Tag Archive | blessings

27 Lessons Learned

In May, this year, I turned 27 years old. I have learned much in my 27 years, inside of school and out of school. I find that many of the most important lessons are ones learned through experience (good & bad) , adversity , challenges, blessings, and some even through reading or hearing about or witnessing other people’s experiences and techniques. I decided to create a list of 27 of the most valuable life lessons I have learned in my 27 years. Here is in honor of the 27 years I have been blessed to know!

1.) Attitude & a strong and pleasant life Philosophy is just about everything. It usually doesn’t matter what happens to us, it’s how we respond and react to and view the situation or event, that contributes to or results in our happiness, joy, & peace of mind or suffering and chaos. We cannot always control every thought, every emotion, or our attitude at literally every second but with practice we can become good at basically & generally choosing how to respond and what thoughts and emotions we dwell on.

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” ~ Thomas Jefferson

2.) True, pure love is selfless. If I truly love someone, whether it’s in a platonic or romantic way, I want that person to be happy & healthy, & fulfilled with or without me no matter how painful it is to me. I won’t try to stand in the way, sabotage, or drag people down for leaving me or living their own lives even if I don’t agree or like it and even if the person’s plans don’t include me. “True love doesn’t have a happy ending; true love has no ending.”

3.) We all have things that someone else doesn’t have and we all lack things that others do not and we may want. We all possess certain characteristics or material possessions that others won’t. No matter what I have there is someone who has more and someone who has less. Someone who has better and someone who has worse. Someone who is more skilled and someone who is less skilled. Someone who can do the job better and someone who will do worse. And this fact will never change. But instead of dwelling on lack, I will dwell on abundance and gratitude, and blessing, for all that I do in fact possess and everything I am. Why focus on lack? We all lack something and always will. We all have something amazing and always will that we can focus on instead. And it’s a choice to see in terms of lack and loss or to see in terms of prosperity & abundance. It is best for me to fill my head with positive thoughts of abundance and gratitude, and blessings. We can just look around and look within and count our blessings. It may take some practice to begin to generally and frequently *feel* blessed and gratitude but if we develop the habit of looking and taking notice of the positive, we are likely to start feeling blessed and not just making lists of our blessings without truly feeling it. No one can replace YOU as the person you are. No one can be better at being you than you. If the grass appears to be greener on the other side, water your own grass.

““You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

4.) This world is full of ugliness, craziness, greed, tragedy, bad people, discrimination, inequality, and heartache. But it is also filled with beauty, love, perseverance, growth, friendship, kindness, blessings, consolation, lessons learned, hospitality, healing, hope, strength, and great, incredible, good people. When a tragedy occurs and it’s blown up in the media, we see strangers reach out in love and kindness to strangers willing and eager to help heal and allay the pain. We can focus on and dwell on the ugliness or learn to dwell on the beauty and healing instead. This is never to say we should ignore and deny pain and tragedy, we should definitely acknowledge it and make true attempts to help in any way we can but never let it drag us down and keep us there, seeing the world through negative, dark lenses. We will on occasion experience difficulty and be overwhelmed by what we witness and feel and experience and this is ok but we can muster up the strength and passion to go on positively and keep going and find joy in being alive.

When it rains it pours but soon the sun shines again.

“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” -Martin Luther quotes

5.) When you’re at your lowest point and can get no lower, the only way now is up. When you’re lower than your lowest depths of despair, there is a light above waiting to be seized and held. When it feels as if there’s no way out other than to stop existing, to stop breathing, there is new air, new life, and new opportunities to be felt and taken. No matter how low you are, you CAN get better. I know. “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” Winston Churchill

6.) No matter who you are or what you are, no matter how good or bad or average, there will ALWAYS be someone to want to drag you down, reject you, make fun of you, negatively gossip about you, make you feel low, point out only your flaws, magnify your imperfections, see you fall, laugh in your face, want you to lose, not like you and even loathe you. And there will be lots of people like this, the more people you meet and the more successful you become, the more likely you are to encounter negative people & rejection(and positive people too & acceptance). You cannot please or satisfy or be loved or liked by everyone. It’s not happening. And that is ok. When someone does not like you that is that person’s problem, don’t let it be yours! Be true to yourself. Love yourself. Live your dreams and plan your goals how YOU want, not how anyone else wants. And if you change to please a person who doesn’t like you now, then you’ll have someone else not like you. Trying to please everyone is not only detrimental to you, it’s not practical. It’s a physical impossibility. And you are under no obligation to dedicate your life to please anyone else at the expense of yourself. Be you. Love you.

“While it is natural to feel some degree of
need for the approval of others, be careful.
If you find yourself unwilling to
take actions that others disapprove of,
you have lost control of your own life
and have given your destiny to others.
An excessive need-for-approval
is a sign of low self-esteem,
and in severe cases, a condition termed co-dependency.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie

7.) You’re never too old. It’s never too late as long as you’re living. You can wear cartoon characters on your clothes if you want, You can wear bright clownish/ parrot -like makeup as a middle aged or old woman if that’s what draws you. You can read children’s books and sleep with stuffed animals and that’s ok no matter what people say or think. As long as you’re mature enough to care for yourself and not hurt or interfere with others, it’s ok to be youthful and child-like and find wonder in every breath. Child-like is not the same as childish or immaturity. There are no 7 wonders in the eyes of a child; there are 700, 000 +. Go to college if you want, take fun classes, hold hands and giggle out in public, jump rope outside, wear those cupcake earrings….do what you want! Don’t let your age or what people think of it restrain you. “As long as you’re living no matter how long you have been traveling down the wrong road it’s never too late to turn around and start over.’ ~Unknown

8.) Kindness even to people we feel may not deserve it is a strength and not a weakness. We are not always kind and we do not always feel like being kind. Maybe sometimes we want to be vicious, even cruel but that accomplishes nothing but putting more pain out into a world where there is already too much. Avoiding this is a great strength. “Don’t treat people as bad as they are; treat them as good as you are. “. This is not being fake, it’s being mature enough to know that kindness and being civilized is better than drama and negative arguing and uncalled for negative encounters.

“The Old Ones have always said that no matter who despises or ignores you, no matter who keeps you from entering their circles, it is right to pray for them because they are like us, too.”. ~ Larry Aitken

“When you are in an upsetting situation, try loving everyone involved and pray for them, hard as they may be. Loving doesn’t mean sentimentality but rather a rational esteem for them as persons.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

9.) Money & material possessions and even a great job are not the only or ultimate successes. They are great and can bring us some senses, often fleeting, of happiness or thrill or make us happy about those specific things but they will likely not make us truly, genuinely happy in the truest, purest general sense. Love can do that, self- love and unconditional love for life itself. . Life -satisfaction as a whole can make us happy but material possessions often will not. We never need big things or lots of things to be truly happy. The simple and beautiful things can be enough if we let them. Look at the beauty of the sky. Soak in the beauty and richness of this life. The sunlight, the moonlight, the stars, your senses….we never need a reason to celebrate. No birthdays or anniversaries, LIFE itself is reason enough to jump for joy and celebrate! Sweet simplicity.

“Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.”
Robert Browning

10.). You are the one ultimately in charge of your happiness and well being. Others can help greatly along the way but you are the one who has to work the hardest for yourself. Therapy can help but cannot, itself, cure you, most likely. Therapists can help, friends & family can help but you are ultimately responsible for yourself.

11.) I have the power to choose. I may not always feel like I am responsible for my circumstance but, ultimately, I am. Even the choice to do nothing is a choice. When I look at where I am right now and truly think about it, I will realize I play or have played a significant part in it. I may not have realized all along that I was making choices to get where I currently am but I was. This thought empowers me because I am aware that I can get where I want to be. If I am ultimately responsible for my pain, suffering, and unhappiness then I am also responsible for my happiness, joy, and fulfillment. I do not choose everything that happens to me but I choose how to respond and I have more control than I may sometimes think. Often, if I’m in a situation I do not like, I can think back and see how I was/am in some ways, responsible and I can now make more positive choices to change it. If I have a victim mentality that life merely happens to me, then I have no control but when I have a “life architect” mentality, that life responds to me and I have the ability to choose and proact, then I am empowered and in control.
I can’t choose and control everything but I can choose and control enough.

“Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
― William Jennings Bryan
12.) Many of us live in a stressful, fast paced, demanding society which pressures us into thinking we should live a certain way or we’re not living “right”. We’re expected to overwork ourselves or we’re “lazy” or “dependent” , to have families of our own by a certain age or we’re “old spinsters” or outcasts or “alone” or going against tradition. We are pressured to obtain advanced school degrees or have impressive jobs to bring purpose to our lives….but There is no one specific meaning or purpose of life. There is not a reason out there waiting to be grasped. We each create our own purpose and meaning. There is no “one size fits all”. Maybe it’s to have a job helping people, healing with compassion and kindness or being a stay at home mom, basking in the joys of being a mom or daddy, or maybe yours is a specific hobby like drawing or sculpting, or maybe you dedicate your life to research of some sort. Or maybe your purpose is simply to live, to be, to breath. Maybe you live for the simple moments, the beauty around you, to help people every chance you get, to inspire and to be happy just to be, to be the best you that you can be. Whatever you choose, that is ok. That is great. Find your purpose and embrace it. Live it. Love it.

“We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.”
― Joseph Campbell

13.) It’s ok if people don’t like you or appreciate you. It’s ok to be disliked by people, even ones who you really like. You CAN go on living. You CAN still succeed. If you like or love people who don’t like or love you back, it will hurt, but you can move forward and heal. Or stay stuck and dwelling on the fact and that is detrimental and will interfere with your growth. It’s healthy and it’s normal to want to be accepted and included. Humans are social creatures and have a need, a longing to belong but we do not need everyone to love us or accept us. Like yourself. That’s all that matters. And for all the people not liking you, there’s so many more who can and will, and already do like you.

14.) We don’t need a new year to start anew. How many people do you know who have goals and dreams they plan to achieve and realize at the start of a new year? They can’t wait for the current year to hurry up and end already. They get pumped and inspired and energized at the mere thought of a new year about to begin. And they make resolutions they plan to start on Jan. 1st. But imagine feeling that inspiration at ANY part of the year?! New Year is good & symbolic of new beginnings but new beginnings can happen anywhere, any place, any time. How about now?

15.) Everyone has pain and struggles and they all deserve love and compassion and empathy even when someone else’s problems seem worse. Just because a person has or seems to have a worse problem or greater pain than another, it doesn’t take away the person’s pain who seems to have a less severe problem. Everyone can benefit by kindness and empathy and having a loving, caring, active listener. There should never be a “pain contest or competition ” to see who has worse problems and pain and judge people negatively. What doesn’t seem so bad to you may be to someone else.

16.) About friends. Quality over quantity. One true friend is better than 20 or more acquaintances. And blood doesn’t really have to be “thicker than water”. True friends are better than family who doesn’t even care about or even think of you.

17.) Kindness & compassion should be bestowed in general, not just to people we know & love. We don’t have to like or love everyone equally, that is unrealistic anyway, but we can still be kind and empathetic in general. Remember each person you meet has a life and a story and a breath, pleasure & pain, needs & desires just like you and the ones you love.

18.) My intense, extreme empathy is a gift and a blessing to me and to others even when it feels like a curse. It’s good to care and have the true ability to deeply understand. I have the tendency to literally feel pain when someone else does. Feeling immense pain at the knowledge of someone suffering is often agonizing and sometimes despairing. But it helps me connect with people and provides me with more depth and the ability to identify with another even when I haven’t exactly experienced it myself. I would never say “I know how you feel.”. I don’t know how someone else feels and never will but I can understand to some degree and experience much compassion. But I would never overstep my boundaries and assume I know more than I do. That is pure arrogance. Some things I can never even begin to imagine but can still be understanding and compassionate. While I take on the world’s pain, I also have the ability of taking on the world ‘s pleasure and basking in the success and happiness of others even when I, myself am not feeling happy or successful. When one wins, we all win.

19.) The past can be a gift to guide us and doesn’t have to imprison us or hold us back. It can be our teacher. Let the bad strengthen us and the good bless us with sweet memories to cherish forever.

20.) Every person, young & old can teach us something valuable. No matter how pleasant or unpleasant that person or our encounter with that person is, we can learn something. Inspiration is everywhere.

21.) Life is a gift. It doesn’t have to be taken so seriously. Let small things slide. It can be painful and unpleasant but that is the price we pay for being blessed with a gift so priceless. If someone gives you a beautiful gift you were never entitled to to begin with (or even if you are) and it is an unexpected and truly incredible gift that just is shockingly beautiful but isn’t perfect, you likely would not complain about its flaws. You weren’t expecting it anyway. It wasn’t something that had to be given to you in the first place. So you would probably bask in it and cherish it and embrace or accept its flaws. Life is that gift.

22.) Other people are just as important as me even if we have strong opposing views. They are as convinced as I am. Their conviction, their compassion is as strong as mine is. And often, even their longing and attempts to do what is right and their sense of justice is as passionate as mine. They frequently have good intentions. And it’s wise to step outside of ourselves often and attempt to see how and why people do the things they do and feel the way they do even when it’s hard and startling. I may disagree with people, even get angry at them or their views but they deserve a chance and my respect. It’s ok to have differences. You don’t have to change your views but it’s good to make genuine attempts to understand a view other than your own.

23.) People are often misunderstood but well- intentioned. They often aren’t trying to be assholes or cruel even when it seems that way. Sometimes it’s thoughtlessness or differing points of views. It’s hard sometimes, to think about things and the world employing a perspective other than our own. I try to understand people as best as I can and give them a chance. I believe that people in general are basically good with good, selfless intentions but often seem cold, selfish, arrogant, and uncaring. Many people or their actions are just misunderstood and misinterpreted or miscommunicated. I try my absolute best to understand people and give them a chance.

24.). The present moment is the only moment. It is priceless and great. It is all we have right now. If you learn to live in the present you will be amazed. Let the past teach you and cherish your memories and plan appropriately for the future but LIVE for now. Then you won’t constantly mourn or be destroyed by your previous experiences and won’t fret or overly anticipate your future experiences.

25.) Pain can strengthen us and make us more whole than we were previously. Underneath my wholeness lies a broke- ness that has led me to where I am NOW. Beautifully WHOLE.

26.) People don’t have to be like me, think like me, look like me, live like me, or breathe like me to be beautiful like me.

27.) Age doesn’t matter as long as you’re alive. There’s no reason to wish to be younger or lie about or conceal your age. You don’t have to feel the desire to keep it a secret. Shout it off the roof tops! You are blessed, truly blessed to be your age. Every age has its blessing. However old you are now, you know more than when you were younger. You have likely evolved in ways that was not true before now. So why want to regress back to a less developed age? And if you want to be younger but know all you know now, what’s the point then anyway? It would be the same as now but just with a different numerical label. And maybe you look older now but so what? It’s part of the blessings of living. Your “flaws” are reminders of all you have survived and learned. You can feel young, BE young, at any age! Cherish it! Embrace it! Many people die tragically young. You are still here, allowed to live this long! Beauty deepens with age. It’s better to be over the hill than under it!! :-D. You are a survivor.

These lessons I find to be true to me; I do not attempt to force any of them upon anyone. You may disagree with me on some or all of them and that’s ok. Different people have different views. I hope you can find light & inspiration in some of them.

X0xo Kim

Dandelions

Aug4

(I took this lovely pic with my phone!!!)

“When you look at a field of dandelions, you can either see a hundred weeds or a hundred wishes” ~ Unknown

I love taking walks and taking pictures of all the incredible wonders I see around me. My mom often scolds me and my little sister gets annoyed because when we’re outside walking to a store or walking the doggy. I stop every other second to snap a picture of some beauty I see before me. I see beauty & inspiration everywhere I look. I’m not a photographer ; I merely take pictures with my cell phone. It takes amazing pictures. I’m constantly taking pictures of the sky, usually sunsets and the bright azure sky dappled in white fluffy clouds.I love pictures of birds and insects.

Words cannot truly express the way it feels when I look up at the sky During a sunset or a bright sunny Afternoon or when I look out a window at the sunrise when the new dawn is awakening or looking out the window seeing, listening to the rain or seeing snow falling before my eyes, and the scents the rain brings forth, I love the feel of cool breezes in the summer and the warmth of heat in the crisp Wintery magic. I love the seasons changing and the taste of sweet fruit and chocolate sundaes. And beautiful , vibrant colorful flowers.

When I look at all of the incredible, wild joys of Nature, life surges through my veins, my heart races at the breathtaking beauty. My veins throb with life, electricity pulses through me like a thousand heartbeats.

It comes naturally to me. I’m very aware of the beauty that all of my senses allow me to experience each moment of each day.

But, although this generally comes naturally to me, I have made a conscious decision to strengthen my natural ability and habit of being mindful of the simple pleasures of life and making it a general habit even when it’s hard to see beauty. Some days it seems there’s nothing but ugliness all around. But even on those days,I have the choice to look for wonder. It may not naturally pop out at me like usual but I can look and I can find, hard as it may be.

In this life there is an incredible abundance of wonder and joy and beauty. By being blessed with life, we have the chance to take advantage of this. Take advantage of being alive. Instead of trudging through life in a sense of hopeless drudgery, we can choose to learn and practice being truly and fully alive.

Here are some ways I have strengthened my natural ability to see simple joys everywhere and ways I think can be helpful to people. Not everyone has that natural ability but even ones who don’t can learn & practice .

1.) Breathe and inhabit your body. Your body, which is you is here now. Not in the past, not in the future. Here, now. You’ll never, ever go back to the previous moments you once lived and you can’t change them. And the future is always just out of your reach. When the future arrives, it is now your present, all you will ever have is now. Make this your conscious reality.
Take notice of the way your body feels right NOW. All the sensations, the pleasures, the pain, relaxed parts, stressed parts, stiff parts, numb parts, healthy parts…

2.) Try not to force yourself to not think about other things or about your past or future. When you try to intentionally not think about something, it tends to pop into your head more frequently. Instead focus on what is here.

3.) Practice mindfulness meditation. Meditating regularly will help you develop better control over your thinking and even when you’re not meditating you will be better able to live in the present.

https://livingmindfully.org/
http://www.meditationoasis.com/

4.) slow down. When you’re constantly in a hurry you can’t take pleasure in much of anything.

5.) Try to create a schedule everyday or almost everyday where you can take a few minutes, hour, or hours to do nothing but something that brings you immense joy and serenity. Walks in nature, observing natural settings, drawing, running, taking pictures, things like that and soak up all the beauty.

6.) really, truly look. Look and see what is around you. Don’t just give it a quick, passing glance. Let the feelings it provokes in you, surge through you and cherish those feelings.

7.) I think about all of the people who have died and who have never been born or created/conceived to begin with. What they wouldn’t give (if they could know) to have a chance to live or to live again and feel, experience what I can because I am Alive.

8.) I think about if everything I have ever known, ever loved, ever owned or possessed just disappeared temporarily, unexpectedly and then all came back. How would I feel then? Would it awaken me? Make me realize how wonderful, how miraculous, how joyous it all truly is?

9.) stop waiting. “People wait all week for Friday, all year for Summer, all life for happiness.”. You may not have all you want right now but you can still be generally happy and joy-filled. You don’t need that perfect weather, that perfect day of the week, that perfect lover, that perfect body. All you need is life. All you need is now. Right now. You got it!

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.”

― Mary Jean Irion

“Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.”
Robert Browning quotes

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.” ~
Albert Einstein

Paul Valéry – “To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees.”

Me.

Xo Kim

If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane

Jul2

(my dog Koko after she got done eating a vanilla cream horn treat. she has cream on her little face. Lol silly girl!)

” And I’ll never be the same without you here
I’ll live alone and hide myself behind my tears
And I’ll never be the same without your love
I’ll live alone and try so hard to rise above” ~ Christopher Cross

I’m ready.

Ready to start laughing again. Those good belly laughs I used to laugh almost constantly every night and day for as long as I can remember. Until my dog died. Three months ago.

I stopped laughing then. I wouldn’t let myself. When I found something amusing as I usually do I would quickly remind myself, “Wait! You can’t laugh, Koko is dead!”. And I would become somber. Or apathetic. Or grief stricken. Or just stop. And go about my day. Not laughing.

I wouldn’t really say or think those words but the concept of my sweet dog being dead would creep into my brain destroying any desire I had to laugh, any ounce of amusement I began to experience .

Ever since I was little, in elementary school, probably even before, I have been very easily amused over everything and nothing. I laugh more than anyone I have ever known.

I got in trouble in class often for laughing out loud uncontrollably at kids being bad.

My mom yells at me sometimes for laughing during inappropriate situations like when my dog eats out of the cat’s litter box. Lol

Once, my therapist asked me if it is some sort of coping mechanism or cover up for Anxiety. And my answer is NO. I am genuinely amused. Just a silly, giggly girl. I usually always find something to laugh about even when I am unhappy or depressed or angry!

There are occasions when I have been super furious at someone but still amused and laughing uncontrollably and I would be so pissed at myself for laughing because who is going to take my anger seriously when I’m laughing my ass off?! Lol 😀

But when Koko died in April I stopped laughing. After a few days I started to smile and laugh a little bit and be slightly amused but those serious belly laughs have been extremely rare.

Grief never goes away. Grief over a human friend or family member or grief over a fur or feather or reptile…… friend dying is forever etched in our hearts.

But for many people it eventually heals to a point where it’s not always raw or always the main feeling everyday. It appears and reappears and on some occasions even decades later, maybe it resurfaces at full force and then subsides again.

It doesn’t have to hinder or taint happiness.

My grief has for the most part taken the back burner and I can still be happy and I even eventually began feeling mostly like myself again. But still there has been some kind of damper put on this life of mine.

There will always be a part of me missing. Always. My dog wasn’t just my “pet”. She was my friend, my family.

And this death hurts me so much it’s unbelievable.

But this death is somewhat easier than what many people have to endure with a loss. Koko was old and lived a whole dog life and 12 years with me. And she was not sick, in pain, or suffering when she died. My mom and dad were there with her and watched her take her last breath.

She began to slow down days before her death and her breathing changed and we hoped so desperately that she wouldn’t begin to suffer and that if she must die soon that it would be easy and quick. I couldn’t bear to think of her suffering or being euthanized by an animal doctor as my mom mentioned may have to happen.

Some dogs die alone, in pain, lost, young, and abandoned, never knowing true love. Some are so bad off they are euthanized.

But not Koko. She was loved by us for 12 years. We celebrated her every birthday, bought her gifts every holiday, let her sleep in bed, on the sofa, she had other fur friends. I bought her treats home every night after work. The girl was spoiled!! 😉

And she died old, quickly, and naturally.

And for all of that I am so blessed. Seriously what more can I ask for?!

It does not take away my grief. But grief should never go away anyway. Grief is part of living and loving and when one life is so impacted by another grief is the result of loss.

A few days ago I began laughing again a lot
Throughout the day like before. And it has been continuing everyday now.

And I realized I haven’t been my giggly self for so long. I felt different but could not put my finger on it. Then one night I laughed hysterically over song lyrics and realized I haven’t laughed quite like that in ages!

I think after three months my grief is finally beginning to heal more.

It’s important to remember that it’s ok to laugh even when someone else has died or is dying or experiencing tragedy or pain or illness.

I have a tendency to feel guilt laughing when I hear about, see on the news, or know someone who died or is experiencing tragedy.

But me/you/someone not laughing and intentionally not having fun does not help the tragedy in the world. It just results in another unhappy person or one who is not fully living.

I can laugh. It won’t hurt Koko. If I choose not to laugh, it won’t bring her back. It HURTS to let go. Hurts desperately. But it’s ok.

Just because you laugh doesn’t mean you are cold or don’t care or are forgetting or ignoring the death or pain of others.

You are still living. It’s your life. It’s ok. It’s necessary to move forward.

I never wanted to admit this but a few days after Koko died my pain was so severe I thought I wanted to die too.

I felt nothing but anger every day and pain.
I wasn’t angry at anyone specifically. There was no one to be angry at.

But now I don’t feel angry. I feel blessed. I am blessed.

Two nights ago I was looking through older pictures trying to find one of my dog, Isis Summerjo, and I accidentally saw like 100 of Koko in my phone and I felt as if I was suffocating and drowning all over again.

I have only been able to look at pictures of her and talk about her on certain occasions when I felt enabled to do so. And then I accidentally saw them and I clicked each and every one I saw and looked. It hurt but I smiled and realized how much stronger I am now.

A brief fleeting thought of me wanting to die ran across my brain. But I told myself. What good will dying do? Will it bring Koko back? No. Will it end my pain? Yes but it will also end everything else. And I don’t need that.

There is always hope.

My life is more good than pain.

And even when it doesn’t feel that way.

There’s always hope.

I am so skilled now more than ever at being able to see the good amidst the bad. The positive in the negative. The hope in the darkness. The healing in the hurt.

I can even feel happy while depressed.

Also,

It’s now July! You know what that means right!? Nine months. I haven’t been suicidal or even thought about it seriously in nine months. That’s the longest I have ever been able to go without those compulsions and thoughts in……FOURTEEN years!!!!!! Fourteen years!!!!!!! In case you don’t know, I wrote about this in previous blog entries here. I suffer with clinical depression. I have suffered with mental illness since I was eleven years old and at 21 years old I was hospitalized and was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features. I was hospitalized again and participate in psychotherapy and drug therapy. I struggled for years
and in 2010 I truly started to get better. Four months is the longest I have ever been able to go without being suicidal since I was 13 years old. And usually not even that long. Until now. But now I’m back and better than ever! 😀

I changed my ways. My thinking, my attitude, my life. And I am going strong. I celebrate living everyday.

I hope everyone will find hope and love even in pain and darkness.

I am ready to start laughing again. To start living again.

Xoxo Kim

P.s. Wondering what lyrics and songs are so hilarious?! Lol! Check these out!!

“My head hurts , my feet stink” by Jimmy Buffett. Just the song title has me rofl

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/my+head+hurts+my+feet+stink+and+i+dont+love+jesus_20267475.html

“Changes In Latitudes, Changes In Attitudes”
Jimmy Buffett
“With these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of my running, and all of my cunning
If I couldn’t laugh I just would go insane
If we couldn’t laugh we just would go insane
If we weren’t all crazy we would go insane”
“

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/changes+in+latitudes+changes+in+attitudes_20071889.html

“Growing older not up”

“I’m growing older but not up
My metabolic rate is pleasantly stuck
Let those winds of time blow over my head
Id rather die while Im living than live while Im dead”
~ Jimmy Buffett

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/growing+older+but+not+up_20071897.html

“The Asshole song”

“Were you born an asshole
Or did you work at it your whole life?
Either way, it worked out fine
‘Cause you’re an asshole tonight “
~
Jimmy Buffett

http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jimmy+buffett/the+asshole+song_20214732.html

And I hope you find a bit of inspiration in some of these lyrics as well.

Here’s a pic I made using an app, it’s one of those “when you see it” pics. Lol

Simple Wisdom

Jun28

1.). Smile. 😀

2.) Notice and cherish the simple things.

3.) When something doesn’t go right, how you planned or wanted, or when you have a complaint, still remember how you are blessed.

“………And I’m still so blessed!!!”

4.) Be grateful even when everything seems wrong. And if you can’t feel grateful that moment, still think of the blessings you know.

5.) Remember it’s ok to express your true self even when other people will disagree.

6.) It’s better to do what you know is right even if it means you have to stand alone.

7.) The next day you get caught in the rain, actually Experience the raindrops on your skin, don’t just get wet.

8.) Try something you never tried before. Something big or small.

9.) Look at a flower, the sky, a tree, a bird, a butterfly or lightening bug, a grasshopper…..
And forget the name of this entity you see.

“To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees.” (very wise quote attributed to Paul Valéry)

10.) Laugh out loud.

11.) Let go.

12.) Give a dog a belly rub.

13.) Dance. Even when there’s no music or the music is bad.

14.) Be mindful of your senses. Let your body be overwhelmed in awe and wonder. Let your fingertips tremble. Let your insides quiver at the incredible astounding beauty around you. The beauty within you. The beauty that is you.

15.). Remind yourself that it’s always possible to be kind.

16.) don’t let other people control how you feel or think. YOU control your own thoughts and feelings no matter what others do to you.

17.) Eat that extra cupcake! 😉

18.) celebrate your half birthday and splurge on yourself

19.) see extraordinary in the ordinary.

20.) compliment someone, genuinely.

21.) go the extra mile.

22.) love. Then love some more.

23.). Give more when you feel like giving up. Hold on when your heart has had enough. (thank you Martina McBride for the inspiration)

24.) Be happy for people even when you are not happy with yourself.

25.) wear your best clothes, those expensive earrings, red lipstick, and be elated just because. You don’t need a holiday or “special occasion “. Just being alive is a special occasion!

26.) Look for beauty in ugliness and blessings in pain, suffering, tragedy, and chaos.

27.) when in darkness, remember the Moon and the stars. They are light in the dark.

28.) Feel the sun on your face.
29.) It’s ok to buy yourself something expensive every now and then just because you want it.
30.) It’s ok to vent sometimes. 🙂
31.) Accept what is and cannot be changed. You don’t have to like it but it is what it is. Acceptance is liberation.
32.) happiness is puppies and babies, ice cream and cupcakes, uplifting songs and colorful flowers and trees.

33.) Be grateful

34.) Be happy anyway

Xo Kim

Grief, Loss, & Healing

May19

I mentioned in previous posts that last month, my beautiful sweet fur baby, Koko died of old age. She was fourteen years old and my family had her for twelve years. It is one of the worst pains I have ever experienced. The fact that she was old and lived a full dog life with us brings me a sense of consolation but my grief was / is still so very strong. It hurts. So deeply. She was a significant part of me.

She slept with me and on my chest so many nights. I carried her around and loved and hugged and kissed her. I had her since I was a fourteen year old girl until I became a 26 year old woman. It’s unbelievable that she’s gone.
I got her in high school and she was there at every stage of this life of mine. When I struggled with depression, hospitalizations, graduations, loneliness, new people, college, just everything.

I can’t believe I’ll never hold her again.

Some moments that fact hits me so hard so deep. It cuts me. And it hurts. How can my sweet, sweet beautiful Koko be gone? Forever!? It’s incomprehensible. It’s astounding. I can’t believe it.

I can’t. It’s too sad. She was my baby. For about three weeks after Koko died, my grief was the number one thing I felt over anything. I have a generally happy life so underneath my grief I felt happiness but it was drowned out by the grief. I could hardly laugh or joke and be my lighthearted self for weeks. Finally, my zest for life returned and my grief took the back burner and my happiness returned to the top again with some occasions my grief becoming strong again.

But generally, my happiness was at the front. I know grief heals but never ever goes away. The edge usually goes away in general and that raw pain like in the beginning doesn’t take over in general anymore. For many people, the raw pain may make an appearance through the years every now and then. Maybe triggered by something or maybe just coming out of nowhere. But it’s no longer a constant after healing begins.

The raw pain of the loss of my sweet girl came back about a week ago. I expected it would at some point. And I expected it would go again. For the last week I have been struggling hard with it. I miss my Koko and I want so badly to hold her close and kiss that sweet head again. She kissed Soooo much! She loved to kiss.

I have so many, many pictures of her and I am incredibly thankful for that even though it hurts to see them. I can see her so clearly in my memories.

I want my grief to continue healing but I don’t want it to ever go, as painful as it is. It is an indication of true love & blessing.

It’s hard because not everyone understands the severe agony of pet loss so I cannot express my pain to everyone. Many, many people believe it’s just sad when a pet dies but not a “Real” or serious loss. People can think, feel what they will. But this is a big, and horrible loss for me.

I am angry. And I have been feeling as if I’m acting like a spoiled little ungrateful brat focusing on what I don’t have instead of what I do.

But I know that’s not true. Grieving is ok.

Today I woke up with my heart pounding at the thought that I will never see my girl again. Not ever.

So I have to accept it. I have to. For me.

It’s not easy. But it just is.

Shortly after Koko died, I saw a sign hanging up that said pomeranian puppies for sale. A family had a litter of puppies that their dogs unexpectedly had and they had to find homes.

We had three other dogs already and were not looking for another. My mom had to go to a check cashing place. I complained. I usually go everywhere with my mom and did not want to go but she had to so we went. I walked in the door with a heavy heart. So broken and heavy.

I stood there trying to keep my grief at bay. I looked up across the room for no reason and there was that sign!

I couldn’t believe it! Koko was part pomeranian!! And no dog can ever replace her and make it ok that she’s gone even if I love that dog just as much but I wanted to give one of those babies a home.

My mom told me to copy the info. But she said my dad probably would not allow us to get one of those pom poms because my dad doesn’t like to have more than a few pets and we already had some.

But I copied it and when he came home after work i told him about the sign. He wasn’t as thrilled as we were but surprisingly to us it wasn’t completely out of the question either. I’m very, very shy even on the phone and I rarely make phone calls to people I don’t know or know well. Even as an adult I used to have my mom make my phone calls for me for things like therapists and stuff.

My dad told me to call the family selling those pups. Like I said before, these are not puppy mill or pet shop pups and I don’t support puppy mills and the atrocities and horror those places are full of. This is just a family with a litter of pups their dogs had.

Some how I mustered up the courage to call! And the lady told me there was one boy left! One boy waiting for his loving forever home!

I have never lived a day of my life without a pet and never will. In my family we never ever give pets away. No matter what. No matter how bad they are. Lol! 🙂

And I love them like people. So I knew that boy would have a loving furever home with us.

He was the last pup just waiting. They had him in a playpen and he was standing up wagging his little tail and was so so happy to see us. He smothered me with kisses when I held him. Just like Koko used to. And he has Koko’s face! But certainly not her personality! She was calm and gentle and reserved.

This little boy is a terror! He’s wild and energetic and gets into everything he can get his little paws on!

He wasn’t afraid or anxious coming with us. I am so thankful that it was him there who we got to bring home. We had him for a little bit over a month and I can’t imagine not having him.

He is absolutely perfect. I love how it’s like honoring Koko. He’s the same breed but full breaded and he’s like her life’s gift to us. I would never ever have wanted Koko to go away just to get another new dog. I wanted to hold on to her forever. But I couldn’t and with this horrible situation we have him. This perfect five month old little pup.

Even my dad, who was reluctant at first and likes to be in control of everything is happy we got him and he calls him his son! Lol

His name is Emmy. And everyone loves him. Even the other dogs. Boobie who was Koko ‘s best friend in the world and was heart broken to lose Koko did not like Emmy at first. She avoided him like the plague. Now she loves him and plays with him the most! Koko did not usually play, she just snuggled. Boobie is ten years old and all she does is play with five month old Emmy! He brought out her playful side.

Sometimes at night when I’m grieving so hard over my loss, I look next to me and see sweet little Emmy sleeping and I am overcome with gratitude and joy. It doesn’t take away my severe pain but it does ease it somewhat to know something good has come of this agonizing circumstance.

Yesterday Emmy ripped my nose ring out! It has been pierced for about nine years and was never out! But yesterday morning when I was half sleeping it looked like a great plaything and he leapt up and ripped it out! It was bleeding! It needs special equipment to get it on and off but somehow he got the ball off and it flared up my pain disorder so bad. So my pain has been quite excruciating! Tomorrow I have to go to the piercing place and get it put back in.

I love that sweet boy.

My mom, dad, and sister believe in signs and that things were /are “Meant to Be.”. I do not believe that. They believe Emmy is “God’s ” gift or that Koko sent him to us. I don’t believe in anything of that sort but I love the way it all worked out.

I wanted to write something for myself to express my pain inside but also to let people know or remind people of the blessings all around, even in horrific situations. There’s always something good. It’s ok to grieve how you must as long as it takes.

I have lost animals my whole life because I have always had them and it’s always sad. But as a teenager and younger I did not feel negative or painful emotions as strongly as when I grew up.

Another sad loss I have experienced two years ago this month is the loss of a human friend, John. I never hung out with him but I saw him frequently and I love/d him as a friend. He died of an illness of the liver. It was shocking and devastating and still is sometimes. It is also one of the worst kinds of pain I ever had to endure. But I let myself grieve and heal.

I am blessed with happy, loving, & funny memories of him.

He was a friendly, funny, and very loving man. And I am blessed to have known him.

One song that helped me cope with his death is: “Return to Innocence” by Enigma.

“Don’t be afraid to be weak
Don’t be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don’t hide”

Shortly after he died I felt guilty for still feeling pleasure in things but I know I can’t stop living just because others have died. I am still here and I must go on.

My heart goes out to anyone who is grieving for any reason whether your loss is recent or many, years ago. I hope you soon find the strength, hope, and consolation you need.

Sweet Koko. April 1999 – April 2013

Sweet little Emmy.

Xox0 Kim

She believed she could so she did

Jan26

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before”~ Edwin Elliot.

“Don’t cheat the world of your contribution. Give it what you’ve got.” –Steven Pressfield

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~Norman Vincent Peale

Here is a disorganized, beautiful wreck of my thoughts on how pain can be our motivation and inspiration.

And how we can bring more joy and happiness into our world.

I have a wildly, passionate, pulsating desire, longing, need to help others help themselves heal whatever pain they are experiencing. I want people to empower themselves and overcome whatever restraints may be holding them back and making them not live fully and passionately and happily. And.

I hope that you who are reading this can find something that is useful to you and use it to help yourself and even share with others to help them.

I believe any negative experience that rips us apart, breaks us, steals a part of us that we feel we can never reclaim, swindles our days, months, and/or years, saps our strength, even threatens our sense of personal identity, no matter how painful, no matter how agonizing can turn out to be the catalyst for change for the better. It can give us the opportunity to better ourself, rebuild ourself to stand even stronger than before that pain and destruction.

And for me, the way to allow this painful experience to give way to positive change and the opportunity to rebuild and strengthen myself is to cultivate and maintain a general confident, grateful, positive, “unstoppable” attitude. Stop at nothing. Be your own advocate. Know that you are worth it. Empower yourself. Whatever you experienced. Whatever you did. Wherever you were. You can change now for the better. You can move on and never look back except to see how much progress you have accomplished and bring the lessons you learned with you wherever you are now and wherever you will go. You are in control.

Deep inside you know what you need. What you want. Your heart’s truest longings and desires. Look deep within. Look around you. What draws you? What pulls you in? What captivates and awes you? What has you spellbound and fills you with wonder & inspiration? Is it a certain place? A certain career or job? A hobby or activity? Certain scenery or decorations? Certain colors or objects? A kind of person you want to be? A certain way of life? What do you see before you and feel in the quietude of your brain when you close your eyes and drown out all the clatter of everyday? What is swirling around and sparkling with chromatic winds in the otherwise dusty, gray, and stagnant recesses of your brain? Whatever it is, go for it, chase it until it’s your reality. You may not get it right away, maybe not even in the immediate future. But if it draws you and has you spellbound, it’s worth the sweat and the tears and the work and the dreaming. And don’t settle for anything less. Don’t settle for mediocre. Work for your best! Don’t be a zombie or a robot and just exist in an almost constant state of gray, monotony, BE ALIVE. Remember how you felt when you accomplished something amazing, maybe something you thought you maybe never could?

Remember that incredible thrill that you tapped into at some points in your life? A genuine thrill. Maybe when you finally graduated, or maybe when you gave birth to or adopted your child or adopted a new pet, or got your very first job or promotion or a new car or even just a new, amazing outfit or pair of shoes, maybe when you got accepted into a program or moved out on your own or got an A on a difficult exam…then the novelty wore off and you still loved those things/people but they’re no longer new, the thrill sort of dimmed a little.

And you may think you need big things to happen to feel that way again.

But the good news is you can learn to tap into that novel feeling, that thrill almost whenever you want over various things, big and simple things. You can get thrilled and inspired over small simple things by developing positive habits that will assist you in your quest to overcome your routine, monotonous ways. That’s not to say you will or should live everyday in complete ecstasy or mania but you can be thrilled and ecstatic more often and love the things you do! :-D. Stop to notice and appreciate the simple things. The morning dew drops on the tips of leaves, the veins of life running through the leaves and the ones running through you, your wrists, the vibrancy of the colors of the sky and flowers. The sounds that stroke your core, music, cars screeching in the streets, taste your food, mindfully, salty, sour, sweet, bitter. Deliciousness. Feel the textures of everything you touch. The softness of skin, the comfort of your blankets, your animal’s fur. And take in all the fragrances of life. Perfume, rain, mist, cookies or cupcakes baking, citrus or lavender. Appreciate and love and cherish your senses. Feel blessed and grateful for them. They are five of your greatest gifts. Five beautiful gifts that you probably overlook every single second of every single day, yet they are your greatest mechanisms for experiencing this world, this life. Make a habit of doing this more often and it will open you up to what feels like a brand new world, one of joy, awe, wonder, and inspiration.

Now back to your dreams…

You don’t even have to have it be one hundred percent clear to you right now exactly what you want and need; you can just have a basic idea and do some exploring in and around yourself.

You can read books, flip through magazine pages, visit places, browse clothing or knick knack aisles in stores, antiques or flea markets, read on the internet, engage in various activities to see what captures your heart, what you want to be yours, what you want to be you. Meditate. Focus on your source of life, your breath, don’t force any certain kind of breathing, just focus on the natural process. It may feel weird and unpleasant at first but you’ll get used to it. Try different things out to see if it’s for you.

And believe you have what it takes to eventually accomplish and realize this.

Maybe you want to graduate college and have a big, impressive career. Maybe you want to travel across the world, or maybe you want to take certain non-credited classes to learn to draw, sing, cook, sew, or take photographs. Overcome a health condition of any kind or exercise more. Or maybe you just want to learn how to decorate your house or be a better you all around. Whatever it is you will not grasp it, become it, live it if you don’t take the first steps and then the next and the next until you embrace it and it’s you.

We can’t all have everything we want. We have limitations. But just because we cannot have or accomplish a specific something does not mean we cannot accomplish something else we want or love. I love the idea of singing and wish I could but the truth is my voice is not a singing voice. Lol. And I would love to be able to draw beautifully but I usually cannot; it’s just my fantasy. But that doesn’t stop me so I cannot find something else that I love that can be my reality.

I have come to realize this through my quest to better myself and escape the grasp and bondage of Depression which I have grappled with since I was a young girl. I was 13 years old when it began. It would be severe flareups on top of lowergrade depression in the middle and every now and again, it would lift and I would be happy for a while then it would come back for weeks or months then happy again.

I was at the lowest depths of my despair when I finally realized my ONLY way is up. There was no other option for me that I would settle for. I refused to stay that way, refused to lose my life to the disease that has ravaged my brain for years,off and on. I wanted it to stop coming back. I knew true happiness. I was happy at every age along with having depression.

So I became my advocate and my hero, my nurturer, my own caregiver and I went to war over myself, for myself, and chose to stop. At nothing. Stop at nothing. Until I am where I want to be and I still choose not to stop. I am still going. Still going strong. I make this a life-long commitment. This was/is not always easy. But it is not all unpleasant. And is well worth it.

I get to watch myself grow, feel myself evolve. I see progression and light where I once saw darkness through myself imposed prison bars. And I help others along the way.

Depression has the tendency to extinguish the will to live and survive and it hinders motivation and inspiration and makes us believe we are not worth anything, like we’re not worth the struggle. But I let the pain inspire me and motivate me as difficult as it can be. I let the struggle itself be my motivation and inspiration. My pain is my motivation.

Through the eyes of depression, there is no motivation. There is no inspiration in anything. There’s no will. Through the lenses of depression at its most severe form, there’s often nothing that can motivate or inspire. No people, no activities, no jobs, no thoughts, no books. So what to do? Take the very pain itself, the LACK of motivation and inspiration and let that be THE motivation itself.

Depression took away everything I ever was when it would keep returning, but I took it back. I took myself back. I reclaimed my goddess within, my inner hero. I sparked my inner song, the one in my bones.

Take a look at your negative, self-limiting thoughts. Did you create them or did someone else program them into your head? Or did an experience instill them into you? Why are those thoughts bad for you? Are they good for anything other than bringing you down and causing you to hurt or suffer? If someone else programmed those useless, negative, life draining thoughts into your head, get them out now! They don’t belong there. No one but you belongs in that head of YOURS! Did someone tell you long ago, maybe as a child, or young adult, or maybe even recently, that you aren’t good enough or you aren’t beautiful and you have internalized it and carry it around with you til this day?

Reprogram those thoughts that do not serve you for the best. Practice. Practice. Practice. Un-install them and then install new, self affirming thoughts and beliefs. If you created these thoughts in your own head, why? (This is not a judgmental “why?”. I want you to think about how those thoughts may have served you somehow at one point but not anymore or maybe they never did.) What did they once mean for you? If they no longer or never have served a positive purpose for you, abandon them. And replace them with positive, tender, self-loving thoughts and beliefs that serve you well. Write them down. List them. Dwell on them. When you have a negative thought about yourself, counter it with three positive thoughts or more. Of course you have flaws or perceived flaws, who doesn’t? That’s no reason to verbally/mentally bash yourself no matter what is true or not. What do you WANT to think and believe about yourself as opposed to what you currently think and believe? Your opinion of yourself matters. Your negative thoughts about you are NOT irreplaceable. You CAN vanquish them and replace them. You are a sentient being. You can feel, think, and experience. You deserve your love and compassion. So bestow it upon yourself. It may not happen now or overnight but you can do this.

Whatever negative, painful experience(s) took a toll on you and coerced you into believing negative things about yourself and saying and thinking unpleasant and unnecessary criticism about you, take that experience and go the other way. Instead of looking at how it broke you or destroyed you, take a look at how it has the potential to gift you, to guide you, to energize you. To allow you to strengthen and rebuild yourself.

You may never completely get over the scars of a painful experience but you CAN get yourself better. Scars are ok even though they can be painful; they’re part of living. And they can remind you. of the battle you survived and won!

My depression was environmental & turned more like chronic later, lifting a while then coming back, having to do with certain situations and thoughts.

I have made a conscious decision to intentionally maintain a positive attitude/life even when it’s not easy, even when it nearly seems impossible. This doesn’t mean never having a negative thought; it doesn’t mean literally only having cheery thoughts and happy ideas. It means also handling negative thoughts, situations, and emotions in a healthy, positive, effective way. Like writing, reading, listening to music, therapy, arts & crafts, friends, talking, anything healthy, eliminating negativity when I can, knowing it’s only temporary. Knowing that happiness is often found within but factors outside the self like books, people, activities…can help bring it out and build on it. It would be absurd and dishonest to myself and others to claim I only have or even try to only have pure cheerful, happy thoughts and feelings. Lol. Not happening!

But I do more frequently than not try to keep my glass 99.9 % full! Lol. And I try not to complain unnecessarily. But venting is ok, even necessary every now and then. Negative thoughts and emotions are inevitable and it is important to express them in a healthy manner. I have a gratitude journal, a positive journal, and a positive outlook in general.

And I see how negative events and situations can be manipulated into positive energy whether that’s learning something through the experience, letting it strengthen and enlighten me, or using it to teach others. Or just letting it be a reminder and indication that I am in fact alive and life comes with difficult struggles & situations even through the immense beauty.

Since I am prone to bouts of severe depression I must work hard to keep up a positive outlook more than average so a normal low mood does not increment into full blown illness. But I want to help everyone, even those who have never personally known major depressive disorder. I believe everyone can benefit through the power of positive thinking and action.

When you do not know the impending outcome of something, try not to assume the worst. Why assume the worst when you can assume the best? You may be disappointed if you expect the best and the worst does happen but occasional disappointment to me is better than a gloomy life of expecting bad things frequently. Disappointment can be dealt with and handled. And think in your head that even if the worst does in fact happen, you can and WILL see it through and maybe even learn a few lessons. You can even let your negative and painful experiences be your motivation to get better, heal, and then help others who are now in the painful situation you were once in. You have a special qualification now that not everyone has. We do not have to go out purposefully looking for pain and wanting it just so we can learn; that is not my point. But it will occur at some points whether we want it or not and when it does we can & will grasp it, mold it, structure it, and use it to our advantage, NOT let it get the best of us. Make your pain and your negativity your bitch and use it! Lmao! Own it! ;-D

Don’t let it own you! It can bend you but don’t let it ever break you any longer. Look at it as a tool that you can use to structure and create something better. Be creative!

Be an active participant in and engage in your life. Let it be something that responds to you, not something that merely happens to you. Come alive, live, do not just exist. When you think positively, you are more likely to act positively and then attract positivity around you. There is great wisdom in positive thinking and the power of positive thinking will help you manifest the positive potential in your life.

And you can be amazed at the workings of the sparkling positivity and color in your world.

Positive thinking alone can help uplift you but it’s when it is in combination with positive actions that your brain will be infused with wisdom and light.

And for your endeavors to flourish, it’s best to have confidence in yourself and your actions. Know that you have choices and that you are capable. Know that negative moods and thoughts are not permanent; they are mutable. They fluctuate. So when you have negative thoughts and feelings, reprogram them by meditating on positive thoughts. Transform “I can’t” to “I Can!”. And with true practice you will get into the habit of confident positive thinking and have it develop in your way of life, entrenched throughout your being. You will live it. You will breathe it. You will be it.

Allow your motivation and your burning passion and desire to transcend your feelings of lack of confidence and your laziness or insecurity.

With this habit, positivity will come easier, naturally, and help dispel negativity. Observe your thoughts as they arise in your head. Look at each one and determine whether or not they can benefit you and if you can use them to your advantage. Will this thought lead to or help aid in your happiness & serenity or to sadness, fear, suffering? Be attentive to your thoughts. Be realistic. Don’t be delusional and set up unattainable, unrealistic goals for yourself; that can lead to unnecessary disappointment and working toward unattainable or unrealistic goals can feel like hopeless drudgery as opposed to feeling enthusiastic and happy and hopeful . (Example: don’t think you can become a billionaire over night; it’s extremely unlikely for almost ANYONE and don’t think you can lose 80 pounds in 24 hours, it’s probably not happening) Start out with smaller goals and steps. Know that things take a while and that you do have limitations. But be optimistic and know that that’s ok.

Let your brain be steeped in positive thoughts. Let go of negative ones; they are not you, you are not them. Be positive even if you cannot fulfill all of your desires. Don’t allow your happiness and positivity to be conditional. Things come and things go and if your happiness is based upon them and you lose them, you will be unhappy; your happiness will constantly falter.

We have a light, a way about us that no one else does. You may not realize this or always feel it or be able to identify it but it’s there. Just like your fingerprints, your unique DNA that you may take for granted and never even think about or realize the individuality of. You have a light that can burst into wild flares and luminous flecks that can sparkle on all those you touch. You are not a copy. You are the original. You are unlike anyone else. We are all similar in some ways and different in various ways. Your thoughts, ideas, creativity, your way of consoling and your friendship all have different angles, different pathways, different aspects and doorways than anyone else’s.

Take your light and let it shine on me. It will light me up like nothing else. <3. Your light can shine brighter than the sun and the moon. You never know, it may just be the stars in someone’s midnight sky.

❤

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” –Wayne Dyer

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, nor to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” –Buddha

“For true success, ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?” –James Allen

“At least three times every day take a moment and ask yourself: What is really important? Have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around your answer.” –Lee Jampolsky

“You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” –Deepak Chopra

“What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now.” –Buddha

“Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.” –Napoleon Hill

“Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better.” –Jim Rohn –Mark Twain

“The only man who never makes mistakes is the man who never does anything.” –

Theodore Roosevelt

“It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” –Theodore Roosevelt

“Victory is always possible for the person who refuses to stop fighting.” –Napoleon Hill –Mike Ditka

“By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before.” ~Edwin Elliot

“There is so much love in your heart that you could heal the planet.”

~Louise Hay

“You are as amazing as you let yourself be. Let me repeat that. You are as amazing as you let yourself be.” ~Elizabeth Alraune

“If we really love ourselves, everything in our life works.” ~Louise Hay

“If you hear a voice within you say “you cannot paint,” then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.” ~Vincent Van Gogh

“Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” ~Dale E. Turner

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” ~George Eliot

Will you be the one bringing light to someone cowering in the shadows?

X0xo Kim ❤ 😀 🙂

It’s raining leaves & love «3 <3 :-) :-D

Nov24

I wrote this a few days ago and tried to post it but my phone or something wouldn’t allow me so here it is today!

Yay!

When I woke up today I was so hot even with my window open and air coming through. It felt more like Summer than Fall. I love warm weather and the warm seasons but after Summer & Spring should be over, I am definitely in the mood for the magic of the lovely Fall & Winter seasons! <3.

I wasn’t complaining about the weather. All weather has it’s blessings and beauty. But I won’t deny the fact that I have experienced a tinge of disappointment. It has been so incredibly warm here in Philadelphia, Pa and I have felt that the beautiful opportunity for Fall as been taken over by excessive warm weather. But anyway. Warm weather is lovely too and there’s no sense complaining.

But when I was sitting in work I noticed that it started to get very cool. Then all of a sudden, something magical and wondrous happened! It started raining leaves!

Lol ok not literally but it sure looked that way out the window!

The street where the store is that I work at is surrounded by beautiful trees. Many of the branches are now bare and some have crisp fall leaves flowing off and gently landing to the ground.

Suddenly there was a whirlwind of leaves that just started blowing off every tree on the street because of the wind and it looked beautiful and lovely like a splendid Autumn leaf storm!

😀

I also got to thinking about how blessed I am to have the positive work environment that I have.

I know the most wonderful people at work.

Since my mom and dad made me move to a new neighborhood when I was young, I haven’t been blessed with many close friendships. For a while, I actually had none and it caused me deep pain to have no connections to other kids.

Then when I came to college I had to leave my school friends and we lost contact a lot and it was not pleasant. There were moments of unbearable loneliness.

I’m shy and in my neighborhood there was never many kids my age so that combination added up to me being kind of friendless for so long. I wasn’t outgoing enough to go out looking for friends and there was no opportunities right around me like when I was little.

Also, I haven’t always been very close to most of my family either other than my mom, dad, and, sister. My sister is over 10 years younger than me. That’s a significant age difference for kids.

My loneliness got so extreme and often I began to feel not only unloved but un-lovable, also because of some verbal/emotional abuse that has happened in my family. And when I finally found a couple close friends I still struggled with loneliness occasionally even when I wasn’t physically alone. And depression sure doesn’t help that.

I still don’t have many friends or always get to see the ones that I do have as often as I would like.

But at work I am blessed to be surrounded by great and beautiful people that show me incredible acts of love so frequently.

I began to notice this more and more.

I read about a technique that people can do to bring more love and a sense of love into their lives. Make a list each day of acts of kindness and love shown to you by anyone who has done something loving towards you. This will make you feel more loved and appreciated.

People do little loving things every single day that may go almost un-noticed by the receiver. But when you open your mind and heart and begin to be more receptive, you’ll notice at a deeper level.

I haven’t written anything down but I now see more and more how much people do for me.

They go out of their way to help me and compliment me often and smile at me and say hello and I appreciate it more than I can say. And I truly hope they can feel and see my gratitude and love. I’m always saying thank you. And I help them as much as I possibly can with whatever they need.

Are there people showing you kindness and love that you haven’t even noticed or noticed as much as you could have? Look at all the “little” and “simple” acts of kindness that you are receiving day by day. They are actually greater than you may have realized.

When you let them, they can touch your life and brighten your days with tremendous impact.

When someone holds a door for you, offers you a sweet and genuine compliment, has a pleasant conversation with you, trusts you enough to tell you something, smiles at you, is sincerely interested in how you are today….all of these things are amazing acts of kindness.

I hope that you can all feel the amazing love all around you. ❤