Tag Archive | Positivity

In the news….

Oct17

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“I see skies of blue,
And clouds of white.
The bright blessed day,
The dark sacred night.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.”

❤ ❤ 😀

We often think of the news on TV and in the papers as negative, heartwrenching, life draining. And it often is. I hear so many people say they avoid the news because it just drags them down. 

But sometimes there are happy things or heartwarming things in the news.
One day at work this week the news was on when I went in and they were talking about a big house fire while the owners were away and couldn’t get to their dog who was inside. My heart just sank when I heard that. They showed the footage and the big house was up in flames with the poor furbaby inside. 

I’m thankful the people weren’t trapped inside. And I wished desperately the dog wasn’t either. 
Then they showed a man, I don’t know who he is, just come seemingly out of nowhere, walk in the burning house and come back out holding the dog, bringing him to safety, and without a word just walked away! The news people said he got no credit or anything, just appeared, saved the dog, and walked off!

Isn’t that amazing! And I’m sure he wasn’t looking for credit or anything but to save the doggy! The newspeople did praise him to each other.

He probably doesn’t even want to be labeled as a hero, true heroes usually don’t, that’s why they’re heroes, they help people and other sentient beings just to help them, not for image or for credit or a thank you. 

I’m so thankful the people and dog are safe and hope all the people putting out the fire are safe. I don’t know how bad the fire was but hopefully much of their stuff is saved but at least their lives are! That’s the most important of all! It’s devastating to lose everything we own but nowhere near as devastating as lives lost. 

I decided to share this little story just to put a bit more positivity into the world/on the Internet. There is so much positivity already but we can never have too much good news, ever!

In the news, it does often seem to be one bad or gossipy thing after another but that’s only because that’s what often stands out or makes the news. If I’m walking up the street and a person helps me carry my bags, picks up something for me that I drop, smiles at me, pays for me in line if I don’t have enough money….all that won’t make the news. But if I’m out and get shot to death or assaulted, that will surely make the local news. People will ask “what’s this world coming to with someone getting shot dead on the street? What a horrible world! People are monsters!” And that is tragic but what about the person who gives me money when I get up to the register in a store and forgot my wallet, what about the person who gives me his seat on a bus, what about those who risk their lives in a massacre to save others like what just happened in that tragic university massacre?

All these little things, these beautiful acts of kindness that surround us each day are not dramatic enough to go on the news usually and even when they are, they are unfortunately overshadowed by the bigger tragic news, they are appreciated by those involved or witnessing, then often either forgotten or just not spoken of much again even if we never forget. 

I saw a few blog posts and statuses about the horrible tragedy but in none of those I saw did any of those who wrote them mention the heroes who ran not to save their own lives but to save the lives of others. I think it’s important when writing about tragedies to also mention the goodness in the midst of it if we hear of it.
The murderers (who sometimes admit they do this for publicity) get more credit, even if negative, than the heroes, the other people who attempt to save their lives, the doctors and other medical professionals, the first responders and police, the fire men/women, anyone who saves or helps in any way. 
We remember the names of the murderers but not the innocent victims or the heroes. We talk about the tragedy and insanity and senselessness of what happened but not give thanks to those who did any little thing they could to make it somehow better.  In my opinion, it’s best not to write the murderer’s name when we write of carnage that took place. Especially when those murderers admit they want publicity and attention. I appreciate the programs and news reports that do not mention the name. I wouldn’t either. In the initial report it would have to be mentioned but every paper and program doesn’t have to say it. Let’s acknowledge the victims and our heroes, not a person who intentionally claims the lives of the innocent. We can still have compassion for murderers without giving them too much publicity. I don’t want them to die or suffer but I also don’t want them to become popular for their monstrous actions. 

People say don’t watch the news, it will drag you down. Then others argue back that if we don’t keep up with the news and what’s happening around the world, we will be ignorant and kept in the dark. Both can be true. Both have valid points.  So should we watch the news or not? Stay in the dark or be dragged down? 

I think there’s a solution. If we want, we can watch the news sometimes but then balance it out by reading and watching positive things as well. Pay attention and take note of all the goodness that goes on around us whether we are involved or a witness. If all we do is watch the tragedies and gossipy drama on the news and talk shows, then our brains are being overwhelmed in the negative, only getting one side of life, the dark side. We expose ourselves to the darkness but not enough of the light. 

Sure it’s good to know what’s going on in the world around us. But the media has the tendency to magnify the drama and the tragic. Not always but often. 

When we watch the news and start thinking “what a terrible world” and feel overwhelmed, we can then go to youtube and watch random acts of kindness videos, read inspiring stories that show someone helping others, look around us on the streets and see the kindness shown to others.

The world isn’t all bad. We only are mostly shown the bad through some media outlets but there’s so much more than that. 

Let’s honor & acknowledge the goodness.

Check out these happy videos!! So beautiful! ❤

Simple acts of kindness – mobile

Simple acts of kindness – desktop

Kindness – mobile

Kindness video – desktop

These videos show simple acts of kindness in everyday encounters that we are all capable of. These videos are most likely “staged” or made up but they are based on real life acts of kindness & meant to inspire! Just watching them gives many of us a warm, loving feeling. ❤

Let's remember that just because our job or the media or something else mostly exposes us to the bad in the world, it's not all there is.

Let's expose our own selves to the goodness. 😀

What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong – mobile

What a Wonderful World – desktop

Just listen to this song! His loving voice, his gentle love. And it will bring you up. ❤

The pictures are beautiful too!

😀

Lots of love to you today & always! ❤

xoxo Kim

In Love With Nowhere <3

Oct6

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I read a fiction book called “In Love With Nowhere.” I loved the name as soon as I read it. I automatically interpreted as something positive like we can be in love with “nowhere” like either being physically “in the middle of nowhere” or loving each stage of life even if it seems to be going nowhere.

The book is about a man who is 30 something years old and struggling with severe substance addiction. He is a popular writer of horror fiction books and is well loved by many fans, but his addiction gets the best of him and his career, his marriage, and his whole life are suffering. 

So his agent sets up a place in the woods, a cozy cabin, for him to stay alone for a while to get better. He’ll have no contact with the outside world, other than walks through the woods and the kritters there,  and no access to drugs except smaller and smaller doses of Valium until he’s off it completely. He has to write a blog post each day to let the world know how he is doing and what he’s up to but he has no contact with readers.

Shortly after he gets to the cabin, very strange things begin happening. He’s not sure what’s real and what are hallucinations and delusions. He suffers immensely, both physically and emotionally. He experiences depression and serious physical opiate withdrawal symptoms.  He is plagued with nightmares and terrible visions. 

It’s a psychological thriller and a horror fiction book but runs deeper than just thriller and mystery. There are little life lessons and reminders throughout the book.

Also it helps deepen our empathy for those struggling with addiction. Some scenes are gutwrenching. The author really goes into detail about the physical and emotional torment that people with addiction experience. 

The book is also full of hope and inspiration.

There are little reminders to cherish the beauty all around us. To be mindful of nature and the people we see everywhere we go.

It also reminds us to take comfort in the simple pleasures, when we are sick and in pain, hot tea, a hot shower, a comfortable bed, a cool breeze, just focus on each little thing and allow it to distract us so we don’t have to focus too much on the pain or sickness we are experiencing. It’s ok to find sweet little escapes to help us cope and bring some sense of consolation no matter how small.

Also it reminds us to let go of our painful past, not to be haunted by mistakes we have made and horrific things that happened to us. Acknowledge that they happened, never repress them, but just let them go. They can’t be changed and letting them imprison us does no good to anyone. 

The book also conveys the message that as long as we’re alive, there’s always hope no matter how terrible our life seems now.

Also, it reminds us to smile big like a “simpleton!” lol! A couple occasions the man smiles a big goofy grin like a “simpleton,” The author calls it! My grandmom often called me a simpleton when I was little and I still think it’s funny! There’s nothing more beautiful than those moments where we are so filled with joy, we can just laugh and be silly without a care in the world no matter what’s going on! I have those occasions sometimes no matter how depressed or how much physical pain I’m in. We’re never too old or too bad off (as long as we’re alive) to be simple and silly and full of child-like wonder! 😀

Some scenes are beautiful and serene, some bizarre, and some frightening and very distressing but all together it’s a beautiful story and even though I don’t and never have had a drug problem, I can relate to so many of this man’s underlying experiences.

This isn’t really a spoiler but a line out of the book in case you don’t want to read it and read the book first.
.
.
.
.

Just when the man is about to just give up, someone has this to say to him:

“You have so much potential, you can give the world so much, you will give the world so much.” 

“Like I said, the world needs you and eventually it will find a use for you. But not as a repressed drug addict.”

I find this message to be beautiful and inspiring. We are more than just our struggles and pain and we all have potential and so much to give.

We are more than a drug addict or a depressive or schizophrenic, or someone with an eating disorder or low self-esteem or someone drowning in grief. We are more than an asthmatic or cancer patient or an anxious person or whatever physical or emotional ailment or disease we have been afflicted with. So much more. Even when it feels that all we are is someone with pain or a disorder. 

We are not a disorder or a condition or an addiction. I am not my pain.
You are not your anxiety or painful experiences or emotions or words that have hurt you. You aren’t your bad habits or mistakes or flaws or shortcomings.

We have a whole personality and love and skills and gifts beneath those labels and agonizing experiences. Look, feel, and they are there. Here. 

We have so much potential.

So this book is a fun thriller and mystery but it’s also much more.  It’s grounded in hope and healing.

And I just feel the desire to share!

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Even if you don’t read the book, maybe you can find these little reminders helpful or inspiring anyway!

❤

Lots & lots of love to you! 😀

Xoxo Kim 

You’ve got LOVE mail!! <3

Oct4

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“No stars are out tonight but we’re shining our own light.”

In the novel I previously wrote about, “The Last of Her Kind,” one character, a young woman, who I wrote about here,loves Mick Jagger and she heard that he was receiving “hate mail” so she decided to send him LOVE mail!

She writes this:

“I understand that you have received a lot of hate mail and even THREATS AGAINST YOUR LIFE. This has really freaked me out and has made me decide to write you LOVE MAIL every day. I don’t want you ever to forget that your true fans cherish and adore you and will always stand by you.” (pp. 170-1)

I just LOVE this concept! Not just sending someone love mail, that too, but bringing light and positivity into places where there is a lot of darkness and pain or negativity. It’s great to be positive in general but it’s especially important to bring light & love to places where it’s really lacking.

I love how this character decides to take action to bring love to a place that she knows needs more. She is kind enough to reach out and remind the man that people still love him. He may or may not need that reminder or even care about all the people who loathe or even love him. But it’s still good to see someone putting love out into the world. It’s the best we can do. ❤

If we see someone receiving unpleasant messages on social media, let’s make it a point to write that person positive or encouraging messages. If we meet or know someone who is hopeless, let’s attempt to bring some sense of hope to that person. Maybe it won’t work but maybe it will and at least the person will see someone cares. Let’s brighten a dark room with the light of our smiles. Bring our own sunshine to a rainy day. Send healing energy to someone sick or in pain.
Let’s remind people that for all the negative they encounter, there’s so much more positive.
Like the character in the book reminds Mick, while there’s so much hate directed at him, there’s also so much love.
Let’s focus more on the LOVE. ❤
Wherever we see that positivity, inspiration, light, or love is lacking, let’s bring our own to those places. ❤

And remember when someone unnecessarily criticizes us, writes us a rude message, doesn’t like us, wants to see us fall…there’s way more people who do like us and ones who would if they knew us. There’s more who want to bring us up and see us succeed. It’s sometimes easy to focus on the one or few unpleasant comments or remarks or experiences. But there’s more love in the world than negativity.

Also, as I mentioned in my other posts about this book, on pages 79-81, there is a r*pe scene in case you read the book and want to skip it.

And here’s a sweet song:

All I Need – Jack Wagner – mobile

All I Need – desktop

Lots & lots of LOVE & hugs to you, whoever you are, wherever you are!! 😀

Xoxo Kim ❤

Yin-yang

Oct2

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In a previous post,Embracing the Light,I mentioned I’m reading a novel called, “The Last of Her Kind” about two girls who were best friends in college for a couple years then had a bad argument and ended their friendship but the woman telling the story, many years later, still thinks of her former friend very frequently and is still impacted by her friend even though she has not seen her in years. She seems to no longer have any hostility for the girl who was once her best friend.

This isn’t a book review. I’m still reading the book, I haven’t reached the end yet. It’s a very great book, incredibly realistic and deep. There are beautiful scenes in this book. I will share one here.

But first I will again mention like I did in my other post, that there is a brief rape scene in the book. Whenever I write/talk about books that I know there is sexual violence in, I caution people in case anyone wants to avoid that part. I know it can be extremely traumatic for some people to read if they have experienced some kind of trauma. So on pages 79-81, the narrator talks about when she was raped by a stranger in a park, as a college girl. The worst of it is on page 80 in the book I’m reading. I think it’s a good idea if we all caution anyone we tell about a movie or book that has a scene like that. Even if people stop reading/watching after they begin,it can be too late and post traumatic stress or flash backs or any distress can already be triggered. Or some people feel that once they begin something, they have to complete it or may not realize after they begin reading/watching, how bad it will be. It’s always good to try to help in any way we can and a simple caution can help prevent a serious trigger for someone. They may still read/watch anyway and that’s up to them but it’s good just to let them know. 

(there won’t be any really big spoilers here but if you prefer not to know anything more about the book you may not want to continue reading if you plan to read the book)

Anyway, here is one of the beautiful scenes I will share out of this book:

“She lit a few candles around the room and she lit some joss sticks and she got out her guitar. I listened to her sing and wondered when she had become so good. Her voice was assured and pure and vibrant with feeling. The songs she sang were mostly songs she had written herself, and they were about love and pain and what was right with the world and what was wrong with it, and for all she had suffered she praised the wounded world and sang of her tender feelings for man, she sang angelically of hope and forgiveness, and I was blown away by this kid’s wisdom and goodness, and I was proud. Maybe my little sister didn’t have to go back to school. Maybe she knew everything already.” (pp.181)

How beautiful! The narrator, Georgette, has this to say about her little sister. 

Her sister is severely mentally ill and struggles with substance addiction and some physical illnesses,she cannot have children, she was also abused as a child and had, and still in some ways has a very difficult life. She has recurrent psychiatric hospitalizations. She doesn’t have a complete high school education. But she is full of deep wisdom, and often is able to keep hope and wonder alive and not only praise the good in the world but celebrate the bad with the good through her music, writing, and just in her being. She has a kind and gentle heart. 

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This is only a fiction book but there are real people like this too. Those who choose to cherish the good and use the negative aspects of life to their advantage by creating whatever it is they feel a calling to create…music, artistic material, singing, dancing, writing….or anything. We can take our pain and struggles and allow them to deepen our empathy and compassion for others. And we can take all our pain and joy and beauty and create something. Even something as simple as a blog post or message to help inspire or uplift others. 

Life doesn’t have to be perfect or without pain to be good. Life is beautiful even with the pain. Sometimes we may forget to celebrate the good when we’re too consumed in the pain, negativity, or distress and it’s great to have reminders.  

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(the sky wasn’t really this bright & pink, I put an effect on it but it’s pretty isn’t it?!) 😀

The world is full of bad but it’s also full of good. When we see on the news or are involved in tragedies like massacres or hurricanes and tornadoes, floods, fires, accidents, sickness….we see/feel/know the devastation. But we also see/feel/know the love and compassion of others, even strangers, that comes pouring in to those in need. We see people volunteering time, donating money and other material objects, offering to help, and just sending positive comments and well wishes. For every rude comment we receive on social media, we receive many more loving ones. 

❤

There is more love, more light, more good than pain. And it's all what we focus on that will stand out. We don't have to deny the negativity, we can help it when we can and accept it and use it for good when we cannot help or prevent it. 

This beautiful scene is a great reminder to bring more hope and forgiveness to the world, more love and light and acceptance. We can't all sing and play instruments and write songs like this girl but we all have some way to bring beauty to the world even if it's just a warm smile or positive attitude or just sharing an uplifting quote. 

We all have the ability to put more light out into the world. ❤

Much love to you! 😀

Xoxo Kim 

Some Zen wisdom for today {and everyday} <3

Sep27

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“Now that my house has burned down I have a better view of the sky.” ~ Zen saying 

Isn’t this beautiful? I can interpret this as a message of positive thinking. No matter what happens to us, there’s a brighter side even if we have to look really hard and get creative.

Also, another interpretation, clarity. When all our emotional clutter is cleared and our walls are stripped, we can see more clearly.
Let’s put away our phones and other technology for a few moments, let go of everything and feel the space around us.
There is beauty & bliss all around, within. ❤
All we have to do is open up and receive.

❤ Good day to you! 😀

Xoxo Kim 

p.s. I would never say this to someone whose house just burned down! It’s a good quote to share in general like this but I’m almost certain if your house burned down two seconds ago, you don’t want to hear/read this being directly said to you! :-O ❤

Smile because she has lived <3

Sep21

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She Is Gone (He Is Gone)

“You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” ~
David Harkins ❤ 😀

This poem is deeply inspiring to me. What the author suggests can be so difficult but it's worth the struggle and some occasions will be easier than other occasions. The poem can be comforting in grief but also apply to life in general. It's very hard to put a positive spin on death, grief, tragedy, and loss. But it is possible to see a glimmer of hope and light in it. And often necessary to aid in healing. 

And with life in general, it's good to remember there's often a bright side to even the most unfortunate situations and if not we can create one. If we still just cannot see a positive side to something itself, we can focus on other good things there are in life in general. This doesn't cure all problems but makes them easier to bear and just brings joy into our hearts in the midst of the sorrow. 

I just love this poem! ❤ ❤ ❤

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My heart goes out to all who struggle with grief, heartache, and loss of a person or pet, depression or physical pain/sickness. ❤ ❤ Grief is one of the worst kinds of pain someone can experience. I don't think there's anything worse whether it's the loss of a human or animal friend. And chronic pain conditions whether physical or depression can also be extremely difficult to handle. 

Like the poem says though, for all those lost, let's smile because they have lived. Let's carry their love and light in our hearts always.

Death cannot take away the love we have for them and the love they had for us.

Let's smile for them, love for them, live for them, and keep them alive in our memories forever. ❤ ❤ Let’s display some of their positive qualities whenever we can.

And for any problems we have, let's do whatever it takes to see that light glimmering in the darkness. Even when it's just a faint flickering. 

Look at the vastness of all the darkness of a midnight sky, it seems never ending, all the blackness. But just one small star is bright enough to shine through it all. 

“Into the darkness I fade. May my light lead me through.”

“The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.” 

Much love & light to you, always. ❤

Xoxo Kim 

If You’re Going Through Hell, Keep Going

Sep19

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“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”~ Khalil Gibran

For the last couple of weeks I have been experiencing “ice pick” headaches, which are beyond excruciating. These aren’t the same as the cluster-like headaches I sometimes write about. My cluster-like headaches, which are a result of my chronic pain disorder, last much, much longer than “ice pick” headaches(sometimes cluster headaches are referred to as “ice pick” headaches, they have similar symptoms), also a result of this dreadful but non life threatening disorder. 

Ice pick headaches last, literally, only a few seconds. But the pain is unbearable or would be if the duration were longer. The pain level is almost to the same excruciating level as my cluster-like headaches are. I call them “cluster-like” because I don’t have Cluster Headache (CH) that I know of but I have a different pain disorder that triggers similar headaches. The ice pick ones don’t feel as much like a burning sensation as the cluster ones.

These ice pick headaches I have been experiencing off and on, I think every single day now for like two weeks, make it feel like someone is slicing through the back of my head with something (probably why they are called what they are called). This isn’t metaphorical/poetic speaking/writing or whatever; it literally feels like an assault on my body.

I don’t even like using the word “literally” much because it has become a trend to use it so loosely or unnecessarily, when things aren’t actually/literally “literal” that it seems, to me, to have lost its meaning or seriousness or its literal-ness. Or something like that. 

Many people have developed the habit now of saying/writing things like “I literally spilled my coffee on me today!” “I literally missed the bus!” “I literally can’t live without this new drink I discovered!” “I’m literally going to dye my hair today!” “I literally just can’t even!” lol

I’m so thankful for the word “literally.” The saying “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone” applies here. I can’t say that about everything I have/had. Many things I do know what I have/had before it’s gone but I never realized what an incredible purpose the word “literally” serves (or served) until people started overusing it. Sometimes I’m so frustrated because I can’t seem to get my point across about my pain or convey the true agony or depth of it. And the word “literally” has often saved me, helped it feel that I am in fact getting most of my experience to be understood. “My head literally feels like it’s splitting” or “I feel that it can literally kill me.” 

But now the poor word has lost its weight, its ability to be taken seriously and with it goes my sense that I’m getting my true experience out there. 

So thanks to all those who “literally” cannot live without coffee and “literally” flew to the bus this morning and still missed it and “literally” jumped out of your skin when something scared you silly, and “literally just can’t even.” Now “literally” and me have lost our voice. Lol Jk I’m not really resentful, I’m actually quite amused. But it’s true that when we use a word so much and out of place or so loosely, it tends to seem to lose its original message. Some words change or have additional definitions after a while and that’s ok. But come on! This isn’t even the case here! This word is being tossed around in a completely nonsensical way. oh, well.

But these ice pick assaults feel as if my head is truly splitting. And it’s like bolts of electricity searing through my face, head, eye, temple without warning. They come on out of nowhere.

I don’t have them frequently each day but they are becoming more frequent, hopefully only temporarily . They are not as traumatic as the cluster-like ones but nearly as painful. Every day now I have them usually on two occasions, usually later in the day, like early evening then again later at night. And on each occasion, I experience usually two or three, one right after the other. Like bolts of electricity or invisible bullets piercing my temple and eyeball and like something sharp plunging into my head, on the top and in the back on one side, the right side. After the barbaric attack ends, I feel physically weak. Sometimes hot or dizzy, and sometimes I have an urge to sob.  

When they end I feel like I can pass out and often sit to rest a couple minutes and during the seconds they occur, I feel as if the pain itself can physically kill me. If I did not have the pain disorder or wasn’t diagnosed, I would seriously think I’m dying. I would be convinced. Sometimes I still wonder if I’m dying when it’s happening. 

It’s amazing how many thoughts and feelings we can have in a mere few seconds. I never really realized that before these ice pick attacks began everyday like this. It reminds me to watch my thoughts and make sure they are mostly positive and loving. Also, it reminds me how much can happen in a second, how each second truly matters. In a second, my world can crumble on top of me and in a second, hope can creep into my head and lift me and in a second my wisdom can deepen and I can discover and learn and share. In a second I can choose to conquer my pain and in one second I can choose love.

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We often seem to think of one second as useless or too fleeting to matter. But this life is made up of one seconds, single breaths, fleeting moments, individual heartbeats. Together we realize how important they are but each one in itself, we seem to tend to forget. I am reminded to cherish each one. Hold each one close to me. Make the most of each & every one. 

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One thing that I find that helps me cope with severe physical pain and the emotional trauma of it is to accept the pain instead of judging it or wishing it away. Taking deep breaths and allowing the pain to come as it will. This can be extremely difficult but with practice it gets easier.

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I have sometimes been angry with the physical agony of my chronic/episodic pain disorder and sometimes even at my body or the part of it responsible for this hell.  

I love my body, both the aesthetic beauty of it and what it does for me, allows me to live, to love, to experience, to reach out my hand and help someone or reach out my arms and warmly embrace others.

But sometimes when I have been very sick (with kidney stones for example) or in pain, I let my love take the backburner and felt a devastating sense of betrayal. Like my body is betraying me, doing this to me. After all the love I have lavished onto it and express for it. As if my body has consciously chosen to do this to me. Sometimes I have been angry at my jaw, the source of all my pain. This is very rare for me to experience but I have felt it before. 

What is more common is for me to become furious with my physical pain itself. I have even felt an urge to seek revenge upon it. It sounds amusing and ridiculous and makes no sense. Pain is not a sentient thing with a choice or consciousness. But I have felt furious and wanted to scream at it and throw and break objects while cursing my pain for destroying me. I have waited for my pain to materialize before me so I can rip it to shreds. Into little pieces, the way I feel that it does to me. 

This doesn’t help. Screaming and taking fits while in the midst of a severe flare up of physical pain, fantasizing about seeking revenge on my pain, does nothing to help me. It doesn’t ease my pain or relieve my anger. All it serves to do is worsen it. And it is devastating enough without unnecessarily adding to it.  

(It’s interesting to think about this because I don’t hurt or kill humans, animals, insects, any living, sentient beings intentionally ever so I know if my pain really was a sentient thing I can seek revenge on, I wouldn’t.)

Accepting my pain and my body is what helps. And meditating upon all the good my body does for me. I have now learned when I’m in physical agony, even seemingly unbearable physical agony, to ask myself “What is this pain teaching or reminding me?” “How can I use this experience to help inspire or bring a sense of consolation or hope to others?” In the earlier days of my pain disorder, it was rare that I was able do this. 
Back then all I was mostly able to do is scream and collapse and writhe on the floor and pace back and forth or crack my head against a wall all night long. Most of my thoughts were frantic and panicked, often despairing. Sometimes they still are and sometimes I still do these things, still get angry but more often now, I am able to consciously allow my pain to strengthen me and teach or remind me, deepen my wisdom and empathy for others in those moments.

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As soon as I feel the agony of my disorder flaring up, I am reminded of how I never want anyone to ever feel this way and try to think of ways I can bring even just a fraction of consolation or inspiration to others. I now have the ability to summon loving feelings more often than I used to when I was in severe pain. I am reminded that others are suffering or may be or can later be suffering like me and it deepens my compassion. It reminds me that when I feel like responding to things with unkindness, it’s better to instead respond with compassion. Compassion can ease suffering. 

My pain is worth it if I can use it as a catalyst for positive change and if I can allow it to inspire me to reach out and help someone in some way, even if it’s just sharing a positive quote or picture on social media. Or reminding myself to show more compassion even to people acting less than kind, at any moment they can be struck with pain or maybe already are suffering. 

One thing I learned that I would have never known if not for my disorder, is the existence of “beyond unbearable pain.” I never knew that physical pain can be beyond severe or beyond unbearable. Now I know. I think life itself is  beautiful  and while I don’t want to suffer, if I have to its good to let it teach me. Pain to all extents is part of this life. And the more I get to experience of life, the better! Even when it’s not pleasant. I won’t go out looking for pain but if it happens to find me, I will embrace it. I don’t always succeed but that’s ok. 

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Though it can often feel like it, my pain is not my enemy. It is my teacher, my lessons, my inspiration, my strength. And I am not a victim of my body. My body does all it can to keep me alive even when it’s sick and in pain. It does all it can for me. It doesn’t want to suffer.

When I keep this in mind and focus on this and lavish love onto the places of me that hurt, when I breathe, consciously aware of each breath that goes in and out, and remember I am not my pain, it helps me cope. Pain is separate and I can build an invisible/emotional barrier to distance my body or self and the pain so I won’t identify with the pain. 

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One of my favorite books is “How to Solve Our Human Problems” by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, meditation master, Buddhist monk, teacher of Buddhism, and one of my favorite authors. In his book he writes:

“The feelings of hurt are inseparably bound up with grasping at I and mine. We strongly feel ‘I am hurt’ or ‘My feelings are hurt.'” (How to Solve Our Human Problems pp. 43)

And 

“There is an enormous difference between the thoughts, ‘I am feeling bad,’ and ‘Unpleasant feelings are arising in my mind.’ When we identify with our feelings, we make them bigger and more solid than they are, and it becomes much more difficult to let the unpleasant feelings go. On the other hand, when we learn to view our feelings in a more detached way, seeing them simply as waves in the ocean of our mind, they become less frightening and much easier to deal with constructively.”  (pp. 44) 

When I first read this, I laughed hysterically. 

“Unpleasant feelings are arising in my mind.”

Sometimes I still do. Who goes around saying “There are unpleasant feelings arising in my mind?” Imagine being pissed at someone and yelling “There are angry feelings arising in my mind at you!!” Lmao I couldn’t say that and keep a straight face. I’m laughing as I’m writing this.

But these words he speaks are true. 

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Venerable Geshe Kelsang’s point is to dissociate or detach, to not allow our self to identify with our pain. Not ever to repress or deny it but to not be one with it, to distance ourself and our unpleasant emotions or feelings. We are not those painful feelings. We acknowledge them and that they severely affect us. But then we detach and realize they are not inherent in our existence. If something is not me or essential to my very existence, I don’t have to identify with it. 

I couldn’t see exactly how this can work but I love Geshe-la and while I don’t agree with all his views, I trust his word. His practical tips are extremely helpful and his love and wisdom run deep. 

One night, somewhat recently, I woke up in excruciating physical pain which triggered fear. People often say emotional pain is worse than physical. I can’t completely agree. Both can be agonizing and it’s dependent upon the one experiencing the pain and the situation, the degree of pain…

To me, severe physical pain is harder to deal with than severe emotional pain. And I have felt both horrific physical and emotional pain. 

So that night I was horrified and in unimaginable physical agony, beyond belief. My head was throbbing, aching, burning…

And I remembered his words. 

And I thought to myself “There is physical pain arising in my head” while taking deep deliberate breaths. I meditated upon the fact that pain and me are separate even when it feels I am consumed by it. Even when it feels I am one with it. Even when I don’t know where pain ends and I begin. I am not pain. I am not fear. Pain and fear are not inherent in me. I couldn’t believe the effect it had on me. Even though I did not completely grasp the concept. It calmed my fear and helped me cope. I felt my pain becoming more distant. Not going away, not necessarily even lessening but my self becoming less identified with it. This way I have a less negative emotional reaction to the physical pain.

This detachment can work for both physical & emotional pain. We are not our painful thoughts, our grief, our sadness or depression or anxiety. We are not our anger or our jealousy. These things arise in our body/mind but they are not us.

Instead of thinking I am in pain or my head hurts or I am scared, I detach, distance myself, dissociate. I don’t allow concepts of me or my body or I to be in the same breath as pain or fear. Fear & pain arise in my body but they are not me. They are not my body, not my mind, not my essence. They are separate. And by carefully selecting my choice of words, my thoughts, I can emphasize this and cope better with pain and fear. 

My body does hurt.
My head really hurts. 
I am scared.
I am in pain.

These are all the truth.

But these sentences do not always serve me well. They bring my body, me, my mind together with pain, allowing pain and fear to collide with me. Our choice of words and our thoughts have an effect either positive or negative and there are choices we can make to help us in painful situations.

Again, it’s not about denying or repressing but detaching. I can have something, admit that I have it but not identify with it. This even goes for positive things like money or a great job. I have those things if I do but they are not me. And I can separate my self and them. Then when I lose them I still will not be lost or diminished. 

Also, laughter always helps. And it’s hard not to laugh when I think this way. Lol It sounds ridiculous. Who talks this way?! ;-D

But it really does help me.

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(This is the back of the book. It just has a blur effect I put on because it looks prettier that way. The original picture looks kind of plain. This has a dreamy effect.)

I also would love to share some quotes and these songs for anyone in need or anyone who may be inspired or uplifted or just curious or entertained by them.

Songs:

If You’re Goin’ Through Hell – Rodney Atkins – mobile

If You’re Going Through Hell – desktop

Eye of the Tiger – Survivor – mobile

Eye of the Tiger – desktop

Hero – Mariah Carey – mobile

Hero – desktop

Quotes

“I choose to FIGHT BACK! I choose to RISE, not fall! I choose to LIVE, not die! And I know, I know that what’s within me is also WITHIN YOU.” (Mayor Pappas, “City Hall” movie quote)

“Pain is no evil, unless it conquers us.” ~ Charles Kingsley 

And we don’t have to let it conquer us.

“Pain can be endured and defeated only if it is embraced. Denied or feared, it grows.” ~ Dean Koontz 

“While there’s life, there’s hope.” ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

“Today I will see something positive in all situations.”

“You can be greater than anything that can happen to you.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.” ~ Dalai Lama 

“When you come close to sellin’ out,
Reconsider” ~ LeeAnn Womack

“Take that first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.”

“Some people see a hopeless end, others see an endless hope.” ~ Unknown

“I will keep a smile on my face and in my heart even when it hurts today.” — Og Mandino

“And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you’ll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you” ~ Mariah Carey 

When I was in college, in one of my psychology classes, our professor, a clinical psychologist and very loving woman, would play this song for us and for our homework assignment, we had to print out the lyrics and were told to always keep them and look to them for inspiration. We were also required, for an exam, to fill in the blank part of the lyrics. It really is a beautiful song, isn’t it? Very inspiring and comforting and her voice, so soothing. ❤

“Embrace your challenges with an open heart because through every challenge, strength forms.” 

“You are not the victim of your body. ” ~ Dr. Christiane Northrup

“We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.” ~ Aristotle Onassis

Our pain may not end or not end soon but we can still be happy, peaceful, live in love. It's all about conquering the pain and dancing in the rain & storms, sailing in the winds. 

“You could go the distance, you could run the mile, you could walk straight through Hell with a smile.” ~ The Script

“To embrace all things means first that one holds no anger or resistance toward any idea or thing, living or dead, formed or formless. Acceptance is the very essence of the Tao.”

“If you're going through hell, keep going.” -Winston Churchill 

This is for everyone in pain of any sort whether physical or emotional or with any problem. There’s always someone, somewhere who understands. There’s always hope as long as there is life. 

❤ ❤ ❤ 😀 

Lots of love to you!! 😀

Xoxo Kim 

30 Days of Photos – Day 9 {watching the wheels}

Aug12

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“I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.” ~ John Lennon ❤

Day 9 (August 9th for me) for the 30 day photo challenge is intended to be a day to capture a photo of anything with wheels.

It reminds me of this sweet and philosophical song sung by John Lennon. It's very thought provoking!  

What a lovely song…

“I tell them there’s no problem, Only solutions.” What an amazing outlook on life!

Whenever we think we have a problem, let’s just remember these words of wisdom. Every problem is an opportunity to evolve and strengthen our mind. And an opportunity to express and deepen our creativity, finding and creating solutions! Problems can also help us deepen our empathy for others, which is a great thing! Instead of feeling defeated by our problems, let’s instead feel exhilarated at the thought of all the solutions around and within us.

Watching the Wheels – mobile

Watching the Wheels – desktop

check out the photo challenge here!

Much0 love to you! 

❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

Perspective

Jul30

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“Another day has almost come and gone
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war (’cause)
Tomorrow’s another day
And I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain” ~ Jo Dee Messina

I took this picture a few weeks ago on Thursday (and put a blur effect on it) and for some reason it looks like it’s the dead of Winter. What is up with the bare trees on the side?! Lol! There’s fluffy green ones that appear to be quite fruitful,  in the back but what about those ones?! The barren ones.  I burst out laughing when I saw them! It’s the dog days of Summer! Then my mom who was also laughing (she can be easily amused like me, just not as much usually), showed me the same kind of dead looking trees across the street! I don’t recall ever seeing bare trees like this in Summer before. Maybe they were always there but I just wasn’t paying attention(how unfortunate!). I know in April there’s a mixture of bare and blooming trees because Winter is still just ending and Spring is beginning. But it’s July! 

Anyway, I was recently thinking about how almost nothing (some people would say absolutely nothing) exists inherently. It’s all about our perception or perspective. Two people can look at the very same thing and one sees something completely different. In fact, one person can look at something one moment then later look at that same thing but view it differently even when the thing hasn’t changed.

The weather for example, some people view dreary, rainy days as miserable while someone else is inspired and thrilled. One person can be thrilled about hot, humid days while others find them to be disgusting. Also, just look at the reviews for books, hundreds of people say it’s amazing then hundreds more say the same book sucks. It’s the same exact book! This just goes to show it’s all about how we view things. Is one person really right and one wrong? Or when I view something one way then my perception changes about that same thing later, was I right then or now? 

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In my daily book of positive quotations, I found this quote:

“A weed is no more than a flower in disguise.” ~ James Lowell

It reminds me to try to change my perspective when I’m struggling with depression. I’m generally very positive, even when I’m depressed, I often find things to see beauty in. But when I’m severely depressed, it is so hard to see life as a whole, in a positive way. I still see specific  beautiful things around me but ultimately I’m hopeless or so stuck in a very negative state. 

I noticed that some of the things that I view as positive or neutral when I’m not depressed, suddenly become very negative to me when I am depressed.

When depression hits me, every little thing is easy to interpret as negative. If someone looks at me when I’m depressed, I can take it as a bad thing, like that person thinking something negative, even if the person compliments me, I can misinterpret it as being mocked instead of sincere, if someone I know walks by me and doesn’t say hello, I can automatically take it very personally and negatively, where if this happens when I’m not depressed, I don’t really care why the person did this or can think maybe the person did not see me or did not want to talk to anyone. When I’m depressed, I often think of all the negative things people ever did to me or said to me, even years ago. As soon as my depression lifts, I no longer care and even realize that some of those things weren’t even negative.

There are days I am so thankful and think this life is a beautiful one, I have a house to live in, good health, a couple of friends, a family, a job, my senses….and the very next day or even the same day, I become depressed and feel that it is a terrible one, I live in a house but it’s not my own, I live with my mom, dad, and sister and feel that I’m not acting as a responsible adult, I have a job but not a “real” one, my health isn’t as good as it can be, I don’t have many friends, my family isn’t perfect….when my life is no different that day than the day before when it was absolutely beautiful! Nothing changed but my perspective. 

It’s all about perspective. 

Noticing this about myself, often helps me significantly when I slip into a depressive episode. I remind myself that this negative sensitivity to everything around me is only because of my condition. It’s an illusion. It won’t make my depression go away but it can help me cope and make it so my depression doesn’t get even worse by dwelling on the negative. I keep making it a point to change my views and my thoughts into more positive ones and remind myself how just recently, I viewed these very same things very positively. 

This can also help people who aren’t depressed or don’t have depression ever.  It doesn’t take just depression for us to sometimes view things negatively and feel completely low. 
Sometimes we can think our friend or lover or relationship or job is perfect or amazing then later see all the ways they can be better. Our mood can affect our perspective. 

Our situation can be exactly the same today as it was yesterday but we can see it in a very different way. It’s actually quite fascinating! 

Even if something was always bad or we always viewed it that way, we can still try to view the situation more positively. Maybe it’s teaching us something or it’s necessary to get to something better. If we can’t change it, let’s change our attitude. 

One way I found to help this is to intentionally focus on the positive in the people and things around us and remind our self that maybe it’s only our mood clouding our perception anyway. Make it a point to look for the good in everything and tolerate or accept the bad when we can’t distance our self. 

I was browsing songs on YouTube and came across the song “No Scrubz” by TLC.

Remember that song? 

No Scrubz – mobile

No Scrubz – desktop

I think it’s kind of rude. 

She criticizes him for thinking he’s “fine” or something like that, for trying to get with her while hanging in his best friend’s car, for living with his mom, for looking like trash, while she’s looking classy, for being a broke ass (lol), for talking about all that he wants while having no money…

When I first listened to this song recently, after not hearing it in years, I automatically saw the good in this “scrub.” He doesn’t have money but he does have a best friend and a mom and his mom allows him to live with her. That’s better than money! Best friends and moms are the best to have! Who cares about money! Lol And it’s clear in the song that he does have a phone number, whether his or his mom’s or someone else’s, he has access to phone service! 
Also, while it’s not really respectable to be yelling to girls while driving by, he’s complimenting her for being pretty, that’s better than saying someone looks like trash. 
I would prefer a scrub to be yelling out at me about how pretty I am than an abusive person telling me I look like trash(not everyone who calls someone trash is abusive, imo).
Some people appear to be respectable, have money, a job, a great house, education…but act in an abusive or cruel way or just not very pleasant.
I will take the scrub any day! Lol
He’s saying something good about her! I would prefer someone being kind of trashy than someone acting incredibly stuck up calling people trash. And at least he has things he wants. He may not act on it but at least he’s not dead, he has desire. That itself counts for something. I am especially aware of this because when I’m very depressed, I often have no desire and am numb and lifeless. So when someone or me has passion or desire or hunger, I am inspired. 

Again, I see the difference in perspective. Two people can look at one person or thing and see them in a completely contrasting way. 

She sees a complete loser while I think he’s not so bad. And this isn’t to bash her or the song. I can’t deny that the song is funny and has good music and a sweet tune. And she certainly has good things about her too! She can sing well! She can dance! She likely won’t get into a car with a stranger. That’s good! She clearly has a high opinion of herself. That is very good. It’s not good to be stuck up but a woman with confidence is sexy. Maybe she can tone it down a bit in one way but it’s ultimately a good attitude to have. She has all these good things about her. And many other things. She’s pretty also. She’s pleasing to look at. 

I chose this song as an example because I have been listening to it recently and it happens to be a good example for this topic. It’s just random or coincidental. 

And I, myself have had low opinions of some men yelling at me while driving, not all but some, especially when they follow me and try to block me and don’t take no for an answer. 

Annoying! Lol

But I want to encourage us all to attempt to have a positive perspective often. It doesn’t mean we have to like and accept everything and everyone but it doesn’t hurt to notice the good, even in people and things we don’t like. It’s a great habit to develop or strengthen.

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If we look closely enough, we can always find a splash of color even in the grayest, darkest, bluriest places.

Much love to you! ❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

May My Light Lead Me Through

Jul21

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I’m reading a zombie thriller! Lol

It’s called “Savage” and the author is Iain Rob Wright. It’s purely fictional in case you’re wondering. ;-D 

I’m not even halfway through the book but I love it! 

In the book there are very few survivors who come together and do what they have to to survive, defending themselves and each other. 
It’s basically the end of the world. There are zombies around but are easy to fend off for the most part. They aren’t fast and can’t really climb anything. All the sprinters (the really fast and furious ones who can climb and charge at people…scary!) are gone now. All the survivors who came together are living on a pier with a steel gate so the zombies can’t get them. But the book is really about how there’s another group out there somewhere, of living humans just like the survivors, but this other group is a serious threat to them. Maybe even more threatening than the zombies. They don’t know they’re out there yet. I haven’t got to that part yet. 

The one character has a quote that he recites in his head, to give him inspiration and motivation when he’s in a dangerous situation. 

“Into the darkness I fade. May my light lead me through.”

Isn’t it inspiring?!

So full of hope. 

He saw it written on the ground outside of a mosque, maybe about a year or many months ago, after the initial outbreak of the zombie infection and it helps see him through the devastation and terrifying situations.

The quote is a sweet reminder that no matter how dark it gets for us, we have a light inside to guide us and all we have to do is look to that light when we are in that darkness. Whether it’s grief, depression, physical pain or sickness, anxiety, some tragedy, guilt, a zombie apocalypse, or just a “bad day” or low mood, I think that’s a great quote to remember!  

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No matter how dim it gets every now & then, keep it burning, even if it’s just a flicker, a sparkle, a sliver of a flame, it’s still fierce and can help guide us and help us help others. We can focus on the good in us and around us, do the best we can and keep going. And we can use our own light to rekindle the light of someone else in need. ❤

And if your light seems to be going out, just try to rekindle someone else's and yours is sure to burst into flames itself. ❤

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us." ~Albert Schweitzer

Much love to you! ❤ 😀

Xoxo Kim