn’t good. For a couple of years Dr. Gottlieb desperately hoped he would walk again even though it’s impossible.   He put his life and happiness on hold hoping for “better” but he eventually found healing and hopelessness. The good kind of hopelessness that is acceptance, letting go, and liberation. 

You can read about some of this here:

http://www.temple.edu/medicine/dan_gottlieb_visit.htm

He teaches us to just sit with and be with our emotions. Not to repress or deny them. Just be. And so much more he teaches us.

His new book is “The Wisdom We’re Born With (Restoring Our Faith in Ourselves).”. It’s about the importance of living in the present moment, connecting with our own emotions, calming the unquiet mind, breaking bad habits, and the importance of love.

http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/event/82835

Here is a beautiful poem by Dr. Daniel Gottlieb about how we are all connected, we are all One with each other. It’s called “When I Becomes We.”
Click the link to read:

http://www.drdangottlieb.com/2014/02/14/poetry-when-i-becomes-we/#

Here are a few lines:

“…when “those” people become “my” people

when the person in the street with a Styrofoam cup becomes my brother or sister

when every hungry child becomes my child

then I will cry more and laugh more and love more…”

Beautiful, isn’t it?!

I’m so inspired.   And I hope you have found some inspiration here too.

&

And keep smiling. There’s beauty all around you, everywhere, everyday.

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Xoxo Kim 😀

Happy, Happy New Year 2014 Everyone <3

Jan2

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“…time is the New Year’s bountiful blessing: three hundred sixty-five bright mornings and starlit evenings; fifty-two promising weeks; twelve transformative months full of beautiful possibilities; and four splendid seasons. A simply abundant year to be savored.” ~Sarah Ban Breathnach (excerpt out of “Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy)

Hello loves!!!!

I hope 2014 will be a beautiful year for all of you! 2013 was good for me and I will make 2014 a great year too!

I believe I have the power within me to choose if I will have good days or bad days. I cannot always choose what happens to me but I can generally choose my reactions, my thoughts, emotions, and my attitude and not let negativity and pain drag me down.

I can make healthy, positive choices that will have great results!

This is something that can be learned, practiced, and applied. Eventually it can become an ingrained, general habit.

Even when our physical environment is chaotic and full of craziness, we can maintain an inner calmness.

I realize this more than ever that bad things happening in a day, even bad things all day long do not have to result in a “bad day” or a very bad mood if I don’t want them to. And even lots of “bad days” do not have to mean this is a “bad life.” It’s all how I choose to look at it and no matter how many bad things occur, I can choose a Good day and A mood of Gratitude.

Negative things will definitely affect me but I won’t let them keep me down for too long. I want to be impacted by things, good and bad, because I want to live in feeling and not numb. I want to take full advantage of being alive.

I don’t want to put up barriers or walls and not let the world in. I open myself up & welcome the universe into me. Life will always be good and bad, beautiful and ugly, pleasant, joyous, and sad. We can work to change things but the fact is that good & bad will always occur.

2013 was great even though there was some sadness & pain.

One of the greatest things that happened this year is I was able to go the entire year without one serious suicidal thought or urge.

I have struggled with depression off and on, sometimes more often than not, through the years. I would be happy for a while then it would return.

I can’t get over it! I never get used to it. Like when someone is sick, like a sore throat or some other common physical illness and finally the sickness wears off and the person feels amazing and is conscious of not being ill but eventually that consciousness wears off and the person goes back to old ways not even thinking of not being sick because we’re always so used to not being sick. We take it for granted.

But I can never get used to wanting to live and not being depressed. It’s astounding everyday. Through the years, since 13 years old, when depression would lift, this is the feeling.

I’m always so conscious of not being depressed and not being suicidal. I feel it in everything I do.

And I will be the best me I can be for everyone and for myself and for the Universe.

I am blessed. (not in a religious way. lol)

I maintain a life philosophy that I have to turn to whenever things are difficult or painful. It’s a philosophy that says life is always a true gift no matter how painful or hard it is and that I can conquer whatever comes my way, and be happy again. And it’s all about love and compassion for everyone, life itself, and myself. Even when I fall and forget or ignore my life philosophy, it’s ingrained in me enough so I always come back to it. I may falter or fall but I will always get back up and stand firm.

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

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The last week of 2013 was just beautiful. I got to spend Christmas Eve with my mom & sister then at night with my friends and some new people I have been blessed to meet that night.

I also met a group of men on Christmas Eve who were listening to Oldies music, my favorite! It was a warm & sunny day and a crisp, cold night. How perfect! The men were funny, sitting outside a house with “The Temptations ” blasting and I told them I love it and they told me. To “get out of here” and playfully told me I’m too young to know about Oldies music! Lol! Oldies music is my world! ;-D

I love meeting new people!

Then last night, New Year’s Eve, I spent the night with a few friends and my sister. We went to a Vegan restaurant. It’s the first year ever in my whole entire life that I fell asleep before 12:00am and did not watch the ball drop or throw confetti to welcome the near year! I was exhausted!! Lol

Here are some happy thoughts for you this year:

“Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever.” — Walt Disney

(be silly, cheerful, youthful….)

“Be in love with your life. Every minute of it.” ~
Jack Kerouac

(even when your life can be better, it’s still a blessing, you still have so much good and there’s always hope for better things if you need them!)

“Enjoy the simple things.”

(don’t forget to bask in the beauty all around, the sunrise & Sunset, the beauty of the snow & rain, the flowers blooming, the crisp leaves, the feel of hot tea streaming down your throat, warm fluffy blankets, a place to live….the simple treasures are true blessings.)

“Stop focusing on how stressed you are and remember how blessed you are.”

(it’s ok to vent, complain, and acknowledge the negativity you have going on but it’s best not to dwell too much on that and instead focus on the good you also have. At any given moment we can think of a long list of reasons why our lives suck but at that same moment we can think of a long list of reasons why our lives are amazing.)

“Have no fear of Perfection, you’ll never reach it.” ~ Salvador Dall

(you can try to be your own kind of perfect but you’ll never be perfect in everyone’s eyes; no one will be. Some people fear success; maybe they fear being successful then losing it all so they never even try hard to begin with. So do the best you can for you! Forget about achieving some illusion of ultimate perfection. Have fun, be joyous, let go!!!)

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” ~ Nelson Mandela

(it’s great to take chances even if you fear failure or rejection. It’s better to live, love, and lose than never open your heart up! The choice to do nothing out of fear is a a choice that holds you back.)

“If you have the power to make someone happy, do it. The world needs more of that.”

(it’s good to do little things to brighten someone’s day! A kind word, a friendly compliment, a warm smile, a pleasant surprise, an unexpected gift, express gratitude….)

“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must but take the step.”

(take that first step! Even if it takes a while, keep going…..you’ll never ever get there without that first step.)

“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” ~Bil Keane

(we can use our past to learn and help guide us, and we can be hopeful for our bright future but let us not forget the true gift of NOW! Remembering the past and planning ahead is great but it’s not good to get too wrapped up into it. Now is important.)

“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.” ~T.S. Eliot

(don’t let your concept of the past or the future restrain you or hold you back! Whatever happened before now and whatever may happen later, doesn’t matter for how you can be now. You don’t have to bring old detrimental ways into the new year or a new day. And you don’t have to let fear of what is to come or what may come hinder you.)

“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” ~Tom Peter

(yes!!! No matter how little of something there is, celebrate it! Gratitude & appreciation seems to bring more things to be grateful for and more things to appreciate!)

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

(Today, whether it’s the first day of the new year or not, is a day you can start over if you want, hold the pen to your own story, you are in charge of your life!)

Much, much love, happiness, joy, & blessings to you all!

Xoxo Kim 😀

Pain & my gratitude list for today

Dec19

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“If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

I am struggling hard with a somewhat severe flare up of my facial pain disorder. It’s not as bad as it tends to get sometimes but it’s bad. I had difficulty sleeping last night because the Throbbing pain kept me awake. My jaw locked shut and I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to even fit my soda bottle into it.  The chronic pain disorder that I have (TMJD) sometimes causes sufferers to experience the locking of their jaw either locked shut or open.  

It’s literally physically locked and can’t be forced open/closed until it decides to on its own. There’s no known cure or definite effective treatment. Most of the best treatments seem to be home remedies such as heating pads and cold packs, facial massages, stretches, avoiding certain things like gum chewing and hard food, avoiding stress because that tends to aggravate it…

My pain disorder is the most physically painful experience of my life. I’m not constantly in severe agony like some people but I am in pain more often than not and it flares up every now and again to severe agony that is debilitating and seemingly unbearable.  

I struggled with this since I was a little girl but I had no idea what it is or that all the symptoms I experience are connected. I thought it was a sinus/ear condition complication since I used to have recurrent ear and sinus infections and my pain disorder affects those parts of the body. I was always afraid to tell my mom about my weird, confusing symptoms.

My left arm goes dead/weak, I experience sudden and temporary deafness, searing pain like a very severe tooth/ear/sinus ache all over my face, jaw, ears, around my eyes, temples, and now my neck, shoulders, head, and down my left arm. It used to only be on the left side of my body, now it’s on my right side as well.

My condition got worse and worse through the years until a couple years ago it became unbearable to me. I would scream out loud for hours through the night into the early morning until my throat was raw and sore and my mouth tasted like blood.   Sometimes I couldn’t even scream or cry, all I could do was squeeze the bars on my bed with one hand and hold my throbbing face in the other and writhe in agony.  

Physical pain frightens me when it reaches a certain point. I begin to panic. I have always been this way and I don’t know why. So when it flares up really bad, I am scared out of my mind. Every year I develop another symptom. When a doctor told me what this condition is I struggle with, it was one of the worst moments of my life. It felt like my life was shattered to pieces. That was around when my depressive disorder was really starting to get better in general. I was happy and hopeful.

Then my mysterious physical disorder flared up. It physically paralyzed me. I stayed wide awake for four days straight. With not a second of sleep. I screamed night after night til I lost my voice. I contemplated suicide.  Not because of depression, for once. I wasn’t depressed.

I thought I would die because of not sleeping day after day.

I thought about buying or stealing drugs to help me stop the pain. Someone gave me prescription pain pills illegally.   I was desperate. I took them. I took one. It wouldn’t work. I took a few more at once. They only took the edge off but I began feeling like myself again and was able to sleep.

When I thought it was a sinus/ear condition I believed that can always clear up but when the doctor told me it’s a chronic and currently incurable pain disorder that really has no professional treatment, I was absolutely devastated. It took everything I had not to crumble right there in her office.

Doctors often don’t like prescribing pain pills for pain disorders because they think people just want drugs and the chronic pain conditions can’t always be seen objectively with tests and sometimes pain pills don’t even work anyway. And I wouldn’t want to live on pain pills in general or take them frequently.

I had no idea what to do or how I would go on living. She gave me suggestions for how to ease the pain and prevent severe flare ups, like facial massages.  I never knew I can touch my face because I thought that would make it worse. Just the mere thought of touching my face horrified me. Many nights before the diagnosis, I would lay in bed and imagine a human hand stroking and massaging my face wishing desperately that someone could do that for me but never knowing it can really be done without exacerbating the pain.

I would imagine the hand in different skin colors and sometimes imagine it invisible.   When the doctor told me it’s not only ok but necessary for me to massage my face I was doubtful and terrified.   That night I kept thinking about it, trying to get the courage up. I would put my hands to my face then lose the courage to touch it. Then one moment I touched my face. Then I pressed on it and massaged it and I couldn’t believe it actually mitigated the pain. It wouldn’t take it away but made it almost bearable.  

The more I massaged it each day, the less my pain would become. Now that’s one of my greatest techniques. 

The thing that helped me cope with my physical pain disorder is my depressive disorder.   Because of years living with a depressive illness and learning ways to cope with it, I was already used to making myself better with personal development techniques and positive/optimistic thinking.  So this prepared me for the worsening and diagnosis of this physical ailment. I knew I am strong enough to handle this.

One of the many great things about struggling with a severe depressive illness for years and working hard to get better is, it can strengthen us beyond belief and prepare us for anything, if we allow it to. I always thought of my depression as a “curse” for the most part, for many years, but it’s actually one of my greatest blessings, as horrific and agonizing as it is.

It made me so much of what I am today.  

Suffering with severe pain of any kind can be excruciatingly lonely. When I’m suffering with a severe flare up of TMJD pain, I see everyone around me going on like usual not even realizing how incredibly blessed they are. So blessed. To be able to go on like nothing ever happened, having fun or not, laughing, eating, planning, talking, sleeping…

Not in severe anguish or despair. It’s like that with depression too.

But depression and physical pain can also open us to realize the simple but profound blessings all around. When I’m in too much pain, either physical or emotional, to do much of anything, I often see things in a way I overlooked before the pain flared up.

I see the moistness on cold soda bottles, the vibrancy of the colors in Nature, the texture of food…and I would do just about anything to go back. Back to where I was before.   When the pain wasn’t so bad.

The good thing is that we can strengthen or develop the habit of seeing the simple greatness surrounding us so even when we aren’t in agony, we can bask in the simple treasures of life. I often do this more now, even when I’m not in pain.  

That’s the good thing about pain. It can teach us so much. But not everyone will experience pain to that degree and depth and I hope they never will.   I want to teach “ordinary” people without pain disorders to be constantly and consciously grateful for not being in pain, for all the simple things, the beauty of life.

Many people will say they’re thankful for everything when the concept arises but I believe we should think about it more often than just occasionally. 

I don’t want tragedy to have to hit to make people awaken to the beauty and gratitude and abundance we are blessed with.

I will admit, sometimes I feel sorry for myself when I’m in too much pain. Especially at night when I’m in my bed or pacing back and forth in my bedroom while all the world around me is asleep and I’m in my own hell suffering beyond belief.   And I believe that’s ok. Ok to feel sorry for myself on seldom occasions.  But I don’t make a habit of it. Instead I make a habit of being strong and thankful and optimistic and positive whether or not I’m in pain.

My heart goes out to all who are suffering or struggling with pain of any kind, physical or emotional, whether it’s chronic or temporary.   When I’m having a severe  flare up, I hurt for myself but all I can mostly think about is the ones who have it worse and my heart breaks for them. There are people living in constant agony and not just occasional flare ups. And some people’s situations makes it harder to handle or live with. Since I myself have pain disorders I thoroughly understand what it’s like. Even if I never experienced chronic pain or severe agony I would be compassionate and understanding for people who do have it but the fact that I have it makes me understand more what it must be like for people always suffering.

Whenever I have a severe flare up, I try to make it a point to list a few things I’m thankful for. I have a choice to either sink into despair and focus on the pain all around or focus on beauty and hope. Today I choose Hope & Beauty.

Here’s my list:

1.) I’m thankful for the books and plays I’m blessed to have come across.

2.) I’m grateful for the songs I’m blessed to know.

3.) I’m thankful for personal development/self-help techniques

4.) for posting here

5.) for the people I have met on and off line

6.) for my body that functions very well

7.) for everything I have learned

8.) for the cold weather

9.) the beauty outside my window

10.) for blogs

11.) for animals

12.) for life

Pain is real. So is hope.

Much love, blessings, & strength to you all.

Xoxo Kim

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Love prevails <3

Dec14

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” For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
Ivan Panin .” I read this:

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/04/09/grateful-or-indebted-how-women-and-men-respond-to-kind-loving-gestures/

And it reminds me of a topic I have previously thought about: giving without any underlying agenda or expectations.

I receive many, many messages on Facebook. I keep my Facebook page public and add strangers when they seem kind and friendly or we have similar interests….

Many messages I receive are very sweet and friendly, others are creepy & perverted, much of it is spam messages, invitations for things, advertisements….

I don’t always check my inbox messages on Facebook & I NEVER delete any. Ever. And it seems that Facebook inbox messages never go away themselves so I have messages that I had since 2005 in my inbox. With thousands of Facebook friends, I get many notifications, some are just notifying me that people commented on someone ‘s picture or status that I previously commented on.

I don’t always go through every notification that pops up on my phone. Sometimes I check my phone and it says “77 notifications!”. I click the message and it goes away. So I tend to miss some messages that people comment to



me. When I see a sweet message written to me, I am likely to respond.   Sometimes I intend to respond later & forget that I never did, not trying to be rude or arrogant at all.

Anyway, every now & then I receive a rude/angry comment by someone who has written to me previously and I failed to respond.

This happened recently.  



I completely understand how people want someone to respond to them when they write a kind message to that person. I see nothing wrong with hoping for a response and even being disappointed if the person doesn’t write back.

But when someone writes a compliment to someone and doesn’t get a response back for the compliment and therefore gets angry at the person for not responding to the compliment & writes again demanding a response, in my opinion, it shows that the person who wrote the compliment wasn’t being completely selfless & maybe had an underlying expectation or agenda. If you’re being purely selfless & compliment a stranger you come across online, you may hope for a response but you likely won’t get furious and send rude follow up messages if you don’t get one.

When people do that, it’s as if they want appreciation for their appreciation and that’s really why they sent the compliment and not out of pure selflessness to compliment a person they like.  

Someone recently sent me a Facebook message and I opened it and it is by a person I don’t know angrily asking me to take him off my friends list. And saying I don’t care about him and what’s wrong with me and things like that. I was confused until I saw that he previously wrote me a message complimenting my body. It’s not a completely vulgar message like some I receive but it’s not a very sweet message either. But I guess he thought he was being kind. And I missed it.

This isn’t the first angry person who wrote to me thinking I intentionally ignored his compliment. He said he’s sorry he complimented me and regrets it. 

Some messages I saw many months after a person wrote to me and I responded very late and they even wrote rude messages back to me about me taking so long to respond. 

I don’t like offending people and if I ever do, it’s usually not intentional.  

But if he was genuinely complimenting me for me and not to get a sweet response in return, he probably wouldn’t be regretting writing to me. He may be sad, disappointed, maybe even devastated if he’s really sensitive or really likes me but I don’t think he would be sending angry messages to me for not writing back.

I have also seen comments like that on people’s blogs. When someone neglected to respond to a compliment, the person who complimented got angry then started slinging insults at the person for not writing back. 

I write comments to strangers a lot on blogs & Facebook.   Some are long & in depth, some are brief, most of them are compliments expressing appreciation & gratitude for the impact that the person has on people.

The more open someone is and the more receptive someone seems, the more likely I am to write to that person.

Many people respond to me & some never do. Some, I even see responding to others and not me. But I never regret complimenting that person and don’t wish to take back what I wrote. The fact that the person doesn’t respond to me won’t lessen the positive impact the person has on me or lessen my gratitude & appreciation for that person’s life.  I’m still blessed.

Not all people I like/love & appreciate have to appreciate or love me back. Not everyone will appreciate my appreciation. It’s ok. 

First of all, you can’t really know for sure why someone isn’t responding. There may be a chance the person missed your comment or had every intention to write back but never got around to it.  Or maybe the person really doesn’t appreciate your kindness or is actually being rude. I think that’s ok. It’s not pleasant but it happens. Even the kindest, sweetest person can be rude or uncaring sometimes.

I think it would be great for us all to try to be more selfless & do things for people, even strangers, with no expectations for something Tangible In return and no expectations or demands for a response or payback.

If you see a person online you genuinely appreciate, maybe a writer/blogger, or just a very sweet person how about taking the chance and complimenting the person without demanding a response? I’m very shy but not as shy as I used to be. I used to hardly ever even comment on people’s Facebook statuses because I was so shy. Now I’m often still shy to send e-mails & inbox messages to people I don’t know or don’t know well but I do write blog comments much more & public Facebook messages to people. Some days I’m more shy than others & some moments I get more courage. Lol

Someone on Facebook recently told me to “save my heart for someone who cares” but I decided against that. I’m not going to hold back. I’m going to give & love and give & love some more even if people don’t care. I’m going to love people, animals, life itself…. I’m going to love in general. Love is my way of being. My way of living.  Rejection, being ignored, being the target of cruelty or indifference, being ridiculed & abandoned hurts but it won’t stop me.  My love is stronger. 

Of course we want people we really like to like us back. It’s good to want people to like us and to be affected by others & the world around us. If we put up walls to keep people out and repress our desire to fit in with people, our relationships with other people & the world won’t be as deep.   Even unpleasant emotions and painful feelings are ok. We can accept them and move forward.

“Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return.”~Peace Pilgrim

“True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return.”


Xoxo Kim

The Versatile Blogger Award – Thank You Dr. Rex!!!! <3 :-D

Oct22

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I am so incredibly honored to be nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by The incredible Dr. Rex!!!
Please visit her blog here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/

And see her nominations  post here:

http://hrexach.wordpress.com/2013/10/19/the-versatile-blogger-award/

I love when I receive awards, not only because it’s an incredible honor but I love the challenge/rules! And choosing a list of deserving people/blogs. That’s often hard because there’s so many!!

Here are the rules: 

Display the Award on your Blog.

Announce your win with a post and thank theBlogger who nominated you.

Present 15 deserving Bloggers with the Award.

Link your nominees in the post and let them know of their nomination with a comment.

Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

1.) I attended Temple University in Philadelphia, Pa, where I live, for Psychology & Philosophy.   I graduated with a B.A. Degree in 2010. I plan on being a mental health counselor or peer specialist of some sort. I took Philosophy just because I love it deeply and have a passion for it, purely out of interest. I took the classes just for fun without realizing I was getting credits that would qualify me to have some sort of job like a paralegal assistant or something.   They told me in school before graduation. Lol good to know but not my intention! 🙂

2.) Oldies music and country music are my love and I rarely find people who love those kinds like I do.

3.) People often speak of childhood dreams and ask kids what they would love to be when they grow up. The truth is, as a young child, I always lived in the present moment, naturally, not as a conscious decision. So I never really had any big dreams for when I would grow up. When people would ask, I would make stuff up. Lol I have said I would be a veterinarian, a chemist, a scientist…but I was always interested in counseling, even as a little girl. My mom and dad always had marital problems and I often felt that I knew what they can do to make it better. 
it wasn’t until I was sixteen years old though, that I knew I want to be a counselor of some sort if I lived to be an adult and could function well enough (I struggle with suicidal depression and have since I was a child and never knew I would live this long.)

4.)  I’m so easily amused, I laugh at everything and nothing.   I have those good belly laughs that hurt, everyday, usually more than once a day. I don’t laugh at the expense of people. I laugh at stupid jokes, risqué jokes, little things that happen throughout the day, at myself…   No matter how sad or low I am I can usually laugh hard til it hurts. I’m genuinely amused, I’m a playful, silly girl with a tender and light heart. It gets me in trouble sometimes but oh well! Lol. ;-D

5.) I’m very good at putting on eye makeup, even liquid eyeliner, and even in two seconds if I have to.

6.) I’m real good at debating. I have natural debating skills. I can argue so good for any side of an argument even a side I strongly oppose. I have been told since I was a young girl by various people in various places, that I should be a lawyer. Lol ;-). In my critical thinking class in college, during an exam, I found an alternative answer to some logic problem, I can’t remember what, that even the professor, a lawyer, himself, did not realize at first. I got extra credit, along with one other student who solved the problem the same way.

7.) I’m terrible with numbers, I failed math classes in college and almost got thrown out.  I’m even horrible at basic math like simple addition, subtraction, and counting.   It was suggested to me by an educational psychologist in college that I may have an actual mathematical disability but I was never tested even though I struggled my whole life with it.  Numbers confuse me so much but I’m good with words, I suppose. 🙂

Here are fifteen blogs other than Dr. Rex’s that I adore, some I have known about for a while, others I have recently come across and I’m so blessed!

http://etsuchan.wordpress.com/

http://whitneyism.wordpress.com/

http://greenhornphotos.com/

http://theaustrianrose.wordpress.com/

http://wordslikesilk.com/

http://selflovewarrior.com/

http://awindowofwisdom.wordpress.com/

http://icanbeatit.wordpress.com/

http://studentswithbirds.wordpress.com/

http://abbeygallagher.wordpress.com/

http://gyatoday.wordpress.com/

http://rosebushchronicles.com/

http://thebettermanprojects.com/

http://journeyofshe.wordpress.com/

http://5kidswdisabilities.com/

Thank You, Dr. Rex, I’m so happy to receive this award and thank you and all of the other people listed above for blessing us all with the beauty of your light that shines brightly on us all!

😀

Xoxo Kim

Hungry Eyes {—–{—-@

Oct12

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“And Joy is Everywhere; It is in the Earth’s green covering of grass; In the blue serenity of the Sky; In the reckless exuberance of Spring; In the severe abstinence of gray Winter; In the Living flesh that animates our bodily frame; In the perfect poise of the Human figure, noble and upright; In Living; In the exercise of all our powers; In the acquisition of Knowledge; in fighting evils… Joy is there Everywhere.” ~ “Joy,” by Rabindranath Tagore Indian Poet

I live in Philadelphia, Pa which is close to New Jersey and my dad loves to go to NJ for Nature walks so we frequently go there to different places to walk around in the loveliness of  The gorgeous greenery, and luscious colorful wonder.  I usually work every Saturday day but today I was asked to come in instead, at night so I’m here now on a slow, cool night.

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The beauty all around is indescribable.   The life in the trees, the sky, the flowers,  and everywhere just comes gushing out. It’s so serene and healing, like the Ocean.

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Today as I was walking around I was so satisfied, fulfilled, connected, at One with all that is, yet I felt this hunger deep inside for more of Nature’s sweetness. It was enthralling. Almost magical.

Everything was so vibrant and colorful and throbbing with life. Everything I looked became like a pulse, a heartbeat in the wind.

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All of the simple treasures that Nature has to offer are stunning, breathtaking and cost nothing!   All you have to do is step outside and allow the Beauty to touch you, captivate you.
And it’s not just visual. The scent of pine filled the air, the sweet softness of the Autumn wind caressing my skin, the sounds of insects and birds chirping & humming….

I want to share some photos I took of all the loveliness!

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My sister & me sitting on top of a water well.

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Me with a large key, which is made out of raw metal and was challenging to make, it stands as an enduring reminder of Cherry Hill’s history.

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Sister love.

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I’m going to post more pics in another post. When I try to post too many pics in one post, none show up.

I hope you All are having a great one.

Xoxo Kim

Hopelessness – a gift?

Oct5

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This, here, post is another one about the book I read called “Learning from the Heart” by Dr. Gottlieb, a Temple University graduate of Psychology. He is a psychologist who specializes in family therapy and addiction and was the director of a program in Philadelphia.   His book is a book of lessons learned in his life. 

Dr. Gottlieb was in a tragic accident when he was 33 years old. His life was going very well, he was married with two little girls and a great therapy practice going when one morning he got into his car and saw a black object flying into his windshield.   He later woke up in a hospital to find that he is paralyzed for the rest of his life. He was in that hospital for one year.   He struggles with quadriplegia. People with this condition suffer with recurrent and permanent infections as a result of the paralysis. He is permanently paralyzed at the chest and down.

Dr. Gottlieb, at first, had much difficulty accepting his condition and wanted to die by suicide. 

This experience taught him how to view Hopelessness in a different way than we usually think of “hopelessness.”. What do you think of when you hear the word “hopeless?”. Desperation? Despair? Giving up?, Misery, …

There is another way to look at a “hopeless” situation. As a gift. Hopelessness itself can be a true gift.  It can give us the liberty to move on or move forward with the life we currently have instead of desperately clinging to something we do not currently have and may never have and missing out on right now lusting after or longing for something else.

Shortly after this accident, Dr. Gottlieb made the decision to live for two years and then see if he were able to go on living. He hoped that something would change dramatically.

It may sound good & pleasant that he had hope. But this false hope was actually a hindrance to him. It was imprisoning him,not allowing him to live in the now, in the present moment, it would not allow him to embrace his current life. All he could do was “hope” for things that would never happen, then he would be happy.

He hoped he would walk again.   With quadriplegia that’s not possible, ever. He hoped his infections would cease to exist. With quadriplegia, that’s not possible.

Dr. Gottlieb is Jewish but he seems, by what I read, to be somewhat secular or a free-thinker and doesn’t really have a definite concept of any sort of god. 

He wrote this “At the end of two years, I took myself into the bedroom and I had a deep, reflective conversation with…well, I don’t know.  God?  My god? My own truth? Anyway, the conversation went something like this: ‘Okay, I will live with it if you give me hope that one day I’ll walk.’   And what I heard back was, ‘Nope. No hope. Live or die. Make your choice.’.   So I said, ‘Give me hope that I won’t be so sick.’. (My health was so fragile – I just wanted some assurance that I would feel stronger and be able to fight off infections.). And I got the same answer. ‘Either live with it or don’t.   It’s not going to change.’ For every request, I got the same answer.”

After the two years was up, Dr. Gottlieb had to make a choice. Live or die. He lost hope that he would ever walk again. He lost hope that he would stop getting sick with infections.

And he chose life.

If he kept up the hope that something physical would change, he would have missed out on this life now in hopes of a “better” tomorrow.

But he chose now. Hopelessness gave him the gift of Now.

This is a very different and very beautiful way of looking at hopelessness. When we become hopeless about something we want, we let go. Not let go of life. But let go of lusting after what may or may not come in the future. Embrace now. Cherish now.   Love now.

Dr. Gottlieb still struggles, he writes, but he realizes how beautiful life is now and he loves his beautiful life.

There have been so many days I have lost, hoping for something better, wishing for more in the future and I let now slip away. But when I let go, I make room in my heart for this life I live Now.

Is there anything you are holding onto? A hope for something that you’re clinging to that is not letting you live now?

“I’ll be happy when I lose 5 pounds….”
“I’ll be happy when I find the love of my life…”
“I’ll be happy when I have a better job….”
“I’ll be happy when I become rich….”
“I’ll be happy when I have kids, when I get married, when I don’t have to work anymore, when I graduate college, when…”

Why not be happy now?! You can still work for things but it’s best not to let it destroy your serenity and love right now.

“Normal day, let me be aware
of the treasure that you are.
let me learn from you, love you,
bless you before we depart.
Let me not pass you by in quest
of some rare and perfect tomorrow.
let me hold you while I may,
for it may not be always so. One day
I shall dig my nails into the earth,
or bury my face in the pillow,
or stretch myself tart,
or raise my hands
to the sky and want, more
than all the world, your return.” ~ Mary Jean Irion 

“You know the future’s lookin’ brighter
Every morning’ when i get up
Don’t be thinkin’ ’bout what’s not enough,now baby
Just be thinkin’ ’bout what we got
think of all my love, now
I’m gonna give you all I got” ~ Eddie Money (Baby Hold On)

“It’s not that I don’t want a lot
Or hope for more, or dream of more
But giving thanks for what I’ve got
Makes me so much happier than keeping score

In a world that can bring pain
I will still take each chance
For I believe that whatever the terrain
Our feet can learn to dance
Whatever stone life may sling
We can moan or we can sing

Grateful, grateful
Truly grateful I am
Grateful, grateful
Truly blessed
And duly grateful” ~ John Bucchino. (Grateful)

“So the sidewalk is crowded, the city goes by 
And I rush through another day 
And a world full of strangers turn their eyes to me 
But I just look the other way 

They roll by just like water 
And I guess we never learn 
Go through life parched and empty 
Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst” ~ Joe Cocker (and other singers) 

Xoxo Kim

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I can see the light of a clear blue morning….

Sep17

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” Today I choose life. Every morning when I wake up I can choose joy, happiness, negativity, pain… To feel the freedom that comes from being able to continue to make mistakes and choices – today I choose to feel life, not to deny my humanity but embrace it.”
Kevyn Aucoin

” It’s been a long dark night 
And I’ve been a waitin’ for the morning 
It’s been a long hard fight 
But I see a brand new day a dawning 
I’ve been looking for the sunshine 
‘Cause I ain’t seen it in so long 
But everything’s gonna work out just fine 
Everything’s gonna be all right 
That’s been all wrong 

‘Cause I can see the light of a clear blue morning 
I can see the light of a brand new day 
I can see the light of a clear blue morning 
And everything’s gonna be all right 
It’s gonna be okay” ~ Dolly Parton

Hello!! I’m up bright & early today and deeply inspired by the Morning & all its loveliness. I’m getting ready for a psychotherapist appointment soon! I’m blessed to be awake & alive at this moment. Last night I struggled hard with my facial pain disorder.   I was bordering on feelings of hopelessness but kept reminding my self of part of my own life philosophy to always try as best as I can to keep hope alive. I only got two hours of sleep and will probably be hit hard by that fact later and need a little nap! ;-D.

Today my pain is much less. But my jaw is still locked, not completely but enough so that it’s very hard to eat and drink.

Is it morning where you are? If it is, why don’t you start your day with happy thoughts?! Think of at least three things you are thankful for. They can be big or small things.

How about thinking in terms of what you DO want today as opposed to what you don’t want? Those thoughts are more positive, creating positive energy in and around you. And maybe more likely to contribute to you acting in positive ways, attracting positive things. 
Also, smile! 😀

Even if it’s not morning you can do these things!  
I am already in love with the promise of today.

I hope you are well wherever you are! Much love, laughter, & blessings to you!
🙂

Xox0 Kim

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P.s. The two above pictures are mine (I am aware one of the words is spelled incorrectly, it’s my phones’s fault it autocotrects wrong spellings sometimes & I hit save and do not care to fix it til later, lol) . And here’s one that is NOT mine but it’s hilarious! I don’t know who the pic belongs to:

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I almost never put pictures on this blog that are not mine but this is too good not to! Lol!

Blessings Upon Blessings

Aug26

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“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach
 
I believe that Gratitude, while being a brief, fleeting feeling that occurs when something unusual and pleasant happens or something “big” happens, can also be a way of life. With practice, we can live in Gratitude everyday, in general and not just occasionally. And it can become natural, not forced.  Even with difficulties and struggles and pain, Gratitude can be our way.   And it can be a deep, ingrained feeling.   It’s probably not realistic to expect everyone to be extremely grateful every second of every day but it is possible to be thankful in general, even while experiencing various struggles.
 
Today, I woke up early in the morning. My dog woke me up taking my blanket off me again, as she has been doing ever night/morning now. She loves blankies. I wasn’t ready to wake up and I laid in bed and my body filled with immense gratitude. I thought of everything and everyone associated with me, family, friends, pets, work, my experiences, good & bad,  my body, my health, future possibilities, my senses, my growth, my phone and all its apps, being awake, existing, the seasons changing, the coming Fall, philosophy books, personal development ….and it was as if my whole being, my very essence was just overflowing with gratitude and pure love. It was an amazing experience.   And not because all of those things I thought of are flawless or without pain or struggles, but even with the problems, they are true blessings.
I have felt this before now and sometimes feel it frequently, much more often than I used to experience. 
 
There are different degrees of gratitude. And different ways of experiencing it.  There’s the basic kind where we can just think of things we have that make our world better and know we are better having them than not but then there’s the kind I felt this morning, the deep kind that caressed every strand of my existence, tingled in every cell of my body, nothing specifically provoked it, nothing  big or uncommon happened to me to lead me to that feeling. I was just basking in the sweet beauty of just being.
 
Gratitude can be a conscious decision, made into a habit which then becomes automatic, easy, natural, your nature.
 
This is what I work on so much and do so well but there’s always room for development. It’s not a destination but a journey, a beautiful, wondrous journey.
 

Ever since I was a little girl all the way until I graduated college, there have been class/group activities, usually around the “holiday season ” where the teacher or someone would go around the group and ask us a few things we’re thankful for.  Every single occasion we have been asked this, throughout the years, most people would say “friends & family” and nothing more after that usually.  Even now on Facebook and blogs people express their gratitude for their friends and family. And it often stops there. 

It’s absolutely amazing to have friends and family, especially good ones and we should definitely be grateful for them. 
But those are obvious things to be thankful for, almost everyone automatically thinks of those when asked “What are you grateful for?” . What about everything else? The overlooked blessings?    What about all the simpler things we take for granted, the everyday blessings that go almost unnoticed?
 
What about those?
 
I recently purchased a book that my mom gave me the money for. “The Simple Abundance Journal of Gratitude” by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
 
It’s a book she wrote, a page for every day of the year with space provided for the reader to list a few things s/he is thankful for.
 
In the beginning of this book she lists 150 blessings that are often overlooked by people in general.  A few of the things she lists are: “The Kindness of Strangers”, “The aroma of something delicious wafting from the kitchen”, “Your boundless imagination”, “a walk in the woods and becoming aware of life all around you”, & “When hope is restored”.
 
This inspires me deeply. I always think of the simple things and often write and speak of them. I love reading other people’s lists and especially when they have unique, uncommon things on those lists.  
 
And I have comprised a list of my own of blessings often ignored or overlooked. Things that we often don’t even think about but would probably feel the painful loss or absence of or just not have as much joy if we did not have these wonderful blessings.
 
1.) The feeling after an illness heals or pain subsides. The feeling of being “my old self again.”
 
2.) falling into bed after a long, hectic, crazy day.
 
3.) not having a Sleep condition.
 
4.) being able to experience physical pain and discomfort.   This let’s us know something inside or on the body is wrong and motivates us to move, switch positions, turn throughout the night and day to protect our muscles and joints.
 
5.) being able to walk
 
6.). All of our senses
 
7.) body organs
 
8.) my body
 
9.) Doctors 
 
10.) Morning 
 
11.) the four seasons
 
12.) Police officers/detectives
 
13.) books
 
14.) being educated enough to function
 
15.) the beauty all around 
 
16.) body fat – without a certain amount of healthy body fat, we would be sick or not as healthy as with it
 
17.) laws and things established to protect
 
18.) the ability to make choices
 
19.) breathtaking beauty
 
20.) a place to live, a house
 
21.) air conditioning in the excessive heat
 
22.) cool nights
 
23.) being in awe of Nature’s sweetness
 
24.) water
 
25.) sustenance to nourish the body
 
26.) medical equipment
 
27.) life saving treatments
 
28.) all the functions and systems of the body
 
29.) my heart
 
30.) my hair
 
31.) not being sick
 
32.) energy
 
33.) being able to stand. 
 
34.) my spine
 
35.) not being in constant pain
 
36.) life lessons learned 
 
37.) technology 
 
38.) my ability to dream 
 
39.) hot tea on a crisp Fall day
 
40.) being alive
 
41.) waking up 
 
42.) sunrise
 
43.) poetry
 
44.) new beginnings
 
45.) empathy
 
46.) random acts of kindness 
 
47.) people who make the world better just by existing 
 
48.) people who make the world better even after they’re no longer living
 
49.) the first snowfall Of the season 
 
50.) the stars up above us in a midnight sky
 
51.) electricity, gas, heat, water, stuff that makes living easier and healthy
 
52.) arms & legs
 
54.) organ donations by generous people
 
55.) people who save lives 
 
56.) people who impact lives for the better 
 
57.) college professors 
 
58.) teachers 
 
59.) facebook and blogs
 
60.) second chances
 
61.) people who forgive
 
62.) rest
 
63.) pleasant surprises
 
64.) things turning out right
 
65.) fun, satisfying jobs
 
66.) love of all kinds
 
67.) the Moon
 
68.) phones 
 
69.) the will to live
 
70.) the desire to live
 
71.) wanting to win
 
72.) self acceptance 
 
73.) self love
 
74.) looking into a mirror and loving what you see
 
75.) when you can’t stop smiling
 
76.) being genuinely happy for no reason
 
77.) great online friends and acquaintances and strangers I come across
 
78.) feeling accomplished
 
79.) falling asleep to the sound of rain
 
80.) waking up to the sound of rain
 
81.) gratitude itself
 
82.) life itself 
 
83.) politicians (lol I know! But they help with laws and policies and they got some guts putting their views out there knowing people will criticize them both constructively and destructively, insult them viciously and all!, maybe even want to kill them?! Come on, we have to give them that much, right?!)
 
84.) waking up early and not having to go anywhere 
 
85.) lazy days
 
86.) productive days
 
87.) the things that children teach us
 
88.) being me
 
89.) thinking clearly 
 
90.) belly laughs that hurt so good. ❤
 
91.) feeling included
 
92.) free blog hosts such as this one
 
93.) animal friends
 
94.) bookstores 
 
95.) inspiration
 
96.) sappy love songs and love letters 
 
97.) seeing lovers holding hands and smiling out in public 
 
98.) cheesy love, that head over heels kind that makes people want to gag when they see it, sitting on the same side of the table at a restaurant, posting love letters and lyrics on each others walls on Facebook all day…that kind of sap. Lol ;-D ❤
 
99.) impressing people
 
100.) trying clothes on and loving how you look in them!
 
101.) the perfect cup of coffee
 
102.) the feeling when snuggling with a fur friend at night.
 
103.) the feeling of giving someone a gift
 
104.) helping others 
 
105.) seeing old people out walking, smiling, with wrinkles and walkers and canes and still going strong, happy to be
 
106.) babies
 
107.) weddings 
 
108.) therapists 
 
109.) true, strong, friendship
 
110.) baby animals
 
111.) energy
 
112.) being happy
 
113.) joy
 
114.) a sense of belonging 
 
115.) finally having something it feels you have been waiting for your whole life
 
116.) watching a child or a puppy learn something new
 
117.) seeing someone try something the person has never experienced before – like water ice! ;-D ;-p
 
118.) suddenly remembering or hearing a song I love and listened to over and over years ago and forgot about for so long! ❤
 
119.) the feeling of love when my dogs happily, joyfully run to greet me after a long day out of the house  (or after just 10 seconds of walking out of a room and walking back in!) 
 
120.) the psychological pleasure of eating delicious food!  
 
121.) the stunning, breathtaking beauty of the Moon
 
122.) the feeling of being in an Ocean
 
123.) basking in the sunlight 
 
124.) letting go of a problem you held onto for years and feeling so much lighter
 
125.). Eye contact and smiles 
 
126.) actually liking/loving people you have no choice but to be “stuck with”
 
127.) walking in the rain and the feeling of liberation it brings
 
128.) dreams when you’re asleep
 
129.) accidentally finding a great book and loving it
 
130.) meeting a kind and random stranger and having an uplifting conversation
 
131.) trees
 
132.) being pleasantly surprised
 
There are so many blessings all around and within.
 
Much love & blessings & happiness to you all.
I truly believe the more we give thanks, the more we have to give thanks to & for. ❤
❤ 😀
 
Xox0 Kim ❤

Priceless Gifts <3

Aug23

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(picture taken somewhere in Center City, Philadelphia, I saw it on a pole and just had to take a pic!)

i have purchased a book a few months ago, and it’s called “Priceless Gifts” (How to Give the Best to Those You Love) and is written by a psychologist, Daniel A. Sugarman, Ph.D. He is a clinical psychologist and the book was published in the 1970’s. 1978 to be exact. I haven’t read the book yet but I will.

I read the list of gifts on the back cover. Even though it was written decades ago, the twelve gifts that the man lists are timeless and still apply today.

They are psychological gifts, not material gifts. This book, even though I haven’t read most of it yet, inspired me to create a list of my own, of priceless psychological /immaterial gifts that I believe are incredible to bless others with and to receive.

While my list is inspired by this doctor’s list, not all of the gifts I list here are ones in his book and the descriptions underneath each gift, even the gifts I took out of the book, are my own. Next to each gift that is also in his book, I will state that I got it out of the book.

1.) The Gift of Time(in the book):  
Being with someone who needs/wants you at that moment is an amazing gift.   Whether you are having fun doing entertaining activities, talking to one another, or just sitting close to show you care when a person wants company is an amazing gift.   It shows the person that you care enough to take part of your day and make that person your top priority at that moment. What better way to make that person feel loved, valuable, and cherished!?

2.) The Gift of Active Listening/ Undivided Attention (in the book) : 
We usually hear what people say and respond.   But how often are we truly, fully listening? It seems we are frequently only partially or half listening while multitasking, doing other things while a person talks to us, mindlessly/mechanically responding.   This is not being fully receptive of or acknowledging that person’s needs and desires at that moment. Even if you accurately hear what that person says and even provide a relevant, pleasant sounding response, that is not always good enough. A person can tell when you are not fully present even if you don’t know the person can tell and maybe even if that person doesn’t consciously know it or realize it at that moment. Make the person feel s/he is the center of your world at that moment. It can be quite offensive spilling your guts to someone only to realize that person is playing with a phone, texting someone else, watching TV, drifting off, or off somewhere daydreaming giving you empty, half mutters while you speak. Whether the person is talking to you about light topics such as her favorite food, book, or movie, or more deep topics such as his problems, pain, future dreams, that person wants your attention! S/he cares enough and believes you are important enough to talk to and trusts you enough to share with you so repay the gift and really, truly listen fully with your whole heart and drown out everything else while that person speaks. (unless you’re driving or something, be careful!)

3.) The Beautiful Gift of Loyalty: 
When a person shares secrets with you, s/he expects you to keep them to yourself. It’s not good to blab them to anyone. Many of us have someone we believe we can trust with someone else’s secrets but then the person we trust may also have a person or persons s/he trusts and may tell the person’s secrets to that person thinking it’s Ok to tell and that it will stop there.     But then that person tells people and on and on and that’s how “secrets” get around. It’s not that the people who tell other people’s secrets are necessarily bad people and likely they don’t want to sabotage or hurt anyone. They just want to talk and be the big bearer of “news” but it does not always go over too well. So when a trusting person comes to you, it’s best to let that person’s secrets stop when they get to you. (unless it’s potentially life threatening.) 

And it’s also best not to gossip about or judge a person, negatively, who trusts you, with other people. Be loyal and true to the person who opens up to you.   It’s unkind and a betrayal to trash talk the person or spill their info out to others. Let the person come to you and be a true friend and listener. That is a true gift. And if you are being truly loyal you won’t join in when you hear other people saying unnecessary negative things about your friend.  

4.) The Gift of Acceptance (In the book) :
Just about everyone we meet is going to have at least one (probably more) opinion, trait, characteristic, or thing about him/her that we will not agree with or not like. But that does not mean we have to give the person up or not like the person or reject the person or try to change him/her. We can gently state our opinion in a kind way if it’s truly necessary and intended to help or connect with someone and then be done with it. But we can accept the person for all that person is. “Flaws” and all. We can disagree, argue, debate, but still love, cherish, tolerate, and accept. We don’t all have to be identical to get along well and love.

“I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.” ~Bob Dylan

5.) The Gift of Positive Support:
I think just about everyone desires and craves the true support of a great friend or family member or others.   Humans are social creatures and like to belong and be accepted and want positive encouragement.   We may not always agree with something a family member or friend thinks or does but we should want to see the person happy and healthy no matter what. And we can still support a person, in general, even when that person does something we oppose or thinks something we disagree with.
As stated in the above gift description, we can gently and kindly state how we feel when necessary, and allow the person to think or do as s/he pleases without interference, rejection, and negative judgment. Unless a person is struggling with unsound judgment as a result of illness of any kind or alcohol or other drug intoxication, and wants to do something potentially life threatening to the person or others, we should support the person in her goals and be happy she is happy no matter what.  
This also goes when a person accomplishes or attains something we wish we will gain or accomplish.   A little bit of jealousy is a normal emotion and is Ok. But don’t let it destroy your friendships or other relationships and happiness for that person. People will always have things we want and can’t or won’t get but we can still be happy for them even though we may feel somewhat jealous or disappointed for ourselves not having it.
6.) The Gift of Sharing/ Self Disclosure (in the book) :
It is a true gift to others to hear of or read of your own problems and struggles, successes and dreams, pain, goals, failings, life lessons, and happiness. It can remind them that they are not alone and it can inspire them to feel happier and act on their dreams and it helps them get to know you and connect with you on a deeper level and trust you more. It may help them open up and share their own stories more comfortably. Sharing is caring! A healthy balance of Sharing with others and actively listening to them speak is amazing! What a true gift!  

“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ~ Muriel Rukeyser

7.) The Gift of Seeing the best in people (in the book) :
Everyone has things about them that are good and bad. No one is perfect in everyone’s eyes. Even the best people you know will have pain, setbacks, problems, failings, struggles, and negative aspects about their lives but instead of focusing on the worst in them, focus on the best!

Let the person know you cherish her/him and support her/him in her endeavors no matter what and that the good is what stands out. People want to be around those who lift them up and appreciate the great and not just criticize the bad. Think of your own “bad” or “negative” qualities. Would you like to be around people who can’t get over them and always point them out and criticize you over them? Or do you want to be in the company of people who love and nourish and cherish your amazing qualities and overlook and accept the bad? Give that gift to others! 😀

And try this: instead of saying “I love you but…..” try saying “….. but I love you!”.

8.) The Gift of letting them make their own decisions without negative judgment :

Many friends or others may want and seek your input on some things and want to know how you feel and if you are true, close friends, they will likely cherish and appreciate your desire to help and your willingness to open up and contribute to their lives. But this doesn’t mean they will or should always take heed of your suggestions or advice. In the end the decision is theirs.   It is their life and they are responsible for their own life. The ultimate decision is theirs.  They may not always make decisions that you like or want but you don’t have to negatively judge them or criticize them for it. And you don’t have to feel coldly rejected or seriously crushed if they should choose to not do what you suggest. It doesn’t mean they don’t value your opinions or take you seriously, just that in some cases, they have different needs or views.  Provide your input and let them know you are right by their side no matter what they choose and if things do not work out well, you are still right here to help them see it through. 
It is good for people to allow others the space and liberty to mess up, make mistakes, experiment, be uncertain, but still support them in their attempts and experiences with true, unconditional love, acceptance, and loyalty.   What better gift in this life than a friend like this?!

9.) The Gift of True Empathy:

This isn’t to say we should “feel sorry” for people in an arrogant way as if we are somehow above that person or more fortunate than that person. It is to say that we should acknowledge that other people are just as sentient as we, ourselves are. They can feel like we can and they have needs and desires as well as we do. And we should really try to a certain extent to understand how that person must feel even if we haven’t experienced the exact same thing. Not to say “I know how you feel”. That can seem cold and like you are overstepping your boundaries. The truth is unless you can literally get into someone else ‘s head you don’t know exactly how that person feels whether or not you have similar experiences.   But we can have some degree of understanding and much compassion and concern for another person. Whether we know the person or not.  
We all have pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, and we can use our imaginations and draw on our own experiences to empathize with someone even if our experiences aren’t exactly the same. Having empathy for animals is also important.

10.) The Gift of Unconditional Love:

True love, to me, is unconditional.   If I truly love someone, no matter what that person says or does, I will continue to love.  I may feel the need to distance myself in certain ways if that person is doing things, excessively, that are detrimental to myself but my love will not falter or decrease. This even goes for people who want to live without me in their lives.   I will be unhappy, crushed, that they feel the need to abandon, reject, or give me up but I want them to be happy with or without me. And I will not stand in the way.

11.) The Gift of True Friendship:

As stated above, even if I must distance myself permanently or temporarily, if someone is my friend, I will always be here as a friend or supporter if that person should need or want me. I may never hang out with or have deep conversations with that person again but I can still wish her the best.  I will not reject a friend over disagreements or differences no matter what. I want to know the good and the bad, the happiness and the sadness in the person’s life. I want to write or talk, just to say hello some occasions, I want to see the person and bask in his/her successes and be a true listener and console during moments of stress or pain. I don’t want to be an “occasional” or “seasonal” friend who comes and goes or one who makes pathetic excuses to never hang out. True friends are interested in the good and the bad and will put things on hold now and then to tend to their friends when they need or want them most.

12.) The Gift of Full Forgiveness:

For both you and the other person, forgive. Let go. Even if feelings of resentment or anger reappear every now and then, in general it’s best to accept and move forward, or move on and forget and not let your body frequently fill with fury and negative energy.   And not throw a mistake a friend made back into that person’s face again and again or during different arguments.  A True, genuine, strong, positive, loving  friendship is definitely worth forgiveness. You don’t have to always forgive everything and everyone but in general it’s probably best to try to let your body relax and ease up.  This isn’t letting the person off the hook or get over on you. It’s quite the opposite. The person hurt you but no longer has power over you or your life. And if that person is a true friend and is genuinely interested in your welfare that person deserves forgiveness. And you deserve the liberty that your forgiveness will bring you. 

13.) The Gift of appreciation and expression : There’s nothing better than knowing a person genuinely appreciates you and all you do. Let your friend, lover, kids, coworker, doctor, secretary,  maybe even a stranger and anyone else you appreciate know just how grateful you are for that person’s presence in your life or how that person has touched you for the better. Tell them in person, send them an electronic message, a phone call, a card, or small gift, a hug, anything….just let the ones you appreciate know somehow! It will make them so thrilled!  

14.) The Gift of inspiration:
Be a positive, uplifting person.   Speak positively of yourself and others and the life you are blessed to know. It’s uplifting and a good example to other people and will make you feel happier and uplifted too. Care for yourself and share your wisdom with others even though some people will not welcome it. Many will! This will inspire people around you to also love and care for themselves and others. If you come up with a great idea about anything or discover an inspirational quote or beautiful poem or photo, share it with people! Bring out the best in people. Smile. Make eye contact. Say hello. Be a blessing. Be a friend.

15.) The Gift of validation/letting others give to us:
Let people think and feel how they do instead of trying to emotionally force them to believe other things. Let them express it. Your input is good but degrading, denying, and ridiculing people’s emotions is not good. If someone is in a bad mood, trying to cheer that person up is sweet but telling the person to “get over it” or that there’s nothing to be feeling low about or criticizing the person ‘s low mood is often detrimental, aggravating, and not helpful.  
You don’t have to lower your own mood to match theirs; you can find a good balance to console them.
And when someone pays you a sincere compliment, even if you disagree or are very modest, it’s good to just be happy the person feels that way about you! Saying things like “that’s not true!” or “you’re just saying that. ” or “No I’m not that good looking or intelligent ” will just invalidate the person’s positive feelings about you and deny the person the positive emotions of complimenting you. That person wants you to feel happy and pleased and the person really feels that way about you whether or not you feel it about yourself and it’s not good to tell that person s/he is wrong.   A true compliment is a gift to you, why throw it back in the person’s face?!  Just a sweet & simple “thank you” is a great response!

16.) The Gift of your life:
If the person is a true, trusted friend to you, share the good and the bad of your life and show genuine interest in the good and bad of that person’s. It’s not good to a person when you only want to vent or gossip and not tell your success and happy stories as well and if you have problems, big or small, a friend wants to know. So if you want to express them, don’t hold back! True friends are genuinely interested in the good and the bad. And it’s good to let your friends complain and vent to you about negative events in their lives and to take pleasure in their happiness.  True friendship is about the good, the bad, everything….

“You’ve given me the best of you and now I need the rest of you.” ~ Billy Joel  

17) The Gift of communication :

Tell your lover, family member, friend when that person is doing something to really affect you. If people are hurting you, they may not realize it or the extent of it. And it may not be intentional. They don’t always realize how much it impacts you. You can save a relationship or the quality of it by positively and effectively communicating.   You can gently tell them that what they are doing is negatively affecting you and tell them you cherish your relationship with them and want to work on it for the better.     And don’t just tell the bad things!   Celebrate and acknowledge the good as well! Communication is very important in ANY kind of relationship!

These are just some things I find crucial to relationships of any kind and beautiful blessings to people. I believe they are good for people in general. And when you give these lovely gifts, you not only bless the person but you, yourself will be blessed.  You may disagree with some of them or many of them. Or all of them?! ;-D
 Lol

My intention is NOT to tell people what they should do or have to do or to negatively judge people who do not do these things! I don’t always do all of them myself and I make mistakes but I try my best to frequently live this way and I truly believe these are great and priceless gifts to others.   I don’t like to tell people how they should live or what they should do! Who am I to do that!   I’m in no position for that!   Of course I’m not! But I do love to provide suggestions in case they will help people and share what helps and inspires me. If someone is not inspired and does not want to take my suggestions, that’s ok! Whatever floats your boat! 😉

Xox0 Kim