Thank You so so much to my new followers & the old ones too. And the people who liked and commented on my posts. Words really can’t express my true gratitude & appreciation. <3. I love knowing that people have read & like my content & blog!!! :-D. I appreciate every one of you and your encouragement & kindness!! 😀
(picture taken somewhere in Center City, Philadelphia, I saw it on a pole and just had to take a pic!)
i have purchased a book a few months ago, and it’s called “Priceless Gifts” (How to Give the Best to Those You Love) and is written by a psychologist, Daniel A. Sugarman, Ph.D. He is a clinical psychologist and the book was published in the 1970’s. 1978 to be exact. I haven’t read the book yet but I will.
I read the list of gifts on the back cover. Even though it was written decades ago, the twelve gifts that the man lists are timeless and still apply today.
They are psychological gifts, not material gifts. This book, even though I haven’t read most of it yet, inspired me to create a list of my own, of priceless psychological /immaterial gifts that I believe are incredible to bless others with and to receive.
While my list is inspired by this doctor’s list, not all of the gifts I list here are ones in his book and the descriptions underneath each gift, even the gifts I took out of the book, are my own. Next to each gift that is also in his book, I will state that I got it out of the book.
1.) The Gift of Time(in the book):
Being with someone who needs/wants you at that moment is an amazing gift. Whether you are having fun doing entertaining activities, talking to one another, or just sitting close to show you care when a person wants company is an amazing gift. It shows the person that you care enough to take part of your day and make that person your top priority at that moment. What better way to make that person feel loved, valuable, and cherished!?
2.) The Gift of Active Listening/ Undivided Attention (in the book) :
We usually hear what people say and respond. But how often are we truly, fully listening? It seems we are frequently only partially or half listening while multitasking, doing other things while a person talks to us, mindlessly/mechanically responding. This is not being fully receptive of or acknowledging that person’s needs and desires at that moment. Even if you accurately hear what that person says and even provide a relevant, pleasant sounding response, that is not always good enough. A person can tell when you are not fully present even if you don’t know the person can tell and maybe even if that person doesn’t consciously know it or realize it at that moment. Make the person feel s/he is the center of your world at that moment. It can be quite offensive spilling your guts to someone only to realize that person is playing with a phone, texting someone else, watching TV, drifting off, or off somewhere daydreaming giving you empty, half mutters while you speak. Whether the person is talking to you about light topics such as her favorite food, book, or movie, or more deep topics such as his problems, pain, future dreams, that person wants your attention! S/he cares enough and believes you are important enough to talk to and trusts you enough to share with you so repay the gift and really, truly listen fully with your whole heart and drown out everything else while that person speaks. (unless you’re driving or something, be careful!)
3.) The Beautiful Gift of Loyalty:
When a person shares secrets with you, s/he expects you to keep them to yourself. It’s not good to blab them to anyone. Many of us have someone we believe we can trust with someone else’s secrets but then the person we trust may also have a person or persons s/he trusts and may tell the person’s secrets to that person thinking it’s Ok to tell and that it will stop there. But then that person tells people and on and on and that’s how “secrets” get around. It’s not that the people who tell other people’s secrets are necessarily bad people and likely they don’t want to sabotage or hurt anyone. They just want to talk and be the big bearer of “news” but it does not always go over too well. So when a trusting person comes to you, it’s best to let that person’s secrets stop when they get to you. (unless it’s potentially life threatening.)
And it’s also best not to gossip about or judge a person, negatively, who trusts you, with other people. Be loyal and true to the person who opens up to you. It’s unkind and a betrayal to trash talk the person or spill their info out to others. Let the person come to you and be a true friend and listener. That is a true gift. And if you are being truly loyal you won’t join in when you hear other people saying unnecessary negative things about your friend.
4.) The Gift of Acceptance (In the book) :
Just about everyone we meet is going to have at least one (probably more) opinion, trait, characteristic, or thing about him/her that we will not agree with or not like. But that does not mean we have to give the person up or not like the person or reject the person or try to change him/her. We can gently state our opinion in a kind way if it’s truly necessary and intended to help or connect with someone and then be done with it. But we can accept the person for all that person is. “Flaws” and all. We can disagree, argue, debate, but still love, cherish, tolerate, and accept. We don’t all have to be identical to get along well and love.
“I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me
See like me or be like me
All I really want to do
Is, baby, be friends with you.” ~Bob Dylan
5.) The Gift of Positive Support:
I think just about everyone desires and craves the true support of a great friend or family member or others. Humans are social creatures and like to belong and be accepted and want positive encouragement. We may not always agree with something a family member or friend thinks or does but we should want to see the person happy and healthy no matter what. And we can still support a person, in general, even when that person does something we oppose or thinks something we disagree with.
As stated in the above gift description, we can gently and kindly state how we feel when necessary, and allow the person to think or do as s/he pleases without interference, rejection, and negative judgment. Unless a person is struggling with unsound judgment as a result of illness of any kind or alcohol or other drug intoxication, and wants to do something potentially life threatening to the person or others, we should support the person in her goals and be happy she is happy no matter what.
This also goes when a person accomplishes or attains something we wish we will gain or accomplish. A little bit of jealousy is a normal emotion and is Ok. But don’t let it destroy your friendships or other relationships and happiness for that person. People will always have things we want and can’t or won’t get but we can still be happy for them even though we may feel somewhat jealous or disappointed for ourselves not having it.
6.) The Gift of Sharing/ Self Disclosure (in the book) :
It is a true gift to others to hear of or read of your own problems and struggles, successes and dreams, pain, goals, failings, life lessons, and happiness. It can remind them that they are not alone and it can inspire them to feel happier and act on their dreams and it helps them get to know you and connect with you on a deeper level and trust you more. It may help them open up and share their own stories more comfortably. Sharing is caring! A healthy balance of Sharing with others and actively listening to them speak is amazing! What a true gift!
“What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.” ~ Muriel Rukeyser
7.) The Gift of Seeing the best in people (in the book) :
Everyone has things about them that are good and bad. No one is perfect in everyone’s eyes. Even the best people you know will have pain, setbacks, problems, failings, struggles, and negative aspects about their lives but instead of focusing on the worst in them, focus on the best!
Let the person know you cherish her/him and support her/him in her endeavors no matter what and that the good is what stands out. People want to be around those who lift them up and appreciate the great and not just criticize the bad. Think of your own “bad” or “negative” qualities. Would you like to be around people who can’t get over them and always point them out and criticize you over them? Or do you want to be in the company of people who love and nourish and cherish your amazing qualities and overlook and accept the bad? Give that gift to others! 😀
And try this: instead of saying “I love you but…..” try saying “….. but I love you!”.
8.) The Gift of letting them make their own decisions without negative judgment :
Many friends or others may want and seek your input on some things and want to know how you feel and if you are true, close friends, they will likely cherish and appreciate your desire to help and your willingness to open up and contribute to their lives. But this doesn’t mean they will or should always take heed of your suggestions or advice. In the end the decision is theirs. It is their life and they are responsible for their own life. The ultimate decision is theirs. They may not always make decisions that you like or want but you don’t have to negatively judge them or criticize them for it. And you don’t have to feel coldly rejected or seriously crushed if they should choose to not do what you suggest. It doesn’t mean they don’t value your opinions or take you seriously, just that in some cases, they have different needs or views. Provide your input and let them know you are right by their side no matter what they choose and if things do not work out well, you are still right here to help them see it through.
It is good for people to allow others the space and liberty to mess up, make mistakes, experiment, be uncertain, but still support them in their attempts and experiences with true, unconditional love, acceptance, and loyalty. What better gift in this life than a friend like this?!
9.) The Gift of True Empathy:
This isn’t to say we should “feel sorry” for people in an arrogant way as if we are somehow above that person or more fortunate than that person. It is to say that we should acknowledge that other people are just as sentient as we, ourselves are. They can feel like we can and they have needs and desires as well as we do. And we should really try to a certain extent to understand how that person must feel even if we haven’t experienced the exact same thing. Not to say “I know how you feel”. That can seem cold and like you are overstepping your boundaries. The truth is unless you can literally get into someone else ‘s head you don’t know exactly how that person feels whether or not you have similar experiences. But we can have some degree of understanding and much compassion and concern for another person. Whether we know the person or not.
We all have pleasure and pain, happiness and sadness, and we can use our imaginations and draw on our own experiences to empathize with someone even if our experiences aren’t exactly the same. Having empathy for animals is also important.
10.) The Gift of Unconditional Love:
True love, to me, is unconditional. If I truly love someone, no matter what that person says or does, I will continue to love. I may feel the need to distance myself in certain ways if that person is doing things, excessively, that are detrimental to myself but my love will not falter or decrease. This even goes for people who want to live without me in their lives. I will be unhappy, crushed, that they feel the need to abandon, reject, or give me up but I want them to be happy with or without me. And I will not stand in the way.
11.) The Gift of True Friendship:
As stated above, even if I must distance myself permanently or temporarily, if someone is my friend, I will always be here as a friend or supporter if that person should need or want me. I may never hang out with or have deep conversations with that person again but I can still wish her the best. I will not reject a friend over disagreements or differences no matter what. I want to know the good and the bad, the happiness and the sadness in the person’s life. I want to write or talk, just to say hello some occasions, I want to see the person and bask in his/her successes and be a true listener and console during moments of stress or pain. I don’t want to be an “occasional” or “seasonal” friend who comes and goes or one who makes pathetic excuses to never hang out. True friends are interested in the good and the bad and will put things on hold now and then to tend to their friends when they need or want them most.
12.) The Gift of Full Forgiveness:
For both you and the other person, forgive. Let go. Even if feelings of resentment or anger reappear every now and then, in general it’s best to accept and move forward, or move on and forget and not let your body frequently fill with fury and negative energy. And not throw a mistake a friend made back into that person’s face again and again or during different arguments. A True, genuine, strong, positive, loving friendship is definitely worth forgiveness. You don’t have to always forgive everything and everyone but in general it’s probably best to try to let your body relax and ease up. This isn’t letting the person off the hook or get over on you. It’s quite the opposite. The person hurt you but no longer has power over you or your life. And if that person is a true friend and is genuinely interested in your welfare that person deserves forgiveness. And you deserve the liberty that your forgiveness will bring you.
13.) The Gift of appreciation and expression : There’s nothing better than knowing a person genuinely appreciates you and all you do. Let your friend, lover, kids, coworker, doctor, secretary, maybe even a stranger and anyone else you appreciate know just how grateful you are for that person’s presence in your life or how that person has touched you for the better. Tell them in person, send them an electronic message, a phone call, a card, or small gift, a hug, anything….just let the ones you appreciate know somehow! It will make them so thrilled!
14.) The Gift of inspiration:
Be a positive, uplifting person. Speak positively of yourself and others and the life you are blessed to know. It’s uplifting and a good example to other people and will make you feel happier and uplifted too. Care for yourself and share your wisdom with others even though some people will not welcome it. Many will! This will inspire people around you to also love and care for themselves and others. If you come up with a great idea about anything or discover an inspirational quote or beautiful poem or photo, share it with people! Bring out the best in people. Smile. Make eye contact. Say hello. Be a blessing. Be a friend.
15.) The Gift of validation/letting others give to us:
Let people think and feel how they do instead of trying to emotionally force them to believe other things. Let them express it. Your input is good but degrading, denying, and ridiculing people’s emotions is not good. If someone is in a bad mood, trying to cheer that person up is sweet but telling the person to “get over it” or that there’s nothing to be feeling low about or criticizing the person ‘s low mood is often detrimental, aggravating, and not helpful.
You don’t have to lower your own mood to match theirs; you can find a good balance to console them.
And when someone pays you a sincere compliment, even if you disagree or are very modest, it’s good to just be happy the person feels that way about you! Saying things like “that’s not true!” or “you’re just saying that. ” or “No I’m not that good looking or intelligent ” will just invalidate the person’s positive feelings about you and deny the person the positive emotions of complimenting you. That person wants you to feel happy and pleased and the person really feels that way about you whether or not you feel it about yourself and it’s not good to tell that person s/he is wrong. A true compliment is a gift to you, why throw it back in the person’s face?! Just a sweet & simple “thank you” is a great response!
16.) The Gift of your life:
If the person is a true, trusted friend to you, share the good and the bad of your life and show genuine interest in the good and bad of that person’s. It’s not good to a person when you only want to vent or gossip and not tell your success and happy stories as well and if you have problems, big or small, a friend wants to know. So if you want to express them, don’t hold back! True friends are genuinely interested in the good and the bad. And it’s good to let your friends complain and vent to you about negative events in their lives and to take pleasure in their happiness. True friendship is about the good, the bad, everything….
“You’ve given me the best of you and now I need the rest of you.” ~ Billy Joel
17) The Gift of communication :
Tell your lover, family member, friend when that person is doing something to really affect you. If people are hurting you, they may not realize it or the extent of it. And it may not be intentional. They don’t always realize how much it impacts you. You can save a relationship or the quality of it by positively and effectively communicating. You can gently tell them that what they are doing is negatively affecting you and tell them you cherish your relationship with them and want to work on it for the better. And don’t just tell the bad things! Celebrate and acknowledge the good as well! Communication is very important in ANY kind of relationship!
These are just some things I find crucial to relationships of any kind and beautiful blessings to people. I believe they are good for people in general. And when you give these lovely gifts, you not only bless the person but you, yourself will be blessed. You may disagree with some of them or many of them. Or all of them?! ;-D
Lol
My intention is NOT to tell people what they should do or have to do or to negatively judge people who do not do these things! I don’t always do all of them myself and I make mistakes but I try my best to frequently live this way and I truly believe these are great and priceless gifts to others. I don’t like to tell people how they should live or what they should do! Who am I to do that! I’m in no position for that! Of course I’m not! But I do love to provide suggestions in case they will help people and share what helps and inspires me. If someone is not inspired and does not want to take my suggestions, that’s ok! Whatever floats your boat! 😉
Xox0 Kim
In May, this year, I turned 27 years old. I have learned much in my 27 years, inside of school and out of school. I find that many of the most important lessons are ones learned through experience (good & bad) , adversity , challenges, blessings, and some even through reading or hearing about or witnessing other people’s experiences and techniques. I decided to create a list of 27 of the most valuable life lessons I have learned in my 27 years. Here is in honor of the 27 years I have been blessed to know!
1.) Attitude & a strong and pleasant life Philosophy is just about everything. It usually doesn’t matter what happens to us, it’s how we respond and react to and view the situation or event, that contributes to or results in our happiness, joy, & peace of mind or suffering and chaos. We cannot always control every thought, every emotion, or our attitude at literally every second but with practice we can become good at basically & generally choosing how to respond and what thoughts and emotions we dwell on.
“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
2.) True, pure love is selfless. If I truly love someone, whether it’s in a platonic or romantic way, I want that person to be happy & healthy, & fulfilled with or without me no matter how painful it is to me. I won’t try to stand in the way, sabotage, or drag people down for leaving me or living their own lives even if I don’t agree or like it and even if the person’s plans don’t include me. “True love doesn’t have a happy ending; true love has no ending.”
3.) We all have things that someone else doesn’t have and we all lack things that others do not and we may want. We all possess certain characteristics or material possessions that others won’t. No matter what I have there is someone who has more and someone who has less. Someone who has better and someone who has worse. Someone who is more skilled and someone who is less skilled. Someone who can do the job better and someone who will do worse. And this fact will never change. But instead of dwelling on lack, I will dwell on abundance and gratitude, and blessing, for all that I do in fact possess and everything I am. Why focus on lack? We all lack something and always will. We all have something amazing and always will that we can focus on instead. And it’s a choice to see in terms of lack and loss or to see in terms of prosperity & abundance. It is best for me to fill my head with positive thoughts of abundance and gratitude, and blessings. We can just look around and look within and count our blessings. It may take some practice to begin to generally and frequently *feel* blessed and gratitude but if we develop the habit of looking and taking notice of the positive, we are likely to start feeling blessed and not just making lists of our blessings without truly feeling it. No one can replace YOU as the person you are. No one can be better at being you than you. If the grass appears to be greener on the other side, water your own grass.
““You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” ~ Sarah Ban Breathnach
4.) This world is full of ugliness, craziness, greed, tragedy, bad people, discrimination, inequality, and heartache. But it is also filled with beauty, love, perseverance, growth, friendship, kindness, blessings, consolation, lessons learned, hospitality, healing, hope, strength, and great, incredible, good people. When a tragedy occurs and it’s blown up in the media, we see strangers reach out in love and kindness to strangers willing and eager to help heal and allay the pain. We can focus on and dwell on the ugliness or learn to dwell on the beauty and healing instead. This is never to say we should ignore and deny pain and tragedy, we should definitely acknowledge it and make true attempts to help in any way we can but never let it drag us down and keep us there, seeing the world through negative, dark lenses. We will on occasion experience difficulty and be overwhelmed by what we witness and feel and experience and this is ok but we can muster up the strength and passion to go on positively and keep going and find joy in being alive.
When it rains it pours but soon the sun shines again.
“Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.” -Martin Luther quotes
5.) When you’re at your lowest point and can get no lower, the only way now is up. When you’re lower than your lowest depths of despair, there is a light above waiting to be seized and held. When it feels as if there’s no way out other than to stop existing, to stop breathing, there is new air, new life, and new opportunities to be felt and taken. No matter how low you are, you CAN get better. I know. “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” Winston Churchill
6.) No matter who you are or what you are, no matter how good or bad or average, there will ALWAYS be someone to want to drag you down, reject you, make fun of you, negatively gossip about you, make you feel low, point out only your flaws, magnify your imperfections, see you fall, laugh in your face, want you to lose, not like you and even loathe you. And there will be lots of people like this, the more people you meet and the more successful you become, the more likely you are to encounter negative people & rejection(and positive people too & acceptance). You cannot please or satisfy or be loved or liked by everyone. It’s not happening. And that is ok. When someone does not like you that is that person’s problem, don’t let it be yours! Be true to yourself. Love yourself. Live your dreams and plan your goals how YOU want, not how anyone else wants. And if you change to please a person who doesn’t like you now, then you’ll have someone else not like you. Trying to please everyone is not only detrimental to you, it’s not practical. It’s a physical impossibility. And you are under no obligation to dedicate your life to please anyone else at the expense of yourself. Be you. Love you.
“While it is natural to feel some degree of
need for the approval of others, be careful.
If you find yourself unwilling to
take actions that others disapprove of,
you have lost control of your own life
and have given your destiny to others.
An excessive need-for-approval
is a sign of low self-esteem,
and in severe cases, a condition termed co-dependency.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
7.) You’re never too old. It’s never too late as long as you’re living. You can wear cartoon characters on your clothes if you want, You can wear bright clownish/ parrot -like makeup as a middle aged or old woman if that’s what draws you. You can read children’s books and sleep with stuffed animals and that’s ok no matter what people say or think. As long as you’re mature enough to care for yourself and not hurt or interfere with others, it’s ok to be youthful and child-like and find wonder in every breath. Child-like is not the same as childish or immaturity. There are no 7 wonders in the eyes of a child; there are 700, 000 +. Go to college if you want, take fun classes, hold hands and giggle out in public, jump rope outside, wear those cupcake earrings….do what you want! Don’t let your age or what people think of it restrain you. “As long as you’re living no matter how long you have been traveling down the wrong road it’s never too late to turn around and start over.’ ~Unknown
8.) Kindness even to people we feel may not deserve it is a strength and not a weakness. We are not always kind and we do not always feel like being kind. Maybe sometimes we want to be vicious, even cruel but that accomplishes nothing but putting more pain out into a world where there is already too much. Avoiding this is a great strength. “Don’t treat people as bad as they are; treat them as good as you are. “. This is not being fake, it’s being mature enough to know that kindness and being civilized is better than drama and negative arguing and uncalled for negative encounters.
“The Old Ones have always said that no matter who despises or ignores you, no matter who keeps you from entering their circles, it is right to pray for them because they are like us, too.”. ~ Larry Aitken
“When you are in an upsetting situation, try loving everyone involved and pray for them, hard as they may be. Loving doesn’t mean sentimentality but rather a rational esteem for them as persons.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
9.) Money & material possessions and even a great job are not the only or ultimate successes. They are great and can bring us some senses, often fleeting, of happiness or thrill or make us happy about those specific things but they will likely not make us truly, genuinely happy in the truest, purest general sense. Love can do that, self- love and unconditional love for life itself. . Life -satisfaction as a whole can make us happy but material possessions often will not. We never need big things or lots of things to be truly happy. The simple and beautiful things can be enough if we let them. Look at the beauty of the sky. Soak in the beauty and richness of this life. The sunlight, the moonlight, the stars, your senses….we never need a reason to celebrate. No birthdays or anniversaries, LIFE itself is reason enough to jump for joy and celebrate! Sweet simplicity.
“Oh the wild joys of living! The leaping from rock to rock … the cool silver shock of the plunge in a pool’s living waters.”
Robert Browning
10.). You are the one ultimately in charge of your happiness and well being. Others can help greatly along the way but you are the one who has to work the hardest for yourself. Therapy can help but cannot, itself, cure you, most likely. Therapists can help, friends & family can help but you are ultimately responsible for yourself.
11.) I have the power to choose. I may not always feel like I am responsible for my circumstance but, ultimately, I am. Even the choice to do nothing is a choice. When I look at where I am right now and truly think about it, I will realize I play or have played a significant part in it. I may not have realized all along that I was making choices to get where I currently am but I was. This thought empowers me because I am aware that I can get where I want to be. If I am ultimately responsible for my pain, suffering, and unhappiness then I am also responsible for my happiness, joy, and fulfillment. I do not choose everything that happens to me but I choose how to respond and I have more control than I may sometimes think. Often, if I’m in a situation I do not like, I can think back and see how I was/am in some ways, responsible and I can now make more positive choices to change it. If I have a victim mentality that life merely happens to me, then I have no control but when I have a “life architect” mentality, that life responds to me and I have the ability to choose and proact, then I am empowered and in control.
I can’t choose and control everything but I can choose and control enough.
“Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
― William Jennings Bryan
12.) Many of us live in a stressful, fast paced, demanding society which pressures us into thinking we should live a certain way or we’re not living “right”. We’re expected to overwork ourselves or we’re “lazy” or “dependent” , to have families of our own by a certain age or we’re “old spinsters” or outcasts or “alone” or going against tradition. We are pressured to obtain advanced school degrees or have impressive jobs to bring purpose to our lives….but There is no one specific meaning or purpose of life. There is not a reason out there waiting to be grasped. We each create our own purpose and meaning. There is no “one size fits all”. Maybe it’s to have a job helping people, healing with compassion and kindness or being a stay at home mom, basking in the joys of being a mom or daddy, or maybe yours is a specific hobby like drawing or sculpting, or maybe you dedicate your life to research of some sort. Or maybe your purpose is simply to live, to be, to breath. Maybe you live for the simple moments, the beauty around you, to help people every chance you get, to inspire and to be happy just to be, to be the best you that you can be. Whatever you choose, that is ok. That is great. Find your purpose and embrace it. Live it. Love it.
“We’re so engaged in doing things to achieve purposes of outer value that we forget the inner value, the rapture that is associated with being alive, is what it is all about.”
― Joseph Campbell
13.) It’s ok if people don’t like you or appreciate you. It’s ok to be disliked by people, even ones who you really like. You CAN go on living. You CAN still succeed. If you like or love people who don’t like or love you back, it will hurt, but you can move forward and heal. Or stay stuck and dwelling on the fact and that is detrimental and will interfere with your growth. It’s healthy and it’s normal to want to be accepted and included. Humans are social creatures and have a need, a longing to belong but we do not need everyone to love us or accept us. Like yourself. That’s all that matters. And for all the people not liking you, there’s so many more who can and will, and already do like you.
14.) We don’t need a new year to start anew. How many people do you know who have goals and dreams they plan to achieve and realize at the start of a new year? They can’t wait for the current year to hurry up and end already. They get pumped and inspired and energized at the mere thought of a new year about to begin. And they make resolutions they plan to start on Jan. 1st. But imagine feeling that inspiration at ANY part of the year?! New Year is good & symbolic of new beginnings but new beginnings can happen anywhere, any place, any time. How about now?
15.) Everyone has pain and struggles and they all deserve love and compassion and empathy even when someone else’s problems seem worse. Just because a person has or seems to have a worse problem or greater pain than another, it doesn’t take away the person’s pain who seems to have a less severe problem. Everyone can benefit by kindness and empathy and having a loving, caring, active listener. There should never be a “pain contest or competition ” to see who has worse problems and pain and judge people negatively. What doesn’t seem so bad to you may be to someone else.
16.) About friends. Quality over quantity. One true friend is better than 20 or more acquaintances. And blood doesn’t really have to be “thicker than water”. True friends are better than family who doesn’t even care about or even think of you.
17.) Kindness & compassion should be bestowed in general, not just to people we know & love. We don’t have to like or love everyone equally, that is unrealistic anyway, but we can still be kind and empathetic in general. Remember each person you meet has a life and a story and a breath, pleasure & pain, needs & desires just like you and the ones you love.
18.) My intense, extreme empathy is a gift and a blessing to me and to others even when it feels like a curse. It’s good to care and have the true ability to deeply understand. I have the tendency to literally feel pain when someone else does. Feeling immense pain at the knowledge of someone suffering is often agonizing and sometimes despairing. But it helps me connect with people and provides me with more depth and the ability to identify with another even when I haven’t exactly experienced it myself. I would never say “I know how you feel.”. I don’t know how someone else feels and never will but I can understand to some degree and experience much compassion. But I would never overstep my boundaries and assume I know more than I do. That is pure arrogance. Some things I can never even begin to imagine but can still be understanding and compassionate. While I take on the world’s pain, I also have the ability of taking on the world ‘s pleasure and basking in the success and happiness of others even when I, myself am not feeling happy or successful. When one wins, we all win.
19.) The past can be a gift to guide us and doesn’t have to imprison us or hold us back. It can be our teacher. Let the bad strengthen us and the good bless us with sweet memories to cherish forever.
20.) Every person, young & old can teach us something valuable. No matter how pleasant or unpleasant that person or our encounter with that person is, we can learn something. Inspiration is everywhere.
21.) Life is a gift. It doesn’t have to be taken so seriously. Let small things slide. It can be painful and unpleasant but that is the price we pay for being blessed with a gift so priceless. If someone gives you a beautiful gift you were never entitled to to begin with (or even if you are) and it is an unexpected and truly incredible gift that just is shockingly beautiful but isn’t perfect, you likely would not complain about its flaws. You weren’t expecting it anyway. It wasn’t something that had to be given to you in the first place. So you would probably bask in it and cherish it and embrace or accept its flaws. Life is that gift.
22.) Other people are just as important as me even if we have strong opposing views. They are as convinced as I am. Their conviction, their compassion is as strong as mine is. And often, even their longing and attempts to do what is right and their sense of justice is as passionate as mine. They frequently have good intentions. And it’s wise to step outside of ourselves often and attempt to see how and why people do the things they do and feel the way they do even when it’s hard and startling. I may disagree with people, even get angry at them or their views but they deserve a chance and my respect. It’s ok to have differences. You don’t have to change your views but it’s good to make genuine attempts to understand a view other than your own.
23.) People are often misunderstood but well- intentioned. They often aren’t trying to be assholes or cruel even when it seems that way. Sometimes it’s thoughtlessness or differing points of views. It’s hard sometimes, to think about things and the world employing a perspective other than our own. I try to understand people as best as I can and give them a chance. I believe that people in general are basically good with good, selfless intentions but often seem cold, selfish, arrogant, and uncaring. Many people or their actions are just misunderstood and misinterpreted or miscommunicated. I try my absolute best to understand people and give them a chance.
24.). The present moment is the only moment. It is priceless and great. It is all we have right now. If you learn to live in the present you will be amazed. Let the past teach you and cherish your memories and plan appropriately for the future but LIVE for now. Then you won’t constantly mourn or be destroyed by your previous experiences and won’t fret or overly anticipate your future experiences.
25.) Pain can strengthen us and make us more whole than we were previously. Underneath my wholeness lies a broke- ness that has led me to where I am NOW. Beautifully WHOLE.
26.) People don’t have to be like me, think like me, look like me, live like me, or breathe like me to be beautiful like me.
27.) Age doesn’t matter as long as you’re alive. There’s no reason to wish to be younger or lie about or conceal your age. You don’t have to feel the desire to keep it a secret. Shout it off the roof tops! You are blessed, truly blessed to be your age. Every age has its blessing. However old you are now, you know more than when you were younger. You have likely evolved in ways that was not true before now. So why want to regress back to a less developed age? And if you want to be younger but know all you know now, what’s the point then anyway? It would be the same as now but just with a different numerical label. And maybe you look older now but so what? It’s part of the blessings of living. Your “flaws” are reminders of all you have survived and learned. You can feel young, BE young, at any age! Cherish it! Embrace it! Many people die tragically young. You are still here, allowed to live this long! Beauty deepens with age. It’s better to be over the hill than under it!! :-D. You are a survivor.
These lessons I find to be true to me; I do not attempt to force any of them upon anyone. You may disagree with me on some or all of them and that’s ok. Different people have different views. I hope you can find light & inspiration in some of them.
X0xo Kim
…. ..so you got to please yourself. ~ Rick Nelson
“May you soar on eagle wings, high above the madness of the world.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just be you. Which means, live how you see fit for you, not how you think you “should ” live. As long as
Continue reading
I love to help people whether or not I know them. I even help people I don’t like much. I don’t mind going out of my way for people even when I get nothing tangible or anything in return. I help so much that I often put my own plans and desires on hold so other people come first. This happens more often than not.
Just the feeling of helping and knowing they are happy is enough for me.
But there comes a point when people go overboard with their demands and requests. That point is when they take advantage because they see how much someone helps and never or almost never says “No”.
It’s great to sometimes put others before yourself and to say “YES!” to helping often but it’s NOT great to do this so frequently that you constantly put yourself out and are wearing yourself out to the point of physical and/or emotional exhaustion and it’s taking a toll on your body and self- esteem.
Lately I have been burdened by other people’s excessive requests for favors and demands to the extreme. People I never imagined would do this to me. Since I like these people and since I love to help people in general, I kept saying yes to their every request no matter how extreme and how frequent and how much it wore on me and put me out.
My mom was angry and said this is completely wrong of them to keep asking and me to keep saying yes. I was constantly canceling and rearranging my own plans and putting my desires and needs on hold or completely abandoning them for other people’s wishes.
To do this sometimes is good! But to do this to the point of exhaustion and especially when the person or people asking non stop are clearly taking advantage and milking you for all you got just because in their heads they “Know” you’ll say yes is just going overboard and it’s uncalled for and detrimental.
I believe it’s detrimental not only to the one doing all the excessive favors but even to those asking excessively. They need to be grounded, set-straight, “Put in their Place” if you will. They need to wake up and finally see that the world does not in fact, revolve around them and what they’re doing is wrong.
It’s just wrong to take advantage of somone’s caring and generous nature.
And on top of that I asked one of these people for one small favor which I rarely do and was told NO. So they know how to say no when they feel like.
And someone asking me constantly to put myself last has turned into a backstabber and needs to be told no once in a while.
Recently, I finally said “NO!” to someone. And my initial reaction was guilt and then regret. “I shouldn’t have said No.”. “Should I have said No?” “Why am I being Selfish?”. “This is so unlike Me.”. “I should have said Yes!”. “Maybe I should just go say Yes!” and on and on.
But my mom reminded me of all I have been doing for them. So much, my pain disorder began acting up and I still did more.
Then underneath the guilt and regret, I felt a sense of liberation and relief. It’s my obligation to take care of myself and if saying no every now and then is caring for myself then that is what I have to do.
I will continue to help people often and sometimes put my plans off or cancel them for others. But I made a vow to myself to care for me as well, not just everyone else.
I don’t like when people are disappointed or angry and I definitely do not ever want to be the source of their pain but it’s not my job to wear myself out just to please people who purposely milk me for all I’m worth and turn into backstabbers.
No one is more important than anyone. No matter what.
If you want to say NO to someone who has been taking full advantage of your generosity and caring tendencies, say it! Scream it off the rooftops! Say NO! And if you want, don’t even explain. Don’t even say sorry if you don’t feel like it. Just a big NO will do. NO!
Say YES to yourself for once. And then make a habit of it.
As the saying goes, “People will treat you how you let Them.”. Not everyone takes advantage but those who do , pick up on how you are and how you react. They see how you usually are and then they base their treatment of you on that. So stand up for yourself. You’re worth it.
“That you may retain your self-respect, it is better
to displease the people by doing what you know is right,
than to temporarily please them by doing what you know is wrong.”
– William J. H. Boetcker
“Perhaps the surest test of an individual’s integrity
is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect.”
– Thomas S. Monson
“Self-respect is often mistaken for arrogance
when in reality it is the opposite.
When we can recognize all our good qualities
as well as or faults with neutrality,
we can start to appreciate ourselves
as we would a dear friend
and experience the comfortable inner glow of respect.”
– Osho
“Self-respect is not a function of size, age, or wealth.
Breathe deep, sing loud and sweet,
I am me, I am unique, I am magnificent.”
– Jonathan Lockwood Huie
“When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.”
~Paolo Coehlo
Here’s to saying YES to yourself!!!
Xox0 Kim 😀
We may not always realize this fact but one life or one word can impact another life, deeply, for better or for worse. There may be someone you don’t even realize exists and your life affects that person in some way, big or small.
Recently I moved into a new house with my family and out in the back is another house and the backyard to that house is against the backyard to my house. A man used to live there who I saw everyday out in the back. He may never have really noticed me but I noticed him.
One thing I noticed was that his house was constantly lit up in the back. His kitchen light was always on.
And during the holiday season his house was decorated and all lit up beautifully with all kinds of sparkling, glittery decor and lights. I loved seeing it everyday until the season ended.
Then over a month ago he got a new pitbull puppy who he let out in the yard all throughout the day and night and my big pitbull loved that little dog. They would look at each other through the fence. But then one day the man did not have the dog anymore.
He was just gone. And my dog would go to look for him all throughout the day, everyday for a while. The puppy wasn’t there very long at all but my dog already got used to him and wanted him back.
Then shortly after the dog was gone, the man was also gone.
His house is completely dark day and night now and I never see him anymore. I’m not generally a nosy or intrusive person.
But I do wonder why the man disappeared like that. Maybe he just moved.
My mom said maybe he got sick or died. But I don’t like to think about that. I want to think he moved or is on vacation. A young couple who is his family who came sometimes, came after he left for a while and then they were gone too.
I woke up during the night recently and I realized how much I miss seeing him, seeing the lights, the decorations, the puppy…
Not in a creepy, stalkerish way. I just miss the simple things.
This man probably has no idea that his life has an effect on mine. I did not know him, never spoke to him, don’t know his name or anything at all about him yet I was touched in some way by his presence in this life.
❤
This Winter that was just here, one day when I was in Center City Philadelphia on a bus going home, I saw a person holding a sign that read “Homeless & Addicted”.
This person was collecting money. Usually, although not always, when I see homeless people, they are middle age or old and they are men and often unclean looking and ragged/scraggly. I definitely don’t judge them negatively by their looks or anything at all. This is just my observation. And I wish I were able to help them in any way I can.
This person I saw on a frigid cold freezing day, is a young woman with long hair and she was very clean looking and her clothes were clean looking.
She was sitting on a street corner where the bus I was on stopped for a few minutes.
Through her physical beauty I was able to detect pain in her eyes. And I could not have imagined sitting on a street corner for who knows how long on one of the coldest Winter days of the year.
And on top of that struggling with an addiction and nowhere to go.
I instantly had the urge to get off the bus and approach her. I had no money and I guess giving her money wouldn’t have been the best idea anyway since she was struggling with an addiction of some sort.
But I felt a strong need to do something for her. Or say something uplifting. The bus began to move and I contemplated getting off the bus and bringing her home with me.
But since I don’t live alone I knew it would not go over too well. My family would have been pissed and turned her away at the door.
So I stayed on the bus. Reluctantly.
I wondered about her life (in a non judgmental way) and what horrible things must have happened to contribute to her sitting on a street corner, alone, in the midst of freezing Winter air.
I felt complete empathy & compassion for her as I thought of my own life.
I am not homeless. I am not addicted. I have never sat alone out in unbearably cold air or any weather collecting money. And I can never pretend to know what any of that is like for someone.
But somehow, somewhere deep inside me, something in me connected with her, resonated with something in her eyes.
I only saw her for a few minutes out the window that one day and never again.
But those few minutes impacted me in some way.
Even stops later I thought about getting off the bus and going back. Maybe I would have if I had more money.
Maybe I could have bought her something hot to drink to get her out of the cold for a while or maybe I could have been a friend to her for a day.
But none of that happened.
I told my mom about her and she told me I better never bring a homeless person home. She also said that the girl may not have been homeless and just pretending, to get money.
But whatever her true circumstance, I know she was desperate to be collecting money in the freezing, painful cold.
❤
One day recently I was in a store and for some reason I had a flash back of when I was in middle school out in the schoolyard on a Windy day. My long waist length hair was blowing in the wind.
One of the girls I was standing with said to me “Do something with that ugly hair.”
And another girl quickly responded with “Her hair is not ugly; she has very pretty hair.”
That was well over a decade ago but even today I can smile at the compliment of the sweet girl who defended me. Over a decade later I can still feel her words today. It’s not just what she said but the fact that she was kind enough to want to help me and compliment me. I can still feel the warmth of her words. There are lots of people like that in this world. Ones who want to help and heal and be friendly and express kindness. And there are also lots like the other girl was that day who want to offend and be vicious and negative.
But it’s much, much better to focus on the kindness of people than the cruelty of others.
❤
One day approximately one year ago I was at work when a lady brought an add for a Beef & Beer for a young woman who was recently diagnosed with Leukemia and her family was struggling with her medical expenses and because of her illness she was out of work.
She was 24 years old then.
I looked at the ad and saw a picture of a beautiful young woman with a bright smile and with no hair. I never knew her or heard of her before that day but I saw that her family lives somewhat close to where I live.
It hurt me to know how sick she was and the physical & emotional pain that comes along with this terrible disease and all the pain her family & friends, and others close to her had to endure.
I looked at her picture and wished so desperately that I could just take away her sickness. But I knew that’s beyond my control.
So I walked away feeling helpless. Then suddenly I remembered there are e-mail addresses on the ad.
So I chose one and e-mailed asking the person to tell me anything at all I can do to help support the young woman and her family/friends in any way at all that I could.
The sister of the girl wrote back to me and said she was very grateful for my desire to help and that her family would appreciate if I would buy some things such as eating utensils and small gifts for the raffles at the beef & beer. I was not able to attend it because of work but I was definitely able to send in some gifts for the family and the girl.
My dad helped me buy some things. And I took it to the girl’s mom’s work. When I went in to take the gifts a sweet and friendly lady asked how she can help me. I explained that I was not there for service but to drop off some things for the young woman and it turned out that the lady I was talking to is that girl’s mom.
I could see in her eyes that she was deeply touched and even surprised.
She told me how incredibly grateful and moved she was that I wanted to help her.
After the beef & beer ended I received a beautiful thank you e-mail by her sister. I was never expecting it and her sister did not have to be so kind. She told me how great and successful the event was and how thrilled her sister was and how much fun her sister had at her event.
I loved knowing that her sister and everyone had a lot of fun and that the event was so successful. ❤
I also “liked” the girl’s facebook page and I was able to tell by her statuses that she is a very, very positive young woman. Even through her sickness she wrote of how happy and thankful she is and how much she loves everything. She wrote about how difficult her illness and the treatments are but that she still was so happy.
Her strength astounded me when I felt everything she wrote.
I’m thankful for the lady who brought that ad to my work to help that girl. Because of her, I also got a chance to help.
So….
My point in this post is that words and actions and intentions can have an impact even years later so we should watch what we do and say. We may not realize the true and full impact our words, actions, or lives have or will have on others. You may think your words won’t matter at all or as much as they really will.
If you say something to hurt it may hurt much more than you intended. And if you say something to heal, your words can be much more healing or comforting than you ever thought imaginable.
And if someone has a problem that you have never struggled with yourself and maybe never will and even if you are not close to anyone with that kind of problem, you can still have empathy and compassion for that person.
You don’t have to know exactly what it’s like to have concern and to care for that person.
Also, we all have or have had some sort of problem or some kind of pain, either a little bit or a lot and we can draw on that to be more empathetic to others even with problems and pain different than our own.
And there is often something we can all do to help another. It may not be something that seems really big or important to us but to that one person at that one moment it can be the world. So reach out your hand to someone in need.
“Today will never come again. Be a blessing. Be a friend. Encourage someone. Take time to care. Let your words heal, and not wound.” ~Unknown
“Always go that extra mile, it’s never crowded.”
“How wonderful that no one need wait a single moment to improve the world.”
—Anne Frank
“I wondered why somebody didn’t do something. Then I realized, I am somebody.”
—Source Unknown
“Not being able to do everything is no excuse for not doing everything you can.”
—Ashleigh Brilliant
“Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.”
—Edmond Burke
“I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything; but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.”
Edward Everett Hale
X0xo Kim ❤
<s
trong>Just a thought of mine on sharing personal stories of pain and strength & perseverance with people.
I believe sharing stories of pain is a good thing. One reason is it is potentially healing for both the speaker and listener. And people can get positive feedback and different kinds of support/help. Some people claim that sharing personal stories of pain is done out of desire for sympathy & wanting attention and a sign of weakness and drama-loving. This is not always true in the sense that they claim. Anyone who talks wants attention, the attention of the listener or person being talked to. We all do things for attention in that sense so it’s true in that way.
But not everyone who shares personal struggles is doing that for extra attention just to get people to feel sorry and “fall all over them” or have drama. It helps to express pain & sorrow. It helps the person expressing it and it even has the potential to help the listener. Hearing other people stories can inspire us and let people know they aren’t alone and help people get new ideas of things that may help them.
I have heard of debates with medical doctors as well as psychotherapists and counselors. Should they share their own pain and personal struggles with patients? People often disagree on this topic. Since I’m not a doctor or therapist of any kind I may be over stepping my boundaries in some way but I am a patient and someone who thinks so I guess I’m somewhat qualified to answer that! Lol 😉
I believe it’s definitely ok and helpful for doctors/therapists to share their own pain or stories to a certain degree. Of course if you’re a health professional of any kind you don’t want to take over the entire session and turn it all on you but sharing a brief story or comment is very helpful to certain people. I guess you have to use your intuition and certain signs the people display to tell you what patients may benefit and which ones likely will not. But doctors/therapists are people too and have their own struggles and pain and it’s ok to talk about it and express it.
So, no, not everyone who expresses pain is an attention seeker in the way people are saying. And anyway, there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little bit of sympathy & understanding for true problems and pain; it helps with healing & recovery for both mental and physical conditions. It can be helpful. We just should not create or make up pain & problems just for sympathy.
Peer specialists are people who are certified in helping others who struggle with some of the same mental health conditions/addictions as they have struggled with at one point. They are people in recovery who are doing well and now have a strong desire and are specially qualified to help others who are in a place similar to the place they were once in. They are required to share their own pain & struggles in a special way that can benefit their peers.
I am currently attempting to become a certified peer specialist. I have to get accepted into the training to become certified and then apply for a job with the new qualifications and certificate.
I have filled out an application and got a recommendation letter and my resume! I think the only thing that would make me not get accepted is the fact that I don’t have much work experience in the area of mental health but I’m going to try anyway to get accepted and be optimistic and hopeful!!
I am very open to listening to other people’s problems.
Sharing is caring!!! ❤ ❤ ❤
🙂 😀
