Tag Archive | kindness

Honesty vs. Being an asshole {let your heart lead the way}

Nov28

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“If you find yourself saying ‘But I’m just being honest,’ chances are you’ve just been unkind. Honesty doesn’t heal. Empathy does.” ~ Dan Waldschmidt

Honesty is one thing. Being an asshole is quite another. Lol ;-D

So many people brag about “telling it like it is” or how they are “brutally honest” or love when people are “honest to a fault.” Like that’s a good thing. But I don’t see how it necessarily is.
Maybe it’s cute when a three year old blabs everything that’s on her mind but for adults…not so much. Honesty is a good quality and a good thing in general or in theory but it’s not always necessary. Too many people, in my opinion, have jumped on this bandwagon or trend of “I tell it like it is” or “speak my mind without hesitation” and “if I don’t like you, you’ll know it” and act like it’s a good or cool thing when it’s really often just an excuse to be insulting or say uncalled for things at the expense of others. That’s a turn off to me. What is so cool about it? What is good about it? How is that a good quality to possess to make it a point to always make it known you don’t like someone or something about someone? It’s ok not to like someone. And not to like things about people. But we don’t have to be vicious about it. As adults we can not like people and not like things but suck it up and be civil when we have to encounter them. It’s not being fake; it’s being mature and being kind.  So, yes honesty in itself is surely a good thing. But it’s not always necessary to express something merely for the sake of honesty. I’m not saying never, but just not always. And in many cases, I don’t believe it’s really about honesty but about being rude just because someone feels like being rude but not owning up to it and pushing it off on being “real” or honest. 

For example, commenting on someone’s picture of her new haircut or new dress or glasses with something rude like “meh” or “this isn’t one of your best outfits or pictures…” or “wow you put on some weight!” or “what happened you used to be so hot, you really  let yourself go!(yup, I actually saw a man write this on his girlfriend’s old pictures of herself a while ago!)” in the name of honesty. Is it really necessary for your honesty in this case? This is just a random example, not meant for any specific incident or person now. But I have seen these comments and heard similar things in person to/about various people.
It’s uncalled for in my opinion. 

I love the brilliant quote above. Empathy helps heal. If we don’t like someone’s new haircut or someone’s new clothes or whatever someone does, we can still be happy for that person for getting something s/he likes or being happy. If someone puts on weight, so what, and don’t you think saying that to a woman is very rude and can be damaging? If we don’t like how someone acts, we can tap into our empathy and try to better understand.  

I think when people are “brutally honest” in a rude way, it’s probably often because they aren’t happy either with themselves or current circumstances or just in a bad mood that day and want to try to drag others down or get out their unpleasant emotions being rude to others. So instead of calling them an asshole (like I just did lol), we can try to also show compassion and tap into our empathy for them. I don’t always do this. Sometimes when someone is unkind, I react with more unkindness(either to the person directly or complaining about the person to someone else), which is tempting sometimes but not helpful. I’m much better with reacting to negativity and unkindness with patience and love either being kind in the face of it or just holding my tongue (which can also be an act of love) so as not to further fuel the negativity, pain, or anger of someone. But I’m still not perfect at it. 

So this is a good reminder to me as well!

Let’s chuck that brutal honesty out the window once in a while, kick it to the curb and give empathy a try instead! 

Here is a beautiful and heartwrenching song and video about holding off on the unpleasant words and letting love lead the way!

What Do You Say – Reba McEntire – mobile

What Do You Say – desktop

“So what do you say in a moment like this
When you can’t find the words to tell it like it is
Just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way…”

😀

Hugs & love, 

❤

Xoxo Kim ❤

Perfect idea!! <3

Nov26

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My cousin sent me a Facebook invitation for an event taking place here in Philadelphia and when I opened it, I was ecstatic!

It’s the perfect idea for everywhere, not just here!

There are people collecting gloves, hats, scarves…anything to keep people warm, and hanging them in trees, putting them on park benches, and anywhere for homeless people to take and be a little bit warmer.

Isn’t this absolutely amazing?! Why did I not think of this?! I thought of leaving inspiring notes, dollar bills, books….for anyone to find but never thought of leaving pratical material objects like gloves & hats for people in need.

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I am so thankful I was introduced to this idea and that people thought of it and reached so many people to inspire to do this. Gloves and hats can really make a big difference to people walking or sitting in the freezing cold.

My heart is overwhelmed in love & gratitude. It’s so heartwarming to see people helping like this.

Thank You to all who do things like this and inspire others to help.

Maybe you will do something like this if it’s cold where you are? You can donate your own or buy some things to help warm up those in need. Just put them outside anywhere and especially where homeless people usually are. In Philadelphia, they are often in “Love Park.” But people in need are everywhere. ❤ ❤

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(this isn’t my picture. I found it on Google images.)

😀

Compassion song – mobile

Compassion – desktop

Hugs & love,

xoxo Kim

Live in Love <3

Nov14

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“Live a life with no regrets
Always act with love.” 

Just a little reminder about how we can never go wrong with love. I will never regret being “too” kind or “too” caring but I have regretted being less than kind. I will never regret acting with love even if it isn’t returned to me. Even if something turns out not how we wanted, if we had good intentions, there’s nothing to regret. And if we had negative intentions, we can be sorry and move forward and try to act more wisely in the present and future.

“What the world needs now is love sweet love,
No not just for some but for everyone.”

What the World Needs Now – mobile

What the World Needs Now – desktop
Love & hugs to you, always 

❤

Xoxo Kim 

Waves of Love <3

Nov9

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“Send waves of love to the world, where people are fighting. The world needs your love.”

This is a beautiful concept! Sometimes when there’s arguing and negativity, we may be tempted to join in and meet the bitterness with more bitterness. Sometimes I’m guilty of this myself. One example is when my mom or sister do something I don’t like and instead of letting it slide or be loving, I say something unkind or accept an invitation to a trivial argument. Another example is writing a rude message back to someone who writes one to me, I usually do not do this but have before. I hope to get better and better with this. We don’t need more negativity, rudeness, and anger in the face of unkindness & negativity, we need more love & patience. Each encounter with someone who is being difficult is an opportunity to develop the virtue of patience & practice universal love. ❤ ❤

It's not always easy but definitely worth it!

Waves of love can be in the form of acts of kindness, genuine well wishes, sweet words, just avoiding insults and toxic words or actions when we are tempted, hugs, positive posts on social media, planting flowers…so many things!! 😀

😀

Hugs & Love,

xoxo Kim

I Choose Kindness <3

Nov1

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“No act of kindness no matter how small is ever wasted.” ~ Aesop

Today Positive Focus has declared “I Choose Kindness Day.” We are encouraged to perform at least one act of kindness today. It’s good to do this every single day but it’s ok to have a whole day specifically designated for Kindness. Just like Valentine’s day & Mother’s Day, and birthdays! It’s good to love our mom every day, celebrate all kinds of love every day, celebrate and cherish a person’s or animal’s life every day in various ways but there’s nothing wrong with having a day dedicated to it. We won’t be celebrating with cakes and roses and extravagant restaurants and material gifts every single day so we can reserve one day for that and celebrate in more subtle but still important ways every other day of the year. 

Carol CC Miller, the founder of Positive Focus, is giving out free hugs today!

Here are a list of some suggestions for Kindness Day. We don’t have to go all out and do something “big” like volunteer at a soup kitchen or something (although that would be fantastic!)! The point is to incorporate kindness into our every day situations.

1.) Smile at a stranger. 

2.) help your mom in the kitchen 

3.) give money to a homeless person (many people say not to because they use it for alcohol but think about it for a second. They also have to be buying food. They can’t live on just alcohol! Maybe they are buying alcohol but then they still need money for food! And not all of them are into alcohol or other drugs. People say give them food instead but just because they are homeless doesn’t mean they want food off of a stranger. I don’t want to encourage people to eat something they don’t know where it was or who did what to it. Would you eat food some random stranger comes up and gives you? I know people say “beggars can’t be choosy” but the line has to be drawn somewhere…they still have choices to make.)

4.) give a tip to a person in a cafe or restaurant 

5.) put an insect outside instead of killing 

6.) write a sweet message on social media 

7.) give someone a genuine compliment 

8.) write an inspiring quote on an index card and put it in a public place to be found 

9.) feed a stray animal or squirrels and pigeons in a safe place 

10.) pick trash up off the ground 

11.) pick objects up off the floor in a store and put them back on the shelves

12.) pay for someone’s coffee or something in line 

13.) ask someone “how are you today?” not just as a social obligation or thing to do but to really listen and care

14.) instead of lashing out, take a deep breath and hold our tongue when someone provokes us to be angry. Kindness can be acted on in the most subtle or none noticeable ways like not doing something unkind that we are so tempted to do. It won’t stand out most likely, most won’t be conscious of our act of kindness but it doesn’t matter, we aren’t trying to get credit. And even though they won’t realize, they would realize if our act wasn’t done and feel the unpleasant effects. 

15.) give someone a hug (if we know the person likes or doesn’t mind being hugged!)

16.) Sincerely wish the best for someone even if the person doesn’t know it, this generates positive energy and gets us more in the habit of loving and positive thinking.

17.) put a dollar on a park bench or let it blow away in the wind. Maybe a person in need will find it. At first it probably feels like wasting money but it’s really not, think how happy you would feel finding one dollar and know someone else will feel that way too

18.) let someone in front of us in line in a store

19.) forgive someone for being rude, smile at a person who carelessly pushes by you on a crowded street or bus, let someone go before us in traffic…..

20.) Share an inspiring post on social media – social media is a great way to show love or potentially show love to thousands of strangers each day or even just one, it gives us the opportunity to reach people we never would without it. It’s truly an incredible invention that we so often take for granted or use for negative purposes like arguing and getting offended and trying to offend people or “stalking” people we don’t like just to see what they’re up to or wasting hours on boring mindless junk because we don’t want to think of something better. But one positive post will still be here in years to come and even if no one sees it now, in future years or days, someone can stumble upon it. 

I’m not telling people what to do or what anyone “should” do! These are just some ideas to make the day a bit sweeter for others. I don’t think anyone “should” do these things and I don’t always do all these things myself! I won’t be doing all of them today. It’s just good to do sweet little things once in a while to bring some more light into the world. But you are enough just how you are and we don’t have to be heroes or saints or constantly doing things for everyone to be good or worthy or kindhearted.

Here is a beautiful song by Nimo Patel:

“Throw your hearts up
Let it fly high
Let your love for all the world
Spread through the skies
Let it drop down
Let it all go
Spreading kindness to every
Single living soul 
Can you see your love… for me shining through
Cuz what you see in me, I can see in you
And soon enough, you and me…we’ll be outta time
And kindness… will be all we can leave behind”

Being Kind – mobile

Being Kind – desktop

Love is how we live on long after we are gone. Our loving essence lives forever. Let it ripple and touch others. Live & love.

Live to love.
Love to live. ❤

Do you have any ideas for acts of kindness? Post them here in the comments or maybe just try them out! ❤ There is an infinite number of ways to show kindness in this life. 

“Blessed are those who can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.”

I hope you are having a lovely day! Much love to you!! ❤ 😀 ~Hugs~

Xoxo Kim 

Smile <3

Oct25

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(my shirt says “Wild love” <3)

On Friday afternoon, we had an order delivered at the store where I work.

The man delivering the heavy packages was bringing it in the store and a kind young man walking up the street stopped to help him. I was just so happy to see them. As soon as they walked in I couldn’t help but smile brightly and the delivery man playfully said “ahhh, I just seen her smile did you see it?!” and said something funny about the Ninja Turtle pops we sell. I couldn’t help but smile again.

I paid him for the order and looked over the receipts and as he was leaving he said goodbye and thank you for smiling! And he said it with such deep gratitude in his voice.

I love when people smile and I make it my goal to look and smile at people each day walking up the streets. My smile and desire to smile come naturally but I’m real shy in person so I often automatically, shyly, look away when a stranger is right in front of me on the streets. If I’m already talking to a person I’m not too shy to smile and make eye contact. 

But I just have the urge to smile and look directly at every person I see and I’m much better with it than I used to be but I’m still working on it!

I know how it brightens my day when someone smiles at me and I want to do that for others.

I don’t have to remember to or force a smile; that comes automatically and very easily. I just have to force myself to allow it and not look away when a stranger is right before me.

Some people are very receptive of my greeting and greet me back in a similar way, others look confused like “Do I know this girl, why is she so friendly, I don’t even know her?!” lol I don’t mind any of the reactions. Most people (at least where I live) do not seem to greet strangers whether it’s a friendly hello or warm smile or eye contact on the street. Not that they aren’t friendly. We just aren’t usually brought up to greet each other that way. But it’s in me naturally to be that way and lights my world when someone says hello to me, smiles, or just makes eye contact. 

We never know how much we help someone with just a simple gesture or positive energy. Not everyone can see. I know a blind lady and when I see her I say hello and smile. She can hear my smile even though she can’t see it. ❤ One day she told me on Mother's Day to tell my mom she has a beautiful daughter and to tell her she said thank you for bringing me to the world! Isn't that so sweet?! The lady has very long, beautiful hair like me and an adult son a few years younger than me. He always says hello to me when I see him.

There's a universal love song I love about how one person probably can't change the whole world but each one of us can change the world for ONE. And that ONE is worth it and in some way, enough.

Each & every day, we have opportunities to change the world or brighten the world for someone. Sometimes the opportunities just come to us but other days if we look, we can see them. It can be as simple as smiling at someone! 😀 Or truly listening to someone talk, encouraging a person, a hug. There are so many ways to show love. 

Here are some lyrics to the beautiful song.

“Well, I can’t change the world
But I can live with open hands
And I can’t change the world
But I can give all that I can
And I can pray and I can love
And when all is said and done
I can’t change the world
But I can change the world for one”

Compassion – Andrew Witt – mobile

Compassion – desktop

Much love to you!

& remember a beautiful smile is always in style. 😀 ❤

xoxo Kim ❤

In the news….

Oct17

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“I see skies of blue,
And clouds of white.
The bright blessed day,
The dark sacred night.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.”

❤ ❤ 😀

We often think of the news on TV and in the papers as negative, heartwrenching, life draining. And it often is. I hear so many people say they avoid the news because it just drags them down. 

But sometimes there are happy things or heartwarming things in the news.
One day at work this week the news was on when I went in and they were talking about a big house fire while the owners were away and couldn’t get to their dog who was inside. My heart just sank when I heard that. They showed the footage and the big house was up in flames with the poor furbaby inside. 

I’m thankful the people weren’t trapped inside. And I wished desperately the dog wasn’t either. 
Then they showed a man, I don’t know who he is, just come seemingly out of nowhere, walk in the burning house and come back out holding the dog, bringing him to safety, and without a word just walked away! The news people said he got no credit or anything, just appeared, saved the dog, and walked off!

Isn’t that amazing! And I’m sure he wasn’t looking for credit or anything but to save the doggy! The newspeople did praise him to each other.

He probably doesn’t even want to be labeled as a hero, true heroes usually don’t, that’s why they’re heroes, they help people and other sentient beings just to help them, not for image or for credit or a thank you. 

I’m so thankful the people and dog are safe and hope all the people putting out the fire are safe. I don’t know how bad the fire was but hopefully much of their stuff is saved but at least their lives are! That’s the most important of all! It’s devastating to lose everything we own but nowhere near as devastating as lives lost. 

I decided to share this little story just to put a bit more positivity into the world/on the Internet. There is so much positivity already but we can never have too much good news, ever!

In the news, it does often seem to be one bad or gossipy thing after another but that’s only because that’s what often stands out or makes the news. If I’m walking up the street and a person helps me carry my bags, picks up something for me that I drop, smiles at me, pays for me in line if I don’t have enough money….all that won’t make the news. But if I’m out and get shot to death or assaulted, that will surely make the local news. People will ask “what’s this world coming to with someone getting shot dead on the street? What a horrible world! People are monsters!” And that is tragic but what about the person who gives me money when I get up to the register in a store and forgot my wallet, what about the person who gives me his seat on a bus, what about those who risk their lives in a massacre to save others like what just happened in that tragic university massacre?

All these little things, these beautiful acts of kindness that surround us each day are not dramatic enough to go on the news usually and even when they are, they are unfortunately overshadowed by the bigger tragic news, they are appreciated by those involved or witnessing, then often either forgotten or just not spoken of much again even if we never forget. 

I saw a few blog posts and statuses about the horrible tragedy but in none of those I saw did any of those who wrote them mention the heroes who ran not to save their own lives but to save the lives of others. I think it’s important when writing about tragedies to also mention the goodness in the midst of it if we hear of it.
The murderers (who sometimes admit they do this for publicity) get more credit, even if negative, than the heroes, the other people who attempt to save their lives, the doctors and other medical professionals, the first responders and police, the fire men/women, anyone who saves or helps in any way. 
We remember the names of the murderers but not the innocent victims or the heroes. We talk about the tragedy and insanity and senselessness of what happened but not give thanks to those who did any little thing they could to make it somehow better.  In my opinion, it’s best not to write the murderer’s name when we write of carnage that took place. Especially when those murderers admit they want publicity and attention. I appreciate the programs and news reports that do not mention the name. I wouldn’t either. In the initial report it would have to be mentioned but every paper and program doesn’t have to say it. Let’s acknowledge the victims and our heroes, not a person who intentionally claims the lives of the innocent. We can still have compassion for murderers without giving them too much publicity. I don’t want them to die or suffer but I also don’t want them to become popular for their monstrous actions. 

People say don’t watch the news, it will drag you down. Then others argue back that if we don’t keep up with the news and what’s happening around the world, we will be ignorant and kept in the dark. Both can be true. Both have valid points.  So should we watch the news or not? Stay in the dark or be dragged down? 

I think there’s a solution. If we want, we can watch the news sometimes but then balance it out by reading and watching positive things as well. Pay attention and take note of all the goodness that goes on around us whether we are involved or a witness. If all we do is watch the tragedies and gossipy drama on the news and talk shows, then our brains are being overwhelmed in the negative, only getting one side of life, the dark side. We expose ourselves to the darkness but not enough of the light. 

Sure it’s good to know what’s going on in the world around us. But the media has the tendency to magnify the drama and the tragic. Not always but often. 

When we watch the news and start thinking “what a terrible world” and feel overwhelmed, we can then go to youtube and watch random acts of kindness videos, read inspiring stories that show someone helping others, look around us on the streets and see the kindness shown to others.

The world isn’t all bad. We only are mostly shown the bad through some media outlets but there’s so much more than that. 

Let’s honor & acknowledge the goodness.

Check out these happy videos!! So beautiful! ❤

Simple acts of kindness – mobile

Simple acts of kindness – desktop

Kindness – mobile

Kindness video – desktop

These videos show simple acts of kindness in everyday encounters that we are all capable of. These videos are most likely “staged” or made up but they are based on real life acts of kindness & meant to inspire! Just watching them gives many of us a warm, loving feeling. ❤

Let's remember that just because our job or the media or something else mostly exposes us to the bad in the world, it's not all there is.

Let's expose our own selves to the goodness. 😀

What a Wonderful World – Louis Armstrong – mobile

What a Wonderful World – desktop

Just listen to this song! His loving voice, his gentle love. And it will bring you up. ❤

The pictures are beautiful too!

😀

Lots of love to you today & always! ❤

xoxo Kim

All the boy heard was the love…<3

Oct7

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(my sweet, silly, funny, loving little pomchies!! ❤ )

I read a novel a while ago called “Keeper of the Keys,” by Perri O’Shaughnessy, about a man whose wife disappears and he has a very painful and mysterious history with constantly moving with his mom to different houses and never meeting his dad who died years ago. After his wife disappears without a trace, he visits each house he lived as a boy, trying to find the secrets to his past that his mom keeps hidden. The fact that he did not know his dad growing up, and that he feels he never had a real home, contribute to his emotional anguish.

His mom paints a very negative image of his dad who is dead.

He visits his dad’s memorial and on pages, 193-4, it says this:

“He felt vast emptiness, surrounded by the dead and his own dead hopes. Every boy without a father probably harbors a secret illusion that his father would have been one of the good guys, if only. He’d load up a camper with canned food for trips to Yosemite to climb to Glacier Peak or Alaska to catch halibut, waking his son at five in the morning. Or maybe he would be the guy who dragged his boy off to museums to study the dusty Indian exhibits, who went on and on about the tar pits, and all the groggy boy heard, all the boy had to hear, was his father’s voice, not what he said. All the boy heard was the love.
The time they spent together would embed memories so deep, even if the man died, the boy could spend the rest of his lifetime savoring and honoring him.” 

This is heartbreakingly beautiful. The man is in agony over never knowing his dad. But isn’t it a beautiful concept? 

To have a relationship so loving that no matter how short lived it has been, it will still have the most incredible impact on us years and years later. Forever. 

This reminds me that it’s a great way for all of us to be with all those we are close to, everyone around us. To be so loving that we have a tremendous impact on someone even years after we are gone, no matter how our relationship ends. Whether it ends in death, just drifting apart, even a falling out, the good things we shared or did will still remain in memory. In this fantasy of the man, this boy’s relationship with his daddy is so loving, so beautiful that the man can die right then and for the rest of the little boy’s life, he will still remember and honor him. His love will outweigh the pain of his loss. He will still feel the loss and the pain but love will keep him going. 

Let’s create positive memories of each other and put mostly loving energy out into the world. Our energy affects those around us even if we aren’t always aware. 

When we are full of love and light inside, it really doesn’t always matter what we say, or if we say anything at all, people will only hear/feel our love.

I know what it’s like to be near someone who is so loving that it doesn’t matter if the person isn’t saying a word. I am enveloped in that soft, sweet, gentle love. We all have love in us, we all just don’t always act on it or allow it to be the main thing we feel and live each day.
But we can work to be better and better with it.

One of the people, I have been near who displays this kind of loving energy is an old lady I knew for years where I work. She’s a customer who comes occasionally. 

Some years ago at work one night, a man I do not and have never known, held a gun to my chest and said he would kill me and took all the money(I have nothing against him and hope he is doing well wherever he is and hope he’s no longer in that dark place he found himself in that night.). I was alone. This lady did not know me well but she was so concerned when she heard and she came the next night and asked me if I want her to walk me home that night. She would have had to walk back to her house herself after 10:00 at night for over 20 minutes! She is very small and old. And she would have done this for me! Isn’t that so sweet! Of course, I told her no but expressed my gratitude. And I will never forget that sweet act of kindness as long as I live.

Another day she heard another customer complaining that my service was too slow and it’s a man’s job, not a “little woman’s” to be working with water ice that is really hard to scoop. This lady told him in a sweet voice that I have been working there for years and always did a good job and know what I’m doing. I love how she came to my defense but not in an angry way against him. She was sweet and pleasant but firm. She defended me with compassion, not contempt for him.

She also gives me tips a lot when she comes. 

Those are indications of her loving ways. But when I really noticed her loving energy was when I felt it one day, not through her words or actions but just in her being, her essence. She was standing at the window and I just felt so enveloped, so immersed in her love. She is so gentle but her love is so powerful. 

Even if I never met her til that day at the window, I would have known her love even without her uttering a word to me.

We all have this ability to draw someone in, bathe others in our love, and at some moments, we probably do, but not all of us have developed and practice it in general. Some people are naturally more loving but even those who are less loving now, can develop it with practicing Lovingkindness to everyone everyday.

I hardly know this lady. I don’t know her name. She doesn’t come a lot to my workplace. She lives across the street. But I know her love so well. She is adorable and funny! 

One day I walked into the bar my boss owns, to give the cash back at the end of the day and the little lady was in there dancing and singing karaoke! She was singing that Oldie song “splish splash I was takin’ a bath!” lol it was so cute and funny!  

And she may not always act lovingly. She may get angry and disappointed and act less than kind occasionally, but if this is true, that doesn’t make her a less loving person as a whole. We can build our self up to be the best we can in each moment, even if we falter and aren’t always kind. But the more we practice and think lovingly, the more frequently we will act and feel loving. 

Some of us may be more receptive to one person’s energy than others are.  Even if we don’t always feel a person’s loving energy, it doesn’t mean it’s not there or that no one else feels it either. Some people just don’t sense energy much. And I think there are people with “matching energy” and when we meet those with energy similar to our own, we may click or have a deeper connection in some way than with others. But we all have energy and it’s good to make it positive. 

It doesn’t matter how long we know someone or have someone around. All the matters is the love we put out into the world. And the love we show those around us. ❤ ❤

Also check out Splish Splash, sung by Bobby Darin, a golden oldie! ;-D

Splish Splash – mobile

Splish Splash – desktop

It’s bound to put a big bright smile on your face, maybe even have you dancing around the room singing along!! ;-D

Lotsa love to y0u!! 😀 ❤ ❤

Xoxo Kim 😀

30 Days of Photos – Day 22 – {Ordinary Angels} <3

Sep18

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“It is extraordinary how extraordinary the ordinary person is.” ~ George Will 

The topic for Day 22 of the 30 days photo challenge is to get a photo of random people. 

August 22nd was day 22 for me.

It’s kind of rude taking pics of people without permission so it’s best, in my opinion, if this is done while their backs are turned or the picture is blurred or something or just show part of the person in a way that can’t be identified. Unless we ask for permission, which I’m not bold enough to do! Lol

I LOVE people! To most people I probably seem reserved or introverted. I have been mistaken for someone with social anxiety and even called “anti social” or a “loner” more than once. These are not at all true. I am very calm, although very shy in social settings, some more than others, if I don’t know the people well or don’t see them very often. It does take a while sometimes for me to open up but only because I’m shy, not because I am scared, anxious, or not trusting or not open or anything. I’m just the opposite. I’m extremely trusting of people in general, even strangers and people who have betrayed me before. It’s just my nature to be very trusting. And I’m very open to sharing my experiences and opinions when I do get talking, even ones that may be controversial or less than pleasant.

To me, being shy doesn’t feel like anxiety or fear or nervousness. It feels more similar to “awkward” or “embarrassed” though not exactly that. It’s impossible to put into words and people have always asked me why I’m so shy. There’s no specific reason. I just am. I’m the shyest one but also the most extroverted one in my family. I’m nowhere near as shy as when I was a kid. Then I struggled with crippling shyness. 

And “anti social” does not mean what many people think it does. It’s actually an inclination towards criminal activity or violence or aggression, not just someone who prefers to be alone or doesn’t like people. I am not anti-social in either sense.
 
And I’m certainly no loner. I love and often long to be around people. I wish I had lots more friends and a bigger family or knew more people in my family and everywhere. I’m just shy and don’t have many friends, it’s not because I want to be this way. I just am. I am a very shy extrovert! But it’s mostly not a problem. It doesn’t hold me back. If I wasn’t so shy when I was young though, I would probably have more friends. 

So I love the topic for Day 22 because people are something I love. 

I got one picture of people that day, not with their backs turned but luckily it turned out blurred enough so they can’t be identified or I wouldn’t have put it on or would have tried to blur it myself. I looked up the street and the scene looked pretty and two people were walking up and I took the pic and I’m happy with it. 🙂 It’s not the best but it’s a good attempt!

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And here are some more pics I got on different days of random people/ordinary angels:

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I think every person has potential and a light to be lavished onto the world and I believe people are basically good with good intentions.

It’s also my belief that no one is better than anyone no matter what religious or political views, gender, race, skin color, nationality, gender identity, weight, ethnicity, size, sexual orientation, living situations, financial status, job, physical appearance…

Beauty comes in various forms. And every life matters! 

I think we are all one and all connected and can help each other and deepen our compassion and love for others.

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It’s true what the quote above says, the average or “ordinary” person is extraordinary. We all have love to provide to someone and can do something no matter how seemingly simple or small, to help heal, inspire, or uplift someone.

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Here is one of my absolute favorite songs! A beautiful country song about how every one of us has some ability to help another in some way. We don’t need money, a job, don’t have to be famous or have lots of power or be popular or look any certain way…all we need is a compassionate heart and a desire to reach out to someone. ❤

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Ordinary Angels – desktop

”
It could be someone walking down the street
A stranger on a bus
A little kid on his way to school
Or any one of us
We all got a little superman ready to take flight
And save a life, oh save a life
Take a look around and you’ll see ordinary angels” ~ Craig Morgan

I love this song and the message that any one of us can do something, even the simplest thing like just smiling at someone, to help turn someone’s day or even life around for the better.

❤

There are an infinite amount of ways we can help, uplift, or brighten someone’s day whether the person is a stranger to us, a coworker, a friend or family member…we can genuinely compliment the person, look for the good in others, choose to understand someone who is being difficult or unpleasant instead of criticizing in a negative way or judging, understand that even the most loving, selfless people make mistakes and can act in a selfish or rude manner, leave one dollar on a park bench or bus seat for a stranger to find, write an uplifting note to a friend or for someone to stumble upon, write loving messages to people on social media, use our accounts for positivity and goodness, let someone in front of us in line at a store, give up our seat for someone else, feed homeless animals, put insects outside instead of killing them, choose to forgive and move forward, smile at a person who rudely bumps into us in a crowded place or gives us an unpleasant glare, practice patience, wish someone the best, show kindness to everyone we encounter, put money in a tip or donations jar, try to make someone laugh, send an anonymous gift to a struggling single mother or father, listen attentively to someone in distress without offering unsolicited suggestions or solutions, hug someone, encourage someone, help a child or old person cross a street, hold our tongue when we feel like saying something unnecessary and unkind, use our own pain to deepen our compassion for others ….so many ways!! We don’t need any certain paid or volunteer job or any job to help someone each & every day. We can all inspire and uplift others in every day, ordinary contexts no matter who or what we are.

Much love to you!

❤

xoxo Kim 😀

Supreme Unchanging Friend <3

May1

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“Kindness is not an act. It is a lifestyle ” 

Kindness can be an individual act but it can also evolve into a way of life if we work on it and practice. Recently, an incident inspired me to ponder this concept more and to write this. 

Someone on Facebook who I do not know and is not on my friend’s list and never was but is somehow still able to post on my content (which I don’t mind, I welcome everyone into my world, lol) has been writing uncalled for comments/messages  to me somewhat recently. She has done this months ago, disappeared, and then came back. It’s nothing completely vicious, no personal insults, but definitely sarcastic and utterly pointless. She posts these unpleasant comments on/sends these messages about multiple things I post/share, I share lots of inspirational posts which I know do not resonate with everyone but can apply to people in general, stuff like “kindness is best not just when it’s convenient but as a way of life” and quotes by Buddha and other enlightened/wise people, just various positive things by various people, and she posts things like “yeah because that’ll really work!” implying that it won’t and “yeaaah, I think I’ll just leave this advice at the curb…” “uhh good luck with that one!” “hmm, can’t wait to see where this one gets you!” “ugh! You mean people really feel this way?!”  “no. I think i’ll just put ME first!” “let’s see where all that kindness gets you in life…”

Lol

I’m just paraphrasing but this is basically what she writes to me. And as you can see, it really has no substance and no purpose or so it seems to me. 

 And she writes hostile insults about Buddhist people and Buddha and disagrees with the concept of universal love, which is definitely ok.
There’s nothing at all wrong with debating against a religion or philosophy or disagreeing but there’s no need for nonsensical, intentional insults or pointless bitter sarcasm. Some people are a fan of that but I’m sure as hell not! 

 She doesn’t just comment about Buddhist posts but on various ones. She advocates for always putting ourselves before everyone else. And while I disagree, it’s ok that she feels that way and disagrees with me. And ok that she states her opinions. Her opinions are no less worthy of being heard than my own.
She has no less of a privilege/right to state her opinions than I do.  And I’m not preachy or wanting to annoyingly lecture people.

 And I won’t always be right. I welcome different views. Even the ones I find less than appealing. 

But there’s no need to have a flippant mouth/tone. If we insist on posting on like every thing someone shares or writes just to disagree and sending messages to people just to criticize, we can at least have a more pleasant tone and cut out the sarcasm, which I don’t care for.  

Also, I really don’t see the point posting on stuff like this and sending e-mails/messages just to disagree unless we have something valuable to contribute. In my opinion, sarcasm, just to get at someone, is not valuable. By valuable, I mean having an effective or positive outcome or intention, helping someone see different points of views, challenging people to grow…not just being a smartass for the hell of it. I really don’t see the point. It doesn’t mean there isn’t one, I just don’t see it. 

I know we may have different ideas of the word “positive” and the word “valuable” and on different occasions, in different contexts, the concept of each word can shift or change. I am aware of that. But this is my concept of the words in this case.

Because her comments/messages are usually just one sentence sarcastic remarks, I usually ignore it because really what else can someone write back that would be constructive? It’s not like she’s debating with me and also being sarcastic and I can just ignore the sarcasm and debate with her in a civil way. It’s all it is is shallow sarcastic remarks. So there’s really not much to say. Maybe she’s stressed out or something and for whatever reason uses my Facebook account to blow off steam. Maybe my sappy love posts and public settings are inviting and she sees it as a safe place to relieve stress or anger by spewing sarcastic remarks? 
I’m understanding of that. And if it really is helping her in some deeper way than just trying to tick me off, I welcome it with open arms. It’s ok if she reduces her stress or anger at the expense of my account. That’s why I post things and write, to help people!  If anyone at all wants to use my inbox, comments section here, or on fb, or e-mail to vent and relieve stress or anger, or whatever and go off, please go ahead! I’m here to listen/read or just let you vent without judgment!  But I really don’t know what her deal is. 

“Kindness is the sunshine in which virtue grows.” ~
Robert Green Ingersoll

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I definitely wanted to write something rude back to her but that goes against everything I stand for. It was tempting after a while but I resisted. Also, how hypocritical would it be of me to post something unkind to someone on a post about being kind to everyone even when they do not deserve it! Lmao, the irony! But it sure was tempting! It would have actually been super hilarious because of how ironic it would be.  I was almost tempted to, just to be funny. Lol (like one day ages ago, when I wrote a blog post bragging about how I learned to put many pictures in one post and no pictures showed up after I hit the publish button! I was about to change it and put the pictures back on but I decided to keep it with no pics just because it was really funny and ironic how I said about all the pics on it, then NONE appeared! ) 

My main problem wasn’t just that she posted a rude comment but that she posted multiple ones and not once posted anything constructive or positive and the same for a few months ago when she appeared. It was like she just wanted to be an annoyance. 

I thought about writing something sarcastic but in a very subtle way. Something not obviously aggressive but gets my displeasure across to her in an implicit unkind way. But then I realized that’s also vicious and not loving. 

I began to have compassionate thoughts about her, at first forced. “Fake it ’til you make it!” it’s not really being “fake” but a genuine attempt to evolve into deeper compassion. It doesn’t mean being kind to someone’s face then bashing that person in a gossipy way later to someone else or on an fb status or blog post. 

I was a bit annoyed at her one night before falling asleep, but forced myself to have loving thoughts for her. It can be so hard! Not as hard for me as for some because along with being naturally inclined to being loving and overly easy going even when people are being difficult, I am a mindful, intentional universal love practitioner and Lovingkindness meditator. But it can still be difficult sometimes.  But I forced it while also admitting in my own head that I am displeased.

This is not repression or being “fake” but practicing Lovingkindness to become genuinely more loving and kind to everyone, all living, sentient beings, everywhere.

 Then I woke up and felt nothing but warm compassion and love for her. I realize she’s prone to suffering and death, loss and pain and tragedy just like me. Just like everyone.  At any moment she can be struck with an illness, a bullet, a cluster headache, a heart attack…just like I can and then will any of the nonsense matter anymore? Why not love her instead?

 She was once an innocent baby and will at one point be a very old person who is even more susceptible to unpleasant circumstances like disease, death, pain… And just like me, she has hopes, happiness, concerns, goals, dreams, interests, joy, love….a life and a breath. A story. A song. A name. 

This deepened my compassion even more. Her suffering and pain is no less than mine and her happiness and wellbeing are no less important than mine. I realized I do not want to inflict any kind of anger, unhappiness, pain, annoyance..or whatever, upon her with rude comments back even if she wants to inflict any of that upon me. And if she’s a troll who was merely pursuing negative attention in return for hers then it would just be perpetuating it. That ultimately does no good in my opinion.  And if she’s suffering or stressed and is taking it out on my account then she needs love, not rudeness back. 

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” ~
Og Mandino

I was able to take advantage of this amazing experience to strengthen my habit/way of life/philosophy to always be kind even in the face of the unkindness and bitterness of others. It was the perfect opportunity to “practice what I preach.” 

She challenged me and the way of life that I advocate for and try to live, not just with her opposing views but the way she chose to go about stating her views, by actually acting in an unpleasant way, actually BEING an example, tempting me to give in and give up on my philosophy of life.

 It’s usually harder to be kind and loving when someone is actually being rude and bitter than when the person is just opposing my views with views I find to be distasteful. And it’s so much harder to be kind and loving when a person in reality is being rude and bitter than just an imaginary scenario in my head. I can think in my head and write/say that if people act rudely I will still be kind but when I am faced with the situation for real, not just in my head, in theory, in writing, or in imagination, it is usually much harder. She’s not the first person I have encountered who acts rudely in person or online. And she won’t be the last.  So each unpleasant seeming encounter I experience can be my teacher and my chance to practice universal Lovingkindness. 

This opportunity is so convenient and so “perfect,” it briefly occurred to me that she may have actually intentionally been trying to teach me, challenge me, help me strengthen, test my life philosophy by acting this way. It’s a kind of irony that she may have noticed if she’s exceptionally wise. I don’t think it’s the case though, it just crossed my mind. I know that many years ago, I used to argue against some people’s views, like political, religious, or philosophical, who I completely agreed with just to try to strengthen both of our arguments. They did not know I actually agreed with them and was just acting. I’m not saying it’s a good thing, it’s kind of shady and seems a bit trollish, maybe? But it did help my debating skills and maybe theirs. 

But she probably wasn’t doing this. 

I am very thankful for the experience and deeper wisdom I have come to experience as a result of this encounter with this person. She is my teacher. And I really do have compassion and love for her. Not in a way to provoke her to be unhappy, to “kill with kindness” in a passive aggressive way just because I know she doesn’t want my kindness and love. She seems to be an advocate for aggression and hostility so she may not appreciate my love. But because that’s what I am and want to continue to be and be even better and better at. I won’t intentionally use my love to annoy her by expressing it to her.  I’m ignoring her but in my head I wish the best for her and if she ever comments something that seems worth responding to, even if I disagree or it’s negative or rude, I will be pleasant in my response, not aggressive in an explicit or subtle way. I’m not going to sarcastically, excessively, “kill with kindness” but actually BE kind. She may or may not like it but I can’t help what she likes or not. It’s not my place to control her and I don’t want to anyway. I will not intentionally try to annoy her. It’s all I can do. 

Also,

I don’t judge people negatively, who disagree with my Way and think it’s better to lash out at those who are rude or post/say uncalled for things. It’s true I advocate for and try to live with kindness as a way of life but I still am compassionate and usually understanding for those who hold other views and live differently. Not always, I make mistakes too and do/say things that are better not said or done. 

Sometimes when people hold certain views or live certain ways, they try to make others who disagree or live differently, feel unsettled or try to act like their morals are above everyone else’s. Have you ever met a “health freak” who only consumes organic food and works out like everyday and tries to make you feel like a lazy slob for not exercising and for eating junk all day? Or a vegetarian who tries to make you feel like you are less compassionate than that person is or like you are cruel for eating meat? Or a pro life advocate who acts like s/he lives with better morals than you or is more loving or trustworthy than you if you’re pro choice or had an abortion? Or acts like you’re a murderer? Lol Or a pro choice advocate who tries to intimidate you into thinking you are cruel or anti-woman or not for equality or women’s rights if you are pro life? Or like you’re a selfish control freak who tries to run people’s lives? Or a prudish person who acts like you live a very immoral life if you’re promiscuous? Or a very educated person with an advanced school degree who arrogantly acts like you or your education or lack of education is/are inferior to that person? Or a religious person who acts like that person is somehow above you with better morals and is more trustworthy than an atheist or a condescending atheist who acts like s/he is more intelligent or reasonable than you if you are a person who believes in g/ods? Or a person with a lot of money who acts like s/he’s better than those with less? Or a working class/jobless person who tries to guilt trip you for having money and having fun with it and having three family cars while “kids in Africa are starving?” or a Republican/Conservative who thinks you’re a barbarian with no morals and no brain  if you’re a Liberal. Or a Democrat/Liberal who claims you’re a heartless, sexist, racist, fascist, homophobic monster who only cares about rich people and corporations, or parents who act superior to other parents who bring up their kids differently…

Certainly not all people in the groups I mentioned above do this but some do and it can be awkward to be around them when they act superior like this. 
And it can be awkward even being around them when they aren’t like this because we may assume they are judging us for having opposing views or a different way of living. 

“Kindness is a gift everyone can afford to give.” 

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Some people may become defensive and angry around them and some may feel that they have to justify their own lifestyle or views over and over or like they have to conceal it around certain people.

I am a vegetarian (for the animals, not for me) and have been for over a decade but I’m not going to throw ketchup on your fur coat or throw fire into science labs and throw wet dog food all over the cars of scientists who test on animals and I’m not going to assume I am more compassionate or love animals more than meat eaters. And I won’t go all apeshit if you eat a real hotdog in front of me. I have had people tell me sorry over and over for not being a vegetarian or for eating meat while in my presence even when I wasn’t saying a word or even thinking something negative about those people. Who the hell am I that I must be apologized to or have to have things justified to me? Lol And sometimes I have felt a bit guilty even though I wasn’t intentionally trying to make them feel uncomfortable or guilty. 

 I usually never even tell people anymore that I don’t eat meat unless it comes up somehow. When I was a girl and very young woman, I did used to be in people’s faces with my vegetarian views and other views and I was arrogant about it, and then I grew up, fortunately. 
Some occasions I was the arrogant one trying to inflict guilt and anger on others and other occasions I was the one feeling the need to justify my views and say “sorry” just for being a certain way.  
But usually, neither one of those is necessary for any of us.

No matter what side of an issue we support or how we live, someone can make us out to be a monster or to be dumb or say horrible things about us. Even if we’re not so bad. Some opinions really do suck. And some opinions probably are better left unstated even though we have the right/privilege to state them, it doesn’t mean we have to. 

 But really none of us are better no matter what our views are or way of living is like. I’m not better than people who do what I mentioned above. I understand that many of us do often feel that our way of living, our lifestyle, our views…are best, that’s why we live and believe how we do. But we don’t have to act like we are better than anyone else. We can judge opinions or actions without judging the person as a whole. Judging isn’t necessarily wrong. It’s how we go about it that matters, in my opinion. But of course, I’m not telling people how they should live or act or talk or be. I’m just sharing  my opinion and giving suggestions. People can give me suggestions as well! It’s good to help each other open to different ideas. 

“Be polite to others, not because they are polite but because you are.” ❤

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I may be going off on a bit of a tangent but somehow I feel that it ties into my original topic. When I was writing about not judging and about being kind, I felt that it may be coming off as preachy and that isn’t my intention so I got into all that. 

I never want anyone to feel awkward around me if we have different views or ways of living. I don’t even want people who tend to act overly judgmental sometimes, like the ones I mention above, to feel awkward around me because I advocate for being not too judgmental. Also, like I said, I myself have done some of the things above. I learn more and more each day and practice more and more to be as loving as I can be. Like the Buddha, as mentioned in the Buddhist Liberating prayer (http://kadampa.org/buddhism/prayer-to-buddha), I want to be a “supreme unchanging friend” and “love all beings without exception” no matter what. And I will practice and learn and love as much as I can. 

I love the idea of “supreme unchanging friend.” Imagine having a friend you know without a doubt will be right here waiting to warmly embrace you no matter what you do or have done, a friend who will never judge you as the person you are even when you are wrong, stupid, cruel, even if you do something terrible to that friend. A person who will help guide you in life, in a loving way, not a condescending way, maybe judge your actions if they are seriously detrimental but never you. 

You can “steal” her/his husband, stab him/her in the back, betray that person, disappear for years, kill someone, even try to kill that friend! But s/he will be right here waiting with open arms when you want to come home again! She’ll meet you anywhere at any part of the day. She’ll answer your phone call at 4:00 in the morning, drive or take a bus to meet you across the city at 10:00 at night, miss a day of work to sit and soothe you when you are in pain, hug you when you are lonely, take you out for lunch when you’re having a bad day even if you just said cruel insults about her or betrayed her in some way…

There’s only one thing in this life I want more than to have a friend like that. That one thing is to BE that friend to others. And “friend” doesn’t necessarily have to mean a personal friend you hang out with but just someone who is always here when you want someone. This friend can be a teacher, a family member, an acquaintance, a neighbor, a homeless person, a religious person who teaches you, a monk or nun, a rabbi, or priest or minister, a coworker, your mamma,…. anyone.
Mothers in general and pets are inherently like this. We can look up to them. 

Many people see this friend as a pushover who is stupid or naive and let’s people get over on her/him. But it runs deeper than that. It’s about true love, not about fear or longing or need or attachment. It’s not about being too stupid to realize or fear of saying no or needing to be accepted by the ones who call on us.  It’s about genuine love for others. Selfless love with absolutely zero expectations. 

I hope you have that friend but even more, I hope one day you will BE that friend to others or at least just to one person. And even if we can’t or won’t be this way to this extreme, at least maybe we can keep reminding ourselves that it’s better to be kind than to be shown kindness, sweeter to love than to be loved, greater to accept, understand, and help than to be accepted, be understood, and be helped.
It’s better to be betrayed than to betray, better to be bullied than to be the bully. Better to be stabbed in the back than to be the backstabber. Better to trust and then be deceived or broken or betrayed than to never trust or take chances. Better to love and be crushed than never love. 

We can’t control what others are and do, say, or think, and it’s not our place to anyway. But we can help what we are and what we do, and I hope we will all be the best we can be in each moment and forgive ourselves and each other when we’re not. 

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Some occasions it may be better not to be “soft” or “warm” but to be more assertive and to say what people may not want to hear. To stand our ground, say no, and criticize in a constructive way even if people are angry. The Buddhist concept of “offering the victory,” letting others often be “right” even when they aren’t and giving in, letting everyone else go first, it’s a great way to live in general but sometimes, at least in my opinion, we do have to speak up and be more assertive, maybe even a bit aggressive at some points, but that’s not necessarily unkind or rude. Sometimes “a kick in the ass” and clearly saying “NO!” is more compassionate than warmth and giving in. But often, I think gentleness is good. ❤

If we want to see more kindness, love, and light around us and all over the world, let’s BE kindness, love, and light everywhere we are. 
It likely won’t change the entire world but it will be a start and at least put a little bit more light around us and can inspire others to do the same. Even if we alone can’t change the whole uni-verse, we can change our own little corner of the world for the better and inspire others along the way. Then who knows?! Maybe together we CAN change the whole world for the better! 

I’m wishing you much love today & always and I hope you’re having a lovely day or night wherever you are! ❤

😀

Xoxo Kim ❤