Tag Archive | blessings

Mom’s Wisdom <3

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“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” ~Tenneva Jordan

Today is my mom’s birthday! Her name is Lee and she’s 53 years old. Just like me, she loves the Fall & Winter. So it’s very fitting that her b-day is on the first day of Fall. My mom is very youthful and young looking. Everyone thinks she’s younger. I inherited her youthful beauty. My grand mom and aunt are also very young looking. My grand mom hardly even has any wrinkles and she’s almost 80 years old! 

My mom is very confident but she will never allow her photo to be taken. Ever. It took so much for me to get her to agree that I can take one but she wouldn’t look directly at the camera.

My mom loves animals just like me, especially dogs. 

She would always let me get anything I wanted even if she couldn’t get something she wanted. She would spend the last money on my sister and me. 

My mom always had inner strength I could never completely understand. She never gets depressed or anxious. Ever. She can’t completely understand depression or how someone can ever want to die. I’m the opposite in a way. I can’t understand how someone can never ever get depressed and never want to die. Lol  Sometimes I think my mom is just way too normal. 

Also, I have this deeply rooted insecurity I had for many, many years. It doesn’t hurt me as often as it used to but some moments it still gets the best of me. Since I was a young girl, off and on, I have felt that I need lots of friends and to know a lot of people to be worth something, to be someone, to be worthy, to be valuable. To be deserving of life.

This insecurity seems kind of childish or adolescent. But I still struggle with it now, occasionally. I have never been someone with lots of friends or someone who knows a lot of people. And it used to kill me inside. Sometimes it still does. I don’t know why.

I just want to know lots and lots of people. And I want a large group of friends and for everyone to know me. 

And even when I do have a couple great friends, sometimes it still feels like I don’t have any and I wish I had “just one friend” when really I do.

I don’t judge others like this, just myself. My mom always tells me, you don’t need anyone to be worth something. And just one good friend is enough. Deep inside I know it’s true. But I still struggle now and then.

I always wished I could be like my mom in that way, to never ever feel that I need someone to make me someone.

My mom is very positive in general. She never let’s other people’s negativity or insults get to her. I’m mostly like that too. I’m happy I inherited that!

Another thing my mom always tells me, no one needs an “important job” or big, busy life to be valuable. I know this too but it’s another thing I struggle with, that I’m worthless and things outside of myself give me value or purpose or take it away. I’m better with this now but occasionally those feelings come creeping back to me. But my mom always reminds me I don’t need anything to have value, all I need is myself. My mom has always known that she is enough just how she is. 

My mom has no problem getting older. She has aches in her bones and joints but she knows every age is a blessing.

My mom, little sister, and me do just about everything together. We get into arguments too but then just minutes later it’s like it never even happened. Lol

I was thinking today about the deep wisdom my mom has and I should start listening more! Lol

“A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world.” – Leo Buscaglia 

Xoxo Kim

Another Fall in Philadelphia <3

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“I prefer Winter and Fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape. Something waits beneath it; the whole story doesn’t show.” ~Andrew Wyeth

I’m so thrilled and filled with immense gratitude that Fall is finally here! It feels like being embraced by a long lost friend! I am just bursting with joy! The day is cool and the nights have been so cool. There are crunchy leaves all around and Pumpkin goodness in every store! I just love it.

I love living in a place where we have four seasons, each very different than the one before and the one after. The thrill of a new season is enthralling! 

I love Hall & Oates, two Philadelphia boys and one of my favorite groups since I was a little girl, for as long as I can remember. I have been listening to their song “Fall in Philadelphia” and my heart wells up with even more gratitude and thrills! Fall in Philadelphia is just the best, nothing can be better! The cobblestone streets, Center City, the Eastern State Penitentiary, the brilliant colors, old buildings, people everywhere, septa busses, trolleys, tour busses, the beauty and love that throbs through the city…
I am beyond blessed.





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Also,

I’m reading a novel called “The Bird Eater” which is said in the reviews to be one of the scariest books ever written! Even people who said they never get scared over books or movies confessed to being scared out of their wits. Lol  I only read like forty pages and I think there over 200. I have been waiting till Fall to read it so I can read it on cool nights all wrapped up in blankets with my little pomeranian boy!

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It’s very good! It’s like we’re unsure if the main character is mentally ill/psychotic or if there’s ghosts haunting him!

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Also, here are some of my favorite Autumn quotes!!

1.) Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like
they’re falling in love with the ground.
Andrea Gibson

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2.)  I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.
L.M. Montgomery

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3) Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.
Albert Camus

4.) I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red.
Jarod Kintz

5.) Love the trees until their leaves fall off, then encourage them to try again next year.
Chad Sugg

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I’m falling for this season already. It’s magic!! 😀

I hope everyone is having a wonderful first day of Fall!! 😀

https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&persist_app=1&v=Lxpjj3Bp5zg

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 Xoxo Kim

Living for the simple moments {beauty all around}

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“Underneath your blackest emotions,
far above your brightest wishes,
stands a world for you to hold” ~Samael

I was watching videos about children who suffer with severe mental illnesses like schizophrenia. It’s currently incurable and is a lifelong struggle for them. They suffer immensely and so do their families and those close to them who do the best they can to cope and help them cope.
They suffer hallucinations and delusions, some pleasant and some not pleasant.
They talk to things no one else can see.
Unlike some children, these aren’t imaginary friends playfully made up for fun, they are hallucinations the brain makes up as a result of an imbalance in its chemistry. It doesn’t function the way most people’s brains function. They literally see, hear, feel things that aren’t there for everyone else and often, they believe they’re real. And to them they are very real.

You can tell a hallucinating person that what that person is seeing, hearing, or feeling isn’t really there and it’s possible the person will know it’s not really there but that knowledge will not make the hallucinations any less real.

That can be an additional stress on someone. Knowing what the person is seeing, hearing, feeling isn’t really there but not being able to make it go away, even feeling the need to respond to certain hallucinations knowing they’re not really there. It can be so frustrating.

Sometimes their mental illnesses provoke some of them to act violently against other people not because they’re bad people but because their brains don’t function properly. Not everyone with a mental illness is violent as a result but some can be. Most aren’t.
In other ways they can be just like other little kids. They like to play, go outside, run around, swing, laugh….

People with mental illnesses, children and adults alike, are a whole person underneath, a person separate than the illness. But sometimes the sickness seems to take over.

It’s a heartbreaking struggle.

One of the most inspiring parts of one of the videos I watched is when a little girl’s dad said he has only two hopes for his little girl. One that she stays alive and two that moments of happiness will always find her throughout her days even when most parts of her days are an agonizing battle, he hopes she will always find something to be happy about in the midst of her pain and struggle.

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This can be viewed in a more negative light like that it’s too bad that all someone has is little moments throughout the day because everything else is just so bad.
Or it can be viewed in a positive light that there are always moments we can embrace to be inspired and joyful, single moments scattered throughout each day that we have, to seize and hold on for. No matter how much pain we’re in.

It’s a beautiful coping mechanism. Mental illness and physical illness is heartbreaking and devastating but as long as we stay alive and hold onto any little bit of happiness or joy or anything that can make us smile or giggle about, we can make it.

We can’t always hope to be cured or to be generally recovered or to go in remission right now. We can’t always hope that pain will end right now. Some things just won’t be cured and some people will have to struggle most days or everyday just to survive and do basic things. Some people will have severe flare ups every now and again, of an illness physical or emotional that will feel near impossible to cope with.
And even temporary pain or struggles that we know will end eventually, can just seem so overwhelming, so absolutely unbearable.

But as long as we live and can find those glimpses of magic hidden in the midst of the pain and darkness, we can have something to hold, something to hope for, something that encourages us to keep going, to get out of bed, to move.

The reflection of the sun on windows and signs and water, the blueness of the sky, white fluffy clouds, a steaming cup of hot tea, a funny movie, the depth of inspiration a beautiful song can bring us, a poem, friends, family, animals, photography, books, the vibrant colors all around, random acts of kindness, strangers, hot fudge sundaes, peanut butter, the gentle flapping of butterfly wings, helping someone, funny jokes….whatever touches you in a deep place.

These things, the simple beauty all around, are always beautiful no matter what our situation is but for some people with certain illnesses or disabilities or in certain situations, they are all we have at the moment. Just moments of simple beauty and joys. Sometimes it’s really all we can hope for, to have solitary moments of joy or happiness or some small sense of pleasure in the midst of our darkness.

And it can be enough.

I know this because when my depression would be flaring up for hours, days, weeks, months, whether it’s a full blown episode or just some symptoms, here and there, sometimes all I could do to stay alive, to find the motivation, the inspiration, the courage, and strength to carry on, was grasp onto all the single happy or joyous moments throughout every day of my darkness & despair. Focus on the goodness that still does exist until it would end and I would be happy again. I had this since 13 years old.

Having depression or any mental illness or pain can feel like a different world than where everyone else is. It’s like another place, another time, another world. To know we have this dark place we can slip into.
To have random suicidal thoughts and urges and depression that can appear suddenly for seemingly no reason.

People say there’s no such thing as “normal.”
And that it’s good to be different and “crazy” and unique.
But in some cases there really is such a thing as “normal.” People who always want to live, those who don’t have to battle random or frequent suicidal urges, ones who don’t have unpleasant images and thoughts flashing across their brains, people who don’t have their whole body crushed in an invisible heaviness where they can’t even stand up straight, ones without panic attacks and flashbacks and frequent anxiety, food obsessions, seriously disordered eating habits ….(i don’t have anxiety or panic attacks or body image issues/eating disorders and never have but many, many people do and it’s a serious problem that is very painful for them)
This is normal to not have all this.
And for people who have any of it, it can be a difficult struggle to try to be regular.
I know people without health conditions like this may not be “normal” in other ways but in this context they are.
And it’s not good to try to force ourselves to be society’s or someone else’s idea of normal while not being true to ourselves.
But that’s not what I’m talking about here.
Yes it’s good to be “unique” but not when unique means battling violent urges to take myself out for days/weeks/months.
And “crazy” is good when it’s all fun and games and playing, acting funny and silly but it’s not good when “crazy” is a true illness.
It’s not always easy to handle and it provokes pain in me, even when I’m not depressed sometimes. Just thinking about it.
Not always. For the most part I feel and am normal. But it can be a struggle sometimes when depression flares up.

The psychological consequences of having these condition, and for some, even when they are not currently acting up, are profound and may have to find ways to cope with the pain and struggles and the very fact of having them when they are someone with a mental disorder. I don’t mind and can handle it.

I know I’m not a victim. That’s why I’m posting this, because I have found a way to be empowered and I hope it helps someone else. This life is still a sweet blessing. Just because we have bad things and painful things happen to us, doesn’t mean we are victims.

“We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open.” ~Jawaharlal Nehru

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I’m alive. And as long as that remains true, there is hope. Even when I can’t feel it.

Sometimes the simple things are lifesavers, crucial parts of my coping mechanisms.
They are all there is.

I honor all the brave families and other people for sharing their stories, for sharing their pain and struggles with the world. Mental illness, medication, mental illness in children, specific ways of coping, treatment…are all very controversial. People disagree on the nature of some illnesses, whether or not they really exist, if certain treatments are ethical, the way people handle these illnesses and so much more. Anyone who shares a story like this that reaches a large audience, on blogs, YouTube, tv…, is bound to receive criticism of all kinds, some intended to be constructive, other critics intending to be malicious and inflict pain or anger upon those sharing their story.
There will always be loving supporters and those who just want to hurt.
Anyone who shares their story is brave and strong and deserves love and compassion whether or not we agree with everything they do or say or believe.
The people who share their pain with the world do the best they can the best they know how.
No one chooses to be mentally ill. We have to take the life we were gifted with, healthy or not, and do the best we can with it, bloom where we’re planted, create a firm, strong foundation with everything we know, everything we experience, everything that is thrown at us.

“Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it.” ~Anne De Lenclos

Mental illness, pain, being suicidal…none of these are choices but acting on them is often a choice. Acting negatively or acting positively. Giving in and giving up or finding it in us to keep going with everything we have. We have the choice to do something to better ourselves, to hold on, to inspire, bring hope, consolation, encouragement, and understanding to others.

When I am depressed, I choose to hold on, to keep going, to inspire myself and anyone else I can along the way.

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And I hope you will always do the same whatever your situation is. And if you need reminders every now and again, look for them. Take photos of happy things, write positive quotes and affirmations in a book so you can always look at them when you need inspiration, always remember words, books, things that have helped you and let them continue to help you. Remember an occasion when you were happy and filled with joy and hope and full of life and know you have it in you to feel that way again. If you can’t remember when you last felt that way, then know there’s always hope as long as you’re alive. The world is full of pain but it’s also full of hope, healing, happiness, love, and possibility. Endless possibilities.

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“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

Xoxo Kim

Summer Lovin’ <3

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Summer is my least favorite season. It’s the one season I wish were much shorter than the rest. I don’t wish it were non existent. Mostly because I think it makes Fall even more thrilling after a long hot summer ends. But I still like Summer and having four seasons. I feel that it’s a blessing to live in a place where we have it all, warm, hot, cold, cool, rain, snow, sleet, thunderstorms, blizzards, lightening…. To me, Fall & Winter possess endless things to be joyful about.  Things that warmer seasons don’t have where I live. I’m mostly happy all year. But Fall & Winter bring many more things to be joyful about. I love the themes. The holiday themes, the crisp and colorful leaves, pine, and snow themes. Cozy nights and hot cocoa. Pumpkin coffee, tea, and pie. Cool nights, hoodies, blankets, big fluffy warm pjs….I will never understand how someone can not love all that! Lol 🙂
And I love when Winter melts into Spring and the world around me is born again after a long cold dreary Winter. Spring is symbolic of hope, new beginnings, and rebirth. Life blooms all around. It’s perfect. Not freezing and not usually too blazing hot.
Summer is just kind of blah. Like an extremely hot Spring long after the world has first bloomed around me.  
Summer gives me headaches and melts my reesse cups! Eww

I am still generally happy and joyful in the summer but there’s not as many specific summer themes that thrill me like the other seasons. Poor summer just doesn’t have as much of my heart. There are definitely some rare bitter winter days I desperately wish were summer but usually not.

 I’m not miserable or depressed all summer just because I don’t like it as much but I do catch myself sometimes making mental lists of all the reasons Summer kind of sucks.

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Last week though I received a lovely e-mail called “Summer Lovin'” which is a list of 23 things about Summer that Dani DiPirro of Positively  Present has to smile about.

(http://www.positivelypresent.com/2014/07/summer-lovin.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+PositivelyPresent+(positively+present) )

At first I thought her post was about loving Summer because she really loves the season. And I still got the idea to create a list to turn something less than positive into something positive but I soon realized that Summer is not her favorite season either. She did what I thought of, turned her unhappiness about something into happiness! 😀

This is perfect for me because it’s just what I need to uplift my spirits about something I’m not usually head over heels in love with! I think we can all benefit by this habit. When there’s something you aren’t too thrilled about whether you just aren’t crazy in love with it or you outright detest it, try making a list if you can, even if you have to struggle hard, of anything you can think of that is some way good or positive or benefits you, even if you would prefer not to have it and just not have the benefits. You’re stuck with it so take those benefits and run with it! 

Here’s my list of Summer Smiles 😀

1.) My hands don’t swell up and aren’t cut open in the summer. My skin is smooth and regular. I usually would prefer Winter and just suck it up that the cold damages my sensitive skin but I can’t help that it’s summer so I will bask in my lovely smooth hands while I have them. Lol

2.) the almost constant sun and long daylight. I don’t like excessive heat but sun is good for us. Not too much but a lot of daylight is good. It’s uplifting and it’s often easier to sit outside and do some walking in the sun than in the unforgiving bitterness of Winter air. Daylight has a positive effect on our brain chemistry whereas colder, darker weather can have the opposite effect, resulting in depression or low moods for some people. When I’m out walking in the winter it often feels urgent usually. Like I have to hurry up and get where I’m going, out of this cold.

3.) there’s so much to take photos of out in Nature when it’s all warm and bright. Bare tree branches, gray skies, and snow and all are very beautiful. But after a while it seems to me there isn’t much else. Especially with just a cell phone camera. It often can’t capture the beauty of barrenness as well as a professional or advanced camera. In summer there’s an abundance of color and life all around! It looks brilliant captured by any camera!

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4.) carnivals and amusement parks! That’s unheard of in Winter and just wouldn’t be as fun!

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5.) summer magic in the air. All four seasons have their own kind of lovely magic that is different than the other three. Just a “feel” in the air.

6.) people watchin’. People come out half dressed in excessive heat. And are fun to watch. Lol  and I like not having to be all covered up all day.

7.) dog walkin’ – all the doggies are out walking and in dog parks!

8.) I would say vacations but I’m not the biggest fan of going on vacation. I like where I am. But everyone else seems to love vacations and going away. So I’m happy for them. I can just imagine the thrill you must feel going away if you’re someone who loves it. I’m usually the opposite. I feel a thrill coming back home! Lol

9.) sitting outside in the chairs of pretty restaurants under umbrellas, sippin’ sweet delicious iced tea with friends!

10.) ice cream, iced tea, water ice and Popsicles. These are good all year but Summer somehow manages to make them more appealing. Just like hot tea, coffee, and cocoa are good all year but more inviting in Fall & Winter in my opinion.

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11.) I work at an ice cream shoppe all year but it’s more active in Summer so I have more chances to interact with various people!

12.) it’s not freezing cold. I usually prefer freezing cold over disgusting humidity and excessive heat but I don’t want excessive cold either. But when it’s hot and I prefer cold I can still be thankful I’m not freezing. Just like if it’s way too cold and I prefer heat I can still be thankful I’m not burning up. Talk about positive thinking! ;-D

13.) jumping into an ice cold shower or walking into an air conditioned room after walking in out of scorching heat! Feelin’ good! :-p

14.) the vibrant blue sky and fluffy white clouds

15.) being in a car with the windows down and warm wind blowing through my long hair

16.) walking in warm rain

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17.) the Ocean is healing and beautiful 

18.) laying in lush green grass soaking up the scents of summer 

19.) fireflies

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(I took this pic of fireflies one night!)

20.) laying out at night watching the stars

21.) It’s not flu season!!! I never had influenza but lots of people around me have. It doesn’t look fun! :-O

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22.) citrus & tropical scents are some of my favorites and are sweeter in the summer!!

23.) I love summer colors like peach, pastels, yellow, orange…they can be worn all year but certain things are just more magical in certain seasons! Like these colors in the summer!

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24.) strappy stilettos – in the summer, your toes won’t freeze off if you wear them and there won’t be slippery ice, sleet, and snow!

25.) Summer sales! Yesterday at Bath & Body Works, my friend and me got all kinds of goodies for way less money! I got two delicious body lotions for less than seven dollars that really would have been about 22 dollars! All citrus & tropical and other summery scents are on sale now!  

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I never realized I would be able to come up with so many summer positives! It wasn’t even hard! Once I got my brain on track to see the cheer and joy of Summer, it all just start flowing to me!

And I was sitting at the kitchen table actually feeling the summer magic and possibilities  come flooding into me after writing this list. I realize on various occasions how creating happy lists can really uplift me even more than I anticipated. It’s even better than mere mental lists! Something about writing out all the goodness really has an amazing uplifting effect! 

It really is a good habit to get into, everyday just writing a list of things to be happy about!
😀

Xoxo Kim 😀

 

Love Out Loud

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“Always leave the world a little better than you found it.”

To me, one of the greatest joys of living is helping others, making things go more smoothly for anyone I can.

There are many simple ways to help people all throughout everyday. Simple things that have a great impact. We don’t have to have a certain job or anything to help out. There are endless opportunities in every day. ❤

There are ways to help people that will go unnoticed by everyone but the person helping but if these simple things are not done, it will be noticed.

You may think something along the lines of “Why even do this when no one will even know? Not even the person being helped will know!” But if you don’t, people will be affected in an unpleasant way.

For example, seeing milkcrates or boxes in the middle of a street with no one else around. If you move those crates or boxes away so people in cars can more easily drive by, there’s a very good chance no one will ever know someone was kind enough to move them. They never knew they were there in the first place. They’ll just drive by without ever knowing. They can’t bask in the joy or gratitude of knowing someone helped them because they don’t know someone did help them.

But if we don’t help by moving those boxes or crates, they will know they’re there. They’ll have to stop, get out of their cars and move them themselves. Or worse, they’ll crash into them, not paying attention. They will feel the impact of the hassle they have encountered. So there really is a purpose to doing simple things that will go unnoticed when the tasks are completed. If they’re not completed, they will be noticed so why not make things easier for people in general whenever we can?! We’re generally under no obligation to help make things easier for people, and if you don’t it doesn’t make you a horrible person, but it’s still fantastic to help anyway!

I don’t need credit or to be paid back in anyway whatsoever. Helping people is enough. I was thinking about this concept one day at work, recently, and it always brings me joy to think this way but I’m always unprepared for the immensity and the depth of the joy that hits me and flows through me, tingling in my bones when I think this way. It’s breathtaking.

The thrill of all the possibilities we have, all the chances we can take, to help anyone we
 can in big and small ways. It’s exhilarating!

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Even if it’s just eye contact with and a pleasant smile to a stranger, giving someone your seat on a bus or a waiting room, not judging distressed and overworked parents with screaming kids in a crowded place when everyone else is repulsed and giving them disgusted looks, actively listening to someone with a genuine interest in understanding instead of just listening to deliver an appropriate sounding response, being a loyal friend, adopting a pet and giving him/her a loving furever home, paying for someone in back or in front of you in line at a store, writing little love notes with inspirational quotes or messages and leaving them in random places for anyone to find, being extra patient with the stressed cashiers in busy stores, holding your tongue when you feel like lashing out at someone, trying hard to understand someone else’s situation that you never experienced for yourself, the opportunities are infinite.

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Sometimes I think of all the ways I may have been helped by some kind stranger through the years, never even knowing it, never saying thank you because I never had the chance. All the puddles I never sat in on busses because someone dried them before I had a chance to sit in them, all the gum that never got stuck in my long hair on public seats somewhere because someone cared to remove it before someone’s hair or clothes got destroyed, the objects that were removed out of aisles of stores, off of pavements, and out of streets before I tripped over them not paying attention, I think of the houses and stores that never got broken into, the people who never got snatched off the streets because someone cared enough to call the police and scare the person away/catch the suspicious person.

I remember one day I was texting while crossing a bus terminal to get onto a bus and stepped in front of another bus, speeding at me, not paying attention. It was more than just a “close call.” I was nearly hit. And so was one of the men who saved me. The bus driver hit the horn but couldn’t stop fast enough. And it was speeding fast. Two men yelled and risked their own lives to save mine. Men I never saw before that day and never saw again. They did not know each other or me. They saw it turn and coming my way when I did not. They both jumped out into the street, one pulling me, the other pushing me. The one actually put his body in front of the bus to push me out of the way, almost falling on top of me to get us both out of the way. If they weren’t at the bus stop that day I probably wouldn’t be here today. Or I would be physically damaged. They did not know who I am but they know that I’m someone. They never knew my name, my values or opinions, my story, my personality, my interests or anything about me other than the fact that I exist. But they clearly valued my life that moment as much as their own, disregarding anything else about me.

Because of that I never look at my phone or anything while crossing a street. Ever. Not once since that day a few years ago, have I even briefly glanced at my phone while crossing even small streets with no traffic. Even when I’m really into something on my phone when I get to a street I act like the phone doesn’t exist. I honor their heroic act.

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While I felt immense gratitude I was mortified. It was so stupid to be texting while crossing a busy street/bus terminal. I put not only myself in danger but others. On the bus that day it’s all people could talk about, how lucky I was, how close it was to a tragedy…Luckily no one said out loud how stupid I was. I couldn’t get off that bus fast enough.

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(this is the bus stop But on a different day lol! I was looking for a pretty picture to put here and coincidentally this is one of the first to show up on my phone which is broke so all my pics aren’t showing up…)

But if I wasn’t texting that day crossing into the street, I would still be doing stuff like that days after that and maybe another day I wouldn’t have been so lucky to have two Earth angels so close to me. So they saved my life that day and possibly days after. I think of all the days I wasn’t hit by a bus because two heroic men taught me a great lesson. Texting while crossing or driving is a dumb thing to do. It’s dangerous. It’s deadly. To the one texting and the ones around that person.

There are so many blessings we don’t even realize we are living or have lived because they’re the things that go unnoticed when they are done by someone but their absence would be noticed if they weren’t done by someone.

We can give thanks to and for all the Earth angels and heroes out there and those no longer with us by paying it forward. Always being the one to leave the world a little better than we found it. By loving out loud.

Xoxo Kim


The Beauty that Stalks the Darkness

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“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it.” 

I saw this quote today, attributed to Buddha. What a gem! It’s so true! This is a habit that can be developed. It may not always come so easily but it can be developed and ingrained deep into our brains. Every experience, pleasant, unpleasant, neural, trivial seeming, fun and light, can teach us something! There’s a little spark hidden somewhere in each of our experiences, that can be ignited to enlighten us, teach us a lesson, strength, wisdom, greater empathy and understanding for others, and inspire us.

There is potential for some kind of growth in every occasion.

Maybe you’ll learn who you want to be or don’t want to be, how strong you really are, ways to teach or help others….maybe you’ll learn something you can’t really put into words, just a feeling of deep knowing, true enlightenment. The lessons and wisdom and things we learn and come to know won’t be the same for all of us. Only you can really know what your experiences are capable of teaching you and how receptive or in tune you can be to the messages. Some people can help guide you along the way but it’s ultimately up to you to pay close attention.

It’s helpful, while experiencing an unpleasant or difficult situation of any sort, or even a pleasant, positive one, to stop in the midst of it and think “What is this teaching me? What skills or wisdom or knowledge am I being equipped with by experiencing this?” It may not come to you right away, maybe not even until the situation is long over. But it’s great to ask yourself those questions. It will get your brain in gear and directed at finding answers.

Sometimes your only lesson may just be developing deeper compassion to help others later in a similar situation or inspiring others by sharing what you have come to know. And that’s beautiful! 

Your situation can even just be reading a book or a poem or mindfully listening to a song. It can be wildly entertaining and fun but underneath there’s always some beautiful lesson to be learned.

I think this is what it means to “live life to the fullest.” You know that old cliche, right?! 

When I think of that I often think of people skydiving, partying it up, traveling the world, bungee jumping and shit but “living life to the fullest” is another thing that’s different for each person. To some people that stuff is boring and “living life to the fullest” is sitting on a sofa every night watching funny TV shows. And that’s great too as long as you’re getting the most out of your own life and not interfering with others.

To me, living to the fullest, is being in tune with the life all around me, living in the moment, seeing what it’s teaching me, savoring the splendor I am blessed to experience. 

It’s truly being alive and active “listening” to life, not just mindlessly floating through each day.  

Everyday I keep myself in tune to the wisdom all around and within me, I try to learn as much as I can and I meditate upon it and write about it and share with anyone who wants to know about it! I find wisdom and beauty in books, poetry, songs, blogs, essays, and everywhere. 

Xoxo Kim

P.s. I found love today in my backyard with my dogs:

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;-D

Twenty – Eight Years <3

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So, I turned 28 years old today(May 2!!!)! What a blessing, right?!  And in honor of my twenty-eight years I decided to list twenty-eight of my favorite love quotes! I haven’t accomplished much in my twenty-eight years. Never had a “real” job; I work at a store where I worked for over seven years but it’s still somewhat of an accomplishment to have a job that long even if it’s not a “real” job. I love working there, love serving people. I did graduate college some years ago but did not have the best grades. I don’t have a lot of friends but have a couple good ones and lots of great online friends! I don’t have my own house or anything but that’s ok!
My perspective on and attitude about these things used to depress me each year when I would turn a new age. But I have tapped into some deep wisdom and now I don’t let it get to me so much.
My point is even if we haven’t really been successful in ways that society believes we should be by a certain age or that we ourselves think we should be, we’re still blessed and each year we get to turn another age, no matter how old, is a true gift!

I have been feeling very alive, so full of life, love, and gratitude.   I feel as if the world is just flowing through me. I feel this way quite often but sometimes I lose touch with it. But, I always find it again.

So, here are the 28 beautiful quotes I love so much!!

1.) “Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.” ~Voltaire

2.) “Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look that becomes a habit.” ~ Peter Ustinov 

3.) “Love is the poetry of the senses.” ~ Honore De Balzac 

4.) “Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end.” ~ Madame De Stael 

5.) “Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” ~ Pablo Picasso

6.) “Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.” ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr

7.) “Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

8.) “Love is all it’s cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.” ~ Erica Jong

9.) “I ne’re was struck before that hour With love so sudden and so sweet; Her face is bloomed like a sweet flower And stole my heart away complete.” ~ John Clare (English poet)

10) “But to see her was to love her, love but her, and love forever.” ~ Robert Burns

11.) “The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed.” ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

12.) “I do not think that what is called Love at first sight is so great an absurdity as it is sometimes imagined to be. We generally make up our minds beforehand to the sort of person we should like, grave or gay, black, brown, or fair; with golden tresses or raven locks; — and when we meet with a complete example of the qualities we admire, the bargain is soon struck.” ~
 William Hazlitt

13.) “How did the party go in Portman Square?
I cannot tell you; Juliet was not there.

And how did Lady Gaster’s party go?
Juliet was next me and I do not know.” ~Hilaire Belloc 

(I love this! It’s so cute and funny! Lol I think Juliet is this person’s whole world that when she’s not there that person can’t concentrate but when she is there still, she consumes his whole awareness/attention.)
14.) ” When you are in an upsetting situation, try loving everyone involved and pray for them, hard as they may be. Loving doesn’t mean sentimentality but rather a rational esteem for them as persons.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

(if you don’t pray you can still wish them the best)

15.) “Doubt thou the stars are fire;
Doubt that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt I love.” ~
William Shakespeare

16.) “You and you alone make me feel that I am alive. Other men it is said have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.”
George Augustus Moore

17.) “You never lose by loving,you lose by holding back.” ~ Barbara Deangelis

18.) “Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” ~Charles M. Schulz

19.) “You’ll put on weight, take it off, cry at advertisements for bathroom accessories, drink too much, let pot-plants die, shout at relatives…and forget to pay the rent. But remember that people who have never had a broken heart will never understand dead roses, Tolstoy, airport lounges, Albinoni’s Adagio in G minor, neat brandy, the moon, and drizzle.” ~ Wendy Harmer

20.) “It is best to love wisely, no doubt. But to love foolishly is better than not to be able to love at all.” ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

21.) “‘Tis better to have loved and lost 
Than never to have loved at all.” ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson

22.) “What the heart has once owned and had, it shall never lose.” ~Henry Ward Beecher

23.) “All love is sweet given or returned. Common as light is love and its familiar voice wearies not ever.” ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley 

24.) “To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best.” ~ William Makepeace Thackeray

25.) “All, everything that I understand, I understand because of love.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

26.) What love we’ve given, we shall have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

27.) “The heart has reasons that reason does not understand.” ~ Jacques-Benigne Bossuet

28.) “Love unlocks doors and windows that weren’t even there before.” ~ Mignon McLaughlin 

Love doesn’t hurt; love heals!

I believe that “love” is a feeling/emotion/affection for someone or something but it can also be a verb. An action. Whenever we reach out to help, heal, console, make the world or someone’s life better in some way, we reach out in love.


Metta.

Xoxo Kim

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You’re Gonna Miss This

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“First I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. And then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work. And then I was dying to retire.
And now I am dying…
And suddenly I realize I forgot to live.” ~ Unknown 

Yesterday morning I woke up to a lovely, Positively Positive, post:

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2014/04/07/there-is-no-perfect-age/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+positivelypositive%2Fpositive+(Positively+Positive)

The author states that every age and stage of life has its blessings and its challenges. No age or stage is “THE perfect one.”

And it’s great to appreciate each stage for what it is.

I frequently say that getting older is a blessing and so is every age, young or old. The longer we live the more chances we have to love and be loved, bless and be blessed, learn, teach, give and receive, meet more wonderful people, animals, have more opportunities to do, see, encounter all kinds of amazing things. Getting older is a gift denied to many. If you’re here, you’re blessed, irrespective of your age or stage of life.

Maybe you’re young and jobless, in college and struggling financially, maybe you’re single or experiencing the stresses of life as a married person, caring for a family, house, working a lot, maybe you’re waiting to retire and be done with your job, waiting for your kids to grow up so you can be done with most of the stress factors of taking care of children….

Maybe you’re single and long to be married or married and are longing for those days you were more carefree. Maybe you have no kids and think you won’t be happy until you have one. Maybe you do have kids and it’s hectic and you’re stressed and pulling out your hair.

Maybe your kids just moved away or you are done work for good and you’re feeling kind of empty.

There are unique gifts that you have when you’re single that you won’t when you’re married or in a committed romantic relationship and the other way around. There are blessings you have being someone without children that you won’t have if you have children but there are blessings you have when you have them that you did not have when you weren’t yet someone with a child.

Whatever stage of life you are currently in, chances are there is something about it you don’t like much and another stage or age is looking really good. But whatever stage that is, it also has challenges as well as gifts.

Wanting to be younger doesn’t make much sense when you think about it because you are so much wiser now, know so much more, have much more experience than back then. And if you wish you could go back but still know and be all that you are now, it’s basically the same thing then but with a different numerical label.

People often want to be younger because of the physical aspects or sexual (and other) appeal of youth but you can be appealing, in any way, at any age.  And an appealing personality is better than a bangin’ body anyway. I actually believe that a woman’s beauty often deepens with age, in different ways. And I find this to be true for men too. Anyone can be wise, beautiful, and intelligent at any age, but age definitely brings blessings with each one.

And if you feel currently trapped within your youth, just remember, you won’t always be this way. You will grow, lose people and things, gain other things, meet more people, current moments will turn to memories to be cherished and you will develop more and more memories.

But one thing is very likely, wherever you currently are right now, no matter how stressful or chaotic, there’s something you’re going to miss about this.

I can think of previous stages I once lived, and couldn’t wait for parts of it to end, that I now miss! Even things I once found stressful or boring. Thinking back, reminiscing, I experience a sense of sadness or longing sometimes. Even for things I never thought I could miss. It’s bittersweet. 

But this isn’t about being sad or wishing to go back or about regrets.   It’s about becoming aware of right now and embracing the present knowing that one day it’s possible that we’ll look back on this and realize how great it really is/was but we never realized.

It’s about taking full advantage of the NOW even if we’re struggling.   Then we can look back, miss it, but still know at least we made the most of it while we had the chance. 

I write here frequently about how I love country music! Especially when it’s songs about love and ones that are inspirational and uplifting and full of wisdom.   I have a long playlist of them. Yesterday I was introduced to one I haven’t heard of before then! Trace Adkins’, “You’re Gonna Miss This.”

In the article above, the author mentions this song! 

The dad is singing about how his little girl couldn’t wait to grow up and throughout different stages of her life, all she wanted was the next stage. Her dad tells her to slow down and just cherish now. Now is good.

Even with screaming kids, barking dogs, a small apartment with stuff breaking down. Now is good.

“Before she knows it she’s a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It’s a nice place
She says It’ll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down
You’re gonna miss this
You’re gonna want this back
You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now 
But you’re gonna miss this
Five years later there’s a plumber workin’ on the water heater
Dog’s barkin’, phone’s ringin’
One kid’s cryin’, one kid’s screamin’
She keeps apologizin’
He says They don’t bother me. 
I’ve got 2 babies of my own. 
One’s 36, one’s 23.
Huh, it’s hard to believe, but …”

Awww

I love it.

Whether you’re a 20 year old girl and broke as a joke, struggling to find your place in this life or a 40 year old person wishing you were younger and more youthful again, or a 60 year old person waiting to retire to be done work or 80, 100 years or older, cherish right now.

This song reminds me of another song with a similar concept:

“Then they do” – Also sung by Trace Adkins about how parents often can’t wait til their kids grow up, have lives of their own, find true happiness and dreams coming true. Then they do. And then that’s when they start to miss all the days their kids were young and annoying and stressing over trivial things.   It teaches us to appreciate what we have now.

So if you catch yourself saying “I can’t wait till….I have more money, it’s Friday, my vacation, I’m a certain age or I wish…I could be younger, more accomplished, more important…
” just remember, you are enough just as you are and one day, you just may find that you miss this.

” No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.” ~ Dale E. Turner

“No matter how long you have been traveling down the wrong road it’s never too late to turn around and begin again. ” ~ Unknown 

Xoxo Kim


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My sweet, looong List of Happy. <3 :-D

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I recently stumbled across a blog post about “List of Kinds of People I Seriously Hate”

And to my dismay I am on that list! Lol Well not me personally but one of the kinds of people she “seriously hates.” lol How rude!

;-D

She seems like a very outspoken girl though who is very sure of herself and isn’t afraid to state her views and just be herself, not fearing what others will think or say about who she is. And I think that’s generally something to be appreciated and respected so I wasn’t too annoyed and she also loves animals so that’s alright with me! Anyway, she can’t stand girls who wear low cut shirts, especially when they post pics of themselves and that’s totally me! She said it’s totally slutty and any girl like that will be taken right off her newsfeed or any social media list! But it’s just my style is all! Always has been, always will be! ;-D

She said her and her friends tried to write a list of happy things and it was so much harder than writing the list of negative things.

It surprised me that so many agreed with her. I’m the opposite. I find it so much easier thinking of things I love. I only planned on writing like 20 something things and just couldn’t stop! Now it’s way over 100!

But when I try to write a list of things I don’t much care for, I get stuck before even getting to ten usually! Lol! I guess I’m a little too accepting or easy going?! 😀
Mostly the things on my negative list are : unjust discrimination, animal cruelty, prejudicial attitudes, abuse, homicide….things like that.

Also, I think “happy lists” are often more unique than “sad lists” because the unhappy lists are often universal. If you think about it, who really does like unjust discrimination, diseases, sore throats, child or domestic abuse, homicide…? Pretty much no one.

But not everyone loves the color pink or rainbows or babies!

So happy lists are quite unique.

Inaccurate grammar, Girls who do the duck face, post pics of their messy kids and food all day, piss and moan about their drama, are slutty, post 50, million pics of themselves in restrooms, half dressed, political rants…..don’t annoy me. I don’t mind seeing their stuff or whatever. Whatever floats your boats, girls! Lol

I’m not the most judgmental girl in the world which also means I don’t really judge people too hard who judge me negatively. I’m mostly, understanding of your lack of understanding, compassionate even with your lack of compassion, empathetic for your lack of empathy, accepting of your lack of acceptance.

I don’t like it much but it is what it is, right?!

🙂

Anyway, though, Here’s my list of happy!
Inspired by that girl’s list of not so happy! Lol

1.) animals

2.) shopping for makeup, clothes, books

3.) iced coffee especially when it’s really sweetened

4.) meeting people I never met before

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5.) finding new quotes, songs, and poems that resonate with me in a deep way

6.) snowstorms and the first snowfall of the season

7.) When the seasons are changing to the next one – it’s something magical

8.) photography

9.) looking into a mirror and loving who/what I see

10.) the feeling of accomplishment, even if it’s something small

11.) making someone smile

12.) random acts of kindness

13.) helping someone

14.) the way it feels to put on comfy pj’s and fall into bed after a long day

15.) hot tea

16.) cake

17.) rain

18.) Hello Kitty

19.) journals and stationary stuff

20.) blogs

21.) my long hair

22.) gentle summer breezes

23.) all the different shades of green that appear throughout Spring & Summer

24.) novels and plays with deep, profound meanings

25.) poetry

26.) getting a new handbag

27.) learning a new life lesson or being reminded of ones I previously learned

28.) salt n vinegar chips

29.) babies!

30.) art journaling

31.) walking in warm or cool weather

32.) seeing people happy and doing well

33.) friends

34.) mindfulness meditation and activities

35.) Buddhist teachings

36.) philosophy

37.) dreams while I’m sleeping and remembering them when I wake up

38.) being aware of beauty all around

39.) my senses

40.) restaurants

41.) gratitude

42.) parks

43.) beautiful buildings

44.) kind strangers

45.) Oldies songs, country songs, love songs

46.) Happy songs and sad poetry

47.) the sky

48.) the moon

49.) getting caught in the rain

50.) taking a picture that turns out more perfect than I expected

51.) love of all kinds, romantic, platonic, universal

52.) walking through a large shopping mall

53.) being surrounded by people

54.) hugs!

55.) making someone else happy

56.) Belly laughs that hurt

57.) the way it feels when laughing almost lifts me when I’m depressed sometimes or in physical pain

58.) Center City Philadelphia and all the beautiful buildings

59.) buying someone a gift or cup of coffee/tea

60.) people who are open-minded, understanding, and empathetic for other people’s situations, problems, lives…

61.) all the colorful leaves of the fall

62.) Blueberry coffee (coffee with blueberry flavor in it) with cream and sugar

63.) fun/deep conversations with a stranger on a bus or at the bus stop

64.) connecting with people

65.) feeling one with all that is

66.) pretty candles with a sweet fragrance

67.) being able to listen to the same song over and over and never get tired of it!

68.) unsuccessfully trying hard not to laugh at something hilarious that I know I shouldn’t be laughing at

69.) serving people at the store where I work

70.) coca cola

71.) romantic comedies

72.) anything sappy and cheesy

73.) the sun and sunrises and sunsets

74.) Morning

75.) nightfall

76.) sunny afternoons

77.) hot cocoa with whipped cream on a bitter cold day

78.) gray days as well as sunny ones

79.) miserable weather

80.) bright, clear blue sky with big fluffy white clouds

81.) different kinds of accents people have

82.) learning phrases in other languages I don’t know

83.) getting a new or old book

84.) bookstores

85.) nail polish that stands out

86.) bright colored socks

86.) anything pink

87.) the color red – especially dresses and handbags, and lipstick on girls who can pull it off

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88.) the color green

89.) sweet messages

90.) feeling deeply inspired

91.) feeling motivated and taking action for the better

92.) twilight

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93.) finding beauty in unlikely places

94.) sweet memories

95.) When a certain scent takes me back to a place long gone. The bittersweetness of nostalgia

96.) old writings, books, plays

97.) flowers

98.) remembering a song I forgot long ago

99.) When pain isn’t as bad

100.) being filled with deep wisdom and sharing it with others or people sharing it with me

101.) Girls in five inch stilettos

102.) animals playing

103.) my online friends on Facebook, the blog, 365project…

104.) the feeling when a package comes in the mail for me!

105.) Happy surprises

106.) everything related to weddings

107.) animal rescue organizations

108.) movie theatres

109.) the feeling of laying in bed at night reading

110.) trampolines

111.) learning something fascinating

112.) teaching someone something fascinating I learned

113.) making someone’s day better

114.) physical closeness – waiting for a bus with people, standing in lines at a store with people, sitting next to people….

115.) finding something with the letter “K” on it

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116.) peanut butter

117.) french vanilla cream horns

118.) university/college campuses

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119.) things not going as planned but then working out even better!

120.) posting sweet song lyrics

121.) snuggling under blankets with dogs or cats

122.) skyscrapers

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123.) street signs and city lights

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124.) the sounds of the city

125.) busses and trolleys

126.) people who build each other up instead of dragging each other down

127.) tomatoes

128.) walking in a light mist

129.) Indian food

130.) fruity or Hawaiian body spray

131.) the way it feels using a new shower gel or hair product

132.) facebook

133.) lemons in soda and iced tea

134.) warm places in the Winter

135.) being deeply inspired to create

136.) birds flying around outside

137.) the love of being greeted by my dogs when I walk into a room.

138.) lovers holding hands

139.) old people – they’re cute.

140.) reading about/hearing about someone’s dream finally coming true.

Wow! Life sure is good, isn’t it?! 😀

So uplifted, warm, and in awe at how many amazing things there are to be so happy about. I did not list these all in one sitting; it took like two days but at the very end I felt so warm and light and like I can jump for joy!

Sometimes I create lists like these in my head at night as I’m laying in bed but it feels even different when I write out a super long list like this. When I think like this at night, the joy often keeps me awake! Lol. So I try to think of more mellow, serene things. You know your life is good when you can’t sleep at night because of too many GOOD thoughts!

I don’t have a “real” job, not much money, I live with family, not on my own, I have a depressive and chronic physical pain disorder but I can still say that life is beautiful. Beautiful with all the simple joys, all the sweet wonders that cost nothing or next to nothing.
😀

May you realize all the treasures you are truly blessed with and feel inspired to list them and not be able to stop!

Xoxo Kim

What if today we were just grateful for everything?/Zero-Based Gratitude

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http://ezinearticles.com/?Zero-Based-Gratitude&id=2753810Johnathan

Jonathan Huie is one of my heroes I never met in person. Like Norman Vincent Peale, Stephen Covey, Richard Carlson, Sarah Ban Breathnach, and many more.   And Daniel Gottlieb who I finally got to meet, last night!  All of these people work or have worked to help better the lives of others.  

I am deeply inspired by all of them and their brilliant work and lives.  

Jonathan Lockwood Huie explains in an Ezine article here: 
http://ezinearticles.com/?Zero-Based-Gratitude&id=2753810 
What Zero-based Gratitude is.

He explains this by first contrasting zero-based budgeting and incremental budgeting, which are techniques often used by businesses, governments, and sometimes individual people.   In incremental budgeting, which is traditionally employed, the entity starts with the budget for the last year or previous instance and prepares the subsequent budget based on the previous one. Incorporating whatever increases or more seldom, decreases, is considered to be appropriate.  

In contrast, zero-based budgeting begins with a baseline of no expenditures as opposed to the baseline of last year’s expenditures. Instead of looking at some previous year, they just look at now. Right now.   As Mr. Huie explains, every single proposed expense must be justified on its own merit as opposed to resorting to the argument that it was in last year’s budget and that everyone is expecting and demanding it.

For most people, their gratitude is incremental gratitude instead of zero based.

When they have a baby, get a new car, get a promotion, more money, a new house, a new love…they’re all thankful.   If they lose their job, are forced to get a smaller house or less of something, experience a breakup, get into an argument with someone, become ill or have a sick family member or friend, they get disappointed and angry, lose touch with the gratitude they felt when great things were happening. They haven’t been as blessed today with all they had yesterday.  

But still blessed. They just don’t know it. Or feel it. It’s ok to feel sad but we can still be grateful.

There are people who say if the quality of life they have now was greatly reduced by illness or injury, they would choose not to live. Not to be resuscitated.  Not to be kept alive with a feeding tube if that means they cannot walk or take care of themselves, if it means they cannot talk like they can now or express themselves in most ways they now can, if it means being a “burden” to others.   If basically all they can do is sit up with support and look around a room, being fed with a tube.

But you know what? Many people like this can feel.   They feel the touch of others, they feel the care of those who show it to them. They’re alive and conscious.   No longer like they used to be. They can’t hold ordinary conversations. They may not be able to speak words, maybe not even completely understand language always. 
But they understand touch. They understand smiles. Their hearts understand love.
  They see and feel. They see flowers, balloons, smiles, faces. They’re not always suffering even when they re all shriveled up looking, in a chair with a feeding tube. They may look like they’re in an “unfortunate” state to some people but they can be very happy in their own context, just as happy as a walking, mostly independent person who can feed herself.

Some are even born this way and are some of the happiest people!   They’re not “vegetables” or “retards” or “burdens” or “brain dead,” they’re people!!

If I all of a sudden tomorrow found myself very unlike the way I am today, my abilities dramatically reduced, my body damaged, with a feeding tube in me but I could still feel, both physically and emotionally, I would choose life even if I couldn’t consciously say or even think it in words.

My life would be just as valuable as the life I live now. Nothing can reduce my value.

I would see balloons and flowers and smiling faces.   I would feel the sweet, loving touch of a friend on my arm or the healing, compassionate touch of a doctor, a hand on mine, eyes looking into my own eyes. Feel the warmth of caring people, the beauty of daylight, the beams of golden sun, the sweetness of a gentle breeze, the vibrancy of the colors around me, the life that would still breathe in me.  And that would be enough for me.

Even if I couldn’t see or hear, I would still FEEL, most important of all!

Yes I would choose to be a “burden” and I know I wouldn’t really be a burden. Someone somewhere would be happy to have me. BLESSED to have me. Blessed with my smile, my love, my will to carry on.  Maybe a family member or a friend, another kind person or kind and loving health professionals who choose to care for people with extra needs who aren’t suffering but are not as independent as people who can walk and talk and feed and change themselves. Someone would have me. And I would gladly have that someone.

And someone would gladly have you and anyone else.  

In a state like that I would have so much less than now but I would still choose gratitude.   Still choose life.

What I have now are luxuries, beautiful luxuries. If I lose them, this life will still be beautiful. I will still be beautiful.

Today I have a house to live in, a bed to sleep in, blankets, heat, air, material objects like furniture, books, my phone….but if tomorrow my house burns to the ground taking everything I know with it, as long as I’m alive, I will give thanks. Even if I have to live out on the streets for a while.   It would be devastating, shocking, depressing, but I would STILL have things to give thanks for, my life, the sky above me, kindness and love….LOVE.

On many occasions I would probably have to force myself to see the goodness, the greatness. But it’s there and I’m capable.

I have a chronic physical pain disorder and it gets so horrifying that sometimes I wish I were dead when it flares up to that degree but I learned more and more to remember GRATITUDE for all that IS right even when it’s flaring up badly. And lots of things are right. Even when it seems my world is crumbling on top of me.

This also goes for my depressive disorder.   When I have a severe flare up, I think about dying but not nearly as often and usually not as deeply as I used to. I learned to often appreciate this life and give thanks even when it hurts. No matter how lifeless I feel or how agonizing my emotional pain is.   I learned to live in the present and not compare it to what I previously had or to what someone else may have.

Depression and physical pain have been my teachers, teaching me how one moment, everything can crumble and it seems like I have so much less than what I had just very recently. When a disorder flares up out of nowhere or is triggered by an environmental issue or a thought, it can be traumatic and it makes me see all the little things I had to be grateful for before the flare up.   I become painfully aware of all I was ignoring. My emotional or physical anguish makes the simple joys of life jump out at me and it’s painful to now notice them and know I was taking them for granted so frequently.  Painfully beautiful.   Beautifully painful.

But these disorders show me how not to do that so much. I developed an ingrained habit to notice and look for the joys of living whether I’m in any kind of pain or not. When I’m in extreme physical or emotional pain, I usually can’t take as much pleasure in things as I can without the pain but I can experience some joy and pleasure.   And with practice I can even learn to increase my joy even when it hurts. 

These are some examples of zero based gratitude.   It’s true that we can wake up one morning with significantly less than we just had the night before but instead of using last night as a reference, we can focus on the NOW and what we currently have. Let us give thanks for this present moment.

In some cultures, like the U.S. Culture for example, this is our way, to be very ungrateful for the most part. Not always though. We often give thanks for friends and family when the topic comes up, and like some other countries, we even have a whole holiday dedicated to gratitude. But as a culture,  we don’t seem to make gratitude and expressing it, our general way of life. We compare what we have to what others have and to what we previously had if it was more. We can think of a long list, when asked or when it’s a holiday, what we’re thankful for but then we soon forget.  

The more we have and get, the more we demand and if we lose some things we previously had, our lives “suck” or “FML!.”

I’m guilty of this myself. And probably will be guilty again.  But I have learned to mostly be conscious of when I’m doing this, to be conscious of what I’m grateful for, and for it to become an unconscious way or “second nature” to automatically give thanks.

There are blessings all around and within. A whole abundance of gifts and goodness.

Even when our blessings are reduced and we lose what we have, there is still an abundance of greatness. 

Let’s give zero-based gratitude a try.  

  

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Xoxo Kim