In my opinion, our compassion is best when it embraces all sentient beings.
Reasons:
1.) Our suffering is all the same whether we’re good or bad. 2.) At best, suffering does the world no good, and at the worst, it makes the world worse for everyone 3.) Ultimately, the “bad people” are like victims of their circumstances- this is not to say we have no choice, but our choices are often influenced by various factors, our mental health, our life circumstances, our upbringing, our culture, our privilege or lack of… and sometimes without us fully realizing the consequences or that we have other options. I don’t believe that under the best circumstances, anyone would essentially choose to be a terrible person. 4.) Our own minds are more peaceful when we wish others well.
This post is inspired by all the (understandable) enthusiasm I have been seeing about Donald Trump’s medical condition and all the wishes that more bad things happen to him.
I don’t believe he can be rehabilitated. I believe he’s a bad person and that there’s no hope for him. I am not one of those loving people who believe everyone is truly good and that everyone can be rehabilitated with lots of love and care. I think Donald Trump was born with the predisposition for being a “bad person.”
His condition reminds me of my condition, but mine is not serious. It can be painful but is not life or health threatening. I have jugular vein insufficiency and insufficiency of a few other veins in my neck because of an obstruction in my head. The obstruction is also not life threatening. The blood leaving my brain to go to my heart through these veins, can’t get there because of the veins being impinged on. So, the blood backs up into my head. Many veins are all doing the same job, so it doesn’t matter. It’s harmless. The blood is still getting to my heart.
I have recurring unbearable headaches associated with it, though. The headaches are 10/10 pain, at least within their own context. I guess when compared to some other kinds of pain, they would be less than 10 on a pain level scale. But like within the context of headaches. They bring me to the floor. I have been bedridden for days sometimes. I think it’s the obstruction itself that causes the headaches, not the vein insufficiency or blood backing up. That can cause severe pain, too, though, among many other things. When I have these headaches or think of them, my empathy for others becomes boundless.
Mine doesn’t cause swelling, but you can see the jugular vein bulging out of my neck. I had to have scans a couple of years ago to see why it was suddenly protruding and so prominent. The doctors were concerned it could be a blood clot somewhere causing it. But it turned out to be nothing serious. I convinced myself I was dying and had six months left to live (certain kinds of cancer can cause it to bulge, and when it’s to that point, the average person only lives around six months. I convinced myself I had that), and my heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof in a doctor’s office. They had to tell me to calm down and to stay off Google 😆
I don’t want him as President, he’s absolutely repulsive. He has no redeeming qualities. None. But I don’t wish him or anyone to be sick. I don’t believe anyone deserves to be sick any more than I do. We are all equal in our suffering and in our comfort. The goodness or lack of it in us, is irrelevant in this context. If Donald Trump was afflicted with one of my headaches, he would suffer the same as me. All sentient beings essentially want to live and be healthy. We all suffer the same. The headaches this brings me, I would wish on absolutely no one. I literally cannot bear the mere thought of someone else, even him, enduring what I do when a headache hits.
I believe the world would be a significantly better place if everyone was happy (not at the expense of others, but sincerely happy) & healthy. It’s people who are unhappy and hurt who hurt others. Happy, well rounded, people don’t go around tormenting anyone else. There are absolutely people who get off on hurting others (he’s one of them), it makes them happy. But that’s not genuine happiness, it’s happiness that often relieves whatever unhappiness that afflicts them. If they were genuinely happy, they would not inflict pain upon others.
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Most of us have probably experienced this on a lesser scale, like for example, when we’re in a bad mood so we get snippy with someone when it’s not warranted. It’s displaced anger or annoyance. We may not usually do this, even when unhappy, but most of us have probably more than once been less than kind, when in a bad mood, to someone who did not deserve it. These people, though, live a life of that because they are always unhappy and are the kind of people who want others to suffer, too.
I don’t believe that everyone is basically good. But I think their lack of goodness is the result of their own suffering. Some people are born (and maybe upbringing often plays a part, but I think they have inherent or genetic inclination for it to begin with) never developing basic human abilities/emotions, like the ability for empathy and compassion. This does not result in true happiness. It results in the desire to hurt others, it brings them a superficial happiness. Donald Trump hurts everyone. And he gets off on it. He loves it. But we see he’s not a happy person.
Why do we think bitter, miserable people often insist on hurting others? Because it brings them relief or pleasure. They are seeking what we all seek. It’s just for them, their suffering influences it.
Wishing further suffering on them has no practical benefits. If anything, it only serves to perpetuate their abuse as their own suffering is the source of it anyway, and it doesn’t make our own mind any more positive or loving. It may bring us a moment of satisfaction again & again. But I don’t think it has any real value. At least wishing others well has potential to bring us inner peace, and then we’re more likely to interact positively with others.
Not all seemingly terrible people really are. Unlike Donald Trump, some can change. It’s dependent on the reason they are how they are.
I believe that if we were all given the choice before being born, to be a good and happy person or a bad and suffering person who goes to great lengths to inflict that suffering upon others, all of us would have chosen to be happy and healthy and good and someone who wishes that for every other being as well. Ultimately, no one chooses to be what Donald Trump is. Yes, he chooses to do bad things within the confines of the existence he was given. He’s a despicable person. Nothing changes that. But I don’t believe for a second that he would have chosen this if the uni-verse gave him a choice when he was still a “clean slate” if ever he even was. He was born suffering or was brought up to suffer, and now he wants the rest of us to suffer along with him.
Some people’s suffering inspires deeper empathy for others, but for others, it doesn’t, it has the opposite effect and inhibits empathy instead.
As the cliche goes, “Hurt people, hurt people.”
Suffering begets more suffering.
This doesn’t mean we always have to speak warm & kindly to everyone. Sometimes, people have to be told off & judged harshly and not get what they want. Some people need a firm ass kicking. It just means we don’t have to wish suffering upon them.
I believe it does no good to wish pain & suffering on others.
I wish he was happy & healthy and not born a psychopath. Me wishing that does no practical good either, though. But I think the world would be better and most of us more peaceful if more of us wished good things on people instead of bad.
People have countered my sentiment, saying anger & hatred fuel us to act for good. While that is sometimes true, compassion & love can fuel us just the same. Anger & hatred feel unpleasant and can get out of control and influence us to do things that are destructive to ourselves and others. Love & compassion can never go wrong. As I said, it doesn’t necessarily have to be warm and sappy and “feel good” feelings. It can be firm & harsh but still love. When anger & hatred frequently consume us, it leads to stress, depression, anxiety, physical ailments. When compassion & love consume us, it only leads to good.
I don’t know the source of this quote, the name here may not be accurate. I also see it attributed to Shantideva.
I have wished bad things on people before, and I probably will again. But that’s not the philosophy I hold, it’s when I give into raw emotion that I allow to overtake me and blind me. I always find my way back to me, the authentic me who knows the truth, that wishing suffering on others isn’t the way.
If I could, I would flip a switch and turn all the suffering in the world off, even for “bad people.” I would in a heartbeat.
Think about it, there must be higher love Down in the heart or hidden in the stars above Without it, life is a wasted time Look inside your heart, I’ll look inside mine Things look so bad everywhere In this whole world, what is fair? We walk blind, and we try to see Falling behind in what could be
Bring me a higher love Bring me a higher love Bring me a higher love Where’s that higher love I keep thinking of?
(I have sunscreen & olive oil on my skin/hair, so if I look greasy, that’s why 😆)
I’m bleeding out So if the last thing that I do Is bring you down I’ll bleed out for you So I bare my skin And I count my sins And I close my eyes And I take it in I’m bleeding out I’m bleeding out for you, for you
I donated platelets! Just eight days after donating whole blood!
This is my first platelet donation in a few years.
It takes hours hooked up to a machine with a needle and tube in both arms, for platelet donation. We’re restrained and can only move our legs and neck. The arms have to lay straight, can’t bend them or anything, the tubes in each one are hooked up to a machine. Can’t even look at our phone because we can’t hold anything. They do put a movie on for us. I watched “Jaws,” and the Red Cross nurse said “You picked a hell of a movie to watch while donating blood.” 🤣
Getting an itch or runny nose is the worst, there’s nothing that can be done about it. Just have to let the snots drip and itch go unscratched. I have allergies, so I tend to sneeze/get a runny nose. If you sneeze, you can’t cover your mouth & nose lol Awkward
The machine takes our blood through one arm and takes the platelets out of the blood, then it puts the rest of our blood back into our body through the other arm. They also have to inject us with stuff to reduce risk of blood clot and whatever else. It’s very, very, very rare, but I recently learned there’s a risk of death while donating platelets or any blood, even the simple whole blood routine. Say what??? Apparently, the risk is so low it’s not even worth mentioning to us, but I read it online.
It’s freezing cold when donating platelets. It’s something to do with whatever is happening to the body. It happens to anyone who donates platelets. It feels like being in a freezer even if the room is heated. They put a heated blanket on us and give us hand warmers, but eventually the heat runs out. We can probably request more.
They said most people don’t have this problem, but it makes me sick and lightheaded. Platelet donation always has. I feel like I’m going to pass out, even laying down. The feeling comes & goes throughout the donation. When I walk out after it’s over, I feel “under the weather.” I’m also all stiff because of not moving for hours. It also makes my whole face tingle and my fingertips. I don’t have this experience when donating whole blood, which is what I usually donate. I think it’s side effects of whatever they’re injecting me with, not the loss of platelets/blood doing this. There was one point where I thought, yeah, I’m not doing this again. Ever. Like ever. The next day, I’m back to my usual self.
The Red Cross said they need my platelets more now because of the ongoing platelet shortage crisis. We can donate once a week. They said the platelet crisis is extreme, there are so many more in need than are donating.
I guess I’m going to have to suck it up.
Me, after donating whole blood recently. (Again, the oily look is because I put various things on to protect my hair & skin against the elements)
It’s amazing that there are people sitting there hooked up to a machine for hours having parts of their body taken out for complete strangers. The Red Cross doesn’t pay their donors, but they occasionally give gifts and prize opportunities. They especially love platelet donors (and O blood donors because it’s the most needed blood type). The donors are getting nothing tangible out of it.
I was pleasantly surprised at how many other platelet donors were in there donating.
For the people who say people suck and there are no more good people, let’s remember our platelet donors. They are laying there for hours on a machine, some every week, giving parts of their own body away for people they’ll never meet. They aren’t just giving their body parts away but a significant amount of their time and some of their own comfort & health. And getting nothing in return.
I’m not a dedicated platelet donor, but there are people who are. There are people who haven’t missed a donation in many years. I would like to donate once a week and have tried before, but they said my body doesn’t produce enough platelets to keep giving them away. It only really makes enough for itself. Stingy bone marrow. Lol I also don’t want to risk becoming anemic, which can happen with frequent blood donation. I probably won’t donate every week, but if I have enough, I’ll try to frequently.
Donated platelets often go to cancer patients and organ transplant patients when theirs are too low.
I’m glad I donated, and even though it kind of makes me sick, it also uplifts me to know it’s going to help someone else, likely cancer patients. They have to sit in a chemo chair every week and a platelet transfusion chair, having no choice, I’m just in the donation chair, which is a gift. The least I can do is share that fortune with someone else. That’s the thought that motivates me to keep going. 💚
Yes, I have had two surgeries under general anesthesia. (Also had minor oral surgery while awake)
In 2007, when I was 20 years old, I was in unbearable pain off & on. I thought nothing of it because the episodes were brief, and I was young enough back then not to give a second thought to my health or mortality. Lol Those were the days.
I was about to turn 21 years old. Then, not long after turning 21 years old, I woke up fatigued, with chills, and as sick as I have ever been with a terrible, persistent throbbing ache in my side. It traveled up my back and stopped at a certain point and at that point turned into severe sharp pain that felt like broken glass moving around in the spot that I later found out is my kidney. It wouldn’t let up and kept worsening throughout the day. I tried getting a shower that morning and was too sick and weak and in too much pain. I slid down into the bathtub, leaning against it with my head on the side as the shower water was streaming onto me.
This was so unusual for me. I was always young and healthy, never even so much as a cold.
I knew something was very, very wrong. Intuitively, I just knew I would need surgery but had no idea what was happening inside me. I kept telling myself it’s just a badly pulled muscle and putting off going to a hospital. Everyone said it was probably my appendix because my age was a common age for it back then. And it was on the side where the appendix is and the same symptoms except I also had kidney pain.
I could feel something inside me about to rupture. I felt the pressure building up and the pain. Eventually, I knew I had to go to a hospital that day. My dad came home early after work and took me to a hospital emergency room where I found I needed emergency kidney surgery under general anesthesia because of a potentially life threatening complication of a kidney stone that got stuck in my kidney and was obstructing it & the ureter. There was no time to wait for other options, like to see if the stone would move. They said it was lodged into the kidney and blocking the ureter. It could no longer do its job. The kidney shut down and was enlarged. I only had one functioning kidney. Waiting could result in rupture, permanent damage, or even necessary kidney removal.
The doctors said it was very unusual for that to happen to someone as young as I was and to a woman. It usually happens to older men when it does.
They were confident enough but weren’t certain they could save the kidney or that it wouldn’t have some extent of lasting damage. Thankfully, the kidney made a full recovery. They said I got there just in time.
My recovery was extremely difficult, both physically & emotionally. I struggled hard every day with the pain and fact of not being my usual healthy self. I was sick and weak and in the worst pain everyday.
Back then, it was the most painful experience of my whole life.
My urologist back then told me it would likely happen again, that it usually happens more than once when it happens to someone, especially when it happens to a young person. But he did say a helathy diet can make it less likely.
Almost, twenty years later, and thankfully, it never happened again. I was told by my doctors more recently that as long as I drink an adequate amount of water each day, I can likely avoid any more kidney stones.
I do not recommend this experience. Please drink your water and flush out those kidneys. You do NOT want this. At best, it’s excruciating, at worst, you can lose a kidney (or even die). I almost did and can speak firsthand, which makes me an expert who you should listen to 🤣😂
Around seventeen years later, I had another surgery. Kidney related also. I gave my kidney (the one that kept me alive back then when this one shut down) to a man who was dying of kidney failure. You can read about that here. 💚💙 Best thing I ever did. 🫘 I wish I had more kidneys to give. If I could, I would give a kidney to everyone who needs one (with the exception of people who would use it to inflict suffering on others, as I don’t wish to enable that, but they aren’t too common).
I met Greg when he was on dialysis. Now he’s healthy enough to do everything! In 2023, my mom told me about a Philadelphia man, who was a stranger to me, in urgent need of a new kidney. He wasn’t close enough to the top of the wait list. I looked him up on Facebook & offered him my kidney. It was the easiest decision in the world for me to make. There was no hesitation. I always wanted to regift one of my kidneys to a stranger because I have always had the gift of perfect health & wanted someone else to have that, too. I was already planning on giving one of my kidneys to “the next person on the wait list.”
Greg & me turned out to be not only a perfect match but only living fifteen minutes apart! It turned out that Greg was not cleared for transplant. My clearance for donation was running out. Eventually, I would have had to do the six month long medical/psych evaluation all over again with no guarantee that I would be accepted again. They’re very strict.
So, on 1/16/2024, I did what I always planned and donated my kidney to the next person who could use it, which happened to be a 50 something year old man in Minnesota who I never met & have no contact with. Since I did this through the National Kidney Registry, I was given a kidney voucher to give to anyone in the country. I gave it to Greg, and a year after my kidney donation, Greg received his new kidney through my donation to someone else.
Two lives saved through my one donation! Now I have two kidney brothers. Maybe I’ll meet the other one someday. In May, Greg & me had the honor of being invited to Penn Transplant Institute’s first living organ donor celebration! I am Penn’s first living donor to sign their Donate Life flag that will be hung up at the transplant center!!
🖤
Greg always wanted to do the 3k walk for organ donation, & this year was the first he was healthy enough with his new kidney. We did the walk together!
I’m just as healthy & energetic as I was with two kidneys. The joy of my experience never fades.
My body “lost” a kidney, but I gained a lifelong friend.
What a joy, what a life!
Our story is one for the books!
Donating my kidney is the best thing I ever did. I always say I wish I had 100 more kidneys to give to 100 more people. 💙🫘💚
“The first sip is joy, the second is gladness, the third is serenity, the fourth is madness, the fifth is ecstasy.” 💕☕️
Today, I turned another year older, and Starbucks & Wawa gave me a free coffee! Lol I was so happy. At Starbucks, I got to choose anything I wanted. I chose this cherry chai latte. Yum! 🍒 It’s so pretty!
Recently, I had a trip to a hospital emergency department for a tooth infection that spread everywhere. My face was swollen, and I was in agony. My second emergency room visit in three months because this tooth is giving me problems. I’m a lot better now. Let’s hope this is the last of this tooth causing me issues. It has to be extracted. I was cursed with bad teeth, it runs in my family. I need full dentures. I’m working on that now.
Anyway, this is me today! I took this picture by accident when I was trying to fix my hair. Lol I had my phone against a wall. Not bad for being nearly 40 years old! 😆
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After medical testing at the hospital recently, I found out I am in perfect health (other than the infection ravaging my face lol). Everything is perfect, nothing even slightly off. My solitary kidney is now functioning at almost 100%! That’s wild. Lol It’s literally doing the work of two helathy kidneys. I recently walked for EIGHT hours without stopping! I began at 8:00am and continued til 4:00pm when I got home. I wish I would have remembered to put a step counter on my phone!
I recently did a 3k walk with my friend/kidney recipient. With his new kidney, he was healthy enough this year to do the walk! Because I donated my kidneyto “the next person on the wait list” in the U.S., I was given a kidney voucher to give to anyone I want so that person can get a new kidney soon. I looked for a sick stranger because I did not know any sick people. I found out about a man who lives close to where I do in Philadelphia and gave him the kidney voucher. He got his new kidney through my donation, and now we are good friends! 💙💚
So, just sharing this brief life update! I haven’t posted in a while. I want to get more storage space.
(Words are censored because I posted this on Facebook first and pasted here. Posts can be flagged for words like “blood.” It’s dumb lol “Dumb” would have to be censored on Facebook lol I don’t promote censorship, myself.)
Today is #LivingDonorDay !!! 💙💚
Some body parts we can donate while alive are:
1.) B.lood products 2.) A kidney 3.) A portion of our liver 4.) A portion of our pancreas 5.) A lobe of a lung 6.) Our heart, the whole thing (very, very rare for a living person to donate their heart. Only people with lung failure who get a lung transplant can donate their healthy heart, and they will receive a new heart with their new lungs. The deceased donor gives both together. So their heart gets replaced as soon as it’s removed. This is because some lungs function better with their own heart {the lungs’ own heart} or something like that.) Almost no one knows this is a thing. Even organ donor advocates don’t know it. Lol 7.) A part of our intestines 8.) Stem cells/bone marrow
There may be more that I’m not remembering or don’t know about.
Some people are double living organ donors and donate two organs while alive! Usually a kidney and part of the liver. The last I saw, there’s only like less than 300 double living donors in the U.S. since the 80’s. Not 300 a year but 300 ever. So, it’s quite rare. But, it’s more common than people think. Many of them donate a kidney to a stranger and their liver to a different stranger. Some donate first to someone they know, and love the experience so much they donate again but to a stranger.
When we donate a kidney, the remaining kidney will become enlarged to compensate. Some kidney donors have literally the kidney function of someone with two healthy kidneys where doctors can’t tell by test results that they only have one (like mine – my kidney function is so good that it looks like I still have two when my function is tested). And others have a kidney that functions adequately enough but has the function of only one kidney and may look like kidney disease on test results. But, it’s not, it’s just one kidney.
To donate a kidney, we have to have enough kidney function that even when it declines with aging, we’ll still have enough to last for life. Some people have good kidney function but not enough to share. We have to have above average. My kidney function with two kidneys was almost as good as a teenager’s at nearly forty years old! Lol
When we donate a liver lobe, the remaining portion expands to the size of a full liver and is fully functioning. In the recipient, the same happens. The donated portion expands to a full liver size and functions just as well. Someone cannot donate their liver more than once because it doesn’t literally grow back. It’s just the one portion getting larger.
https://www.matchingdonors.com (like a dating website but instead it’s for people to find their perfect DNA match lol It’s for potential recipients to find a donor or potential donors to find a recipient. Some people wanting to donate to strangers prefer to choose a person instead of donating to whoever is next in the system/on the wait list, which is a random anonymous stranger we may never get to know or may not like)
💚💙🫘
#organdonorssavelives #donatelife
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It’s 4/2 today but will show up as 4/3 because I’m posting this in the evening and too lazy to mess around with it to change it lol.
“The road is long With many a winding turn That leads us to who knows where Who knows where But, I’m strong Strong enough to carry him He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother So, on we go His welfare is my concern No burden is he to bear We’ll get there For I know He would not encumber me He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother💙
I did not want to trick anyone for a few seconds but couldn’t think of a more fitting title to this post. Lol
OMGOMGOMG!!!
I received some HAPPY news!! It made my heart skip a beat, literally lol. It’s like something inside me shifted in a deep way, and I’m not the same me I was before. And, I just have to share!
I’m not having a baby, but…
It’s a……BOY!!! 💙
And I’m glowing! 🤣😂
I just found out I have a kidney brother!!!
I’m overwhelmed.
It’s the most heartwarming thing, to find out about the person I share a set of kidneys with.
This must be the same feeling expectant mamas feel when the ultrasound tech/doctor says “It’s a boy” or “It’s a girl.” (Yeah, I know they can’t actually know til the gender identity develops a few years later, but it’s still a happy moment) A surreal, awe-inspired feeling. And, it doesn’t even matter the personality or anything or if it’s mutual, just unconditional love.
Last year, I volunteered to give my kidney to the next person on the waitlist in the U.S. who I matched with.
January 2024 💚💙🫘
It was given to a fifty-something-year-old man in Minnesota.
I just found out!
I knew he’s in Minnesota (I’m in Pennsylvania) and that his transplant was a success (our kidney began working instantly after it was connected to his body), but did not know the age or gender.
I had a feeling all along that my kidney would go to a man. It was like a gut feeling.
I did not care about the gender or age of the person who would receive my kidney; everyone wants to live & be healthy, no matter our age/gender. But, I was slightly curious. At first, I was a little bit curious. Then that curiosity began to fade to where I was almost indifferent. Then after almost a year, the curiosity came back and more intensely. I thought I would never know.
I feel like an identical twin missing my other half as if we were separated at birth, a feeling that just crept up on me after around a year. Lol (I guess we’re not identical though as we don’t have the same exact anatomy 😆)
Now, I learned through my transplant team that he’s a 50-something-year-old man. We’re anonymous strangers, so that’s all I know.
It made me so happy to receive even just that little bit of information. Like an indescribable feeling. Happiness & warmth. Awe. It adds to my experience and makes the person less an abstract concept and more human in my mind. Just to have a general idea in my head of the person who traveled this journey with me and laid on an operating table the same morning I did, a few states away, so our destinies became one.
It made the whole experience really sink in.
To receive this news makes me even happier than I realized it would. 💙💙💙 It’s one of the most amazing happiest experiences of this whole life of mine. I did not know just what I was missing til I found out. There’s no way to even put it into words.
It’s like having a long-lost brother out there somewhere. He’s a complete stranger to me, yet he’s my own flesh & bl0od. He literally has a piece of me inside of him.
Now, I want to meet him 😆😭😍
I have two kidney brothers now because my kidney voucher recipient is also a man. Lol When we donate our kidney to “the next person on the waitlist,” we get to choose any specific person in the country to also receive a new kidney through our donation (we can choose five people, and the first one to receive the kidney, the others get canceled out. I made sure to only choose one so as not to get someone’s hopes up, then someone else gets it first, or so he wouldn’t have anxiety all along that maybe someone else would get it first and cancel out his place).
I looked for another stranger in need since I did not know anyone who needed a kidney transplant. I heard about a man who lives close to where I do who was in urgent need. After I donated my kidney to an anonymous stranger, he got his new kidney through my donation. I did get to meet him in person, and we’re friends on Facebook! 💚
Two new (kidney) brothers. How lucky am I?! 😁 Never had a brother before! 🫘
This post is a bit late. It’s something I wrote for my one month kidneyversary. It was last month.
One cold January morning in the midst of a snowstorm two anonymous strangers in two different states, one in Pennsylvania, the other in Minnesota, laid on an operating table. Taking the plunge, together, risking it all. With one dream: life. One to give life, one to receive.
Sometimes I’ll be walking along a street and out of nowhere suddenly remember that someone else is living with a piece of me inside of them. Alive and well because I gave a piece of myself away. And I feel as if I could fall at my own feet in awe.
It hits at random moments, filling me with overwhelming joy, inspiration, takes my breath away. It’s something that can’t even be put into words. Truly indescribable. So beautiful. It’s an experience that took me months to fully process. The profoundness only began to truly sink in and register as the months went on because it’s an experience like no other, extremely rare & unnatural. It’s not everyday you get to meet someone who gives part of their body away to someone else to keep that person alive. It’s not everyday you get to BE someone who does that. Unless you’re me, that is 😆
I don’t even know their name, their age, or their gender. I have never seen their face. I never heard their story and maybe never will. But we are connected through life, forever. The only two humans on Earth to have shared that same organ. Intimate strangers. Two halves of the same whole. My perfect match. I love my recipient with my whole heart. Or with my whole kidney. It’s a strange experience to be able to love someone with this intensity never having laid eyes on them. A love that has nothing to do with liking, nothing to do with personality. A no strings attached kind of love. Unconditional. An unbreakable bond.
There is no greater act of love than giving a piece of ourselves away. And I am honored to have had the opportunity to experience a love like that.
A piece of me is missing, but I have never been more whole.
I like to think that my superpower is that I’m in two places at once and can pee for two. 😆
The experience of a lifetime.
Happy Six Months to us!!
Here’s to many, many more. 🫘🥂🎈💚
P.s. And, how lucky is my recipient, getting a piece of this? 😆
#livingkidneydonor #altruistickidneydonor
I hope you’re having a beautiful day or night wherever in the world you are! I plan to upgrade soon so I can have more storage space and share more pictures. 😁
Laparoscopic kidney donation scars at three months 💚🫘
It’s the most amazing experience to think about how two anonymous strangers in two different parts of the country both laid on an operating table on the same morning to become forever connected, an unbreakable bond formed. This is what it is to be “intimate strangers.” I have heard of that term now & again and never thought much of it or understood until that day my kidney began making pee in someone else’s body, someone I have never laid eyes on and probably never will. It will never fail to amaze me! Instead of fading, each day, that feeling of awe becomes deeper & deeper, and so does the joy and warm fuzzies. My scars are always a reminder of that beautiful experience. Whenever I step out of a shower and look into the mirror or take my pj’s off to get dressed in the mornings or wear a belly shirt and happen to see the scar near my bellybutton (the only one that’s really very visible with clothes on), I remember and smile.
Many living kidney donors feel strongly that we should be humble and not speak of our act of kindness and always divert the attention to somewhere else when someone else brings it up so as not to seem self important or arrogant or like we’re looking for recognition. In fact this seems almost like the consensus in the living donor community that it’s not to be talked about much outside of living donor spaces. But my experience is too beautiful not to share, and I am too thankful for the honor, to be so humble as to never speak of it. It’s like when moms share their birthing stories or brag about their kids, (usually) not acting like they’re better than other moms or childless women, just thankful for their own gift and celebrating by sharing. I don’t look for praise, but I acknowledge the fact that my act of compassion & courage is worthy of the kind comments it receives when it comes up. Sharing our experience as an act of gratitude is not the same as arrogantly boasting. I will always share my experience as a celebration & for awareness of living organ donation. If that gets me a few compliments along the way, I welcome them.
Three months later and I am 100% the way I was before my body lost a vital organ. No energy changes, no pain, no anxiety or depression, no complications, no lifestyle changes or meds needed. The first two weeks after the surgery were a bit challenging, but just less than two weeks after, I was jokingly asking if they even took the kidney because everything felt almost 💯. Any pain or discomfort I experienced only confirmed that I made the best decision. It reminded me of the pain & sickness my recipient must have been living in indefinitely. It’s a humbling experience to temporarily take on someone else’s pain & sickness so they can live a life without it.
Best thing I ever did!
It’s not for everyone, and there are (rare) potential risks for very very serious life altering complications (and death during and just after the donation surgery). But I encourage anyone it resonates with to consider learning about living kidney donation and possibly becoming a living donor, as there is an extreme shortage of kidneys for transplant. There are people dying & living in sickness who don’t have to.
If you don’t know anyone in need of a new kidney, you can become an altruistic (non directed) donor and donate to “the next person on the wait list,” like I did. (It’s really a system of people in need, and they find the best match depending upon various factors, not literally a list where there is a specific person who is “next” like with the deceased donor list.) It will potentially give the person 25+ years of life & health. Even if it doesn’t work, which is rare, living donor kidneys nearly always work long-term, it will remind the person their life matters and that someone cared enough to give them a literal piece of themselves to save & enhance their life. If you donate through the National Kidney Registry as a non directed/altruistic donor, there’s a chance you’ll save multiple lives by beginning a kidney chain. This means multiple transplants will take place that would not have if not for your altruistic donation. It’s truly incredible! This happens when a potential donor is not a match for their intended recipient, so they agree to donate to an anonymous stranger so their person will get the next kidney available. My kidney recipient had someone wanting to donate to them but wasn’t a match, so that donor donated to an anonymous stranger so my recipient could get the next available kidney. The next available kidney happened to be mine! So at least two kidney transplants took place involving my one donation, my recipient’s and the person’s who got the kidney of the person who wanted to donate to my recipient but wasn’t a match. Sometimes kidney chains are super long and span across the whole country, set in motion by one altruistic donation. It’s beautiful being linked to all these strangers through the gift of life.
If you have no one in particular in mind and choose to be a non directed/altruistic donor, you can also donate a kidney voucher to another stranger if you wish, one of your choice. You can look for someone to give it to, like I did. When we donate our kidney to an anonymous stranger, the National Kidney Registry gives us a kidney voucher to give to whoever we want, so that person will get a new kidney usually shortly after our donation surgery. It brings that person into the system so they’ll be matched with aliving donorkidney when one becomes available.
I have always been a universal lover and got to live it in action the day I gave my kidney to an anonymous stranger. 🫘
(Words are censored because I sometimes copy/paste posts off of Facebook to hereor here to Facebook where certain words can get us a suspension or post removal. They can’t detect context. So I can be posting about donating blood. It will see blood and automatically detect it as violence. Also, I censor common trigger words that people with trauma history may see.)
Content warning ⚠️!!!!! There is a picture of a human kidney in this post!! It will gross you out lol It’s not a scan image, it’s the kidney after it was taken out of my body before it was sent to its new person. I asked the surgeon to take a pic for me 😆😁
Questions we get asked as altruistic/non directed/living kidney donors and my responses:
1.) What if your child/family member needs a kidney transplantin the future, and now you can’t give them yours? Would you regret it?
Nahh.
This is probably the most frequent question.
I could not regret saving/attempting to save a life. I did what I felt called to do when I did. And if someone in my family needed a kidney transplantafter I donated to a stranger, I would remember that someone else’s family needed that kidney too and are no less worthy or less important than my family member. I wouldn’t be kicking myself wishing I held out knowing a whole other life is spared and enhanced. Of course if my family member needed a kidney transplant I would have given mine when I had two. But since that wasn’t the case, I wouldn’t regret it if it happens later. How could I regret someone else’s child, mom, grandad, sister, niece, best friend, husband….or just a person being alive??
And I would remember that there are kind people out there who would donate an organ to a stranger like I did and have hope that one of them would help my family member the way I helped someone else’s. I couldn’t imagine not helping someone when I’m passionate about it because maybe someone I know will need me later. That may never happen and then someone would be sick or dying, and I would miss the opportunity to get to experience being a living organ donor. It makes no sense to me to hold out for something that is very unlikely to happen when something is already happening now that needs tending to. Also, who is to say I will be healthy enough later? Health is so fleeting & fragile. I may not be qualified later if my family member needs one. People take good health for granted just assuming we’ll always be healthy. This question shows that in the assumption that I would still be healthy enough later to help a family member. I hope I will. But unfortunately there’s no guarantee. To be a living kidney donor, we also have to be financially fit enough and have appropriate life/work circumstances. At one point years ago my circumstances changed, and I wasn’t financially qualified or able to take off work for recovery and wasn’t sure when/if I would ever be qualified again. I got super lucky when things changed again for the better. There’s also no guarantee my financial/work/life situation won’t change again. I would miss my chance. I am nothing but lucky to have the gift of this very rare experience.
2.) What if your kidney goes/went to a Donald Trump supporter/Republican/some@$$hole?
🤣😂😆😭 As long as it’s not a Cowboys fan, we’re good!
Jk!
Altruistic or non directed kidney donation is certainly not for everyone.It’s not for the faint of heart. There are people who say they would love to donate a kidney to a stranger but are too afraid it will go to someone they feel is undeserving like people with certain political or religious views. I have read stories by people who donated their kidney but absolutely had to be sure it was going to someone who has Liberal political views like themor had to be sure the person has personality traits they like. They can’t be a non directed donor with this frame of mind. It can truly take a toll on someone emotionally to keep wondering if the person who has their kidney is worthy or if they find out who the person is and they don’t measure up to their standards. They have to go looking for a specific person in need and make sure that person measures up. I don’t understand it myself, I could never choose out of a list of people and decide someone is worthy of my kidney but someone else is not or prefer one over another out of multiple strangers, but whatever floats their boat, it’s their body and their journey, and their choice. If they want to save a life but only one they feel is worth it, that is valid. There is a website, MatchingDonors, where potential donors & recipients can browse and read profiles by people offering a kidney and needing a kidney. Like a dating website but instead of finding ourperfectromantic match, we find our perfect kidney match. Their pictures show up and any information they share about themselves. I tried it years ago and couldn’t choose. I knew altruistic/non directed donation is for me or if I just happen to see one particular person in need. But I couldn’t choose one of many. I wanted to help them all. Some tugged on my heartstrings more than others. But I could never choose.
It takes a certain kind of person to donate to a random anonymous stranger we know nothing about. It takes more than just compassion. It takes a strong stomach and a certain way of thinking. We have to truly believe every/almost every life matters and detach. We have to accept that our kidney can be keeping someone alive we absolutely would not be able to stand if we met them. Someone with values or personality traits we abhor. We have to feel that we not liking someone doesn’t mean they are less worthy just because we don’t like them. We have to step out of that egoistic, self important way of thinking to be able to be ok with non directed donation. Self important /egoistic in this sense is ok because kidney donation is an act of kindness, not an obligation. It’s completely valid to choose who we would and would not donate toor not donate at all. But it is egoistic to a certain degree,to decide one person is worth it and not another, and it does require us to avoid that sentiment that someone is inferior or unworthy “because *I* don’t like them” because “*my* opinion of them is the one that matters.” If we cannot overcome that sentiment, altruistic kidney donation is not for us. You know how ticked off you are every single day on social media. I see it every single day, my social media friends furiously bashing people of different political or religious views, arguing viciously with people then blocking them and still complaining about them after they’re gone, mocking people they don’t like, even wishing d3ath on certain people, laughing at some people who died. Could you handle it if your kidney was in one of their bodies keeping them alive? My self proclaimed Liberal humanitarian friends relentlessly mock some famous people who die, often because they’re Conservatives, sometimes because they’re greedy billionaires.
What if instead of one of them dying, they were still kicking and with YOUR kidney? If they were healthy and thriving and going on doing whatever they’re doing because your body part is keeping them going? Just imagine. Like I said, it takes a strong stomach lol
The way I see it is that a whole person is just that. A whole person. There’s more to every person than just their views/religion, more than just the aspects we see and cannot stand. They have interests, roles they play to others, goals… whatever I don’t like about them is only one aspect. And someone else loves them just how they are. Why does me not liking them make them less worthy when someone else does like them? My opinion is no more important than the opinion of the person who loves them. Someone isn’t less worthy just because *I* don’t like the person. I may not want to be their friend or not want them in my space, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be their kidney donor.
For example, those Donald Trump supporters. They wake up and drink coffee every morning, they go to work, they laugh at jokes them and their friends tell each other, they walk their dogs, they take their son to a ballgame and take their daughter out to lunch. They go home at night and watch their favorite movie or read their favorite books. They feel the same exact pain you feel when they get injured or sick. They feel the same fear if a g u n is pointing at them or they’re diagnosed with a devastating illness. They have the same longings to love and be loved and to live. If you cut them, they bl33d the same red. They have a whole life other than whatever someone doesn’t like about them. Who is to say they don’t deserve to live it?
I am reminded of Jeremy Bentham asking
Can they suffer?
In terms of whether or not animals are worthy of rights.
“The question is not, Can they reason?, nor Can they talk? but, Can they suffer? Why should the law refuse its protection to any sensitive being?” – Bentham (1789)
To me the question isn’t, Do I like them?, nor Do I agree with them? but, Can they suffer?
Also, are you a potential organ donor? Does your ID say you’re an organ donor? If yes, you may be donating to someone you wouldn’t like some day. You think all your organs that can be donated are going to only people who you would like and agree with on everything there is to agree on? Think again lol (I would not knowingly donate my kidney to a cold blo0ded murder3r, or a known terr0rist or domestic abus3r or serious s*x offenders or someone who has a lot of power and would use it for destructive things,…I would not want to aid in or support their large-scale destructive actions/energy in the world, but if my kidney happened to go to one of them, I would not regret my act of kindness because at least I tried to help, and it doesn’t take away any of the kindness on my part, a loving act is a loving act, there’s two aspects to donating a kidney, the practical help it offers someone and just the fact we did something so amazing. If my kidney went to an a-hole, it’s still an amazing thing I did)
I do not have a preference. I’m a Liberal atheist. If I found out the kidney I gave away is now making pee in someone who is a Christian Conservative and goes around calling people like me “snowflakes” and “sheeple” and “libtards” and “woke” and “commies,” (🤣😂) so be it. I’ll give you my kidney just before blocking you on social media 😆
To me, there is something beautiful about altruistic/non directed kidney donation. Not knowing, not caring who our kidney goes to because every life matters. So universal loving! Of course all kidney donations are equally beautiful.But non directed has this unique aspect to it.
The way I see it, what makes someone worthy of my kidney is the fact that they are suffering/have the ability to suffer, not that they agree with me on something or are a pleasant or kind or compassionate person. We all suffer or have the ability to suffer the same way irrespective of our views or personality traits or likability.
3.) What if you need a kidney transplant in the future?
I’m on the priority transplant list now, so if I ever need one, I can get one fairly quickly. Since I donated a kidney, I won’t have to wait years like the average person in need of a new kidney. I can get a living donor kidney within weeks/months very likely. Even if that wasn’t an option for me, I would have donated. The chances are very slim. And if it were to happen, I would deal with it just like everyone else who needs a kidney transplant deals with it. At least I would be able to say I’m sick because I took a chance and helped someone. So many are sick just because. I have a way better chance of being in a car crash, yet I still get into cars. And no one questions it. I’m much more likely to be a victim of g u n v!olence in the U.S than develop kidney failure, yet I’m out all day & night walking the streets of Philadelphia where g u n v!olence is rampant. And no one (except my mom) questions it or has an issue with it.
I’m rarely to never questioned on why I get into cars or don’t live in a bubble so I don’t get sh0tor ass@ulted or sick. But when it comes to a loving act of kindness to literally save a life, people question why I would or make remarks to say/imply that I shouldn’t have because of a risk to my own safety.
Someone may say getting into cars and going outside are worth the risks because it’s necessary, it’s needed to live life. This kidney transplant was necessary. It was needed for someone to live. That person is no less worthy or important than I am that my needs are worth certain risks but theirs aren’t.
💚💋😘
4.) What ever possessed you to give your organ away to a stranger/to lay on an operating table and risk dying for a total stranger? (Or something of this sort, but “possessed” has come up a few times 😆)
The philosophy that every life matters and that if we have more than enough of something (money, health, resources…) it‘s an even greater gift to share that with someone less fortunate in that respect. Remember all deceased organ donors donate to strangers. And blood donors too. What’s the difference if I’m alive and donate to a stranger? I donate blood regularly to random strangers. What’s the difference? If you checked yes to organ donation on your driver’s license and you die in a way where you can be an organ donor, you’ll be doing what I did, donating to a complete stranger. Is that such a wild cr@zy idea? To reach out and help a fellow human?
🫘
5.) What if you suffer a complication?
I may or may not suffer a complication, but for someone else there is no maybe. A person on dialysis or about to begin dialysis doesn’t have the luxury of maybe that I have. They are already suffering a complication. I’m lucky & privileged to even have that “maybe.”
Also, I hope I would never not do something that deeply resonates with me because of fear. Avoiding things we’re passionate about because of fear, is no way to live, in my opinion. I prefer to take chances if it’s something I truly want and feel called to do and whatever happens happens than living in a safe bubble not fully living and then dying as an old woman.What if I did not do this and wouldn’t have suffered a complication? I would miss out on the experience and always wishing I chose to go through with it and wondering what if I did. It has been on my mind every single day for over five years and on my mind off & on for many years before that. It was never something I could ever regret no matter what. It’s my dream come true!
6.) “I would never give my kidney to a stranger/anyone, you’re a better person than I am.”
This is a response I have received by a few people.
No one is a better person for doing an act of kindness. “You’re a better person than I am” only applies, in my opinion, if you’re going around intentionally interfering with or hurting others while I’m not.
7.) Are/were you scared?
Yes!! It took brass ovaries, and I got’em. The two weeks before surgery, my body would be gripped in a sense of panic waking up in the mornings. Sometimes it would feel that “fight or flight” response. Occasionally it felt like it thought it was getting ready to die. Lol Dramatic. My worst, pretty much only, fear was that I would experience prolonged fatigue when I live a very active life. Thankfully got no fatigue at all! On the morning of the surgery, I woke up completely calm and peaceful & hopeful, no anxiety or fear at all walking into the hospital with my two kidneys getting ready to send one off to a great new home. 💚
8.) What if you die/would have died on the operating table?
Very very unlikely. But what better way to go than in my sleep and saving someone else’s life? 😁
Scars n all 💚
🩷
9.) Have you met/do you want to meet your recipient?
No, I haven’t. And not necessarily. I do not mind either way. I don’t have the burning desire or curiosity that many anonymous donors seem to have. For me it wasn’t a social call but an attempt to enhance & extend someone’s life. If they reach out to me ever, I will be delighted. But if not, I’ll live. Lol Each transplant center has their own rules for when an anonymous donor or recipient is allowed to contact the other, anonymously. Some have to wait up to a year. So my recipient may not be allowed to contact me yet. I was allowed to contact them right away but did not. I may send them a card for our first Kidneyversary next year to brighten their day. My transplant center would send it to theirs. Not knowing who they are or if they’re grateful does not lessen the joy of my experience. Occasionally I’m slightly curious of the age & gender of the person.
10.) Has your life changed since donating a kidney?
Only in my mind. It’s the most amazing experience, I am filled with joy & ecstasy. I understand the meaning of “intimate strangers,” knowing a complete stranger and me are the only two in the world to have had this kidney in our bodies, that we both laid on an operating table on the same morning to become connected to each other forever. I know that everywhere I go, I’m very likely to be the only one there with one kidney. Every room I walk into, I’m the only one there who gave a kidney away and knows this rare unique experience. It’s an isolated feeling but not in a negative way.
After two weeks I was almost 100% my usual self. I jokingly asked if they even took the kidney. After a month I was 100%. I would never know I only have one kidney or had surgery if not for my memories & the beautiful scars.
Here are the lifelong restrictions/lifestyle changes I was told by my team:
1.) No NSAIDS 2.) No natural herb supplements 3.) No supplements made outside the U.S. 4.) Blo0d pressure check every six months 5.) kidney function tests once a year 6.) Extra water
11.) Can you still have kids?
Yes! Having only one kidney does not affect fertility at all. It does make it a “high risk” pregnancy though, so for women/birthing people who donate a kidney and decide to become pregnant later, it’s important to let their healthcare team know so they can be closely monitored to prevent very serious complications to the woman and the unborn. With close monitoring it can be a safe & healthy pregnancy.
12.) Are you religious/was this motivated by religious beliefs? No, I’m an atheist. I don’t need a god or religion to be compassionate or empathetic. My basic humanness is enough. I have felt it as a deep calling, it felt like something larger than me working through me, which is a bizarre experience for an atheist. And I have received what many believers would call “signs.” But I don’t believe in that. It was my desire to help someone that inspired me, and the deepcallingfeeling was just part of my experience. I don’t believe that any supernatural being would have been disappointed or punished me if I did not go through with it. And I don’t believe it scored me points with anyone or is my ticket into Heaven or some other afterlife. I just wanted to help someone!
💚
Living organ donation isn’t for everyone. These are just my experiences not something that everyone should feel for themselves. For me, living kidney donation truly felt like a calling. It was the easiest decision of this life of mine. I truly experience more stress trying to decide what flavor ice cream I want or if I want tea today or an iced latte 😂 No hesitation, no uncertainty whatsoever. I knew since the day I read a heartwarming story 15+ years before my donation, about a man who donated his kidney to an anonymous stranger, that I would one day do the same. I am 100% happy & thrilled with my decision. 💚🫘
Anyone interested in living kidney donation can check these out:
National Kidney Registry (the National Kidney Registry offers donor benefits like reimbursement for lost wages during recovery and travel/lodging expenses if necessary and a place on the priority list on the off chance the donor ever needs a kidney transplant in the future, also a kidney voucher for a friend/family member {or anyone} of the donor, so if someone they know ever needs a kidney transplant, since the donor donated to an anonymous stranger, they’ll let one person of the donor’s choice get a kidney transplant without waiting long, I donated my kidney voucher to another stranger, so two people are being helped through my one kidney donation)
Matching Donors (this website provides pictures and stories by people in need of a kidney transplant. Potential donors & recipients can browse and communicate with each other. A donor can choose to try to help a specific person, they may not be a match. But if they’re both associated with the National Kidney Registry, the donor can do a non directed donation and donate the voucher to the person they found on Matching Donors – this isn’t just for kidneys but other organs we can donate while alive also. Some people have donated their kidney AND a portion of their liver to different people {not at once lol usually have to wait around a year}! And it’s completely safe!)
Sending love to all!
Xoxo Kim 💋❤️
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